#i don't wanna do this it'll be hell!!!

[cicadagaze]

someone whack me over the head because what the FUCK do i think i'm doing

#clangen #cicada's sprites #my art #what am i DOING #WHY am i doing it #why is this the only thing my brain wants me to do #i don't wanna do this it'll be hell!!! #do i want there to be longhair sprites for kits and apprentices and elders? #yes. #do i want to be the one to make them?? #NO!!!! #that's too much work!!! #i know i'll give up halfway through!! #if i even make it to halfway! #i can't do that!!!! #but on another note it turns out i can replicate the sprite style pretty well so that's kinda neat #BUT I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME ON THIS

[yuzuna123]

Jun...my sweet beloved lonely angel...you don't deserve this my love! 😢😢 i hope future games and future tekken 8 content, or any content after Tekken 8 whatever they may be, manga, light novels, Story DLC's, movies, treats you with the love you have for Kazuya and Jin.

#tekken #jun kazama #tekken 8 #tekken spoilers #tekken 8 spoilers #it hurts seeing jun sad i wanna hug her #she's the most wholesome person ever she should be happy not like this #the fact that she still haven't seen her son in the real world yet #and while she took kazuya the whole scene was cut short #we should've gotten a reunion scene #but i guess they wanted to surprise new fans who thought jun was dead with that reveal #but not a good move for fans who already knew #i mean yes of course this does leave room for future canon content for kazujun since both kazuya and jun are alive after this #i should be happy but unfortunately i am not #i just hope we don't have to wait for FREAKING tekken 9 for kazujun content #i want a movie next year showing what happens after tekken 8 and their reunion #it could be between tekken 8 and 9 #hell even manga and light novels will do or even story dlc's just something #as long as they do the characters justice and they write them well it'll be fine by me #i am not asking for much am i? or am i ungrateful? #kazuya and jun are like a canon couple and og protagonists they deserve recognition too #KAZUYAAA HUG YOUR JUN!!!

[smalltimidbean]

Uhuhmmmrrrrrrrrr

#oc: bean #sona tag #vent tag #sorry for so much venting I am not doing good #and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it #it's also really a lot to say 'hey this thing that is probably very insignificant in the grand scheme of things makes me wanna kill myself' #and it's really dumb and I don't like it #I am sure it'll pass but fuck dude it sucks!!! it's sucks like hell!!! #idk how to end this post so just gonna leave it at that

[skrunksthatwunk]

have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG

#i wanna cat SO BADD #but also i dont think this is the best environment to have ANY non-tank pet tbqh #and i dont wanna have to give him away if my housing situation changes bc my parents house wouldnt work #(one of our dogs has a pretty strong prey drive and i dont wanna risk it) #also the poor guy seems a bit skittish and i think the 2 big dogs would scare him #and then there's the 'is he my cat or your cat' thing w my roommate #i think the answer would be hes my cat bc shes more ambivalent but she can actually take him home so like #and ive pretty much been banking on going home after college anyway so like??? in the long term where would he go??? #but also my dogs are getting older.. maybe by then they'll be gone and that problem'll go away #but hell my room there's bigger than my dorm room so even if we kept him in there it'd be a better space than here #it'd be a step up #ugh idk. i think it's a bad idea to have a cat in rooms this small in general. but i don't wanna see him go to a shelter either #like he's young and cute so maybe it'll be easier for him but he's also not super cuddly with strangers as far as i can tell #idk... im worried about him.... poor little rascal #like one of the girls mentioned being mean to him and i dont want him to be mistreated #like shining lights in his face and stuff #idk... sigh...... #im considering transferring schools at some point. worst case scenario is i go somewhere they dont allow pets and i have to #either find a foster parent or give him away completely #but i really dont wanna have to do that if i can help it. i never want to put a pet that loves and depends on me in a situation like that #much less me like id bawl my ass off #but if theyre treating him bad then even if my situation isnt perfect wouldnt taking him in be in the right anyway? #but how long does that stand for? until i can find him a better home? ughh

[scattered-winter]

literally nothing worse than waiting for bad news to hit. like i don't know how i'm supposed to go to class with this particular sword hanging over my head

#especially since this particular Bad News could change So Much .. #i don't think my dad is ready to be shouldering the entire household by himself. i really dont. #with 3 kids still at home and his job i just. i dont think he can do it alone. #and both of my older siblings have lives already !! they have spouses and jobs and kids !! #they cant just pack up their lives and move across the state !! #but im not settled i dont have a job i dont have kids or a spouse and hell i was gonna leave school anyway !! #just. not this soon. #but fuck i guess i might have to move up the timetable a bit. #but the THING IS that I DONT KNOW YET. like i Know but i dont actually know officially. yet. #and idk. maybe im hoping it'll not turn out the way i know it will so im holding off on making a decision #or maybe im just trying really really hard not to think about the future for the next few days. #but either way by tuesday i'll know for sure and that'll be that. #ill need to talk to my landlord to see if they'll let me move out early. and my counselor to see if i can take a break from school for a bi #and probably my dad just to let him know that im moving back home. idk. i dont fucking know #winter speaks #personal #grief tag #<- gonna be a Whole Thing btw if u wanna blacklist

[robinsnest2111]

if you show me even the tiniest scrap of respect and affection, I will get the strangest most confusing feelings for you (I want you to be my friend! my lover! my partner! my owner! my parental figure! my mentor! love me love me love me! please show me i am lovable! i will do anything! love me!) which will eventually lead me down a path of jealousy over you giving others similar attention, then intense self-flaggelation for feeling this way, and will finally result in me isolating myself for your and my own good because I cannot control my own feelings and feel bad and monstrous and inhuman about it <3

#looking back on a couple of friendships over the past 15 years of my life and am starting to see a pattern #actively trying to fight it whenever i get to meet new people. trying so hard to keep a normal distance and not lose my head #and trip over myself overestimating my place in others' lives. because i knowwwww it'll only get me hurt in the end #so safe moderate distance is fine for now #i don't wanna do this awkward mounting infatuation -> realisation -> selfhate -> isolation dance ever again. i hurt many people this way... #i don't even want to be in a romantic relationship!!!! i'm aroace as hell!!! but the NEED to be someone's EVERYTHING whenever i get attache #fucking insane as hell honestly. idek what you'd classify this as. maybe one day i'll tell a therapist about it. when i find one #this post is literally 13-18 years old me's internal monologue put into coherent words

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

shout out to thomas from ghosts for yoinking me out of a panic attack before it could really get going

#was shaking and trying not to cry and floating somewhere on the ceiling #then friday im in love came on the radio and reminded me of him doing his stupid little dance and it made me smile and calmed me down a bit #but i gotta give myself credit for not panicking at the panic too much and feeding it more #time was when feeling the thing i felt from first year tm would've sent me into a week long spiral #feels so stupid tho all it was was my volunteering manager asked if i wanted to start doing a longer shift #when im already struggling doing two measly hours a week and nothing else like jfc #but that's cos im not on my adhd meds which make life yknow tolerable and im gonna try getting back on them next week #and i also don't wanna start anything else bc i wanna change my name first so it's not quite so complicated #hahaaa it's already complicated and confusing and frustrating as all hell #but ik if i can just be patient and take these few months to figure stuff out it'll be so much better in the long term #im getting support for the gender tm and I've made so much progress in a month #i still feel guilty and ashamed bc im not actively job hunting or doing more volunteering #and like im just making excuses to let my anxiety win when ik i can cope with it #but i can't handle going into another situation where im misgendered and uncomfortable with my name #im at the end of my tether with it and i need to figure it out #wahoo #mine #vent #in good news tho im pretty certain im a dude more sure about pronouns and have a potential name im thinking of!!

[dbphantom]

Thought process: wow I have so many tabs open on my Firefox what the hell was I do-

Carry on.

#The other 7 tabs were also H2O related. Namely Max and Gracie's pages as well as Charlotte's #I also had a really funny page open that described mako island completely incorrectly? Describing lost ruins from a bygone civilization #Scattered across the island. Which I guess could technically be from Mako Island of Secrets (with the merman chamber) but like... #The images they attached were of old decaying bridges and temples so I don't think so! #This fic has been a journey and a half #Season 2 is suddenly at least 5 episodes longer #In my defense I really think it'll be worth it for the payoff at the end. I hope. #I'm giving the girlies (me) everything they've (I've) ever wanted #Cruddy rambles #... It is essentially just the show but Lewis is a fish now #I love all the other merman Lewis fics too but they do tend to deviate from canon a lot. Which isn't a bad thing!! Just not what I'm vibing #With atm so I'm writing what I want #I mean it is a whole rewrite so deviating from canon is implied but y'know what I mean? I just want s2 but with a few tiny details changed #A lot of them tend to be removed from the '[generally] slice of life but with mermaids' style of canon #Which is what I'm really vibing with atm as I'm currently in a tumultuous period of my life #So like absolutely no hate to those styles. I fucking adore them (and am heartbroken one author who posted recently never came back after #I posted a comment on their work talking about MA Zewis 😭😭😭) because holy shit their stuff slaps hard as hell and I love all of them #I'm the number 1 merman Lewis fan #I Stan every single person who has posted art or writing for that style of au #Just to make it absolutely fuckin clear that I mean no hate whatsoever. I just wanna throw my own hat into the ring yknow?

[heartbeetz]

Everything is so much forever

#lots of personal shit in the tags #negative #supposed to go back home from visiting my mother in a few days but she's spent all day drunk / mad / sad about stuff that's not my problem #and she's doing her ''I don't wanna drive you home. find your own ride'' thing again #fuuuucckkkk I'm literally just sitting here what the hell #manifesting more ''it'll all be fine in a day or so'' bc that's what happened last time #idk why I decided to visit anyway. this was fucking stupid #had to listen to her fighting with her off and on boyfriend right in front of me #and listen to her spending all day talking shit about me and everyone else on the phone to anyone who will answer #headphones can only block out so much in a studio apartment 👍 #nowhere else to go though yay yippee #hell world :)

[imwritesometimes]

me: it's normal for the temp of the new fridge to fluctuate it's working overtime to reach the right temp it's fine

also me: I'm going to vomit until I die if the temp fluctuates any more

#so we have been like monitoring it all day so we know like.... when we can actually put food in it #and it SAID it was fine at 10 so I went and got what little food I'd gotten today and stored at my mom's #and now it's fluctuated again and I'm like hahahahaha DO NOT FUCKIN BE BROKEN GODDAMNIT I JUST GOT YOU OH MY GODDDDD #I'm going to die. r i p me. this month is evil. it's evil. hell month. I just want to believe like ok. it'll be ok! it'll be fine! #but it feels like the nano second I let my gaurd down. life takes a shit on me. and trust me. #the brand new fridge dying would be SO on brand it's NOT even funny. like. I would be devastated. #but honestly. kinda anticipate the worst of the worst of the worst at this point. #it's like a never ending cycle of anxiety like I HAVE anxiety and then real life events FEED the anxiety #and the anxiety gets worse but it's not TOTALLY unjustifiable so it's like 🤷‍♀️ #trust me even my therapists were like idk honey that's some fucked up shit you got going on we'll talk thru more next week! #like. I just want a fuckin break man. like. new fridge don't be broken. #I just wanna have coffee tomorrow. one single cup of coffee w/coffee creamer. #I'm not asking for a miracle #erin explains it all #erin spirals into lunacy at break neck speed 2023!!!!

[chrisbangs]

i wanna talk about this new man in my life but i also feel like this is me absolutely jinxing it anyway he's very nice to me :)

#i don't necessarily know what that means and i don't like him like that or whatever but #also he's nice to me in the aftermath of everyone finding out i've been sleeping with another man casually #so i cant tell if this is a ploy to get into my pants or if he's just ... nice 🫡 #um... yeah 😕 #he's nice.. #he texts me randomly and asks how i'm doing #asked me how work was #asked me if i feel better #and i am just normal when we talk but he's very nice #famously he is . you know 😕 nice.... #you guys idk #i wanna be in an ever spiralling loop of dramatic love with someone but #i just kinda 😕 don't trust anyone anymore that's the thing #i like him... like as a person he seems nice #he drove me home after i was famously abandoned at a party #and he didn't do anything weird (why is the bar in hell) esp as i was drunk and all that #so 😕 idk #i wanna pretend i'm head over heels bc it'll give me a reason to be excited abt life #i'm not . he's just normal #IM NORMAL... #i need to be sick to my stomach with grief and adoration . but i'm not #idk what's wrong with me 💗 #anyway #idk what goes on... if he's just being nice to get into my pants i'll be relieved . at least it's just Normal then.... that's My Life ... #but who knows.. #anyway......... #dl #li.txt

[l-e-g-i-o-n-losh]

Escapism isnt enough i need to exist unmonitored for even a minute

#the absolute lack of privacy & personal space and neccesity to perform personhood on demand 24/7 is really getting to me #songs that the hyades shall sing #dad has NO comprehension of the actual impact of his stupid asshole need for me to be on-call assistant all the time #and he's right! its a necessary ask bc of how much we need to catch up on & bc we don't have any help but each other! #but its driving me insane and he think parenting means hes morally obligated to nitpick at all kinds of petty bullshit on top of it and i #cant take a minute to breathe without it being a federal fucking issue and i just want to scream and cry #even my lesiure is monitored! we watch tv Together so he decides what and when and always watches me out of the corner of his eye #i never want to share anything i care about because it'll either be dismissed as an annoying distraction or it'll become His thing For Us #but the things i dont share i just dont get at all #he'll get me Stuff like my art supplies but when do i have time to Actually work on art without him over my shoulder? #he says plenty of supportive stuff but he also LIES like ALL THE TIME. how the HELL am i supposed to trust him? how dare he ask me to? #he'll admit when he's done wrong or been unfair sometimes but he won't STOP or do BETTER he'll just say he's allowed to be unfair. wtf #i wanna say go to THERAPY asshole but its not like his last therapist actually helped. or like its ever worked for me.

[arolesbianism]

Hm. I am getting the distinct feeling that either revanced broke or some apps are doing smth real shitty

#rat rambles #anyways guess who's youtube completely stopped working #It's fine I can watch on browser but it's still very annoying #And the tumblr thing is even more annoying hense why I've been like completely off of tumblr recently #Maybe the universe is telling me to take an Internet break but like I have just been starting to feel a bit better #My family got a new dog the other day btw not relevant to the rest of this post but her name is karla and she's a very anxious doggy #I'm just waiting for laundry rn so that's why I'm posting at all lol #Might have to switch to posting from my laptop soon if things don't get unfucked #Which wouldnt be the end of the world but sure as hell would be annoying #Idk maybe it'll motivate me to finally make a proper blog theme #Idk what Id do for a blog theme tho tbh #An oni theme would be rly fun but it would also probably age poorly (as in the second I get into smth new) #So maybe an oc theme? #That could be fun #Not sure what characters Id use but maybe mascot and/or midas #Idk but chances of me actually doing it anytime soon are slim #Rly if I'm gonna customize anything more it's gonna be my toyhouse page #Oh also good news I'm going to do a pet sitting job for my aunt and uncle at some point #It'll be like 3 weeks I think and I'll be getting paid 700 buckeroos if I'm remembering correctly #I already have a lot of thoughts of how I'm going to spend it even if I should probably try to save at least some of it #There's just a lot of ppl who could use that money more and better than me and I don't wanna be stingy during times like this #I have also might buy like a new game since I've been interested in playing smth new #There has been one game I've been eyeing for a while and I have a mutual who likes it a lot but idk if I'm ready for new blorbos yet #But oldie or whatever her name was calls to me. She tempts me so #I'm open to other game recommendations tho just know that I'm gonna be picky on more story heavy games #Again I'm not exactly on the hunt for new blorbos rn and getting new story hyperfixations is scary to me lol

[prettyblondguys]

Am I allowed to be negative on here about stuff for a minute? Pretty please?

I don't really think that things are gonna change for the better/ get better for me at this point tbh

#Like. I know things constantly change and nothing stays the same but I don't really think it'll get much better y'know. #Lik #I get paid 8.50 an hour to fucking wipe 3D glasses off and retrieve golf balls and get covered in gross mystery liquid bc im in charge of - #-- trash and I have to argue with grown ass men about a claw machine not working. #I don't really think that's gonna change and I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to move out of this house or live on my own or anything - #-- like that or start dating or be the type of normal I want. Just a lot of decisions leading up to me being stuck here forever and yeah. #Shit sucks #Tbc I'm NOT fishing for It gets betters or stuff like that. If I could turn comments off for this post I would lol I really appreciate any #-- concern and stuff but I am Okay #I'm still doing everything I'm still going through the motions even tho the motions suck ass. It's just that I'm constantly -- #-- positive and that gets really really hard sometimes lol. Like. My mental health doesn't do well if I'm not forcing myself to be -- #-- disgustingly positive so I am. A lot. But it's HARD and sometimes I just wanna admit that no actually it DOESN'T feel like everything -- #-- is gonna be okay and that I actually do kinda not like my life lol #I'm good I'm fine I'm just bitching and moaning #I . Wrote this last night bc I couldn't sleep but sent it to the drafts of hell lol. Today's gonna be so fun /sarcasm #Besties I'm fine please please please seriously I'm good #Just pretend Tumblr has a Turn comments off feature lmao #Y'all can seriously ignore this #Will probably delete later but what's the point of Tumblr if not to embarrass yourself by oversharing lol