the titans curse reread thoughts im emo
this was my favorite book during the youth and i reread it the most out of the series and coming back to it and coming back to nico ... felt like coming home. i just love this book
the thalia-percy power struggle!! WHAT we deserve!!!!! i loved every single second of it; their fight after the capture the flag, losing Annabeth, etc.
there was a LOT of foreshadowing of nico and bianca and i just feel like [eye emoji] that i didn’t get it when i was young. nico said in the first few chapters ‘wouldnt it be cool if you could be resurrected after you die and keep fighting’ then bianca banishing the skeleton soldiers then bianca picking out the gold in the junkyard
i once again want to point out the importance of the luke-annabeth-thalia family unit, which drives the whole plot
when i was little, i didn’t care for or against bianca and i loved her in general but as an adult i resent her for joining the hunt? it felt so. selfish of her? which i can see though as a hades trait as well but still. but her death was also written so poignant.
same thing with zoe; the whole book focuses on making zoe old (her thee/thy speech, her timelessness, references to immortality, then the fact she knew hercules) that her demise is so...shocking? and everything “i can see the stars again my lady” “live through the stars” how zoe also used to say the stars were clearer...
also the weight of the world was also written beautifully
and i was also really moved by thalia and luke’s fight. the clashes of lightning and thalia’s tears (also motivated by thalia’s want to trust luke / similar interests as she was tempted by bessie).
THEN when thalia had the chance to kill luke, she hesitated and annabeth stepped in truly showing how broken the family unit between them has become which can later be paralleled to the last olympian climax when percy has a choice, annabeth interferes, and luke makes his choice.
overall, the climax battle made me shed a few tears with thalia-luke’s battle, the brokenness of thalia-luke-annabeth, percy holding the world, zoe’s death and in addition to bianca and nico’s tragedies which i think is why this book struck me so much today still and as a kid
this book also sets the stage of the seriousness of the overall pjo climax by showing the broken thalia-luke-annabeth family unit
also annabeth was going to tell percy things (one at the school nico and bianca were at then at the end of book) but idk what they are ? am i dumb
very well paced and so witty and engaging with emotional ups and downs (bianca’s death to the dam snackbar to thalia’s emotional meltdown) and it’s the first time death is truly introduced in these series which is why it moves the pjo series into another level
ALSO percy’s change from being angry/embarrassed all the time to accepting in the conclusion (angry at sallys new boyfriend to again loving his mom and supporting her)
tldr; i cried and its still one of the best books rick has written, the best book in the series sans the last olympian and nico’s home
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not so typical love song - ch. 1/13
Chapter Title: Rollarcoaster
Words: 3,050
Note: my piece for the @pjo-hoo-bigbang !!! special thanks to @shelbychild and @wisdom-walks-alone for editing and helping me develop this story! it wouldnt exist w/o y’all!
Art by @lizzybizzyo! <3
[ one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight (coming soon)]
read on ao3
—
Nico is staring at his computer, wordless. This isn't writer's block or surprise; it’s just the unknown reality of what this situation could lead to.
Another gay kid in his school. Another gay kid that isn’t Mitchell—who’s been out since 8th grade, and the only one to be out since then. Another kid at their school who’s hiding a secret.
Nico doesn’t even know if this kid is a boy or a girl or what, and frankly, he doesn’t care. There’s another kid like him. And he has no idea how to respond to the post.
The post is a submission from their school’s gossip blog on Tumblr, the notorious ‘hb-secrets.’ Piper had called him an hour ago, asking if he’d seen it yet.
“Seen what?” he had responded.
“The post on hb-secrets? About the closeted gay kid?” It hit Nico like a wall of bricks as he quickly went to pull up the website. Did somebody know? It was a relief when he saw the clipart Ferris wheel and a few short lines submitted by a blog called blue0919.
“I bet it’s that Brazilian sophomore. Paolo or whatever? Or maybe it’s Connor Stoll! I swear he’s been flirting with Mitchell, but Annabeth keeps telling me that he’s into Lacy or someone,” Piper continued as he read, but it was going in one ear and out the other as he processed the words on the screen
Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next minute I’m at rock bottom. Over and over all day long, because a lot of my life is great. But nobody knows I’m gay.
“Gotta go. I’ll talk later,” Nico said quickly, switching off his phone. He knew it would raise suspicion, but it felt like time was turning in on itself. Nobody knew about Nico. In fact, nobody ever even suspected. He’s never been called names besides “Death Boy.” And yet, there were the exact words that described his life, written out in front of him like they were a second thought.
And now, he was staring at his computer with an empty Gmail draft open. The original poster had left their email at the end of the post, so Nico after glancing quickly at his Panic! at the Disco poster still proudly hanging on his wall, typed out a new address. He was stuck, though, unsure of what to say from here.
So, he started from the beginning.
Date: Oct 2 at 6:48 PM
Subject: Hey
Somehow you’ve managed to type exactly what I feel. Sorta scary, as if you’re inside my head or something. Maybe it’s just a gay thing to be speaking in metaphors about the pressure of everyday society.
That’s what I am. Gay. I don’t know if I’ve ever really said it out loud to myself.
It’s weird because I never really had a perfectly normal life. My mom died when I was young, so I never really got to meet her. My sister and I have always been super close until she went away to college. Now, not as much. I guess that’s just what happens when you live a million miles away.
And I’ve known my stepmom longer than I knew my real mom, but it was only a few years ago when I met my half-sister when she came to live with us because her mom died as well. Meaning, she isn’t the daughter of my stepmom. It’s a long story, and not really one I want to get into.
She’s super nice though. It’s funny, but despite being polar opposites with my older sister, they’re both mushy inside. Same with my stepmom. And my dad… he tries his best. We’re like exactly what you expect from a slightly broken family. Plus my dog who my cousin gave to me during a rough time. Honestly, she’s probably my favorite sibling out of them all. (Both my sisters would kill me if they knew I wrote that.)
And then there are my friends. I have some that are closer than others; Two of them I’ve known for a while now, and one who I only met recently but treats me better than some of the people I’ve known my whole life. While I admit, I’m not the most social person in the world, they’re pretty amazing as far as friends go.
So there it is. My perfectly normal life. Except for that huge ass secret.
He typed and retyped each line what felt like a thousand times, deleting word after word. He didn't know what was too much. It all felt like too much, really. He didn’t even know if he could trust this person.
Signing it was the worst part; he didn’t have any good pseudonyms. Eventually, he decided to leave it blank.
Without a second thought, Nico hit ‘send’ before leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his head. Only a second later, a light knock came from the door, causing him to quickly sit up as Hazel popped her head in.
“Dinner’s ready if you wanna eat,” she smiled. She left just as quickly as she came, curls bouncing as she walked away. They had gotten over the awkwardness of having a new sibling only months after Hazel moved in, but there was still some strangeness. To this day, Nico was still a lot closer to her than Bianca was. Either way, Nico knew he would do anything for her. (Not that he would admit that. He didn't even need to, Hazel already knew.)
Nico glanced back at his computer, but there was nothing in his inbox besides the Gmail “Welcome” email. It was stupid to think this person would respond that quickly, seeing as Nico didn't even know if they would respond at all. Heaving a sigh, he got up to join his family for dinner. Maybe he could even convince them to watch Steven Universe instead of The Bachelor.
---
Dinner went as expected. It’d been a while, actually, since they were all together for a meal. Hazel talked about her psycho geometry teacher and a boy she talked in the class named Frank, who seemed sweet but apparently had a shared hatred for math just like her. Nico didn’t say much, although chimed in at the latter, saying he better be the flower boy at their wedding. That even got a short scoff out of his father, which tended to be the closest Nico ever got him laughing. So, that was a win.
However, he was a little more distant than usual. The pending email response was in the back of his mind during the entire meal.
Even afterward, as they watched reruns of Glee (a compromise made between Hazel and Nico, much to their father’s dismay), Nico couldn’t focus. It felt like a weight was burning through his back pocket. After the second episode (and laughing his ass off at his father’s reaction to Kurt’s ‘Single Ladies’ dance) he finally excused himself.
He tapped the Gmail app on his phone as soon as he had reached his room. It felt like his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the new notification, a response from the original poster. With slightly shaky hands, he tapped the response, and a message opened up.
Date: Oct 2 at 8:12 PM
Subject: I’ve never done this before
Dear anonymous person on the internet,
I really don’t know where to begin. I’m also not sure if you're a real person. For all I know you could be some random pedophile like one of those cases they warned us about in health class for the past 5 years, even though it’s never happened within the last decade.
But in case you are real, hello! I’m the original poster from that hb-secrets thread about life being a Ferris wheel. I’m rereading what I wrote there and I can’t stop cringing, so I’ll start by apologizing for that. I’m not usually one for metaphors, even the bad ones.
Anyway, it sounds like you identify with what I wrote. I’m glad you emailed me; I didn’t think anyone would actually do anything with the email that I left. Except maybe be extremely homophobic. But it made me feel less like I was shouting into the void, so thanks for that. And I assume you’re okay with me writing back since you sent me the first email. Though, I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you. I really didn’t think I would.
I guess I’m thinking it could be nice to talk with someone who can relate to how I’m feeling. No pressure, of course, but feel free to write back if you want to. I don’t want to use my real name, but you can call me Blue.
It was surreal. Someone who was like Nico. Someone who wanted to talk to Nico because they were like him.
He started to type again, with more excitement than he’s ever felt. He’s never been able to express this part of him before. It was almost like first date jitters-type feeling.
(Not that he really knew what that was like.)
Date: Oct 2 at 8:23 PM
Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before
Hi, Blue
Wow, I’m actually kind of flipping out right now, because I seriously didn’t think I’d hear from you, especially so quickly. Wow. Okay. First of all, thanks for your email and also for your Tumblr post. I really liked it, Blue, and it wasn’t cringy at all, I promise.
So do you go here (here meaning HBHS)? I do, I’m a junior. And I’m a guy (are you a guy?) Anyway, I could relate a lot to your post, Like, pretty much all of it, but especially the part about being gay. You probably figured that out already though. And I’m not out yet either, which you probably figured that part out too.
I guess a part of me wants to be out, but a part of me’s like… no. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know. Maybe you get it.
So yeah, it’s really nice to meet you! This is kind of cool, right? Even writing this email makes me feel eleven times less alone.
-Angel (not my real name either, two can play at this game. It’s not like a pet-name type thing. If you ever find out who I am, you’ll understand why.)
He was worried about the whole name-signing thing. ‘Angel’ was just the easiest thing; it was a direct translation of his last name. He was really hoping Blue still didn’t take it in a weird way, even with that last note.
Relief flooded through him when he read the first sentence of Blue’s next email.
Date: Oct 2 at 8:41 PM
Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before
Angel, huh? Maybe like guardian angel perhaps.
Also, eleven times less alone? That’s oddly specific. :) But I know exactly what you mean.
Anyway, wow. Hi. You wrote back, and quickly too. I’m really glad you liked my post. Now I’m actually happy I put it out there. I have to admit, it’s strange to be writing a somewhat personal email to you when we don’t know each other’s identities. Though, in a way, I guess that makes it easier. Sorta like a therapist, except we’re both blindfolded and have the same problem. So not really a therapist, I guess.
Do you think therapists have therapists? Like, if the problems get to be too much for them? Is there an Almighty Therapist who just absorbs everyone's issues and feels nothing?
Anyway, I am a guy, and I’m also a junior at HB. I think you’re actually the first other gay guy I’ve met here. It’s pretty surreal to be talking to you. (In a good way though.) I wonder if we know each other in real life.
And I think I understand what you mean. I feel like I’m constantly going back and forth about wanting to come out. I have these moments where I’m almost bursting to tell people. Of course, that’s where I was when I posted the thing on Tumblr. But I always feel so weird about it a few hours later, and sometimes I’m intensely relieved no one knows yet. What about you?
-Blue
Date: Oct 2 at 9:12 PM
Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before
I mean, let’s be real, eleven is the best number, which is perfect because we’re both in eleventh grade. And I can't believe we’re both juniors. The class is pretty small compared to the others, so I bet we do know each other, which is weird to think about. What if we’re actually enemies in real life? Do you have enemies? I don’t think I do, not really. Various people tend to annoy me a lot. It’s not even their fault; some people just have really punchable faces.
(I’m usually a really nonviolent person. I’m more like a violent person who at the same doesn’t really want to hurt anyone, so I have to resort to fantasizing about punching people, which just ends in eating my feelings in large quantities of McDonald’s.)
It’s funny for me, it’s actually not so much that go back and forth about wanting to come out. It’s like I simultaneously do and don’t want to be out. Which is pretty freaking exhausting, honestly. Like I’m in this constant state of JUST SAY IT and NO NEVER. Do you think that ever ends? I don’t know, maybe I’m just a really indecisive person. I think part of me is also just holding out until college when I’m away from anyone I know and can just reinvent myself.
So what kind of stuff do you like to do after school and everything?
-Angel
Date: Oct 2 at 9:34 PM
Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before
I don’t think I have any enemies, but now I’m definitely wondering if I’m the guy with the punchable face. How do you know if you have a punchable face? I’ve never been punched, so hopefully, that’s a good sign.
I will say, I’m definitely with you on the issue of eating your feelings. I’m the person who has never smoked a cigarette or gotten drunk or anything like that, and I'm usually relatively healthy. However, I once ate five jars of Nutella in one sitting. I do not recommend,
I’m indecisive, too, in some ways. Okay, full disclosure: I was really conflicted when you sent me that email. I kept going back and forth about whether I should email you. I was (and am) definitely intrigued, but I guess I was also a little bit paranoid. It’s just that you could have been anyone, and it’s hard to know sometimes if someone’s being a jerk or if they’re being sincere. Plus my cousin sort of actually outed me. Not to anyone else, he’s the only one who knows, but now I’m super paranoid about coming out. (Exactly what you said about holding out until college. I’m thinking I can move to LA or somewhere where nobody really cares. Although I wouldn’t want to reinvent myself. And I don’t want you to reinvent yourself either, you’re pretty cool as you are I think.) Anyway, I’m really glad I decided to email you, though.
So, you’re probably going to think I’m ridiculous, but I’d rather not answer your last question. It’s just… I think I like being anonymous for now. Is that okay?
-Blue
Okay, that last part was fair. Nico understood the wanting-to-be-anonymous thing. Sure, they go to the same school. But Blue had no reason to entirely trust him; Nico didn’t really trust Blue at all. This could entirely be some random asshole anywhere in the world trying to find him and beat him up, or worse. It sucked that homophobia was still a thing in their day and age.
But Blue said he liked talking to Nico, and it was thrilling to talk to him. It was another secret of his, but not one he entirely minded keeping. So, he chose to believe that Blue was actually who he said he was.
Date: Oct 2 at 9:57 PM
Subject: Punchability
Blue, you have so much to learn about the rules of punchability, starting with the fact that it is completely impossible for you to have a punchable face. Rule number one: guys who make metaphors about Ferris wheels are automatically unpunchable. Rule number two: There isn’t one. Just rule number one, so memorize it. Everyone else can catch these fists. (Catch these fists? These hands? This would probably be more intimidating if I knew the correct phrasing)
Also, five jars of Nutella in one sitting is the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Challenge accepted.
I don’t think you’re ridiculous, Blue. I totally understand why you don't want to tell me about your extracurricular activities (I’m guessing interpretive dance, though, you seem like the type.) But seriously, I get it. It’s this weird contradiction, right? It’s so much easier to be open with someone who doesn't know you at all. We’ll be each other's Ultimate Therapists.
(Except I don’t think I could ever be a therapist.)
Anyway, I’m really glad you decided to email me back, too :)
-Angel
That smiley face was really unlike him.
Nico sent the email, but after nearly an hour, he didn’t get on back, which meant Blue was probably asleep. Which was different from what Nico was used to; he tended to stay awake until the early hours of the morning most nights. But it wasn’t anything he minded. He had a conversation with Blue, and even if that was the last one they would ever have (which, he was hoping it wouldn’t be), it was good to know that there was somewhere out there like him.
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11 Questions
RULES:
1. Always post the rules
2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you
3. Write 11 questions of your own
4. Tag 11 people
Tagged by @lonerofshalott, Thank you!!! sorry this has taken me ages to do lol
Tagged Questions
1. What was the last thing that made you smile?
i saw a bunch of pictures and videos of my boyfriend and his friends going on an adventure!! :3
2. Does optimism make a difference?
yes. although its something i struggle with, being optimistic can help you hold on and keep pushing forward if things seem really bad at the time
3. Has something paranormal ever happened to you?
nope
4. What’s something you questioned that you never thought you would?
tbh ive pretty much grown up questioning everything lol, from existence to authority to gender roles
5. What’s your favorite stereotype about where you’re from?
there are people who think that literally everyone in wi is a farmer? how lmao
6. If your life was written by someone, how would you describe the author?
im really foggy cause the heat today, is this asking like if my life is weird and lowkey shitty, i can say my life is written by some sadistic bastard with a dark sense of humor? (but the editor is nice tho, cause theyre like “dude you gotta add some happy parts otherwise whats the point”)
7. What’s the strangest thing that happened to you this week?
i hung out with my manager and my best friend and got asked riddles by an old man on the street and the only thing we could understand from what he was saying was “chickens”, “condoms”, and “reefer”
8. What was the first fandom you were apart of?
my first fandom oh gosh, probably pjo lmao
9. If you ruled the world, what are the first three things you’d do?
fuckin actually put green energy to use, legalize some drugs and treat addiction like a mental issue instead of a crime, and stop human trafficking
10. If you were a character in a book, what would the ending look like?
hopefully the book wouldnt be finished yet ;)
11. Does your family or do you have any weird traditions?
we dont really have any traditions we follow. the closest thing would be just me rereading the secret garden every spring
My Questions
Where is your favorite place?
Have you ever just found something really random or really cool?
Do you dress up for Halloween? What was your favorite costume?
What’s a band/musician you highly recommend?
If you could have a perfume/cologne that smelled like anything, what would it smell like?
What’s something you find comforting?
How would you describe your #Aesthetic™ in three words?
Do you have any interesting hobbies or weird talents?
Who is your favorite fictional character?
Do you have any pets? Tell me about them!! (Send me pictures of your precious animal friends!!!)
How was your day?!
I tag: @captainsprklz, @atomicody, @ameliabedeliagoesonline, @lil-bittypenguin, @i-think-im-rly-funny, @brighterthanmars, @snowberry22, @linnea-the-flower, @lizzysong, @danger-stranger im bad at tagging and doing these things lol :) hi
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