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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 7 months

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Okay, I finally have time to sit down and do this properly. New season! I am so excited for this one, I could have watched the episode yesterday before work but I wanted to save it for when I could really enjoy it. And stop and write things down when they occur to me.

Though I will say, I’m not going to set a precedent here. I started doing these posts, where I watch the new Taskmaster episode and liveblog it, at the beginning of season 11. I think I did every episode of seasons 11 and 12, and then struggled more with 13 because it aired during my in-person co-op placement last year, and it was hard to find the time. Then 14 was during my second placement, same issue. 15 I just had other stuff going on. So in those seasons, I liveblogged some episodes but not others, but felt like I should with all of them, and that at some point became a problem. Because I couldn’t just watch a Taskmaster episode when I had time, I had to keep saving it until I had 2 or 3 hours (it takes a surprisingly long time to watch these when I’m pausing to write notes and take screenshots all the time, especially if I’m cutting out video and making it a gif too), and the mental energy to write it while taking notes. So I’d put the episode off and try to figure out when I’d have that time and energy, until watching my favourite currently airing TV show started feeling a bit like a chore.

No one told me to do that. I didn’t feel any obligation to do it for anyone else’s sake (my liveblogging posts are nowhere near interesting enough for anyone to bother being disappointed if I don’t do one). But I do really enjoy writing down the stuff I think as I watch Taskmaster, because it’s fun to share that with people. That’s why I made this blog in the first place – too many Taskmaster thoughts and no one to share them with. It’s more fun when I share it, especially when I watch a new episode for the first time. But also, my free time is more limited than it was when I first got into it during lockdown, so I don’t want to feel like I can’t just sit back and enjoy an episode unless I have a three-hour block and the energy to take notes. So I thought it might be easier for myself if I say from the outset that I make no plans to do this every week, or even most weeks. Let’s assume this will be the only one of these I do for season 16 and we’ll see how it goes.

However, I have to do it for the premiere, right? I’m so excited for the premiere. I told myself I’d stay off Tumblr from when it airs until I watch it, to avoid spoilers, but then I broke that rule. I’ve seen a few very mild spoilers, but not too much. I do know a couple of my predictions have already come true. My prediction that Lucy Beaumont’s baffling comedy persona (the baffling part is trying to figure out how much is a character vs how much she is like that) will fit in perfectly on Taskmaster – I’m getting that that came through in interesting ways during the premiere. And my other prediction was that it would take exactly one episode for all of Tumblr (probably other parts of the internet too, but this is the part I know) to fall in love with Sam Campbell – that appears to also be happening. I think at some point earlier in the summer I said something along the lines of “If you think you know who your favourite season 16 contestant will be but you don’t know who Sam Campbell is, don’t lock your answer in just yet,” and it looks like that’s working out.

Okay, without further preamble, on with the liveblogging. Thoughts on Taskmaster s16e01, written as I watch it:

First thought: wow, why does he look so much older than I expected? Next thought: oh right, because I only really know him for old episodes of WILTY and 8 Out of 10 Cats, and time passes sometimes.

First thought... seriously, and I promise to avoid saying this constantly during the course of this season (yes I know I promised something similar about Mae Martin last season and then regularly broke that), but how the hell do they get away with continuing to do jokes on Catsdown about Jon Richardson not being attractive to attractive women when we can all Google his wife?

First thought... seriously, I have trained with at least eight different people who look just like that. There is a "wrestler look" and that is weirdly exactly it. Please, someone, make this man fight something in a task so I can find out if it's in his blood. If he walked around a varsity tournament this year and just went up to the tables and said he came second the 61kg division and wants his silver medal, they'd hand him one no questions asked, they wouldn't even look it up to check. He looks exactly like every guy who came second in the 61kg division at the provincial-level university tournaments for the last eight years.

This is good observational material, I promise. It's unfortunate that if I do another comedy set (which I am intending to do, have just put that plan on hold for a few weeks as I settle into a relatively new-ish job) it will be to an audience that is insufficiently familiar with my life experiences to get the joke.

First thought... I already used my "talk about how hot comedians are" quota for one post on Lucy Beaumont, I am trying not to just constantly write it down if I see a comedian and think that, so in interests of general decorum, I will pass on writing my first though here. Or my second or third.

First thought... I know very little about her (aside from she was good in Crazyhead), so forming much of an opinion based on this shot, and coming in strong with purple eye shadow and giant earrings with a pink tracksuit. That's a look. This will be fun.

Strong combination of facial expressions here:

I'm working as an autism therapist now, and one thing we do is show kids pictures of stock image people with different expressions on their faces, and ask them to label what emotion it is. I could print this screenshot out and use it in the sessions. Okay, kids, see if you can put a name on those five. See if you can guess which two already have a long and extremely successful TV career behind them, enough so they can sit comfortably and relatively placidly on a show that would be "big break" material for anyone who hasn't already "made it" to the absolutely highest level of mainstream TV success.

Love that one of the throne cats is still there:

We open on a food-based bad Alex Horne pun. We're back, baby!

Is Sue Perkins' Napoleon Dynamite shirt part of a task, or is she just wearing that? Either way I approve.

This is almost exactly the same as the "best wooden thing" prize task in season 9, but I don't mind. I guess if you have Julian Cleary you have to open by giving him some chances to make jokes about wood (I don't actually know much about Julian Cleary, that view of him is based on what he was like on 8 Out of 10 Cats in about 2008).

I was genuinely impressed when Julian Cleary introduced his prize without making a joke on the word "wood", and then I saw what the prize was.

Yeah, all right. I'm down for a season of watching the guy in the traditional old man chair bring in sexually suggestive furniture. I've heard worse ideas for how to go on.

I have just listened to Lucy Beaumont's entire boxer dog story, and I still have no idea. No idea if we're supposed to think she really believes in dog ghosts possessing beds and picture frames, or whether it's entirely a character. Either way, I'm mildly obsessed with how well she sells it. Though I am all for some pedantry about prize tasks, so thanks for pointing that she should be only judged on the frame since the picture's not wooden, Greg.

Sammy C opening on a surreal puppet joke. I wouldn't have expected anything less. If anyone else had done that, I'd have brought in some more pedantry to say there's no way he's had that for a while, he clearly just asked the production team to make it. But given what other things I've seen Sam Campbell make in his weird videos, I think I can believe he might have made this himself.

For anyone keeping score at him, my first proper, out-loud laugh of the new season came from Sue Perkins calling this mixed media:

Under seven minutes in and we're discussing ghosts of incel monkeys that missed the orgy. They're settling in fast to this one. None of the stilted awkwardness that you get in early studio portions of some seasons, as they figure out how each other are. Everyone's clicking in this one, or maybe Sue Perkins is just able to click with anyone.

I think Susan Wokoma must be the first person in Taskmaster history to apologize for her prize task not being haunted. It is quite beautiful, though. Only person to bring in someone genuinely beautiful (well, Lucy's picture was all right). Also, side thought that occurs to me as I write this, is this the first time one season of Taskmaster has had two contestants with the same first name?

I'd just written that these people are clicking faster than most casts, when Julian points out Susan's prize isn't "really wooden", and reminds me of the opening of season 13. That was another season that had a very strong first episode, partly because everyone got so comfortable so fast with picking at others' performances. And by "everyone", I mainly mean Ardal O'Hanlon immediately started heckling all his fellow contestants. Love that Julian Cleary is sitting in Ardal's seat and taking up his mantle.

Ooh, I love the decor this season:

The art style is rarely a thing I get excited about in Taskmaster, but I really like this one. That'll be fun to watch for ten episodes.

Ah, Taskmaster. I've missed this sort of thing:

Glad you're back, Alex. Glad you're back to making people look at you with that exact expression on their face.

Again, I'm enjoying Susan Wokoma's look.

A look at the trailer suggested to me that they haven't gone too big on the costumes this season, but strikingly blue nail polished paired with sparkly overalls is fun.

Lucy, I don't care how much is a character. I'm obsessed with you.

Several more large, out-loud laughs as I watch Lucy Beaumont struggle to leave a room. Taskmaster should blindfold people more often, that shit is never not funny.

From a pure Taskmaster nerd perspective, I like tasks that involve filming in the hall so you get better idea of the layout of the house:

Someday I'll go to Chiswick, jump the fence, break in and write down the blueprints.

Ah, I see, it's already a tower. That's a clear idea, and surprisingly doesn't feel recycled even though it's season 16, I don't think they've done that before. Set a task where it's actually already been done and their job is to just not ruin it. Surely that must have been done before at some point, right? Anyway, watching those cans fall on Lucy was glorious. That's all I really need from comedy, apparently. Just blindfold people and then drop cans on them.

Lovely tableau here:

Alex saying "All the information is on the task" to someone who's blindfolded is also amazingly funny.

So, if we wanted to be pedantic, which I do, we could discuss whether just leaving a tower up counts as "building" it. I think Susan is fine, because she put the cans on top of the tower that was already there. So she helped to build the tower, and it didn't say she had to build the whole thing by herself. Not sure Lucy's should count, as she didn't participate in the act of building it at all.

Julian and Sam up next, so they're saving Sue for last. Great, can't wait to see what disaster she created that got her put on her own.

What I've learned from Sam Campbell's stand-up and weird internet videos is that he's got a pretty strong comedy persona/brand, off-the-wall energy that I've heard some of his comedian friends say is very much based on his genuine personality, but obviously it's dialed up in a specifically planned way. They say Taskmaster is great at knocking people out of their carefully planned personas and forcing them to just be themselves, at least more than they do during shows where they're in control. I'd say blindfolding someone and making them walk around a house, especially once they've realized there might be a fragile tower in a room that they can't knock down but they don't know where it is or even for sure what it is and they only have five minutes, seems like a good way to strip away any acting. Which might be why I was struck by how incredibly genuine, and a bit off brand, the repeated swearing from Sam Campbell sounds.

Not that Sam Campbell the comedian wouldn't swear, but I don't think he'd drop the swear words quite so casually or quietly. That is a man who has genuinely recognized some bullshit and wants to share that fact with the people around him.

"I've never felt such a high things" feels like a more on brand quote, but also the sort of thing you'd say when you genuinely don't know what's going on. There's some nice editing here, contrasting Sam's utter bafflement with Julian Clearly calmly and easily reaching to the top of the tower. A combination, I guess, of Julian being calmer in general, and of him being taller so grabbing the top is not such a big deal - this task would have Lucy Beaumont, whom I'm pretty sure is tiny, at quite a disadvantage, if she'd actually found the tower and reached for the top, which she didn't. (It's okay, Sam most wrestlers are shorter than average. There's a place where you'd fit in fine.)

Another brilliant tableau: Julian standing there holding the cans at the height they were before the tower started falling, as though he thinks that's still the top of the tower, while Alex visibly winces at how badly he's fucked up:

Yeesss, my boy Sammy C is coming through with exactly what I expected from him (oh right, forgot to mention at the beginning of his post my first belief that Sam Campbell's work demonstrates the skillset necessary to do very well in the Taskmaster tasks, not just for comedy but in terms of winning the most points, I predicted he'd win so now I'm rooting for that like he's a sports team, this is the side of me that uses Taskmaster as a sublimation of my competitive nature coming out)! Perfect execution. Find it, instantly figure out the game, carefully put the thing on top, and then just lie down so they can't fuck you with you further and make you mess it up. That is how you play.

No, no, don't give me that. You lay down because you figured out that that would be the best way to make sure you didn't ruin your chance of winning the task, even if it also meant no more comedy for a few minutes. And I respect that level of play. Sure, fine, find a comedic explanation for it to give in the studio. Do that all you like. Just please keep playing this well in the house because I have backed you pretty hard to win at this point.

Lovely. They implicitly promised us a disaster by saving Sue for last, and what a way to deliver. I like the level of profanity this task is generating. I think everyone's level of profanity increases pretty fast if you blindfold them and drop cans on their head.

Further proper, scream-laughing out loud is coming from Sue Perkins repeatedly demanding to know whether there's a tower in some other spot, reaching with her hand to show what spot she means, and in the process, knocking over what few cans were left in that spot. Fucking brilliant. Using this as the opening task was a great idea.

My favourite screenshot of the episode so far:

Team task! Hooray! We don't usually get one of those in the first episode, love this.

Team Sue! Team of Sues! I approve of that.

Susan Wokoma not noticing Sue Perkins has walked into the area would be funny if it were any two people, but it's especially funny because it's Sue Perkins, who is more famous than a lot of Taskmaster contestants. What would you do if you were just minding your own business and then Sue Perkins of Mel and Sue walked in behind you? I mean I'd probably do exactly what Susan Wokoma did, which is scream in a very amusing way.

I think I need to enter this one into the contest for Best Tableau of the Episode:

Seeing the initial duos, I immediately assumed Lucy would be on Team Sue. Because, I don't know, I guess women vs. men is something they've done before so I expected it again. Also, Sam/Julian has such a specifically odd energy that it felt like they'll stick with that as the team of two, and then the women who were excited to see each other could all be excited together with Lucy on the team of three. She'd fit in there.

It is so much funnier to have Lucy, instead of joining the Sues, awkwardly walk in on the awkward moment that Sam and Julian are already having and make it even more awkward. Love that none of those three people appear to know what to make of each other.

Taskmaster team tasks are fun that way because good chemistry can of course make a good team, but total lack of chemistry can also make a really fucking hilarious team. And it's really good when you get a season with one of one extreme and one of the other, like last season with the total dearth of chemistry that was Frankie/Ivo, contrasted against Mae/Kiell/Jenny who had a great time together. Looks like we might get something similar this year, given how well Team Sue instantly got along.

"Connect the most individual parts of one person to the most individual parts of another person. All members of your team must be connected. Your time starts now." No winning criteria specified there, which means that's only part one. So this is some season 8 shit, like the time they put a garbage back on Paul Sinha's head. Get tangled up but then the real trick is you have to do something while tangled. But will the contestants know that?

Team Sue does not. I don't know if this season has any proper Taskmaster nerds, which you'd really have to be to pick up on the fact that all tasks have criteria for winning, so if one is missing that then it's not the whole task.

They sure did have a great time, though. Team Sue confirming while tying each other together that they have not, in fact, met before. They just instantly got along. Again, I think Sue Perkins might just be able to connect immediately with everyone. What a fun time, and it is so clear that their task attempt is being edited in a way to emphasize the harmony, for maximum contrast against whatever the fuck the other team does.

Title drop! Greg Davies gets the first title drop of the season, sarcastically calling the awkward team "the natural friends". Some solid facial expressions here from the friends in question (well, two of the friends - Julian Clary remains fairly facially unflappable) that seem to confirm that they are remembering how right Greg is about to be proved about their lack of chemistry.

I've been trying to think of a portmanteau for the team of three, because finding portmanteaus is a lot easier than writing "team of two" and "team of three" over and over. Season 12 was so easy to write about because "Vicotrialan" and "Morguziree" went together so easily. One of those is easy this season - I'll just call them Team Sue. But the other one - God, they're so mismatched that even their names don't go together. Not enough syllables among them. Lusamian? Cleaubell? Not many good options.

What did I say? What did I say about Sam Campbell? I said he has the specific skillset that it takes to win Taskmaster. That skillset includes the creativity to immediately realize hair counts as a body part, combined with the audacity to be some guy from Australia who's half Julian's age, and we willing to ask famous TV comedian Julian Cleary to cut off stands of his own perfectly curated hair five minutes after meeting him. And, I guess, the abandon to have no hesitation about sacrificing some of his own hair for the task. God, he looks so much like a wrestler. I'm watching this and all I see is a first-year athlete who was a hotshot in high school but new to university sports, moves to a big city to be on a big varsity team, and on their first day decides to fuck with the best guy on the team. I've seen that happen more than once, and it usually involves the little guy getting beaten up quite quickly.

Oh, and then you throw Lucy into the mix, this is perfect. Julian is clearly trying to find the least inappropriate way to tell this kid asking him to cut his hair to fuck off, while Lucy launches into a long and unnecessary explanation of how her child got food in her hair. I've said "give these [two/three] a sitcom" about Taskmaster teams before, but rarely do I want that so badly, so early in a season. But I don't want them to write a sitcom together. I just want them to have to hang out and film their lives. Lucy could organize it, like Meet the Richardsons.

As far as tableaus go, this one's not bad:

To be fair, I guess I was wrong to assume Team Sue was being edited as a contrast against the disastrous performance of Team Cleaubell. The latter's performance was very good. But showing how much fun the Sues had together was certainly a funny contrast in chemistry levels.

Sam's story about the divers that were "not, like bubbly personalities, no offence [to Team Sue]" has again upped the already impressively high laugh count of this episode.

Ah, that's the sort of thing I hoped for when I heard we'd get Sue Perkins on Taskmaster. Her cheerfully calling Alex Horne a shitgiblet. Good stuff. This is all good stuff.

Quite a few more laughs in watching Team Sue drag themselves, each other, and a box across the finish line. That's some season six shit, reminiscent of Russell Howard and Alice Levine. Two people crossing a field while tied to each other and dragging a box - just some solid, classic good old fashioned Taskmaster fun.

I know Alex is kidding when he says he's going to "spoil" us with a location task, but that really is the case. A team task, a two-parter, and a location task all in episode 1. That's not common, but I like it. Show us everything we're working with.

I hope the editors had a really good time adding all that creepy animal footage.

Greatly enjoyed Lucy's story about being good at hook-the-duck in school (no idea what that is - is it a British school game or some shit that Lucy Beaumont had a dream about once?), because she could hook the ducks. I remain obsessed with her whole thing, whatever the hell it is.

First thought on hearing the task instructions: obviously you pop the inflatable duck, right? Does anyone pop the inflatable duck? It doesn't say you can't pop the inflatable duck.

And now we come to one of things I had seen spoilered, I saw a screenshot set of Lucy's utterly ludicrous talk with Greg about having arms where her legs should be. Amusing in screenshot form, obviously hilarious in the video. Lucy. Lucy, what are you? How do you work? Tell me your secrets.

I keep calling him "Sammy C" when I want to slightly ironically (honestly, not as ironically as I'd like to be about it) refer to Sam Campbell as something like the star of a sports team I'm rooting for, when I want to call him really good at the competitive elements because that's the sort of way his name would get abbreviated in a sports setting (I think I may have used the term "my boy" to describe him earlier in this post, also a thing people in a sports community tend to say about athletes they support, and I'm hoping my use of that term came off as a ironic even though in real life I absolutely use that term unironically and I was really being insufficiently ironic when applying it to Sam Campbell). However, someone else is looking so impressive here that I think I have to apply the same sports-style hype to her performance: Susie P! Susie P coming through with the lateral thinking of moving boundaries! What a classic! Fucking right!

...Is it weird that I think I've maybe never been more attracted to Sue Perkins? Which is saying a fair bit, as I was first attracted to her when I was about 19 and getting into The News Quiz.

That post-duck conversation was great, it's amazing how the studio banter is sparkling right from episode 1. They're all playing well off Greg and Alex, maybe a little more hesitation in playing off each other, but that's coming though. Great confused pleading from Lucy. Great sarcasm (that's not quite the right words, I guess - comedic condescention?) from Sue about the difference between a TV show and the law. Sam Campbell giggling in between them as they argued over him was a delight. But most of the credit for that what made that bit funny has to go to Lucy Beaumont - whatever her character is, she hits its notes perfectly.

Watching Julian Cleary get right up to a flamingo and then just not care and go right through it was funny. Obviously my favourites are the Taskmaster contestants who care way too much and get obsessive and competitive and argumentative and throw themselves right into it. But if a season has just one contestant who doesn't give a fuck, that can be funny. And I feel like Julian Cleary is perfectly suited to the "doesn't give a fuck on Taskmaster" role.

Well no one popped it, but Susan and Julian did find solid techniques. Showing that it's really not that hard to get it through if you spend about ten seconds finding a slightly different way to do it. I don't know why three people went with rolling it.

Okay, from a purely sports fan perspective here, nice that it turns out two people cheated so the one task in this episode (so far) where Sam did badly, he still finishes in the middle. Solid showing. Sorry for bringing sports competition into Taskmaster. I am, just so everyone knows, aware that it's the wrong way to watch it. I'm not like an American TV viewer who thinks there's a real prize. I like the comedy. But I really like competitions.

All right, this episode/post has already taken up most of my afternoon, so I decided to watch the entire live task instead of taking notes throughout it. That was great fun though. I always like the ones like that, where they get one turn at a time. Obviously got some good laughs on Sue calling Alex an "utter shit", and a bigger one on the "child of divorce" line (though that laugh would have been even bigger had I not seen a spoiler about it, I really need to stay off Tumblr until I watch these episodes). Loved the ending, that brief moment of glory when it looked like they weighed the same and he called it.

I can tell if Sam Campbell was being intentionally weird by not doing anything with the prizes after he won and then wandering away, or if he actually just didn't know what to do. Either way, that was also funny.

God, what a fantastic opener. Great season that it's setting up, I think, but also just really strong for a first episode. I cannot wait to see the rest of this.

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thewertsearch · 2 years

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Asks Compilation 27/6

I’ve heard about this! They’re both games about building up your house, so they’re a natural fit. Do send those games along when I get to the point when you can!

It’s just like being a furry - sure, it seems weird, but many subcultures do. There’s not really anything wrong with weirdness, after all.

They’re a street gang, and they’re led by Gamzee himself. Watch out, Markiplier.

The whole thesis of the music video is a celebration of everyday miracles.

Sure, it’s presented in a pretty bizarre way, but there is a good point there - life is full of things that, by rights, should never stop impressing us.

Jade + AC = future Juggalos?

Look. All I’m saying is: have you memorized Maxwell’s equations?

Jokes aside, I guess it’s pretty easy not to know how magnets work when you explicitly don’t listen to scientists...

I didn’t even know there was one, to be honest.

It’s not unrealistic to see these thirteen-year-olds from 2009 dropping slurs, but I try not to include them in the commentary.

Bec is the invincible Super Dog, and he will help her complete the level. He’s even white!

Blue-bloods scoff at the low-brow Daedric, and Red-bloods think anyone who uses original script is stuffy and boring.

Thanks!! I’m finding I’m enjoying this project more with every Act. There’s just so much to get into with this comic!

It occurs to me that the later you find this blog, the more of a backlog you have to catch up on. Which, depending on your perspective, can be another positive!

As for the ‘sona.. to be honest, it’s taken a lot of willpower not to pause the liveblog and make a full fanfiction for her Sburb adventures. 🤣 Guess I need all the Sburb lore to do that, though, and it’s fun to slowly develop her session as we slowly learn how sessions work.

Aw, shucks. Honestly, I haven’t really done any sprite art in years, but when I was answering the Alchemy ask, I realized I just had to depict these items I was coming up with!

Btdubs, I used Aseprite for all the art, including the gifs. Highly recommend it.

Oh, dang it, I didn’t even notice! Gotta amend the script a little, because that might cause some problems with interpreting the text down the line.

He kind of is that, isn’t he?

This was my full prediction for Gamzee’s personality, based solely on his username. The guy isn’t exactly a thrill-seeker, but he is a sopor addict with little concern for his health. Once again, these usernames really say a lot.

Yeah, if you actually think about what’s happening in John’s case, you can make an argument that his entry was the most stressful of all. He was the first in, and understood his situation the least, while Rose and Dave at least had the benefit of knowing what an Entry was.

I didn’t think to interpret John’s hesitation to bite the apple as a deer-in-headlights response, but, now that I think about it, that may have been exactly what was happening.

No, but now I wish it was.

Sally official title CONFIRMED as Chef of Food.

Since it’s not Terezi, I don’t think any of the trolls we’ve seen so far are Vriska - the vibes aren’t right. I think it’s one of the five trolls we haven’t heard from yet...

Dimple, eh? I hope he doesn’t start possessing people, like some other Dimples I know...

* Smells like SC4L3M4T3S.

That’s one of my favorite Undertale quotes, and it’s only fitting that it be a Terezi reference.

I actually don’t remember fighting that dude in Undertale, but yep, apparently it’s a Hotland spawn. The references never end!

Thank you! Had a ton of fun making those items.

I’ll hopefully be making more of them, down the line - maybe next time my Kidsona will try to make meta-items incorporating the Alchemiter, Kernelsprites, etc?

Act 5 has been a great demonstration of dramatic irony. We know all the trolls will end up in the same session, and we know the session is doomed - the only thing we don’t know is how we got to that point.

Why does this feel like something Terezi would actually do?

And yeah, the gradual reveal that all of Terezi’s bizarre behavior with the kids was her actual personality is one of the best and most understated bits in the comic so far.

Terezi would fit really well in the Ace Attorney universe - either as one of the many unhinged human lawyers, or as a straight-up alien in a crossover game.

I honestly feel like Terezi would make a really good lawyer irl, with the proper training. Her mannerisms wouldn’t be a problem if she had talent - and I think she has talent.

Heh. To be honest, the Witch class has always been the one that sounds the coolest to me. Bard and Maid are in joint second place, but I just love the irony of a technically-minded Player getting a mystically-flavored class - just like Jade did, I suppose!

#asks #full liveblog #act 5

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keyofjetwolf · 4 years

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The framework for Xena going to free Callisto is fantastic. They’re facing a near-unwinnable situation, and Xena’s up against it. If they don’t seize the opportunity to take Velasca out now, while she’s still a newborn baby god getting her footing, they may never be able to do it, and there’s pretty much no way that ends well for them. Callisto is unhinged and devoted to killing them, so also not a great choice, but at least they know where she IS, which means she’s the best chance they’ve got. It all sucks, and I don’t blame Gabby for being kind of pissed about it all.

But what I really want to focus on here is the way Gabrielle is -- and isn’t -- handling her loss and grief, and how we’re seeing another building block for The Bitter Suite.

Gabrielle has had her heart ripped to shreds by Callisto, in the most painful personal way possible. It’s part of what makes Callisto so an incredible and terrifying villain: she doesn’t want the kill, she wants the PAIN. Perdicus’ death wasn’t about Perdicus, and it wasn’t even about Gabrielle, which manages to make it all even more galling. It was about Xena and nothing but Xena. Someone three steps removed from all of this, someone who never heard of Callisto and only barely knew Xena, was brutally murdered on his wedding night because Callisto needs Xena to suffer, and this was a delightfully roundabout way of making that happen.

It’s Callisto’s doing, no question, but you can’t entirely strike out Xena’s role in it all which -- AND HERE COMES THE IMPORTANT PART -- is something Gabrielle NEVER. EVER. EVER. DOES.

Gabrielle has this burning coal of rage that she slowly, over the course of the series, continues to feed and nurture, but never allows herself to direct at the one place she needs. That’s what makes Callisto such a pivotal role in all this for Gabby, because she’s the “safe” one to hate. That’s what makes it all explode in their faces when when the coals get too hot, when Callisto can’t be blamed.

It’s so fascinating, watching this series from the perspective of knowing how it all unfolds, to see them ignore opportunity after opportunity to have avoided SO MUCH PAIN, because they couldn’t bear to help each other off the damned pedestals they’d built.

#jet wolf watches xena #xena ep 2x14 #we can also go on a whole thing about callisto herself being a metaphor for gabrielle's rage #locked tightly away #but life with xena just can't let it rest #when we strip it all down #i love that xena and gabrielle start with these intense loves for each other #that are unrealistic and can't possibly maintain #and they rip it all down all the ugliness laid bare #and then choose to rebuild together #i think i say something along those lines every time i do this liveblog #BUT I MEAN IT EVERY SINGLE TIME

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myundeadgayson · 3 years

Text

“My Wonderful Experience in Discovering More of the MCYT World”

As Told By: An Utter Dumbass that Never Had a Minecraft Phase and Didn’t Get Into it Until a Year Ago

I’d like it known that only a month ago I’d never watched anything of Hermitcraft, or any of the Hermits involved. This isn’t a brag, just a fact from an oblivious dumbass that never paid attention to what was happening on that side of Gaming YouTube.

Just over a month ago, the most I’d ever watched of the non-Hermit, but hella well-known Minecrafter and Builder, Scott SMajor’s solo content were a few escape room videos, but I’d already deemed him a god in my mind from him in MCC.

Considering this fact, I want to delve into JUST how minimal my knowledge of Minecraft Builders, the Hermitcraft Crew, OG Minecrafters, etc. was:

My only knowledge of Grian was “Wilbur Soot’s skin was a recolored Grian skin” which told me that Grian must be a huge Minecrafter.

I never heard the name Mumbo Jumbo until a month ago from a random Tumblr post, then repeated when TommyInnit mentioned him on a stream and said he was “the Philza Minecraft of Men”, or something along those lines (regardless, he was saying that Mumbo was the first person he’d met that was nicer that Philza).

Immediately associated after seeing a photo of Mumbo’s skin that “oh, that’s that dude riding a donkey in that weird cinematic cutscene everyone was hyped about? …why the fuck was he on a donkey?”

The only name I knew aside from Scott SMajor and Grian on the 3rd Life SMP was LDShadowLady because while my little sister had a Minecraft phase, I did not (the Homestuck phase hit REALLY strong from ages 13-17, there was no time for Minecraft).

The only other people beside Scott and Lizzie that I knew on EmpireSMP was Joey because I grew up watching Joey’s old videos. (I actually didn’t find out Joey played Minecraft until noticing his name was in an MCC a while back!! It caught me WAYYY off guard because I think the last video I watched of his before this year was like… 4 years ago? If not more?)

When I originally got inspired to watch 3rd Life, it was due to a fanart here on Tumblr of a huge spoiler of the ending. It was Scott SMajor holding Jimmy’s body and screaming with a caption about Flower Husbands. And because I’m always for angsty gays… I went to watch it.

However,,, I did no research and didn’t even look at the tags long enough to see it tagged as “3rd Life Smp”… So I just starting watching the only MC series I’d vaguely heard of that was still currently going on involving Scott… Which was EmpireSMP.

So… I binged all of Scott’s EmpireSMP episodes from 1-17 and got really confused on why Scott and Jimmy had barely interacted???

Needless to say, I was a dumbass.

So after researching to find that same fanart and realizing my mistake… I binged all of 3rd Life in about a day’s span.

Even better was knowing NOTHING about anybody when hopping in, so when I made my liveblog reaction posts, I actually had no knowledge about who the fuck Jimmy, Scar, or anyone was prior to watching:)

Fhajkdfkf I hope that’s a fun realization for you. I genuinely had only ever seen the username SolidarityGaming in MCC’s and knew “oh, another Captain America cosplayer. he must be a huge dork /pos!”

Which I mean… I was right adhajfkf

So my attachments to Jimmy, Scar, and Grian happened all through the course pf watching that series, then watching their POVs and just adoring every bit of their personalities.

My first time watching a full Hermitcraft episode was actually Scar’s Magical Menagerie episode! (I saw a clip of him mispronouncing it and accidentally blowing it up, so I just had to watch that chaos for myself! Instantly hooked!)

And well… Then Last Life SMP started up right on time, and in my impatience for more episodes, I ended up watching everyone’s POV and getting more attached to everybody…

And now I actually do know everyone by name… And I’ve become attached to everybody’s characters in Last Life and I’d easily murder for any of them.

And now I’m officially watching Hermitcraft 8 from Mumbo’s POV and I’ll likely watch the others videos from the season later once I get further caught up!

The best part is that I genuinely know I’m at the very TIP of the iceberg of Hermit Lore and it’s been really fun just finding out more and more as I go! (Like Scar’s patronus is a firefly, which aww!! The pets they own IRL! Mumbo’s neat love of cars! Mumbo and Grian’s roadtrip! HOW REDSTONE WORKS???)

Before I started watching any of these series, the most impressive redstone contraption I’d seen was in Pandora’s Vault on DSMP (which is cool! I’m not knocking it, but just explaining!) And the only time I’d seen a hopper was from Tommy’s therapy machine.

Now I have a sudden knowledge of how redstone kind of working??? And building tips??? (I don’t know what to do with those. I don’t really play Minecraft.)

Anyway, all this is to say that it’s been a really fun journey!

It’s always so much fun falling headfirst into new fandoms blind, but it was especially fun considering that that most these builders and creators have been around for AGES! All of this content was honestly right there in front of my eyes, but I was completely blind to it???

I mean, could be due to the fact I’d never watched a Minecraft video until finding Wilbur over a year ago. (Fun Fact: My first ever Minecraft video was Wilbur’s Skyblock Randomizer Video!

(Even Funner Fact: I didn’t realize I could just watch Wilbur on Twitch for free until the L’Manburg Elections. Despite him constantly advertising it. Because I’m a dumbass.)

This concludes my ramble though!!

I just really wanted to express the fantastic experience I’ve had so far getting to delve into the wondrous world of 3rd Life, Empires, Hermitcraft, and all the creators involved!

Thanks for reading!

#read the tags pls for more dumbassry #jake’s rambles #mcyt #i don’t know what i’d like to tag this #i kind of just wanted to share the experience #mostly just for me to remember how it felt at the start of stepping into the fandom #it’s such a fun feeling!!#empiresblr #hermitblr #trafficblr #i guess that’ll do #don’t feel pressured to read!#this is just fun for me and i thought maybe someone would have fun with my outsider to insider experience!#i’m still very new here!#you can ask me about my hella dumb takes if you’d like #they were pretty dumb.#i had a theory for a minute there that Impulse and Scar were Twins IRL #or at least related.#or that Scar was playing on 2 separate accounts as a prank…#i still kind of believe it tbh…#also? not original #but had a DNF moment in thinking Scott and Jimmy were legit together for a minute #i know better now but 3rd Life really had me wondering for a sec!#didn’t know Joel and Lizzie were married either…#i’m so sorry i just didn’t know!!#TW: Homestuck (mentioned

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docholligay · 2 years

Text

Shamash answers: Other

It was very very hard to get down to five for this one, and thank you! I don’t know if you know this, but the times when I force y’all to say something nice to me or about my writing--I keep them! I keep them and read them back when I feel low, because even if they were said under duress, they must count for something.

I know that you feel you struggle with being kind, saying the soft kind thing, and you can absolutely be abrasive, but I think you are often much more kind than you give yourself credit for -- you have an openness and generosity with support and care that I have rarely seen and never experienced in person, despite spending my life in communities that claim an abundance of it. -- @incorrecttact

Thank you! I try, is the best I can say for myself. I’m a naturally sandpapery sort of person, but even sandpaper has its uses, and in the words of Bianca Del Rio, “If you ever need help, ask a hateful bitch like me” I am NOT the woman you go to for emotional support, but I like to think I’m the one who will help you throw out your boyfriend’s shit, move, bring you meals, etc. It’s what I’m basically ‘used for’ in my Jewish community. I’m to “do-it” girl! I’m the “Doc, they’re having like 20 people for shiva and they have someone genuinely allergic to dairy can you help?” and oh yeah, I got this, just don’t ask me to feel feelings with you.

You're!! Truly amazing!!! And I think except for my close friends and darlings are the person that's helped me the most? Like, legitimately, your liveblogs have helped me get a better sense for finding nuance (Akio!!! has depth???? and can be a deeply fucked person alongside being a symbol of the patriarchy?), and your talking about your faith encouraged me to actually think about if I wanted to find faith again (along with the direct book recs, thank you), and your writing has definitely bled into mine a bit oops but also sorry not sorry you make good shit and I'm gonna steal some of that flair, and then of course there's the diet group, and honestly somehow it feels like you helped me tease out a bit of confidence through our interactions even though I couldn't explain *where* that sense is coming from, and and and.... I just! Feel really grateful that I started following you, and appreciate you being unapologetically you, cause you're great and you truly are a role model. -- @katrani

I’m a big believer that the line between villain and victim is intentionally blurred in Utena and that’s part of its genius, so I’m glad I managed to make that happen for you! ONe of my greatest acts in life, I think, is reshaping people’s ideas of Ruka! ANd I need to send you a million emails re: the Big Reform Book of Belief ahahah, I still have your emails!

Doc, I am always glad that you live your life so unapologetically as yourself, if that makes sense. I am consistently impressed by how well you navigate giving a lot to those around you while still keeping your own boundaries and enjoyment of life. While it's perhaps impossible for anyone to truly be doing "enough" to help others, you're certainly way closer to that goal than most. Thank you for being here and doing what you do. -- @skylineofspace

Thank you and yes, I don’t think anyone can ever do enough! It’s about climbing the ladder and not resting on it! But I try to give where I can and hold the line where I need to

I love your sense of style and fashion! It’s no secret I love your writing lmao because I think I spam you every time you post original content. Annnd finally, your Jewish got thoughts give me, a complicated Jew, enrichment and reason to contemplate Judaism in my life — so thank you very much for that! -- @its-decido

You are not the first Jew to have told me that my approach to Judaism has helped them...I suppose the word I’ll use is renegotiate, the role of Judaism in their lives. It’s a huge and high compliment, especially for someone who did not receive a lot of formal Jewish education, and had to find her own way for much of her life. I love being Jewish, I love what I think Judaism demands of me, I love the heavy discussions and the way I have to wrangle with my choices. And I intensely love the idea of showing other Jews that engaging deeply with Judaism isn’t a fucking Chabadnik thing, that you can approach mitzvot and ethics and prayer and take these things for yourself. I am DEEPLY a Reform Jew, even though my PRACTICE is quite a bit closer to what’s called Conservative Judaism in the US, and I think that’s part of what I’d like to...change, maybe, within the Reform movement, or at least Reform Jews I know, is this idea that having an open-handed approach to Jewish practice means that you yourself can’t, or shouldn’t, take on some of the more traditional practices. Me and my old rabbi were very much of one thought in this, a deeply Reform man who wore a kippah and tzitzit every day. Every mizvot you pick up is a good thing, and this all or nothing approach isn’t, I don’t think, helpful. ANYHOW many words to say, yes, if you ever want to continue to talk about Judaism and your own practice, you know where I live.

Your writing....just...wow! It's really amazing and has given me a different (and more fun) viewpoint on Haruka and Michiru. Minako has even further cemented herself as my favorite Senshi because of the amazing things you've come up with for her character. Slowly I've been trying to get into writing again (writer's block, lack of motivation and inspiration) and honestly reading some of the things you've written has gotten me back into it. I keep needing to remind myself 'The source material isn't something you need to strictly adhere to.' Keep being amazing Doc~! -- LadyFlare

I’m so glad! ANd yes, when companies own your myths, I think we need to have the right, or maybe even the responsibility, to be “My city now” We tell stories to connect with each other, and anyone who says fanfic can’t also be about like...universal human truths, and ideas, is full of it. If I worried about canon, being into SM and OW, I’d be fucked, because often CANON IN THOSE WORLDS CONTRADICTS ITSELF. And honestly? The characterization in those worlds is inconsistent. I think being true to your own universe is far more important--My Michiru always behaves like my Michiru, which is sometimes like the anime Michiru, and sometimes like myu Michiru, but sometimes not, because the charaterization is all over place. My Tracer is much more the Tracer from early days OW, but it doesn’t matter, because she is consistent to MY tracer. You’re allowed to look at canon and go, ‘That’s just like, your opinion, man.”

#eights days shamash drawing #Skyline did you know you have the most entries as of this writing?#Though the finals always upend that stuff since they can be worth so much #followed closely by Tact and Regallu

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reynie-muldoons · 3 years

Text

'The Art of Conveyance and Round-Trippery' Liveblog!

Sorry this is a few days late!! I moved across the country this weekend, we drove like 13 hours within 2 days and we did a lot of heavy lifting. I'm exhausted, but the boxes are slowly emptying and I've been wanting to watch this episode so gd bad, so LESGO

Over halfway through the season!!!! That's absolutely surreal

1:11 oooh they're getting their royal fitting

1:22 LMAOO WTF 😂😂 Princess Diaries vibes

1:42 ✨CONFIDENCE✨

1:52 Alfonse is a perfect name for that guy HAHA

2:05 Nathaniel, my guy, you've made some points

2:11 "do you feel your power?" POWER RANGERS, GO

2:24 no no hesitation just prolly thinkin bout how he was caught cheatin

2:39 "can you not allow yourselves luxury?" okay fr I feel that I get Nice Things Guilt(tm) too easily

2:52 dayummmm let's talk about Sticky being a hat stall between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, mans is brave as fuck under extreme pressure and loyal to the point of putting himself on the line

3:15 bro Sticky getting some recognition. Love to see it, he deserves it

3:19 "is that a coincidence? Or written in the stars?" IS DR. CURTAIN CATCHING ON THAT THEY KNEW EACH OTHER BEFORE OR LIKEEEE

3:49 WHAT WORD AROUND CAMPUS 😭😭😭 MY BOYS ARE NOT A MISTAKE HOW DARE YOU

4:09 why doess the action of Dr. Curtain putting the sash on them seem so nefarious

4:36 I dont really understand the whole pastel yellow, blue, and pink palette of the school but the boys both look pretty okay in their vest-sash getup

4:42 THE OPENINGGGGG. This shit slaps.

5:41 Kate and Constance look so fucking cute in that shot, dont ask me why but hnnggggg

5:54 sash rope 😂😭 kate, honey, that's a reach

6:09 it might feel buttery, but, my guy, it also looks buttery. It's literally the color of butter. Get yourself some crisco

6:24 I find it kinda interesting that they made up new riddles for the show, I'm almost positive that that one wasn't in the book. Correct me if I'm wrong though

7:03 "I'm not gonna apologize for knowing things" the sass. the ✨confidence✨. living for it

7:03 If they build on that it sets Sticky up really nicely for the arc in the second book where he starts to show off a little

7:15 tiny Constance who is constantly dressed in pink with cute little braids is the perfect medium for the most morbid comments 😂😂

7:55 Martina's hot in her uniform. Can't prove me wrong.

8:15 why does that make me sad 🥺 eat with your friendssss. iirc they only talked about eating at the Messenger table in the books

8:26 dipshits forgot their lunches. Seems Constance is holding the communal braincell atm

8:50 anyone have Guiness on speed dial? Reynie and Sticky have a submission for them

9:25 oh hello this was alluded to in the preview!!! Morse code is compromised, rip

10:05 so are Jackson and Jillson stuck with night guard duty all the time?? They've been outside at night a lot

10:18 ahhhhhh the little blinkie light, stopppp

10:25 MILLIGANNNNN!!!

10:25 so is this the point where he starts staying on the island with them????

10:39 so are they just like "fuck it we'll do it right before sundown" ???? Like Jackson and Jillson are still gonna be on the lookout, they aren't gonna chill just because it's not fully dark

10:50 did the kids.....just not tell them that Mr. Bloom was on the island 😂 nice oversight guys

11:05 MADGE TIME MADGE TIME

11:05 remind me to tell you guys a story about Madge, I may or may not have done something irl a few years ago that would make y'all proud 😂😂😂

11:16 idk why but it makes me so happy that they kept Madge as a peregrine falcon

11:37 Rhonda, my love, you have my heart in your hands

11:46 roll credits

12:05 THE HEAD SHAKE HAHAHAH

12:06 Awww man, I was so excited for Milligan to be on the island .-. He must have been scoping out the inlet

12:07 "they're quite regal" A. I read the subtitles as "legal" the first time and that's somehow really in character for him, and B. IS MILLIGAN GOING TO NAME HER???!? HER MAJESTY???? PLEASE I WOULD LOVE THAT SO MUCH

12:15 his grimace KILLS ME

12:17 the hard cut from Nicholas in a brown setting and brown suit to Nathaniel in a blue setting and blue suit was lowkey striking

12:36 are they looking up Morse code 😳 can you imagine if they wrote down the message and are now decoding it

12:41 omfg all that for a HAT 🙃 I feel stupid

12:51 two things: 1. Those walls are atrocious, and 2. Yeah, talk about Morse code in a louder voice Connie girl, you're just in a public hallway

13:03 I'm sorry but those orange pillar things are not the vibe

13:03 the golden gate bridge called, they want their arches back

13:10 please let Kate climb the tower before the end of season 1. please.

13:22 y'all are about to be flying something else 😎

13:33 cleansing breaths

13:47 OH HELLO MESSENGER DUTY ALREADY??

14:06 what the heck is that teal pole for 😭😭

14:12 blindfold timeeee

I'm so sorry but I'm exhausted, it's 11:30 pm on Sunday night right now, I'll finish this episode tomorrow morning after I get some sleepies

Good morningggg lesgetatit

14:50 "vomit of metal" ashhdjdjd

15:16 a wild Martina appears!

15:36 and if you folks look to your left, you'll see a wild Constance being the voice of reason once again

15:57 "lose the bucket" "I'm not gonna do that" HELL YEAH KATE

16:07 I get not having the bucket on the court lolol, I thought Martina was telling Kate to lose the bucket in general. Like, yeah, good luck convincing her to so that

16:35 show!Kate is much angrier than book!Kate and I'm still deciding how I feel about that. The Kate we've known from the books is a sunshine baby with looots of repressed trauma.

17:03 ......what is that. why is that.

17:11 WAIT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE REYNIE AHEHDJDJD

17:15 HI MADGE

17:41 the grand swell in the music makes me think it's going to go comically wrong

17:51 she's majestic because she's a queen 🥺

18:03 LMAO CALLED IT

18:14 Rhonda and Number Two getting at each other is such a sisterly thing to do 😂😂😂

18:37 ohhhhh? Someone's approaching? Miss Perumal perhaps????

18:45 YEAHHHHH BABY

18:50 PROTECTIVE MOM COMIN IN HOT!!!

19:22 THEYRE SO PRECIOUS 😭😭😭😭 I feel like I've been subconsciously starved for her and Mr. Benedict's interactions

19:36 died at that line in the one trailer

20:00 so Miss Perumal pulled a Sherlock Holmes. Love that for her

20:20 Cheri Tupintown??? Of all the aliases they could pick, Cheri Tupintown???

20:33 "Power in Truth Inc" that HAS to be something Rhonda came up with

21:01 you can literally watch Mr. Benedict realize that this is a woman not to be fucked with and he is CORRECT

21:23 "he's fine. Perfectly fine." At this, Mr. Benedict's pants caught aflame.

21:52 something about Constance sitting in on practice!!! It scratches an itch!!!!

22:19 "incorporate the helix. Live in the helix." Lord Helix is pleased with this offering.

22:26 so what I'm hearing is Kate is going to blow up on Constance for messing with the bucket

23:13 unrelated but Jillson'a shoes are cute

23:29 why does this room give off Johnny Depp's willy wonka vibes

24:13 that looks like a chair from a doctor's office waiting room 😭

25:29 they do be egg heads tho

26:02 baby girl, I have no idea why you're crying at weird art but let me dry your tears 🥺🥺

26:50 SHE FOUND ITTTT

27:27 okay Indiana Jones, go off

27:46 why did that kinda sound like Miss Perumal

28:43 the return of everyone's favorite, "enjoyable"

29:05 not that I'm not loving the ice breaker questions and the one-sided conversation, but I'm not loving it

29:22 oh so we're getting right into it aren't we

29:54 his eyes being open again makes this infinitely creepier

30:36 "where's your proof?" Miss Perumal doesnt fuck around!!!

31:29 you're telling me Constance has been there all day?? And Kate went to find her???? 🥺

31:58 oh so we're getting right to it then?? Kate addressing her independence and trust issues arc????

33:29 NEWS!!!!

33:49 CONSTANCE RIDING PIGGYBACK!!!!!!

34:04 okay, so they opened the murder hole, what are they gonna do now

34:59 Italian? 🤨 m'sir that is so fancy

34:59 fun story I learned Italian diction in college, so I know a little bit

35:16 "take your time" the whisperer says, immediately repeating the prompt to get the answer sooner

35:31 theeeeere it is

35:46 SOMETHING ABOUT THE WHISPERER SAYING "YOU ARE HOME" 😭😭😭 the show really played up the cult shit!!

36:02 Kate being protective of Constance 🥺

36:20 ohhh shit is it time for Connie girl to have double Reynie? Double Sticky?

36:36 STICKY

36:52 "what kind of nonsense?" HAVE THEY NOT ASKED THAT BEFORE THIS?????

37:14 "and your tiny brain can somehow pick it up!!" KATE STOP 😂😂😂

37:16 "I knew you had to be special in some way." WE DONT HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT

37:51 she's right, this is disregard for their safety. The show made Mr. Benedict and his team a lot more back-alley and dishonest, and Miss Perumal has every reason to be pissed

38:30 oh good they finally remembered he has narcolepsy

39:38 and the best mom award goes to:

40:38 I was gonna say that this hallway is how I imagined the KEEP in riddle of ages but then I remembered that (spoilers) the Institute is the KEEP

40:46 oh, hello propoganda

41:10 that's the other person Rhonda couldn't contact, along with Mr. Bloom. This has to be the brainsweeping process

41:22 yeppppp

41:44 this dark doctor's office theme gives me horror movie vibes

42:22 ohhhh, so that's how they replaced that scene where the four of them jump in a crate to hide and Sticky drops his glasses in the open

42:47 and so we've come to the part of the story where Sticky and Reynie become infinitely more conflicted

42:47 and since we've reached that point..... can we have the white knight scene? Pretty please? Please Disney I'm begging you-

43:12 so Reynie just figured that out without Constance? :/

44:03 love the manipulation

44:31 I'm sorry, the farm?

44:35 farm and forest????

45:16 "the Emergency has served its purpose" 😳 well okay then murder man

45:39 "one thought, one purpose" the hive mind rises once more

45:48 LOVE THE MANIPULATION

46:07 "what have you done to earn anyone's trust?" VALID

46:26 "please do!" WHY AM I EMOTIONAL

47:06 "we still have the falcon" that you do 😂

47:19 AYYY HERE WE GO!!! Time for Milligan to stay on the island??

47:49 ohhhh Constance, casual telepath strikes again

48:16 "stop it, Kate!" OOOOHHHHH

48:53 that line ("it would be nice to be unburdened") would be funny as shit if not for the fact that Constance is a telepath unbeknownst to herself and can both subconsciously perceive people's thoughts and hear the subliminal messages

49:20 HI MRS. PERUMAL!!!

49:25 wow, she's really going through with it 😳 not that I doubted her, but still, that's dedication

49:39 OH SHIT

50:17 oh, so he's an asshole to SQ too. Got it. Torches and pitchforks? Ready to kick his ass?

50:40 "for the moment, anyway" FUCKIN WHAT

This episode was really good!!! They covered a LOT. I hope Miss Perumal comes back to the group and talks about her findings, I hope Milligan goes to get the kids and they tell him no, and I hope they get that classic 4-person Society brainstorming and binding time that hits that sweet spot

#mbs disney+#mbs liveblog #the art of conveyance and round trippery #the mysterious benedict society #charity's talkies

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marukrawler · 3 years

Text

bakugan battle brawlers liveblogging episode 38 (the unmasking episode!)

- legit, i’ve never seen this episode except for some images so im excited!

- but i sure do hope this fight is legendary lmao

- ig everyone ends up in the same spot when they win against the legendary warriors

- but the thing is. masquerade beat (maybe even killed but that can’t be right bc ace gets an attribute energy in s2 so exedra must still be alive) exedra but im sure he didn’t overcome his trial?? and yet hydra evolved. but when dan and drago beat apollonir, drago didn’t evolve until he passed his trial.

- unless masquerade did pass his trial and im just dumb

- im not even gonna ask how runo found alice in the outskirts of town lol

- alice, come get some therapy too

- i wonder if the aftermath of the masquerade reveal deals with runo and alice’ relationship, considering that alice is closest to runo out of all the brawlers.

- 😭😭😭

- iKR???? lmaoo

- wHY WOULD THEY INCLUDE THIS

- the fact that miyoko is here too??? wild!

- wouldn’t be golem unless he made an earth reference

- how did he get ur number

- also he called joe but not dan?? inch.resting

- oh

- wait does this mean that dan hijacks joe’s battle w masquerade lmaoo

- salty that you didn’t get a personal invite, eh

- they busting out the thick lines for this episode

- also love how dan’s trying to reason w the dude who sent drago off to die, that’s nice of him

- ok he’s still salty about that asldlkasdk

- bITCH HOW????

- we never had customization options before lmaooo

- something tells me marucho got his inspiration for bakugan interspace here

- thank god for translator’s notes

- lowkey did bakugan just decide to drop the 3 vs 3 bakugan battles and go for 1 on 1 already before nv even happened lmao

- omgg???

- can’t believe a card called ‘destroy vanish’ would kill drago, rip

- this is ironically not drago’s best episode, woww

- im dead at the fact that every time hydra is launched, he just rolls around trying to find the center of the card lmaoo

- ikr 😂😂 slow tf down, emo boi

- where’s miyoko when you need her

- wHO DREW???? THIS FRAME?????

- also yall clearly don’t have the patience of baron and mira if you think this is a long battle

- i. have so many questions.

- uh oh, dan’s getting unhinged

- if you tell me those muscles disappear later, im suing

- dan must’ve had whatever joe chucks on the regular lmaoo

- how is removing their gauntlets making this battle ‘fair and square’???

- this is so dumb omg

- i feel like this reaction would only have made sense if the threat of drago returning to the doom dimension was present throughout the battle but then masquerade decides to have an old fashioned battle and rescinds his doom card and that’s how it becomes ‘a true battle’

- this is literally the prototype ace vs dan battle lmao

- lmaooo ikr

- i think this is the only frame in this episode where drago’s looked decent lol

- the obligatory ‘let me win over the antagonist w the power of fun’, we been knew

- funny you should say that dan, considering YOU’RE NEVER ALLOWED TO LOSE AND HAVE FUN DOING IT

- love how there’s no hard feelings, he’s DEF had whatever joe’s having

- also holy shit, THE STADIUM???? good thing ur friends w marucho

- how do you wear a MASK and STILL show more emotion than shun, i don’t get it

- damn boi where do ur allegiance lie

- YALL ARE RLLY JUST GOING TO FORGIVE HIM LIKE THAT???? FR????? HE TRIED TO KILL YOU ALL WHAT IS THIS

- NO WAY IT WAS ALICE???? WTF HOW DID THIS HAPPEN I CAN’T

- rip in the chat, her muscles did disappear w the wind

- aLONG W ALL HER CUTS AND SCRAPES???? that’s handy

- ok the fight was a lot more interesting than the previous ones but idk, i guess i expected something w a bit more oomph?? idk ig i just don’t vibe w the guardian bakugans duking it out, i want the regular battles back lol bc they give opportunity to use a bigger variety of gate cards/ability cards than boost/subtract a certain amount of Gs.

- but man, i can’t wait to find out what happens in the next ep

#bakugan #aisha watches bakugan battle brawlers #liveblogging #episode 38

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jcmorrigan · 3 years

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001 - Tales of Zestiria?

Favorite character: It's a tough call between Maltran and Symonne, and Lunarre is trailing right behind both. I tend to call them the "Heldalf Squad," but make no mistake, Heldalf himself isn't part of it. I just like his swagalicious minions. The dry and sarcastic political manipulator, the sadistic and wordy theater nerd, and the flamboyant cannibal who hates everything. Yes. LOVE. But I have to give a shout to my boy Dezel on the hero side! Angsty/stoic characters are very hit-or-miss with me, but Dezel is the flavor I love - obvious soft spots and quirks, and slowly he builds from being antisocial to showing how big his heart is. When he stops the woman from leaping off the Guinevere tower...that's one of my favorite scenes in the entire game, because you can see when the switch flips, when he realizes that he CANNOT stay aloof any longer when there's a stranger's life on the line. He's still a grump about it but a compassionate grump.

Least Favorite character: Heldalf. His backstory is really clever, and I like the curse on him. But he himself just feels like Ganondorf but more boring. I kinda hate that he's so vanilla when his three lieutenants are in my arsenal of pet villains from the vastness of fiction. Also shout-out to Chancellor BART in the opening Ladylake act, because I distinctly remember liveblogging this to a friend, and I played Zestiria *after* Berseria (I'd loved Berseria and that's why I eventually sought out Zestiria) so here I am just comparing up the corrupt church in Ladylake to the Abbey's suave rogues gallery like "Yeah no BART has nothing on Lady Teresa Linares." Thankfully BART was never seen again.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): DezeRose, SorMik, Symonne x Coco Atarashi (The World Ends With You), Alisha Diphda x Sergei Strelka, and...I swear you have to bear with me here...Zaveid x Anna (Frozen). I also kinda wanna note a couple ships I'm on the fence about for my other favies - those being Maltran x Ebony Maw (Marvel Cinematic Universe or Marvel Ultimate Alliance) and Lunarre x Arkham (Devil May Cry).

Character I find most attractive: Dezel. It is a scientific fact that guys with pointy teeth are just hotter.

Character I would marry: Maybe Dezel, maybe Sergei. I wouldn't want to take them from those I see as their wifeys, but at the same time, they are husband goals, both of them.

Character I would be best friends with: Catch me clinging to Maltran's train and she drags me along annoyedly as I yell "PLEEEEAAASE LET ME HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS" and Lunarre is losing it laughing while Symonne rolls her eyes

a random thought: So I toyed around with basically every accessory I picked up, and I decided to put the sideburns on Rose because fuck gender roles. Well then I just got used to seeing her with facial hair in every cutscene where her 3D model was used, and now I headcanon that she does get it. Maybe nonclassical CAH intersex? Like, I don't necessarily see her as trans (but I support everyone who hc's her as such) but moreso "a cis woman, but I grow this stupid damn facial hair like a dude and I don't get why." And this is why you shouldn't let me play with customizable accessories on RPG characters because I can and will abuse my privilege to headcanon.

An unpopular opinion: That this is actually a very good game. Listen, I think I get it - the initial marketing promised something far different. And that's disappointing. But coming back to it several years after its release, after the release of its PREQUEL, when I never had that hype building up...it actually exceeded my expectations. I held off from it for a while because I thought Eizen's fate would make me too sad, but that didn't end up the case at all. I actually had just come off playing a more recently-released triple-A game that was hyped up for years, and I completed it to my satisfaction in 20 hours. $80 for 20 hours. Zestiria gave me my money's worth in comparison; it took me about 60, and I loved just how MUCH story it had to offer me. I honestly like Rose better than Alisha anyway (Rose was one of the biggest aspects that interested me about playing it in the first place). I've also seen complaints that the characters weren't well-developed enough? Which I just kinda take to mean "They didn't angst enough." Listen. There are PLENTY of games out there if you want angst and sad stories. I don't really like sad stories in my games. I like adventures where the party is a goofy foundfam that jokes around with each other and helps each other work through shitty situations, and that's EXACTLY what I got. (And Berseria really worked on me too because it kinda started at the bottom of the angst barrel, then worked its way up through "The edgy and tortured protag has gained a party of idiots and oh noooooo she's learning friendship and happiness.") Dezel's death is one of the few game deaths that just made me SATISFIED to watch instead of depressed because of the closure he got and the themes tied into his final moments and sacrifice. I loved going on this adventure, I loved the idiots who I went on it with, and I loved seeing what Glenwood had to offer me in world design the further I explored.

my canon OTP: There's not much for canon romance in this game, come to think of it. Just subtext and some flirting. So I'm blanking on if there actually were any canon couples at all.

Non-canon OTP: DezeRose! Which maybe can be considered almost-canon based on the amount of subtext, but still. It's adorable. (And it's the exact same dynamic as EiRoku except M/F and a thousand years later. I need these four to double date...the dual-wielding goofs with their edgy, grumpy Reapers...)

most badass character: Rose! Not only able to wield the Shepherd's Armatization powers, but also to be a dang good assassin on her own, able to hold her own against Heldalf before she even had her eyes opened to seraphim! Though a shout-out goes to Edna because her armatization was my favorite to play with. There's something just satisfying about bashing the enemy in front of you with a pair of GIANT FISTS

pairing I am not a fan of: RoseAli. To be honest, it was at one point something I kinda enjoyed as a third-tier ship for Rose (Dezel first, then Lailah in second). But then...Alisha's Story. I didn't actually purchase it, thank goodness, just watched it on YouTube, and it was the most grating addition that anyone could've made to this game. First of all, I can sum up the issues with Alisha's Story by reminding everyone that it canonized a secret entrance to Camlann that was much easier to get to and wasn't protected by Muse's sacrifice. But the real thing that hurt to watch was how far down they had to knock Rose and Alisha's friendship to get them to rebuild from scratch. Rose claiming she was never Alisha's friend because she's grieving Sorey? The two of them getting into a PHYSICAL FISTFIGHT over it? Nope nope nope. That's not my Rose. Even less my Rose is that whole scene where she...you know...pounces on Alisha to dress her in the silly noblewoman's dress, and it's framed like...let's just say it's really uncomfortable to watch if you don't know the punchline is just a silly outfit. Even though Alisha's Story isn't canon in my head, it still really killed any buzz I had for RoseAli. I will also say I'm not a big fan of Eizavie - first of all, EiRoku or bust in this house, and second, I have a little bit of a hard time seeing Zaveid as mlm due to how much he goes on and on about The Ladies(TM). (Though I could see Eizen as having a tiny crush on him, though. Just like "Oh no he's hot but he's connected to Aifread's disappearance help")

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Mostly just in Alisha's Story. I was mad about the aforementioned Rose stuff, but also...like...they undid Lunarre's original cathartic death, they did so to team him back up with Symonne and then do a whole fakeout that they had Maltran with them too, but Maltran is just an illusion and immediately after this, Lunarre and Symonne just decide "Yeah, we're not gonna work together anymore, have a nice life." Why does Maltran need to stay dead if LUNARRE somehow survived EXPLODING? And just...look to next question for more clarification:

favourite friendship: I just want to imagine that Maltran, Lunarre, and Symonne were weird evil friends. The kind who'd take artistic selfies and caption them "Murder and mayhem with my besties!". Maybe they even had a sibling dynamic. They were all pretty dang jaded, so I like to think they sat around sometimes talking about the things in this world that did them wrong. The reasons they were drawn to Heldalf. Heldalf himself wouldn't have cared, he would've kicked them around like disposable tools, but the three of them were too entrenched in his dogma to see it. Maybe if they met up again after he was off the board...then they'd sing a different tune. Realize they're all three better than this, and now they're gonna do things THEIR way, because remember when they made a three-point attack on Glenwood and Sorey was barely able to keep up with them wrecking Lastonbell AND Pendrago AND Glaivend? Remember when Lunarre and Symonne had each other's backs the night Dezel died? Now they can do what they want on their terms! And I just - I have many MANY feelings about these three.

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: Okay silly self-insert time but the thing is, Archibald Snatcher (The Boxtrolls) and Roman Torchwick (RWBY) are my two favorite parental f/o's (and also my OTP to end all OTPs), and I have this thing about how they'd be PERFECT crime dads to Symonne in particular because she's like a little, more theatrical Neopolitan. So there's a universe in my head where Symonne is basically already my little sister, and I look out for her - well, okay, she's a seraph with powerful Artes and I am a powerless mortal so really she looks out for me because "I suppose SOMEONE has to make sure you don't die" and I am grateful to her for it.

#tales of zestiria

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winterscaptain · 4 years

Note

Has anyone asked for Director's Cut to Focused? Because I would love to hear about my new favorite installment, if you're still taking requests for these!

its under the cut, with my commentary in bold italics! thanks for asking for this babe!! i loved writing this one.

“Don’t get comfortable. There will be time to debrief on the plane.” Hotch’s eyes are trained on the monitor, where grainy security footage plays and replays an exceedingly casual murder in an underground subway station.

“Exceedingly casual murder” is probably one of my favorite phrases so far.

Reid, entering behind you, squints at the monitor. “Where are we headed?”

“New York.”

Rossi advances on the monitor. “Five shootings in two weeks. It’s about time we got the call.”

You watch as Hotch replays the tape again. “Why the delay?”

Aaron doesn’t answer you, but rather addresses Derek. “I want to take Garcia with us. Hopefully they’ll give us access to their surveillance systems.”

He’s distracted, almost absent-minded. It’s odd.

“What do we know?” You try again with another question, and Emily dips her chin - she had the same one.

Redistributing canon lines is always a little difficult for me - I try to be as equitable as possible and give a nod to the person who originally delivered it.

Also - it’s rough to find little dialogue tags for every moment where the entire team is talking!! I always just get the dialogue down and then go back and find little opportunities to indicate movement, attention, or anything else that tells us who’s talking.

it’s so easy to get lost when you can’t “see” it!!

Hotch pauses the video, turning toward the rest of you - loosely circled around the table. “All the killings are mid-day. Single gunshot to the head with a .22.”

“Any witnesses?” As always, JJ looks for somewhere to go as soon as wheels are down.

She really doesn’t get paid enough.

There’s something odd in her voice and temperament this morning, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Now that you’re really awake and looking around, everyone's a little jumpy this morning. It doesn't help that the two most grounded people on the team are the most absent-minded of you all.

Yes, I'm including a bit of the really cool connection between Hotch and JJ - they’re such outliers

“No.”

Spencer pipes up. “.22-caliber pistol’s only 152 decibels. New York streets and subways are routinely well over a hundred.”

“So,” you ask, “could it be such that possible witnesses don’t even clock it before the unsub’s already on their way?”

Spencer nods.

Derek shifts beside you. “They sound like mob hits.”

Aaron dips his chin, but says, “Except none of them have ties to organized crime.”

The rest of the facts and questions fly past you - no connection between victims, no communication or contact, surveillance footage that shows next to nothing, an establishment that the unsub is bold and well-trained.

Seems completely random.

Spencer voices your next thought. “Son of Sam all over again.”

So reading this back really makes me want to brush up my knowledge on the Son of Sam case - I read about it years ago and have almost entirely forgotten about it. Hmm.

If I read through it I’ll probably liveblog it or something if anyone’s interested!

The grim look on Aaron’s face tells you all you need to know.

+++

Derek, Penelope, and Emily shoot the shit as they get on the plane, but you notice JJ staring forlornly out the window. You resolve to discover what that’s about as soon as possible. Having her down was odd…

...But she has been acting strange lately, not just today.

You sit beside Hotch, across from Reid as Rossi flips through photos of the victims.

Spencer makes astute observations about the continued pattern of, well, no pattern at all, while Hotch provides some remarks here and there.

One of them catches your attention. “It’s a joint FBI-NYPD taskforce?”

Yeah, because those always go over so well.

If I had a dime for anytime law enforcement agencies in a TV show refused to cooperate, I’d be the richest person alive (suck it, Bezos!)

And if I had a dime for anytime law enforcement agencies in real life refused to cooperate, I’d have an even BIGGER pile of money lmao

“Kate Joyner heads up the New York field office. She’s running point on the case and called me directly.” He calls out to JJ, who then informs the pilot you’re all ready to get wheels up. “Kate’s starting to butt heads with the local detectives and wanted a fresh set of eyes.”

There’s something in his voice you can’t place. History, maybe?

Another one of those “Reader sees right through Hotch” moments. I’ve always thought the connection between them presents itself in such a way that they can look at each other and find something deeper.

It’s like they’re looking in the mirror, but instead of seeing their own reflection, they see something that is as familiar as their own reflection, rather than something identical.

“Joyner, I know her,” Derek says. “She’s a Brit, right?”

Hotch shrugs. “Well, dual citizenship. Her father’s British, her mother’s American. She was a big deal at Scotland Yard before coming to the Bureau.”

You look over at him.

That’s a ridiculous amount of knowledge for someone who doesn’t work in the same state, Aaron.

Bitter, much, Reader? Jealous, perhaps? Hmm.

“I heard she can be a little bit of a pain in the ass.” It’s a test. The defiant tip of Derek’s chin tells you as much.

Hotch takes the bait. “I didn’t think so.”

You can’t help it. “You know her?”

“We liaised when she was still at Scotland Yard.”

You look at Emily, who shrugs.

“And she’s good?” You wouldn’t call Dave’s tone skeptical, but if you didn’t know any better, you’d say it was another test. He’s a lot subtler than Morgan.

Hotch looks back at Dave. “I think we’re lucky to have her.”

Yeah, I’m sure you do, Aaron. Sure.

I LOVED exploring this dynamic between the team and Aaron and his defense of Kate. I really wish we had more information about their past. I made one up, anyway, but having something (anything) in canon would have been very illuminating.

+++

You all step out of the elevator, and you stay closest to JJ. Her absent-mindedness had yet to leave her, and as the person closest to her age, you were doing your best to support her with your presence alone.

JJ leans toward you as you approach the center of the office. “Is it just me or does she look -”

“- exactly like Haley?” You finish JJ’s thought. “Yeah.”

I REALLY wanted to have Reader be right there with JJ when this happened. I love a finished-sentence moment, and this seemed like a great opportunity to put one in.

There’s a little smile you can see on Aaron’s face, just touching his profile. Agent Joyner has one too, and it makes you feel...something.

Whatever it is, it isn’t comfortable.

Damn, Reader. You really aren’t acknowledging your feelings, are you?

Ah, well. It’ll be another few years before you figure that one out.

“Kate.”

“Aaron. How’ve you been?”

You take another glance at JJ. She seems to have the same thought as you.

First name basis? How close are they?

“Well, thank you. This is my team.” He introduces you all one by one, and you attempt to plaster a polite smile on your face, just like everyone else. Derek’s the only one who doesn’t make an effort, and you tap the side of his shoe with your foot.

The friendship between Reader and Derek strikes again! That was another fun element to explore in this installment, especially when tensions get high.

Penelope gets settled right away, and the NYPD detectives approach shortly after that. Of course, they start with a snide remark at Spencer. Your hackles rise, and you take a little huff of a breath.

Calm down.

Even though Spencer is a year (or at least a couple of months) older than Reader for the sake of the timeline, I’d like to think there’s a protective element that flows both ways in their relationship.

Kate introduces Detectives Brustin and Cooper. Dave gets right to the point, doing his best to establish baseline rapport.

It doesn’t work.

You don’t notice that you’ve crept closer to Aaron throughout the proceedings, now standing just off his shoulder, next to Emily, until Kate leans into him. “Can I have a word with you in private?”

The crumpling of your brow is quick, and you hope nobody noticed. Emily’s head, whirling around to look at Derek, is far less subtle.

I love that Emily is simultaneously the best liar (sometimes) and also about as subtle as a gun.

“Sure.”

Emily tracks back to JJ, who looks confused. In a hushed and suggestive tone, she tells her, “They...liaised when she was at Scotland Yard.”

You hide your laugh in your shoulder, covering your movement with an attempt to adjust your backpack.

Derek steps up behind you. “Let me get that for you, kiddo.”

Somewhere along the line I got soft and Derek just started calling Reader “kiddo” and never stopped.

You look up at him, hard-pressed to keep your mirth to yourself. A little smile plays at the edge of his lips as well. He turns you around when he’s done pretending to be helpful, holding you in the little huddle that develops between the rest of you and the NYPD detectives.

Derek’s eyes keep flickering to Kate’s office, where she and Hotch chat informally and perhaps even fondly, to an extent. Heat rises in your cheeks.

Get over yourself.

Will Reader admit love for Hotch? NO! Does it affect them every moment of every day? YES!

+++

You attempt to ignore the sheer amount of time Aaron spends looking over Kate’s shoulder behind her desk. Tearing your eyes from her office window, you return to your task.

The whiteboard marker in your hand is seeing lots of use as you follow Spencer’s instructions, tracing lines between key points, making notes, etc. Cooper’s banter with Emily puts a little smile on your face.

I adore Cooper. I think he’s such a great character and I was really sad that he never came back. I feel like he’s Emily’s Blackwolf - there’s a fun and actually challenging banter between them that’s really special. I wish we had more of it.

“Anti-geographical profiling? Now you wonder why we’re so skeptical?” Cooper’s voice is full of play, but there’s a very real concern behind it.

Emily laughs, but then explains, “This unsub’s organized. He strikes at the same time of day, he knows where the cameras are placed. That means he’s doing his own surveillance.”

You offer your two cents in support of Spencer, who outlines the difference between need-motivated killers and organized killers. Cooper looks a little impressed by the time you add, “So, essentially, we need to look everywhere this unsub isn’t to find where he lives. He has a comfort zone, and we just have to find it.”

“What are we finding?” Hotch and Kate roll out of her office, and he settles beside you, peering at the map.

He’s drawn to Reader like a magnet and Kate 100% notices.

You look over your shoulder at him. “He’s organized, so we’ve redirected to an anti-geographical profile.”

“Keep looking.” He turns on his heel and walks out the door, Kate trailing behind him with a confidence that tightens your jaw.

Maybe Derek was right. Maybe she is a pain in the ass.

+++

You keep your eyes up as Rossi and Hotch inspect the body on the busy New York street. Your mind wanders to a lecture at the academy, the voice of the late Jennifer Shepard echoing through your head.

“Always watch the watchers.”

For those of you that caught this reference - well done!! It’s an NCIS reference to Gibbs’s rules, and Jenny Shepard is THE Jenny Shepard.

I wanted to open a back door to link the NCIS world with the CM world and give us the crossover episode of which we were deprived.

But then again, she’d always backed it up with another story about “the man with all the rules” to undermine the rules in question. The stories did more than make you laugh - they helped you remember.

I love the thought of Jenny making fun of Gibbs behind his back. Their relationship is so special to me and I am very excited to include a lil bit of our favorite MCRT in this universe.

(If you’re not into NCIS, no worries! Their inclusion will be few and far between, with very little context necessary.)

“See anything?” Hotch looks up, not at you, but you know you have his attention.

You shake your head, your eyes still on the crowd. “Nothing obvious.”

He hums, and tunes back in as Derek says, “From the placement of that camera, odds are the only view they’re gonna get is the back of his head.”

“Let’s not be too quick to decide what we do or don’t have.” Kate meets Derek’s eyes and stares him down. You bristle, but Hotch turns just the smallest bit toward you, reminding you to behave.

Another silent conversation? Absolutely.

The detective makes another snide remark as Kate brushes past the rest of you.

Derek turns toward Hotch, and you step back, giving them the illusion of privacy. “You mind telling me why I’m catching attitude from her?”

Because you’re better at your job? Because you don’t have a chip on your shoulder the size of the Atlantic? Because you probably haven’t maybe slept with our unit chief, maybe?

“FBI brass has made it clear to her that if she doesn’t bring this case home, she’s gonna be reassigned. And you are at the top of the list to replace her.”

“You’re kidding me.”

Aaron squints a little, but his words are deeply genuine. “Why should you be surprised? You’re good at your job. People notice that.”

Okay the way that Aaron actually takes a second to acknowledge Morgan in this scene is amazing. I love it. It just brings so much joy to my heart.

Even though Hotch is totally being an asshole this episode and clearly playing favorites, he really delivers this line in a way that makes it sound like most obvious think in the world. Like “of course, morgan. you’re so good at this why wouldn’t people notice” and the implication is that he notices and in conclusion, i’m soft.

He’s right.

“What happened to the Bureau patting itself on the back from stealing her away from Scotland Yard?”

Hotch shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t know. Politics here are different. And you can see she doesn’t pull punches.” He walks away, and Derek looks over his shoulder at you.

With a little smile, you say, “He’s right, you know.”

“You’re a terrible ass-kisser, kid.”

Nevertheless, he taps your shoulder with his knuckle and you both make your way to Rossi, examining a tarot card.

I LOVE READER AND DEREK!!!

+++

“We’ve got more than one unsub.” Hotch’s tone is more than defeated, and you peer further over his shoulder, your fingers pressing lightly into the back of his arm for balance.

I just had to include some kind of casual touching here because it’s just my favorite thing in the whole world.

Rossi circles the desk. “So, we have more than one unsub. What does that tell us?”

“Most teams stick together,” Spencer says. “Ng and Lake. The Krays. Bittaker and Norris. They don’t usually kill separately.”

Derek is next, offering, “Could be some kind of gang initiation.”

Emily and JJ volley about gang operations and local task forces for a moment before Kate asks. “Do you think we have enough for a working profile?”

You startle a little. She’s closer than you thought, on the other side of Hotch. You lean around him, the soft wool of his suit sleeve still under your fingers. “Broad strokes, maybe. Nothing specific, yet.”

Hotch makes a few assignments, but you’re focused on Derek. As you suspected, he has an idea. “I think we should get out on the streets.”

This is one of my favorite moments in all of CM. I think it’s such an incredible microcosm of Derek and Aaron’s relationship, both personally and professionally.

Also unsurprising, Kate has an immediate rebuttal. “I brought you here to create a profile.”

“Which we can give in the morning, and they can share it with the afternoon shift.”

She huffs. “We’ve allocated every extra man we have.” You don’t miss the warning glance Hotch shoots Derek or the way Derek ignores it. That was a fun catch on my third rewatch trying to write this episode. “This is New York City. It’s not like adding a few more people is gonna blanket the city.”

“I understand it’s a long shot. But these guys, they hit at mid-day. We could target ingress and egress to particular neighborhoods. Position us near express stops - 14th, 42nd, 59th -”

“Morgan. It’s not your call.” Hotch’s rebuke is sharp, surprising.

You inhale sharply and tuck your lip between your teeth, retracting your hand.

Touch is a really important element to me in this story. Every touch is a conscious choice, and it always means something. When touch is added or removed between Hotch and Reader, something has changed.

This is gonna be a long case.

+++

Thankfully, you’re all headed back to the hotel in fairly short order. Hotch has all but ordered Kate to bed, and you try not to let your thoughts stray too far in response.

Spencer’s eyes wander up, and you follow them. “JJ -”

Will?

You’d only met him once but like him well enough. He was polite, pleasant, and even funny. Seeing as you hadn’t heard much about him in the last few months, you assumed JJ had broken it off.

Guess not.

I love Will. Like as much as I love Jemily and Jotch, Will is just so normal? It’s kind of refreshing.

I also love how he does what Derek can’t do until season 11 and Hotch can’t do at all - he puts her before his career and I just adore him for it.

She turns. “Will.”

“Hey,” he says, “took a shot and flew to D.C. but it didn’t work. I figured I’d train up to New York - only a few more hours.”

Will LionsMagne with the crazy accent saying things really tickles me, y’all. He really do be talking absolute nonsense.

Hotch looks a little surprised, which probably means you do too. He extends his hand. “Detective.”

Will takes it. “I’m sorry for showing up like this. I know you’re working. But, um…” He drops his voice. “I can’t stand you being on this case and me not being here - not with what’s going on.”

You look at JJ, who looks a little uncomfortable, and then Hotch, who looks a little confused. Aaron’s the first one to speak, and you’re more than a little touched by the concern in his voice as he addresses JJ and JJ alone. “Is there a problem?”

Oop! Posessive!Protective!Hotch makes an appearance!

Will dips his head, and you know he’s disappointed.

What the hell is going on?

She turns toward the team. With a little laugh, she says, “I’m pregnant.”

Hotch freezes, and you step close to him as Emily congratulates her. Will extends his hand and Hotch shakes it again. “I’ve asked JJ to marry me.”

JJ whirls around, and there’s a warning in her voice. “Will.”

“We’re, ah, working out some kinks.”

Yeah, I’m sure you are.

“We’ll, um” Aaron says, coming back to himself, “give you both some privacy.” He nods and steps away. You follow close behind him, but you fall back as JJ hops after him.

“Hotch -”

There’s something in his voice you’ve never heard before when he replies. “JJ, you could have told me.” He almost sounds...hurt? Your brow crumples, and you try to stay out of his eye line as they chat.

If I didn’t shove my foot in the Jotch door here, I wouldn’t be me, now would I?

There is absolutely NO platonic explanation for Hotch’s reaction in this scene. It’s so much more than a boss/colleague relationship in this moment. He’s so human and so affected by the news that it’s almost impossible for me to believe he doesn’t feel anything more for JJ.

So even in this universe, as much as he loves Reader, young!JJ is a hot commodity.

Pin that for later...

“I know.”

“I understand if you need to take some time.”

“No, I want to be here.” She’s firm in her conviction, and you can’t say you’d be any different if you were in any similar situation - injury, illness, otherwise.

“Okay. Seven AM.”

She nods and turns back to Will while Hotch continues toward the elevators. The rest of the team passes ahead of you, leaping into the open lift. Aaron hangs back and you follow his lead, letting the doors close.

Reader always knows when to stay.

“Are you okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah. Just unexpected.”

Taking a little leap, you step close to him in a show of camaraderie. He’d never let on, but he needs contact sometimes. You might even go so far as to say the poor man is touch-starved.

That’s the understatement of the century.

He wraps his arm around you, and you bite back a pleased smile, feeling more than a little chuffed. You examine his profile. “What’s on your mind?”

Remember when I was talking about the significance of touch? Yep.

His shrug says many things. His sigh says more.

“Yeah,” you say. “I know.”

I didn’t add silent dialogue here, because I think even if Hotch tried, he wouldn’t know what to communicate, even non-verbally. It’s the emotional center of his tells that really

+++

“We’re not having that discussion, right now.” Hotch’s cutoff is flat, and it shoots irritation through you.

Your brow furrows, and you sputter for a second before turning on him. “What’s with you? That’s like the sixth time you’ve shut me down today.”

Hotch opens his mouth to reply, but before he can, Kate’s voice chirps from behind you.

“Are all your younger agents this insubordinate, Aaron, or is it limited to this one?”

This is the soundbyte that popped into my head when I first thought to write this episode!! Kate making a stink about Reader’s age in addition to clearly and deliberatly misunderstanding the relationship with Hotch was a critical breaking point for me.

You grit your teeth, and blatantly ignore the apology blossoming in Hotch’s eyes as you say, “Excuse me, sir.” You turn your head, not quite looking at Kate. “Agent Joyner.” You brush past Hotch, almost shoulder-checking him, and leave the room. The door shuts loudly behind you.

I NEEDED Hotch to apologize, or at least try to, before Reader left the room. He realized in that moment that he’s opened a door for Kate to cross the line he’s already stepped on and given precedent for her to treat his team with the same harshness he has.

Mans is learning!!

Derek looks up, and you wave him off as he rises to follow.

Throwing the stairway door open, you fly down two flights of stairs before sitting heavily upon the landing. You throw your blazer off, the heat under the fabric only fueling your anger.

Your hands cover your face and you manage three deep breaths before tears press in at your eyes. Molten humiliation courses through you, your face hot and hands shaking.

It’s not fair to expect Kate to understand the rapport you have with Hotch, why you can push him inexplicably further than the rest of your team. This was stuck a struggle to articulate and I was SO happy when I finally got it! It’s not fair, but you still feel betrayed by Hotch’s accommodation of her insecurity and Kate’s own ridiculousness.

The lack of sleep doesn’t help.

A few relevant thoughts regarding the profile float through your head and you pin them for later.

The door opens two floors above, and you hear Aaron’s familiar footsteps hesitate before they slowly descend to your level. You keep your face pressed into your hands as he sits beside you, resting his arms on his knees.

The addition of an audio input here, instead of a visual one, was important to me. I needed everyone to feel that they implicitly know when it’s the other approaching them on sound alone.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you today.”

You sniff, but don’t answer. He waits for you, a few minutes passing in silence, but you don’t have anything to say.

“I’ve done my best to make Kate feel supported, but I -” he huffs, and you know he’s working hard to properly articulate his feelings. You appreciate it. “I’ve failed both you and Morgan in the process. I’ve explained the situation to him, but I didn’t speak to you before I…” He trails off. “For that, I’m sorry.”

He works so hard :’)

I love that Hotch got better about articulating his emotions and asking for help as the seasons go on. He’s still absolute shit at it, but looking back, he was so much worse.

You drop your hands from your face, wiping at the evidence of your anger. “Just...remember who’s on your team, would you?”

“I do.”

“Then -” You throw your arms up and huff at him, his response inspiring a new wave of irritation in your chest. “Then why the fuck are you riding my ass about this shit today? You haven’t taken a single one of my ideas, and all but one has been really good.”

He sighs. “I know. I also know that you can take it. I trust you to be resilient in difficult political situations such as this one. I don’t have that same trust in Kate right now.” He pauses and you watch his left thumb worry a track back and forth over the knuckle of his middle finger. I love this particular habit of Tom’s that snuck its way into Hotch’s characterization. I always try to note it when I can. Your eyes wander to the barely-noticeable tan line where his wedding ring used to sit. With a start, you realize you didn’t notice its absence and you don’t know when he took it off. When he speaks again, your eyes snap back to your feet. “Your ability to step away instead of rightfully lashing out at Kate speaks to your excellence and professionalism in your role, and shows me my faith is not misplaced.”

“My faith is not misplaced” was another line I’ve been waiting to use!

You look at him, finding his brown eyes soft and apologetic. “Thanks.”

He grabs your blazer off the ground and stands. He straightens his suit jacket, offering you a hand. You take it and rise, using the back of your other hand to rid yourself entirely of tears.

With gentle hands, he slips your blazer over your shoulders, fixing the collar and brushing debris off the back. You let him fuss, knowing all the while his concern is another apology.

I love all the little ways Hotch apologizes, in canon and in my world here. He’s so shit at expressing himself that, just like his smiles, you have to look for his “sorrys” in other ways.

“It’s far too organized to be just organized crime, by the way,” you inform him casually, as if remarking on the weather.

The trope of “I’m not mad at you anymore so I’m gonna casually solve this case real quick” is one of my favorites.

He looks almost startled. “What?”

You tug on his arm and take the stairs two at a time back up to Kate’s floor. “Look.” He follows you as you burst back through both sets of doors into the conference room, stepping in front of Kate for access to the map. “We have more than one unsub. They’ve attacked different neighborhoods across Manhattan - all different demographic and socio-economic backgrounds. They’re trying to send a message, and each attack is a play to build their audience. If anything, our presence tells them that it’s working.”

I rehearsed this mini-logue in my head for AGES before writing it down. These are always fairly difficult for me - I want to put it in Reader’s “voice” (meaning, not anyone else’s) while staying true to the pattern and linguistic profile (if you’ll forgive me) of the show.

A look of realization crosses Hotch’s face, and he presses a hand to your shoulder, his fingertips squeezing just a little before he lets go. “Well done.” He turns to Kate. “We’re ready to update the working profile.”

Reader redeemed herself and I simply couldn’t have Kate be a graceful “loser” here. We’ve already seen her have far too much pride and ego for her own good.

You keep your eyes trained on Aaron, but Kate’s clenched jaw doesn’t escape your notice.

+++

“Focused? From where I’m standing, your focus is on her.”

It’s finally come to a head. Derek has absolutely lost it, rightfully so, in the middle of the federal building, while Hotch tries to keep the peace, and Kate looks appropriately chastised.

This is my favorite verbal fight in almost all of Criminal Minds. Derek goes OFF and I am so proud of him for it because he’s sO RIGHT

You reach for Derek’s elbow with gentle fingers, but he shakes you off.

“Take a walk. Now.” Aaron’s tone is nothing to trifle with, and it sends a shiver down your spine.

Fuck.

U know when Hotch get’s into that “do the math” “sit down and shut up” or “try hARDER” tone that things hit the fan, but its’ the quiet anger that really gets me in this scene.

“Derek. C’mon.” You yank once on his sleeve and lead him out the doors. He’s pissed, almost vibrating with energy.

You look over your shoulder exactly once to check on Aaron, who leans heavily over a desk. When he looks up, you turn your head before he can meet your gaze.

Yes, it’s a punishment. Yes, he knows it. He'll get your attention once he’s earned it again.

Derek cools off a little once you get outside, and he leads the way to the hotel bar. You’re sure you'd be better off returning to your post upstairs, but he needs you more than anyone else right now.

You also don’t trust yourself to be in the same room as Aaron - the likelihood of losing your usually-endless patience with him is dangerously high. At this rate, you’d get yourself a first-class ticket to Suspension City - at worst ending with your removal from the unit.

There was no way on this green earth that you’d end up off the unit of Hotch had any say, but your exhausted brain was only giving you the worst-case scenario at the moment.

Even tired!Reader know’s he’ll never let them leave :’)

Fun Fact: There were so many times where I considered taking Reader off the team, but it never felt quite right.

He sits heavily on a barstool and orders a Stella. You don’t comment on his choice to drink while on the clock. You take a water, and wait for him to speak. He doesn’t touch his beer.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course.”

“You should go back.”

Looking up, you see Rossi looking through the doors. “Alright, but you’re not getting out of anything.” By the time you’ve finished, Dave is at Derek’s other side, getting comfortable. You press a hand to Derek’s shoulder, leaving them alone.

You take a few deep breaths before returning to the proper floor. Kate is in her office with Hotch over her shoulder.

He looks up when you walk in. How’s Morgan?

“He’ll be back.”

:) Aimz is right. Silent conversations make the AJF world go ‘round.

+++

You reach Emily with Derek and JJ, and she looks flustered.

“Are you okay?” Derek takes stock of Emily, but you figure out there’s nothing to know about Cooper.

Emily walks through the moments before and during the shooting, growing increasingly intense. You watch her as Derek digs and digs - finding the right questions for the answers she wants to share.

Derek is SO good at framing questions to get the answers he needs to keep going. I love him.

“Wait,” you ask. “You think he deliberately shot someone where he could be caught?”

“What if he did?” Her eyes are wild, angry. “What if they chose this spot because we were here?”

“What are you thinking?” Derek leans forward, searching her face for answers.

She enumerates her points. “He had no ID on him. He waited until We caught up to him. He was strangely calm- It’s almost like suicide by cop.”

“Why?” You hear yourself ask. “Why would he do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to make us think everything was finished.”

You look at Derek. He looks back at you.

“We need to walk back through this profile.”

Just then, Aaron and Kate dip under the police tape and make a beeline for Rossi and Reid. Dave looks grim and you can’t hear what they’re saying, but you’re sure they’ve come to the same conclusion as you.

Terrorism.

+++

“So much for theory.” Dave uncrosses his arms and the room leaps into action.

Kate grabs her blazer and looks at Aaron. “We need to hit the ground running.”

“I'm gonna head to the hospital,” Emily says, already headed for the door. “I'll check on Cooper and brief detective Brustin.”

“Good.” Aaron makes the rest of the assignments. “Dave, will you go talk to the commissioner?” He assigns you and Derek to Homeland Security for a briefing, and you grab your things. You will be Derek’s shadow for the duration, and you’re more than happy you’re with him.

So why does something feel...wrong?

You look at Aaron, and his brow is furrowed. He meets your eyes. What’s wrong?

I don’t know.

His mouth presses into a thin line. This first, then that.

Did I mean to heavily imply that Reader knows something is going to happen to Hotch without really knowing it? Absolutely.

I almost had Reader go with Kate and Aaron here, but I thought the dramatic tension would be better if she went with Derek, and it also gives Hotch an excuse to give Derek a peace offering of some kind that would smooth things over between them.

You nod, and he starts talking again. “Kate and I will go talk to the mayor And we'll meet back here As soon as possible.”

“One advantage That we have right now is that they don't know we know they're watching.”

For once, you agree with Kate. It’s about damn time.

+++

You get into the car with Derek and head toward the HLS field office.

“I’m proud of you, kid. You’ve done well.”

Smiling a little, you thank him. “Though I do think we’ve pushed Hotch to the absolute limit this week, between the two of us.”

He rolls his eyes, speeding down the shockingly barren New York streets. “If one of us isn’t, who is?”

“Rossi.”

You both freeze as an explosion goes off. You don’t know where it is, but Derek turns around with a spectacular screech of tires.

“Derek...What -”

“We’re going back. That’s not good. Let’s go.” He guns the engine, and you’re on your way back to the federal building with sirens blaring.

HERE WE GO!! THE PHONE CALL!

This was hell to write and I was SO afraid it would be confusing, but I’m fairly pleased by how it turned out.

His phone rings and he checks the caller ID as he answers. “Yeah. I'm still here.” He looks at you. “We’re still here.”

“Yes, you are. Thank God.”

Garcia.

“I'm almost back at the federal building. What the hell's going on?”

“Alright, we're going over the closed-circuit footage right now.” You can hear her faintly through the phone, and he puts her on speaker.

“Who else have you checked on?”

“You're the first. Rossi and Reid called me.”

“All right. Keep me on the line while you check on everyone else.”

Emily picks up next. “Is everyone ok?”

Garcia tells her she’s got the both of you on the line, and she’s already spoken to Rossi and Reid.

Your body is almost completely bowed toward Derek, twisted in the passenger seat. “Emily, where are you?”

“I'm following detective Brustin to one of the NYPD’s Critical Incident Command Posts.”

“One of them?” Garcia’s confusion is only a little frantic, and you more than sympathize with her tangent. Anything is a better thought than the one you’re all sharing at this very moment.

Derek explains the decentralization of the CICP’s following 9/11 - too many eggs in one basket.

Garcia cuts him off, getting back on track. “Has anyone talked to JJ?”

Emily answers her. “She was headed back to the hotel.”

“In an SUV?

“I think so. Stay with me a minute. I'll dial her mobile.”

JJ’s voicemail rings through Derek’s phone, and your heart sinks. “This is Agent Jareau, Communications Director for the FBI’s Behavioral--” It cuts off.

You lean over the center console. “What was that? What happened?”

Garcia’s voice is flustered when she answers, “It went dead mid-message.”

“Try her again. She's probably back at--” You lose Emily.

You lost all of them in the middle of a sentence, and all the blood drains out of your face. Derek drops his phone into one of the cupholders and reaches out. You grab his hand, holding it in both of yours.

Physical Touch!

This is a nightmare.

Derek keeps driving, and you find a police barricade on your way back to the federal building. Derek throws the car into park and you both leap out of the car, flashing your badges at anyone who will look. You find the man in charge, but he tells you to get back to the federal building.

Hot anger flies through you.

Who does he think he is?

You stick close to Derek, but startle when you hear Hotch cry out. Pressing along the barricade, you call across the block. “Aaron! Aaron! We’re here!”

You get leave to go, and you and Derek sprint toward Aaron and Kate. He’s covered in blood, both his and Kate’s and you get on one side of him while Derek crouches on the other side of Kate. Your hands flutter over him for a moment, one of them landing on the nape of his neck. The softness of his hair is the same as it’s always been, and it grounds you.

PHYSICAL TOUCH!

“Aaron -”

He’s not looking at you. “Morgan, we've got to get her out of here.”

Derek throws his arm out of the side, outlining the situation. “They're not letting any ambulances down here till they clear the scene.” He turns to the “Kid, you gotta get behind the barricades. Let's go. Go!”

“Go, Sam.”

“Good luck.” The kid sprints off, and Derek draws Hotch’s focus again.

“Talk to me. Can we carry her?” He leans further over Kate, into Aaron’s eye line. “Hotch, can we carry her?”

“No, I tried. Morgan, she's gonna bleed to death if we don't get her out of here. We gotta do something.” The ache in his voice is horrible. You reach out, brushing some hair off Kate’s forehead. She’s cold to the touch, and you press your hand to the side of her face, willing your warmth into her.

“C’mon Kate.” You whisper to yourself. She’s still not your favorite person, but Aaron’s agony as he literally holds her body together tears your heart in two.

Not gonna say shit about shit, but this motif is coming back :)

Derek’s phone rings, and it’s Penelope. “Garcia, I got Hotch. But listen to me. You gotta get somebody down here right away, you hear me? Right now. What? You're absolutely sure?” Derek looks up, finding the kid standing by the shelled remains of the car. “Hotch. The kid. He's the bomber.”

“Go.” Aaron’s voice is defeated, and you hesitate as your body coils to chase after Derek. Aaron looks at you. “Please. Stay.”

I needed Reader to stay with Hotch because....I mean....there’s nobody else he’d ask

You nod, and tuck in close to him, keeping one hand on his arm and another on Kate’s cheek. An ambulance pulls up, and you’re more than relieved.

Hotch briefs the paramedic. “She's got an arterial bleed in her back and I'm doing my best to hold it closed.

“You ok?”

Isn’t that the question of the hour.

“I just want to get her out of here.”

That’s not a fucking answer, Aaron.

You let it go, for now. He’s a mess, but he’s alive and he’s conscious. That’s what’s important right now. You tune back in.

“You were calling for help and I couldn't listen anymore. My partner was too afraid to come in here with me.”

Aaron leans into Kate, and your heart pulls again. “Kate, we're gonna get you out of here. We're on our way out of here.”

You help as much as you can, following instructions and making sure Kate’s stable.

+++

When you’re all finished, you get into the passenger seat of the ambulance. Hotch is on autopilot and he shouldn’t be driving, but you’re ready to take over at a moment’s notice.

When you’re stopped at the emergency room entrance, you flash your credentials as Hotch explains the situation as clearly as he can. The Secret Service agent reluctantly waves you through. Kate’s crashing in the back, and Aaron’s agitation flies through the roof.

It’s a blur, but you finally end up in the hospital, shadowing Aaron. He collapses, and you cry out for help, holding his hands as he hits the ground.

Everything's happening so fast.

When will it end?

This is one of those “Stop the ride I want to get off” days where everything seems to just be flying at you all at once and it feels neverending.

You know, like the state of the world right now (at least in the USA lmao)

+++

“Kiddo, where’s Hotch?” Derek comes flying through the doors of the ER, and you throw yourself into him.

“He’s fine. Massive trauma to his right ear and a shrapnel wound. Kate’s in surgery.”

There’s a commotion from behind the open door, and you both rush in when you hear Hotch’s voice.

You get in between Hotch and the attending, doing your best to calm him down. “Aaron, Hotch. Calm down. Slow down. You’re really hurt.”

The concern makes me soft.

“Where’s Kate?”

You press your hands into his wrists, and he twists his arms, surprising you by gripping your forearms. PHYSICAL TOUCH! “She’s in surgery. Your go-bag is on its way. Nothing’s happened since the first blast.”

He looks somewhat placated but looks over at Derek. “Sam?”

“He’s dead.”

Hotch releases you. “Morgan, the profile's wrong. Call JJ.”

+++

“Are you ok?”

Yeah. I just want to understand why I'm still alive.” You help him with his vest, minding his shoulder. I needed someone to help Hotch with his vest in this scene and I’m so glad Reader was right there to help him ;) You’re not sure what’s wrong with it, but he’s favoring one over the other. He looks at you, and there are thanks in his brown eyes. You offer him a quick, soft smile but continue with your task, gently tightening the vest around his tender ribs, smoothing over the velcro with even pressure.

You’re listening as they go along, talking signatures and bomb-making and all manner of horrific precedent. You pass two pieces of fresh cotton to Hotch, who immediately replaces the bloodied cotton in his right ear. He shakes his head with two deep blinks.

ACTS OF SERVICE!

His ears are ringing something stupid right now, I bet.

I wish I could do more.

Just be here. Do your job. That’s what you can do.

The way Reader has picked up on the things they KNOW Hotch will tell them? Immaculate.

All at once, you figure out that the ambulance is the bomb. You spot Hotch as he moves (way too fast) down the hallway.

Goddamn it, Aaron.

I’ll take “Constant Frustration Regarding Your Injured Boss” for 800, Alex.

+++

The bastard slit his throat.

Fuck.

The look on Aaron’s face is nothing short of disgust, and you’re sure yours matches.

I was going to do more for this scene, but realized I didn’t need it. Who knew!

+++

You’re waiting for him when he walks out of the operating room. His eyes are hollow and they seem to look through you rather than at you.

“Hotch - Aaron - I’m so sorry.”

Take note of the use of first names in discussion with these two. It’s less significant in narration, but there’s always an intention when they’re speaking aloud to each other.

You didn’t particularly like Kate (who does?), but you know how much he cared for her. His pain often feels like yours - even more frequently, you can't parse his from yours. While you didn’t expect to mourn her, you find that weight in your belly anyway. Your eyes mist up against your will, your breath hitching in your throat.

I love that his emotions affect Reader’s in such a real way. I wanted to lay the groundwork for 100 here and I don’t think I have to tell you why lmao

He doesn’t say anything, and your voice is almost desperate when you ask, “What can I do?”

Brown eyes flicker around the room. He looks more like a caged animal in this moment than in any other you’ve ever seen. You approach him slowly, and you’re not sure if he heard you. There’s still blood on his neck from his ear, and you’re terrified he’s lost his hearing for good.

“Aaron?”

He finally acknowledges you when you’re close enough to him to take his hand. You catch him as he wilts, pressing a hand to the back of his head as he tucks his head into your neck.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Aaron.”

He mumbles something into your shoulder, and you lean back, holding him up with your hands on his biceps.

“What?”

“Call Haley. Tell her, please. They got along really well. She’d want to know.”

!!!!!!!!!! THIS MOMENT SURPRISED ME!!!!!!!

You nod and guide him to a chair. He sits heavily, tilting his head against the wall. Pulling your phone from your belt, you ask, “Do you want me to stay here?”

He nods, his eyes closed.

I’m soft.

You dial the familiar number and hold the phone to your ear, settling down on his left so he can hear.

I love that the Hotchner house/Jess’s house is a familiar number :’) That detail kind of flowed out and I was really only aware of it when I was proofreading.

Haley answers the phone, a question at the end of your name.

“Yeah, Haley, it’s me. Hi.”

“Hi. Is everything okay?”

You look at Aaron, who’s still and quiet beside you. “Not really.”

“I heard about the bombing in New York, the murders...Is everyone alright?”

“We’re alright. Aaron’s fine - some mild injuries but nothing serious.”

“Okay?” You hear the unspoken question. Then why are you calling?

“I was told you’d - um.” You take a deep breath, and it catches. Aaron flips his hand palm-up on his knee, and you take it. PHYSICAL TOUCH!! “I was told you were close with Kate Joyner, from the New York field office. She used to be at Scotland Yard?”

“Oh, yes, of course!” Her voice falters. “Wait. Oh, God…”

“Haley I’m so sorry.” You swallow some tears. “I’m so sorry, but she was killed in the bombing.”

You hear a shaky breath on the other side of the line. “Oh.” There’s a pause, and you suspect she has more to say. You’re right. “Aaron told you to call, didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

She sighs. “Can I talk to him?”

You look over and he nods, releasing your hand and holding it out. “Yeah, he’s right here.” She says something else, and you put the phone back to your ear. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for telling me.”

I love Haley. I do. I love her.

I’m SO mad at her but I love her.

You nod to yourself. “Of course. Here’s Aaron.”

He takes the phone from you. An exhausted, “Hi,” leaves him.

“Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re alright.”

A little smile pulls at his lips. I love how much he loves her. Even thought their marriage didn’t work because they wanted/needed different things from each other, they love each other so much and I am so soft about it. “I’m alright. How’re you?”

Her bright laugh echoes faintly through the phone, but there’s a solemn edge to it. “You’re asking me how I am?”

His eyebrows raise, his eyes still closed. “Isn’t that polite?”

You can almost see her suppressed smile. “It is. I’m fine. Jessica and I just finished dinner and put Jack down for the night.”

“How’s Jack?”

You tune out, the exhaustion taking over. Aaron pats the seat on his other side and you shuffle around, tucking yourself under his open arm. I am so soft for this lil moment, y’all. I am a SAP. Leaning against his shoulder, you close your eyes, letting the voices of two divorced people who love each other very much lull you into something that feels a little like sleep.

The End!!! I hope y’all liked this installment of commentary!!

tagging: @ssaic-jareau @qvid-pro-qvo @joanofarkansass @forgottenword @hurricanejjareau

#hurricanejjareau #tali answers stuff #tali provides commentary #tali talks cm #ajf commentary #a joyful future

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artificiallyimplantedmemories · 3 years

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[ ooc: ep 4 liveblog & opinions under the cut! this one got long winded because I had a lot that I was thinking about (and it took me twice the length of the episode to actually watch through it because I kept pausing to type oops) ]

yeeeesh that’s one way to start. thank you for letting bucky cry.

but also the look of pride on her face when she says “you are free” they’ve been working so hard and she’s so happy with the progress bucky has made ;_;

and now she’s so betrayed :(

but I’m also so glad Bucky learned xhosa that’s super important! <3 part of decolonization of the past involves respecting and learning and propagating languages and cultures that have been trodden over. Wakanda has been something of a safe place in that regard, and are now doing the outreach to help their continent and the world, but it takes the world of people within the majority putting in the effort and learning and embracing those cultures and languages (without appropriation, which I know is a fine line to walk sometimes) in order to really make progress. once it is no longer alien, it is also no longer scary, and can be held in proper esteem.

“sweet of you” shut your mouth Zemo xD

“she’s just a kid” thank you for your compassion Sam. and while she’s an extremist, I’m not sure whether Karli counts as a supremacist or just a terrorist? maybe she counts as genocidal if she’s truly trying to restore things to Blip conditions but it’s kind of unclear.

“the serum never corrupted Steve” “touché” YO EVEN HE ADMITS IT

Sam’s understanding of cultural habits (and there are many overlaps between various cultures and the ways they mourn) is such an asset here, and I’m glad that they’re pulling a contrast between the tech-driven, cold, calculating predictions made by certain people and organizations in other parts of Marvel and the general sort of soulful and instinctive approach here

Turkish delight. Excuse me but Narnia cemented the idea in so many people’s heads that it is this magical thing but it’s like superglue in your mouth. It is not irresistible, Zemo.

Legislation and social change as a result of violent action is nothing new. Every peaceful protest has been backed up by some kind of harm, whether it be economic, like a boycott, or physical, either damage to property or lives. I think instinctively people understand this, but it’s good to see it put in the spotlight.

Sam is “stranger danger” to these kids :/

“I know what happens when people say they’re going to help out... nothing.” Ouch.

The way Sam’s gaze falls at that too, because he knows theoretically that a lot of these injustices are happening and can empathize, but practically hearing it hurts. He doesn’t like not being trusted either, but I think he can probably understand why.

Zemo playing that psychology game! Kids love food and the idea that he must be a good person just for having a kid is dumb as hell but something that kids would gravitate towards. Smart man. Doubly smart for not telling them, Nat would approve if she didn’t hate him :P

Sam de-escalating is gonna be a trend I can just see it.

Cherry blossom tea? Interesting choice.

SHARON HI

Nat vc: gosh it’s nice to see someone competent around here.

ooooh they’re really reinforcing the idea of Captain America being a figurehead that inspires people

“heroes these days don’t have the luxury of keeping their hands clean” yeah well it’s because Steve had people like Bucky and Nat do do his dirty work, but sure

“all the people history just left out” OW

okay first of all Sam being the one who is insisting on reasoning with them because he knows what it’s like to come from an oppressed people !!! he knows grief and trauma !!! he can do this !!!!! I just know Walker is gonna fuck it up for them :P

second, Walker trying to emotionally manipulate Bucky? it’s a testament to how far he’s come that he doesn’t punch the guy immediately lol

Hoskins being the voice of reason as a foil for Walker again what?! this version of Lamar isn’t nearly as terrible as I expected.

Zemo calling that itty bitty girl his associate xD He really does understand the people here though... aaaand he’s getting handcuffed. Totally didn’t see that coming (he’ll probably break free anyway)

The conversation between Karli & Sam ;_;

“you’re either brilliant or hopelessly optimistic” “por quo no los dos.gif”

Walker trying to guilt Bucky again god he’s so dumb. I appreciate the fact that he’s ruthless but he’s so narrow minded in how he approaches problems. oh no I have an issue let’s punch it until it dies! come on man.

Karli is so heartbreakingly naive and that’s becoming more and more obvious. I love Sam opening her up like this wow.

WALKER FUCKING IT UP AS ALWAYS

and the cuffs empty WHAT DID I TELL YOU

god we were getting somewhere ;____;

oh good just what we need, serum in Walker’s hands. he was already awful he doesn’t need to be more awful gdi

“we separate them and then we kill Captain America” ...yes, we’re listening xD

I know crazy because I am crazy... oh boy we got some internalized stuff, but let’s play it off

still a little blame game going in terms of where the shield ended up I see

THE DORA MILAJE ARE HERE -swoon-

pOINTY STICKS I cackled oh boy he gonna get his ass WHOOPED

Sam is enjoying the hell out of this

Zemo watching and drinking

“Looking strong, John!” “Bucky”

oooh dear they tangling and Zemo’s getting away.

your arm’s off! no it’s not

WAIT WHAT DID AYO SAY BEFORE SHE SAID JAMES

they all got their asses kicked ah well. also the look on Walker’s face says he gonna serum himself up, the lil fucker. oh no someone’s better than you how will your ego ever survive.

a lil Battlestar logo!!! shut up that’s cute. they’re really making him halfway likeable here.

“power just makes a person more of themselves”

ohhhh okay time to unlock Walker’s traumatic backstory. at least he feels bad about the things he did. at least he knows that those medals of honor are covered in blood. people are at least partly made by their circumstances, and I wonder what he was like before the war. the only indication we have of it is him being a football star, and while I may not have had the best track record with those in my youth, that doesn’t mean there aren��t decent ones out there...

Sarah’s “my world doesn’t matter to America, so why should I care about its mascot?” Oh, we’re speaking to the disenfranchisement of marginalized people hardcore today okay. if anyone’s gotten this far in my overly long commentary I want you to know that this is the realest alright? it’s hard to be proud of a country and its symbols when it doesn’t do right by you, when the majority doesn’t do right by you. am I glad I was born here? sure. are there worse places to be? sure. am I proud to be an american? oof, man, don’t ask me that.

Karli is not pulling her punches, she’s threatening the whole fam. Sam isn’t gonna like that... He sounds like he’s trying to suppress panic instead of being angry on the phone call with Sarah. I think he understands what Karli is trying to do, even though he hates how. And he’s worried, because he’s always gonna be worried. Poor guy. And there’s the confrontation.

Sharon got their backs!

Oof, seeing the gun with the shield.

Gunshot, run, oh, listening, he’s already got the serum, maybe? Given how deeply that shield is embedded in the wall I’m gonna say yes. YUP I WAS RIGHT.

Something about the water dripping and Lemar’s face makes me think he may have been waterboarded at some point :( but maybe he’s just in a lot of pain.

THE KNIFE CATCH. YES YES YES. THE KNIFE FLIP. Nat is so hearteyes.

Ooh, we gotta upgrade that wingpack with Stark repulsors pls go Sam go

oh no. Lemar. fuck. FUCK.

oh good now you’ve done it. killing a guy as Captain America. fuck.

the blood on the shield as the last shot! ~cinematography~

hoooo I’m chilled. I knew something along these lines was coming but oof.

#onyx watches fatws #out of the red;#fatws spoilers #cw: death #cw: blood #cw: racism #cw: ptsd #cw: torture

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thebibliomancer · 3 years

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Tides of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 20

Tides of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because dang the All-Maudra died. Gotta see what happens next.

Last times on book: Amri and co are on a quest to unite all the Gelfling clans against the Skeksis. They’ve managed with the Sifa by convincing Maudra Ethri to look at some cool flames. They’ve managed with the Dousan by restoring a cool, giant tree. But now they’ve received word that that the All-Maudra has died.

Chapter 20

Team Naia travels to Ha’rar... no, that can’t be right.

Amri felt like he must have misheard. Erimon passed the parchment to Kylan, who read it again. Amri didn’t need to read it. He didn’t want to. It wouldn’t explain how or why or who had done it. Just that it had happened. He reached up to see if Tavra was still on his shoulder. She was where she’d been since they’d leaped into the lake, but she said nothing.

Oof. I hadn’t thought of that but poor Tavra.

Her mom died and she never got a chance to go ‘yo i’m alive but a spider but and also you can’t stop me from dating Onica now because we can’t have lesbian babies like this.’

Amri wonders if the All-Maudra was killed by the Skeksis because she vowed to resist the Skeksis but that sets Kylan off. Also, Kylan shows he’s upset by crossing his arms and twisting his ears back. Like a cat?

But Kylan points out that All-Maudra Mayrin said she was lighting the fire of resistance but nothing happened like what happened with the Sifa and the Dousan where actual rainbow flames burned the story of uniting the Gelfling into something nearby.

“You think she didn’t light the fire after all?” Naia asked.

“Maybe she thought she had,” Onica said solemnly. “Maybe she died trying.”

They had no proof except the feeling in their hearts. Amri didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t deny it either: The Vapra fire had never been lit.

But if the fires HADN’T been lit for the Vapra and the All-Maudra was no longer leading them with some lip service about resisting. Then it means there was only one path for Team Naia to take in the seven chapters still left in this book.

They were going to Ha’rar after all.

MY GOD.

I never thought this day would come.

I mean, something is going to sidetrack them, right??

Because the side characters are making sure that nothing gets in their way.

Erimon lends them his Crystal Skimmer Tappa because she’s the fastest in his xeric and even asks Periss to drive it.

Ha, I knew Periss was joining the party.

Erimon has to stay and help organize the resistance with the other sandmasters once they arrive since Maudra Seethi is on her way to Ha’rar.

WHERE I CAN’T BELIEVE THE TEAM IS ACTUALLY GOING. Its been nearly three books of not going to Ha’rar! J.M. Lee, you’re blowing my mind!

“Now that the storm has broken, the xerics will continue to arrive. I will tell them the song of what has happened here. And when the time comes, we will heed the signal of the flames. We will join the fight against the Skeksis.”

“We still don’t know what that signal will be,” Naia said.

Erimon bowed. “We can never fully predict what form a sign will take. We only know it when we see it, or hear it, or sense it some other way. But I have faith in Thra, and in you. I will se to it the Dousan do not forsake the gifts we have been given. Not as we have in the past, nor ever again.”

You’ve really learned a thing, Erimon.

Erimon says that he thinks Periss can get them to Ha’rar in a day and so and apparently without a storm and without all the supplies, Tappa nyooms.

On the Skimmer trip, the team continues to discuss the All-Maudra’s death. Tavra finally pipes up to suggest that Mayrin failed to light the fires of resistance because the Skeksis found her out. But that there’s no point in speculating.

Because she’s finally getting what she’s wanted all along, to go to Ha’rar but in the way she’d least want it.

Be careful what you wish for?

“We must go to Ha’rar and reach someone who can tell us what happened. No more Far-Dreams or riddles from Thra. I want answers.”

“How are you taking this?” Amri asked. Tried to keep it soft, to let her know he was asking her feelings and not her political opinion. She was hesitant in answering.

“I am worried for my sisters. I am worried for my people.”

Amri tells her that Seladon will take care of Brea to reassure her and if Seladon’s arc is similar to the show then, -laughs in irony-.

Tavra was quiet a long time, unmoving. She curled one leg in.

“I don’t know that she will,” she said. “that is my greatest fear. My mother put her duties first and her daughters second. It was difficult to find ways to earn her love. Because of our station. But we tried. For me, that meant becoming a soldier. For Brea, becoming a scholar. For Seladon, it meant becoming All-Maudra one day... but the pressure was often too much. She is not ready, and I fear the Skeksis know that.”

“You should be All-Maudra,” Naia said suddenly.

Hah. Naia doesn’t even know Seladon and she’s like ‘wow she probably sucks and you’d be better.’ Poor Seladon.

The idea brought a strange fantasy to life. Tavra, in her Gelfing body. Sword in hand, drapedi n the silver cloaks with the living crown on her brow. She had traveled farther than any of them, knew more of the state of the world. Knew the Skeksis all by name, knew how the All-Maudra was expected to behave. Had the respect of her clan as a Vapra princess, but knew firsthand the hardships that had befallen the Gelfling who were so unlucky to find themselves in the Skeksis’ crushing grasp.

If there was ever a leader the Gelfling could look to, Amri realized, it was Tavra. Tavra, who was locked in the body of a spider, whose voice could barely be heard even by those who knew enough to listen.

“That is impossible,” Tavra said. She slipped below the rail and disappeared into Kylan’s traveling pack.

Relatable.

As evening falls they get closer to the snowlands and Periss tells them he’ll have to leave them at the frost line because Tappa is a DESERT CREATURE.

Nooooo Periss, you’re supposed to be the sixth ranger! You can’t leave your new best pals!

He also calls Naia Amri’s girlfriend and he does do the “she’s not my girlfriend” thing but less vehement and more embarrassed.

“Have you dreamfasted together?”

Amri’s ears went flat at the forward question. Of course he’d dreamfasted with Naia, but only to share memories that they’d needed to share, so the truth of the Skeksis and the message they carried would not be forgotten. But there were other memories, ones more secret and intimate. Private hopes and fears. Memories he had all to himself, beautiful things he’d seen when he’d been alone. Dreams he’d had, and nightmares.

Amri had always hoped one day to find someone to share those memories with. Someone he trusted enough and who trusted him to truly dreamfast. To share everything. It had never occurred to him that someone might be Naia. Until now, and only thanks to a wily Dousan thief. Periss grinned ear to ear, as if making Amri blush from embarrassment was his new favorite game.

“No. Not that way,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to?” Periss asked.

“I want to change the subject.”

Oh my god.

Excuse me I need to take a moment.

a moment

You’re adorable, Amri.

Also, based on this, Jen and Kira basically got engaged the first time they met. Just went full info dump on each other. ‘HEY I GUESS THATS ME AS A BABY’ because they never learned to not overshare in dreamfasting and because nobody ever taught Jen about sex.

Also also, this fits well with what we learn in the first book about how its a sign of maturity for Gelfchildren to learn how to not broadcast their entire lifestory the instant someone touches them.

I continue to love the nuances we get about dreamfasting.

After sleeping and starting another day of travel, Amri spends some time practicing sword because he’s changed his tune on that.

Amri practiced his sword stances, parries and thrusts. Imagined striking down Skeksis after Skeksis as he charged into a citadel swarming with darkened beasts. It felt heroic in his mind, that part -- the charge, the thought that he could single-handedly defeat the monsters that might have taken the shining city -- but in the end, even in his fantasies, when they finally reached the throne, the All-Maudra was already dead.

Aw.

Although the first part of this wild fantasy sounds like Amri should have been scenario writing for the Age of Resistance trpg.

But its more about his understanding that even if he becomes a cool, heroic swashbuckling figure with like two whole days of sword practice under his belt and even if they win, that victory will always carry with it the tragedies the Skeksis inflicted on the way. Mira, Mayrin, other Gelfing whose names don’t start with M’s.

They reach the frost line and dangit Periss actually leaves! Just because you’re the sixth ranger you think you can come and go to save the budget??

Although, in a nice bit of growth, he gives the team all the jewelry he stole from the Sifa. Nice, they can give Tae her stuff back if they see her.

Going the rest of the way on foot, Team Naia actually reaches Ha’rar. I’m frankly shocked.

Like the crystals in a broken geode, the city of Ha’rar glittered in the protective shell of the mountains, covered in snow and glowing with moon- and starlight. At the far edge of the city, a majestic building stood with its back to the wide Silver Sea. It looked like an icicle, or one of the many crystal stalagmites in Domrak and the Caves of Grot. Every elaborately sculpted feature refracted the light of the moons and the Waystar, sending night rainbows across the city.

It was beautiful, but eerily silent and ominously dark.

Hmmmm.

None of the lanterns are lit and none of the people are out and about on the streets. Spooky.

Tavra tells them that they absolutely must not be caught by the Skeksis. And then with her hometown knowledge guides them along back paths and side roads.

They have to duck out of view at one point when two Skeksis come down the street.

Skeksis. Two of them, passing by on the street just in front of them. One wore broad-shouldered, black-scaled armor, covering his spiny back like the carapace of an armalig. Gray hair -- or was it fur? grew across his blunt forehead and cheeks, casting a hazy shadow upon his scowling lips and piercing yellow eyes. The other stood straighter in his crimson and black robes, armored and adorned in shining gold chains. He seemed taller yet, thanks to the fleshy spike that protruded from the top of his head like a horn.

“skekUng and skekZok,” Tavra whispered. “The General and the Ritual Master.”

I wonder if skekVar exists in this continuity.

skekUng is the General so Var doesn’t have a lot to be doing.

Also, FLESHY SPIKE? ZOK ARE YOU OKAY?

-google image-

He does have a gold hat thing but in one of the comics he just has a tall head spike so I DUNNO. I’m a little alarmed of him now.

Anyway, skekUng being here is bad because they all remember skekLi gloating that skekUng was making something bad.

Being possessed of ‘only the most relevant conversational snippets’ senses, skekUng complains “This is a waste of time. I say we kill the princess as we killed her mother and let the Vapra bow directly to us. As they should.”

Which confirms that the Skeksis killed the All-Maudra.

AND THEN before they can process that, Amri is grabbed by a hooded Gelfling.

“He’s possessed by a spider,” hissed a female voice, familiar in Amri’s ear. “On his shoulder -- quick, grab it and crush it!”

Onica stops the hooded Gelfling, who turns out to be Tae. Hi Tae!

Tae isn’t convinced because apparently the body-jacking spiders are a known and concerning concern at this point.

Amri tells Tavra that its time to reveal herself to Tae.

Tavra let out a tired sigh.

“Tae, it’s me. Katavra.”

Love that tired sigh. Spiders can’t even sigh. That’s just how tired Tavra is.

Tae wants to know HOW and possibly several repeated incredulous WHATs but Amri points out that its not a great idea to get into that in the middle of a sneaking mission. So Tae leads them off somewhere they can talk.

Geez only six chapters left. And we’ve got Ha’rar, a dead All-Maudra, Tae’s back. Periss took off... dangit did Periss take off because of a party limit? Tae is now the sixth party member?

#dark crystal #the dark crystal #Tides of the Dark Crystal #liveblog #Amri #Naia #Kylan #Tavra #Onica #Periss #Sandmaster Erimon #Tae #Ha'rar??

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paradife-loft · 4 years

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Close reading all the Jin Guangyao scenes: episode 10

Episode 11 | Episode 22 | Episode 23

So, when I was talking to @fatalism-and-villainy the other day, I mentioned how while doing this third watch of The Untamed, I was feeling really quite tempted to make a semi-liveblogging project out of doing a close analysis of basically every episode where Meng Yao/Jin Guangyao has a substantial scene.... Their response was only to encourage me in this further obsessive descent, and well, here we are.

I’m starting with episode 10 where we are in this watch right now, rather than going back to episode 4, because while ep4 is utterly delightful, I don’t really feel like I have a lot to say about it that hasn’t already been hashed to death.

Meanwhile, episode 10... oh boy! So much going on here. This episode is most interesting to me because the main theme we see in a majority of Meng Yao’s scenes, is how wholeheartedly invested he is in advancing the cause and prominence of the Nie Sect that he serves. Particularly in light of how we see him later giving the same loyalty and effort to the Jin sect, it’s a really cool (and tragic, tbh) precursor that shows a lot about how much he’ll make a point of doing well by those who’ve elevated him in turn.

So he first shows up with Nie Huisang, when WWX/LWJ/JC are all discussing with Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen what they ought to do with Xue Yang. Noticing the latter two (who are established already as being well-known heroes throughout the cultivation world), he asks if they wouldn’t come along to Qinghe to figure out how best to punish Xue Yang, and also what the best course of action would be for dealing with the Wen sect. Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan rebuff this offer... because they understand, accurately, that what Meng Yao is suggesting/asking about is for them to establish a relationship tying them, however informally (for now), to the Qinghe Nie sect.

(^This, incidentally, is the face he makes when they say “yeahhh, but no thanks,” or specifically, “We give less value to blood heritage and more to like-mindedness. We don’t want to depend on any cultivation family.” This is the face of “oh, okay, tell me no in such direct terms, when I went to the trouble of phrasing my suggestion a bit more obliquely, thanks so much,” and also, “Wow, doesn’t that sound nice to be able to do :/”)

Then a few minutes later, we get this wonderful facial expression! ...which I don’t actually have a whole lot to say about, except that I take it for... curiosity, mostly, about someone who’s had such an outsize effect on the local area, what with murdering a handful of minor cultivation clans? Interest in what inter-clan strategic advantages could be gained in one way or another with Xue Yang as a bargaining chip, source of information, etc.? Possibly also interest in the sense of, this is also someone who came from nothing and has been able to get a lot of important people to pay attention to him (even if not for a good reason), depending on how much he’s heard about Xue Yang as a person? There’s a lot of possibilities this is opening up, and I think he’s basically curious to see what happens.

Again, we just have him being very good at working the angles to get an advantage to the Nie sect (compared to the Wen sect in this case). Jiang Cheng even comments on him being thorough and formidable! (And Huisang mentions that Nie Mingjue really admires him; and Wei Wuxian says it looks like Jin Guangshan doesn’t know how to recognise talent... anyway.)

Mmmm, yep, douchebags gonna douchebag.... Nothing terribly interesting here that hasn’t already been noted a zillion times, since the basic fundamentals of his character relate to how poorly others treat him for his birth. (It is noteworthy though, I think, how the condensed timeline & events for Meng Yao killing his superior and ruining his relationship with Nie Mingjue in the process compared to the extended version in the novel, alters the first bit of screen time we get here seeing what Nie Mingjue is actually like as a leader. In the novel, his men in the army have a bit of a nasty gossip problem, but the person who mistreats Meng Yao and takes credit for his ideas later is a part of the Jin clan; in the drama, various Nie sect disciples have a gossip problem that he berates them for, but even so he still is, at best, ignorant of how his men’s mistreatment of the person he promoted and thinks highly of has continued.)

Oh boy, here’s where it starts to get fun! This is Meng Yao’s face as Wen Chao has just threatened to do “housecleaning” of the Nie sect if they don’t hand over Xue Yang, and it’s looking as though Nie Mingjue won’t be able to contain the conflict in a single one-on-one duel with Wen Zhuliu. It’s curious - he has a smirky face looking over toward Huisang when NMJ initially throws Baxia out in front of Wen Chao, like he’s thinking clearly the offered duel would go their way. Was he expecting the duel to be between NMJ and Wen Chao, who he’d clearly clean the floor with, and Wen Zhuliu stepping up instead took him off-guard? - Because that’s when he looks down thinking very quickly for a couple moments, and then tells Huisang he’s going to go check on Xue Yang.

As @veliseraptor and @ameliarating and I hashed out as this scene continued: what makes the most sense here is that, seeing how things might be going downhill for the Nie sect very quickly if something isn’t done to get the Wen sect off their backs, Meng Yao makes the snap calculation that the best course of action to keep them from getting massacred would be to free Xue Yang to hand him over. He doesn’t really look happy as he heads away from the entrance here; he looks like someone making the unpleasant decision to let a known murderer avoid justice because it will be better for his immediate concern of preserving the sect and clan he serves. Mingjue is uncompromising, but Meng Yao will look for the most advantageous option he can see and go for it, even if it’s a bit shady and perhaps not what his sect leader would prefer. Nie Mingjue respects him and listens to him well when he explains, after all, so with so much at stake, taking this gamble is probably worth the risk.

Aaaand, then we get to the part where he quite deservedly stabs the army commander who’s been treating him like shit for the past while! It’s not terribly clear (especially at this point) the exact chain of events that occurred before NMJ showed up, but from the number of other bodies in the back of the scene, I do think it’s quite plausible that Xue Yang actually did kill most of the dead Nie disciples there, as that would be... a lot of people for someone with a weak cultivation base to off very quickly. And the commander himself - I take that as a highly relished stroke of opportunism, honestly. Meng Yao picks up a Wen sword to use to kill him because he is good at quick thinking to avoid self-incrimination, but I don’t think he’d been intending on multiple homicides when he initially went back to grab Xue Yang before Wen Chao ordered his men to attack everyone and all hell broke loose.

Oh, ow! NMJ is getting ready to attack him, as Meng Yao frantically tries to talk him down - and Meng Yao still instinctively jumps in front of a sword for his sect leader! Like, truly, honestly, I do believe he had great regard for and loyalty to Nie Mingjue at the very least up through the end of this episode. Whether or not this particular sword thrust could have been fatal to either of them, it still says quite a lot about how he values Chifeng-zun’s person more than his own, even as he’s quite possibly gearing up to kill Meng Yao for what he’s done. That is just... a real intense instinctive sense of obligation and value differential between the two of them that he has, here. Ouch, ouch.

When they resume in the throne room, I think there’s a lot that’s already been said and/or is obviously central, with the line about “fame for merit” and how much it matters to him being the big one. (Why should being recognised for your merit matter so much??? says the one who essentially always has been - lining up one of the central conflicts that continues between the two of them until the ends of their lives.) But I do think it’s pretty fun and telling how seamlessly (performance-wise) Meng Yao slips in the definite lie about the army commander freeing Xue Yang, amongst all the other (pretty certainly true) reasons to condemn him, and then claims it’s all true. I think it definitely speaks of... familiarity with being in a position where others won’t take your own actual reasons for doing something as a good enough justification, and so you develop an intuition of how to mix in motives that also target and appeal to the person you’re talking to as well, to avoid harsh punishment.

Also... hmmmm..... >>>

Hey look, I’m just saying there’s some interesting thematic comparisons going on in this show regarding moral worth and who a person considers to have enough ethical standing and goodness in them to judge them for their actions and have them accept it, okay?

Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian are amazing narrative foils and I am probably never going to get tired of saying it.

Bonus round!

(When you’ve just been stabbed but you’re still really worried about the attack on the Cloud Recesses that Wen Chao has just revealed, because of what it means could be happening to one incredibly wonderful person! Better go make sure he’s okay, right?? ~*~ XiYao feels intensify ~*~)

#holy fuck this was a lot more than I was intending on writing at least for a first post here :'D #BUT HE'S WORTH IT <3333 #jin guangyao #meng yao #the untamed #meta #op #long post for ts #no good things for the poor sad cultivators #CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP

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stitchwitchsapprentice · 3 years

Text

Fullmetal Alchemist Liveblog Ep. 15

Fullmetal Alchemist Ep. 15: The Ishbal Massacre

Ooh! Another backstory episode Yaaaayyyy! Of course, based on the title, this episode is gonna be a doozy.

"you must be from..." Lemme guess. Ishbal?

"the fuhrer and his entourage have come here? Is this to find me?" "Oh no, don't worry. They're not looking for you. They're just running away from that guy who's vowed to kill every state alchemist"

So the people from Ishbal have brown skin and red eyes. Are these racial traits, or were these the effect of something that happened to them during the massacre/rebellion?

"if all of us swore revenge every time there was a war, there would be no end to it." I believe that is why there is so much war, Ed.

These pictures are giving off a very judeo-christian-islamic vibe. I guess maybe they're supposed to, since they're a desert tribe that worships a single god...

So they basically get slaughtered because they believe in a god that isn't worshipped by the people in charge of the military. I see why people hate this military so much. Also... why were Winry's parents there?

Oof. This is also making the use of the word fuhrer make more and more sense.

Oh my god! The doctors were Winry's parents! Holy shit! She say something about them being accused of rebellion and being doctors in the first episode? I vaguely remember this, but I'm not sure? Regardless, that is some tight storytelling. I hope this comes back around again. Like... *I* know those doctors were Winry's parents, but I want to see what happens when Ed finds out.

"destroying lives doesn't bring lives back. We all just need to live and be content while we can." That's some good advice, Ed. I think I know an overly dramatic fifteen year old who might need to hear it.

Ohp. BE careful what you wish for. Here it comes. This is when they find out how Winry's parents died. Or... maybe he's just gonna run away. Regardless, I think that they're going to find out sooner than I thought.

I think I agree with Ed. This guy is taking his revenge out on innocent people and making the situation worse. I mean... if he kills everybody who has ever used anything alchemical in any way, he's basically going to take out the entire world. What would his god think of that?

Oh, good for you Hawkeye for leg-swiping Mustang to save him, but guns are not going to solve this.

"your flame attack's no good in the rain." *oh no! They've figured me out!*

Oh great. Here comes Scar.

No! AAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite being suuuper messed up about the nicest character in this show almost dying (sorry, I don't think they're going to kill off Al in ep. 15 without bringing him back), it's still funny to see Ed just totally crap at trying to beat up this guy. Feel my tiny fury!!!

What? What was that? Did they just explain why Ed doesn't need a transmutation circle! Oh my god! WHOOOOO! (And yes, I just re-watched that explanation about six times, just to be sure I heard and read what I heard and read.

Oh no! Ed! Your arm! My baby!!

"the classic sewer escape." lol

And then... "don't follow him." "Damn it, I was about to jump in" lolol Good combination of heartbreaking and comedy

Hughes: "what do you want me to do, fire my slingshot at him." Yes Hughes, yes. I actually want to see that.

"Are you still with me, Al?" *punches Ed.* I will take that as a yes.

"don't call your older brother an idiot, idiot!" *lifts up pipsqueak by shirt*

*Al's arm falls off* "Damn it Ed! It's all your fault!"

uh-oh. More people are finding out about Al's spirit transmutation

Annnd... there it is. Now Ed and Al know about Winry's parents.

Wait... just hear mother's voice? Is there some secret about their mother not actually being dead? Oh god, that would be devastating.

Predictions:

Ed is not going to want to share with Winry what he's learned about her parents, but it will eventually come out.

Questions:

Is there something they don't know about their mom?

(also, can we take a moment here to excite about the fact that after sixteen episodes we got an answer to my question?! yayayayayayayayayayayayayay! And it's more or less along the lines of what I thought it was! (putting his hands together is like closing a circuit...) Does that mean anyone could do it? Or does it only work because his arm is automail? I don't care a whole lot right now! squeeee!!! questions answered!!!

#fullmetal alchemist #liveblog #first time watching

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keyofjetwolf · 3 years

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Carmilla Final Thoughts

Firstly, and generally, I had a really good time liveblogging the show! And before I get too deep, I want to thank @cello-moon for sponsoring this for all of us. Your enthusiasm for me doing the show has been infectious from the beginning, and has brought me some of my biggest smiles every month. YOU ARE THE ANGLER FISH MONSTER OF MY HEART

I mentioned this in today’s liveblog itself, but there’ve been a lot of elements I’ve been interested in watching develop throughout this, both as a creator and a consumer. The (professional) webseries format isn’t one I’ve delved into very much. (The only one I can bring to mind that isn’t Carmilla is The Guild.) It’s an interesting storytelling structure, one that I think hasn’t yet seen its full potential, and it’s been cool to see the ways it works, and doesn’t, for Carmilla, at least for me.

Now I’ve gone through the whole series, I admit to some disappointment with many of the major plot choices and direction. Most of that disappointment, though, is fueled by frustration at how we came so so so close to doing something I felt was new and interesting AND OH HOW I WANTED. That’s the stuff that really makes you want to scream, the moments of near-brilliance just out of reach. Adding to that, I’m not sure we COULDN’T have done it! Perhaps not in all instances, but in some!

Which is actually, I think, the beginning and end of my frustrations with the show: when all is said and done, in those moments, I was rooting for it to be something it never had any intention of being.

At some point along the way, I said how Carmilla was like fanfic. I meant then, and I mean now, that in a largely positive sense. It’s very emotion-forward, it likes to have fun, it knows what it’s here to do -- and to NOT do -- and it’s 1000% devoted to doing it. It also, however, comes with the fanfic (general!) tendency to not be especially interested in much outside of its very specific view. CARMILLA/LAURA OTP5EVA DON’T LIKE DON’T READ

Which isn’t ...... okay, it IS a criticism. But also not! There’s room in the world for all kinds of stories, and gods know, this is an area where stories have come few and far between. AND IT WENT HARD. There was no ambiguity about it whatsoever, it totally fucking went there in an assortment of ways so many stories just DON’T, and it’s long overdue.

Man though, in a perfect Jet Wolf-shaped world? It would’ve been all that AND MORE.

I wanted so so so much for the show to say a little more, to do a little more. I wanted Laura to have a real significant dose of growing up and have that stick in a way that was meaningful (or at least meaningful in my own definition of the word). She got her impossible fairytale ending where everything Just Worked Out, and so consequently didn’t really have to learn anything, which is I think the biggest itch I can’t scratch. Also though: Danny’s anger at sacrificing herself but not being martyred the way she wanted was fucking BRILIANT, and could’ve led to so many interesting ideas about the nature of sacrifice, the purity of it, the sanctification of the dead, SO MANY AVENUES. Perry’s legit-ass PTSD meaningfully explored (WITH BONUS DEAN-POSSESSION JESUS WEPT), LaF walking that continual moral grey line and having to come to terms with (or absolutely refusing to pay) its cost, HETEROSEXUALITY ENDING THE WORLD

But with all this -- and I know it sounds weird, but it’s true! -- comes the fact that my frustration is evidence of how invested I became in Carmilla. I really came to love the characters, even as I wanted to shake and scream at them. I think they could’ve carried so much of what I wanted from them, and I’ll regret that we didn’t get the opportunity to see it.

Brass tacks and all that, though, I had an awesome time liveblogging the adventures of these kooky kids, and I hope you had just as much an awesome time with me. Full thanks once again to @cello-moon, whose sponsorship brought the show to us all. And if you had a bit of fun watching this show with me and want to toss a thanks my way? Well, here are some suggestions!

Tell me! Your comments and participation help fuel my enthusiasm, particularly in whatever weird ass timeline we now find ourselves.

Sponsor me at my Patreon! It’s that sponsorship that keeps my puppy fed and allows my job to be entertaining you. Not only does becoming my patron let the content flow here, but you can get some pretty fucking sweet bonus exclusive shit, too!

Tip me at Ko-Fi! If you really enjoyed my liveblog of Carmilla, this is a great way to let me know. All tips this month (and several months to come) will go toward something I can’t share yet, but desperately want to make happen, and will share if I’m able to accomplish it!

Send me love/hate mail! I’ve got a shiny PO Box, after all, might as well use it. (Doc and I share it, by the way, so you can send her stuff there too!) If you’ve got a thing you’d like to send my way, I’d super fucking love to receive it! Jet Wolf (and/or Doc Holligay) PO Box 1621 Billings, MT 59103

I leave you, friends, with this final very important Carmilla thought:

WHERE WAS THE TIARA YOU COULD’VE HAD DEAN ALMOST ANYA WEARING IT AS SHE TRIED TO END THE WORLD IT WOULD HAVE BROUGHT IT ALL FULL CIRCLE WHAT KIND OF MISSED OPPORTUNITY IS THIS JUSTICE 4 TIARA 2K20

#jet wolf watches carmilla #long post for ts

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neuxue · 4 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 6

Morgase serves tea and makes a choice

Chapter 6: Questioning Intentions

Oh man Morgase POV is always sad.

Though I suppose her situation now is arguably better than it’s been in…oh…ten books or so, so maybe it will get better for her.

Right now, she’s serving tea.

Tam al’Thor, the simple farmer with the broad shoulders and the calm manners.

And also your in-law. Well, sort of. I mean, it’s complicated.

Okay sorry now I’m distracted by the thought of how absurd those family dinners would be. You’ve got Rand, Elayne, Min, and Aviendha (we’re just going to count that bonding as a marriage because to all intents and purposes…), then Tam, Morgase, Min’s aunts (are they alive? Why can I not remember this?), probably Amys given the sister-bonding ceremony, and if she’s there Rhuarc and Lian probably would be as well. Then Birgitte and Niella and Galad and Gawyn, and that’s just the immediate family but would you also have to extend a courtesy invite to Alanna, and therefore also Ihvon? And if we’re extending courtesy invites based on ‘has real estate in Rand’s head’ then we’ve got to invite Moridin as well, and at that point even without additional plus-ones I don’t envy the person who has to make that seating chart.

That was a tangent.

Of course, Morgase had seen Rand al’Thor once, and the boy hadn’t looked much more than a farmer himself.

Okay I do sort of want to be a fly on the wall when Morgase finds out that Elayne is pregnant with his child.

Speaking of seating charts, we get a roll call for this meeting but it does not add up to 23. Yes I will be looking for that everywhere now.

Very little about that time in her life made sense to her now. Had she really been so infatuated with a man that she’d banished Aemlyn and Ellorien?

Oh Morgase. If she can get one thing out of this mess, let it be the knowledge of who Gaebril really was. Because sure, sometimes it’s better not to know. But one of the cruellest things he did to her, in that whole mess of cruelty, was to leave her with absolutely no way of knowing this was not, truly, all her fault. He took away her self, her trust in and certainty of who she is. He undermined her nation and banished her friends and made her believe, even after his death, that it was by her hand and by her choice.

As if the physical and mental violation wasn’t enough. He found a way to violate her on another level as well, by twisting her own sense of herself, by leaving behind a ruin and leaving her no way to understand that it wasn’t of her own making. The Queen is married to the land, and for all she knows, she has betrayed that in every possible way, and she can’t possibly know that her choices were not her own.

Knowing that it wasn’t her choice, and that there was nothing she could have done… I mean that won’t be fun either, but it would at least give her something of her self back.

Meanwhile, Perrin’s annoyed at how long it took the Wise Ones and Aes Sedai to burn that village. Listen, people, you can’t keep judging these things by Rand. Just because he could take out a city in a matter of seconds doesn’t mean everyone can. Do I need to invent more units of measurement here? The Therin: potential mountains created or destroyed per unit of time.

“You wetlanders would have much trouble dealing with something as deadly as the Blight.”

“I think,” Faile said, “that you would be surprised.”

Yeah. Also don’t say that in Lan’s hearing.

Oddly, Faile’s sense of leadership seemed to have been enhanced by her time spent with the Shaido.

Nope, sorry, still not here for halfhearted attempts to pretend that storyline was All For Her Benefit, Actually. Especially because if we do take that on faith, it leads to some… okay no I’m not rehashing all my issues with the Malden plotline here; none of us need that.

Suffice it to say: ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

At times, being a servant seemed to require more stealth than being a scout. She wasn’t to be seen, wasn’t to distract. Had her own servants acted this way around her?

Morgase and Siuan could have an interesting conversation about dramatic changes in social and political status in a short space of time. And also, you know, extreme trauma and other fun pastimes, but especially the way they both then look at and try to come to terms with their new situations. They both do the same sort of thing of looking at all the ways in which they can still exercise power, only more subtly. The advantages of being overlooked and underestimated. And some of it is likely a kind of denial—a way to not feel like everything they knew and everything they were is lost. To try to focus on the advantages because that makes it hurt less. And the way in which they approach that is the politician’s way: turn it to your advantage, look for lines of power that weren’t there before. And also to think through the implications, and see things they may once have overlooked.

It's a hell of a price to pay for a change in perspective, but the fact that she can look at it that way, and think along some of those lines, is in its way a testament to her capability.

It discomforted her that the two Aes Sedai no longer seemed to resist their station.

Pretty sure we’re not really talking about the Aes Sedai here, Morgase. Because this is the other side of that acceptance of a new role: the fear that, in accepting it, she will lose what remains of herself. Oh look, we’re back to that central idea of identity and self and what it means to hold or lose or change that, and the fine balance between those possibilities.

Pouring tea was more complicated than she’d ever assumed.

This is something Jordan occasionally did as well: centring a chapter—especially one told from the viewpoint of a more minor character—around a motif or touchpoint like this, returning to it as a way of anchoring the rest of the chapter, and giving it more shape, especially when much of it is introspection or observation rather than action. Ornaments comes to mind, from Crossroads of Twilight, but there are quite a few others.

And of course I’m never going to complain about tea being used as a device for focusing a chapter.

It gives us a point from which to segue into Morgase’s thoughts on Perrin, which boil down to a solid ‘it’s complicated’. Mostly because by the standards of the Queen of Andor, he’s technically a rebel.

Alliandre’s cup was half empty. Morgase moved over to refill it; like many highborn ladies, Alliandre always expected her cup to be full.

And so we see the function of the tea: it’s a focal point for the chapter, but more than that it’s the method we’re using to get Morgase’s thoughts about and insights into the various people gathered here. Little bits of character and personality in… not so much how they take their tea, but the considerations around it. The things Morgase has to think about and keep track of, even for so simple a task. And so we get insight into Morgase’s new role as well, and into some of what she’s learning: that even in a position where she is largely unnoticed, there is a great deal she can and must see, and know, and understand about those around her. To pick up on those cues and know what they mean, and how that gives her insight into far more than how they take their tea.

Morgase was no longer the person she had once been. She wasn’t sure what she was, but she would learn how to do her duty as a lady’s maid. This was becoming a passion for her. A way to prove to herself that she was still strong, still of value.

In a way, it was terrifying that she worried about that.

And really fucking sad. But also entirely true to who she is and her situation. She’s lost everything. Her role, her nation, her friends, her sense of self, her sense of autonomy, her name, her identity. And she believes most of it to be her own fault, through her own poor choices and decisions. And now she’s here, under a new name and a new role and everyone believing the person she was to be dead, and Morgase herself came pretty close to making that true. How could she not feel lost, and uncertain of who she is, and desperate to prove that she’s still…someone. To prove that she was right to let Lini draw her away from that open window. Which, yeah, that gets dark fast, but Morgase’s story is not a happy one.

With all she has lost and all she can no longer be, she’s left in this space of not really knowing her purpose, or her place, or even who she is, anymore. And that’s hard enough, but then we add in all the self-loathing stemming from what she thinks she did, and failed to do, and the choices she’s had to make, and you end up here: with Morgase struggling to find any sense of self-worth. And so believing she has to prove—to herself, to others—that she is worth something, because there’s so much in her mind telling her she’s…not.

Meanwhile, Perrin still seems to think he can just send everyone home and everything will go back to normal. Speaking of denial.

“I’m not trying to recruit,” Perrin said. “Just because I don’t turn them away doesn’t mean I intend to enlarge this army any further.”

That sounds oddly like Lan’s resignation to Nynaeve recruiting him an army on a technicality. The difference being Lan at least recognises that’s what’s happening.

Perrin please.

“I didn’t make this banner,” Perrin said. “I never wanted it, but—upon advice—I let it fly. Well, the reasons for doing that are past. I’d order the thing taken down, but that never seems to work for long.” He looked to Wil. “Wil, I want it passed through camp. I’m giving a direct order. I want each and every copy of this blasted banner burned. You understand?”

Two steps forward and one step back.

I mean, I suppose you could make an argument on either side of this: on the one hand seriously, Perrin? You have been trying to deny this banner and your place as leader of these people for nine books now. Has it ever worked for you before? And do you really want to take away that focal point, that symbol to these people of what they’re fighting for and who they’re loyal to and why?

On the other hand… giving up his claim to Manetheren wasn’t a popular decision but I think it was the right one, because it helped focus them on what was truly important and prevent unnecessary tension between those who should be allies, by getting mixed up in the politics of raising a dead nation from the land of existing ones. And you could maybe argue that this is a similar angle, and that he’s trying to get them to focus not on him but on the larger purpose they all need to serve. But that feels like I’m trying too hard.

So, in summary: sigh.

Faile is also very much not convinced. I do sort of get where Perrin’s coming from, that if these people want to fight, they can do so for the Dragon Reborn because he’s the actual champion of the Light. But in reality, delegation is important, Perrin! That’s why you have a place in this as well! That’s why the Pattern dumped leadership superpowers and also wolves on you! Someone needs to actually do the groundwork of leading these people and Rand doesn’t have time or capacity for all of it.

And these people know you, Perrin. You’re the one they chose to follow; Rand is… well, as in so many things, more a force than a person at this point, in the eyes of most. They can fight for his cause, sure, but they’re not really fighting for him the way they’ll fight for the one who helped save their village or their people, and the one they see day to day and choose to give their loyalty to.

“Son,” Tam addressed Perrin, “the lads put a lot of stock in that banner.”

That pretty much says it all. This isn’t a time to be taking that kind of symbol from people, or messing unnecessarily with their sense of identity, or their foundations. In a weird way I’m reminded of Egwene’s approach with the Aes Sedai, and all her thoughts on how to reforge the Tower without breaking it. Making some compromises where needed because while there are some places where she can push, she can’t afford to completely shatter their sense of who they are. Not now, when there’s so little time.

And with Perrin, it’s that same sense of… work with what you have. Forge the metal you’re given. This is the situation, and maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s what you have. That loyalty is a part of the toolset you’ve been handed, so see it for what it is and work with it rather than trying to force it into a different shape and risk breaking the metal entirely.

Literally no one thinks this is a good idea.

“Husband,” Faile said, her words clipped. “Might I suggest that we begin with the ones who want to be sent away?”

And so it comes down, like so much else, to choices; Perrin wants to send them away but these people have chosen to follow him. He’s not keeping them here; they’ve decided to stay. And yes, you can flip that around and say he should also have the choice not to lead, and… yeah, okay, that’s a bit like how Rand technically has the choice not to fight. It’s a choice but not one either of them could really live with themselves for making, and so it becomes a question of framing and perception.

But also, Perrin does lead. When it comes down to it, he takes on that role. That is the choice he makes, over and over, in the moment. It’s in the time between those moments of action, when he is his own worst enemy in a way: he doubts and he fights against it and he looks back on past choices and questions himself and his role and his purpose. In the moment, he leads and he fights and he uses what he has. But in these periods of inaction he thinks himself into a tangle of ‘I’m only a blacksmith’, even when all his actions say otherwise. He just needs to get to a point where he can acknowledge and accept and own that.

Instead, he keeps wavering. And keeps trying to make it stick, but he’s trying to make the choice for those who follow him, rather than making his own choice, and so it doesn’t work.

The Pattern’s bringing maths into it now as well: they literally can’t keep large enough gateways open long enough to send everyone away. A hint, Perrin. Take it.

“Also,” Faile said, “perhaps it is time to send messengers to contact the Lord Dragon”

Someone suggesting proactive communication? If we didn’t already know the apocalypse was near…

“I…” Perrin seemed to flounder. Had he a source of information he wasn’t sharing?

Morgase. Please. Do you even need to ask? Does anyone in this series share anything?

Though in this case ‘I see swirls of colour and sometimes a bit of context whenever I think the names of my friends’ is, understandably, the sort of thing you might want to keep quiet until you can think of a way to frame it so that it doesn’t sound absolutely absurd. Although ‘absurd’ is sort of a moot point when the sky is full of black and silver clouds and the Blight appears in villages that don’t actually exist, so. It’s all relative.

Edarra suggests linking with the Asha’man and on the one hand yes! Cooperation! Good! But on the other hand why would you make it easier for Perrin to continue to try to send everyone away?

I suppose she’s thinking more of the refugees who do actually want to go home, though, so… okay fair enough.

“What would it cost me for you to try this?”

“You have worked too long with Aes Sedai, Perrin Aybara,” Edarra said with a sniff. “Not everything must be done at a cost. This will benefit us all.”

On that last, she is absolutely right. This is what they all need to be doing, and finally we’re starting to see it: cooperation, collaboration, setting aside old divisions and realising that perhaps if they work together they will be stronger for it. Small steps, and all that.

“Burn you, woman, why didn’t you bring it to me earlier, then?”

“You seem hardly interested in your position as chief, most of the time,” Edarra said coldly. “Respect is a thing earned and not demanded, Perrin Aybara.”

Ouch. On both sides there, because they both very much have a point. Edarra should have brought this up earlier, to someone even if not to Perrin.

But Perrin… this is where he kind of tries to have his cake and eat it: he says he’s not a leader, that he’s only a blacksmith, that he wants to send people away or let them fight for Rand rather than him. Tries to deny his role during the times when it’s not absolutely imperative that he claim it. But at other times he is quick to take command, and to make the decisions, and to give direction. And now, he wants to know why she didn’t bring this to him. Because he is, after all, the authority here.

If you would have that, Perrin, you have to accept all the aspects of it. You can’t keep leading these people and then saying you’re not actually their leader, but then also expect them to abide by your decisions—whether that’s to send them away, or to expect them to come to you with information.

There’s an interesting irony in how, by trying to be responsible and not take on a role he doesn’t think he’s suited for, he ends up doing something arguably irresponsible by neglecting the duties of a role he has in fact taken.

It’s not easy. It doesn’t seem like fun. But Perrin, you have to make the choice and claim it and understand what it means, and stop denying yourself.

To his very great credit, Perrin takes the admonishment seriously.

Aiel were people, like any other. They had odd traditions and cultural quirks, but so did everyone else. A queen had to be able to understand all of the people within her realm—and all of her realm’s potential enemies.

I like this about Morgase, and it’s something we see in Elayne as well: this acknowledgement of the importance of cultural understanding. They don’t always get it right, of course, but they understand the importance of it, and while we haven’t seen as much of Morgase in general, we do see Elayne try to follow through on this whenever she’s faced with a different people or group or culture, and I think this is where she gets it from.

Ah, so Balwer wants to visit Rand’s academy in Cairhien. What exactly are you hoping to find, Balwer?

Would [Balwer] tell Aybara who she really was?

I…huh. I hadn’t even thought of that. The others in that group obviously didn’t want or intend to tell anyone who Morgase is, but Balwer has given his loyalty and service to Perrin, so it is actually kind of interesting that he wouldn’t have said anything. But then, if Perrin hasn’t asked, and Balwer also has no specific desire to betray Morgase, I suppose he wouldn’t necessarily bring it up either. And it’s not like people here default to communication when there’s any other option, so… okay, that checks out.

Besides, think how much more fun it will be for this all to come out when Perrin and Galad run into each other. And by fun I mean probably the opposite of that for nearly everyone involved. But fun for me, which is of course the important thing.

She should have approached the dusty man earlier, to see what the price would be to keep his silence. Mistakes like that could cost a queen her throne.

She froze, hand halfway to a cup. You’re not a queen any longer. You have to stop thinking like one!

Oh, Morgase. There’s just… that’s quite a lot of pain packed into a few almost-offhand thoughts.

Especially because, again, it brings it back to this question of self and identity and who is she, now that she’s not a queen? To the point where she’s trying to remake the very patterns of her thoughts, to make herself into someone else because she can’t be who she was before, but if that person is lost then what is left?

Also, on a somewhat less sad note, there’s another small irony here: Morgase, a former queen, trying to force herself out of those habits of thinking, while she and everyone else around her is trying to push Perrin into them.

Of course now Morgase is thinking about how she can’t really go home, because people have to continue to believe she’s dead and Elayne has to be able to stand on her own otherwise it’s a political nightmare and she’s not necessarily wrong but man, Morgase’s story is fucking sad.

Why had she done such things?

I know I’ve already said this at least five hundred times but please, please just let her find out. Of everything, and there’s a lot, I think this is the worst. Bad enough she’s lost everything else and suffered everything she’s suffered and is now adrift, effectively an exile, and trying to find her place—how can she do that when she doesn’t even have her own self to hold on to? When she can barely even trust that? And especially when it comes with the consequences of those things she thinks she did of her own volition, because it’s not just that she doesn’t trust herself; for some things she hates herself.

Perhaps she should have done the noble thing and killed herself.

Wow.

Okay. So that’s.

Yeah. That got dark.

I mean, it’s not… a surprise, given that we very much watched her near-suicide, but…damn. For her to think that would have been the ‘noble thing’. For her to think that her survival is not in and of itself a victory.

She doesn’t even know if Elayne is queen yet, or even in Caemlyn. And politics aside, how hard that must be to not know where her daughter is or even if she’s alive.

Apparently she officially likes Tallanvor now, which… okay sure she deserves whatever happiness she can find, at this point, but this one has always sort of weirded me out. Then again that’s true of a lot of the romance in this series, so okay sure whatever.

Looking into those beautiful young eyes of his, she could not entertain the notion of suicide, even for the good of Andor. She felt a fool for that. Hadn’t she let her heart lead her into enough trouble already?

Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here and I don’t know that I’m going to even try with all of it, but I’m… not a fan of the way it plays to this whole he’s-what-keeps-her-from-killing-herself angle. I just find that an uncomfortable space in general, for any number of reasons.

But the part that hurts, here, of course, is the last part. Hadn’t she let her heart lead her into enough trouble already. Because again, she thinks this is all her fault. Everything that’s happened; she thinks it’s just… her own poor choices, when the truth is that she had no choice, for so much of it. Which… I mean I don’t think I need to make the obvious real-world connection here, but it plays very true to that tendency for those not at all at fault to blame themselves, and how devastating that can be.

Perrin of course knows none of this but does know there’s something going on with Morgase and Tallanvor, because Tallanvor in particular is not exactly subtle.

Morgase raised an eyebrow. From what she’d seen, Perrin himself had followed Faile around lately nearly as much.

Point to Morgase.

PERRIN. NO.

“I was given a suggestion back when you first joined us,” Perrin said gruffly. “Well, I think it’s about time I took it. Lately, you two are like youths from different villages, mooning over one another in the hour before Sunday ends. It’s high time you were married. We could have Alliandre do it, or maybe I could. Do you have some tradition you follow?”

YOU. ABSOLUTE. IDIOT.

Hang on a second, I need to go find a wall to hit my head against repeatedly.

I just. Perrin. No. Why would you even. Think this was a good idea. Pause for five seconds and consider.

Even without any of the knowledge of how awful Morgase’s life has been for the last year or so, Perrin should know better, damn it. You can’t just tell two people to get married as if they have no say in the matter! Especially when it’s not even like he’s taking one of them aside to have a quiet word about ‘this is getting in the way of your work; sort it out’, which would be kind of awkward but just about skirting the edges of acceptability. No, he’s saying it to both of them, when he has no confirmation from either that this is actually what they want. But he’s in charge here so now it’s hard for either of them to refuse him, and of course that would mean publicly rejecting the other, and in short this is the worst idea you’ve had in a while, Perrin.

And then of course—not that Perrin has any reason to know this—there’s the reality of Morgase’s recent past, which makes having her agency taken away (again) in the context of marriage and all that entails (again), even more of a glaring Do Not Want.

Morgase felt a sudden panic

I mean yeah, that’s probably the understatement of the fucking Age.

“Gather any you want to witness and be back here in an hour. Then we’ll get this silliness over with.”

So it’s not enough to take away any choice they may have in the matter and assume you know best; now you need to trivialise it as well? Perrin Aybara you are better than this.

“Well?” Perrin asked.

“No,” Morgase said.

Such a small, quiet thing, but it’s everything in the context of her story. That at last, after so many kinds of violation, after so many instances of her choice or her agency or her name or her will taken from her, she can say no. And she does.

It’s not precisely subtle but it’s also not precisely loud; it’s just a turning point and a reclaiming of self after so long of having that taken away from her. That now, she can stand as herself and say no, I will not.

She didn’t want to see the inevitable disappointment and rejection in Tallanvor’s face.

Which is the other reason you don’t just drag two people into a room and tell them to get married! Because even if they might want to marry each other, one or both might have some objections on principle to being told to do so! And then you’ve just created unnecessary tension in the relationship itself because now she’ll have to explain that ‘it’s not you, it’s that for once in my damn storyline I want to be able to give or deny consent of my own damn volition’.

I’m just very, very here for Morgase Trakand finally having a chance to stand up for herself and say no, because that has so long been denied to her in so many ways. And to find it in herself, even with all that has come before, to do that, because it would be so easy to just…accept it. But instead she stands her ground and in doing so, in asserting herself in front of someone else, it’s almost like asserting herself to herself as well. That she is here and she is someone and she has a choice and she will make it.

“Why, the Queen herself wouldn’t demand this!”

Ha. Okay, you’ve earned that one, I think.

“Forcing two people to marry because you’re tired of the way they look at one another? Like two hounds you intend to breed, then sell the pups?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“You said it nonetheless.”

Yeah, this is… very much not Perrin’s finest hour here.

Whereas for Morgase… everything about this carries so much more weight than meets the eye, given all she has been through, and I’m just very here for it.

Pulling herself up to her full height, she almost felt a queen again. “If I choose to marry a man, I will make that decision on my own.”

Reclamation of identity! In reclaiming all the choices that have been taken from her! So much of what came before, all those times she couldn’t choose, was just this long agonising process of stripping away everything she was and everything she could hold on to in herself. And she’s been so lost for so long, and so here, in claiming that choice again, she finds some part of herself again as well. She may no longer be a queen but it’s not really about the crown, it’s about feeling like herself again, and finding something there.

Really, Tallanvor, in this case it’s honestly not you; it’s… a whole pile of other things. Don’t take it personally.

Morgase measured Perrin, who was blushing. She softened her tone. “You’re young at this yet, so I’ll give you advice. There are some things a lord should be involved in, but others he should always leave untouched.”

I do like that we get this—it was important for Morgase to be able to draw a line and stand by it and say, unequivocally, no. And to make it very clearly understood why Perrin was crossing a line.

But she also acknowledges that there was no malice in it; it was fucking stupid, but he did mean well. So let him feel painfully awkward for a few minutes, let it sink in, and then grant him this to soften it.

Man, that was awkward.

I mean, again, absolutely here for Morgase finally getting to make a damn choice, but would kind of have preferred if it weren’t at the cost of Perrin being written into quite this level of uncomfortable idiocy. Which I suppose is part of why I’m glad it ends on that sense of ‘you meant well but no’, rather than letting it escalate.

Basically: great character moment for Morgase but overall not a particularly well-done scene, I feel like.

It seemed she had some spark left in her after all. She hadn’t felt that firm or certain of herself since… well, since before Gaebril’s arrival in Caemlyn!

That pretty much sums it up. She needed this, needed to find that within herself.

And now enter Whitecloaks, stage left. This’ll get interesting.

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#bit of a mixed bag of a chapter #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #Towers of Midnight

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