#i feel very invalid if im honest

[chloelouygo]

We are coming into the year of the dragon and this is wonderful for every single yugioh fan, except me, who is the only person in the entire world apparently who doesn't like dragons 🥲

#i just dont get it !!! #like they're just mid !!! #theyre like... alright at best ?? #and i hate that i am the ONLY person to feel this way #i feel like i have to defend myself soo hard because it feels so controversial to ever admit #like i feel actual GUILT and SHAME over this #i fear people will unfollow me for this #even though it's literally just a preference for what animal i like or dont like #like if someone just isnt into horses you dont get a mob of people booing them and trying to tell them why theyre wrong #but i feel like ive had that with dragons ?? #idk its like when someone says theyre lesbian and your family are like hey have you met Derek derek is amazing you've not met a derek before #people be like og you dont like dragons have you just tried X francise ? youll love it trust #like NO!! i just want to be respected for what is apparently the weirdest and least common thing in tue whole world to not fuck with #i feel very invalid if im honest #especially as a ygo fan where so mych of everything is dragons #i dont even like the duels im literally here for the characters #im not a monster girlie 😭 #i have said ky oeace im sorry for the vent #happy year of the dragon to those who celebrate but i will be mourning the year of the rabbit for the next 11 years #whew vent over yall can hate me and unfollow me now 😔😥 #im so sorry

[hazzasultimatekiwi]

no one needs to read this i’m just talking into the universe tbh

#the last 5 days have been soooo strange for me cause in this middle ground of like being OK and like Not At All Able to Cope and it’s very #uncomfy for me if im being honest #so much joy has happened (finding our cute little stray dogs being with friends etc) but also there’s just an underlying feeling of stress #and Tired with everything I do and it’s so difficult for me to just live in like this cause it rly getting in the way of all the progress #i’ve had this year cause it’s really genuinely out of my control #i’m at a point where i’m finally like in tune with my body and myself and i’m getting so much better about boundary setting but when these #situations come up i feel it unwinding the progress i’ve made bc i feel invalidated in my needs of that makes sense #idk what to do from here but i’m trying to get another therapy appt in soon so we can try to talk this out with someone who can actually #like help not just my friends going ‘it’ll be fine stop stressing’ #which i know is good intentioned but rly doesn’t help At All #z rambles

[thesherrinfordfacility]

I am going to hazard a guess and predict that most queer viewers are going to side with Crowley in the divorce? The subtext here is usually that Crowley is a queer person who is comfortable in their identity while Aziraphale still doesn't let go of the church and internalized homophobia. And then asking Crowley to try to conform in a way that Crowley has never been comfortable with, implying that in order for this relationship to work you need to be something that you're not (especially potent bc Crowley in particular is explicitly nonbinary/ gender fluid)... its almost violating. That should clearly be asking too much of him and it only hurts worse to realize that Aziraphale doesn't realize that and doesn't truly accept Crowley as he is. Which is a fundamentally Queer Experience Thing.

okay again full disclosure i am not queer, so im only going to answer this to the best of my ability besties, if i don't write things right or deliberately misunderstand a nuance in this, please know im doing my best and anything that is upsetting or offensive please tell me, i am so not qualified to answer this... but nonnie has asked so i shall give it a go!!!✨💓 (cut bc length)

genuine question here: wouldn't, arguably, in this whole choosing sides thing, crowley vs aziraphale, be exactly what divides the queer community? those that could sympathise with aziraphale and his allegory vs those that could sympathise with crowley? this is a genuine question bc i would have thought depending on your (general you) guys' (nb) variety of experiences, good and bad, there are those that could see either side or both?

as for trying to make crowley conform - i'm not going to argue this per se, bc i realise that this must be a very painful concept or experience to go through, and i Will Not invalidate that. but on the other side of the argument, whilst i see and agree that this is how aziraphale could be interpreted generally in this argument, i didn't see it this way at all. not when taking into account aziraphale's whole demeanour in s2.

my understanding is that, as far as the canon has showed us, aziraphale knows very little about the true circumstances of crowley's fall (only that aziraphale warned him against asking questions), and even less about crowley's inner feelings on the matter. whenever aziraphale mentions it, or crowley having been an angel, crowley understandably responds aggressively and angry and obviously that it's still painful.

i don't think it's too far beyond reason for aziraphale to think that crowley - a good demon - might want to take a chance to have the wrong righted (as he sees it), to receive what aziraphale would consider a boon, an apology. whilst he's not in hell's clutches, crowley would have the chance to be free of hell completely. furthermore, it's a chance for them to be together, as friends or otherwise (obvs the metatron conversation is before crowley's confession), and to build the world they want - fair and honest and kind - together. because it's not as if crowley doesn't want that, but he just won't go anywhere near being an angel in order to do it - borne of fear yes but also resentment and bitterness... possibly even arrogance.

aziraphale does lord his angelic status over crowley especially in s1, and does hold a very black and white view over angels = good, demons = bad, but for the most part i think he has started to explore the possibility of grey more in s2. he starts to ease back on crowley and concentrate on making him feel wanted and loved (however that might look on Their Side), but still leaving him agency.

ive talked about aziraphale putting him on a pedestal and that is true, but the person on that pedestal, I don't think, is angel crowley - i don't think it's that simple. i think it's good demon crowley. and that good demon crowley would want to change the world, right?? well, he's got to be an angel to do it - even better!!!

so i didn't necessarily see it as aziraphale wanting to change crowley at all, but instead him thinking that based on what crowley has told him, of course crowley would want this!!! he deserves to be forgiven and restored, he's earnt it and he's a good person!!! but aziraphale unfortunately reneges on his emerging attempts to give crowley that agency, and instead decides for him. i don't think it was necessarily out of wanting to change crowley, but instead him not knowing the full story and therefore choosing a resolution for crowley out of love and respect... but one that crowley doesn't want.

these boys REFUSE to communicate and 👏 it 👏 shows👏✨

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #god this one was hard to explain #anon i hope i made sense!!!! #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy #ask

[veliseraptor]

Hello ! I've read a lot of the posts you shared or wrote about horror, especially in reaction to "pearl-clutching" discourse against the whole genre.

It was very though provoking (thanks!) but I was wondering if/how you draw the distinction between that and, well, honest and "legitimate" bad review / negative analysis of some individual stories who happen to be horror ?

Oh, for sure. Of course there's legitimate criticisms to be made about individual horror works, or even about horror as a genre on the whole. I'm never going to claim that there isn't. While I do feel like there's a place for the "let people have fun" school of thought around media criticism, I don't think it should be a blanket smothering of all criticism - mostly, as with so many things, it is worth considering your time, place, and audience. For your own sake as well, I find.

I do think that sometimes the language of "criticizing" or "being critical" has become a handy mask for people to say whatever they want in some of the same (though less pernicious) way that people use "I'm just asking questions" to shut down discussion of misinformation and conspiracy theories. Again, #notallcriticism, much of it is good and beneficial and keeps things fresh (and me thinking), even the criticism I ultimately might end up disagreeing with. And at the same time, I do see the tendency popping up sometimes to use the idea of "legitimate criticism" as a way to shield a person from disagreement (the somewhat infamous "think critically about x" translating to "and you'll agree with me" comes to mind.)

As far as the how, well, it's certainly a little your mileage may vary - what I might read as an unfair review of a book I liked, for instance, someone else might read as a well-deserved ripping to shreds of a mediocre work, and it's certainly possible for neither of us to be "right" about which it is. Some of this - maybe even a lot of it - is a matter of perspective.

I guess I would think of two things that shape my perception of how someone is talking about a work or a genre, in general and in particular with horror:

1. Is the writer familiar with the genre? Do they have at least a passing familiarity with the conventions, tropes, and other narrative tics that tend to crop up? If not, are the criticisms they are making marked by that lack of knowledge (ime some of the discourse about the A Song of Ice and Fire falls victim to this, sometimes). I'm not saying that criticism is invalid coming from someone without genre knowledge, but I am saying that I'm more inclined to be skeptical of criticism that comes from someone who clearly dislikes the specific genre they're discussing, because it sometimes feels like a willful lack of curiosity and unwillingness to engage with a text/genre on its own terms.

> Addendum to this: is the writer familiar with the genre as it stands recently? Horror now looks rather different than horror fifty years ago, just for instance.

2. Is the argument or point they're making actually coherent? Is the analysis solid and grounded in at least some kind of evidence or source? (Is the author using screenshots of tweets in lieu of actually writing about the phenomenon they're discussing?) I can't always but I'd say I can usually at least recognize, even if I disagree, when someone is actually taking what they're engaging with seriously and when they're not (in terms of the work put in to convince me what they're saying is true, relevant, and important), and if they're not taking it seriously then why should I?

And one more, I guess, which feels obvious but sometimes on the internet isn't, because people love to have opinions (I get it! so do I!):

3. Has the writer actually read (or watched/played/whatever) what they're talking about? This ties in a little with point one but is slightly divergent, because someone can to an extent be familiar with a genre without having read it. But someone talking authoritatively about the problems with something they haven't actually had direct contact with, based purely on a set of cultural osmosis and related assumptions, is frustratingly common, and people will assume that they know what they're talking about from that alone and are qualified to make a sweeping judgment from that position. And I'm just not going to take criticism made from that perspective very seriously.

That's how I'd draw my lines, anyway. I don't claim to be an authority, certainly; I'm a gal on the internet with a big mouth and a lot of opinions. I think the important things here though are a. I certainly don't think that there's no such thing as legitimate criticism (in the negative sense) of horror works or horror as a genre, and b. I have particular standards for how I judge that criticism based on content and context.

I guess it's also worth noting, with this particular example, that the other question is "how much does this feel like it aligns with the present moral panic around dark or disturbing content in fiction?" and if the answer is "a lot" then I'm significantly more likely to dismiss it.

#conversating #social justice fire mage #actual english major lise #lise has opinions #look an actual post that required brainpower ma #i still have that i guess! #now i'm going to sleep yikes i'm tired

[strawberrybabydog]

new hot take ive been rotating in my mind for a couple weeks is i dont really think being like "well if only they saw how i really suffer" is an appropriate response to other mentally ill people. like, at all, tbh

what put this into perspective for me was a random instagram reel which was like "me when the 1 diagnosis girlies find out about me and my 4 diagnoses" and as someone with More issues than that this post is so fucking laughable, to be honest. like - not their symptoms or illnesses, the fact that they're having a pissing contest over literally nothing. i didnt think "if only these girls saw me at my worst" because thats kind of awful - im sure they do have their own struggles, 4 diagnoses is obviously a lot in their experience and it is. i dont think witnessing another person experience trauma is actually an eye-opening experience, i think it's just a traumatic experience. if i thought that about them, i would also be mentally sorting this person into the "not sick enough, invalid, lesser than me" box and that's literally what they just did to someone else..

i also dont think these people have bad intentions exactly, but it seems like people they view as "less" are getting caught in the crossfire of self-validity. but, does saying those things in that way actually serve to validate? not really, at least, not in a way that makes putting other mentally ill people in the crossfire justified. if you only have "one" illness your life still sucks because of it; diagnoses are about symptoms, Not naming the illness, so even me saying "i fit into more diagnoses than your 4" is not equivalent to "i suffer more." it just means i have a lot of comorbid symptoms, not necessarily "more" or "worse" symptoms. what makes it "more/worse" is wholly my own reaction to these things; just like how trauma is the Reaction NOT the event.

idk. im sure it WOULD be eye-opening if people who thought OCD means enjoying organizing saw the scars on my back from skin-picking, but i dont know if throwing it in their face and saying "youre stupid and i have it worse than you" is helping? all it feels like it does is pit me against other mentally ill people (because of something as simple as not knowing better), and thats obviously terrible because we're eachothers closest allies. it's also very "i have it the worst so i deserve an award for my noble suffering" which.... obviously sucks and is a very cringe way of thinking about suffering

#btw im not saying i havent done this before i absolutely have many times but um im stopping now because i think it sucks #not dog #mental misc

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #therapy

[yesmissnyx]

Dear Ms. Nyx,

(Asking on annon cause im nervous of ridicule)

I am a sub exploring kink with my partner and i have been reading your posts about how subs can stand out/interact healthily as part of the kink community. (I believe it was specifically about finding a dom but it had a lot on good healthy interaction too.) And the follow up ask from a dom adding their thoughts.

And i had a question. In both there was an emfasis on recognising thak kink is play/a game/a fantasy. (The ask also mentioned the red flag of subs who just want to be taken care of. Which feels related and linked to my point). And that is all understandable on some level. But not on others.

Like for me some aspects of kink are a game or fantasy that we engage in. (Bondage aspects, petplay and others) but some aspects for us are... lifestyle/relationship patterns? Like i have a praise kink and generally act pretty submissive in our relationship. So we will use praise and nicknames/petnames as a way of showing affection and connection. Or we both take care for eachother and account for each other's needs, but she often does it informed with the ways of care and being that we have explored in more explucitly kink and sexual spaces and takes the soft dominant aspects through other parts of our life together.

And i get how in sometimes it feels like play or a game but for the most part it just feels like here is love and kindness and what that means. And what a relationship means for us? Like its not a game or just a fantasy

Im just worried that i am doing it wrong or causing harm/ being unsafe.

(All of the interactions and dynamics i have duscribed have been talked over and negociated properly to be clear. We are pretty good at communication like that and well address when things go wrong(but again thats just normal relationship things its not a scene we aren't acting?))

Thanks for offering your thoughts.

Ooh, hmm! Interesting question!

I'd never thought that thinking of or referring to D/s elements as "play" or "fantasy" could feel potentially confusing or invalidating for some people.

While BDSM is often in the realm of RP/fantasy for many, that doesn't mean that it can't be Very Real and Very Much a part of a relationship. Especially a long-term committed romantic one! Not all D/s relationships have traditional scenes, or an on/off switch. Not all aspects of D/s feel like play.

That being said, you aren't obligated to think of it as "play" (read: Not Real) if that isn't what feels good for you and your partner.

Personally, I LOVE lifestyle dynamics. I enjoy D/s as a part of a relationship, all the time, 24/7. It's not necessarily play for me--sometimes it's just two people making each other feel loved and cared for in ways that are decidedly kinky.

On the note of the aforementioned red flags, it's only when a potential sub acts entitled to being taken care of, that it's a red flag. ESPECIALLY when they do so before any negotiation or communication, which is often the case.

(General sidenote: this is why the "uwu mommy breastfeed me" DMs to strangers usually don't get aspiring subs anywhere except with scammers, cum-and-go types, and abusers.)

THIS is why communication is key! I've known Dom/mes who WANT someone to be their useless little kittycat fucktoy meow-meow brat, but because everyone's negotiated, everyone's needs are being met.

But, back to the other part of your question! I think the fact that you're continually communicating and negotiating and listening to each other (I hope!) should help you navigate away from harm.

If referring to certain aspects of your relationship as "play" makes you feel bad, then it's worth having a conversation about it!

All in all, it's good to interrogate why you might feel different or weird about a common kink practice, but at the end of the day, your relationship is YOUR relationship. Everyone involved is an individual.

Think about what you learn, be honest and communicate. Luckily, there's no one template for kink relationships. (This is a good thing!)

Keep communicating with your partner, stay safe and hope this helps!

#ask nyx #kink advice #New drinking game: Take a drink whenever I say “communicate” in an advice post. #Hopefully I didn't get too lost in the sauce! I forgot to eat dinner while writing this! (This has been resolved.)

[moon-blossomx]

big rant on my confusion of my love for girls lmao

Hi so like, I think I’m lesbian. I’ve been thinking of the past lately and I realize that I always “chose” my crushes up until my first girl crush when I was very very young (and who knows which ones I didn’t realize where crushes) and then like when I was in 6th grade or something (I don’t remember) and started to exclusively get crushes on girls. Ive always felt invalid to label myself as lesbian because I always thought of the boy crushes i had in the past as genuine but I don’t think it was real love, I think when I was a kid chasing the dopamine of having the idea of a crush. I remember the first time I ever had a “crush” was when I learned one of my friends did when i was maybe 6 years old? It seemed like a fun thing to me, the whole summer we would tease them and talk about it, it was new and exciting, so I remember specifically choosing out a boy so I could be included in the crush thing (funny thing is I told him like 30 minutes later) but I chose that. That’s not really how crushes work. I did have good feelings about it because the idea of having a secret you’re hiding or chasing can be extremely fun, but it was never like I wanted to actually do anything or be anything with them, once I told someone well in my little kid brain it felt like I won and there was no point. That was until I got a crush unwillingly on my best friend when I was little (the first girl crush I mentioned earlier) I didn’t chose her, I’m not gonna get in to how I started having a crush on her the important thing is it was for once not up to me!! And I actually wanted to be something with her, I’d have dreams and day dream about her all the time I thought we could actually be something in the future. As I got older I did find attraction to boys, and I’ll be honest I do find men attractive kind of, in some ways, but I’ll be honest they always have androgynous faces that in my mind can pass as girls. And I don’t usually have crushes on them, nor would I even want to kiss them or anything of the sort, that makes me feel really icky. I am aroflux which means sometimes the idea of relationships even with woman makes me feel badly sometimes but I never felt sick by woman physically and I love the idea of kissing woman etc, I have a girlfriend I mean,, like I love her even when i can’t deal with Romantic attraction the other half of the time im very happy. Which I know I would not feel this comfort or happiness with a man, the presence of men make me uncomfortable and I can never even be fully comfy around my guy friends, I don’t know if that’s just me being Afab and aware but you get the point, I don’t feel attracted to men besides maybe seeing a man and thinking he can be pretty or having a crush on a fictional man. Sometimes I wonder though, maybe I’m only romantically attracted to them. I don’t know what that would make me though. Labeling is stupid and confusing. I guess I can only see myself with a woman in the future, I think my sexuality is also sort of fluid though, maybe it’s only in the way of romantic attraction to woman to no attraction or maybe it’s feeling attraction to girls and boys and then to no attraction to only one or the other?? I definitely have periods of time where I’m like hm hes attractive to times where I don’t think men are attractive even at all, it’s so weird and confusing but the lesbian label feels good besides for the fact I feel like I’m betraying my childhood self and all the “crushes” she had on boys. It’s like she’s holding the now me back, and haha I’ll be honest she’s not holding me back in just that aspect of things lmaoo. I don’t wanna betray my childhood or the friends. I know I need to do what feels right to me now though, and if the lesbian label feels good I think it’s worth trying out. Even if just for a little. I think I see myself as lesbian or just queer in general and aroflux/aromantic obviously.

#sapphic #lesbian #rant post #rant #lesbian rant #wlw post #sapphic love #sexuality crisis #queerness #sexuality confusion #idk what i am anymore #queer #queer rant #Rant #ranting #big rant

[skaldish]

hey i cant remember your DID blog, im sorry, idm if you answer over there if you tag me.

to start with, i have professionally diagnosed DID and have been dx'd 3 separate times, and i have something i guess i want validation for?

since i was itty bitty i was reading greek mythology, like children's versions (i could read very early - "gifted" kid) at 3-5 and it has always very much been a huge running theme in my life, well i have a lot of religious greek alters.

it makes sense that.. reading about these figures, watching movies like disneys Hercules and stuff especially while experiencing consistent trauma that i would develop these alters with my brain viewing them as powerful and comforting?

and as an adult i have developed a bit of spirituality with them, a deeply, deeply personal relationship and devotion to deific alters formed to protect and care for me

i recently had a whole issue with a friend who told me my perception of the gods were "wrong" and that they could communicate with them for me. that the gods could only visit one person at a time. and it fucked me up so bad even though i knew they were wrong. they traumatized my whole system

because the things i communicate with aren't just the gods, they dont even claim to be the real gods nor speak for them, just "real to the andromeda system". no one can communicate with my version of them because they are *alters* and my perception is based in trauma and my needs at the time of formation

i feel fakey and i generally avoid even mentioning the religious alters to therapists because i dont want to come across as attention seeking. my experience is valid right?

in terms of clarsenses.. maybe thats a part of it too? idk but these guys are inherently different from say. the spirit of the trees. idk its complicated, they can front and care for me and have a place in my headspace. i notice i get some gifts like i asked hermes to help us get the car we wanted since ours is breaking, and we're getting an even better version. i dont understand fully, i just know my experience is different and deeply personal and relevant to my trauma and DID.

last thing; i do have other alters unrelated to the greek pantheon that interact with them in the headspace. ones that are more "normal" i guess like child alters and trauma holders/persecuters and regular protectors (many of the greek ones are protecters/caregivers/managers. a small few hold trauma - like Hera holds the trauma i witnessed my mom go thru and she is a caregiver. some front. some are internal.) i guess im seeking an explanation from someone in a similar position? in terms of being spiritual with a dissociative disorder. especially considering i do feel like i receive gifts from them in the real world im just confused about myself and experiences which feel incredibly complex. it feels like my experiences go hand in hand with each other!

I'll say what I always say in these situations:

It's not a question of "valid" or "invalid," it's a question of what something is. Our feelings are always valid, but that has nothing to do with whether we're accurately interpreting them or not. Discernment is what's important, and as frustrating as it is, no one can really do that work other than you.

I can't even offer much in the way of perspective, to be honest. Despite the fact you and I are in similar positions, my experiences with dissociation and clairsenses are totally different. None of my alters take the form of deities, for one thing, but I've also never had trouble differentiating my alters from deities.

My advice would be to just give it time. Spiritual exploration is full of heavy lifting, and it's something we just work our way through over the course of time.

(Also my brain blog is @prefrontal-bastard, if you ever have questions in the future.)

#answered #thoughtposting

[joshuadunshua]

I make a joke sometimes that my cis boyfriend is lesbian coded because not only is his girlfriend a lesbian but also because in both of his relationships he didn’t realize he was doing the dating thing until he was in the thick of it like “wait…. Are we dating?” and also because he’s been told he fucks like a lesbian.

More than once though, from fellow trans people no less, the response to my good natured tomfoolery has been to make an egg joke back. I cannot express how fucking upsetting this has been. My boyfriend is a man. He’s a cis, queer man. He’s very comfortable as a man. He isn’t even really gender non-conforming in any significant way. And none of the people who responded this way have even fucking met him. But they think it’s fine to suggest he’s a closeted transfemme based on my single joke about being a lesbian coded cis man. A joke that, for my part, relies on absolutely nothing that would actually be an indication of gender expression or gender identity or anything. All three reasons I make the joke are directly about interactions he’s had with lesbians, only one of which also happens to double as a silly little stereotype.

Im certain that only reasons people feel safe making the egg joke back are because, one, they don’t value his queer manhood—he’s a great human being who has done a fuckton of work (and continues to) on unlearning toxic masculinity bullshit and I say he’s lesbian coded? Well, all great lesbian-coded people who aren’t toxically masculine must be women, either obviously or secretly. And because two, they have some fucked up internalized transmisogynistic stereotype beliefs. That you can identify a closeted transfemme based on things like how good the “””man””” in question is to women or how well does he confront and eschew toxic masculinity or how many qualities does he have that I think are good (which I will now conflate wholly with femininity for some monstrous fucking reason) or, apparently, even just whether someone is willing to make a fucking joke with the word lesbian in it about him. But also the transmisogynistic belief that trans women are somehow more pure or more good or more safe than cis men to the point that good fucking cisgender men who are comfortable in their manhood and masculinity are being understood as trans women who haven’t figured it out yet. Do you understand how vile this one is? Because this one is radfem rhetoric.

Stop making fucking egg jokes about cis queer men. I am not asking. Cut it the fuck out. Someone making a joke about how my boyfriend must actually be a woman just because I joked about him being lesbian-coded (again, based on his HUMOROUS REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES) is just as fucking invalidating to his gender as would be telling me that that must actually make me a woman since he’s also dating me. So let me make this clear—my boyfriend and I are faggots together. I’m gay as fuck for him and he’s gay as fuck for me. Do you at least see the transphobia and queerphobia now? Do you see how fucked up it is now?

Cis queer men who are good fucking people, and cis queer men who have undeniably queer relationships with queer women, even (especially?) lesbian women, are not secretly fucking trans women. They’re cis queer men, and life is kinda messy because humans are messy. And sometimes a lesbian falls for the cisgender queer as hell man and still considers herself a lesbian, because let’s be honest, her relationship with this cis man is not a fucking straight relationship. Y’all have got to be more normal about cis queer men.

#I’m so over it!!!!!!!! my boyfriend isn’t a woman!!! good fucking grief!!!!

[anything-but-predictable]

I miss Jollibee! Hindi ko pa din ipagpapalit sa kahit anong posh resto ever. Pag uwi ko susulitin ko talagang mag Jollibee with family. 😊

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, Jollibee in Saudi neither in UK doesn’t even come close to the taste especially ng Jolly chicken nor Jolly spaghetti sa Pinas 🤭

On the photo were my two friends that has totally different characters and personalities, Jen is one my to-go person if I need someone to talk to about random stuffs in life, like she’s just always there to listen, without any judgment. She never invalidates my feelings or opinions, most of the time she agrees to disagree, explain her point in a nice and very polite way. And she just tell me kung saan ako masaya, dun sya. And I think we all need a friend with that kind of energy, don’t we?

Unlike my other friend, Debbie May. She diagnosed me as depressed and anti-social which I’m still trying to process if saan ang pinagggalingan nya ng opinyon nya towards me quoting me as “depressed” and “anti-social” just because I am not on Facebook or Instagram at the moment. (And I was like, “what? Kelan ka pa naging Psychiatrist!?” I mean for me that’s major. It kind of hurt my ego to be honest.

I have always thought that I am very self aware and I work on it everyday. Just because I realized how important self-awareness is. Nothing can easily bother and triggers you when you’re self-aware. I try my best not to argue anymore or to explain myself. In the past, I used to be the kind of person that argues a lot and feel the need to explain my point, but growing old and becoming more matured, I just feel like I don’t have that energy anymore. What matters is I know what works for me, how to maintain my peace and I intend to do it for I as long as Im comfortable.

Some people just don’t get it and that’s totally fine. I guess I’ve just had enough of all the chaos in social media and it takes too much of my time, it came to the point where it became very unhealthy.

So, no, I don’t think I’ll be back anytime soon. Except of course for Tumblr. No body knows me here and I feel like this is my safe space that I will never find in any social media platforms. ✨

#jollibee #kwentong buhay #online diary #journal

[ginnsbaker]

Wow this chapter was such a rollercoaster

First the video reader deleting it instead of using it against vision i was very interested to see which route you went with this cos on one hand vision should be punished for violating someone’s privacy that way but at the same time reader just doesn’t want to see it. I also wonder what readers paycheck looks like cos 800k is insane.

One of my favourite parts of the book wandas therapy. “Wandas resilience is a force to be reckoned with” damn right it is. Im glad calliope told her she’s a victim because what happened wasn’t okay and her feelings are valid because they absolutely are. This therapy session seemed one of the harder ones for wanda and i quite like it because it shows how recovery isn’t a straight line.

with the running club reader’s jealousy was not very discreet i mean the whole game thing as well trying to show her up then injuring yourself in the process💀(is it bad i kinda thought Valkyrie had something to do with reader not being picked to run in the marathon) and then Valkyrie pushing wanda to drink pissed me off i was screaming for reader to step in but oh my god they fumbled it. They didn’t have to say it like that man. Wanda’s struggles are personal she didn’t have to air it out to everyone its not fair to her when shes been putting in the effort to get help. Then what was said outside. I could’ve slapped y/n.

Sparky had me so scared i hate in booke and shows and movies when anything happens to a dog its so sad.

Now the juicy part

“It becomes perfectly clear to you that you love her and you never stopped. Not even then.” THANK YOU SHERLOCK YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON TO REALISE THIS. And then the kiss. Wow. I kinda expected it but im still shocked by it cos reader cheated. And poor wanda. “A hint of worry appears in wanda’s deep emerald eyes” she tried to stop it from happening and then the “this isn’t right” “you’re better than me” that just broke my heart. She can’t forgive herself (yet - i really hope she does one day). It just shows her growth because at the start she probably would’ve ran with it but now she’s put a stop to it even though it was probably so hard for her because shes still in love. Im worried yelena or nat are gonna label wanda a home wrecker even though she didn’t actually do anything in this case like i hope she doesn’t get treated poorly for reader’s decision.

Then yelena finding out. Reader was honest and told her immediately. And yelena reacted about as well as I expected her to. But and i hope I don’t sound like a bad person for this but i really agree with that other anon when they said what did she expect. I know that doesn’t excuse reader’s actions and im not trying to or invalidate yelenas feelings because her reaction is very natural. Im trying to say she jumped into this relationship with someone who was very emotionally unavailable. Someone who had a tragic end to a 10 year relationship and who didn’t have therapy to process that end. I think yelena was so obsessed with being with reader because of their past that it clouded her judgement to an extent (i say to an extent because she was cautious of wanda the whole time so she wasn’t completely blinded)

This brings me to the final thing something I could’ve addressed earlier but got way more complicated after the kiss. Natasha. Shes gonna kill y/n. Or wanda. Or both? Reader calling her earlier was sad because friendship breakups hurt so bad. At that point there was hope for fixing their friendship but i’m not so sure now because of that kiss. It sucks for reader it really does losing your best friend is one of the worst pains you can feel. I don’t feel reader’s completely at fault, for the cheating yes but I don’t think they should’ve been in that relationship to begin with. Yelena pursued them knowing what she was getting into and idk i kinda hope nat considers that part of it before she decides to cut reader out her life or something. Which is hard because yelena is her sister but she seems to forget reade is also her best friend ik its different for some people to some family is the most important to some its friends to some its both so its complicated.

Sometimes two souls are so intertwined that no matter the circumstances they just gravitate towards each other and there’s nothing any external forces (in this case yelena) can do about it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Im eagerly awaiting chapter 17 i have been since you said reader would find out and oh my god seeing how this one went I absolutely can’t wait

-🧃

Hey there!

The 800k will partly be covered by R's insurance. I looked into it and basically they have insurance for that? like, it doesn't exist in my country so i went with that. probably R will be charged a participation fee though, im not sure

For the marathon lottery, it really is a lottery when you join any of the world major marathon events (london, new york, tokyo, berlin, chicago and boston) with only boston that is purely by qualification time to join. so val had nothing to do with reader not being picked in the lottery.

This is the same scene where I initially intended the dog to die, but I couldn't bring myself to. Sparky will be fine, no more scares from this point onward

Yelena - yes, i agree with you even though i feel bad about it. i keep saying this but ive literally been in yelena's shoes, our difference is just i decided not to pursue the person. a year later, i learned that this person cheated on the girl she dated after me. so i dodged a bullet on that one. i always had a feeling that i was just second choice.

Wanda is so strong in this chapter but she's not going to magically turn into someone with the most self control in this story, but it's not going to be bad either..

Natasha is a bit indifferent to Wanda because she knows reader had the choice to stay away if she really wanted to. but anyway, i can't say much without spoiling some details

Whew that was long! but thank you so much for taking the time to give me your observations. I treasure each of them!

#asks #🧃 anon

[hachichimitsu]

Curious to hear your thoughts on Tweek's MBTI being an ISFJ in a Ne grip (the current consensus on PDB).

Hello anon! I’ve actually been wrestling with his type for years now! Previously, I assumed he is an ENFP with really unhealthy Ne-dom traits, but ISFJ and Inferior Ne is slowly starting to make sense to me. However, on one hand, Tweek seems like a very obvious Inferior Ne user with how he uses Ne to catastrophize all the negative possibilities to a situation, but “Put it Down” sort of shows Inferior Si in display, with him needing Craig to redirect and organize his initial feelings and perceptions to bring forth a call to action. Generally, Tweek is an unorganized, forgetful individual. In fact, he often forgets to ground himself, often relying on external reminders (Craig, his dad telling him to find his center, etc.) to remind him to partake in mindfulness and calming, meditative exercises. He even forgot the phrase “Hammer Time” until the very last minute, and his current room is littered with clutter of fairly interesting hobbies and empty coffee cups. However, whether that’s related to Inferior Si or just mental health issues are hard to distinguish. It’s harder to type characters when they have an unhealthy balance of the way they use their functions.

The only thing that’s got me conflicted are his Fi/Te or Fe/Ti axis. Tweek definitely has Fx higher than his Tx, due to his aversion to Craig’s Ti sometimes. His aversion to Craig’s Ti could either stem from Ti being his POLR function OR Tweek being a high stack Fe user finding Craig’s Inferior Fe emotionally invalidating. There’s also Tweek being honest to a fault, in which, yeah, both Fe and Fi users can be vocal about their values, but Tweek seems to be the type of person that is unapologetically himself even if it isn’t “appropriate” or “socially comfortable” for others to hear. It also feels like he constantly needs to *do* something to gain some semblance of control. Sitting around and letting things happen gives him more stress than taking action by his own hands. With that, it seems like he uses Te more than Ti due to how he solves problems and make decisions, in which any problem he faces seems to be an “urgent” matter that needs to be rectified. He doesn’t want to sit down and pick out and analyze the problem. He wants to reaffirm his internal feelings first and then want the problem gone for good (Fi-Te?).

In the Fractured but Whole, we see Tweek being more vocal and defiant (when he’s not a nervous wreck). Besides TFBW, he calls out on people and swallows his fears to do the right thing eventually. In Post-COVID, he is still clearly vocal about his authentic feelings even when Kyle literally just asked him a “how are you” (“Aghh, I’m getting anxiety back from being with all these people”). This could all constitute as either Fi or Fe though, but Fe values don’t really seem to be something he prioritizes.

Thus, im inclined to say ENFP for now (?) but ISFJ is also very befitting for him. Honestly, I could be missing something, so if anyone has anything to add, please feel free to share them. If there were more Fe arguments, I’d probably lean towards ISFJ, but I haven’t seen much that’s completely sold me yet.

#that being said i think both sides of the argument are making great points #thanks for the ask anon!! #ISFJ TWEEK STANS PLEASE HELP ME SEE YOUR VISION #my thoughts on these characters are constantly shifting as i learn more about the functions #like can you believe i used to think craig was an intj and kenny was an istp? wild…… #south park #tweek tweak #hachichimitsu’s cognitive functions series

[lea-the-mew]

Im sorry if this comes off as negative but I've been browsing syscourse for hours a day now and ijust can't fucking take it anymore.

I am beyond done

*inhale*

FOR FUCKS SAKW PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP FIGHTINT BOTH OF YOU.

Edogenic systems, traumagenic, anti or pro Endo, i can't fucking give a shit anymore.

Something that both sides fail to understand is that systems such as my own (which being honest we can't for the life of us figure out if we're traumagenic or not) will look at this shit, and several things will happen

They might feel invalidated by the very community they're supposed to be welcomed in. I am genuinly afraid of interacting with many systems in fear that they will invalidate us (since i the host has a lot of trouble understanding the fact that i do have headmates, and we experience plurality in a very unique and particular way)

But what bothers me the most is all the fucking death threata and the "your so lucky to have trauma" from many endos.

Like of course that's fucked up how can you not see it. My message to them is:

THAT WONT FUCKING SOLVE ANYTHING, YOURE JUST MAKING IT WORSE FOR ALL ENDOGENICS! YOURE GIVING TRAUAMTIZED PEOPLE MORE TRAUMA, AND GIVING ANTI ENDOS A REASON TO HATE YOU (a reason i must admit, feels very justified given what it is)

But also i feel sometimes systems forget that other systems are people, who are complex, which means they can be absolute pieces of shit. Being a system doenst automatically make you a good person.

And to anti ENDOGENICS, i must say, do you even realize how fucking complicated the human brain is?! If it can do all these insane things, if it is basicslly s supercomputer inside our heads, what's to say it couldnt make systems without trauma too?!

Tell me any argument for why endogenic systems can't exist, outside of "there is no research"

This rant has gone way too long.

Tldr, I'm tired, were tired. Were tired of our community were supposed to feel safe in becoming a goddamn war zone, where we don't even have the confidence to approach other members of it because we're afriad.

To everyone, please...

Stop

To all my followers who follow me for pokemon and kin stuff, i suppose this was my coming out as a system, and i promise that I'll immediately go back to that after this, I just really needed to get this off my chest.

#syscourse #system stuff #mixed origin system #system neutral #I am so very tired #We're all tired

[weabooweedwitch]

I'm a fan of your work and generally like you but I have to be honest and say that it's super fucked up and really selfish of you to choose hanging out with your buddies who you literally just saw last week over helping your abused and victimized sister who is in the hospital. Not to mention acting like the trip is so important and unmissable to try to justify it when it's just a casual hangout with friends and again you literally just saw them a week ago and can see them again later. Sorry to be blunt but that's how I feel. You're being really selfish. She might not get mad at you because abuse victims usually don't realise when they deserve better but it seems to me that you maybe don't care about her much? I'm shocked and disappointed because I thought you were a kind person, maybe this kind of thing is why she doesn't talk to you much. You were also talking shit about her on this blog when you found out she was abused too which ngl was pretty fucked up. Sorry I usually like you and appreciate your content and don't want to say something that will make you feel bad but I can't look past this without saying something, I feel really sorry for your sister and the *abject horrors* she's been through and you're prioritising a casual trip and acting like it's a hard choice and you're the one who is in a bad position. It's so fucked up. I really hope you have a change of heart and cancel your trip to tend to your poor sister during this horrible traumatising time for her. You can't understand the *real* traumas she has been subjected to being truly abused and truly beaten down by so many people. She needs support, not to feel like even her own family doesn't care, this is very serious and important. Sorry I feel a little bad chastising you but i feel even worse for your poor sister. She has it so hard.

You know there are a lot of things I could reply to this huge text wall. I could bring up that it's extremely uncalled for that you randomly blame me for my sister not communicating which has been an issue for almost as long as the both of us have been able to speak. I could bring up your line about judging her being attacked which I assume is you referring to my criticism of HOW she was attacked which was doing coke with strangers which uh im sorry that's not an invalid thing to criticize in the slightest, or how her experience with domestic violence was from a guy that was showing red flags all along and by her own admission they were horrible for each other but she stayed with him anyways and it horribly escalated. I could bring up that I'm also mentally ill with my own traumas and was planning to kill myself with the pills I quite literally carry with me on a daily basis until these friends came back into my life and one thing they've taught me is that I deserve to be happy and that I don't always need to seek validation from others

But I guess if you really want me to cut to the quick and not be polite with you I think I would say it's vaguely chronically online and parasocial that you're so emotionally invested and disappointed by and putting all your hopes on someone that you probably never even spoken with one on one or have even any sort of vague relationship besides uh, I write the stalker porn content you consume

Sorry, but I guess this is also on me for treating my blog as a feelings journal and seeing the validation of strangers. I'm not a Salvation Army endlessly dispensing sympathy until it kills me. My relationship with my sister and the dynamic from my entire family is not really something for an internet rando to insert themselves into, to be quite frank about it

[moriaddty]

Small note: this is very diffrent from other things i post, but i decided to just use this blog as an outlet for whatever is currently going through my mind, whatever i am currently hyperfixated on, as a way to get it out of my head for now, to maybe stop the hyperfixation.

It contains traces of my experience coming out as trans to friends and a certain part of the doubt/concern that those reacted with, just in case this is smth you are sensitive to, i was too when i started to come out to people.

Im currently thinking about discussions i had with a friend of mine about discrimination he experiences as a man and how he feels lost and like there arent any support things for him and other young men, but he hears of lots for women and LGBTQIA+.

And this friend isnt the only one that discussed that with me. Nearly all of my cis male friends talked about similar experiences around me coming out as a trans man still pre-everything.

The sentiment echoed by all of them was: "why would you want to be a man, it sucks, you just get ignored by society and all your struggles invalidated."

Some even voiced the concern of "If you want to be a man bc you hear how men have it easier then women all the time, its not worth it, our struggles are different but we struggle and dont even get support." (very weird and kinda backwards suspicion of my "motivation" to come out and wrong but nonetheless honest of what they think somehow?! I took it as genuine concern out of not knowing a lot about my side and experience. Those who in following talks made clear that they just voiced it bc they werent believing my experience and emotions, were against being trans and trans people in general, i cut out of my life.)

I explained to them that i dont "want to be a man" but i am a man, or at least feel extremly uncomfortable and hurt when being percieved as a woman, and feel more confident in myself and somehow relieved when being percieved and treated as a man.

I got (mostly, luckily) accepted for who i am, but the sentiment of "Our struggles that are closly connected to being men are being ignored and invalidated, we dont get any support for them like other people do for their struggles." I hear even more now, as i hear bros talking to me as their fellow bro.

And i just realized: arent young men also a minority in most countries?

They have to be because the youth in general is a minority? Here in Germany, the majority of people is around 60 according to statistics. People older then 80 are a minority, but so are people under 35.

How come we hear so little about supporting structures and organisations for young men? I know some exist in Germany (not that many catering to specific problems young men experience sadly), i looked into that before, but even the mere existence of those isnt in common knowledge of your everyday person.

Like, not even the knowledge of the specific organisations. But that something like it exists, not only isnt in the awareness of people, but even the possibility of smth like that existing seems to unfathomable for many, hence they don't even try searching for them.

Anyone has any thoughts on why it is like that?

(Also any pointers towards organisations that also have support for struggles of young men, especially in Europe and Germany, that any of you all maybe have made good personal experiences with (or even bad experiences ones as a small warning of those) are greatly appreciated, as are any other resources about this topic.)

#ftm #i dont know how to tag this #help please how do i tag serious stuff #i think i rambled too long in this post #men #mens issues #personal #also kinda oversharing maybe ahhh i probably shouldn't post this #i dont know how to use this site