#i used to post fanfic ideas on my old tumblr and i should continue doing so here

[druidonity2]

Wranduin oneshot where Anduin grew up taking old stories of beheaded kings to heart and being deathly afraid of anyone or anything touching his neck. He hides his neck with clothes, bandages, and accessories, and flinches anytime anyone gets too close. At this point his neck is more sacred to him then any other part of his body, and is the one place Wrathion would never dare dream of being allowed to touch.

That is till one night Anduin gently and carefully takes Wrathion's bare hands into his own hands, and guides them to his own bare neck, and lets him.

#i used to post fanfic ideas on my old tumblr and i should continue doing so here #look a king so deeply and utterly terrified of being beheaded so much it plagued him as nightmares all his life #deciding that he trusts someone so fully that he would allow them not just to see or touch his neck but to hold him or kiss him there too #not immediatly but you know work up the courage over time #biting down the fear and anxiety that threatens to spill out each time it happens because he wants this #The curse that is having a million fanfic ideas but no motivation to write them. #If you want to write this you can just credit me for the initial idea plz #anduin wrynn #wrathion #wranduin #fic ideas

[wavesmp3]

some of my fave rbs or asks or comments ive received... thank you all :) - no need for anyone to respond or anything to this, just really wanted to put this together more for myself - i doubt most of your remember these but i do heh [more under the cut, and perhaps lil notes too depending on the comment]

the first three!! major huge moments for me. from sha (@dinoshaur) one of the first comments i received on a work that wasn't fanfic exactly. meant the world to me then, and still does now. | from @redevenir the very very first comment (i believe) i ever ever received on the sea is yours to take,, it's been nearly 4 years since i first posted that piece and people still somehow find it, and it all started with that rb | and from choco ! @chocosvt one of the very first comments/rbs i got when i started properly writing on tumblr in 2020, this got the ball rolling on what became (and still is) such a dear passion/hobby of mine (also also can you believe i still use the mlist banner that choco oh so kindly made for me ages ago LOL its beautiful, i'll never get rid of it as long as this blog exists

and moment of silence for my old url :0

the first one... when another line of mine is quoted in another piece of mine's comments... head in hands forever. 2/3 of these were left by @gracefulweather (one for sure is, and i think the uquiz comment was also left by them but not sure) but thank you either way sherri!! | the second sc tbh i don't remember who left it but it was on tsiytt and it made me feel like i achieved something in crafting that world. although i may never revisit that world in writing, i revisit it often in my mind.

flower anon your comments meant so much to me, i hope youre still out there somewhere doing well :) | and to the other anon that left the second one, i was speechless and honored to reach that ask

@hhjs amal's comments have always made me feel like im doing something otherworldly which isn't true at all but i will forever love rereading their tags. also just amal's mind in general, i wanna pick your brain forever

n! i already made an emo missing n post but here are some comments from them lol. and the last one!!! me and water <3333 when people starting associating me with water/ocean/sea/waves too <333333

@heavenlyhaechan zahra!!! there were so many ones i could have put here but this one seemed to sum it all up. you get me :p if you see this, i hope you've been well :))

@dapingu the first and third one are just ones that make me giggle still LOL and then the second one is one that i hold so so close to me cause i had absolutely no idea if anyone would read that piece but then you did ! and you left this comment even after the fact too! i was so touched. i feel like i should personally apologize for making no moves to continue the series (and probably also for deactivating the gifts and sins blog) BUT thank you nonetheless. and as a added bonus you never failed to make me laugh so thank you also for that

@thepixelelf ursa!!!! the first one is horribly cut off but is prob one of my fave notes you ever left on a fic of mine (battling also with that one sunwoo recovery files style inspired drabble) and then ofc i couldn't not mention the 'boo you whore' comment :D also so glad to have you on this site still and to have your friendship and to look at bees and bears and think of you :) you mean the world to me

@kabira manx i think the fact that there are so many screenshots here speaks for itself like... i just simply could not bring myself to pick one !!! i am so lucky to have found you on here. i think in a way you helped me find out what i was good at and what i liked about my own writing before i even figured it out myself <3

@sagescaffeinemania the first one made me laugh and the second one makes me emo. feels like a declaration of love in way but i don't mean that in a weird way LOL i think your support on oasis singlehandedly introduced so many others to that piece, how can i ever thank you for that? and i apologize if i haven't even attempted a thank you yet

@cuppasunu KYU your bulleted comments on my silly long fics always meant so much to me ,, i know its been a very very long time but i hope you've been well

@blossom-hwa lina! best for last some might say. i mean you must know how much that oasis rb meant to me right? because it means the world. i think you calmed every doubt i had about that piece and lifted even higher everything i loved about it too. and the first sc esp, i couldn't have said it all better myself. that scene felt like i risk when i was writing it and im so glad it played out the way i was hoping it to and not the dreadful other way lol | and as for the second screenshot. really i think i love that comment because of how you wrote it more than what you said about the piece if that makes sense. one can tell from that little paragraph alone what a writer(!) you are. i love rereading that comment but i think i mainly just love reading your writing lol (dont think im not making my way through worn out soles)

#i hope this is okay! #pls lemme know if not ! and i can def remove or delete whatever #also also if i got any pronouns or names wrong #ik its been a while since ive interacted with most of u and things might've changed #i hope all the writers on here know that if youre here it means i also love your writing!!! #i havent been on here like i used to but i appreciate all of you

[subbe93]

Yukiko/Yusaku: Our Greatest Masterpiece

A/N: Okay, you know what? I give up! I have saved this one-shot like two years or something just to post it on Kudo Day, but like every other year before, I missed it again D: So I decided to give up and just post it. If I didn’t remember it this year, I have no idea how I would do it next either.

But a little backstory, because I love to share those. In the winter of 2020, I participated in the Finnish fanfic -server in a challenge named Fluff10, in which the idea was to write ten fluff fics. At first, I wanted to use only ShinRan, but then I decided to participate generally with Detective Conan since there are so many pairings I like. Well, it didn’t go very well: I got four of them written, and only one of those I published. To be honest, I have no idea what happened. But when I started to share my fics on Tumblr, I thought that I shouldn’t let them go in vain, so I decided that maybe with time, I should translate them and share them with you! Though this one has been ready for a long time, I have just waited until Kudo Day ^^’

But yeah, this is the third of those four fics that I wrote in Finnish for that challenge. The first one was Eternal Flame and the second one was Can I have this Dance. But even though this isn’t ShinRan, I hope you like this ❤

Our greatest Masterpiece

Summer started to move beside and fall slowly took over parks in Tokyo. Leaves and bushes lose their green colors and change into yellow, orange, or red ones. The wind started to be a little bit colder, but somehow it felt refreshing. And yet, the afternoon sun made the scenery very bright and beautiful. Looking at how leaves one by one lose their grips from the branches and make them hover around… It somehow looked beautiful, even romantic.

Under the big-brimmed hat, the woman admired the scenery through her sunglasses. On her red lips rested a dreamy smile. The view became more and more romantic when she observed those young couples who walked through the park hand in hand, parents in each other’s arms looking after their little children, and those older ones who had seen many things during their lives, just sitting there peacefully side by side, enjoying the day and each other warmth.

Maybe someday she and…

She felt how the baby stroller moved a little bit. Her eyes moved to look into the stroller where a little, well-dressed five months old boy moved a little bit before continuing his peaceful sleeping. That loving smile that had lost for a moment, came back on her lips when she observed her beautiful little offspring. Yukiko was actually a little surprised that her curious son had been patient enough to close his eyes to take a little daydream. Shinichi has a very calm nature, but curiosity? He got more than enough. Seeing the sky or his parents’ faces wasn’t enough anymore. At home, everything, that Shinichi couldn’t get close enough, interested him very much. He had already learned to turn from back to stomach and back and was dangerously fast learning how to crawl. Yukiko was already worried about what would happen when that boy learned to move on his own.

Yukiko bent a little to stroke the boy’s cheek with her fingers. She needed all her willpower so she wouldn’t take that sleeping child into her arms just that she could press his cheek against hers and yell to the world how little and cute and beautiful her little one was! Oh, she was so proud of her son! She wanted so much to stop everyone she met only to show them her little Shin-chan! She wanted too much to take him into her arms, squeeze him into a gentle hug, drown him in kisses, and babble about how loved he was.

But she didn’t dare to do it. The boy had finally closed his eyes and fallen asleep, and that was an achievement in itself. Instead of sleeping, Shinichi was much more interested to examine and learn about the world around him. He wanted to touch and taste everything that he saw and could grab with his little fingers. Whatever his parents were doing, those bright blue eyes were glued to them. He wanted to see, wanted to know, and if they didn’t show him, he let out a scream only to get their attention, to make them show him what they were doing or what they were holding.

“Ah, you have got Shinichi to sleep?”

Yukiko took away her hand before ripping her eyes away from the boy. She turned to look at the young, dark-haired man who walked closer to her in his long, light brown jacket. Both of his hands were in his pockets, and on his armpit was some kind of book, whose name Yukiko couldn’t see. She met his dark eyes and felt so happy that her husband was finally back.

“Yu-chan!” she shouted shrilly, maybe more loud than she meant to. Fast she covered her mouth with a hand and glanced at the boy, but Shinichi seemed still sleeping without caring about a loud sound. With relief, she let her hand drop and turned back to look at her husband. “What took you so long?” she asked and decided to roast him a little bit. “I started to believe that you had abandoned me already!”

A man let out a soft laugh. He took his left arm away from the pocket and wrapped it around Yukiko, making her come a little closer. Yukiko leaned against him, feeling how Yusaku’s hand went to rest on her waist. “Why would I abandon my beautiful wife and little son?”

Yukiko felt a blush on her cheeks but decided to still be a little offended. “How do I know if some unlucky young, beautiful girl has taken you with her.”

Yusaku let out a laugh, making Yukiko look at him. “But how is that possible?” he asked with a smile and dark eyes met her. “I already got Japanese youngest and the most beautiful wife.” Yukiko felt her cheeks burning more when the man came a little closer his eyes twinkling. “No one can’t beat you.”

His lips touched Yukiko’s reddish cheek. Yukiko smiled. She turned her face a little bit, enough that she could press her lips against Yusaku’s and exchange a loving kiss. She grabbed the back of his jacket, ensuring he couldn’t leave – like he was even doing that.

Then they moved away from the kiss and pressed their foreheads against each other. Yukiko opened her eyes, looking straight into those familiar, dark ones. She wouldn’t ever get tired of looking at them…

“You know I love you?”

She felt how her heart made a somersault. She let go of his jacket and raised her hand to touch his cheek to stroke it. “Love you too”, she answered gently before leaning a little closer to steal one kiss, then another…

A little sound from the baby made them move away from each other. Both of them looked in the baby stroller where their little offspring made sounds at the same time while he was moving. For a while, he looked like searching for a better position to be before stopping and calming down. Both parents waited for a while, but when the boy didn’t open his eyes, Yusaku moved a little bit away from his wife.

“We should probably continue our walk”, he said, taking that book from his right armpit. Yukiko tried to see the name of it while Yusaku looked at the clock on his left wrist. “I have a feeling that Shinichi is going to wake up soon and be hungry.”

“Probably”, Yukiko answered and observed how Yusaku put the book into the stroller beside Shinichi’s little feet. For fast she could see the name of the book and the author before Shinichi moved his feet and hid part of it. “Is that your new book?” she asked and turned to look at her husband who was looking at their son with a soft expression. “I didn’t know they were printing it already!”

“That was only a specimen”, he answered a little absently before he straightened himself and looked at his wife with a smile. “However, they said it would be ready to be sold after two weeks.”

Yukiko’s smile widened. “That’s wonderful, Yu-chan!” she chirped happily and pressed a new kiss on his cheek. “It’s going to be your greatest masterpiece!”

“No, it won’t”, Yusaku answered, making Yukiko’s smile disappear. Yet, the man smiled and pressed a kiss on her lips before turning to look at their son. “Mine… No, our greatest masterpiece exists already.”

Yukiko stared at him for a moment before following his gaze to the baby stroller. For a moment she stared at sleeping Shinichi before she started to smile gently, feeling love, happiness, and pride. Then she let out a laugh and pressed closer into Yusaku’s arms. “You’re right”, she agreed. “He definitely is.”

#Detective Conan #Yusaku/Yukiko #Yusaku Kudo #Yukiko Kudo #Shinichi Kudo #Fanfiction #Fluff #Romance #I don't know #I'm so bad with tags xD

[10holmes]

Thanks for the fanfic ask game qs, now it's your turn! :D

I hope these aren't too many qs, but I'd love to know your thoughts:

C, K, M, S, T, V, Y

Thank you :)

Yay! Thanks so much for asking! So excited to answer these questions 😍🙏🏼🎉

The full (very long - sorry!) answer to be found below the cut! 😁

C: What character do you identify with most?

Oooh that's a tricky question... I think I can't boil it down to just one character but a blend of characters? I think the characters I tend to stan and ship are a good indicator bc I usually fixate most on ships and characters that somehow speak to me or that I relate to.

For example with XueXiao, I really identify with Xiao Xingchen in the way that he is kind and helpful to others and follows this ideal of wanting to make the world a better place and leaving the mountain for that, aka a place he could stay placid and content in, to instead do something about the injustices he knows about in the "real world", even if that means facing hardships and pain and struggles.

As for Xue Yang, I really relate to him and see him as my deepest darkest side if I could throw my morality over board. I am someone who whole-heartedly proclaims "eat the rich" and means it, so if I was any more like Xue Yang in the way not to give a fuck, I'd also just kill the people that hurt me or others and go unhinged... 😅🙈 Slight difference between us being I would not kill indiscriminately and for the fun of it or for the slightest offense but really only target corrupt rich people and super capitalists and fascists that have it coming for them 🤭

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

I really don't want to spoil anything, but it has to do with an alternative chapter / ending I came up with for my LiuJiu A/B/O fic. I love happy endings as much as the next fanfic reader but sometimes I just want to make myself and others hurt. And this one will hopefully make my readers scream.

Also there's a XueXiao reincarnation fic WIP I can't wait to post. It's nearly finished and I wrote it while listening to Tom Odell's "Another Love" on repeat - which should give you enough of a vibe to imagine the angst level of this fic. I'll just say this much: unrequited love 🤭👍🏼

Sorry I can't be more specific but I really don't want to spoil anything more😅🙈

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd like to share?

Maybe it's because I'm too young to know that phrasing or maybe it's a native speaker thing but I had to google what this meant first and hope Google got it right 😅🤣

My WIP file is massive... To give you a glimpse: Next to the ones mentioned above I've also started:

- an angsty post-canon Beefleaf fic, where SQX is haunted by a hanging ghost and made to kill herself but HX intervenes and they start their journey of reconciling, don't know if I'll ever finish it...

- a VegasPete vampire / vampire hunter AU based on a Tumblr prompt and gif-set post but I'll very likely never continue that...

- a LiuJiu AU where SJ is present during the events of SVSSS and LQQ knows SY is an imposter and now tries to bring back SJ into his former body. This has angst and hurt written into every line. Sadly it's merely all in my head...

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Enemies to Lovers always hits! It's my jam!

Also the angstier the merrier! Hit me with the feels, the pain, the hurt, the agony! Doesn't even have to have a happy ending, I'm a sucker for being emotionally destroyed and also emotionally destroying my readers (though I tend to give them a happy ending at least) 😈🤣👍🏼

And, like you, omegaverse is my guilty pleasure - the smuttier the better 😏

And speaking of guilty pleasures I also have to say monster-fuck AUs are on the menu as well... There have been some really good SongXueXiao ones, I've read. Didn't know that was something I'd ever be into - my 14 year old self would probably be appalled. But here we are 🤣🤣

Soulmate and Fated Pair AUs are something I like to dig into as well.

And I'm also really into mermaid AUs. Especially when one is human and the fic gives off The Little Mermaid vibes.

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

I don't know why but any modern day AUs especially High School AUs... I just can't read it. The most I will do is mob boss / mafia or reincarnation where they slowly uncover their past, but if canon events are set in modern times/contexts I don't really like it for some reason 😅

But I'm actually quite open to a lot of fics and it's mostly not the tropes I can't stand but characterisation or writing style 😅🙈

V: If you could write the sequel/prequel to any fanfic out there (not you own) which would it be?

Bruh... What a difficult question... I haven't ever thought about writing continuations or pre-quels for existing fic as I love them the way they are and mostly just in between imagine possible canon-divergences if the characters had made different choices...

But I guess, from the top of my head, I'd like to write a sequel to "Mark of Jasmine" to give LiuJiu an alternative or reincarnation happy ending because they've really been played in that one... 🙈😅

Y: A character you want to protect?

So many. All my little blorbos and meow meows. On the top of that list - obviously - Xue Yang. But I'd also step in front of my best bois Loki and Shen Jiu to shield them. They deserve so much better 💕😭

Now thanks again for the ask and for reading this long-ass reply, it was my pleasure 🤣

#fic ask game #interesting questions #thanks for the ask #10holmes musings

[thxrnking]

What brought me here...

In my previous fandom before this I had a vast ongoing fanfic project (think 200,000+ words) that used to have me writing a little bit everyday but after some time, friends found other things they wanted to read and talk about. One friend accused me of trying to manipulate people and this caused me to overthink everything I said afterward as I didn't want to manipulate my friends, and eventually everyone stopped posting in the discord I made and stopped talking to me.

I tried to keep writing but over the course of a year, I got 5 responses, 2 were positive, the other 3 were people asking to be removed from the tag list because they were no longer part of the fandom or because their ex introduced them to my stories and their breakup had gone bad and they wanted nothing more to do with my works.

For nearly two years I limped along trying to keep it going, trying to diversify my writing, creating new projects just desperate to feel the joy it used to give me. Nothing was working.

When I found this fandom (Just Dance) I was scared; terrified to even interact with anyone. What if the same thing happened again? I lurked for a good few weeks, reading and watching people in the fandom before I finally realised I actually wanted to write for it. So I made a new blog, a new AO3 and I wrote. I watched others talk and interact and let's just say being a part of the fandom (even if I was mostly on the fringes of it) made me feel so good about not only myself but the things I'd lost the drive for.

Friends. Fandom. Writing. Everything that had been slowly dragging me into a deep depression was giving me life again.

The other day I was talking with My Moon and they reminded me of an old fic I had been writing that I hadn't thought about in years. One that I had quickly lost motivation for when the person I had been writing it for stopped talking to me. Instead of the dread the thought of it used to give me, I felt excited. I re-read what I had so far and even found my original half-plan for it. And while I remembered why I'd stopped writing it (why I'd stopped writing a lot of my favourite things) it didn't scare me anymore.

Yesterday I opened my old tumblr for the first time in over eight months. I changed the picture, updated the theme, trimmed out some old posts and honestly, I love it. I'm finally ready to continue with this old project (alongside my Just Dance fics of course).

Basically Just Dance fandom, I wanted to thank you.

When I found you, I was a husk. I was exhausted. I was bruised and scarred and you provided a loving, creative, beautiful space where I was able to find joy in something I'd grown to hate. You've shown me there are still good people out there beyond all the people I lost touch with. Seeing all the ideas and thoughts and creativities of such a still blossoming fandom has reignited me.

I hope every last one of you who reads this knows, whether we ever crossed paths or not, you are fantastic and should give yourselves more credit.

#an open letter to the people I've interacted with over here #if you want links to my old blog or fics feel free to ask #not rebloggable

[sorcerous-caress]

hope this isn't weird to ask but how long have you been writing and how old are you? did you ever take any courses related to writing or have you been improving through writing as a hobby?

Hey it's not weird at all, I'll happily answer!

I'm 20 years old, and I have been writing non-continuously since I was 12.

My first fic was written with colon punctuation for spoken dialogue instead of quotation marks bc I didn't know what those were at the time. For example:

Bob: nice weather we're having today (he said with a smile)

Bob2: I signed the divorce papers, they're on the counter. (Sighing at the other's stubbornness)

I posted it on wattpad.

Afterwards, I never wrote anything else, but I learned about Ao3 and kept enganging in fandom spaces. At 14, I joined roleplaying group chats, which made me think and write faster to keep the rp going. Eventually, it became one on one rp with another person where we would take our chat history log, freshen it up a bit, then post it as a fic.

By 16, I joined a fandom server with a semi serious writing subcategory in it. People more experienced and much older than me would beta for other's story. It's where I picked up the habit to write drafts in google docs so I can easily share the link for a beta reader to add suggestions to.

I still haven't written another fic by then, not by myself, at least. I got very insecure at the time about my writing and lack of knowledge. Mind you, I joined the server, not knowing what punctuation was. It took several beta readers adding punctuation for me until it finally clicked that I should use it.

It felt like I was an outcast in a way? Sure, everyone treated me just as nicely as others there, but I noticed the little things that added up over time. Like how no one would react or talk about the stories I post, but if someone else shares theirs, then the entire server gushes over it. Or how one time I reacted to my own story with an emoji, only for someone else to mention how it's me who clicked it and I shouldn't do that. It was a very unhealthy environment for a 16-year-old surrounded by 30-20 years old, but I stuck to it because I wanted to improve my writing.

Even if I was ignored, they'd still beta for me as a chance to offer "constructive criticism." Artists can be very petty when a low skilled person joins them.

My skills improved, and I posted my second fic! It was nothing remarkable, but it felt like the first stone into the stairway of improvement, yk? I loved that fic, it was my crowning jewel.

But as a result, I started to hate writing. It was a struggle, I'd spend hours on two sentences while others on the server were bragging about their 50k fics. I hated my own inability to perform better, to write better.

I got sick of reading my own writing from the number of times I'd rewrite it in an attempt to format it better. I couldn't even bare look at other's writing or read fanfics on AO3 because I'd always compare their writing to mine. Break their style down and analyse it in an attempt to spot what I'm doing wrong.

I left the server eventually, abruptly too. It was for the better.

I swore off of writing.

For two years, that was true. I gradually came to reading fanfics again, but just looking at a blank document was enough to get me nauses.

By 18, Aot happened, and the boom in x reader fanfics.

Everything I've written up to this point has been ships. Not once did I consider the idea of an x reader. For a while, I used to scoff at it and label it as cringe, as if the ship fanfics I was reading wasn't cringe either. Elitism, I tell you.

I saw these request blogs and how posting on tumblr seemed less intimidating than AO3. How intimate it felt to have an anon talk to you about your own fic that you wrote for them, to have people discussing your writing and stories with you! And they ask for more!

Sign me tf up.

I started my first writing blog, and I didn't know shit. I learned as I went. The new formatting, the tumblr tag system, creating a masterlist.

How important presentation is in here.

In AO3, your fic has the same chance of being read as any other one. Only your description is there to judge it by. But on tumblr? The shiny bookcover was almost as important as the material inside. In here, you have to market your own fic, present it with a lovely bow on top, add a pretty eyecatching header, and all the right trending tags.

Luckily, it clicked easy for me. I used free domian paintings from past centuries to make my covers, and they stood out amongst the anime cover galore. It was a little pretentious, I admit, but I also was a little pretentious, so it's alright.

I played my cards right, answered requests enthusiastically, and delivered fics at a fast rate. Paid attention to what styles worked best and what genres attracted more attention. At that point, it was a numbers game for me. Play marketing right, and you'll win at capitalism.

It felt very degrading and dirty.

My personal style fazed out, and my fics had a sanitised safe for mass consume feel to it. It was written to appeal to you rather than written out of any real love or passion.

It was soulless garbage.

Not to mention at the time I still used the same unhealthy and needlessly convoluted writing method I learned from that server. Yes I cut ties with them but I still didn't have any other alternative writing method to use.

What's that? Just write however I want? Are you crazy? What like my 12y old self wrote on wattpad? My 18y old self would rather die than actually be true to themselves.

I was extremely insecure and afraid of being labelled as "cringe" I completely ereased any stray stains of personality that managed to trickle their way down into my writing. Not once did I write for myself during that time, and not once did I actually enjoy a single piece I made.

I hated all of them, I couldn't bear to even read the fics I wrote. But I still made more and more to appease the requesters, still forced myself to sit and write each morning for hours on end.

A tight timeline, an exhausting production and no friends or hobbies to fall back into and relax. It was a fucking nightmare.

What ircked me the most was how people would just keep requesting more without a thank you or even a fuck you afterwards. It's like it's a fast food drive-through and I should be grateful for any attention I get.

But I never said a word. I never complained because complaining drives away people and engagement. No, I needed to keep my happy chill imagine and never show any emotion or talk about my struggles in real life or writing.

Instead of realising I hated my writing because of its lack of essence and soul, I convinced myself instead that it's because my skill level is still too low.

So I searched online. I found writing courses I couldn't afford, and neither could I ask my family for money for anything at the time because of personal reasons.

So I put on my pirate hat.

Apparently, people don't bother uploading the scam writing tips courses to pirate websites. That's fair.

Instead, I pirated books from famous authors talking about writing. Read them and tried to apply their methods, ignored my own preferences, and wrote to fit their subjective standards of what good writing is.

I signed up for free trials courses that didn't require a credit card and copied every single file into my hard drive before the trail ended.

I had so much material to study. I watched youtube videos about writing. I really really tried everything I could.

But I still loathed every fucking word I put down on these pages.

And I hated how a general advice in writing was to "follow your heart" what is that supposed to mean? I can't do that. Others do not like my heart, It has been proven many times before so how about you just give me some useful advice instead you useless wrinkled piece of shit book?

.

..

...

You can't force or fake creativity.

You can fake an elegant writing style, you can copy interesting lines from famous books and apply them to your own writing, you can include every trendy word in all the right places.

But you can't fake creativity.

I wished I was 12 again. Writing fics on wattpad, where my style was worse than garbage, and yet I loved it. People loved it.

Because it was garbage with a soul, a garbage that had empty chocolate milk bottles and spilt sprinkles. A garbage that showed personality and where my priorities were. With kids' fingerprints in colourful paint and a toddler's fridge artpiece.

A garbage that mirrored my love for the art.

And I ruined it. I traded it all for stupid punctuation that I didn't even care for.

I was happy.

Like every other probome in my life, I ran away.

I hit my breaking point. The requests were never ending, the studying and writing books were getting more and more pretentious and contradicting themselves. I barely had time to eat, I don't talk to people or go outside.

I do not have the time for anything, I missed having friends.

I left the blog. I stopped writing, it was too anxiety inducing.

I got into videogames again, I enjoyed the text heavy ones. I chose to ignore what that implied.

They were so...beautiful.

And fun!

I made some friends, I was happy for a while.

Then, one of my favourite characters in my video game mentioned missing their parents, how hard the funeral was.

It hit home.

I'm not writing, I convinced myself with a lie, I'm just gonna put down my thoughts on them...in a google document.

See just around 1k words, easy peasy. I AM NOT WRITING. It doesn't count.

But I did write it. Not with any calculated formula or method. I wrote my thoughts like how I hear them in my head and what I felt, what I imagined the character would feel.

Then, I added some dialogue, trimmed the corners, and sprinkled in euphemism.

It was simple and bare, vulnerable.

I posted it. It never got much traction.

But I was happy, I liked it, even loved it and kept rereading it.

I was 19.

I nervously showed it to my friend. They mentioned how much they can't stand reading books or fics because the words overwhelm them courtesy of their ADHD.

But they managed to read mine. Very smoothly.

Because my style, my own personal style that is set to my preference, makes me write in small paragraphs and straightforward. I never linger on details or focus on one thing for too long, I always give breaks and seperate events from each other.

And it clicked for this one person who struggled with reading, a style that will get criticism in any serious writing circle for being too simple or childish.

They liked it.

I hate needless convolution.

I just turned 20 years old, I asked for Baldur's Gate 3 early access as my birthday gift.

I received it, I played it.

I fell in love with its writing.

Then I made this blog, and I promised myself not to follow rabbits into any holes again. To reject the requests I don't want, to write because I love to, because I find it interesting or fun.

To never feel obligated to any thing or person. Only write if I want to, only post it if I want to. And if I don't want to? Then I simply won't.

And yes this blog gets much less attention than my first one but the people in here, the anons and my readers, they interact much more with me and my writing. It feels much better to have a handful of people genuinely excited and curious about your stories than a hundred people who would only leave likes and leave.

I have never touched a writing course or a helpful book since then. I block every writing tips blog, I see. I hate each and every single post about writing tricks and immediately skip past it.

I don't care if I improve anymore. I don't care if people don't read my stuff. I do not care if my style degenerates so much and reverts back to wattpad. All I care about is the fact I love writing and I enjoy it, I plan to keep it this way.

-

It's also funny that I'm writing in English since I when I first started writing at 12 it was in Arabic. My first fic? In Arabic.

And I was willing to go down that road yk. Keep true to my heritage and culture, write in my own beautiful language.

But. I wrote about queer topics and stories. Homophobia is still a massive thing in our society. My story was more infamous and taboo than famous and beloved.

I had so many people coming to my dms to "educate" me about religion and sin. How what I'm doing is wrong and the message I'm spreading is haram.

It was funny at first especially when it was the quran that made me want to write in the first place. Because it's actually a collection of poems! It just loses its rhythm when translated to English. It was so beautifully written, I'd listen to it always as a kid.

But then those dms became unbearable and I decided to learn english to join the western fandoms instead. A 12y old just deciding to fuck it and learn a whole new language to write gay fics.

A lot of my struggles in writing at 12-17 was because I was still learning English at the time.

This was fun. Thank you so much for asking this, anon! I had the chance to reminisce about the past.

I made so many mistakes. But I'd rather having made them and reached this point of content with myself than not having made them at all.

#♡other #♡writing

[cozy-the-overlord]

Sending this to my favorite mutuals. You have worked so hard and gave us wonderful stories and content. You are loved. You are appreciated. Have you drank your water today?

Show off a little! Because I would if I were your fantastic self! 😍😍😘

1. Which one of your fics/art piece is your favorite?

2. Which one of your works did you think was going to be a hit, but didn't do as well as you'd hoped?

3. Which one of your works did extremely well, beyond your expectations?

4. Which one was the first fic/art that you shared?

5. Which one is your latest?

Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I was genuinely so excited to see this when I woke up this morning!

After lengthy consideration, I'm going to put this under a cut lol

Ooooh this is hard ... there's a couple that I really like. Crimson Curls is definitely up there because I have been trying to write murder mysteries forever, probably since I was an elementary school kid reading Nancy Drew books, and that was the first time I actually completed one in a way that holds up to me. I'm definitely proud of the first chapter-- I think I really got the whole "true crime podcast" feel down for it. I'm also super proud of A Breath and A Whisper, which is unsurprising given that it's another mystery. I had always wanted to write a ghost story and I was really happy with the way that turned out-- I'm hoping to be able to outdo it for this Halloween, although I realize I probably won't have time to finish the story I want to write in time. Also Attached and Severed-- I think I'm the only person who read those (which I get lol) but they are literally the imaginary world I used to play in as a little kid brought to life, and so that's very exciting and special to me.

Fractured, 100%. Looking back, I understand why-- it was the companion/sequel to a oneshot that had been out for a year, it's more focused on an OC than Loki, and it's a two parter (in retrospect I really should have stuck to my instinct of keeping it as one part). But at the time, I thought it would be really big. Whole is still one of my most successful stories on AO3, and I had gotten more than a few requests to write a sequel/continuation to it, so I had really high expectations. It took a year to write and I put so much effort into it and was really proud of it, so it kind of hurt when it got very little interaction. But that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Probably Orange is the Happiest Color because that was such a goofy idea that I wrote for kicks and giggles and then it became my most interacted fic on Tumblr for months lol. In general though I tend not to have a good track record for guessing what will be popular-- fluffy, more lighthearted stuff tends to do super well, but since I don't really like reading or writing that very often, I'm always surpised when my fluffy fics get a lot of attention. Likewise, I always expect my angsty stuff to do much better than it does because I love writing it and put way more effort into it 😂

If we're talking fanfic, then Until Tomorrow, which was an experiment for me to see if anything would happen with it lol. It didn't do super well when I first posted it to tumblr, but it got a good amount of interaction on AO3 which was really exciting and inspired me to continue writing fanfic. If we aren't talking fanfic, the very first thing I posted to tumblr was an original story that I was very proud of when I wrote it but now physically cannot read because I hate it 😂 I won't link it but it is still on my masterlist .... along with several other old cringy original things lol

A Friend From Work, which I wrote for the lovely @naterson's birthday in June ... it's been a bit lol. This summer was kind of rough mentally and I had a lot of writer's block as a result of it, which was disappointing because I had such big plans for the stuff I wanted to write this summer. I do have one finished story that I'm trying to decide on when to post, and I have a couple others in various states of completion. I've also been outlining a massive Halloween fic, which I am very excited for but I don't know if I'll be able to write now that the semester is here (I'm doing an honors thesis this year so I fully expect a writing burnout). Still, I hope I can finish it because it's a really cool idea

Thanks again for this ask, this was so much fun!

#thanks for the ask :) #mochie85 #also i hadn't drank water today when i first saw this lol #thanks for the reminder #writing things

[guardianbingo]

About/FAQ

Welcome to Guardian Bingo!

This is a very low-stakes, low-pressure fest meant to be fun and inspire more Guardian fan creations. It began in January of 2022 and is continuing through 2023.

How Does It Work?

If you were a 2022 participant, you may continue working on your original card in 2023. You also have the option to request a new one if the original one wasn’t very inspiring.

New participants can request a card using the sign-up form and it will be emailed to the address you provide. You will have a total of 25 prompts on the card, which you are free to interpret however you wish.

Filling prompts will earn you Hallows badges as follows:

One Fill – Longevity Dial

One Line (Any Direction) – Mountain-River Awl

Bonus Prompt (Five Bonus Fills) – Merit Brush

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Blackout (All Squares Filled) – Lit Guardian Lantern

What Do The Badges Get Me?

Something nice to post on social media or just admire on your own, a sense of accomplishment, possibly a wormhole to ancient Haixing.

Can I Fill Multiple Prompts With A Single Work?

Because the fest has no minimum length/content requirements for creations, you can only claim one prompt fill per creation.

That being said, if you have multiple works tied together (for instance, you start a fic series and add on new parts, you make art to accompany a fic you wrote, etc.), you can use those multiple related works as individual fills.

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Sign-ups are open all year. You're welcome to join at any time.

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Pretty much any new creations, including:

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Meta Analysis

If you have another idea, check in with the mods, but it very likely works.

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All ratings and any ships (or no ships) are allowed, though works should be appropriately tagged.

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With the exception of January, each month will feature a bonus prompt in addition to the ones on your card. Those prompts will be announced on Tumblr at the beginning of the month.

You may substitute one bonus prompt for one of the prompts on your card.

Filling a total of 5 bonuses earns you the Merit Brush badge.

Crossovers, Derivatives And RPF?

All three are allowed, but please be aware that some prompts will be Guardian-specific.

Can I Use A Single Creation For This Fest And Another One?

So long as the other fest has no objections, you are good to go!

Collaborations With Other Creators?

Are fine, provided that everyone agrees and contributes to the creation. Collaborative works can be used as fills on all creators’ cards.

Ok. So What Isn’t Allowed?

Old works you’ve already posted

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Sounds Great! Where Do I Post My Creations?

The AO3 Collection

Tumblr – Tag @guardianbingo in your post or DM us for a reblog (you can also tag it #guardianbingofest but Tumblr’s tags are very wonky so that might not work well)

If you happen to post elsewhere (Dreamwidth, Live Journal, etc.), then you may submit a post on Tumblr if you’d like us to reblog your creation. You do not have to be on Tumblr to participate.

Will The Mods Keep Up With My Fills?

No. You’ll need to keep track of them on your card as you post them. When it’s time to collect a badge, use the badge claiming form to report your fills.

My Card Is Full. Now What?

Request a new one! (But only if you want to keep creating. Otherwise, sit back and bask in your own awesomeness.)

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Ask away on Tumblr, or email [email protected]

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[alarawriting]

52 Project #24: The Princesses and the Peas

(Inspired by a post on Tumblr and if I can ever find it again I will link it here.)

(Not proofread, beta’ed, or even read through a second time because this is massively late and if I don’t post within the next hour it will officially be next week everywhere in the United States and I will have failed in my mission. I’ll try to re-read and proofread and edit next week. Also this note is highly unprofessional, but I learned my relationship to my audience through fanfic, so this is how I roll.)

***

Surely you have heard a similar tale before, almost but not entirely like this one, of the queen who sought the perfect wife for her son, the crown prince.

The queen had ruled the land alone since the death of her husband. She was praised for her wisdom and her benevolence toward her people. But she was no longer young, and it was time to make sure her son made a politically beneficial marriage, to strengthen his position when it came time for him to take the crown. Many in the land whispered that the young man would make a terrible king, and wanted him to abdicate in favor of his younger sister, who was beautiful and bright and smiling. Celia, the young sister, could look anyone in the eye and make them believe that in that moment, they were the most important person in her world. Arien, the prince… could not do that.

The prince had a talent for mathematics, and it had expressed itself very young. Some said he should be the chancellor of the exchequer rather than the king. But Queen Leyta knew her son would make a compassionate and wise ruler as well as a prudent one. He also had a gift for seeing the humanity behind the numbers he calculated, of being able to think of the impact they would have on the people he would one day rule.

Once, when he was a child of six, his nursemaid lost him. Leyta found him behind the kitchens, picking through the garbage bins to find table scraps. She would have punished the kitchen staff for allowing such a thing, but Arien insisted that she should not. “It’s not their fault, Mother. I ordered them to let me, and I’m the prince, so they had to obey me. I told them that if you became angry at them I would tell you that they were only obeying my orders. They can’t get in trouble for obeying their liege.”

Leyta sighed. She could punish them for obeying their liege, when their liege was 6 and the thing he wanted to do was eat garbage, but she wouldn’t, because she knew why they obeyed. When the prince was thwarted, he would ask why. And if he received an answer, he would argue with it and present his position. Sometimes, this debate would lead to him accepting the necessity, and calmly going about his business, seeming to forget all about what he’d asked. More often, if he didn’t get an answer to “why”, or he didn’t like the answer and thought it didn’t make sense, and he was still thwarted, he would start to scream and hide under tables, or scream and run around and break things, or scream and slam his head into the wall, and he wouldn’t stop even when offered the thing he wanted. It was very, very hard to calm him once he started shrieking. So instead of punishing the kitchen staff, she asked Arien, “Why were you eating garbage?”

“Our food is bought with the taxes we take from the people,” he said seriously. “If we wasted less food, we wouldn’t have to tax the people as sorely as we do, and they would have more money to buy things for themselves.”

So she took him aside and told him that the scraps were fed to the dogs, who helped the palace huntsmen bring down game, or the goats and fowl, who gave the palace milk, meat and eggs, or they were tilled into the ground to make the fields around the palace more fruitful. They did not, in fact, go to waste; food that wasn’t wholesome for humans to eat could still feed animals, who would turn it back into wholesome food.

Then she had a lengthy discussion with him about tax policy, and listened gravely to his suggestions as to how they could ease the burdens on the people, and told him what the problems with his ideas were. And when some of his ideas didn’t have significant problems, she told him so, and discussed them with him, and even implemented a few as policy.

Arien also had a great love for bugs. He spent much of his days wandering the grounds, sketching every insect he saw, capturing some to study them and figure out what they ate. When Leyta learned of this, she found a learned scholar of insects, and hired him to be Arien’s tutor in the matter of insects, only. The man was at first openly resentful of being required to work with a small child, assuming that Arien would be a spoiled princeling with no real interest in learning, but when he discovered Arien’s love for the tiny creatures, he embraced the boy wholeheartedly and tutored him as well as he could.

The prince had few friends. He was open and innocent, happy to make friends with any child close to his own age, but the honest children who truly wanted a playmate were put off by Arien’s tendency to talk about bugs and math almost constantly. The children who put up with Arien’s chatter were, to Leyta’s eyes, obviously coached by ambitious mothers, pretending to friendship with the strange young prince to improve their position at court. She arranged for most of these children to be sent away – either their mothers dismissed, or the family sent to one of the crown’s holdings with some duty to perform or another. Arien was saddened by the disappearance of his playmates, since he didn’t realize they saw him as mere stepping stones to power. Celia knew, and would comfort her brother as well as she could… but she didn’t have a lot of patience for math, tax policy, and insects either.

As he grew up, Arien continued to display a strange mixture of wisdom and childishness. He would run around the palace grounds, playing with children far younger than he was, and they were not old enough to try to manipulate him, so Queen Leyta left them alone. He enjoyed riding his horse and taking care of it, and was often found at the stables, for he believed his horse needed to cared for in just the exact way he did it, and he didn’t trust the stablehands to follow his instructions exactly. He would spend hours discussing the politics of the land and the problems facing various groups of his subjects with Leyta and her own advisors, and then he would scream and throw himself on the floor at dinner because a chef had put visible onions in his soup, and he would need to be put to bed with his favorite blanket and a knitted doll of a dog that he’d had when he was four.

People said that the boy was touched in the head, that he was slightly mad, and also, that a future king who threw temper tantrums over onions was not to be trusted. But they weren’t, exactly, tantrums, as Leyta saw them. They didn’t stop when the problem was solved, they usually didn’t include demands – in fact, usually it was hard to get the prince to explain what was wrong, because he seemed to lose much of his ability to speak when these fits came on him. And she could see in his eyes that he was terrified and overwhelmed, not angry and demanding. Arien needed the world to work a certain way, and when it did not, it left him adrift, frightened and lost in a world that seemed to make no sense to him anymore.

Some of these ways that the world needed to work involved food, and the importance of not being able to see onions, for an onion large enough to see was large enough to crunch in his mouth in a way that apparently was so disgusting it would make him lose his ability to eat all day. There were similar rules regarding peppers, and certain cream dishes. Other ways the world needed to work regarded his mother’s advisors treating him like their future king, not in terms of obsequious deference but in terms of actually listening to his ideas and explaining things to him – even when he was merely eight. And then there was the care of animals – his own animals needed to be cared for in an exact way, and if he saw anyone being cruel to an animal, he might actually become violent to that person. The same was true of stronger people being cruel to weaker ones. When he was fourteen, he heard a maid crying, and asked a kitchen maid to find out for him what had happened. And then, when he learned that a nobleman under his roof had ill used her and cast her aside, he went to his mother and demanded the man be whipped for his crimes. The political explanations she gave for why that couldn’t be done fell on deaf ears; he was a cruel man and he’d harmed someone he had power over, and that was all Arien cared about. Leyta only managed to satisfy him by sending the man on a probably futile sea expedition to try to find a cheaper source of rice.

This was the boy that Queen Leyta had to find a proper bride for.

Her mother-in-law, the Dowager Queen, had ideas, but it had been many years since the Dowager Queen had actually held any power; she was one of Leyta’s advisors now, nothing more. So the idea would have to be one that Leyta agreed with, herself.

A ball to introduce eligible young women with powerful families to the prince? No. The prince didn’t handle crowds or parties well, or meeting a lot of new people in one evening.

A series of daytime salons, where a small group of eligible women would converse over luncheon with the prince? No. That was still too many people and the prince  was self-conscious about people watching him eat.

Individual visits from each eligible young lady and her chaperones, to the palace, to meet with Arien, and also to be approved by Leyta? Yes! An excellent idea. Leyta had her secretary write up the invitations, to all the young women whose parents had written to her or the Dowager to express an interest.

In the palace was a suite of rooms that had been Leyta’s, once, when she’d lived in this palace to learn its ways before marrying the then-prince. She had that suite cleaned and prepared for the guests. Sleeping quarters to either side for the princess’s guards. Ladies-in-waiting to sleep in the antechamber outside the princess’s bedroom. And inside the princess’s bedroom, a bed heaped with several thick eiderdown duvets and pillows, incredibly soft, with sheets made from the finest linens.

And under the second eiderdown duvet, dried peas.

Queen Leyta tested the peas. When she sat on the bed, she couldn’t feel them. If she laid in the bed, she could barely tell they were there. But when she had Arien try it, he said, “You’re going to take them out before the guests come, right? The peas make the bed much too uncomfortable.”

“The peas,” Leyta said, “are to test whether a girl is right for you or not. It’s magic.”

Arien looked at her skeptically, unsure whether he believed in magic or not. “How are dried peas supposed to find me the right wife?”

“Magic,” Leyta said. “I can’t tell you exactly how it works. But it’s very important that you not tell them about the peas, or the magic won’t work.”

“Mother, I’m sixteen. I’m not a child. This whole story sounds ridiculous.”

“All right,” Leyta admitted. “It’s not magic, but I won’t be able to explain it to you until after it’s proven that it works, or doesn’t. But it is very important that you not tell any of your guests about it.”

Arien looked like he wanted to argue some more about it. Leyta said, “Trust me,” and he sighed, plainly remembering the number of times his mother had stood up for him or had come up with some scheme to help him.

“All right, Mother, but I’ll want that explanation afterwards.”

The Dowager Queen had her own theories. “You want to see if they can tell the peas are there?”

“To a certain extent,” Leyta said.

“You know that old wives’ tale about princesses being true and refined if they’re extremely sensitive is just a myth. I wasn’t a fragile flower who’d lose petals if you looked at her hard, and neither were you. And neither will Celia be.”

“I know that, Mother,” Leyta said – it was custom to address your mother-in-law as Mother, and Leyta’s own mother had died shortly after her wedding. The Dowager Queen had been the closest thing to a mother she’d had the entire time she was Queen. “I’m not testing for extreme skin sensitivity. Trust me.”

“It’d be hard for him to get an heir on a princess that fragile, don’t you think?” The Dowager chortled.

Leyta sighed. “No need to be crude about it. I have my reasons, and I’ll explain them to you, eventually. Let’s see if it works, first.”

***

The first princess was from the west. She had long straight hair and delicate-looking eyes with folded lids that left them shaped like almonds, rather than the eggs that the people of this realm wore in their face. She had pale creamy skin with a golden undertone, and she was demure and very polite, her etiquette perfect. She sat with Arien for hours, smiling at him with a face that expressed great interest, as he explained to her the complexities of life in a beehive.

In the morning, Leyta asked her, “How did you sleep?”

“Oh, wonderfully,” the princess said. “The bed was perfect! So soft! Your hospitality is wonderful.” She bowed her head.

Leyta saw her and her entourage off. When she returned, she asked Arien, “What did you think of her?”

“She was nice,” Arien said. “She listened to me. I’ve only had a few friends who listened to me, and they all moved away.”

Privately, without Arien present, the Dowager asked, “So what’s your verdict?”

“Unless none of them pass the test, she’s a no.”

***

The second princess was from the land immediately to the north. Her skin was tree- brown but as smooth as a tranquil lake, her hair floating around her head in a soft, curly cloud. Arien talked to her about beetles. She made excuses of not feeling well about half an hour into the beetle discussion.

When Leyta asked her how she slept, she said, “Your rooms are very nice. And the food last night was excellent, I’m so sorry I had to cut the evening short. But I feel fully rejuvenated today.”

Arien said, “She seemed okay, but she kept looking around while I was talking to her, so much that I think she gave herself motion sickness. I think that’s why she got sick.”

Leyta said to the Dowager, “A definite no.”

***

The third princess was from the far south. She had beautiful straight golden hair, cut short and asymmetrically, where it was shorter in the back than front and where it was parted on one side rather than in the middle.

She complained about her soup being cold. She complained about her roast beef being too bloody. She complained that the dessert course had small portions and also that it was too sweet. She screamed at servants for not bringing her wet towels for wiping her hands quickly enough and for refilling her wine glass too quickly. She insisted on talking to the seneschal about the servants who had served her, demanding that they be banished from the castle for incompetence. When Arien tried to talk to her, her demeanor was sweet, but every time he tried to talk to her about something he liked, she insisted that he show her another part of the castle. She made plans for room redecoration as if she had already become Arien’s queen.

In the morning, she was sickly sweet with Leyta, saying it was only a minor thing, really, but surely more competent servants could be found to make the bed? It was extremely lumpy. Leyta found out that she’d woken the chambermaids at 1 in the morning to demand an additional five featherbeds piled on top of hers.

Arien didn’t look at his mother. “Um… I don’t want to be impolite, but… I didn’t like her very much.”

The Dowager Queen said, “Please don’t tell me you’re considering that young harridan just because she could tell there were peas in the bed.”

“Oh, no. Not even for a moment,” said Leyta, and drew her quill through the name “Princess Carinna” on the list.

***

The fourth princess was actually the daughter of a powerful merchant, not an actual princess at all. She had deeply tanned skin and thick black hair, and beautiful dark eyes. She and Arien talked for hours about tax policy and accounting techniques, and she seemed genuinely interested.

She said the bed had been wonderful, and there was nothing wrong with it. Arien liked her. But Queen Leyta marked her as a provisional choice, the first on the list if no one passed her test.

***

And so it went with princess after princess. Most of them showed at least some slight sign of impatience when Arien monopolized the conversation, but none of them admitted to it, and few even tried to change the topic. No others were as rude as Carinna. No others admitted to detecting the peas, either. Leyta was on the verge of contacting the merchant to make an offer for his daughter to wed Arien. And then Princess Inaya arrived.

Princess Inaya was from further north than the second princess had been, her skin darker and her hair in braids that lay directly against her head, with ribbons and beads woven into them at the bottom. She didn’t look Leyta in the eye – or anyone else, really, keeping her head bowed demurely. She picked at her food, more or less eating only the potatoes, and she barely spoke… until she met with Arien.

He offered, diffidently, to show her the garden, and she accepted. He started to point out interesting bugs that he saw in the garden… and she began to point out interesting rocks. They soon began an animated conversation that sounded to Leyta more like two separate threads, where Arien would say a sentence or two about insects, then yield to Inaya, who would say a sentence or two about rocks. Sometimes they had a genuine back-and-forth when they talked about the habitats of pillbugs, who lived under rocks, or other areas where rocks and insects somehow intersected. Arien showed Inaya the notebook where he drew bugs and made his observations, and Inaya seemed to be thrilled with his artistic skill. She showed him her own notebook, with no art at all, where she wrote down the properties of rocks she had discovered and outlined the tests she did on stones to see what they were made of. Arien was fascinated with the efforts she’d gone to and how thoroughly she’d documented her findings; he’d never thought of doing anything to research the insects aside from looking them up in his tutor’s books.

At no point did she ever look Arien in the eye. At no point did he seem to care. He relaxed enough with Inaya to flap his hands when he grew excited; Inaya had a chain of polished stones that, instead of wearing around her neck, she tossed in the air as she paced.

In the morning, when Leyta asked Inaya how she slept, she squirmed.

“I, um. The bed was mostly very nice. Very good linens, nice soft down. But, uh. It felt like maybe there were… tiny pebbles in there somewhere? I’m not sure, I didn’t want to be rude and strip down the bed to look, but, uh. It was kind of uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Leyta said.

She made arrangements to ask Arien his opinion before Inaya’s entourage left, this time. He spoke very simply. “I love her. Pick her, she’s the one.”

“I thought you would say that,” Leyta said, and she finished drafting the offer to Inaya’s parents, and signed it. “Take this to her lady-in-waiting before they leave, to give to Inaya’s parents.”

“I can’t!” Arien said, looking all around. “I can’t be the one to do it because I have to give her a parting gift if I see her and I don’t have any nice rocks!”

So Leyta gave him a bracelet with a large inset opal, and smaller jades all around it. “Take this to her and tell her which kinds of stones are in it, and tell her she can wear it as a bracelet if she wants, or take it apart for the stones, whichever she prefers.”

Later she heard that Inaya collapsed on the ground crying when he made the offer, but that her lady-in-waiting reassured Arien that this wasn’t abnormal – that she did this whenever her emotions were too strong to control, even if they were happy emotions. Inaya confirmed that she was crying from relief and joy, because she had always thought that no man would ever want to marry her and if one did, he would hate her rocks and want her to do normal womanly things like embroidery or something, which she wasn’t good at in the slightest because her coordination was bad and she was always poking the needle into the wrong place, and she had never imagined that she would ever find a man who understood her and didn’t demand that she look in his eyes and liked to listen to her talk about what she loved. Then Arien asked her very gravely if she liked hugs, because most of the time he didn’t like hugs, especially when they were a surprise, but if she would like a hug he really wanted to give her one. They hugged, and declared mutual love (“as far as I can define the feeling of love, anyway,” Inaya said, “because I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before, so how can I know for sure that that’s what this is?” Arien had agreed with her, but said “I think that even if what we’re feeling isn’t the same kind of thing as other people feel when they’re in love, it’s close enough that we can use the same word, because who wants to have to make up a new word?” And then they spent several minutes amusing each other to the point of hysterical laughter in making up new words that sounded ridiculous, sometimes repeating them to each other ten or a dozen times.) When Inaya finally had to leave, Arien cried.

Leyta wasn’t there for any of that, but her spies were everywhere in the castle.

***

When the Dowager demanded that she explain her test, Leyta summoned Arien, who had washed his face so it looked more as if he had had a terrible runny nose and sneezes than that he’d been crying.

“You asked me about what it would prove, to put peas in the bed,” Leyta said, “and I was looking for two things, but one was more important than the other.”

“What were you looking for?” Arien asked.

“Arien… you know that you’re a special young man, and different in some ways than other people your age. I’ve consulted with many scholars. Children like you are often strangely sensitive to things that other people don’t notice… often to the point where it’s unpleasant. Such as your feelings about onions.”

He shuddered. “Please do not remind me of the existence of those devil vegetables.”

Leyta laughed. The Dowager scowled. Leyta knew she preferred that a king, or a crown prince who’d just been betrothed, have a serious demeanor. She also knew that Arien would be who he was, no matter what anyone asked him to be.

“So I thought, the peas might be noticeable to some of the girls, but they would be especially notable to a girl who was like Arien. More importantly, if a girl noticed it but claimed she didn’t… Arien, I know you are often taken off guard by lies, and you’re a very honest man yourself. I know you would prefer a wife who will tell you when something makes her unhappy, rather than her trying to guess how you feel about it and then telling you what she thinks you want to hear.”

Arien nodded. “Nobody can see inside someone else’s mind, so why would anyone even do that?”

“I wanted a girl who would be honest about something she found unpleasant, even if she had to offend her host to admit it. But, obviously, kindness and compassion and a lack of malice about it were necessary as well… we don’t want a Carinna anywhere near the rulership of the kingdom.”

“You can say that again,” Arien said. Leyta suspected he was setting her up so she could tell a joke.

“But I won’t, because I know you heard it the first time,” she said, smiling.

The Dowager frowned. “So you picked a girl who has the same kinds of problems as Arien? Was that wise? The kingdom may need rulers who understand the idea of telling lies when they must, who can be charming and adept with politics. I thought you’d pick a girl who would cover Arien’s weaknesses, not one with the same issues.”

“Your son understood me,” Leyta said simply. “It was an arranged marriage, but we quickly grew to love each other, because we respected and we understood each other. I don’t want the kingdom to have a queen who resents her husband because she thinks he’s strange… who may play politics behind the scenes to have him killed so she can take power. Or who takes lovers, so we don’t know if the royal blood is even in the heirs. It’s more important to me that Arien’s wife respects him and understands him, and that he understands and respects her, than to have rulers who can detect all the subterranean undercurrents of a conversation. That’s what spymasters are for… and Dowager mothers and grandmothers, and perhaps even younger sisters.”

“Mother,” Arien said, “thank you. I know the people think I’m strange, and maybe I am, but you’ve always watched out for me. I didn’t even know I needed to find a wife who wouldn’t lie to protect my feelings until you pointed it out, and now it’s obvious.” He looked at the Dowager. “And Grandmother, Inaya does complement me. I understand mathematics, and finance, and things like that. She was trained by her parents to understand logistics, so she could run the castle, but she went deeper with it; she understands things about what kind of weather will do things to the crops and what will happen to the farmers when that occurs, things I never even thought about asking. Together I think she and I can make our country one of the most prosperous and happy nations in the world.”

***

And so it came to be. Prince Arien and Princess Inaya were wed in a lovely ceremony that they immediately fled to go on their honeymoon as soon as the marriage vows were taken. They understood the economics of the nation, and other nations, as few kings and queens ever did, and when they needed someone to tell them that someone else was lying, they had the Dowager Leyta and Princess Celia. The country prospered as it never had before, with no beggars on the streets of the cities, because the King and Queen gave homes to those who had none, and living expenses to those too sick or weak or lacking in some ability so that they couldn’t work.

It would be a lie to say they lived happily ever after, because no human can be happy all the time, and they had arguments and problems in their relationship from time to time. But even Arien the Honest and his Queen would agree that we can say they lived mostly happily for the rest of their lives.

#52 project #i'm late! i'm late! #fairy tales #autism #altered tales #the writer is autistic

[ravenclaw-questions-gone-writing]

Outline # -1 Abandoned Lore (Trinity)

@fanfics-and-fangirling

I have learned my lesson, I will be writing these on Google docs and then copy-pasting onto Tumblr. While I am on GD, I figured I might as well open the docs I used to write the actual fic. Man, I went through a ton of hoops to get where I am. I will be using the most coherent ones for reference. 

I can literally track my thought process as I went through writing all the different versions and I still have no idea how tf I went from this to dropping a flaming papermache whale on Ra’s Al Ghul. And I will die mad about it. Which means more meticulous notes in the future I guess.

Also, I’d like to apologize for how long it took to get this out, I have no sense of time whatsoever and as always, there’s a lot more than expected. This was 7 pages long

Original Ramble Post 

Like most of my stories, the MC is an OCI - reincarnator brought into a fictional world they once watched. (Because I am obsessed with that trope.)

I now find the original name I had for her cringy and out-of-place given these are norse gods. So, from now on her name is Lokka, which is the female version of Loki

There’s a whole ass backstory about the transition of godly names and power I won’t go into. Just think Thor and female Thor kind of thing I guess. She’s basically seen as a spare Loki but it’s also a respected position.

Was tempted to name her Sigyn since Marvel doesn’t care about actual norse myth relations. No, Idc that there’s a canon Sigyn.

If you’re curious, the original name was Aradia. Yes, like the queen of witches.

MC is an asgardian, the daughter of the librarian in the royal palace and a blacksmith

She managed to get an apprenticeship under Loki and is occasionally taught by Frigga. She also learns under Eir when both her royal teachers are busy.

Lokka found her way into the central plane, probably having found it’s location from Loki’s notes and is unaware that it’s unstable.

So, Lokka is in the central plane, having the time of her life exploring new lands when she stumbles across a crying Marinette who is very lost 

Unlike Lokka, Marinette does not know where she is or what is going on. She literally just tripped into a portal and has no way home.

Lokka takes Marinette under her wing and promises to help her find a way home

Problem is, she doesn’t know which of the three universes Marinette is from.

Even if/when she finds out that the girl is from MLB-verse, she still wouldn’t know which one that is because she has no reference to which world is which. Only that Marinette is probably not from Asgard.

At this point, she is unaware she lived in Marvel, she just knows Asgard is Norse Mythology.

So they continue to wander the central plane, Marinette ends up picking up a card guardian for a pet, accidentally becoming a cardcaptor. 

Marinette has trouble pronouncing Lokka and Lokka gives Mari permission to call her Cosette (pre-reincarnation name)

Meanwhile, Ra’s sends Damian and Talia into the Central plane for combat experience and resource gathering.

Ra’s might be 700 years old, he might have access to the Central plane but he sure doesn’t know about magic or how it came to be or the current state of it. He might know something’s off because all the inhabitants have been increasingly on edge and the weather’s been stranger than usual but he didn’t deemed it important

Notably, he has never seen anyone other than those who he’d sent in himself in the central planes (CP, from now on bc I am getting tired of typing the entire thing out) so as far as he knows, the CP’s only entrance point is under his control.

Talia and Damian, who’s still going by Hafid, go hunting for resources and training

They separate for a bit for individual hunting/training time

Marinette and Cosette (Lokka) stumble across Damian’s camp

Misunderstandings occur, Damian fights them, more accurately he fights Cosette

Cosette tries to protect Marinette while also making sure not to harm her opponent

It was harder than she expected considering her opponent was a child

Asgardian training pulls through and she is able to do both

Damian’s tied up, Marinette is confused, and Cosette does not want to deal with this

Negotiation time

Marinette can’t speak Arabic, Damian doesn’t know french, and Cosette has all-speak

This means Cosette’s sitting there, having to repeat everything the kids say to each other for translation’s sake

also misunderstandings before the kids realize allspeak is a thing

Cosette is stuck with two kids who don’t like each other, one of which barely puts up with her so she does what most adults do when kids are too troublesome

Distract them: she does magic tricks with actual magic

Damian+Marinette are fascinated, Cosette accidentally gains two magic students 

even though she’s still learning herself and all she has for guidance right now are Loki’s and Frigga’s notes

So, the trio end up travelling together

Damian demands Marinette should at least be able to fight so they train her too

They also figure out that Marinette and Damian’s worlds are not the same.

Cosette drills some value of life, basic morals, and feminism into Damian’s head

Marinette and Damian (Hafid) have trouble pronouncing each other’s names

They chose nicknames for each other from Cosette’s bedtime stories

Marinette is obviously angel or Tenko

Damian is gets Kabane, the name of a half demon

Kabane later changes to Kasane, protective blade

Yes, Cosette was/is a weeb and yes, they still mispronounce names which defeats the whole purpose but at least they kids don’t notice now even if Cosette is cringing every time they

They run into another card guardian and this one goes to Damian.

Cosette does not pout about this, it would be very immature

One training montages, several fights, a couple language lessons, and an abandoned (and Cosette-raided) house later, Cosette gets to the part of Loki’s notes where she figures out that the CP is collapsing in on itself and uh-oh

She tells the kids the gist of it but they’re too smart, ask all the right questions, and end up figuring out the important parts of situation that she’s trying to keep from them

Cosette is both impressed and a little put out, mostly impressed because not only did they figure out extremely complex magic, they also mostly remained level headed.

Marinette wants to rescue the card guardians and for once Damian is backing her up so Coestte gives up the notion of returning home and they go collect the guardians.

Remember, DC and MLB universes are closing in on each other 

MCU is drifting away

If they don’t collect the guardians, Cosette would have the time to just drop them off at their world collection points and head back to hers

After collecting a couple guardians, they end up finding Talia and explain the situation to her.

Talia joins the gang, she may or may not be plotting a marriage

They raid a couple more houses, collect the 54 card guardians, and complete the power transfer ritual (replacing the Yue’s trial because the cards are the guardians)

The cards end up latching onto the three kids. 

Marinette gets the Mistress title, Damian gets Sun Guardian, and Cosette gets Moon guardian.

Originally Cosette was going to be the mistress and Marinette the Moon guardian but because of the way I’ve decided magic works in this world - explaining that will need a whole other post - if Marinette is the moon guardian and gets the Ladybug miraculous, she will - for lack of better word - get sick and possibly die... or not.

Y’know what, it made sense at the time. But now that I think about it, we’re going back to the original idea.

Cosette’s the Card Mistress, Marinette’s the Moon guardian and Damian’s the Sun guardian.

Spoiler alert: that is a plot point for tropes-verse.

The completion of the ritual breaks puts CP deteriorations in high acceleration

Damian and Talia get into their circle, Cosette and Marinette in the other

Damian doesn’t have any cards bc he doesn’t want his grandfather trying to get to them. He and Talia agreed Ra’s would only know about the CP’s destruction. He does, however, have a CP beast that they picked up.

CP beast: magical creature that was born of CP’s magical residue or smth

Damian’s looks like a Teddiursa (Teddy bear pokemon) it is not

They have a notebook from a raided house detailing CP’s deterioration for proof

Cosette goes with Marinette because she can’t make it back to her universe and in the event that Marinette’s also from Cosette’s universe, she won’t be alone

They separate with the promise of meeting again.

At this point, I have had several differing ideas

They all go into DC world because they aren’t sure of Marinette’s world

Child trio goes into MLB world and Talia tells Ra’s Damian died

Everyone goes into MLB and Ra’s finds out about the collapse when he tries going in himself and finds out he can’t and just assumes they died

Y’all, I’m starting to see why I can’t do one-shots…

One of the things I forgot to mention in the rambling post is that while Marvel-verse was pulling away, it also messed with the time regulation thing, a day in the Maribat-verse will

Time in CP was very messed up

Kind of assumed readers could piece it together but I figured might as well make it obvious and straight up say it

MLBU: Cosette and Marinette arrive safely 

Marinette is delivered home and Cosette has to figure something out

They find out Marinette has only been gone for a week

Marinette has some separation anxiety for about three days

Cosette slowly realizing this is an MLB universe and having a crisis

Cosette gets adopted by the Dupain-Chengs and starts working at the bakery

I have not figured out ages for Cosette

MLB goes like most Maribat fics pre-gotham because I’m lazy

Will likely be adjusted if I ever actually write this fic

Except Cosette steps in when things got too far and Paris has 3 heroes

Cosette is the known as the Sorciere or Lokka

Her uniform is just her asgardian armor

Good but misguided Adrien, Cosette probably adopts him too

Love square goes platonic and Cosette is glad this rom-com is over

Magic tutoring continues

Cosette is neutral with Fu and fascinated by the miraculous

You remember those ghost interactions? Those are filtering in

One of the first things to merge is the internet, because it doesn’t have a physical body and it’s just waves of information

News and discoveries between the world are being swapped

Given what I remember from DC and dimension travel, it wouldn’t be surprising if they figured out universes were merging.

The news about JL and Paris’s situation are causing all kinds of confusion

Cosette beings looking for information on Damian

As the physical world begins merging, there’s pockets of space where you can slip from one world into another; not quite portals but close

Eventually the trip to NY became a trip to Gotham because their plane slipped between planes (sorry, I saw the chance and I had to take it.) but yeah, that happened.

There’s quite a few details I’m forgetting

DCU: Damian and Talia arrive ok and report bare basics to Ra��s

It has also only been a week

Ra’s is displeased to find them back until they report the state of the CP

There’s the whole coup not long after and Damian is sent to Bruce

Damian is much more innocent looking when he’s bringing what appears to be a teddy bear with him

It’s name is Abd and it has grown wings by now. Actual name pending.

He gets teased about it, but under Cosette’s teachings, he has learned the virtue of patience, underestimation, and getting revenge with a side of entertainment

He does not try to kill Tim either

He also has to make the choice of bringing Abd with him as Damian or as Robin

He choses to make a side company for WE making toys based off creatures from the CP so Abd wouldn’t look too out of place

It takes two weeks for the bats to realize there’s something off about the Abd

They are convinced it’s haunted and Damian is very entertained

Abd only moves in daytime when no one - Damian excluded - can see it

Movement can expel magic that interferes with recording tech

Alfred is the first to figure it out and surprise, surprise, he has some magic books for Damian to learn from

It’s from the Wayne family library and they just assumed the language was lost to time. At least three are from Alfred’s own family.

Bat brothers spend the next 6 months trying to convince Damian his magical pet bear is a haunted doll.

Damian sort of getting along with Poison Ivy because his Sun magic is very compatible with plants and they love him

On an unrelated note, the plants seem to refuse to attack the new Robin

Damian randomly, unconsciously humming to songs Cosette and Marinette sang

Damian just vibing with the magic users of JL and Teen Titans

No one took him seriously at first but he pointed something out during a conference

“Robin, stand down and let the magic users handle this” - Green Lantern, probably

Constantine who actually knows what he’s talking about “No, no, let the boy talk.”

The plan was twice as efficient after Damian was through with it

Now Constantine’s trying to adopt Damian as an apprentice, he’s failing bc the bats are protective and possessive of what is theirs

Reminder that Damian brings Abd with him everywhere and he’s still getting teased about it from anyone who is not a bat (still convinced the thing is haunted)

The only thing the magic users have picked up about Abd is that he’s a magical construct which could mean a number of things but they brush it off as just a doll.

No one is prepared for the thing to come to life, multiply in size, and start spitting ice, sleep sand, and illusions. (Hiccups bubbles and can also turn into a cloud.)

They are also not prepared for the thing to quadruple in size and for Damian to ride it like a horse into battle. Reminder that Abd has wings and can fly.

Confusing talk about what’s going on in Paris and some other parts of the world

JL slowly figure out the universal merger that Damian already knows about

Damian is not impressed, it took him and Angel about 2 hours as 9 year olds

Somehow, Damian still has the ice prince image, less demon spawn though, that goes to Abd

Time moves on and one day, a plane from the other world arrives in Gotham

There’s a bit of confusion but it’s not exactly the first time something like this has happened at this point

WE steps up and offers jobs and a tour and all the usual Maribat plans (not just for the kids but all the other people on the plane)

Given the merger of the internet, MLB class and crew have some idea who the Waynes are and they accept. 

Estimated about 6 months for full merger so people from MLB world are kinda just stuck there until then

Lila literally cannot lie about knowing the Waynes personally but she sure can lie about other things.

Dick and Damian are sent in to monitor the group

The reunion is awkward given they can’t freely interact and are not supposed to know each other. 

While Dick is talking, there are just wide eyed staring between Marinette, Damian, and Cosette. With something a little extra between Marinette and Damian.

Cosette is torn between laughing and groaning at another rom-com trope coming in fast.

She ends up filming it bc blackmail is always good to have

Adrien is confused and quite frankly, he’s really just there to cover for them

The tour begins and about five minutes in, the trio breaks off and exchanges stories and names.

Cosette hears about Batman and has a dawning realization of what this world is, mentally nopes out, later digests that they are going into Maribat verse

Starts checking off Maribat tropes they’re coming across bc she might as well have fun with it

They continue to meet up

Batfam thinking Damian somehow managed to get two girlfriends

Damian choking on his breakfast when it is brought up

The girls are invited to dinner and Damian is just dying inside

Cosette blatantly hitting on all Damian’s brothers in the first 5 minutes

Damian screaming internally while Cosette cackles

Dick is awkward until he realizes it’s a joke, Jason plays along, Tim has an awkward bean crisis

Tim x Cosette? Maybe.

Cosette does that sit and repeat thing at least three times out of habit

Batfam gets full explanation about how they met and everything

I have played with the idea of Cosette getting fear gassed a couple times and Idk how it would go tbh.

That’s as far as I got with this version, so shenanigans ensue

Pretty sure they used the cards and magic throughout even if I didn’t mention it

Absolutely would be useful for being in two places at once

I later changed so the merger happens and then Paris’s heroes meet the Justice League

Damian immediately recognizing Cosette but not Marinette bc magic

still effective but weaker because of Damian’s magic type

He later recognizes Marinette later when she pulls off a move he taught her way back in CP

Nickname confusion for everyone else

Cosette vs Constantine on who gets to teach Damian magic

Damian goes to Paris. They beat Hawkmoth and then go to Gotham.

Also had a general idea of a plot with LoS that never got fleshed out past existing

If we’re going for the rebound version: Cosette reunites with Thor and Loki during the Avengers movie

Also, poor Heimdallr. He probably had a lot of headaches with the universe crash

Accelerated merger because of the convergence in the dark world.

I wanna go with 2012 Avengers towers shenanigans. + Loki and his sort-of but not really daughter

Cosette vs Antman, shrinking/growing, science vs magic.

And then there’s the whole Ironman vs Batman vs Arrow rich boy fight

Hammer x Luthor or Hammer vs Luthor?

Also, Cosette just staring at her home universe in betrayal and being insulted she didn’t think of it earlier because classic Nordic myths had Loki as Odin’s brother and not his son among other things but still

Fight against Thanos is a bit anti-climatic when you give a gremlin murder child magic and a sword that can through anything, including magical artifacts.

this baby boy can and will fight God and Cosette’s not really the kind to hold him back

If I actually wrote this, a lot of things would probably change because I’d actually have to put more thought into logistics and how things work

#Maribat #Daminette #multi-crossover #Ven's ideas #Ven's rambling #Abandoned Lore #Ven's idea outline #feel free to ask questions #maribat x CCS #mlb x dc x marvel x ccs #I gave up editing #I only have vague recollection of what is actually written here

[bearbaitmegs]

I know I don’t have a lot of active followers here, but I’ve been going though some major changes in my life recently (both good and/or disorienting), and one of the things I am aiming to achieve with that is to reestablish myself online in some small way. Just casually, socially. I used to enjoy interacting and making friends online and some of my oldest friends remain people that I met through the web.

I hope these sporadic personal posts don’t bother you.

I think part of these changes that I’m aspiring to involve getting into the habit of simply posting more. I honestly am unsure of where to migrate to online outside of Tumblr. I’ve ditched Facebook except to check on businesses I’m planning on visiting and occasionally to sell something. I’m only on Snapchat and Instagram to follow one person. I haven’t logged into DeviantArt in almost 10 years. Yahoo 360 is long gone. Adjusting to Discord has been a slow and lurking process because it reminds me of some particularly haunting memories and it lacks most topics I’d be interested in (publicly, at least). Twitter never fit right. I refuse to engage with people on Ao3 or ffn because I’m very hesitant to engage with people who has the same media interests as I do because I’ve had far too much fandom-related trauma and drama and I still have trouble forming friend groups despite 9 years of distance

My brother has an undiagnosed and untreated personality disorder and it has often felt like his drama has been my defining feature for almost 2 years. I have gotten tired of carrying his monkey into all of my relationships and conversations, especially when trying to make new ones. I wish I had custody of my nephew because he and his ex are both sucky and neglectful, but all I can do is wait until the kid turns 18 or asks about emancipation. My brother deliberately seeks out relationships that renew and reinforce his past traumas in order to legitimize his unwillingness to move on and I hold him at least partially responsible for our parents’ decline in emotional, financial, and physical health. I recently opted to go for No Contact/Very Low Contact with him and it’s been freeing and refreshing and I feel immensely happier and more motivated. 

I frequently feel like I don’t have anything worth saying or cannot really think of anything to say. It’s a work in progress. I have always carried a sense of awkwardness and that continues to persist into my 30s, despite the fact that I generally consider myself a confident person. I’ve been in a romantic relationship for 5 years and it fulfills 95% of my social and emotional needs, which... I think has led to leaving many of my other relationships to pasture.

Instinctively, I want to reach out and rectify all of these relationships all at once. Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and in trying to pace myself I find I often procrastinate. I set myself a goal of reaching out to a friend per week, but it’s more like one every two weeks. I know some of us will pick up where we left off like we’ve never been apart. Some of my friends will have moved on and our re-connection will separate again because we’re just different now and I’m honestly not bothered by that. It’s normal. I just hesitate because I don’t know where to start even though the script should be so easy. I feel annoying and needy. “Hey, I hope you’re well! I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I was thinking of you today every day.” Ugh.

I’m pretty financially, mentally, and physically stable and have been for a while. I like my job and I’m paid very well! I like me! I like my hobbies and my apartment! I’ve worked very hard to get here and there’s really only a few key things I want to improve upon.

But somehow I feel like I’m rediscovering myself again. Like I was shut out of something and didn’t even realize there was a door. I’ve missed something. I’m naturally comfortable alone and tend to be willfully obtuse about things that don’t involve me only to get startled by them later.

I moved back to my hometown 2 years ago in order to introduce my partner to my family and be around for some major family events. It was supposed to be a 4 month summer visit. The family drama just never stopped and I’m just...still here. I can’t wait to leave, but I also don’t resent my hometown as much as I did when I left. It’s changing immensely, but so am I. I definitely won’t be able to afford to stay.

I had a patio garden over the summer and, while we hardly got our money’s worth out of it, it was pretty and tasty and fulfilling. A few of the plants are overwintering with us.

I still haven’t lived somewhere that allows me a pet, but I keep saving stray cats. 

I have way more fabric than I know what to do with from old clothes and dead ideas, but I finally tuned up my sewing machine and bought a set of sewing machine feet and I have lots of plans and ideas that I just need to sit down and actually execute. Especially embroidery.

I finally spent the damn $70 on an old school drawing tablet and took the time to download some free art programs. A modern tablet is still too much to budget for and a mouse and MS Paint is not enough. I do not know why it took me 10 freaking years when I’ve spent far more money on far less desirable luxuries.

I am hoping to find a decent enough mountain bike at a manageable price to do a long-distance cycling trip next year. If I don’t, I’ll divert to hiking a long-distance trail. I’ve never stopped craving spending weeks and weeks out in the woods with an overstuffed backpack since my first trek in 2016. I’m willing to go out of my way and budget hard to make it a reality on an annual basis.

I’m slowly picking away at my original story, JatGSL, a 10+ year Work In Progress, and I finally have a setting and characters that I feel good about and have a lot of fun imagining. I’m afraid to say much about it. It has dying androids and mushrooms and mythology and domesticated seals and braille and it takes place on a melted Antarctica. But my writing is a muscle long neglected and I don’t know if I’ll ever really get it back.

I sometimes think about moving some of my old fanfics over to Ao3 so they won’t be lost, but my old penname carries weight I’d rather not pick up and I don’t want to add anything else to JKR’s legacy and some of the things I wrote when I was 17-22 have aged pretty poorly. So, I hesitate and debate and do nothing.

I keep having simple, but neat ideas that nobody out in the market seems to be doing/making, but I lack the connections and knowledge to do anything with them.

My romantic partner is an amazingly perfect fit. Absolutely well-fitting, in-sync, mind-blowingly complementary in every way. I increasingly worry it might not last because my partner has 1 (ONE) key issue that I just can’t live with long term and if they can’t figure out a healthy way to cope I don’t know if I can go another 5 years dealing with it. I grew up with it. I won’t live with it.

It often feels odd to talk about myself (even here. even now) because I feel so much happier than I seem to be describing myself.

#megii's commentary #this is more a ramble than anything else

[aelaer]

Re: Blood in Your Veins

Hey so uh.

As anyone who’s been following me for a while knows, I started the serial “The Blood In Your Veins” about this time last year (it used to be ‘my veins’ but retitled it on its move to AO3 because execution of prompt had changed a bit over writing). It’s a prompt that I couldn’t stop thinking about and just dabbled in slowly to see where it went. Then 2020 fully hit and my writing came to almost a complete stop until about October, which is when I began again on Illuminating the Shadows, which was finished and posted in December.

Anyway, I’ve been poking and prodding fairly continuously at The Blood in Your Veins. The first four parts that I posted originally here on tumblr are now all on AO3, and once part 5′s up I’ll link it here and link everyone who wanted alerts to the updates then so they can see the new part. Then all future parts will be linked here as well.

(Cut because why the *hell* did I write this much about this?)

I’ve been slow in posting because I, against better judgement but why not, decided to post it as a WIP. But that means I keep on making edits to older parts because I think of something new that should be addressed earlier in the story. Like uh, when I was writing part 9, I realized I needed to go back to part 5 and add an addendum. When I was writing part 12, I realized I totally forgot a part that I ended up adding in part 8, because I needed it for a future connection. This happens all the time in my writing and makes posting WIPs almost dangerous because my thinking is rarely linear if the story takes place over a course of more than a couple days. Thus the very slow posting.

So this silly little prompt thing that I was just prodding and poking at to see where it went? The farking doc passed 50k words tonight. Yup.

Granted, like 10k of that is probably outlining, personal notes, and A/Ns filled to the brim with meta, medical science, fake science, and technical/computer engineering because I love talking about it and giving people info to access easily for their own knowledge. I figure I can’t be the only one who finds this stuff super fascinating and fanfic makes it unique in that it’s not a book where the research is irrelevant, you can show off all the interesting stuff right here and talk about it with people! I love that about fanfic, so much. Sometimes the A/Ns are just as interesting as the story in some stories.

So it’s gonna be a bit slow for however long, but I finished 11 parts (with 10 betaed), have the 12th largely written out (though I’m not 100% sure about it yet so I want to poke at it more), and parts uh, 13 to 17ish outlined. But considering I was like “yeah this is 8 parts at most” like, at the beginning of this, that number is bound to change because characters keep saying things and doing things (including the supporting OCs, who are demanding to be fully fleshed out within the bounds of supporting character roles).

And yeah, this is just a ramble of what I’ve been mostly doing as I haven’t been super active on tumblr this month as this has consumed most of my free time. I haven’t read a lot of works either, and once this is completed I hope to remedy that, before I go into my next two big projects (which were meant to be what I was working on *now*, but then this took over and what will you do. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to complete three novel-length fics in the course of the year, but I’ll see what I can do. I really want to tell these stories).

Uh, this was really long. Sorry, I’m super verbose and don’t know how to be like, succinct. My old boss, two bosses ago now, used to quote Twain about brevity being a sign of wit, but if it is, call me 100% unwitty because I like to ramble. And then I always feel a little bit guilty for writing *so much* about my bullshit, so I feel like if you read this far, you 100% deserve to read a preview of an upcoming section. Especially since you pressed the Read More button! So here you go, thanks for reading my rambles. This is a section from the longest part so far, part 8. It’s a long little bit!

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"How high's the toxicity now?" Tony asked as he stepped off the scale.

"Yesterday's blood sample came back at 0.45 milligrams per kilogram of your weight," Stephen replied. He snapped on a pair of latex gloves.

Tony offered his arm for the blood draw. "And if 3 milligrams is the magic number for fatality, that'd put my current blood toxicity at 15%."

Stephen inserted the needle at the crook of Tony's elbow and watched the tube fill up. "That's not quite how it works."

"It makes sense to me."

"That's still not how it works." He removed the needle and capped the tube, and as he put everything away, explained, "Saying that your blood toxicity is at 15% implies that you're talking about the whole volume of blood in your body. You're probably at about 5,500 milliliters with your weight, and with the density of blood equaling about 1.06 grams per milliliter, it is like you're saying—"

"That 874.5 grams of my blood is toxic, yeah, yeah, I know," Tony interrupted. By now he was setting up the table for their breakfast.

"I was getting there."

"You were going too slow," he shot back easily. Stephen gave the engineer a look at the comment, but Tony ignored it. "Yeah, I know it's not my whole body's blood volume. Obviously. But putting a percentage on how long until I reach the point that I'm dead makes sense to me. I'm not measuring the whole volume of my blood, I'm measuring how much more can I handle until I'm dead."

Stephen shot him a frown. "It doesn't make sense to call it 'blood toxicity' then."

"Maybe not to you, but it does to me. And I'd design such a measuring tool for me."

The statement caught him off guard. "Design?" He finished packing up the kit and joined Tony at the table.

"Well, if I wasn't stuck in here, I'd design something to automatically read a blood sample, like how glucose meters read blood sugar levels. Wouldn't be hard to engineer something like that. And I'd have it give me the amount of toxicity as a percentage relating to how far along it was until the amount was lethal. Sure, I could memorize the numbers, but the percentage would be more concrete in my head."

Stephen smeared butter over a piece of bread as he listened. He shook his head at the end of Tony's explanation. "Wouldn't work for the consumer market; there's too much room for interpretation as to what the percentage means."

Tony huffed. "Well, like I said, it'd be for me. Not the consumer market."

His brow furrowed. "You're telling me that you can make a blood test as simple as the one used for testing blood sugar levels for something as rare as palladium poisoning?"

He narrowed his eyes. "... yes…"

"You can make it portable like the glucose meters?"

"Yeah, of course."

"And affordable to most hospitals?"

Tony looked up in thought. "I don't usually factor in the costs of materials and manufacturing in personal projects, and others do the number crunching to see if my ideas are viable for production in company projects. If they aren't, but I really want them to be, I'll tinker a bit more, sure."

Stephen couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Do you realize the amount of money you could save for both hospitals and patients across the country with such technology? Specialized blood tests—like for many metal poisonings, for instance—aren't offered at every hospital. It may not be available even in every state. Those types of lab results can take weeks to get back to a doctor and the patient. And you're saying that you can not only potentially create this type of technology, but that you may be able to make it affordable if you really want them to be?"

"Well yeah, sure. I've done it a few times with other things. I could probably do that with a blood meter thing. I doubt the tech's that complicated."

His mouth was partially hanging open, Stephen realized this, but he couldn't bother at the moment. He was flabbergasted. The first thought that came to mind went to his mouth, unfiltered. "And you spent the last two decades building weapons."

"Don't." The word was sharp and filled with an overabundance of emotion.

Stephen fell silent. He crossed a boundary he had yet to see before now, and he was not so callous as to push against it. Instead he turned to his meal and focused on eating. He avoided looking at the other man.

A couple minutes later, Tony spoke again. It was low, pensive. Thoughtful. "There was a good reason I shut down weapons manufacturing after I got back from Afghanistan, you know. If the department ever comes back, it will be with major restrictions and modifications. Likely more defensive than offensive. More shields, less missiles. But in the meantime I've been restructuring. Expanded in commercial aerospace and industry. We entered the energy market properly. Consumer products is coming soon—end of the year, probably." A pause. "Don't see why we can't look into medical tech, either. Certainly wouldn't hurt to try."

He could only nod and say, "It certainly wouldn't."

#my writing #my wips #fic snippet #stephen strange #tony stark #also why do my fics spiral out of control like this #i mean really