#idk I am… whew

[the-hopeless-haze]

Dudes I am sorry to spam your dash with MCR stuff but like. Idk. To me this is truly a lesson in just being kind to myself because like did I need to spend the money on this? No. No I didn’t. I have always always always been restrictive with myself like “oh you don’t need that” and like honestly I think it’s part of the reason why I’m miserable a lot of the time lmao. Like I worked for my money and if I want to spend it on something that’s going to make me irrationally happy like. Good for me? I have every right to do this? I’m an adult now and I have the agency to spend my own money on things that make me happy.

#idk what happened in my childhood that made me like this but I was always very strict and tight with my money #and it’s like. that’s a good thing! #but idk experiences and such are worth it sometimes and I need to break out of that. #i have super bad anxiety so I need the comfort of having a savings account but like #this wasn’t going to make or break me. #anyway take my advice and be kind to yourself today and do something you normally wouldn’t #it feels… very nice #this is definitely one of the best things about being an adult tbh #i am aware I am speaking from a place of privilege here. don’t get me wrong #but like idk this doesn’t just have to be monetary like go for a walk when it’s nice out alone bc you deserve it. #you know? just do something for you. #idk I am… whew

[derpinette]

when i exchange a message whether i receive or send one i have to immediately shut off my device & walk some laps for a few minutes to shake off the adrenaline rush

#i try to forget that ever happened so i can relax because otherwise i get heart palpitations & headrush my uterus drops ETC #so i have to stay off of whatever site i just used for like an hour but now i have messages sent+received on every app #i can only escape to yourube & it sucks #also even anonymously i exit out of the thread/tab & ignore that tab for as long as it takes me to forget #& then i check back on the replies hours later or days even despite not ever posting bait i just get nervous #( but not always... خلّي أيامك أحلى ) #currently hamster walking everywhere in my house & it took me a day to reply back ( was too busy agonizing ) #could have been a month like last time. or year like the other two times before. IDK why i even bothered #WHEW #that one screencap i already posted before with the courage the cowardly dog picrel Shockingly not posted by me #but i might as well have i do the exact same thing & when people are nice to me i ride that high for a week if not more #the high i got from crushing it at scribbl with randoms in 2020 i rode for like two years & then the *** livestream in 2022 #i am still riding today & ALWAYS WILL best days of my internet life for Serious look forwards to it annually cured me completely #from suicidal ideation. THANK YOU WOMEN. ^_^

[cha1cedony]

I love that Discord has the ability to be so cozy and close-knit, but I hate that it’s so blocked off from the rest of the internet. And you can’t lurk; you HAVE to be active (or at least active enough to get in in the first place). Ahem anyway. you should invite me to your Discord servers.

🌀 Oooooo you want to invite me to your extremely niche DnDads Discord servers so bad ooooooooooooooooooooo 🌀

…or send me an anonymous ask about my favorite uhhhhhhh? mustelid or something. Ask me for good Lieder on a specific theme.. I’ve been listening to them all day. Maybe this shouldn’t be on my fandom blog???? It has been derailed ANYWAY idk I’m just feeling antsy and rambly hi 😁 How are you HAHA

#theoretically I could make my own #however. too shy #but also #want friends #hueurggh. truly Herculean #I am in one server and I love the people in there :) shout out #😁😁❤️ #but I am simply too shy to talk most of the time #and I’m in the Patreon server but it’s TOO scary I will NEVER speak in there 😭 #my problem is that I LOVE talking over the phone and in person #I am soooo talkative. love 2 yap #but when I have to TYPE I have more time to overthink #maybe I just need to get into. other bigger fandoms (lol) that have multiple big public servers #usually I like to send long voice memos (the Chalcy Podcast….) but I feel like that’s weird to do with strangers idk #OKAY SORRY WHEW LONG RAMBLE #HI #don’t take this seriously I am just antsy and feel the Urge To Post #also my only human contact for the past semester has been choir 3x a week aaaaand occasionally dnd #🥲 might be going a lil stir crazy #I would get out more but. home cozy comfy and I can pace all I want and not pay for gas #can’t wait to have public transit when I move next semester. rural girl moves to the big city yeehaw 🤠 #chalcy stuff

[chloelouygo]

We are coming into the year of the dragon and this is wonderful for every single yugioh fan, except me, who is the only person in the entire world apparently who doesn't like dragons 🥲

#i just dont get it !!! #like they're just mid !!! #theyre like... alright at best ?? #and i hate that i am the ONLY person to feel this way #i feel like i have to defend myself soo hard because it feels so controversial to ever admit #like i feel actual GUILT and SHAME over this #i fear people will unfollow me for this #even though it's literally just a preference for what animal i like or dont like #like if someone just isnt into horses you dont get a mob of people booing them and trying to tell them why theyre wrong #but i feel like ive had that with dragons ?? #idk its like when someone says theyre lesbian and your family are like hey have you met Derek derek is amazing you've not met a derek before #people be like og you dont like dragons have you just tried X francise ? youll love it trust #like NO!! i just want to be respected for what is apparently the weirdest and least common thing in tue whole world to not fuck with #i feel very invalid if im honest #especially as a ygo fan where so mych of everything is dragons #i dont even like the duels im literally here for the characters #im not a monster girlie 😭 #i have said ky oeace im sorry for the vent #happy year of the dragon to those who celebrate but i will be mourning the year of the rabbit for the next 11 years #whew vent over yall can hate me and unfollow me now 😔😥 #im so sorry

[asterbats]

drew my new kitten as a “warmup” but have to stop here because shes being a rascal

#her name at the shelter was pog btw. like the game but now her full name is cricket pogchamp #cat #cricket #pets #artists on tumblr #drew some blue in her eyes. bad at picking colors from irl that much but shes got a very small blue ring in there still #though shes close to having her regular eyes. i think they will be yellow? #i love her but whew cant wait til shes big......... will probably update what she looks like #tried to make her look deliberately worried with her whiskers btw. she seems sad but she was abnormally snuggly on day 1 #she cried in the carrier and hid under my drawer for like 5 minutes then instantly got to exploring and 1 hour in she showed her belly #which. im a first time cat owner but im told thats absolutely insane for a kitten on day 1 #shes already sleeping on me and stuff and snuggling next to me.... playing w her is the hard part bc lack of energy #idk if itll ever be enough for her but i am trying! i want her to be happy. also i think rn she mostly likes me when im sitting #otherwise she darts away when i walk around. i think bc im like this weird giant to her #oh also shes apparently just tiny? bc her mom was small too so she'll probably grow up to be a small cat #everyones going on abt how my aunts cats were bigger at her age sdklfjsdlfds (8 weeks almost 9!)

[crownofbegonias]

beaten, why for? can’t take much more

#what internalized homophobia does to a mf #also jsut being. genuinely off your rocker. #the dirties #the dirties 2013 #matt johnson #girl. this movie. whew #sorry for the bodies lyrics. am I wrong though. idk

[sweetshire]

character bingo oh you know who im gonna say. denethor our beloved beloathed. our prince of tragedy our terrible darling. okay i’ll stop. i feel like that post-shoujo anime filter post. goodbye love u

‘our princess of tragedy our terrible darling’ -oh YES. yeah exactly. as someone wise once said, ‘he’s our princess of nuance our darling victim of the narrative’ <- this line lives rent free in my brain.

*looking at denethor* doomed by the narrative all by yourself, handsome? his psychic powers and his unwavering willpower have bewitched body and soul. i need him (asexual). i also want someone (thorongil) to fuck him.

anyway, he’s the worst (affectionate). but jesus…. do i wish the fandom was more understanding of him. those ridiculous ‘jokes’ get very tiring real fast. everytime i’m subjected to see them i’m like: 1. somebody’s out to get me, and 2. an angel lost their wings :(( they aren’t even funny anymore it just feels painful to hear such slander. i mean, come on, if you’re determined to hate him, at least hate him for the right reasons. (<- free my man. he did none of that. he did a bunch of other shit though). not me though, i love him bc he’s terrible. as if tragedy and helplessness and impending doom wasn’t enough, the concept of denethor as a weapon first person second & fighting the fate you know you can’t stop. aahh gosh it’s delicious.

he was angry and bitter and righteous and wrong. Even believed that he was supposed to rule gondor. so what. he was a GREAT leader. he was SO courageous he guarded his city & protected his people. he fought evil for years. that’s admirable. even sauron thought him formidable. he loses his resolve, finally, when he believes that he’s lost both of his sons to DEATH (or so he believes). he thinks it a kindness to burn faramir & himself. a kindness, isn’t it, to be burned by a hand better than sauron’s. well, he’s wrong again but he doesn’t know that. after all, it’s better than the fate that awaits him & his son. ….oof what a dangerous thing grief is! can u fault him his grief? (do u think you will be able to stay sane, not succumb to the madness? will u be reasonable in your mourning? can you?) so that’s no reason for mocking him. i think one of the reason people hate him is bc of his ‘abuse’ and ‘cruelty’ towards faramir?!?! which like. girl. first of all, sorry but their relationship is NOT abusive it’s dysfunctional. second of all, he’s not kind but he’s not cruel either. ofc he isn’t kind. he can’t afford to be, not when it’s so difficult to distinguish friend from foe; and like doesn’t allow him to be either. he’s been through it all, he’s turned cynical. his bizarre relationship w faramir IS Very Intriguing. he cares for him ofc, in his own twisted way. he sees himself in faramir (which is what, i think?, causes resentment btw them). (pov change) - what if u & your son are so fucking alike but hate each other’s guts? what then? but no matter u can’t stay wondering abt such matters, not when u have a duty to do. as u said in one of your post, btw getting to be a steward or a father, which will win? in his case, duty wins. always.

tolkien wrote him SUCH a tragic & compelling character arc/storyline. so as far as i’m concerned denethor is one of the most interesting & complex character :)

#thanks so much for the ask abby even if i’m a week late <33 #we’re gods strongest soldiers you and i. solidarity am i right #whew that’s good night for me i guess #idk the tone might be a lil sharp i’m salty tonight & the pov change is insane in this; might be a mess but whatever #i’m through lol i’m sleepyyy #asks #beloved mutuals #denethor

[hyunpic]

#hyunjin #🧼 #*jisung voice* THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FALLING IN LOVE #he laced these pictures with the boyfriend of my dreams essence how am i to say no to him… #also idk if it’s these pics making my heart race or the black coffee im drinking but WHEW IT IS RACING GUYS

[chickie-birdies]

Hello, it's been a while!

Today I accidentally acquired two baby Wyandottes

#so here's the situation #a friend of my mom got 6 chicks but can only have 4. so she asked if i could take two of them #but i want to move out in the next year or so if i can and I'll have to leave my chickens behind in my mom's care #i already have 12 which is already too many for her to care for without me #so i said sure I'll take the babies BUT I'll be looking for a new home for them #luckily my sister's friend wants more chickens so she said she'll take em #great! except when the babies arrived i found out my mom didn't mention that I won't be keeping them #so now i feel bad giving them away #what's more I'm pretty sure one is a cockerel and the home i was sending them to eats their roosters #so now i feel doubly bad bc these chicks' previous owner clearly loves them and was happy that i was taking them #so HOOOUUUUHHHGGGHHH okay #yes hello conscience you win. I'm keeping the babies #for now! #i have another home lined up for some of my chickens when i do move out so i guess it's fine if i add two more in the meantime #i am also going to give a couple of my hens away next month to the person i was going to give the chicks to #probably margaret and penelope and maybe one other but idk yet. it's a hard choice :( #they'll be well cared for but I'll miss them #oh btw these chicks were named tofu and dumpling by their last owner and those are cute names so I'll probably keep them #whew i am exhausted after all that

[stardust-annihilation]

just logged on to tumblr for the first time in literal years. im back bitches

#debating if i shld delete and remae r just revamp the existing blog #i was 20 the last time i updated apprently and now im 24 and. whew. shits different 4 me. #idk if any of my mutuals are even still active #am i just screaming into an unhearing void rn

[eddiethehunted]

can other autistic folks weigh in on this bc i don’t know if this is bc of the tizzy or not and i just need other. opinions. the way i feel fundamentally wrong and different from most everyone around me and feel that no matter how hard i try i cannot relate to the things they say sometimes. feeling unable to experience things the way i “should”.

then i’m feeling absolutely fucking miserable bc i feel like i am missing a core part of the human experience by being unable to connect properly with the people around me and crying in my bed every single night bc nothing i do helps me feel less alien and weird and wrong and Out Of Place

and i get feeling Different is part of it to an extent. but is feeling so fucking sad and lonely and miserable because of that also part of it? or am i just super fucking depressed to the point where i am experiencing near permanent derealization or what.

please lmk bc it has been this way my whole fucking life and brother i am nearing my breaking point

#whew i am NOT doing well LMFAO #egg.txt #hooioooooo boy oh boy oh boy oh boy #like i HAVE friends!! and my coworkers like me even if they think i’m a bit silly sometimes #mg friends are all mentally i’ll so they’re easier to connect with. that’s fine #but other people i just. idk. i feel like i’m on the outside looking in all the time #even when they’re not doing anything wrong #i’m just not Getting It like i should be #so i often just say mhm yeah. yeah. right yeah in a conversation bc #i don’t know what else to say bc i don’t fucking understand

[inkykeiji]

thiiiiis close to creating a bungou stray dogs selfship aes blog (*/ω＼*)

#it’d just be a side blog off my aes blog #i’d love to mix it in with my main aes blog but like #the aesthetics clash ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐ #i think??? kind of #idk idk we’ll see hehe #but i rly wanna do it!!!! #i also want to create a pinterest but whew one step at a time clari #one step at a time #i am so TIRED today ugh my eyes are burning :( #idk why either like i got a full 8hrs of sleep ._. #anyway these are my thoughts today #clari chatters

[foxpunk]

how to tell white friends that yes i have in fact heard of the new border/immigration proposal because uh. i fucking live here

#like. i know they're well meaning? probably? but #idk how to explain Why it feels so. disconnected? shallow? performative?? #like 'greetings token latine friend look i am aware of this horrible situation im being a good ally look at me being a good ally' #i know thats maybe a harsh way to look at it but like #none of the ppl who did this to me over the past couple of days actually asked how im feeling about it so like. :^) #at least it was none of my close friends. whew. like gee wonder why! couldnt be i avoid getting close to ppl who do things like this asjkdh #ky speaks

[awholeclxwn]

Aww clown is cute!!! He looks like a chew toy /pos

ikr im so cute n handsome n hot n sexy n hottest

#my art #ask! #friend!! #look at what a cutie patootie i am #stretches my toes out #whew these bad boys need some air #idk y yall still reading but anyways #flexes toes bc im hot as hell #god im so hot #slash jay

[indigodawns]

.

#was feeling stressed and melancholy all day and i just... i really need to learn how to cope with that #i feel so self-absorbed and idk i was upset and teary eyed when taking the train early for dinner with my friends #and then i sit down and my friend says oh oops sorry can't tonight and idk. i was counting on that to sit down and talk for a bit and #this makes me sound awful but i kind of. exploded and texted back very shortly and angrily #and apparently. gave our other friend a panic attack so #and then they told me over text and i did nooot know how to react irl and psychically bc whew self-loathing #which felt so toxic and gross??? and again self absorbed??? #and i did reply over text and i apologised and did my best but god. #idk it's like... i think that petulant angry kid is who i am deep down and lord knows i shouldn't post this but #i need some perspective and i feel so manipulative in this too #idk idk. and i was also just wondering if anyone else gets like this like idk this blur in front of your eyes and you just #lose all reasonable thought #and i just think. im selfish as fuck at my core and im scared i don't actually want to change that and i will. try to talk about #it in therapy but that's a while away #anyways. that's also me and yeah. #sorry and also it's my parents' wedding anniversary and all i could think about was feeling mweh and not being able to do #what i was planning to do and i had this assignment blabla and these plans etc #like god??????? god #im calmer now (obviously) but yeah #and now work again tomorrow and im so fucking sick of it the mood is awful and it's busy and bleh

[onepiexe]

the first best thing abt having a desk again is getting to sit down and listen to music. the second best thing is redecorating.

#logbook #the 2nd will come l8ter butttttt anyways hiiiii whew its been awhile. . .so much has happened so much to share. .so much i probably wont but #i am alive and have been mostly well (aside from cqtching covid which im. finally recovered from 😭) #just listening to hiromi's new album and vibing atm. i go back to work tmrw for the first time in a week. #also going to a work gala tmrw after shift. .man idk i dont have an outfit 😭 my gf just has to decide btwn dresses #ive got some nice green slacks but just floral button ups sigh. i could make it work ig. #it'll be fine. ummm yeah. im moving out of my rents and i have 2 partners and i had covid and um. hm. yeah other stuff but those r the bigs. #hope everybody has been doing alright<33