#i just couldnt keep doing that shit man

[phoebelovingcare]

"gee, bee, it's been a long while since anyone's seen mage sister art from you! isn't that something you used to be known for? what happened?" well you see someone came into my inbox to ask me why actual, genuine, in-real-life incest was bad, not exaggerating, and well that was it for me

#negative #vent #incest ment #dont mind me im tired and in pain #but jesus fucking christ man #loving these characters has taken s fuvking toll on my psyche i swear #i s2g the mage sisters have done so much fuvkinb damage to me indirectly because people have no respect #for boundaries or nuance or otherwise #i had a fucking mental health crisis because i had to defend myself from triggers over abd over and over #i started seeing literally everything as a threat to me #i say ''dont talk to me if you ship them'' abd people come yo me and say ''but why not?? i like it'' #cant uou just listen the first time??? cant you see the problem??? #i just couldnt keep doing that shit man #abd when i would move on to other things abd people would devate me there #id fucking fight them!! because im scared!! because ive done so much research abd been in so kuch pain!!! #i cut off a friend because no matter what she could not grasp what had been DONE to me #and she just kept tearing yhe wound back open #i have nightmares of her being let back into my spaces. ive been separating myself from her faves. #people are noticing. i just cant TAKE it #i dont want to have another dream about her. just go away. let me forget.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i don't even like video games so why have i been playing Red Dead 2 for the past eight hours gay

#i think me brain likes the Reward of successfully one hit killing things with a bow and arrow #i was born in the wrong generation (should've been a hunter gatherer) #i dont even care about the story!!! the tutorial / first chapter was tedious as fuck! #im only completing missions to unlock things so that i can Keep Fucking Around!!! #also my horse's name is wizard and if anything happens to her im killing everyone in this game #thankfully when the fuckin. asshole odriscolls Ambushed me i was riding a backup horse i'd just tamed #so THAT one died instead of my darling wizard. but still. cmon #she was a gorgeous buckskin... her name was gonna be Egg... i was on my way to the stable to name her... #BUT YEAH I DONT EVEN LIKE THIS GAME ALL THAT MUCH WHY CANT I STOP PLAYING #maybe my brain is like 'oh my god finally something New. something other than the same shit we've been doing' #killin turkeys and deer #i tracked an elk into a train tunnel AND HIT IT!! #but it didnt die!!! and ran out!!! and then i couldnt find it!!! cmon!! #this game is so infuriating Why Cant I Stop #absolutely unprompted #though i have been thoroughly entertaining myself with my own antics #'i want to be nice to people 🥺' #ten seconds later im killing a man i couldve easily saved purely bc there were no witnesses around <3 #well! he would'a talked! i got a camp to protect and provide for! #oh ok yeah i also think my brain likes being able to be a rugged western man w a beard #riding horses and Providing in a slutty little outfit i picked out #most of the game is Such A Drag (as my darling shikamaru would say) #but there are some good bits. addicting bits. sigh #like the allure of open world. optional story. yeah <3 #no rules <3

[queenerdloser]

there's a lot of reasons to hate the way ad-based levels are now the standard starting level for streaming, but beyond just sheer blind hatred for it, it's also fucking annoying because they don't even have the diversity of actual tv ads. at least when you had regular tv channels you got like. usually a decent variety of tv ads coming your way and some local ads thrown in. with streaming services it's literally the same five fucking ads. i've seen the same ad for the same movie 40+ times because it plays at every single ad break. all this is doing is making me so homicidally irritated you're basically guaranteeing i'm never going to go to macy's or watch this stupid fucking horror movie about a pool. they're forcing us to watch ads and then they're making the ad-watching experience - already bad - even fucking worse.

#i finally gave up and decided to download criminal minds instead lmao i couldnt take it anymore #liveblogging life #im not joking about that horror movie ad it was on literally every! single! ad break! #also saw a LOT of amazon happy honda days and macy's #to the point where i now have zero interest in any of these brands. i've been so overexposed im just fucking annoyed about it #like i hate tv ads too but at least it wasn't the same fucking tv ads on every single ad break????????? #idk man i'm keeping netflix purely bc i do like having one (1) streaming option #but uh. i think i'm officially out of streaming outside of that. i already kind of was bc i only really have amazon prime & netflix #tried hulu. hate the ad experience. hate being bullied to the more expensive non-ad option. so bye hulu! #the main reason i like streaming is that i dont always know what i want to watch so i dont always have a whim thing downloaded #and it IS more effort to go and download shit if i dont already have it so it IS easier just to find it on netflix or w/e #but now with everything so spread out like... it takes just as much time to fucking find it anyway lmao #anyway the point is streaming sucks lmao

[hecksupremechips]

Man i watched the spongebob movie for the first time in ages the other day and god it’s like the most delightful movie ever made like it’s exactly what you want a movie adaptation of spongebob to be

#the klock keeps ticking #the way spongebob is written in it is like. damn he really was just so good at the time #very cute very funny and ocean man playing during the credits bit liiiiike #as a kid i never watched that part cuz i was a little shit who couldnt appreciate ocean man #but theres just like cute art of spongebob doing maintenance around the krusty krab 2 and hes just SO HAPPY #its the cutest thing in the entire world #and i was so close to just fucking sobbing at the scene where theyre in the gift shop frying under the lamp cuz they realize that this #is shell city and even though they wont survive and be able to get the crown back to bikini bottom #they were able to make it through all the dangers and get there THEY DID ALRIGHT FOR A COUPLE OF GOOFBALLS #but then my dad walked in and ruined the moment completely and i felt rage #oh and how can we forget the david hasselhoff scene literally the best scene ever written in cinema #how many people were turned gay by that scene i wonder #overall i felt so many emotions i am not okay i am so happy i am sobbing

[piplupod]

people defending their precious white man of the week and ignoring BIPOC pointing out his racism Yet Again. i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired!!!!!!

#im literally shaking right now im so fucking mad #''he's not racist what are u talking about show me proof'' #[one google later] oh wow i found all this proof with literally one attempt at googling. crazy. i wonder why u couldnt find that on ur own #and then they say ''no he said this thing so its fine :)'' i go look at the thing. it is white saviourism. again. as always #''he's keeping the culture alive :)'' he is twisting it beyond recognition actually. he just took it and ran with it. #and now he's trying to cover his ass! #and white ppl will just eat that shit up lmfao. #''wow what a mature response'' says his adoring audience and his response is literally just ''i can do what i want bc im white'' #i will not get involved in the replies of a post. but man. i'm fucking livid. literally shaking right now. #im so fucking tired of anti-indigenous racism being brushed aside like it doesnt matter #yall just bulldozed us all over and then tried to wipe us out when we didnt respect yall and now you continue to fuck us over #and then get upset when we try to say we would like A FEW THINGS TO OURSELVES. INCREDIBLE #the white ''i need access to everything all the time no matter what'' attitude is SOOOO blatant #this isnt even going into his antisemitism lmfaoooo #literally a list a mile long and ppl still plug their ears and close their eyes and yell LALALALA IM NOT LISTENINGGGG #also here's your necessary ''not all white people''. i know. i'm aware. theres some good ones sure but they shouldnt need to be coddled #and reassured every time somebody complains about white people general behaviour. let me complain!!! its a pattern of behaviour!! #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[bl00dw1tch]

#horse.txt #vent // #sigh. im. god i fucking hate myself sometimes #'staying social is difficult for everyone!' not for little fucking shit like this!!!! #i know im overreacting its after 9pm i know i know i fucking know but im just. im so tired. im so fucking tired of this shit #i feel so awful all the time and i feel awful FOR feeling awful because its my own damn fault! its me failing to keep my promises!!! #a simple fuckin promise and i couldnt even give warning that i wouldnt make it because i was doing fuckin. mothersday shit so #i shouldnt have to apologize i know thats perfectly fucking reasonable but i just. god. i just feel like i cant ever fucking keep up #everyone is WALKING explicitly SO i can keep up and i still fucking cant how fucking pathetic is that man!!! lol!!!! #ugh. phew. sorry. like i said its really not all that but i just. feel bad. #why is maintaining friendships so fucking hard #anyway. time to listen to paramore

[hearties-circus]

I!! Hate!! Random!! Hunger spikes!!!

#gamer txt. #its fucking worse because some of them arent random of fucking course theyre not and it sucks shit #i do not need these responses anymore how can i communicate that to my body? #i mean i never needed them in the first place i couldnt fucking respond to them whether or not i ate was out of my fucking control #it just seems incredibly cruel now that my body is just. continuing. like the punishment never ended #its not my fault i struggle to eat properly around my family ok!!! take it up with them its their fault for taking me to a buffett alright? #it just. it feels like a mean reminder that were still only partway through month 2 of the anniversary and that theres another to come #i know my body is trying to look after me is trying to make me eat i know its a trauma response but g-d fucking dammit #im not there anymore ok!!! its been nearly 3 years since it stopped!! were fine were good!! yes were scared but were brave cmon! #just. stop it with the hunger spikes. it hurts so fucking bad #its legitimately counterintuitive it hurts so much that i cant actually move like. how am i meant to get food like this huh? #its less often though certainly. im happy about that #im just. arrgrhhghhgh i just need it to be a little less often than this #and not happen the day before my last exam. that. that one is quite rude im not gonna lie #man.. i wish it were easier to tell between the real hunger and the phantom starving because they keep mixing together and i cant tell

[bmpmp3]

(booting up a new game from hit visual novel developer VisualArts/Key) i know all their tricks by now they can’t get to me anymore im immune to this shit im immu-

#sorry just played planetarian #they got me AGAIN #i always go into these games like oh okay time to get some new music to put in my arsenal for sappy emotional stuff whatever #forgetting that my life is going to be changed in the process #i keep this edible aint shitting key games. i keep doing this hjKFDFJSKLDAdf #anyway planetarian was good. couldnt stop thinking about it so i watched the ONA and the movie too #those were pretty decent too. havent seen the little prequel they put out a year ago yet #music is insanely good of course its a key game #the art direction was really good particularly in this one too like man. every visual novel gui should look like this #its a kinetic novel but it had the most needlessly user friendly save screen on earth JKFDSHJFDKs #like a timeline for the story plus little visual indicating bookmarks showing where your save slots are in the story #kinda overkill for a kinetic novel LOL but appreciated nonetheless #daisuke ono did absurdly well as the junker. thats one thing about key they usually get really good voice actors even for their MCs #the softening of his voice over the course of the game as he became friends with yumemi destroyed me

[pansyfemme]

dont talk to me until ive had my morning antipsychotics

#missed em two days in a row. not on purpose and i am trying to get better abt it #but man. i do not function without them #being on antipsychotics is weird bc ive been on em since i was twelve and when u say that u take them ppl get all freaked out and its like. #would u rather i was unmedicated bc im gonna be psychotic either way #ppl get so weird when they find out someones psychotic and they couldnt tell #miss my antidepressants . #im fine. as long as i get my next dose i dont even notice #my antipsychotics? you might as well blindfold me bc i cannot keep my vision straight #i get all jittery and loose and floaty and start depersonalizing at the drop of a hat #not a coherant thought in my head. just like the same three words repeating themselves over and over #its like a waking dream. crazy to think that used to be how i lived 24/7. #obviously. if i miss a lot of doses it gets worse and worse until the real bad symptoms kick back in #but like. #missing one dose just makes shit really frustrating. missing more makes me pretty much unable to leave bed #idk how to discribe it. its like being very very dizzy but instead of a phsyical dizzy its a mental dizzy but like. not brain fog and not #distracted just kinda. dizzy and jittery #im professional diagnosed psychotic but man i could not tell you actual terms for any of my symptoms #like. is this psychotic stuff? maybe. idk it could be anything #but im psychotic and when im off my meds thats whats goin on. thats all i know #i will say. the good part is when i have surgery and #have anesthethia it is such a familiar feeling bc thats what being off my meds feels like almost exactly lmao

[pizzavorous-wolf]

Bible stabbing pieces of sushi with knife and eating them and teaching physics for an hour so he wouldn't feel tired is so unhinged. No wonder he got the role of Vegas.

#bible wichapas #he just keep doing the weirdest shit i love it #nothing normal about this man #he really is perfect for the role #i mean you couldnt cast someone basic to play vegas anyway

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt the random card au again. Why must it go so crazy hard I miss it sm

#rat rambles #random card au #no matter how far I drift from my bndori and sekai peak days the random card au keeps hitting me like a truck every now and then #it just scratches an itch that I havent been able to satisfy since my cr days years and years ago #I wouldnt say the random card au has super similar worldbuilding to my old cr stuff as that was much more large scale #but it still has a similar appeal to me I think #I think its the building entirely new worldbuilding based off of designs and general vague starting concepts and bringing them all together #that gets me invested as it feels so satisfying slotting it all together and then actually getting to play out the story in this new web #I loveeeee jumbled webs of worldbuilding and characters that all tie together in a way that makes it almost impossible to completely #seperate one cast of characters from another #I love the feeling of a world with a bunch of intertwining plots like that even if it makes it near impossible to format a normal story #like my cr stuff was just so much man I still miss it sometimes even if I hate cr itself #Ive become a much better story creator too now so I know I could make what I had so much better nowadays and I already like my old stuff #it just makes me all the more sad that I went so crazy hard on worldbuilding for a franchise that sucks ass </3 #it may have been two of the worst years of my life but Ill also never reach that worldbuilding high again I think #oh also it made me actually start the slow slow process of getting more ambitious with my art and doing more digital stuff #rly thats the biggest reason the random card au pains me so since I wanna post stuff for it but man do I not wanna draw anyone from it #first of all human characters so already eh but also Id have to adapt the cards theyre based on into a design I can actually draw #so as much as I wanna make a billion random card au animatics I cant even bring myself to draw them normally #you see olivia and jackie are easier to draw because I just made shit up for their designs and as such made their designs very simple #but I cant just make shit up for bndori and sekai characters they actually have designs and hair that Id have to adapt to my style it sucks #I just wanna draw doggy arisa is that so much to ask for (yes yes it is I dont wanna figure out her hood) #also rip mygo yall will probably never get in but who knows maybe one day Ill have my second bndori era and then y'all will get in #its rly just the fact that they likely wont have enough cards to properly add them for another few years #especially if that other band also gets in if that happens neither are getting enough cards until the servers shut down lol #like I Could just pick and choose but thats boring #kinda ruins the point of the au y'know? #like tbf Ive cheated in the past by reroling two and limiting my options with several sekai characters #but thats just because at the time most sekai characters had almost no usable cards for this au and the two I rerolled were also unusable #like Im sorry but I couldnt just add normal ass hagumi and masking it wasn't happening

[presdestigatto]

.

#my drafts are so full of shit cuz i keep typing and going ‘no this is unnecessarily spiteful’ so it stays in the drafts away from where #itll cause trouble but hhhhhh #this time #i think the way seb’s time w ferrari ended is no reason to imply that he couldnt achieve anyth w the team ok!! #i also want to do terrible things to the ferrari execs but pls remember he has 14 wins w the team and thats a lot and they deserve to be #remembered and i feel like people overlook his time in ferrari cuz he couldnt win the championships #can we not reduce his time at ferrari to ‘man how tragic he couldn’t win’ when he’s said he was happy there and doesnt regret going over #it sucks and he deserved better but he also achieved a lot with them okokok #i just need to stay off twt the seb slander a few weeks ago was bad enough

[unicarcass]

#dave.txt #musicposting #still thinking about when this episode came out in 2016. when we were still in college #when we were still running from our own shit #after we had just been in a car accident earlier that same year. before our friend died in 2017 and that really numbed us even harder #in an accident scarily similar to ours. we felt like we didnt deserve to live instead of him. like we were squandering it #man we were dealing with. court shit. while still trying to attend college after our accident. because somehow we did manage #to keep our financial aid i mean. we just kind of started using the place as a social hangout. played a lot of card games with buds #lots of good food in the cafe. we were always anxious though. one of our teachers had a classroom on the second floor #that could see down to the cafe. we think we made eye contact with her once or twice by accident. we're still not sure if she saw us #but it made us feel so ashamed of ourselves. cuz we were still struggling and we 'couldnt even attend classes' and #(we shouldnt have even been worried about going back? we didnt get time to recover from our first accident at all.) #we just never got a moment to stop and breathe. like ever. #circling back though. when this ep came up it shook us to our core. it made us realize we Were Repressing A Lot Of Shit #and that was scary. and we didnt have the room to sort that out #and ig we like. finally do #steven universe

[beneaththegildedmoon]

*BIIIG fuckin rant hours btw (esp. in the tags) so I guess scroll on if you're not down for that. Might delete later but I need to vent*

So I identify as nonbinary and gender queer (though not really trans, doesn't ring true for me personally) and tbh I'm very sick of the Online Queers talking shit about enbies whose partners identify as straight or gay/lesbian rather than bi for "settling for someone who doesn't respect" us.

My partner loves me more than I ever thought humanly possible and respects me possibly even more than he loves me. He also happens to identify as a straight man. When we met, 6 years ago, I still identified fully as a cis woman, and he viewed me as such. About a year ago, I came out to myself and to him, and tbh he doesn't fully "get" all of it because he's literally never had to question anything about his identity in his life up till now, but he tries his best and has never once made me feel like he doesn't see me for the person I've come to realise I am. He is also, obviously, still attracted to me and still loves me just as much, despite our outwardly incompatible clusters of labels.

Maybe the relationship wouldn't have held up if I decided to present significantly more masc or had any inclination to physically transition, etc. but I really don't. Maybe if I'd come out much earlier in the relationship, we would have amicably gone our separate ways. Maybe not. We'll never know because after 5+ years into a serious relationship, you dont really see your partner through the lens of social constructs like gender. You just see them as your person. So there was never really a question for us of how my nonbinariness would or wouldn't affect things. It just didn't factor into it.

If we weren't already together, my partner would likely only approach women. He has only dated women in the past, and apparently never really thought about other options. I am the solitary exception to an extremely strong trend. I'm not insecure enough in my identity to demand he change his whole concept of his sexuality and identity to fit the specific edge case I represent into it. In much the same way that I wouldn't demand a lesbian suddenly identify as bi just because they were attracted to me. Other people's perceptions of my gender, and the interaction their stated sexuality has with that is their business. As long as my partner can reconcile the two in his own head, that's good enough for me.

Identity, and especially queer identities, are so much more nuanced and complicated than a single word can fully capture. It's unreasonable and frankly patronising to assume you know the intricacies of someone else's relationship dynamics based solely on those words. It's also condescending as fuck to tell me my partner doesn't respect my queerness just because he's straight when you don't actually know either of us and I'd thank y'all to butt the fuck out.

#rant #enby #nonbinary identity is complicated #and im really fucking sick of this shit #we're all just out here living our lives #why do some of y'all feel the need to insert yourself into other people's business like that #he's seen all this shit online and got really worried i felt disrespected by him identifying as straight #this man straight up broke down crying when he brought it up bc he was so scared it would hurt me #he told me he understood if i felt like i had to leave and he never wanted to hold me back from who i am but that he still loves me #all bc you idiots couldnt keep your uninformed stupid ass opinions to yourselves #i am so fuckin mad ab this tbh #like #pissed as HELL #would gladly hunt y'all down and drag you in front of him to make you apologise kind of mad #this man is my whole entire universe and y'all made him think i would hate him for being straight wtf is even happening #and yeah yeah yeah i know the straights are hardly the victim on a broader scale #but the point is that i am a grown ass person and dont need internet teens with the capacity for nuance of a toddler speaking for me #might delete this later #just needed to get this out of my system bc the rage was consuming me from the inside

[dhampir-dyke]

#i cannot fucking believe that my half-baked psilocybin therapy is working. this is so crazy....... #less than 4 months ago i was incredibly suicidal and my depression + trauma kept me from doing basic shit. i couldnt fucking enjoy anything. #and now i take literally no medicine except a gram of psilocybin every month or so. and i hesistate to say its 'fixed' me bc i still have #a lot of issues and i still have bad days #BUT. my life is so much better now..... i can actually feel good when i do things i like. im able to get important stuff done much easier #and im having bad days instead of bad WEEKS. when my cptsd gets triggered its still horrific and debilitating but the come down from it is #much faster and im able to function properly sooner #today i managed to talk to my leasing office about moving in a few days earlier and they said yes!!! ive manage to pack a BUNCH #of my stuff into my car for when i start moving in tomorrow. ive made an important phone call!!! #i still had to jump through the hoop of executive dysfunction BUT. normally i have to go through an obstacle course of it #every time i do it i feel like i get a little bit better. i try to make a 'plan of attack' every time i take them. #make my place feel as comfortable and safe as possible. i keep a journal nearby and relaxing music playing. and i try to sortof like #i guess a mix of introspection + reparenting in a way. i go with the flow but i try to focus on a way of thinking thats unhealthy #and try to tease + pick apart the reasons its unhealthy; while also trying to replace it with a healthier way of thinking #if that makes sense??? all while just. idk. feeling safe and at ease. #and ill feel kinda weird for at most a day afterwards bc lets be real. its psychedelic mushrooms. but afterwards i just feel much #lighter and generally just more at peace? #maybe its bc of how vulnerable i am while in an altered mental state; it may replicate the vulnerability i experienced as a child. #but rather than be abused for being vulnerable im being gentle and kind to myself??? idek man its weird. #anyways thats the end of my rambling im just thinking outloud

[elexaria]

living with ghoap was nice. two big burly fellas to keep you company, to reach the top shelves in the kitchen for you, to absolutely plough you into the mattress when you couldnt itch your own scratch for once. they were good lads.

but there were countless times where they’d be away for work, so you knew you couldnt be fully dependent on them. they knew that too, so they weren’t exactly going to object to you having fun without them. so long as you were happy and safe, they were content.

but fuck, the men out there are absolutely horrible to deal with. sleazy, there’s just… no ability to have any kind of banter with these things that think only with their cocks.

until you meet kilgöre alexander.

he’s gigantic, his shoulders probably share the same width as mount everest’s base. easily, kilgöre is the tallest man you’ve ever been with. he dwarfs simon in size, which is very telling in itself.

it’s hard to pry away at who kilgöre is as a person. he’s austrian, likes keeping himself to himself. absolutely refuses to tell you what he does for a living, because it’s on a need to know basis. “sounds like something a terrorist would say.” you jokingly coo one night at dinner, smirking as he rolls his foggy blue eyes at your comment. “har har, very funny.” he mockingly says, the corners of his lips twitching ever so slightly.

he’s one of the best things that’s happened to you in a while. he doesn’t know about the particular living arrangement you share with simon and johnny— like he says, it’s on a need to know basis. plus, you haven’t boned either of them since you met this fella. ghoap know what’s up, but they’re not bothered by it. they’re just glad to see you doing well for yourself. “ye have a glow about ye, love.” johnny coos in your ear one day, smirking as he watches you fluster and flounder around the kitchen, trying to make excuses. “it’s the vitamins i’m taking” this and “i’ve quit dairy” that. he knows the truth, simon know its too.

but there’s one thing that makes the attachment to this man absolutely unbearable.

he disappears from time to time.

some days it’s only a couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks at a push. absolutely no contact.

he swears it’s to do with his line of work, that one day he’ll be able to tell you everything. but for now, he asks just for one thing.

“just… wait for me.”

it’s been almost a month with no contact from kilgöre, and it feels like every morning with no text, no nothing, you have a growing pit inside of you that can’t stop gnawing at you, eating you up whole. what the fuck? what could he possibly do for a career that makes it so he goes days without checking his phone? it makes you feel sick to your stomach. what if he’s in a gang or something?

besides, how the fuck can you keep on waiting for someone who you don’t even know is even alive? for all you know, this behemoth of a man has been hog tied and dumped at the bottom of a lake with cinder blocks strapped to his feet. how are you supposed to wait for someone who shows no signs of leaving or coming back?

“that light in yer eyes has dulled.” johnny remarks one evening, a sad smile on his lips. your eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion. “huh? oh, yeah. uh… it’s the gluten intolerance i reckon.” you murmur to yourself, flashing a weak smile to consolidate his inquisitive gaze. “i’m fine, though.”

simon huffs as he leers next to you, skilfully flaying pieces of fish with a pensive look. both you and johnny glance at him, which only makes him grunt in response. you furrow your eyebrows at him, urging him to elaborate on what the pressing issue is.

“we reckon shit’s hit the fan with that new bloke of yours.” simon bluntly replies as he wipes off the chopping board with a damp cloth, hands gently scooping up guts, scales and delicate fish bones to dispose of. you scoff, eyes never leaving the cuts of fish meat that rest on a plate, waiting to be delicately battered and fried up.

“whatev—“

“and i know you, you’ll try and refute the truth that i know what’s going on. that we know what’s going on. so, none of this nonsense, alright? what’s up?”

johnny and simon silently watch you, their simultaneous waiting for any reaction from you making your skin crawl. at first, you scowl and huff. shifting your weight from foot to foot as you become defensive. simon cuts you off again, “none of that bollocks. tell the truth.”

you give in. on bated breath, you explain the whole situation. how kilgöre is the kind of man you had never expected to fall for, how he had managed to steal your attention even while being so elusive and secretive. how you desperately want him to come back to you, like he said he would.

johnny frowns, and simon nods in your direction, wiping his blood stained hands with the damp cloth. “fishy hands.” he murmurs, wiggling his fingers to prove he can’t comfort you with a hug. johnny nods, swiftly making his way around the kitchen island to come give you a warm hug. it’s a solid hug, one you’d never object to having. johnny’s large hands rub circles to your back, his bearded chin resting against your shoulder as he sways gently.

simon stands behind johnny, holding eye contact with you as he continued to carefully clean his hands. he raises his eyebrows in thought, before glancing down at his fingernails as he begins to meticulously clean underneath them to rid his skin of all things fish.

“this… kilgöre bloke. i reckon if he’s the one, he’s worth waitin’ for. but don’t think for a second he should get away with leavin’ you this long without so much as a text, yeah? rip ‘im a new one when he comes back.” he advises, glancing back up at you with a slight smirk when he hears you chuckle, your laugh strained with emotion.

he steps closer, carefully tilting your chin up so you can meet his gaze better. he gently wipes a stray tear from your cheek. “if he’s the man you think he is, he’ll explain everything if you ask him to. and if he does? great. if he doesn’t?” you wince at the idea, frowning.

he sighs, pressing a gentle kiss to your brow.

“then he’s a bloody eejit, as our johnny boy would say.”

#elexaria writes #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #poly!ghoap #poly!ghoap x reader #könig #könig x reader