#i think vecna would first try to convince him to join him. like the world has treated you horribly. these people have treated you horribly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

two-red-lungs · 2 years

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May I request an imagine with Eddie Munson where reader girlfriend starts showing signs (Like the stuff happening to Chrissy before she died) of vecnas curse and he gets all overprotective and worried and dosent leave her side? Happy ending??

Oh man strap in y'all this one hurts. Ambiguous ending because I am EVIL.

Eddie + Vecna-Cursed S/O

You hide it from him, the first time. Successfully. The world only dropped away for a second, the room emptying of people and a warped, hollow metal clock chiming the far distance, and then bam, you were back and Eddie was giving you the side-eye.

"Everything good?" He asked you.

You just nodded vigorously and turned away to talk to Robin, an ice-cold pit in your stomach, feeling the ticking of the second hand crawling up your spine like a nefarious centipede.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to you. Not because it was you, but because Eddie, somehow, despite the recent shitstorm, had come to really fucking care about you.

And god, he'd been through enough grief, hadn't he?

So yes. For the first few precious hours, you hide it. You hide it and you spend extra time chatting the metalhead up, making him laugh, watching the way his adam's apple bobs in his lithe neck and thinking about how lucky you were in the first place to meet him before you died.

And then you... can't, anymore. Can't hide it. You feel sick. Nauseated, in a fugue state, flu-like. And finally, finally when you try and brush it off again, jacket wiping at your nose, Eddie catches your wrist with his surprisingly strong, broad hands, bringing it into the light.

Blood on the sleeve.

"Jesus." Is the first thing he breathes out. Looking down at you, back at the blood. At you again. "Jesus Christ. It's happening, isn't it. Isn't it?"

And you want to lie, pretend it's fine, but there are tears in your eyes and Eddie's sweet, angelic, perfect oval face is crumpling, lines appearing under his big black chocolate eyes.

The other members swarm you with concern. But all you can focus on is him. Just standing there. Helpless. Frozen.

"...Come on, man." He says in a choked voice. "Not you. Not you."

It hurts. Most of all it hurts because he's scared, fucking terrified for you. His fingers shake and he stuffs them in his pockets. He can't stop looking back at you over his shoulder, like he's convinced you're going to disappear.

You can't hide the increasingly long periods of time you stare, blank and cationic up at the ceiling, any better than he can hide the way his lip quivers.

And when you come back to reality he is always there, screaming your name in your face, big fingers cupping your chin or touching your forearms or just shaking you are strongly as he dared. And he's so scared. So, so scared.

Steve looks at his watch, licks his lips, and tells you you're down to twelve hours.

Eddie scrambles through his cassette tape collection, muttering to himself, talking over you about what bands you last listened to. He's constantly correcting himself and finding a song that he thinks is better, a song you told him you like more, because the last one he chose is never good enough. His room is a disaster zone.

When he cups the walkman headphones to your ears, his hands linger far too long. His eyes squeezed shut: like if he keeps touching you, keeps you here, Vecna can't reach into your mind and body and soul and snatch you away from him.

You press the play button on the walkman. Press a kiss, silky-soft and angel-sweet, to the furrowed skin between his dark brows. And when the rough electric guitar starts picking up, wild and bright, you tell him you're going to be okay. That everything is going to be fine.

And as you had out to join Max and Lucas in their little game-plan huddle out by the front door, Eddie digs his fingernails into the meat of his palms so hard it hurts, and prays, desperately, that you're right.

Because he's pretty sure losing you like that would break him in a way he couldn't come back from.

#HE IS. STRESSED #eddie munson x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things s4 #eddie munson #my writing #thank u for the request!!!!

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sunnyie-eve · 2 years

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Celebrity Crush || Adorable habit

Paring: Joseph Quinn x Original female costar

Word Count: 3209

Summary: Puppies and first times

Warnings: cute interactions

A/N: For this I’ll be using my OFC in Trouble in Hawkins for this OFC to play her.

Last: Theories & More | Next: Ridiculous Questions

"We're not even on set anymore and you still listen to this song?" Joe gives me a look while we hang around to hotel waiting for interviews to be set up. "Because it's one of my favorite songs and I love music from the 80's." I give him a look as I scroll through my phone looking at videos and pictures I took while on set.

"I feel you, Johanna. I feel you, I was half convinced I'd waken, Satisfied enough to dream you. Happily I was mistaken, Johanna." I sing to bug Jamie as he sat in full Vecna makeup on his phone. "Please, Presley not again." He glances up at me. "I'll steal you, Johanna. I'll steal you. Do they think that walls can hide you? Even now I'm at your window. I am in the dark beside you. Buried sweetly in your yellow hair." I continue to sing making him huff, "Presley, love, stop." He tilts his head. "I feel you, Johanna. And one day, I'll steal you, 'Til I'm with you and I'm with you there, Buried sweetly in your yellow hair." I put my all into it as I finish as I reach out to him with my free hand. "You sounded wonderful like always. You're done now right?" He ask so I stopped filming.

I laugh at how he got an annoyed because anytime we were near each other I would sing it. I decide to post the video online for fun. Plus fans would love it. "They still aren't ready?" Joseph joins us. "Nope." I read comments on the video. "What are you up to?" He comes over sitting down next to me. "Just going though my camera roll seeing what I can post without giving things away I took on set." I look over at him. He moves closer and puts his arm on the back behind me to see my phone better. "What about that photo?" He taps on one making it bigger. It was us dressed up because we were on break sitting at the school lunch a table eating pretzels laughing at something. Gaten was the one who took the picture and sent it to us.

"That's a good choice." I turn my head giving him a smile. "It's one of my favorites of us together on set because we're just being us. We weren't trying to take a photo or video. Gaten just happen to catch the moment." He smiles back and I glance at his lips for just a millisecond. "True and he didn't send it to us until a week later." I laugh and post it to Instagram. "We gotta teach you have to use social media." I add making him laugh. "I feel like it's not my thing. The type of person I am." He shakes his head. "Just have one to look at other people things or just for friends. You don't have to post things of you don't want to." I let him know. "I'll think about it." He does his tongue thing.

"I find that so adorable." I slightly turn to face him at an angle. "What?" He asks confused. "The thing you do with your tongue. When you go like this." I do what he does. "It's embarrassing when you call it adorable." He whines. "It's not like I go around saying it to everyone and the whole world. It's just what I think and let you know." I explain to him. "Well, if my habit is adorable your nose scrunch habit is." He tells me. "This thing?" I do it. "It's adorable." He says before doing his habit. "But if I say it now?" I roll my eyes in a playful way. "Fine, I'll let it pass." He does the same making me laugh at him. "I'm glad you got the role of Eddie. Sad it was short though... But I can't imagine anyone else playing him as well as you did. Plus I got to add a great new person into my life."

They tell us it was time so we head into the room and take our seats. "Have any of you forget your part?" She asks and and everyone says all the time but I said only a few times. "Any hilarious situation on the movie that's stuck in you mind?" She asks. "Funny situations? There's so many." I think about it while Maya talks about our yogurt night. We were confused till she said golf cart racing making us laugh about it. Then talked about night shoots being hot an cold. Next we were playing a little game having to pick between two things a our characters. "Sorry one more time." Joseph asks. "We're in characters picking between tow things." Maya tell him.

"Working in Scoops Ahoy or Family video?" She asks us so we say Family Video. "Steve picking up girls would be more fun to watch because he would fail." I say my answer then say fight for Nancy's love because you can't die. When she was done we have a guy next staring with Joseph about how he sees Eddie. Joe, Maya and I tell him we have experience with video stores. And Natalia talks about how people can relate to the show. "Did any of you actually played Dungeons and Dragons?" He asks us. "I played once." Natalia tells him. "I did actually over the pandemic. I played Dungeons and Dragons with some friends and it was pretty difficult actually." Joe adds while Maya says her uncle is a Dungeons Master. Then we tell him there's gonna be a season five because some people don't think so.

The next lady was challenging us to a Stranger Things Imposable quiz and playing against Sadie, Caleb, and Priya. "They're very smart." Joe says making me agree. "But we have you and your pretty smart too." He adds. "Round One trivia, we'll start with a relatively easy one. On what date does Will Byers go missing?" She asks us ad we think. "No, I don't think it's the 7th. I'm sure it's the 6th. November 6th 1983." I say but Joe locks in the 7th and we get it wrong. "I should listen to you." He groans. "You said before we started, I was pretty smart then choose to ignore me." I look back at him.

"Question two; Who founded Hawkins Middle School AV Club?" She asks us. "Oh, that's um.. Bob right?" Joe asks making me look at him puzzled, "No... or was it" I tell him but again he was set on it. "Was it not the teacher?" Natalia asks. "I'm having a brain fart of his name." I try to think harder. "Wait, Joe might be right on this one. I don't think it's Mr. Clark. Ugh!" I cover my face as Natalia just says Mr. Clark. "No, it was Bob." She says making us all groan and Joseph lets out a laugh making me laugh too.

"Question three; What flavor Slurpee does Alexei ask Hopper to pick up for him?" She asks. "Cherry!" I shout out making the others laugh at me. "We'll go with cherry." Joe points at me and we get it. "On the night the Scoops Troop get stuck in the Russian elevator, where does Erica say she's meant to be?" She asks and I think back to watching that episode. While Maya and Joe talk it out. "Sleepover." They says. "Tina's house. Because Steve snaps saying, I don't care about Tina! Or Uncle Jack's party! Your mom's not gonna be able to find us if we're dead in a Russian elevator! Therefore, Skylar is going to kill me in the afterlife!" I quote as we get the point. "Oh, yeah." He remembers.

"What is the first message that Will spells out though the Christmas lights and letters on the wall?" Was the next question. "Was run, right?" Natalia says and we're told it's second. "I'm here... Right here?" Joe sips on his drink. "Right here." Joe does his ET impression and points his finger at Joseph who laughs. "What are six things that Eleven's mother Terry says on a loop?" She asks and I had no clue because I skip those episodes when I watch at times. "Chicken noddle soup." I start to crack up at Joe. "Rainbow. Sunflower." We get two. "Chicken noddle soup." Joe says again making me shake my head laughing. "Guys, I say we throw the towel in on this one." He says so we agree.

"Round two, Who said it." She tells us. "If anyone asks where I am, I've left the country." She reads. "Joyce. Erica. "Joseph says. "I was going to say maybe Finn." Joe says and I point my finger at him, "Yeah, he tells his mom." I agree and we get it. "How many children are you friends with?" She says and we easily get it. "Why, who do you have to look good for?" She says and I let everyone think because I knew it was me. "Oh, Skylar." Maya picks her head up. "When?" Joe asks confused. "It's before you push me into the backroom against the door while play fighting about the part where we followed the guy to Jazzercise." I explain it quickly. "Oh yeah."

"Okay, it's official I'm never having kids." We all thing about it and get it wrong because it was Dustin. "You're all so nerdy, it makes me physically ill.." She reads and we say Erica. Next question was worth a lot of points and we just had to be closer than the other team. "How many times does Joyce say Will's name in season 1?" She asks. "Are you kidding me?" We all complain. "I'm not even trying." I say as they all debate about a number but we only get five points. We score 14 points while the others scored 22. "I say they won because of the girls." I laugh.

Next we get ready the puppy interview and I was excited. "You're bouncing like you're six." Joseph laughs at me. "Because I want the puppies." I say as we take our seat son the floor. I sat between him and Natalia. "I'm Joe and I play Eddie. I'm Presley and I play Skylar. I'm Natalia Dyer and I paly Nancy Wheeler. I'm Maya Hawk and I play Robin. I'm Joe Keery and I play Steve." We all introduce ourselves. When they bring the puppies out they run around and one runs straight to me. "Look at you." I hold it and give it love while Joseph tries to get one. I notice his tongue out making me smile to myself.

"After almost six years, how does it feel having the series come to an end soon?" We're asked. "It's sad because it's a chapter in your life ending." I answer petting the puppy laying on my lap. "If you could play any other character on the Stranger Things, who would it be?" I think about while I look at the puppy. "Probably Dustin if I was a guy." I watch the other puppies play. "The one will not leave your lap." Natalia looks at it. "It loves me." I laugh watching Joseph watch the puppies with his tongue still out.

"What's a role people would be surprised to hear you auditioned for?" They asks. "I was up for Spider-Man. Still waiting to hear." Joseph makes me laugh. "I was the second choice to play the daughter in War Of The Worlds but Dakota Fanning got it." I say mine. "If you had to create an 80's mixtape, which songs would you add?" We're asked next. We all agree on Running up that hill by Kate Bush. "Message in a bottle. I like that sing." Joe says. "Head Over Heels, Tears for Fear." Joseph says still failing to get a puppy to come to him. "Yes!" I grab his arm. "Like my character I love that song. Also any rock songs really." I give more love to the puppy that has not left my lap.

The next one was, If you could guest star on any series what would it be. "American Horror Story." I pick up the puppy, "Look at how cute he is." I tell Joseph still holing him while he pets it because it kills me how hard he's been trying to catch one. "Come here little one." I pass him the puppy but after a few seconds it comes back to my lap. "If any actor could have a cameo on Stranger Things who would you want it to be?" Was the question. "Molly Ringwald just because of Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink. And an band or artist to preform a song in the show." I say while Maya says Adam Sandler.

Once again no puppy would go near Joseph so I pat his knee making the puppy playfully bite it so he uses the toy making it play with him for a bit on my lap. "Oh, I was was starstruck by Nikki Sixx on the set of the Dirt. A friend who worked on set asked me if I wanted to get lunch with her and when I showed up I bumped into him." I say then while Joe talks about peeing next to Steve Carell, I see Joseph's habit so I look at him doing my nose scrunch making him chuckle. "You're surprised by the tattoos? I had a fan show up at my aunt's wedding because I joked online I was the only person without a date." I make the shocked. "How did they find where it was?" Maya asks. "I have no clue because it was like a small backyard wedding in a small town and they were out of state fans." I add. "That's not a fan that's a stalker." Natalia tells me.

After Natalia talks about her audition I go next, "I had a scene with Gaten which was easy because we knew each other sligthy-ish because of Broadway working together once. And I believe it was you too..." I look at Joe. "Yeah, bullying you and another for me was the camera part." He adds for him. While they ask Joe and Maya about movies they done, the puppy finally leaves me and Joseph makes fun of me. "I see my character with trauma issues and panic attacks while trying to act like everything is fine." I answer where I see Skyler in 2022.

"Wait, they're all rescues?" I ask the lady who says yes making me excited. "I want this one. Can I? Look he loves me." I pout petting him. "If you want to you can." She lets me know. "Yes!" I clap my hands getting up and talk more about adopting the puppy. "I'm not surprised." Joseph walks over to me as I hold the puppy still. "I've been wanting get one anyways so today works out very well for me." I explain. "Don't you have two other things you have to do today?" He asks. "Shit..." I look at my watch. "Wanna puppy sit for me?" I give him a smile. "Fine." He takes the puppy from me. "Thank you. Oh, and his name is Dexter." I rush off.

"Hey teen Vogue, I'm Presley Monroe and today I will be sharing with you some of my firsts. "First time I knew I wanted to act was since I can remember. My parents have tapes of me acting out scenes from my favorite movies and I would over act in situations." I answer thinking back. "The first big musical I was in I played Tina in Ruthless. She was a ruthless child murderer who would stop at nothing to be a star. I was eight at the time and for Born To Entertain, I had a tap dance that took me a two days to learn. People were shocked I got it so quickly."

"First time turned down was when I auditioned to play the daughter in War Of The Worlds. Dakota Fanning got it but I was told I was their second pick. My mom was upset because she loved Tom Cruise." I laugh thinking about it. "First memory from auditioning for Stranger Things... I remember being confidence then as soon as I got there I was ready to run back to the car. I literally turned to leave and when I was I saw Gaten who was surprised to see me. He told me he had to do a chemistry read with someone trying to play Dustin's sister so that made me feel good again."

"First time I was recognized was when I was at the store with my dad grocery shopping after things about the show were being released. It was quite awkward for me because I didn't except anyone pointing me out so early. Like I've done small parts in movies and shows but no one ever cared." I laugh. "First famous person to follow me was P!nk after she saw video of me performing Try for a huge scale high school talent show. I sang and did the choreography with an old friend at the time I just tuned eighteen too."

"First Red Carpet event I was blind and had no clue where to look. I looked like a shy child who lost their mother at the store. There was so many times where I had to be reminded to smile and I was like only ten. So I felt like a deer in headlights with these strange adults screaming my name." I shake off the feeling. "First friend I made on the Stranger Things Cast. Well, I already knew-ish Caleb and Gaten, later Sadie in season two. I can't remember if it was Natalia or Charlie but I think it was her then him. Of course it's them two first because I had most scenes with them not including the kids."

"First on screen kiss... Let me think, my first on screen kiss was during We're the Millers. I was nervous but Will was so sweet so he calmed my nerves down. He's a really funny guy and before the kiss he would joke around. I love Will, he's a great guy to work with and a wonderful friend. "My first celebrity crush was Johnny Depp. The two movies that did it for me were Edward Scissorhands and Crybaby. I've loved that man since I was four years old." I laugh at myself as we finish up.

Originally I was supposed to do the wired autocomplete interview but they had to push it back to tomorrow. When I get back to the hotel I go to Joseph's room to get my puppy back. "He's mine now sorry." He shuts the door on me after opening it. "Quinn!" I laugh so he opens the door letting me in. "I'm serious, he loves me." He says giving the puppy love. "Then when you go back home I'll send him over at times to visit you." I joke with him. "If you do that at least send yourself with him." He gives me a look with a smile.

#stranger things #joseph quinn #joe quinn #joe keery #gaten matazarro #natalia dyer #millie bobby brown #noah schnapp #maya hawke #stranger things 4 #stranger things s4 #eddie munson x henderson #eddie munson #stranger things eddie munson #steve harrington x henderson #steve harrington

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purpleshadow-star · 2 years

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I want a moment in season 5 where it's the whole cast/party vs Vecna. It's a stand-off. Will is somehow in the front of his own group, facing Vecna. And Vecna tears into all of his deepest insecurities to try and convince him to leave his friends and join him.

Saying things like the year after you left us, everyone treated you like you would break. No one believed you were strong enough to stand on your own. And last summer everyone refused to play your game with you. They said it was childish, at least until you left. Once you were gone, they joined a new group. What do you think was the problem that summer? The game, or you? And your friends abandoned you as soon as someone better came along. They ignored you all summer, they didn't care to reach you after you left. I've seen in your mind. I know no one cared when you were gone. Eleven got letters and phone calls, what did you get? And they will never accept you for who you are. He will never want you the way you want him. They will continue to treat you like a burden, only caring about you when you can help them and when they feel obligated to save you. You will never receive from them the same amount of love and care that you give.

The rest of the party would be held back somehow, yelling at him that it's not true, we love you Will, don't listen to him, we're sorry, we care, but Vecna's voice drowns them out.

Join me, Will Byers, he'd say. And we can make them pay. We can show them that you are not weak. That you deserve their respect. We can shape this world into a place where people like us are not cast aside. They don't deserve you. You deserve better. With me, you will have respect. We can reshape this world into something better, together. Join me.

And Will, he'd hesitate. Just for a second. He considers it because, well, it's true. He's sick of being treated with kid gloves. He's sick of being perceived as weak and someone to be saved. He's tired of being ignored and cast aside. He knows that the party probably won't accept him once they learn the truth about him. He does deserve better, and he knows it. He gives his friends and family so much love and care, and gets barely even half of it in return. Mostly just from his family.

Will would look back at his friends for a second, everyone near or in tears, yelling at him, trying to reassure him, and only think of the times they were awful to him. Ignoring him all summer, the fight in the rain that lead to the destruction of Castle Byers, the lack of communication when he left despite his best efforts to keep in touch.

Vecna would say then, they are simply trying to make sure they keep your loyalty. They know how dangerous you could be. They say these kind words and apologies now, but they would go right back to ignoring and underestimating you if they got out of here alive.

And just like that, Will snaps out of it. He would turn back to Vecna and tell him I know that I deserve better. I don't get nearly the same amout of love back as I give out, and sure I get frustrated sometimes over how they treat me, but they're still my family. They've saved me again and again and now it's my turn to save them. They might not really love me, but I love them, and I refuse to help you kill them and countless other innocent people. We might both be mad at the world and we might both have been treated like crap, but the difference between you and me is that I have people I love, people I want to protect. You've never loved anything.

Cue an epic showdown against Vecna and after, many tearful apologies to Will for how he's been treated over the years since he was first taken into the Upside Down.

I want the other characters to feel the consequences of their actions. To actually be unsure, for a second, whether or not their actions drove their friend to the dark side. I want the to feel the anguish.

I just think that would be neat.

#I love the idea of Will almost giving up but ultimately chosing to do the right thing #will byers #vecna #strangerthings #stranger things 5 #stranger things 5?

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zizygy · 7 years

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Mourning Frost, A Vax Fic

AO3 link [~3,000 words] Spoilers for Ep 103 I was having a lot of Trans Feels™ for Vax while watching episode 103, so here’s a fic about that. --

Vax had thought quite a lot about death.

He had to, because of his god, but even before that it had always been a consideration. Death was the end. Sure, there was an afterlife, he'd seen too much to believe otherwise, but what use was an afterlife if you were separated from the only people you cared about?

Vex had always thought they'd see their mother when they died. She'd lose something, of course, but one family for another wasn't so bad of a trade. Vax would be with her of course, that was never a question. Even if she died first (she wouldn't, he always told her so, he did everything in his power to prevent it) they would see each other again.

Vax was less optimistic. Life didn't grant miracles, so why would death be any different? Their mother would be long gone by the time he and his sister finally left this mortal coil. Death meant leaving the people you love, anything else was irrelevant detail.

So he wasn't surprised to find himself naked and alone in the dark nothingness of death.

There wasn't a lot of feeling in this place. It was nice in a way. As was so often the case with these things, Vax hadn't realized how much he felt until those feelings were gone. The feeling that they were doomed, that crushing certainty that glazed his eyes and bowed his back, it was all gone. There was no worry, no exhaustion, no creeping worry trying to eat through his insides or twitching fingers or feeling of wrongness not within him.

It was nice, that freedom from feeling. Empty, but hadn't he been searching for emptiness? All those nights alone, staring at the stars, at the streets, at the members of the Clasp darting from shadow to shadow? He had always felt too much, he was always looking for a way to not.

But he wasn't completely empty here. There was something tethering him to the ground, a heavy sort of heat in the middle of his chest, right where his heart was, that kept him from floating, or maybe it was sinking, into the cold darkness.

Vex.

His sister wasn't here.

That realization weighed him down, pulled on his soul until his feet were pointing down and he began to drop and as he dropped he began to feel. By the time the platform, the hand, the Raven Queen rose up to meet him, he was afraid again, more afraid than he had ever been before. Was this where it ended? Was this where he finally lost Vex?

He squashed down the panic he felt at that thought, forcing it out of his throat and chest, forcing it down through his body to weigh his feet to the Raven Queen's hand.

His god was inscrutable and infuriatingly still behind her ebony mask and Vax was suddenly very conscious of his nakedness. She didn't move as he shifted under her gaze, fighting the urge to curl up and hide as much of himself as possible. You had to be open with your god, but the Raven Queen knew that she did not command the same sort of awe for Vax that Serenrae did for Pike. Their relationship was based on respect, his for her and her for her champion.

Now she was showing him that the respect she gave was conditional, it had to be earned, but more than that it had to be maintained. Vax closed his eyes, shutting out her piercing gaze and giving himself the briefest of moments to collect himself. He focused on one of those ghostly feelings, not the fear, fear had only ever driven him to stupidity, not the discomfort, which was too broad to use as a focus even if he wanted to, but the hurt, that his god would separate him and his sister, that she would require him to prove himself in this way, after dying in front of a rising god, that was something he could use.

He rolled his shoulders back, lifted his chin and allowed himself the compromise of his arms crossed over his exposed chest. He was still uncomfortable, still defensive, but he could work with this. At least he knew how things stood.

He waited for his god to speak first, ready for the rebuke, the disappointment, the demand to know what had happened.

Instead, her voice was soft, it was warm and its words, a single word, nearly knocked him off of his feet.

"Vax'ildan."

The shock ran through Vax like a lightning bolt and for a few seconds, or maybe hours, or maybe years, all those feelings inside him jumbled up and the world shook before his eyes and he couldn't connect any thoughts together except that's my name, she said my name and then the Raven Queen removed her mask.

A vulnerability for a vulnerability.

An understanding for an understanding.

She called him champion when she asked him to explain what happened. She inquired about Vecna and he tried to convince her to care. He didn't have information for her, he didn't know Vecna's plans, but he tried to make her care. He tried to play a game that he was good at, a game that had only failed him once before, in that room in Emon, when he tried to outwit Silas Briarwood and almost lost himself in the process. He should have known that he couldn't outwit a god, that the Raven Queen had more important things to do than to listen to a scared and bitter half-elf try to explain why this creature that bested him could really destroy the world.

She questioned him of course, the Raven Queen was not one who liked to leave loose threads, but she offered nothing in return.

She asked why it matters so much, why he doesn't just rest now that he has the chance.

My sister died for this! he yelled, or he thought he did, her questions were as much within his mind as within this space and he's losing the difference between saying and feeling and thinking.

Your sister lives.

What? That couldn't be, he saw her die. He wasn't able to look away as she fell to the floor, the life already gone from her eyes.

Vax could once again feel the floor against his cheek, the Delilah's boot on his chest, the cold wind over his body

She was brought back after you fell. The Raven Queen assured him, gently directing him away from the memory. Her fingers rested on the nape of his neck, surprisingly warm against his clammy skin.

Your friends escaped. Your family is still there.

Nothing mattered after that. The meaningless platitudes, the impossible plans, the purrs of my champion. All that mattered was that Vax gets back, that Vax doesn't leave his friends in this mess he helped create, that he doesn't leave his family.

Do you want to join them? she asked.

Yes I'd do anything.

Then you will give everything. And when you are done, you will come back to me, my champion.

Her hand in his hair and her finger on his chin kept him anchored in his physical form, though he wasn't quite sure when they came to be there. The message was clear though, this was a gift, and every gift had a cost. If he went back it was for one purpose and one purpose only, to end Vecna. Everything else was secondary. For the first time in his life, his existence, Vex was secondary.

He nodded slowly, meeting the Raven Queen's dark eyes, holding onto his resolve so he didn't fall into their yawning depths.

If that's what it takes.

She nodded and her hands moved to cup his cheeks and she looked at him in that way Vex'ahlia did when she was worried about him. He tried to shy away but she held him firmly. She pulled his face toward her, expression once again unreadable, and spoke, her voice echoing through Vax's head.

"Wake up."

And Vax did.

He opened his eyes and he was surrounded by unfamiliar trees. Trees that swayed and spun and it took Vax at least minute to realize that _he_ was the one moving, not the trees. Dying, it turned out, was hell on your internal balance.

He let himself sag against one of the trees unsure where to proceed from here. He wasn't in Thar Ampala anymore, he was sure of that at least. But then where was he?

He almost thought that he was in the forest surrounding Syngorn, coming back to life in the place he reluctantly called his home seemed poetic and messed up enough that the Raven Queen might do that to him, but the trees here were too short and twisted to be from Syngorn.

"Not Snygorn" was an unhelpfully broad category and though Vax felt the need to find his sister like a heavy weight in his chest, he felt as if he was trying to move through molasses. His arm didn't respond until seconds after he told it to move and his legs felt clumsy and unused to his weight.

He stumbled forward, wincing as twigs and sticks snapped under his bare feet. He stopped, not trusting himself to move forward until he regained some sense of himself.

In the meantime he had a moment to think, a gift that he probably shouldn't take lightly.

His sister was alive. Vex had been brought back without him needing to pledge his life for her. For once, their deaths were entirely unconnected. And if Pike was able to bring back Vex, that meant she must be okay too. Probably along with the rest of Vox Machina.

They were alive, safe, or as safe as you can get when you're defying an almost god, and he was alive, or as alive as you could get when you're wandering naked through unfamiliar woods after having been brought back by the god of death.

He wished he had a cloak.

He wanted to step into the shadows and just disappear for a while, but he didn't trust himself to move without attracting even more attention so he settled for crossing his arms in front of his chest and hunching forward.

Except...

His chest was smooth. The raised scars he'd gotten so used to were completely gone and in their place was a flat chest. He ran his fingers over the muscles, sure that he must be missing something, that someone had cast seeming or an illusion or something but his fingers told him what his eyes could not, the scars were gone.

In their place was a raven, its wings spread out across his chest and over his ribs, leaving no doubt as to who had given him this.

He was interrupted by the sound of metal scraping against bark and he dropped his hands and looked up at the tree in front of him.

A small gnome, trying to be stealthy in armor that clanged and shone in the dim light clung to the boughs of the tree.

Vax felt his throat close up as he was suddenly overwhelmed with feeling, with gratitude, happiness, a sense of home, as he stared at Pike.

"Hi."

"Stringbean?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, his voice about to break. "Where are we?"

"The fey wild."

Vax looked around. It didn't look at all familiar, but he believed her. Did that mean he was really back? That the Raven Queen had really resurrected him?

Pike wondered the same. She asked where he'd come from, what happened, why he was here, now, naked in the middle of the forest.

He answered to the best of his ability but he only had the faintest grasp on what was going on himself. It was easier to just say he didn't know. He _didn't_ know.

"I died," he said. Unsure what else to say. It was important that he tell her... In case. "Did you know that?"

She nodded. He could see in her face that she knew. Vax had seen death, of course he had. He'd seen it on the streets, with his sister, and he'd seen it within Vox Machina, with Pike, with his sister and Grog and Percy, who of them hadn't crossed the thin line at one point or another? But they had always come back.

This were different now. As excited as he was about his new body, scarless though it was, Vax knew it hadn't been made to last. His death was different. He always had to be different.

They were trying to save him, but what was there left to save?

"Oh fuck." He didn't know what else to say. It was all fucked, wasn't it? They were supposed to be heroes. They were supposed to stand up and fight for everyone who couldn't do it themselves. That resolve had kept him tethered to this world. Had brought him back.

That resolve hardened when he saw his sister, alive, just appear in front of him. Logically he knew she'd come from the tree but he had thought she was dead, he'd seen her die, even though the Raven Queen assured him she'd be here he thought she was dead and when she backed away and told him he didn't really exist, he didn't know what to do but to run up to her and hold her in his arms. She was real, as solid as he was as he rocked her back and forth and they both babbled about how you can't be here, are you really here, I saw you die, this must be a trick.

If it was a trick, at least it brought him back to his sister.

He held her and she held him and they both made sure that the other was real.

They might have stood there all night, staring into each others' identical faces, identical thoughts crowding and filling their heads, had Pike not walked up and put a hand to Vax's chest, her fingers brushing right over one of the raven's wings.

Vax knelt down and noticed, at the same time that Vex put her cloak over him, that there was- that he had a dick. Vex must have noticed at the same time, but she just made some sort of crass comment, as unimpressed as if it had been there his entire life, and Pike completely ignored this new development in favor of listening to his chest.

He looked at Vex, unsure what emotion was showing on his face and to be fair, there was a bit too much going on for him to read her face either, but there was the smallest hint of a smile and Vax let a bit off that giddiness infect him too.

He had... he'd transitioned.

He'd thought about it before of course, ever since he was a little kid, though dealing with his breasts had always been a priority, but after that, once the tissue scarred and he could wear leather again, he fantasized about the day he'd have enough money to talk to a wizard or a cleric so that he could fix downstairs. He'd never had enough money before he met Vox Machina, and then as their family bonds grew stronger, so did their problems, by that point there wasn't time.

He never would have expected the Raven Queen to do it for him.

He never would have thought that dying would allow him to transition.

He was caught between elated and embarrassed, even as the fear and concern and bittersweet sadness raged in his head.

Especially when Vex asked why.

Especially when Percy was unsatisfied with how.

He followed Percy's instructions, the words ringing in his ears. This is what I would do to torture us.

He was right of course. Given the rollercoaster of emotion Vax had felt just from standing here? He couldn't imagine how his family must be feeling.

That wasn't true.

He could.

That was the problem.

Percy's fear that he was an apparition, and later that he was him but he was somehow being controlled, dug deep into his barely beating heart.

He'd been controlled before. He'd shoved his daggers into Percy's back. He walked away when everyone else was dissolving in acid. He yearned for the Briarwoods' approval when he thought his friends were dying.

Even as he submitted to their tests, as Pike raised her holy symbol to his face, he couldn't shake the feeling that Percy was right, that he'd brought nothing but more pain and heartbreak by coming back.

He found himself arguing. He had to argue because he believed him. If anyone could convince him that he was a monster, that he wasn't a monster it was Percy.

Did his new body mean he wasn't him? This was what how he had always imagined himself, but Percy didn't necessarily know that and even if he did, he was right. When did a miracle just happen? They didn't, miracles always had costs.

God he didn't want to be a cost.

He answered their questions. He wished Keyleth would come down and talk to him. He wished Vex would stop looking at him like that. He hoped Keyleth stayed in the tree.

He looked at his chest, at his body. He was himself, wasn't he?

He looked up when Keyleth walked toward him.

"Hi," he said, as she reached out. He clasped her hand in his.

"I thought I killed you," she said, her voice brimming with tears.

He almost dropped her hand, shocked. "You?" Did he miss something? Had Delilah controlled her? Did something happen after he and his sister died?

"I could have done more."

Oh.

Vax closed his eyes. Everyone could have done more. Or they could have done less. But if they hadn't attacked, the world would be in ruins, Vecna would be back, Vecna was back. How were they expected to take on a rising god?

"Nobody could have done more."

Keyleth looked at him for a long moment, trying to see the truth in his words, it was only truth, then moved on.

"You're cold," she said.

She looked at him, at his pale face, his smooth chest, his penis and balls and his bare feet, then put her ear to his chest as if none of that surprised her. She knew his plans, of course he'd told her his plans, but it meant more than he realized that she took the physical changes in stride, that she didn't seem to think he was any less Vax now with them, though she was rightfully concerned about his relative undeadness.

She thought he was going to die again.

He'd never even considered that.

He tried to explain, to tell her, to tell them all, what the Raven Queen told him, did for him, but the words didn't quite come and between the haze then and the fog now he wasn't sure what was real.

He tried to appeal to Pike, but she didn't understand either, she and Serenrae had a very different relationship. More loving, less buisinesslike.

And still Percy's words echoed, when have we ever been given a random miracle?

But it wasn't without its cost, was it?

It wasn't until Grog and Scanlan came down, made their own jokes to lighten the tension, showed him his own ashes, that he realized Percy was right.

Miracles weren't given.

But he had paid a price for this.

He would die again, when all this was over, when his family had a chance to live happy lives. He would have to leave them then, have to leave his sister.

He took a deep breath that he didn't need, exhaustion once again weighing down his shoulders.

It was a heavy price to pay, that was certain. He would never see Pike's smile again, hear Scanlan's songs, test his luck with Grog. He would not see Keyleth lead her people, or Percy coughing after a misfire or his sister-

It was a heavy price, but it was worth it.

He would pay for this miracle.

#critical role #cr spoilers #vax'ildan #trans vax #i really love vax a lot and i had this idea while i was watching the episode #and then i started writing immediately after #it got a bit longer than expected #you should talk to me about ur trans vax headcanons!#my writing

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