#i'm pretty confident it's doable

[dawn-of-worlds]

Let us build for ourselves a city

Beneath the claws and cloaks and thirst for blood, beneath the touch of Corobel, beneath their strange homes and stranger thoughts, the Calyptra are human. The curse of humanity; to never feel satisfaction, to always chase some greater goal; that is their birthright as well.

At least in humans, this is mitigated by physical reality. Hunger and thirst will crowd out ennui, the day-to-day struggle for survival dominates questions of higher purpose. Some humans go all their lives without ever giving much thought to that nagging sense of imperfection, too occupied with eking out a living.

But the Calyptra live in an otherwordly paradise. They never go hungry, they need serve no kings, and the few beasts that dare hunt them cannot follow onto the shore. Some become great philosophers, engaged in endless debate about reality and morality. Some seek solace in art, carving blocks of regolith into sculpture, adorning it with shades of red. A few boldly journey inland, starving themselves of blood for days at the time, and return bearing meteoric treasures and strange lunar gems. Mystics and poets and craftsmen all exist among them, as they do among humans.

Most, however, build.

(and they call the thing they built a city, but it has no market-squares, no palaces, no temples, no roads or mills or wells, and in fact its people have no need for cities, and hardly even remember them, and the thing they build is no city at all, but a great stone gate, built for a hateful dark star that spirals inward even now)

Truth-Descends-from-the-Heavens is enormous. The cyclopean city stretches beyond the horizon, its great towers reach a hundred meters into the heavens. A great ziggurat, built far from the shore and slowly sloping up, measures half a mile, and some add to it still. Canals snake between the buildings, providing fresh blood to the city's occupants; many buildings collect blood in their basements and so remove any need to ever head outside. Bridges-turned-tunnels, their cracks sealed with mud, span the bloodways, allowing for easy travel between buildings.

Much of this space is pointless, constructed only because construction was called for. Some buildings are hollow within; others are completely solid. Labyrinthine corridors wind around vast empty rooms, stairs are rough and incomplete, sometimes requiring vast vertical jumps to ascend, designs are unbound by considerations of inhabitant or utility. Nearer to the shoreline, the constructions continue beneath the sea's surface. Blood-filled tunnels connect inland basements to submerged vestibules, megaliths ever-untouched by the sun bear glyphs said to turn away sea monsters.

To most Calyptra, the city is nothing but a form of therapy: an opportunity for endless creation that somehow, somewhat, lessens that terrible wanting feeling. They roam it aimlessly, adding onto the design where their strange standards deem it lacking, painting the floors, carving sigils and images in the walls, pausing only to attend to their needs, to breed, to gather stone from the great quarries beneath.

But some take this plentiful space and turn it towards other ends. A lone astronomer has claimed a single tall tower, drawing vast star charts on its walls and floors, heading out to the roof to study the night sky (trying, as she does so, not to glance too much at the shining world's poles). Others construct ritual chambers, crypts, classrooms, libraries, shrines. In a secluded spot one may find a museum, showcasing bones of sea-beasts and treasures from afield, and even a basin of the strange clear fluid from the lifeless ocean far to the south.

And of course there is community, still. Calyptra are no loners, and desire companionship, and a lone Calyptra wandering the halls will in time come across others and join them. In bands from a handful to a hundred, they travel and work together, splitting and merging as they see fit. What conflict the Calyptra know arises between these groups: more commonly over the proper thing to construct than over tribute or territory.

All of these little wars, these tunnels and chambers and dreams, the cults worshipping their grandfathers' works; they matter not to the intelligence behind it. An anthill cares not for its ants, and likewise the dark star sees only an ever-expanding perimeter, an ever more complex target to hone in on: it is pleased at this.

The moon, who is like a god, might once have hoped to resist the hatestar's arrival at great cost, to turn it away, unleash secret arts upon it, perhaps even destroy it. But the city is a doorway, and an inexorable path points through it: while it stands, it shall one day be reached.

(This is part of my previous action; the creation of the Calpytra. No points are expended)

#world 02457 diegesis #i am not going to give any kind of estimate about the population you would need to construct this in 1-2 centuries #but given that the calyptra have a crazy high upper limit on their population right now #i'm pretty confident it's doable #also obviously there's a lot of calyptra in the sea and shores as well who all have their own coping mechanisms for the human condition #the numbers given for building height assume it scales linearly with inverse gravity; if i am wrong please tell me

[14dayswithyou]

[18 May 2022] Hello! I just fell in love with your game, and I absolutely adore your art style! How do you plan on releasing “14 Days with you”, each day separately? And how long do you think it should take for a full game release?

(It’s totally cool if you don’t feel like answering to such question. I know that asking such question might be way too early, but my curiosity got the best of me ^^;)

(Anonymous also said: "Would it be rude to ask how game development is going?" and "is the game pretty far along in the development process? Can we expect to see a full release this year?")

20 Feb 2024 EDIT: So half of this response was a lie lmao T_T I got ambitious with what I wanted + didn't account for how popular the demo would be ^^;

It's fine, y'all can definitely ask these questions! ^^

14DWY is still in it's early stages of development, and I can't confidently say that I'll have the game completed within the year due to the amount of time and effort I'd need to dedicate to it... ^^' It's definitely doable, but I want to take my time with this game so that I don't feel burnt out after a while, and to make sure that it meets everyone's expectations instead of feeling rushed and half-assed (because I set myself a goal and tried to meet the deadline, if that makes sense lol)

But in saying that, I would really like to release at least one "Day" every 2-4 weeks, as well as post regular 14DWY content (lore, art, memes, screenshots, dev updates, etc.) on social media. I feel like this would be more realistic and manageable for me; especially considering that I'm a full-time university student and the only person working on this game right now 🥲✌️

EDIT: Totally forgot to answer your other question, but I'll be updating the 14DWY's itch.io page to include the newest days (rather than releasing them all separately), so all you'd have to do is download the latest files to play the newest content 😊

#''I'd like to release at least one day every 2-4 weeks'' BOY SHUT UP LMAOOOOOOOO #Everything else is true though and I still stand by taking my time with this game!! #I don't wanna publish something rushed all because I'm pressured into pumping out game content to keep everyone placated #🧡 — curious cat archive. #💖 — 14 days with queue. #🖤 — shut up sai.

[imperatriceauxdiamants]

What’s your ideal self like (if you’re not her already)?

I believe I'm at a point where I'm already pretty satisfied of myself, I'm at that "click" place. It took several years to get to that point.

Tea time every morning, I start off my day with a good tea, at least one hour to just drink and read a book. And I mean, not awful bagged tea (some brands out there are okay actually, but you gotta find them)

Healthy meals that I actually enjoy, every meal. Sometimes I indulge but with friends. At home, I mostly cook myself some healthy homey meals that I actually enjoy.

Knowledgable and fluent in several languages (currently learning my third). It is still an ongoing process, I think my end goal is to make it four languages. (French, English, German, Japanese)

I am very tidy in everything I do, I budget consciously, everything is steamlined, there's 0 stress in my daily life which leaves me more mental space to focus on what actually matters.

JOURNALING! Now I'm so much more able to refuse, to express boundaries, to reflect and apply the smartest solutions, I'm so much more posed, poised, just because I take time to reassert myself on a daily, almost bidaily basis.

A few years back, I wanted my ideal self to be this educated babe, and to be honest, I think I'm there where I wanted to be. I am pretty versed in several unconnected domains (science, medecine, computer science, languages, arts), and I've realized I went the whole Renaissance woman route without realizing it.

Body wise I'm very satisfied of my body, and I've gotten over my past self-confidence issues and saw me for who I was, and damn girl, I'm sure lot of us think we're meh/ugly but we actually are pretty! A ton of women are actually cuties 🥰.

I've started travelling this year, which was something I always wanted to do, but I'm still waiting on my passport (it's being processed!). Next year I'm going to France with my mother, and Hawaii with some friends (Still not certain!). In 2025, I'm going to Japan for a long stay with my new partner, for at least 3 months

I've learned that instead of constantly seeing work to do in myself, it is more productive to first assert where I was at, congratulate myself for getting there, then from there, determine the next steps to a higher self. The steps therefore seem much more doable.

#personal #ask

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Friendly Encouragement

A/N @darklydeliciousdesires thank you for introducing me to this man. So writing this took like six turns, and it's now become a multi-part childhood best friends-to-lover anthology; this is part one. My confidence is still pretty trash, especially because this is a new fandom/character so I'm not all that happy with this even with the seven rewrites.

Contains: Fluff, supportive Sean, childhood best friends to lover, mild smut.

1.7 K words

After getting some help from Sean, there ends up being some revelations.

The daylight was well and truly gone, and Sean had been pouring over your rejected grant proposal for hours, trying to figure out why it hadn't made the cut.

He lifted his head off his hand, looked away from the paper and shook himself awake before throwing the folder onto the ground and turning to you with his jaw clenched. "I don't get it, love, it's flawless."

You shrugged. "It's also apparently too client focused. Too much about helping people and not enough about the bottom line."

He rolled his eyes, clearly ready to rant about what the heads of charities really got up to, before he stopped himself. "You're going to go back in there tomorrow and demand he reconsider."

You looked at him for a moment, hoping you'd heard him right. "Yeah, that's not going to happen, I don't even know where to start. I'd go to the CEO, but she's travelling, and he'll get ahead of it before I even try."

He was off the couch like a rocket, marching over to you with a determined look set on his face. "Then we'll practice."

He wrapped his strong hand around your upper arm and dragged you to his home office, letting you go a few feet from his desk before sitting down. "Pretend I'm this finance arsehole, we'll work through it together."

You wanted to protest, to tell him he was being silly, but the look on his face told you that you wouldn't be leaving the room until you did what he asked.

You sighed and threw your hands up. "Fine, but I don't see how this is going to help. I am capable of getting things done, it's just him."

He almost looked offended. "I know that, I've known that since you called Mr Bollen a pompous baboon in the fourth grade."

He paused and smiled softly, that disarming smile you had seen him use so many times before. "Think of me as an empty space, I'm not going to do anything other than sit here so you can bounce your ideas around."

You huffed. "Fine."

You left the room and closed the door, taking a deep breath before knocking twice. "Come in."

You walked in, head held high and back straight like you did that morning, and met Sean's eye, his serious look preventing you from laughing. "Mr. Campbell, I think you should reconsider my grant. The numbers page on page six made it clear that it's doable and…"

Your thoughts left you, and you flopped down onto one of the office chairs. "This isn't going to work."

Sean wasn't put off and reached across the table to grab your hand. "He's not the first pig you've had to deal with, he won't be the last. Now what's tripping you up?"

Sean had a knack for getting information out of people, so there was no point in lying, you just had to say it carefully so no one ended up dead.

It wasn't really that hard to relent with the way he was looking at you, his face neutral but his eyes full of twinkling affection that almost looked more than friendly, it made your heart flutter. "I'm pretty sure I lost the grant because I refused to go to the luncheon. I didn't think the money that could be going to the program should be spent on drinks."

You saw the fleeting glimmer of anger in his sea blue eyes, but it was gone in a flash, and you continued. "This isn't the sixties. He gave the grant to one of his drinking buddies, and it's not going to help anyone, and I can't do this because if I'm alone in a room with that prick, I'm going to hit him."

Sean chuckled and patted your hand lovingly. "Ah, love, you might not want to hear this, but you need to sink to his level." Your eyes went wide, and you stuttered about being unable to do that, but he cut you off. "I'm not talking about blackmail, just let him know that all it would take for him to lose his job is an off hand comment in the lift while the CEO is there."

You sighed, he was right, as always. He took in your look of resignation with a smile and waved his hand. "Well then, up you get. Once we can get through this without that bleeding heart of yours balking, I'll order in from your favourite restaurant."

You raised your eyebrows and shook your head. "Bribery, Sean, really?"

He still hadn't let so of your hand, and his thumb rubbed your skin affectionately. "Only the best for my favourite girl."

****

You were still riding the high of how well it all went when you showed up at Sean's. There was no point in knocking; the Wallace house was your second home, and you practically lived there. You waved to Mrs Wallace as you walked by the kitchen, and she gestured towards Sean's room to let you know where he was.

You rapped on the door, and his voice floated through the wood. "Come in." He grinned when he laid eyes on you and popped up from his small desk to greet you. "You're smiling, so it went well. Tell me everything."

It all came out in an excited flurry, going between telling him what had happened and explaining how the head of finance had squirmed like a coward the more you spoke. Sean's grin only grew until he was close to laughing, accepting your thanks graciously as you wrapped your arms around him.

He could feel your excitement as you spoke and he couldn't find it in himself to let you go as you finally slowed down and it became his turn to speak. "I'm very proud of you y/n." He paused, wondering if the tone of the hug was really changing or if he was just imagining it, but he took his chance anyway. "And it is I that should be thanking you, the way you have handled the last year has been admirable."

He didn't know how to put the rest of his thoughts into words, that you were all he thought of when he was away, that despite being back at the top, he felt achingly lonely when you weren't around, that he's loved you since he was sixteen. He tightened his arms around you and buried his nose in your hair. "I love you."

It wasn't a strange thing for him to say; you said it to each other all the time; it was the way he said it that gave you pause, but you replied nevertheless. "I love you too Sean."

"Not like that." He pulled away from the embrace, but only enough to place his hand on your cheek. "I've loved you since you showed up on my doorstep in that bubble gum pink dress the night of that stupid year ten dance."

It felt like a dream, the way he tucked a strand of hair behind your ears as he gazed at you like you were the most precious thing on earth. "Your mother bought me that dress. It was hideous."

The distance between you got smaller as you both leaned in, and he whispered against your lips. "I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen." His nose brushed yours, and his other hand left your back so he could hold your face in his hands as you moved yours to his shoulders. "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

When his lips found yours, it was like you had the last breath on earth between your lips. Your hands wove into his hair, and you moved in step towards his bed, finally stopping when the backs of your knees hit the edge. You pulled away from each other breathless, his hands moving to your shirt as you spoke. "I knew before you."

He chuckled as he pecked your cheek, his beard brushing your skin as he made his way to your neck. "Is that so?"

"It is." You broke contact only long enough for him to pull your shirt over your head, his polo following as you took in the sight of his bare chest. He was all lean muscle wrapped in pale, freckled skin.

He licked his lips as his eyes raked over your bare skin, then his lips were down your neck to your chest as he reached behind you to unclasp your bra. "When?"

It was hard to reply with his plump lips sealing around your nipple, but he looked at you through his red eyelashes in a way that let you know that silence wasn't an option. "Two weeks before the dance when that Harrison freak ruined my science project after I turned him down and you punched him."

He smiled against your skin before nipping you, the bite of his teeth sending a shiver up your spine. His lips found yours again as your hands moved to his belt, your fingers played with the buckle for a moment, but it was your turn to smile as you moved your hand down to palm his rapidly hardening cock through his black trousers.

It seemed to be tit for tat with him because he slid his hand down from your rib cage to use his long and dexterous fingers to pop open your pants, dispensing with any teasing so he could graze his fingertips over your bare flesh. Your breath caught in your chest as he slid his fingers through your slit, stopping for a moment to rub your clit before they continued with their nonsense patterns.

He parted from you briefly, his face flushed with lust as you managed to get his pants off and pushed them down enough to get your hand on his cock. He gathered himself enough to look at you like he wanted to swallow you whole and kissed his way to your ear to speak. "We have some catching up to do." With that, his hand left your pants, and he brought his fingers up to his lips to lick you off of them.

The sight was enough to make your knees buckle. "Yes, we do."

His lips were restless as you moved onto the bed to lie on your back, and then he was ripping your bottoms off, underpants and all, before shedding his own. "You're not leaving this bed until midday tomorrow."

His fingers were back on your centre, and the look in his eyes was positively heartstopping, a mix of lust and love that made it feel like your skin was on fire. "That's fine with me."

Fin

@daydreaming-belle

#sean wallace #sean wallace/reader #gangs of london fanfiction #sean wallace fanfiction #sean wallace smut #sean wallace x reader #gangs of london #joe cole #sean wallace/you #sean wallace fanfic #sean wallace fic #gangs of london fanfic #gangs of london fic #sean wallace x you

[thelazyhermits]

I was wondering if you would do a one shot of twisted wonderland for a potion mishap, where Yuu turns into a child. The reason I asked this because in your version of Yuu she was robbed of a childhood. I would like to see Yuu enjoy being a kids and the Twisted Wonderland cast act as older brothers or dads in some cases (that means you Trey and Crewel.)

Since my Yuu is the same as the Reader Insert I first created for my BNHA fics, I have received this type of request many times in the past since I've written fics where I've deaged others but I never did it with her, and because of her lack of a proper childhood, she's the one who could benefit from getting turned into a child more than anyone.

The reason I've never written such a fic is because I am not confident about writing from a child's POV since kids can be kinda hard for me to write especially if I'm actually getting into their heads which I would have to do cause I prefer to write from 2nd person POV.

Another problem is that meeting a child Yuu would raise a lot of worrisome questions to anyone who sees her cause her unfortunate upbringing would be pretty obvious just from interacting with her since she'd be wary of all aduts, skittish, really quiet, and would just overall not act like anyone would expect a normal kid to act.

It would honestly be a really awkward situation since Yuu wouldn't trust anyone and she'd just wanna hide away rather than deal with anyone since, to her, there's always the risk that someone will hurt her, which would obviously be very heartbreaking for a lot of people.

Since I'd rather not have Yuu have to deal with the aftermath of that, I'm very reluctant to write that kinda fic since I really don't want everyone to find out about her past.

In order to avoid that, Yuu would have to be younger than she was before she ended up in Japan's underworld so 3 years old or younger and I'm really not confident about writing from that young a POV lol

That's why the only way I could see myself writing a deaged Yuu fic is if Yuu was only physically a kid aka her mental state remains unchanged since that would make it so that she can avoid raising a lot of unwanted questions.

Or I'd make it so that her mental state is that of a child but at the same time she's still aware of her circumstances and who everyone is so she can avoid doing or saying suspicious things so like she tries to act normal but will suddenly be overcome with the urge to do something a kid would do like wanting to go play and run around.

The latter could be doable for me, so I would consider possibly writing a fic like that one day, although I can't make any promises.

Regardless of what kinda deaged state she ends up in, plenty of the TWST boys would wanna dote on her, and that would definitely be the case for all the adults, Crewel and Sam especially lol

Trey would absolutely be the #1 big bro contender cause of his experience and cause he knows she didn't have much of a childhood due to her being similar to Riddle in his eyes, so he would spoil her as much as possible haha

I agree that Yuu deserves a chance to be a kid, and I'm sure it'd be a lot of fun to write her getting spoiled, so I will keep this idea in mind ^^

#the redhead answers

[cinmngirlnfr]

Reese Wilkerson NSFW Alphabet

TW: Kind of explicit

Shout out to @agaypanic because i love her and this was very inspired by her. (If you want Reese Wilkerson Content, she has a lot of it)

A = Aftercare

I feel like he is super clingy, Idk. He kinda gives little spoon vibes. I feel like the first few times he tried to seem super cool and unbothered, like "Yeah, we had sex, so what?" but then, when he gained confidence, he became the most touch starved creature on earth.

B = Body Part

I mean, he is a teen after all, i don't think he has an specific part of your body that turns him off, But I think he always is going to be a boob guy (bc, everybody loves boobs). If you don't have boobs (For all the not Fem readers out there) Butt is defenetly second on the list. But he will take anything, boobs, legs, butt, waist, shoulders, he loves it all.

His favorite part of his body would be his arms of torso, because of the muscles (he is such a babe). Bunus, I don't know if hair counts as a body part, but he defenetly loves his hair.

C = Cum

Well, use protection kids. Reese is kinda dumb, but even he knows he has to use condoms... duh! But i think that when it comes to oral sex, or when he is a 100% porcent sure you are not ovulating (Or if you don't ovulate at all), he will be down for creampies... (lol, I don't really like the word creampie but is better than any other way to call it, idk, semen fest?)

D = Dirty Secret

I feel like if you guys have been dating for a while he will tell you everything, i don't think he would be very secretive about this things with a long term partner. But if you guys are friends or just started dating, i think his fantasies would be a little secret he keeps to himself... Very dirty fantasies, in all kind of positions, places, and embarrasing ways... Sometimes they are so kinky that he himself is like "Tf, i'm thinking about". I also think he watches a lot of porn (well, i don't think so, is kinda canon) So sometimes he will be watching it and thinking "Huh, that seems pretty doable".

E = Expirience

A part of me thinks he has a lot of expirience, and the other thinks he is a total virgin. There is no middle ground. No, but let's be real, I feel like canon Reese probably had sex a few times, but not too much.

F = Favorite Position

Cowgirl, because is the best position to grab boobs or ass... also because he doesn't need to try really hard... I also feel like he would also like doggy style, because every person looks hot on doggy style.

G = Goofy

I feel like at first he took it very seriously, but we know Reese, he is a silly goose, So I defenetlly think he would make a joke or two during sex, specially "Your mom" jokes. Example: "You sound just like your mom last nigth" and then you have four posible responses

"That is not funny Reese" and stop the sex.

"That is not funny Reese" and Keep going.

"Shut up Reese" laugh, and keep going.

Fully ignore it because you know him all to well.

H = Hair

He takes care of himself, so he shaves, maybe every three weeks? Yeah, I think that is how far he would go when it comes to pubic hair.

I = Intimacy

Depends on the contex, for example, I think the first time was very romantic. When is make up sex it really depends on how long you guys were mad at each other, if it's a couple hours or 1-3 days, it would also be romantic, and he would probably say stuff like "I love you" or "You are so beautifull" during it. If its more than three days, it would be rough, and agressive, and it would last a lot of rounds, because imagine a horny teenager being denied of sex for that long, he goes feral. If its just any normal day, it would be pretty standart, Good, but a little lazy, maybe one or two rounds, This is the type of context he would make some jokes. If it's jeaousy sex... Yeah well, hope you don't really enjoy walking.

J = Jack Off

A lot of guys say that they don't really masturbate a lot when they get in a relashionship, because there is no need to. But I feel like Reese would still do it a lot, because, let's be honest, he is a creepy, disgustingly hot, and horny mf.

K = Kink

Moans: He loves to hear you moan because it means you are enjoying it, and it makes Reese feel good about himself.

Hair Pulling: This goes more for oral sex, but he likes to pull your hair when you are giving him a blow job, or you pulling his hair when he goes down on you.

Dom: I feel like he wouldn't be too weird about it, he won't ask you to call him Daddy or any of that crap. But he would defenetly like to be more in control, especially if you are like smarter than him, because it would be like "Who is the one who can't form thougths now?" type of situation. I also feel it's because, he feels like he is dumbest among his brothers and he is ussually not the one people trust to make desitions or have control, so being in control in bed feels very good.

Overstimulation: I feel like this is more like an accidental kink, but it has to do with the las thing I wrote. He likes to fuck you until you don't even remember your name. Also, because is he hasn't finished yet, and you have, he is not going to stop untill he finishes, and this goes both ways, because if its the other way around, he came and you didn't, he is not going to stop until you are satisfayed.

L = Location

Anywhere posible, I don't really think there is much to explain. Wherever, Whenever, Whatever.

M = Motivation

Bro is horny as fuck. Do you really think you need to work to get him hard? Bro looks at you and gets hard, lol.

N = NO

Nothing violent, maybe a few spanks, the normal, but i don't think he would be into like bdsm or anything like that. Why? well, Reese is very violent towards other people. Sex is intimate by definition, I feel like people, in general, get very vulnerable when they have sex. Intimacy would be a place where Reese would show his true self, and I don't think his true self would be hurt a significant other. Plus, I think he would feel very guilty if he somehow hurt you in some way.

O = Oral

I think he prefers reciving it, because you look very pretty from that angle. But he will never refuse to go down on you, and he is very good at it.

P = Pace

I already said it, depends on the situation. Generally I think he would be fast with it, and when he tries to take his time, i feel like he is very impatient, so even when he tries to be slow and romantic, he would get desperate and just start fucking you fast and hard.

Q = Quickie

I can say by my own expirience as an 18 y/o, the sex life of teenagers, it's mostly quickies. I guess maybe The Reese of the last season, would probably lika more a proper fuck. But when you are a teen, you take anything you can get. In the School's janitors's closet, yes. In the car, yes. In the mall bathroom, yes. In the back of the movie theater, yes.

R = Risk

I think he dosen't really care about doing it in a semi-public place. When he is feeling it, he is feeling it. Sometimes he will trie to convince you to do it in an empety park, or he will propusly choose unpopular movies on the cinema, so the place would be almost empety.

S = Stamina

He either falls asleep rigth after you two are finished, or he will go for hours and hours, till you practically beg him to have a little break. "At least let me get a glass of water, Reese!" "Just one more round, baby, please".

T = Toys.

I don't think he owns any toys, it would almost be like competition to him,Aa piece of plastic pleasing you instead of him? No uh.

U = Unfair

He likes to tease you, but again, he is very impatient himself, so i don't think the teasing stage would last too much.

V = Volume

Tries to be quiet when there is people in the house, but when there is no one around, it's fair game, he won't hold himself. I think he moans a little but mostly groans or breathes very loudly.

W = Wild Card

He likes it when you grab his butt, he will never admit it though.

X = X-ray

About 6.4 inches = 16.5 cm. Is enough, is fair, it does the job, and it doesen't destroy you.

Y = Yearning

If you have seen the TV show, you know how much sex drive Hal has. Those genes + teenage hormones = You are lucky you can stand in your two feet.

Z = Zzz...

Bro sleeps like a baby after it, but he won't fall asleep if unless you are by his side.

#reese wilkerson #reese fanfic #reese malcom in the middle #malcolm in the middle #bf headcanons #bf material #headcanon #alphabet

[nonsubstantial]

MARCH 2024 DIARY POST

I'm keeping up the habit of writing a monthly post to catalogue all the things I've been obsessed with in 2024. At the end of the year, I want to be able to look back and remember what was making me happy all year long! If you are reading this, I hope you will enjoy hearing about these things or checking them out too! First, a chaotic collage of those things!

VIDEO GAME: As you may already know, Splatoon is probably my favorite video game franchise of all time. I really cannot overstate how important it is to me. Naturally, I was highly anticipating its new singleplayer DLC, titled Side Order, but when it finally came out at the end of February, my elbow was fractured in a way that made it painful for me to play. So, I had to wait until about a week into March for my elbow to heal a little. Then, I spent about 10 hours obsessively playing it, and I loved pretty much every second of it. It featured by far the most difficult levels ever seen in a Splatoon game, which was a treat to me as a player who was disappointed by the rather simplistic story mode of the base game. Splatoon 3: Side Order took the form of a roguelite battle tower, similar to Salmon Run but with new enemies, unique (and sometimes puzzling) stages, and customizable weapon builds. Even players who find it a bit too challenging at first can eventually mod the difficulty to an extent that (hopefully) makes it doable. The story was nothing crazy, but the gameplay and visuals were so unbelievably good that I honestly wished I could erase it all from my mind and play it again from the start. Just yay 💕, I love Splatoon so much.

TWITCH STREAM FAN EDIT: If you don't already know who Jerma is, he is a prolific video game streamer that I became a big fan of a few years ago. His unique humor has consistently impressed and appealed to me, and his fan community has proven itself to be both creative enough and motivated enough to persistently churn out edited “best of” versions of his streams. For better or for worse, Jerma announced his retirement from streaming last year, leaving his eager fans with nothing but his earlier content to dredge for, well… content. One such fan edit that was released this year, post-retirement, was a massive compilation of all his Nancy Drew playthroughs (save for one). This edit in particular was one that I found overwhelmingly funny and good, and it inspired an ongoing fanfic that I’m still currently working on writing. Oddly enough, watching this caused a domino effect that got me back into writing in general and has given me the surge of confidence and inspiration that I needed to keep working on creating the fiction that has lived inside in my head for years. I really hope this feeling never dies. You can watch the stream that inspired me, linked here!

MUSICAL ARTIST: Peach Kelli Pop is probably tied (with a few other artists) for the title of my favorite band of all time. Their entire discography is only about 2 hours long, but they were still my most listened to artist for several years in a row. It’s due to the consistency of the vibe across all of her work: upbeat and positive while still delivering a profound emotional impact. I've been able to just listen her entire catalog of music over and over and over again on shuffle. I might describe it as DIY rock, or feminist punk, and if you haven't heard it before, Gentle Leader is probably the best album to start with. Listen here!

MUSICAL ARTIST: After listening to nothing except Peach Kelli Pop for about a week straight, I started to look into similar bands that I hadn't already checked out and found one that really caught my interest. That's how I was introduced to Tacocat! Their band name is both a palindrome and euphemism, and their album Lost Time was love at first listen. They have cozy lyrics about aliens, birth control, and creating your own values, and their music has left me in a good mood every time I've thrown it on. You can listen to the first song that I heard, linked here!

SONG: It's Don’t Rain On My Parade, by Barbra Streisand!! I still haven't watched the musical that this song is from, but the drag queen Plasma mentioned it on RuPaul Season 16, which is how I ended up hearing it. This song gets an individual mention because I was absolutely blown away by this one individual track! It's brilliant and catchy right out of the gate, "Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter! Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!" It's from 1964, but its recording sounds crystal clear and it channels its intended emotions perfectly. I felt compelled to listen to it over and over again, because it really is just so cheerful and artistically inspiring. I feel like it's a perfect piece of music. Listen here!

SONG: I have to give another song an individual mention! It's Mood Indigo, by Nina Simone!! I’ve been a big fan of Nina Simone for years now, but more often than not, I've stuck to my favorite album, Pastel Blues. I did branch out and listen to this song a few times in the past, but it only recently dawned on me just how perfect it is. Wikipedia says that it was recorded in 1964, about the same time as Don’t Rain On My Parade, and while it's technically a cover of an old Duke Ellington song, Nina Simone’s version has a totally unique vibe, evident from the first few bars. Its lyrics are meant to be cathartic, as they discuss suicidal ideation, while the drums, bass, and piano create a beautiful and upbeat swing melody that perfectly juxtaposes and rebuts the content of Nina’s vocals. It's menacing, catchy, uplifting, and truly perfect! I now believe it to be a landmark in Nina Simone’s career, and the whole of music history in general. Listen here!

MUSICAL ARTIST: Okay, one last music rec, I swear!! I was really feeling the vibes this month (but mostly just listening to bands that I already know and love). Along with Peach Kelli Pop, another one of my favorite bands is King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard. Ever since 2017 (aka, the year of the gizz) they have probably reigned supreme as my #1 most listened to band. They just have so much music, with so much variation, that I can usually find at least one of their songs that appeals to me. Since the start of this year, I've been collecting and organizing a playlist of my favorite songs by them, titled 31 Days Of Gizz. Not for any particular reason, but just because I find it fun to make lists! At the last minute, I decided that I would organize the songs, specifically in the way that I would play them if I were introducing someone new to the band. So, if you haven’t heard their music before, maybe it’s time I introduced you? But no pressure, I just like their songs and I made my playlist just for me! I'm linking to it on spotify, HERE, if you’re interested! (forgot to put this one on the collage, lol)

VIDEO GAME: Right before the month ended, I bought the new fantasy tactics game, Unicorn Overlord, and I am fucking in love. I’ve been a longtime fan of the fantasy tactics genre, so as soon as this game started making waves, I begrudgingly accepted that I HAD to play it. I really don’t have a lot of time in between trying to take care of things at home and working on my writing, as I mentioned before, but I briefly dropped all my other hobbies and managed to fit about 10 hours of gameplay in before the month ended. I really wish I had time to obsess over it, because I feel like it is a masterpiece, even if the rumors about there being gay content ended up being a disappointing exaggeration (the game was developed by Vanillaware, but was published by homophobic giants ATLUS and SEGA, so I’m not surprised). Despite the story being pretty much dog shit though, I believe the gameplay is damn near perfect, and even revolutionary within its genre. I’ll probably be sinking all my game time into it until the new Elden Ring DLC drops. If you’re a person who also likes fantasy tactics, then I highly recommend playing it (I got it for the Nintendo Switch, where it seems to run perfectly).

(that’s it. It is now APRIL!! There might be some repeats this next month, or I'll leave them out... we'll see. Hope you have a good day! ♡)

#personal #2024 reviews #2024 #march #splatoon #jerma #peach kelli pop #tacocat #don't rain on my parade #mood indigo #king gizzard #unicorn overlord

[roxannarambles]

teal mask fixit-fic on the fly part 6

(Current story so far: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5)

Kieran just ran for a while, not really paying attention to where he was going. He just knew he had to get away.

He kept going until he'd dashed across Kitakami Hall and past most of the food vendors, coming to rest at a secluded spot with benches, lit by the cheery lanturns overhead. No one was here, so he sat at one of the benches, curling his knees up and squeezing into a little ball, closing his eyes. He tried not to cry, he really did, but he felt the hot track of tears running down his cheeks anyway. He whimpered, trying to push all the awful thoughts away. He didn't know how long he sat there like that.

So lost in his own misery, it took him a while to even realize someone was repeating his name. Startled, he looked up, seeing it was one of the Naranja exchange students-- the quiet girl named Penny, who had dyed red-and-blue hair and big, owlish glasses. He didn't know much about her, since he'd really only seen her while within a larger group, and she hasn't spoken much during that time. He knew she had a kind face, though, and she was now gazing at him with concern marring her pretty features.

Oh, perfect; she caught him sitting here crying like a small child. Now every Naranja student knew how pathetic he was, it seemed.

"H-hey, are you okay? Well, that, um, that was a dumb question, I guess. Sorry. Obviously you're not, but . . ."

The girl sighed, starting again.

"What's wrong? Nemona and I have been looking all over for the rest of you, we were worried something happened."

Kieran turned away from her, swiping at his tear-stained face.

"I-I . . . Carmine and your other friends are fine, don't worry. They're just . . . chatting. You can find them past Kitakami Hall, near the path to the Oni Mountains."

He waited for her to thank him and leave, but she remained standing there.

"Okay, but . . . what about you?"

He sniffled and used his sleeve to mop up the rest of his tears. He mumbled,

"What d'you mean?"

The girl sat down on the bench beside him. He tensed up. She answered gently,

"I mean, you're clearly really upset about something. What happened?"

He briefly considered telling her, but the thought was rejected.

"It's not important, I-I just . . . you don't have to worry about it, you can go join your friends."

There was a pause.

"Eh, I'm not too worried about catching up to them. I mean, I see those guys all the time anyway."

Kieran dared to look back up at the girl. She smiled softly at him. He looked down again, hiding his face. After an awkward pause, the girl said,

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. You wanna do something else?"

Slowly, hesitantly, he asked,

"Like what?"

She paused again.

"I dunno, is there something else you wanna do at the festival tonight? We could go win one of those dorky prizes at the game corner."

Kieran shook his head.

"Nobody can win those. Even Carmine can't do it. Not unless you spend way too much money on them."

The girl chuckled, for some reason finding that amusing. Kieran cast her a curious glance. There was a glint of confidance in her eyes.

"You haven't seen me give it a shot yet."

He was not convinced. This girl didn't know what festival games were like, they were so much harder then they seemed. Still, it felt rude to just tell her that. Not when she was sitting here trying to do something nice for him.

So he just shrugged and said,

"Guess we could go try."

They left the benches and headed over to the games corner. Kieran expected Penny to make smalltalk along the way, like most people did, but she remained silent. It was surprising, but honestly kind of nice. He wasn't feeling much like chitchat right now anyway.

When they reached the game booths, Penny asked Kieran to pick a game. Kieran considered the choice seriously, before pointing to one.

"Milk bottle toss? Okay. That should be doable," she said, heading over.

They paid the man behind the booth a coin and he set the milk bottles up for them in a three-bottle pyramid, before handing them a basket full of balls.

"So. The goal of the game is simple. Knock down all three bottles in one throw. Yeah?"

Kieran nodded.

"Yeah. Sounds really simple, but it's not as easy as it seems."

He probably tried to play this game dozens of times in the past. His sister, too. They grew bored of the game and eventually gave up on it, like most of the booths in the game corner. It wasn't really worth the money.

Penny said,

"Okay. I'm gonna call this one my test throw. I don't expect to win anything, I just want to get a feel for it first."

Kieran nodded.

"All right."

He watched Penny closely as she picked up one of the soft, fake pokeballs from the basket and studied the milk bottles for a while. Then she took aim and tossed the ball. The ball struck the upper part of the top milk bottle; the plastic bottle swayed backwards but then righted itself, leaving all three bottles still remaining.

"Oooh, too bad," the man sitting at the booth said. Kieran turned and gave Penny a sympathetic smile. Penny didn't look at all discouraged at the terrible shot, though.

"Perfect," she said.

Kieran said,

"Um?"

She turned and leaned in a little closer to him, in a conspiring sort of way. She murmured,

"So did you see how the bottle moved when I hit the very top of it?"

Kieran's face warmed a little.

"Uh . . . it sorta . . . wobbled?"

"Exactly," she said,

"Wobbled kinda weird, right? Those aren't typical bottles of Moo Moo Milk. They're actually weighted on the bottom a little. Makes them a lot harder to knock over and it messes up how you estimate your throws."

Kieran blinked. He suddenly remembered one afternoon when his sister and he had set up their own stack of Moo Moo Milks and practiced tossing balls at it. His sister had raged when trying it out at the actual festival still didn't yeild her an immediate win.

"So what you wanna do is aim at the very bottom of the stack, in the dead middle. Those will give the best odds."

He nodded. She added,

"One other thing."

She zipped open the little bag she had and pulled a pokeball from the pouch, then slipped it into Kieran's hands before the man at the booth could see it. Kieran gave her a questioning look and she murmured to him,

"The other thing that makes this game so hard is they intentionally use those ridiculously light foam balls. They have like zero weight to them. You'll have a way better chance with an acual pokeball."

Kieran hesitated before whispering,

"Isn't that, u-um, isn't this cheating?"

She laughed a little.

"I mean . . . they intentionally rig these games and present them in a very deceptive way. All we're really doing is leveling the playing field, right?"

Kieran considered that a moment. Honestly, she had a point.

Penny continued,

"My throws are accurate, but I have weak nerd arms, so we're probably better off if you throw. I want you to try and hit the bottom middle as hard as you can while staying accurate. Think you can do that?"

Kieran looked to her and nodded, expression serious.

"Ok, great."

She paid the man at the booth for another throw, and then Kieran stepped into place. He felt nervous, but he also felt determined. He took the time to take a slow breath in and out. He focused on where he needed to throw and drew his arm back.

Then he threw the pokeball like he was spiking that thing in a game of volleyball. It smashed into the center and the milk bottles went flying all directions. The man at the booth sprang from his stool and cried,

"Holy shi--uh-- dang, kid, nice shot!"

Kieran stared, in awe of his own success.

"W-wozers," he muttered. Penny cast him a glance, brow raised. She repeated,

"Wowzers?"

He glanced away and slumped a little, ready to be mocked. But when Penny laughed, somehow it didn't sound mean-spirited at all.

"That's so cringey. I love it."

He looked to her again, her eyes sincere and her smile sweet. He smiled back at her.

The voice of the game man interrupted.

"Well, what'll it be, kid? You got it in one shot, so you earn a prize!"

"O-oh . . . hm . . ."

He looked up at the prizes hanging from the back of the booth wall. He'd never actually had a chance to choose one before. Most of them were rather cheap or goofy-- giant hats, inflatable sports balls, yo-yos, noisemakers and other assorted toys, and plenty of masks, of course. There were some pokemon plushies as well, especially of the more popular ones. Kieran turned to Penny and asked,

"W-well, um, do you h-have a favorite pokemon?"

She glanced away shyly and smiled.

"Um, yeah, I . . . I like Eevee."

Kieran asked the man for an Eevee plushie. Once he was handed one, Kieran turned and gave it to Penny. She took it and gave him a smile-- one that crinkled her eyes in warmth and brought little dimples to her cheeks.

"You don't have to give it to me, you know, we came here to cheer you up," she pointed out. He gave a timid laugh.

"Yeah. It worked."

#pokemon #pokemon s/v #pokemon scarlet/violet #the teal mask #spoilers #pokemon spoilers #fanfic #the teal mask fix it fic #penny #kieran #penny/kieran if u want it to be

[tklpilled]

"why the fuck were you following me," feng xin growls, barging in like he owns the place.

mu qing can't bring himself to be bothered too much. he scoffs. "why would i do that?"

"i don't know! that's why i'm asking you, bastard!"

mu qing rolls his eyes. he's just gotten back—from a trip of his own, of course, because he'd never go near feng xin if given the choice—and he's too tired for this conversation. "use your brain for once. i didn't follow you anywhere."

feng xin steps closer, poking his finger into mu qing's chest, and mu qing flushes (with anger) at how close he is to feng xin's stupid, annoying, unfortunately pretty face. "if you weren't following me, then where have you been?"

mu qing crosses his arms. "i don't owe you that."

…okay, yes, maybe he had been following feng xin. it doesn't mean anything, alright?

"you're a terrible liar," feng xin snorts. "what, were you worried about me?"

(yes.)

"of course not."

feng xin pauses. "you were, weren't you?"

"no." mu qing really, really wants him to leave.

"that's it." feng xin grins. "i'm right."

"you're an idiot—"

"admit it."

"it's not true."

"it's in your best interest to say it."

"oh? why's that?"

mu qing…did not expect to end up in this situation.

"w-wa-hahahait! st-stohohop, i hahate you!"

it's embarrassing that, in eight centuries, mu qing hasn't grown out of being ticklish. the only thing saving his wounded pride is the fact that he's not the only one.

"you," feng xin starts, with a terribly smug look on his face, "care about me."

"i dohohon't!" mu qing digs his heels into the ground. "f-fuhuck, stohohop it!" great, now he's even starting to pick up on feng xin's vocabulary.

(a memory flickers through mu qing's mind, and suddenly he's hundreds of years in the past, when xianle was still at its peak.

"please, you two," xie lian mumbles as they get into another shouting match, because this is long before he gives up trying to stop them. "can't you get along for once?"

"well, your highness," says mu qing, "that might be more doable if feng xin—"

"me?"

"stop," xie lian sighs. "surely there's a better way you can vent your frustrations with each other?"

mu qing scoffs and crosses his arms, but he waits for feng xin to answer first. which, after glaring for a few moments, he does.

"fine," he says simply, and then he turns to face mu qing with an air of sudden confidence.

tickling isn't a stranger to them, although it's not on purpose; it's just rather hard to ignore the way xie lian squeaks and giggles when they touch his sensitive spots, and that tends to happen often. so, while a tickle fight is far from anything mu qing had expected, it's not quite a big surprise.

in only a second, mu qing is on the floor of xie lian's room, and before he can stop himself he's curling into a ball as uncharacteristically bubbly laughter spills from his lips.

"i think i may prefer this," says feng xin over mu qing's peals of laughter. "seeing as there's no way you'll ever beat me."

"i'll kihihill yohou!"

again, xie lian sighs, but there's an unmistakable fondness lingering underneath.

and then mu qing is back in the present, and his heart aches.)

"if i remember right," feng xin is saying, "you'd always squeal like a girl when i got you right here…"

mu qing does not squeal, because he's much more dignified than that, but he will admit that his laughter does get more frantic as feng xin's calloused fingers skitter near his ears.

"stop! stohohop, ple—" he cuts himself off quickly. he's not going to beg.

"admit it," feng xin pressures him again. "you were worried about me."

"l-lihihike hehell i was!"

don't listen to a word feng xin says—mu qing has never been concerned about that man, never in his life. and he's especially wrong with his stupid idea that mu qing is so stubborn because he wants feng xin to tickle him. absolutely preposterous.

the smile on his face isn't genuine. he's being forced to laugh.

that's all. really.

#tklfics #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #tickle fic #feng xin #mu qing #fengqing

[hurtmemoreplease]

Hey. Did you know that I'm really good in the sack? I pay attention to my partner, figure out what makes them tick, and drive them crazy. I know how to build tension and release it. I actually even prefer to be dominant most of the time since I get weird about being in control of myself sometimes, so I'm pretty low maintenance.

Like not to get a swelled head about it but sex is like, the one thing that I'm actually 100% confident that I'm good at.

I really do think that the most important things you can do are pay attention and prioritize your partner(s). It takes effort, and thought, and even planning and emotional labor! But it is doable, and if you make sure that your partner's pleasure is your top priority, then you can experiment and iterate on your ideas until you can math out exactly how to bringing them to a screaming orgasm whenever you'd like.

#this is just #incredibly frusturating #i love my gf so much #but low maintenance isnt no maintenance #and i would like to be on the receiving end of good sex

[nyaza]

(this is a small story of how I came to write my own intrusion detection/prevention framework and why I'm really happy with that decision, don't mind me rambling)

Preface

About two weeks ago I was faced with a pretty annoying problem. Whilst I was going home by train I have noticed that my server at home had been running hot and slowed down a lot. This prompted me to check my nginx logs, the only service that is indirectly available to the public (more on that later), which made me realize that - due to poor access control - someone had been sending me hundreds of thousands of huge DNS requests to my server, most likely testing for vulnerabilities. I added an iptables rule to drop all traffic from the aforementioned source and redirected remaining traffic to a backup NextDNS instance that I set up previously with the same overrides and custom records that my DNS had to not get any downtime for the service but also allow my server to cool down. I stopped the DNS service on my server at home and then used the remaining train ride to think. How would I stop this from happening in the future? I pondered multiple possible solutions for this problem, whether to use fail2ban, whether to just add better access control, or to just stick with the NextDNS instance.

I ended up going with a completely different option: making a solution, that's perfectly fit for my server, myself.

My Server Structure

So, I should probably explain how I host and why only nginx is public despite me hosting a bunch of services under the hood.

I have a public facing VPS that only allows traffic to nginx. That traffic then gets forwarded through a VPN connection to my home server so that I don't have to have any public facing ports on said home server. The VPS only really acts like the public interface for the home server with access control and logging sprinkled in throughout my configs to get more layers of security. Some Services can only be interacted with through the VPN or a local connection, such that not everything is actually forwarded - only what I need/want to be.

I actually do have fail2ban installed on both my VPS and home server, so why make another piece of software?

Tabarnak - Succeeding at Banning

I had a few requirements for what I wanted to do:

Only allow HTTP(S) traffic through Cloudflare

Only allow DNS traffic from given sources; (location filtering, explicit white-/blacklisting);

Webhook support for logging

Should be interactive (e.g. POST /api/ban/{IP})

Detect automated vulnerability scanning

Integration with the AbuseIPDB (for checking and reporting)

As I started working on this, I realized that this would soon become more complex than I had thought at first.

Webhooks for logging This was probably the easiest requirement to check off my list, I just wrote my own log() function that would call a webhook. Sadly, the rest wouldn't be as easy.

Allowing only Cloudflare traffic This was still doable, I only needed to add a filter in my nginx config for my domain to only allow Cloudflare IP ranges and disallow the rest. I ended up doing something slightly different. I added a new default nginx config that would just return a 404 on every route and log access to a different file so that I could detect connection attempts that would be made without Cloudflare and handle them in Tabarnak myself.

Integration with AbuseIPDB Also not yet the hard part, just call AbuseIPDB with the parsed IP and if the abuse confidence score is within a configured threshold, flag the IP, when that happens I receive a notification that asks me whether to whitelist or to ban the IP - I can also do nothing and let everything proceed as it normally would. If the IP gets flagged a configured amount of times, ban the IP unless it has been whitelisted by then.

Location filtering + Whitelist + Blacklist This is where it starts to get interesting. I had to know where the request comes from due to similarities of location of all the real people that would actually connect to the DNS. I didn't want to outright ban everyone else, as there could be valid requests from other sources. So for every new IP that triggers a callback (this would only be triggered after a certain amount of either flags or requests), I now need to get the location. I do this by just calling the ipinfo api and checking the supplied location. To not send too many requests I cache results (even though ipinfo should never be called twice for the same IP - same) and save results to a database. I made my own class that bases from collections.UserDict which when accessed tries to find the entry in memory, if it can't it searches through the DB and returns results. This works for setting, deleting, adding and checking for records. Flags, AbuseIPDB results, whitelist entries and blacklist entries also get stored in the DB to achieve persistent state even when I restart.

Detection of automated vulnerability scanning For this, I went through my old nginx logs, looking to find the least amount of paths I need to block to catch the biggest amount of automated vulnerability scan requests. So I did some data science magic and wrote a route blacklist. It doesn't just end there. Since I know the routes of valid requests that I would be receiving (which are all mentioned in my nginx configs), I could just parse that and match the requested route against that. To achieve this I wrote some really simple regular expressions to extract all location blocks from an nginx config alongside whether that location is absolute (preceded by an =) or relative. After I get the locations I can test the requested route against the valid routes and get back whether the request was made to a valid URL (I can't just look for 404 return codes here, because there are some pages that actually do return a 404 and can return a 404 on purpose). I also parse the request method from the logs and match the received method against the HTTP standard request methods (which are all methods that services on my server use). That way I can easily catch requests like:

XX.YYY.ZZZ.AA - - [25/Sep/2023:14:52:43 +0200] "145.ll|'|'|SGFjS2VkX0Q0OTkwNjI3|'|'|WIN-JNAPIER0859|'|'|JNapier|'|'|19-02-01|'|'||'|'|Win 7 Professional SP1 x64|'|'|No|'|'|0.7d|'|'|..|'|'|AA==|'|'|112.inf|'|'|SGFjS2VkDQoxOTIuMTY4LjkyLjIyMjo1NTUyDQpEZXNrdG9wDQpjbGllbnRhLmV4ZQ0KRmFsc2UNCkZhbHNlDQpUcnVlDQpGYWxzZQ==12.act|'|'|AA==" 400 150 "-" "-"

I probably over complicated this - by a lot - but I can't go back in time to change what I did.

Interactivity As I showed and mentioned earlier, I can manually white-/blacklist an IP. This forced me to add threads to my previously single-threaded program. Since I was too stubborn to use websockets (I have a distaste for websockets), I opted for probably the worst option I could've taken. It works like this: I have a main thread, which does all the log parsing, processing and handling and a side thread which watches a FIFO-file that is created on startup. I can append commands to the FIFO-file which are mapped to the functions they are supposed to call. When the FIFO reader detects a new line, it looks through the map, gets the function and executes it on the supplied IP. Doing all of this manually would be way too tedious, so I made an API endpoint on my home server that would append the commands to the file on the VPS. That also means, that I had to secure that API endpoint so that I couldn't just be spammed with random requests. Now that I could interact with Tabarnak through an API, I needed to make this user friendly - even I don't like to curl and sign my requests manually. So I integrated logging to my self-hosted instance of https://ntfy.sh and added action buttons that would send the request for me. All of this just because I refused to use sockets.

First successes and why I'm happy about this After not too long, the bans were starting to happen. The traffic to my server decreased and I can finally breathe again. I may have over complicated this, but I don't mind. This was a really fun experience to write something new and learn more about log parsing and processing. Tabarnak probably won't last forever and I could replace it with solutions that are way easier to deploy and way more general. But what matters is, that I liked doing it. It was a really fun project - which is why I'm writing this - and I'm glad that I ended up doing this. Of course I could have just used fail2ban but I never would've been able to write all of the extras that I ended up making (I don't want to take the explanation ad absurdum so just imagine that I added cool stuff) and I never would've learned what I actually did.

So whenever you are faced with a dumb problem and could write something yourself, I think you should at least try. This was a really fun experience and it might be for you as well.

Post Scriptum

First of all, apologies for the English - I'm not a native speaker so I'm sorry if some parts were incorrect or anything like that. Secondly, I'm sure that there are simpler ways to accomplish what I did here, however this was more about the experience of creating something myself rather than using some pre-made tool that does everything I want to (maybe even better?). Third, if you actually read until here, thanks for reading - hope it wasn't too boring - have a nice day :)

#coding #codeblr #virtual private servers #python #dns #dns server #dnsmanagement

[gillianthecat]

It's over! This chemistry final is done! And, by extension, this whole damn class!!!

I put down an answer for every question, some I was confident in, others less so, but every answer was at least plausible.

So it's theoretically possible for me too have gotten 100% on this, but unfortunately even so I don't think I can get an A in the class overall. But I feel pretty confident that I got enough to keep my grade at a B, which is where it currently is.

I'm a little frustrated with myself about that (If I'd just turned in those two labs on time to get graded! If I'd just shown up for that quiz I'd missed! If I'd just turned in more of the HW!) but mostly I'm thrilled I finished the semester at all.

I started taking this chemistry class in Fall 2020. Four attempts and almost three years later, I finally made it through.

The content itself was challenging but doable, and all the professors were excellent, it's just that for the last three times halfway or three-quarters of the way through my brain balked and I could not force myself to keep doing the work.

But this time I did!

#gillianthecat goes back to school #living with adhd #the boring minutia of my gpa #chemistry #tw flashing

[cindersalad]

It's time for the usual end of the year thoughts post on this blog. Horay!

Hey, hello. ❤ I hope you're having a fantastic day, or that it'll get better if it's not a good day! It's the last week of the year, another Christmas has gone by ('thankfully', whispers I, a very Grinch-y person), and I'm sitting here thinking about my year. And what a year. It has been a roller coaster, and on the personal level I got probably the most full year I've had in the latest, what, six years? I'm learning to kind of manage my anxiety, I'm learning to ask for help when I can't (which is probably the biggest thing)... I got a job, too, finally! It'll start the first days of next year, which will reduce a lot my free time, but I've never been happier. I feel useful.

But scrolling through my blog I also fully realized that this has probably been the least productive year in terms of drawings. I think I've posted only 11 drawings, not even one per month, and in general I think I've spent... months? not even touching a drawing supply. It was probably for the best: I really needed to fix some stuff. To finish some of the things I started, too. But, man, did I miss drawing. I think it's one of the biggest voids I had this year, together with just... telling stories. Any story, in any format. I miss drawing comics, I miss writing stories, I just miss it.

Next year it will be a whole new story. With the job starting and a lot of other big changes already in plan, if this year seemed to me full I can't even imagine how I'll feel next year, but for some reason I feel having a lot less free time will make me use that little window a lot better of having an entire free day. I want to return drawing much more frequently, I want to return telling stories! It probably won't be immediate, but I have a lot of sketched illustrations that I want to continue, and my itch for taking the pencil daily is returning stronger than ever. I want to post more often, my sketches as well, despite always feeling so insecure about them. Perhaps some processes, too? And I want to return to write. I have so many stories in my mind, and a lot would work very well as fanfictions - I wanted to draw most of them, but I suddenly realized that I could very well write them too. Nothing stops me from adapting parts of those fanfics into fancomics in the future, anyway! Writing entire stories in my second language won't be easy (and at least one of the fanfics I have in mind will probably be in Italian and I'll have to see if to translate it), but I roleplay a lot in English, so I feel pretty confident. >:)

I don't know what I'll manage to do next year, I'm not setting any real goal in terms of productivity here, but... man, I really wish I can start an original comic this time. Humbert's story and Avi's story are both really well darn developed, but going from notes to an actual flashed out story is a step that has been too big for me for now. But with all I accomplished this year, maybe the step is becoming more and more doable. ❤

Anyway, I've kept you here long enough. ❤ I'm not sure how much stuff I'll actually manage to make, but a year is longer than we think! Everything I'll do, you'll receive updates here, so worry not! Thank you so much for sticking with me all this time despite the very few updates, of all your patience and support, comments and messages. You're the best! ❤ I hope you'll have a fantastic day, and that your future will be golden and full of good things. Take care, and I will see you next year! ❤

#talking

[inthedarkofficial]

I feel pretty confident in saying that (barring something utterly unexpected happening) I will be completing NaNoWriMo this year. I'm on just under 43k, 7k by Thursday is very doable. The goal is 50k in a month and that means I will have met said goal.

I'm also pretty confident in saying I will have written 50k of an approx. 150k project. This is uh... this is a big bastard.

#ITD is like 80k it is a full story #ITK draft one was only like 90k #I am only just finishing what feels like Act 1 of this like wtf #I still think this could be Something eventually but I am not confident it will see the light of day for A WHILE #I didn't think for a moment this was a 50k story but goddamn #project greenroom #nano 2023 #rowan rants

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

We finally have our packing supplies, so this weekend we're going to start getting everything squared away. We have a shockingly short amount of time to get packed which should be fine for a 500sq ft apartment, but I'm still a bit anxious. I know we'll want to make sure things are packed in an order that makes sense so we still have our daily use items until the last minute, and we have to do a lot of purging/giving away of things that aren't coming with us because they aren't worth moving. I figure we'll be getting rid of a lot of our kitchen supplies for that reason honestly. My hope is that when all is said and done, we'll just be moving a bed frame and mattress, a tv and stand, the kitty litterbox credenza, a folding card table and computer, a pair of nightstands, the storage tubs, and the pets. It should take an hour or so to get everything loaded and unloaded off the truck, assuming it's all packed and broken down when the movers get here, and all we need them to do is get stuff up and down the stairs for us.

I think we can definitely make this work in 2 weeks. Like. If we spend the next two weeks steadily packing things into the tubs and cleaning the apartment up behind us, we can make a final push the week before we leave to get everything really cleaned up and the last pod wardrobes and daily use items packed away the Sunday we head out. It might mean like. Setting aside 30 min of packing/cleaning every day for each of us that we use to move towards the end goal.

I think one step I'm going to take today is rearranging things in the car and setting up the doggie crate in the trunk for travel. That means unburying the doggie crate and bed from the closet (which also means cleaning out the closet and sorting keep from get rid of and putting the keep into storage tubs since the closet is all storage anyway), and then bringing them down to the car. Then I'll have to clear out the trunk entirely and set up the doggie crate in it. Then I'll have to figure out where to put the things that are currently in the trunk for storage purposes over the next two weeks. In tubs in the apartment? Back in the trunk with the crate? Etc. Either way, I'll get the closet and crate sorted today I think. Good day for it. Having the closet clear will also help me feel more able to make a dent in the rest of the room's packing later in the weekend. I'll probably try to sort through my clothes and make a pod wardrobe, then pack the rest on Saturday during my break. Sunday will probably be heavy cleaning and sorting of what's left in the room, and maybe sorting what's daily use and what's not in the bathroom so we can scrub that too.

We can do the kitchen piecemeal because mostly it's daily use stuff or things that aren't coming with us, and very few things that need to be packed now. It'll mostly be about clearing out the area of recycling and boxes that have piled up, cleaning, putting our files and loose belongings into storage tubs, and packing the dried and canned goods that we know we won't need between now and moving day. We'll probably want to grab an ice chest we can pack the fridge food into, or just give all that to our local friends before we leave so we don't have to try and transport it. We'll need to clean the fridge THOROUGHLY before we head out Sunday, which will mean unplugging it overnight Saturday, letting everything defrost, and cleaning it up proper. So actually probably we just give everything to our local friends Saturday night and have a big ol stir fry with whatever's left.

I'm pretty confidant this is doable, I'm just also thinking about how tired I'm going to be when we finally get to our new place and have to unpack lol

[discyours]

I know it was probably not just one thing but a chain. What made you detransition, made all of it fall apart for you? Also i wonder whether your experience living as a trans man made you more aware of misogyny in some ways or not really?

It absolutely did. I went looking for this post from when I still identified as trans and was first starting to connect the dots.

But without expecting it - which made it even more impactful - the way people treated and viewed me completely changed. People actually listen to me, and respect me. Instead of bitchy, I’m assertive. Instead of being difficult, I’m strong-willed. Confidence, something I was terrified to display before, is now one of my most desirable traits. It’s the main thing that allows me to pass. How fucked up is that? Confidence is seen as so inherently masculine that displaying it easily makes people assume you’re male.  Mentally going over the option of “detransitioning” or reidentifying as a woman, something a radfem friend challenged me to think about, there are so many things I would have to give up in order to fit into society. My personality traits are only seen as acceptable for someone “trying” to be a man.

I didn't actually detransition for feminist reasons though. I was considering it (also found this post while looking for the last one) and had started to "dip my toes in" (changed my sex on a dating app I was on, went on one date with a woman who just saw me as a masculine woman and didn't even know I identified as trans) but never actually took the leap. I was too dysphoric. Then I started an SSRI and my life pretty much fell apart. I was actually doing pretty well at the time but due to a 10+ year history of depressive episodes I didn't want to be overconfident that things would just stay good this time. I finally felt equipped to handle potential side effects and started on medication with the hope of staying stable.

The first few weeks were weird but doable. Got extreme dry mouth and fully lost my sense of taste. Became restless and slightly manic. The physical symptoms went away and I no longer felt manic, but I became extremely anxious and my restlessness only got worse. I'd go on 3 hour walks in the middle of the night. Stopped going outside during the day, was too anxious to be seen, got an extreme form of imposter syndrome. I don't know how to explain it other than feeling like I wasn't a person and was a horrible person for tricking people into thinking I was, had to isolate myself as much as possible to avoid the impending disaster of people finding out I'd been misleading them like that. I became extremely self destructive, had unbearable intrusive thoughts about harming myself in all sorts of ways. I became re-involved in the kink community because it was a form of self harm and the only way I knew how to talk to people who were okay with treating me like I wasn't a person (meaning as far as I was concerned, they were the only people I wasn't manipulating into believing I was something I wasn't).

I was kind of in limbo for a few months in terms of trans/detrans stuff, you don't really have room to see or assert yourself as a man/woman in particular when you don't even believe yourself to be an actual human being. Actively presenting myself as anything felt like I was misleading people. I kept dressing the way I was used to because that was my default. Ultimately it was men I was involved with through kink who pushed me to start presenting more feminine. A lot of it wasn't voluntary and the parts that were were more about wanting to stop being a target for it than anything else.

I was only on the SSRI for a few months but I feel like I've never really recovered from it tbh. I never regained the 20 pounds I lost and I didn't really get my sense of personhood back either. I've stuck to presenting more feminine because it feels safer, and because it became the new default and I'm still not really comfortable asserting that I'm... anything in particular? I do think radical feminism/gender critical ideology played somewhat of a role because I generally don't see transition as a particularly productive way to deal with gender dysphoria so I don't see a reason to go back to it even if I did feel comfortable doing so. But my current acceptance of my womanhood is not a feminist thing, and it'd look a lot different (read: free of artificial femininity) if it was.

#anon #detrans #personal