#i refuse to believe it wasnt on purpose | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

considermygenderminecrafted · 5 months

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I mentioned in tags before, but I actually feel very strongly about how philza cubitios build things to care about, and finds people who he cares for and is cared about, and finds things to believe in an commit to and that he not only survives but makes his life meaningful Despite the circumstances. I think its quite easy to a) miss all the ways in which his characters are often served pretty shitty circumstances, but then b) how he never let's that stop him finding purposeful and fulfilling meaning.

HC phil is deeply alone, and fills his world with motion and art and stories. He is a small person in a world of dead or abscenr gods and he makes his mark in his observations of the world and the recreations of its beauty.

DSMP Phil formed the strongest friendship on the server, stood for what he believed in and reached out to people and built a fucking Community of care and trust for people who had no where else to go. He lived, in the end, he an his lived. They got out

OSMP phil wasnt appreciated enough and was often quite isolated, but he still built for others and fought for others and committed himself to accessibility. Even the crow father could never really bring himself to cruelty he thought he believed in. And he had a close friend who stuck with him. He was shaped by fear and loneliness and need for control, but also by his loyalty and his dedication and his prowess

QSMP phil goes through hell, and is one of the most trusted, well respected and loved people on the server. Even in purgatory the team he leads is defines itself by its resistance to and acceptance of the circumstances they find themselves in, trying to find laughter and comradery where they can.

These stories are not stories of overcoming circumstances and tragedy, they're not stories of beating the odds, they're stories about finding yourself in a tragedy and standing tall and finding hope and love and care and joy and meaning within that. The ends may not always be the kindest, but they aren't what defines the story. What defines him again and again is how he cares, how he is respected and how he builds his own purpose. He makes his own happiness, even when the worlds refuse to gift him that. That can never be tragic to me.

The only cubitio who I think didn't do that as well was 30!day SMP and that's the grief of a life cut short.

#phil #enterss the fandom. immediatelt starts discourss /lh #nah but if op of the kther post sees this i think youre rigjt i just feel passjonately thay the description is incomplete #:]#philza

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melonteee · 5 months

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ooooo is it garp hating hour? i know i know, grey morality and all that but i just literally cant fathom 'raising' a kid (well mostly throwing them at other people to raise just to come rough em up every few months), having them at one point ask if they deserve to live WHEN THEYRE NOT EVEN 13 YET because of someone elses actions, and then like. blaming them for their impending execution when they finally find a purpose that brings them happiness. and still acting like you loved them or truly cared for them.

especially when ace found HUNDREDS of people who loved him enough to put their lives on the line to save him AS A PIRATE, while his surrogate marine gramps literally sits there and watches.

pirates who then had enough love and honor to then ensure aces beloved little bro survives even after ace himself dies

bro. he wasnt happy at all under you. youre now THREE FOR THREE, no marines. the problem is you, garp. (and the system, but obviously)

i try to be impartial and understand where characters are coming from, but garp just... he knows too much! seen too many of the atrocities commited by marines and the world gov! he should 100% know better by this point!

garp is my breaking point baaaaaby!

(sengoku is also on thin ice but eh)

No fr you're right about all of this, Garp has an extreme victim complex to me.

"Ohhh why does my own son hate me?! Why does my grandson defy me!! Oh woe is me!! They just need to be marines!!!"

Maybe you're being a cunt towards them with your own bootlicking beliefs you STUPID!! STUPID GILF!!!! Sexy outside but a YUCKY INSIDE!!

However I think the point of Garp is he doesn't want to BELIEVE the marines are so bad to the point they're unfixable. Garp DOES see bad things in the marines, and he WANTS to fix it - but in doing so, he's made Koby! Who is now ALSO deliberately blind to the filthy ways of the marines. Koby HAS seen it (such as Captain Morgan and Akainu), and because he's following Garp's example, Koby believes he CAN fix the system from the inside with some elbow grease.

We KNOW the marines cannot be fixed from the inside, we have marines like Smoker who also know this and marches to the beat of his own drum due to how much he hates the marines and their false, taught sense of justice. Garp is even a VICE ADMIRAL and he STILL can't change whatever the hell he wanted to change!

Garp truly believes there IS justice in the marines, or justice in BEING a marine, and this is why he's such a bootlicker. He's an old man stuck in his old ways, and instead of seeing merit in or UNDERSTANDING the revolutionary army his son has started - he's decided that's the WRONG way to go about justice.

Garp believes old people are not worth saving or not welcome in the future, and in doing so, he's internalised this as an old man HIMSELF and refuses to change. It's kind of sad, but to me, Garp just doesn't want to realise he's been in the wrong his entire life.

#ask #melonask

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writingtohealmytrauma · 21 days

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5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.

#relationship #breakup #trauma #heartbreak #healing #self refle

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barrenclan · 1 year

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THRASHER?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING THRASHER GOD DAMN FOOL WEASEL KILLING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT WARRIOR OF BITCHCLAN BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING THRASHER

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT THRASHER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE KILL SO MANY FUCKED UP ANIMALS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST LET THEM GO IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM ONLY BEEN IN ONE ISSUE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST EVERYTHING GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said thrashers waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with thrasher speaking one more word in person on page in comic not only will i close the tab i will briefly unfollow out of spite and have to reread the entire comic again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive

i dont even know why i hate him so much (< lying). he's just some asshole but i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some shithead whos a fan of slashers and wanted the irl version ill go ham

BETTER have had the deathcult make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateThrasher

other issues arent even about him. vaguely mention what is supposed to maybe be his group and I lose it

where the fuck is thrasher if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt

crusty old man

ill punch thrasher and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final dead thing he kept on him at all times with Now You Fucked Up written on it in blood

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when thrasher died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who was so loyal to a fucked up if true cult

(note: i'm not sorry)

AHHH THIS IS MY FAVORITE ASK I'VE EVER RECEIVED PLEASE

Thrasher avatar of the whore.... I hate him and his fucked up books

Oh my God I can't believe you actually wrote the whole thing out AND changed it to be accurate to Thrasher. I'm ROLLING

I refuse to explain this to anyone who isn't familiar with the source. Just know I can HEAR the voice in my head

#ask #anon #thrasher #BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN

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k1ngj0ve · 1 year

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Random Metalocalypse headcanons

Nathan: I think hes bisexual (but hides it), is deeply emotional, likes and is kind to children but doesnt want any of his own (hopes someone else will have kids he can dote on), the only instrument he plays is piano (but not super well), is straight up the only one here who is actually A Goth, is deeply deeply insecure, has accidentally become a 'can only solve problems with threats' type due to that being how he dealt with bullying. Also he has ALWAYS had vaguelly prophetic dreams since childhood, but cant tell them apart from regular ones and cant always tell if they are good or bad, so he only sometimes does what they say

Skwisgaar: i made a long post about this previously but he has complete dylexia and due to his intense anxiety and his moms general belittling of mistakes he actually is WAY worse at english than it seems like he is and he sort of just muddles through and pretends. His english is much worse when hes thinking about it, which the others noticed, which is why they rarely correct anything he says because hell go silent for 3 days. Also hes bisexual (openly before being in Dethklok) and yes he IS some kind of god child but he probably WASNT appointed for the soul purpose of making babies Toki: not stupid! not 'mind of a child'. Just immature. I headcanon that he was not of-age when he joined Dethklok and someone in Dethklok (i havent decided who is funniest yet) had to legally adopt him to keep him in the country and they kinda forgot. He only hit 21 in season 1 and while he HAD been drinking before that he really started going overboard after it got easier. Also, skwisgaar taught him english (hence same pluralization quirk) but hes now much better at it. Despite his comments about 'superior scandinavian education' he didnt actually go to school and didnt learn to read or write until he was older, but hes very good with computer codes and math. ALSO his parents arent his real parents, he was thought to be a demon child born to a member of the flock with no husband and was adopted to be 'fixed' but ended up just goign towards demonic things since he thinks hes a demon. Is it true? idk. Murderface: Gay but also in-universe many many many many people are attracted to him. Hot people. Movie stars. gay men especially. Refuses to admit hes gay because it feels like 'giving in' to a thing that everyones always said about him. He grew up in Tomahawk with pickles but doesnt have the accent because he took after his grandparents. PIckles mom refuses to admit she knows murderface. ALSO that 'murderface expert' guy is making up at least half of that. he does bath he just has like skin problems and is too impatient to deal with them and too anxious about being made fun of to go to the doctor about minor issues like athletes foot. Hes in a secret highly emotional online relationship with a guy hes only seen in person once because of insecurity reasons

Pickles: trans or cis depending on my mood at the moment ;p Bisexual and knows it but doesnt knwo the word for it. A lot of health problems hes been diagnosed with but he always forgets about. Wears contacts (or just chooses to be blind some days). He is NOT Mollys son, actually, hes Calverts from a mistress which is why his mom hates him so much (also why his dad said he belonged in a 'garbage can', hes referencing that he wishes pickles mom had an abortion). yes of COURSE hes in love with nathan, he just like assumes its not possible and 99% of the time is okay with that. Ofdenson: for some reason i had a misunderstanding for many years that he had ALWAYS been part of the church of the black klok and so even now that i know its not true, i still prefer it. To me, this is why he is so fucking negligent-- in some way the klokateers and audiences must be a blood sacrifice for the apocalypse (or potentially to stave it off? unclear). Additionally he is largely responsible for the entire 'look' of the enterprise. I simply dont believe that half the shit in mordland were ever seen by dethklok or could even possibly have been conceived of by them, let alone asked for. My headcanon is he is the one that started the entire 'branding of the gears' thing and is responsible for the brainwashing (this i think has canon support at least)

#metalocalypse #dethklok #headcanons

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1eos · 11 months

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You know its something i still find confusing about white people and culture as a whole. (I mean it isnt cause facism but also i honestly cant wrap my head arpund it) This girl was 'rivals' with Athena for who knows how long and didnt even....research her competition? Try to understand it? Yknow. Basic comprehension i learned when i was 12. Something I assume yale tests for? Just because it wasnt something she immidietly mesh with and was about a culture that isnt hers. God i hope she dies.

white ppl inherently don't believe any other culture is interesting or worth looking into (beyond men making up fantasies on how submissive and easily manipulated into sexual servitude are but ntm on that) which is crazy considering like 99% of their history is going to other places and stealing shit from other cultures. but it also makes sense bc they go everywhere and try to make them catholic and miserable. theyre like those viruses that are just programmed to seek and destroyolalkgklagkl. but in yellowface june's whole resentment is that she thinks athena's culture is surface level and a ploy to look 'cool' when the girl is just in touch w her ancestry. and june refuses to understand it bc she thinks its beneath her so she's fucking FURIOUS that other ppl aren't as close minded and arrogant and chalk it up to the industry wanting a diversity hire when we all know the industry may throw a girl a bone to look diverse but you're not gonna skyrocket no where unless u have the chops bc only white ppl (and bts) get to the top being mediocre 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and what's even wilder is that june only does research on athena's cultural interests to suit her purpose and after declaring herself an expert so much she doesnt need a sensitivity reader she still doesn't respect chinese history or the story athena was trying to tell bc all that lack of melanin fucked w her ability to truly care abt the struggle of anyone but her own floppage due to be an untalented hack without a voice

#and this book is so frustrating bc its saying all the things we see white ppl say all di time when it comes to media #they get FURIOUS when asked to step into the pov of someone that dont look like them #totally ignoring that we have to do it constantly #like we're fucking sick of u seeing u bitches whine and cry over not having your 30030201--1--2020303994th all white cast #if june were real id tell her to kill herself #blb: yellowface

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calebwittebane · 11 months

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anti ai art arguments are like the newer twisted version of ye olde deviantart callouts for people using references

Heres My Obligatory Disclaimer That I Can Appreciate Some Anti-AI Art Arguments And I Do Believe Some Of Its Current Use Is Unethical but what bothers me the most is the plagiarism argument i think, as unless theres a direct mimicry of a specific artist going on i really dont see any merit to that whatsoever. like sure, machine learning is not literally exactly the same as a human being studying and being inspired by other works, but the way the arguments are presented sure makes it sound like the latter would be objectionable as well. the efforts at introducing some sort of stricter IP protection policies or royalties systems were so bizarre that honestly they felt like a massive psyop. to me all thats needed is full transparency with regards to ai use. the way many people immediately recoil at the very presence of ai generated images is bizarre to me--like the people Calling Out that 'shrek reimagined as an 80s fantasy movie' photoset that was going around at some point, like, oh boy, youre telling me this more or less photorealistic visualization of the concept wasnt actual stills from a movie and that the author didnt actually create props and sets for the purpose of quickly exploring an idea? naaaaur!--ironically underestimating how much effort goes into art and how being given a tool that allows generating concepts to bounce ideas off of helps in creating more "human" art (nebulous concept anyway) and helps produce effects that it would not be feasible to create in other more "traditional" ways for many reasons, including the artist's disability for example (and no i dont wanna hear any 'i had to bust my ass and suffer so you should too and if you can't then too bad' here). at least thats the ideal. thats what the tool should be for and thats what its capable of doing. anything else ought to be blamed on shady practices of employers and more broadly on capitalism. people refusing to hire concept artists and instead relying on ai, and other such individuals who see ai as nothing but a way to go around the Hassle of design altogether, were never going to appreciate the artistry and were always going to devalue the work that goes into it.

anyway bring back old neuralblender that was awesome. bring back Living Room Made Of Creepy

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luciusspriggss · 11 months

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okay okay i lied

i am really going to sleep after this post

i am angry at the finale

because it doesn't look like he has finally found peace

it feels like he is dissociating and SETTLING for something that won't ever make him as happy as richmond did

my step-mom described it as "it appears at surface level that ted was originally manic, and he has finally calmed down and found peace"

and i REFUSE to believe that is what happened

and is instead a RED HERRING (like the woman who was wearing all red in shots behind ted on the plane)

and why was trent waving his left hand instead of his right with everyone else during the musical sequence?

i feel like there are way too many clues, that point at this episode not making sense, for a reason

i am really hoping i am not so far deep that i am entering s4 of sherlock levels of denial

but i dunno.

maybe i just looked way too deeply into this show and provided my own meta, love, and optimism that led me to believe this show was actually being purposeful and trying to be something spectacular

and really, it just wasnt that deep

i got so used to what you think will happen not actually happening

that i am flabbergasted that they went exactly with what most shows and media do, which is to be as basic, palatable, and cowardly as possible

it was standard, it is what we always see, it was not the lasso way? you can argue it was, but to be frank, we have no reasoning or explanation for ted's decision.

so we as the audience have to piece it together like a puzzle

and the puzzle i have formed? is not one that makes sense

i am missing pieces

i am wondering why so many of us interpreted the ending of ted as being anxious and "ominous", when others saw him as "content" and "peaceful"

i dont like the implications that ted needed to be quiet and lose all the aspects about himself that made him so unique and loved at richmond.

i dont want to accept that ted needed to silent his voice and carry on alone with his kid without any love or support surrounding him

he doesn't feel like ted anymore, he feels like an object the show used to make everyone better, and once it did its job, they throw it away and try to pretend he is actually happy only with his kid

if i interpret the show the way it seems like the writers want me to, i feel horribly depressed

(i have talked for over a decade in therapy about how i enter peoples lives and help them find their way and act with intention and try to be the version of themself they want to be. and how once that person is found, they discard me, usually in pretty harsh and gut wrenching ways for me, but not them. and seeing it play out with ted helping everyone find themselves and then him leaving and being only with his kid, with no understanding as to why ted is doing this, makes me so fucking depressed. because is that going to be my life? will it never end? will i always be a placeholder for something better? constantly discarded and alone? fuck me this finale is hittin' HARD)

i know this isnt about me. and i am sure i will definitely learn something from all of this when i stop projecting

but i just...does anyone ever feel like you are being manipulated? but you have no solid evidence of it, so you feel confused as to what to do about it, and eventually you try to accept that there is no manipulation and you have to accept what was given

only to realize you WERE manipulated????

that's how i feel right now. only before you find out that your gut instincts were right. i am like waiting for the pin to drop, and it's not dropping

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers

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claudiathegremlin · 4 months

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okay, i need to spit this out to someone

and i refuse to make a youtube video for it so im just gonna write a whole essay to my small amount of tumblr followers on prince arctic and also im waiting for my friend to wake up so i need to do something RIGHT NOW so uh

lets start with the reasons that could've played a part in how he acted

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀

so, arctic's family wasnt that great, we've all gathered that. his mother was just horrid honestly, and we have no idea how his father was (or if he even had one). diamond could've been better, and im sure the way she treated him and the things she expected of him were a definite cause, albeit not a full one. another cause was definitely his animus magic, but also cant really be the main cause, even though it was probably a major one. (heres a brief note on animus magic, atleast, my theory on it that is- animus magic isnt the full cause of dragons going insane, its how they view it, use it,how often they use it, and other things going on in their life. lets say we have an animus dragon, a funky little sandwing that for the purposes of this sidenote, will be called funkmaster. funkmaster isnt too concerned about their soul, has been through alot, and uses his magic to cause suffering to small animals quite frequently. funkmaster has gone insane because he uses his magic poorly, isnt concerned about his soul, and uses his magic to be a bastard. funkmaster is the negative result of animus magic. whereas, lets say we have a cute little adorable seawing named tappytoes. tappytoes cares about his soul, has still been through some stuff, but has a positive outlook still, and uses his magic only when he needs to, and only for good things. tappytoes is not a maniac. sidenote over) i do genuinely believe that yes, he did at one point love his family (even darkstalker, albeit not as long as the others), and he did genuinely wish he was a better father, but he had been too far gone for that to have lasted long.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩

now, while it is sort of difficult to figure out where everything started to go down hill, i do believe it was shortly after darkstalker and whiteout were hatched. he knew darkstalker had inheritted his animus magic, and assuming he knew that nightwings have powers from being born under the full moons, he also knew of the power he possessed. now, this wasnt the breaking point entirely. arctic now had the pressure of being a father, (which, yk, who knows if he even got to know his) and had probably used his animus magic a few times after foeslayer got him out of the ice kingdom. i have no concrete idea on what these times could've been, but possibly some things for foeslayer. even if they werent horrid things, and he cared about his soul, other factors also played into the animus causes of the insanity. by this time it was already too late, and he just snapped. he fully had lost himself from that point forward, and there was no going back anymore. the only point where i really think there was maybe a chance he hadnt completely gone over the fence was when he was bringing whiteout to the ice kingdom to get accepted back into their society and to get foeslayer back (i think?? its been a while since my last reread, i had to stop myself from rereading it because it just made me sad), which mayyy have been him just wanting to go back to how everything was before he had a family but could have also just been him wanting foeslayer back because he did actually still love her. anywho these are just my thoughts, there are probably a bunch of inaccuracies, im tired, and i dont feel like rereading the entire book just to make a tumblr post, have fun and dont die

#hashtag i am tired #send help #wings of fire #please dont kill me for anything that doesent make sense or is innacurate im tired #wof #wings of fire arctic #wings of fire prince arctic #prince arctic #prince arctic wof #arctic wof

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kaz-playz · 1 year

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New York/Illinois but they are in elementary school and the pizza is lunchables

Oh. My. GOD.

Gonna do a thing and make it so their teacher gave illinois a snack and it was a pizza lunchable. + hcs!

"Ms.Green? I'm hungry. Do you have a snack?" Illinois asked.

"Well, did you complete your project?" The teacher asked the fifth grader.

"Yeah, and me and York got it done without fighting this time! Ask Utah, he can vouch."

"No need, I believe you. Well, since you and New York could finally cooperate, heres a special snack right out of the minifridge." This was huge. No one ever got snacks out of the minifridge! Those were for special occasions only.

"Really!? What is it??"

"A pizza lunchable." Ms.Green said before handing the boy a cold plastic lunchable container.

The boy was stunned. "T-thank you Ms.Green." His voice wavered, trying its best to restrain the physical disgust and offence in its tone.

"You're very welcome, Illinois. Now go back to your seat. Im sure New York is waiting."

With that, the fifth grader walked backed to his table. Holding the disgusting, deconstructed "pizza" as far away from him as possible.

"New York." He whispered.

"What?"

"Look at what Ms.Green just gave me."

"A lunchable?"

"She called this thing pizza. Pizza, New York! What is this?!? I know pizza, and this is NOT pizza. I've never felt so betrayed and disrespected. She called THIS, PIZZA? Mr.Dela is my new favorite teacher." While Illinois ranted, New york sat, glaring at Ms.Green with a scowl on his face.

"Are you serious? She knows how you feel about pizza. She knows how WE feel about pizza, and she literally partnered us. And she's gonna give you this?? If she wasnt from Iowa I'd say she's doing it on purpose. Hell, maybe she is. Look at her. The fuck is she doing?" Illinois looked towards his teacher and found her in an awkward position trying to look natural with her phone pointed towards them.

"So she DID do this on purpose... Why though?"

"Maybe ta' get us two to fight or somethin'? I don't know. But what I do know, is Im not letting you eat that." New York said.

"What? What are we gonna do with it then?"

"Who do you hate the most in this room that would take food from you?"

Illinois thought for a second, "Indiana. Guy's a dick." He answered.

"Give it to him then."

"You know for a huge asshole who is insanely wrong about pizza, you're pretty smart sometimes."

"Fuck you! Just give him the damn Lunchable."

IF YOU MEANT HCS? IVE GOT THOSE TOO!

Why is that thing here? Who did this?

Illinois takes the crust and eats em raw like a freak

New York takes the marinara sauce

They share the cheese <3

They refused to construct it. They would rather die

Definitly took a sharpie to the "pizza" part of the box

Neither of them brought it to school, but it was left on their table with a note, challenging them

They almost fought over who got what

#welcome to the statehouse #welcome to the table #wttsh #wttt #ben brainard #new york wttsh #illinois wttsh

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boozles · 6 months

Text

My final *sob* live blog of Only Friends

OKAY BITCHES LETS FUCKING GO

Sand, Ray is allowed to drink. It’s better for him because cold turkey will probably kill him.

Boeing, you’re a dick.

Ray, shut up. Just, shut up and get out the pool, okay? Cant you see you’re hurting your boyfriend? You’re also risking lose said boyfriend.

Oh gosh, this kiss is making me so uncomfortable.

Oh gosh Sand puts so much more effort in with Ray, whilst with Boeing is seemed forced.

OH GODS IS BOE GONNA SUGGEST A THREESOME NOW

OH I DO NOT LIKE THAT VIGOROUS KISS BETWEEN RAY AND BOE (OKAY I KINDA DO BUT I HATE IT)

RAY NO STFU THAT WASNT ‘THEIR’ DRAM IT WAS SAND’S DREAM CAN WE JUST STOP NOW

OMFG GUYS MEW IS TELLING RAY ABOUT BOEING AND ALL WEEK ALL I HAVE WANTED WAS THIS I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO TALK AND THEY ARE DOING IT AND I CAN FEEL MY ANXIETY DRIPPING AWAY

CHEUM IF YOU DONT APOLOGISE TO TON I AM GOING TO PUT MY FIST THROUGH THE TV

Good girl

Oh, Boston. He’s trying so hard.

Oh gosh Top is so cute.

Mew, I will happily be Top’s sugar baby if you don’t want to be.

oh my goDS GUYS HE IS SITTING IN TOPS LAP AND I CANT BREATHE

OH GODS RHE SNIFF KISSES I AM A SUCKER FOR THEM

SKATING WITH NICK AND TON I CANT

I ACTUALLY CANT GUYS

THEY ARE TOO ADORABLE

BUT I CANT SHAKE THIS FEELING THEY ARENT GOING TO MAKE IT

BOSTON IS SO CUTE AS A BOYFIE

WAIT ARE THEY ACTUALLY BOYFRIENDS NOW?

Oh gosh I wish Nick would go to NY but I also love that Boston is being honest with him

WHERE IS MR BIG BUG

THE KIDS MISS SAND XD SO DOES RAY, KIDS, SO DOES RAY

OMFG GUYS HES HERE

HE SHOWED UP

AND LOOK AT THE WAY RAY LOOKS AT HIM

MR RABBIT

I AM CRYING HERE GUYS

FUCKING SOBBING

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

OMG IS SAND FLIRTING WITH RAY? BECAUSE HE NEVER FLIRTS

OMG YES RAY THAT IS YOUR MAN AND YOU WILL HANDLE IT

WAIT IM ONLY ONLY PART TWO HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED

TopMew are so fucking cute

OH GODS DONT LEAVE RAY AND TOP ALONE TOGETHER THIS IS SO AWKWARD

ONG THOSE SMILES WHILST THREATENING EACH OTHER

AND RAY REFUSING A DRINK

BOEING GO AWAY

OMG RAY

YOU ARE SERVING ABSOLUTE CUNT

SAND’S FACE

MEW EVEN WANTING TO PROTECT SAND

OMG THE WAY RAY IS LIKE HE IS MY BOYFRIEND HE IS MY BOYFRIEND HE IS MY BOYFRIEND

OMG I WISH SAND HAD ONLY REPLIED WITH A BARK TO THE DOG COMMENT

BUT TBF HE SAID HE LOVES RAY AND THATS JUST AS GOOD

BYE BYE BOEING

I DONT LIKE ANYONE MESSING WITH MY MAN

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RAY

YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT AND EXPECT ME TO KEEP LIVING

OMG MEW WHAT WAS THAT WOO

THAT WAS SO CUTE

OMG TOP GOT MEW A RING

I CANT

ARE NICK AND BOSTON SLOW DANCING AND KISSING

OMG

BOYFRIENDS

OH NO IS DAN GONNA SHOW UP WHEN TON IS AT THE BAR?

OH NO ITS FUCKING BOEING THATS WORSE

GO AWAY BOEING

BOSTON DONT EVEN LOOK AT HIM NEVER MIND TALK TO HIM

YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

WHAT ARE YOU DOING BOSTON

WHY IS HE DOING THIS WHEN NICK IS RIGHT THERE

HES PURPOSELY TRYING TO NICK AWAY ISNT HE? Or is this gonna be another part or Ray’s plan? I’ve paused the show because I’m so upset at what I’m watching right now

OH NO NICK SAID BOYFRIEND

OH BOSTON

I DIDNT THINK I COULD HATE YOU ANYMORE THAN WHEN YOU FUCKED TOP

BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH

Oh nicky

Baby boy

I can’t believe Boston sucked us both in

Although in Boston’s defence in the last episode they did kinda say that Boston would sleep about, and it was Boston who said he would be monogamous, so…

IT DOESNT MATTER LOOK AT MY POOR NICKYS FACE

SINCE WHEN DID NICK SMOKE

Oh, Nicky. You deserve someone who wants only you.

And Boston, you need to be yourself. Yes, you obviously love Nick, but you also don’t want to be tied down.

NICK DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS BOEING WHO WAS WITH BOSTON

AND HES TELLING SAND

THEY CALLED THE HOSTEL

ONLY FRIENDS STAY

OMG

No offence but how can Boston be friends with a girl who called him a rapist to his face

Even if she apologised

OMG BOSTON AND RAY SMILING AT EACH OTHER

Boston really has grown a lot through this show.

Boston grabbing Mew into a hug

I’ve have to pause being I’m crying again

Ray’s face when Mew rates Top as 10/10 in bed XD

MEW WHAT ARE YOU DOING

GETTING YOUR BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TO KISS YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT

I AM SO FOR THIS

OMG HE DID NOT JUST PUSH TOP BACK LIKE THAT

CALM DOON SON

RAY AND MEW PULLING THEM APART

I AM SCREAMING

Boston looks so out of place

NICKY BABY

OMG BOSTON WILL KISS HIM DURING THE COUNTDOWN WONT HE

I AM CRYING AT THIS FUCKING THING

OMG JUST SIX GAYS WATCHING FIREWORKS

OH NICK DIDNT WANT TO KISS

that’s good for him but im still crying

Mew cutting off his friendship with Boston so honestly like this has me feeling things. Like, I’ve been there, I’ve ended friendships like that. It hurts on both sides. These guys can act.

Ray is much prettier than Keira Knightley sorry not sorry

I fucking love Sand and Ray

It hurts my chest

They are so fucking cute and in love

Also how do they get their AirPods to stay in? Mine fall out with movement XD

I am crying so hard over Nick breaking things off with Boston

Like I know it’s the right thing to do but these boys act so well and im just broken

OMG are we gonna get an actual love scene with TopMew

AW WHAT

WE SEE HIM GO TO EAT ASS THEN IT CUTS OFF

THIS IS THE ONLY COUPLE WE HAVENT SEEN HAVE AN ACTUAL SEX SCENE

WE GOT TOPBOSTON RAYMEW BOSTONNICK X29737930 BUT NO TOPMEW?

Scandalous

Homophobic

Discrimination

Absolutely ridiculous

OH NO HAS BOEING SET THE PLACE ON FIRE

OH TOP MY DARLING

Sandray sounds like sunray

SANDRAY SOUNDS LIKE SUNRAY

MIX YOU SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH

I KNEW YOUD SHOW UP

AND WHY DID THEY HAVE TO PLAY THE MUSIC WHEN HE DID

HES HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP AND STEAL YO BOYFRIENDS

ESPECIALLY YOUR’S TOP

Guys

I can’t believe it’s over

I’m so happy to have shared this delusional journey with you all

#boozle #drama #thai drama #bl drama #ofts liveblog #ofts #only friends

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sanestparadisecitizen · 1 year

Note

I NEED UR P1 HCS…..AND… ur edit of him holding the cat plush makes me wanna ask..do u think he has any certain comfort items ?! I’m a ‘he has a plush with him in his backpack when he’s in public’ believer

hehe tysm for asking!!! now i have an excuse to talk abt him >:3

its the most basic knowledge imo, that hes the autism. i refuse to believe otherwise. anddd i may be projecting a bit but ocd along with psychosis ofc (an awful combination tbh)

MEOWING VOCAL STIM!! IM RIGHT. lets absolutely dump my behaviors on him rn, stims also by fidgeting with his fingers, his coat sleeves (they are. a bit too long. for that purpose). and swaying back and forth.

and maybe nail biting. but he paints them black to prevent himself from doing that.

but he is very ashamed of any behavior that comes with being autistic. sadly

and the whole thing with the demon... i have my own thoughts abt it, mostly based on a real life situation. but exaggerated,my bestie would never kill the whole city...

here it goes: so, all these violent homicidal thoughts and tendencies come from dude himself. but he doesn't wanna acknowledge that, pushing away that part of himself. and thats where the psychosis comes in, showing it as a kind of separate entity, the "demon". it can generally be really nice! makes him feel better about himself, motivates him (to murder people :3). a weird kinda hallucination thingy.

(i hope its understandable lol)

man definetly tried to excuse himself in the mental asylum that "it wasnt me, it was the demon!!!" digging his grave even deeper. sorry dude, not everyone has an imaginary friend...

his special interest would be guns, i think

i think he would be more of a cat person (or a cat-person... meow)

that kind of person to overthink every possible situation so he can plan how to act

definetly has a map of the city marked with the safest and most dangerous routes, so he knows how to move around it. paranoid mf.

not immune to the dude personal hygiene pattern. he's gross!! (i love him either way)

definetly takes drugs too, but he's more of a weed / benzo person. anything that makes him more chill (tho weed may not be as good for it)

pyromaniac. i bet his favorite way of killing is with a flamethrower.

those glasses are perscribed. he cant see shit without them

man undeniably has a shitton of trauma. you dont go postal just for shit and giggles (maybe a bit of religious trauma too)

he tries to be nice to people but he's tall, weird and scary looking. so people dont want to interact with him :(

and thats actually canon but i have to include it. its 100% real that im his boygirlfriend, lover or whatevr i'll call it. we are so incredibly in love its unreal!!!

and about the comfort item ... you're right. i did the edit as a joke, but he definetly needs a cat plushie, or a tiger plushie. maybe not that big, but he does. i wish i could make him one!!!

also i think the trenchcoat could be a comfort item!!

#huh. not as long as i thought.#i have lots more but theyre purely for my imaginative selfship universe #so maybeeee not #or maybe another time #||#asks #headcannons

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