#i mean literally this time pffffff
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Also I have been realizing my special interest is fonts. I need to start learning about them NOW
#if I have time on my overnight tonight maybe ill try to find some videos or facts about fonts#if anyone wants to send me info about fonts please do 💖💖💖#ruby rambles#cherry's special interests#i mean literally this time pffffff
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Gage (Edited)
Been trying to go through my old stories and slowly re-upload them after I give them a review. Anyways, hope you enjoy!
Tags/Warnings: Fag bashing, face farting, willing victim turned to unwilling, asphyxiation by farts, fart torture
Gage is a grade A prick. You pretty much learned that the moment he moved into the house. Your other roommate literally moved out because he couldn’t stand him. The only reason you’ve stayed is because the rent is cheap and the landlord isn’t complete trash. The other reason is that you have a sort of hate crush on Gage.
You understand he’s a prick and he seems like a bit of a fag basher, but dude has a rockin bod. And he has no sense of other people’s personal boundaries. One time when you had friends over, he walked out of his room completely naked to get a beer out of the fridge. Which you didn’t mind too much because you got front row seats to watch his ass jiggle. Your lesbian friends were mortified of course. Especially when he started to shake his hips to make his dick flop around. After that, you’ve all decided to do movie night at their house now to avoid any more incidents.
The other thing about Gage is that he’s a literal gas bomb. The dude is constantly gassy and it may make your dick strain against your shorts when you’re both watching TV and he lifts a leg to let out a massive fart. And look, if you’re secretly there taking quiet inhales of his stinky gas then no one needs to know.
It all comes to a head today though. You keep a journal, and you may or may not have written all your dirty fantasies about Gage in them. Looking back at it, probably not the best idea, but too late to change that now.
You’re in the kitchen making scrambled eggs when Gage comes into the kitchen. “Good morning.” You mumble to him, not fully expecting an answer. He opens the fridge and pours himself a glass of OJ as he plays on his phone. He laughs at something before walking towards the kitchen table.
“Hey fart slut, what’s for breakfast?” You freeze. Did he really just say that? He snaps his fingers a couple of times. “Yo, fag, I’m talking to you.” You slowly turn to look at him.
“Uhm, Scr-scrambled eggs?” You don’t know why it came out as a question.
“Cool, I want cheese on mine.” He doesn’t even look at you as he plays on his phone.
“Oh, uhhh, I didn’t make enough for the both of us.” You look at the pan and push it around.
“It’s fine, just give me yours.”
“What?” He locks eyes with you.
“Let me put it another way. Give me your breakfast and I don’t post your dirty fart fantasies online.” You try to stay calm but you’re freaking out. You turn back around fully and focus on finishing the eggs, throwing cheddar cheese on top right before you finish. Your hands are shaking as you plate the food and bring it over to Gage.
“Anything else?” You say nervously placing the food and a fork down in front of him.
“Tabasco.” He doesn’t look up from his phone, you just do as he says. “Sit.” He says as you go to make yourself more scrambled eggs. “I gotta say, you’re pretty nasty. I mean, to like that shit, you gotta have some serious problems.”
“Fuck off.”
“I mean, to want to get on your knees to sniff someone’s dirty ass. That’s some dog level shit.” You watch as he stuffs his mouth with eggs. “Tell me, how are you any better than a dog?”
“You’re an ass.” Your chair groans against the floor as you get up.
“Sit back down.” Gage says firmly.
“No, fuck you. I don’t have to take this.”
PFFFFFBBRRRFFFFFF
You freeze as Gage rips a five second fart. The smell hits you from where you’re standing. You can hear Gage laughing from behind you and you can’t help the shame that wafts over you. “You’re pathetic. You get one whiff of my ass funk and you can’t walk away.” You take a deep breath and calmly begin to walk to your room. “I have more where that came from, you know?” You squeeze your eyes shut, wanting to ignore him.
PFFFFFF
A high pitched fart hisses from his ass. “See? And they can be up your nose if you ask me nicely.” You’re not even looking at him and you can just see his cocky grin.
“What do you want?” You ask, knowing you’ve already lost.
“Heh, knew it.” You hear his chair scrape against the floor as he gets up. “You just need to beg.” He puts his hands on your shoulders. “Beg your daddy to fart up your nose.” He whispers in your ear.
“You’re an ass.”
“I know.” He turns you around and pushes you down onto your knees. “Beg doggy.” You lock eyes again, completely humiliated on the ground.
“Please, Gage, fart up my nose.” You say without enthusiasm.
PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT
“Fuck, that was a big one you just missed out on. Beg.” You sigh.
“Please daddy, please make me your fart slut.” He laughs.
“Better.” He turns around giving you the view of his brief clad ass. “Get your face in it.” You do as he says, getting a whiff of the lingering scent of the last fart. “Just remember you wanted this.”
PFFFFFFFFFFFF PFFFFFFFFFFFF
Airy farts warm your face as your nose gets overwhelmed by the absolutely toxic smell. It’s not like anything you thought it’d be like. “Wait.” You manage to cough out. “Wait stop.” You go to pull away but he holds you firmly in place.
“You’re not going anywhere.” He hikes his leg up slightly.
PFFFFFFFFFFFBBRBRBFFFFFTTTTTT
“Oof, that one’s gonna be bad.” He wasn’t wrong. Your eyes are squeezed shut as you're forced to endure that blast of a ten second fart. It’s absolutely eggy, and your eyes are watering. “Definitely wouldn’t want to be down there. But you’re liking this right fag?” You frantically shake your head no, wanting to pull away. “Aww, I knew you’d love my ass. Here, I’ll blow you a kiss.”
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF PFFF
Another disgusting fart burns it’s way up your nose and down to your lungs. Your face is extremely warm and you can’t think straight. You strain to pull away from the toxic fumes constantly barraging your face but Gage’s hold is too strong.
PFFFFBRBRBRFFFFFFTTT
“Look, I know my brew is strong, but you’re the one who wanted this. And you begged oh so nicely for daddy to fart in your face. Who am I to get in your way of your dream?”
PFFFF PFF PFFFFFF PFFFFF
“It’s okay, I won’t judge you. Well maybe a little. Only cause you’re a fucked up a fag.”
PFFBBRRRFFFTTT
It’s getting really hard to breathe down here. The only air you’re getting is Gage’s eggy farts. You’ve begun to uncontrollable cough and gag against his dirty briefs.
“Man, imagine if I didn’t have these undies on. There’s no way you would survive that.” He laughs as he pulls his tight black briefs under his naked ass.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF PFFFFFFFFFFFF PFFFFF
“Jesus, what did you put in those eggs? I bet you put in some extra fiber didn’t you?”
“I know I’m a gassy guy, but damn, this is way worse than normal.”
PFFFFFFFFBBBRRRRRRBRRRRR
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT
Everything is spinning around you and you’re having a hard time staying conscious.
“Is it everything you hoped for faggot?”
PFFFFF PFFFFFFFF PFFFFTTT PFFFFF
You feel yourself slump further into his musky ass, no longer able to keep yourself upright. You can hear Gage laughing as everything fades to black. A final fart hits your nose as you finally lose consciousness. “Night night fag.” Gage lets your body hit the floor before leaving you there.
When you awake again, you’re still on the kitchen floor. The smell of Gage’s ass still lingering on you.
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Imagine being an artist MC that has drawings of Jack lying around then Ian sees it thinking you're a fan of his show and MC just likes restyling characters because Jack looks different
Pffffffhahahaha! Oh that would be fitting and hilarious. MC draws pictures of their new ghost(?) boyfriend only for Ian to come across them and get an ego boost thinking that they're drawing him as the star of his new show. Meanwhile, MC is just like...
I'm sure Jack won't appreciate Ian trying to replace him even in his sunshine's art now too.
Funny enough my MC Alice is going to draw pictures of Jack. I think I've mentioned it in past headcanon rambles. I always imagined Ian coming across the pictures she posted on social media with the caption that it's a drawing of her new boyfriend. Naturally, Ian would wonder who this "Jack" is, no doubt get suspicious and even jealous, but if she's posting it after he gets the part in the show...
Pffffff. Oh dear, that would for sure give Ian the wrong idea. He thinks poor Alice is being indirect about her feelings for him. How sad... but this is good! This means she wants to get back together with him! She called "him" her boyfriend after all! He has to talk to her right away and tell her that he's flattered by the pictures of him and that he misses her just as much as she clearly misses him.
Though Ian does think it's kind of weird that her drawings of "him" as Jack are different than how she drew him in the past... but that's probably because he hasn't seen her in a while! Not to mention the makeup, hair, outfit, and physique are wrong, but he won't hold that against her.
It's hilarious to me to imagine Ian thinking these things while at the same time, in Alice's apartment, she is literally drawing another picture of Jack in her sketchbook, who helpfully poses for her so she can get all the details right. I'm sure he makes a fantastic model... particularly a nude model.
I mean, let's face it. Jack has an exhibitionism kink, so why wouldn't he want his sunshine to draw him "like one of your French girls" so to speak? Alice doesn't post every picture she draws online after all~
@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur
#Sunny Day Jack#Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack#SunnyDayJack#sdj#swwsdj#Headcanon Ramblings#Ask
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reader’s new friends : awww they are so cute
mozzarella : what a cute name
what’s next ? Golden cheese calling the reader “adorable” ?
I am literally writing this at 4 am after I just finished chapter 2 and 3 BUT IT WAS WORTH IT :D
O-oh gosh- Th-thank you, but......
I-I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRYYYYYYYYYY >///////<
I-I know you said it was "worth it" but I'M STILL SORRY IT'S SO BAD AND RAMBLY AND LONG AND HHHHHHHHH I SHOULD'VE KEPT IT TO MYSELF I'M SORRY if it wasn't what you wanted-
I-I'm literally so so sorry-
I-I didn't realize any of this until I posted it- I-I swear, as I was writing it, I THOUGHT I was doing a decent job, pffffff-
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
A-all that time I spent, just for THIS, I-I mean......I-I don't blame you for getting hyped, not at all, I just.....f-feel bad if I wasn't able to deliver, heheheh.....
B-but thanks for reading! Th-thanks for being interested and giving me a chance.....I-it meant a lot >////////<
I-I'll finish it, and hopefully it'll be better once it's complete....m-maybe....
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ask game: monoma, kirishima, shoto, inumaki and megumi ♡
neito shouto AND toge??? 😵💫 u just sent me to god ily anon!!!
5. toge
it hurts me to put him here i'm not gonna lie... physically he's great in bed, he knows all the things to do and is so attentive to your needs.. but communication is so important and he can't really do that, at least not on his end. this slightly improves if you two come up with some... code language for sexy time idfk </3
4. neito
pffffff sorry neito. it isn't a case of him being bad, more that everyone in front of him is just... better. he's always tryna bend you in weird ass ways cause he read something in a book about it, and he's kind of a monomaniac, it's literally in his name, so i feel like he can kind of lack when it comes to equal pleasure
3. shouto
he's very good!! but i feel like he can be a bit one dimensional; like he's. very vanilla and it takes a long time for him to even branch out into beginner kinks—not that there's anything wrong with that at all it's just!! he's very one note and doesn't really know what to do at all when you're first starting out <3 but i mean... his quirk? mixed with the fact that you just KNOW he's hung as hell?? yeaaaaahhh
2. megumi
i think 'gumi is freakier than he's given credit for, honestly. he knows your body so well and he knows exactly how to make you squirm. he's a jack of all trades, too, i think. he can be sweet and caring and soft but can also make you into his pretty lil whore <3
1. eijirou
no brainer here. big muscly man picks you up and manhandles you <33 another one that can be really mean or really sweet too i think, plus he'll hit it anywhere.. eijirou's the type to pull you into a dressing room at a store just to eat you out
lemme rank more 2d men's sex abilities <3
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Word of Honor - Episode 2 Part 2 - Mirror Lake has more Fire than expected
In an interesting twist of fate Zhou Zishu decides to take the nice munchkin up on his offer to crash at his place for a while.
Thumbs up my dood
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Now the fuck are these guys?
Oh cool. Thanks.
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See? Children chants are creepy! Always!
But especially when driven by plort! (plort was a typo but I’m Keeping it.)
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Finally people treating our man with common decency and respect! Who knew he just needed a fancy bookmark?
Oop. Nevermind
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I have discovered the joys of fucking with people and I’m never going back again
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A fuck this guy again. I’m assuming we’re not supposed to like him? But I don’t like him either way. He has no... je ne sais quoi
He boring. Basic. Bland.
It ain’t good.
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Oh and also you know how you wanted us to keep tabs on Zhou ZiShu? Oh well um.. it’s going great! Great! Yeah... except for... we can’t find him.
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Well if this ain’t a whole ass mood?
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Midnight already? Time for the pain pins to poke me painfully!
This sure is a weird version of Cinderella
gross
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Okay okay so normally the 7 torture nails block your chi? I’m understanding? So you can no longer do martial arts. And he would rather die than lose all his martial arts so he put the nails in slowly so that he could still have SOME of his martial arts. But the point of the nails is still that he wants to die and feels he deserves to be punished as well? Right? So having his martial arts helps mediate the pain which lessons the punishment
and if it weren’t for the punishment aspect couldn’t he have just like... faked the nails? Or would they have been able to tell? I mean this is all dramatic and all but where are your motivations Zhou ZiShu?
work with me here
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Hey?! That’s not sunlight?!?
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Love me a good silhouette shot
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And suddenly everything is on fire???
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Rude
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After watching like 4 people get killed in front of him and a lot of fire and ransacking our protragonists finally thinks perhaps he should get himself involved.
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How is everything a fucking boomerang???
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Pffffff I love it
Tunk thunk
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In another interesting development, the boat man from before is important?????
Also our boy is doing his best with that hat
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Okay I know he’s like a master of disguise and all but like he doesn’t seem to be doing much to actually... hide?
Still love his wiggly sword style
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Um take the kid and fucking run maybe????
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*stalks you from a not very inconspicuous distance*
Didja miss me?
No
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Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go
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Fuck I hate being disarmed.
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This place looks strangely similar to the woodshed...
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The fuck are you?
Wouldn’t you like to know?
Yes I would. That’s why I asked
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There’s just nothing quite like a near death experience to bring people together.
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Take this kid and run!
But sir, you don’t seem to understand! I am the Best Boy! I simply cannot just leave you to die.
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Don’t worry kid! You can’t get in trouble anymore! Your dad is fuckin dead! Surely that’ll bring you some comfort!
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Random Local Boatman is surprisingly honorable and happens to be in debt to the father of the kid who was nice to you that morning.
Life sure is weird.
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He doing him best
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Though it is absolutely understandable, he reacts to being touched by that paper the way I react to walking into a spider web.
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Gramps is a badass
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I do have to say these guys do seem to be much better trained than the usual evil henchmen. And you have to appreciate their aesthetic.
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Seriously!! The best boy!!!!!
This man has helped in a little bit exactly once to repay him for his own kindness an this little teenager is willing to just die for him without hesitation.
Like no, son, the two old men are doing this so that YOU live. You have it backwards.
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Surpriiiiise I’m stalking you too!
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Oh no the henchmen are falling into the drawing things out to emotionally torture their prey thing. Don’t y’all know that giving the protagonist time to recover and/or study your moves is how you die? Did you even GO to henchman school?
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ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Just.. omg. The noise he made. “Dwaaah!!!”
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Okay kid I know you’re young and under a lot of stress and never really got into the whole martial arts training thing but grandpa is doing better than you literally laying down and covered in cuts. Just sayin
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Aw nuts
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*ding*
Please take your protagonist out of the oven as cooktime has been completed.
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The fighting editing style seems to be a weird splice of nice crisp slowmotion view of the action and spliced together jump cuts and zooms that make for an odd kinda hard to follow combination.
But at least I guess they tend to end on ‘cool pose x”
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“Hey, Beggar! You’re good at martial arts. Somehow this surprises me even though I already knew that???”
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Unexpected trust fall ends better than anticipated
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Das gaee
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He’s bendin’ over backwards for you!!
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Unexpected but definitely varied emotional investments on the fact that Gramps is dying.
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Look at him being all humble.
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Ooh he could be in a medical drama. That is the perfect like sad close your eyes and head shake no I’m sorry he’s not gonna make it. Bravo.
Very delicate.
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“Don’t fuckin’ touch me”
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I’m guilt tripping you into a found family and you’re gonna like it punk
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Sick dude, whats your name?
Shit no one’s asked me that before somehow I’m not ready..
Uh.uh... Zhou Xu.
Nailed it.
“Zhou Xu? Naw that doesn’t sound right.”
-----------------
May you learn from this never to underestimate, rob, and otherwise harass your local old boat man for you never know when he may force you through guilt and honor into taking on a ward and a quest under penalty of being haunted by his old ass ghost forever
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Uncle Li has died and most of the group is much more upset about it than they would have anticipated that morning.
Poor ChenLing is having a rough day.
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RIP Uncle Li.
So much for living a carefree couple of years lying drunk in the sun.
It looks like even now you can’t escape your responsibilities Zhou Xu.
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Group of hereto-unknown men arrive in poor time to stop the bonfire
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“What’s wrong?”
Um... maybe... fire??
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I say again, thank you for labeling the people I’m supposed to remember.
Also, why did y’all have to wait for orders before checking out the fuckin boats?
Y’all dumb.
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Hey, Wen KeXing, Not trying to throw off your groove or anything but maybe a funeral isn’t the best time for flirting? Perhaps? Maybe?
I know you don’t have an ‘off’ switch but maybe a pause button?
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“are you done?”
“Never.”
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It deadass took y’all this long to introduce yourself? You’ve been stalking him all this time and you never thought to go “btw my name Wen KeXing? Comment t’appelles tu?” Come on man
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Our best boy is having his not best day. D:
Don’t worry. Your new family will stalk/care for you.
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“A-Xiang! Make some food!”
“No shit Sherlock I already did.”
“My ideas are the best. :D”
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Eat your food!
Eat your food!
Eat your food!!
Eat your FOOD!!!
EAT YOUR FOOD!!!!
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EAT YOUR GODDAMN FOOD?
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“Oh my GOD we get it you can fucking read! Oh my god.”
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If I prove I can read too will you pass me a damn pancake?
Fuck yeah.
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GOD DAMN IT SOMEONE EAT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK
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Um excuse you this group only has room for one little bitch and it ain’t fuckin you, you hear me little girl?
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I am very sorry. Thank you for saving my life. I would like to re-assert my status as “best boy”.
HEY WHAT THE FUCK????
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Wen KeXing: 👀
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Please increase your friendship level before asking personal questions.
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Nya Nya you were useless when your home was burned to the ground and your family was killed waaaaah how pathetic are you!!
Can you fucking not?
My B.
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BEST BOY INJURED THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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Our Man Zhou ZiShu respects bodily autonomy!
Do not touch my fuckin’ boy or I will fight you!
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And we end the episode with Wen KeXing being horny on main!
Sir, keep it together. There are children present.
#Word of honor#Shanhe Ling#zhou zishu#Wen Kexing#zhang chengling#Gu Xiang#Writing WoH#spoilers#Episode 2
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Whole cast of Star Sanses Studio AU!!!
THE GANGS IS HERE!!
ZOOM IN with design commentary:
The Star Sanses Studio founders
Error supposed to be part of this since he and Ink kinda start this idea of “Ink can’t animate and Animator!Error” in the first place, but is the employees, not the founder sooooo~
Core’s pattern made by Ink (and I as I’m so proud of this), design as a joke for Core but they never notice what the pattern mean til Error point it out.
And yes, Ink’s logo is literally Ink’s triangle thing from his original design 🤣🤣. Ink not change much at all in appearance, but he have very weak soul in this AU unlike the originals.
Dream’s design basically “what if Dream’s battle outfit as a hoodie”. I love this sunshine.
The Night Terror Production and their ex’s
This whole reference drawing that I doing happen because I can’t draw Cross’ jacket consistent for once!!
First I don’t think I’m gonna write anything on Epic but after that flipping pun (will be say later this post), this is my reward for him🤣🤣
This is the first time I draw Nightmares, he got the combination of his current and pre corrupt design. You can use his salt as much as you want because it infinite🤣🤣.
I still not focus on NT production yet, since the SS Studio haven’t full developed in comic wise yet. But I conferm that Ccino (coffee shop), Color (try to get Killer out), and the other bad Sanses (full of high LV animator that no one hired, which NM use that as an advantage. Killer, who became editor after Cross because he can deal with Night’s temper with is “non feeling-ness”) will be in this AU.
.
Now
.
To the worst clinic name of all,
Blame Epic’s flexing his height quote and Classic
The science, name, and word pun of a name.
Genes+Geno+Sci=
GeneSci Clinic
Pffffff
They have the right to be in this because Error and Geno are brothers, and Edge is one of Sci’s patients (Fresh: *to Sci* I’m watching ya, ya ball of sins!!).
Since Geno and Error existing in this AU and not an outcode, they won’t have as much glitches as their original design. However, Error still have minor glitches when he got or touch things because of his Haphephobia.
IM SO PROUD OF EDGE AND REAPER SHIRTS DESIGN!! As a graphic design major student next semester, this is the starter!!
I hope y’all like it, I’ll be quite for next two weeks because of *inhale* FINALS!!.
Have a good night or day!!
Here some draft and shit post🤣🤣
Ink-comyet
Dream&Nightmare- Joku
Core!frisk- DokuDoki
Geno, Error, Fresh (and their interpretation of Sci in CPAU)- loverofpiggies/CQ
Life & Death/Reaper- renrink
Cross- Jakei
Epic- yugogeer012
SO MANY SANS!!!!!
#star sanses studio au#SSS AU#undertale au#swap sans#core!frisk#dream!sans#ink!sans#error!sans#fell!sans#cross!sans#epic!sans#sci!sans#geno sans#reaper sans#nightmare sans#ink sans#error sans#dream sans#cross sans#epic sans#cross x dream#errorink#life!toriel#lifeafterdeath#scifell#science sans#bad sanses#star sanses#lythecreatorart#my art
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Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 10
Warning: swearing, duh, Ouija-boarding, BJ's trust issues
- Are we seriously gonna do this like we were in a goddamn Z category horror movie? - asked Ari, while she rubbed the bridge of her nose. The coffin-table in the living room was decorated with at least 10 huge white candles, and in the middle there was a grey Ouija-board with a bright pink planchette. Sof already dimmed the lights and now was sitting on the floor, legs in criss cross applesauce. Beetlejuice was floating above the coffee table, laughing his ass off at the inscription he read on the planchette: Hey there demons, it's me, ya boy.
- And it's coming from the weird sister... - commented Rei as she folded her hands before her chest. Sof let out an annoyed sigh.
- Shut up, it gives an eerie vibe to the whole thing! I've been dreaming about using this shit for years, let me live my dream guys! - Rei and Ari both looked at each other, sighed, then sit down. Beetlejuice stopped laughing, wipped his laughter-tear filled eyes and rolled over to his belly in the air, legs dangling, hands under his chin. He had a devilish smile on his face and bright, neon green hair, mixed with a couple strikes of yellow. Even though he was excited to communicate with all residents of the house, he was kinda worried the Ouija-board won't work. He's been existing for at least a couple hundred years at that point, but nobody ever tried communicating with him through one of those suckers.
As soon as the girls got comfortable, Sofía cleared her throat.
- Okay, I know Ari knows how to handle this bad boy since we bought it together and had quite a good time while we looked into the use of spirit boards, but I'd like to state some instructions and ground rules. - Ari, Rei and Beetlejuice both nodded in agreement. - Once we start the seance, non of us should lift our fingers off the planchette. If any of us do, it might cause some trouble in the ghostworld. Concentration is essential, so please focus on contacting the dead. We have to take this thing seriously and must act respectfully towards the board and the spirit we deal with, so no frivolous questions.
- PFFFFFF kay, partykiller. - said Beetlejuice as he floated closer to the board. The girls put their pointing fingers on the planchette, breathed out, and looked at each other.
Thoughts were running around in Ari's head. Was this really a good idea? I mean if we can contact our homedemon effectively, I could tell my sisters I could hear him and they won't think I'm crazy. That's why I thought of doing this. But why am I so afraid then?
- Okay so let's start the session by asking simple yes and no questions. - said Sofía, closed her eyes for a bit, then started to talk. She sounded really confident for Beetlejuice, but her sisters noticed how her voice cracked a bit. Was she only nervous, excited, or was she genuinely afraid of what she might contact? - Is anyone here with us? - the planchette didn't move. Sofi let out a huge breath and gulped. Beetlejuice put his pointing finger on the planchette and literally screamed when he realized he could actually touch it. - Channeling the dead isn't easy so it might take some minutes to...
As soon she said that, Beetlejuice moved his finger, and literally yeeted the planchette across the room.
- FUCK I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT!!! - he screamed in a rather girly manner. Rei jumped up from the coffin-table and shook her head.
- That not normal man, a ghosty ghost couldn't do that in any horror movie! - Ari got up too and went to get the planchette. Beetlejuice floated before her.
- Sorry babes, I swear I'll be more gentle next time. Even though I know you looove wild stuff. - Ari replied with an eyeroll as she bowed down for the tiny pink thing. - Holy shit sugar I could imagine several hot scenarios with you in this position.
Ari headed back to the table and put the planchette down.
- Let's continue. - Rei sit back, fixing her glasses and putting her hair up in a messy ponytail. Ari looked at the planchette as she speak the words. - Could you please confirm that you're here? - Beetlejuice, as lightly as he could, put his finger on the pink thingie and moved it to YES.
- NAH MAN THAT'S CRAZY NA-AH I'M OUT! - shouted Rei and started to stand up.
- SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN PUTA! - shouted Ari back at her sister. - You said amen to this shit, we're gonna go through with it now. - Beetlejuice chuckled as Rei sit back down with the most panicked look on her face that he had ever seen. He tapped the planchette slightly.
- L-E-T-S-A-L-L-G-E-T-N-A-K-E-D. - Ari let out the the biggest laugh Beetlejuice heard yet. She snapped her head back as she squeaked like a degenerated seal while snorting. - OhmygodslashSatan your bursting laugh is so weird, I love it! - said Beetlejuice with a high voice and full on glowing hair.
- You did that. - stated Sofía, looking at Ari seriously.
- No way José! - she still giggled like crazy as she looked back at her oldest sister. - Looks like our presence is just nasty! - Sofía had a very annoyed and slightly angry expression on her face.
- ANYWAY, no, we are not going to do that.
- W-O-R-T-H-A-T-R-Y. - spelled the board. Sofía threw her hands in the air, annoyed out of words to express her feelings. Rei clicked her tongue.
- What happened to the "don't let go of the planchette" rule? - she asked.
- Shut up. - explained Sofía. She put her fingers back on the pink object before she stated the next question. - Are you a spirit guide? - the planchette moved to NO. - Then are you a ghost? - the planchette moved to NO again. Sofía shook her head in a way people do when they don't understood something.
- Did you ever live on Earth as a human? - asked Rei who calmed herself down enough to ask questions.
- B-R-I-E-F-L-Y-V-E-R-Y-B-R-I-E-F-L-Y. - Sof interrupted with her next question. Something really bugged her.
- Okay then WHAT are you?!
- S-E-X-Y - the girls all threw their hands up. They shared a look, all stating "I can't even" with their eyes. Without either of them touching the planchette, it started to move again on its own. - A-L-S-O-D-I-S-L-E-X-I-C. - Rei snorted.
- This bitch is a fuckin comic. - Sof growled in annoyement.
- No I mean what's in your pants? - she asked. Now neither of them was touching the board. And after a couple of seconds, the board answered.
- M-A-G-I-K-A-N-D-M-I-S-C-H-I-F. - Ari facepalmed, Sofía huffed.
- I can't believe that this thing is fuckin with us... - Beetlejuice could literally see the veins on her neck bulging in anger as he spelled HAHAHA out on the board. She slammed her fists on the table. - NO. TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE, SMARTASS!!!
- I-M-Y-O-R-G-U-I-D-E-T-O-T-H-E-O-T-H-E-R-S-I-D-E.
- Kay that's definitely a demon. - she stated with a huge hand gesture.
- Shit we're busted babe. - said Beetlejuice, sounding a tiny bit worried. Ari gulped.
- Why would you think that? - she asked, acting all naive. Sof pointed at the planchette, which was now moving up and down in the air since Beetlejuice was playing catch with it.
- Cause demonic spirits enjoy using deception and being a dick!
- What a keen observation, Sofía! - stated Beetlejuice, talking sarcastically. - That's built into our nature, you know!
- Let's just... - Sofía sighed midsentence. - ...stop.
- No! This is fun! - proclaimed Ari with the biggest puppy eyes. Classic smallest child trick.
- We are unprepared to deal with dark and negative forces that can wreak havoc in our lives!
- Sofía, let's be frank with each other, he already causes a lot of trouble. - Sof huffed. - At least let me ask his name. - said Ari in a sweet voice with a shy smile. - That would be the polite thing to do. - her eldest sister tried to say something but Ari stifled her speech. - Just one question. Then we can stop.
- That was a son of a bitch thing to do, and you know it. Tricking your sister into letting me tell you my name... That's low babes. - said Beetlejuice while folding his hands and shaking his head, floating next to Ari. - I'm so proud.
- UGH FINE! - said Sofía, while throwing her head back. - Little Miss Pushover. - Ari flashed a toothy grin. That was her moment. She already had a plan how'd she persuade her sisters to accept his offer of helping them out a bit and to say the demon's name 3 times. She cleared her throat and breathed out before she stated her question.
- What is your name?
Beetlejuice breathed in in excitement and grabbed the planchette.
- Welp let's hope it's gonna work this way. Here goes nothing. - the planchette started to move. - B-E-E-J-F-Q-J-E-S-U-S-I-C-A-N-T-S-P-E-L-L-S-H-I-T. - Ari sighed and Rei laughed. Come on Bug, don't be an idiot now!, thought Ari. The object started to slide on the board again. - B-E-E-T-L-E-J-U-I-C-E.
- OKAY GOOD NOW WE KNOW IT'S NAME CAN WE STOP PLEASE?!?! - shouted Rei as she reached for the planchette, but Sofía grabbed her hand.
- Wait. - with her other hand, she pointed at Ari. - Ariadné Rodríguez McLoughlin, you are suspicious, girl. Why did you want to know this demon's name so badly? - Fuck., thought Ari. She didn't think this through. She couldn't answer, she opened her mouth but no voice came out. - Demon, have you communicated with anyone from this group before tonight? - Beetlejuice fumbled through his hair.
- I'm sorry babes. But you wouldn't tell them about your superpower any other way. - he said before the planchette moved to YES. Sof looked straight into Ari's eyes. She hated that cold dead stare.
- Tell me who was it!
- A-R-I. - the oldest sister slapped the desk.
- Please I can explain... - said Ari in a shy, almost inaudible voice. Gosh things were not going the way she imagined they'd go.
- BITCH, I WILL SLAP YOU! - shouted Sofía, clapping after every word.
- Excuse me but... - cut in Rei. She mimicked a closing mouth with her hand. - ...tone! Let the girl speak for herself! - she turned to her sister. - So how long have you been talking with the dead, bitch? - Ari sighed, rolled her eyes then started to talk with very heavy hand movements.
- Let me state that I can only hear him, I've never seen him but we've been talking for weeks now and he's so awesome and funny! I mean he's actually a really nice guy to talk to!
- Ohmygod he's that special someone who's been making you feel better!!! - realized Rei who just slapped her forehead. Beetlejuice was floating beside Ari, giggling to himself. The whole situation was so comical.
- Yeah, we're buddies.
- FOR LYFE YO! - screamed Beetlejuice into Ari's ear.
- Why did I teach you how to use yo, seriously, this is getting out of hand... - she asked the thin air, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She was starting to get a headache.
- Wait you can hear him now? - asked Sofía with a jaw dropped.
- I can hear him all the time when he's near me... So yeah during every minute of the day, kinda. - she stopped for a sec. - You don't think I'm crazy, right?
- I mean we all saw what happened during the seance so nah fam, you good. Weird but good. Gee my sister is a comic book character! - proclaimed Rei excitedly. She even clapped.
- And what does he want? - asked Sofía. She calmed down a bit but her eyes were full of anger.
- Right now, and I quote him singing: "🎶I'm on the bench, but coach, just put me in the game! All you gotta do is say my name. Three times in a row it must be spoken, unbroken.🎶" - she mimicked Beetlejuice as good as she could, she even tried to do his voice. She looked at Rei, who almost had questionmarks for eyes. - Yes, he sounds like that all the time. Like he swallowed a cheesegrater, I know. - Rei nodded understandingly. Sof held her head.
- So he wants to be summoned. - she looked deep into Ari's eyes. She looked so serious. - You know we're not gonna do that, right?
- Why?! He promised he'd help us then just go away! - Sof shook her head but Ari continued. She sounded kinda desperate. - Just imagine, he could actually help us get revenge on our father for being such a prick with our moms! Just let me...
- No. - she stated. - In the Council of Sisters I vote no. - she looked at Rei. - Your vote now.
- Look I... - she sighed and looked at Ari whose eyes were now getting teary. She didn't want to tell her sisters how much she wanted to summon Beetlejuice, not because of his promise, but because how much she liked his company. She didn't have a friend like him in, why would I lie, ever, and she secretly craved his presence in her life. There was finally someone who totally accepted her as how she was, and now her sisters were robbing her of the opportunity of meeting him. - There are always a million reasons not to do something. - Ari covered her mouth with her right palm.
- No, not you, I thought you...
- Girl, we've been swimming with piranhas, we don't need a shark!
Beetlejuice was silent... until this point. He knew how arguments worked. How bloodyminded people were once they decided on something. His hair slowly turned from green to a purplish redish tone. His anger was building up and now it busted.
- And I thought you were special... Not like any other breather. - he spit between his teeth. Ari looked at his direction and shushed her sisters.
- Bug, what do you...
- YOU PROMISED YOU'D SUMMON ME! - screamed Beetlejuice. - YOU PROMISED BUT YOU WON'T! AND I TRUSTED YOU! - Ari stood up and stepped in his direction. She tried to sound calm but Beetlejuice's voice was so angry and frightening...
- Beetlejuice, I will, somehow, just...
- NO YOU WON'T! YOU'RE A LYING BITCH LIKE ANY OTHER HUMAN ON THIS GODDAMN PLANET! - he started to run while cussing at Ari. The girl ran after him, followed by her sisters. As soon as he got to the attic door, which the girls were unable to pry open, he floated through the door and laid head back to it. - I HATE YOU!
- You know that you don't and that that was uncalled for. - Ari sighed while trying to get the door to open. Rei asked if she needed an axe but she refused. - Please, this is hard enough as it is!
- Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart. - answered Beetlejuice in an annoyed way. - I just tend to get a little upset WHEN PEOPLE RUIN MY LIFE! - tears started to run down his cheeks. - FUCK YOU, GET LOST! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!
Beetlejuice heard that Ari stopped trying to open up the door. She sighed and put her hand on the hard wood.
- I'll talk to them. And I'll keep my promise. - her steps faded and as they did, Beetlejuice's hair turned fully dark purple as he started crying. He really trusted her... And he did get that she'd want her sisters to know that she'll summon a demon at their home but why would she betray him like that still? He sniffled to himself as he summoned a sockpuppet.
- 🎶You could use a buddy... Don't you want a pal?🎶 Yes I do! - he put his head on his knees, sniffling hard. - ...yes I do...
#alex brightman#beetlegeuse#beetlejuice#beetlejuice fanfiction#beetlejuice oc#beetlejuice the musical#fanfiction#fanfic#lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth#musical!beetlejuice#beetlejuice broadway
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Homestuck 11th anniversary/413 AKA Why I have more tolerance towards the Epilogues
WARNING!
THIS TEXT IS OVER 1.5 THOUSAND OF WORDS LONG!
Enjoy.
EH MAH GERD! E EASTIT MOON BUCKETS!
Wait…
EH MAH GERD!!! E HAMSTEAK BORTH TOOT!!!
And only on this time of year, when we have two holidays, we can talk about the thing that everyone in the Homestuck fandom loves: The Epilogues! :D
Everyone is pointing a gun at you.
OH FUCK!!
You duck behind your desk while everyone else is shooting.
JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!!! CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN!!!!!
10 minutes later. You check out of you can stand up.
H-hello?
…
Can I talk now??
…
PERFECT!!
As you can see, today is not only the 11th anniversary of Homestuck but also the 1st anniversary of its Epilogues. Now, imagine one year ago, you were waiting almost 2.5 year for the Epilogues (three years if you don’t count Credits). You wanted to know the answers to many questions such as: Is Lord English defeated once and for all? What happened to that post-Retcon worthless c8nt who lost all of her character development? Is Terezi going to be okay? etc. Sure you got some supplementary stuff like the 1st act of Hiveswap (after like 5 years after its announcement, despite all of its development problems), Friendsim (that visual novel that detailed characters that will appear in later acts of Hiveswap), you read some fanfics like Cool And New Web Comic (personal opinion: very fucking good) and Vast Error (I didn’t read this one but I heard it was good and many people behind it are working with the WhatPumpkin team and on the other official Homestuck shit), there were some official snapchat photos and while those were very good, you knew that they will mean nothing when the Epilogues will drop in. And they finally does, on the Homestuck’s 10th anniversary no less. So you click on The Homestuck Epilogues, happy and excited as fuck and the first thing you see is… an introduction page ripped straight out of AO3.
You earn what can be basically described as a punch in the face where the metaphorical fist is filled with confusion. But it doesn’t end here. Then you notice something more disturbing in content warning and characters:
Rape? Abuse?? Existential Crisis?!? OC?!?! Polyamory?!?!?! GENDER TRANSITION?!??!?!?!?! BARACK! FUCKING!! OBAMA?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?
Like what in the actual fuck is happening?!!
Then you read the Prologue and you are like: Uhm… Okay. It’s not that bad at all, like, far from it. Maybe that AO3 page is just a joke? Everything will be alright right? RIGHT?!?
Then one week later Hussie (with help of some people) drops two nukes on fandom and it all goes to hell. No seriously, it’s like Hussie built Little Boy and Fat Man expies titled Meat and Candy, dropped them on fandom in which the centers of explosions were Dirk’s and Jane’s fandoms respectively and delivered some of the biggest Broken Base effect in Homestuck after like Act 6. Nothing was the same after that. Everybody were fighting each other over who was right, people didn’t even know what was canon anymore and even up to this date people are still misgendering Roxy for fucks sake (it’s not even that hard to remember it: she/her for the Alpha Roxy and her Candy counterpart and he/him for the Meat one; come on man)!
From what I’ve (mostly) seen on Tumblr, most of the Homestuck fans hates it to the bones. Only some individuals actually like them and I happened to be one of those people who likes the Epilogues.
Everyone is pointing a gun at you. Again.
OH COME ON MA-
One hour later.
CAN I FINALLY TALK WITHOUT ENDING UP FUCKING HANGED?!?
…
Bogan: y̵i̸s̷.̵.̶.̶
THANK YOU!
Now, I don’t really care who likes the Epilogues and who doesn’t. Everyone has different opinions. But something tells me that the Epilogues (at least here on Tumblr) are overhated. Like, sometimes, the negativity towards the Epilogues is so big that it makes me feel like I was in Star Wars fandom. And when fandom starts to look like the Star Wars one, you know you are in deep shit.
But you might be thinking by now: Dude, where are going with all of this shit?! Well my dear… uhm… pickles? The point of all of this is that I want to share something with you. And that is the reason. The (main) reason why I (in worst case) have more tolerance towards The Homestuck Epilogues than most of the people (on Tumblr).
When I started writing this long as fuck text I thought that I would easily give more reasons, in other words, give like 3-4 points why I like the Epilogues. But then again it’s better said than done because most of them are connected to this fact:
THE. EPILOGUES. ARE. MOSTLY. NOT. CANON.
This is the reason why I like them, why I can tolerate them. The Epilogues are mostly happening in two new timelines, different from the Alpha one. It’s even stated (or at worst implied) by Jade in Homestuck^2’s 6th chapter that the Meat timeline (and also possibly the Candy one) is not the Alpha one:
The reason why the Epilogues are mostly not canon is that the characters from the Alpha timeline (Terezi, Vriska, Aradia, Sollux, Alt!Calliope etc.) make an appearance in one of the timelines (some of them in both).
Some people who hate the Epilogues stated that it RUINED some of the characters no matter if they liked them or not. That’s kind of… over-the-top because characters that are not from the Alpha timeline are clearly in some cases not the same ones that we know as I see it (at least in case of Neo-Condesce and Doc Strider) as a fuck you towards those fanfics that like to shove Ron the Death Eater and Character Derailment tropes down our throats because some fanfic creators didn’t like some of the characters from the original work.
In other words: Almost all of the characters from the Alpha timeline are the same characters as we know at the very end of Homestuck.
There are still lesser things that I find myself enjoying in the Epilogues:
- The writing is on a very good level and when it’s pissing someone of it’s not from incompetence,
- Post-Retcon Vriska actually gets some actual character development instead of ending up as a useless piece of shit that only insults everyone who achieved much more than she ever would (I mean it took (at least) almost 4 years for this to happen but still),
- The fact that behind Neo-Condesce’s and Doc Strider’s turn to evil is some actual sense, like with the former one it was mind manipulations in her childhood (not to mention the literal mind control by Post-Scratch Meenah) and the latter one (in order to become ultimate) ending up absorbing some of the versions of himself that are basically a massive shitheads (like Bro, Hal, even Caliborn counts),
There are still other pros that either I can’t remember or they are too minor co count.
Does all of this mean that the Epilogues are flawless? PFFFFFF! Of course not. Nothing is perfect. There are some stuff that I don’t like.
The biggest one is that the Epilogues are sometimes overcrowded with so many words detailing every single thing that it actually becomes a slog to get through even one chapter (but then again, this is the reason why I don’t enjoy reading books). Sure, the original comic is like almost thrice as long as the fucking Lord of the Rings in case of the dialogue but it has pictures and animations to be more pleasant for the eyes. Which leads to another con: No. Fucking. Pictures. If I want to look for the details, then at least show me something else than words. Every fucking time I must look at dozens of words describing the most minuscule thing in the novel I’m like:
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Also in terms of enjoyment I prefer the Meat Epilogue over the Candy one. When some people say that this book is a big, steaming pile of sadness and depression, at least the Meat part tells you from the start what kind of tone it’s going to have. The Candy part? Not so much. First it’s all happiness, (almost) everyone is happy, birds are happy, clouds are happy, nothing but happiness. And then you get punched in the gut, smashed into the ground and getting kicked over and over and over for so long that when the kicking finally stops it feels like 15 years passed by that time. And just to add up, the pacing in Meat is better than in Candy.
I’m going to piss you off even more but there are moments in the original Homestuck that are more cringe/rage inducing than some of the most painful ones from the Epilogues, particularly the intermissions in Act 6 Act 6 (DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED TO BOTH SERKETS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD).
…
…
…
Hey you.
…
Are you still reading this?
…
GOOD! Because you have reached the end of this long ass post that will get one like MAX. You know, like my other long ass posts. LOL AM I RIGHT?!?!
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Jokes asides, we had a wild ride since the last 413. The Epilogues (despite what they are) gave us the answers to the biggest questions that Homestuck left for us, we got Pesterquest, the sequel to Friendsim that concluded the history of the MSPAReader (until another sequel -_-) and, of course, we got the official sequel to Homestuck, over 10.5 years later from the original comic’s debut. So, fuck ton of stuff throughout a year for me.
As for the Epilogues, look, I can, in some way, understand that some of you want to stay at least 10 km away from them but it has been a year (well technically almost a year) since they were published on the Homestuck’s official website. It might be a good time to read them once more. Without all of that hype they have built for 2.5 years after the credits. From the different perspective. Maybe even (and I dare to say it) right after yet another re-reading of Homestuck. Either way, remember that in most cases you can give someone or something another chance.
Before I’ll finally end this I must call out some of the more rabid Epilogues haters:
STOP TREATING THE ORIGINAL, ALPHA JANE THE SAME WAY AS A FUCKING NEO-CONDESCE!! THOSE TWO CHARACTERS ARE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS!! SAME WITH ALPHA DIRK AND DOC STRIDER!! MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!!! STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF 12 YEAR OLD BRATS!!!
You are on your last breath.
Tha… that’s it! I’m done… wheeze S… See you next time. B-Bye now! Imma… Immabouttopffffffffffffffffffff-
You fall down on your floor after over 1.5 thousand words of talking. Suddenly you feel urge to check Twitter. You see that Homestuck^2 has just received another update. Roundabout starts playing in the background.
What?! And what is thi- PART ONE?!?!?! Oooooooooohhhhhhh ffffuuuuuuUUUUUUUU-
<--- TO BE CONTINUED
#homestuck#4/13#Homestuck Epilogues#Homestuck Epilogues Meat#homestuck epilogues Candy#homestuck 413#4/13/20
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Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18
==>
Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18. We’re with Jane... that might not be good. Especially given Lollipop proximity.
Jane scoffing at troll genocide again. :(
Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.
GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?
Pfffff
Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.
I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.
It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation? Are they black with each other or something??
What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.
Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah
GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.
Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon
or anyone for that matter
JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.
....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this. Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.
Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:
Oh god they named the baby Tavros.
Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really. I can see why they singled out page 18. I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.
HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!
Eeeeuugh
JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going?
JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it
JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world
God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????
You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.
JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im...
JAKE: Whats wrong?
JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body
JADE: like merging with bec mostly
Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this. This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:
jesus
D: D: D:
This... is actually making my stomach roil again????
like
not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with
FAN SCENARIOS
ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole
but once its CANON???????? D: D: D:
suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation. Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.” D:
andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY
Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER
AAAAAAAA D’:
i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me
Rose surrogate?
JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!
Pffffff. Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here. I should... TRY to lighten up about this. Try. D:
(...wait, shit. Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page. God damnit.)
[[ EDIT: askshenhibiki said:
Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.
Ah, let’s see...
ROXY: and so i got to thinking
ROXY: what even is gender
ROXY: amirite lol?
JADE: oh yeah
JADE: that makes sense i guess........
Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.
...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]
Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario. I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this. Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?
==>
Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.
Oh wow, John went for the mustache. Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?
Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.
D: D: D:
Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?
KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.
It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!! What the hell! >:(
Is this about politics? Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever?? Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.
Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.
KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.
Yep, that triangle’s fucked. Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...
...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.
JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave
She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.
Oh SHIT. Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???
Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.
There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.
JADE: its...
JADE: ME???
Okay what the FUCK. It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all. Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole
I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience. But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??
And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either. Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript. Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation? Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her. Never mind. Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.
Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW
==>
Page 20...
Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.
Hm... same stupid tooth poison? No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole. Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.
Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center? That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.
ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao
ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE. WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.
And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.
Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?
ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok
ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE
ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.
JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?
Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(
ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!
I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit... And, I mean, what the hell could she even do?? It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.
==>
She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.
Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers. I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.
What is with people being bathed in light here?
each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.
Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.
Uhhh.... huh.
So.
If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????
John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.
Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?
Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer
Pff
(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript. Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party. Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)
KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.
Pfffffffffff
The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.
Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of. Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?
since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest
My damn god, people.
...alright finally, everyone’s talking.
JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.
JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD
CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason.
CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end.
CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.
...Huh. Huuuuhh. What the fuck is all this for. Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?
Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots
okay there’s the labor going into good distraction
alright corpse get back up
JADE: i am not jade.
Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now? To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business? And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers? And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage? Huh.
The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.
Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD D:
JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you,
JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.
Well fuck. So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something. Relevant, possible, I dunno.
JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.
Okay that’s good. So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved. Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.
.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart. Dammit.
==>
Terezi talk Terezi talk
-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK
JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.
Oh my GOD. So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????
That’s pretty interesting! Heck my stomach’s even calming down!
they can’t even be judges!
TEREZI: G4SP
Yeah that’s pretty terrible!
...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge. I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.
--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<
PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping. That means things must be pretty fucking bad.
--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.
Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi. Yep, that’s Gamzee.
GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...
Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is. Why would it be anything else. I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.
The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.
Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey
ROXY: lmao you worry too much
ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet
ROXY. WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO. I MISS IT. YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.
Touching photo.
Alright lemme post split. I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.
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All the odds for Nik??? :D
Thank!!!!
What is your OC’s favorite color?
Nik’s favorite color is a dark red!!
What kind of things is your OC allergic to?
I actually think Nik might be allergic to strawberries
What is your OC’s first memory?
mmmm I’m not sure?? Probably something related to his training, and how it impacted his claustrophobia
What element would your OC be?
FIRE DEF FIRE
Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC?
uhmmm I kinda do have a face claim for him???
It’s kinda a mix of all these bois
What are your OC’s hobbies?
Anything that is adrealine related. he likes to dance, he likes to cliff dive because he’s crazy and has no fucking concept of safety. …..sex. getting high
AND WRITING MUSIC
he loves writing music and playing instruments
What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.?
Male, bisexual, latino, archangel
If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?
mmmm I think he would really like a pupper. But he would also like a fucking spider as a pet and I REFUSE to give him one
How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?
i mean
he kinda lives off his parents because he’s lazy. But he is also a spy and very good at getting into and out of places. Does he like this job? Sure, it comes in handy for getting him out of sticky situations, but its not his dream job
his dream job would probs be a musician
What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?
ok ok Nik would listen to a lot of different shit, as long as it had a beat and could keep his interest. But I don;t think he would even touch country. My fave song for him, currently is Animal or Or Nah
What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves?
pffffff ok Nik has,,, actually a lot of fucking issues. He has anger issues, he has committment issues, and has mommy and daddy issues. He can’t STAND when people sensor him and try to tell him how to act/dress/appear
What is a random fact about your OC?
Nik does his eyebrows
What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?
Nik was originally created as a fanfic character, as the son of Azriel and Mor from ACoTaR. I am,,, not sure what inspired it??? I wanted there to be Four Moriel brothers and for Nik to be the youngest. He’s always been,,, wild and a fuckin disaster in my head from the moment of his creation
What kind of childhood did your character have?
Nik had an interesting childhood. He was extremely weathy, but his parents were extremely cold and severe people with all their children, except for maybe Blake. He was pushed to be the Best and they tried to make him what they Wanted and he rebelled against it bec No One is going to tell him what the fuck to do
His dad trained him severely to be able to be a Good Killer and to be able to be an amazing fuckin spy. While his mom trained him and his brothers how to be able to act in court and how to manipulate people into giving you what you want
He grew up with his parents constantly doting on Blake, and making him the golden boy, and having them constantly remind him that he wasn’t like blake and that he was a disappointment so he said fuck it and gave them exactly that
If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?
‘I rebel, therefore I exist’ - Albert Camus
What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?
His most traumatic memory was being locked in a small room for days at a time, trying to break out. There were no windows, and he had to learn how to get out without magic
There favorite memory,,,,, mmmm I would say his favorite memory was the first time he went cliff diving. He jumped and didn’t unfurl his wings until the very last second. The Best Rush he ever had
Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why?
Oh, he absolutely would kill someone. he would do it without blinking if he had to. If someone he cared about was in danger, or if he was truly in danger, he would go through anyone and everyone to get to that One Person or to get himself to safety
He would kill someone if someone he cared about was in danger. he would kill someone if they were a True Fucking Monster. Tbh I think he might actually kill his dad if he was pushed too far
How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?
Nik has a very, very colorful imagination. I think he would absolutely day dream a lot, especially if he was stoned aslghsadlgd
Oh, he is hardly ever actually worried about anything. He is probably the most carefree person ever. I wouldn’t say he lived in his memories, but he does live in the feeling of The Rush
What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?
You mean beside breaking into places and stealing shit and doing drugs, all for fun even tho he’s a little rich bitch? The bastard picks fights like he breathes air, he will egg on an enemy with a weapon. He would let himself get captured on enemy grounds on purpose
What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?
mmmmm day old pizza and a half liter of semi-flat coke. Dirty laundry is on his floor (Cam is getting ready to beat him if he doesn’t pick up his shit). A stack of CDs and a notebook w lyrics is in his nightstand. A raccoon is in his garbage can lashglsdgh probably old booze bottles and old boxes of take out pizza
What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?
He goes to smoke or goes out on the pitch and either beats the crap out of his oponnent or lets them beat the crap out of him. It calms him down, either way
What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?
uhmmm im not sure?? It was probably dissing humans and the thought that they weren’t worth being in a relationship w in the long run bec they were too breakable and don’t live that long
If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?
you kidding?? Nik LOVES pineapple pizza. But if he was told he HAD to eat it, he probably wouldn’t touch it and be like do your worst
Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?
ok, Nik does not draw. He can’t draw worth a shit. He DOES doodle sometimes, yes. He prefers to write music~
Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?
hell YES he likes candy!! When he was a lil angel he was a smol chub bec he liked sweets so much. Then he grew up, started training and fighting and lost all his chub :(
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Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 13 (Epilogue 2 Page 5)
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Annoying Roommates
@one-inch-chick submitted a very hot photo to go along with this post. If you'd like to see that photo you'll have to go to NewTumbl to see it. Thanks again @one-inch-chick who's been a fantastic friend and fan! You photo submissions have been getting me through this whole situation.
This is a complete rewrite and reimagining of a story I've written before.
Warnings/Tags: Face Farting, Willing Victim, Gay Farting, Gay Face Farting, Roommates
You’re playing Fallout 4 in your bed when a shirtless Kian busts into your room. “Ever heard of knocking?”
“No.” He says sarcastically. “Do you have a second?” He makes himself comfortable by laying on his stomach next to you. He’s a little closer than you’d like but you give him your attention.
“What’s up?” You put your controller down and give him your full attention, trying not to stare at his boxer clad ass.
“I know I’m supposed to do the dishes today, but… Do you think you could do them for me?” He gives you a slight pout and bats his eyes. You roll your eyes and start to shake your head no. “I’ll make it worth it for you.”
“How could you-what are you doing?” Kian gets onto his knees and bends downward so his ass is sticking up in the air towards you.
PFFFFFFFFFBRBRFFFFFFFTTTTT
“What the fuck man?” You shake your head in disbelief. “I’m not doing your fucking dishes.” He wiggles his ass in what you believe he thinks is seductive. “Seriously, don't you have something better to do? Like, I don’t know, the dishes?”
“Nope,” He pops the p. “Not really.” He goes back to laying down on his stomach and focuses his attention back towards the TV even though you aren’t doing anything. The fart finally hits your nose, and it’s awful.
“Jesus, what did you eat?” You pinch your nose.
“Oh you know,” He pretends to be in deep thought. “Beans, broccoli, oh and a bowl of ice cream.”
“Fucking hell dude, get out before you stink my whole room up.” You unpinch your nose, the faint smell of his last fart lingering.
“Why? I thought you were a fart loving bitch?” You cringe at the joke that constantly gets brought up.
“I literally watched that weird porn once. Stop calling me a fart loving bitch!” You throw his right leg off the bed making him hang off the bed partially. You do your best again to not stare at his ass, but the way his boxers are framing his nice ass is making it hard.
“Oh come on, don’t deny it. I see how you look at my ass.” He shakes his ass again and you can’t stop yourself from staring.
“I do not-” You begin but get cut off by Kian’s ass.
PFFFFFFFFFFFTTT
“Uuh,” He groans as the fart escapes from his ass. “And it’s okay to like what you like, I ain’t judging.” The scent is as bad as the first one. “I’m just trying to make a deal that’s, you know, mutually beneficial.” You use your hand to fan in front of your face.
“That’s just rank man.” The smell is honestly equatable to a skunk, it’s terrible.
“And it’s all for you. You just have to wash the dishes.” Your eyes linger to his ass again and back to your face.
“That’s all? I get to huff on yer stink and all you want in return is me to do your dishes?” You ask somewhat in disbelief.
“Yup, you can even stroke that small cock of yours if you want.” You both stare at each other in silence for a moment, both of you waiting for each other to make the first move.
“I’m good.” You finally say turning your attention back to your TV. “I can find any guy I’d like to fart in my face and not have to do dishes.” He glares at you. “Not that I would want that anyway, that’s just groaty.” Kian gets back onto the bed and puts his legs to frame your body, and angles his ass so it’s facing right at you.
“Last chance bud, you know I got that gassiest ass here. This tank is full and is waiting for you.” He slaps his ass hard making it jiggle in front of you.
“Uh-uhm. What?”
PFFFFFFFFTT PFFBRBRBFFFFTT PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT
He lets out several blasts of air that get blown right at your face.
“Jesus fucking fuck!” You yell out as you get subjected to his ass bombs. It smells like raw sewage and you don’t think anyone would be able to withstand that. For some reason though, your cock is hard as rock. You do your best to cover up your crotch with a pillow so he doesn’t notice.
“See you do like it.” Kian points at the pillow you just moved.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFBBBRRRFFFTTTTTTT
“See, I think we can come to an arrangement.” You take a large inhale of his butt fumes before you shamefully nod your head.
“Fine, fine.” You shake your head. “Just pull yer undies down and I’ll do the dishes.”
“And clean the toilet.” He quickly adds trying to take advantage of the situation.
“Fine, and clean the toilet.” He laughs as he pulls his boxers down revealing his hairy ass. He backs his ass against your face and get’s comfortable.
“Gimme the controller.” You hand him the controller as his hole presses snuggly against your nose.
PSSSSSSSSS
You grimace as a warm fart gets shot right up your nose and it burns it’s way to your lungs. It’s awful and has one of the worst scents you’ve had to endure close up. “God, you're disgusting.” You manage to say as you keep sniffing.
“Not as disgusting as you, fart lover.”
PFFFFFF PFFFFF PFFFFFFFFF PFFFFFFFFF
“I mean, you’re down there getting off on my ass bombs.” He pulls the pillow away that was covering your crotch. “I mean look at your tiny dick straining in your shorts.”
“Shut up.” Your voice gets muffled under his ass.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
“Sorry, couldn't hear you over the sound of my manly farts. Oh shit deathclaw.”
“What?” You try to get him to move but he doesn’t budge.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFF PFBBFFFFFF
He sighs in relief as the last fart hits your nose. You take another deep breath in and you feel your eyes go cross. The scent is absolutely horrid but it doesn’t stop you from sniffing like a dog. You swear you can almost smell the beans that he said he ate earlier.
“Shit, I died.” Kian lifts off your face and looks back at you. “Alright, well I expect the dishes and toilet cleaned by eight. That gives you enough time to jack off right?”
“Fuck you.”
“I think you meant to say thank you. And you’re welcome.” You roll your eyes as he slams your door shut. But he’s not wrong, as soon as the doors closed your hand is in your pants stroking your dick until you’re shooting your load inside of your shorts.
You feel a little ashamed, but at least you’ve got a working deal now with Kian. Whenever he wants out of chores he makes a stop at your bedroom and you get to plant your face into his sizable ass and inhale the most toxic fumes of your life and get off all at the same time. Guess he was right; it was a good deal.
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tagged by @amairylle, thanks masha!!!! i love doing this kind of tags hehe pls let me talk more about myself
1. Are you named after anyone?
nope! i am..... UNIQUE (in my family, that is hjdshjhjsd)
2. When was the last time you cried?
did u mean, when aren’t i crying???? pffffff ALWAYS CRYING ON THE INSIDE
3. Do you have kids?
if fictional characters and ocs count, yes, i have a lot of kids
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
i probably do a lot o(-<
5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
isn’t that a very french thing to answer with a “it depends!”? well, yes, it depends on the situation djhdshjdjhsd
but i’d say, their posture/how they stand in the room, their face/hair, their outfit, and their voice/tone of speech (woops that was more than (1) thing)
6. What’s your eye color?
very dark brown ‾\_(ツ)_/‾
7. Scary movie or happy ending?
LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT SCARY MOVIE SO HAPPY ENDING IT IS
8. Any special talents?
huh, i consider myself pretty good at wrapping presents? i enjoy doing that too so it’s a win-win!
9. Where were you born?
on a tiny island, right next to the biggest country in asia c:
10. What are your hobbies?
you mean like, besides.... DRAWING (how surprising)...???? /SWEATS/ HAHA huh, playing video games (but gacha hell and dating sim only plz), wasting time on this hellish site, reading/listening to audiobook, watching whatever i find entertaining, sipping tea under 5 layers of blankets like a grandma, or a gremlin, your choice
soooooooo, yup, nothing extraordinary, i’m a simple human being :’D
11. Do you have any pets?
i do! i have a very cute and imo, the most beautiful american shorthair/persian in the entire universe, but unfortunately i don’t live with her ;;
12. What sports do you play/have you played?
haven’t you heard, i’m allergic to sport and/or any kind of physical activity that require that i S W E A T hdshjsdhjshjsd like, i stopped it all together after graduating HS, which is when sports class stopped being mandatory :’D
but i practiced archery for a year! it was the first time in my life that i ever asked to do a sport and i quite liked it! i’m disappointed in myself that i didn’t pursue it :/
13. How tall are you?
161cm tall so not very tall but of average height for an asian girl pffff
14. Favorite subject in school?
art, english and sociology and they were also the only subjects i genuinely enjoyed so yeah.... school didn’t really interested me D:
15. Dream job?
working in a cool animation studio on a cool animated feature/series with cool people in a cool environment/city/country 8)
/whispers/ tell me your secreeeeets (or don’t hdshjsdhsh IT OKAY) i tag: @acidulication, @yuumeki, @amalasdraws, @sparklemura, @fabilenio
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The Terror finale
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:31 PM
Hello!
highglossfinishYesterday at 9:31 PM
Hello there!
We'll dive right in because we've got a great deal of Terror to get through.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:32 PM
Oh wow, sunlight
HopolitesYesterday at 9:33 PM
Yes, the sun does indeed exist.
highglossfinishYesterday at 9:34 PM
Everyone knows the sun is a myth invented by Those Who Live Above.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:34 PM
Ha!
highglossfinishYesterday at 9:38 PM
"And eating English lead."
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:38 PM
That, too.
HopolitesYesterday at 9:38 PM
Pffft
Yes
Sounds delicious
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:39 PM
"If you know what I mean."
I swear, whenever there's an outdoors scene I'm struck by how they don't quite seem to be dressed for the alleged temperatures
HopolitesYesterday at 9:44 PM
Also I once again have made the unwise descision of grabbing food during this show
Also
To be fair
No one is remotely prepared
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:45 PM
...man
HopolitesYesterday at 9:45 PM
Whoops! You Have PTSD!
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:45 PM
God, poor guy
HopolitesYesterday at 9:48 PM
As he was pulling off his sock I was so worried something horrible would be revealed underneath them
highglossfinishYesterday at 9:48 PM
There'll be plenty of opportunities for that.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:49 PM
I bet it's something good he just saw, huh
See! Free supplies!
HopolitesYesterday at 9:49 PM
Oh yes Im all excited to see what weird horrors this show has in store for us, but also I would like to eat my food before anything- WHELP.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:50 PM
Ah.
No bets on whether he'll end up eating those words
HopolitesYesterday at 9:54 PM
Ooooh yeah
highglossfinishYesterday at 9:55 PM
Got to love the study accumulation of things that certainly won't backfire horribly later.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:56 PM
Ohhh dear
oh nooo, not the dog :<
HopolitesYesterday at 10:03 PM
I hope the dog reaches people before them
Im reminded of a movie made of a short story done by the guy who did call of the wild that I watched in class
It was about a guy trying to walk in the alaskan wilderness to a mining camp, and he literally had only a couple of shirts, and like, a dog
My class cheered when the dog reached safety.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:06 PM
What just happened? The framerate has gotten super bad
HopolitesYesterday at 10:07 PM
Framerate is fine for me.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:07 PM
Like the picture just pauses for several seconds
Better, now
...well, I spoke too soon
HopolitesYesterday at 10:09 PM
Oh okay cannibalism is happening now.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:09 PM
~foreshadowing~
oh god :<
poor dog...
HopolitesYesterday at 10:10 PM
This isnt even just foreshadowing, this is- oh thats wild.
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:11 PM
Cybertronians have cannibalism and a robust amount of things that consume us, but I have to say, it's a glorious thing not to be made of meat.
This will end well for everyone involved.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:14 PM
Definitely
HopolitesYesterday at 10:15 PM
Cant wait to see what happens.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:16 PM
I feel no foreboding
HopolitesYesterday at 10:16 PM
Yes, this music doesn't bring up any worries at all.
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:16 PM
What a nice family. Only good times ahead.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:16 PM
Uh oh
Is that that "paradoxal undressing" or whatever it's called
HopolitesYesterday at 10:18 PM
Hmm
Oh its stuttering
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:19 PM
Oh, it's even called "horrible from supper"
HopolitesYesterday at 10:19 PM
Okay, I kinda love the incredibly creepy music
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:23 PM
Urgh
...
so you're saying you deserve to be here, huh
And that other guy really IS a fake.
HopolitesYesterday at 10:27 PM
I would embrace a horribly punny name
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:27 PM
I heartily embrace mine.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:28 PM
Heh.
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:28 PM
The Good News bell.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:28 PM
It must be!
HopolitesYesterday at 10:29 PM
Oh always
OH OF COURSE
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:29 PM
That's the bell that sounds when someone hasn't been stabbed.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:31 PM
It doesn't get rung a lot, as you can imagine
Oh, jesus
SO now he's trying to frame some random people they ran into
HopolitesYesterday at 10:33 PM
Of course.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:36 PM
yikes
Ohhh no
"show me exactly where you were found straddling his corpse half-naked"
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:42 PM
Hah!
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:42 PM
oh, that's not good
HopolitesYesterday at 10:43 PM
Ah yes, lovely.
Ah yes, a bunch of lead filled idiots have guns.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:45 PM
"whimsical tinkly music"
so he's, uh, enjoying those drugs
for now
HopolitesYesterday at 10:46 PM
I think his brain is doing a wiggle
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:48 PM
dude, stop
HopolitesYesterday at 10:49 PM
Goodbye miss! Have a better life away from this guys!
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:49 PM
"come to my country! you can be treated like a circus animal and catch novel diseases!"
highglossfinishYesterday at 10:49 PM
Go with her, have a gaggle of tiny be-mutton chopped humans together. It's not going to get better.
"Don't you want to die in eight months of smallpox?"
HopolitesYesterday at 10:51 PM
Is that the leg
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:52 PM
What, uh... what's going to be in his... stomach
HopolitesYesterday at 10:52 PM
Please roll up your sleeves
thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:52 PM
Oh.
HopolitesYesterday at 10:52 PM
Yep
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:00 PM
Well well.
Oh damn it he's getting away
HopolitesYesterday at 11:02 PM
Amazing.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:05 PM
y'know, if the bear-thing's supposed to be some kind of revenge for all those murders, it has VERY poor timing
HopolitesYesterday at 11:05 PM
Actually no it has great timing
I love the dichotomy of this scene compared to the previous one
Its very funny
Okay that zoomed in uncomfortably close to her face
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:13 PM
Decent of him.
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:13 PM
At least spit in a few of them.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:14 PM
They're already all poisoned.
Gaaaah
HopolitesYesterday at 11:15 PM
Whelp
He is thoroughly befuckened.
OOO DOUBLE SCREWED
And hes the food isnt he
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:16 PM
Ugh.
HopolitesYesterday at 11:18 PM
Whelp
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:18 PM
Well, then.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:18 PM
So it's the scurvy, then
HopolitesYesterday at 11:20 PM
Eyup
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:20 PM
Yes, yes, we get it, you're laying the groundwork to eat someone soon.
HopolitesYesterday at 11:21 PM
Like, how obvious can they be?
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:22 PM
So he's going to be first.
"Good news, everyone!"
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:23 PM
Hah!
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:26 PM
"there will be NO cannibalism on THIS trip"
HopolitesYesterday at 11:28 PM
Well, nice to see she got back to her people safe.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:28 PM
yeah
ah
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:37 PM
Everything about these two hurts.
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:37 PM
an albatross, perhaps?
god
burn
poor guy
HopolitesYesterday at 11:41 PM
Several layers of Oof
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:42 PM
The oof never ends.
HopolitesYesterday at 11:42 PM
AN EVEN LOUDER OOF
SharpwingYesterday at 11:46 PM
Hi all! I am. At Walmart. So I cannot join in to watch... apparently foreshadowed cannibalism
But I would like to say hi anyway
HopolitesYesterday at 11:47 PM
It is no longer foreshadowed
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:47 PM
Oh no, it's very much the opposite by this point.
SharpwingYesterday at 11:47 PM
agh
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:47 PM
But glad to have you pop in just the same.
SharpwingYesterday at 11:48 PM
Ok no regrets about not seeing... that. But yes! It's great to see you! How ya doing?
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:50 PM
oof
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:50 PM
No complaints! And you?
HopolitesYesterday at 11:51 PM
Oh okay mr hickey has gone full weird
SharpwingYesterday at 11:51 PM
No complaints here either!:blush: oof, weird how? (If you feel like elaborating)
HopolitesYesterday at 11:51 PM
Standing int the super cold morning smiling smuggly
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:51 PM
on a table
HopolitesYesterday at 11:52 PM
Also only wearing one layer of clothes
SharpwingYesterday at 11:52 PM
Yep that's Very Weird
HopolitesYesterday at 11:57 PM
"But what about second mutiny?"
thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:57 PM
pffffff
highglossfinishYesterday at 11:57 PM
Hah!
Local man ruins everything.
HopolitesToday at 12:00 AM
Whoopsiedoo!
highglossfinishToday at 12:04 AM
Last episode. Here we go.
HopolitesToday at 12:04 AM
Woooo!
Cant wait to see what slightly insane things will happen next!
Im going to guess they will proceed to lose, at least, ten men.
thenightetc2Today at 12:10 AM
oof
:<
HopolitesToday at 12:14 AM
Oh boy
thenightetc2Today at 12:16 AM
...he poisoned himself in some way?
highglossfinishToday at 12:16 AM
Oh, this is excruciating.
HopolitesToday at 12:17 AM
Fascinating hallucination.
thenightetc2Today at 12:18 AM
...
gaaah
highglossfinishToday at 12:24 AM
Very gaah.
HopolitesToday at 12:24 AM
Sometimes I hate having pain empathy.
Eesh
thenightetc2Today at 12:26 AM
definitely was covering himself in poison at the end there, then
HopolitesToday at 12:27 AM
Ooooh yeeeeeah
thenightetc2Today at 12:28 AM
...I remember once someone asked you what you thought the worst thing one human could do to another would be, and you said you thought it was probably forcing someone to eat, well, this
Can't imagine why I remembered that just now!
HopolitesToday at 12:29 AM
HAH
Hopefully they dont have the lowest bidder for food.
Again.
HopolitesToday at 12:30 AM
I mean, at that point it would be funny.
Nooot really on the fur department.
thenightetc2Today at 12:32 AM
Called it.
HopolitesToday at 12:32 AM
Of course.
Very inspirational.
Just shoot him.
thenightetc2Today at 12:36 AM
I can't get over how fucked up it looks.
Is this a SHAVED bear?
HopolitesToday at 12:36 AM
The bear has no fur
Like, how will they make a coat from it?
thenightetc2Today at 12:36 AM
Good point.
HA
HopolitesToday at 12:37 AM
Is the reason why the bear looks like that because- HA!
HAAAA!
thenightetc2Today at 12:37 AM
GOOD RIDDANCE
HopolitesToday at 12:38 AM
But yeah, does the bear look like that because a proper polar bear would be too cute and fluffy looking?
highglossfinishToday at 12:38 AM
It's covered with a fine layer of fuzz and old man skin. They can make a coat of that.
I think it's to emphasize that it's not an actual bear.
HopolitesToday at 12:39 AM
Right yeah, it had creepily human eyes.
thenightetc2Today at 12:39 AM
Gotta be
OH NO
highglossfinishToday at 12:46 AM
You did the best you could, Stumpy.
thenightetc2Today at 12:48 AM
the camp of people who are definitely still alive
HopolitesToday at 12:48 AM
I once again have to say that I like the music
highglossfinishToday at 12:48 AM
Likewise.
thenightetc2Today at 12:48 AM
very eerie.
okay WHAT
HopolitesToday at 12:49 AM
Uh what
thenightetc2Today at 12:49 AM
What the fuck has been going on here
highglossfinishToday at 12:49 AM
Apparently they really did find him like that, and absolutely no one then or now can explain why.
HopolitesToday at 12:49 AM
Wild!
What the fuck!
thenightetc2Today at 12:50 AM
Maybe they all got the hypothermia madness
HopolitesToday at 12:50 AM
Also I love by the bend in his sleeve you can tell the actor has just, tucked his hand into it.
highglossfinishToday at 12:50 AM
Sensible child.
thenightetc2Today at 12:51 AM
dude did you not realize she has a name
HopolitesToday at 12:51 AM
SHE HAS A NAME YOU DIPSHIT
highglossfinishToday at 12:52 AM
I wonder if she ever told Goodsir.
thenightetc2Today at 12:54 AM
...oh
HopolitesToday at 12:54 AM
Oh its because she summoned the monster
highglossfinishToday at 12:54 AM
It's because it died on her watch.
And that's The Terror!
thenightetc2Today at 12:59 AM
Well.
It sure was!
That was a hell of a thing.
HopolitesToday at 12:59 AM
I do appreciate how much the show kept telling us that the British didnt belong there
highglossfinishToday at 12:59 AM
Wasn't it just?
Awfully nice of them to let him live with them after his men killed one of their shaman and then their protector spirit.
thenightetc2Today at 1:01 AM
Yes
SharpwingToday at 1:01 AM
:eyes:like what
thenightetc2Today at 1:01 AM
He had some weird piercings in his face, and chains--like, jewellery chains--attached to them
HopolitesToday at 1:02 AM
Im sorry but I love this video making fun of the british mispronouncing a inuit word
SharpwingToday at 1:02 AM
Isn't getting a piercing a common occurrence during a crisis?
HopolitesToday at 1:03 AM
COLD BOYS
thenightetc2Today at 1:03 AM
ldfkjg
HopolitesToday at 1:05 AM
Is this a cheesy edit someone did
I feel I shouldn't be giggling at this edit like I am.
thenightetc2Today at 1:08 AM
Sea shanty SNL?
highglossfinishToday at 1:08 AM
OH, YES!
Perfect!
thenightetc2Today at 1:12 AM
FOrty-five minutes from shore!
HopolitesToday at 1:13 AM
Amazing.
thenightetc2Today at 1:13 AM
Very amazing.
highglossfinishToday at 1:13 AM
And that, I believe, is a good place to wrap it up!
thenightetc2Today at 1:13 AM
Well! Thank you, once more, for hosting.
HopolitesToday at 1:14 AM
Rest well!
highglossfinishToday at 1:14 AM
And thank you for allowing me to subject you to this show!
HopolitesToday at 1:14 AM
Was fun!
Always nice to make fun of the british.
SharpwingToday at 1:14 AM
:blush::wave: Thank you! I hope your next two weeks is good♡
highglossfinishToday at 1:14 AM
And yours too!
thenightetc2Today at 1:14 AM
Goodnight!
...I actually have a suggestion for next time, if you're interested in something animated and a bit stupid.
Latte and the magic waterstone
highglossfinishToday at 1:17 AM
Looks promising and delightfully stupid.
Latte it is.
thenightetc2Today at 1:18 AM
:D
0 notes
Text
The Heaven We Didn’t Choose, Chapter 17: In Which Alphys is Terrible
...And Sans, for once, is not.
First: Chapter 1: In Which a Child Makes a Friend
Previous: Chapter 16: In Which Monsters Celebrate
Next: Chapter 18: In Which Sans Has a Heart
Click here for the story overview.
Mornings after a double shift were always a wash for Sans. At least it was the weekend; no one expected his hot dog stand to be open on weekends, though it often was.
Boss had long since headed out. The remains of the Takersfaire booth were occupying the dining room, making navigation difficult, but Sans managed to get into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat. He figured he might as well run errands since he had nothing planned until his sentry shift that evening.
Since he hadn’t quite come to terms with facing the Royal Scientist just yet, he made his way down to the bus stop instead. He needed to pay a visit to the one person who would probably be willing to pass on his Christmas gift without either freaking out or telling Boss.
Tori’s place was in a real fancy neighborhood. Real fancy. Guards-posted-outside levels of fancy. Lobbyists, politicians, businessmen who’d done well for themselves...it was like a gathering of the most powerful people in the city, possibly the country. The level of protection was such that Sans didn’t even want to think of teleporting, so he took public transportation as close as he could and walked.
Tori had admitted to him, once, that she felt a little uncomfortable in such a large and elaborate mansion. She’d lived in the Ruins longer than Sans had been alive, after all; she was used to a much more modest lifestyle. Having her own house was a condition of her reconciliation with Asgore, though, and she’d been angry enough at the time to take full advantage of it.
Sans let himself through the gate, ignoring the stoic monsters stationed there. He didn’t recognize them. The Queen’s Guard was mostly comprised of really old monsters and monsters from the Ruins, though, so it wasn’t surprising.
With a smirk, he knocked on the door.
There was no answer. Not unusual - Tori was a busy monster - but disappointing. After all, he was pretty sure he’d promised to visit her at some point...and it had been a while since he'd seen her...
He took the hat and mittens out of his inventory and, feeling a little silly, put them on the doorstep. He had a notepad and pen handy for when he went record-diving with Alphys, so he tore a page off and wrote:
for frisk
His handwriting was distinctive enough; Tori would know who it was from. Actually, that would probably make her less likely to give it to Frisk. After a moment’s thought, he added:
(not a prank)
There. He felt like he’d actually achieved something.
He rode the bus just long enough to clear the protections, then slipped into a deserted alleyway behind a bus stop and teleported. It took him half an hour and several jumps, but he finally made his way back up to the top of Mount Ebott.
A new, separate entrance to the Underground had been carved out a few years back so people coming and going didn’t have to pass through the Palace. Sans teleported there, instead of to his post in the Judgement Hall, in the hopes of avoiding Asgore. No need to test his temper.
The walk through Hotland was a lot nicer than it used to be, especially the visitor-friendly portions. Reflective shielding had been put up over most of the walkways to protect squishy humans from the heat and water stations stood on almost every corner.
“Wanna buy some water, sir?” An enterprising young pyrope in striped shoes was standing by one of the stations, balancing a stack of paper cups carefully. A small plume of smoke rose from where he was holding them.
Sans smirked. “Don’t con a conman, kid. The water’s free ‘round here. Can’t have humans dropping dead left and right. ‘Sides, I’m all bones.”
The kid jerked back, apparently realizing that he was speaking to a monster instead of a short human. “Shut up, you stupid jerk! Humans buy water all the time! They’re dumb like that!” His agitation made flames erupt and consume the cups, and he dropped them with a curse that wasn’t exactly age-appropriate.
The anticipation was getting to him, making his fingers twitch in his pockets. “You’re lucky I’m in a bad mood today,” he grumbled as he wandered off.
“Oh? Why’s that, you dumbo?”
“Because otherwise, you and I would have a great time.” He let his eye socket flare for a moment, the threat of a beatdown burning bright.
The kid shrieked and stumbled off.
See? That was the reaction most kids had to Sans. Not the hugging and the questions and the dressing up as a skeleton. He ignored the part of himself that felt a little guilty made his way further into Hotland.
Alphys’s lab was a little off the beaten path, literally and figuratively. The fastest way to get there involved cutting through two businesses, an abandoned sentry post, and someone’s basement. Sans was pretty sure the basement was one Alphys had commandeered for her projects, though, so he wasn’t too worried about being caught.
The lab entrance itself was disguised as a suspiciously-shaped outcropping of rock with a very conspicuous keypad to the side, between signs that read “DEFINITELY NOT A LAB” and “DANGER: DO NOT ENTER (ACTUALLY, PLEASE ENTER, WE NEED MORE TEST SUBJECTS).”
Subtlety was...not one of the Royal Scientist’s strong suits. Unlike killer robots.
Sans could have teleported inside quite easily, but he was trying to conserve magic. Also, it was funny watching Alphys try to run around trying to figure out how he always discovered her passcodes. He punched the most recent passcode in, dodged both mechanical arms that lashed and tried to grab potential intruders, and ducked inside.
The upper portion of the lab looked like a mix between a child’s bedroom and the set of a cheesy, low-budget human horror film. A rickety old iron bed stood in one corner, half-hidden behind a wall of zombie posters and half-decapitated dolls with glassy eyes. Every light bulb in the place flickered, to the point where Sans - who normally wasn’t sensitive to changes in brightness - found himself wincing. Dilapidated shelves had been scavenged for the sole purpose of hanging broken and empty in rows along the walls, draped in spider webs. A big flat-screen TV had been rigged to only display black and white, and was currently flickering between a rotating security feed and ominous static.
The scientist herself was nowhere to be seen. Sans checked around the place, tripping over rocks and detritus and a disturbing amount of glass eyeballs, until he finally located the trap door to the real lab. The dumb lizard had put a bookcase and a rug over it, which was a pain. Just because she liked relying on the shaky and accident-prone elevator didn’t mean people with less HP wanted to do the same.
The ladder from the trap door descended several floors down to an abandoned storage closet, which was also barricaded. Guess he hadn’t been down in the real lab for a while. He broke the door open with a wave of bones, utterly fed up with this shit now.
“AAAAAAAaaaooooh, Sans, it’s just you.”
The skeleton took a deliberate glance around the room, brow raised. He wished he’d thought to record that; Undyne would probably have paid good money for it. Also: “Just me? Why, Alphys, I’m hurt. Is that any way to greet an old pal?”
“Sh-shut up,” she growled. She brushed herself off - apparently whatever had been in front of his door had narrowly missed her, which was a pity - and stomped further into her lab, growling obscenities.
The real lab was more practical than the movie set above, with white walls and grey concrete floors that hid the dust. A heap of broken electronics filled one corner of the work room, dead camera eyes glaring out from it. There was no evidence of live test subjects at the moment, which left Sans more relieved than he cared to admit; he didn’t need any reminders of how far Alphys had fallen.
“So. Why are you here, Sans?”
She looked irritated, and probably with good reason. He decided to lead off with a peace offering. “Here,” he said, removing the broken cameras and microphone from his inventory and putting them gently on a nearby work desk. “Thought you might like these back, for a start.”
“YOU...YOU ASSHOLE!!!”
Okay, so, that plan was a bust. “Why’re you yellin’ at me? I ain’t the one who broke ‘em.”
“THE HELL YOU WEREN’T, YOU…AGH...SH...PFFFFFF!” She sputtered, as if no language she knew could adequately convey her outrage.
“Really, though, I’m just doin’ you a favor here. You could thank me.”
The hand gesture she made was somewhat less than polite and not really useful to a skeleton.
After a bit more sputtering and a few failed attempts at obscenity, she did eventually scuttle over to the work desk to evaluate her equipment. She sniffed a little at the torn wires and immediately started scavenging replacements from the mechanical nightmare in the corner.
“What are you here for, a-anyways?” she asked, once she was settled in with a pair of wire strippers and some tiny screwdrivers. “You aren’t exactly the philanthropic t-type.”
“Well, as it happens, I need access to files.”
“Which ones?”
“The ones on what’s-her-face...y’know, the freak who attacked the ambassador.”
“Graciela Lira? What do you need to know about her for?”
Sans grinned wide. “You’re not supposed to ask questions about that. King’s orders.”
“I wa-wasn’t...I was wondering aloud! Y-you jackass!”
“Oh, sure. The king’ll love to hear how you’re ‘wondering aloud’ about things you’re not supposed to question. Or maybe the queen will be interested? You had another loooong talk with her a few weeks back, didn’t you?”
“How the hell did you find out about that?!?”
“I’m a skeleton of ineffable mystery.” Also, he was a patron at Grillby’s and was good at going unnoticed while certain individuals got roaringly drunk. And if one of those individuals knew someone who knew someone who was a member of the Queen’s Guard, well, that wasn’t Sans’s fault, now was it?
Whatever Alphys grumbled under her breath probably wasn’t pleasant, but it was quiet enough to ignore. He glanced around her workspace as she shuffled off to grab his files.
She’d been working on something that was shaped vaguely like a hand, but with unpleasantly long fingers. It wasn’t finished - the palm was an open mess of wires and half the fingers were still in pieces - but the quality of the work looked good, from what he could see. The framework had the bluish tinge of new metal and the neat bundles of tiny wires were coated with bright rubber. This wasn’t scavenged; this was being built from new materials.
A loud thud shocked him out of his examination. “Here’s your crap,” Alphys muttered. “It can’t leave the lab. There’s an empty o-office in the back. Now get l-lost and stop messing with my projects.”
The three-ring binder Alphys had retrieved was hefty, and seemed to contain more loose pages than punched ones. “And you couldn’t just put this on a thumb drive...why?”
The lizard grumbled something about security and how paper couldn’t be hacked. Her paranoia had only gotten worse, apparently.
“Also, I heard you have video files?”
A DVD rolled lazily into his line of sight. Sans looked askance at her.
“Can’t put video on paper,” she sighed. “And the king forbade me from using cassettes y-years ago. Probably because I used a security tape to s-strangle an uncooperative test subject that one time…”
Oooookay. “Welp! I’m off. You want me to just leave this back there or…?” He waved the binder.
“Yeah, just...w-wait, I almost forgot.” She pulled a small black box out of a drawer in her desk and tossed it at him. “Now get your boney a-ass out of here before I decide to s-stick a needle in it.”
“Why, Alph! I didn’t know you cared!”
He dodged a small bullet shaped like a scalpel on his way over to the office she’d indicated. A sigh of relief escaped him once there was a closed door between him and the mad scientist. That hadn’t been nearly as bad as he’d been expecting; Alphys must be having one of her better days.
He’d nearly been dusted by a wayward laser the last time he’d visited the lab, a few years back. Between the weird goopy monsters she’d sicced on him (and Tori had not been happy to find out about the goopy monsters) and the magic dampening field she’d been working with, he hadn’t had the room or the energy to teleport. If he’d been a few moments slower…
Shaking off that line of thinking, he slipped the box into his inventory to examine later and opened the binder. Pages and pages of printed photos fell out, so he looked them over first.
The young woman in the pictures bore a strange resemblance to Frisk, actually. He laid his phalanges over a picture of her in a white sundress, standing on a pier over what looked like an endless ocean. Seeing her in a different light (both literally and figuratively) emphasized the shape of her cheekbones and the point of her nose. She was built a bit differently - taller and scrawnier than Frisk, if his eye sockets weren’t lying to him - but the way she carried herself was familiar.
‘Course, that could be because humans were a lot harder to tell apart than monsters were. They all looked so much alike: two arms, two legs, two eyes, one head. It was confusing. He set aside the pictures and flipped through the binder until he found Alphys’s summary. Why she was the one in charge of summarizing the report Sans wasn’t sure, but the Royal Scientist had many responsibilities that were a little strange. It probably kept her out of trouble, so that was a plus.
The document was messy, full of crossed out words and handwritten notes. Alphys had never gotten into the habit of using a computer for her reports, or - at the very least - using white-out instead of scribbling over herself when she made mistakes. He sighed; he was lazy, but at least he could write neatly enough when it counted.
What he gathered from the haphazardly-written pages was this:
Graciela Lira was born Maria Lopez roughly 32 years back. She was the second-oldest of seven children born to a human baker and her mage husband. Little Maria had been a problem child from a young age - there were old school reports attached that some reporter had dug up, showing everything from absenteeism to outright assault of other students - but her family insisted that it was because of mental illness. Her grades were surprisingly good, despite that.
Which made figuring out her mental illness somewhat challenging. Sans was personally of the opinion that the girl was just a little shit, but apparently she had been sent from doctor to doctor in search of a diagnosis. Someone had finally pegged her with some kind of behavioral disorder (the terminology didn’t make a lot of sense to him) and given her enough medication to make her parents happy. She’d seen some kind of shrink through high school and medical school, then had abruptly stopped shortly after.
Interestingly, the time when Maria stopped her appointments corresponded very closely to the breaking of the barrier. There were some scribbled notes in the margins of the report that indicated Alphys had realized this as well, though Sans couldn’t make out what, exactly, she was so excited about. Regardless, Maria had seen the news about monsters, then...disappeared.
She showed up a few years later as Graciela Lira, a pediatrician specializing in monsters. She was respected by her colleagues but not very well-liked. Her official record revealed that she had been involved in three accidents that ended in monster children dusting, but she had been cleared of any fault. Sans made a note to look into those further; accidents happened, even in healing, but it wouldn’t hurt to be sure.
And...that was it.
The copy of the human investigative report (typed up very neatly) gave a little more detail. Graciela had no friends, and didn’t keep in touch with her family. No significant other. The only hobby she’d admitted to was her involvement in some kind of anti-religion protest group; nothing that gave any sign of resentment against monsters.
Although...there was something interesting in one of the interview transcripts the human police had attached. There were rumors (unconfirmed, unfortunately) that Graciela had been involved in a group called Equality for All shortly out of college. Despite the name, the goals of the group had been downright sinister: complete segregation of humans and monsters under the guise of “equal rights.”
Sans remembered meeting with their representatives when monsters first came to the surface and he’d found himself dragged into all kinds of political debates to provide “a different perspective.” They had spun some pretty story about safety and equality, painting vivid pictures of how “oppressed” monsters couldn’t be expected to live with their “oppressors,” but when Tori supported an integrated monster-human school system they had gotten upset. Really upset. Throwing-rocks-through-school-windows upset.
They had even started attacking people in the street, in broad daylight, claiming that those people were "monster haters." Actually...now that he thought about it, some of those protests were recorded. The group had never gained widespread support, but the videos had helped push public opinion in favor of monsters and against EFA, especially when Tori had been ambushed for a few hours by the group after one of her meetings. Maybe something useful was still floating around on the internet.
The laptop that Alphys had left him was powered, but not connected to the internet. Of course. He sighed, but popped the DVD in anyways.
It was the security footage of the attack, neatly edited down to the actual events in question. The attack had been recorded from two different angles, shown side-by-side on the screen. Graciela had entered the room, woken Sans up, and sent him and Attie outside. After they were gone, she had very quickly swapped out Frisk’s medicine bag with the one she’d been carrying. She didn’t consult one of those tablets the doctors carried around, or even the screen on the wall above Frisk’s bed.
As she was making the switch, Frisk had woken up and asked her something. The audio was too low to make out what was said, but Frisk apparently took issue with the response and began struggling, forcing Graciela to hold her down. That was when the door opened and Sans and Attie walked in. The rest of the fight went as Sans remembered it, but he looked it over just in case.
Graciela clearly hadn’t been expecting any resistance. She carried no weapons (the police report confirmed that nothing unusual had been found on her) and didn’t appear to be trained in any kind of combat. Her swings had been wide, uncoordinated and easily dodged.
So...why risk her job, her reputation, and possibly even her life to attack Frisk?
On that note: if she really was part of EFA, why would she attack the monster ambassador? Sure, the group was hardly working in the best interests of monsters, but most of them had at least gone after people who were supposedly working against monsters, regardless of what the truth actually was. Attacking people who disagreed with her also seemed like an odd hobby for a nurse who primarily worked with monster children. Unless…
Sans cursed the lack of internet access in the lab. He really needed to get out. He closed the laptop, stuck his notepad back in his inventory, and stepped back out into the hallway...and promptly tripped.
He glanced down. “Ugh...really, Alph?”
A stuttering chuckle came from further down the hallway. “Oh, don’t mind me…”
The object he’d tripped over was a small shirt. A small striped shirt. “You know you’re not s’posed to experiment on kids, you sicko.”
“Ha...ha...ha...and are you going to stop me, Sans?”
He followed her voice into a small examination room. A little maroon fire elemental was strapped to a table, dressed in only a medical gown. The kid looked like she’d been struggling; and from the look of the scalpel the mad scientist was holding, she had good reason to.
“Alphys,” he said, carefully keeping his voice slow and even, “That’s enough. Let the kid go.”
“Nooo…”
“Let the kid go, Alphys. Do you really wanna get in trouble again?”
“But I need to,” she whined, inching closer to the examination table. “I have to...you d-don’t understand! The way it feels, to hold a life in your hands...to watch someone wriggle and fight...to see the light leave their eyes as you-”
The blue bone that went through the arm holding the scalpel was half-formed, but it held.
“S-Sans, stop! D-don’t hurt me!”
“No one has to get hurt here. Just don’t move and let me take the kid.”
“I...I can’t! No one will miss it! It’s just an orphan k-kid!”
“You gonna tell me how to get the kid out, or do I gotta make you?”
There was a long pause. The fire girl on the table had returned from wherever she’d gone in her head and was shaking, her little pointed face turned towards Sans. He’d known Grillby long enough to read elementals’ expressions a bit, and he could plainly see her desperation.
Finally, Alphys nodded. “O-okay. Fine. Whatever. A-asshole. Locks are on a c-combination. 4357.”
He left her pinned while he tried out the code, and to his surprise it actually worked. The girl flinched when he pulled the restraints off but didn’t fight him. She didn’t let him pick her up, though, and instead wiggled off the table to stand beside him on shaky legs, arms clutched around her in a sad parody of a hug.
“We’re gonna head out,” Sans said to the room in general. “The bone’ll vanish when we get out of here.”
Alphys didn’t like that and tried to struggle, but only succeeded in lowering her HP by a few points. She growled something surprisingly obscene at him when he stuck a second blue bone through one foot for good measure.
“Right back at ya. It’s been fun, as always.”
The fire girl followed him back down the hallway, through the work rooms, up the ladder and out of the lab. To his surprise, she didn’t immediately bolt, but trailed him at an easy distance until he reached a small alcove free of surveillance equipment.
“So. Kid. What’s your name?”
“Pele,” she whispered...out loud and in English, actually, which was surprising. “...Thanks.”
“Eh, ‘ts nothin’, kid. Now. Is Alphys right ‘bout you not havin’ a place to go?”
“...Yes…”
“Hmm.” An idea began to form in Sans’s head. It was a stupid idea. A really, really stupid idea. But then, weren’t all his ideas stupid ones? “Hey. If you wanna stay here for a bit, there aren’t any cameras. I have another place you can go were I might be able to get you some more help. At least you’ll be safe. I can, uh, run and grab you some better clothes first; I’m sure you’ll be more comfortable.”
“...Why…?”
“Why do you havta wear clothes, or why am I gonna grab you clothes?”
“...Why...help…?”
“Oh. Heh.” It was a good question, actually. Monsters didn’t really do things like that unless they were related or stupid, but he’d already justified that to himself. “Let’s just say you remind me of someone. And that I’ll take any chance I get to piss Alphys off. How’s that?”
“...Okay…”
He hesitated as he left. There wasn’t any guarantee that the girl - Pele - would be there when he returned. Sans remembered living on the street; if someone had swooped in, rescued him, and offered to buy him clothes he would’ve been extremely skeptical. And possibly violent.
But...what else could he do? Leave her in Alphys’s hands?
There was a small store that catered to fire-type monsters not too far from the lab. It was open and rather busy; even the fire monsters who lived on the surface had a hard time during winter, and many chose to split their time between the surface and the Underground. Sans grabbed a striped shirt and some pants - guessing at sizes - and got in line behind a rather feisty Madjik.
The pyrope cashier eyed him very strangely. “Is this for...you?”
“No. Uh. Friend’s kid wrecked her clothes, ‘n he called in a favor to have me pick up more.”
“Ah. What kind of monster?”
“Elemental. Fire elemental.”
“I see. You’ll want the ones on the yellow rack in the corner, then, or you’ll be right back here in ten minutes. Not that I’d mind the business, of course, but I don’t want a kid to suffer because you’re a moron.”
Sans found the rack the pyrope had pointed out and grabbed a different set of clothes. These ones, he noticed, had tags in Elemental instead of Monster: a good sign, he guessed.
His purchase was rung up without too much hassle (though the pyrope clearly disapproved of his fashion choices) and he made his way back towards the alcove. The girl was still there, waiting for him, although from the way she jumped when he turned the corner he suspected she trusted him about as much as he trusted her.
Fair enough.
“Hey. I’ve got a change of clothes for ya. Wanna pop back behind that rock there and get changed?”
The girl did as he asked, confusion evident in her every movement. She returned with the burnt remains of her medical gown in one hand and a cheeky grin on her face.
“So. Uh. I have a friend on the Surface who’s always complainin’ about not havin’ enough help. I think you’d like ‘im. He gets a little fired up sometimes, but he’s alright. You wanna go see ‘im?”
“...Okay…?”
The walk out of Hotland was long, both because Pele’s legs were even shorter than Sans’s and because she refused to get close enough for him to teleport them both to the Surface. By the time they finally reached the entrance, it was dark. He was probably late for his shift.
Sans had resigned himself to a long, long walk down the mountain when he turned and...the kid wasn’t there. He backtracked a little. “Heh. Haven’t seen the sky, huh, kid?”
“...No…”
“Gotcha.” He relaxed his shoulders and let his skull fall back. The stars really were something.
“...We...can go...now,” she said after a few minutes of stargazing. She looked a little overwhelmed, and she hadn’t even seen the humans yet.
Sans grinned. “Sure thing, kid.”
Making his way back through the layers of magical protection was a little harder with a tag-along. He knew how to avoid sentries and keep from setting off alarms, but it was more draining than traveling alone. At least by the time they reached the edge of the outermost barrier, the kid had relaxed enough to let him hold her hand.
After several teleports (during which Pele seized up in a concerning way) the pair found themselves in the alleyway behind Grillby’s.
“Well, here we are,” Sans said.
Pele looked around very slowly, like she thought he’d drop her off in some random back alleyway.
The skeleton grinned and knocked on the bar’s back door. It took a few minutes, but a familiar grumpy face appeared.
“...Sans…” Grillby growled, before switching to his own native language. “What are you up to this time?”
“Got a...a business proposition for ya,” Sans said, shifting to one side.
Grillby’s grip on the door tightened, and his flames flared ominously. “Pele? Is that…”
The girl bolted.
#Dragonashes writes#Undertale#Underfell#The Heaven We Didn't Choose#Sans#Alphys#Pele#Grillby#Alphys is engaged in some very sketchy stuff disguised as science#Even worse than normal Undertale#Let's be honest: Undertale Alphys was pretty messed up to begin with#Also what's up with Grillby?
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