#i wouldnt have changed a single thing

[stylesnews]

Harry dancing to MFASR in São Paulo, night III - 14/12

#i will post whichever video i find on my gallery bc its finally MY TURN to be that person #ive waited so so so so long to see this man #and i spoke my mind when i found his fits awful #and when he removed canyon moon #but he knew that wouldnt stick in latam #im so blessed #setlist was amazing #the fits were amazing #the energy was as chaotic as we're #everything down to the details was absolutely PERFECT #i wouldnt have changed a single thing #not even the merch #which yall know i mf HATE #it was CUTE here #like wearable!!!!! #it was 10000000% above my expectations after following the US tour especially #im in awe once again #harry styles #dec22 #lot22 #saopaulo322

[snickerdoodlles]

things i would change in lita if i were in charge:

put Rain in a dorm room instead of living at home

a large part of why Phayu/Rain doesn't work for me is because we don't get to see Rain develop on his own...ever, really. he's in college, but he's living at home, living off his parents' money, still updating his mom on his where abouts like he's in high school. he goes from being closely entwined with/dependent on them to being highly dependent on Phayu. Phayu/Rain didn't come off as "Rain's making stupid and risky decisions but that's part of growing up," which i would've enjoyed, it comes off as ".....no, seriously Rain, can you make this decision?"

moving Rain into a dorm would've given him some much needed independence. even if though he would've still been reliant on his parents financially, there's still the growth that comes from being away from your parents' daily influence, managing your own space, managing your own personal well-being, etc. that would've been Rain's starting point for independent growth. vs canon, where Rain's start in independent growth was an intensely sexual relationship with a highly independent guy (nooot really anything i'm comfortable with myself). Rain can enjoy being coddled/spoiled/etc (which i like! good for him!), but the writers never gave him a chance to figure out who he was on his own, so the relationship as is doesn't land for me :/

more Phayu interacting with the garage family

i really like the glimpses of Phayu's character that we get. he has a lot of contradictions that look like so much fun to explore, but his characterization often gets shuffled to the side in favor of kink. the most interesting Phayu scenes are always the ones where it's not just him and Rain which......really sucks. the Prapai/Sky sex scenes reveal a lot about them as individual characters as well as how they interact with each other. Phayu/Rain sex scenes kinda touch on how they act together, but the main thing they do is tell me more than i want to know about the writers' personal kinks. hell, most of what Rain learns about Phayu as a person is discovered through other people--which is really annoying! i want to be learning more about this guy through his interactions with Rain, not primarily the gossip other people tell Rain. that doesn't happen until like, ep6-7, which is the literal end of their personal arc and mostly spent away from each other. sighs.

more Saifah

quality character, highly underutilized. i love his eyerolls, but the writers never really did much with him to bring him past that point :( i can extrapolate a lot, but canon developed Sig in the second half of the show more than they did Saifah for all of it. Saifah is Phayu's literal twin brother and business partner, and some random architect student got more of a character than him. this is not a complaint on Sig, i fucking adore that guy, but it's a bizarre writing choice.

more kidnapping aftermath

seriously. what the fuck. TWO kidnapping scenarios, the entire reason why i watched this show, and you guys couldn't cut out any of the 1905t59488993e repeated scenes to give me more than 2 minutes of kidnapping aftermath? who the fuck even cares about trucks driving on roads

things i would not change in lita if i were in charge:

Chai showing up to rescue Phayu and Rain wearing a zebra print shirt. sensational. 10/10, no notes

#love in the air #didn't mean for this to be so heavy on phayu/rain but there's not really anything i'd change about prapai/sky #their arc has settled in my brain and rattled me to my bones #the only thing i'm >:( on is the lack of kidnapping aftermath #and the way the mafia was utilized but thats what crossovers are for #but phayu/rain........sighs #the writers clearly have a big/little kink #not my kink but cool for them #but college graduate / college freshman isn't a huge age/experience difference #so they massively exaggerated it by making Rain as literal childish* as they could while making Phayu over competent** #by not developing the first part of Phayu/Rain properly the second half doesn't land #*childish as in still dependent on parents/still living at home/still hugely naive like a child with little *chance* for independent growth #**except in rescuing boyfriends from kidnapping. i have no complaints its fucking great i wouldnt change a single thing #the other odd thing about the Phayu/Rain big/little kink is that it clashes badly with the fantastic point they made with Sky's arc #and how his age+gen isolation+lack of grown experiences #left him extremely vulnerable to Gun's manipulations and grooming #SIGHS

[lifeinkinder]

whisper tag post

#i want another baby #and this isnt an omg my babies will be 1 in 3 weeks thing #its something thats been on my mind a lot the last several months #but i wont be having more #the process is so expensive #we're doing ok the 3 of us and it would be financially irresponsible to have another child #tiny sir's chd increases the risk of any additional children i have of all having a chd #and while i have not one single regret about tiny sir and wouldnt change anything #i dont know that i could go in to another pregnancy knowing i could have another heart baby #also my 2 are perfect and how can you get perfect a 3rd time?

[perilegs]

being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little

#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults #but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy #when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it #but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown #i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that #has changed #dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in #and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city #it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap #i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here #i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that #and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city. #i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks #i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age #i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable #like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me #but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll #never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same #but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao #but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak #idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic #i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c #leevi talks

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

Cigars of the Pharoah (1932-34)

Travel

Train - 1

Boat - 5 (rowed - 1)

Coffin - 1

Horse - 1

Plane - 1 (as pilot - 1; crashed - 1)

Donkey - 1

Elephant - 4

Health

Sleeps - 1 (dreams - 1)

Eats - 2

Ow! - 13 (head injury - 5)

Unconscious - 4

Poisoned - 1

Hospitalised - 1 (psychiatric)

Emotions

Afraid - 1

Despair (TM) - 4

Angry - 1 (Sarcophagus tried to kill him)

Crumbs! - 2

Crikey - 1

Great snakes! - uncounted

Peril

Abducted - 2

Rocks dropped on him - 1 (uninjured)

Shot at - 2

Drowning - 2

Activities

Fishes - 1 (caught - 1 shark)

Swims - 2

Trees climbed - 1

The Law

Arrested - 6

Sentenced to death - 1

Imprisoned - 4

Joins an army - 1

Thompsons? - yes

Arrest Tintin - 4

Dodgy disguise - 3 (measured by any time they wear a disguise bc theyre always dodgy even in their normal clothes)

Thomson spoonerism - 4

Thompson spoonerism - 4

Rastapopoulos? - yes

Maharajah of Gaipajama? - yes

QUIFF DOWN - 2

#i am SO sorry for changing up how i tally stuff every single time #herge #tintin #the adventures of tintin #snowy #milou #cigars of the pharoah #tintin stats #as always obsessed with how herge draws vehicles #tintin: time for a nice quiet holiday. everyone within a thousand mile radius: fuck your quiet holiday #it was a big day for boats #i decided i dont see the point of separating chloroform from other kinds of poison or drugging #so when i get to the end every time hes knocked unconscious by a substance not a weapon ill tally them all under the same umbrella #the only reason i separated chloroform poisoning in the first place is that it was one of my 'quicksands' as a kid #ie things that i thought i would have to deal with a lot more as an adult #but here i am. 25 and ive never once crawled through an air vent or been chloroformed*. herge pulled my leg the whole time #also apparently now im gonna commentate these posts in the tags lol #*NOT an invitation. i like my kidneys #and i like not being covered in gross lint which is what i assume is inside air vents. i wouldnt know. ive never BEEN in one >:( #also the emotions one needs some rethinking i think #because tbh hes like anyone else. hes generally either neutral or feeling an emotion like all the time #how do u tally that up without spending hours analysing whats going on with him #ive been going with 'visibly' but like. he smiles a lot and is usually pretty chipper #but a lot of the time if hes scared or angry he doesnt necessarily show it #but context-wise its clear that that's what he's feeling #he also laughs a lot i think but its not necessarily Obvious #its all about context #but i have to decontextualise things a lot just in the nature of what im doing here #idk if anyone has any input on this pls shout out #there were way more tags on this fhdskj but i ran out of space so thats for another time

[rustbeltbabey]

boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.

#mayave its imposter syndrome maybe its internalized transphobia but i dont think any gay man would ever date me bc i dont thibk any of them #would thibk of me as a man. idk. maybe this will change once i start like. PHYICALLY transitioning but i rlly feel like theres no hope 4 me #i feel like i will always be thought of as a woman for the rest of my life i feel like i will never pass as anything but a woman i feel like #i dont have any positive qualities i don't like a single thing abt myself i dont thibk im capable of loving someone im so distant w everyone #im so scared of phyically and emotional intimacy i feel like a burden i dont even know how to act like a man and i KNOW that thst isnt a #fucking thing i KNOW theres no right way of being a man i know that logically but still the fact that i grew up isolated from men and #that i rarely interact w them even to this day i have no male friends no male role models nothing im so scared im gonna like. #break social rules n shit which is RIDICULOUS bc once again there's no right way to b a guy or to preform masculinity and also im so early #in my transition no one even knows im a guy anways. but also im worri3d bc of thst no one will ever seen me as one unless i start conforming #to traditional masculinity and i dont know now to emulate it bc ivenonly ever seen it from afar i dont actually know what guys talk about #howbthey act around eachother what is socially acceptable or not i dont have a clue bc i dont ever interact w men and its like. fucking #stupid of me to even want to know bc it shouldn't matter to me BUT IT DOES and it makes me so anxious that i do not know how to emulate it #even if i wanted to i wouldnt know how bc i grew up in a fucking cult and i know so little men and i have terrible social skills n i #probably have autism which just. everything is compounded upon eachother n i feel like im going crazy i dont think ill ever be enough. #I hope i'm in a better mental place when i start t but even that im so fucking bad at doing things bc i have executive dysfunction that like #i havent even started tbe process or called thr clinic im just likem fucking spiraling. I hope my mindset becomes healthier once I start. #anwyss lol. do u guys like me? bc i feel like im unbearable n im trying not to be let me know if u do or not so i can try to cahnge ^.^ #🪽

[nomaishuttle]

sry its just like rly incredibly annoying how much ppl will like. IDK. yes ik a lot of autistic and adhd ppl who do love music. and sometimes it is bc of their neurodivergence yk. music can be grounding its familiar its reliable and comfortable. i think its fine to say Autistic/ADHD ppl often find comfort in music. but its stupid as fuck to say Therefore enjoying music makes you autistic/adhd.

#like that cant be the only diagnostic criteria... im not at all anti self dx but i am anti just hearing abt something doing 0 research and #being like yep thats so me. yk. #likeee. i have a LOT of issues on the psych industry trust me. i also think in a lot of cases its dangerous to be diagnosed. and in most #cases self dxing even uninformed self dxing isnt harmful its just like. idk. it can be harmful when you use it to spread misinfo #even unknowingly. IDK.... like. i enjoy eating the same foods over and over bc they are safe and reliable. expecting these foods #and then getting something different than what i was expecting is incredibly upsetting. that is bc of my autism but if that was the ONLY #autistic trait i had i wouldnt say i was autistic i would just say that i find comfort in my foods being reliable and i dislike change. #and i think a lot of ppl just feel this need to put a label on every single thing abt them down to like. the way they walk. #like do i do the classic autistic Walking on the balls of my feet yes its true i do do that. but again i wouldnt say i was autistic just bc #of that... sometimes its just a quirk you have. sometimes you just have things you do and you dont need a label to put on them to explain #that thing... its more just like. if you do have that dx or whatever you can look at that thing and be like oh this might be bc of that dx. #and you can kind of bond over that with other ppl. IDKK its complicated and im rambling #again idt its like super harmful to self dx even uninformed its just like. i wish sometimes people would just be like . chill abt labels #its the same thing with sexualities and gender like. sometimes you dont need a hyperspecific word to describe your entire identity sometime #you can just be a person. yk. like i love being bisexual i love the bisexual label and im proud of being bi. i dont feel the need #to look into the specific ratio of who im attracted to or when im attracted to them or whatever to make a more specific label. IDK THO #idk. basically i just think instead of trying to group everybody into these tiny Ultra specific groups of ppl you relate to i think you #should just be like. Oh everybodys a person even if they dont experience everything the exact way i do. idk whatever

[hella1975]

loveeeeeeee when my one very spoilt flatmate says some shit about how she treats her mum/how she talks to her mum and me and my other flatmate just look at each other for a silent moment and both just go 'no id be dead'

#like flatmate no.1 is the spoilt one and ive known her as well as flatmate no.2 since not just first year but FRESHERS #like these are my uni 4lifers we've known each other since the first two weeks flatmate no.2 i met on my first DAY #so it's quite funny bc ive SEEN flatmate no.1 change her atittude over time #and i think it's a joint effort of being exposed to different people at uni #and also bc ive just beaten her down every time she says something even remotely ignorant/spoilt #like i normally wouldnt give myself that much credit for a single person's character arc but flatmate no.2 BARELY saw us last year #and me and flatmate no.1 were basically joint at the hip so it was a proximity thing more than me just being super cool and inspiring #so basically what im getting at is that in first year she was sooooo shamelessly spoilt #and it was so clear she just had never hung out with people who WERENT spoilt #and nowadays she's v good at letting herself be the butt of the joke and she still gets iffy about dumb shit #but generally speaking she takes what we give her now whereas she used to ARGUE and that boiled my fucking blood #and it means we can talk more easily about these things and one thing that comes up A LOT is the difference in parenting #like i shit you not this girl uses a baby voice on her parents. it's actually uncomfortable #me however i was raised with a bloody mercenary whose genuine worst insult for us was to call us middle class LMAO #like my mum put tough love into the dictionary her VERBATIM catchphrase is 'fall in or fuck off' #and flatmate no.2 is ESTRANGED from her mum and has a very on-off relationship with her dad that has all round left her very independent #like for her there was no one there to spoil her and for me the person that was there would literally have rather died than have spoilt kid #so flatmate no.1 will say some bratty shit and me and flatmate no.2 are just there like??? are you fucking deranged??? #the example that caused this post is that flatmate no.1's mum went into her room #and she was like '.... it smells like weed in here darling....' and my flatmate POINTED AT HER WEED AND WENT 'YEAH THAT'S WHY' #and she was telling us as a haha funny and i was like. THE DISRESPECT? #like my mum would be less angry about the weed than she was about the fact i didnt even respect her enough to hide it if that makes sense #she'd fucking clobber me id be out on the bloody street LMAO #spoilt kids and/or pushover parents just baffle me like i have never won a fight against my mum what are you even doing #'why didn't you do [rebellious thing] as a kid' BITCH I WAS SCARED LMFAO #hella goes to uni

[claitea]

just finished watching a xenoblade 3 playthrough. i am So sad

#clai speaks #spoilers under here #man i dont know what to say. i Really loved this game #xbc 1 and 2 were great sure but this one absolutely demolishes the other two to me #the most lovable cast of characters the visuals the music the main story the SIDE stories #side quests in the other games were for the most part really boring but every xbc3 sidequest felt somewhat significant at least #like its not just ''go help this guy do his groceries or some boring fetchquest with uninteresting no name npcs #the quests all had something to do with helping these colonies survive and build meaningful relationships #i heard the zeon potato thing is a bit of a meme but i was INVESTED in that shit i WANTED HIM TO GROW SOME GOOD GODDAMN POTATOES #not a single main character i was even just Neutral on either like. i didnt care too much for sharla and tora admittedly #but i care SO much about each and every ouroboros member #each one of them is so extremely compelling on their own and complement each other so well and their interactions are so good to watch #every day i think about the campsite animation where sena is playing with taion's mondo and he makes one disappear before she can catch it #i have almost zero complaints with this entire game it is SO. its everything to me rn #the ending. it was PERFECT for what the story is its all been leading up to the worlds splitting again i KNOW but i cant take it man legit #i wouldnt want the ending to change i think i just. personally hate endings where they rip apart the protags i cant handle them #i KNOW it ends on noah hearing the flute and running off and they'll probably meet again years after the game ends but #the noah and mio and everyone you PLAY as. are just gone #their memories and bonds with each other they're restarting #and no thats not a bad thing. its unfair but thats kinda the point #I'M TRYING NOT TO SOUND LIKE THOSE PEOPLE WHO LEGIT CANT HANDLE CONFLICTS IN STORIES BUT I JUST. SORRY #ITS A GOOD ENDING ITS A PERFECT ENDING IT JUST MAKES ME. SO UPSET. WHICH IS THE POINT BUT ALSO. UGH #one thing i will say. Rex??? Holy Shit #i saw that picture months ago and thought it was fanart or a good edit or something NO ITS REAL #AND THEY PUT IT LIKE. SMACK BANG IN THE PASSIONATE KISS BETWEEN NOAH AND MIO. BAM REX PYRA MYTHRA NIA JUMPSCARE #am i right in thinking thats. Weird. i thought pyra/mythra were older than rex but i could be wrong on that #but even if they werent why BOTH pyra and mythra arent they. the same person. they split at the end of xbc2 but pyra still came from mythra #idk. i dont like that at all #poppi still being around though now THAT was great. i love poppi so much WHY COULDNT SHE HAVE APPEARED BEFORE #and last note. the fight with z being the FIRST time melia successfully lands starlight kick without falling over. Perfect

[ironmanstan]

i think if i make my neocities site cool enough ill ditch my carrd for real actually

#like i could just. add it as a page on the site. and like i dont wanna link to my carrd AND my website everywhere lol thats dumb #the gamer speaks uwu #coding it is so fun tho its frustrating as fuck bc i forgot how inherently annoying coding is but well its still ok ^__^ #css die and go to hell CHALLENGE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #html my babygirl. javascript my soon to be babygirl idk how to write it really just edit and read through it #like i was obsessed with scratch when i was little and learned it on my own so like that alone already is like #just fully if then statements #if then statements my so beloved theyre so simple i should learn js properly lol #i need to tho i need to integrate the auto post archival script i found into my thing but the js is like #not cooperating with my css . and my css broke lmao #so i have deleted everything and restarted so rn i just have my main page done and the style sheet is in the main html #not ideal ! not ideal at all but it works bb #like see #i want multiple pages and i want to be able to blog here and there to go more in depth about my art if i feel like it #to achieve this i need every page on the site to have the same color palette decor etc #i could one by one update each page to style them individually but if i ever change my layout. i have to update it one by one #and if i make blog posts those are in theory a new page every post as well. so you see this is innefficient and sucks in the long run #easy in the short term or for a small site tho ! #so i need to make a css file to collect everything where i only have to change the css to style every single page on the site linked to it #i had this working for a minute but for some reason my main page wouldnt link to my css file OUT OF NO WHERE ??? #but the js file that formats the blog posts see it has like a specific format for text and everything so they look right #and i think this conflicted with some info in my css file that ALSO specifically formats some text #so it fucked everything up ! #so im right now just with p much an individual page for html and css and im going to start again #copy my css i have right now first of all into an actual css file. link it to the html #then i really really have to scour and gut the script file before implementing it so we dont have everything break again #decent plan i have the energy to do actual work now tho so i wont be doing it until later when i burn out of drawing and need to do smth #tech shid #screaming in the tags

[flower-zombie-rob]

When i meet new people its really like

Me: okay. This is going splendid. This is going amazing. I like you, you are very nice, you are very wonderful, you are friend-shaped and you are great! This is going really well so don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it-

Them: "...my ex/current partner..."

Me: FUCK, ANOTHER ONE???? So it really is just me around here that's never had any kind of relationship or interaction with someone who loves me like that?????? Wtf!??!?!

#It's so weird it's like everybody got this Handbook where they were able to have their first kiss or their first relationship as a child #And it's so easy for these people who are my age and have had multiple axes or are currently in a healthy relationship with someone #But for some reason I just can't seem to find somebody #And as much as I would love to go out and look or have some online dating site due to my current situation I just can't #And I've just sort of had enough of people saying that it happens at some point and they would prefer if they had never had a relationship #But that's a bit of a pisstake considering they don't really understand what it's like to have all of your peers understand what it's like #to be in relationships and have people flirt with them or hold their hands or kiss them or want to be with thsm #or do general couply things with them #And you just feel like some kind of stupid outlier who will never understand because no one seems to want you that way #its just fucking annoying every single time i meet someone i always think it might finally be a shared experience but no #everyone has it figured out #except me i gues #s #and i cant stand people saying theyd just fuck off no you wouldnt #its lonely it feels like shit you feel irrelevant you feel stupid and unloveable because for some reason youre the only one and it feels #like its never gonna change so no no you do not wish you were liks that again because it feels like absolute shit and i hate it #i just know itll reach a point where i get too old to be a newbie to this kind of stuff and im worried thats gonna affect my chances of #having a partner at that point. meeting peoples really hard and connecting with thems way harder but everyone else seems to just have this #ability that i dont. everybody can pull somebody #and i just dont have that and it makes me so upset #sorry #I really went on a vent style tangent there and I didn't mean to #ill tag it as one now #vent #tw vent

[orcelito]

getting the urge to spruce up the discacc summary with html but getting intimidated bc ppl r consistently opening up the fic & if i fuck it up then ppl Will probably see it and that is Scary

#speculation nation #discacc shit #slkdjf ive had just a basic summary and whatever. but like. what if i made it look pretty #but i get hits. very consistently. which means. ppl constantly Looking at it #and summary is on the MAIN PAGE.... #it's the BINDING of the fic. and im just gonna CHANGE IT?????/ #wild that. i uh. Can do that actually #like i know i have 100% full control over every single part of this fic #but it existing as this Thing in so many other ppl's minds #a good handful of ppl saying it's their Fav fic. or among their favs. #and i can just. change the summary to whatever tf i want. crazy #i wouldnt rly change the content of the summary. it's still the general premise of it all #but i might try to refine it idk #i havent touched the summary in a long long time. hmmm

[thefunniestguy]

OUGH

#vent #vent in tags #i genuinely wish so badly that i could go back just . 2 years w the knowledge i have now #current living situations are bad and im not being dramatic when i say that ONE decision made everything the way it is today (not good) #i dont care if id have to go through any of the bad days again - i would relive every single one of the bad days from these 2 years #if it meant i could change that ONE thing . im not even sure i could convince my family not to do it but id do anything to just TRY #ough deja vu doesnt help wh #anyway YEAH looking back at old pictures i donot care about any 'good' that came from it bc the bad is so much worse #i dont even care if i learn a lesson from this. i HAVE but its a lesson i already knew and didnt need to 'learn the hard way' #its stupid but . at this point my little brain is practically wishing on stars and wish fountains /hj #i just wanna . start over . start this point of my life over . rewrite this certain chapter yk #theres a lot i wouldnt do different but . those little things that had a negative domino effect yk ? #i know theres no going back seeing as my life isnt a movie so . i know i just have to move on and do what i can but #the frustrating part is theres so little that i can do . no matter how hard i try nothing i do to try and help this is even worthwhile #GRRRR and if i said the reason then it would sound ridiculous and dumb so im not gonna say but its genuinely not ridiculous and dumb to me #ive got one year until i can attempt to put this behind me but hhhhh ill feel bad bc im also leaving the people i actually care for behind #imean my friends are fine off- this doesnt affect them- but ive spent all my life trying to protect my mom and sister anddd #i wont be there to protect them #HHHHHHHHHHhhhh

[addelaidesupreme]

I'm watching a video essay about a game ive been interested in playing. The creator of the video, who has crossdressed multiple times, makes a "women arent funny" joke, and i suddenly realize ive never witnessed him acknowledge a woman in an uplifting way before.

I'm on a dating app for lgbt+ people. I've stated multiple times on my profile that i would rather lose an arm than recieve nudes without consent. I will be sent five dick pics for every 2 people i talk to that night.

I'm talking with my dad, who informs me he's been trying his best to learn about trans issues. He says the same things steven crowder brings up when trying to ridicule trans people. I gently but firmly correct my father and get told that ive been fed propaganda.

I'm on instagram, under the comments of a post ridiculing someone for being a misogynyst. Someone's left a comment saying "it must be hard being a woman on the internet" and i respond "it is." I will have every aspect of my appearance scrutinized as a reminder that no matter how well i pass, it will never be enough for someone with bad intentions.

I'm back on that dating app for lgbt+ people. I'm messaged by an attractive looking person, but i can see their partner prominently displayed in all but their main photo, oftentimes striking what im sure they thought was a very intimidating pose. Their bio says "looking for a third for our anniversary." I know that even if I did feel up to it, the gruff partner wouldnt approve of me because i don't pass.

I'm at a job interview for a clothing store. I tell the gracefully-dressed woman interviewing me that ever since i began my transition, i've discovered an interest in fashion, and that this job would allow me to dip my toes into the industry in a safe way. I'm told that i've reduced womanhood to a stereotype, and i can tell by her tone that i lost any chance at the job the minute she realized i was trans.

I'm at the same hospital i got facial feminization surgery in, trying to figure out what's wrong with my bowels. When the person behind the desk gives me a wristband with my patient info on it, i notice a single, lonely, letter M. I ask a nurse in private why it would say that despite me having changed it nearly a year prior. They say they have no clue, and bring in paperwork for me to fill out and have it re-changed again.

I'm living with my mom at the time. I'm new to transitioning, and decide to try my hand at voice training. It feels a bit off, but otherwise im feeling neutral toward the whole thing. I try speaking in this new voice to my mom and she laughs. Now, when people ask if i intend to voice train, i find speaking at all difficult for minutes after.

I didnt have some sort of grand message to convey by this. I just had a thought and then that thought spiralled into whatever the hell this became. Some, okay most, might call it complaining; they are right to do so.

#trans woman #trans pride #trans #lgbt #lgbtq #addies high thoughts #transgender #pre op mtf #post op mtf #mtf trans #mtf girl #mtf hrt #trans hrt #hrt #trans rights #transmysogyny

[remade-c18r0]

i finished mhyk ms2. ....................... Like ill ever be normal again

#i wouldnt have been even if i hadnt read it but every single mhyk thing irreversibly changes me that much more #kizutsuyo ruining my life. arthur ruining my FUCKING LIFE #.txt

[heyitslapis]

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#im a terrible fucking person #i fucked up so bad #i should kept my temper. i shouldve never answered the phone bc i knew i wasnt in a good heaspace/emotional state #nobody deserves to be on the receiving end of that. especially you #i have very few actual regrets in life but yesterday will always be number one #i'll always hate myself for the things i said and the tantrum i threw #all of my emotions were magnified because of how sleep deprived and exhausted i was #but that doesnt excuse the way i behaved. i shouldve stopped myself. i should have at least warned you so you couldve hung up #i wouldnt blame you if you never forgave me. i wouldnt blame you if this changes the way you think/feel about me #there was just too much that had piled up. i broke under the weight of everything that i had tried to push to the side & ignore #im not okay. its ok to not be ok. but its not ok to take it out on the ones i love #i love you still. i hate myself for every single word that came out of my mouth #i wont lie & say that what i said isnt what ive been feeling/thinking for the last 8 months #but that doesnt mean you deserved to hear it. especially not in that way #i'll never forgive myself for this. i wont blame you if you dont either #im sorry. i know that word has lost all meaning in this day & age. but i am. so incredibly truly deeply sorry #i know nothing i say or do will ever erase or fix it. im sorry. im so SO sorry. i regret everything & im so sorry Peach #take care of yourself love. i have to step away & do the same for myself. hopefully i'll see you on the other side of this journey #hopefully one day itll be joyful & nice & refreshing & loving again #i miss you. im so sorry #im a monster. im so disgusted with myself. i want to rot away in a pit like fucking trash. you deserve the stars but ive given you hell #emma rambles #emma vents #emma rants #2023 tag