#i keep thinking of an archie that knows about their old life but wants to stay in the 50s because it's 'easier' and it just feels. right

[lonesomedotmp3]

I know what ras said about archie being at his most innocent in season seven but until I see it I don't think I'll be able to shake the idea that just like in rivervale archie knows or discovers a lot more than we think

#i keep thinking of an archie that knows about their old life but wants to stay in the 50s because it's 'easier' and it just feels. right #and perhaps i am just a stupid little jarchie at the end of the day but #the idea of jughead trying to convince archie that the life they used to have is worth fighting is simply so. it's so. #rvd #also hi i can't sleep at all i can't go thirty seconds without a coughing fit lol it's got me very much awake #would anyone like to talk abt riverdale season seven...

[ingravinoveritas]

I recently had this link shared with me by one of my lovely friends here in the fandom, and found it so compelling that I wanted to share it with all of you.

This is a recent article from Vanity Fair about Cary Grant and Randolph Scott, both iconic actors from the era we now call "Old Hollywood," and it details their extremely interesting--both by the standards of the era and today--relationship. It's a long read, but more than worth it.

For those who may not know, Cary Grant was an English-born American actor and iconic leading man, and Randolph Scott was an American actor most known for appearing in Westerns. Both men were married to women/had children at varying points in their lives, but by some accounts (and especially what is chronicled in this article), they were the loves of each other's lives, even though being openly queer was next to impossible at the time, and would've been looked at as a career-ending (and maybe even life-ending) move.

There also seem to be quite a few parallels between Cary and Randolph 90 years ago and Michael and David today. The two men actually lived together for a number of years, during which the press of the day chose to portray them as "just two fun-loving bachelors waiting to find the right gal," all while Grant in particular starred in films with queer-flavored undertones that were both bold and downright dangerous in the era of the Hays Code. They continued living together when Grant was first married to his first wife, Virginia Cherrill (and after they divorced), and fun fact: While Grant was married, Scott moved right next door...so they were, in fact, neighbors.

Here are a few other excerpts that very much reminded me of Michael and David, for your consideration. (FYI that "Archie Leach" was Cary Grant's birth name before he changed it to his stage name.) This first one calls to mind the Radio Times calling Michael and David a "handsome couple" on the night of the NTAs in 2021:

This next one of course made me think of Michael and David talking on David's podcast (skip to the 1:25 mark) in 2019 about hating photo shoots and how Michael flat-out refused to answer questions at one point and only got through it because of David:

And this last one features a quote from a close friend about Grant and Scott that nearly made my heart skip an entire beat. For reasons that will soon be very, very obvious:

(I mean...)

What is also remarkable about this article (though not necessarily in a good way) is the mention of how little has changed since Grant and Scott's time. How even today, any actor who comes out as any flavor of queer is immediately looked at differently, and how the fear of both professional and personal repercussions keeps people in the closet for so many reasons.

These were the parts of the article that stood out to me the most, but as always I would love to hear from my followers with your thoughts and takes on the parallels above or anything else that you find interesting...

#michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #vanity fair #cary grant #randolph scott #old hollywood #this is somehow heartbreaking and beautiful all at once #also 'Our souls did touch' makes me think of Michael and David every time they look at each other #the parallels are paralleling #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #queer history #thoughts #discourse

[thewales]

Roya Nikkhah wrote an article for The Times and here are the most interesting points.

The Waleses and Sussexes will exchange gift for their children: Believe it or not, the Waleses and the Sussexes are exchanging Christmas gifts this year.

In the absence of goodwill between the couples, William and Kate will not deprive three-year-old Archie and Lilibet, one, of a present under the tree. And in one royal tradition that Team Sussex is still on board with, Harry and Meghan have also dispatched gifts for George, Charlotte and Louis, who are nine, seven and four. There will be no presents exchanged between the adults.

About Meghan not receiving any help about how everyone works: It can also be revealed that six months before the couple married in May 2018, Harry’s then private secretary, Ed Lane Fox, known as “Elf”, presented Meghan with a 30-point dossier, studiously researched, brimming with information and contacts for the life she was taking on. It covered fashion, the royal family and the constitution, the institution’s heads of department, ladies-in-waiting, arts in the UK, the Charity Commission and public life. Each section suggested an expert who could help Meghan.

“It was huge, the amount of work Elf put into getting her access to anyone, and he gave her books on the stuff,” a source said. It is understood that Meghan took up just two meetings with the suggested experts, one with Sir Christopher Geidt [now Lord Geidt], the late Queen’s private secretary, and another with a “very well-connected, trusted fashion person” for advice on clothes.

About Meghan blaming the palace of not being able to invite her niece: All of which is a myth, say impeccably placed royal sources of the decision to have only one family member, Meghan’s mother Doria, on their wedding guest list of 650 at St George’s Chapel, Windsor. “That just didn’t happen,” a source said of Meghan’s account. “We never gave any advice, steer or guidance on who of her family or friends should or shouldn’t come to her wedding. I have a very clear memory of her [Meghan] saying that she had a niece who she would in other circumstances have liked to invite, but she didn’t want to invite her because it would have put her under intense scrutiny. It was not a question she put to us. We would never tell her not to invite her own niece to the wedding and we would never get involved in any management of personal relationships.”

Another royal source confirmed: “Harry had concerns that Meghan had no family at the wedding which would look weird. Meghan didn’t want the media to know about Ashleigh. No one on earth would have said don’t invite family to the wedding. That’s a complete and utter lie. We wanted more family there to make it look less weird for her.”

About the engagement Interview: A source involved with the interview said everything went according to Meghan’s script: “Every word of that interview was what they wanted to say. She controlled every micro-detail of how their engagement publicly went.”

About what harry said about the men in the family marrying women who fit the mould: An old friend of both brothers said: “That was so cheeky, that’s a love match if ever there was one. Catherine doesn’t even fit the mould — she’s not an earl’s daughter or blue-blooded. The sadness is Harry was so close to Catherine.”

Another close friend of the royal family, who saw the King on Thursday when Harry & Meghan aired, said: “It is so awful. What on earth are they doing? I want to say to them: ‘Think of your futures. Think of how you may regret this in years to come.’

On what William has allegedly said about the reality show: However loaded the missiles, William has instructed friends not to retaliate: “William does not want us fuelling the conflict, he’s been very clear on that. He’s keen to have as much of a normal week as possible.” Another friend has given him sage advice: “I reminded him to keep his rifle pointed at the target and not to be distracted, even though it’s all f***ing tedious in every sense of the word.”

On Friday a source close to the Waleses said William was “on great form” and “looking to the future” as he chatted to winners of his Earthshot Prize from his family home, Adelaide Cottage in Windsor, and worked with Kate on projects for next year. “They know the British people expect them to roll their sleeves up and get on with the job.”

You can read the whole article here, for free.

#BRF #the suxs

[butterfrogmantis]

I've got the strangest feelin' This isn't our first time around Past lives couldn't ever come between us Sometimes the dreamers finally wake up Don't wake me, I'm not dreamin'

Idk if this is an au or what, it’s more just a what-if story but y’know we move.

Archie and Pal explore a cool looking island they find one day. Whilst searching the caves, Archie finds an old Diptych Dial (portable sundial often used on ships to tell time), except this one is all weird and glowy. Against his brother’s advice, Archie messes with it.

The island suddenly disappears and they up randomly at sea. Luckily there’s a raft. They climb on, and are in the middle of nowhere. Archie spots a ship, they’re saved! Except they’re not, that’s a very ominous flag.

Archie and Pal end up tied to the mast of the ship. Archie decides to get a last minute confession off his chest. All in all, they’ve had better days.

The Historian Brothers meet the captain – Captain Bluebeard, a fierce and cruel pirate infamous of his time. He intends to see to these landlubbers, when a voice interjects …

… With a pun

Oh shit. That’s Skelly. But like. With flesh.

Archie and Pal’s recognition of Skelly kinda saves their lives. Bluebeard decides to keep them for crew, and gives Swashbuckler the task of training them since they seem to know him. Swashbuckler is very confused.

Archie and Pal discuss their options. They realise now they must have gone back in time, and knowing Swashbuckler’s fate … they realise they have a chance to change it. But this brings up several questions, including the impact this could potentially have on the future – after all, Papa Smurf and Father Time have been very clear about potential consequences for messing with the natural order of events. Archie feels bad for his friend, Pal kind of wants to not fuck up the fate of the universe.

Ultimately, Archie can’t come to terms with his guilt and attempts to gently approach the subject of Swashbuckler avoiding sword fights or even treasure islands. Swashbuckler on the other hand is REALLY disturbed by the fact these strangers seems to know so much about him - I mean that’s just creepy, man – and threatens him. Bear in mind that as fun loving and jolly as Swashbuckler is … he was ultimately still a pirate in life, and took it seriously. Archie thinks he (once again) should have listened to his brother, and backs down.

Archie and Pal start to befriend Swashbuckler … again … as they work on Bluebeard’s ship and try to work out a way of undoing their time fuckery. Swashbuckler starts to realise they’re pretty cool after all, and entertains them with his endless jokes.

Another member of the crew discover Archie’s Diptych Dial and messing with it kinda sorta rips a hole in the space time continuum and releases an ancient beast (Pal is happy!) Father Time is not and shows up to fix everything (you darn kids).

Swashbuckler doesn’t exactly know where his new found friends are going when they tell him they have to leave, but he wishes them a cheery goodbye and hopes they meet again. Archie reconciles with the fact history should stay as it is

Archie and Pal return to their time. Skelly has been wondering where they got to – ooh and he just has to tell them about this insane dream he just had where they were all fighting a giant dinosaur. Weird huh? Yeah, things sure are back to normal.

Archaeologist and Palaentologist (c) The Smurfs

Skelly and BlueBeard are mine

#the smurfs #smurfs #BFM oc: Skelly #Archaeologist Smurf #Palaentologist Smurf #I also randomly decided that BlueBeard is a Storm ancestor #why not

[loveletterworm]

Lately i keep being driven to vote for options i have no strong feelings about in character polls just because in the matchup they’re given i feel that the other character literally does not apply to the category they’re fighting for. the cat from night in the woods in a visual novel character poll? night in the woods is not a visual novel, so obviously i won’t vote for her and will instead vote for the character i don’t know much about but know is from an actual visual novel. sonic the hedgehog in a christ figure poll? sonic isn’t even the most christ figure-y sonic character (that would be knuckles in early archie sonic), so i guess i’ll have to vote for this guy from homestuck who the notes of this post can back up as being literally textually supposed to be alien jesus. The End from Sonic Frontiers in a...“fuckable old man” poll? The End literally appears as The Actual Moon and i don’t think can accurately have a gender put on it as it speaks in both male and female voices (the female one is even the one used more), so it is not a man in either the gender or “mankind” sense. Which I guess means I have to say that guy from resident evil 8 is sexy even though I don’t especially want to. These are just my crosses to bear in life as a professional Guy Who Is Really Annoying About Semantics

#mypost #this is the longest fucking post ever and there weren't many good places to break it up into paragraphs

[mokonahapuuuuuu]

Abridged

Note: So basically, I was thinking of writing COTT the abridged series, but why not try and get my feet wet and abridge one of my own fics. Not to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm proud of myself with 'Box of Beauty' since I got through my ADHD and the story came across like an episode of the show.

Anyways, here it is...! If I do try to abridge episode one of the show, yay for me.

---

“This is the millionth time we’re fighting Cronus…!” shouted Jay.

“It’s to keep the episodes going,” said Odie on the PMR. “How else are the cast and crew going to get employed and put food on the table?” 

The teenagers clamoured around Cronus as he beat them all off one by one. “Beating up teenagers is so much fun…!” 

He looked around. The God of Time beat all the teenagers. 

“I am Xena Warrior Princess! Hear my war cry!” Belle raged on on Pegasus. 

“You know, you’re just an OC in part of a fan fiction,” the Time God mocked. “You’re not really apart of the whole show.” 

“Take. That. Back.” Belle’s eyes were raging. 

Cronus got out the poison and slammed it against his sword. “Never!”

Belle’s face was scared badly. 

“Burn…! Literally.” 

—— 

It was pure bedlam. 

Everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs. 

“Belle has been poisoned and scared!” exclaimed Theresa. 

“She can’t bear the responsibility of being the next Zuko!” shouted Herry. 

“I’m not ready for a life changing trip with Belle…!” breathed Atlanta. 

“Where is the honour?” 

“Belle needs the Box of Beauty to be cured of her scar, and the Box is in the Underworld,” began Hera. “But since we use you teenagers as child labour and basically send you out to your deaths, we thank you for not suing us. Especially for complete disregard for your safety. Thank Zeus your parents don’t know what happens at this school.” 

“Um, since I’m the only sane one here, I’ll go get the Box of Beauty for Belle myself,” said Neil. 

“Just go already, we don’t care about you!” exclaimed the rest of the team. 

—— 

“Ooh, the Underworld…” Neil looked around him. “I’m sure I can take on anything that comes my way, ahh!” 

A bunch of skeletons came after him. “Halloween isn’t until eight months…!” 

There was the mausoleum in front of him with the silver box. 

“This must be the Box of Beauty,” began Neil. “I must take it so I can use it to save my love…” 

He felt himself grew older, and he saw himself become an old man. “What, no I don’t want to be an old man! I don’t wanna drink prune juice!” 

The Underworld echoed as he said ‘juice’. 

As Neil walked up to the surface, he saw all his friends greet him. 

“This old man, he played one, he played knick-knack on my thumb…” 

“Archie, okay, I get it, I’m an old man! Shut up!” 

Belle’s face was restored thanks to Neil and the Box of Beauty, and he accomplished his mission. 

“Neil, since you are literally nothing without your good looks, and the show can’t continue on with you as an old man, Aphrodite and I decide to reward you since you saved Belle,” said Poseidon. 

“Reward me with what?” 

Their hands touched Neil. “God powers, activate!” 

Neil was back to his good looking younger self. 

“Aw, man, I really wanted to give him prune juice…!” said Archie. 

Belle and Neil were at the roof patio. 

“You know, I’m beginning to realize a lot of young adult fiction is basically teenagers getting into a lot of dangerous fights,” began Belle. “I mean, look at Harry Potter. If half the things like what happened in the books happened at an ordinary high school, the school would be closed down.”

“That’s the point of it,” began Neil. “It’s just fiction. Plain fantasy. That way, no one gets hurt.”

“So you’re saying that we’re just fictional made up people in a fictional made up world?” she asked. 

Neil nodded. “Basically.” 

Belle looked out into the horizon. “I’m having an existential crisis right now.” 

“Don’t worry,” he kissed her cheek. “I still love you.” 

#class of the titans

[house-afire]

orientation period (Frenchie/Izzy, noncon of the Kraken-made-them-do-it variety)

Prompt: 100 words of porn logic

“New first mate always takes the old one,” Blackbeard says. He holds the gun loosely now, but it’s like a snake draped over his arm—could flex up in a second and come to life spitting venom. “Lays him in front of the crew. Really drives home a lesson about the transition of power.”

His hand lands on Frenchie’s shoulder. The scent of gunpowder under his fingernails. Frenchie dares to look at him, but it’s useless: the man he could’ve appealed to hasn’t been behind those eyes in weeks, really. They’re like pits now, miles of darkness bottoming out to sweat-soaked, tear-stained bedsheets. Frenchie can’t get down there to tidy up.

And there’s no tidying this. He’s kneeling on the deck, Izzy’s blood soaking the knees of his trousers.

“It’s a lot of responsibility,” Frenchie says, even though he knows Blackbeard won’t listen, that the most he’ll get is the sound of a hammer being cocked behind his ear. “Don’t think I’m the management type—”

The sound comes, like he knew it would.

Funny what you hear when you’re listening for a forlorn hope to make an entrance after all. Frenchie takes in the lapping of the waves, Fang’s sobs, Izzy’s rough and keening breathing that keeps stopping just short of a howl.

Jim’s got Fang, so that’s good. Archie’s rolling with it. The others—Frenchie barely knows their names—just mill about, listless and on edge all at once.

The new men are all pros—lifelong sailors and even more than lifelong killers, somehow, like they’re out of those tales you hear about babies strangling their twins in the womb—and none of them have said, “Bullshit!” under a cough, so maybe it’s even true, this whole taking of the first mate ritual.

Or maybe they just don’t want to die. Complicating factor.

He doesn’t want to die either, not that anyone would know it from how he’s still as a held breath even with the gun nuzzling his temple.

Izzy, a bit ashy now from all the bleeding, works suddenly clumsy fingers over his leathers.

“Just do it, for fuck’s sake,” he says, his eyes locked on Frenchie’s. “Do it and it’s done.”

“Maybe—” It’s Jim’s voice, hoarse and brave and scared. “Maybe let us fix him up first? He’s not—” They swallow. “He’s not in good shape.”

“I can get fucked,” Izzy says loudly, making Frenchie’s gaze snap back to him. “I can survive it a lot better than you can a bullet in your fucking head. I won’t bleed out unless you take ages with it.”

The gun’s already cocked; Blackbeard hasn’t eased the hammer back down. The next sound Frenchie hears from it will be the bullet, leaving.

“Appreciate you trying, Jim,” he says finally, peeling Izzy’s leathers down. Izzy half-screams when they hang up on the bloody mess of his leg—Frenchie winces in sympathy—didn’t mean to do that, thought the danger zone was further down—and bites at the back of his wrist to muffle the sound. Frenchie winds up putting his hand against Izzy’s cold cheek. He wants to say sorry, but too many people are listening. Too many captains. Instead, he says, “I won’t take too long. Lucky for both of us that blood’s not a turnoff, yeah?”

Izzy exhales through his colorless lips, almost in a laugh, and he rubs his cheek along Frenchie’s hand.

One of the new crewmen has a chuckle over it. He’ll turn up dead later, Frenchie knows, with half-a-dozen stab-wounds in him because Jim believes in thoroughness.

Frenchie makes do with spit, because using the blood seems a touch morbid even for him. Then he’s inside, and the hot hold of Izzy’s body around him is the best thing he’s felt since it all went pear-shaped, and he’ll have to get a new box, won’t he, a box the size of a coffin if he wants to fit all this in. A box that could bury them all.

#frenchie #izzy hands #frenchie/izzy #tw: noncon

[maya-matlin]

Hi! I'd love to hear more about why you prefer varchie to barchie because same. i know you said you would go with neither right now but i still think varchie is a much better ship than barchie despite not expecting to feel that way. so please elaborate on why varchie > barchie if you want to! i always thought barchie was a lot more popular but have seen polls lately where varchie keeps winning so maybe we're not the minority opinion anymore?

Hi! Thanks for the ask. First things first, Riverdale did a much better job at writing romantic relationships during seasons 1-4. I acknowledge that some of the writing could be wonky at times because it's literally Riverdale, but ultimately I feel that the original ships had something special because they were given the space to thrive. This includes Archie's relationship with Veronica. At first, it seemed as though RAS wanted to go against the usual comics' story line where Archie was forever bouncing between Betty and Veronica and instead committed to having Archie all in with Veronica while Betty was truly happy and content with Jughead. Relationship wise, Archie was much more selfless pre-cheating in season 4 and a lot more open to compromise in contrast to now where he's basically subtly "my way or the highway" but in a gentle sort of way? Like, Archie is never aggressive about it. But since the time jump and especially at the end of season 5 and beyond, he has wanted to basically emulate his father. He has to have marriage and babies. He has to grow old in his childhood home. The dude cannot face any sort of challenges or opposition without Betty being the one to cave. I always thought it was somewhat unrealistic that Archie and Veronica could be so fundamentally different as people to the point of being in drastically different story lines following the second season all the while maintaining a stable relationship. But somehow, it worked for them, and they appeared to balance each other out. I believe that meeting and falling for Veronica changed Archie's life. In his own words, he saw his entire future when they met and basically never deviated from that path until the confusion with Betty. Seven years after their breakup, Archie still loved Veronica and only went to Betty because Veronica was married to another man. Right down the line, Betty is Archie's second choice. Archie has never chosen her over Veronica when he was aware Veronica was an option.

To be honest, Archie's relationship with Betty is a joke to me. Don't get me wrong. It had the potential to be a great ship. The series started off with the premise that they'd been BFFs since childhood and that Betty had always harbored feelings for Archie. But then, Archie made it clear he'd never felt what we was supposed to feel with Betty. Not long after, Betty fell in love with Jughead and kind of never looked back. The writers had many opportunities to delve back into BA, including when they kissed in the second season, but instead decided to make it clear Archie and Betty wanted to be with their actual partners and had no interest in a romance. Worst of all, their friendship was barely a thing prior to the cheating. It was rarely given any significant screen time. But because the writers wanted a shake up, they decided to do the cheating arc. Even during their big cheating moment, the only flashbacks shown were from the first two episodes and then of their kiss in 209. Like, that's all this ship had prior to the cheating. Some fans can view them as a "slow burn" or interpret occasional three second glances as something more, but I can't agree. It was very poorly set up, and it was only marginally better following the time jump. So they became fuck buddies, but Archie had zero interest in being a support system for Betty and ran back to Veronica yet again. Much like in previous seasons where BA is only relevant when their romance is being teased, they had very few scenes prior to season 5's finale where they unofficially got together with no set up - following another Varchie breakup. Season 6 was basically.. everything is all about Archie all the time. They fuck and drink beers together. Sometimes the writers gave them unearned milestones such as saying I love you, becoming a couple, moving in together, and then getting engaged. It felt more like boxes were being checked than a couple in love organically arriving there. Mostly, Betty becomes an extremely watered down version of herself in order to become Archie's perfect match. Because Betty feels that she's "dark" and "damaged", she pushes down anything that isn't pure and good and allows Archie to validate her. The character is pretty much unrecognizable.

It's hard to know what's most popular. Social media seems to skew towards BA because that's literally all that's left these days. But the massive ratings decline and fandom engagement doesn't lie. The change in ships can't be entirely blamed, but the way everything played out along with the timing was a major contributing factor.

#Anonymous #Long post #I can't believe I have so much to say about Riverdale after all this time #I shouldn't still care

[andsmile]

lying to herself cause her liquor's top shelf

1. betty tells her about archie’s fight.

veronica feels small and foolish and bitter, because there was a time when she would be the one telling betty about archie’s latest endeavors. maybe a better person wouldn’t feel that way—she walked out. she left him. she gave him up on a silver plate. she couldn’t handle staying—but she’s not a better person and she hasn’t pretended to be one in a while.

(it doesn’t really matter how she feels)

she sits next to toni, just another person in the crowd. once upon a time she’d be so much closer to the ring, right in his corner. she searches the gym, looks for betty, but she’s nowhere to be found.

jughead is there, though, instructing him and encouraging him and it should untie the knot in her stomach, but—

archie loses. archie gets beaten, repeatedly, and the sound of the boxing glove against his flesh, his bones, the ripping of his skin, is unbearable. there’s a cold sensation that takes over her body when his falls to the floor.

his blood is everywhere. she tastes something sick on her tongue.

jughead jumps into the ring to help get him up. she watches as the crowd falls suddenly quiet, and part of her thinks, archiekins, even though she forfeited the right to ever call him that again, oh, archiekins, thinks, you’re out of your mind, why are you doing this, why do you keep hurting yourself, thinks, why couldn’t you let me get you away from this godforsaken town? thinks, i love you, you idiot.

(it doesn’t really matter what she thinks)

2. here’s how things end between her and reggie.

she’d prefer if they were shouting at each other from across the living room—but there’s none of that. there is, instead, the resentment on his face. the hurled accusations. the piercing words. the haunting question that she calls moot, but that she can’t answer.

(there would be only one answer and it’s not the one he would want.)

he walks out the door. there are tears falling, but she understands—she knows that if he doesn’t leave, it won’t take long until he starts betting against her, and it’ll make it hard to breathe, and the anger will simmer into hate, and she’ll wake up every morning and look at him sleeping and wonder if she should suffocate him with a pillow until there’s a gunshot and blood on the carpet.

she’s been here before. she knows how it works.

3. most of the time it’s just her and her gambles, her money, her jewelry.

most of the time it’s just her and her fake empire.

most of the time, her mind reels.

long gone is the veronica from nyc party scene, sparkly makeup and drug-bubbly, getting in trouble to get her parents pick her up at school. long gone is the veronica from riverdale high and her cheerleader skirts, milkshakes in a booth with her once best friends. long gone is veronica gekko, the she wolf of wall street.

it’s crazy to think that she’s not even thirty yet but she’s already an ex-wife—a black widow, if you must, although that was self-defense. but there’s blood in her hands for as much as she tried to wash them off it. she feels too old and too young; lonely and agoraphobic at the same time.

she was born a lodge and for most of her life this is how she defined herself—a lodge—and she thinks maybe that’s why once she walked out on archie, she ended up back in the business, back with reggie, back to the closest she’s ever been to being the person her father dreamed her to be. she wasn’t going to be anything new, anything else, no matter what. even her coffin would be a family heirloom, so she should make sure she’d fit it.

but sometimes, she looks in the mirror, and she sees herself with pearls around her neck that she wears when she wants to feel closer to hiram even though she helped killing him, and she still feels like a question mark.

the only thing that she had ever been sure of—archie, his light, his warmth, his smile on her neck, his hands on her ribcage, the place on his chest where she'd lie her head, his love making her believe in something—no longer belongs to her.

toxic rich bitch, people used to say behind her back when she was younger. ruins everything in her path.

and weren't they right, after all?

#varchie fanfiction #varchie #veronica lodge #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale #never let me do this again #i just have a lot of feelings about veronica ever since 612 okay #varchie oneshot

[snifflesthemouse]

Those reports about the body guards and background reports...

Before I get started... prepare yourself for story time! I first must tell you this story for you to understand why I am saying what I am going to say. Please read the story first... here goes.

When you are in active addiction, you will do whatever it takes to keep well. Your entire life goes from being somewhat normal to being entirely consumed by the habit of using drugs. The thing is, however, is the routine becomes just as addictive.

And sometimes, you will find yourself thinking of scenarios that bring you closer to your goals. One day, my ex decided we could get entirely new prescriptions for my mom (decades ago) if we could prove the pre-written scripts and medications were destroyed. My ex came up with an idea.

He took the lock box that kept my mother's medications outside and burned the entire box in a fire pit. He knew that wouldn't be enough to prove a fire, so he set the rest of the room on fire. Then, he called the cops.

You see, the ex knew the house I grew up in was very old and a bit ran down. My dad worked every day of his life, and he did his best. I am grateful for what he provided, even if my ex tried to torch it. This isn't about that, though.

Where my dad worked out of the same exact location as the local police department, they knew my father's character. They didn't know much of my ex - other than him being a felon.

The combination of the house being ran down and the police knowing my father allowed for the ruse to work.

My ex managed to convince everyone that an electrical fire took place. DId it? No. DId anyone really investigate it? No. That's why the plan even worked.

I tell you all of that to tell you all of this.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is what it seems with people like that. People like my ex - people like Harry and Meghan- do not operate in the realm of transparency. It's always on purpose.

If you are reading a story about something, it is because they want and need you to be reading it. There is hardly anything out there that is out of their control. If you are reading it from the media, it was curated for your consumption.

Which begs the question...

Why are we now reading about the issues in their own security?

The answer could be surprising. But, I suspect it has to do with money or trying to persuade a reunification of sorts.

My honest opinion is they'll start slowly throwing HMTQ under the bus more and more to deflect from PC flubbing his future role. Then, they'll try to wiggle back into the entire fold as a supporting role once Nan is gone. They'll need the BRF more in the future than they do now.

Time reduccs the relevancy quotient. People have short attention spans. They plan on it.

Just like how they use these authors of Funding Freebies to say things about the birth of Archie.

They never can keep their stories straight, can they?

Then again, if the only thing I had to keep me rich and famous to fuel my addiction to power and greed was to fake using the services of surrogates... I would be a bit messy, too.

The more time goes on, the more it seems like every single thing about those children were fabricated to make it look like they were fabricated. They knew they'd leave the BRF before she joined it, so they secured relevancy by keeping us all chatting.

Think about it. What better way to keep everyone interested by pulling a Bey? Even that isn't original.

Imitation is the best form of flattery. Look at the people being copied, and you can see who the person really is.

You see, it's not that they are copying others. It is they see themselves in others instead. So, to them, they aren't copying the Obamas, the Obamas are simply on the same page as they are.

Catch the drift?

My ex didn't simply burn the lock box. He had to make it look real to get what he wanted back then. He had to scorch the whole house.

We have to stop looking at things in a causal way with them because they're not regular people.

So think about what Meghan really wants. What Harry really wants.

They want people to fawn over them and copy them. Just like they fawn over and copy those people they obsess over. But remember, they're on the same page now.

BUT, it's not enough to have one trajectory. Anything can happen. Therefore, you stick several stokes in several fires, remember?

So, expect and anticipate several pieces in the press that suggest Harry's paranoia led to bad decisions regarding the security. Which brings me back to the whole point of this post and why I told you the story of the fire.

They are lining up their story. They are setting the crime scene. Therefore, we can see what they want the outcome to be. UN meetings, showing up places, popping in with Oprah (Even as her dad is now gone)... they're trying to send a message to the BRF that people will still pay for them. Yet, that isn't it still.

The answer for what crime scene is being staged goes back to what they really want. If they want to be the Obamas, it would seem that everything they've done so far makes sense. But if MM wanted to be president, why would she marry a Prince and not an American political family member?

No, Meghan wants something more than all that. Attention. Fame. Good or bad, it's what she's addicted to. That duper's delight. That scam pulling in broad day light. Her success is outsmarting people, and her endgame is getting enough power to blot out her critics.

Her endgoal is her.

If it were anything else, she'd already be making money for those things by now.

If you want to see what really matters to someone, see where they spend the most money.

Harry is his wife in male form, people.

So, expect more threat pieces. More slanderous pieces about H and his past. H being racist trending was no accident. She is fire stoking. I even expect a piece reminding us of his volatile nature and anger issues.

I fear the War of the Sussexes is fastly approaching us... they're already torching the lock box.

[prowerprojects]

It's cool, we're just spitballing, right? (If there's a chance the birds were brought back or reworked, I'm almost certain they'll come with redesigns. Kinda like the Chaotix. {Speedy's Archie designs looks too close to Jet's} Plus, I think it'd be interesting if they got to bird species that are more obscure than the usual candidates. Could play a role on the gameplay goes with how many different birds there are.)

But yeah, I'm generally open to something completely new too. Again, hoping for a species that's not the most known or is underutilized. (I think this is why I don't care for them being a canine. Tails doesn't need a fox version of Shadow and fox/wolf dynamics are done to death.) Hmm, him discovering anthros that have unusual mutations/anomalies like him might be fun. And no, I don't mean more multi-tailed beings. :P (Since they more or less dropped it with Fang, I'm curious if they'd ever attempt a hybrid again.)

I remember seeing a post that highlighted how Eggman as a father, reeeally is not as wholesome as it's made out to be and actually sparks some worrying implications for Sage when you look back at old creations; including Metal. (INB4 before Sage expresses more jealousy whenever Sonic and Tails bond like family and tries so hard to replicate that, to Eggman's chagrin.)

Oh yeah! I think it would be interesting if they had characters based on the birds from around the world. It would really highlight the size of the armada and all of them could have distinct designs. (Even though technically all the birds are aliens so technically they're not from around the world? I have to admit I don't quite remember the bird lore. But even then it would be visual ques for the audience)

Omg fox!Shadow. The idea is just too funny. Personally I would have suggested a tanuki but we've already got Marine. Alternatively, instead of a canine, have Tails's antagonist be a species that foxes usually prey upon. Some visual storytelling. Hybrids... could be interesting but considering how many questions it'll spawn, probably not during the era when they're trying to keep lore cohesive.

YEAH. I have no delusions about Eggman and Sage's relationship. I don't begrudge anyone who wants to portray them as sweet and loving in their fanworks, but if we're talking canon-adjacent Eggman, there's no way. I think Eggman does care about Sage in his own way, the problem is that he doesn't care enough, and it could actually be more painful than if he didn't care at all. But the simple truth is that he's too self-absorbed to ever compromise on his desires in favor of Sage's and I wouldn't put it past him to outright manipulate Sage if he needs to. (Plus I'm worried he'll be a bad influence on her. (But of course he will be). She seems like a sweet enough kid now, but who knows what absorbing his views and fighting for his attention would turn her into.)

What's inevitably going to develop between Sage and the other creations of Eggman's is the Golden Child/Scapegoat dynamic. It's toxic all around and affects all the people involved, even if in different ways. It doesn't matter if Eggman considers other creations his kids the same way he does Sage because she does consider them her siblings, and what's important if we're talking about how it would affect her. Plus, and I already mentioned it before, even if he was the best father to Sage herself, it's a known fact that children get traumatized just from witnessing abuse happening around them, so the way he treats the people she also considers family would affect her. Sage is in a bad situation just from being a creation of Eggman's and I can't help but feel bad for her. (All she wants is a wholesome family life but it is impossible just by the virtue of her dad being a horrible person)

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #project.txt #tails #miles tails prower #tails the fox #sage #eggman #sage the ai #sage robotnik #project.ask

[a-tale-of-legends]

Thoughts abt the pokemon villains in the Legendverse after their respective

Giovanni and the rest of Team Rocket are either in hiding, or doing their business to a much much much smaller scale. Team Rocket is the only evil team that I can see still living as they are essentially an underground business. Wouldn't be surprised if theirs still some small factions up. Giovanni may be involved in TLH, though I'm not sure if it's the Legendverse version of him or RR version.

Maxie and Archie are barely able to dodge a life sentence, thanks to Steven and Wallace. vouching for them. After some years in jail and parole, and lots of couples therapy, the two both end up settling down together. They are still passionate about the land and sea respectively, but now put their knowledge to good use. May or may not have a bunch of mudkips and may or may not have a kid of their own ( that isn't Jin lol)

Cyrus, from the earlier post, got dragged out of the Distortion World and put into therapy. It took a long while but he's doing much better now. Happier too. He still prefers to keep to himself, so Danica got him a cottage at Lake Verity( Mespirit promised to keep an eye on him). Though, every so often he goes out, visiting Danica and her mom, Cynthia ( they started to rekindle their old friendship) and his grandparents. He's not exactly ready to revisit his home in eterna woods, but he silently hopes he can one day.

I'll be honest. I think Ghetsis is dead in this au. His sickness got the best of him and he passed away. The shadow triad are ultimately aimless right now, though I think Wayne helps them out. Maybe. Colress, as we know, is living his best life. Though he does want to try and reconnect with Eva. He was very fond of her, as a fellow lover of science and machinery. But, given how she doesn't want to see him, he'll just have to wait and see.

Lysandre.....oh Lysandre. The perfectworldshipper in me wants to have to miraculously survive and get lots of therapy and love happily live together with Sycamore. But alas. It cannot be. Given how in my version of events, Lysandre used Yveltal's power, with Xerneas as a potential back up. So basically, he's dead. Sorry Sycamore. ( Though I can see an alt ending with him surviving thanks to the backup Xerneas power. Though I think for now he's dead).

Guzma in this au isn't really a villain. Well, I would argue neither is his canon counterpart. Basically, Guzma is a freedom fighter, and is only seen as a villain due to being the few that actually stands up to the Aether Foundation - the real villains. After everything went down, Guz repurpose Team Skull into helping Alola. He also becomes the uncle to the Alola kids, and rekindles a lost love ( Kukui) and starts a new one ( Burnett)

Lusamine is most likely by herself in either Kanto or Kalos. She is no longer in contact with either her kids or the Aether Foundation. She has a lot of regret,after deeply reflecting on her actions. To her kids and to Alola. I feel she gets better, but is no longer in the picture ( unless I think of something related to TLH). I don't know what this means for Mohn though,but I do think he deserves to remember his past and be caught up to speed on everything. He'll be there for his kids :)

Rose is in jail lmao.

#legendverse

[summersnow82]

Sins of the Past

Fanfiction _ Once Upon a Time

Fictober 2022/ Prompt #13: “I don’t want you to do that.”

Fictober 2022/ Prompt #19: “Do we have a deal?”

Summary: Gold and Regina plot to torment Archie with visions from his past. (There will be a part two!)

Author’s Note: I always thought Archie got shorted in character development. One of those was resolution over his actions in “That Still Small Voice.”

……….

“So, what do you say, Gold? Do we have a deal?”

Gold met Regina’s dark eyes, and felt himself waver. “I don’t know, Regina. Out of all the do-gooders in this bloody town the good doctor isn’t one I particularly care to harm.”

Regina shrugged, turning to gaze over just a few of the treasures Gold kept in his glass cases. “Understandable. He’s certainly one of the… less annoying ones, but still,” she let her nails fall on the glass, one at a time, and ever so slowly. “He’s also one they are all deeply attached to. An emotional breakdown would be a time consuming distraction, don’t you think?”

She had a point. Still…

“Belle is awfully fond of him.”

“How fond?” Regina turned wide, innocent eyes to her old instructor. “He is, after all, a good man. A good listener, wholesome, safe, handsome, even.” Gold narrowed his eyes at her. Regina arched a brow, pouting her lips as if the thought were just now occurring to her. “Imagine the two of you having a fight. Dr. Hopper would be a warm, sympathetic ear, and while I don’t have any proof, there is a rumor about one patient who took great joy in receiving his comfort. I wonder if Belle would like that kind of comfort.”

Gold glared at her, gritting his teeth so hard he thought they might break. “Don’t try to manipulate me, witch. I’m the one who taught you that trick.”

Regina gave him a honey-glazed smile. “Actually, Gold, my mother taught me that one. So what do you say?”

Gold inclined his head to the side, pretending to debate the matter further. He’d already decided his course of action, but he wasn’t going to let Regina know that; he’d heard that rumor, too. “I suppose I could assist with the incantation, but,” he raised a well manicured finger. “There’s a little something I want in return.”

Regina graced him with a devilish grin. “I thought you’d never ask.”

………………….

Dr. Archibald Hopper was a man of practiced tradition. He had a well-maintained schedule that worked to keep his life running like a well-oiled machine. He told himself it was a good way to live – not wasting time on unimportant items, instead focusing on the things that truly mattered. But he knew, deep down, it was to keep his mind off bigger issues, like loneliness and self-loathing. If he maintained his schedule, kept busy long enough he wouldn’t remember the look on Gepetto’s face when he saw what Jiminy had done to his parents. Wouldn’t have to think about all the fairy tale romances blooming around him now that the curse was broken. Wouldn’t have to come to terms with being both Jiminy and Archie.

No, it was definitely better this way, he told himself as he took his regular booth at Granny’s. Ruby didn’t need to take his order – she knew it by heart the same way he knew every line and angle of her lovely face. He opened the paper, glancing over the headlines before moving to tackle the Sudoku puzzle. It was all going according to schedule, just the way he liked it.

“Whatcha reading there, son?” Archie slammed himself against the back of the booth so hard his teeth rattled. There, sitting right across from him was his father. Martin grinned at him, blue eyes twinkling with glee. “Look, Mother, he’s delighted to see us again.”

A hand on Archie’s shoulder sent him recoiling to the far side of the booth, staring at his father and mother with wide eyes. “Oh, it’s been ages! The boy’s in shock!” Myrna laughed, waving a hand at her beloved. “Jiminy, dear, give us a kiss.”

“I hear it’s Archie now. Dr. Archibald Hopper,” his father crowed, a grin splitting his face. “Tell us, son, how well does this con pay?”

“Wha… how? How are you here?” Archie stammered, eyes bouncing back and forth from his mother to his father.

“Oh, you know us,” Myrna said, sliding into Archie’s side of the booth. “We’re just full of surprises.”

“Speaking of surprises, we have one for you!” Martin told him. “The biggest con we’ve ever pulled!”

“No. No! No, I don’t want you to do that!” Archie pleaded. “Not here, not to these people.”

“Oh, why not, dear?” Myrna’s eyes were large with fake concern.

“These people – I care about them. They’re my friends, my neighbors. You… you can’t.” Archie was stammering, panic racing through his body. He had to run, had to flee this nightmare. He was supposed to be free. Blue had promised…

“Oh, honey, don’t you see?” Myrna said, reaching for his hand. “That just makes them easier targets.”

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Archie yelled, slapping her hand away. He buried his head in his hands, breathing labored with something akin to terror. “Not here, not now, not here, not now,” he babbled.

“Archie.”

Archie jumped back, visibly shaking; everyone in Granny’s Diner was staring at him. Ruby was standing at the end of his table, hand outreached with a clear expression of concern gracing her pretty features. “Wha...where did they go?” He asked, looking around his booth.

“Who, Archie?” Mary Margaret was leaning over the other side of his booth looking just as concerned.

“No one’s been at your table except you,” Leroy said from his spot at the counter. “You just started yelling when Ruby came over.”

Archie swallowed hard. “I did?” Ruby gave him a sympathetic nod that made him want to melt into the floor. “I’m so sorry, Ruby. I don’t… ,” he stopped, looking down at his hands. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Maybe you should take the day off, Arch,” Ruby said, laying a warm hand on his shoulder. “I can bring you lunch later. Check in.”

Archie nodded, still unable to meet her eyes. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” A feeling of deep shame and humiliation washed over him as he stood, all eyes still trained on his every movement. There must be an explanation, some logical reason why he’d seen and heard his long-dead parents so clearly. His brow furrowed as he began to think of all the options and reasons.

Every single one of them crumbled when he looked out the diner door to see his parents standing on the sidewalk waving at him.

#Fictober #fictober 2022 #fictober22 #ouat fanfiction #once upon a time fanfiction #once upon a time #OUAT #red cricket #regal cricket #archie hopper #jiminy cricket #ruby lucas #mary margret #mr. gold #regina mills #Leroy #sins of the past #ao3 fanfic #that still small voice

[tlaragihai]

TLOVM headcanon(s)

One thought about TLOVM I have for three days straight and can`t ignore anymore.

Archie clearly doesn`t care if he will stay alive or not.

And I don`t mean like "Whitestone is dangerous so we all can die at any given moment" but "I, Archibald Desnay, can die and I don`t care".

Like, the first scene we see him, he charges forward to distract the guards and to not let them arrest his people. He totally knows he himself may be arrested or killed, but he doesn`t think about it. And he totally knows that if he`s captured, the Briarwoods WILL kill him, he is the resistance leader, they won`t let him live! And yet he risks himself without second thought. Maybe he thought that they won`t kill him immediately in battle, that he`ll survive the interrogations (thanks to his dwarven toughness) and somehow will get saved. He definitely didn`t have time to calculate all this in a battle, but I think this is something Archie just knows as a fact: he can survive more things than most of his subordinates, so he can put himself at risk. And even if he dies there`s somebody (I think there should be somebody) who can replace him in command.

And. And. Then returns Percy. Who was presumed dead by the whole town for five years. And what Archie is doing after they finally met? "Creating a diversion while you get away!" When the whole point of the mission was to get this dwarf out of the dungeon! But no, he doesn`t care. Because Percy is here and Percy is important (and specifically, more important, in Archie`s eyes) and at this point it`s Percy who needs to be saved. And Archie AGAIN recklessly charges himself into the crowd of guards. He may get himself killed but he wants to ensure that Percy lives.

And from this point things become worse. In 9th episode Archie clearly tries to give the whole command to Percy: "Well, I assumed, since you`re the rightful heir...". In Percy`s presence, Archibald no more sees himself as a leader, commander, as an important figure, no, he is totally giving everything to somebody who should lead - for whom leadership is right. And if he's not important, there's no point to be careful. At this point Archie has no more reasons to be careful. Percy rejected the deal, but that definitely doesn`t stop the brave dwarf from risking his life again - I think, because he knows that he`s not alone anymore. That Percy is here and Percy will lead the people, the rebellion won`t just crumble even if its leader is dead.

(And also, I think this dynamic is true to their whole relationship - Archie and Percy may be old friends and everything, but when a tiny bit of a structure and hierarchy appears around them, Percy becomes a leader (or, maybe more accurately, Archie puts him as one). Percy is the noble heir, a ruler, he is important, he should be protected. That`s how is was in their childhood and that`s how Archibald keeps things when these two became older.)

#headcanon #critical role #the legend of vox machina #thoughts #percy de rolo #archibald desnay

[pzfr]

The Mighty Crusaders (2017) Inspired RP Sentence Starters

[ As written by Ian Flynn for Archie Comics. Feel free to edit for pronouns/etc. ]

"Make me, ya little ginger mouse!"

"Your skin may be steel, but I'll still rip your guts out!"

"Did you know I'm fireproof too?"

"C'mon! Blast this thing in half."

"Throat... lungs... on fire... can't breathe... see..."

"Pretty sure I felt his windpipe crunch in my grip. Lemme put him out of his misery."

"You hit like a truck, lady..."

"Let's see how hard you hit AFTER I TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF!"

"I won't promise he'll get there in one piece!"

"Bright sun. No clouds. Makes shadow-bending impossible out in the open."

"I'll say! The cameras are rolling, people!"

"I emailed everyone today's schedules, [NAME]. we're in the middle of--"

"Fine. I still need approval on these. Could you save us both two hours and give me a 'yes'?"

"Sign off on everything but the budget. Accounting is pissing me off."

"I can't lead this team if you're going to keep changing the roster without my input."

"I'd be more sympathetic if you were leading the team."

"Instead, you've been diving head-long into every operation on your own, leaving the others scrambling to catch up."

"I'm used to running solo. Making us into a team-- a brand-- was your idea."

"A brute like that, or whatever it was, should have been handled in minutes."

"I've got one teammate getting his throat rebuilt and a last-second rescue to spin as a grand homecoming!"

"Oh, he's very respectful. And I do value his experience. Just not all the time."

"So they've got a bond I can't share."

"And now they've returned to bring their brilliance and... their unique brand of humor to a team wound tight."

"You put the team together before there was such a thing as 'super heroes.' I can't even follow your template."

"We probably spent about as much time fighting each other as we did the big bad's cronies."

"Even if we weren't all friends, we had each other's respect."

"Learn to trust your team, and teach them to trust you."

"Please! Come on in, boss-lady!"

"I went off the grid for a bit."

"Something had to give, and my anime figures were the weakest link."

"Get you a drink? I've got water on tap."

"Oh man! Fancy glasses. We didn't have these at the old place."

"That's the thing I wasn't entirely... welcoming when you showed up."

"You came out of retirement swinging, and were crucial to today's victory."

"*Sniff* The old man never said anything like that. I'm going to like working for you."

"Here's to rocky starts and fresh beginnings."

"That's the unglamorous side of super hero life."

"Nobody asks how our powers affect our hygiene."

"I... I dunno, man. I think the pressure of keeping everything in order-- the team, myself-- was like a tension bandage on my soul."

"We're all here because we want to fight the battles no one else can."

"By your logic, none of us were qualified when we started."

"Aside from that, she's powerful... and creepy."

"Then hold nothing back. Scream as you die."

"Terror adds a special power to the blood."

"I needed that. I haven't laughed like that in... um..."

"Yeah, the well-being of my friends is kinda important to me."

"She's been as subtle as a brick through a window, but she's right."

"You talk about my inexperience as a leader, but you don't give me any time to learn."

"I prefer the direct approach. So if you've got a problem, I want you to come to me. Or come AT me. Whatever. I can handle it."

"Either we talk it out or fight it out. But no more of this gossiping behind our backs."

"We're five minutes outside the drop zone. Are you ready to go?"

"Oh, man. We never did anything like this in the old days."

"The first one is always the worst. I'm sure you'll be fine, though."

"The people need to see us as much as they need us punching bad guys."

"Unbridled adoration is nice."

"*Snrk!* I'll give you some pointers."

"Thank you for gathering all in one place. It will make killing you all the more efficient."

"Seems like my life's been ruled by violence. A lot of it was from fighting for the greater good."

"I remember you bein' in the movies, y'know. You could be livin' in L.A., cashing royalty checks."

"Me? I ain't got options. This is all I know-- all I can do."

"So it's your own damn fault you die here today."

"Must be residual magnetic effects. It'll wear off in a minute."

"Hmm. Don't play the tough guy. If you're wounded, get off the battlefield and look after the civilians."

"You wake me into a nightmare. All I strove to do in my life-- wasted."

"The misbegotten human race have taken control of my world."

"Dunno what those aliens made your gear out of, but it's something ferrous!"

"I remember when they sprung us out of jail."

"I was aiming for somewhere non-vital."

"He's insulting you, dumbass. Like you needed any more reason to kill him."

"Hmph... not my most elegant work, but I have been effective today."

"You aren't strong enough to hold me. Just let me out, and I'll let this slide."

"I'd ask what you're doing to them, but I don't think I wanna know."

"It's bad, but I'm standing. Can't concentrate to fly. Just shoot. You?"

"Relived the first time I died about twenty times. Shaken."

"Maybe... Maybe I can still catch 'em if..."

"YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS! YOU ARE MY AVATAR! YOU DO NOT WEEP FOR THE DEAD! YOU ADD TO THE PILE IN MY GLORIOUS NAME!"

"I was back! In the trenches! I could hear them! I could smell them! Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god..."

"Look... I'm lousy at this sort of thing, and you strike me as the type who prefers being more direct."

"I'm sorry. I didn't trust you. I was even a little afraid of you. But you saved our asses."

"You're right. You are lousy at this. But thanks, jerk."

"It's mostly awkward silence where I'm useless and you vent on occasion, but sure, 'talking'."

"I'm still... unpacking it, honestly. It's got me messed up and confused. It's... hard to talk about."

"Yeah, sure, be good... whatever-your-name-was."

"I've been in the hospital twice this week. I was tired of it the first time."

"Well, stop being such a badass and taking on entire supervillain teams by yourself."

"I became a liability. I'm no good to anyone like this."

#RP Meme #Sentence Starters #Dialogue Starters #Ask Meme #Superhero RP #Supervillain RP #DC Comics RP #Marvel Comics RP

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S6 Ep 20 #115 Return to Riverdale 

Jughead is at canon age 26 or 27 such an old hand at narrating from beyond the grave that he just says “Percival didn’t know we were BACK FROM THE DEAD” and moves directly on from there.  This is so funny to me.   

We begin with Jughead narration over Archie peering out the window of his house  “on the eve of war” as his nearest and dearest (his high school friends/ sweethearts 1 & 2 and Tabitha) sit in concerned silence behind him.   I really like this longer shaggy hairdo that Archie is sporting.

Everyone in this room now knows for a verifiable fact that the Afterlife exists and that everyone can be revived from the dead with the right combination of having a corpse that Sabrina Spellman wants to fuck her boyfriend in and Cheryl.  Oh, and yes, Cheryl can bring people in THE MULTIPLE back from the dead if she feels like it. Like, in units at a time.  But they’re all going to focus on the present problem only. 

It’s a wonder to me that they can all stand to be in the same room together, even.  It’s a kind of hell, this living room. Veronica, who was hoping for an Endgame with Archie, saw that his heaven consists of living with Betty as an updated Stepford bot and father to a clone of himself.  And yet Veronica is standing next to Betty and looking at Archie.  Tabitha so understood all the wrongs that were being corrected in Jughead’s heaven that she just could not bring herself to bring him out of it with her own hands.   Jughead, though he loves Tabitha, really found nothing to celebrate about being brought back to life (getting his hearing back was merely a consolation).  Jughead knows that Cheryl has yanked him out of heaven which he expressly refused when asked.  And yet he’s there with all of them.

Since they’ve decided to frame their conflict with Percival as A WAR, it’s Archie who takes the lead.  If this was an Investigation or Search, the leader would be Betty. If this was a Negotiation, Veronica.  Jughead just doesn’t want to be here, but he’s taking comfort from Tabitha Angel’s hand on his knee.  Archie is trying to do some goal setting by asking them to compile what they know about Percival. 

Betty says: Percival is a magical sorcerer getting more powerful by the day.  

Tabitha says: He’s building a ghost train that grants him power over the dead.  

Jughead scowls with his ENTIRE face as his hair sweeps in a dramatic swirl over it. (He has so much hair!  Uh, personal note:  I have Graves’ Disease, so I now obsessively notice when people have lots of hair.)  I can’t tell why this upsets him so much.  Because he recently was part of the dead? 

Tabitha continues: He thinks Baby Anthony is a threat to his future plans. 

We are shown said Baby Anthony and oh my god! You know how Toni used to be The Only One With the Brain Cell back in the Serpent King Jones days?  I’m taking that away from her. We hear the baby cooing in his crib in the living room.  Toni and Fangs are playing some sort of card game because Fangs can’t ever touch his baby ever (Sorry - I keep noticing this every time).  They have no fewer than FOUR people, I presume Serpents, each with a HUGE gun (I don’t know guns but I think they are rifles) WITH THE BABY.   This is so insanely stupid.  The child is a fairly long ways away in a crib from his parents who are not paying attention to him and there are at least four guns in the living room, none of these people are in any way trained to deal with a home invasion as far as we’ve ever been told. 

Cheryl says that Pickens family has a long history with Riverdale yet there is no record of Percival.  

Veronica says that Geraldo told her Percival had no record of existence before he appeared in Riverdale.

Archie changes the question and now asks what it is that Percival wants.  I think he was bored by the previous recitation because it went on too long.  When Archie wonders aloud if the Apocalypse is what Percival wants, Tabitha counters that she thinks Percival wants that only if he can’t get what he actually wants, which she suspects is something else. 

Jughead wonders aloud if Percival’s arrival coinciding with the manifestation of their powers means something but refuses to say anything more about it when asked because it’s “too early to discuss.”

Archie, beloved Cap’n  Obvious, says that they need to be “smart about our next move.”  I mean, maybe he’s roundabout acknowledging that so far he definitely has NOT BEEN smart about any of this, but then he lists all the synonyms for smart in a row, dashing my hopes. (Planning and uh, strategizing - which are not actually that different - when dealing with a magic man of increasing power is not smart. It’s just basic.)

Since the one advantage they have over Percival is the fact that he thinks most of them are dead, Archie says it should look like business as usual (post massacre).  Veronica has been so preoccupied with death, coven initiation, the afterlife etc that she hasn’t paid any attention to the casino. 

OK so - why and how is it that Veronica Lodge, girl’s girl and someone who has been running businesses since she was in her teens, does not have a single loyal employee inside her business?  Someone who would send her a text to say: Sorry U Got Pushed Out Ms Lodge when the news hit?

As she heads out, Archie tells her to be careful. 

After they’ve disbanded the meeting, Cheryl corners Betty in the Andrews’ kitchen to tell her in her florid way (“Sweet Cousin”) that someone is very eager to see Betty again.  Betty is so sensible and so annoyed  (“What are you talking about??”) leaving Cheryl no choice but to cough up her unauthorized foray into death cancellation after a bunch of disclaimers and warnings.

Tabitha and Jughead headed directly for the Bunker.  It looks, for being a bunker, super tidy.  The bed is made. The table is cleared. Jughead has fully moved out. There are  lots of candles because he just likes having them.  

Wherever Tabitha goes, maybe, things glow orange/ yellow.  (That’s the effect she had in Tangs’ apartment - which currently looks grimy.)  The entrance tunnel is a blue-lit hole between them as a seated Tabitha asks Jughead, defensively standing behind a chair, what his theory is.  

Thanks perhaps to his sojourn in heaven, Jughead is completely calm about mentioning “the Other Jughead.”  He tells Tabitha about all the things that happened to him in the lead up to his death (this season) when he was hiding from the overwhelming noise of the world.  Tabitha’s compatibility with Jughead is so blatant but not showy. It’s not gif-able, unfortunately.  But case in point:  Jughead tells Tabitha this extraordinarily insane sounding story (even in this context! of his coming back from heaven because Cheryl forced him!) and then says “READ THIS BOOK.”  

I am very sad to report that I am not romantically compatible with Jughead (sob!) because handing me a moldy sus lookin’ hardcover copy of Parapsychology instead of just fucking TELLING ME WHAT THE THEORY IS would make me get impatient and snippy.  I wouldn’t take the book and quietly read it the way Tabitha does.

The ‘theory’ is that Jughead hasn’t been so much ‘reading minds’ as opening mini portals into people’s consciousnesses and accessing their thoughts by literally going in there and thumbing through the contents of their mind.   

And here we come to the first of several I Love Riverdale moments in this episode, which are almost all Jabitha.

Tabitha summarizes - You’re not just a mind reader but also a portal opener! 

To this,Jughead says, “Yeah!! In the same way that you thought you were a time traveler but you’re actually an angel.”

What does Riverdale think an angel is?  Do we have a theology?? I need the theology. 

Tabitha had looked amazed and happy when she said what she said, and Jughead also looks super cheerful and earnest.  He’s glad she ‘got it’ so fast, for one, and for another I think he’s happy to have this in common with his girlfriend (he likes to have important things in common with his girlfriends) - that they have each two separate interlocking powers.

By the way one of the portals is in the entrance to the Bunker, but the other portal that Jughead opened is through the toilet right?  Right? Because that’s whats directly opposite the tunnel entrance. 

When asked where these portals that Jughead has been unintentionally opening lead to, Jughead says that he isn’t sure but they lead to some place where “there’s someone that looks EXACTLY LIKE ME, like, another Jughead.”

Giving this line and this set up to an actor who is very famously an identical twin of another actor, and was part of a twin-actor duo that a significant portion of the audience for THIS show grew up watching in real time is very VERY FUNNY.  I’m having flashbacks to seeing Tumblr posts joking about, Are they going to introduce Souphead to the show?  (Souphead looks just like Jughead in the comics, apparently.)  The narrator Jughead and Vale Jughead meeting and interacting were merely funny to me, but Riverdale Jughead explaining this to Tabitha feels very different. 

Jughead has learned from his childhood experiences of leaping to big conclusions, so he was wary about using the phrase DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS  to describe what he thinks is going on.  And as ever, all hail Jabitha, Tabitha supplies him with the right words and understanding.  

I Love Riverdale Moment 2:  Jughead, ecstatic because he’s been understood, asks his girlfriend, “Do you wanna go dimension hopping wi’ me?”  He looks actually very happy.  Tabitha, so beautiful, smiles at him with her eyes glowing.  I don’t think she’s all that excited about the ‘hopping’ part. I think she’s relieved that he’s excited about something in being alive.

While all this is going on, Percival is visiting Alice.  She thinks he’s offering her a chance to be Barbara Walters. (People!  We all need to dream as big as Alice.).  Percival also wants Alice’s station (Is it hers?? Is she the head of programming???) to also do a live broadcast of the executions of her younger daughter’s and her own childhood friends. Percival uses The Voice on her and Alice is on board.  But this is just Percival’s impatience. I totally think Alice could’ve been persuaded to do this while fully in her usual Alice state of mind.

Veronica walks into her casino to find that three working guillotines have been installed on her main floor stage.  They’re actually testing them. Uncle Fucking Frank and Ex Sheriff Keller act like the goons that Uncle Fucking Frank has always been.  They catch her up to the news of her business (seriously, Veronica, you didn’t have a SINGLE employee who would feel compelled to give you a call?), then threaten her with their guns to force her to leave.  

Betty is brought to Thornhill, where she’s confronted with Nana Rose, Jason Blossom and Polly, live and in person.  Polly has very extraordinary flower-blossom buttons on her super pretty pink checked cardigan.  I was just about to express my amazement at Betty’s composure when, just after seeing Polly glow orange, Betty collapses from the shock. 

Back in the Bunker, Jughead is trying to ‘open the portal.’  The tunnel entrance, formerly blue lit when he was telling Tabitha about, well, everything, is now green tinted.  As he chants to himself, “It’s like opening a door,” over and over, a dark swirly something comes from the other end of the tunnel directly towards them.  

I must express my admiration to Tabitha for HER composure. Something like that would make me absolutely lose my shit.  

I Love Riverdale Moment 3:  Jughead opens his eyes and when he sees the uh, swirling darkness he brought into his One Safe Place using the power of his mind, he says, “Hello Darkness My Old Friend” in the most understated, amused way.  He even gets a halfway chuckle out of Tabitha for his little joke.  I love Jabitha. 

I Love Riverdale Moment 4:  In an episode thus far of two tough women (Betty and Tabitha) reacting with stoic silence (followed by one very reasonable passing out)  or a slight widening of the eyes to very terrifying events, the one person who has a normal (read - screaming) reaction to a scary thing happening is (of course!) Bunker Jughead.

The alarmed, almost sing-song woah-Woah-WOAH!!! that Bunker Jughead lets out when confronted with Riverdale Jughead, who is both much better groomed than he is and accompanied by his gorgeous girlfriend, was extremely amusing.  His mouth full of burger, his desk piled high with papers and take out containers, an open shelf stuffed with toilet paper, Bunker Jughead is  schlubby and grubby in his sad Cursed To Be a Human Battery (expensive) bathrobe. 

The thing is, when Riverdale Jughead got visited by the Other Jughead right before he died, that Other Jughead had been fully clothed.  So it wasn’t Bunker Jughead that visited??

In any case, Bunker Jughead has all the feral qualities of any Jughead, so he goes immediately on the offensive to start shouting about how  YOU CAN’T BE HERE IN THIS UNIVERSE.  

The contrast between Tabitha and Jughead’s faces as they take in Bunker Jughead are SO FUNNY.  Jughead is sarcastic because he’s annoyed that he got yelled at but Tabitha is taking in  a version of what Jughead can be like when he doesn’t have a Tabitha and she just is so SAD.  Full of empathy and maybe a sprinkling of judgment.  She wants to dunk him in a washbasin and scrub him with carbolic soap after beating the grime off of him like a carpet.

Bunker Jug and Dale Jug start bickering immediately like, um, like twin brothers (You’ve been stealing from me! - WHAT?  You’ve been stealing from ME!) and would’ve probably really gotten into it if Tabitha hadn’t intervened with an important question:  “Did you just say RiverVALE?”

Dale Jughead, by the way, is the one who names the Vale Battery Jughead BUNKER Jughead.  The actual quote is “this other, BUNKER, Jughead.”   He says it laced with so much contempt, as though he himself has not always compulsively holed up in an identically appointed bunker whenever things get difficult.  

I Love Riverdale Moment 5:

Bunker Jughead has the nervous, unhinged energy of a really cute, soft, Unabomber as he explains the Vale-Dale Explosion connection. What I mean by that is - he’s a white dude convinced of his own brilliance holed up a little too long all alone in the woods, spinning out of control, eager to communicate a totally insane theory. He’s excessive of gesture, awkward of pauses.  

The speech goes from being comical - Bunker Jughead is theatrical verging on ridiculous (it’s very SHUT THE FUCK UP IMPOSTER kind of a speech) to being kind of funny because his gestures are so huge (he claps when he says “and then they [the universes] SPLIT” which makes Tabitha jump).  

Tabitha’s reactions are top notch.  She’s  so very, very bothered by this version of Jughead.  Is this what MY Jughead can be like but for the grace of God (or rather, the Angel of Riverdale)?? is her thinking.  

But then Bunker Jughead’s tale takes a turn.  “Riverdale was saved” - Bunker Jughead is flatly jaunty when he gets this far, but when thoughts turn to his own fate he understandably gets emotional.  “I had to stay down here” is the line, but the word ‘had’ is broken up into four breath segments and he seems on the verge of tears.   I mean. We hear you, Bunker Jughead!  We were all upset about that too actually.  Poor sweetie.

Dale Jughead, because he’s a Jughead, immediately understands Bunker Jughead’s narrative.  Tabitha is too freaked out to quite follow.  Dale Jughead finally has some empathy for Bunker Jughead’s plight when he says: “You’re like a living battery whose imagination fuels this universe?”  as Bunker Jughead frantically finger points at him to indicate that He Is Getting It. 

“THAT SUCKS” is a funny enough line, but the very wronged, housecat-that’s - been-dunked-in-a-bath face that Bunker Jughead makes as he answers, “Yeah!!”  takes the cake.  He’s so upset but trying so hard to be brave about it.   

Bunker Jughead mimes out every verb he uses. “The portals opened (circle), and I heard you typing away (typing fingers), so I thought oh! (a flick of the hand)...”    

I’m also very amused that both Riverdale Jughead and Bunker Jughead have no qualms about stealing from himself. Themselves?  The other self? Whichever.  Bunker Jughead is pissed that Riverdale Jughead wasn’t more creative, not creating stories and instead taking dictation from snippets he overheard from Rivervale.   Riverdale Jughead gives Tabitha a shifty look, in case she thinks less of him for having done this, even though he did it unknowingly. 

Riverdale Jughead explains to Bunker Jughead that the portals closed because he was killed by Percival. 

Bunker Jughead is too much wrapped up in his own sad plight to even show any surprise at the calm way Dale Jughead relays the news of his death, or ask any follow up questions about why he’s not STILL dead.

Also the Other Jughead that Riverdale Jughead was yelling at right before he died WATCHED him die, so it definitely wasn’t Bunker Jughead. 

OMG I am literally like 10 minutes into the show and I’ve typed the word JUGHEAD so many times that it’s doing that thing where it doesn’t seem like a real word anymore.

Tabitha takes a break in the conversation between the sad Jughead she helped make into a functional person and the even sadder Jughead who didn’t get to have that experience to explain about the war and Percival and the hints they were hoping to obtain from this excursion into Rivervale. 

Bunker Jughead has crazy googly eyes when he says, face a touch too mobile for a fully sane person, that he doesn’t know anything about a Percival.  Then he returns to his immediate problem - that he never, ever gets to leave the bunker.

When Tabitha says she and her Boyfriend Jughead want to go investigate Rivervale, Bunker Jughead breaks out his woah-Woah-WOAHs again (he does it five times).  

Honestly, girl? Same.

Bunker Jughead has a discernibly different voice from Riverdale Jughead - murkier, mustier, like someone trapped in a basement breathing dank air for a while. He also sounds on the verge of a cold.  His eyes look so upset, bloodshot and teary, when he mentions (with arcing hands) about The Great Forgetting. 

Poor Bunker Jughead.  It’s probably just The Forgetting, and he only calls it The Great one because HE is the one that got forgotten.  

And Jughead Jones of any universe, spokesman of the Introverts:  Bunker Jughead doesn’t want Tabitha and her Jughead poking around ‘up there’ because it finally “started to get nice and quiet.”  He’s in hell, buried alive, but he takes comfort that it’s NICE AND QUIET.

One of the reasons Bunker Jughead lists for wanting Tabitha and her Jughead to not explore Rivervale is the dire risk of “precipitating another crisis” if Jabitha meet their Vale counterparts.

When Dale Jughead not unreasonably asks if Bunker Jughead isn’t HIS counterpart, Bunker Jughead explodes with resentment about what Narrator Jughead has done to him. “He’s up TOPSIDE just livin’ his best life, and I have to toil way down here.”  That summation is punctuated with a bitter little smile. 

Tabitha’s attempt to verify that the Blossoms of Rivervale live at Thornhill leads to Bunker Jughead trying to explain the whole bit about what happened with Nana Blossom, Cheryl’s body and Abigail Blossom.   He’s accurately describing the plot of the six episode special, but Tabitha and Jughead think he’s crazy. “We’ll figure it out” is how Dale Jughead dismisses him, as Tabitha discreetly rolls her eyes. 

Bunker Jughead yells at Tabitha and her Jughead that investigating Rivervale will lead to ‘CATACLYSMIC EVENTS’ which impels her finally to yell back at him - “That is what we’re trying to prevent in Riverdale!”   This silences him completely, though he looks still very alarmed and unhinged as he watches them go.

The title page tells us we’re watching Rivervale!

On live (? or maybe not?) TV, Alice interviews Percival, who tells the most randomly put together cockamie tale of his origins. He arrived on the Not Mayflower with a Blossom (matrilineal apparently?), a Cooper (also matrilineal?), a Jones, and an Andrews. 

His purpose in immigrating was to summon the devil.  His ritual of choice was to knock Britta’s ancestress unconscious then ritually murder her, but he was discovered by Ye Olde Archie Andrews, convicted by the council which sentenced him to a very weird execution. 

Rather than just shooting him, hanging him, beheading him or setting him on fire, they decide to let him die of starvation and exposure in the stocks.  Ye Old Archie is the one who leaves the site of the execution last.  No matter what the humans tried to do, thought, because Percival managed to successfully summon The Devil, and enter into a deal with him. 

At Thornhill, Betty wakes up in one of the Blossoms’ red beds so that she and Polly can reconcile in a way that I found extremely off-putting.  Their reconciliation starts with a very loving embrace as Betty weeps from happiness. 

That was beautifully done, by the way.

The platonic ideal of the sound we would make if we could touch our beloved dead again after they come back to us looking hale and as beautiful as they’d looked on their best day.  

Polly says some bullshit about what it felt like to die (all of the pain fell away??) even as she was leaving her two little kids behind.  Further, Polly says she forgives Betty, which I think is a fine and dandy statement, but she takes all the meaning out of it by basically telling the very human, very imperfect Betty that she never did a single thing that she needed forgiveness for.

The thing is, the things that the Cooper sisters say to each other show them to be the true, genuine daughters of Alice Cooper, with all of her toxic traits. 

Some of what Betty feels guilty about comes from a deep seated superiority complex - she was supposed to be the one to “save” her lesser older sister.  That’s why Betty is sorry about the fight that they had and for not being able to protect or save Polly.   What she says is that she is sorry she wasn’t *A* better sister, but what she actually means is that she is sorry she didn’t fulfill her self assigned role as THE better sister.  

But see.  See.  The daughters of Alice Cooper were toxic to each other right up until the moment of Polly’s murder.  Polly falsely telling Betty she has never done a single thing, NOT ONE THING, that warranted penance and forgiveness means that Polly herself doesn’t intend to seek any forgiveness for all the bad shit that she did to Betty. 

Did Polly come back wrong??

Betty talks about her darkness and Polly, in what I can only assume if a fit of pique, says to let grace fill her and wash over her. I wish people wouldn’t use poetic language to Betty like this. She’s not literary and doesn’t understand.  

Veronica successfully accesses the security cameras of her casino remotely but her solitude in her casino still bothers me. She witnesses Marty appear to have a heart attack while imprisoned. 

Then Reggie and Kevin try to do a hostage taking uno reverse on Uncle Fucking Frank  but it fails because they are amateurs and Uncle Fucking Frank is fully willing to shoot his colleague in the face. 

Am I just a selfish cold blooded bitch?  I don’t understand this concept of having someone’s ‘blood on my hands’ being a problem when they have imprisoned me with the clear intention of doing me and mine bodily harm unto death.

In any case, Reggie can’t bring himself to kill Kevin’s dad right in front of him. 

As a last ditch effort Kevin tries a ‘this isn’t you’ line  on his father.  Tom Keller is really very far gone, because the one and only positive trait he ever had, which was being a kind hearted father, has been decimated. He sneers at his own son about how being executed on live TV is going to finally get him the notoriety (which he confuses with fame) that Kevin failed to achieve on his own.  

Jughead opens the portal to Nana Blossom’s mind to finger through her memories at Tabitha’s urging.  There’s a white cat in there, which is very odd, but her memories are all literally falling apart.  Nothing is salvageable. 

In Rivervale, Britta still lives at Thornhill and opens the door to Jughead and Tabitha.  She seems unduly excited to see Jughead, stumbling over her words.   It turns out Jughead of Rivervale really is living his best life. He’s super successful as a comic book writer. 

Sadly, the Blossom Archives are gone, and even more sadly, somehow, Nana Blossom’s CONSCIOUSNESS brought physical ailments like cataracts and dementia with it into the new younger body provided by the immortal Abigail, so Nana Blossom and Cheryl and also I guess Abigail are all out of commission.

Back in Riverdale, Cheryl is painting a portrait of Jason back in Riverdale.  

Britta brings Superteens comic book for Jughead to sign. He’s a local celebrity, sort of like Josie!  The characters are all the Riverdale Superheroic characters.   The archnemesis of of this comic series is Percy the Perverse. 

Jug asks if he does all ‘his’ work at Pop’s and because her role is to be exposition dumper for Rivervale Britta loses all her smarts and simply tells Jughead that working in a specific booth at the diner is “kind of your thing.”   (Britta that was terrified of what was going on at Thornhill but determined to survive it, the one who gave Jughead the telepathic message of all that had gone wrong but nodded bravely when he asked if she was going to be all right, would’ve asked - WHO ARE YOU because she’s already been through the one-body-two -souls bit with Cheryl Blossom but she doesn't). 

But then he finally GETS TO SPEAK.  He says, “I’m so glad I don’t have to fight in that war.”

I love Riverdale Moment 6:   This Jason actor has been ever present on this show through the seasons but mostly as a mummified effigy, and before then, in slo-mo silent flashbacks.  The show acknowledges this by having Cheryl say that being silent is kind of his thing - “It is sublime to be together again in companionable silence.”  

I’ve heard his voice before, obviously, in Vale, but still!  It’s a shock that Jason even has a voice. 

Cheryl leaves immediately to speak to Archie, so she can let him know a Pickens ancestor is drafting dead young men to be part of the army of the dead who will take Percival Pickens’ ghost train to Riverdale and uh, kill everyone (?!?). 

Archie’s reaction to this is to build a bomb to blow up the train tracks to prevent the invasion (for what end?). 

Cheryl looks at him like he’s insane, but Veronica calls them to tell them of the equally insane goings on at the Babylonium.  Everyone takes it as a given that the bomb buliding and explosion are the right ways to go. 

In any case, Polly is there to interrogate her about what Betty thinks she’s done that’s so wrong she can’t be filled with grace.

Archie also wants to break out his friends from the prison in the Babylonium. 

While all this is happening, for a second time in a row Betty wakes up at Thornhill. This time she has just had a nightmare where she is variously - a little girl  covered in blood, the Bride of TBK and a fairy princess looking woman in a beautiful scarlet dress who drools out a mouthful of blood when she smiles.  Did she pass out a second time after talking to Polly?  Why did she lose consciousness a second time? What day is it?

1) Killing the family cat with the rock. Polly says since she was a very small child being pressured by her parent to do this, she can’t be held liable for this. (I agree.) (Also Betty as law enforcement should already know this).

2) “It may sound stupid but I still feel awful about kissing Archie in high school. I betrayed Jughead. I betrayed Veronica. I broke apart our friend group.”

Actually no, Betty. It doesn’t sound stupid. You can feel awful about the things you did when you were doing things for the first time as a very young person that hurt people. It’s actually - GROWTH.  You can grow to have empathy for yourself and still feel awful if you objectively did a bad thing. And see, the next thing that happens is why I firmly believe at this point that all the Cooper women are cursed.  Polly says a very wrong, incorrect thing in response:

“That kiss doesn’t make you a harlot, sorry.”

Polly urges her Betty to “liberate” herself from the only moment of insight about herself that Betty has ever shown.  That she is a fallible person who was forgiven and accepted by people that she hurt because they are bigger and better than she is. That’s what I want Betty to be liberated from - from the delusion of grandeur, from the delusion that somehow she’s better or more perfect or more right than other people.  The problem that plagues Alice Cooper is that she has this overweening psychotic vanity from needing to be The Special One, and she’s infected Betty with it. Polly, because she just wasn’t that bright, doesn’t know how to help her with that. 

The key problem is that Betty has always been a brutalizing presence in Polly’s life and that’s because she is not self-aware.  People out of touch with themselves can’t know how to be tactful. 

Let’s remember this:  POLLY ACTUALLY LIVED THE LIFE OF A HARLOT. (old school meaning).  She got pregnant out of wedlock.  She - unknowingly - committed incest then knowingly committed to that relationship in the afterlife.  She was a teen runaway.  As an adult, she was a truck stop prostitute (strongly implied) and a drug dealer’s mule/ floozy (also strongly implied).  In the end, she was targeted for a misogynist murder which then went unsolved, because she was a harlot and our societies still treat the deaths of harlots with indifference, until her mother who is a journalist with a platform and a sister who is an FBI agent made it a personal cause to find her corpse. 

Betty, who graduated from Yale and is the head of her own FBI branch office before she’s even turned thirty and conscientiously used birth control from when she was in her early teens (UNLIKE HER OLDER SISTER) keeps calling herself a HARLOT to a sister who was literally a harlot and died for being one.  She’s bound to get very very bad advice. 

I ask again - DID POLLY COME BACK WRONG?  I mean, she was yanked out of heaven by Cheryl, and we haven’t seen her have a reunification with Juniper or how Juniper coped or anything. Maybe Polly came back wrong (self soothing mantra).

Or maybe Polly is just stupid and a bad listener.  (Her heaven was to be Mistress of Thornhill even though she witnessed how Penelope - who was much more intelligent than she is - was forced to live in that cursed house.) 

Betty didn’t say she felt bad about falling out of love with Jughead, because she doesn’t.  What Betty said was that she feels bad about the terrible, brutal, clumsy way she handled falling out of love with Jughead.  Completely different things, this.

So anyway, having been deprived of a genuine moment of realization about herself which would have made her much happier, Betty also gets really dumb in the presence of Polly and returns to her original fixation about that stupid fucking gene she got from her mom.  She likens it to the mark of Cain.  Betty starts to weep as she says that being evil is written in her DNA.

Then she says that she KNOWS she’s evil because a wide variety of people have told her she is evil.  Her mother (after she took custody of the grandchildren that Alice adored away from her in a very insulting way).  Jughead (on a bender after Betty flaked on coming to his book launch).  TBK. 

The fact that she equates people who had actually very logical and understandable reasons for being upset with her with TBK makes me withdraw all sympathy for Betty. She just has no self awareness and no insight. Is this why she was always wrong about the crimes she set out to solve? 

Tabitha has adopted Jughead’s headcanon of calling human battery Jughead “Bunker Jughead” like it’s the most natural thing in the world.  This is very funny. 

I Love Riverdale Moment 7: Riverdale Jabitha are crouching very visibly in the parking lot of the Diner, peering in at Rivervale Tabitha serving customers at her diner.  Tabitha reminds Jughead that he can’t go barging into the diner to confront his Rivervale Up Top Self, and Jughead quips that he doesn’t even know how he’d broach the subject were he to confront this other ‘self.’  

Jughead does a little comedy routine about what he might say to confront Rivervale Jughead. His opening salutation, “Hey Me!” is said in a gentle, uncertain himbo voice, which is definitely not the way he greeted the very upset  Bunker Jughead.  Jughead has the same question as Reggie did of Percival - “What are you, a wizard? Is everyone in this universe a wizard?”

The way he asks this question gives Tabitha a flashback to the Nightmare Not Boyfriend Material Jughead version that is Bunker Jughead so Tabitha stops him in his tracks and thinks of another idea.  She is going to trap her other self in a time loop.  She sends Jughead on ahead to their Rivervale apartment.

Back in Riverdale, Percival says that he was given immortality by the Devil.  He spent the world traveling the world for hundreds of years to figure out how to get revenge on Rivervale. The explosion that Hiram set off under Archie’s bed is what sent Percival into Riverdale, instead of Rivervale.  Since Percival realized that he had magic and immortality in this Riverdale with no such things, he decided to stay and have vengeance on the people who look close enough to those that uh, executed a man who was caught in the middle of trying to stab an abducted girl he’d drugged into unconsciousness. 

Riverdale’s main characters developing magic powers made things more complicated but don’t deter him.  In the process of “Water finding its level,” Percival thinks that the universe giving the mundane Riverdalers powers is nothing to be afraid of.

This feels born again, where you just do one radical thing (I forgive/ I believe/ whichever) and it’s all fine. (Everything Catholic in me rebels against this concept.)

Polly washes Betty’s feet and uhhh washes her “original sin gene” away.  Apparently someone washed Polly’s feet before she could enter the Sweet Hereafter.  Is this gonna be a foot washing relay of harlots?   The woman who wept on Jesus’s feet and dried them with her hair wasn’t technically a harlot but often assumed to be a ‘bad’ woman in some way - so in effect, Polly has just taken the ‘harlot’ position to wash Jesus Betty’s feet.

It doesn’t feel very Catholic anymore.

Rivervale Tabitha walks right into Riverdale Tabitha’s trap and is stuck in a little loop of going to help an unseen stranger who needs help, because Tabitha in any universe can’t resist someone who requests her help. 

Riverdale Tabitha confronts Rivervale Jughead in his booth.   She takes him home, where Riverdale Jughead says HEY and Rivervale Jughead goes OH MY GOD.  

Narrator Jughead, the liver of the best life, has an affect and tone and body language that places him somewhere between the schlubby frantic Bunker Jughead and our more grounded, defeated by life Riverdale Jughead.  Given how polished (including his glassily slicked down hair) and smug Narrator Jughead is, I’m retroactively glad that Riverdale Jughead suffered huge writer’s block after his initial success.  I wanna smack Narrator Jughead and not in a sexy way.   

Jabitha are trying to garner clues from Narrator Jughead, who “believed in multiverses before they were cool,” as to why the characters he writes about have the powers that they have.  He gives a smugly unhelpful, self congratulatory answer - the powers manifesting in Riverdale’s people were simply a logical extension of their characters.   When Riverdale Jughead tries again with, Where did the concept of Percival come from, Narrator Jughead smarms at him that it was “from a recurring nightmare.”

I Love Riverdale Moment 8: Riverdale Jughead rolls his eyes at Narrator Jughead.  He can’t stand himself.  When asked how the Superteens defeat Percival, Narrator Jughead gives Jabitha a copy of the DEATH OF THE SUPERTEENS instead of answering. 

He actually shouts the title while making a chipmunky little face of supreme self involvement.  He’s so into himself.

“After this epic battle, Percy kills them all!”

When Tabitha points out the ‘deal’ he says he made was with THE DEVIL, Narrator Jughead has sense and conscience enough to get squeaky and twitchy as he confirms, “Yeah! Basically.”

He’s immediately brought back down to earth by the literally angelic Tabitha sternly asking him why he’d write something so “bleak and nihilistic.”  

Narrator Jughead admits that in exchange for being the biggest comic book writer in the world, he agreed only to write grimdark tales.  

Tabitha really hates this Jughead, in a different way from how she was worried over and freaked out by what Bunker Jughead showed her of HER Jughead’s potential tendencies.  She gives Narrator Jughead the nastiest up down looks she’s ever given anyone that wasn’t Percival Perkins.  

With vapidly inappropriate glee, Narrator Jughead tells Jabitha that the Devil is engaged in a chess match to determine the ultimate battle between good and evil.  He thinks everything is so funny because he’s cushioned by extreme success. 

Back in Riverdale, Betty, because of Polly’s ersatz little ceremony for people with no theological background, suddenly feels great about herself and glows yellow.  But I don’t believe you anymore, Betty. I think this yellow light is just self serving.  You’ve given yourself permission to be completely self serving and obtuse from here on out.  Oh no. 

Cypher and Raphael are playing chess and Raphael loses.  Rivervale Veronica seems to not know what’s just happened.   

Tabitha is very alarmed about the way things that are fictional in Rivervale are becoming literal and real back home as Jughead tries to reassure her.  They confront Cypher in his own rooms.  They ask if he knows who Percival Pickens is, informing the Devil of Percival’s current location.  Percival is the first person ever to hide from the Devil from a different dimension.  He refuses to do anything about Percival. 

Jughead CAN READ the Devil’s MIND.  The Devil fesses up that it’s not the DINER that’s important, but the land, because the land is a HELL MOUTH.

oh.

OH.

OK so this may be the one reference I actually caught when I said in the Sabrina Visits Riverdale episode that it was strongly reminiscent of Buffy the Vampire Slayer!  

The Diner was a sort of church that kept a lid on the hell mouth over that particular location, and Tabitha removing the diner wholesale meant only that she “played right into Percival’s hands,” according to the Devil.  Jabitha rush out of there. 

Alice is as useless a journalist as her daughter is a FBI agent and has no follow up questions to Percy’s unhinged speech. 

In the neverending interview that Alice is conducting with Percival, Percival finally announces what he wants.

What he wants is self contradictory gibberish.  He wants to be King Of Riverdale.

The Sovereign State of Percival is something that a combination of two opposite things: A Wild Untamed Land where “every last bit” is CONTROLLED by one extraordinarily fussy Englishman. Can’t have it both ways, Percy!

In Rivervale, Jabitha come back to the site of the portal so they can go home, only to find Bunker Jughead getting a grand dressing down by a very peeved Rivervale Ethel.  Ethel, who has taken over as The Brains on the Rivervale side of things, rapidly figures out that something is very wrong.  The clean break that the then-alive Rivervale Dilton and she tried to work out between Riverdale and Vale must’ve been breached somehow so now there is seepage, which means everyone is doomed all over again.  Ethel interrogates Riverdale Jugehad who then recalls that Betty received a phone call of warning from ‘someone.’

While he’s being outed, Bunker Jughead curls in on himself, looking shifty and, well, like a crazy man shut up in a bunker way too long. 

Ethel directly yells at Bunker Jughead for this phone call. 

“You are so weak! Even now, even still you LOVE Betty.  Even though it’s over. IT’S OVER, Jughead!!"

Bughead fandom is HUGE and that there’s still a big segment of Riverdale viewers that really, really miss Bughead and want it back.  The show is being super mean to them in this moment.  Bunker Jughead being unable to let go of Bughead RUINED the UNIVERSES in the MULTIPLE.  Further, Ethel as the voice of reason says it’s WEAK to long for Bughead or to still have remnants of feelings for Bughead, and you know - what she said:  It’s over! It’s over! 

I mean, ok, but jeez.

Jabitha agree, as soon as they come back from Rivervale, that neither Bunker Jughead nor Narrator Jughead are what they would want of themselves or for each other. “Chilling” is the word Jughead uses, which Tabitha is relieved that Jughead thinks.

Archie blows up the train tracks.  Angela Bassett, Claire Danes, and Tom Cruise have all walked away from explosions without wincing, but Archie, bless him, flinches. 

Jabitha burst in on the others with news about how they have ALL THE ANSWERS, only to be told about the pending execution of Marty, Reggie and Kevin.   Jughead has just the skillset that can solve their problem!

Jughead gets to enjoy a superhero entrance using his portal powers, to break Reggie & co out of the Babylonium safe. I really enjoyed Jughead answering Kevin’s very subdued, “Jughead?  What the hell?” with an even more deadpan, “Heard you guys were in trouble. Came to save you. C’mon. Let’s go.”

Percival has come to collect his prisoners, only to be confronted by an empty room.  Uncle Fucking Frank immediately tells him that the train tracks have also been blown up. 

In the Andrew’s house, everyone is celebrating. Reggie thanks Jughead. He marvels at having been “saved by Donnie Darko” to which Jughead says a very cool “Yeah, Of course” even though Reggie called him Bro.

Veronica tries to celebrate finally having had a good day, but Archie says the real war hasn’t started yet.  Jabitha share a celebratory hug at being thanked. 

Percival sends all of them a photo and a text saying he executed Alice, Uncle Fucking Frank and Tom Keller. 

Jughead intones that the war has already started (“Archie was WRONG” is an important statement for my health) we’re all supposed to be upset by this, but I’m very happy Alice Cooper is dead, and I want to buy everyone reading this a case of champagne each for the demise of Uncle Fucking Frank. 

Can he please be really dead please please please?

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