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goose-books · 4 years

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darklingverse & magic

as promised! a look at the magical system in my speculative fiction loose-retelling-of-king-lear WIP, which you can find out more about here and here! this is a terribly, terribly long post, so i’m sticking most of it under a cut, but i can guarantee there are at least a few fun diagrams in there. (all character images used are from this picrew by cinnasmores!)

shoutout to waya @harehearts for helping me work out some of the kinks in this by asking incredibly helpful questions... waya i will untag you if you want i just wanted to appreciate your contribution. also going to tag @suits-of-woe because you mentioned wanting to see this!

Jasper’s dad talks about it like oil. Petroleum has to be refined before you can put it in your car. Unrefined, it’ll just as soon kill you as anything else. The natural clock ticks. A mage hits twelve, or thirteen, or fourteen. And then it’s roaring under their skin, like an electric volt, like a fever, burning in them, fighting tooth and nail to get out.

It always gets out. You pick the route. Or you don’t.

The first thing Vee ever learned was duplication. Small objects only. Jasper was crawling through stacks of post-it notes for weeks. It was like an illness: Vee would get too itchy, his magic nipping at his neck, and he’d clench his fists and then they’d have another goddamn stack of stickies. “He has to get it out somehow,” Dad had admonished Jasper, when he’d complained. “Otherwise it’ll hurt him. I do it, too. The difference is I’m useful.” And he had demonstrated by snapping his fingers and cleaning all the house’s dishes at once.

Jasper is loath to give his father props for anything. But he was, on that particular occasion, right. Within a year Vee could flick his hands and shut windows, heat leftovers, unlock doors, send laundry skittering across the floor into the hamper.

It makes sense; Vee’s an infuriatingly quick study, magically and academically. And he inherited their dad’s style of magic. Easygoing. Quiet. Unobtrusive. Less explosive, more creative. Nowadays the worst that happens when he gets hot under the collar is that he spawns another houseplant and Jasper has to brush the leaves off the kitchen table.

Because Vee followed Dad’s instructions. He annotated all of his textbooks. He mastered it early, by seventeen, because of-fucking-course he did, but he was already in control by fifteen. Everyone learns to control their magic eventually.

Most people do eventually.

— darkling, segment iv: control

okay so let’s get into this!!!

isn’t darkling a modern king lear retelling? what do you mean, “the magic system?”

great question! darkling is, in fact, a modern king lear retelling (well, very loosely; it’s my city now and i reserve the right to do what i want). it takes place entirely in and around a city called dovermorry, an extremely isolated place secluded in the mountains, surrounded by wilderness for hundreds of miles, and only reachable via a single train through the mountains. dovermorry is loosely in the american northwest, sort of, i guess. by which i mean that’s kind of where i’m picturing it, but also it’s incredibly vague and honestly i don’t really know. dovermorry is, like, you know… [gesturing] it’s around. [kicking any kind of definable map under the rug]

the plot is set in the modern day with modern technology. the magic that exists is woven into daily life alongside said modern technology, which is the primary reason i’m calling darkling speculative fiction. most people in darklingverse aren’t actually heavily affected by magic (for reasons i’ll get into but which basically boil down to “they don’t have much”); however, dovermorry as a city is mostly known for being The Place Where Mages Go. most of the families in the city have been there for a long time; they’re old money families with powerful magic who use their inheritances to study increasingly esoteric forms of magic that aren’t very helpful in praxis. this is because dovermorry is home to the large and powerful Mage’s Guild, which is in charge of setting the laws around what kind of magic can be practiced in the city and by who. if you want to study magic at a scholarly level, you’d better pay your dues to the guild, otherwise you’re gonna get the boot.

every large city has a guild, but dovermorry’s in specific is Really Big and, unusually, has more political power than the actual mayor / government of the city. partially because leovald stayer, the guild’s president, is just… ughghhebwfbefbdsbfbdsfsd. That Way. in dovermorry if you’re not getting the boot you’re licking it

“wait, slow down. what is a mage anyway?”

well, technically, anyone! everyone in darklingverse has at least a little bit of natural magic (though it might be very little) that develops during puberty/adolescence! so by its literal definition, A Person Who Does Magic, everyone is a mage. that said, in colloquial terms, the word mage has taken on a connotation that basically means… exactly the kind of people who live in dovermorry. like i just said: scholarly, probably rich, probably a little elitist. so your average working-class person is TECHNICALLY a mage, but if you asked they’d say something like, “oh, mages are those hoity-toity folks who join guilds and stuff, WE’RE just regular folks over here.”

“you keep saying magic. what are you talking about. magic is a word that means so many things”

don’t worry, in darkling it just means [gestures vaguely]. re: everyone has magic, it develops in puberty, and there aren’t really specifications - it isn’t like some folks get fire magic and others get shapeshifting magic or etc. it’s more like everyone has a certain amount of raw energy inside them that can be drawn out and funneled into different tasks/spells. some ground rules:

1. you can’t change the amount of magic you have. your magic develops naturally, and maybe you get a lot of raw energy, or maybe you only get a little, but that’s what you’re stuck with and no amount of practicing is gonna give you more.

2. that said, magic is hard to control when it first develops - and practicing WILL help you get better at controlling it. so while you’ll always have the same base amount, you’ll get faster and more efficient about concentrating it into tasks.

3. re: amount of raw energy: that shit isn’t limitless. whether you have a lot or a little, it will eventually run out and you’ll have to wait for your juice to recharge. like a battery. you are a battery. how long this recharge period takes depends on how much magic you have, how fast you used it all up (if you push your limits to do something Really Big, you’re gonna be wiped), and also just how you’re doing physically in general? if you use up all of your magic in one go and you haven’t slept in a while, you might want to, like, sit down. drink a juice box. take a nap

4. while magic isn’t limitless, you can’t just NOT use it, either. when you aren’t using your magic, that raw magical energy builds up in you. and builds up. and builds up. and it does not particularly want to be in you. it wants to be out in the world, actually, and by god your fragile human meatsack is not going to stop it. so if you don’t choose a task to funnel your magical energy into (eg, i use my built-up energy to send my socks scuttling across the floor of their own accord to get into the laundry basket), that energy will eventually decide to just come out on its own. more on this later.

5. like i said, the mage’s guild of any particular city sets the rules, but there’s generally one core rule and that’s “don’t do necromancy.” like, obviously you’re not allowed to kill someone magically, but you’re also not allowed to kill someone NONMAGICALLY, so that’s kind of a given? but necromancy is something only a few very powerful mages can do and it is a BIG no-no. don’t fuck around with death, man. people don’t come back right, but also, just, like, let them rest, all right? let the dead rest.

[image description: the “society if X” meme, showing a futuristic “ideal” society full of green landscapes, smooth silver buildings, and flying cars. the text on the top reads “society if no one did necromancy.” the text on the bottom reads “this post made by the official mage’s guild don’t do necromancy you freaks bottom text.” in the corner you can see the imgflip.com watermark that i could have erased were i less lazy.]

“so what CAN you do with magic?”

the average joe? not much. again, there aren’t specific categories of magic; there aren’t any ATLA-style bending divisions. if you and i have the same raw amount of energy, there’s no reason we can’t both learn the same spells.

that said, the average person doesn’t have a lot of magic! it is much less dramatic than i’ve made it sound. there are not big magical firefights happening marvel-movie-style on every city street. if you want to talk to your friend, you use your iphone, not some kind of distance-speaking spell (which would be hard to maintain anyway and oh my god the phone lines are right there). the average person, on a daily basis, will use their small amounts of magic to heat their coffee up, or to wipe up a mess or spill, or to clean their floor re: the socks i mentioned earlier. (while writing this post, i had to begrudgingly admit that the socks were not going to scuttle anywhere, and i was forced to pick them up with my hands, manually. tragic, i know.)

again. dovermorry is the exception to this rule. most of the people in dovermorry have a little too much money and a little too much magic and not nearly enough chill. but dovermorry has also been festering like a petri dish alone up in the mountains for decades so what can you do.

“hold on, are you telling me that people in darklingverse didn’t immediately start wielding innate magic quantities as a tool of classism? sounds fake”

regretfully i cannot retcon classism out of darklingverse as it is relevant to the plot. this is because the plot is “Incredible: This Rich White Guy Has Never Been Told No And Doesn’t Know How To Handle It Without Crytyping!”

[image description: a picrew of leovald stayer, a pale-skinned man with short blond hair and an angry-looking frown, plus tears that i drew onto him with the paint tool in paint.net. beside his head is red crytyping text reading “ii’mm sso; so..rryy i didn’t[ mme a nit wwhy . are yu,,o suiiicdee .bai,,it,ing MMe gr;;acen im yuour da[d,,,”]

the general implicit belief across the country, but especially in highly stratified cities like dovermorry, is that upper-class people from distinguished noble families are just naturally born with more magic, and lower-class people are born with progressively less as we trip down the social ladder. is this kind of true, demographically? yeah but everyone’s got their cause-and-effect turned around. class doesn’t dictate natural magic so much as natural magic dictates class. the people on top like to be on top. and having jacked-up magic is a nice way to stay on top. so rip to the rich kids born with piddly little amounts of raw magic, because your family probably is not going to help you get places. and rip to everyone else born with piddly little amounts of magic, too, because unless you’re REALLY good at something nonmagical, you probably are not going to Strike It Big because those in power are gonna keep you down. and if you DO make it to the top you’ll be viewed as an exception that proves the rule.

there is some magic that is genuinely naturally harder to work with. the upper classes are personally really invested in making sure that kind of magic is painted as rough and lower-class. this is because it is threatening to them! and they do not want to be threatened. unless, of course, it’s them with the hard-to-handle magic. and then they’re fine with it.

“but didn’t you say everyone’s magic is basically the same?”

everyone’s magic can be wielded to do basically the same things. you can’t control how much flows through you. you CAN control where/how it gets out. and everyone’s pathways for how to let it out are basically the same (see the examples i mentioned above!). but some magic is a lot easier to control than other magic.

you can’t just not use magic, because if you don’t use it, it will use itself. it will Do Shit On Its Own. and that’s where this gets sticky.

so let’s get into that.

active vs. passive magic

now with fun diagrams!

[image description: a rainbow spectrum stretching from blue to red. the leftmost end (blue) is labeled “’passive’ magic” and “way down here you can mostly do fun party tricks.” the rightmost end (red) is labeled “’active’ magic” and “way down here you’re officially a ‘witch’ lol.”]

when i say active vs. passive magic, i should specify that this is not a strict binary! i’m about to use the terms in a sort of binary way to simplify this post down, but magic exists on a spectrum.* generally the less raw magic energy you have, the more “passive” your magic will be, but that’s not a hard and fast rule! characters vee and rory, for example, both have comparatively passive magic; however, rory’s is smaller and generally good for party tricks, illusions, and sleight of hand, while vee has more magic that he finds is really good for things like Growing Plants Really Fast and Making The Plants Do What You Want.

*i know this looks like some kind of metaphor for gender but i swear it’s not. you can trans your gender no matter WHAT your magic looks like i promise <3

i mentioned that if it builds up for too long unused, magic will Do Shit On Its Own. with passive magic, the Shit It Does is, like, accidentally growing a plant where plants shouldn’t grow, or changing your hair color when you aren’t looking. slow seeping magic that just kind of oozes out of you until you notice, “wait, shit, my hair didn’t used to be blue.” with active magic, if you don’t control it, it will Break Shit and it will not be nice about it.

active magic is - if we simplify both the magic binary and human genetics until they’re really really blurry - the dominant trait. if you made a middle school biology punnet square, active magic would be the dominant allele and passive the recessive allele. (i haven’t taken a bio class in two years no one get my ass for this analogy.) the child’s magic will take after whichever parent has more active magic. so, to illustrate that, let’s look at a normal family with a normal non-scandalous family tree. by which of course i mean the greenwoods. [canned laugh track playing in the studio]

here are ara, griffin, and medea (parents) charted by how active their magic is:

[image description: the same spectrum, now featuring three picrews of characters. ara, a dark-skinned woman with wavy black hair, freckles, and glasses, is placed leftmost, closest to the blue/passive end. griffin, a dark-skinned man with short black hair and glasses, is placed near the middle of the spectrum, slightly to the left. medea, a pale-skinned woman with spiky white hair, freckles, and gold hoop earrings, is placed rightmost, at the very edge of the red/active end.]

...and here’s how that went for them, progeny-wise:

[image description: a little family tree. ara and griffin’s child, vee, a dark-skinned person with wavy black hair, a worried look, and band-aids on his face, is labeled “quiet unobtrusive plant-based magic” in green text. medea and griffin’s child, jasper, a lighter-skinned person with spiky brown hair and freckles, is labeled “once accidentally shattered 50 champagne glasses at his dad’s birthday party” in red text.]

(yes, i know i said there aren’t any ATLA-esque magical divisions; that’s still true; vee just happens to get on really, really well with plants. much like jasper gets on really really well with entropy and causing problems on purpose.)

so the thing about “active” magic is that it’s usually more powerful, but if it’s too powerful it gets incredibly destructive. like i said earlier - if you’re part of the upper class, it shakes out fine; otherwise not so much. your choices with this kind of dangerous magic are to either fight it and keep it tamped down, or to lean completely into it and embrace your massive amounts of dangerous power. if you are rich, you can do that second thing! that’s what leovald stayer does, and he’s the president of the mage’s guild! good for him! [i say, through gritted teeth.] but if you aren’t rich, you had better try to keep that shit on lockdown, unless you want to be branded a reckless uncultured social deviant and - in most cases - a witch.

mages vs. witches

everyone with magic is a mage. only a few mages are witches. it’s like squares and rectangles, you know? you can hear gracen talk about that here in nice prose (plus baby cressida!), but the bottom line is that “witch” is shorthand for “woman* who has magic so powerful it’s unsafe, who uses it to break shit and be reckless,” and anyone with the “wrong” type of magic who doesn’t have a trust fund to back them up is getting tarred with that brush. they’re nothing like those elegant learned mages casting down benevolent laws from their ivory towers, you see.

*this isn’t a gender specific thing but usually women are the ones who get called witches because Women Should Know How To Control Themselves But Men Are Just Like That. god we love misogyny <3

tl;dr: misogyny and classism real. if you have hard-to-control magic that breaks shit then you’re destined to be a pariah UNLESS of course you’re rich and powerful and then it’s COOL that if you got too out-of-control you could collapse a building or cause a monumental storm or something. you know. cool.

[image description: the same magic spectrum. medea is still there, placed exactly where she was before. leovald’s face is also there, right above hers; in terms of magic, they are equally placed on the spectrum. leovald is labeled “runs the whole city” and medea is labeled “lives in a cave in the woods,” both in white text. there are three thinking emojis at the very top of the image.]

funny how these things work out.

in conclusion

in conclusion, if you’ve read all of this, you’re braver than the marines and have my undying love. if you’re down here for a tl;dr: magic is a natural force everyone is born with; some magic is comparatively harder to control; classism & other social structures affect the way a person’s magic is viewed (there are a lot of double standards); i really enjoy making little oc diagrams.

if you have questions, comments, etc, about this post or darkling in general, my ask box is always open! thank you for reading! [blowing you a kiss]

#i dream of hitting leovald stayer with rocks <3 #anyway this is terribly long but i had a friend scan through it and they said it was comprehensive and helpful so!#oh also i hope the image descriptions work i should start doing those... if anyone has concrit on that come shout into my inbox #this post could also be called 'reasons why jasper acts like a neurotic prey animal all the time'#though i did try not to delve into specific characters unless i was using them as examples. this here crash course doesn't need 2 get longer #max.txt #darkling tag #leovald stayer #ara greenwood #griffin greenwood #medea the witch #vee greenwood #jasper greenwood

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yubathegnome · 4 years

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shakespearean au: sge concept

warning - this is long and contains otk spoilers (and macbeth spoilers lol). no i do not offer refunds for time wasted. but if u don’t read this, i will find u because my fatigue is fuelling me w anger :)

11:00 pm: ok so I was casually floating in a bowl of water (segue- what is the point of baths? you can literally do the same things in ur bed but dry...) thinking about how great a shakespearean au would be... yes, I hate Shakespeare’s pretentious ass and if I have to read Romeo and Juliet one more time, I might obliterate my existence. however, imagine the drama of a midsummer nights dream au- immaculate fairy hallucinogenic woods vibes w the magic of fairies that could be linked to sge, just everyone going insane bacchanal in the woods. sadly there are more characters in this play than unnecessary first years in TCY so I decided to try twelfth night instead.

12:30 am: ok, I have tried every combination of characters possible for twelfth night (just imagine - agatha in the position of duke orsino and tedros in the position of viola, ah the angsty friends to lovers, the jealousy arc potential, misunderstood love ahh) but I always ended up w an agaphie... incident (sweet home alabama)

2:00 am: tried hamlet, taming of the shrew and king lear (plot is way to depressing)... becoming delusional

2:30 am: I WON’T GIVE UP UNTIL SHAKESPEARE IS AT MY KNEES, HERE I PRESENT U ... MACBETH

macbeth au

if u don’t know the plot... uncultured. jk i blame the british education system for my knowledge of this play but here’s a plot summary

let’s pretend scotland is camelot? yeah, just do it.

also: “Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.” (aka the only quote i can lowkey remember from year 9 for an absolute trash equivocation essay i waffled)

oh and also “what, you egg?” (he stabs him) - do i even have to explain the amazing significance of this quote? pls keep reading, i’m not insane.

character list:

macbeth - rhian

ok confession - i love rhian, 100% didn’t deserve to die so here he can be the tragic protagonist

outshone tedros in QFG (not that hard tbh) and gave us a glimpse of never!tedros’ potential character similarities - corrupted by evil, assuming that there r good intentions in evil people, kinda power hungry, thinks he deserves a position he really doesn’t, tricked by a prophecy

he’s a simp for sophie lets be honest (soz keian shippers) so the choice for lady macbeth should be...

lady macbeth - sophie

ok, just imagine, no morals/manipulative sophie slowly going insane and having power over powerful men- my fave trope of her wanting to kill rafal/king duncan but unable to pull through last minute because of her daddy issues... yes <3

slowly going insane cus she can’t balance her evilness and her humanity

the hand washing scene...

“Look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under it.”

the guards that are killed by lady macbeth and macbeth - nicola and hort

they were a cute duo when they investigate in QFG and that’s abt it, hence the short roles

the dagger - excalibur

cursed swords check

3 witches - mistral sisters

bruh this is perfect, i don’t have to explain, this is all slotting into place

king duncan - ... yoooo, does it really matter, just the previous king of Camelot. wait maybe that Uther guy. whatever.

banquo - chaddick

im tired, ur just gonna have to pretend that tedros is king arthur’s grandson and yes, chaddick’s son

i shall allow chaddick to have an actual role where he is a humble, loyal knight who isn’t just conveniently used to fulfil some random prophecy... oh wait poor guy was wronged so bad in TCY- ok ik he dies in macbeth too but like he has a bigger role here than in the 6 sge books. chaddick/ banquo are good plot devices that only exist so the prophecy makes sense, bingo!

macduff - tedros

c-section king

he just would be that character with the unique and coincidental part of his past that allows him to be king

young and underestimated check

daddy issues and family trauma

kinda doesn’t deserve to be king but uno what, ~prophecies~

(just forget abt malcolm’s existence, i have the power now)

the king of england - agatha

agatha as king... we love to see it yes this is my way of incorporating tagatha just pretend macduff falls in love with the king of england ok. agatha breaks the news that tedros’ dad has just died- cute comforting scene

scottish macduff realises the english are ok just like tedros realises agatha isn’t a witch... idk someone write a oneshot

3:30 am:

me: let’s fix all my mistakes w some aesthetic mood board ideas.

*types in “macbeth aesthetic” into pinterest* *chooses the first 3 images*

this is very much adequate

4:00 am; do what you will with this information, people of the internet. this doesn’t even make sense at this point. can’t wait for the black coffee overdose my body will endure tomorrow :) also i love how the sleep deprivation slowly makes my tone more aggressive. im a simp for tagatha but rhian being the main character makes me happy. how do y’all make ur theories and stuff all pretty. WAIT NO COVEN! wait no hester oml... ok maybe the 3 witches might have to be the coven, wow, i can’t believe i’ve done this.

ok imagine them all running around in a circle chanting “Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!” - iconic

ok, they can be the king of england’s attendants.

4:15 am: haha just brushed my teeth... why is this so chaotic. i cant get myself to proof read this because then i have to acknowledge how much time i have acc wasted so pls be traumatised by this chronic brain puke. will i ever write this fic... probably not but miracles happen. good night girls and gays - sweet dreams :) probs will regret this in the morning... oh how i worship the anonymity of tumblr

ps - currently writing a hate essay on hort which i might never release on fear of assasination by 12 year olds... we love to see it

pps - if u made it this far, idk what to tell u, u have perseverance. or maybe u just can’t read. how do i end these things and why am i treating this like a dear diary blog. goodbye. oh yeah, can some sge accounts maybe like... idk... interact w me uwu. i will go insane if i have to play devil’s advocate w myself any longer... GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

#school for good and evil #the school for good and evil #tagatha #macbeth #sophie of woods beyond #i am insane #no i do not have braincells

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wearesuchstuff1 · 4 years

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Star Crossed

What happens when you take a Star Wars obsessed nerd who is getting a graduate degree in Shakespeare Studies and you put her in quarantine with three essays to write for almost two months?

A Star Wars/Shakespeare AU for every one of Shakespeare's plays!

Read on AO3.

All's Well That Ends Well

Kylo as the King and Rey as Helena. Kylo has been stabbed by a lightsaber. Who stabbed him? Totally not Rey, what are you talking about?? Rey offers to heal Kylo with the Force (because that’s apparently a thing you can do?). Kylo doubts she can do it, but Rey offers to make him a deal - either she fails, in which case Kylo can kill her, or she succeeds, in which case she gets to choose her husband. Kylo agrees to this, secretly hoping that if she does manage to cure him that she will choose him as husband and not that annoying Rebel pilot or that ex- Storm Trooper. Rey does manage to heal Kylo, but instead of throwing herself at Kylo, Poe, or Finn, Rey decides she’s a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man and this way none of them can push the issue because she gets to be the one who ultimately chooses who, or if, she marries. Sorry Shakespeare, this play’s super annoying and I am not inflicting most of this plot on my Star Wars babies.

Antony and Cleopatra

Leia as Mark Anthony, Han as Cleopatra. Leia is a very busy, powerful, accomplished leader of the Resistance. Everyone looks up to her and she has lots to do as her Rebel forces battle the Empire. If only Han Solo weren't so damn sexy and distracting…

As You Like It

Ray as Rosiland and Finn as Orlando. After escaping from Jakku, Ray must seek her family in the Forest of D'Qar. Finn, in love with Ray and fleeing the wrath of the new, hostile government, also ends up in the Forest. There, Ray finds her family, learning that family does not begin or end with blood, and learns to find “tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones and good in everything.”

Comedy of Errors

Anakin managed to avoid the temptations of Palpatine but when Palpatine discovers that Padme is pregnant they, with Obi Wan’s help, agree that the children must be kept safe from the Sith Lord. In the wake of Order 66 Padme takes Leia and C-3PO on one ship and Anakin takes Luke and R2-D2 on another. The twins are raised apart but when Luke comes of age, he sets out with R2-D2 to find his twin. Hijinks and hilarity ensue, but in the end Luke and Leia, R2 and 3PO, and Anakin and Padme are all reunited.

Coriolanus

Obi Wan as Ophidius, Palpatine as Menennius, and Anakin as Coriolanus. Palpatine is intent on shaping the warrior Anakin in his political image. Anakin would much rather stab things with his lightsaber and rail against the establishment than put up with politics. Obi Wan and Anakin are gay for eachother.

Cymbeline

Leia is Imogen, Anakin is Cymbeline, Palpatine is Anakin’s evil lover, Palpatine's clone son is Cloten, Han is Posthumus. Leia married Han but Anakin doesn’t approve because Anakin and Palpatine want Leia to marry Palpatine’s clone son. After Han has been kicked out he goes to Jabba’s palace and sends Jabba the Hutt to try to seduce Leia because Jabba tricks Han into betting that Leia won’t betray him. Jabba brings “proof” to Han of Leia’s supposed infidelity and Han sends Chewie as Pisonio to lead Leia to the deserted deserts of Tatooine to kill her. However instead Chewie brings a disguise for Leia to dress up as a boy to keep her safe from Han. Dressed as a boy, Leia gets separated from Chewie and meets Obi Wan (as Belarius) and Luke (as Guiderius/Arviragus). Leia doesn’t know that Luke is her brother and after she falls ill she takes a potion given to Chewie by Palpatine that ends up making her fall into a dead sleep. I can’t be bothered to explain why. Thinking her dead, Obi Wan and Luke plan to bury her until Palpatine’s clone son, dressed as Han and looking for Leia, arrives and, because he is rude, gets his head cut off by Luke, who lays him (headless) next to Leia. When Leia wakes up she thinks that Han is dead and, in great despair, Leia goes off and pledges herself as a page to Tarkin, who is leading the Empire’s fleet against the Hutts. There is a big battle where Luke, Obi Wan, and Han kick ass, and at the end all mistaken identities are revealed, Palpatine dies and confesses his sins (not in that order), Han and Leia discover they were only tricked into thinking they didn’t love each other, and Leia still gets to strangle Jabba. In conclusion, this is a batshit play. Thanks Shakespeare.

Hamlet

Well it’s not Anakin because he doesn’t take any time to ponder anything before killing the people who killed his parent. He just kills them. And not just the men, but the women, and the children too…

Ben Kenobi tells Luke that Vader killed his father. Horrified by this information, Luke sets out across to Galaxy to confront Vader. By act five Luke has stabbed the Emperor through a curtain (thinking him to be Vader), Vader and Luke have both been stabbed with a poisoned lightsaber, General Tarkin has drunk poison intended for Luke, and Princess Leia is knocking on the doors of the death star. With his dying breath Luke tells his school friend Biggs (who Luke is not-so-secretly gay for) that he gives his vote for Leia to run the Galexy after he is dead. At this point Ben Kenobi is beginning to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have lied to Luke about his father after all. Also, R2 and 3PO are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

Henry IV, Parts I and II

Han as Hal and Jabba the Hutt as Falstaff. Hanging out with Jabba and his other lowlife friends has given Han a bad reputation. Despite Jabba's insistence that they be partners in petty crime and enjoy all the entertainment and Corilian Rum the credits from their crimes can buy, Han must grow to realize that his friend is holding him back from his true place in the Galaxy and that he ultimately must turn away from his old (large) friend in order to become a General in the Rebel Alliance and to stand by its Princess's side.

Henry V

Jyn and Cassian know, as their small band of brothers lands on the beaches of Scarif, that they are outnumbered ten to one. Nevertheless, as they prepare to head once more unto the breach they are determined to make ten men feel like a hundred. They know that if they are mark’d to die, they are enough to do the Rebellion loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honour. They fight valiantly and are able to bring the Rebellion hope by sending the plans for the Death Star to Princess Leia, but in the end none of them outlive that day, nor come safe home.

Henry VI, Parts I, II, and III

Despite the threats posed by the Clone Wars, the Jedi look above all else to their religion, leaving the path open for their enemies to take from them their power and, ultimately, their lives.

Henry VIII

Obi Wan is Anakin’s first wife and Padme is Ann Bolyn. Anakin cheats on Obi Wan and the Jedi Order with Padem. When the world finds out (youngings’) heads will roll.

Julius Caesar

Snoke, Kylo, and Hux as Caesar, Brutus, and Mark Anthony. Despite his pledged allegiance to Emperor Snok, Kylo turns against his master and stabs him with his lightsaber, inciting a power struggle between Kylo and Hux and some impassioned speeches to the gathered Storm Troopers.

King John

Palpatine as King John, Mace Windu as the Pope, and Anakin as the archbishop (and Hubert). Palpatine, in order to assert his influence over the Jedi and to continue to bring Anakin under his power, insists that Anakin be appointed to the Jedi Council. Mace Windu is furious that Palpatine would interfere in this way and attempts to “excommunicate” him from the Republic. Anakin turns on Mace Windu and the Jedi Order, and Palpatine sends him to the Jedi Temple to kill the younglings (specifically a youngling named Arthur). However, when actually faced with the task Anakin is unable to do so. Instead he lies to Palpatine and tells him the younglings have been killed.

King Lear

Lear/Cordelia as Vader/Luke. Vader is slightly (maybe a lot) crazy and angry and he tries to give his son, Luke, part of the Galaxy, providing Luke pledges his allegiance to Vader and the Dark Side of the Force. Luke is not having it so Vader cuts Luke’s hand off. In the end, after some battles, Vader realizes Luke is in the right just in time to die.

Love's Labour's Lost

By swearing off attachments and secluding themselves in their Temple, the Jedi believe they will better be able to learn from and serve the Force. But then Qui-Gon Jinn meets Shmi Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi meets Satine Kryze, Ahsoka Tano meets Lux Bonteri, and Anakin Skywalker meets Padme Amidala. Together they learn that attachments are not so easily avoided.

Macbeth

The Nightsisters, led by Mother Talzin, predict greatness for Darth Maul. In fact, when he is apprenticed to Sidious, Talzin predicts that Maul will become the most powerful Sith Lord and that he will soon become the master, no longer the apprentice. Fueled by this promised power, Maul, encouraged by his wife Lady Ventress, plans to kill Sidious. However, he is disturbed by Talzin's predictions that while he may become more powerful than even Sidious, it is Sidious's future apprentice, Darth Vader, who’s children will defeat the power of the Dark Side. Thinking himself invincible thanks to Mother Talzin's predictions he sees no reason to fear the two Jedi who arrive at the Naboo palace of Dunsinane in a ship called the Birnam Wood.

Measure for Measure

With the Empire not giving a fuck about the Outer Rims, Jabba is left to his own devices on Tatooine. When Jabba captures Luke and tries to feed him to his pet Rancor, Jabba proposes a deal with Leia that if she stays with him he will let Luke go. Already feeling that she is married to the Rebellion, Leia is torn between her love for the Alliance and her love for Luke. Ultimately Leia decides she’s better off strangling Jabba while Luke blows up his ship. Even though this isn’t what Mariana actuall does in the script it’s what she should do becasue fuck the patriarchy.

Merchant of Venice

In a last-ditch attempt to save the Republic she loves, Padme comes before the senate and reminds them that 'the quality of mercy is not strained'. She advises them that mercy 'is mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes the throned Emperor better than his robe: his lightsaber shows the force of temporal power, but mercy is above the lightsaber's sway". Her impassioned speech reminds the senate to see past the blood lust fueled by Palpatine and the Clone Wars and Padme single handedly manages to avoid the death of democracy to thunderous applause.

Merry Wives of Windsor

Jabba the Hutt is Falstaff. That’s all.

Midsummer Night's Dream

Finn and Poe, both thinking they are in love with Ray, follow Ray to a forest planet. Rose, in love with Poe, follows him. In the forest R2-D2 and his young companion BB8 use trickery and (Force) magic to help the humans sort out this love triangle mess (yes, this does make C-3PO Titania). Finn and Poe realize that they are actually in love with each other and Ray reaffirms that she is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man. Rose gets left in the woods because J.J. Abrams forgets about her.

Much Ado about Nothing

Leia/Han as Beatrice/Benedict. Despite the seemingly daily war of words between Princess Leia and Han Solo in the hallways of Hoth’s Echo Base, it seems every Alliance member except the Princess and the smuggler knows that the two are in love. While the verbal battles continue (some more sophisticated than others - Han’s only available comeback to Leia’s rather weak “scruffy looking nerf herder” jab being “who’s scruffy looking?”) Chewbacca, Luke, R2-D2 and a relatively confused and unwilling C-3PO ‘undertake one of Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Han and the Princess Leia into a mountain of affection the one with the other’. By the end both Han and Leia are separately convinced the other is madly in love with them and relent (purely out of the goodness of their own hearts and not at all because of any feelings they might have) to save the other from their suffering and agree to marry them. Also Jar Jar Binks is Dogberry - do not question it.

Othello

In order to serve his own purposes, Palpatine manages to turn the righteous and lauded warrior Anakin Skywalker against his wife, Padmé Amidala, with whispered lies and deceits, resulting in Anakin choking and, ultimately, killing the woman he loves. That’s it. That’s the film.

Pericles

Anakin as Pericles, Padme as Thaisa, and Leia as Marina. After fleeing from Mustafar with Padme, Obi Wan and Bail Organa watch helplessly as Padme gives birth to twins then, seemingly, dies. Afraid to bring more attention on themselves from Sidious and his new apprentice, the men place Padme’s body in an escape pod and eject it near Jedha. What they don’t know is that Padme is only mostly dead (which means she is a little bit alive). When her escape pod is found by a young local force user named Chirrut Imwe he brings Padme back from the brink. Knowing that her husband is dead to her and with no way to contact her children, Padme decides to dedicate herself to the Force at the ancient Jedi temple Chirrut and his husband Baze Malbus brought her to. Meanwhile, Leia is raised by Bail and, when she is old enough, dedicates herself to the Rebellion (sorry guys, I just can’t bring myself to have Bail try to kill Leia). However, when Leia is captured by the Empire she is brought before Vader. They talk and compare stories, and through their connection in the Force they realize that they are father and daughter. At the descovery of his daughter Vader decides ‘you know what, fuck the Emperer’ and casually destroies the Empire. Then the Force leads Anakin and Leia to Jedha (which hasn’t been destroyed because of reasons). There they discover Padme living in the temple of the Jedi. After a tearful family reunion with Anakin, Padme, and Leia, the three eventually decide they had better go save Luke from spending the rest of his life as a moisture farmer on Tatooine.

Richard II

Ben Solo as Bolingbrooke and Luke as Richard II. Luke, hoping to raise Ben Solo in his image, is heartbroken when he senses the dark side in his nephew. In a sudden and desperate attempt to keep the dark side from the world Luke banishes Ben (with his lightsaber). Furious at Luke’s betrayal Ben turns to the dark side and destroys everything Luke has sought to build.

Richard III

Turning against his own family, Kylo Ren murders and betrays in order to obtain the position in the First Order he believes his lineage affords him. Hux is Ann.

Romeo and Juliet

Finn has been raised to be a Storm Trooper since before he can remember. All his life he has been taught to hate the Resistance. Poe’s parents were Alliance members during the time of the Empire. They raised him to stand against the First Order. Finn and Poe thought they knew their beliefs, until the two meet and, despite all they have been taught to believe, fall desperately in love. They are, quite literally, star crossed. BB8 gets drunk off fermented oil and delivers a Queen Mab speech in exclusively beeps and whistles.

Taming of the Shrew

The Alderaanian Princess is a bit of a firecracker and has no time for anything in her life but the Rebellion. So when a smuggler shows up and decides to try to win her over Anakin, who did not turn to the Dark Side, laughs and says he’s welcome to try. Meanwhile, Bodhi Rook, Wedge Antilles, and Biggs Darklighter (yes, this IS his last name…) are all vying for Luke Skywalker’s attention. When Luke goes to Anakin and wines ‘but daddy, I want to get married’ Anakin makes a new rule: “YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED UNTIL LEIA GETS MARRIED!”. In order to have a chance at marriage Luke must team up with Chewbacca to help Han tame Leia. It doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone except Han that it is actually Leia who ends up doing the timing.

Tempest

In (self-imposed) exile a grumpy, gray haired Luke hangs out on an island strong with the magic of the Force. Ariel is a Porg.

Timon of Athens

Despite the Clone Wars, Obi Wan Kenobi is glad to be well liked and surrounded by friends he trusts. Then one day his friends (specifically his best friend and a bunch of clones) betray his ass. So what does he do? He runs off to the Outer Rim to the sandiest fucking planet he can find (because his ex-best friend hates sand) and spends the next 19 years being poor and grumpy.

Titus Andronicus

Seriously, the only story I know with more severed limbs that Titus Andronicus is Star Wars…

Troilus and Cressida

When Padme married Anakin Skywalker they exchanged vows, of course, but they also exchanged pieces of clothing. It’s an old Naboo tradition that Padme’s mother loved and Anakin found cute, so why not? It was a silly thing, but the sleeve Anakin gives her stays with Padme, folded neatly in a small box, as Anakin fights the Clone Wars throughout the Galaxy and Padme fights them in the Senate. But then Anakin falls to Darth Sidious’s powers and when Padme confronts him he almost chokes her to death. Almost. After giving birth to two healthy children Padme, Obi Wan, and Yoda agree that it will be safest for the twins to be raised apart in order to better hide them from the Dark Side. Obi Wan takes the boy to Tatooien and Padme’s friend Bail Organa takes the girl to be his adopted daughter. Padme, seperated from her children, spends the next several years traveling the Galaxy, doing good where she can and keeping herself away from her children, afraid that her presence will endanger them. But Darth Vader finally catches up with her. She is captured by the Sith Lord and taken prisoner and her already shattered heart breaks once again when she is brought before him. Her captor demands that she be his, insisting that she love him and give up her foolish affection for the foolish boy she met on Tatooine all those standard years ago. To prove her new supposed devotion to Vader, the Empire, and the Dark Side of the Force, Vader demands Padme supply him with a token of her affection. From her small pack Padme draws out a box with an old but neatly folded sleeve within. She hands it to the Sith Lord, a token of her love, in the hopes that it might remind Vader of the love Padme bears for another man.

Twelfth Night

After escaping Darth Vader with the plans to the Death Star, Luke and Leia, twins raised together as royals on Alderaan, crash in their escape pod on Tatooine. Believing her twin brother to be dead, Leia dresses as a man to better hide from the Empire. She is hired by a handsome smuggler named Han Solo, who sends her as an envoy to the palace of Jabba the Hutt, hoping Leia can gain information about Han’s lost love Qi’ra. Han is intrigued by his new hire and his apparent aversion to the Empire while under her disguise Leia finds she is falling in love with Han. Jabba is confused about why this petite boy Solo keeps sending wants to know about someone named Obi Wan Kanobi, Chewie is considering changing up his single munitions belt style with some fancy cross-gartering, and somehow Luke ends up at Jabba’s in a slave bikini.

Two Gentlemen of Verona

Lance and Crab - Ray and BB8 on Jakku. Ray, having no family to speak of, designates her left shoe to be her mother, her right shoe to be her father, her staff to be her sister, her hat to be their maid and she is the droid. No, the droid is herself, and she is the droid - O, the droid is her, and she is herself. Ay, so, so. She plays out her imagined family life with shoes and staff, bringing herself to lonely tears. Now the droid all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a word; but see how she lays Jakku’s dust with her tears.

Winter's Tale

Abandoned after his family exited pursued by a (space) bear, Baby Yoda finds a new protector and adopted father in Din Djarin, the Mandalorian.

Cardenio and Love’s Labour’s Won

These two are the 6 hour uncut Phantom Menace because they are lost and I would give my first born child to see them.

Sir Thomas More, The Spanish Tragedy, and Edward III

All the books/legends - not because of the plot, but because although George Lucas had very little to do with them they are really only known, by those who know them, in association with him and his works. There is a large debate by ‘scholars’ as to whether they should be accepted as canon or not.

Bonus

Chewbacca is ecstatic when he hears that an Alderaanian princess has taken up residence in the detention block of a nearby moon space station. He hopes that this princess might be the perfect match for his handsome yet headstrong smuggler friend. After all, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Alderaanian princess in possession of a good fortune of Credits, must be in want of a husband.

I must give a huge thank you to my friends who put up with me while I did this and contributed fabulous ideas! Vaxildamn, Dazingparadise, Kaethe, and Eric, I couldn't have done this without you!

#star wars #Shakespeare #AO3 #cross overs #@actualvaxildan #@dazingparadise #@kaethe-nicole

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silenthillmutual · 4 years

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Danganronpa 1 & 2 characters as High School “recommended reading” books I actually read

Makoto Naegi

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee when i read it: 5th grade for fun, 10th grade for English class did i like it? well enough yeah content warnings: thematic & period-typical racism, ableism, and sexism about: Recounts a summer in which Scout and her brother, Jem, watch their lawyer father defend a black man accused of raping a white woman in the south while balancing raising them alone. Other stuff happens, but that’s the most important plot thread.

Sayaka Maizono

Medea by Euripides when i read it: i don’t remember, maybe 9th for drama, 12th for English? did i like it? yep! content warnings: child murder, infidelity, some pretty brutal other character deaths, sexism about: Medea, who has sacrificed everything to be with her husband - even committed treason - has been left by the man so he can move on to woo and wed a princess. And she loses her shit.

Leon Kuwata

The Adventures of Huckelberry Finn by Mark Twain when i read it: 11th grade did i like it? yeah! content warnings: thematic & period-typical racism (use of the n-word), domestic abuse, classism iirc? about: After his abusive dad comes back and demands money under the threat of death, Huck Finn runs away with a fugitive slave down the Mississippi River. Being Mark Twain, it’s a comedy, although Huck’s father is genuinely kind of frightening and his friendship with Jim is kind of heartwarming.

Chihiro Fujisaki

Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley when i read it: 10th grade for fun, 12th grade & freshman year of college for class did i like it? I’ve got mixed feelings; i love the book, hate most peoples’ interpretations of it. content warnings: character death, incest (depending on the version of the novel you read), unethical doctors, neglectful parents about: Thinking he knows better than literally anyone else he’s ever met, Victor Frankenstein decides it’s his birthright to play god. He robs graves to build the perfect body, and then, once he’s successful, flips his shit and refuses to acknowledge any part he played in the creation, wrecking the lives of like everyone he knows.

Mondo Oowada

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton when i read it: like 6th or 7th grade, for fun did i like it? i loved it! content warnings: abuse, thematic classism, character death about: Honestly the most obvious choice to make for Mondo. Ponyboy Curits, a greaser, recounts the last few months of his life in which, after being repeatedly harassed and then nearly killed by gang of rich kids, his friend Johnny stabs one to death. In order to keep Johnny out of prison and Ponyboy out of a boys’ home, the two run away. Considering Ponyboy is also being raised by an older brother, this totally fits Mondo.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

King Lear by William Shakespeare when i read it: twice in college (discliamer: as an english major i had to taken an entire course on shakespeare, so he shows up a lot here between that and having done theatre) did i like it? no content warnings: a surprising amount of gore for a stage play, including a guy getting his eyes gouged out and someone getting beheaded iirc about: The king’s getting up in years, so he’s hoping he can drop the workload off onto his three daughters while remaining the figurehead. His youngest, Cordelia, who he loves best, refuses to kiss his ass by saying that he’ll still have power over her once she’s married, and this pisses him off so he disinherits her. Then her sisters, annoyed with their father and his favoritism, decide that with Cordelia out of the way they can now do basically whatever they want and determine to make his life hell. Since he named them Goneril and Regan, I don’t blame them.

Hifumi Yamada

The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer when i read it: college, but i wanna say i read some of the stories in it for English classes in high school? did i like it? some of the stories i did yeah content warnings: varies from story to story, but i remember unsanitary, drunkenness, and infidelity about: The overarching “plot” as such is that a group of people are making a pilgrimage to Canterbury, and decide that to pass the time they will tell two stories each. Each story is told in-character, and whoever tells the best story has to...buy everybody dinner, or something? I don’t really recall. It’s a comedy, but it’s also unfinished because Chaucer bit off way more than he could chew.

Celes Ludenberg

“The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe when i read it: 11th grade did i like it? probably, i’m a fan of Poe content warnings: drunkenness, murder about: This one got memetic on tumblr for a while, but essentially this guy decides to get revenge on an old friend of his for some kind of sleight by getting him drunk during Carnival, leading him into the basement, and burying him alive. Poe isn’t one to go soft.

Sakura Oogami

“A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? no content warnings: objectification, something akin to torture about: A family finds an old man with wings lying face-down on the ground and decide to keep him like a pet. People see him and assume he is an animal, and the family decides to start charging admission like their own private sideshow, while onlookers abuse him. One of those extra depressing stories that makes you wonder why the hell you had to read it for class.

Mukuro Ikusaba

The Crucible by Arthur Miller when i read it: the first time, probably in 6th or 7th grade, and then several more times after that for a variety of other classes. it’s a theatre and English class staple. did i like it? when taken in context, yes. but i’m also fucking sick of reading it. content warnings: infidelity, paranoia bait, period-typical racism & sexism (takes place during the Salem Witch Trials) about: The plot is a witch hunt, in which a girl who had an affair with a married man claims to have been taken over by the spirit of the devil and that all her friends and a variety of other townsfolk have too. It follows the trials as they try to determine who is and is not guilty, who will repent for their sins, and thematically is about puritanical hysteria. It’s about the Red Scare of the 50s, surveillance, the Hollywood Blacklist, propaganda, and tyrannical government. Naturally, teachers fail to provide any context for the play that actually makes it relevant or interesting. Compare to modern day callout/cancel culture.

Kyouko Kirigiri

12 Angry Men by Reginald Rose when i read it: 10th grade (although i’d already seen the movie) did i like it? yes content warnings: thematic classism & xenophobia about: The jury of a case in which a teenager is accused of murder convene to determine their verdict. All but one man believe him to be guilty. The rest of the play covers his attempts to sway his other jurors into at least casting aside their prejudices to view the case impartially.

Byakuya Togami

The Federalist Papers when i read it: summer before 12th grade for AP Gov. yikes. did i like it? oh god no. i had to have my lawyer dad explain it to me. content warnings: legalese and it’s boring as fuck about: i mean it’s just a bunch of essays to promote ratifying the the constitution. I don’t even remember if we read all of them. that’s how bad my retention of the subject is.

Toko Fukawa

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? kind of? content warnings: bugs, emotional abuse, depression about: A man awakens one day to find he has transformed into a giant cockroach. It’s a metaphor for his depression and what a burden he feels like to his family. If you read anything about Kafka’s life, you’ll understand why he was depressed.

Aoi Asahina

Hamlet by William Shakespeare when i read it: i’ve forgotten when my first time was because i’ve had to read it so constantly. if i had to wager a guess, i’d say middle school, though i’ve read it for fun, for drama class, and for English class. did i like it? yes content warnings: character death, suicidal ideation, incest vibes (depending on your interpretation) about: Hamlet, not over the early death of his father, is enraged that his mother has married his uncle. He’s really bringing everyone else down about it, and then he starts to see his father’s ghost on top of it all. No one’s sure if he’s just mad with grief or if the ghost is for real, but he starts making life for everyone else difficult when he decides to try and expose his uncle as his father’s murderer.

Yasuhiro Hagakure

Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller when i read it: 10th grade i think? did i like it? if i believed in book-burning, this would’ve been the first turned to ash in my trashcan content warnings: infidelity, mediocre white men with narcissism, suicide, not sure what else about: An aging father who thinks he was robbed of success by circumstances refuses to face facts that he is a loser by projecting his failures onto a son that now hates him and thinking real big of himself for a wash-out.

Junko Enoshima

Othello by William Shakespeare when i read it: college did i like it? it’s my favorite Shakepseare play, actually! content warnings: thematic racism/xenophobia/Islamophobia, domestic abuse, character death about: A tragedy centering around the planned downfall of Othello, Moor of Venice. He’s relatively well-respected for his heroics and generally being a pretty cool guy, but for whatever reason, Iago wants to see him suffer. And when I say “for whatever reason” - it’s because Iago never gives a consistent one, but at the end he admits the entire thing has been his orchestration and he’s had no issue exploiting peoples’ bigotry as a means to an end. One popular and pretty text-evident theory is that Iago is in love with Othello. But - causing a ruckus, bringing society to its knees, and torturing a man just for shits n giggles? Getting it all done by sheer power of charisma? That’s all Junko ever does.

Monokuma

1984 by George Orwell when i read it: 10th grade for fun, 12th grade for class did i like it? yes but i don’t recommend it. i like tedious shit. content warnings: paranoia bait, sexual themes, torture, probably other stuff i’m forgetting about: Classic dystopia lit in which the government controls the flow of information to the degree of creating its own language (”newspeak”) to explain the technology used to survey its citizens and distill history-changing propaganda. Especially relevant in an era of “fake news.” Where Big Brother Is Watching comes from. Extremely difficult to get into.

Hajime Hinata

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? yeah content warnings: ableism, implied domestic abuse, character death, animal death, era-typical sexism (1930s) about: Very desolate and depressing novella about the futility of the American Dream to “make something of yourself”. Two farmhands, Lennie and George, arrive at a California farm seeking employment. They just want to earn enough money to open up a farm of their own - a rabbit farm - and things are all downhill from there. Well-written and one of Steinbeck’s shorter works.

Twogami

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald when i read it: 11th grade did i like it? yes! i loved it. but in the way that you love sleazy tabloid rag stories. content warnings: infidelity, car accidents, character death about: Stupidly rich people in New York in the 1920s being fake as hell. It’s about excess and decadence and the idea of having a rags-to-riches story, and it’s very homoerotic.

Teruteru Hanamura

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? one of my top faves tbh content warnings: alcoholism & drug usage, thematic classism & racism (ie that’s the point), sexual themes, violence, non-graphic suicide (like literally the last sentence), character deaths about: You know how 1984 is a very pessimistic dystopia about government surveillance? Brave New World is like “what if everything was a utopia because of government interference?” It’s easier to get into than 1984. It’s about a man from the upper echelon of society discovering the dirty secret of how society is able to able to function the way it does, an outsider into his world to shake things up.

Mahiru Koizumi

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen when i read it: i dunno, summer between 9th and 10th grade maybe? did i like it? yes! i loved it. content warnings: there are a couple of guys who are sort of gross but there’s nothing that bad in it about: An upper-middle class family - more the mother than the father - trying to marry off the eldest of their five daughters. It’s largely character-driven and most of the plot focuses on Jane’s relationship with Bingley, Elizabeth’s relationship with Darcy, and the problems witch judging people based on first impressions.

Peko Pekoyama

Call of the Wild by Jack London when i read it: 9th grade did i like it? fuck no content warnings: graphic animal violence. if there’s other stuff i forgot because i fucking hated this book. about: I think it’s something like a dog getting lost in Alaska and has to learn to be a wolf in order to survive? It’s incredibly brutal and is one of those media where just reading it makes you feel cold.

Hiyoko Saionji

The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? not really content warnings: man i don’t know, but it’s by Tennessee Williams so there’s probably alcoholism, daddy issues, and homophobia about: An overbearing mother embarrasses her son and disabled daughter when an old school friend comes to visit...I’m not sure if there’s more of a plot to it than that. Like most Williams works, it’s largely character-driven.

Ibuki Mioda

If On a Winter’s Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino when i read it: college did i like it? this is one of those rare exceptions in books where i read it, because i remember having a visceral reaction to it, but i can not for the life of me remember a single damn thing about it other than how stupidly difficult it was to read. content warnings: it’s metaficiton. about: You are the protagonist. I genuinely can’t explain anymore than that.

Mikan Tsumiki

A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams when i read it: 9th grade did i like it? not really, but i’d be willing to reread it content warnings: domestic abuse, rape about: Unstable Blanche DuBois goes to visit her sister, Stella, and meets her appalling husband Stanley. All Tennessee Williams plays seem to have a theme of family tragedy in them, with this being probably the most bleak example.

Nekomaru Nidai

The Odyssey by Homer when i read it: 9th grade, then again in college for a classics class did i like it? yeah content warnings: your usual classical Greek-variety nonsense, including character death, infidelity, and partying. about: Odysseus attempts to make his way back home after the Trojan War, and has a time of it. Having pissed off Poseidon he’s gotten off-course and gotten lost another ten years, and had a whole slew of other adventures trying to make it back home and save his wife from the harassment she’s been getting since his disappearance.

Gundham Tanaka

The Tempest by William Shakespeare when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? not especially content warnings: thematic colonialism & racism...not sure what else but it’s hard as fuck to read. try reading it out loud & acting along to it. about: I didn’t totally get it but there’s something about a wizard having been banished and now people are coming back to find him for some reason? the people who exiled him & his brother & daughter have crash-landed on his island and now he might get his revenge. Thanks, TVTropes! All I remember is discussing in one class about how The Tempest managed to predict the “finding” of America and how the English would treat the native peoples. It’s a “romance”, which in that day and age meant it was about magic. Influenced some science fiction works like Brave New World (the title of which comes from a line spoken by Miranda). I should probably reread it.

Nagito Komaeda

The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger when i read it: 8th grade for fun did i like it? yeah content warnings: implied pedophilia. i’m sure there’s other stuff but i don’t remember it well enough. about: Perennial troublemaker Holden Caulfield is kicked out of boarding school, and takes a hell of a long time getting home from the place as he complains about his declining mental state, hypocrisy, and loss of innocence. It’s one of those books you either really love or really hate, and has been repeatedly challenged because Holden swears too much and might be bisexual.

Chiaki Nanami

Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw when i read it: 12th grade, i think did i like it? yes content warnings: classism about: A linguistics professor makes a bet with a friend that he can take any lower-class citizen and teach them to speak formal English, well enough to pass them off as aristocracy to other rich people. It’s the plot upon which the musical My Fair Lady is based, although it was intended as a deconstruction of the kind of plot whose trope it now codifies.

Sonia Nevermind

“Lamb to the Slaughter” by Roald Dahl when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? yeah! content warnings: infidelity, character death about: A guy comes home and tells his heavily pregnant wife that he’s been having an affair, and he’s leaving her. She doesn’t take it well. I won’t spoil the rest of it, as it’s a short story, but it’s fun to keep in mind that it’s be the same guy who wrote classics such as Matilda and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Kazuichi Souda

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare when i read it: 8th grade for a book report and then again in....i don’t know. i’ve had to read it a lot. did i like it? sure, it’s got some pretty great insults content warnings: men being douchebags including stalker-y behavior, and a woman falls in love with a man who has a donkey’s head (it doesn’t last) about: Hermia & Lysander are planning to run away to get married because Hermia’s father doesn’t approve of Lysander, and she’s trying to dodge the affections of Demetrius - the man to whom she has been betrothed, because he’s an ass who, among other things, slept with her friend Helena and then ditched her. Which Helena is still hung up on, even though he’s a gross creep. At the same time, a group of actors are trying to get together a play for an upcoming royal wedding, and the King of the Faeries is trying to win back his wife. This all connects because a faerie decides to fuck around.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier when i read it: college, for an independent study did i like it? yeah content warnings: graphic violence, i think some homophobia? about: Kids and staff at a private school take a candy sale way too damn seriously. There’s basically a mafia at the school and some sort of weird popularity contest and hazing going on.

Akane Owari

“The Most Dangerous Game” by Richard Connell when i read it: 9th grade did i like it? i guess so content warnings: human hunting about: A man finds himself shipwrecked on an island, and is then hunted for sport. No, really.

Monomi

East of Eden by John Steinbeck when i read it: technically i’m in the middle of it right now, but that counts, right? did i like it? so far, i guess i do, but it’s mainly i care character who comes up later. couldn’t give less of a shit about adam trask, full offense content warnings: period-typical sexism & racism (set around the turn of the 20th century and published in 1952), implied pedophilia (that gets incredibly glossed over), ableism about: A combination of heavy-handed religious allegory (Steinbeck really just can’t cool it with the Cain and Abel theme naming) and family tree history. Follows the Trask family through Adam’s childhood, tumultuous relationship with his brother, even worse relationship with his wife, and horrible parenting of his children. The end (which is what the film adaptation covers) is more centered on his son Cal Trask grappling with the idea that he might be evil because of his genetics, or something. I think that’s an argument you could make of Monomi, being related to Monokuma (or at least, how i’m sure she’d feel).

#danganronpa #ok to rb

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edettethegreat · 4 years

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Book summary #16

King Lear by William Shakespeare

(Just a quick warning- King Lear is relatively long and doesn’t have a lot of filler parts. So the summaries will probably be pretty long)

Part 1

Act 1 Scene 1- The play starts off with three guys having a conversation. Actually, it’s more like two guys having a conversation and the third one’s just there too for some reason. These three guys would be the earl of Kent, the Earl of Gloucester, and the earl of Gloucester’s son, Edmund. (If you’ve been following me for a while you’d know that Edmund’s my favorite character here. Pay close attention to him.)

Anyway, Gloucester and Kent talk about how Lear’s gonna be dividing up his kingdom amoung his three daughters, which is an overall weird thing to do. Then Kent’s like “so... is this other guy your son or something?”

“yup. But he’s illegitimate and I don’t like him”

“that’s kinda harsh- why don’t you like him?”

“because he’s illegitimate!”

“but he’s hot! you should like him because he’s hot!”

“I DO like him because he’s hot! I treat him basically the same as I treat his older and legitimate brother, Edgar. Yup, there’s no prejudice here!”

Note that Edmund’s standing right here the whole time while his father and his father’s friend are talking about him.

Then Lear walks in and is like “OK TIME TO DIVIDE UP MY KINGDOM! And ya know how I’m gonna do that? I’m gonna have each of you tell me how much you love me. Whoever loves me the most gets the most land.”

So his oldest daughter, Goneril, is like “I love you soooooooooo much!!!”

And Lear’s like “oh, well then you get the biggest piece of land automatically!”

Then Regan, Lear’s second daughter, is like “well I love you twice as much as she does!”

And Lear’s like “oh well then you get the next biggest piece of land!”

And then Lear’s youngest daughter, Cordelia, is like “Dad. This is stupid. I’m not gonna kiss up to you so I could get land. You should know by now how much each of us loves you. We’ve been your daughters for a while now.”

And Lear is like “DID YOU JUST SAY YOU DON’T LOVE ME?! DO YOU HATE ME?! THAT’S IT, YOU’RE BANISHED AND I’M DISOWNING YOU!”

So then Kent, the only person with at least a drop of common sense, is like “Lear. That’s stupid. You should know by now that Cordelia loves you the most.”

And Lear Is like “OH YEAH? WELL YOU’RE BANISHED TOO!”

So things are looking great for Cordelia and Kent.

But wait! Cordelia was supposed to choose a suitor to marry today! But now she was disowned and doesn’t have a dowery! So the two suitors- the duke of Burgundy and the king of France- come in, and Lear is like “hey, she doesn’t have a dowery anymore, do you still wanna marry her?”

And Burgundy’s like “nope” but France is like “yeah”, so France marries Cordelia and they all live happily ever after.

Not.

This is a Shakespearean tragedy and we’re still in act one. You should know by now that they’re all gonna die.

Everyone leaves the room except for Goneril and Regan. They talk about how- plot twist- they actually hate Lear and only said they loved him so they could get money. Wow. Who woulda thought.

Act 1 Scene 2- Now let’s see how stuff is doing at Gloucester’s place. Edmund’s there and he’s not too happy. He soliloquizes about how no one likes him because he’s illegitimate, and now he wants revenge on the world. So for his brilliant revenge plot, he forges a letter pretending it’s from Edgar (his older legitimate brother) saying that they should really get rid of their father. Then Gloucester walks in and is like “oh boy I can’t believe Lear really did that to Cordelia and Kent!”

“yeah that’s really unfortunate’ *hides letter in a very obvious way*

“heyyy what’s with that letter you just hid?”

‘letter? What letter?”

“the one that’s currently sticking out of your pocket?”

“what pocket? What’s a pocket?”

“you’re very bad at playing dumb, Edmund. Just give me the letter.”

“but it’s private! And it would be very unfortunate if you read it and got mad at Edgar..”

“so it’s from Edgar? C’mon Edmund just let me see the letter”

“oh boy this sure is a bad situation I’ve gotten myself into, huh? If I don’t show you the letter, you’ll be angry. If I do show you the letter, you’ll be even angrier because you’ll know that Edgar wants to get rid of you”

“WHAT?! EDGAR WANTS TO GET RID OF ME?!” “oh no did I say that out loud? look dad, here’s the letter. Read it for yourself. Maybe he just wrote it as a test to see if I’d agree?”

*reads letter* “This is horrible! I’m so glad I have an honest and loyal son like you, Edmund. Who brought you this letter?”

“oh. Uh. Nobody! Yeah, It was just thrown through my window.”

“that’s very clever of Edgar. Are you positive this is his handwriting?”

“Oh yeah totally. No doubt about it.”

“Ok, well you’re my favorite son now.”

“ok. Ya know what? How about I go check with Edgar to see if he really meant what he wrote?”

“excellent plan. you’re the best, Edmund”

Gloucester leaves and Edgar enters.

“hey Edmund what’s up?”

“oh Edgar you won’t believe what happened! It’s so horrible!”

“what? What happened? Is everything alright?”

“did you do anything recently that would annoy dad?”

“no.. I don’t think so at least..”

“well I don’t know what happened but he’s furious! Yeah, I think he wants to kill you or something! ‘

“oh no! Do you think I could have been set up by someone?!”

“I have no idea! but you’d better stay away from dad until he calms down!”

“ok, thanks! You’re the best brother ever!”

“no problem!”

Act 1 Scene 3- Lear is staying by Goneril’s place, but Goneril doesn’t like that so she tells her servants to be as rude to him as they want. This one guy, Oswald, takes up this offer.

Act 1 Scene 4- Kent wants his job back, so he goes to Lear in disguise and asks for a job. Since this is a Shakespeare play, all the characters are face blind. Lear doesn’t recognize Kent and re-hires him. Then Oswald comes in and starts being rude to Lear. Kent trips him, which Lear thinks is the greatest thing in the world and is like “wow you’re great! Why didn’t I hire you sooner?”

The the Fool shows up (aka the only person here with more than 5 braincells) and he’s like “I bet you were wondering why everyone’s being so rude to you”

“huh. Yeah. I was wondering that.”

“it’s because now that you divided up the land among your daughters, you’re not really king anymore! Really, who does that?”

“oh. Ok.”

The the fool makes fun of Lear for a bit- and I quote-

Lear: Dost thou call me fool, boy?

Fool: All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast born with

Anyway, Goneril finally shows up and she’s like “ya know what? We’ll compromise. We’ll be less rude to you if you send away the 100 soldiers you brought with you and only bring 50 next time.”

And Lear’s like “no way. I’m gonna go to your sister’s house. She’s gonna be nicer to me.” (Plot twist- she won’t be)

Then the duke of Albany- Goneril’s husband, who wasn’t in on the whole “be rude to Lear” thing- shows up. He’s like “sir is everything alright?”

And lear’s like “uh NO! Your wife is the worst and I hate her!”

“but what happened?”

Lear just yells for abit but eventually he gets around to saying that Goneril wants him to get rid of 50 of his soldiers. Then he leaves.

Albany turns to Goneril and is like “hey that wasn’t very nice-

“shut up I’ll do what I want”

So as you can tell they have a wonderful happy marriage.

Goneril writes a letter to her sister telling her to be rude to Lear too.

Act 1 Scene 5- Lear writes to Gloucester telling him what’s going on. The fool makes a bunch of jokes.

-end of Act 1-

#King Lear #shakespeare #william Shakespeare

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gabriel-gabdiel · 3 years

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Keit-AI! Tomoyuki x Seiko Chapter 20: Hook, Line, and Sinker

The secret behind the issue between Tomoyuki Yamamoto and Aya Fubuki.

The rest of the chapters of my original story based on a plot from 4chan are available here. Enjoy.

First | Previous | Next

For what it was worth, Tomoyuki "Cherry Boy" Yamamoto found a way to return the favor to (Alternate Universe) Seiko "Amazon Queen" Okamoto for her thoughtful birthday gift to him.

The best birthday gift he ever got. A trailer for a film that didn't exist in his universe. Seen only by him within his reality.

The trailer for Akira Kurosawa's "Ran". The legendary director's (unintentional) version of William Shakespeare's "King Lear".

What he was about to send to Seiko was in a sense his "White Day" gift for her "Valentine's Day" chocolate.

A return gift of gratitude. A downloaded video from YouTube Japan.

"Hey, Cherry Boy. What's this?" she texted him back.

"Just open the file," he texted in return.

She then texted, "Boo. I thought it's a round or two from Pacquiao- Mayweather, but it's just another one of your Kurosawa film trailers!"

Huh. Maybe he should've sent her a Pac-May clip. Maybe later. "I'll just send you video highlights of it or even their future rematch when it happens. Maybe even on your birthday."

"There's gonna a rematch?! Sweet!" she cheered, only to ask, "So what did you send me?"

"Send it to him. To me. The other me," he answered. "I swear to you, Tomoyuki will love it. I know I do."

She watched the whole thing. All one minute and thirteen seconds of it.

"Cherry Boy, you're a genius! This is the best birthday gift for Tomoyuki since, you know, he canceled on our proposed movie date and all."

Ah. Of course.

AU Miku ended up giving AU Tomoyuki the cold shoulder because he liked AU Seiko's present more than hers, so to make it up to the Class Rep, his other self nixed his date with the Amazon Queen.

Another love triangle had formed in another dimension.

At least the other Okamoto had a love triangle to speak of. He was definitely still in the "Friend Zone" (sorry, Miku) with the Amazon Queen in his universe, her proposal for a pity date aside.

The Amazon Queen that didn't love him as much as this other" her did.

"Sorry," he texted back, pushing his disturbing thoughts at the back of his mind. "But you know what they say about love and war."

"Fair enough, but what do I tell Cherry Boy when I send this video to him? He'll have questions for sure!"

Nodding to no one in particular, Yamamoto replied, "Tell him it's the long-lost and extremely rare alternate trailer for Kagemusha starring Katsu Shintaro instead of Nakadai Tatsuya."

***

Keit-AI! Tomoyuki x Seiko

An Anime-Inspired Original Story from 4chan's /a/ Board by Abdiel

Original Idea by Hataki.

The mystery behind Aya will finally be revealed.

Disclaimer: This work may reference copyrighted material, the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. It is believed that this constitutes a fair use of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. All copyrighted material referred to in this work belongs to their respective owners. All rights reserved.

***

Chapter 20: Hook, Line, and Sinker

***

Meanwhile, the Miku Machida in Tomoyuki's universe gave him the opposite of the cold shoulder (A "hot" shoulder? Rubbing shoulders?).

Just like good ol' times, they were again together like white on rice. Talking about Sci-Fi things mixed with cool science facts while walking to class. Again fueling rumors of them being together.

"...Oh, oh, oh! Here's another evidence of the Mandela Effect. Most people remember the Monopoly Man as having no monocle, right? But when you take a look at the box of the board game, he definitely does have a monocle! Spooky, right?" she told him.

Ah, so they were talking about the Mandela Effect again. Misquotes and popular misconceptions mistaken for evidence of parallel worlds and traveling through them.

Except in Tomoyuki's case, the Mandela Effect was all too real.

He patted her head like she was a little kid and smiled at her. "It's very spooky," he said, which made her pout cutely, cross her arms, and turn away from him.

"Don't patronize me!" she said with a harrumph.

Damn, she was so cute when she was annoyed.

Jokingly bullying her was almost worth a taste of the cold shoulder that the (probably jealous) AU Miku was currently giving AU Tomoyuki.

Or maybe he felt like tempting fate for once.

Thankfully, Miku forgot his transgression the next minute, bringing up, "Do you remember how the candy 'KitKat' doesn't have a dash between Kit and Kat? Well, it does! It's actually spelled Kit-Kat"

"Hey, you're right," he said, checking out the nearby snack bar and seeing the Kit-Kat logo having the dash when he remembered otherwise.

She grins. "Amazing, isn't it? I'm telling you, parallel universes exist!"

'You don't have to tell me twice,' he inwardly quipped, taking note that in AU Seiko's universe, it was probably the other way around.

In her universe, KitKat bars probably didn't have dashes and the Monopoly Man most likely didn't have a monocle. Along with other weird things like Michael Jackson, who was brown-skinned, bleaching his skin Caucasian white and having legal issues regarding pedophilia (allegedly).

The old Yamamoto would've been over the moon to have Miku as a best friend, even to the point of fantasizing that they'd somehow end up being more than just friends in the future.

But something changed between them from first year to second year.

That tall, beautiful, athletic, and tomboyish something... or someone... barreled over between them, slinging each of her long arms over their nearest shoulders.

"Hey, Nerds. Still talking about that egghead stuff with the black president guy that's not Obama?"

"It's the Mandela Effect and he's not a president in our universe," reminded Machida. "Here, Mandela died in prison, serving as a symbol of the South African revolution. But so many people wanted him to be president, they all swore he became one. Or maybe it's a memory we had from a different timeline!"

"U-huh. And maybe in a different dimension, Mayweather is a knockout puncher with exciting fights under his belt," the Amazon Queen said, saying the most Seiko thing possible. "I appreciate the man's talent, but boy howdy, am I not looking forward to Mayweather-Pacquiao II."

Tomoyuki then made a mental note to not reveal the actual results of May-Pac to AU Seiko, neglecting to tell her earlier of how initially exciting but ultimately boring the actual fight ended up to be.

The Cherry Boy then averted his gaze from Seiko, the... former object of his affection. The sight of her made his heart ache and long for someone else who was like her but wasn't, making him feel guilty for doing so.

Maybe it was for the best that Okamoto wasn't all that into him after all.

So should he abandon his harebrained scheme to get Seiko and Kazuhito "Yankee" Sugata together, like Megumi Minagata suggested?

Not necessarily.

He'd still do it, but this time expecting a more realistic outcome of either heartbreak or a long-delayed hookup between the childhood sweethearts.

Without unrealistic expectations of the Amazon Queen going for the unlikely third option.

It was the least he could do for the alternate universe counterpart of the girl he loved.

***

Things also went back to normal in Class 2B. Somewhat.

"Hey, New-Half (Trans Woman)," called out Kazuhito (who finally decided to not skip classes) to Seiko.

Okamoto shouted, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A NEW-HALF!?" followed by a smack on his face. "Stupid Furyou-kun!"

Then the rest of the class began hooting and hollering at them for "acting like a married couple" who could help Japan with its population slump.

All talk of a potential pair-up or even love triangle between the Cherry Boy and the Amazon Queen faded once the heartthrob Sugata finally came back with his usual "married couple" shenanigans with Okamoto.

"As if Cherry Boy ever had a chance with the Amazon Queen while the Yankee is around!" was probably their shared sentiment of the situation.

They all just presumed Yamamoto was friendzoned (as usual), although they were hedging their bets that he'd score a pity date or two with their Iincho (Class Rep) at least.

"Please, you two! Stop fighting! Math Class is about to start," pleaded the mousy Class Rep in her usual adorable, bespectacled way that made Tomoyuki fall for her back in first year.

However, rather than scheme on how to get Machida and Sugata closer together to make Okamoto jealous enough to cross her Rubicon and confront her childhood friend about her long dormant feelings with him, the Cherry Boy started doodling and writing something else at the back of a dog-eared, beat-up notebook.

He couldn't stop thinking about Akira Kurosawa's Ran.

He wanted to write more about it. Research about its connection with King Lear even though, according to AU Seiko, it was a coincidental comparison made by western (foreign) media at best.

For the first time in a long while, he felt inspired to go after his passion and hobbies rather than try to appeal to the interests of others in a bid to "belong" in a clique or a long-term relationship with a girl.

For the longest time, he had been trying too hard to fit in with his peers. Only the closest people in his life know about his passion for writing and movies.

Like the glasses-wearing neighborhood girl he ended up being best friends with. Or, lately, both versions of Seiko Okamoto.

When he was under the mistaken belief that the only way he could improve on himself was to get a girlfriend rather than the other way around, he tended to ingratiate himself to whomsoever he attempted to woo.

In the case of his first crush Yukari Goto, he started taking the late train and gave her a hand whenever her klutziness or ditziness got her into trouble.

In the case of Aya Fubuki, he went to dates with her in all sorts of restaurants even to the point of maxing out his allowance and trying to find a job to supplement his dates, only for her to deny the dates ever took place.

In the case of Mana Otonashi, he really should've figured out he was just her plaything all along when she made her own mother tell him to stop calling her. How embarrassing.

In the case of Miku Machida, he got told hard regarding his clinginess and unrealistic expectations as a "Nice Guy". Even after that, their friendship persisted mostly because he absorbed her otaku knowledge like a sponge until he was able to decipher the "foreign language" she spoke whenever they were around each other.

Finally, in the case of his universe's Seiko Okamoto, he tried using AU Seiko's sports knowledge to better relate with her, only for it to backfire since this was info from a parallel world and not their world.

No one wonder people treated him like a doormat with no true friends to speak of. He really was a try-hard poser, wasn't he?

He made up for his lack of personality by attempting to incorporate the interests and quirks of others so that they'd like him better. Whether he was making friends or wooing girlfriends.

It was only with AU Seiko that he felt he could be himself and showcase the cinemaphile nut and wannabe writer he really was. No other woman made him feel comfortable in his skin like she did.

***

As the Cherry Boy put in the finishing touches to the outline of his new personal passion project (researching about what happened to his universe's Ran and writing his own version of the unfinished work with what little info he'd gotten from AU Seiko so far), he found a letter in his bag.

Curious. Who even gave out letters in this day and age of cellphones, email, and chatrooms?

Although it would've been charming if he and AU Okamoto were communicating through transdimensional mailboxes rather than transdimensional keitai (mobile phones). Just like in the South Korean film "Il Mare" (also known as "Siworae") or its Hollywood remake, "The Lake House".

He opened the envelope and then was greeted with the smell of a long-forgotten flowery scent.

He read its contents. The more he read, the more his heart sank to the pit of his stomach. Probably drowning in stomach acid to boot.

Oh shit. Not this again.

Tomoyuki hastily stuffed the letter in his bag, unwilling to humiliate himself in front of Class 2B by cluelessly reading the letter in front of them.

His traumatic experience with Yukari Goto and her mistaken love text to him that was meant for Kazuhito Sugata was still fresh in his mind. Even after all this time.

Speaking of which, Goto's best friend Aya Fubuki was the one who sent him the letter.

The same type of letters she used to slip into his bag or shoe locker when they were freshmen.

The letters she denied giving to him when he confronted her about the dates she swore they never had.

Yeah, he was still kind of sore about that.

What was going on? What was she trying to do?

Miku noticed him and the letter he hid. She was about to ask him about it, but he gave her a begging look to keep things to herself.

Thankfully, his best friend took the hint and turned her attention back to her notebook full of her own doujinshi (self-published fan comics) ideas.

Had she called attention to the letter so that the likes of Matsuda were to read it to the class, the Cherry Boy would've gotten a repeat of the embarrassment he suffered with Yukari that led to him getting his infamous moniker.

He could just imagine the jaw-jacking his classmates would give him right now.

'Oooh! Is that a love letter? Did Cherry Boy get a love letter from the Class 2C Iincho? MASAKA (IMPOSSIBLE)!'

'Hey, hey! Is our own cute li'l Cherry Boy forming his own harem just like his idol, Sugata?'

'Don't be absurd. That's Fubuki from Class 2C. The same girl who publicly called him out on spreading false rumors of them dating. There's no way she'd date that liar's ass now!'

'What is with him and all the class reps he keeps going after? Does he have an iincho fetish or something? He even tried stalking our dear Seito Kaicho (Student Body President) through harassing phone calls!'

'He's such a desperate loser I bet the letter is telling him to leave Fubuki alone!'

Naturally, the last one to speak would've been Matsuda. Still the asshole as always, but he was an asshole with a point.

He sighed. He should let sleeping dogs lie. Leave the mercurial (and probably bipolar) Aya to her own devices. However, maybe she sent him the "love" letter to apologize for her forgetting about the dates they had.

...Yeah right. As if that would ever happen. She at best tolerated him and as little as a few days ago, she hated his guts.

Still, he was curious as to why Fubuki would send him such a letter. Knowing what he knew about her now (as if it was the first time he'd ever met her), it seemed... out of character for her to do this.

Wouldn't she confront him rather than send him a letter? Then again, she couldn't even muster the courage to send Kazuhito himself a love letter, so how much less him?

But Tomoyuki wasn't Sugata though. She'd have no reason to be embarrassed about him. She made it abundantly clear she never had any feelings for him.

'Oh, and I'm supposed to believe that some desperate jerk I barely interacted with who spread rumors that I'm dating him is telling me that Sugata-kun is dating Miku-chan, his latest girlfriend prospect, out of the kindness of his heart? Reeeally now?' was the sentiment she had when Tomoyuki first told him about the Yankee and the Class 2B Rep.

She trusted him as far as she could throw him. They made up eventually when he took a bullet for her, but they at best had a tenuous "acquaintanceship" that could break at the slightest hint of betrayal.

She didn't trust him. She acted like she barely knew him, despite all their dates that she would not acknowledge ever existed.

In fact, Yamamoto was starting to believe that Aya really didn't date him, making him doubt that the dates he had with her were real.

It almost reminded him of his initial situation with AU Seiko, with her calling and confessing her love for him while the real Seiko (correctly) claimed she herself never called him.

What if they—Tomoyuki and Fubuki—were both right? What if he had dates with an alternate universe version of the Class 2C Iincho while the in-universe Aya got the blowback from their rumored budding relationship?

What if he was dating the AU version of Aya all along?

Hell, he should be writing about this plot twist instead of making a script treatment of Ran, to be honest.

Inwardly, he waved the suggestion off, rationalizing that the parallel worlds thing didn't work that way. His heart skipped a beat at the prospect of dating AU Okamoto in the flesh, though.

He'd love it if he could actually figure out how the AU thing really worked.

Nevertheless, his curiosity got the better of him as he decided to meet up on the indicated time and place on the letter after school.

Appearances aside, this was obviously no love letter situation like with Sugata. It wasn't as if Aya was off to confess her love to him or anything.

***

After class, in a meeting place only Tomoyuki and Aya knew about (the Peninsula Bar where they once had Mongolian Barbecue)...

"...I apologize for lying about our dates to our classmates. I was so embarrassed that they found out that I threw you under the bus. If you would be so kind, would you go out with me again?"

That was just about the last thing Yamamoto expected Fubuki to tell him.

But she really did it. She really told him that. The absolute madwoman.

While bowing in apology, no less.

What was going on? Was she high? Was this what Miku meant by tsundere? An insane girl who had the most extreme mood swings possible? 'Bitches be crazy!'

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me get things straight. You intentionally lied to everyone about our dates and now you're asking for another date? And aren't you after Sugata instead of me?" he asked.

"Sugata already rejected me. That ship has sailed." Aya brushed her hair to the side and looked away from Tomoyuki's gaze before bowing her head and looking up at his face with doe eyes. "A-Are you mad at me?"

Unbelievable. It was like he was talking to another person altogether.

Didn't she cheer him on when it came to wooing Seiko and whatnot? What happened to that Aya? Did she forget or was she testing his resolve somehow?

Maybe that AU Aya theory of his wasn't so far off after all. Or maybe it was more of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of scenario.

Was this really the same Aya that AU Seiko described as "earnest"?

Tomoyuki paced around, took a deep breath, and exhaled. He'd handle this like an adult.

"Yeah, I'm upset. But I also realize if you're ashamed to even admit that we dated, then maybe you're not all that into me after all. You did me a favor. You helped me stop acting so desperate for love all this time."

Aya tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows. "W-What do you mean, Yamamoto-kun? Won't you forgive me at all? Can't we make things work out?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

It was his turn to bow back to Fubuki, remembering how she cheered him on, telling him to go big or go home with wooing Seiko Okamoto.

To no longer be so clingy and halfhearted with his pursuit of girl crushes like in the cases of Yukari, herself, Mana, and Miku. To no longer serve as any girl's doormat.

If she were testing him and his resolve, then this was his answer.

"I accept your apology, Fubuki. But I have to apologize myself. I'm in love with someone else."

He had to be completely honest. Like AU Seiko said, Aya was an earnest kind of girl who responded to actions instead of words and empty promises.

***

He didn't know what to expect after "rejecting" Aya's proposal to date again.

A shrug and a pat on the back on the back would be nice.

He didn't really think she'd take it so badly. After all, she survived Sugata's rejection fine.

Also, he knew she didn't really love him all that much and she had a bigger crush on the Yankee than she ever did him.

So why the heck was she crying?

"H-Hey, calm down!" Tomoyuki said, only to flinch when Aya looked at him with fire from her red eyes. Ah, now this was more like the Class 2C Iincho he knew and "loved" (or rather, tolerated).

She didn't heed his request though, covering her face with her hands and sobbing from behind them.

Well, this was definitely a first for Yamamoto.

Usually, he was the one who felt like crying, being dumped repeatedly by all his pretty not-girlfriends (because according to Matsuda, his standards were unrealistically high for a nondescript guy).

"...W-Was it Seiko? Your class rep? The one that you confessed your love to and I recorded?" she sobbed.

That was weird phrasing. "My class rep Miku friendzoned me a long time ago. Also, didn't you play that recording on Seiko's behalf?"

"Oh right. The recording. That's what I meant. Seiko. The Amazon Queen."

She blinked her tears back and did an inquisitive head-tilt on the Cherry Boy.

"You're in love with the Amazon Queen? You don't have a chance. She's joined to the hip with your Yankee classmate!"

"Sh-Shut up," he said, crossing his arms and turning away. His heart not as indignant as he let on.

Speak of the (she-)devil, Tomoyuki turned his head in time to meet the eyes of Seiko, drinking water across the table away from them.

Eh?

She had the "clever disguise" of wearing shades and a baseball cap indoors. She looked more suspicious than if she didn't have the disguise.

The Amazon Queen then choked on her glass of water and turned away, hiding her face with the menu.

...Wait. What?

***

To stop Aya from crying any further, Tomoyuki appeased her by buying her a late lunch (or was it an early dinner?) that afternoon at the restaurant with what extra cash he made from his part-time job at a convenience store.

He then excused himself to go to the bathroom, eyeing Seiko all the while from behind Aya's back.

To his relief, the Amazon Queen took the hint and soon followed after him rather than wait for him to confront her at her table.

She was quick on the uptake.

"...What are you doing here?" he asked at the hallway leading to the doors to the restrooms.

"I should ask you the same question!" she ping-ponged his question back at him.

"...Aya gave me a letter in my bag, telling me to come here and stuff," he said, his eyes darting away at the taller girl. "What about you?"

"Miku-chin gave me a letter addressed to me, telling me to come here."

"Machida told you about this... meeting?" he asked before wincing at the look Seiko gave him over his own weird phrasing.

"No, the letter is from... Aya, apparently. But Miku got it from her."

"That's... weird. Did Machida read it too?"

"I dunno, Cherry Boy. She just gave it to me because it had my name on it."

"What's the letter doing with her?" Tomoyuki asked. "Did Fubuki want Machida to know about the meeting too? What did the letter say?"

"The letter told me to meet y'all here. I couldn't understand the directions, so I just moseyed along and followed you all the way to this restaurant instead."

"So you stalked me?" Tomoyuki teased Seiko, forgetting for a minute who he was talking to. Her voice reminding him of... someone else from another world.

"'AS IF', YOU IDIOT! Don't flatter yourself!"

Forgetting for a minute who she was talking to as well, the Amazon Queen gut-punched the Cherry Boy as though he were Kazuhito Sugata instead.

"Whoops. Sorry. My hand slipped."

The two stared at each other for a minute then laughed.

Afterwards, Tomoyuki ended up with a coughing fit and Seiko had to slap his back several times to help him recover.

"T-Thanks."

"S'alright. But seriously though, why are you on a date with Aya-chin?"

"Wait, when did this turn into a date? She asked me to come here to tell me something!"

"But you're feeding her right now and she just asked you out." She pointed to her ear. "I overheard."

Yamamoto crossed his arms and smirked. "Ha! Finally, I got a witness. Told'ya we dated! See what I have put up with last year? It was her word against mine that we dated!"

"You really dated?" Seiko couldn't help but repeat. "Oh yeah. That's right. You got a horrible rep because Aya-chin told everyone you were spreading bad rumors about her."

"RIGHT? You just saw Fubuki confess to me and you still don't believe it!" he ranted.

Biting her lip, Okamoto looked at him then at Aya from across the table, eating by herself.

"I dunno, Cherry Boy. She must've had a reason for doing this. Otherwise, this is quite unlike her." She appended, "B-But don't misunderstand! I didn't believe you were spreading lies about her either! Why else would I be friends with you? I just think this is all a big misunderstanding."

He'd normally storm off at this point, having people believe Fubuki over him, but this time around he was inclined to agree.

Unless her tsundere inclinations bordered on being clinically bipolar, the Aya who played his confession to Seiko via cellphone voice recorder was not the same Fubuki whom he suspected gave Okamoto and Machida the heads up on their non-date to ruin their perception of him.

Then, to Tomoyuki's surprise, the Amazon Queen suggested, "Y'know what? Why don't you go on a date with her today anyway?"

"WHAT? Are you crazy? I told her I already have my eyes for someone else!"

Yamamoto looked Seiko in the eyes as he said this, which made both of them look away from each other, blushing afterwards.

Seiko cleared her throat. "No, no. It's not a date-date. Just a fake date to see what Aya-chin is up to."

"A-Are you serious?" asked Tomoyuki. He didn't like where this was going.

***

By the time he returned to their table, Aya had the strangest, hugest (smuggest) grin on her face.

Did she know that Seiko was there, watching them? 'What are you planning, Fubuki?' thought Tomoyuki.

He didn't want to keep up a facade just to ruin Seiko's positive impression of one of Machida's friends, but Fubuki ended up cutting him off the pass.

"Hey, hey! After we're done eating, let's go to the arcades like we used to," she told him, and his plan of coming clean ended then and there, the words of protest dying in his throat.

And long story short, they ended up at a nearby arcade, with Okamoto following them close behind.

What was even going on anymore?

'...Eeeeh.'

Under the watchful gaze of Seiko, Tomoyuki ended up doing what he always did in arcades: Play a fighting game and die at the third stage.

"Dammit," Yamamoto said after the CPU King hit another 10-hit combo on his Eddie Gordo from Tekken insert-sequel-number-here.

So much for Eddie working against even experienced players with just button mashing. The computer A.I. couldn't care less.

Same thing happened with an old Street Fighter III: Third Strike arcade cabinet at the back. Got knocked out fighting Sean with Akuma. He then popped a blister on his left middle finger from jiggling the joystick while mashing buttons all the while.

The only fighting game he could probably beat was Karate Do on the Famicom, and that game sucked. Or Yie Ar Kung Fu. Which also sucked.

By the way, those were games in old cartridges that he got as hand- me-downs from his cousins along with an old Family Computer.

He expected Aya to fare worse than him, only for his ego to take an even worse beating than the characters he played in Tekken and Street Fighter.

Aya had a crowd form behind her as she crushed every challenger she faced off against in Tekken with just one quarter.

Well damn. Who knew that the studious Class Rep of Class 2C was an avid gamer?

Meanwhile, on her part, Seiko decided to bide her time with Dance Dance Revolution. Followed by foozball against a grade schooler. Followed by attempting to wreck the mechanical punch pad on the Sonic Blast Man (a game that measured punching power) cabinet.

Huh. He could've sworn he heard that Taito recalled all cabinets of the punching game due to the injuries it caused or something. Or maybe that was just him misremembering/getting false memories care of the Mandela Effect.

Or maybe it was even possible that in AU Seiko's universe, the game was recalled even though in his own universe, it wasn't. 'Who knows?'

A bead of sweat dripped on Tomoyuki's forehead as Okamoto wandered to a nearby billiards hall just beside the arcade, seemingly forgetting herself and why she went to the arcade in the first place.

'S-Seiko-chan...'

Speaking of people forgetting themselves, Aya stopped her winning streak short, handed her character off to some kid in the crowd to let him play, and grabbed hold of Yamamoto's arm.

Tomoyuki gulped, distracted by the smoothness of the 2C Iincho's skin and the softness of her... chest. "Um, welcome back?"

"Hey, hey! Cherry... I mean, Yamamoto-kun!" she corrected herself, her finger circling around the Cherry Boy's chest. "Can you win me a prize at the claw machine? Pretty please?"

"Er... I-I'll try," Yamamoto said, knowing that he'd fail. Still wondering what Aya's "deal" was.

As he predicted, he was terrible at the claw machine game. Unable to pick up one stuffed bunny or even a Doraemon. It'd be cheaper to buy the doll at a gift shop rather than pick it up through crane.

In the background, Aya cheered him on.

He had doubts in regards to the sincerity of her cheering in light of her betrayal of him, but it sure harkened back to their own dates where she'd do the same thing.

So he kept buying quarters. And trying. And failing. But he had a girl cheering him on, so he didn't mind losing so much.

"You can do it, Yamamoto-kun! Just like ol' times!" Aya told him.

'Ol' times...?' he thought.

From there, the Cherry Boy blinked and remembered how one of their first dates had played out like this.

With him attempting and never getting a doll and Aya (currently the Student Council VP but was once the Student Council Treasurer) laughing at him all the while.

"Oh, for the love of Kami-sama! LET ME, CHERRY BOY!" huffed a reddened, cap-wearing, and shades-sporting Seiko before taking the crane controls and picking up the Doraemon doll herself.

"...." Tomoyuki exclaimed. Silently.

The Amazon Queen handed the doll to Aya, only to realize too late what she'd done. "Er..."

Fubuki bowed at Seiko and said, "Thanks for the help, but I want my date to get me a dolly. Not you, Mister."

"...M-Mister!?" said the tall Amazon Queen with a sneer, her hand cocked back as if to slap the Class 2C Iincho.

"Uh, of course! Coming right up, Fubuki!" said Tomoyuki, who inserted another token only to waste it again by losing immediately. "Dammit."

Unable to help herself, the "disguised" Seiko got a hold of Yamamoto's hands and instructed him how to play the crane game.

"Now listen carefully, Cherry Boy. First, pick your target carefully. You've already played enough to get a feel of the claw, right?"

She then touched his hand, the softness of which surprised him, as she told him, "Try maneuvering the prize into a better position. This machine gives you enough time to position the claw, so take your time."

Tomoyuki gulped as the taller girl got too close to him. The smell of shampoo on her hair and the softness of her hands distracting him. Electrifying him.

Making him long for the softness of another her. A more "untouchable" version of her. From more than just far away.

Aya, on her part, put her hands on her waist and tapped her foot at the pair, sighing and clearing her throat loudly.

But they couldn't hear her. At all. As though they were trapped in another world. Their own universe. With no parallel universe versions of themselves to worry about.

"THERE! Right there, Cherry Boy!" said the Amazon Queen with her heaving chest cushioning Yamamoto's back like a chair's backrest. "Take it! Take it now! It's all yours, baby! Take 'em all!"

They soon formed a crowd of their own, with the guys and the girls blushing at the whole exchange.

Thanks to Seiko's teachings, Tomoyuki got to snag a whole bunch of plush toys in one go. He was about to deliver them en masse unto the slot when he noticed all the eyes on him and how suggestive the Amazon Queen looked with the way she helped wriggle his... joystick.

"AAAH!"

"Hey! Watch out! EEEEK! WATCH IT! KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!"

There was a crisp slap followed by profuse apologies.

Yamamoto's hand slipped right into Seiko's chest in true harem protagonist fashion, which led to a reflexive, "BAKA FURYOU-KUN (STUPID YANKEE)!" and predictable violence from the Amazon Queen.

"I'm sorry! It's an accident! AN ACCIDENT! OWIE!"

"Ah! Cherry Boy! Sorry! Did I hit you too hard?"

From there, the whole bunch of the stuff toys fell back into the bin rather than out the claw machine's slot.

All except one: An ugly-cute cartoon snail doll that had its tag snagged by the tip of the claw at the last second.

Tomoyuki's reddened face (due to Seiko's handprint on his cheek) turned pale blue in realization. He screwed up in the middle of showing off!

'...Eh? Wait a minute, why was I showing off anyway? And in front of Fubuki, of all people!'

Speaking of Fubuki, she took the snail doll he'd gotten for her, frowning in a way that made it look like she'd just tasted something sour. Or maybe bittersweet.

"...Thank you," she told him.

"Uh, no problem," he answered, scratching his cheek.

He then caught Aya giving the flustered Amazon Queen a quick glance before she gave him a quick peck on the same cheek he just scratched.

Not knowing what else to do, Tomoyuki turned and faced Seiko, who had a slack-jawed expression on her face.

And in the Cherry Boy's heart of hearts, he found himself hoping that it was jealousy that was written all over Okamoto's face.

Even though earlier, her fit of violence was something she did while remembering her real crush and childhood friend, Kazuhito Sugata.

With the cherubic smile of a fallen angel, Aya then whispered to Tomoyuki, "Come with me. I have one last thing I want to do before we end our date," before holding his hand and leading him out of the arcade... to a chorus of cheers by everyone who witnessed the exchange there.

Stupidly, his mind in a haze like the Cherry Boy that he was after being kissed by a girl, he followed right after Fubuki like a lost dog.

He couldn't stop glancing back at the Amazon Queen though, who had slumped down on the floor with the Doraemon doll in her hand, her cap dropping, revealing her (sexy) disheveled hair.

***

Before Tomoyuki realized what was happening, he found himself in front of a hotel.

A love hotel.

From there, his memory became a blur. A whooshing motion blur from a high-speed roller coaster ride.

He could barely make out any details of what was going on, his body going on autopilot.

This wasn't really happening, wasn't it?

Then they were at the front desk of a hotel.

He then found himself paying for a room on that hotel.

With a girl beside him. A cute girl. A beautiful vision of... beauty with hair as long as the day and black as the night. And legs that went on forever.

Granted, she was a girl with an obnoxious personality (or set of personalities), but she was still pretty. And a girl.

What was he talking about again?

Soon, they ended up on an elevator. Then they went to their room with the number indicated on the room keys.

Was this some sort of elaborate prank by Matsuda again? Damn, that bigheaded jock just wouldn't leave him alone, would he?

Wow, the room looked nice. He'd been in hotel rooms before, but only when he and his parents ended up vacationing on some beach resort or had to take short flights to Hokkaido.

Besides, those were airport or resort hotels. Not love hotels.

Did he mention he was staying in a hotel room with a pretty girl? That was a big "first" for him.

After being turned down flat by several girls, he was now about to... Oh baby.

He gulped, his throat suddenly feeling quite dry.

Realizing the implications of the situation, he sat down on the bed and thought things through.

Could it be? Was he finally about to graduate from being a Cherry Boy to a real man?

Wait, why was he with a pretty girl in a hotel room anyway? That was quite unlike him, the Virgin King of Class 2B.

Tomoyuki Yamamoto ending up in a love hotel sounded like a setup to a joke just short of a punch line.

Oh right, he was on a date with Aya. But why though? Why would any girl date him?

Hey, he wasn't that bad with girls. Sure, in his first year alone, he got rejected by not one, not two, not three, but four girls. All of whom belonged in the so-called Sugata Harem in one way or another.

He was a beggar who was a chooser, after all.

But he improved in the end, didn't he? He made friends with Miku Machida, made amends with both Aya Fubuki and Yukari Goto, and even Student Body President Mana Otonashi had started talking to him again.

He wasn't as awkward around women as he was last year. He graduated from the "Nice Guy" mode of thinking with the help of his best friend Miku.

So it was perfectly fine for him to end up in bed with a girl who originally rejected him, right?

He regrouped. He improved. He evolved. So he... deserved this. Right?

Hell, he even had the audacity to try and woo Sugata's childhood friend and the girl whom he was closest with in his harem, Seiko Okamoto.

He wanted the Amazon Queen so bad that, by fate, serendipity, or coincidence, he ended up with the phone number of her AU self.

That was how he was able to learn all about her. Warts and all. From another her from another universe.

Wait.

What the hell was he doing with Aya Fubuki if he was in love with Seiko Okamoto?

"...."

Oh no. Oh nooo. Oh nononono. Oh Kami-sama, what did he just do? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

His hands gripping his hair almost to the point of pulling them out by their roots, Tomoyuki paced around the nice hotel room. That he paid for.

What kind of a thirsty pervert was he?!

He then remembered the last thing Aya told him before he had his epiphany.

"You stay right there. I'm just going to take a shower."

'AAAAAAHHHHH!' he screamed internally, finally noticing the sound of the running water inside the hotel bathroom.

He could've stopped this at any time. He could've said no. But he didn't, and he'd gone past the threshold of refusal.

The point of no return, perhaps?

Wait, he could leave a note and say he had something to do. Uh, like his part-time job or something.

Maybe flaking out on her wasn't the best-laid plans (of mice and men), but... but... he had no other choice!

Also, why was she suddenly enamored over him after all these months she hated him enough to lie about them dating? Was this how tsundere acted? Seemed kind of psychotic to him!

The worst part was that, even if nothing happened to them in the hotel, the fact that he went in a hotel in the first place with her would probably be enough to ruin his chances with Seiko forever!

He was just about to write his note when he heard knocking on the door. Did Aya order room service? He had no money left for that!

Anyway, fingers crossed, he hoped against hope that Okamoto would believe him when he said that he followed Aya by accident into a love hotel and he had no intention of sleeping with her. Kinda.

And so understandably, he fell to the floor butt-first in surprise when he saw that it was Seiko who was on the other side of the door. Like an actor from Vaudeville doing a slapstick standup (or sit-down) routine.

"I-It's not what it looks like. I can explain..." he started, feeling like an unfaithful husband caught red-handed in a hotel room with his mistress by his wife. Even though he had no reason to think that way.

To his surprise, an unusually quiet Okamoto asked him, "So did you two do it already? Did she pop your cherry, Cherry Boy?"

Well now. Nice to see she was blunt like usual.

She then slapped her forehead and mumbled what sounded like curses to herself before apologizing and saying, "Look, it's none of my business. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm sorry for bothering you two lovebirds. I'm also sorry for doubting you when you said that you and Aya-chin used to date. Goes to show what I know, right?"

The contrite Amazon Queen bowed at Tomoyuki and started to leave when, by instinct, the Cherry Boy grabbed hold of her arm and said, "Wait. Don't leave. I'm... I'm actually glad you came."

To his surprise, that actually worked. Seiko stayed.

She walked back to the doorway as he noticed for the first time her cap that hid her head full of hair that was usually tied in a ponytail.

She looked positively tomboyish. Heart-achingly so.

"I... I just happened to follow Fubuki back to this hotel," was the explanation he came up with in short notice.

Goddamn, that sounded so stupid. Even though it was true.

He also wanted to say he thought it was a prank, but that sounded even more like a lie than what he just said, even though it was also true.

Why was he being so stupid anyway? It was because he was thinking with his dick! That was why! He followed a girl to a hotel room without question like the naive virgin that he was.

"U-huh. Completely by accident, huh?" Seiko couldn't help but smirk.

"I don't know what I was thinking!" Or so he said, although he knew exactly what he was thinking, and so did Okamoto. "But I haven't slept with Fubuki. At all. Nor do I have any intention to do so."

"Well, why not? This is your big chance, Cherry Boy," Seiko brought up his nickname for emphasis.

"B-Because, like I told her, I'm already in love with someone," he said, his eyes never leaving hers. Unafraid of the implications behind his words.

"So you went to a hotel room with her and paid for it?" was the retort that he waited for Seiko to shoot back at him, but she never said it.

Instead, she stared back him and nodded. "You'd break Miku-chin's heart if you went through with this."

Ugh. Not this again. "No, I'm not in love with Machida! I'm in love with...!"

He then slammed the door in front of the Amazon Queen's face by reflex when he heard the bathroom door open.

AHHH! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

And out came Aya, her skin glowing, her long hair sopping wet, her naked body wrapped in nothing but a towel. A rather short towel, at that.

He ended up with his back against the door, his eyes staring at everything else but Fubuki.

He had never seen a cleaner hotel full of fresh sheets, nicely decorated walls, a flat-screen television set, a refrigerator full of overpriced drinks, and a nice view of the city.

The bed cushion was soft, the pillows were pure stuffing as well, and even the nearby lamp was nice. It... tied up the whole room.

Nothing too fancy, but not bad. It was worth whatever it was that he paid for it. Maybe.

"I'm done with my shower," Fubuki stated the obvious, cat-smiling and batting her half-lidded eyes at the Cherry Boy, her normal personality pretty much doing a one-eighty.

"W-We shouldn't do this," Tomoyuki said, pulling at his collar.

"Do what?" teased the coy Aya, which seemed rather unbecoming of the normally straight-laced Class Rep of Class 2C. "Don't get cold feet on me right now, Yamamoto-kun."

"I-I told you, I'm already in love with someone else!"

"Which is why you followed me all the way to a love hotel and paid for it?" came the retort Yamamoto was waiting for all this time. Fubuki then started playing with her towel. "Maybe I can change your mind...?"

"NOOOOO!"

Not only Yamamoto, but Okamoto screamed that word.

As Aya was about to take off her towel, Tomoyuki attempted to grab it with the intention of putting it back on her.

The door behind him opened, and out (or rather, in) stumbled the Amazon Queen. Right onto the Cherry Boy. Who ended up stumbling himself and accidentally ripping the towel off of Aya's body.

Then, to the chagrin of the pair, they ended up falling on the edge of the bed, making a mess of it, the pillows and bed sheet flying and ending up on the floor along with them.

"EEEEK!" screeched Seiko, grabbing hold of the damp towel in order to cover Tomoyuki's eyes with it. "Don't look, you pervert!" was what the tomboy said even though Aya was the one volunteering to take it off.

"...L-Look, I'm sorry if I led you on! I'm sorry if I came here without thinking! But I mean it when I say I'm in love with someone else!" cried Yamamoto while Okamoto kept pulling the towel over his face and cranking his neck at an odd angle. "OW! Stop that, Amazon Queen!"

However, Seiko suddenly stopped moving, which resulted in the towel slipping from the Cherry Boy's eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, but his curiosity got the better of him, leading him to take a peek.

There stood Aya in all her naked glory. Or she would've had she not been wearing spats (spandex shorts) to cover up her nether regions. She was still topless though.

And yet something seemed missing from this picture. Fubuki's chest was as flat as a board.

Well, that wasn't unusual. Many Japanese girls were flat as boards themselves. Maybe Fubuki wore padded bras?

But then Tomoyuki's eyes went south of the border and saw something else of note.

A noticeable bulge on Aya's spandex shorts.

What?

No. No way.

Maybe her... (ahem) hair down there was unusually thick. Like an untrimmed hedge. Or even a forest. So that would explain the bump or bulge. Right?

'I mean, it can't possibly be... Nah. Of course not.'

Yamamoto then realized that Seiko was looking at the same thing as he was when he glanced back at her.

He saw eyes of wonder, confusion, and terror. She then asked the Cherry Boy, "Is that a bulge in her...?"

And then Aya began laughing. Or rather, cackling. Like an evil overlord about to go on a monologue.

"I would've preferred that you end up in a compromising position with me, but I guess this will have to do, Yamamoto-kun."

"...W-What?" stuttered Yamamoto, not knowing what was going on.

Thusly the two remained stock-still on the bed as the topless, flat- chested, and... spandex-bulging Fubuki retrieved her cellphone from her purse.

That proved to be a mistake.

And so Aya ended up with a digital photo of a disheveled Seiko sitting atop a damp-faced Tomoyuki beside a messy hotel bed that she took with her cellphone camera.

"A-Aya-chin, w-what's going on?" asked the Amazon Queen in a shaky voice.

"Oh, you haven't figured it out yet?" Aya took off her damp wig, revealing the short dry hair underneath it. "I'm not Aya. I'm her brother, Fubuki Akira."

***

Both Seiko and Tomoyuki stayed in the hotel lobby for a bit, staring blankly into the distance, before they both bid their farewells to each other.

Seiko was the first to leave. Tomoyuki told her to go ahead because needed another minute. Or hour.

He called in sick at his part-time work. He knew he couldn't make it there on time. Nor did he feel like working.

After buying a drink and snack from a vending machine, he went back to the empty hotel room (since it was already paid for) to gather his thoughts. Aya... no, Akira... was long gone by then.

Damn. Wasn't that something?

That was the last thing he expected her... him... to say. It seemed like something out of a movie.

Like Dustin Hoffman's character in "Tootsie". Or Ming-Na Wen's character in "Mulan". Or Jaye Davidson's character in "The Crying Game". Or Hillary Swank's character in "Boys Don't Cry".

Hell, that revelation in the end was very Tootsie-ish in its execution.

On that note, he really felt like crying right then and there.

Akira Fubuki, the younger brother of Aya that, Yamamoto realized, was about the same height and build as her, had admitted to "catfishing" the Cherry Boy when he was in first year high school.

Akira didn't like how, as he put it, Tomoyuki was "stalking" and "bothering" his big sister, so he pulled a prank on him to teach him a lesson.

Which, in retrospect, made a lot of sense.

The rumors. The anger Aya had when Yamamoto kept insisting that they had dated and she was lying about them not dating. The way Aya's personality was completely different from the "Aya" he dated.

Even the fact that Miku received the letter addressed to Seiko could also be explained away by Akira mistaking Seiko for Miku after overhearing the name from his sister.

Everything now had a... not-so-simple explanation. But an explanation nonetheless.

To reiterate, Akira Fubuki pretended to be his sister Aya in order to "catfish" Tomoyuki Yamamoto.

Tomoyuki kept repeating that statement inwardly but he still couldn't wrap his mind around it. Seriously, what the hell?

The funny thing was that both the girl Fubuki and Tomoyuki ended up telling the truth after all.

'So let me get things straight,' thought the Cherry Boy while staring at the TV but not really watching the game show that was on.

Akira specifically put on his sister's clothes to impersonate her and go onto dates with Tomoyuki in her stead. This led to the misunderstanding later on that led to a falling out between Yamamoto and the Elder Fubuki.

Or maybe it wasn't a falling out, because technically, Tomoyuki never really met the real Aya until later on. He'd been dating her brother instead under false pretenses.

Akira also took a photo of him and the Amazon Queen in a rather compromising position in order to... what? Make them, or rather make Tomoyuki, suffer further by having blackmail material on him and the Seiko?

Man, Akira really must hate him go through all that trouble to catfish Yamamoto.

...Right?

Granted, his dedication to pranks aside, it was still embarrassing for Akira to go into drag and pretend to be a girl just to embarrass the Cherry Boy with his big reveal in the hotel.

They must've gone through so many dates. They were so many, in fact, that Yamamoto lost count. He had enough dates with Aya (actually Akira) to presume that they were now boyfriend and girlfriend.

But why did he do it? What the hell did the Cherry Boy do to deserve Akira's wrath and his methodical revenge plot in the first place?

Now that was the million-yen question.

The Friend Zone King couldn't quite buy Akira's excuse that his crossdressing was all for the sake of protecting his sister from him.

Why didn't Akira just allow Aya to reject Tomoyuki outright? Why go through all this trouble?

Come to think of it, didn't Akira already get what he wanted out of Yamamoto last year? The crossdresser ended up making his sister hate the Cherry Boy's guts by impersonating her and going on false dates with him.

What prompted the male Fubuki to bother Tomoyuki again after all this time?

And then it hit the Yamamoto. Of course.

Tomoyuki recently made up with Aya (sort of) when he prevented her from making that ill-timed love confession to Kazuhito Sugata.

Her jealous li'l brother with a siscon (Sister Complex) must've arranged this little revelation at the hotel to destroy the mended fences between Yamamoto and the female Fubuki.

But that backfired and Akira ended up taking the blackmail photograph of Yamamoto and Okamoto as a consolation prize.

Regardless, the twerp got him. He got him hook, line, and sinker.

***

Although Tomoyuki didn't feel like going back to school that Friday, he still went.

Might as well. He wasn't going to solve this mystery staring slack- jawed at his room's ceiling, feeling sorry for himself.

Seiko herself couldn't even look him in the eye that morning, but he didn't let the fact hurt his feelings or anything. He completely understood.

That night they had at the hotel was awkward for everyone involved.

The long weekend that would've let him sort his thoughts and feelings out aside, he had several important things to do that day.

Like apologize to Akira's sister, Aya.

'First thing's first.' He went straight to the entrance of Class-2C, waited for (the real) Aya Fubuki (and her "sidekick" Yukari Goto) to arrive, and bowed down to Aya in apology.

Oh boy, did he get the wrong impression of her. She really wasn't at fault at all for the dating rumors spread about him and her.

Neither was Tomoyuki, but at least now he knew the truth. They were both right about the situation in certain points of view.

The ever-cynical Aya pulled Tomoyuki aside and asked, "Did something happen? What's up with you?"

"I just wanted to apologize," Tomoyuki said, shrugging and avoiding her gaze. "I know I've been doing that a lot lately so it might sound shallow coming from me, but... I really am sorry."

Fubuki then crossed her arms and prodded, "...And?"

Yamamoto cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you know the classroom number of your brother, Akira."

The Class 2C Rep held herself, her arms folded tightly around her chest and wrinkled her nose at the Cherry Boy. "Why?"

"I just want to talk to him, okay?" he said, not knowing (or willing) to broach the subject of catfishing and crossdressing with Akira's big sister.

"But you've never even met..." Aya's eyes widened. "Oh no."

Shit. Did she realize the truth? Did Yamamoto let the cat out of the bag? Would Akira in turn send that compromising photo of him and Seiko to the whole school? Or to Sugata?

Fubuki then unfolded her arms, sighed, and said, "Look, I'll talk to my li'l bro. If he threatened you in any way after seeing that we've mended fences, then I have to apologize on his behalf. He's very protective of me. Please understand."

"I-It's nothing like that, I just want to talk to him!" Tomoyuki protested with a sigh (of relief) of his own before a little birdie in the form of Yukari blabbed, "Well, if that's the case, then Akira-kun belongs to Section 1A."

"...YUKARI-CHAN!" screeched Aya before pulling at the ditzy blonde's twin tails hard.

"OWIE! I'm sowie, Aya-chan!" cried the ditz, reasoning, "But Cherry-kun only wanted to talk to your bro! What's the harm in that?"

"Class 1A, huh?" said the Cherry Boy, scratching his chin. "Right. I guess I'll go talk to him then. Thanks, Goto!"

"Waaait, what for? What did he say to you?" insisted Aya, who began to look more like the Aya of old with her frown and glare.

Tomoyuki raised his arms in surrender and backpedaled. "Nothing bad! I promise! I just want to clear the air with Fubuki Akira! It's not like we're going to end up in a fist fight or something...!'

Serendipitously, Yamamoto ended up literally bumping into his classmate, the Judo Club President and one of the Four Kings of Class 2B, Kanemoto.

Yep. Matsuda's friend Kanemoto. Or Matsuda #2. Or the bishonen (pretty boy) version of Matsuda. That Kanemoto.

"...Fubuki Akira? You're looking for Fubuki Akira? Hahaha! Cherry Boy, are you off to have a rematch with him?" Kanemoto asked, overhearing their conversation.

Yamamoto would've just cowered away from one of his regular bullies had he not taken a double-take at what the Judo Club President said. "Uh, rematch? W-What are you talking about Kanemoto?"

The sneering jock nudged Yamamoto's side. "Aw, come on. Don't be coy. You two got in a slap fight over me back in junior high. You wanted first dibs over yours truly and Fubuki Akira was your love rival."

Tomoyuki stuttered, "W-What the heck are you...?" before he felt a chill in his spine.

"Yamamoto-kun! You're going to have a fist fight over my li'l brother!?"

"AH! Aya-chan! I mean, Fubuki! Of course, I'm not! Don't believe Kanemoto's lies...!" so he said, but a feeling of déjà vu hit him.

And so the puzzle pieces in his mind began to fit. He remembered who Akira was.

This wasn't the first time they met, and he wasn't referring to their fake dates.

***

By some miracle, Tomoyuki Yamamoto got away from Akira Fubuki's protective sister in one piece.

Yamamoto guessed that his wimpy demeanor in the face of Kanemoto's "outlandish" accusations let him off the hook.

For the first time, Aya gave Tomoyuki the benefit of the doubt. She probably reasoned, "Why would the bullied Cherry Boy ever start a fist fight with my li'l bro?"

Ironically, the one time she trusted him was the one time she shouldn't have.

Kanemoto was right. Yamamoto did fight the younger Fubuki brother. And it was over the infamous jock.

No, not because they wanted to win Kanemoto's heart (or at least, as far as Yamamoto was concerned, that wasn't the case).

This stain in Tomoyuki's past was part of the reason why he believed that he completely deserved most of the bullying done to him all this time.

***

To Be Continued...

It's a trap! The trap arc is almost over with. What else is in store for Yamamoto and his Non-Harem? Stay "tuned"!

Farewell, Abdiel

#catfishing #trap #it's a trap #finds a way #keit-ai #keit愛 #tomoyuki x seiko

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shockcity · 7 years

Text

Bagginshield #8 - falling in love

Rating: M Summary: for the 30 Day OTP Challenge - Some people ship Bilbo and Thorin. Two of them are actually Bilbo and Thorin. The world reacts. Modern Setting/Actors AU

Note: i s2g I didn't set out to write a social commentary, but I just started writing and my brain went where it went, and honestly...I'm cool with that. But if you're not then I totally get it. So warning ⚠️ this features gay people being unashamedly gay. As in people are gay, the world finds out, and Bilbo and Thorin win all the prizes (grain of salt though, this plot would never happen in RL). So if that's not your jam and you'd rather read something that doesn't mirror real life issues, that's perfectly alright and I'll see you in the next story! :) To those who stay: I hope you enjoy it

-------

It wasn't like they hadn't met before.

Despite what people thought, Hollywood wasn't all that big, and he and Thorin generally moved in the same circles anyway. Bilbo recalled that they'd exchanged polite hugs at the BAFTAs the previous year, and that they had once shared Graham Norton's couch, but besides being very casual acquaintances, they certainly weren't friends.

He and Thorin were not the Hollywood elite, but having a critically acclaimed franchise under each of their belts and a dedicated following had guaranteed that they weren't B actors either. Both had also gained a little more artistic autonomy; years of acting in the mainstream had given them the leeway to branch out into independent films and theater. Thorin, for example, had just finished his run of King Lear in the West End, and Bilbo was currently in the market for a similar change himself.

When Dori handed Bilbo the script for Unexpected, he knew right away that this would be his ticket out of blockbuster hell.

"The title needs work though," he mumbled distractedly, paging through the script. "Unexpected. Unexpected what?"

"Love, I suppose," Dori sighed. "Nori said it was a simple story about two people falling in love."

Bilbo looked up at Dori with his eyebrows raised. "No, I'm reading it right now and that's absolutely not what it's about," he replied. "My character is a lonely bachelor who adopts his orphaned nephew, befriends his troubled neighbor who happens to be a recovering drug addict, and in the end is hit by a car and dies."

"What."

Bilbo couldn't help but smile. "Nori made it family-friendly so you'd actually hand it to me, Dori," he laughed.

"Well he was right, because if I'd known I wouldn't have let you read it at all. I hate the depressing ones."

Bilbo looked down at the pages again, tilting his head thoughtfully. "I don't know," he said. "It's sad, sure, but...you said Nori called it a love story?"

Dori nodded and crossed his arms, seeming peeved. "That's what he said, but they're not marketing it as a gay romance, so don't get too excited."

Bilbo sighed and dropped the script back into his lap. "Great," he muttered, feeling a little hollow.

"You don't have to do it, Bilbo," Dori reminded him. "There's other scripts."

"Yes, but I like this one," he insisted. "I can see the love here...and you know Elrond Imladris is directing...and he's always been open to script changes, so, do you think–?"

Dori ran a hand across his tired eyes and sat down beside him. "Bilbo," he began, kindly but firmly. "You're a big name. This movie, while not The Avengers, is still expected to make money."

Bilbo had figured it was a long shot. He gave Dori a tiny nod. "Who's playing Richard?" he asked.

"Thorin Oakenshield."

"Oh." Bilbo frowned. "That's...actually a really good choice."

Dori hummed, checking his phone as Bilbo thought it over. Despite his agent's obvious disinterest with the script – and his own, personal, disappointment – Bilbo was still quite attracted to the characters – and Thorin's role, especially. He wanted to see how well he could play off of a character like Richard, and whether or not he could portray a man like Martin, who couldn't help but fall in love with completely the wrong person. And fall in love they did, regardless of what the studio said.

It was a good script that could have been a fantastic opportunity for some realistic representation, had the studio had any decency. That's what made him consider it, truthfully. It just felt like one time too many. Besides, he'd been waiting for a problematic script like this for awhile. He looked down at it again. Yes, this was the one.

"I'll read for them," he told Dori, who looked unsurprised. "Tell Nori I'll see him tomorrow morning."

Dori's thumbs flashed as he texted Nori on Bilbo's behalf. "Done. Do you want to meet Oakenshield? He'll be there tomorrow."

Bilbo knew very little about Thorin Oakenshield personally (though he was familiar with his work, of course) but what he did know about him he liked. The man was a professional, and quite versatile (unlike Bilbo, who was typecast as the bookish boy-next-door most days), and the few times they had met were actually quite pleasant.

"Sure," he agreed. "Why not."

----------------

"Hi. Hello," Thorin stuttered, and then loudly cleared his throat. A voice in his head that sounded a lot like Dis told him to 'chill the fuck out' which...didn't help at all. Thorin had no chill.

Not around Bilbo Baggins anyway.

"Bilbo Baggins is going to read Martin for us," Nori had told him offhandedly. "You're okay working with him, right?"

"Ofcmffwhaffk," Thorin gibbered.

Nori stared. "Wow. Dwalin told me about your crush on him but I didn't believe it," he commented idly. "And all because he returned your house keys?"

Feeling defensive, as he usually did when this story was brought up, Thorin glared at his feet and mumbled, "I was locked out of my home."

"Yeah, for like five minutes."

Thorin did not look up. "He gave me his umbrella."

"That's cute, Thorin. Bet it was just love at first sight, wasn't it?" Nori teased.

It wasn't love at first sight. He was having probably the worst day of his life that day, and here came this person that had turned it around so effortlessly and...truthfully, it was more like awe at first sight. Or gratitude at first sight. Or genuine interest at first sight. And maybe it was a little like love after he'd binged all of Bilbo's movies, but he wasn't admitting to anything.

To put it simply, Thorin was a celebrity with a celebrity crush. And now that crush was standing in front of him wearing a yellow cardigan, a pair of oversized reading glasses, and a confused expression that was rapidly turning alarmed.

"Um," Thorin managed after a long, awkward silence. "It's nice to see you again."

Bilbo tactfully moved the conversation along. "You too, Thorin." He smiled. Thorin gulped. "I hear we're going to be working together."

"You sure are," Dori said, gliding over and handing Bilbo a Manila envelope. "Standard contract. Out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, and so forth. Read it carefully. Don't sign willy-nilly. Hello, Thorin, I'm Dori, are you two going for coffee? You'll want to get to know each other, I'm sure."

"Um-guh," said Thorin.

"Splendid," said Dori the whirlwind. "I'll call. Ciao!"

Bilbo sighed and slipped the envelope underneath his arm. "Shall we?" he asked, smiling up at him.

"Um-guh."

"I'll...take that as a yes."

----

"Sorry, are these your keys?" Bilbo called out, hurrying toward a man sitting slouched on the stoop. "I saw you drop them when you left your cab. Uh, did you know you're getting all wet?"

He moved closer so that the man was sharing his umbrella.

"That's better," Bilbo said with a smile. He passed the keys over. "Here you go. Wouldn't want to be locked out too long in this deluge."

The man was looking up at him now, his mouth half-open. His eyes were very, very blue, and Bilbo couldn't help but blush a bit. He was handsome.

"I...." Handsome blinked. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Bilbo said, but then he couldn't help but frown a little at the man's appearance. "Forgive me for asking, but, are you alright? Only, you don't seem like you are, and you completely missed your keys, even though they were only just over there."

"I–" the man stared at where Bilbo pointed. "I guess I wasn't really looking. But I'm fine. Thank you. Truly."

"If you're sure," Bilbo hummed, unconvinced. "Well, I'm going to be getting a cab, so, here...."

He handed Thorin his umbrella, laughing as the rain fell into his face. "For the next time you lose your keys in the rain."

Bilbo turned around and jogged back down the block, luckily seeing a cab coming toward him. He hailed it just as he heard the man shout, "who says there'll be a next time?"

He pulled the cab door open, laughing, and shouted back, "I do! And you know, there's nothing like looking, if you want to find something!"

----

-------

"The script is already getting a lot of publicity, you know," Bofur said casually, slurping up the last clumps of his smoothie. "Smaug Trāgu went to the press about how Mirkwood was handling it."

Bilbo, who was in the middle of taking a bite of his salad, dropped his fork back onto his plate. "And Mirkwood didn't drop the script?" he asked, shocked.

"No, you're not out of a job yet, thankfully," Bofur reassured him. "Dropping Smaug now would be a PR nightmare, and I heard that Mirkwood can't take another controversy. Thranduil's already pissed off like 80% of Hollywood, he really doesn't need the public baying for his blood too."

"So what are they saying?"

Bofur shrugged one shoulder. "Interview comes out tomorrow. We'll see then."

They fell into a sullen silence. Bofur was looking as though he needed to say something else, however much he didn't want to, and Bilbo was torn between applauding Smaug and feeling sick that, in this case, they were on the same side. Before Bilbo could descend into a proper sulk, Bofur finally found his courage.

"You and Thorin are going to catch a lot of heat for this, you know that right?"

Bilbo nodded, swallowing nervously. Around him, the crowded little bistro continued on with its business while Bilbo's world narrowed down to Bofur's expectant gaze, which was simply too intense to avoid.

"Bilbo, I have to say this," he finally began, and somewhat frostily. "I'm honestly surprised at you. I thought you'd be as far away as possible from a script like this. And I know you accepted the part after the love story was scrapped. And that's....Bilbo, I just don't get it."

Bilbo bit his lip, looking away from his friend. He took a couple of deep, calming breaths.

"Right," he began anxiously. "It's like this: you and I both know that coming out means the end of your career."

Bofur waited for Bilbo to elaborate and when there was nothing else he shook his head, shrugging. "Yeeeeaaah, ok, but what does that...oh my god."

Bilbo licked his lips, his eyes a little wide. He nodded.

"Oh my god." Bofur leaned forward with shit-eating grin. "You're not!"

He shrugged one shoulder, smiling a little. "I'm...I'm thinking about it."

"Oh my god."

"Uh huh." He then waved his hands quickly before Bofur could gush more. "But I'm not completely sure yet. I mean, I'd...feel a lot more wretched about ruining the film for the crew if it weren't Mirkwood and Smaug doing it...but that doesn't mean it isn't still a shitty thing to do. And I didn't just take the part to make a point. The story really is beautiful. I mean, the fact that Smaug wrote it is a bit hard to swallow but...I'm going into this with every intention of producing the best performance of my life, and... probably the last."

Bofur shook his head, his face alight and full of mischief. "Bilbo Baggins, you crusader.”

"I'm not, not really," he denied, but then a bit of fire sparked in his eyes. "But if I'm going to out, then I'm going out with a bang."

---

----

"Can I ask you a question?" Bilbo started hesitantly. They sat across from each other having dinner, the low light from the restaurant lamps thankfully hiding the nervous sweat on his brow.

Thorin looked up from his meal. "Of course," he said.

This was their second meeting, and Bilbo still wasn't sure if Thorin was a safe person to talk candidly to, so it was time to test the waters.

"Why did you take the part?" he asked.

If Thorin understood the underlying question then Bilbo could relax. If he answered with something like "it's the role of a lifetime" or "I really liked their friendship" then this would be their last outing alone.

Thorin wiped his mouth and took a sip of his wine. "I didn't have a choice," he revealed, jaw tight.

Bilbo blinked. "But you're not really desperate for work..." he speculated. "Or, um, are you?"

"No. I'm not desperate. I owed someone a favor. A big favor."

He wasn't sure who the favor was for or why Thorin looked so downtrodden about it, but at least he knew now that Thorin wasn't happy with the script either.

"And if you did have a choice?"

He met Bilbo's eyes, and his expression was both genuine and kind.

"I'd tell them to go fuck themselves."

Bilbo barked out a surprised laugh. "Yeah," he chuckled, shaking his head. "That's...kind of why I took the part too."

Thorin raised his eyebrows, a small, open smile on his face. But Bilbo, still cautious, quickly changed the subject before he could ask.

"Do you still have my umbrella?" he inquired cheekily.

Thorin gaped. "You...you remember me?!"

He looked so shocked (and oddly flattered?) that Bilbo threw his head back and laughed. "Of course I do! Though I didn't recognize you that day, I'm terribly sorry to say. It wasn't until I saw The Desolation that I realized who I'd run into."

"...you saw my movie," mumbled Thorin, blushing.

"Yeah." Bilbo fidgeted with his napkin. "And...I kind of went home after that and streamed all your films."

Thorin was bright red. "I..." he said.

Bilbo smiled at him shyly.

"I did the same thing," he finally confessed.

And a matching blush rose high on Bilbo's cheeks as they smiled at each other bashfully.

---

----

"Alright, I have to ask."

Bilbo turned to glare at him, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth pointedly.

"It's okay, you listen, and I'll talk."

Bofur seemed determined to interrogate him, and Bilbo rolled his eyes and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"So, I know it's only been a month or two, but I think I've only seen you maybe three times at best. I'm your BFF, Bilbo, so I need to know...have you left me for Thorin?"

Bilbo made a face.

"Judging by your expression I'd say my position as bestie is safe. Now I just have to ask if I've been thrown over for a boy." He shook his head at Bilbo. "Don't be that person that abandons their friends when they find true love, Bilbo. Don't be that way."

"Knock it off." He threw a handful of popcorn at Bofur's face. "Thorin and I aren't together. And I've just been busy."

"Gossip mags say otherwise," Bofur argued, making Bilbo groan. "And you know you have stalkers on instagram, right? Because there's pictures of you two going on dates all over social media."

Bilbo, who was not tech-savvy, had not known about this. "They're not dates," he grumbled.

"People are even writing stories about you two. They call your relationship Bagginshield."

"What."

"I'm serious." Bofur was entirely too thrilled about all of this. "They write about you two having hot sex in like...wardrobe. Or under the craft services table."

"Oh my god." Bilbo covered his face to hide his blush.

"It's brilliant."

"Would be if it were actually true," Bilbo mumbled, too low for Bofur to hear. He sighed and sat up. "Whatever, I don't care. Because again, we aren't together."

"But you want to be. All you ever talk about is him. You're obsessed."

"I'm not obsessed!"

Bofur pointed to the television confusedly. "Then why are we watching all of his movies again?"

Bilbo only groaned and threw another handful of popcorn Bofur's way.

----

He waited outside of Thorin's apartment nervously, feeling like an idiot for just showing up unannounced. But Thorin had had such a bad day on set today, and he and Elrond had got into it, and he'd seemed so tired and worn out, and....

In any case, Bilbo was lingering outside of his door like a creep when Thorin finally walked up the stairs.

"Hi," Bilbo rushed to greet him. "I made you a cake. Well, a coffee cake. I've never made it before. It might taste awful."

Thorin stared at him.

"You don't have to eat it, of course," Bilbo babbled. "It's just that today was pretty brutal, and I wanted to see if you were alright. Only, you don't seem like you are, and – mmph."

The coffee cake was delicious. They shared it, and they shared some other things as well. Kisses, mostly.

----

---

"Bilbo!" said Gandalf, kissing both of his cheeks. "It's been too long."

Bilbo took the bouquet Gandalf handed him and ushered him into the house. "Oh thank you, and yes it has. Where on earth have you been?"

"The theater calls," Gandalf told him, his eyes twinkling. "And I answer."

"Sure you do." Bilbo rolled his eyes. "Well, come in, come in, we're all in the dining room. Dinner will be in about twenty minutes. Have Dori pour you some wine."

Bilbo's annual dinner party consisted of the few cousins he actually liked, plus Bofur, Dori (and sometimes Nori) and of course, Gandalf. This small group of people were Bilbo's family, something that he'd needed dearly after the death of his mother. He'd spent two birthdays alone before this tradition had started, but now every September the 22nd, Bilbo's chosen family descended on his house to congratulate him on surviving yet another year.

He heard Primula greet Gandalf, and Frodo's happy squeal, and he grabbed up his phone to check the time. He took a deep, nervous breath.

"Can I help with anything?" asked Drogo, hovering a bit.

Bilbo smiled and waved him off. "No, that's alright! Sit down, socialize! We're just about ready to go."

He grabbed up the last platter, which held a lovely roast turkey, and took it out to the dining room. They all oohed and awwed obediently, and Bilbo was just going to have them start sitting around at the table when the doorbell rang.

They all fell silent.

"Ah," said Gandalf. "I'd wondered who the extra place setting was for."

He saw them all exchange baffled looks (though Gandalf seemed unsurprised) before he left for the entrance hall. He understood their shock, of course – Bilbo's dinner party was exclusive to the extreme. He only invited family, after all.

"Hi," he breathed out, opening the front door.

Thorin smiled nervously. "Hi," he said.

----

Nori pulled him into the main offices with a tight hand on his arm and a tense frown on his face. The expression was so unlike him that Bilbo panicked for a moment, wondering if someone had died. He was lead to a small conference room where Nori halted him in front of a closed door.

"Thranduil's in there," he said, in that offhand way of his.

"What?" Bilbo hissed. "Why?"

Helpfully, Nori shrugged. "I think it's about the articles."

Bilbo grimaced. "Oh. Too much?"

Nori held up his index finger and thumb, and pinched them together. Bilbo sighed and went for the door, but Nori held him back again.

"It...might be personal too. I mean about you and Thorin."

"That's none of their business," Bilbo snapped, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"They think it is," he said, and patted Bilbo on the back. "And that's all that matters."

Bilbo walked into the conference room anxiously (though he was still somewhat angry) and when he saw Smaug as well as Thranduil sitting there, his discomfort only grew.

At least there were no niceties.

"I'll make this quick," said Thranduil. "While Mirkwood Films applauds your work in our upcoming movie, we would appreciate if all public statements and interviews went through a screening process before publication."

His jaw had dropped a bit, and Bilbo closed it and bit his lower lip. From beside Thranduil, Smaug looked amused.

"As it is, Mirkwood Films kindly asks that you take care when making comments to the press, or ideally try not to interact with them at all. I hope that's alright with you, Mr. Baggins. Mirkwood truly appreciates all of your hard work."

Thranduil finished his little speech and stood. He gathered up his business folder and his Starbucks cup and without another word – left the room.

The look on Bilbo's face must have been hilarious, because Smaug laughed loudly at him. Bilbo scowled.

"I always love how polite his threats are," Smaug said airily, his face contorted in a sickening smile. "He's right about one thing though, Bilbo. Your work on Unexpected is phenomenal."

Bilbo didn't smile back. "Thanks."

"Had the script remained in its original form I would have loved to see you and Thorin intimate on the big screen."

Bilbo blinked. "Ok," he said, standing up. "I'm leaving."

"I'm surprised at the passion you both managed to depict. Thorin, especially, was a shock. He seemed so resentful of the part when Thranduil made him take it."

Smaug was not revealing to Bilbo anything that he didn't already know, though maybe he was trying to see how much Bilbo was privy to....

If Thorin trusted Bilbo enough to tell him about his father's unpaid debt at the time of his death, and about Thranduil conscripting him into what was essentially indentured servitude (which had all happened on the day they'd first met, to be precise), then it would be painfully obvious that Thorin and Bilbo were together. Which would be the perfect blackmail for Smaug, since Hollywood didn't like behind-the-scenes romances, and behind-the-scenes gay romances they liked even less.

"Well, isn't that fascinating," Bilbo answered noncommittally. "Right. Sorry, I've got a...thing. Good to see you, Smaug."

"And you," Smaug leered. "Bilbo."

He beat a hasty retreat and descended back down to post. Nori was there with the sound editors, whom Bilbo greeted briefly before drawing Nori away.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Smaug was there," Bilbo said. "He was a total creep."

"So...normal."

"And they basically told me to stop talking or else."

Nori shook his head sadly. "You'd better do as they say if you still want to work."

Displeased with this answer, he huffed and put his hands on his hips. "That's the thing, I don't want to do what they say. I shouldn't have to hide like this."

Faced with his sudden rebelliousness, Nori could only smile at Bilbo in amusement.

"I gave that movie my all– my very best gay!" Bilbo insisted.

Nori choked.

"...and I made sure that people were going to walk out of that theater and say 'that was the gayest movie I have ever seen'!"

He even stomped his foot a little.

"So no, Nori, I won't do what they want. It's too late for that now."

Nori looked down at his friend with a fond smile. It soon wilted a little, though. "And what about Thorin, Bilbo?" he asked quietly. "What about his career?"

Bilbo blinked. "I...."

"He owes Thranduil a lot of money, oh don't look so shocked that I know, nothing's secret around here." He sighed and looked away. "Don't get me wrong, I want you to tell them all to go to hell, but Thorin's my friend too, Bilbo, and I-"

"No," Bilbo cut him off. "No, you're right."

"I'm not saying back down," Nori amended, resting his hand on Bilbo's shoulder. "I'm just saying be careful. You've got someone you need to protect now."

Bilbo nodded solemnly. As he left the studios and drove toward home, he thought on Thranduil's threats and Nori's warning. Thorin would suffer, should Bilbo step over the line, and his plans for the premiere went above and beyond that.

"I'm not saying back down," Nori had said, but Bilbo was beginning to realize that that was exactly what he was going to have to do.

----

---

Thorin's fingertips ran idly down his back. Bilbo turned over to face him, sinking into his embrace and nosing at the delicate skin of his neck. He smiled slowly as Thorin rumbled with pleasure.

"I don't want to ask what time it is," Bilbo whispered.

"You say as you ask what time it is," replied Thorin. He leaned over a groaning Bilbo to reach Bilbo's phone. "It's nine. We have time."

He laid back down and gathered Bilbo against his chest.

"Are you nervous about tonight?" Thorin asked.

Bilbo inhaled noisily. "I'm..." he began, but then paused. "I'd decided not to do what I had initially planned, you know."

"Do I?"

"You've been curious. I'm sorry."

Thorin nodded and rubbed Bilbo's arm gently. "I have, but I didn't mind waiting for you to be ready to tell me."

Bilbo curled closer. "I wanted this to be my last movie before I came out. Publicly."

Thorin craned his neck to look at him. "After Mirkwood spent so much time denying they straight washed?" He blinked. "That's...devious."

Bilbo couldn't help but laugh. "I just...I knew that this film would always be a problem. And it is. But it also isn't. We do fall in love Thorin, me and you, and Martin and Richard. It's just not the kind of love people expect."

He ran his hand across Thorin's chest absently. "But it still deserves to be on screen. I wanted to come out, and not only reinforce that our characters loved each other, but to tell Mirkwood and all those stupid people who want us to shut up that we won't. Not anymore."

Thorin pulled Bilbo up and hugged him, kissing his curls, his neck, his cheeks. "Why did you decide not to?" he whispered.

Bilbo scoffed, wrapping his arms around Thorin's shoulders. "You know why not, Thranduil...."

"Screw him." He suddenly sat up. "He can rot. Let's do it, Bilbo. Together."

Frowning, Bilbo sat back on his heels and stared. "Are you serious?"

"I am." He nodded. He reached out and touched Bilbo's cheeks. "I want to."

"Thorin, we'll have undermined and humiliated Thranduil and the studio," Bilbo whispered. "Publicly. We'll have attacked the business. The business we work in. No one will hire actors they can't trust to keep their mouths shut. Our careers will be over."

Thorin touched his hair gently, pushing his curls back behind his ears. "I think it's worth it, don’t you?” he said, after a moment. "I'm tired, and I know you're tired of playing this stupid game too."

Bilbo shook his head. "You'll lose everything."

"You don't know that. This could be good, Bilbo. For us. For others. It's not going change on its own. And if we don't try, we're as bad as them."

He said nothing, glancing away from Thorin's eyes-- torn. Thorin moved closer and gently coaxed Bilbo’s head up.

"There's nothing like looking," he said. "If you want to find something."

Bilbo swallowed; his chest hurt and his eyes were a little wet. Thorin was not crying, or upset at all, instead he looked at Bilbo with so much love that he couldn't help but wonder if this were real or just a dream. He leaned in and kissed Thorin, feeling weightless.

Real.

---

"Are you ready?"

Bilbo turned to him with a nervous but determined expression on his face. In the safety of the tinted limo they could not be seen, and Thorin used this advantage to kiss Bilbo thoroughly.

"Well, I am now," Bilbo said, when his lover pulled back.

He grabbed Thorin's hand, prepared to hold onto it the entire night (in sight of everyone, everything, and with no fear) and took a long, deep breath. They were ready.

With Thorin's solid presence by his side, Bilbo opened the door.

---

#30 day otp challenge #bagginshield #hobbit fic #so this happened #and yikes #first of all this is like 5050 with the writing and the social media pics #which was awful to format 0/10 would not recommend #second this would never happen in real life #third I know nothing #and finally #Forgive me friends #im so sorry

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barddom · 7 years

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The Two Gentlemen of Verona

I had never read Two Guys, A Girl, And Pizza Place – I mean, The Two Gentlemen of Verona (hereafter referred to as Gentlemen or Two Gents) before now. This is probably because it’s not one of the big, hyped Shakespeare plays (see: Hamlet, Macbeth, King Lear), but upon reflection it could stand to be performed more often? Small cast, simple plot, neat – if completely ridiculous – resolution.

Anyway, I hadn’t read it, but I guessed, based on the title, that it was about two dudes from Verona. And I was right. That’s pretty much it.

Without even realising it, I’ve leapt straight from “Shakespeare’s Last Play” (Tempest) to this, which some people believe was “Shakespeare’s First Play”. It was definitely an early play, and an early comedy, written probably somewhere between the late 1580s and early 1590s. While I’m not usually someone who’s like, “Oh, it’s an early play, which is why it sucks!” it… might have something to do with why it’s not great.

Don’t get me wrong. Gentlemen has friendship, passion, conflict, drama, loyalty, and cross-dressing! (And really, what else is there?) But after stepping off the ship from Prospero’s cell and landing in Milan, finding this scene on shore is a little underwhelming. Where are the harpy spirits and chess motifs? Why is nobody half naked and swearing at the sky? Also, Gentlemen is #problematic. But we’ll get to that.

So many, so so many of Shakespeare’s plays are about, or involve intimate male friendships. This is because intimate male friendships were a Big Deal, at the time, and not just in a gay way, but in a totally heterosexual, platonic way. (But sometimes also in a gay way.)

The difference between Shakespeare and other writers who lauded male friendships is that Shakespeare is… suspicious of them, or suspicious of the idealized versions of them. In all his plays about male friendship, these friendships aren’t perfect. I will talk more about this at length during my summary, I guess, but also when we read Hamlet later. (I feel a great many things about Horatio.)

The first imperfect friendship we’re going to meet is these guys, Valentine and Proteus of Verona. (A part of me wants to already press pause and say, seriously? Valentine and Proteus? What kinda on-the-nose names are these? But then I remember that, as far as I know, while Chaucer had already somewhat popularised Valentine as a saint of love, I actually have no clue how widely that kind of language was used. And also “Proteus” doesn’t just mean “First” (first lover, first character, first play?) but is also, like, a god of the sea? So really I need to calm down about my etymological leaps.)

Act One

Here’s the deal. Valentine is about to leave Verona to go explore the world (see: Milan), but he doesn’t want to leave without Proteus. Normally, these two guys are inseparable! Amigos! Compadres! Guys being dudes, dudes being guys! But alas, Proteus can’t leave Milan. Why? Because he’s in looooove. He’s so gone for this chick Julia that he turns down an all-expenses paid gap year with his bff. In the next scene, we find Julia chatting with her friend Lucetta, and the conversation is basically this--

Lucetta: That Proteus guy totally has a thing for you. Julia: Oh my god, really? Lucetta: Uh, yeah! It’s sooooo obvious. Julia: I guess he’s… cute. Lucetta: Julie… babes… you literally wrote I Heart Proteus in your notebook eight times since I walked into this room. Julia, looking down at her notebook: Oh shit, you’re right. I mean. What?

Julia is so determined to deny that she likes Proteus that when Lucetta says she has a letter from him Julia literally rips it up! And then tries to piece it back together and kisses it? Like Helga Pataki or something. It’s the weirdest. (1.2.99-123)

Meanwhile, Proteus’ dad doesn’t understand why his son would want to waste his time at home when he could go have bro-tastic adventures in Milan. (Also, I just checked: Milan and Verona are… very nearby each other. You could walk there in just a few days.)

Proteus has received a letter from Julia saying she loves him back! They’ve traded vows! He gave her a ring! But he doesn’t tell his dad about that, because he is worried his father won’t approve. So Antonio – that’s dad – forces Proteus to go to Milan and have some fun, damnit.

Act Two

In Milan, we meet Silvia, the object of Valentine’s affections. He’s all over her like a rash, but he seems incapable of understanding how she flirts. Ironically, Speed – Valentine’s servant from Act 1 who is supposed to be dim as a rock – seems to be the only smart, funny character who Gets Stuff. (Unless I’m reading him as being too sarcastic where he is supposed to be sincere.)

For example: Valentine writes a love letter to Silvia, and she tells him to keep it. He says, “Wait, no, it’s for you?” and she says, “Yeah, I asked you to write it. But it’s for you.”

“I’ll write you another one, then.”

“Then after you write that, read it, and if you like it, good. If you don’t like it, then think of ways to make it better.”

“And what if I like it?”

“Then keep it for yourself.” (2.1.109-123)

Exit.

Valentine is (I guess understandably) frustrated, but Speed, speaking in rhyme/verse (where he normally speaks in prose), makes fun of the situation, like, “Hahaha, you essentially wrote yourself a love letter, lmao.” Speed explains that Silvia is flirting by having Valentine write love letters and giving them back to him. She is giving him love letters: “Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.” (2.1.156)

I have a soft spot for the fools, especially the fools that make fun of love and romance. Maybe I’m giving Speed too much credit, and he’s not actually smart/witty, just mean and a foil for the lovestruck protagonists. Fools are pretty much always a case of the wisest words coming from the foulest mouths. ANYWAY.

Silvia’s dad wants her to marry this guy Thurio, who she’s not keen on at all. And when Proteus turns up, he immediately forgets all about Julia and decides that he also wants to marry Silvia. Men are so predictable.

See, Valentine’s busy ribbing Proteus about Julia, and while Proteus is like, “Julia’s not a goddess. I just like her, mortal flaws and all,” Valentine is busy espousing the holy divinity of Silvia. Something in Proteus’ brain flips. He must have that goddess.

Back in Verona, Julia is coming up with a Flawless Plan to go see Proteus in Milan. She needs to see him again or she’ll die. (2.7.15)

But she can’t travel as a woman, alone, without a male escort! So, she does what any rational woman would do, and decides to disguise herself as a boy. (Worth reminding you again: Milan and Verona are about 93 miles apart. That’s about a 3 day journey on foot.)

As this is the first time we, on this blog, are witnessing crossdressing in Shakespeare, it is worth reminding you that women did not act on the Elizabethan/Jacobean stage. All female characters are played by boys in drag, essentially. So when crossdressing happens – and it almost always happens with a girl pretending to be a boy – what is actually happening on stage is that a boy is pretending to be a woman pretending to be a boy. Layers!

Act Three

Proteus is plotting against Valentine, because nothing comes between two best dude friends better than a sexy lady. He tells Thurio – the other suitor – that Valentine has been sneaking up to see Silvia at night and that they’re planning on running away to elope.

Thurio is like, “wtf?” and dobs this in to Silvia’s dad. The Duke is like, “Yeah….. I know….. it’s an issue.” Doubly an issue because Valentine has been tryna play the Duke like a harp. The Duke is too quick for this and tricks Valentine into revealing all his wooing techniques, and through some sort of weird trick involving a ladder (the logic of this train of thought remains unclear?) finds Valentine’s love letter to Silvia and is like “AHA!!!! YOU FIEND!!!”

Valentine is told to leave Milan and never return. Boom. (3.1.120)

The Duke is all, “Gee, I’m so glad my new friend Proteus tipped me off to all this. He’s such a stand up guy.”

Silvia, who was really into Valentine, is super pissed at her dad, and also wants nothing to do with Proteus since he’s the one who screwed everything up for her. Meanwhile, Proteus is trying to play Valentine’s old game, and pretends to be in favour of Thurio marrying Silvia. (Hint: this won’t work out well.)

Act Four

On “the frontiers of Mantua”, Valentine and Speed get attacked by outlaws. If Mantua sounds familiar, it’s also where Romeo get’s banished to in Romeo and Juliet, so it’s clearly where all the rejects from the Italian justice system get sent.

Valentine lies to the outlaws and says he was banished by the Duke for killing a man. And they’re like, “Oh shit! This guy is legit! Let’s make him our leader!”

And that’s how Valentine becomes the leader of a pack of outlaws.

Meanwhile, Thurio is futzing up his wooing of Silvia, because Proteus is giving him really bad advice, like singing bad songs and generally being annoying.

There’s also a bit here where Proteus says, “… Yet, spanial-like, the more she spurns my love / The more it grows and fawneth on her still.” (4.2.14-5). This is almost the exact same line that Helena says in Midsummer re: Demetrius. Just worth mentioning.

This is when Julia enters, in boy’s clothes. (So, I guess it’s been three days.) She hears this song about Silvia and is like, “Woooooow. Ok. So… this sucks.”

Even worse, she overhears a conversation between Silvia and Proteus, where he says, “Look, I was in love once, but that chick is dead, so… I’m wide open.” And Silvia responds, “That’s sad and all, but you also stabbed your best buddy in the back like a total tool. So I can never trust you, let alone love you.”

Silvia plans to escape Thurio, Proteus, and her father, and head to Mantua where she and Valentine can be together. Also, she gets rid of the little dog that Proteus gave her. Because who needs that shit around.

When Proteus sees that his dog has been returned to him, he’s like, “Fine! I can up my game!” He turns to Julia, who for some reason he doesn’t recognise, a la Lois Lane not recognising Superman when he has his hair done a little different, and says, “Take this ring and give it to Silvia.”

It’s Julia’s ring! She is… crushed.

When Julia goes to give the ring to Silvia, like a lamb, she basically bursts into tears and says, “I knew Julia. And this belonged to her. And he wants to give it to you. But if she knew… she would… probably die forever and ever.”

Silvia – who, in my opinion, realises that this boy is actually Julia – says, “Take the ring, and this purse of money. Look, I’m crying too. Wow. Ok, bye.”

Act Five (i.e. when things deteriorate quickly).

Silvia wants to get the hell out of Milan, and she and Sir Elgamour talk about their plans outside Friar Patrick’s cell. They’re gonna run away! That always works well.

(A lot of conspiring happens in, or by, a friar’s cell – see: Romeo and Juliet.)

Meanwhile, Proteus being grilled by Thurio about Silvia. Does she like me? Does she hate me? What is going on! What Proteus really wants to know is what Silvia said to Julia aka Sebastian.

But before we can get any answer – the Duke bursts in and announces that Silvia has disappeared! Dun dun dun.

“She’s fled unto that peasant Valentine.” Clever dad.

In the next scene, we find Silvia in the forest, alright, but Sir Elgamour is nowhere to be found! In fact: Silvia is being held captive by outlaws. I’m sure you, who is not an idiot, can see where this is going.

In the next scene, Valentine gives a speech about how lonely being the inexplicable leader of a band of outlaws can be, and how all he really wants is Silvia. Who cares about unchecked power and the loyalty of violent criminals when the love of your life has been taken away from you? Sigh.

But then, there’s a suspicious noise – and lo and behold, enter Proteus, Silvia, and Julia!

Valentine steps aside into the shadows to eavesdrop on their conversation.

Apparently Proteus (and Julia) helped rescue Silvia from the outlaws before she could successfully be taken to Valentine.

“What do you mean you still don’t want to fuck me!” Proteus complains. “After me and my servant rescued you and everything!”

“Dude,” Silvia replies, “I would literally rather be eaten by a lion than have you rescue me from anything.” (5.4.33-34)

“It’s a damn shame when a woman can’t love when she’s loved,” says Proteus.

“It’s a damn shame when Proteus can’t love when he is loved by Julia who, yeah, I know is still alive, you steaming pile of human garbage. Also, I love Valentine, who was supposed to be your best friend,” Silvia replies – though I may be paraphrasing a little.

This is when Proteus, and I shit you not, “seizes her” and says, “I’ll woo you like a soldier, at arms’ end / And love you ‘gainst the nature of love – force you.” (5.4.59-60)

That’s right. Proteus fully intends to rape Silvia then and there.

Valentine leaps out of the shadows and goes to rescue Silvia from Proteus, rightfully calling him all sorts of despicable names that I’m sure would have been very insulting to someone four hundred years ago.

Naturally, Proteus drops everything (‘everything’ being Silvia) and apologises profusely.

“Okay, cool,” Valentine says.

Wait, what? OKAY COOL? “Then I am paid, / And once again I do receive thee honest”? How?

Similarly shocked by all these developments is Julia, who swoons.

When everyone rushes to her side, she says, “Oh, I forgot to give Silvia this ring…”

“But… this isn’t the ring I gave you to give Silvia. This is the ring I gave Julia!” Proteus says, like a genius.

“Oh, right. I meant this ring,” Julia corrects herself, taking out the ring that she had given Proteus that he had then given Silvia. (Lots of rings.)

“But wait, how did you get this ring?” Proteus asks, still not getting it.

This is when Julia gives up and has mercy on everyone, and reveals herself to not be a little boy named Sebastian but a grown woman! And a very specific grown woman!

After a bit of blushing about being seen in such immodest attire, Julia and Proteus kiss and make up. So now instead of a very messy love triangle/square/octagon, we just have two happy couples! Yay, heteronormativity restored!

Thurio, the Duke, and the band of outlaws all then rock up, presumably for the closing song. Are there going to be any consequences for anyone’s actions? No? Does Thurio hold this against Valentine? Absolutely not! What about the Duke? Any issues with his daughter ending up with the leader of a band of murderers?

“Sir Valentine, / Thou are a gentleman, and well derived; / Take thou thy Silvia, for thou hast deserved her.” (5.4.158-59)

Nope, and nope.

Closing remarks?

I think we can see why Two Gents isn’t considered a piece of High Art in the way a lot of other Shakespeare plays are. It’s essentially the Shakespearean equivalent of a sitcom, or a formulaic romantic comedy. When trying to look Deep into Two Gents, most people point to the gender relations and the complications that arise with crossdressing on stage. There are also grounds to investigate the role of forests in Shakespeare’s plays – if it happens in the woods it’s bound to be interesting. Then of course there are the all-encompassing questions about love, and the truth of love, and the relativity of that truth. Proteus was so in love with Julia that he almost couldn’t bear to leave Verona, and yet as soon as he saw Silvia, any love he felt for Julia went flying out the window. Shakespeare once said that love looks not with the eye, but with the mind. I would say that Two Gents preaches exactly the opposite. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder; it just sets it loose on the nearest soft object.

Things to accompany The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place (1998- 2001) starring Ryan Reynolds.

The Road to El Dorado

“Same Girl” by R. Kelly and Usher

I dunno, every sitcom ever.

#shakespeare #the two gentlemen of verona

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violet--minds-blog · 7 years

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Awesome Queer Media to Check Out!

Piper Gibson | March 20, 2017

Sorry for the absence (school is kicking my ass but what else is new) but I’m back with another list! This time, I’m cataloging some of my favorite pieces of media with LGBTQ+ characters and plotlines. Of course, nothing is perfect, and all these shows/books/movies/etc. have their problems, but I still think they’re pretty damn cool.

1. Check, Please!

What is it: A webcomic

Who makes it: Ngozi Ukazu

Why you should read it: Queer boys who play hockey! Lots of pie! Discussions of mental illness and drug abuse! An ensemble cast! Comedy and drama in one! Slow-burn, healthy, communicative, gay relationship!! Confirmed happy gay ending!!! Most of my friends know that I love this comic with my whole heart, and it’s really easy to see why. There’s a character in it for everyone, and they’re all easy to relate to and care about. Personally, I relate so hard to Jack having anxiety and trying to navigate his life and career in the intersection of being mentally ill and queer. No spoilers, but this comic includes the best queer relationship I’ve ever seen portrayed. Don’t get discouraged by the hockey-- I knew nothing about the sport going in and it really doesn’t stop you from enjoying the comic at all! Currently in Bitty’s third year and gearing up for more spring updates, Check, Please is a master of storytelling and will make you laugh and cry. Read it here!

2. The Get Down

What is it: A Netflix Original series

Who makes it: dir. Baz Luhrmann

Why you should watch it: Almost the entire cast are people of color, it’s set in the 1970s and focuses on both the dying out of disco and the arising hip-hop scene, and the performances are incredible. You see this world through young Zeke’s eyes, a complex and talented kid looking to be a part of something bigger than himself and for a community to fall back on. No matter what’s going on, the story never lets you forget these characters are in the middle of the South Bronx in the seventies, fighting for a way out of poverty, strict religious family, or gangs, all while holding on to their passions. The music and the performances of these young actors are what sold me immediately. The queer relationship in it (I won’t spoil it) is lovely and gentle and blooms very naturally. The story, the characters, and the music are the focus, and if you’re like me, you’ll be hooked immediately. The second season just came out this month and it’s incredible but holy shit so intense. Catch it on Netflix!

3. Carry On

What is it: A young-adult novel

Who makes it: Rainbow Rowell

Why you should read it: Did you read Harry Potter and think: “Wow, Harry is super bi. Wow, he’s pretty obsessed with Draco. Wow they could be friends if Harry was sorted into Slytherin WOW THEY COULD EVEN BE MORE THAN THAT!” ...Okay, well this is the book for you. Set in a magic school more different from Hogwarts than you’d think, Simon and Baz are roommates that hate each other. But things are complicated when you’re the chosen one and you think your roommate might be a vampire and there’s an evil something out for you. It’s like Harry Potter except different and more queer people and people of color. Plus a happy ending that’s so, so much better than that “17 years later” shit. If you like gay magical boys and ass-kicking best friends and plot twists, you’ll definitely enjoy this.

4. Fourth Man Out

What is it: A 2016 movie

Who makes it: dir. Andrew Nackman

Why you should watch it: If you’ve been searching your whole fucking life for a queer rom-com like me, this’ll make you immensely happy. The story centers around Adam, who comes out to his mostly clueless friends in his twenties. They’re all a little uncomfortable and shitty at first, but they all grow and learn and by the end of the film have created the kind of caring and casual atmosphere any queer person hopes for when initially coming out to friends. The movie explores those awkward first steps after coming out, including online dating and homophobic neighbors, in a comedic yet respectful way. It’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you care a lot about Adam-- his puppy-dog face just makes you root for him from the beginning. Watch this if you hate that more comedies don’t center around queer themes, and then please recommend me more!!

5. About a Girl

What is it: A young-adult novel

Who makes it: Sarah McCarry

Why you should read it: Okay, maybe you should read the first two books in this series first, All Our Pretty Songs and Dirty Wings, but I read this one first and I think it can stand alone pretty well. There is an abundance of queer people of color in this, a beautiful, mythological storyline, a girl/girl romance, and a main character you’ll fall in love with. This book is so gorgeous to read and so rewarding, and I couldn’t put it down. In fact, I’m due for a reread... good thing I just impulsively bought all three of these so now I OWN THEM. Please, please give at least About a Girl a read, though-- the lyrical, soft nature of it was so incredibly healing and I can’t tell you how much I loved it.

5. Moonlight

What is it: A 2016 film

Who makes it: dir. Barry Jenkins

Why you should watch it: First of all, if you haven’t been following the mess that happened at the Oscars with La La Land being announced incorrectly and this film winning Best Picture, where have you been? I saw this rather recently, I’ll admit, but it blew my socks off. This film is so completely centered on the experience of black queer men, and allows them to be so honest and tender, so complex and multi-faceted, in a way we haven’t much seen in mainstream media so far. We know why this is-- mainstream media is overwhelmingly white, overwhelmingly straight, and wants to put down and silence differing experiences as much as possible, making Hollywood a boring and homogeneous space. But Moonlight has broken through and shown that when these stories are told, and they are listened to, something incredible can happen.

6. Ask the Passengers

What is it: A young-adult novel

Who makes it: A.S. King

Why you should read it: Holy shit, y’all, I loved this book so fucking much. I reread it a little while ago and it still punches me in the gut just as hard. The book centers around Astrid, a teenager navigating her sexuality, her family, and suffocating small-town life. She’s a philosopher at heart, so nothing comes easy, especially not love-- it’s not as clear-cut as her other queer friends may think. This is a really honest portrayal of figuring out sexuality and Astrid is such a lovable narrator that you just want to bundle her up and let no one else hurt her. The book hit close to home as a queer girl who spent a lot of time figuring out my identity and what it meant to me personally. If you have a similar story, prepare to get emotional.

7. One Day at a Time

What is it: A Netflix original series based off Norman Lear's 1975 series of the same name

Who makes it: Too many directors & executive producers to name! But if you’re a Norman Lear fan, he stayed on to be an executive producer for the remake.

Why you should watch it: The show centers around a Cuban-American family living in California and tackles topics like immigration, religion, sexuality, PTSD, divorce/separation, and more. Elena’s coming out storyline is beautifully and respectfully done and I really appreciate how realistic it is. This show will make you laugh and make you cry, but mostly, you’ll just fall completely in love with the Alvarez family and their story. And they’ve just been confirmed for a second season!! (GET ELENA A GIRLFRIEND!!)

8. The Real O’Neals

What is it: An ABC comedy series

Who makes it: Executive producer Dan Savage

Why you should watch it: Okay, I’ll admit, I have more problems with this show than the others-- namely its consistent biphobia and very few characters of color-- but besides the problems, it’s still hilarious and honest. In the very first episode, Kenny comes out to his conservative, Irish Catholic family in an... explosive way, and what follows is them all trying to figure out how to navigate his identity while still being religious. It’s important to see representation of queer people who keep their faith after coming out; it reminds us that religion and queerness aren’t mutually exclusive. Plus, I love Kenny’s relationship with his siblings, and the fact that his younger sister Shannon is the smartest and most put-together of them all. The show just finished its second season, and as of yet there has been no announcement of a renewal for a third season.

9. The Raven Cycle

What is it: A young-adult novel series

Who makes it: Maggie Stiefvater

Why you should read it: Holy wow, this book series is fantastic. I had no idea what it was about when I read it (because I read it for the gays...), but the story is complex and fascinating. Blue is our narrator most of the time, the daughter of a psychic who has no psychic abilities herself and who lives in a house with a bunch of other awesome psychic ladies. Her life has always been surrounded by magic, but it gets even more magical when she meets Gansey, Ronan, Adam, and Noah, four boys who go to the near Aglionby Academy and are dubbed “Raven Boys” because of the raven on their uniforms. I’m pretty sure shit starts to get Really Actually Gay in the last book, but the entire series is fantastic and well worth a read. If you like ghost boys, dead kings, magical dreamers, and weird curses, this series is for you. It’s recently been announced that there will be a TV show based on the books, and there will also be another book series just about Ronan, so I’m super pumped for those cool things... Unless they ruin the TV show, in which case I will be incredibly disappointed. (In the meantime, though, you can read the first chapter of the first book, The Raven Boys, here!)

10. Yuri On Ice

What is it: An Japanese sports anime series

Who makes it: Creator Mitsurō Kubo, dir. Sayo Yamamoto

Why you should watch it: LISTEN, I’ve never finished an anime before this, because I’m not really that into anime. But this series is about figure skating, has twelve episodes, and is hella gay, so it’s not hard to binge it. (For the love of God, please watch the subbed version if you can, the dub voices give me nightmares.) The story is beautifully done, Viktor and Yuuri’s relationship is stable, loving, and realistic, and the portrayal of Yuuri’s anxiety is so important and made me cry in spots. Plus, it’s really funny and the competition scenes are thrilling as all hell. You can watch the series in literally a day, so what are you waiting for?? Binge it and then listen to the soundtrack on Spotify on repeat while crying, like I did.

11. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What is it: A Fox-produced police sitcom

Who makes it: A million directors and producers, it’s a comedy sitcom

Why you should watch it: A diverse ensemble cast, comedy that isn’t at the expense of any marginalized group, complex characters, a stable gay relationship, Andy Samberg??? I love this show so much, y’all. To be fair, the main relationship is between a man and a woman, but the captain of the 99th precinct is an openly gay black man who’s in an amazing, loving relationship with his husband. And the relationship between Jake, the main character, and Amy (Spoiler! But you’ll see it coming from a million miles away, promise.) is one of the most delicious slow-burn plotlines I’ve ever seen. And as far as I know, the writers have no intention to break them up for “conflict” (cough cough New Girl cough). In an episode from the current season, a character called something transphobic, which was the first time I’ve ever heard that word on television, and I had to pause and look at my girlfriend in wonder, like “Did he just really say that? Oh my God??” Anyway. Please watch this show. It’s currently in its fourth season, just recently back from its haitus, so go binge it now!

There’s so many more to add to this list (Legend of Korra! Rock and Riot!! Etc etc etc!), but since you now have 11 new (or not-so-new) pieces of queer media to consume, I’ll leave you with that. Till next time!

#piper gibson #text #blog #list

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