#i'm so enthusiastic about all of them

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

Your previous post regarding burnout really resonates with me as I'm currently struggling through a mountain's worth of uni assignments.

I hopeyou're being compassionate to yourself where you can. I know you rely on your writing for income but ould cutting down to working on only 2 or 3 fics instead be a viable solution?

Because longterm I don't think that even your insanely impressive skills can hold up to that kind of pressure.

Maybe if you cut back a little you'll be able to enjoy your hobbies again and rest a little more.

I know that I'm not the only reader that wants you to take care of yourself x

Hi anon,

Firstly, good luck with all those assignments! I do not miss the grind of uni when all the assignments suddenly seem due at the same time and it's like 'oh fuck' and it just...is truly exhausting. Remember to take a break after if you can!

I am trying to be compassionate where I can. Working on expanding my capacity / juice left in the tank is actually a big priority with both therapists this year, and it's something I'm actively chipping away at.

Unfortunately cutting down fics is not really something I can do because it would personally stress me out more to put a lot of things on hiatus like that. Underline the Red is already on hiatus, and The Nascent Diplomat on my end is finished, and I'll take a few months off after that before starting the next installment.

Ideally I will be finishing out some fics that will clear my calendar a bit more over time. For example, A Stain that Won't Dissolve won't last forever, and isn't going to be replaced by anything new (Palmarosa will likely slot into that space and I'll be able to work on it more). Underline the Black will be replaced by Underline the Red, and Blue and Gold will be replaced by Underline the Silver.

Eventually, ideally, I'll be working on a smaller and smaller load until I'm at about 2-4 projects (which is how I used to work). Also quite a few of my projects only update once a month or every few months, and that helps a lot. It's just that I have too many fics where I'm on a more regular schedule (Stain, Palm, Black) and normally I only have one or two fics that are on a more regular schedule, so yeah, I am looking forward to that slowing down!

But putting something on hiatus just makes me feel more burdened and overwhelmed than knowing I'm getting closer and closer to wrapping something up. It's just how my brain works! I am a finisher, and while that's really good for not abandoning projects (which is extremely rare for me and tends to only be very short projects or PWPs which I will turn away from), it's less good when I have too many projects lmao. I've gotten better at holding back (there's three fics I'm dying to write right now, which is an Efnisien/Kadek fic that I've already started but not posted anything of, Silver, and Red).

So yeah, I will be cutting back. I've already started. The Nascent Diplomat is no longer on my schedule, which means for the next 3 months while it's still posting, I don't have to write anything for it. That's lovely because I can still share in that world with no extra labour (it's edited and everything). Likewise, Stain and Black are both in their last act/s now. That's still a lot of chapters for both, but it feels good for me to know that both will likely be finished out this year.

But we are getting there! So yeah the view is to cut down on projects, but organically (by finishing out stories and not replacing every single one with new titles, only some of them) rather than forcefully via hiatuses. I mean obviously if I get too sick I will have to go on hiatus and I've done that before, but so far it's looking like I've written enough chapters ahead (most of May is written) that I can take about 2 weeks off from writing in April, and that will help a great deal as well. :)

Anyway, take care with your assignments too! I do not miss that part of uni at all

#asks and answers #personal #pia on writing #i have actually enjoyed stories where i only update once a month #like constellations and TND #as well as something more regular like Black #and something a bit different like Blue and Gold #a big problem - which is frankly a lovely problem to have - is that i'm so *excited* to work on all these stories truly #none of them bore me or disinterest me #even the ones i'm not working on right now #i'm so enthusiastic about all of them #i just need to get better at patience which my ADHD brain finds frustrating #but i am getting there! #just getting TND finished feels lovely #like bittersweet but also lovely #and it will continue to feel that way as i shave off at the schedule #to get back to something more human #i appreciate you anon - make sure you're taking care

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Horse Yaoi trotted so Horsegirl Yuri could fly.

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #equineswap au #wei wuxian #lan wangji #little apple #xiao pingguo #lan wunian #This is the first and second kiss I've ever drawn. And its horse yaoi and horsegirl yuri. Wouldn't want it any other way tbh. #And with that...Horse week has come to a close #Not the end of this AU mind you; I'll still throw some doodles in here & there and reblog any fanart #The concept behind this was to make something with the vibes of that one picture with the guys holding girls up on their shoulders #so the girls can kiss. And the guys are kissing too. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about. #Maybe one day I'll draw the unswapped version. Ill flip a coin to decide whether or not wangxian are carrying their equines or riding them #Thank you all so much for the extremely enthusiastic reception to my equineswap AU #The love for both sides of the swap has blow me away. These designs have been sitting around for a while and I wasn't sure I'd post them. #In the end it became a way to celebrate a follower milestone *and* this blog's 3 month anniversary #also...It has been a hard few weeks and I needed something light and fun. I really mean it when I say “you guys helped me pull through” #Love you all B'*)

[theflyingfeeling]

...💌

#not-very-seriously contemplating making a fitalk sideblog #just so i could ramble on about my fic ideas like the lunatic i am without bothering anyone #because istg i come up with at least 3 new ideas a day and more if necessary #but i'm too self-conscious to do that on my main blog too often because i always manage to convince myself no one actually cares #and that the only few people who do seem to care only care because they want to be supportive #and/or think it's cute i'm so passionate about the fics/pairing or whatever #and there's nothing wrong with that and i'm thankful of course! #but it sort of makes me feel like a child being praised by adults ya know? 😭 #and idk maybe i just feel like this because i used to share a hyperfixation OTP with a friend #and i'd come up with new fic ideas/headcanons for our OTP on a daily basis #until the friend admitted they weren't even that into the pairing #they just found it adorable to see how enthusiastic i was thinking of stories of them :) #which made me feel like such an idiot lol silly me thought they were as into it as i was #like. i get the need to infodump about hyperfixations to a friend even if the friend is not into the hyperfixation #especially if you don't know anyone else to whom you could talk about it #but i don't need that personally. i'd rather talk about my hyperfixations to someone who actually wants to hear it #and not just because they think i'm being adorable or they want to support me #i can very well keep it all to myself or just idk talk to myself?? lol #so yeahhhh i kinda don't want to make myself feel like a clown like that again 🤡 #i do realise i think about fic ideas an unhealthy amount probably lol #but then again isn't that what actual published authors do all the flipping time?! the only difference is that i'm not getting paid for it😤 #this wasn't supposed to become a rant lol the words just started flooding #anywayyyyy who wants to hear about my royalty!aleksi / ballet dancer!olli fic idea with side roommates-with-benefits olli/joonas? #additional tags include 'helping the other put on make-up' and 'anal fingering'. if you even care #(pls don't actually ask it's ridiculous)

[emometalhead]

Since today is Women's Day, I want to take a second to talk about a personal accomplishment. I've been writing as an intern for an entertainment news source for the last few months, and it's been incredibly rewarding. I have been given the opportunity to write about things I love, and they're published with credit. I didn't intend to pursue a career in entertainment writing, but I've fallen in love with it and want to continue on this path once my internship ends.

I've been able to write about a lot of women I admire, and some of them have even acknowledged my work. I love being able to support women, and it feels great when they support me back. I'm so happy about this internship, and I'm so grateful to the women that have taken the time to acknowledge and appreciate my writing. It's really cool seeing artists repost my articles, and also I'm extremely grateful for the women in my life who have shared my enthusiasm for this endeavor.

#Tina. you've been my number 1 cheerleader and I love you so much!! 🩷 thank you for being so enthusiastic about every single article #Kelsey. you inspire me so greatly and I appreciate the support you've always shown me #as far as women I don't know personally. Scene Queen reposted my article and that's really stinking cool #all 3 members of Millionaires reposted the full text of the blurb I wrote about them and Anissa sent a lovely thank you message #Daisy Grenade reposted my article on 2 different platforms and were very kind #when I met them irl Keaton complimented the article again and told me to keep writing #this internship is really the first time I've shared so much of my writing and it means the world that I've received so much support #I wish I could scream more about my writing here but the articles have my full name so for privacy I can't #if we're mutuals though and you ever want to read an article lmk! #this is such a cool experience I'm having and it really feels like a dream #anyway women are awesome. thank you women #ashley rambles

[crescentfool]

WHATS UR FAVORITE RYOMINA MOMENT FROM THE MOVIES I NEED TO KNOW!!!

HI FELIX!! thank you for the ask i am always happy to take more opportunities to talk about ryomina they are so special to me o7

it is VERY tempting for me to answer, "every fucking time ryoji showed up on screen!" ok this might be an exaggeration, i like 90% of his screentime, december 2nd ryoji should've been portrayed more like a pathetic wet dog imo but i digress. but hm... favorite moment.

while the helper's club montage has a very strong place in my heart (it permeated my braincells without my permission)!! i think my favorite part of ryomina's portrayal in the movies is the whole sentence finishing thing they got going on. i feel like that's a cop out answer but like.

there is something so so gut wrenching to me about how they start off by making it so that ryoji is the one finishing minato's sentences. always ryoji. BUT THEN!!! when they meet again at the top of tartarus to do battle on judgment day!! they turn it on it's head!! and it's minato!! who finishes the sentence!! and fuck man does it make me feel like i'm being kicked down a staircase.

and to have the sentence finishing happen again for such an important day?? god idk im gonna tear up and someone needs to like. give me like. a chew toy or something this makes me so fucking insane (blows up) (blows up).

so basically my favorite moment is really like, january 31st, but a lot of my attachment to it is BECAUSE they have that set-up in november with ryoji being the silliest fucking guy to have ever walked at gekkoukan. and oh man oh man the fucking. THE. when. WHEN THEY FOLLOW IT UP WITH MINATO SUMMONING THANATOS AFTER THIS?? yeah man. that's the fucking shit.

like i don't think the english language is enough to convey how much i love the artistic choice to have the flash frame of ryoji when minato summons thanatos. it's the hesitation and rebellion babey!!! the whole scene afterwards is so fucking juicy as well.

honorable mention to when ryoji jumped off the fucking roof at iwatodai station to tell minato that he has kindness in his eyes and that he doesn't like seeing him alone. what kind of guy does that. that's so fucking hilarious to me like actually. he was insane for that.

anyway that is my answer i HOPE u enjoyed reading it, god, ryomina still makes me eyes watery (it's been almost 2 years since i've met them??? what the fuck). i feel like others have echoed this sentiment before but nevertheless i was super happy to type it out :D

#lizzy speaks #lizzy askbox #IM SO FUKCING NORMAL ABOUT RYOMINA PERSONA 3 !!!!!!!! WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO ME!! #ohhh they give me so much joy thank you thank you for the ask i love to yell about them and blow up #also happy mochizuki monday everyone :) i have a sketch for it i just want to apply some colors first and then i'll post!! #i love answering things in the askbox thank you for the very enthusiastic ask!!! #also re: the helper's club scenes i mentioned in the tags of my redraw of the hallway handholding scene that- #when i watched the movies originally i had to fucking pause after they held hands!! to sleep!!! #so i was just there in bed RESTLESS THINKING 'ohmy godthoohomyhgodt hhey they holdedhands holyfucking shit what am i perceivngi' #it was insane tbh so in that respect the helper's club scenes are very unforgettable to me because it was a brain parasite #but i thought i'd answer with january 31st because it still makes me want to eat dirt and it feels like very good ryomina to me like ohh #bitches who be weak to narrative themeing (me!!) eat this shit up like it's a buffet ohhhh my god they were soulmates #...i'm rambling. can you tell these guys make me not normal at all (insert im so fucking normal gif of the guy pounding the ground here)

[homo-house]

thinking it'd be really funny if alastor's mom died when he was young killed by a gunshot wound of some sort so he has a bambi past

#hazbin hotel #sorry you can probably tell i'm deep in the trenches of this universe/characters. i have nothing to say to defend myself #it caught me off guard and now it's literally the only thing i can think about #alastor #alastor's mother #man. it's been a long time since i've been so enthusiastic about anything #like its been years since i had a special interest this intense lol i hope it lasts long enough that i can milk it for fanart #LORD knows my art accounts are desert dry bc i never finish anything worth posting #anyways time will tell if this joins the top 5 recurring special interests. all of them are over 5 years old by now

[bylertruther]

modern au mike would be the repressed internalized homophobia harboring kind of gay that says shit like "it's not gay to kiss ur homies goodnight 🙄 that's just being a good bro" and is essentially playing gay chicken with will 24/7 which is why will never suspects anything and thinks it's totally unrequited. bc they have Always been like this . and still mike insists he's straight and who is will to say Um Actually esp when mike made a big stink abt dating his sister n also gets super defensive abt it any time they talk abt it or get anywhere even remotely close to talking abt it. hope this helps 👍

#the kind of enthusiastic ally tht makes those jokes n all of tht and after doing the gayest thing ever he's like well. i just love my gay #best friend and support him is that so wrong..... (proceeds to get jealous when someone flirts with will + comments n likes his every #selfie + actually lets will take pictures of them and post them whenever they hang out n go somewhere jsut the two of them + makes collab #playlists with will that are full of love songs tht will totally pokes fun at him about + all other Clearly Boyfriendisms stuff) #and max just Blinks at him. #with the tiktok sound and all #eventually will gets SICK of it bc a good boy a Kind and very pretty guy is actually interested in him for real and ISN'T deterred by mike #and his mikeness bc he likes him That much and will just . he's so conflicted. bc he can't do this with this new guy if he still loves #mike and still feels like... like there's this Thing between them tht's all in his head and he just. he needs to hear mike say it. he needs #to hear mike say that there's nothing here and that there will never be something here so that he can at least TRY to move on. #and mike... can't do that :( because. well. well us ee. he opens his mouth but the words don't come out bc they just Feel Wrong. #and then bada bing bada boom Gay Shit Happens #but also not rly bc they have always been gay. it's just that now it's Official. nods at u #upside down shenanigans doesn't happen in this specific au so i'm going based off of s1 and s2 mike tht is Very Clingy n Loving #mine

[moinsbienquekaworu]

I'm sorry I'm going to be insane for a second, avert your eyes

#i will mention i'm aroace and combined with this kind of like. moe-ness i exude apparently? #will lead people to immediately think i'm so pure and cutie pie and shy and uwu adorable #and of course people never know what aromanticism is but even after an explanation they just think it's an extension of my asexuality #bitch no it isn't. they're two separate things and i am going to killl you with psychic lasers #i swear to go they hear aroace and suddenly all the contrastic aspects of my personality disappear #some people will forget that i get loud and enthusiastic about men i think are hot #suddenly i am a meek angel who's soo cute and pure! #and i can mention how much i know about & like sex in theory and kink and romance #and every time it's 'that's funny cause you're asexual' 'you're aroace but your special interest is sex what a contrast' like argh #i need aro friends!!!! more!!!!!!!! #sure i like being cute but if people could stop equating that to being a pure angel it'd be nice #like. i'm into the theoretical side of sex! i like reading about kink! in sexy AND educational ways!! #i know what sex is and i have been the friend who does specific sex ed to others a few times! #but nooo she's kind of small feminine a little shy at times and asexual so surely the millions of words of sex & sex ed don't exist anymore #vagueing people i live with <3 #and i've corrected the specific person i'm thinking of!! i have!! #i've told them 'oh yeah it's a fun contrast but it IS a genuine interest of mine that i've put a fair amount of time into over the years' #and they just forget it and keep making the joke every time! #oh i am Tired #wow i have a ramble tag now

[blujayonthewing]

gritting my teeth clenching my fists I need nature nerd friends again so fucking bad

#justin is better to be outdoors with than Hiker Friends because at least his pace is relaxed lol #JUSTIN will point out cool bugs to me and stop to let me take a lot of pictures of them!! #but like I need to get involved at a nature center or something istg I'm wasting away here #I had one(1) highly enthusiastic nature friend who was really fun to do nature stuff with and he broke up with me twelve years ago :') #I think I do still prefer to be alone outdoors but I do also miss Doing Outdoor Activities with others sometimes #that birding trip to magee marsh during spring migration was fucking fun!! bug collecting was fucking fun!!! #DJ was a high energy person but I never remember feeling stressed or harried when we were doing outdoorsy stuff together #cause his energy was pointed in the direction of things I also loved doing so it felt invigorating rather than oppressive #it's funny because I'm so used to VASTLY preferring to be outdoors alone that I forget that we did that kind of thing all the time #oh yeah sharing common interests makes it fun to do activities about those interests together lol #anyway who wants to come look for salamanders with me #about me

[immobiliter]

i'm just thinking about how much i love all of the muses i write over here and that, no matter how some of them may fluctuate in activity and how my attention/writing muse flits around my muses depending on who i'm actively thinking about, i am enthusiastic about all of them equally and you are all always free to talk to me about any of them at any given moment :')

#* / be yourself. everyone else is taken ( ooc. ) #as ever it's so nice to be in a place here where i'm so enthusiastic about all of my active muses #and will happily talk about/plot with any and all of them #and those of you who stick around for particular fandoms and muses of mine despite this blog ranging wildly in genre/fandom/muse lmao #u are the mvps #i know managing multis aren't for everyone but for me it was literally the best decision i ever made #i have so much fun here and will likely never go back to single muse blogs aside from The Exception who has been on his own blog #since the start lmao. iykyk

[stillfruit]

the most difficult part about group projects is not doing everything yourself

#to be serious i obviously want to respect everyone's time and efforts but sometimes it's genuinely very difficult to find a balance between #evreyone contributing in ways they would prefer and the output being good. what do you do when someone is bad at something yet enthusiastic #if this was baking a cake or something else i wouldn't give a shit but this is university and we have constructed but objective guidelines #clearly this is only a problem if you're a bad person like me who prioritizes results over how people feel in situations where we're graded #i am as polite as possible but how do i gently say let me do everything over for you #what makes this even more difficult is my own inability to start things early so this problem is double my fault - at the point #where i would have my thing done others have completed their work already before so i'm always overstepping #even if i'm ready before the deadline as well. the others are just faster overall #i'm fully aware how arrogant and insufferable i am and this is btw i know the people working with me are extremely talented in their ways #and carry skills i don't have etc etc but fuck some of the things i have to redo are sooooo simple and this way of working #is extremely inefficient because on top of doing my own work i have to look over the work of others and i know that's because i want #to do so and it's not their fault but at the same time they all did say they're aiming for the highest grade so what gives #i'm actually the worst person to have as a group work member </3 genuinely horrible. i've decided for now just let what is there slide and #emphasize giving credit about all the work the people have done rightly to them and then just quietly fix it later for the final submission #shit talking

[primordyalsoul]

it's only january but i'm already thinking about Halloween specific muses...

#ooc; onion girl enthusiast #((i'm thinking c.orpse b.ride...i'm thinkinig tatum from s.cream..)) #((i wrote a mini essay about s.cream for uni and now it's taken a hold of me once more)) #((and miss c.orpse b.ride..i listened to a song and was like. thatd make a good url)) #((BUT IM NOT MAKING THEM NOW I NEED TO BE NOT INSANE)) #((i have enough blogs rn i gotta chill)) #((ANWAYS i'm washing my hair rn <3 i'm feeling a lot better than i was before so i think i'll get some replies done today :) love you all!!

[nebulouscoffee]

Kira for the ask game, because I've sewn you mentioned liking her but haven't seen you talk about it much yet and would like to enable you

Yayy thank you!! (and I'm sorry I took so long to respond, it's been a very hectic week😅)

one aspect about them i love

Kira really embodies a lot of what I miss most about Star Trek tbh, which was the real desire to make the audience uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong; there is a lot about TOS, TNG and DS9 that didn't age well- but I still think an important goal they all shared was to take certain ideas and ideologies that might've seemed far-fetched to the audience of the time, and say- "why not?" Also, "Does this character's existence- and presence- make you uncomfortable? Well, maybe that's a YOU problem." And that's a goal which (imo) really faded over the years, because they grew more and more afraid of turning off the conservative audience. But not with Kira! Within minutes of her introduction, she offers a scathing shutdown of the "frontier" that Star Trek was quite literally built upon. She is literally a sympathetic "terrorist" MAIN character (rare enough), and furthermore a woman- and that too a "difficult" woman, who refuses to let herself be ignored or compromise her people's needs for the Starfleet crew's comfort (!!!), who is ANGRY and deeply religious and nationalistic and PROACTIVE and stomps around and shouts and cries and disagrees and wears her passion on her sleeve and is not at all afraid to make a nuisance of herself- and yet, still has numerous flaws and so many moments of self-doubt and raw vulnerability. What a fantastic character! This was 1993; I can think of so few TV women from that era who actively challenged the constructs (and men) around them so much. I love everything she represents

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

That her arc is more about learning to land upon nuance; not toning down her Bajoran-isms. Her patriotism and faith do occasionally steer her the wrong way, yes- but Kira's growth doesn't at all involve her renouncing either of those things! If anything, it's Sisko who ends up having to adjust to her perspectives. In general I'm always craving more nuanced discussions re DS9's postcolonial dynamics, too- Kira has such a range of interactions with Cardassians on the show, and numerous episodes ('Destiny', 'Life Support', 'Ties of Blood and Water', etc) show that she's genuinely invested in peace between their peoples; something I think often goes ignored. Yes, she's justifiably furious about everything they did to her home- but at the end of the day, what she wants is justice and reparations for Bajor and Bajorans; and if a small (understandable) part of her does want to see Cardassia crash and burn, she really doesn't act upon it

Also, she's funny! Remember when she told Dukat the baby was O'Brien's with no further explanation? Lmaoo what a troll

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

That she only received a very basic education. She does mention finger painting and playing springball as a kid, but also- Kira grew up in a refugee camp and she joined the Shakaar cell at age 12; she probably missed out on the higher education even the average Bajoran of her generation received (which itself was likely Cardassian State-controlled). Idk, this is low key important to me because so many Star Trek characters are almost like- defined by their scientific and educational smarts, if that makes sense? It's refreshing to see a Trek character who doesn't quite make sense of herself or the world around her primarily through (Western) scientific constructs

Also, Kira absolutely has unexamined caste biases; she just never really learnt to recognise them because caste played such a minimal role in the Resistance- but most Bajorans are far more aware of caste dynamics than she typically is (I just do not buy that the D'jarra system completely went away in less than 60 years)

one character i love seeing them interact with

Ben Sisko! They have SUCH a fascinating dynamic, it's so complex and sweet and often quite trying and hurtful but still kept afloat on this deep, deep underlying mutual respect. Ben's position as the Emissary makes everything so wonderfully complicated, and watching Kira's frustrations at the fact that she actually believes in him morph into reassurance as he slowly transforms from being the Starfleet Outsider to truly being Of Bajor... ahhh it's so good. That scene where he invites her to a baseball game lives in my head rent free! (Also they high key make a fascinating ship imo, I am something of a post-canon Sisko/Kira/Kasidy truther)

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I have multiple answers to this (Julian, Worf, Garak, Keiko, Ziyal, Cretak, Jake, Ezri, etc) but I'm gonna go with someone she actually interacts with quite a bit, because I just wanted mOArrr. Jadzia!

Yes, it was the 90s, so I'm glad they were at least allowed to be friends and not like, cattily pitted against each other. But I still craved more layers to their onscreen dynamic! I mean, Jadzia, the Starfleet "Science Officer" who openly dismisses Kira's religious beliefs on more than one occasion? Kira, the child soldier who finds most of Jadzia's pastimes and preoccupations frivolous and silly? It's so interesting that they keep spending time together despite such fundamental differences, and I would've loved a bigger exploration as to why! They deserved their own 'The Wire', basically. Much like the central two characters of that episode, the answer is that they actually have a LOT more in common than is apparent at first glance (fraught senses of identity, complicated relationships with their home worlds, a sense of loss regarding family) where they outwardly seem like polar opposites. And all of this is not even getting into the nonlinearity of Bajoran religion vs the lives of Dax... gosh, there was room for so much! They deserved a whole Big Sequence full of Monologues the actors could really sink their teeth into, they deserved for one of them to fly off on a dangerous quest to save the others' life- and you know what!! They deserved a little homoerotic hand-holding too!! But, I suppose that's what fanfiction is for😂

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

She and Bashir definitely grow much closer after the show's end; whether he stays behind on DS9 or not :)

#just gonna clarify- my second point really wasn't targeted at anybody on here. not an attack I promise!! #I just feel like we erase the nuances with her a bit #like in wider trek fandom I've seen a lot of people talk about her attitude towards cardassians as if she's a bigot #which I feel is extremely reductive of her character (and dismissive of her trauma too) #meanwhile on here people (sometimes) talk about her like she walks around with a CARDASSIANS DNI banner or something #like the very suggestion of her (or any other bajoran) having to interact with a cardassian is unthinkable and offensive? #and imo this really just doesn't reflect canon at all! (or irl postcolonial dynamics. but.. I don't wanna go there lol) #recently was talking to a mutual about her dynamic with cardassians (g@rak in particular) and it made me realise #they're actually far more civil with each other in the show than even I make them out to be! and I'm like- the no1 'k1ra & g@rak' fan lmao #even in TOBAW she's actually invested in ghem0r's politics. she's enthusiastic that he represents ''hope for cardassia'' #and she REALLY doesn't have to be! yet she is. what precisely this says about her is so much more interesting to think about #also... idk. in general writing bajor as if completely and magically stripped of all cardassian influence and interaction is so weird to me #(let's just say if things really worked that way I would not be writing this in English lol) #tysm for the ask btw!! always glad to have an opportunity ramble about k!ra nerys :) #ask game

[stinkbeck]

every time i get off the phone with one of my parents, i'm like "FUUUUUCK I HURT THEIR FEELINGS AGAAAAIIINNN"

#gdi #tbh i am also a little sad 'cause my dad said not 2 visit him during the holidays + just stay in + not celebrate #idk what anyone wants from me #it just hurts when u love someone + they blatantly say 'don't spend the holidays with me' #but i can't look into it or overthink it. #all i know is that ouch! it stings a little. #it also sucks cause it's like sometimes i'm really fucking tired. sometimes people have been treating me bad or i need a nap #and i come off a little flat while i'm listening 2 them. i try so hard 2 be enthusiastic but sometimes i'm just exhausted. it doesn't mean #that i don't love them!!!! i'm just tired!!!! #like my mom called me while i was napping + i could tell i hurt her feelings bc i wasn't using my bubbly voice with her but #i just get tired sometimes!!!! i try so hard 2 be polite!!!!!! #also can i just say it's hilarious 'cause last night i wrote a scene into this book about this 'cause i was like 'this is just bad enough #that it's possible but it wouldn't actually happen in my family' + then it does

[wingsandpetals]

good news everyone it does get better at least a little and after thinking about it i'm not quite as miserable or in despair as i thought i was.

#i'm about to overshare in the tags ok👍 #our post comrade. #-------------------------------------------------------​------------------------------------------------------------------------- #just discovered that it doesn't make me mad or miserable anymore to look at my ex's old texts #it's melancholy if i let myself think about how we'll never talk again but they're actually funny now👍 #i feel much better all of a sudden #i don't hate them as much as i thought i did. and more importantly i don't hate myself as much as i thought i did 👍 #i guess we were really just two goofy and struggling teenagers #and i guess we were best friends for a reason #did you guys know we were tumblr mutuals. i never told you that #that was way before this blog. they were the reason i migrated to instagram #👍‼️ if you're wondering why i went back to look it's because i wanted to find the logs of me infodumping about rea/icide for my amusement #they said dar was pretty. that's so funny #and i agreed much too enthusiastically. completely unsubtle #and i talked about how i was changing my name to parme and how happy it made me #i didn't remember that part. i wasn't even officially nonbinary at that point #:). #i can't write about this in my diary sorry it would out me. so it goes here

[byanyan]

ah yes, once again thinking way too much about byan and their love for magical girl anime... about how it was such a comfort thing for them growing up because the genre is (typically) so upbeat and positive. about how it provided this really cheerful escape for them and how they'll still, to this day, put on their favourites for a bit of comfort when they're in a bad place. but on top of that, I'm thinking about how these anime and the cute characters and outfits were a huge inspiration in the way they explored their gender, and the ways they wanted to present. and how, of course, magical girls were and still are a huge influence on their style and fashion. hell, they're a big part of what encouraged byan to try wearing a skirt for the first time. these shows just!! have always meant so much to them!! and I don't talk about that enough!!!

#just crying about how byan always wanted to be one of those cute protagonists but i'm fine #it's such a huge thing in their life but they downplay it so hard #like they can recite the plot of every episode for a lot of these shows & sing all the themes & tell u with a lot of passion why the subs #are better than the dubs but. they hide a lot of just HOW passionate they are about them #bc like. that would make them feel really vulnerable and we all know how much they hate that feeling #(but also you KNOW they got bullied relentlessly growing up bc they were much more openly enthusiastic #'that's a girl thing' & 'that's so lame' & all the other hurtful things kids say. u know how it is. #definitely played a big part in why the aesthetics are still there but they don't. really talk about it.) #anyway someone stop me I could talk about this for hours and I'm just adhfjsg #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ HEADCANON ⋮ DANGER IN THE FABRIC OF THIS THING I MADE.