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ikonislife · 5 years

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All of You.

-Donghyuk x reader

-welp, this 1K drabble got outta hands. Friends to lovers.

p.c: @ _Dong_ii

“Don’t you dare walk away from me.” His words cold and harsh, stilling even the light breeze toying with your hair and the air that was thickening fast with every second passing. Your steps near screeching to a halt, curiosity raging in your chest because beneath that brassy command, distress resonates with your soul. You spin on your heels to take a gander at the man, so handsome in every ways of the world, glowing under the soft moonlight and warmth of street lamps. Somewhere beneath the glaring eyes and gritted teeth, you could tell hurt was eating away at his heart. Hurt that even now, even as desperate as he was to stop you from leaving, Donghyuk refuses to admit to simply because he was Kim Donghyuk. He’s king of the campus and king doesn’t get hurt, at least not by you, not by someone that was so completely, utterly, painfully average. Watching him now, the way his eyes dancing about your body, wind-blown locks and redden cheeks, a bit of panic flashing in his eyes and though just momentarily, you know he hadn’t at all expected for you to protest.

“Or what, Donghyuk?” Your words not quite yet angry but no less harsh, perhaps even more so cold. “Just admit it, you have nothing over me, and you hate it. You hate me!” Words of challenge whisking away by the shrill wind of late night, punching his soul with all the irate twisting up your features. “You hate that you can’t control me! I mean, why else would you spend so much time on someone like me.” You send all the frustration and hurt flooding your heart with its poison back his way through your bloodshot eyes, sharp glares cutting deep. Those plush, soft lips parting yet no word escape for you had hit him where it hurt most. It was true, Donghyuk has nothing over you, nothing to make you fall to your knees and beg for mercy, and he absolutely despises it. Never before had he met a girl like you. A girl that had seemingly turned his world upside down, made him lost all his strength and all his ability to function like a normal human being, a girl that refused to listen to him no matter what he says or do. “That’s what I thought.” You declare smugly, soaking in all the glory of finally shutting up the king of campus. Who would’ve thought there was a day when the charming Donghyuk would be at lost for words. The man that seemingly always know what to say, when to whisper, and moments when he’d best let his body do all the talking would lose out to a girl like you. If that wasn’t ironic, you don’t know what is. You storm off once more and this time, he lets you go. You don’t dare look back even if curiosity was eating you alive as you round the corner back to your apartment. With each step putting more distant between your bodies, soul calming and heart no longer erratic, you wonder that was truly a victory for a strange sense of sorrow encasing your soul. A long bath, face mask, and the ceremonious lighting of that painfully expensive candle your sister had given you was all it took to wash your mind blank of recent event. The image of Donghyuk standing so lonely under the dimly lit night, solemn and hurt, no longer haunting your mind as you ease into your PJ. Though you know at some point in the near future, this night will come back to haunt your soul but not tonight. You had enough for the night and nothing will stop you from having a well deserve rest aside from one more episode of drama. Just one more episode, then you can leave all the pain to be dealt with tomorrow’s morn. Yet as with everything else in your life, things rarely work out the way you want them to and this very second, a thunderous string of knocks on your door was enough to distract you away from the promise land of comfort, just shy of achieving. And to think your roommate was out for the weekend, leaving you with nothing but solace and content silent, perfect for your heart to enjoy quality alone time. Another minute and your plan to ignore whoever was at the door failed too as the knock grew louder with each second. “Jeez, I’m coming!” You grunt through your gritted teeth, frustration steeling in your chest as you peer through the peephole, ready to cuss out whoever, whatever it was dare disturbing your girl night in. Nothing could ever prepare you for the sight beholding, for the day when Donghyuk would be shuffling from foot to foot, nervous, waiting at your front door. Though bit more dishevel then when you had left him last, he was still so beautiful, stealing all the breaths out of your lungs and sending your heart into an erratic fit. This must be some sort of horrific nightmare, or perhaps the best kind of dream because there he stands, studying the shape of your doormat with his foot, sporting that longing looks, the one that had your heart doing tricks all the months. You rub your eyes, once then twice then three times and he was still there, bit distorted through the conical view through your peephole but still very much there. You stand there, neither opening nor ignoring but just watch, watch until his hand once more goes up yet before it could reach the hard surface of your door, a sigh of defeat reeling it back to whence it came from. One last glance at the number on your door, seemingly hoping that he had knocked on the wrong door but alas, it was apartment F103. With one last despondent sigh, Donghyuk turns on his heels, a pout on his lips that makes your heart aches. He looks far too much like a puppy with the pout on his lips and those sweet doe eyes drooping with sadness. So much so in fact that you had nearly let him walk away without saying a word, let him leave without answering that badgering question thrashing inside your heart. Panic ensues, you swing your door open with all the vigor of late night and on the brink of sleep, startling the poor man out of his reverie. “Donghyuk, wait! Don’t leave.” Setting aside all the prejudices and channeling all the doubts built up in your heart from the months spent with him laboring over books and endless exams, you call for him. You call for him because you need to know, need to once and for all assure yourself that you weren’t so foolish to hope that there’s much more to the campus king than just smooth words and great sex. “Y/n, hi…” The shock from the loud slam of your door was nothing compare to the shock ripping his heart apart hearing you call his name. Not muttering, not grunting it through a cuss, but just calling for him. He’s not entirely sure himself if the emotion painting a small grin on your lips was the one he was searching for, but for some reason it eases his constipated heart. “Hi.” You repeat dumbly, once more lost in the way something so simple as black jeans and white t-shirt feel so much like billion dollars laying over his body. “I- I’m sorry for bothering you this late.” Donghyuk too lost in his own world, never before seeing you so casual, not a bit of makeup to hide away your beauty from his eyes. Yet as his eyes trail down toward your body, the PJ so loosely hung, guilt rising in his heart. “I wasn’t sleeping or anything so, it’s not really any bother.” You lie, fearful the truth would send him right home. “W-what are you, I mean, why are you here?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He rushes out, hanging on the bit warmth playing with your sweet voice, so different from the you of just hours ago. He tries his best, a smile on his lips and all the sincerity his heart possesses dripping through his eyes yet your expression falters, dimming into something so dark he wants nothing more than to wrap you in his arms. “Donghyuk, just stop…” You sigh, unable to take any longer the blatant mockery. If he really thinks showing up at your doorstep would somehow magically help you open your legs, then he severely underestimated your hatred for being just another notch in someone’s belt. “No, not like that, I swear!” Hands reaching for yours yet Donghyuk not yet dare to touch you, instead, letting them rip away the black beanie covering his soft blond locks before carding through them frustratingly. “If not, then what?” Whether you had meant to or not, the question tumbles from your lips doubtful and crass, cutting a bit further into his heart. “I- I wanted to come and talk to you… Tell you my real feeling and to apologize for the way I acted.” He winces at the way frustration furrowing your brows and pulling a contemptuous sigh from your lips. He knows his reputation precedes him in ways he had never wanted for it to and he hates every bit of it. “I’ve been acting like an idiot around you because I really do like you. A-and I don’t think it’s fair that you shut me down even before giving me a chance.” Eyes screwing shut, Donghyuk lets out all the exasperation of watching you laughing away, joking with other guys you barely know. Out too was all the resentment he felt patiently waiting for a chance, for you to look at him, to really see him yet all you ever did was being friendly because of your job. You saw him as nothing more than another dumb frat boy falling on your lap with grades grimmer than the state of his liver, just another tutoring job. “Have you been drinking?” Indignation coursing through his veins when you simply resort back to questioning his state of mind, even after he did his best to pour his heart out, to let on his insecurities. “No…” “You literally reek.” Leaning in close, you soak in the scent of hard liquor wafting from his parting lips, soak in too was the intoxicating scent of his cologne… and him. “I- I…” He wants to protest, to tell you he was far from being buzz, let alone drunk yet how could he when all he could smell was you. Donghyuk is so lost, so, so far lost in the way you smell like spring’s field bursting with the most vibrant flowers. You smell like sunshine on a summer day and as refreshing as sweet honey tea, quenching his thirst. Unknowingly, completely uncontrollably he leans in too, focusing on the way your lips look so soft and inviting, not realizing at all that you were now staring at him. Your lips are like magnets drawing him in, stripping away all his self-control and nothing would satisfy his heart more than if you’d just let him have a small kiss. But before his dream could become reality, you hum a small cough, reeling the moonstruck man back to reality. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what came over me.” He lies, knowing full well what had just taken over his body, heart, and soul… It was you. “And I swear, it was just one shot. I- I needed it to gather up my wit and courage.” His voice trails off, realizing just how hot his cheeks had gotten and how embarrassing that was. “Wow, I feel so honored. Kim Donghyuk had to take shots to talk to me? Little old me?” You tease, though by the soft pout on his lips, it wasn’t too well received. “It was one shot, one!” Hands clasping together, he shakes his index, hoping that would somehow convince you even if his words had meant nothing thus far. “Please don’t tease me… I circled your building like 3 times already, so I don’t know how much left of liquid courage I have in me.” Despondent and on the verge of giving up, Donghyuk prays his last ditch of effort would be enough to convince you, but his feet already gearing up to walk away. You stand there studying the man, with his eyes glue to his shuffling feet, fingers scratching at the rough material of his jeans as he awaits your answer. The storm within your heart only rage on harder the longer you let your eyes making friend with his handsome features, how suddenly he looks more like the guy you’d bring home to your parents rather than the raging, party animal you’ve heard, seen so much of. And somewhere deep within your soul, the wish lost to the stars long ago that he might be different reaches up and tugs a smile onto your lips. “Come in.” You sigh so softly Donghyuk could barely believe his ears, though his eyes already light up with all the hope that tonight will be the night he can finally lays his heart bare to you. “Really?!” Half expecting you to sweep him away with a broom, Donghyuk’s heart nearly leap out of his chest when your small invitation calls for him. “Yes, really. Figure someone like you wouldn’t like people whispering about your late night heart to heart session in a random hallway…” You sigh with a wave of your hand, standing aside to really let him know it wasn’t a trick. “Thank you…” The way you had said it, someone like him, his heart wrenches at the potential image you have of him but nonetheless, if tonight goes well, he might be able to have all the time in the world to change your mind. “But, I honestly couldn’t care less about what anyone say if you give me a chance to talk to you, even if you reject me after this” He pauses at the door, flashing you that million dollars smile before gesturing for you to head in first. If you really being honest with yourself, Donghyuk already worn down half your defenses even before he had settled onto your couch. Along with that content smile on his lips, so dreamy and perfect, he might as well just take your heart right this second. “So…” After what felt like an eternity of silently staring at each other, then staring at every single object occupying your living room, you finally couldn’t take any further the lack of noise. “So…” He repeats dumbly, unable to process still that he was sitting in your living room, just mere inches away from you. “King Donghyuk has a crush on me, huh? Who would’ve thought?” You muse gently, pulling your knees to your chest, watching the man known not for being awkward being exactly that. “I- Can I be honest with you?” The sigh falling from his lips far from the mood and tone you were hoping for. It was forlorn, almost as if regrets slowly drowning him alive. He has you on the edge of your seat, anticipating his every word. You nod gently, humming encouragement for him to go forward and for the first time since you come to know Donghyuk, he lets a sadden smile graces his lips. “I actually hate being call that…” Dry laugh deafening against the silent of your apartment and his strife all the more telling now that it was just you and him. “Normally I’d just shrug it off, you know. No point in fighting it now when it had gone on this long. I’ve heard people call me that out of hatred, of envy, and even just pure lust. Yet something in the way you say it, I don’t know… It’s really heavy on my heart.” “I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Guilt rising in your heart listening to his words, the way his eyes so heavy with sorrow? Embarrassment? You weren’t sure what was running through his mind but it’s not what you wanted for anyone to feel, no one deserve to feel that way about themselves. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.” He gives you a smile of reassurance, yet it did nothing to ease your heart. “When you look at me, when you call me that, I could feel your contempt, your disdain for everything you think I am, for this surface version of me.” The way the title that had been for so long attached to his name choking back, condescending and mocking, you could feel his soul withering a bit more, and to think hundreds of people go on each day calling him that… “I’m embarrassed, mortified even to be in front of you. Not to say that I don’t like the parties or being this “cool” guy. With you, suddenly my ‘conquests’ meant nothing, the parties, this reputation… And you’re right, I have nothing over you, and I can’t make you fall for me or do what I want, but I don’t hate you. I could never. I used to think it was great being this person, being able to command the room and move mountains with just my words but now, I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I have no real connection with anyone and at the end of the day, I’m lonely.” A bitter chuckle falling from his heart and you felt your gut wrenching. “I’m so sorry, Donghyuk. I never knew I made you feel like that. I’m so, so sorry.” You want to hug him, hug him until all his broken pieces healed, hug him until there wasn’t any more hate for himself left in his heart, hug him until he knows you truly do like him. “It’s not your fault I feel this way, Y/n… I just want to have fun and enjoy myself, you know, without the label, without the name. I used to fight people on it, got tired after a while and it just stuck. And truthfully, I never wanted to control anyone, or manipulate anyone into doing my bidding. That isn’t me. I truly, honestly just want true friends, true love. I guess after awhile, I just give up and live this persona that was made for me.” He shrugs as if his feeling means nothing, as if he wasn’t pouring his heart out or that sorrow isn’t weighing down that lovely smile. “Sorry for unloading on you like this. It’s not what I came here for…” “Hey, never apologize for having feelings. I can’t promise to always know what to say, but I’ll always listen.” For the first time since he settled into the comfort of your home, you let your fingers ghost over his, it was so brief, so gentle that Donghyuk thought it was merely a dream. Yet that smile on your lips, the way you ever so slightly scooting closer his way, it’s so much more than just a dream. “If you think I hate this part of you, why did you act like that around me?” “I really thought you liked having the popular guy giving you all his attention… Because I didn’t think you’d like the real dorky me.” His little confession has your heart doing tricks, stomach twisting in knots at how vulnerable, how sweet he is. “But, I do!” You lunge forward, steeling shock in his chest with your sudden burst of protest. Donghyuk only stammers in confusion when lean in so close, shoulder rubbing against his and he was once more shrouded in your amazing scent. “You do?” Surprise warming through his features, dispelling the forlorn gaze and mournful pout. A bashful grin adorably blooming on those soft lips and suddenly you’re so aware of just how close your body was to his. “I like how you remember that I have back to back session on Tuesday so you’d sneak a sandwich into my bag. Or how you commit to memory the insane way I like my tea, yet somehow never remember to bring your stupid calculator to every session.” You love the way a soft blush was rosy-ing his cheeks and you definitely adore how close his hand is to yours, pinkies gently touching each other. You could recall still the early days of your friendship, of constantly being caught off guard by how gentle and considerate the campus king was. “I-, that calculator thing is on purpose… It’s stupid but I just like borrowing yours.” The sheepish smile and shy confession earned him a hard shove, though it was enough to brighten his mood exponentially. “I’m supposed to be praising you right now, brat. I don’t wanna continue anymore!” “No, no, I like this praise session. Please keep going, I swear I’ll shut up now!” Fingers to his lips, Donghyuk pretends to lock up his mouth before settling back into his seat, soft smile lingering still. “You remember the last time our session ended early?” Eagerly nodding as if he was in class, Donghyuk could never forget that evening, of having the luxury to share conversation with you for a whole hour straight. “You talk about dancing and I just remember thinking it’s amazing how passionate you are. You went on for days talking about these moves that I don’t even dare dream of ever doing. You were so carefree, laughing so hard you snorted and then choked on your drink. I treasure moments like those, when we’re just talking about absolutely nothing but everything.” A dreamy smile tug on his lips at the little reminder that there was always so much more to you and him. It wasn’t just tutor and student, or even just another frat boy trying to score a date. “Oh, and your seemingly useless facts! If you could remember that octopus has 3 hearts, why can’t you remember any of the things I taught you?! When are you ever going to need that fact?” “What?! It impressed you!” He protests when you swat at his chest. “Debatable” You scoff, not wanting to let on just how lost you are in his eyes and his smile or how natural it feels to have him so relax and comfortable on your couch. “It impressed you just a little bit. Admit that much!” Leaning forward, the way your eyes beaming with happiness and the smile that hadn’t left your lips embolden him to let his hands wrap around yours. “Fine, but just a tiny bit!” “Yes! That’s all I need!” Though the rowdy excitement raging in his heart had calmed itself, those hand so softly encasing yours never left, and you’re more than fine with that. “In all seriousness, I like the way the smallest thing could make you smile. The effort you put into your work, and when it had paid off, I was the first to know. There’s no describing how glad I was when you ran straight to the library just to show me that you aced your exam. I don’t know how much this matter to you but, I miss seeing your dumb moonstruck smile whenever I grade your works, and you think I wasn’t paying attention.” “Oh, you noticed…” He whispers timidly, gaze shying away from yours but by the way his hands squeezing yours so tightly, he notices too just how red your cheeks had gotten. “And even though I might not seem like it, I do like all of you, even the party, even king Donghyuk. There’s no reason why you can’t be both the cool, confident guy and then shy, soft when you need to be. If someone care about you, they would appreciate and love both side of you.” “If you really don’t care about my reputation, then how come you change the way you act around me?” There it was, the bit of hurt behind those harsh words he had barked at you, the bit of vulnerability every time you scoffed at another story of yet another rager. It surfaces once more, though this time raw and in plain sight. It’s not hiding behind a smirk or another careless shrug. It’s there for you to see and examine. “Because you changed the way you act around me! Suddenly I wasn’t dealing with sweet Donghyuk anymore. One second you were making sure I have enough to drink, that I’m not cold, and the next it was endless pickup lines and lustful jokes! I couldn’t even get in a word without being reminded of who you slept with and how great the party was. I was so certain that you felt at least a tiny tickle in your heart for me, but after your 180, I can’t even tell if you were the same person anymore let alone your feeling.” “I- I’m so sorry.” “Look, I’m not one to pass judgement on how anyone have fun or their sex life. I just didn’t want to be another conquest, another notch in your belt that mean absolutely nothing to you afterward. I know my own heart and I know I wanted so much more from you than just a one-night stand and a broken heart. I needed to save myself from falling so far into you that I’ll be left to pick up my own shattered pieces when you were done” Your heart feels like it was running million miles a second, tears brimming your lashes but the smile on his lips was so worth the breaths evading your lungs. “You have to understand that all these versions of you, at the end of the day, they’re all still you. They’re still just Kim Donghyuk because Kim Donghyuk is a complex human being with different emotions and different sides. He’s not just a party animal with a tongue, or dick that make girls cry. He’s not just this sensitive guy, or a dork that you think so unattractive either. He’s all of it, and that makes him worth the world. Don’t forsake part of you just to please others.” You hadn’t realized it at all but by the end of your heartfelt monologue, you had ripped your hands away from his, scaring the man into thinking he was crossing all the wrong boundaries. Yet the second you let your hands wrapped around his cheeks, cradling, letting your thumbs petting away the soft tears hot against his skin, his heart near flatline. Donghyuk stills himself under your touch, basking in the way you were almost, at the edge of being atop his laps, pulling him closer. “I never want to make you feel like I was only after your body. Not that there aren’t restless nights when all I could think about was how amazing you’d feel pin under me because I mean, have you look at yourself?” A chuckle crisps against the kiss he has just placed on your cheek, tugging you fully onto his lap now. You let your arms wind around his neck, basking in how warm and comforting he feels against your body. “I acted like an idiot because I thought that would win you over. Everyone kept telling me I needed to do more if I ever hope to win your heart so I foolishly let myself believe that only king Donghyuk could ever be worthy enough for you.” “I just need for you to be yourself. I know I’m selfish, but I want all of you, from the soft guy that make my heart flutter with his cuteness to the guy that make my body and soul ache late at night from just a teasing smirk. But most of all, I just want you to be comfortable around me.” “I don’t think that’s selfish at all… I just don’t want you to think I’m only being sweet to you because I have an agenda… Well, maybe I do, one, make you my girlfriend… But other than that, no hidden agenda.” Stammering his heart out, his cheeks once more sporting pink hues when you nuzzle into his arms, resting your head gently on his shoulder. Your arms snaking around his waist, constricting the bit of self-doubt and pain, fear of being reject right out of his soul. “I like you, Kim Donghyuk, all of you!” You whisper against the soft kiss you had just placed on his lips, bitter still from his shot of courage yet so sweet and free. “I like you too, Y/l/n Y/n!”

#ikon #ikon scenarios #ikon donghyuk #donghyuk #donghyuk scenarios #ikon fanfic #dk scenarios

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kimtaehyungrykim · 6 years

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Doctor I Need You: Chapter 6

a/n: I know it’s been a while since I’ve last updated, I sincerely apologize for that. School has really been holding me back on updating and it didn’t help that I had writers’ block. But I finally finished Chapter 6! YAY! And this chapter is a little longer than the older chapters so enjoy!

Chapter Summary: Son Soojin’s execution date is in 2 days, but she’s refusing to have surgery and might as well die “on Taeyong’s watch”. Jisoo and Xiumin have a 10 year old patient that needs a new liver and intestine. What choices will the doctors make when the 10 year old boy down the hall is dying and the only organs that match are those of a murderer who wants out of her execution?

Prologue / Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / to be determined

Warnings: *Taeyong’s backstory is very dark*, mentions of murder, surgery

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Romance

Characters and their roles:

Attendings:

You (Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery)

Dr. Kim Jisoo (Head of General Surgery)

Dr. Kim Seokjin (Jin) (Attending Anesthesiologist)

Dr. Lee Taeyong (Head of Trauma Surgery)

Dr. Kim Taeyeon (Head of Neurosurgery)

Dr. Kim Xiumin (Head of Pediatric surgery)

Dr. Park Leeteuk (Chief of Surgery)

Residents:

Dr. Jeon Wonwoo (5th year Surgical Resident)

Dr. Nakamoto Yuta (5th year Surgical Resident)

Dr. Park Rosé (5th year Surgical Resident)

Dr. Park Joy (5th year Surgical Resident)

Dr. Kim Mingyu (5th year Surgical Resident)

Songs to play while reading, I’ll point out where:

Dream - BolBBalgan4

The Funeral - Band of Horses

Lost Stars - BTS Jungkook (cover)

I Love You - BTS Jin (cover)

“Compassion is an action word with no boundaries” - Prince

------------

(Play Dream)

Taeyong got a page at 3:30 in the morning, he rushed down to the hospital and ran to Soojin’s room.

“Aw man, I told them not to call you here,” Soojin groaned, “Whatever it is could’ve waited till morning, Dr. Taeyong needs his beauty sleep doesn’t he?”

Taeyong ignored her, “Your head CT’s show that your brain contusions are expanding. I need to get you in the OR right away.”

“This brain thing, could it kill me?”

“If we don’t treat it, yes.”

Soojin bursted out in laughter.

“You think that’s funny?” Taeyong scoffed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that they’re gonna execute me in 2 days. Might as well take my chances with the brain thing am I right?” Soojin smirked, “I mean, it’s a nice way to go. With a nice attractive doctor next to me, all the jello I want-”

“Are you refusing surgery?” Taeyong cut her off.

“Either way, I’m going to die. Might as well do it on your watch.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jisoo stood outside her patient’s room waiting for Dr. Xiumin.

“I’m here! I’m here! What’s wrong?” Dr Xiumin ran up to her.

“Woojin’s B.P, it’s a little down from yesterday. If we make a few calls, get a little pushy, maybe could we get him bumped a few spots up the transplant list-”

“Dr. Jisoo, you paged me 9-1-1 at 3:30 in the morning to what? To chat?” Xiumin scoffed.

“You like to chat, you’re chatty-”

“Not at 3:30 in the morning! Look, he’s only 10, he’s very close to the top of the list, we’ll find him his organs when we find him his organs but staying up all night chatting about this will not help,” Xiumin started walking away, “I’m gonna go back to sleep, I suggest you do the same.”

Jisoo stopped him, “He’s running out of time!”

“They always are, welcome to pediatrics.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were going over Soojins charts when Taeyong spotted you, the two of you walked into Soojin’s room.

“The swelling in your brain is increasing rapidly, the longer we wait the worse it gets,” Taeyong informed her.

She smiled, “Excellent. Go team.”

“I strongly suggest you reconsider surgery.”

“Have you ever seen the inside of a maximum security prison?”

Taeyong shook his head.

“Believe me, if you had to die, this is the place to do it.”

Taeyong turned to you, “Vigilantly monitor Ms. Soojin’s elevating I.C.P.s, hourly neuro exams, when she goes unconscious which she will, we’ll rush her to surgery-”

“You can’t do that,” Soojin interrupted, “Can he do that?”

“When you’re unconscious and can’t make sound medical decisions, a 2-doctor consent is all we need to treat you”

“My god!” Soojin groaned, “I’m gonna be dead as a doornail in 2 days, Dr. Y/n you’re a reasonable-”

“We’re done here!” Taeyong cut her off.

“Do you fix your broken television before you throw it out?” Soojin called out.

“She’s got a point,” You said.

Taeyong left the room.

You started wheeling Soojin out of the room for her neuro exam.

There was a long silence between you two before she spoke, “You’re upset.”

“I don’t get upset with patients.”

“You’re mad at me for killing all those people, I get that,” Soojin sighed, “Would it help if you knew I was abused as a kid? Every day, it’s how I learned to read. I used to hide under the sink and sound out the letters in the detergent bottles.”

“Is that true?”

“Did it make you feel better?”

Jisoo was wheeling her patient Woojin to the elevator as well, his eyes lit up when he saw the handcuffs attached to Soojin.

“Cool!” He exclaimed, “Did you do something bad?”

Soojin smirked at the kid, “Traffic violation.”

You gestured Jisoo to take the elevator first.

“What’s wrong with you kid?” Soojin asked.

“I need a new liver and intestine.”

“Really? You want mine?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jisoo spotted Xiumin in the attending’s lounge where he was having his lunch. She walked over and slammed a piece of paper in front of him.

“What the-”

“I’ve made a list of the best pediatric G.I.’s in the country. If we can get one of these guys to come down and do a TIPS procedure on Woojin.”

“A TIPS procedure on a kid that needs a new liver?” Xiumin scoffed, “That’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“Waiting for that call, trust the process. Why can’t you do that-”

“Because!” Jisoo snapped, “I’m tired. I’m so damn tired of waiting for that call when this kid is getting worse! Woojin’s tired, his mother’s tired, the only person who’s happy to sit on his ass and twiddle his thumbs and wait is you!”

“Whoa. I’ve been patient with you. But you know what, I am really over you constantly telling me how I should do my job-”

Wonwoo knocked on the door.

“Someone has to!”

“Hey,” Wonwoo said.

Xiumin scoffed, “I have 20 other kids in this hospital!”

“Hey,” Wonwoo repeated.

“I’m concerned about this one child-”

“SHUT UP!” Wonwoo shouted, “Respectfully. Respectfully shut up. Because we’ve got organs.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Play The Funeral)

Wonwoo and Xiumin left to pick picked up the organs.

“I wished you could get organs delivered or something, I hate flying,” Xiumin complained, “I feel a lot closer to death flying than in the O.R. don’t you?”

“I do now.”

“So, Taeyong and Y/n. I never thought they’d even make eye contact let alone get together. But hey, that’s like movie love isn’t it? If they do get together, that’s gonna be one hell of a story, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well we’re at that age right? Crushes, dating, marriage, babies, that’s the plan right?”

“I don’t know!” Wonwoo snapped, “I’m sorry. I don’t make plans okay? If there’s a future there great, if not, whatever.”

“I heard that there’s this heat between Jisoo and Jin. I don’t know both of them very well but I think that it would be interesting to see more of them-”

“What is wrong with you?” Wonwoo blurted out.

“What?”

“We just took a liver and an intestine from a little kid- A dead little kid- and you don’t even care. You’re talking about rainbows and relationships and gossiping and crap. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You don’t think I know that they just pulled the plug on a kid? Do you not think that I get that? You don’t think I know about the tiny, tiny coffin they’re gonna stick them in? I know about the tiny coffins. I see them everywhere, in my sleep. So, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna continue talking rainbows and relationships and gossiping and crap. And I’m gonna make plans for tomorrow, because that’s what you do Wonwoo. Make plans. Turn your back on the tiny coffins and face forward...to the next kid.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You went to check up on Soojin. As always, there was that long moment of silence between the two of you as the sounds of the monitor beeps filled the air. Soojin spoke first.

“Did you know they let you choose?” Soojin asked, “Hanging, or lethal, you get to pick your poison. Which one would you choose? Medically speaking, which one’s...better?”

The sounds of the monitor hums filled the silence, you grabbed all the charts and headed towards the door. You stopped and turned around.

“With hanging, your neck breaks, which severs your spinal cord and causes your blood pressure to drop to nothing and lose consciousness. You don’t actually die until after several minutes. With lethal injection, they inject an anesthetic and put you to sleep. Then a paralytic which stops your diaphragm and lungs, then potassium, which stops your heart.”

Soojin nodded, “Was, um...was I a match for the boy?”

“Yes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiumin and Wonwoo returned to the hospital and were in the O.R. finishing the surgery on Woojin. Joy sat up in the gallery looking over the whole thing, bummed out that all she can do today is watch over surgeries.

Joy sat there crossed armed, she looked at the monitor filming the surgery when she saw something odd. Joy stood up from her chair and looked at the screen a little closer.

“Oh shit,” Joy whispered, she pressed on the intercom but it wasn’t working, “No no no no!”

She bolted out of the gallery and into the O.R., Jisoo and Xiumin were about finished when Joy came running in.

“Wait! There’s a spot on the duodenum!”

Xiumin and Jisoo’s eyes averted back to the patient on the table.

Jisoo spotted it too, “What the hell is that?”

Jisoo and Xiumin were in a state of panic.

“He’s clotting and clotting and clotting!” Jisoo yelled out in frustration.

“Is there a source?” Xiumin asked.

“This can’t be happening,” Jisoo muttered under her breath, “This cannot be happening, not to this little boy. This is not happening. This is not happening.”

“These organs are dead Dr. Jisoo,” Xiumin said the words no one wanted to hear, “Keeping them in him is making him sicker. This is doing more harm than good.”

“NO! I can just-”

“He’ll die if you leave them in-”

“He’ll die if I take them out!”

Joy raised her hand, “Maybe you guys could try a Portacaval Shunt. It’ll keep the circulation going and bypass the liver.”

Jisoo shook her head, “That’s just a temporary fix.”

“Anybody got any better ideas?” Xiumin asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

“Then I don’t see what choice we have, Dr. Jisoo.”

“How much time do we have to find him new organs?” Wonwoo asked.

“24 hours,” Jisoo replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A code came from Son Soojin’s room, you ran as fast as you could.

“I don’t feel so good,” Soojin cried.

“I.C.P is critical, we can’t wait anymore we need to get her down to the OR-”

“NO!”

“We need to get you down to surgery,” You said.

“I’m not scared to die. I just don’t want to do it strapped down to a table like an animal,” Soojin begged, “Please, please, please, Dr. Y/n. Let me go.”

Taeyong and Taeyeon ran into the room.

“Push the paralytics! Start bagging her, intubate and get her into the OR. I need another doctor signature on the form,” Taeyong handed you the papers, “Here sign. Sign the form.”

But you couldn’t, you stood there, frozen.

“Y/n, sign the form.”

You stared at the papers but your hands wouldn’t move.

“Y/N! SIGN THE FUCKING FORM!”

Taeyeon grabbed the pen and signed it for you.

“Don’t scrub in,” Taeyong told you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You two are on Woojin all day today,” Jisoo ordered Wonwoo and Joy, “He has no liver or intestine, that means toxins are building up and his brain is gonna swell. We can’t stop it but we’re gonna try like hell to slow it down.”

Joy’s eyelids were fluttering up and down, she hadn’t had much sleep the past few days.

“Joy I need a nod or a yawn or even a burp, something that lets me know that you’re awake and capable of taking care of this child.”

“Yes, sorry, I’m all yours.”

Xiumin walked up to Jisoo.

“Jisoo, how much time do we have left?”

“16 hours at most.”

Wonwoo spoke up, “There’s a liver dialysis machine downstairs, G.I.’s using it for a clinical trial.”

“That may give Woojin a few more hours...maybe,” Xiumin shook his head and left

“Alright then, Joy, put in the I.C.P. monitor and start tracking his intracranial pressures. Wonwoo, get the machine,” Jisoo ordered.

“What is it’s already hooked up to somebody?”

“If that somebody has more than 16 hours to live then we can unhook them,” Joy said.

“I want off this case,” Jisoo said under her breath.

“Dr. Jisoo?” Wonwoo was concerned.

“I want off this case. I want off of- this little boy is gonna die and I don’t want to be there to see it. I don’t want to- I cannot see this. I want off. I want off.”

“Dr. Jisoo, when was the last time you slept?”

Jisoo took a deep breath and shook her head, “No, no, no. I’m okay, really.”

“I think you need 1 or 2 hours of rest.”

“I’m fine. I’m good. Just go get the machine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Son Soojin had just gotten out of surgery, Taeyong started doing post-op checkups.

“How are you feeling Ms. Soojin?” Taeyong asked.

“Why didn’t you just let me go?”

“You’re not dying here.”

“What are you so scared of Dr. Taeyong?”

Taeyong ignored her, “I.C.P’s are stable, continue neuro exams-”

“Or maybe you know deep down, you’re no better than I am,” Soojin said, “You decide who lives and who dies all the time. For you they call it medicine, not a capital offense.”

“You know what? I don’t get to choose,” Taeyong snapped, “Not me, not you, and certainly not the 7 people you slaughtered. So if I say you’re not gonna die in this hospital, then there is no way in hell I will let you die in this hospital. I am nothing like you.”

He slammed the door behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiumin paged Wonwoo, he was waiting for him in the hallway.

“Hey, Dr. Xiumin, you paged me-”

“I need you to talk to the nurses,” Xiumin whispered, “Find out if any of their patients on life support are O-positive or brain dead, then crossmatch those folks against Woojin. The kid’s running out of time.”

“Okay.”

“And Wonwoo, be sensitive to their families. We need organs for this boy, but we can only ask. We do not pressure, we do not coerce. Understand?”

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s getting a little harder to breathe,” Soojin gasped.

“You can stop doing this Soojin,” You said.

“I know. I know.”

“Would you like me to page Dr. Taeyong?”

“He’s your boyfriend isn’t he?”

You didn’t answer.

“He is,” She answered for you, “I had a feeling.”

You turned your back to her and continued with the check up.

“The man has very good taste.”

You gathered up the charts and started heading towards the door.

“Right now, all I can think about are lemons.”

You stopped and turned around, “Lemons?” You ask.

“When my mother was dying, she said she smelled lemons. All she could talk about for 3 day were lemons. I keep waiting to smell them but I don’t,” Soojin sighed, “Then again, she was a compulsive liar.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to page Dr. Taeyong?”

“I’m sure.”

You left the room and continued working on the charts from outside, Taeyeon came up to you with her own charts.

“How’s our serial killer?” She asked, “Are you monitoring her?”

“Yeah. I’ve got it covered.”

Taeyeon stopped writing. Both of you made eye contact, she dropped her pen and ran to Soojin’s room.

“I said I’ve got it covered!”

She opened the door and ran to Soojin, she checked her pupil responses.

“Tell me you paged Taeyong.”

“She gonna die in a few days anyways. If she dies here we can donate her organs to the 10 year old who’s gonna die down the hall. And I know Taeyong wouldn’t let me do this. So no, I didn’t page Taeyong and I hope you won’t too. Please just...let me do this.”

Soojin gasped, “Please….help...I don’t want to die….I want...to live.”

Taeyeon shook her head, “Page Dr. Taeyong right now! Code Blue 4th floor!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiumin got a page from Wonwoo.

“Talk to me Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo handed him charts and papers. Xiumin started reading them.

“Oh my god,” he said.

“The guy’s not a donor and they’re about to unplug him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soojin was stabilized by the three of you. Taeyong was looking over her scans.

“Prep her, I want her in the O.R. in 20 minutes,” He ordered Taeyeon, he turned to you, “You should’ve paged me a long time ago.”

“I was following the patient’s wishes-”

“Patient’s wishes? She doesn’t get wishes. She killed 7 people. She’s been manipulating you ever since she’s got here. She preys on young people.”

“I made a decision as her doctor.”

“It was a bad decision. The wrong decision. You’re gonna scrub in, and you’re gonna try like hell to undo what you did.”

“Why are you so adamant on having her executed?”

Taeyong pulled you out of the room, he pulled you into the elevator and pulled the alarm, stopping it.

“You wanna know why I so pro punishment?”

You nodded.

“When I was 5 years old I watched from under the kitchen counter as some man barged into my house and shot my dad for his watch. I couldn’t go and help him, all I could do is watch. Watch as my dad fell to the ground and the man took and his watch and left. They never caught him. I hope that someday they will, and he will receive the punishment he deserves. But Son Soojin is in here right now, and I hope she gets her punishment for killing those 7 innocent people.”

He pressed the alarm again and the doors opened, he walked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Play Lost Stars)

“I’m sorry, what do you want?”

Xiumin sighed, “I’m know this is excruciating, but what I want...what I need...are your husband’s organs- his livers and his bowels. He’s a match for--”

“Go away,” the woman said.

“I’m sorry?”

“Please go away. I can’t take anymore. He was healthy, two day ago, he was healthy. He’s my love. And he put his head through a windshield and I have to unplug him. He’s the man who’s supposed to hold my hand when things go bad, he is supposed to be there to help. But he gets to go to heaven, and I can’t take anymore. So please...go away. No more people cutting into him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You, Taeyong, and Taeyeon were in the O.R. trying the repair the damages to Soojin’s brain. The door opened and Jisoo came in with tears.

“Dr. Taeyong,” Jisoo’s voice cracked.

“Dr. Jisoo.”

“I need y-you...t-to...stop,” She stuttered, “I need you to put down your scalpel. This woman is trying to kill herself and god forgive me, I need you to let her.”

“You need to leave my O.R. Dr. Jisoo.”

“1 day. In 1 day, she going to die, and her organs are going to go with her. They’ll be buried with her body and they’ll rot in the ground and that is a crime. A crime against life. It’s only 1 day. That’s all we’re taking from her and she doesn’t want it anyways.”

“We took an oath Jisoo.”

“I know…” Jisoo voice quivered, “I know we took an oath. But right now that oath makes no sense. So just stop. Just stop. Please. Don’t do anything else for this woman.”

“If I stop this surgery, it’s the equivalent of me sticking this scalpel into her brain, is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Taeyeon looked at the brain, “She’s hemorrhaging through her craniectomy. Should I at least put in a subdural drain?”

“That’s up to Dr. Jisoo,” Taeyong said.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

“Dr. Jisoo, should I put in a drain?” Taeyeon asked.

“No.”

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Taeyeon shook her head, “There’s too much bleeding we should do something-”

“I am aware of that, Dr. Taeyeon,” Taeyong put down his scalpel, “It’s your call Jisoo. Am I an executioner or am I a surgeon?”

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

“Pick up the scalpel,” Jisoo left the room.

You, Taeyong, and Taeyeon continued with the surgery.

“Do you see any bleeders?” He asked you.

“The field is clear.”

He looked at you, you did the same.

“Good job, Dr. Y/n,” He said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiumin walked back to the room.

“He can’t take his liver with him to heaven, or his bowels or his kidneys. His brain is gone, but those organs are probably good because he’s a young man,” Xiumin said, “I know this is not what you want to think about, it’s more than anyone should ever have to think about. But he can’t take his organs with him So please. Please. Please let us have his organs, so that he can give someone their life.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m alive,” Soojin whispered.

“Yes, you are,” You said.

“I was playing you, your boyfriend was right,” She admitted, “I wanted to destroy your career. And I wanted to be here to see the fallout.”

“You were scared Soojin. Death is scary.”

“It would be really good to have a friendly face in the crowd, you know...when they kill me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jisoo sat in Woojin’s room, monitoring everything. Joy walked in and crouched down next to her.

“You need to get some sleep Dr. Jisoo, you’re exhausted, you’re worn out. Get some rest, please,” Joy whispered, “I think it’s time Dr. Jisoo.”

Tears started forming in her eyes, “Call her in here.”

Joy left the room and brought back Woojin’s mother.

“It’s time to hold him,” Jisoo sighed, “He’s going, Soojung, and you need to help him go. Peacefully, in his mother’s arms.”

She walked over to the bed where Woojin layed there, she embraced him.

“It’s okay baby. You can go,” She stroked his head, “Mommy will be okay, you can go. It’s okay, I won’t be mad. Woojin, you can go. It’s okay. You can go. It’s okay.”

Xiumin and Wonwoo ran into the room.

“WE HAVE ORGANS!” They both yell.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Everyone’s head turned towards them.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

“We have organs! Get him to O.R. 3, NOW!” Xiumin yelled.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Jisoo ran to Woojin, prying his mother off him, “Starting C.P.R now.”

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Xiumin grabbed the crash cart, “Push .35 of epi!”

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

“Get me a bicarb!” Joy yelled.

They all rushed Woojin to the O.R.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s time, Son Soojin’s execution date was today. The sound of chains clanking against ground filled the dark room. The guards guided her to the table, she took a look around the audience until her eyes met yours. She slightly smiled at you before being pushed and strapped down onto the table, chains still wrapped around her limbs.

Needles were stuck into her arms as her head turned to look at the crowd. The buzzers start blaring, Soojin turned her head back to see the ceiling.

“Huh, lemons. My mother wasn’t lying after all,” Soojin whispered to herself.

The drugs were pushed into Soojin’s body, her limbs becoming relaxed, her eyelids fluttering up and down. He soul was slowly leaving her body, leaving her eyes. You’ve seen that look far too many times before. You couldn’t take it anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woojin had just gotten out of surgery, everyone’s waiting for him to wake up, unsure if they got the organs in time.

Jisoo and Xiumin stood outside, looking at Woojin’s mother alseep next to her son.

“I crossed a line today,” Jisoo said.

“I did too.” Xiumin sighed.

“Woojin?”

Jisoo and Xiumin looked into the room. Woojin’s eyes started slowly opening.

“Can I have some water?” He asked.

His mother smiled at Jisoo and Xiumin and pulled her son into an embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Play I Love You)

The guards opened the gates for you. Across the street, you spot Taeyong next to his car, his arms in his pockets, waiting for you. You walked over to him, puffy eyed, as if you’ve been crying for months. You crossed your arms, he looked at you, and you him.

You sighed, “I know you probably think I’m crazy for doing this. Hell, I think I’m crazy for doing this. But I just wanted to show her compassion, that’s why I went,” Tears fell down your face, “But it was so horrible. It was so fucking horrible!”

Taeyong pulled you into his arms and embraced you, “It’s okay.”

He drove you back to your house, the ride there was mostly silent. You looked at the outside the window, the sky tonight was not beautiful, it was not full of stars, today it was cloudy, as if it were going to rain.

You spoke first, “I can’t…”

“What?”

“I can’t seem to remember our last kiss.”

He didn’t talk to you the rest of the car ride. The two of you reached your house. He opened the door for you and started walking you to the door. You opened your door and walked inside, he started walking back towards his car when he turned around.

He looked at you and smiled, “Last Wednesday, in the elevator.”

“What?”

“You and I both just got out of surgery, it was 4:30 in the morning and we hadn’t been able to see each other for 2 days. We were both exhausted because we had back-to-back surgeries. And I just couldn’t bear another 7 hours without kissing you, so in that moment, I pulled the elevator alarm, and we both had 5 minutes of weakness. That was our last kiss. Last Wednesday, in the elevator.”

------------

“The secret to remembering someone, is to care” - Keith Ferrazzi

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nigiyakapepper · 7 years

Text

magic | voltron; allurance

For Allurance Week 2017 Day 1 - AU: Modern w/ Magic

Summary/Excerpt: “Hey baby, if I were an enzyme, I’d be a DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.”

That was Lance McClain, obnoxious flirt, with unfairly pretty handwriting and meticulous notes, never without hand cream and a glass bottle of gourmet-looking tea, whose best friend made the. best. cookies in the entire world.

magic | ao3

“Have a nice day, Mrs. Reyes!”

“You too, dear!”

The door closes with a merry jingle and Allura sighs, a small bemused smile playing on her lips. She looks around the shop—at its shelves of homemade tea, candles, oils, dried herbs, jars of spices and powdered roots, crystals, glass eyes to ward off evil and hammered gold amulets to protect the wearer from various things, and thinks, This is my life now.

She supposes she remembers how this started. She was a nervous freshman in college, about to embark on the treacherous, glorious road to becoming a surgeon just like her father. A boy had waltzed into her bio class, stopped dead when he saw her, beamed like a kid on Christmas, sat beside her and delivered the most awful pick-up line in the history of pick-up lines.

“Hey baby, if I were an enzyme, I’d be a DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.”

(She was also wearing a skirt that day.)

Somewhere in between the professor pairing them up for the final requirement of the semester, spending endless hours in the library, enduring the cheesiest pick-up lines with increasingly fond exasperation, and arguing over a lot of things from the cohesion of a paper to whether or not sugar scrubs were really good for your skin, Allura fell in love.

It wasn’t anything monumental, only a realization that built up in moments and made itself known in the quiet afternoons they spent together.

“Lance, you’ve already read this week’s chapter?” “I have to. I’m bad at studying. It takes a while for me to understand things.”

“Hey, Princess!” “Ugh…kill me.” “Nope. Nu-uh. Eat this turkey and cheese. Get through Wednesday’s report then ask me again, okay?”

“Hunk wants to change majors?” “Oh yeah. But he’s on scholarship so he has to stay in Engineering for at least a year.” “Why is he taking Biology with us?” “Because he’s crazy? Who takes this course for fun? Apparently him!” “He knows you need his madeleines.” “God yes, we need his madeleines.”

“Good morning, Princess! Are you today’s date? Because you’re ten outta ten!” “Aaaand it has been zero days since our last pick-up line.” That’d been Hunk. “I’m surprised you didn’t use that for tomorrow. Eleven out of ten,” she’d replied, more amused now than annoyed. “And miss the chance to tell you you’re beautiful today? I would never.” Hunk laughed as she rolled her eyes.

“'Llura, why did you decide to be a surgeon?” “Well…it’s always been something I thought I’d head towards. There aren’t a lot of women in surgery, you know?” A pause, where Lance had waited for her to go on. “I know it sounds silly, wanting to follow in my father’s footsteps, but wanting to break new ground. I won’t be surprised if my connections get me places, because I know that’s how it is in medicine. But…but I want to make it on my own too.” Lance had smiled at her, when she looked up from her hands that she couldn’t keep from fidgeting. “Nothin’ less from our Princess.”

“What about you, Lance? Why do you want to be a nurse?” “I wanna take care of my grandparents, then my parents, when they get old.” “Your grandparents are still alive, aren’t they?” “Mmhmm, both sides. After I get my license, I’m gonna go back home and take care of them.” Allura had made a noise of confusion, to which Lance followed up with, “Grandpa on my mom’s side owns a shop. I want to help him run it.” “What kind of shop?” “…a magical shop.” Allura had looked at him, and Lance made a strange face that was sheepish, defensive, and proud. “We sell magic.” A pause. “What?” “Nothing. It kind of makes sense.” “What does?” “With the tea. And your energy.” “You believe me?” “Sure.” Allura was familiar with some traditional doctors because of her father’s work. “I’ve been with you on days we get an hour of sleep and you clearly aren’t human.” Lance had waggled his eyebrows at her. “Now that might just be talent—oof!” “Your liver is going to pay in thirty years,” she said, her palm on his face.

“Going home for the weekend, Lance?” “M’thinkin’ about it. My brothers are taking the bar exam soon and I’d rather not be home.” “You’re that kind of youngest child?” “The ‘you’re our seventh offspring, go do whatever you want’ kind? Yeah. I was thinkin’ of going with Hunk but his nieces are over.” “I could stay with you.” He stared and Allura flushed. “I mean not go home either. Stay at my own dorm, but keep you company. So the long weekend won’t be too boring.” She tried to ignore the way her heart squeezed when Lance smiled like the sun.

Small gestures followed that. Lance brought her tea along with his own, and sometimes enchanted coffee. They literally burned midnight oil when they needed to—a soothing, energizing blend of eucalyptus, lavender, lemon, and rosemary while cramming for Finals Week. When she was stuck on a paper for History, he placed a gorgeous oval of Tiger’s Eye on her laptop keyboard, “For focus,” he said brightly.

“This question might offend you,” Allura told him one day over lunch. “Hmm?” Lance was in mid-bite. “Have you ever thought…well, have you ever thought of magic not working?” “Oh, loads of times.” He swallowed before continuing. “Grandpa explained it to me once, like, he’d do the rituals, brew those teas, and make all sorts of stuff not because he believed them, y’know? But because they worked. Like sometimes he’d do things to prove they wouldn’t work but they do. So he keeps doing them.” Allura smiled.

Somehow, like that, four years pass. They spend even more time together after Hunk shifts to Food Science, despite the increasing number of classes they don’t share. Lance invites her over to his house for lunch one weekend thinking nothing of it, until his mother asks, “Are you two dating?”

And before Lance could sputter out his embarrassed denial, Allura took hold of his hand, looked at him and said, “Why not?”

He sputtered anyway. “I mean…are you sure?”

“I’m sure, you silly. Even if I don’t know why myself.”

His chin had scrunched up in the most adorable way and he stared at her in some sort of weird defiance she didn’t understand until she heard his next words, “Allura, I swear I’d never ever put a love spell on you. Pipo, tell me you didn’t.”

Lance’s grandfather laughed a hearty belly laugh that warmed up the dining room. “You don’t leave matters of the heart to magic, mijo. Though I get why you think I would.”

“Hey!”

Allura herself had taken Lance to meet her own parents the weekend after that. Her father was already alright with him but pretended to be intimidating anyway, because it was fun.

She smiles at the memories. And here she is now, supposedly studying for med school, but the shop is peaceful, the air heavy with summer heat, earthy scents, and something else she’s becoming increasingly aware of since she’s met Lance—a pleasant thrum of energy that can be directed into anything from sleepy to electric.

She moves from the counter to peek into the office, where she knows Lance is working on some spell jars. She has mind to tell him to take a break, when she stops and watches.

Lance’s eyes are closed. He is surrounded by candles and his body sways to the easy beat of Wang Chung’s Dance Hall Days. He was never one for sitting still in anything. He meditates in movement, and going into a trance is no different. Allura’s breath catches when he opens his eyes. They’re unfocused yet a brighter blue in the glow of candlelight. His face is relaxed, lines smoothed out and cut in sharp shadows. His whole self is seemingly charged enough to vibrate out of his skin, body barely containing raw energy waiting to be directed. He starts singing a little, more loose and free.

It looks like a whole lot of nothing, but Allura feels drawn to him, like a stray thread of light’s hooked into her navel and tugs her forward. She smiles as her heart swells, feeling a bit like she’s too big for her body too.

“What about you?” “What about me?” “Do you believe in magic? And don’t say what I know you want to say—” she said, catching Lance’s smirk a little too late. “—If the universe has allowed me to meet you, then yes I do.” “Dear god…” “You walked right into that one, Princess.”

END

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld #allurance #allura #lance #allurance week #allurance2k17 #alluranceweek2k17 #i need a fic tag

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threadsoftheeasternseas · 7 years

Text

unrelated but important (?) prsnl post interrupting the queue

gonna keep this short prior to the read more thingymajig but i’m going through some stuff personally and I need to write it down and it’s ofc nothing to do with sims but a whole lot to do with me and I feel like I’ll feel better if I write this down. feel free to skip over this and ignore any form of feelings outside of my pixelated people.

[trigger warning: death/suicide/self-harm]

today and tomorrow (may 10th/11th) marks the four year anniversary since I tried (and almost succeeded) to commit suicide. it is a very surreal week for me to go through the past couple of years, and the distance of time from said event does not change the fact that it happened.

I apologise for the detail i’m about to go into but I feel it is needed for context of how bad my situation had got. (I know I do not need to justify my feelings and my mental health but I am going to explain anyway).

I was in my first year of university, 250 miles away from home, and I felt like absolute hell. I’d made a few friends in my hall, but obviously, this is May, I hadn’t known anyone for more than a handful of months, and talking about my mental health was a difficult thing for me to process. I’d only really mentioned I had a diagnosis of depression to a couple of the girls and they’d been as helpful as they could, given that sort of social situation. I’d let university life get the better of me during my first year. I went out drinking until I could barely walk 4 or 5 times a week, and I’d sleep with pretty much any guy that paid me attention. One guy I met during my first week was a very on-off friends-with-benefits kinda situation, except I wanted more and he wanted less. I spent the whole time at university trying to get away from the toxicity of this relationship and consistently getting drawn back in, to the point it ruined friendships I will never regain.

By May I was in a state of sort-of seeing someone else, but it was quite casual. I’d told him I wanted us to be a “thing” but he was quite happy to keep sleeping with other people as well (story of my life) and one night when he saw I’d texted previous week-one twat that I never stopped going back to drunkenly, he got mad and we fought and whatever chance we had of becoming something solid shattered in a matter of minutes. It felt so unfair. He was allowed to hurt me and go off with other girls, so why wasn’t the openness he wanted allowed to be the same case on my side?

I never planned to do anything with week-one guy, I think all I’d done was ask if he’d got home safe (forever the mother hen). Who knows. All I know is that this argument sent me over the edge.

I’ve felt like shit about myself pretty much constantly since the age of 14 when I found my mum screaming about wanting to kill herself and then having a go at me for not being there for her when I’d run off terrified to call my best friend for advice.

Needless to say my mum doesn’t recall this period of our lives. (She’s in a much better place now - and she has been for a while. I can’t remember what was going on but I think she had just hit a low. She never did hurt herself nor really intended to, and she’s doing fine now.)

I’ve always been shy and less-than-confident of my own abilities, but this was the start of Literal Hell. I spent my last couple of years at school wasting away to the point that about 7 different people in one day asked if I was alright because I had begun to look rather grey-coloured. I was sleeping about 3 hours a night and eating one meal a day.

Things got steadily worse and then better and then worse and slightly better then worse then even worser after that (is worser a word? idk).

I know this is all over the place but I need to write this down. Props to you if you’ve got this far.

BACK TO THE STORY. After argument with said sorta-seeing-but-not guy, I took myself back to my room. (key point here: I was pretty hammered. The clubs around my uni sold very cheap drinks (the north of england is great for that), and I was still in my first year phase of drinking so much I couldn’t see).

All I can kind of remember in that moment was that I felt like such a waste of space; that all I did was hurt the people I cared about, that I didn’t matter, that everyone would be better off without me.

I’d somehow become mildly addicted to painkillers over the year, without really realising, and in my darkest moment, I took a huge overdose. 51 painkillers to be exact. (Who knows why I had that many anyway). All I could think was I didn’t want to be alive any more. I didn’t want to wake up the next morning. I didn’t want to ever have to wake up again.

I spent the next day vomiting my guts up as my body desperately tried to get rid of the damage I’d already done to myself.

It was around 4pm when I had finally not vomited for about an hour and decided that maybe I should go take myself to hospital and see someone.

I will never be more grateful for something I’ve done for myself than this in my entire life.

When I got to A&E and awkwardly explained I’d had an overdose and needed to speak to someone, I got seen pretty quickly. Turns out 51 tablets that all contained paracetemol and half of them also with codeine, I was a pretty high priority case.

I spent the next five days hooked up to an IV having medication to stop my liver from failing, and blood taken every hour. I vomited for six hours straight that first night. But I knew that deep down, no matter how awful I felt, I’d made the right decision to go there.

Nothing will ever be as hard as finding the strength to call my parents in the middle of the night to tell them what I’d done and where I was. Nothing will ever prepare you for how broken that makes you feel. Or when your mum arrives the next day, hotel and travel booked as soon as she could and time taken off work and tears streaming down her face. I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me in that hospital bed that day.

The nurses told me if I’d come to the hospital a few hours later that my liver wouldn’t have made it. I would’ve succeeded. My whole body would’ve shut down soon after. I would’ve died.

I had to find the strength to talk to crisis team therapists and tell my flatmates what I’d done and why I wouldn’t be around for a few days, and then trying to tell university why I needed mitigating circumstances to take an exam at a later date because sorry but I’m in a hospital bed in pyjamas that smell like vomit that I haven’t changed out of in a week.

I’ve gone on a really long-winded way of telling this story, but the point is: today and tomorrow mark the four year anniversary of this happening. It’s painful to think that I still feel like this sometimes, but it’s also encouraging to know I haven’t stooped that low since. I’ve been close, many times. But I haven’t fallen back down that road again.

I may not feel stronger, but I know I am. I’ve found the strength to talk about my mental health, instead of covering it up. I barely drink any more, and I will only take painkillers if I’m suffering from a migraine. I haven’t cut myself in two years.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come but also of how far I am also willing to let myself go. I know I will fight this, even if I spend the rest of my life doing so.

thank you for reading if you read this whole way and please, someone be crying too because I sure as hell am

#non sims #personal

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bublp0pr · 4 years

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1) I took on the emotional struggles of too many of my friends in one week a bit ago, it ruined me for a weekend and I had to shut down some of my social connections with people because of it. 2) An assignment i’d ignored was suddenly due in a few days. I didn’t finish it on time. Still haven’t submitted it. 3) The corona virus became a thing 4) The corona virus got worse and everyone started to self isolate, meaning i was trapped in the house with my family with no breaks or escaping for breathing room 5) People started to panic more on the internet about the corona virus, making me anxious too 6) All of my sources of comfort became places for people to meme about the corona virus so i’m slowly losing my emotional distractions one by one 7) After reaching out to my friends again after taking that break because of that week i mentioned, I find out that I’ve been a shitty person because they’ve been dealing with hell too and I question what fucking right i have to lean on them now during my crisis 8) My university finally shut itself down for a week and now all classes are online. I don’t think I can force myself to commit to these classes if I’m not physically present in a class. Environment is everything when it’s so easy to lose focus or become tired or fucking depressed/anxious/experience random executive dysfunction (THANKYOU terrible procrastination habits for becoming so fucking bad I no longer control them anymore, they control ME) 9) Some youtubers i love and who I’m commitedly subscribed to became caught in a traumatic dramafest they wanted nothing to do with but were getting hurt by anyway (dissociaDID etc. etc.) and after watching videos to understand what was happening, my youtube reccommended is now filled with nothing but more toxic reactions and updates about the offender who really deserves no more attention from this fucking thing. 10) My grandparents travelled down from up north to stay with my family while granddad had surgery. We don’t have any spare rooms so my brother is now sleeping on a sofa couch in the lounge. I feel like i have no space in my own home right now and there aren’t enough devices, rooms and internet connection to go around at the moment. 11)Granddad’s car is parked directly infront of mine. During the day the one chance for real alone time I had left was walks, during the night that alternative is drives. I cannot drive because my granddad is in the hospital and can’t park his car somewhere else to let me move it 12) My granddad’s surgery went like this: they opened him up, saw CANCEROUS TUMOURS in his PANCREAS/LIVER and sealed him straight back up again because they weren’t qualified to deal with that. 13) My grandma wasn’t fucking allowed in the hospital because they’re on lockdown for everyone who isn’t a patient thanks to corona. Since then we’ve made phonecalls and she was given an exception but no one but her has been allowed to see him and I have no idea what comes next 14) I’ve now got 2 days to read Othello before my next online class, one paragraph of analysis and a whole satirical poem to write before friday, and a short response exam question to do on the weekend. And another lecture I still haven’t watched yet because I feel so totally behind on everything right now. 15) I’m low on all of my meds. Only about two days left. In a mix of delaying, forgetting and procrastinating, I’m out of prescription and I’m kinda scared to make the call to book an appointment to get more, if they even do physical appointments at this point? I’m also scared of my parents finding out i’ve put off getting more prescription this long and then guilting and blaming me for not taking enough responsibility over my own life and telling me that everything that comes because of it is solely justice and my own fault. 16) I’ve been feeling depressed pretty much every night this week lately. I don’t like going to sleep before the depressed feeling goes away because it feels less like falling asleep and more like being pulled unwillingly out of consciousness which is a terrifying and violating feeling for me. So... i’ve been staying up late a lot lately, occasionally succumbing to that alternative anyway despite my efforts.

can everything just stop already? Please? I don’t want to keep existing like this. I don’t know how long i can last before something snaps.

#personal junk

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dawnasiler · 5 years

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Acne Face Mapping: Are Your Pimples Trying To Tell You Something?

Tell me where your pimples pop up, and I’ll tell you what’s causing them.

It’s not a bad Facebook quiz. It’s the theory behind Acne Face Mapping, an ancient Chinese and Ayurvedic medical tradition.

If it’s true, it’s the answer to all our prayers. Think about it: if a BigMac is to blame for that huge zit between your eyebrows that always pops up before a first date, eat salad the day before and you’ll wake up with no nasty surprises.

Is it too good to be true? Is Acne Face Mapping really science… or just science fiction?

What Is Acne Face Mapping?

The name says it all. Acne Face Mapping is a map for your acne.

Each part of your face is linked to a specific organ/body system. When this organ is out of balance or sick, your skin lets you know by making a pimple spring up in the corresponding face area.

Here are a few examples:

Between the eyebrows: Liver problems, usually because of junk food or too much alcohol.

Cheeks: Respiratory problems, pollution or allergy.

Chin: Hormonal/menstrual cycle.

Forehead: Digestive problems poor sleep or stress.

Nose: Heart problems/blood pressure.

If you ask me, that chin breakout is totally spot on. Who doesn’t get a pimple there during that time of the month?

It’s likely a coincidence. You’ve guessed it: there’s NO scientific proof Acne Face Mapping works. And yet, ancient Chinese and Indian doctors weren’t totally making this up…

When your skin breakouts, it IS trying to tell you something….

What Your Pimples Are Trying To Tell You

Chinese doctors were right about something: everything in your body is linked. When something on the inside isn’t working properly, it usually shows up on the outside in some way:

When your liver is too inflamed, your skin can turn yellow (jaundice).

When you drink too much alcohol, your skin gets drier.

When you have a leaky gut, you’re more at risk of rosacea.

When you’re hormones are out of whack, your skin breaks out.

Take for example, hormonal acne. The changes in your body increase the levels of testosterone in your skin. More testosterone = more sebum.

The extra sebum can’t flow freely out of the pores anymore. It gets stuck inside, where it mixes with dead skin cells. These clogs attracts P.Acnes, the bacteria that infects skin and gives you pimples.

Diet plays a part in this as well. Dairy, sugar and processed foods are the worst culprits. They can trigger changes in your hormones that make skin pump out too much sebum. You know where this is leading now…

Worse, these foods can kill the good bacteria in your gut and cause inflammation. Research is only at the begging here, but already a leaky gut with a poor bacterial flora has been linked to rosacea, eczema, psoriasis and acne.

These breakouts tend to appear always on the same spots. Coincidence?

Related: I Went On The Low Glycemic Diet And It Transformed My Skin

What The Location Of Your Pimples Really Mean?

You can breakout all over your face. But have you noticed pimples tend to appear more in some areas and less in others?

The t-zone is the most common breakout zone. Why? Simple: you have more sebaceous glands there. If that BigMac or pre-exam stress triggers the overproduction of sebum, it’s only natural pimples pop up where pores are more likely to get clogged!

But, sometimes, the location of your pimples can help you figure out what’s behind them. Here are a few guidelines (NOT gospel!):

Cheeks: Think about all the things your cheeks get in contact with everyday. Like your pillow. Your phone. Your hands… All those extra impurities it picks up from them can clog pores and give you acne.

Chin: This is usually hormonal. During that time of the month, your body pumps out too much testosterone, a hormone that triggers the overproduction of sebum.

Hairline: Check your haircare products. Chances are, there’s something in there that gives you acne.

If you’re experiencing a breakout in this area, these are the first things to check out. Often, a change in conditioner or pillow can do the trick.

Related: How To Treat Hormonal Acne

The Bottom Line

There’s no evidence that Acne Face Mapping works. But there are scientific reasons why your breakouts are always popping up in the same spots. Usually, it’s your cue to change your diet or haircare products. Don’t ignore them.

Have you ever tried Acne Face Mapping? Share your experience in the comments below.

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Acne Face Mapping: Are Your Pimples Trying To Tell You Something? syndicated from Beautiful With Brains

#skincare #beauty #makeup

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high-wired-stuff · 5 years

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Ecce Homo

“time does not efface what noble men leave behind, and there prowess shines forth when they are dead” – Euripides, Andromache 775. But what do monsters and terrors leave behind in history?

Countdown

Activity

Time used

Years spent

Remaining

Lifetime

75 years

sleeping

8 hours per day

-25 years

50 years

eating

1.5 hours per day

-4.68 years

45.32 years

housework

1.5 hours per day

-4.68 years

40.64 years

work

160 hours per month for 45 years

-9.04 years

31.60 years

travel

1 hour per day

-3.12 years

28.48 years

Personal hygiene

1 hour per day

-3.12 years

25.36 years

Doing activites that turned out to be a waste of time

7 hours per week

-3.12 years

22.24 years

Die young mind set e.g wasting money damaging health

1.5 year sustained period plus 24 hours a month for 30 years

- 2.5 years

19.74 years

Picking yourself up out of depression

2 hour per day for 10 years

-0.83 years

18.91 years

On the phone lectures from your mum

1 hour a week from 18 to 28

-0.6 years

18.31 years

Being a lover

Average relationships a life time 8. Expected exponential growth in relationship length. Expected half all time spent with partner.

Total 126,504 hours

-14.4 years in relationships

3.91 years

Being a loner

2 days a week for 12 years

Add 4 years for after partner dies

-4.79

-0.88 years

1/3 of your life is for enjoyment (25.36 years) or things you want to peruse yourself. Nut if you are ill or have an accident this will affect your enjoyment years severely.

The Titans

Once upon a time, or below a time, or in a time that there was no time, that is our time, there was a man named Kronos, otherwise known as Saturn, husband of Rhea, Son of Uranus and Gaea. He is the God of time who effects the course human life.

In short, he was obessed about his future. He wanted power. So he castrated his father, the king of the gods. But whats a king without his bollocks? Kronos became king and his father fell from power.

Cronos and his wife Rhea already had children, 4 boys in fact. Years past and Cronos remained firmly in his throne but his obsession about his future only got tighter. Then Cronos received a prophecy that he would be overthrown by one of his sons. He would not let this happen. Determined to take control over his destiny, Cronos ate all 4 of his sons. Or what he thought was all of his children. 3 of the boys were gobbled alive but Rhea had replaced one of her sons with a goat. The Boy Rhea saved was named Zeus.

Some more years past, Cronos unaware that he had been deceived. Zeus was now grown up. He wanted to bring retribution and justice to Cronos for the castration of the his grandfather. Zeus raised an army and waged a mighty war against Cronos. It was fought for many years. But Zeus was triumphant. As punishment for his crimes, Zeus tied Cronos to a mountain. Cronos’s liver was to be eaten by a hawk every day until the end of all time. Zeus says to his father “one has to think about the choices one makes to avoid being the prisoner of one’s own making”. Cronos fate was sealed.

Fuck You

Can I just say a few things.

Fuck you to all the men at school who took the piss out of how I dressed

Fuck you to the men that don’t listen

Fuck you to the men that speak for you

Fuck you to the arrogant rich men who demand to be called sir when pouring them a pint

Fuck you to the boys who saw I was cicrumised and wouldn’t let I drop

Fuck you to the sqaudy who took the piss out of my teeth and used it as an excuse to chat up my girlfriend

Although I love you dad, fuck you fo only telling me I had an older brother when I was 16 years old

Fuck you to the regular pisshead at my bar who says anything to make you feel bad about yourself

Fuck you to my best mate you slept with my girlfriend in a really tough time of her life, I know were friend still but I will not forget that mistake

Fuck you to the shity ruling class

Fuck you to the company I work for who pays me shit all.

Fuck you Peirs Morgan – I hate you

Fuck you to gentleman who accidentally kicked me on the tube, an apology would have been nice

Fuck you to the man I know who ignored me on the street after I said “hello”, “how you doing”

Fuck you to the man who touched me inappropriately in Hampstead pools

Fuck you to male pornstars that make you feel insure and inadequate

Fuck you to the porn industry making it seem that its okay for men to dominate and abuse women

Fuck you to my mums step-dad who told her at 15 her place was in the kitchen and theres no point to attend her exams as they are all pointless as a women

Fuck you to all the men in suits who are just a bit threating and arrogant – we should ban suits

I am going to be who I am. Because of you all im determined to be the best man possible. So in a way I should thank you too. But also one last fuck you.

This is Amy

This is lovely women, this is bright women, this is take no shit woman. This women is a mother, a teacher and a wife. She is a wife to a husband battling his fifth bout of cancer. This is strong woman, this is rock women, this woman is selfless. She is selfless but she’s not on the side-lines. She still leads me to make my best choices. She is impacting so many young people. She is giving them options. She is a women who values everyone and everything in life. She has taught me that every second in life needs to have your heart in it. This is the women who taught me how to breathe. This women helped me stand up to my dad and express to him what I want to get out of my life. She is like a piece of long unbreakable thread that lead me somewhere, inviting me to follow my own voice into the future rather than sitting in a dark crowded room. This is bright woman, this is shining woman, this is the women who never loses hope. Her tickling west Yorkshire accent. I think her kindness, her warmth and unbelievable smile and freckles are just pure inspiration. This women just keeps on going and defies all limitations.

This is Gacko

This is simple man, this is funny man, this is strong touch on the back goes a long way man. This Dame man, missing a few teeth man, wears a straw hat man. This is “if you love it, go for it” man. This man is cheeky man, travelled the US of A with only an accordion and bag clothes man. This is “do you know how to play poker?” to a 15 year old boy man. This Funny bones man, Strong touch on the back goes along way man. I have only ever seen this man involved in performances. Is there another side to this man? This man is roll a few dice see how it goes kinda man, this is drifter “I love to road” man. This is “Give a cuddle you little twerp” man. This man shows of his kid with his chest puffed out man, glad to be a father man. Is he free man, understanding husband and good father man? This is a tad bit racists because he’s from Yorkshire man. This man changed to course of my life. He’s the kinda man that whispers in your mums ear to help you. Now he’s gone with the wind man.

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