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the-head-ancho-chilli · 2 years

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The Hashira reacting to your fear of spiders

Quite a self indulgent post, as I am currently sleeping in the basement so I can beat the summer heat. However I keep finding spiders which is awful because I hate them too T_T

Post is just as the title says, hope that you enjoy ^^

Word Count: 3.5k~

Mitsuri Kanroji

You would think that as one of the strongest Hashira that she wouldn’t be intimidated by insects

After all, she is pretty close to Shinobu and Obanai

Surely this sweetheart would be able to save you from this predicament!

Well you thought wrong

From the second she lays eyes on you cowering in the corner staring at the ceiling in horror, concern washes over her

“Aw baby, are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Until she follows your unmoving stare to find the spider you’ve been glaring at this whole time

A shriek is ricocheting all around the building’s interior as Mitsuri scrambles to the opposite corner, nearly knocking over the small table in the process

“Sweetie, there’s a spider” You warn nervously. Mitsuri is biting her nails as she frantically looks at you and the spider over and over. “How do we get rid of it? I don’t want to touch it!!!”

Turns out Mitsuri hates spiders too

Kind of ironic for the Love Hashira, don’t you think?

Both of you try to throw objects at the spider to hopefully kill it without ruining the ceiling

Mitsuri isn’t even close to hitting the spider because her throws aren’t even reaching the ceiling, she keeps severely underestimating her tosses because she is afraid to cause more damage

Now you’re both stuck

You end up chucking a newspaper at it, causing the spider to scurry a couple inches to dodge the roll of paper

This freaks both of you out, leading to Mitsuri clinging to you as you both run out of the room

Eventually one of Mitsuri’s cats will wander into the room and take care of the problem for you both

You now have an ally in your arsenal :)

Obanai Iguro

It’s no secret that Obanai loves creepy shit

He loves horror, foggy days, and Halloween is probably his favourite holiday

Obanai even has Kaburamaru around, he’s for all things spooky

When he walks in to find you cowering away from a spider on the table near your cup of tea, his reaction surprises you

He’s lowkey offended

“Are you kidding me” “Just get rid of it Obanai”

He just doesn’t understand why you’re afraid of them

“Explain it to me first, you’re being ridiculous” Obanai groaned with a glare. “I just hate them, they’re creepy and they can jump at you” “Oh, so if Kaburamaru was a snake you would hate him too?” You could feel your eye twitch at that response. “That’s not the same thing cause he’s a snake, you idiot!”

Now look at who’s being unreasonable

Obanai would probably interrogate you for a few minutes before reluctantly catching the spider and releasing it outside

Of course he does this with his bare hands

When he returns to you calming yourself down, he gives you a firm pat on the shoulder while you focus on your breathing

“It’s not that big of a deal, you’re bigger than it anyways” “Wash your damn hands, you sadist” “Rude”

He’ll probably just leave the interaction like that and not think much of it

However if he sees that you’re genuinely hurt from his part with the incident, he’ll give you a hug and apologize

“I should’ve done better the other day, I was disrespecting you and your fear” He whispers while awkwardly holding you close

He’ll make it up to you eventually, but he still seems annoyed by your hatred for spiders

But he knows that it surely comes within good reason

Just give him time

Tengen Uzui

Immediate laughter was heard from all across the estate

Here you were, in Tengens arms after you found a spider in the cabinet while the two of you were in the middle of dinner

The spider sat on the container of salt you were going to add to your stew, but you ended up leaping at the Sound Hashira in an effort to get away from the eight legged bastard

Tengen instinctively carried you as he searched for whatever spooked you, but he had howled with laughter when he found what it was

"It's not funny, Tengen." "You're right honey, it's hilarious! Hahahaha!"

He was laughing so hard that his knees were pointed inward, struggling to hold himself up

Once he calmed down, he placed you off to the side to go remove the spider

You had a frown on your face, but you rolled your eyes and got back to cooking dinner

Tengen returned with a cocky smirk on his face, which didn't help soothe your irritation

"Another good day with my beloved saved by yours truly, man I'm good at this" He said while smoothing his hair

"Pfft, you're oddly smug for someone who just took a spider to a patch of grass" You quipped

"Is that so?" He rested an arm on the top of your head, leaning on you ever so slightly to show off his large stature. "I think you're quite picky for someone who's afraid of spiders"

You didn't say anything, soley focusing on getting dinner done

Tengen was concerned by his silence, thinking that maybe he had gone too far with his teasing

"Hey..." He whispered, resting one of your hands in his, bringing it up to his face to place a soft kiss on your knuckles

"No hard feelings?" He had a slight smile on his face, looking down at you while you softly tugged your hand away from his

You punched his arm jokingly with a playful smirk on your face

"For now..."

Sanemi Shinezugawa

"You're a fucking wuss" Sanemi groaned

He was in the middle of training only to be interrupted by you calling his name with panic in your voice

Running to you, he tore the door to living room with his blade drawn, only to find you pressed up against the wall

Looking around, he doesn't see anything but you still shook from where you stood

You directed him to the blanket you were using, where a joro spider sat with its bright green abdomen shining in the sunlight

Now here Sanemi stood, with his blade on the floor where he dropped it and had his arms crossed

"Kill it" You begged. Sanemi only raised a brow at you, but otherwise remained unmoving

"What's in it for me?" He said with a sly smirk on his face

You really didn't want to make any deals with the Wind Hashira

Not that he never kept to them, but rather that he requested the most ridiculous things to agree to your demands

"Ughhhh fine, what do you want?" You wailed. Anything to get the damn spider gone and get back to the book you were reading

Sanemi's smirk widened. "We're going hiking tomorrow"

You blinked at his bargain

"Deal"

Sanemi crouched down, and picked up the spider carefully with his bare hands

He was calm and quick about it so he was able to hold it in a manner that didn't risk him getting bit

"It's going to be a short hike though..." You pondered out loud

Sanemi stood up again. "What makes you say that?" He asked with his back to you as he headed outside again

This time you had a clever smile

"You never said how long this hike had to be"

Sanemi stopped suddenly, standing still in the door without a single inch of him moving

"Uhh, Sanemi?"

Sanemi turned to you creepily, an evil grin plastered across his state

A chill ran down you spine and you broke into a sprint, Sanemi chasing you with the spider around the training grounds

What an asshole

Shinobu Kocho

On the outside, Shinobu seems like a good person to go to

You shyly lead her to one of the empty wards, pointing to a spider resting on the wall near one of the beds

"Oh my! Are you afraid of spiders? Do you want me to take it outside?"

When you nod at her, still cautiously staring at the spider preventing you from completing your tasks around the Butterfly Estate, Shinobu doesn't waste a moment to save the day

"Alright! I'll take care of you my sweetheart~"

She is the Insect Hashira after all, so she can take care of this issue no problem

Easily traps it in a cup and placed her clipboard over it to prevent it from escaping again

When Shinobu returns, the spider is gone and her clipboard isn't with her

"That must have frightened you! Do you need to sit down? I'm here now"

Her face is beaming with a grin as you hug her, thanking her profusely for getting rid of the little terror

She's kind of surprised with how grateful you are, not really expecting such a happy glow to take over you

It leaves her kind of flustered

Little did you know that in the other room, the spider was seated on a desk still trapped in between the cup and the clipboard

Shinobu keeps the spider for a while without you noticing

At first she was going to use it to hopefully help you get rid of your fear

She thought that if she showed you the spider in a more controlled environment, like a small terrarium, that maybe you'll find it as interesting as she does

But the plan has changed after seeing your expression

Shinobu starts to release the spider every few days in places she knows you'll find it

She does it all for the giddy look on your face when she comes back empty handed, and the tight hugs you give in appreciation

She feels guilty for it, but she can't resist your embraces

By the second week, the other residents started to notice

The butterfly girls pulled Shinobu aside to convince her to stop scaring you unnecessarily

"That's so mean!" "How could you do such a thing?" "Apologize immediately!" The triplets lectured collectively

After explaining her intentions, Shinobu vows to the girls and herself to correct her wrongdoing

"Shino, where are you taking me?" "I don't want to spoil the surprise~"

She leads you to her study, where a small terrarium sat on her desk

"Oh you got a new pet! What is it?" You questioned ecstatically

Shinobu had a small smile on her face as she handed you a bag of mealworms

"It's a spider that I trapped two weeks ago. I wanted to see if I can help you ease your fear of spiders." Shinobu spoke calmly as she gathered two books full of annotations, flipping to some pages she had noted. "You don't have to love them, but I wanted to see if you could understand them. They are quite fascinating creatures!"

You two spent the day learning about spiders, and although you still hate them, you found yourself a little bit soothed by the interesting facts Shinobu shared

Admittedly, feeding mealworms to the spider she kept in the terrarium was kind of cool

Kyojuro Rengoku

Okay there are two options here

If he finds you with a small spider, he is like your knight in shining armor

“Don’t worry my love, I’ll remove the threat at once! You can count on me!”

Kyojuro will take a small cup and a piece of paper, calmly trap the spider, and take it outside with a smile on his face

He’s so gentle that it makes you question why you were afraid of the spider in the first place

When he comes back, he will lift you into his arms and hug you tightly while nuzzling his cheek into yours

“See? It’s not so bad! I’ll always be here if you find another, my love”

Will happily participate in anything you ask of him in times where you need more calming down

How endearing ^^

That is until you figure out that there is a second response to situation like these

Even heroes have their limits

Kyojuro comes home to find you calling out to him, in the bedroom this time

When he enters, there you are, pointing at a spider that’s as big as your palm sitting on the middle of your bed

“Kyojuro, you’re finally here! I was just trying to put away the linen from the…. Uh- Kyo? Are you okay?”

You’re absolutely floored to see the Flame Hashira standing there with his usual smile on his face, but he looked like a nervous wreck

Panic was in his eyes and this man was sweating bullets

“Oh, hahaha! I’m sorry my love, what did you need me for?”

Is he serious…

“Yeah there’s… a spider on the bed”

You couldn’t believe your eyes as his expression shifted from anxious to cold so smoothly

Kyojuro’s face was dead, devoid of his cheeriness, staring hollowly at the large spider that sat on his sheets

Then his face snapped back to a grin and pulled out a matchbox

“Kyo, what are you do-“ “Killing it with fire of course!” “WHAT???”

You had to drag him out to calm him down and convince him not to burn down the entire building

After Kyojuro returned to a more sensible state, he kindly asked his crow to eat the spider and led him into the room

Kaname gobbled it up and thanked his master for the snack

Yummy :)

Giyu Tomioka

Depends on how he finds the spider can drastically change his reaction

If he finds a spider by himself while minding his own business, he'll leave it alone

Completely unfazed by it

He'll only move it if he knows that you'll see it, but often makes truces with them over their existence

"I'll leave you alone if you leave me alone" Kind of deals here

But the second that you scream at the eight legged thing, Giyu smashes it and the surrounding area to get rid of the spider

For such a stoic guy, he went all out like it stole his cold soba

"It is done" Giyu mumbles, calmly wiping the remains and debris off his fist with a handkerchief

You found his confusion hard to believe when you backed away from his open arms, silently declining his affectionate offer

Frankly you now had more things to worry about now that the wall was destroyed, but at least the spider is gone

Giyu is lowkey proud of himself, thinking that he handled the situation well

By the third hole in the living room wall he finally questions if there's a more effective way of doing this

The way that he sees it, Giyu is completely okay with sharing a space with a spider because he does not fear them

This is why he has an unspoken truce between them and other bugs

But because you fear them, Giyu views the same spider as an immediate threat to your safety because YOU fear them

Which is why he attacked so strongly

After speaking with you about your fears around spiders a little more, Giyu now reacts more tranquil at your shrieks when you discover them

Now uses the sheath of his blade to prompt the spider to step onto the holster, and slowly brings it outside to set the spider down on a tree

Still isn't sure what to do when you're still a little freaked out after the interaction, but at least he's learning

Gyomei Himejima

Overdramatic as hell

You almost don't want him to take care of it for you, but the spider sitting on the door has effectively trapped you in your bathroom

When Gyomei opens the door to the bathroom you cowered in, his expression is the same but can't seem to find the reason why you called him over

"Is something troubling you?" Gently speaking in case any sudden movements scare you more

You whimpered “The door…”, shakily pointing at the door he opened

Gyomei enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him and uncovering the spider that got injured in the result of him entering

Two of its legs were bent the wrong way, twitching violently

The giant man before you immediately bursts into tears at the sight of the dying spider

"Oh, I did that. I'm so sorry little one, I didn't mean to." Despite how tranquil his words were, there was a steady river of tears on either side of his face

Your heart wretched at the gentle giant before you crying at the small creature

The spider was so small and jerked at every second, there was nothing you could do to save it

Gyomei felt it was necessary to put the spider out of it's misery, and ripped a small piece of a rag you kept in the bathroom and killed it right where it was

This caused Gyomei to cry even harder

You felt quite guilty about the whole situation, since you were afraid of spiders

What kind of threw you off was the funeral you held afterwards in the garden

You found it silly to throw a large funeral for such a small creature, but Gyomei answered the questions flooding your head before you even voiced them

"No creature is small enough to not be worthy of life" He said, praying silently with the beads around his clasped hands. "All of them are precious, all living beings are loved as long as I am around. Death is such a sorrowful thing"

Your silence didn't go unnoticed by him

"Why do you fear spiders? They're so small, and you're as large as I compared to them. Why do they trouble you?"

You tell Gyomei as much as you were comfortable with, he was nodding silently from where he sat next to you

His hand touched your shoulder softly, tracing his way to the top of your head where he stroked your hair

You leaned into his side, allowing him to wrap his arm around you as he patted your head softly

Perhaps you were too judgemental of Gyomei at first

The gentle giant was just sensitive, that's all

Muichiro Tokito

You might as well go to someone else

Muichiro is an amazing training partner and a great friend, but you have to admit that he's not going to be of much help

You had hung your haori on a railing when you got back from the lake with Muichiro since it had gotten soaking wet

Muichiro dropped it in the lake while you were packing up your stuff after enjoying some early morning training

When you returned to your haori after stopping at Ubuyashiki's estate for some guidance and food, you found a spider sitting ontop of where it layed on the railing

You froze where you were, sweat dripping from your temple and slowly backed away to return inside

"Muichiro?" You called. "Hmm" Muichiro was muching on some tempura at the table. "There's a spider... Could you get rid of it?"

Muichiro shoveled some more food into his mouth

"Let me finish eating and I'll do it" He said without even looking at you

You were skeptical, but you sat down and continued eating with him, occasionally talking in between bites

You had left to go speak with Kagaya about an upcoming mission, but when you returned to your haori again, the spider was still there

It was as if it was mocking you

Inside you found Muichiro, but this time he was doing some crafts, like making paper flowers and knitting lilac bouquets

"Muichiro, the spider..." "Hmm" He hummed again, still not looking at you

You sighed and walked back outside, seeing if you can wait for the spider to leave instead

You found that your haori was spiderless and warm from drying in the sunlight all afternoon

While the two of you walked back to the village on your way home, you both continued talking about whatever came to mind

"I think I'm forgetting something..." Muichiro mumbled

Keeping quiet, you didn't want to mention the spider on your haori earlier

You didn't want to make him feel bad about his forgetfulness

Thinking of ways to avoid the topic, you didn't realize that you were quite a bit in front of Muichiro until he put his hands on your shoulder suddenly

"Stay still for a sec..." "Huh? Oh, okay. Is there a leaf in my hair again?" His fingers gently pinched your upper spine

You turned around and immediately flew to the ground, scrambling backwards away from your friend

"Nah, just this spider on your haori" Muichiro mumbled with the same one you saw earlier

You were thankful that he caught it for you before you noticed it was on your back

He sat with you as you squirmed where you were, trying to get your disgust out of your system before you return to your respective estates

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚

Thank you for reading! This took a while to complete but I had a lot of fun writing it :D

If anyone wants to submit a request, know that my inbox is open and that there are request info available on my pinned post so please look it over before submitting ^^

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octerminal · 3 years

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I learned after I made my previous post that Pinnacle Station DLC won’t be included in the remaster, which is objectively no big loss considering it’s basically just a worse, less fun, proto-version of Armax Arsenal in Citadel DLC and genuinely doesn’t add much of anything to the main plot or trilogy in general, buuuuut

I am absurdly attached to it, because I am absurdly attached to the apartment you get on Intai’sei, because it’s actually a huge thing for Nadia in my canon.¹

Like: she’s earthborn! She‘s never had a place of her own. She has no family that she can crash with. On shore leave, she relies on shitty motels or Arcturus dorms. And neither of those are things she has any control over decorating or making “hers.”

In game the place is nothing special² (which makes sense to a degree - it is a rural colony, but like, they don’t even show it having a kitchen or bathroom) so I do imagine it a little differently than how it appears in canon, especially because I imagine Nadia spends the rest of the game purchasing things to furnish it how she likes it. Stocking up on food, necessities. Buying a workbench so she has a designated area where she can tinker on shit. Installing kinetic barriers in the solarium only to find out Ahern is just as paranoid as she is and already did that, so then she just upgrades it to the fancy levels only Spectres and other elites have access to.

She does it bit by bit, since dropping a lot of money at once is something she’s not comfortable with, but like, it does help that she also has a decent amount of savings since she never goes anywhere special or does much of anything except Alliance work. (That’s what having no family and, like, one pre-Normandy friend does to a person. And that pre-Normandy friend is also Alliance and never takes extended shore leave either, anyway.) Like, the most expensive thing she buys on the regular is good quality food instead of Alliance provided crap.³

She probably even sets up an entire VI that’ll alert her to sales and criminally good deals, because no way is she buying anything at full price, ever. (Except the new Savant. She doesn’t skimp on tech.)

Point being: she spends a lot of what downtime she does have thinking about that apartment and making it hers. I imagine that she takes what small amount of items she does own out of storage and has it sent there. I imagine that after the first game, it’s where she spends at least half of her allotted shore leave once she’s been medically cleared. And she definitely wonders what the hell happened to it after she wakes up in ME2.

Which is a good question, because who even knows what the legal precedent is on reclaiming your home after you were declared legally dead? Who even owns it at that point? Nadia has no family, and doesn’t really own enough things to warrant her regularly updating whatever will she has. I would assume it defaults to the prefab company that built it, or the colony itself, but either way, can you imagine trying to sort out that legal paperwork while dealing with Cerberus and the Collectors?

Lmao: maybe this is what she spends her time under house arrest doing. Too bad it probably then gets Reaperfied in the third game. I’m retconning Nadia’s character development; the only reason she wants to destroy the Reapers now is because they laser beamed her house.

(Jokes aside, I do imagine that Anderson visits the place after her death and puts some of the items she’d left after her relatively short stay there back into storage, because even if it’s useless to her now...well, it doesn’t feel right to him to just throw it away.)

¹Also, in the novelization that exists in my head and struggles to ever exist outside of it, it’s also significant in regards to fleshing out Nadia and Liara’s weird relationship. Mainly because I imagine Liara does not actually have that much experience with guns since she’s a civilian scientist and a powerful biotic anyway (she even says herself she’s never been in a situation before Therum where her biotics could not handle any wildlife or miscellaneous threat) so why would she? And, well, Nadia has a poor temperament for teaching.

²This works out anyway, since the apartment Anderson gifts you on the Citadel is way too gaudy for her tastes. Like, just a gross display of wealth, and she’s not a fan. Also, it’s way too big, has way too much open space, and she’s way too paranoid of a person to ever be comfortable with either of those things.

(This makes shopping for a place together with Kaidan post-war very fun, and by very fun I actually mean funny, because he absolutely has Rich Person Tastes. Minimalist Rich Person Tastes. Getting them to agree on anything outside security measures - because Kaidan also lowkey fails at being a functioning civilian - is a practice in compromise.)

(Side note: I actually super love that we’re able to decorate the apartment in Citadel DLC and I wish they had actually given us way more options. Like, no, BioWare, you don’t understand. I almost exclusively play the Sims at this point as a building and decorating simulator. I need more options than this.)

³Kaidan’s line about how he’s flirting with her because he heard the captain’s mess gets better food is accurate in the sense that, actually, yeah, Nadia totally would hoard ship-friendly food she got on stations or worlds, to either partially substitute or spice up the MREs.

#ch: nadia shepard #i will also slightly miss winning vidinos' cherished weapon from him #and then immediately reducing it into omni-gel #do not underestimate how absurdly attached i am to a lot of me1 #even when there is objectively nothing of substance there #because that's what happens when you play a game like 30 plus times #helena blake? maeko matsuo? love you two #definitely more than a lot of other actually important NPCs #anyway i’m not gonna apologize for talking about nadia so much lately #but i promise i will return to gifs at some point lol #niche kaidan content...my specialty

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licoriceblackaliceangel · 5 years

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February 1st is the day I made this blog!

First making this blog, I’ve said it plenty of times when it was brought up, but I never intended to do much with it.

I made it for the purpose of not flooding my main blog with bat/im stuff, and having the idea of answering asks for Alice if any came by. I was RPing as Alice with someone on discord for at least four months prior to this blog, and soon this blog delved more into an RP blog more than an ask blog.

I’ve made plenty of friends, have so many memories and a lot of growth through this blog. And despite some of the hard times I faced and forces and situations where I almost deleted a few times.. I don’t regret a thing.

SO.

I decided to make a little follow forever under the cut! A few people (Going back. A lot of people did. Oops.) will get some special shoutouts solely because I have a lot of thoughts, but if I don’t write something for you, don’t think you mean any less to me! If I forget anyone, my DEEPEST APOLOGIES. I have the memory of a gold fish and trying to remember everyone is. Hard.

But just know if we are mutuals I LOVE AND CHERISH YOU.

This also got a lot longer than I expected OOPS

@inkdrenchedsmile: Tea, I tell you everyday and talk to you almost everyday. I love and cherish you so so so much. You’re the sweetest, cutest, most darling thing ever. You are the brightest little marshmallow peep~ And I have so grateful everyday to have met you and be able to write with you. I love your writing and stories and your ideas and art and YOU ARE SO TALENTED! You mean the world to me. I love you, honeybun <3

@kalamxs: GIO. BOY YOu know I told you plenty of times you’re one of the reasons I even went to making this blog. I followed you before I even had the thought in my mind (I don’t remember why, maybe from your AWESOME ART and your writing and rping made me stay) because YOU ARE SO FUCKING GOOD!! I remember laughing all the time and sharing with my friends in my discord even though they don’t exactly understand BUT-- Man I’m so happy I got to actually. Interact with you! And get to befriend you and man YOUR ART GIVES ME LIFE. I love seeing all your stuff and writing and I LOVE WRITING WITH YOU. Bendo and Alice are absolutely adorable as well; fucking dorks. I LOVE YOU BABEY!! NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN AND SUPPORTIN YOU!!

@bendicethedaughterofthedevil: NICK. You know I been with you since the MERE START. And I told you watching your growth and Bendice’s story was. WOO. Man I sometimes see the old Baby Shower art thing I did for the twin’s baby shower like.. Gonna be almost a year with that too. And just. :(.. THINGS WERE SIMPLER THEN.. I love you Nick, you’re talented and sweet and so so ambitious and strong and I LOVE YOU BABEY!!

@devilswinging: Veemo, I am so glad to have been able to meet ya and interact with you. I love ya man and I love writing with you and your muses. I love the small chit chats we have and seeing you on my dash. I love Alice’s relationship with Bebe and Sammy and just. Man!! You know, no matter what, if you ever feel down and feel like no one likes your boys, know I !! Will always love and appreciate them. <3 And Alice does too.

@instrumentsofcyanide: STELLLAAAAAAA. I fucking love you Stella. You’re so funny and sweet and the little messages back and forth sometimes and you coming in my DMs like: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOUR ANONS all the time is. So funny. All the damn fiascos Oreo manages to produce and just. Oreo in general. Always gets me laughing and smiling. I love you and your boy so much?? You’re so fun and creative and silly and just an OVERALL JOY TO TALK AND BE AROUND WITH!!! I’m so glad to be able to interact and talk with you <3 (Never forget the first time I think you actually said anyhting to me was about that one Alice Blog Foot Pics Fiasco and I’ll never forget being like; Man someone I look up to and I’s first interaction is over saying ‘wow fuck this girl’ over guilting me for foot pics-- DOFIHJGFD)

@inkwise: AVI I LOVE YOU SM. DFKGJ. You’re so sweet and creative and your muses are an absolute joy. I especially have so many feelings. For Henry. So much. I love this man so much and I thank you and him everyday for my life. He needs a break. I love getting to write with you and seeing you on my dash is?? A fucking delight. Thank you. <3

@lxgner: ALICE YOU CREATIVE SWEET PERSON. You have so many damn muses and I APPLAUD YOU. Your OCs are all pretty sweet imo? The ones I seen. And the ambition you have to write and work on all this?? I applaud. I love your Joey muses esp and they’re so interesting and I love the thought you put into them all you know?? It’s interesting and really brings life into them. Your writing is delicious and your humor is. Great. I love writing with you <3 Keep your head up darling.

@one-eyed-twin: LADY V I LOVE YA SWEETHEART. Your muses are a delight and I love the little threads we’ve had, either it with Phiona, Clyde or Vlad (here and on my other blog) I love peaking at your threads and seeing your writing. You’re an absolute delight and I love?? Your creativity and your ART!! You truly are a person with impeccable tastes ~ Love seeing you on the dash, love <3

@inkyencounters: Glowbun you. Are really a sweetheart. So creative and funny, you really are kind and try to look out for everyone and it’s Very nice. I’m very appreciative of how kind ya are and the creativity you have with your muses and just. It’s very refreshing. Thank you for everything.

@sillymuses: Where do I begin. I love writing with you either with Charlie or on this blog, both here and my OC blog of course. You really have such a creative spin in your writing and really? Feel your characters and paint them so!! Amazingly. I love the back and forth between you and you’re honestly. Adorable. I love seeing you and your creativity hun <3

@inkmachine: GLOOMY I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE THINGS ARE/WILL GET BETTER SOON LOVIE. God it’s always a treat when you’re online and on the dash it’s. Always hilarious. I love seeing what Bendy fucking gets up to this time and he’s so?? Awesome. I love him a lot. The little bastard PFF. He’s absolute adorable and cute and I love the dark shit with him honestly. And him and Alice’s lil Candi adventures are always. Tooth rottingly sweet. I love ya hun. <3

@taakos-troupe-of-threads: I hope you know the phrase “Snap would fight Chalk Jesus for Alice’s honor” is a thing that will NEVER leave my mind and tends to cross it once a day. PFF. I love writing with you and seeing you on the dash as well! Snap is a fucking DOLL and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. (As does Alice, ofc) They’re absolutely adorable and poor girl is such a worrier PFF. Our DMs are always something funny as well, I think. I always know I’m in for something good when I see that fucking. Orange Danny Devito icon in my dms-- KSKJF

@dappcrdust: GLITTER!! Man. I remember first writing with you with your Bendy muse and honestly? Ever interaction from him to now has ALWAYS been a fun treat. I love your writing and love seeing you on and getting into whatever shenanigans that seem to pop up. Mostly with Angel it seems pfff.. Sweet Angel. I love what you have all done and cooked for him and his character he’s so?? three dimensional i love it. Him and Alice’s BFFship is honestly. Great and I love them SO MUCH. You’re creative and fun and just. A sweetheart. Love ya hun <3

@gamblxrhxsk: tbh I didn’t know what blog to @ YOU FUCKING MANIAC. Jk. I love you Echo. PFFF It’s funny to me that I feel I got closer with you via fucking. shit with CEO-Entity. LMAO. Echo where do I start. You are SO DAMN FUNNY. Like my GOD how many times have I laughed out loud to myself over some shit ya wrote and done?? Hell, even with your stuff with phil swift and entity and all that stuff got my SQUAD TO COME TO ME LAUGHING OVER IT!! I love also all your muses and the fact you got this whole arsenal and can?? Keep up with it for what it seems like. PROPS!! I love fucking around with you here and there and even though we don’t really write together too much (which, I would love to but I’m myself and even still lowkey anxious OIGJG) I just love putzing around and seeing you do your thing on the dash; from jokes to serious business. It’s always a treat. <3

@nctherchpter: Pai, I’m still lowkey so flattered you ever followed me back (and now mutuals with me on our mains like. WHAAA--) Your art is always. Bellissimo. Asriel was always a joy to see and honestly just. Stole my heart. I love him so much. Your writing is always a joy and man you just. Are skilled in The Arts(TM) Your self insert blog is also?? Awesome. I love the concept and idea and going through with a thing like? Honestly. Inspiration. All your self insert stuff really is just. Big big inspo. I’m so glad you seem to have? So much fun. Also I did say it in Nick’s stream many moons ago when they were going through BATIM again. Your voice is v cute <3

@clair-de-luna: WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH YOU!!! Man I remember following your main back for that SWEET MUFFETON ART. My cherished Muffeton mutual. And now here we both are with THIS. YOUR ART JUST CONTINUES TO INSPIRE AND GROW AND I LOVE!! SEEING IT!! And LUNA MELTS ALICE AND I’S HEART ALL THE TIME. God does she ADORE HER LITTLE STAR!! Ugh. I cry real tears. Always a delight to see you both here and your main. <3 I love ya DC!!

@lilithmagne: AC you. Are truly an artistic marvel. Your art is INCREDIBLE, your writing is BEAUTIFUL. And I love seeing you on my dashboard. You are so sweet and kind?? It’s so nice. I LOVE the love and work you put into Lilith and her story and your research and dedication? It’s amazing. Lilith is an absolute BEAUTY and God I LOVE HER. You do her SUCH A BEAUTIFUL JUSTICE!! So honored to be mutuals with you honestly. <3 Keep being amazing you beautiful person.

@lucifermagne: MARZI YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL. Working on all those HH icons for other rpers, working on your other RP blogs and pumping out that SWEET CONTENT. You are honestly a treasure. You are absolute sweet and a joy to see online. I love peaking at your threads and LOVE seeing your posts either for HCs or just IC shenanigans with Lucifer. You put so much through and care into your interpretation of him and I LOVE IT. He’s such a fun goof ball but at the same time presents himself as. THE KING OF HELL. Obviously. He’s an absolute Joy and just!! It’s amazing. We haven’t threaded together yet but even despite that?? I just love seeing you and him (and Alastor and Marx and the gang ofc) on the dash. Always a damn delight. <3

@thatscwewywabbit: we only just started interacting like. a week or so ago but AMANDA Man I have told you before how much I adore seeing you write for Bugs and how it’s ALWAYS SO FUN to see him and your posts for him on the dash. THE AMOUNT OF RESEARCH, CARE, LOVE, THOUGHT ALL PUT INTO HIM AND YOUR WRITING FOR HIM. It’s just so good. So refreshing. Ugh. MY CHILDHOOD!! It makes me so happy all the time. You really are. An inspiration. Writing with you and him is a DELIGHT and love peeking at your other threads just. It’s so nice. It’s almost uncanny how well you play him. My goodness! Keep being awesome lovely <3

@viennaxmuses: Fuck you bitch. Yeah. You’re getting put here. Bitch. Fuck you. I LOVE YOU. BItch. You fucking fuck. You sweet cute funny fuck. You adorable loving supportive bitch. Ya uplifting comforting creative artistic thot. Fuck you.

Okay this went WAY LONGER THAN I INTENDED but sorry everyone else I didn’t write a lil blurb for. I wrote a lot and I STILL WANNA GIVE SHOUTOUTS CUS I LOVE!! ALL OF YOU!! Even non-mutuals like. I just wanna share all the love and appreciation I have here.

@hxllodolly @cvangclii @snxkeyes @ofinkdxmonsandxngels @brxkeninstrument / @butcherbrains @stupidcoffeeboy @strawberry-lemonade-muses @hazbinmuses @bornloscrs @black-jack-the-cat @bluescarfvivi @a-framed-rabbit @angelusvoce @ask-slender-and-gray @wrenchand-abone

#follow forever #long post /#WOOF WOOF W #also yeah good news I didn't entirely loose it YAY

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awed-frog · 7 years

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I really dont want this to happen. But if Cas die, do you think their relationship at this stage is so close, so in love enough that Dean will do everything to resurrect Cas?

That’s a complicated and painful question, and I want to try and answer purely form a narrative point of view, focusing on Dean, and not Misha and Dabb and all the other real life trappings.

The short answer is, no - I don’t think he would.

First, Dean is acutely aware of the fact that he understands next to nothing about Cas’ world. He doesn’t know how to heal an angel, how to bring one back. He doesn’t even understand when something is seriously off, and when a few days of rest will be enough to make everything better. He doesn’t know if angels need to breathe, he doesn’t have much in his arsenal to help Cas when he’s injured, he can’t pray to other angels because they all hate them both, and he can’t step into Heaven without being incinerated on the spot. Plus, despite the time they’ve spent together, Dean doesn’t get Cas like he would Sam, or another human being. He’s done his best, and he’s really tried to relate to him - that scene when he tentatively compared what John had done to him with the relationship God has with His angels almost made me cry, because there is where you see it - Dean cares so much, and he tries so hard, but the thing is, he can’t really understand. He’s only human, after all. For instance, Cas spent the entirety of their time together in Purgatory feeling he deserved to be there, his heart set on staying there, and Dean didn’t pick up on that at all. Also, he prefers not to think about the history Cas has with his brothers, or the obligation he feels he has towards Heaven. It’s a form of self-defence, perhaps, but what it means is that whenever Cas dies or goes dark, Dean is left with nothing, because not only he knows that he’s got no information at all on angels and what happens to them when they die and how to help them when they’re in danger - he also knows he’s just a human being, and it’s probably not in his power to save Cas. He wouldn’t even know where to start. In this sense, it was significant that Crowley was the one to attempt something, and not Dean, after Cas was poisoned by Ramiel’s lance. So this is why, I think, Dean took a step back and drowned himself in hunts and booze whenever something happened to Cas in the past. There’s nothing in John’s journal, no instructions as to what you should do when your angel buddy is taken over by Leviathans and walks into a river and disappears. No way to know if he’s alive, no info anywhere on how to bring him back.

Second, there’s the problem of what Cas wants. On the whole, Cas seems to not care an awful lot whether he lives or dies. It’s likely he’s got a whole different understanding of what death even is. We’ve seen him listless and depressed, of course, and we’ve seen him fight off the Rit Zien he’d unwittingly summoned, but he’s also quite the martyr figure, and has mostly been adamant about one thing: that it’s not Dean’s job to protect him, and that Dean can’t help him, in any case. Of course, Dean is not very good at respecting Sam’s wishes either, but, then again, he doesn’t have the same responsiblity towards Cas that he does towards Sam. Protecting Sam is hardwired in everything he is - protecting Cas is more of a choice, which is why, whenever Cas has asked him to let him go - at the very beginning, when Cas stayed behind to fight Raphael, for instance, but also a couple of years ago, with that whole Gates of Heaven business - Dean’s generally accepted that Cas is a grown-ass whatever and can make his own choices. Dean doesn’t have to like them, of course, and he generally doesn’t (to the point where he’s depressed and borderline suicidal when Cas is not around), but he’s also been capable to step aside. Also because, see point one, he’s got no other option.

And third - I’m going to share an upsetting personal story with you, because it’s been a while and maybe it’s time I get it off my chest. Death for ts, and all that.

So, third - when I was a teenager, I met the most extraordinary man. He was probably in his seventies at the time, very fit, very active, a brilliant mind, but what impressed me the most was the way he’d chosen to live. He’d been born in a filthy rich family, had basically inherited a private bank, studied economics, ran the thing for a few years - and then he sort of had an epiphany - about how little all that mattered, and the fact he was throwing his life away. He basically sold everything, moved into a much smaller house, and proceeded to live in monk-like conditions for the next forty years - he spent a lot of time walking around in the mountains, ate simple, no-frills food he cooked himself, and he read - tons and tons of books. When I met him, he was basically an expert on every subject - from history to sociology to biology, he knew everything. And then he met this woman, who was around his age and a widow. They fell in love like teenagers, but the problem was - they were so different. While he was ‘woke’, as kids today would say, she’d lived all her life in a very small village, was a staunch Catholic, and basically didn’t know how to handle this unprecedented passion that had fallen upon her like water from an exploding dam at the ripe age of 73. He wanted them to live together, was ready to move next door to her, marry her - all sort of things, because, well, they were both old and he wanted to make the most of their time together. But she was ambivalent - as much as she loved him, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that seeing him like that, loving him, was a sin of some kind - an act against God. She resisted his every offer, didn’t marry him, didn’t move in with him, but would welcome him every weekend to her house, and the rest of the week, he would call her three times a day, like clockwork, to chat and laugh together (they lived about three hours of train from each other). And then this one morning, he didn’t call. And she told me later - she was lowkey hysterical, like some people get when they want to let it out but have been conditioned their whole life that no, a good woman shouldn’t be a burden in any way - that she’d been sure, at once, that something terrible had happened to him. By that point, they’d been together for ten years, I think, and never, ever, had he been late in his calls. Not once. She told me she knew she should have called an ambulance, or a relative, at the very least, so someone could check on him, but she didn’t - because some horrible, hidden and scared part of her soul had thought, If he dies, it’s all over. The love, yes, but also the sense of sin, the guilt, the certainty what she was doing wasn’t allowed. She wasn’t strong enough to stop loving him, because he gave her so much joy, and she couldn’t leave him (she really didn’t want to), but if he died - if he died - and, well, he did. I’m actually crying as I type this, because he was the most extraordinary and kind and amazing man, and his health was okay, considering his age - he would have lived to a hundred, no doubts there. But instead, he slipped and fell in the shower, and if she’d alerted someone, anyone, they would have saved him - but she didn’t. She couldn’t. I was angry at her till the day she died, but, thank God, I had enough common sense and kindness never to mention it, because she was distraught enough on her own. After his death, her health rapidly declined - she started to be forgetful, moody. She was sad, all the time. She felt, undoubtedly, very guilty. She kept going to Mass and Confession till the end, and I hope that brought her some peace. I can see now that she was a kind person - and also someone who’d led a simple life, light years away from the life he’d had (while he met all sort of interesting people and filled his days with books and travels and wild ideas and Eastern philosophies, she’d kept her head down, married the neighbours’ son, and cooked him three meals a day for twenty years), and was in no way prepared to deal with this intense attraction, this love to end all loves. She did her best, I know she made him happy, and yes, perhaps she did make a mistake that day, but I’m now old enough to admit it’s not my task to judge her for it. May the earth rest lightly on them both.

Anyway, all this to say that for Dean, falling in love with Cas has been a life-changing, earth-shattering process. Cas literally represents everything Dean’s been ignoring and fighting and pushing away his whole life - his attraction to men, his (non-existent) faith, his deep-seated believe that he does not deserve happiness or a happy ending of any kind (that he won’t get one). So I’ve been wondering, on and off - if Cas truly died, Dean would be devastated - we know that (we’ve seen it). But also, if Cas truly died, Dean would be comforted in his self-loathing, in his doubts, in his traditional way of thinking: that when things go well, it’s too good to be true, that there’s no way out, that he never deserved Cas in the first place, so, whatever. This is heartbreaking, of course, but I know for a fact that when your thoughts have been dark for a while, it’s difficult to let the light in - you can see, sort of, that it would make everything better, but it’s still a change, and we hate change. Depression, anxiety, self-loathing - as shitty as those emotions are, they can still make you feel safe because you know what they’re like. You’re used to them, and that’s one reason why it’s so hard to walk away from them - for good. For Dean, Cas dying would mean not having to come clean with Cas about his own feelings, skipping that difficult conversation with Sam, avoiding what he’s probably been scared of his whole life (people looking at him differently, mocking him, perhaps attacking him), and, above all, letting go of that last illusion - that there could be a happy ending for him - something that makes it more difficult to do his job, even to look after Sammy.

So, well - on the whole, I think that if Cas died, a huge part of Dean’s soul would die with him - but no, Dean wouldn’t try to bring him back.

#ask #cas #castiel #destiel #deancas #spn meta #death for ts #depression for ts #people are complicated #sometimes the best #sometimes the worst #and most of the time it's difficult #to tel our best and worst apart #meanwhile irl

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