#i think writing him as his uncle fits better than saying lan qiren

[vrishchikawrites]

Could I have a prompt? 🥺🥺 So WWX is taking bath in the Cold Pond to heal from the wounds by the discipline paddle (which I assume he was punished being clothed in his Black robe or in his Gusu Lan disciple robes or Head disciple Jiangs robes whichever fits). Before going to CR, wwx is whipped by mdm yu and LWJ notices wwx’s raw red scars and many scars across his back kinda overlapping and not yet being healed because maybe MDM yu sealed his core or something. LWJ, or with LXC saw WWX’s many crisscrossing scars and realize they’re still raw and kinda risking for infection because when mdm yu unseals his spiritual energy before going to CR, WWX never thought of healing it. Cue LWJ and LXC gets horrified and ask WWX why he had many scars on his back (or other parts of his body can also be included!) no pressure 💕 I love your writing! ❤️❤️

Anyway, it is set during the period in which WWX studies at CR. Lån Qiren, who is obviously not eyeing Wei Wuxian just in case the boy creates some trouble ends up realizing that he is too non chalant about  not eating (because the food there is for rabbits) and WWX is like "Oh, yeah. Nah its fine, I've been worse".

This one has trigger warnings for child abuse, negligence, and issues related to eating habits. Keep that in mind before proceeding. Nothing graphic, but I wanted to warn nonetheless.

I've merged two prompts here.

Please remember that prompts are closed. Also, remember I do not write self-deprication. All prompts that require WWX to have low self-esteem are not going to be written, apologies but the subject is very uncomfortable for me and I don't believe it is canon accurate anyways.

On to the prompt fill.

"That Wei child is entirely too careless." 

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and prays for patience. That boy has been a menace ever since he stepped into Cloud Recesses. Brilliant but wily and mischievous with absolutely no regard for rules. 

"What has he done?" He asks gruffly, reading over the reports from the kitchen staff. Cloud Recesses always monitors the food intake of their guests to make sure everyone is well-fed and no one is consuming more than their due. It wouldn't do for young cultivators to fall ill in their care, after all. 

The primary healer, a matron of some age, had brought the reports instead of the kitchen manager, which was quite unusual, "He forgets meals. Goes without food for days. Survives on small bits of fruit."

Xichen, who has been working on his own reports, raises his head and looks concerned. 

Lan Qiren crosses his arms, feeling a growing sense of ire, "He dislikes our meals." He's not the first one to skip meals because he considers them 'bland' and 'boring'. It's likely the child has been sneaking down to Caiyi town to have more extravagant meals. 

"I checked with our ward team. When he goes days without eating, he doesn't make any trips to Caiyi town either."

Lan Qiren pauses and studies her. Lan Mingyun nods curtly, "When I first noticed this behavior, I immediately put him on my list." Her list of children with food-related issues, he assumes, "His eating habits are very erratic, erratic enough that I wish to assign one of our senior disciples to keep an eye on him."

"You're that worried?" Lan Xichen asks in surprise while Lan Qiren frowns. It isn't unusual to do so but he wonders if it is really necessary.

"As far as I know, the child lived on the streets for quite a few years," She says and Lan Qiren narrows his eyes, inwardly reprimanding himself. He had forgotten about that aspect of Wei Wuxian's history, "The link between early childhood trauma and behavioural problems are well known to us."

Lan Xichen frowns, "I'll ask Wangji to keep an eye on him."

He glances at his nephew sharply, "Why Wangji?" He demands because surely someone else would be better.

"From what I understand, Wei-gongzi will not welcome an assigned senior. He seems to be someone who brushes injuries or illnesses off. He likes Wangji and will be more willing to accept his company."

While the argument is reasonable, Lan Qiren is loath to involve his precious nephew in this. He's already so bothered by the boy. 

But.

He thinks of Wei Wuxian with his sharp eyes and lingering smile and nods. 

---

Wangji listens to Xichen patiently even as his fingers curl into fists under his sleeves. 

He doesn't like Wei Wuxian. The boy is too disruptive, too bold, too distracting-

Too beautiful.

He doesn't like him, but that doesn't mean he's content to ignore his well-being. When Xichen asks him to keep an eye on Wei Ying's eating habits and general behavior, Wangji agrees. 

It will be taxing for him, but he agrees.  

What he doesn't anticipate is… everything that follows. When he starts consciously looking for them, the signs are alarming. Wei Ying doesn't just skip meals whenever he gets too distracted, he picks at the food even when he is eating. While Wangji is comforted to know the boy frequently seeks something richly flavored at Caiyi Town, he doesn't do it often enough to compensate.

There are also some concerning behaviors in the Jiang contingent. Upon closer inspection, it is clear that while Wei Ying does break the rules, the other Jiang Sect disciples are often complicit. Including Jiang Wanyin. 

They not only let their da-shixiong take the blame for all of their actions, but also encourage it. Wei Ying seems disconcertingly accustomed to it. He makes a scene while being punished but seems alright within an hour. 

Jiang Wanyin encourages mischief and reprimands him in turns. 

Wangji doesn't understand this.

"Xiongzhang, I am concerned," Xichen looks up from his tea, his attention immediately on Wangji, unwavering and comforting, "Wei Ying," He takes a moment to form his thoughts, "I am uncertain. I believe he is in an unsafe environment."

Xichen sets his tea aside, "How so?"

"I happened upon a conversation," He grimaces because it is eavesdropping even if his intentions are noble, "Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang requested and encouraged him to get alcohol into Cloud Recesses. When he complained about the punishment, Jiang Wanyin said 'at least, it wasn't Zidian'."

His brother sucks in a sharp breath, "Zidian? Madam Yu? Spiritual weapon? A high-grade weapon typically used against enemies?"

Wangji dips his head. 

"I'll ask uncle to stop assigning corporal punishments." Lan Xichen says, "They won't have the desired effect in any case and we don't want to damage him permanently. Tomorrow, ask him to practice Cultivation in the Cold Pond as punishment."

Wangji nods, "I'll assign Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang proper punishment as well."

"Wait until we have a better grasp on the situation." Xichen says solemnly, "If we act too quickly, things will escalate and may cause more harm to Wei-gongzi."

Wangji is reluctant because his sense of justice is not satisfied. He remembers how the Jiang disciples encouraged Wei Ying to accept punishment on their behalf. And then to know Jiang Wanyin was also complicit…

"We must approach this cautiously, Wangji."

He nods.

---

Red, irritated, scarred.

Wangji swallows as he sees the state of Wei Ying's back as the Jiang disciple steps into the Cold Pond. There are so many whip scars on his back, so many that have barely begun to heal, that he feels nauseous. 

"Wei Ying," He struggles to keep his tone neutral, "Your back." He cannot imagine the agony that Wei Ying would've suffered when he took more punishment on it the other day. 

Wei Ying glances at him and grins, "Aiya, Lan Zhan, is that concern I see on your pretty face?" He asks, spinning around eagerly, "Concern for little old me?"

His back is out of sight and the way Wei Wuxian is leaning towards him is meant to distract and fluster.

Wangji… suddenly understands. Wei Ying is naturally playful and mischievous, but he uses his personality for disguise and manipulation as well. Not maliciously, but in a way that harms him.

"Wei Ying," Wangji refuses to be moved. There is a significant shift in his mind. He no longer feels annoyed by the person before him. If anything, he feels furious. 

He feels protective.

"Wei Ying, your back."

The Jiang disciple shrugs, "Punishment, you know how it is." 

"For what?" He demands, catching Wei Ying's elbow and turning him around. The willingness to touch him stuns Wei Ying momentarily, enough for Wangji to get a good look at the brutal devastation written on Wei Ying's back. 

Wei Ying clears his throat and shrugs, "It's more of a preemptive punishment? Madam Yu knew I would cause trouble here, of course." He chuckles.

"Preemptive punishment?" He asks softly, the very notion troubling him. 

Wei Ying shrugs again but doesn't attempt to explain when it is clear Wangji isn't willing to indulge him.

"Wei Ying,"

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying starts to move towards the shore, "Don't worry about things that don't concern you. Your head will forever be burdened if you do."

Wangji feels something in him recoil at such a blunt dismissal. 

"Doesn't concern me? How can it not concern me?" He wants to ask but is unable to. 

Wei Ying has made him very uncomfortable with his forward personality and near constant teasing, but Wangji has seen the genuine offer of friendship underneath it all. 

He has always spurned it. 

As Wei Ying climbs onto the shore, his wounds red against his naturally pale skin, Wangji makes a decision, "Would you not feel concerned if it were me?" He asks but he already knows the answer.

He already knows this man enough.

"Of course," Wei Ying says and shrugs on his robes, hiding a wince but unable to help his body's reaction to pain, "But you and I are different." He glances over his shoulder at Wangji, "I consider you my friend," He says, "But you don't consider me yours."

His breath stills at the acceptance in Wei Ying's tone.

"And that's alright." The Jiang disciple waves and walks away, "Don't worry too much, Lan Zhan. This one isn't weak. The wounds will heal within a few days."

---

"The facts are these - Wei-gongzi is punished preemptively with Zidian, often enough that there are deep scars on his back," Lan Xichen explains, "I assume it is his Golden Core keeping him from sustaining permanent damage."

Lan Qiren is still bristling at the very thought of preemptive punishment. What a ridiculous notion! Of course, the child doesn't care about rules and upsetting people! He has already been punished enough to excuse everything but outright treason.  

How is such a method effective? How does it correct a child's misbehavior? 

"The Jiang Sect disciples are accustomed to their da-shixiong being punished in their stead. They actively encourage it. Jiang Wanyin has asked Wei-gongzi to sneak in alcohol. And he refused to come forward when Wei-gongzi was punished." Xichen takes a deep breath, "I believe any lingering issues he may have because of his early days as a street orphan-"

"Are ignored," Lan Qiren concludes grimly, "It is no wonder the child has such strong cultivation. He is facing strife constantly."

"Is there a way to rescue him?" Wangji asks after being grimly silent for the entire meeting, "Get him away from the Jiang Sect?"

Lan Qiren eyes him, "Wangji, the situation is complicated. He's still the Jiang Head Disciple and sects don't just part with their high ranking disciples."

Xichen smiles sympathetically, "We'll find a way to pressure Jiang-zongzhu into taking action. He'll lose face if the other Sects know how his lady is treating their Head Disciple." He shakes his head at Wangji's expression, "Let us think about it. Meanwhile, you just need to be there for your friend, Wangji."

Lan Qiren arches a brow, "Friend? Wangji, I thought you disliked the boy."

Wangji purses his lips, a stubborn light entering his eyes, "Wei Ying is my friend." He insists, resolve lining his every word. 

He looks at Xichen, who just looked amused, "According to Wei-gongzi, he considers Wangji a friend and will be very concerned if Wangji was in a similar situation," He huffs, "But Wangji doesn't consider Wei-gongzi his friend, so there's no need for Wangji to worry."

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and rubs his forehead in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, "That boy is a singular menace."

---

Wangji pursues friendship with all the dedication in his being. He learns to cook savory dishes and gives them to Wei Ying every day. Wei Ying, unable and utterly unwilling to deny, eats it all. 

He glares the Jiang disciples into submission whenever they attempt to draw Wei Ying into mischief. The Jiang Head Disciple is fully exempt from corporal punishment. Instead, he spends hours in the library either copying rules, rewriting classics, or transcribing Buddhist texts. 

All of these activities prove to be much more effective punishments.

Meanwhile, Lan Qiren attends a Discussion Conference and has word with Jiang Fengmian. 

The response is a gentle order from the Jiang-zongzhu for Wei Ying. He asks his disciple to remain in Cloud Recesses for Musical Cultivation training. He also mentions it is time for Jiang Wanyin to take up Head Disciple responsibilities and learn true leadership. 

Wei Ying eyes the smiling Lan Xichen and impassive Lan Qiren sharply but doesn't say anything.

In two years time, the distance between Wei Ying and the Jiang Sect grows. The distance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan ceases to exist. 

Just like that, Wei Wuxian's destiny changes.

#short prompts #wei wuxian #lan wangji #anti jiang sect #anti madam yu #anti jiang wanyin

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

You Are Of Their Ilk - Sequel to 'You Need Tending'

[1] [2]

Part 3

[Masterpost]

--

Traveling with Wei Ying over land rather than on the river proves to be somewhat less terrifying. Once they’ve left the town behind and there’s nothing but empty road ahead of them he finds the energy once again to dart this way and that, chasing birds and turning over stones to see what may be hiding beneath them, but without the danger of losing him in the river, Lan Qiren is less inclined to admonish him for his behavior. Instead he simply watches closely whenever he wanders too far ahead for them to hear his excited babbling and he continues his sedate pace with his nephews obediently at his sides, confident that Wei Ying will always come running back to check in with him between adventures.

Though they are too polite to say anything (or write anything, in Wangji’s case) Lan Qiren knows that his nephews must be confused as to why he’s allowing such wild behavior for his new ward when he has always expected decorum and obedience of them. He takes the opportunity to explain one mid-morning when Wei Ying has run far ahead of them to overturn a rock almost too large for him to lift and poke at whatever grubs are beneath it with a stick. They are drawing nearer and nearer to Cloud Recesses and will arrive within a day or so if they’re able to maintain their pace, and so he feels that it’s time for them to understand what roles he’ll be expecting them to take on once they’re home.

“Wei Ying is a lively child by nature and he has lived without anyone to guide or teach him for a very long time, which has led to him being unaware of proper conduct. It is in the interest of his health to encourage him for now, when he is free to behave as he always has, to make sure he feels comfortable and safe with us so he will accept our help. When we reach Cloud Recesses I trust you two will help me teach him proper behavior so that he may fit in quickly.”

“Yes Uncle,” Xichen says dutifully, though it takes a bit longer before Wangji nods and faces forward again. They walk a few more moments in silence like that before Wangji suddenly lengthens his stride - almost running but not quite – to join Wei Ying where he’s squatting by the rock. He can just barely hear Wei Ying’s delighted cry of, “A-Zhan!! Lookit the bugs!” from where he and Xichen are still walking and, utterly without his conscious permission, the corner of his mouth twitches into a hint of a smile.

Traveling with Wei Ying is not always quite so…chaotic as that, however. Since the afternoon of their first day of walking and each subsequent afternoon since, Wei Ying grows so tired after their midday meal and the excitements of the morning that he would fall asleep on his feet if Lan Qiren didn’t carry him. After the initial fright of Wei Ying doing precisely that and needing to be caught before he’d fallen on his face in the dirt, Lan Qiren spends each afternoon with the boy perched on his back, his head resting on his shoulder and his little exhales puffing against the side of his neck. Lan Qiren is well aware of how heavy sleeping children should be, having carried his own sleeping nephews too many times to be counted over the years, and so he is continually alarmed by the fact that Wei Ying feels as if he weighs nothing at all on his back no matter how much eats - even when so deeply unconscious he should feel like a sack of bricks. It’s during these hours that Lan Qiren is viscerally reminded that for all his enthusiasm and energy when awake, Wei Ying is still very much in need of recovery from the hardships of his life up to this point.

Favoritism is frowned upon, but Lan Qiren doesn’t think anyone could see Wei Ying, could look at the light in his eyes and the laughter that comes so easily - and then hold him and realize he’s as fragile and light as a songbird - without wanting to protect him and give him the things his heart desires. So far those desires are all easily met anyway. He wants to spend time with Wangji and Xichen, he wants a hug from Lan Qiren in the evening before he sleeps, he wants food (though he still hasn’t learned he’s allowed to ask for it when he’s hungry), he wants to play. Any desires Lan Qiren may have to prevent him from receiving any of these things are promptly outweighed by the memories of each time Wei Ying has shown even a hint of the depth of his injuries, mental or physical.

As frail as the boy feels to him any time he stops moving long enough to be held, it’s a wonder to Lan Qiren when they finally make it to Cloud Recesses without any further incidents like the morning in town. For the children’s sake he has elected to bring them up the mountain by a quieter path than the road that passes through Caiyi Town. He has also elected to carry Wei Ying up the mountain, uncertain of the child’s footing or his ability to climb the mountain path under his own power (and wary of his tendency to run about. As illogical as it is he can all too easily picture the boy slipping on some wet leaves and falling right off the mountain and it makes him..anxious.)

Despite entering the mountain using a lesser-travelled path, there are still two disciples waiting for them at the boundary of the wards, and though Wei Ying has been nodding off on his shoulder he suddenly goes tense and hides his face properly in the curtain of Lan Qiren’s hair as soon as it’s clear the four of them aren’t alone anymore.

Lan Qiren steels himself for the way their lives are all about to change as the disciples salute him and he recognizes that he will no longer be able to allow Wei Ying to run as free as he always has.

Upon reaching the waiting disciples, the senior of the two informs him that the elders are waiting for his report from Yunmeng and he nods his weary acknowledgement. “I will return the children to their rooms and come make my report,” he says and does his best to ignore the dread curling through him.

Getting the children settled is easy enough. Xichen is, of course, well used to taking care of himself by now and Wangji is similarly accustomed to it when necessary. The only excuse he really has not to report immediately to the elders is Wei Ying, who is not as much of an excuse as he would like as he’s gone quite still and well-behaved all the sudden even though Lan Qiren can tell from the rhythm of his breathing against his neck as they walk through Cloud Recesses that he’s not asleep.

“It’s alright, A-Ying,” Xichen murmurs softly when they’re alone on the path to the family dormitories, having apparently sensed the same fear in him that Lan Qiren has. “A-Zhan and I are going to stay with you, you don’t have to see anyone else until you’re ready.”

Wei Ying nods a few times but says nothing, and the rest of the walk to Lan Qiren’s quarters is quiet. Wangji is still young enough to share the space with him but Xichen has been living with his peers in the student dorms for years already to better pursue his studies without distraction. He comes for tea once a week to report on his own progress and of course Lan Qiren monitors his studies personally so they see quite a lot of each other anyway, but when he passes through the space to deposit Wei Ying in the room he will be sharing with Wangji, Xichen looks a little startled to see his old bed and belongings precisely as he had left them the day he moved out.

Lan Qiren attempts to unsling Wei Ying from his back to set him down but the boy clings to him with surprising strength and attempts to nuzzle deeper into the back of his neck as if hiding beneath the fall of his hair will protect him from the rest of the world.

“A-Ying,” he says quietly, carefully, more wary than ever of speaking too sharply. If it comes out a bit too flat instead then he supposes that’s at least not as bad as it could be. “I must report our arrival to the elders and it is time for you to sleep for the afternoon as you do each day.” It isn’t the schedule of Cloud Recesses to allow children of his age to sleep in the afternoon and he will have to break him of the habit at some point, but any sort of structure had seemed beneficial during the uncertainty of travel and for now he’s wary of letting Wei Ying break out of it simply because he’s feeling nervous.

It takes a bit more coaxing from Xichen before Wei Ying allows Lan Qiren to carefully pry his fingers free, and as soon as Lan Qiren gets him down on his own two feet Wangji is right there to grab his newly-freed hands and tug him over to his own bed. Lan Qiren suppresses a sigh to see that he’s likely going to also have to break Wangji out of this new habit of sharing his sleeping space with Wei Ying – it had taken a long time to break him of the habit of crawling in bed with Xichen in the middle of the night when Xichen had still been living with them, and something tells him that Wangji is going to be even more determined to keep up the behavior out of concern for Wei Ying and his already obvious desire to take care of him.

A problem for the future. For now there’s nothing else keeping him from going to the elders and so once he reminds Xichen to watch the younger pair carefully and order food to be brought to them all when Wei Ying wakes, he leaves again. He takes a moment to straighten his robes from where Wei Ying’s grip has bunched them and to comb his fingers through his hair to ensure it’s lying perfectly flat and straight down his back, though no amount of fussing and attempting to achieve perfection will raise the elders’ opinions of him, as he’s already aware. It still wouldn’t do to appear too rumpled despite what he considers the very valid excuse of having been traveling with three children for the last few days and not even allowed a bath before being summoned.

No matter. He knows what has to be done and to give into the anger it could incite in him would only make the experience even more unpleasant than it promises to be. Best to simply get it over with and spend the rest of the day attempting to figure out how he’s going to balance his usual duties to the Sect and to Wangji’s education with the new duty of teaching Wei Ying how to be…well. Something besides a half-feral street child.

The elders are, of course, already assembled when he arrives and he feels the weight of their cold, perpetual disapproval as keenly as ever as he kneels in front of them to offer them a greeting and begin his reports.

“The guards at the boundary reported an unexpected individual with you upon your arrival,” Lan Feng says after Lan Qiren has delivered his last account of the business he had discussed with Jiang Fengmian while in Lotus Pier. Her tone is just acerbic enough to be plausibly deniable but impart her displeasure with him nonetheless.

“A child from Yunmeng and a new ward of the Gusu Lan,” he replies with a nod in her direction.

“The children’s hall is not prepared to accept a new occupant.”

Lan Qiren very carefully doesn’t curl his hands into fists on his knees but he’s unable to keep his fingers from twitching slightly – he just has to hope that it goes unnoticed.

“I will be taking the boy in myself.”

The ensuing silence is heavy around his shoulders, full of the weight of the intense judgement he has become well accustomed to after feeling it for most of his life.

“That is inadvisable.”

“I understand it is not ideal, but I have already given the boy my word that I will take responsibility for him.”

“Your duties to the Sect and the Heirs take precedence over this...ward.”

“They do. The boy’s presence will not keep me from fulfilling them.”

“You were never meant to run the Sect,” Lan Yun intones. The criticisms that have already been levelled at him thus far have come from several of the elders, but they all go still at this (rather unnecessary) reminder of Lan Qiren’s inherent shortcomings. Lan Yun is the oldest of the lot as far as Lan Qiren is aware - certainly his word carries the most weight. He is also, in Lan Qiren’s experience, extremely opinionated and unafraid of offending anyone at all. “Your work is still standard at best, nothing like what we expected of Qingheng-Jun prior to his indiscretion. You should focus on improving for the sake of the Sect rather than wasting your energy on a stray child from Yunmeng.”

The general murmurs of assent that pass through the gathered elders have Lan Qiren’s neck tingling and he digs his fingertips into the tops of his thighs just above his knees to attempt to ground himself.

“I am aware of my faults,” he says with his gaze trained on the floor beneath him to avoid letting any of them see the anger burning in his gaze for their flippant dismissal of him, as if he hasn’t known his entire life that he has never been as favored as his brother, never meant to do great things. As if he doesn’t know he is absolutely no one’s first choice for much of anything.

The elders have always wished Qingheng-Jun would lead them. His nephews have wished their whole lives that their parents would raise them, particularly their mother prior to her passing. He is a good teacher, an excellent one even by many standards outside of Gusu, but there are others within Cloud Recesses who have more experience than him who would be chosen before him no matter the circumstances. The only thing in which he truly excels is his knowledge of the rules, but that is only to be expected. All Lan disciples know the rules, it’s not impressive that he does as well even if he has a better understanding of those rules than many would be able to claim.

Yes, Lan Qiren is extremely aware of his faults, as he has never been allowed to forget them.

“I am aware of my faults,” he repeats into the heavy silence. “However, I have an obligation to this boy. He is alone in the world and frightened. I do not believe he will excel with any guidance but my own at this time.”

“Beware of pride, Lan Qiren,” Lan Feng warns instantly, to remind him yet again that none of them thinks he has any noteworthy skills to speak of.

“It is not pride, but humble observation. I understand that had someone else found the boy there are many who would raise him better than I will. However, he has grown to trust me these last few days and I believe he will be open to instruction from myself before anyone else with whom he is unfamiliar. I will prepare him to take classes alongside his agemates when the time comes, and then I will turn his education over to those who are more qualified to do so.”

He does not say that Wangji will likely become inconsolable if they attempt to separate the two, as that would only prove his defective parenting in being unable to control the emotional response or Wangji’s behavior - or perhaps even in encouraging the boy’s affection in the first place. He does not say that Wei Ying will likely lash out should he feel himself backed into a corner in which he doesn’t feel safe, as that will only be further proof to them that Lan Qiren will be unable to handle raising such a difficult child along with his other duties. He does not say that once upon a time he had been the top academic in his classes and that, should they allow him a proper chance to teach he might continue to improve enough to meet their standards, as that would show ingratitude and perhaps the threat of pride again, that he thinks himself capable of becoming better than the current teachers who have been instructing the Lan youth since he had been a child.

He learned very quickly after being thrust into his current position in life that anything he says to the elders beyond that which is absolutely necessary could easily turn into yet another weapon in their hands, and so he says the bare minimum and accepts their displeasure with him as steadily as he can bear.

“The moment this responsibility becomes too difficult for you to maintain, you will relinquish the boy to a more appropriate situation,” Lan Yun declares. “We will closely monitor the boy’s behavior and studies to ensure you are not neglecting this responsibility you have taken on.”

It’s the same thing they said to him when he took Xichen in following his birth, and Wangji’s as well. Lan Qiren bows fully both to acknowledge the threat of losing the children he loves due to his own incompetence as well as to take his leave.

“This humble one thanks the elders for their wisdom,” he barely manages to say through the tumultuous thundering of his emotions. He stands and retreats with his head held high and shoulders braced against the stares that follow him out of the room like an angry ghost at his shoulder.

He doesn’t breathe easily again until he’s nearly all the way back to his rooms, but he knows already that he’s in no position to attempt to be calm and collected for the children as he needs to be and so he takes a different path to begin walking the familiar track that marks the perimeter of the wards that protect the inner residences and main pavilions of Cloud Recesses.

He’s constantly aware, of course, that the Sect as a whole (not just the elders) is watching and waiting for the day he fails. There probably isn’t a day that the knowledge of it doesn’t cross his mind, though after over a decade of it he can typically ignore the way it makes his shoulders tense and his gut feel empty and hollow. He has long since resigned himself to doing what must be done on his own and being judged for it at every step of the way. And yet, for some reason, his discussions (if they can be called such) with the elders never fail to make him feel like a much younger man again, still reeling from the whirlwind of his brother’s misbehavior and subsequent isolation and suddenly being handed the reins his brother had so carelessly tossed aside - all for the love of a woman who didn’t even love him in return.

He had never been prepared for Sect leadership. Qingheng-Jun had been, for his entire life, the golden child, the pride of the Lan, perfectly primed to take their father’s place when the time came. And he had. He had been allowed to grow into the position, the expectations. He had been carefully trained first at their father’s knee, and then at his side until the mantle of Sect Leader was comfortably and naturally passed from father to son when their father had been ready to retire. He had retreated from the world confident in the security of his sons, Qingheng-Jun bringing honor to the ancestors and to the Sect, and Lan Qiren doing his duty to support the Gusu Lan in whatever way he could with his average cultivation and unwavering loyalty.

He had never once been expected to lead the Sect, or to even provide heirs let alone raise them. No one had ever expected much of him at all, really – he was only the spare, the emergency plan, the lackluster younger brother who paled in comparison next to the radiance of Qingheng-Jun.

It had never truly bothered him until the day all eyes had suddenly turned to him and found him wanting, but unfortunately necessary.

He has spent every day since fighting to be respected, fighting to show that simply because he was unprepared that does not make him unfit for the responsibilities laid at his feet. He had done as much as he possibly could to learn what was needed without the elders’ help, as their guidance in those early days had visibly come with the cost of any burgeoning respect they may have for him, any potential hope at all in his capability.

He had barely begun to feel he had his feet under him when word had reached him that Madam Lan was pregnant. He supposes now, with a wry, dark sort of amusement, that his brother had at least performed one more useful function in his seclusion (even though it was clear evidence of his breaking it) and provided the Sect with the heirs that Lan Qiren very heartily did not wish to. Not only did the mechanics of such a thing make him feel like running to seclude himself from the rest of the world as well, but the idea of passing his unlucky reputation onto whatever children he could help produce had always made him equally ill at ease. At least Xichen and Wangji are free of the taint of his direct lineage, for surely any heirs of his blood would face the same sort of unfavorable scrutiny as he has himself. Xichen and Wangji, though they’re being raised by him, are already the darlings of the Sect for which he’s immensely grateful.

Though Xichen’s birth had been another addition to his responsibilities, it was one that Lan Qiren had welcomed in a way he never would have expected of himself prior to the precise moment Xichen - then a wide-eyed infant with a perfect little shell-pink pout and full cheeks - had been carefully placed in his arms. He had reached one chubby hand up as if to touch his face, Lan Qiren had leaned down to allow it, and in that moment he had promptly lost a piece of his heart to his first nephew – a piece he was more than happy to lose.

Despite Lan Qiren’s numerous shortcomings and failures in raising him, Xichen is already showing promising signs of growing up into an incredible man. He will lead the Sect well, of that Lan Qiren is certain, but he also knows that Lan Xichen will be kind and generous nearly to a fault, and he already cares deeply for every person he meets. He’s good, genuinely good, down to his core, and the Sect adores him, including the elders. Lan Qiren can only be grateful that he’s so far free of the stain of the previous generation.

When Wangji had followed after his brother five years later, Lan Qiren had been much more prepared to shoulder the burdens of parenthood and juggle them easily with the demands of Sect leadership, though no one but him seemed to believe that to be the case. The elders had watched him like a hawk for years after Wangji’s birth, waiting for him to slip, for the boys to show signs that he was anything less than attentive and dedicated to their improvement, or that he was so engrossed in their development that he was letting the Sect fail for their sakes.

He can recognize now with chagrin that the external pressure had led him to be stricter than he would have otherwise felt inclined to be with the boys. Xichen, with his gentle nature, shows fewer signs of this error. But Wangji, who is so like Lan Qiren in too many ways to count, has taken every stern word to heart and become such a serious little thing that Lan Qiren knows even Xichen sees enough of it to be worried on his brother’s behalf. Lan Qiren had worried when he fell silent following Madam Lan’s death that that would be the excuse the elders needed to take the boys away from him, but thankfully they only see it as a phase, a sign that he’s taking the rules to heart perhaps a little too much but an extreme that he will ultimately grow out of. Lan Qiren, who often wishes he had the luxury of keeping utterly to himself in such a way, is not as convinced that that will be so. He keeps this fear to himself for Wangji’s sake.

Either way, the boys are both praised at every turn for the credit they are to their Sect, and Lan Qiren is more grateful for their presence in his life than he will ever find the words to express. His own stain on the Lan legacy will be short lived in the grand scheme of their history, and his only hope is that Lan Xichen shines so bright in his adulthood that Lan Qiren’s failures will be forgiven him.

As the sun dips deeper in the west Lan Qiren takes note of the time almost without thought and turns his slow steps towards home again, aware that Wei Ying will wake soon and he should likely be there when he does. He doesn’t know yet what kind of child Wei Ying will prove himself to be when some of the rough edges of his experiences have been sanded away and his behavior corrected into proper paths, but he hopes that he too will live to outshine Lan Qiren as a final proof to the elders that bringing him into the Sect wasn’t a mistake. After so many years of fending for himself and being on his own Lan Qiren can’t help but think that Wei Ying deserves support, a family, a place to call home that is capable of being kind to him.

Lan Qiren may never in this life earn the support or affection of the Lan simply for the crime of being born second-best and forced to take the helm despite that, but by the gods he’s going to ensure that the children in his care will never have reason to doubt that they’re appreciated and loved here in their home.

#the untamed fanfic #wangxian #Lan Wangji #Wei Wuxian #Lan Xichen #Lan Qiren #This is the last LQR chapter! The rest of the fic (as far as I'm aware lol) will be from the kids' perspectives #I miss writing the babies' voices and I think I've done enough of explaining LQR's inner narrative to reasonably switch away from him now #and now that they're in Cloud Recesses it's time to see how the babies handle all the changes in their lives <3

[bloody-bee-tea]

A decision must be made

This belongs to The Lan-Jiang Family series I started somewhere back in December. This is the month long fight Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen talked about in other installments and it plays immediately after part one of that series. It’s basically 4.5k of angst.

Despite what Jiang Cheng said, dinner is a tense affair.

Lan Xichen doesn’t know if he’s allowed to relay all of the events that happened in the last two days, ever since Lan Qiren found Lan Jingyi on his porch, and Jiang Cheng tries his hardest to avoid asking questions about it.

Lan Xichen understands that it’s a difficult situation, but he foolishly hoped for more.

Instead, he knows he should count himself lucky that Jiang Cheng didn’t just leave him the moment he saw Lan Jingyi in his arms.

Dinner is more stilted than it has been in a very long time, and even Lan Jingyi can’t make up for it. He’s cheerful and loud and enthusiastic, like he has been the previous two dinners too, and he doesn’t seem to mind Jiang Cheng’s presence at all.

If only the reverse could be said for Jiang Cheng as well.

Lan Xichen sees him eye Lan Jingyi every now and then, and Lan Xichen always expects him to say something.

Jiang Cheng never does.

They talk about his work trip, and how their brother’s are doing, and stay carefully clear of the topic of Lan Jingyi.

Once Lan Jingyi is done with his dinner—eating and demolishing it—Lan Xichen picks him up from his stool.

“I have to lay him down,” he says, because he knows by now that Lan Jingyi will drop fast after he got some food.

Lan Xichen didn’t get a lot of sleep in the past two days, but he can always count on naps after food.

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng dismissively says, but he watches how Lan Xichen handles Lan Jingyi.

He doesn’t follow them into the bedroom.

Lan Xichen doesn’t take it to heart; Jiang Cheng has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to be involved in the parenting aspect of this, and Lan Xichen has to respect that.

No matter how much it hurts right now. There is still hope that Jiang Cheng will come fully around, and won’t just accept Lan Jingyi like an unwanted gift.

Lan Xichen struggles through putting Lan Jingyi to bed. They don’t have a set routine yet, and Lan Jingyi hates getting his face washed or his tiny teeth brushed, so it’s a rather loud affair. Once he’s in his pyjamas though his eyes start to drop and he clings adorably to Lan Xichen.

“Time to sleep, my little one,” Lan Xichen whispers to him as he brushes a kiss onto fuzzy soft hair and puts Lan Jingyi down in his bed.

Lan Jingyi makes grabby hands for his stuffed white tiger he always sleeps with and Lan Xichen hands it to him with a smile.

“Good night, A-Yi,” Lan Xichen says as he smoothes his hand over Lan Jingyi’s head one last time and Lan Jingyi blinks up at him before he snuggles down, tiger clutched to his chest.

“Sleep,” he mumbles right before he drifts off and Lan Xichen gently pulls the blanket up to his shoulders.

When Lan Xichen comes out of the bedroom, Jiang Cheng is gone.

~*~*~

Lan Xichen doesn’t know if he should contact Jiang Cheng or if he should let him come to him instead, but it’s been three days now and Lan Xichen is getting scared.

He starts drafting message after message on his phone, but ends up deleting all of them in the end. Lan Xichen doesn’t know what the right thing to do is here, and he has so much to say to Jiang Cheng that it can hardly fit into one text message.

In the end he settles on Will I see you today?

It’s not what he wants to write, not really, but he doubts Jiang Cheng would react well to him begging Jiang Cheng to come over.

Lan Xichen still isn’t sure if he lost that privilege or not. Right now, it doesn’t seem like Jiang Cheng is very interested in their relationship, no matter what he said on the evening he found out about Lan Jingyi.

Lan Xichen fears that now that Jiang Cheng had some time to think about it, he changed his mind.

He is startled out of his musings when his phone chimes, which upsets Lan Jingyi. Lan Xichen really has to remember to put his phone on silence.

Lan Xichen already found out that Lan Jingyi doesn’t deal well with surprising noises, and especially not with electronic ones, and it’s an oversight Lan Xichen itches to correct immediately, but he has to calm Lan Jingyi down first.

He carries him through the apartment, arms getting tired fast, because Lan Jingyi is already two after all and not a baby anymore, but Lan Xichen can’t help to peer at his phone every time he walks past it. He can’t see who the message is from, but hope and trepidation sit heavy in his gut.

Eventually Lan Jingyi calms down again, and Lan Xichen can put him down with his toys again but he still hesitates over picking up his phone.

What if it’s a no? What if it’s a never again? He doesn’t think he could bear it.

The uncertainty gets to him eventually and he reaches for the phone.

Not today, Jiang Cheng has written, and while that makes Lan Xichen’s heart sink to his feet, the second part lets him hope. Still not a break-up. I love you.

I love you, he quickly types back, tears of relief in his eyes, and it makes him more hopeful than Jiang Cheng’s words had three days ago. By now it had time to settle in. If he was still willing to stay with Lan Xichen, maybe he could trust this.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng comes by the next day, and it’s a relieve to fall into his arms and kiss him. Lan Xichen hadn’t realized just how much he missed this, missed Jiang Cheng, missed them.

Of course ‘them’ now includes Lan Jingyi, no matter what happens, but it doesn’t seem to matter too much. Jiang Cheng plays with him same as he would with Jin Ling if they were to visit him right now, and Lan Xichen can’t help the smile that plays around his mouth at seeing that.

It’s easy to imagine them as a family, Jiang Cheng a permanent fixture in Lan Xichen’s and Lan Jingyi’s life; a doting partner and—Lan Xichen can’t help the thought—a doting parent.

It’s too easy.

“Tell me again why Lan Qiren couldn’t have taken him,” Jiang Cheng says without pre-amble as he’s playing with Lan Jingyi, and Lan Xichen’s stomach drops out.

“I told you already,” Lan Xichen whispers, but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“But I don’t understand,” he gives back. “He raised you and your brother. Clearly he can’t be that bad.”

“Jiang Cheng, I moved out with eighteen. I signed the lease for a tiny two-bedroom apartment the moment I legally could, just to get Lan Wangji out of there,” Lan Xichen tells him, and it sits heavy with him, the knowledge that he never told anyone about this before.

That he has to do it in this context now.

“So you couldn’t stay with him. Tell me why,” Jiang Cheng says and looks up at Lan Xichen. “Help me understand why I come home to find you with a child instead of your uncle who he was entrusted to.”

Lan Xichen wants to argue that ‘entrusted’ is greatly exaggerated—Lan Jingyi was left on his porch after all—but he presses his lips together.

“Lan Qiren is—he’s strict,” Lan Xichen starts and he can see already that it’s the wrong start.

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow at him as if to ask ‘And why is that so bad?’

“We—we had school, and after school activities. No friends were allowed to come over, we were rarely allowed to visit friends at their homes, and there was no entertainment at home, besides music. Lan Qiren doesn’t believe in distractions from learning,” Lan Xichen slowly says and he looks away from Jiang Cheng.

“And yet you grew up to be upstanding people, with hobbies and friends.”

“He told us crying too loudly would upset the gods, and that laughing too loudly, and too happily would attract the devils, so they’d take us away,” Lan Xichen lowly says and looks down at his hands.

This would never be easy to talk about.

“When Wangji was five, and I smiled at him, he’d slap his hands over my mouth,” Lan Xichen goes on, still avoiding to even look in Jiang Cheng’s direction. “He was afraid the devils would take me away from him. It took me a year to make him understand that it wasn’t true. I didn’t see him smile until he was nine. I heard him laugh out loud for the first time when he was fifteen, one month into our life away from Lan Qiren. Do you really think this is an environment for Lan Jingyi?”

“But you made it,” Jiang Cheng insists and now Lan Xichen is getting angry.

“I had to explain phones to Wangji when he was fifteen. The first few times we watched TV together, he would sit next to me, so tense a touch could have broken him, because he thought he was doing something wrong. I didn’t have a favourite movie until I was eighteen. I barely knew music besides the classical pieces Lan Qiren had us play. The food at school made me sick because I didn’t know anything besides vegetarian, spiceless dishes. Yes, he raised us, and I will forever be grateful for the fact that he didn’t leave us in an orphanage, but it was hardly a loving time, and his place is certainly not what I’d call a home. I would have been grateful for a hug, or words of praise that went beyond my academical achievements.”

Lan Xichen takes a deep breath, but he doesn’t stop.

“There are no family pictures, beyond the giant painting in his living-room. No family jokes, no funny anecdotes. We had to sleep at nine, and rise by five and if we didn’t we were to copy rules he had stored away somewhere. If we were sick, we were allowed to stay home, but he would teach us. He didn’t believe in free time. If we had time to want things, clearly we didn’t have enough work.”

Lan Xichen picks up Lan Jingyi, to reassure himself that he’s still there, that he’s not with Lan Qiren, and his fingers itch to write Lan Wangji, to see if he is fine, even though Lan Xichen knows he is. Jiang Cheng is watching him, eyes heavy on Lan Xichen, and it makes Lan Xichen’s skin scrawl.

“I didn’t get us out of there with eighteen because I was rebellious or ungrateful. I watched how my brother was smothered under the rules our father figure made for us, and I wanted better for him. Wangji took it all so seriously, and it always broke something in him when Lan Qiren was disappointed with him. I don’t want that for Jingyi. I won’t allow it. Not when there is a better alternative.”

“Not even when it could mean I leave you?” Jiang Cheng seriously asks and Lan Xichen hides his face in Lan Jingyi’s hair.

Lan Jingyi pats his head curiously and he struggles around, a clear indication that he wants to be put down, but Lan Xichen can’t let go of him, not now.

“Not even then,” Lan Xichen rasps out, because it’s the truth.

No child should have to stay with Lan Qiren. Lan Xichen can get over a broken heart, no matter how much it might hurt. It’s harder to unlearn a lifetime of rules and disappointment, Lan Xichen knows that from experience.

He still sometimes catches Lan Wangji hiding his smile away. It’s too engrained in him, and it never fails to make Lan Xichen wonder if he acted too late. If he should have gotten them out sooner. If he shouldn’t have just taken Lan Wangji and run away.

“I see,” Jiang Cheng says as he gets up. “I think it would be best if I go home now,” he tacks on and Lan Xichen looks at him.

“Will you ever be able to forgive me for this?” Lan Xichen whispers and effectively halts Jiang Cheng’s steps.

“I don’t know yet,” he honestly says, and Lan Xichen can’t help the sob that breaks free.

“You said you could be my boyfriend,” Lan Xichen gets out, because he’s been clinging to those words for a week now.

I can’t be his father. But I can be his father’s boyfriend, is what Jiang Cheng has said and Lan Xichen has clutched those words close, repeating them to himself every day when Jiang Cheng wouldn’t come by.

He didn’t break up with him. He said he could do this.

“Was that a lie?” Lan Xichen asks, because he needs to know, he can’t go on like this.

“I don’t know,” comes the whispered response and then Jiang Cheng leaves the apartment.

Lan Xichen quickly puts Lan Jingyi on the ground, because he’s afraid he’s going to drop him with how numb he suddenly went.

Maybe mending a broken heart isn’t easier, after all.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji comes by two days later. Lan Xichen has turned his phone off, so he doesn’t have to see the lack of Jiang Cheng’s messages, so of course his brother would come looking for him sooner or later.

“Are you alright?” Lan Wangji wants to know, and Lan Xichen pointedly looks down at himself.

He’s still wearing his pyjamas, after noon, and there are spots all over the pants from where Lan Jingyi smeared his chocolate covered hands on them.

“No,” Lan Xichen still says and quickly turns away from Lan Wangji.

He’s tired of crying. He doesn’t want his brother to see him like this.

Luckily, Lan Jingyi is providing a perfect distraction, because he comes barrelling out of the living-room and crashes right into Lan Wangji’s legs, peering up at him expectantly.

He already learned that Lan Wangji can throw him up the highest, and he’s taking shameless advantage of that.

And Lan Wangji lets him.

Soon enough Lan Jingyi’s gleeful shrieks are echoing through the apartment and something in Lan Xichen’s chest unravels.

He’s making the right choice. He knows he is, no matter how much it might hurt to lose Jiang Cheng over this.

Eventually, even Lan Jingyi tires of being thrown in the air, and he hurries away to play with his puzzle shapes again. He’s clever, Lan Xichen can already tell, because he figures out which shape goes into which hole rather quickly, but then he still tries to push them through the wrong ones anyway.

So not only loud, but destructive, too, Lan Xichen thinks fondly, and he makes a mental note to get Lan Jingyi a new one, so he doesn’t get bored too soon.

“Brother,” Lan Wangji says and his tone alone almost chokes Lan Xichen up.

“What?” he snaps, and then scraps a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, Wangji.”

“You’re stressed.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen says with a humourless laugh. “You could say that.”

“Has Jiang Cheng not been around to help?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen works his jaw a few times.

“Jiang Cheng hasn’t been around all that much, actually,” Lan Xichen finally admits. “And I doubt he’d be willing to help.”

There’s a surprised silence, and Lan Xichen realizes that he has forgotten to tell Lan Wangji about Jiang Cheng’s stance on this adoption.

“He doesn’t approve of what you did?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

He’s not sure he can trust his voice.

“He would prefer Jingyi grew up with uncle?”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen whispers. “And he doesn’t want to understand why I won’t let that happen.”

“Is he—,” Lan Wangji hesitates here, and Lan Xichen braces himself for the question. “Is he going to break up with you?”

“I think so, yes,” Lan Xichen says around a sob and then he has to bury his face in his hands.

Lan Jingyi comes over, clearly concerned about the tears and he hugs Lan Xichen’s leg.

“I’m okay, A-Yi,” Lan Xichen says around his tears and he tries his best to swallow back more tears.

Lan Wangji takes Lan Jingyi and throws him up in the air one more time before he says, “Why don’t we get some snacks?”

“Yes!” Lan Jingyi gleefully shouts and he allows Lan Wangji to carry him into the kitchen.

It leaves Lan Xichen with nothing to do, and no reason to hold himself together, and so the tears stream freely again.

When Lan Wangji and Lan Jingyi come back, Lan Xichen is no longer crying, but he must still be quite a sight, because Lan Jingyi offers him some of his snacks too. Lan Xichen takes them but he rewards Lan Jingyi with kisses for every offered piece, too.

“I know you don’t like him that much,” Lan Xichen says when Lan Jingyi dozed off against his side. “But I love him. I love him, Wangji. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And I know he’s just a man, but. He’s my man, my heart, and I don’t know how to do this without him.”

“You’re doing a good job so far,” Lan Wangji says, and it’s not the right thing to say, very far from it, but Lan Wangji is trying and Lan Xichen appreciates the effort. “I’m sorry he isn’t around,” Lan Wangji eventually tacks on and Lan Xichen nods.

“So am I.”

~*~*~

Wei Wuxian is the next one to visit him.

Jiang Cheng has been over a few times during the last two weeks, but he never stays for long, and they always fight. Lan Xichen is sure that if Jiang Cheng could, he would burn Lan Jingyi’s adoption papers, just so Lan Xichen can’t say he is Lan Jingyi’s father and that he won’t give him away.

Still, Lan Xichen can’t help to hope that this time, this day, it might be different. That they will have a nice day, that ends with a kiss and snuggles on the couch, and that Jiang Cheng might even sleep over.

It never happens.

When Wei Wuxian comes by, Lan Xichen is a run-down mess. He has more sympathy for Wei Wuxian’s breakdown in his living-room now.

“He’s miserable,” Wei Wuxian starts with, and Lan Xichen snorts.

“That would make two of us,” he bitterly gives back. “I just don’t see how I can change that.”

It’s not a truth he likes to acknowledge.

“You could give Lan Jingyi up,” Wei Wuxian says and Lan Xichen glares at him.

“Like you gave up Sizhui when Lan Wangji was unsure if he wanted to co-parent a child?” he snaps back and Wei Wuxian flinches.

“Lan Zhan wasn’t against kids,” he mutters.

“And I didn’t go out looking for Lan Jingyi,” Lan Xichen gives back. “I didn’t go out there, trying to find a way to destroy my relationship to Jiang Cheng. But Jingyi deserves to grow up happier than Wangji and I did.”

“Will he, if you’ll forever be sad that you lost Jiang Cheng over him?” Wei Wuxian wants to know.

“Yes,” Lan Xichen hisses. “Because I will make sure he never knows about that and that he is nothing but loved.”

“If you could give him to another family that would love him, would you?” Wei Wuxian asks and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“Never.”

It isn’t even worth thinking about.

“If Lan Zhan and I would take him, and you could see him whenever you want. What then?”

It makes Lan Xichen pause, but in the end he shakes his head.

He couldn’t just give Lan Jingyi up.

“What if it would mean Jiang Cheng came back to you?” Wei Wuxian still asks and Lan Xichen’s breaths become shallow.

“What do you mean?”

“If you give Jingyi to us, and you can see him whenever you want, and Jiang Cheng would come back to you, would you do it?”

Lan Xichen blinks a few times, and his mouth twists with how much he hates himself for this but he says, “Maybe. May the gods help me, but maybe I would.”

“Okay,” Wei Wuxian says with a nod and he steps forward to pull Lan Xichen into a hug. “Okay, Xichen-ge.”

Lan Xichen clings to him, because he doesn’t know what else to do.

~*~*~

It’s been almost four weeks since Lan Xichen adopted Lan Jingyi, two days less since Jiang Cheng found out about it, and Lan Xichen can’t do this anymore.

Jiang Cheng feels more like a guest than anything else in his home, and by now Lan Xichen wishes he wouldn’t come by anymore.

He hates the distance between them, how careful he always has to tread around Jiang Cheng, how they don’t speak about the important things and do nothing but fight anymore, and Lan Xichen can’t continue like this.

Lan Jingyi deserves his full attention, and he can’t give that to him when half his mind is always busy trying to figure out if today is the day his shaky truce with Jiang Cheng breaks.

“Xichen?” Jiang Cheng asks, clearly not for the first time, and Lan Xichen drags his eyes over to him.

Jiang Cheng is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Lan Jingyi perched on his hip, and it’s everything Lan Xichen ever wanted.

“I can’t go on like this,” Lan Xichen finds himself saying and Jiang Cheng frowns at him.

“What?”

“With us,” Lan Xichen clarifies. “I can’t do this anymore. This uncertainty. The fights. The constant wondering if today is the day you have enough. I’m not strong enough for that.”

“What are you saying?” Jiang Cheng wants to know, and he puts Lan Jingyi down.

Lan Xichen is afraid that is the only answer he’ll need.

“I’m saying that either you are in, that you want this, me and Lan Jingyi, or that you’re going to leave. You can either be a part of this family, even as just my boyfriend, or I need you to go.”

“I have been your boyfriend,” Jiang Cheng says through clenched teeth and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“You haven’t. I don’t even remember the last time we kissed. The last time you told me you loved me was over the phone, three weeks ago. And I’m—I’m tired, Jiang Cheng. I need to know where we stand, because it can’t stay like this.”

There’s a long silence where Jiang Cheng just stares off into nothing, and then he nods.

“I see,” he says and goes to put on his shoes.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen whispers, because he hadn’t thought Jiang Cheng’s answer would come quite so quickly.

He thought they would at least fight one last time over this.

“I’ll see you later,” Jiang Cheng calls over his shoulder, leaving a completely heartbroken and stunned Lan Xichen in the living-room.

Lan Xichen only becomes aware that his hands are shaking, that he’s shaking all over, when Lan Jingyi reaches up to take his hand and tug him towards the play corner.

Lan Xichen follows him on auto-pilot, because he has to, his son takes precedence over his own shattering world, but he’s barely aware of what they are playing.

Lan Xichen keeps wondering why Jiang Cheng said they would see each other later, he keeps circling around that, because despite everything Lan Xichen still has some tiny grain of hope left; that Jiang Cheng will apologize, that he will come back, that they can get past this.

He knows it’s stupid, that they have both made very clear where they stood, and it’s on opposite sides, but Lan Xichen is an optimist at heart.

Even if it’s a crushed heart.

“Baba,” Lan Jingyi suddenly says as he puts his hands on Lan Xichen’s face, and Lan Xichen realizes with a start that he has been crying again.

“I’m sorry, A-Yi,” Lan Xichen presses out and tries to wipe the tears away, but they just won’t stop.

Lan Jingyi crawls into Lan Xichen’s lap to hug him, and Lan Xichen clings to his son.

It’s how they are still sitting when Lan Xichen hears the key turn in the lock. He lifts his head, wonders if maybe Jiang Cheng already told Wei Wuxian and now Lan Wangji wants to see how he is, but he is entirely unprepared to see Jiang Cheng step into the apartment.

“Wanyin?” Lan Xichen sobs out and Jiang Cheng takes one look at him before he rushes over to gather him into a hug.

“Xichen, no, I’m here, I’m here,” Jiang Cheng reassures him, peppering kisses all over Lan Xichen’s face, but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“You left. I gave you a choice and you left!”

“To get my things,” Jiang Cheng tells him and pulls him, and Lan Jingyi, into his lap. “I should have said, I’m so stupid, I’m sorry. I left to get my things.”

“What things?” Lan Xichen asks as Lan Jingyi squirms around to get away from them, and Jiang Cheng briefly lets go of them to allow Lan Jingyi to escape, which he happily does.

“My things. I’m moving in, Xichen. I’m in.”

It doesn’t make sense.

“What?”

“I want this, with you. A family, if you’ll still have me. I’m all in. I love you, and I know it’s unforgivable what I put you through, but if you still want me, then I’m in. To stay, to be your partner, to be a part of this.”

Lan Xichen sobs again at that, because it’s everything he longed to hear during the past four weeks and Jiang Cheng pulls him even closer. Lan Xichen clings with shaking hands to him, as he cries and cries, but Jiang Cheng is there through it all.

“I’m sorry, too,” Lan Xichen gets out eventually but Jiang Cheng shushes him.

“Don’t be,” he silences him. “You did the right thing. You did and I’m sorry that I made you think anything else. You were right to adopt Jingyi.”

“Please mean this,” Lan Xichen begs, because he couldn’t stand it if Jiang Cheng changed his mind again.

“I do,” he says, and his voice is strong and steady. “I mean it. I’m in. I love you and we’re going to make this work.”

“Okay,” Lan Xichen breathes out and slumps against Jiang Cheng.

“So, is me moving in okay? Because I kind of didn’t renew my lease and I would hate to have to move in with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji.”

It startles a laugh out of Lan Xichen and he turns around in Jiang Cheng’s lap, so he’s straddling his hips instead of being cradled and he pulls Jiang Cheng into a sweet kiss.

He has missed this so much.

“It definitely is more than okay,” Lan Xichen whispers against his lips and then hugs Jiang Cheng tight.

He almost lost this. He’s not about to let go of Jiang Cheng ever again.

#bt writes #xicheng #the untamed #mdzs #the lan-jiang family #angst #fighting #near break-ups #hurt/comfort

[ghafahey]

find a way ; make it right ; build us a better life. 

At Qiongqi Path, Lan Wangji makes a choice.

                                            __________________

A ripple goes through the cultivation world.

Words are shouted up and down Koi Tower. Voices tremble over words, gasping and full of red shades of rage.

Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian, the people spit his name like venom from their mouths.

Jiang Yanli knows they are wrong, they must be. A-Xian would never-

How cruel, how ungrateful, how dare he, Sect Leader Yao and Sect Leader Ouyang and Jin Zixun roar and turn their eyes to everyone else, trying to incite the same hatred.

Some nod, some join into the chorus of insults. Only a few avert their gaze, unsure and wondering and recalling moments they brushed aside until now.

Oh, brother what have you done, Lan Xichen thinks.

                                             __________________

Rain pours down, biting-cold and glistening like small drops of diamonds.

“Is this the promise that we pledged our lives to keep?” Wei Wuxian cries into the storm with such force, Lan Wangji feels it like a shove to his chest. He does not stagger but clutches tighter at the umbrella, at Bichen, at the feelings swirling in his chest.

Far away at the entrance to Cloud Recesses, on a wall and carved into stone in perfect calligraphy, withstanding all time, three thousand rules are displayed. Lan Wangji doesn’t remember seeing them for the first time when he was still a child with little knowledge of the world. But he remembers learning them all, repeating them out loud and in his thoughts, writing them down until his fingers hurt and shufu deemed them perfect. Over and over like the endless dance of night and day, until he knew every single one and their number. They are a reminder as much as a grounding force, a guidance as much as a cage.

Do not fight without permission. Do not wander out at night. Do not run. Do not make noise. Do not be wasteful. Do not speak ill of others. Do not act impulsively.

They are as much a part of him as his arms and legs, laced into his very bones and a consistent, insistent whisper of what is right and wrong.

But what is, Wei Ying had asked. And who says so?

Lan Wangji used to hold the answer, all the answers, he thought. Now, his hands cold from rain or fear, he is not so sure.

Eighteen years and three thousand rules and all of it undone so quickly, so thoroughly, by one person alone.

Rule 2311. Do not break promises, his mind whispers now, tugging at the memory the nighttime questions have conjured.

Then what promise am I to uphold? He wants to yell at the sky. What promise am I meant to break? The one I was born into, molded into from the day I opened my eyes by hands that dealt out more punishments than tenderness? Or the one I made, a young fool not quite aware yet of all the terrors of this world, with someone by my side who insistently clawed his way inside my heart?

In front of him, separated by a curtain of rain and unaware of his inner turmoil, Wei Wuxian raises his hand, his arm outstretched and holding out Chenqing like an offering, like a barrier, like a question.

“Lan Zhan, if I have to fight with them finally, I’d prefer to fight with you.”

Stop, Lan Wangji wants to say but the word is stuck at the back of his throat.

“If I am doomed to death,” and here Wei Wuxian smiles, sadly but visible in the corners of his mouth, as if his death is such a trivial thing. “At least, I could be killed by you. That would be worth it.”

What a ridiculous thing to say within the midst of the storm. What a ridiculous thing to ask of the one you consider your soul’s mate.

There is a breath stuck in Lan Wangji’s chest, lodged beneath his ribcage, raging to be let out and make the choice expected of him. Step aside, let them pass. Or better yet, for the good of all the sects and their leaders, raise the sword and strike.

Eradicate evil, set up laws and then goodness will be everlasting.

Yet beneath the stream of rain Lan Wangji is nothing but a leaf tossed to the wind, free of rules and expectations and guilt.

There is a path, splendorous and bright and there for the taking, ripe with glory, filled with a future he thought he wanted. But maybe, after all, it was the expectations of others that made him think so. And then there is the darker route, the one that speaks of exertion and an endless climb, the one people will curse him for and frown and spit at; the one that he would not have to walk in lifelong solitude, the road one unafraid person will lead him on.

What an impossible choice to make at such an age, in such a moment with thunder roaring and rain pouring down and eyes on him that beg for something he cannot give.

The breath inside his chest releases, dead and trampled.

“You said, you took me as your soulmate in this life, the one who understands you,” Lan Wangji says, barely audible above the storm. But something, as lightning flashes, lights up in Wei Wuxian’s eyes too, understanding dawning. It is only because Lan Wangji’s gaze is so fixed on him that he sees his lips tremble.

I still do.

Lan Wangji takes a step, then another, slow and deliberate and calculated. One of the horses huffs, soothed by the hum of one Wen Clan survivor. Lan Wangji remembers their faces distantly, some of them at least, from Dafan mountain. He will have time to learn them anew now.

Wei Wuxian lowers his arm, the hand clenched around Chenqing trembling, his eyes wide as moons.

“Lan Zhan,” he whispers – or maybe he doesn’t say anything at all.

Lan Wangji swallows and stares up at him and tries to put all of the sincerity he holds within the cage of his body into his words. “I still am.”

Lightning crackles, illuminating for just a second, the surprise on Wei Wuxian’s features, carved into them like rules into stone. His throat works against a reply that never comes. There is no need for one.

There is no order without rules, Lan Qiren had said.

Eradicate evil, set up laws and then goodness will be everlasting, he had made Lan Wangji read and memorize and write and repeat.

What is the 52nd rule of the Lan Clan? he had asked again and again.

Do not associate with evil, Lan Wangji had replied dutifully every time.

But within the darkness of night, beneath showers of rain, he sees no evil. Only a man trying to save the innocent, only a promise that ties them together and an understanding that binds their souls to one another irrevocably.

The umbrella meets the ground with a thud, dull and swallowed by another crack of the sky. With a lift of his feet, more elegantly than should be possible with the shock of ice-cold rain soaking his clothes and skin and hair, Lan Wangji sits upon the horse behind Wei Wuxian.

It protests with a huff, lifting his forelegs slightly and shakes as if it wants to throw them both off. A gentle hand soothes through its dark mane, breathing a whisper to make it settle down again. Like this, it barely fits them both, pressed so closely together they can feel each other’s body heat, the wetness of the other’s clothes. The rim of Wei Wuxian’s hat brushes Lan Wangji’s hairline as he twists around as much as the limited space allows, his eyes flitting over Lan Wangji’s face as if to memorize each pore.

“Lan Zhan…. Lan Zhan, no. They despise me already but you—... your Clan, your uncle, your reputation…”

He keeps uttering words without sense as if he wants Lan Wangji to change his mind, turn around and leave or take the offer of a fight and end it all right here in the wet dirt of this earth. Words that prick at Lan Wangji’s heart with guilt – although he knows it would be tenfold if he turned around now to lead the easy life that is waiting for him just beyond this path, just beyond the crossroad intersecting their lives.

So, he reaches out to where Wei Wuxian’s hand rests on the horse’s mane and lets his fingers slip in between the spaces.

“Wei Ying,” Wei Wuxian tenses, at the touch or the sound of his name, brushed right below his ear but he does not turn away.

“We made a promise,” Lan Wangji says, so easily as if this is all the explanation anyone would need. “And you promised you would let me help you. So, let us fulfill them side by side.”

                                            __________________

The umbrella is what they bring back to Koi Tower, wet with rain and caked with mud and half-broken.

Wei Wuxian, how cruel, killing all those innocent people!

Wei Wuxian, traitor of the Jiang Clan! How low he must stoop to rescue the people that killed Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan! How little respect he must have for Clan Leader Jiang!

Wei Wuxian, how dare he! Choosing the crooked path and running from the law and kidnapping Hanguang-Jun, who only tried to do right and stop him!

An act of rebellion, an act of war!

Voices rise across Koi Tower, spreading farther to cities and towns and villages, words laced with the slow poison of tarnishing a reputation already crumbling.

Lan Qiren collapses in his chair, blood dripping from his nose.

Jin Guangshan huffs and adds a few well-placed words, oil to an already simmering fire.

Jiang Cheng grinds his teeth and balls his hands into fists until his knuckles crack.

Lan Xichen meets Jiang Yanli’s eyes and sees the same prayer written in them, the plea to some deity above to protect a younger brother on his path.

Jin Guangyao offers calming words and expressions of concern, then smiles into his sleeve.

Leagues away, the Burial Mounds bloom into a home.

#wangxian #the untamed #otp: in this world somebody still trusts you. #my writing #anyway this is from last night and i never posted here.... mhh.....

[bloody-bee-tea]

For the writing meme: Before the Beginning or POV, whichever one works best for you!

You know what, have the rest of that one Inktober Xicheng fic from Lan Xichen’s POV, because why not, right? Still, the same warnings about abusive parents, even though Madame Yu doesn’t make an appearance in this part. This one is over 1.2k, so there’s a read more.

[First part]

Lan Xichentakes in Jiang Cheng’s pale face and his still shaking hands and decides thatit’s probably better if he carries them both on his sword. He didn’t rescueJiang Cheng from the wrath and abuse of his mother only for him to fall fromhis sword because he was too shaken up to fly on it.

Lan Xichenhad hoped to get them to the Cloud Recesses that night, but carrying two peopleon one sword is more exhausting than Lan Xichen thought and he thinks thatmaybe Jiang Cheng needs a night of rest before he is confronted with hisworried brother and Lan Xichen’s family.

Before theyhave to explain what happened.

So hebrings them down, and reaches out for Jiang Cheng as soon as they are bothsecure on the ground.

“How is yourback?” he wants to know, ready to turn Jiang Cheng around and check the damagefor himself, when Jiang Cheng takes a step back and Lan Xichen’s stomach dropsin worry.

“I have togo back,” Jiang Cheng says and Lan Xichen wonders if he’s even aware that hisvoice shakes.

Lan Xichenfrowns at him, because back in Lotus Pier he had agreed to come.

“Do youwant to go back?” Lan Xichen carefully asks and is relieved when Jiang Chengshakes his head.

Lan Xichenwants to cry, because Jiang Cheng has always been way too good and honorablefor his own good. He wants to go back to protect Lan Xichen and Gusu Lan, wantsto protect them from Madame Yu’s wrath, by taking it on himself, Lan Xichenunderstands that, but it’s unnecessary and Lan Xichen won’t allow it.

Gusu Lancan hold their own, and Madame Yu can throw a fit all she wants, they will nothand Jiang Cheng back to her. Lan Xichen would rather abandon his clan andtravel the world with Jiang Cheng as rogue cultivators than to ever letthat happen.

“Then don’t,” Lan Xichen tells Jiang Cheng. “Come with me. We will protect you,”Lan Xichen promises, because they will.

Jiang Cheng’seyes lose focus for a moment and Lan Xichen wonders where he went, but beforehe can ask, before he can get really concerned, Jiang Cheng swallows.

“The rules,”he starts but Lan Xichen doesn’t even let him finish.

“Don’tworry about them,” he tells him, surprised that this is where Jiang Cheng’smind went to when Jiang Cheng goes on.

“How can Inot? I know them, Lan Xichen. I’m not a good fit for the sect.”

Lan Xichenbriefly closes his eyes, allows himself one more second of absolute and unadulteratedhate for Madame Yu, before he pushes it all away again.

He wants totell Jiang Cheng how perfect he will be for the sect, how he hasn’t broken evenone rule of them yet, no matter if he stayed in the Cloud Recesses to learn orcame to visit, but he’s not sure Jiang Cheng will listen to him yet.

“If WeiWuxian can live in the Cloud Recesses then so can you,” he gently tells JiangCheng instead and his heart almost breaks at the hopeful look on Jiang Cheng’sface.

“My brother—iswith you?” he wants to know, and his voice shakes again, his fingers twitchingseemingly with the need to reach out.

If JiangCheng has missed Wei Wuxian even half as much as Wei Wuxian has missed hisbrother, it’s a wonder he doesn’t immediately demand they leave right now.

“For a fewweeks now,” Lan Xichen gives back.

“And LanQiren allows it?” Jiang Cheng asks, and Lan Xichen appreciates the efforts hemakes to joke about this, because he can tell Jiang Cheng really doesn’t feellike joking right now.

“He mightnot be the biggest fan of Wei Wuxian but even he knows better than to beagainst Wangji’s cultivation partner,” Lan Xichen replies, and carefully leavesout just what a fight it had been for Wangji and Wei Wuxian to get Lan Qiren’sacceptance.

Lan Xichenwill not allow his uncle to disregard Jiang Cheng in the same manner.

“Oh,” JiangCheng breathes out and Lan Xichen watches in horror as his face crumbles in onhimself, how he hunches his shoulders in, makes himself smaller and withdrawscompletely. “He didn’t mention that in the letters he sent to my father.”

Lan Xichencan instantly tell that it’s not the lack of information but the letter to hisfather that upsets Jiang Cheng and he smiles sadly at him.

“He didn’twant to get you into trouble,” he gently says and curses himself.

Wei Wuxianhad said that to him, before, when Lan Xichen had asked if he should bringJiang Cheng a letter before he traveled to Lotus Pier, and while it had seemedstrange to him, he hadn’t questioned it further.

He shouldhave. He really should have listened to Wei Wuxian. He should have come forJiang Cheng earlier.

“I’m sorryyou had to see that,” Jiang Cheng mutters and pulls his robes tighter aroundhimself when he shivers.

Lan Xichen almostwants to ask what he is sorry for, when it clicks for him. Jiang Cheng isashamed that Lan Xichen saw him in that position.

Lan Xichenwants to do a lot of things—hug him, press a lingering kiss to his temple, go backto fight Madame Yu—but all he does is take off his own cloak to cover JiangCheng with it.

“I’m justglad I was there in time,” he gives back, even though he hadn’t been, notreally, because Jiang Cheng had still gotten hurt, but Lan Xichen doesn’t allowhimself to dwell on that now.

Jiang Chengclutches at the cloak, pulls it tighter around him, and buries his face in thefolds of it.

“I don’tknow what to do now,” he lowly admits, more to the cloak than to Lan Xichen,and Lan Xichen’s heart breaks at how lost Jiang Cheng sounds.

“You’regoing to come home with me,” Lan Xichen tells him determinedly. “And then you’regoing to stay.”

Jiang Chengturns hopeful eyes on Lan Xichen, but he can still see the hesitation in him.

“But forhow long?” Jiang Cheng asks, voice small and scared and Lan Xichen wonders what’sgoing through his mind right now.

Does hereally think Lan Xichen will send him away again, eventually, that he will growtired of him and throw him out? It’s not a thought Lan Xichen likes, and he’sdetermined to show Jiang Cheng that there is nothing wrong with him, that he’s loved and adored and welcomedby so many people.

It willtake time, Lan Xichen guesses.

“For aslong as you want,” Lan Xichen tells him, and reaches out to gently cup JiangCheng’s cheek in his hand, forces himself to stop there instead of pulling him closeand kissing him, like Lan Xichen had wanted to for a long time now.

Jiang Chengmelts into his hand, turns his cheek into the palm of Lan Xichen’s hand and helets out a soft sigh.

“Okay.”

[No excuses writing meme]

#bt answers #antiquecompass #bt writes #xicheng #the untamed #abusive parents #hurt/comfort #angst #lxc continues to be the very best