#idk its all very emotional and sad and hopeful too

[abirddogmoment]

I planned my big birding trip for the year and I'm going back to the sand dunes and Grasslands, two places I adored taking Mav. I think it's going to be bittersweet going without him.

But I'm also going to two places I've never been, so those will be new and special for Rory.

#mav memories #personal #idk there's nothing in this post really #im sad mav never got to go back to the grasslands #im glad i took him to the dunes his last weekend #i saved some of his ashes to bring back there #(most are scattered at my usual hiking area so i can visit him often) #theres something meaningful in taking rory to all his old haunts #but something meaningful in visiting new places with rory too #idk its all very emotional and sad and hopeful too

[judasgot-it]

I’m in love with your writing like omg🩷could i request what kind of lovers are Dazai, tecchou and Nikolai?

(english is not my mother tongue so i dont mean cheat btw…)

IVE BEEN WANTING TO GET TO THIS ASK FOR A WHILE BUT I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK AND AAAAAA

I have SO many headcannons about these fools oh lord. Also hoping I got what you meant cuz I won't lie I am a bit SILLY.

Headcannons: what kind of lovers are they? Dazai, Tecchou, Nikolai

Dazai

He sees his own misery inside of you, which he thinks is romantic. He thinks its beautiful that the two of you can understand each other's suffering in a way no one else can.

I don't think I need to state that while this is romantic in a literary sense, it's a major red flag

Dude would 100% want to do things that he thinks are "romantic" for couples to do together.

For example - murder-suicide, robbing stores together, double-suicide, arson, planning each other's funerals-

Man has a sick sense of romance and death

But he can be romantic!! Sometimes.

Despite being young he knows how to actually take care of his lover - at least in technicality

What he really enjoys, however, he has to suppress

That cold cold sick heart of his wants to isolate them, keep them away from everyone - but he knows that isn't really a human thing to do

So the type of lover he really is the kind of guy who can really only bond over either sex or when you're drunk/sad over the past

dude wouldn't even be able to have sex without crying or would have to do it in the dark, like he just gets too emotional and insecure

100% obsesses over your own trauma and will take any time he can to talk about it - but never his own

sorry dude has red flags ALL over in my mind, I just don't think he would do happy stuff because he would think it's very fake

He can't enjoy any happy occasion, especially dates

definitely thinks weed, deftones, and sex is a good date

Don't date this man if you try to break up with him he will come to your doorstep whimpering and crying telling you that he's gonna kill himself and that you're the only one for him even though he cheated on you

he just strikes me as a messy kind of person

Tecchou

Wants to be your hero. He knows your strong - but he wants to be strong for you. You deserve to be protected from the dangers of the world.

He believes in justice and is a MASSIVE dweeb for "playing the hero"

Man has good intentions that are EXTREME

So yea, he is a bit of an extreme lover

If he can, he'll protect you from anything. It's just his thing

He will try to eradicate all of your fears. Scared of the dark? Your house is brighter than the sun. Scared of bugs? sad, but he will chase them away.

Does this mean he's good at romance? Not really. He'll do anything you tell him too though

Literally anything. Almost. He wouldn't kill someone, but yea that man would 100% try a lot of weird and freaky shit.

would also not care if you weren't into sex. pretty sure that if he likes someone he is just LOYAL lol

although tbh he doesn't strike me as the horny type he just is too dedicated to his job like I'd give it 20/80

idk if he's a freak either like he's probably seen some weird nasty shit so he either is the most vanilla man to walk this earth or is into some weird ass shit.

(I bet it's cake sitting or some food shit. He and Ranpo are too similar, they would both be into weird food shit)

ANYWAY Tecchou is one of those guys who would do cute shit like open the door for his partner everywhere and hold their bags

It's very sweet. Bro 100% lifts.

probably calls while at work which is terrifying and horrible cause you'll hear gunfire but he'll pretend it's normal

Man is also technically property of the state so just know that if you're in a relationship with him you will always have someone stalking you, as you are now a threat to national security

but it's worth it for Tecchou <3

also, he has a huge bank account I bet but would buy either useless gifts or upgrade everything his partner owns cuz he probably only wears his military uniforms and compression shirts.

What's he gonna spend his money on, really?

Nikolai

The world is cruel and predictable, especially with people like him. He hates someone having control over him, so he would only love someone if he chose to - which is fickle at best.

AHHHH omg he's so hard to pin down because Nikolai 100% would be the worst person to have as a lover (jk)

Hot and Cold by Katy Perry esq

Like, 100% if he loves them he LOVES them but if he hates them? he HATES them

but I don't think he really changes his emotions that much, he's sensitive but not so drastically

Definitely is an interesting person to love - would do crazy and weird shit for his lover

doesn't do normal dates. he's a magician, everything is a trick with him

probably gives riddles and doesn't wait for them to be solved - they just lead up to silly dates or gifts. The gifts are probably tame like a drink they like or like, flowers. Maybe some random fingers if he saw that a server was rude.

Does the bottle up his ass trick a lot. or says "do you like magic in bed?" and then never pulls his pants down he just shows every single magic trick he knows.

Listen. that man is WAITING for an audience he will take any chance he can. He'll even pull out some tricks while in the middle of doing it. Let him show you his magic tricks, he practices very hard on some of them.

ranking him as the type to be an exhibitionist and a bit of a freak - how much? idk but he has his coat so who knows what kind of stuff he has on him.

also don't get into a philosophical convo with him this guy will start to talk all sorts of crazy

or political

unless ofc there's common ground then CONGRATS

also I feel like he would be a gentleman. Would probably bring his lover flowers and shit.

once brought oranges though. never explained why.

sorry about the NSFW but I needed the giggles. I did in fact giggle

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x y/n #tecchou x reader #dazai x reader #dazai x you #nikolai x reader

[apparentlytheproblem]

if you do write for pjo, i was hoping you could do one with percy jackson where the reader is just a depressed or has a very gloomy mentality and is just taking a shit on the gods for robbing her from everything she could pottentially have and its just a scene where percy is slowly heeling her. could it be from angst and transition to fluff. also loved the prompts, can't wait to start requesting em.

𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜

fandom- Percy Jackson and the Olympians

pairing(s)- percy jackson

a/n: hullo, I'm tryna start writting agin cause i've been having a block and i have currently finished my midterms and im ready to cry after recieving my results on monday, so its all rushed and i barely have time to post but this has me screaming and crying all at once, also first ever pjo wriiting, yay requests are forever open, luv, teddy

requested- yes

currently playing- forever favourite

warnings- okay so its results season and that is why i this is written with such despair. idk what's wrong with but i'm tryna get back on my flow and i keep getting pushed down. its pretty obvious how sad she is, and its kinda depressing lol and deffo not reflecting on the shit going through my head lamoo

there was a pit in your stomach, a dread. they always say that the gray clouds that reign the sky have always symbolized burden, maybe despair even but it felt an extent of emotions of the ones who have given up every inch of themselves, furious, enraged and vengeful.

maybe that’s what you should have felt.

did i deserve to feel angry? am i a victim or someone who’s expected too much from the world when having nothing to her name?

pity should have filled you, watching the hopeless pray. its as if believing the gods of all people would have pity for anyone.

but were you not just the same?

every day you wake up to have hope crushed within you just for it to painfully reassemble itself unconsciously within you. a weed that never would stop corrupting every fibre of you.

your body pressed against a pole, attempting to take a figure of someone unbothered, but her heel bouncing up and down gave her away.

a strong arm grabbed her hand causing a twirl. panick begans to bleach your thoughts until his face came into view.

his absolutley stunning and boyish face with the prettiest dimples. his smile extended warmth and hope. he was brainwash, he melted away all the rational thoughts. the one that calculated, how long, what next, till when.

“hi gorgeous” an arm went around your shoulder to pull the heavy book bag of of yours to his.

“hullo handsome” you replied, a smile contagiously spreading, your arm wrapping around his bicep.

it'll be okay

#percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #riordanverse #percy jackson series #harry potter preferences #pjo series #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson headcanon #percy jackson imagine #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x you #percy jackson fanfiction #percy jackson fluff #percy jackson fic #pjo x reader #pjo x oc #pjo x you

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Ahh it's the last day of 2023 already?

I am expecting a call from a friend although the possibility of this happening is very slim it always felt nice to hear the voice of an old friend ( I'm not a text person I've realised this over time but I am stuck to be a text person) .

I can't wait for spring to come in 2024 , spring provides an intense amount of healing to my soul.

The next four months are very crucial in my life if they go well I can survive the rest of the year, I have died a couple of times this year and I am amazed that I am alive i didn't honestly thought i would make it to the end of this year ( especially in the last 3 months , I badly needed help but i didn't wanted others to pity me so i spoke to none about it ) anyways I don't want to talk about it , i don't want to make it sound blue than it already is,a i am really sorry about the fact all my posts are blue I sincerely wish it wasn't that way( altho i haven't posted anything here with as much as devotion I use to do , partly cuz i created an Instagram acc but that's not all reason I ve been sad nonetheless) and sorry for all the "anon/asks" that i haven't answered

I have made no achievements this year and there is little to no progress towards my self love or self growth, but I think that's okay I can do it in the upcoming year, time flies so quick i can't believe Its been so many years since I was 16 I miss being 16 honestly I had more in me back then than i have now , i have lost of confidence my vision and my smile over the years it's as if I am very different person now , i certainly wish I wasn't this way i really thought i would be so much more and better in my early 20s but it is what it is , acceptance is haredest of all emotions in my opinion , you know things are harder to accept when you know you could have done better .

Just like in the last 2 years even this year I didn't make any real life friends with whom I can hang out with i think it's partly due to the fact some people are destined to be alone and I am afraid to admit I am one of them , I did make 2 online friends this year .

I don't want to share any life lessons i learnt this year but if there is something i would love to share is choose yourself one more time each time you feel it's the last time you are doing it , choose one more time to live,one more time to hope, one more time to have faith , one more time to start again [ the fact I am the one telling you this is rediciculosly funny ] .

Unlike most people i don't have a lot of goals for the new year I just got things i want to avoid ( idk if that's the same thing?) Avoid my leftover heart's heartbreak, avoiding what takes away my peace, avoiding what can cause me discomfort, avoiding things that make me question myself ( in any negative way) ,i think that's a little too much but that's it .

As I was writing this Google photos sent me a notification saying " 3 years back today with a photo of mine " and it broke my heart a little, now I am questioning myself how did i let so much happen to me , I wish I treated certain things as the last time instead of always stupidly believing in future ( my worse trait yes).

There is a lot to say as always, i wonder if I open my mouth i would never stop sharing things that go inside my mind , but i also know there is no use of it if i can't find people who can understand it , maybe that's how I end up ranting here .

Not to mention I love people who are patient, i believe in the near future i would only like to talk with people who could be patient with me and with my silence . I believe everyone deserves people who can be patient with them .

Nothing really matters in the end but at the same time everything you do matters ❤️‍🩹

#i was awaken by a dog crying near my apartment and soon other dogs joined him #i am half awake half drowsy

[randomperson3736]

I want to go home

Paring(s): Jake sully x daughter! Reader, Neytiri x daughter! Reader, Neteyam x Twin! Reader, Lo'ak x older sister! Reader

Genre: angst

Warning(s): character death, blood, wounds, sad

Word bank: Ewya- great Mother, Y/N- your name

Notes: For some reason this whole account is just sad imagines and idk why I keep making them 💀 but yea anyway pls send me some ideas for happy imagine or keep giving me sad ones if u like 🙃 hope u enjoy and pls note that this imagine is a short one and will have no part 2. (P.S. this is kinda bad)

(Listen to this while reading)👇👇👇

No one's pov:

"Get her over here!" Jake's tail swings around nervously as he watches his oldest sons place his wounded daughter in front of him. All different emotions ran through him at that very moment; angry, sadness, guilt, fear, pain. It was almost like Ewya had just made his worst nightmare came alive. "She's gonna be okay, right?" Neteyam asked with his voice trembling at the thought of losing his best friend. Jake turned Y/N to the side, checking for an exist wound; he let out a shaky breath as he knew that she couldn't be saved. Y/N's breathing was getting heavier as she was losing too much blood.

Neytiri arrived shortly, disconnecting her braid from the ikran, her eyes widened at the scene in front of her. "No, no, no..." she kneeled before her eldest daughter, grabbing hold of her hand squeezing it tight. Y/N's eyes starting to feel heavy as more blood started to spill past her father's hands. "M-mother I..." her words were cut short as blood started to limp its way up her throat, choking her. She gripped her mother's hand tighter, as she struggle to get air. "I w-want to go home" her voice was so full of fear and pain, it was almost trembling. Tears started to roll down her blue skin almost causing Jake to shed his own. "I know babygirl, you just gotta hold on"

Y/N shuts her eyes for a moment as her muscles started to shut down. She glared towards her younger brother, cracking a small broken smile knowing this will be the last time she'll ever see his face. Her heart beat was slowly giving up with each painful breath. Her gaze shifted over to her twin brother, her hand letting go of her mother's and gripping it onto Neteyam’s hand. His eyes darting onto their intertwined hands, his cheeks wet from his still falling tears. "Dont leave me, please" Y/N gets all her strength together to smile at her beautiful brother one last time. "I will always be with you, N-neteyam"

"NO! NO, PLEASE!" Neteyam shifts his position scooting closer to his twin's weak body, placing his free hand on her cheek. "Don't cry please, i won't be around anymore to wipe your tears..." her eyes relaxed as her pupils widened, the blood stopped gushing out from the wound on her chest and her heart stopped just as her chest went flat with her very last breath. Her hand went limp in Neteyam's grip, making him hold her cold limp hand closer to his heart. Neytiri's eyes went from Neteyam to her now-lifeless daughter. She let out a painful scream as her tears ran started to fall fatser. "NO Y/N! PLEASE NO!"

Jake's body went numb, his expressen was emotionless, but his eyes told another story as tears rolled down his face. He started at his daughter, he couldn't except the fact that his babygirl was gone for good. He could hear his mate's sobs from beside him, as she pulled their daughter closer to her chest begging for some sort of sign that she was still alive but he knew that she was with Ewya now. "Y/N NO PELASE! OH, GREAT MOTHER PLEASE!" Her voice was scratchy, shouting Y/N's name over and over again. Her sobs were loud and controllable, she cried out for their great Mother begging her to bring her beloved daughter back.

Neteyam watches as his mother sobs and screams over their loss as his tears fall onto his twin's thigh. He places his hand on lo'ak's shoulder trying to comfort him in some way, but he knew that even himself couldn't stop the feeling of emptiness in his heart cause he too had that exact same hole in his. Neteyam then closes his eyes knowing he couldn't save his own twin sister from those sky demons. Lo'ak started at his shaking hands that were covered in his sisters blood. His head tilts back as he realised he just lost his older sister, the one was always there for him when he had a nightmare or when their father would yell at him. She was the one soul that never thought of him as a freak or as an outcast and now she was gone. All beacuse of him.

#neteyam x twin reader #lo'ak x sister!reader #jake sully x daughter!reader #neytiri x daughter!reader #avatar way of water #sad #fypforyou #Spotify

[dreamwinged]

soooo hi everyone!!! today , the 24th (nevermind im posting this like HALF A DAY LATE but life got in the way yk... just pretend ok...) marks my one year anniversary with my f/o; 🔮, The Mystery Man u all know (and possibly?) love LOL <3 so i just wanted to talk about it and him a little bit 💗

to be honest it's pretty much impossible for me to say everything i want to say and express just how deeply i feel while still maintaining the level of anonymity that i'm comfortable with on here. but i did my best! <3 this character means quite a lot 2 me and i hope i described that properly even without details dhjfnsdjfnsdf. alright disclaimer over time to yap

warning this is SO LONG ❤️

🔮 is a character that i liked from the moment i saw him which is so corny but true im afraid . a little over a year ago there was a tiktok of him on my for you page out of the blue, and i was genuinely just like 😦 ... WHO IS THIS! .. i guess it's time i get into [insert media name]😁. i instantly felt a connection to him, before i even knew his name!!! it sounds SO SILLY but when i'm feeling particularly indulgent about the whole thing i imagine it was a sign from the universe ;3

although i was attached to 🔮 pretty much immediately, i started to really feel emotionally invested when i learned more about him as a character. the way he was written was so poignant to me, and i could sympathize with a lot of aspects of his personality . . . i Mustn't Speak too much here for the most part, but he became super special to me, and i just wanted to see him happy ya know :'3

from there on out, things were super cool!! i started collecting merch, got really into 🔮's source media and its community (i have him to thank for like. at least a dozen online friends... i was always "the [charactername] mutual" LMFAOO). he became a major part of my life, and was pretty much the only thing i thought about, happy or sad. and when i was feeling down, he was hands down my biggest solace. last year was really not great for me, yet thinking about him was like a reprieve from all the Terrible Shit. i'm still in disbelief at the level of comfort he brings me, it's honestly insane /pos and i never wanna live without it now . < 3

so yk of course a lot more has happened over the course of a year, but in general, i feel like i owe a lot to 🔮!!! i learned what selfshipping was through him, and as a result, have gained so many lovely friends and great experiences in this community. <3 he gives me so many extra reasons to be happy; i cant help but smile when i see things that remind me of him out in the world and stuff like that, nd like i never wouldve had that added joy if not for him yk? and even though he's not real , 🔮's given me something to care for, an escape from everything and somewhere safe to put all the Love I Have To Give. which can be really hard to find!!! i hope in some alternate universe i make him feel even half this happy LMAO ^__^

anyway that was sooo sappy and i edited it like a thousand times to try and make it less so because i am so very very uncomfortable expressing a single Emotion but like It Just Is What It Is. bottom line isss I Love My Wife so much, i've loved him for a year and will probably love him for a lot more years idk i cant tell the future but that's what it's lookin like folks. AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU TOOOOOO/p thank u 2 all my lovely mutuals 4 being my friend and stuff <3333 hugging u heart emoji

#THIS IS SO FUCKING LATE IM GONNA CRY . AIUHLSIFDJHGASFG #. 🔮. ⋆₊˚⊹♡ #.gush #.anni #WASEHFAUSDHFASDGHH.... TEARS UP #. . . if You Know please dont look at this im so embarassed . /j #being vulnerable on the internet... scary... but my beautiful wife deserves it

[thebunniesgrim]

I'm getting way too much enjoyment watching how some of Helluva Boss fandom is raving over the popular current theory that stolas is going to die in the series.  

Because of the Oops episode and how the skull and cross bones in the smoke clock landed on Stolas and other stuff  

I.e.  

Having imp assasins in LooLoo Land 

Stella  

Striker  

His lullaby saying that when he’s gone Octavia will be ok and that today could be his last (I could go on a whole tangent about that lullaby it's so good)  

Western Energy  (that's it)

I'm not saying I want stolas to die but am I also saying it would be funny to watch the fandom go up in flames about it?  

Well call me Phineas and Ferb because

Yes  

yes I am 

You can stop reading here if you want. Under the cut I'm just rambling justifying why I think what I think. there are some jokes and lighthearted critiques, but you know... you have the option to look and give your own opinions  :)

I mean I have my grievances with him like I've said in my other post (shameless plug Warning I'm very illiterate in case you haven't noticed) but like I don’t wish death upon him I still like Stolas believe it or not   

lol.

In fact I hope stolas doesn’t die and mostly I don’t think stolas is going to die at all frankly. I highly dout the writers/viv/whoever is going to actually kill off stolas mostly because like any time stolas is in danger its so underminded like- ok LooLoo land is mostly a joke (good joke too I like the end where Stolas turns the imp guy into stone good pay off), Stella played for laughs beacues shes making the hit right in front stolas and it doesn’t get paid off till the next season which is fine the seasons are short, Western Energy he was fine like an episode later.  

If home boy cant be hospitalized for more than one episode he isn't dying  

Granted I will allow some leeway as we don’t know how much time has passed since Western Energy to Oops but it- I don’t think stab wounds and broken arms heal that fast regardless of that :/ if I'm being honest especially if it was a holy weapon just saying.  

Even if he did die that brings up a lot of questions like what happens to demons when they die? Are all demons immortal and can only die due to physical damage? are Asmodeus and Beelzebub going to outlive Fizz and Vortex if imps and hellhounds/other demons aren't immortal. Were the 7 deathly sins ever babies like everyone else? If demons are immortal and can live forever and the Ars Goitias can only be killed by angelic weapons that are hard to get, I'm assuming, why do, they need to have children or heirs? Why even have children at all? If angelic weapons can kill demons do demonic weapons exist and can they kill angels or other holy beings?   

All this and more on You Can't Answer These Questions at 8 

Lol  

anyways

but in all seriousness 

Here’s the real question  

If they did actually kill Stolas, will they bring him back?  

Riddle me this batman  

there's a very the very real outcome of them bringing stolas back through some magical demonic bs anyway so like it really won't matter. They're not going to have Stolas bite the dust permanently and if they are... respect honestly (the balls frankly).  

People will cry, I'll laugh because I'm heartless, he’ll be like resurrected or something, and everyone will be happy or mad idk.    

Like it's one thing for Millie to get hurt in the other episodes because there wasn’t a major plot point you know? (and she’s not important) There was no lingering scene on it with sad music. In when stolas got hurt it was this big thing and for him to just be like fine an episode later is like what? How are you going to have this big emotional climax with no emotional orgasm (sorry) afterwards. And like no I'm not letting this go what the heck? You had the whole fandom screeching about Blizto going to sloth just to do nothing with it and put a twist about Barbie and then also have stolas be perfectly fine and dandy the next episode afterwards. Are there no stakes in this show? Like I get that Helluva Boss wasn’t planned in the beginning but like come on... When Viv approves of the episodes does she look back at the other episodes? Is she even there? Is she ok? Is she and everyone else seeing a bigger picture that I'm not? Has she sat down and watched Helluva Boss from the very beginning and watched them from episode one to now? I mean really not just a once over to send it off to youtube I mean really took a good and hard look at the episodes? The way they mix episodic, and story is really messing with me I'm going to go back and watch all the episodes from the beginning just to make sure it’s not me.

I like how I said in my tangent about Hell fire (shameless plug part 2) I said I liked the new episode over all give or take some extremally small nitpicks yet here I am complaining :) guess I'm a liar   

soo yeah, I really don’t think they're going kill off their golden child, their best boy, their little botanist boo, their dopamine deficient dandy, their booboo bear, their uwu baby boi, their uke wukey cinnamon roll, their twinky little baby owl, their Boo thang, their stary eyed savant, their sad beige gay, their smoopy woopy do, their snoogum-boogums, their skidamarink a dink a dink skidamarink a doo, their-  

ok 

I'm done  

I'm so sorry   

#helluva boss #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critical

[nopeferatu]

okayyyy i guess ill just write abt some things that i wanna get out before i forget to??

- LOVE, love love how they made ennis the one who initiated all of the romantic affection between the two. literally insane over it. it feels so in-character, considering ennis has probably been affection starved since his mother died when he was a kid. of course he has alma, but do we really get the sense that ennis was ever very affectionate with her? could he have been, in rural, christian, wyoming, where conervative notions of courtship prevail? did he even want to be, knowing that the only person he shows real attraction towards is a man? who knows. we just know that he was craving love, and lucas did an amazing job at capturing that need.

- the "'lets ranch up together', 'no bc earl and rich'" conversation happens after ennis tells jack that he'd divorced alma...a year and a half earlier. what an interesting change! it seems like both adaptations, movie and play, mess around with that specific sequence of events. i really enjoyed what it brought to this specific show, though, because in the script it's described as a "gut-punch" to jack when ennis tells him he already left alma in response to jack telling ennis that he'd decided to leave lureen. it really hammers home the idea that jack thought it was just their wives getting in the way of their life together all that time. it was framed wayyy different than jack driving up 14 hrs after getting his hopes up thanks to a phonecall or a postcard from ennis abt the divorce, but it still hits the beat it's supposed to, where we as the audience can see that its the first time their relationship shifts—and not for the better.

- "little darlin'."I got to hear "LITTLE DARLIN'" not just once, but TWICE. still not over it.

- the show also brought more...i guess, explicit attention to the fact that ennis really only wants to do ranch work, and how much that affects his family. i know its present in all the texts, but the new conversations he and alma have regarding the various 'city jobs' she tries to rope him into and the dead-end ranch jobs that keep going belly up from underneath him are just really sad. he's someone who craves wide open spaces, and the beauty of film allowed heath to capture this hunched, clenched, uncomfortable look and feel of a man who seems too big for any room he's in. ennis is not happy in domesticity. he's a saddle bum through and through, and out with nature is where he belongs. but since theatre (esp theatre in-the-round) doesn't have the luxury of different set dressing, those conversations and arguments bw ennis and alma capture that same bit of characterization.

- i...dunno how i feel about mike's jack, if i'm honest? lucas was incredible. i think he brought just the right amount of taciturn and tender, rage and remorse to a role that needs all of that in an actor. i think mike's jack was a little...idk. too big, if you get me? like there were certain line deliveries that i felt could've been said differently, or had different emotions behind them than the ones i was picking up on. i know stage is different, so in both cases, the actors went VERY big (heath's quiet, simmering rage is a completely different beast against lucas' loud, screaming outburtsts, for example), but...idk. there was just something about mike's jack that threw me off? I told my friend that I was iffy about his performance, and without prompt she said, "I didn't like how much he laughed at everything" and I think I feel the same. For example, the "I didn't want none of either kind but fuck all has worked the way i wanted, nothing has ever come to my hand the right way" line was said really jolly, without much of a edge to it, and i think thats what's thrown me off-kilter so much. in mike's performance, i didn't feel the bitter edge to a lot of his lines that occur later on in the script that are apparent to me not only in jake gyllenhaal's performance, but in the SS text, itself.

He was technically very good and I love the silly things he'd do to get ennis to open up, but he was a little too jovial, not enough bitchy, not enough moody and sassy like jake's jack. i see a lot of jake's jack in mike's performance bc aside from a few lines about how much jack likes the rodeo, all we can really glean from either characters in the SS text is that ennis is quiet, and that jack talks a lot. im not trying to compare the two performances too much bc they are fundamentally different actors working in different mediums, but heath and jake brought a lot of dimsension into charas who could have turned out waaaay different had different actors played them and gotten in touch w different emotions within the script, so i can see how other actors could look to the film for a lot of inspo on how to go about portraying ennis and jack while trying to do their own things as well. my issue is that jack becomes very heartsick and bitter and just plain fed up with everything about his life by the time their last trip rolls around, but play!jack never let that bitterness start to show, so by the time that jack does his whole "i wish i knew how to quit you" monologue, it felt very abrupt to see him screaming and yelling and hollering at ennis like that.

i dunno, after seeing tons of ppl in the brokeback tag over the past few months saying that mike faist was their favorite jack, i was actually really expecting a lot more? but as it stands, jake gyllenhaal still reigns supreme. he captured every facet of jack twist that makes him so compelling to read and write and think about and analyze, and mike, while he was still very good, didn't do that nearly as well imho.

- the play firmly cemented to me that jack twist is just bottom coded, i guess

- some of the music hit at different scenes than i had initially thought they would?? i thought the play would end on "hale strew river" playing in the bg as *SPOILER* old!ennis holds the ghost/dream/memory version of young!jack in a mirror of the way he'd held jack by the campfire on brokeback in '63. but that was not the case. this is an instance of where my heightened expectations made the reality seem kind of disappointing in comparison. i'm also kind of sad that my other favorite song, "beneath the moon," was only featured as a diegetic recording heard on a clock radio (NOT live), and it was played during a scene between alma and ennis. Like, looking back at the lyrics it makes sense:

Why don't you take me for a stroll into the sunset

Another lonely summer's day is ending soon

Oh, let us walk another mile into the twilight

And let me be alone with you beneath the moon

But i thought that it was going to be played during a scene where another one of jack's frequent proposals of a life together gets rejected. when the soundtrack for the play was released it gave me the same vibes as "i dont want to say goodbye", one of the few original songs on the movie soundtrack, and i was POSITIVE that this was a jack-longing-for-ennis song. like, it's all about sunsets and twilight and the moon and all this outdoor imagery, and as we all know, jack and ennis are literally only together underneath the sunsets and twillight and moon! so im actually really sad it wasn't an ennis/jack moment :c

- the actor who played jack's dad played the role a lot more emotionally than i expected. movie!john is very, again, muted and quietly bitter, just like all these characters are. play!john seemed really...what i can only describe as choked up? like, he was shouting and got really riled up in his "jack used to say" monologue at ennis, and there was some disgust in there and a lot of anger, but what i actually read was more like him telling ennis "you're part of the reason why my son is gone." and then he gets up and walks away from the table, and exits the stage. it was really really heartbreaking. maybe i have a different read on the performance than what was intended, but it opens up a whole new side to john twist that i think would be interesting to explore.

- theres a few little added lines of dialogue on jack's part that are great. when they leave brokeback and are heading away in opposite directions, jack turns back around and goes "ennus-" as though he's going to make his proposal to start a life together then and there, but ennis knowingly cuts him off and says smth like "see you around, jack twist", and shakes his hand goodbye. there was another moment (the divorce admission, the rich and earl confession scene) where jack is talking about their sweet life together, and hes talking about them being in rocking chairs on their porch in front of a nice fire and ughhghf....it called to mind this line in one of my all-time fave fics, Recompense:

Couldn't set out on the porch, just set, quiet and together; there wasn't any porch, wasn't even any house, where they could be seen setting. Start hauling their canes, their bifocals, damn electric blankets, up in back of the pickup? They couldn't have that life. They couldn't have any life at all. The weight of Jack's misery, pressing all around, seemed enough to cave him in.

one i didnt like, though, was when jack and ennis are wrestling, jack gets pinned under ennis and says "sheep be damned!" before ennis kisses him in the first romantic display of affection we see bw the two. also when the sheep get mixed up, ennis has a meltdown and tells jack that aguirre will realize the counts off and put 2 & 2 together that they're fooling around, and he yells smth along the lines of their trist being "sick", and Jack says smth like, "you sure didn't seem to think it was sick this past month."

this is just a me thing honestly bc i'm kind of a SS purist in some instances, and one thing that always stuck with me is that jack and ennis never talk about the sex they're having when they're on brokeback. aside from the "im not no queer" convo, the sex wasn't even alluded to; they just "let it happen," and i think thats veryyy in-line for a character like ennis. i think jack would love to talk about it, but he doesn't wanna spook ennis away, so he keeps his mouth shut. i dont think either of them would speak, even in a roundabout way, abt their sex life when they're 19 on brokeback, and thats why the whole "redlined it all the way couldnt get here fast enough" line is so revelatory imo, bc its the first time either of them acknowledge the conscious choice theyre making to fuck. so idk. i didnt really care for the fact that they were (somewhat) openly referring to their tryst while still on brokeback

- less a note of the show and more a note of the audience, but i saw the show twice and the first night i saw it, the audience laughed at REALLY sad and serious moments that i in no way thought were laugb worthy, and i felt like maybe i was taking the work too srsly until i saw the final performance and THAT audience didnt laugh at any of those really sad moments. so i got rly irritated abt that the first night cause it wasnt even like the lines were delivered in a jokey way or anythibg....

anyways. i need to sleep. look out for some other posts cause im sure ill have more to say the longer i stew on it

#still brokeback posting #brokeback mountain #ennis del mar #jack twist #heath posting

[effieandtim]

I have not felt this emotional since watching it’s a sin (another great show about AIDS/HIV by Russel T Davies - there is a character on there that reminds me so much of Tim).

I can’t really articulate at the moment how I feel. I’m glad Lucy was able to be free in that she finally separated from Hawk; and in a way Hawk is now free too. I’m glad that the last of Tim we saw was him fighting and honestly the fact that Tim let Hawk go was like idk what to think. I’m so glad that I discovered JB by watching this show. I remember seeing the trailer and being like oh I recognise that guy from the gifs of that show on here. And because of that fell in love with him.

I think shows like this always make me emotional just because it’s such a close time in history (a good 40 years now), I’ve learnt a lot by watching this show, and I feel like I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to know about that hidden part of history.

I like to think after that Hawk was maybe a bit more free to be himself after. I think Frankie’s partner (I forgot his name okay) had probably the best development and I love how he and Frankie basically adopted that kid. Do I think Hawk will interact with those guys after Tim’s death? I hope so?

Also the sadness in Tim’s eyes about the hospital when he saw Jackson. I don’t know what to think? Was he grieving because Hawk basically abandoned him to start a new family and betrayed him? I guess it also makes sense considering their interactions on the 60s?

no fr i am still a wreck and its been almost 12 hours since i watxhed the ep like this is a show that will always stay with me

yeah i totally agree, i loved that they didnt show tim’s death and the last memory we have of him as an audience is him doing what he wanted to do - to fight for a better future, a future he knew he wouldnt live long enough to see

that’s who tim was - he wasnt a victim but a fighter till the very end

frankie’s partner is marcus, and yess i loved his development esp the parallels between him and hawk - and def him being black played a role in it too

i think that scene with tim seeing jackson was so underrated but SO BEAUTIFUL like give jonathan all the awards because you can SEE tim’s heart break but also he is fundamentally a good man, and i think in that moment he accepts that he and hawk will never have a future, i think in that moment, he let hawk go

like every moment after that in the 60s, 70s, and 80s tim never had any expectations from hawk regarding him choosing tim over his family, and i think its THAT moment when he saw jackson - an innocent baby boy and a part of hawk, a future that tim would never be able to share with hawk - that made him realise this and he let hawk go

#anons #fellow travelers #jonathan bailey #tim laughlin #hawkins fuller

[bioethicists]

hi i hope you dont mind this question. i assume because you are anti psych/mad liberation (me too) you probably also get the pro psych reaction of "thats dangerous" and "its not all like that" and the accusation that acknowledging the fact that psychiatric and therapy "care" is so bad will make people quit that care and they will inevitably get worse and it'll be your fault? im an anti psych blogger and this really messes me up because my whole thing is that i DONT want mentally ill ppl to suffer, and thats the whole reason i AM anti psych. and i am afraid ppl will somehow be harmed by me telling the truth or making (evil!) generalizations about psych professionals, etc.

to me it seems incredibly reactionary, usually comes with a moral panic flavor, and is chock full of victim blaming cliches. it seems to me that it hinges on the fear and threat of 1. a Crazy person rejecting treatment and 2. a Crazy person rejecting authority, so again, it seems to be based mostly in stigma. and yet it does seem true and possible that ppl will be influenced in ways that turn out poorly and i dont want that to happen either. and yet again, framing it like "dont tell ppl what health care to pursue" is a misnomer since psych care is simply about social control... and that facade of health care just protects them from criticism in a bad faith way cause it makes you look anti vax adjacent and telling ppl not to see doctors. im not really interested in telling ppl what to do when it comes to accessing psych care, but my general analysis is that: is refusing psych care possibly dangerous? yes. is getting psych care also possibly dangerous? yes.

anyway the main question is if/how you deal with this. both intellectually and emotionally. cause i think its possibly the hardest part of sharing anti psych views in public. it makes me feel guilty and afraid. and i think making splicing disclaimers sucks and is stupid. so idk. thanks for reading.

first of all, i absolutely do experience this + it used to piss me off more than it does now but now it mostly makes me sad. i think you summed it up so well when you said that both refusing + seeking psych care can be dangerous.

part of it is that, the deeper i root into my belief in bodily autonomy, the more i stop punishing myself if someone takes a good faith, well-phrased assertion i've made + spins that into something harmful which i never said or intended. i am very deliberate to only spread information that pushes for expanding + critiquing methods of healing, stressing that my goal is to free people from suffering, not compound it.

i know that some people who are struggling with paranoia or self-destructive impulses read mad liberation talking points (often finding their ways to the more conspiracy fueled or recklessly phrased ones) + respond in ways that end up harming them, like cold-turkey going off antipsychotics or firing their entire treatment teams to take sketchy supplements. it does make me very sad that this happens, because like you said, i want these people to be happy + not suffer.

however, i rarely see comparable conversation about how people take the logics of the psych system and use THOSE to harm themselves. many people with similar traits to those who do what you are describing are just as likely to use the logics of psychiatry to punish themselves or distance themselves from others. they use 'coping mechanisms' punitively by becoming obsessed with 'clean' eating/dieting, organization/academics, being the Perfect Patient. they tell others + themselves that they are neurologically incapable of love or healthy relationships or pleasure. they isolate themselves because they believe they are fundamentally toxic or abusive. they dismiss their emotions as "just symptoms" + actively chastise themselves or try to train themselves out of experiencing any anger towards others or even any negative emotions at all. they admit themselves to psych wards frequently not out of a reasonable concern that they will hurt themselves or others but because they believe they belong in a psych ward any time they are experiencing symptoms. the list goes on.

all of that being said, i do experience genuine concern that people might read what i write + because of self-hatred or intense paranoia, read some sort of mandate or advice that isn't there + end up in more pain. because this exact thing also happens with psychiatry, which the naysayers you describe above are not concerned with, i don't think they're actually worried about hurting people. they are worried about Crazy people Not Getting Help. it comes from a place of paternalism + fear.

another, more positive aspect of it is that i do genuinely believe that many people are not being helped by their treatment teams but think they Have To be in therapy or in a hospital or on meds despite them not helping because that's What You Do. so they have been sitting around waiting for five years of therapy or their seventh ssri to start doing something meaningful. some of them just needed to hear: you don't have to do this; it might not be the right thing for you. i actually think these people are really well-served by hearing about anti-psych/mad lib stuff + them quitting therapy/meds/treatment ends up allowing them to look for other pathways for dealing with emotional suffering.

ultimately, i think mad liberation that focuses on true autonomy + total liberation of all peoples provides a clearer path forward for people to return from these places of intense paranoia or self destruction. i think we are all so used to being deprived of autonomy that, when we first get it back, we often stumble with it or try to provoke someone into taking it away from us. that is just going to continue to happen if we respond to it by making autonomy conditional. a LOT of us feel like we're not allowed to heal if it's not a moral mandate, so hearing that it isn't feels like nobody cares. we have to find new ways of showing that we care which don't involve exerting power over others.

#anti psychiatry #long n rambling sorryyy

[zmickmilk]

thoughts on the book Fiona found and read during Monica's funeral? Not that if it exists, or maybe. I find it interesting that's what she used to maybe get to know her better? Or to have something to say since she had nothing? What did the book mean to her?

Honestly, I haven't really thought about this in depth before. I kinda just skipped past it as something insignificant, so thanks for asking this :)

So, from what i found, the book she finds is Siddhartha, a story of a man going on a spiritual journey. I've never read it so idk if everything I'm saying here is right cause its just what I gathered from Google

In the book, Siddhartha feels like he has to leave his family and feels like his child hated him because he has riches. I think this is something Monica would deeply relate to. Siddhartha fasts, becomes homeless, renounces all personal possessions, and intensely meditates when he starts his journey. Inconsistent eating, giving away/losing belongings, racing thoughts, and zoning out are all things that can happen when someone is in a manic episode. What Siddhartha does and how Monica may feel during an episode are very similar, and given that she's manic she probably believes she is also on a journey of enlightenment like the protagonist. It makes sense to me that this novel would be something Monica held close. At the end of the story, Siddhartha reaches enlightenment. He reconnects with his son in the sense that he can let him go, so basically, it's a happy ending. Monica wants that. That story is hope for her. In the same way Siddhartha is helped during his spiral journey, Monica wishes to be helped on her mental health journey.

'for every true statement there is an opposite one that is also true' I can see Monica connecting this to herself. The conflict of truth is similar to her own conflict of emotions. Or maybe even her 'true self' like she's a bad mother (true) but she also wants to connect and care about her children (true) thoese 2 statements are right but what one is more her?

Literature is a fantastic way to express yourself. Monica expresses herself through her love for the novel, she even underlines parts of it. Fiona never got to understand her mother when she was alive and now is her chance. It's not Monica's words but it can be seen as things she didn't get to say. In s1 fiona refers to lip as their mums favourite, we see during the show that Monica's favourite is Ian or Debbie, Monica tries to take Liam away for another chance. Many times fiona is overlooked by her mother (this happens to Carl too) but this book is hers. Its a chance not to only understand Monica but to have something one on one with her.

I think fiona would also relate to the book herself. Fiona leaves her family - like Monica and Siddhartha- after she gets a lot of money -like Siddhartha- so that she can become her own better person. She's starting her own journey. Even tho fiona hadn't left yet when Monica died I would love if this book stayed with her. Maybe it helps her come to the decision that she's ready to leave. Like Monica fiona craves help and support we see this all the time, normally in the form her acting rude and demanding praise but that's not important rn. Reading the Siddharthas story might of prompted her to see her how and her mum arent always so different.

Fiona quotes the book at Monica's funeral and I really really tried to find what quote it was but I sadly couldn't get a concrete answer. I think the fact fiona memorised a quote (probably one of the ones Monica had underlined) shows just how much she wanted to understand. Fiona doesn't say many good things about monica, she's always angry at her, blaming her (for good reason obviously) but lots of the time I think fiona uses angry as a way to cover up her sadness towards monica. Yeah she says she's happy she's dead but she still took time to memories quotes her mum held close to herself.

The book might also be a replacement of motherly advice. The novel is filled with wisdom. Monica had read the book, she had internalised the philosophies and now Fiona gets to do the same. Monica never got to bond with fiona and help her becomes the person she's meant to be like she's meant to. Monica passing down the book is like passing down her wisdom. She couldn't shape fiona when she was alive but she can indirectly help when she's dead.

Okayy I don't really have anything else to say, I kinda wanna read the book now tho. The shameless writers really ate with this one might be one of my new favourite details.

#shameless us #fiona gallagher #answering asks #monica gallagher #fiona and Monica #Siddhartha #i love this #like always #hope this makes sense

[cubur]

Hi Cubur♡♡, I would like to be able to give you a hug and be able to be your friend so I can listen to everything you have to say, please don't stay silent, if you need to say something, don't hold back. I'm one of the anons who long ago told you "you are the first Naruto artist I have ever met" and the truth is that I think you are an incredible person, your art always makes me happy and I love how you manage to capture all the emotions of the ship and the characters. You also sometimes remind me of Sasuke, such a magnificent and good character to whom many bad things happened, but although he often wanted to do things alone, he still had Naruto who was never going to leave him. I hope one day you find your Naruto. I want you to know that there are many people who love you, many people who you make happy, maybe not all of us know you but I know that if I did I wouldn't be disappointed because you are a good person, with deep thoughts, you seem like someone who likes to look out the window and think about life, that is, you are someone super interesting. And I also wanted to tell you that many times I have felt sad, I have even come to think that without me the world would not change or that maybe they would miss me but that after a while they would forget about me, but then I found my Naruto or rather my Guy since I'm more like Kakashi, but thanks to that person and other things that I later realized, I decided to study Psychology, this way I can help others like they helped me. If I had the appropriate knowledge I would also help you but the truth is that I speak Spanish and my English is not very good, and I would also be afraid to tell you something that is not since I'm still studying. So as an anonymous friend I wanted to tell you that you also helped me in sad moments, and without you realizing it, that's why I feel that many times help comes from anywhere and that even the smallest things can save our lives.

Sorry for writing so much, I hope I haven't bothered you, thank you for all your effort, te quiero♡ and please don't let your light go out

Hi there！ Well, I just don't know what to say right now… Since I'm usually the one who writes such long articles, it seems a bit strange to receive a message like this now ^^;！

(sorry this will be a bit long)

First of all, I sincerely appreciate that you're thinking so positively about me. I'm not sure if you'd still think that way if you knew me in real life though… I mean i'm actually quite a regular person contrary to what you guys think. Hmm (probably not everyone thinks about committing suicide or deleting everything every day) so yea, maybe not so regular…… But sure that I'm not as great as you guys think. Look I can't even solve my personal/emotional problems by keeping my mouth shut. Why is it so hard to keep going when it's so easy to leave everything? Idk… But still, it feels good now to hear that even someone like me made someone happy！I know very well what this feeling is like *since i'm still someone's fan* So I'm glad i can still make someone feel this way！I mentioned earlier that i feel closer to Sasuke's character. But I can never imagine i have a personality like Sasuke, not that strong pls x) …or maybe we can be the same in terms of psychological. I mean i could probably lose my mind too if i lost my loved ones. Yes, I often get messages like this, "you can write me if you need someone, I can listen you, don't be silent, tell me, trust me" etc. And I would like to talk to you guys but…… my problem is I have a really difficult time trusting people, and when I do, i don't even want to share them with others. This goes for everyone I love …even my pets. I know how selfish that sounds. But I accidentally read a turkish quote about this today. "Uçarken görüp uçmasına aşık olduğunu, sevdin diye kafese koyma". So if I can translate it right, it says "Don't put it in a cage just because you saw it flying and fell in love with its flight". I have no right to do this i know, that's why i'm trying to change myself though it's hard. Maybe if I take some healthier steps about communicating, my psychological state will start to improve, even if it is a little bit, who knows. Gotta start somewhere…

Oh but everyone wants a Naruto in their life, right?? Well, no one knows what the future will bring to us. Yes we are all hope for something about our future, but those things may not be the right path for us (even if we don't know it), so over time obstacles will come our way that we cannot prevent even if we wanted to, and eventually we will realize sooner or later that we are in a dead end, and need to change our path …in the most painful way. About me, I still don't know if i'm in the decision stage yet… But at least now I know that when things start to get clearer, I'll accept them without questioning why.

Just, you don't know how much I appreciate your willingness to help me. So thank you for all your kind thoughts here and taking the time to write me all this！I'm grateful！！🙏

And ok, this is not a promise but, I'll keep running as much as i can to avoid losing that little light at the end of the tunnel…

#text post

[cardboardheartss]

LE SSERAFIM SOLAR RETURN CHART (2024/2025)

🚫PLEASE TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT!!!! IM STILL AN INTERMEDIATE ASTROLOGER! MY INTERPRETATIONS COULD BE INCORRECT!🚫

𓆩♡𓆪 Aries Sun 12th House

- The Sun is at 11 degrees, this COULD represent a lot of fighting within the group.

- As well as travel, they’ve been travelling a lot for this comeback and Coachella too.

- Sun square Moon and Pluto (10H) , the possible fight results can be seen publicly. (Chaewon looked hella mad yesterday… but ANYWAYS)

- Sun Conjuct Taurus MC, the fights could be about the members either fighting about their salary or there could be useless fights about a member using a different tone… just messy tbh.

𓆩♡𓆪 Aquarius Moon 10th House

- The girlies are quite detached with everything and even amongst themselves.

- They honestly just here for the sake of paying their bills.

- Uranus in the 1H, with the Pluto in Aquarius, there is a POSSIBILITY one of their fights could surface on social media? (IDK)

𓆩♡𓆪 Aries Mercury 12th House

- A lot of arguments as i mentioned.

- It could all root from envy and wanting more success than the other member.

- Mercury conjuct Chiron, all these arguments could cause some unhealed inner wound to be opened.

𓆩♡𓆪 Taurus Venus 12th House

- Very stubborn girlies lol!

- They probably fight a lot in the dorms too.

𓆩♡𓆪 Aries Mars 12th House

- Its at 0 degrees, in its full element lol..

- They easily trigger each other causing arguments..

- And it could get bad tbh…

𓆩♡𓆪 Taurus Jupiter 1st House

- On the birght side, they have been getting complimented about their visuals!

- And its conjuct Uranus, so it makes sense, they’ve been complimented about their looks and stage outfits.

- Its trine MC, and that is what people talk about the most.

𓆩♡𓆪 Pisces Satrun 11th house

- There have been some blockages amongst the group.

- I guess they able to trick people on social media to make it seem as if they “close.” But even with the clips you see… it doesnt seem like it lol (THEY CAN NOT TRICK MEEE)

- Overall a lot of obstacles with people on social media also sending them hate comments… it’s just a lot going on tbh..

𓆩♡𓆪 Taurus Uranus 1st House

- As i mentioned, they getting complimented for their looks non-stop.

- IDK this at 22 degrees could make people contradict their talent too, because of the Encore drama on social media.

𓆩♡𓆪 Pisces Neptune 12th House

- All their fights make them really emo and easily pressed.

- They can have fun and laugh on camera but its not as it seems tbh..

𓆩♡𓆪 Aquarius Pluto 10th House

- Could they want to open up about fights?

- Could something be exposed to the public…

- We will see i guess…

𓆩♡𓆪 Overall LSFM’s SRC is something else. I hope they all protect their mental health, rest AND STOP FIGHTING!! They have like, 7 placements in their 12th house right now. Sooo… its obviously all hidden but they should just focus on taking care of each other honestly.

𓆩♡𓆪 All the hate they have been recieving could also be the reason why their emotions are all over the place…

𓆩♡𓆪 The Moon in 10th house, shows that they actuall sad… they do not like this comeback the hate they recieving… its honestly a lot…

⛔️I HOPE THIS WILL BE AN EYE OPENER TO REALISE THAT NOT EVER GROUP BG/GG ARE CLOSE! THEY HUMANS SOME BOND WHILE SOME DO NOT! AT THE END OF THE DAY! IT JUST WORK…⛔️

Thank you for reading 📦

(1/03/2024)

#black tarot readers #astro tumblr #tropical astrology #le sserafim #lesserafimyunjin #le sserafim kazuha #lesserafim eunchae #le sserafim sakura #le sserafim chaewon #astro community

[cephalonheadquarters]

my stupid ass accidentally hit unfollow instead of ask button -_- ANGYWAYS like what is UP with c.Cemelo? Camelo>?i forgot how to spell his name the second i looked away from it THE MUTLICOLORED MENTALLY ILL GUYthag one. i have so many questions about him like why is he a freak (lovingly). why is his relationship with the big guy so inasne liek whats theier deal. im so interested (props my chin up in my hands and smiles suuuper wide) i would love to hear about them if u wanna talk about them PEACE ✌ (i mean all this genuiinely btw)

HIS NAEM CHAMELO it’s just Chameleon but also Camilo. I hope that helps..you got it close in the second try. the first one is like cementHe was forced to eat cement at 6. I'm probably going to switch around with his nicknames and name a lot (Chamy, Melo) out of habit sorry if its confusing

ANYWAYS. I'M REALLY GLAD YOU ASKED HI ok. LOTS of words soooo undah da cut they go. Also sorry if a lot of this does Not make sense trust me I don't make sense to myself sometimes

He is a freak because I really like characters like him. He's basically how my thought process works so that probably also means you're calling me a freak too(Lighthearted)

He is horrifically anxious and has got anger issues and is just real irritable in general (And probably more things.?). He has trouble dealing with his own emotions because they're often so extreme, so he does things on impulse despite overthinking a lot. He sorta contradicts himself in his thoughts and feelings and actions. Idk he's weird. Doesn't always know what he wants and has a tough time with communication. Him changing colors involuntarily depending on his mood doesn't help either if the person he's talking to knows which colors go with what feeling. He tries his hardest to hide his emotions when he wants to whether it be angry, nervous, sad, even happy, but he also knows he'll always have a dead giveaway if he feels anything ever.

(Note: Optional reading in this next part I ended up rambling↓)

I do worry about him getting so worked up because I don't want people to think that I think feeling emotions is dumb or whatever because I tend to like. Make him accidentally funny or play it off as a joke. And then I remember he feels like I do so I don't care if people get mad at me for having a character that gets upset or jumps to conclusions over little things or has a lot of inner monologue that's just freaking out because I do that a lot too. I like when I can relate to characters, I like to put things about me in my characters. People have told me that a lot of my characters have very real personalities (I LOVE WRITING PERSONALITIES) so I think I'm okay. It makes me feel extra happy when people tell me they can relate too. A lot of that didn't explain anything about him actually sorry lawl they call me the rambler

Okey anyways

About him and Diesel (da big guy)....

I don't even know where to start with them goodness gracious they're a mess. I guess when they first met. Chamy got a new job at the stupid dumb pizza place that Diesel had already been working at for a while despite almost Never showing up for (Their boss, Sharlotte, doesn't even give a darn and thinks of Diesel as a "son she never had" so he gets away with a lot). Diesel noticed Melo was new and because he is like a big cartoon bully of course he messes with Chamelo, mainly by stealing his beloved motor scooter thing.

Diesel made sure Chamy saw that he stole it, he wanted Chamelo to see him. If he wanted Melo to try to get back at him, it worked. When he finally caught Diesel with his scooter, Chamelo lunged at him like a rabid animal and they started fighting over it. Of course, Chamelo won through sheer rage and took back his scooter and Diesel hasn't taken it since then, but Melo has to let him drive it whenever they're delivering together (Because Sharlotte thought it was a genius decision to partner him up with Diesel because she thought Chamelo would die).

Chamelo holds a grudge against Diesel over that whole situation, but now he just finds himself instigating a fight with him for literally no reason (There is a reason it is because he is Gay and a Freak).

He then eventually realizes he is Madly In Love with that chimaera guy and has a meltdown about it and can't tell ANYONE or he will DIE!!!!!! And so he becomes incredibly awkward and even more annoying around Diesel

Asker (his friend he doesn't know is his friend) questions him about Diesel because they notice him being weird about him and they find out he likes him but they don't really care but one time they told Diesel that Melo is kind of a freak about him and then Chamelo punched them in the face (I drew it in [this post] except it's in inklish because I thought it was stupid it's sandwiched between a bunch of other drawings sorry. I still think it's funny though)

Umm yeah Chamelo is hopelessly in love and is quite scared about it because he's never felt actual romantic love before with another fish, only his scooter(bc. objectum...). He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings! It's like, a weird mix of hatred and yearning. So like. A hate-love. He wants to keep hating Diesel, he doesn't want to get attached to him but he already is..!! He feels like he's supposed to hate him, Chamy doesn't know what he even likes about Diesel. He wants to stop feeling like this but he doesn't want to at the same time, if that makes sense. He tries to tell himself it's a passing feeling or anything that isn't being in love.

He's scared of what could happen if they ever do end up together, that he might stop being in love and maybe it was just a passing feeling after all, and he's frustrated at the thought of Diesel never knowing about how he really feels. He doesn't know what to do about this, and most likely won't for a while. It's painful and overwhelming for him both physically and emotionally :'(

Diesel still I guess bullies Chamelo sometimes but that is just because he always does that and doesn't know anything about himself 🤣🤣😂😂AAAHHHH AAAAGHHH AHHHHHH AHHH AHHsorry. He is bisexual. He does not know that. He also shows up to work more because of Chamelo. But he also didn't realize that until they had a short one-sided conversation on Squidmas [see here].

Diesel is taking longer than Chamelo to realize he likes him, and honestly I cannot imagine a world where Diesel actually reciprocates feelings. I don't want to say he will but I don't want to say he won't. I don't know how to describe it. Something just happens I guess lol. I'll figure it out

Since then, they've been oh-so-painfully-slowly warming up to each other, still getting mad at one another, still yelling, still fighting, still absolutely Hating the other's existence...but hey...they're together more because they want to be.........AAAGHHHHHHH isn't fighting so intimate😍THEY HAVE TO STOPPPP sorry .Sorry. I'm really normal about their horrendously weird relationship that is taking Forever to get better. It's like slow-burn if you put it at 0.5x speed. Also I wouldn't call them enemies to lovers, they aren't exactly enemies nor are they lovers later That doesn't make sense but I wouldn't know how to explain it. Swagever.

At some point Sharlotte's car and a modded trizooka have to do with them (along with a couple older ocs of mine) but that doesn't really have anything to do with right now. A lot of my drawings of the two are out of order because I'm impatient lol. I want to try to not go through like. arcs? so quickly because 1. I fear the day I run out of ideas and 2. Everything has to end and I don't like the idea of finishing all of my splatoon's lives but luckily splatoon happens in real time so I have a lot of years to go if I'm That determined about my guys LOL Sorry unrelated

TL;DR Diesel and Chamelo's relationship is so complex and stupid it is almost entirely beyond my own comprehension. They hate each other so much that they want to be with each other.

Okay that's all I could think of. A Billion Thankies for asking me about them... Apologies if you didn't really need all of That for me to explain. I like to explain things ❤

#jfc. Sorry that is a ton of words i kept having to reread everything a million times if i got something wrong or missed anything well. #then i will die forever #It is currently 2 am this took me a While. Ok goodnight #ask #chamelo fláje #diesel fintasma

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

phenomena-posting but its sad and long so readmore

idk if this sounds unhinged or like im projecting but last night i think i had some kind of psychic ptsd meltdown over my friend saint's death 2 years, i will try to explain.. All things considered, i don't know the exact day of their death, but i believe it was the night of august 6th 2021 because it was announced to all their friends the next day on the night of the 7th. And with stuff like that, people usually tell you as soon as they can. yesterday i wasnt really paying much attention to the date or anything & going about my day as normal but as night came on i started to feel so unbearably emotional, so lonely, i started crying and then it wldnt stop. Like for hours and hours it just kept escalating, i mean i am a very sad person in general so it wasn't too unusual except that usually i can calm myself after a while.. i was sitting there like doing deep breathing exercises and trying to repeat nice mantras to myself but the tears kept pouring out .. i tried going to bed early just to see if i could sleep it off but i lay awake ALL night tossing and turning. After a few hours of trying to sleep it finally dawned on me what day it was. this day last year i was at the bladee show/having a wild night in the city so i had plenty of distractions. but this year i was alone and i wonder if i was somehow picking up on the pain saint felt when they died, or the pain of others mourning them at this time of year. Not on some empath shit but i do believe the trauma of death can leave huge energetic scars on space & time. idk it could've very well just been my body remembering something that i was not consciously thinking about. many such cases.. once i realized what day it was i just tried to keep praying to saint and comforting the pain in their soul...(if thats a thing thats possible).. i still feel rancid from not sleeping and my eyes are like swollen shut but i guess i just hope tomorrow will be better ):

i miss my friend so much..honoring their memory is one of the only things that really keeps me going artistically, not gonna lie i really be getting no satisfaction or sense of accomplishment from it lately, the loneliness makes it hard to see a future but i know i cant give up because saint wouldn/t want that.. Oh how i miss my friend.

[wondero28]

Hey wonder, I hope you’re doing well :> Idk if you still continue the 4town Fboy series but my friends and I are still wild over it. It’s truly An amazing series!!

I was wondering what’s something the person the boys are interested in could do to make them fold or show genuine interest in them?

I’ve risen from the dead I suppose!

Im still around. Still invested in 4town. Still think about them daily lol

But truthfully i’ve moved on from the fboy 4town thing, it was originally just a bad joke that i kept writing for cause it kept getting traction & i liked the attention. i was having fun with it at the time, but now its just kinda goofy & feels a little awkward. I made them too sympathetic originally lol, but this is the first writing request ive had in such a long time. I really don’t mind doing it.

Just know this is the last time ill probably ever write for fboy town, it’ll be kept short too^^ Maybe ill go back & revisit those designs i made for them & repurpose it, maybe not!

Oh also, the genuine answer for this is that most of them WOULDNT get genuinely invested. Because they’re all emotionally fucked over guys who need therapy lol. But these headcanons humor the idea that they’d genuinely change

+

You’re free to write your own fboy shenanigans based off what I originally did too. I dont mind. You don’t need to credit either, i think id just like to leave these guys behind after this /lh

Either way, its nice to see someone here again 💜

——

What the fboys are attracted to + what might make them fall

—

Robaire

- genuinely? he’s attracted to independence

- Like its a little silly & a little cliche but Robaire is kind of only genuinely invested in people who give 0 shits about him. He’s not used to someone not caring about his status, money, or power. But when a person is independent & confident in themself, when they mind their own business and simply dont fucking perceive him as some sort of idol- he thinks its hot

- It drives him crazy though. He likes the worship and praise. Even if his friends are faux and he knows it, he likes feeling wanted and desired. And when someone doesn’t inherently just want him, he wants them even more

- So even if you DO want him, the best way to genuinely win him over is to treat him like a normal person. He doesn’t realize he wants to be treated like a peer or be seen as just a person & not an asset- but he does. He’ll be unbearable & act cocky while he interacts with you, but the more you treat him like just a normal person? The more of a person he actually starts to become 💀

- Any specific actions that would affect him are probably just like… engaging with him on your own terms or showing interest in what he ACTUALLY likes to do.

- A lot of people dont actually know what Robaires interests are so he’s really unengaged socially in that regard. He’s a closet geek though, get him talking about his interests or show investment in his interests like a genuine friend & youll start to win him over in a genuine way

————

Jesse

- Jesse doesn’t show much tenderness, but he’s very attracted to it

- He’s got a habit of breaking hearts & having multiple people wrapped around his finger at once. Because Jesse’s kind of genuinely incapable of being tender in a way thats meaningful with someone (aside from his kids & the guys), he’s really lacking in any true emotional intimacy

- He’s very VERY alone in that sense.

- His heart’s been broken in a very honest and true way so he’s kind of given up on finding that intimacy too. Its sad & sucks lol. But because of that struggle he has a much more genuine attraction to tenderness

- To win him over with tenderness, showing politeness or interest without expecting romance or sex wins him over, denying either from him makes him go wild. Jesse’s generally wanted because he’s attractive & suave, but if someone sees him as a person outside of that then he’s really into it. Honest to the gods he just wants a friend. He’ll never admit that though

- But for another genuine romance? He needs you to be a friend. A tender & patient one.

- Specific actions to win him over are small and easy, show interest in his day. Show interest in what his classes have been like or offer him a space to speak. He’ll try so hard to flip it around into a flirting game but eventually he’ll break & just start to like,, interact with you in more meaningful ways

————

Tae Young

- Tae Young both likes & needs someone with a dominant personality & passion for themself/their interests

- Short and simply put: Tae Young gets bored of people easy 💀. He needs someone who 1. Can keep him on his toes and 2. Challenge his personal sense of authority. A dominant & passionate person is PERFECT for that. Having someone who can spontaneously do something on their own & then proudly show it off is just what Tae needs in his life

- He thinks spontaneity is attractive and he loves a dominant personality to try and stand up against. A friendly sense of competition with someone, someone he can perceive as a peer or “on his level” is someone he’s wildly attracted to. And trust me, he WILL try to challenge your dominance and authority if you’re that kind of person. So dont step down, snap back at him! He loves it, it keeps him excited

- The harsh truth is that Tae simply isn’t genuinely engaged with most interactions he has because he has such a hard time connecting with people in a meaningful way. He likes being popular cause it keeps things constantly moving in his life & gives him opportunities to find brief engagement

- So just,, he needs someone who can do that. He’ll become genuinely attached to them, and then eventually find everything they do interesting

- Specific actions can be simply engaging with Tae & telling HIM about YOUR activities. If you get excited and energetic enough about it, he’ll match that energy & find interest in it. He’ll likely tell you about his own misadventures and if you can engage with him on that then you’ll have him hooked on you

————

Aaron T

- Aaron T needs someone to calm him the fuck down. He doesnt want it per say, but he NEEDS it

- Aaron T is, for lack of better words, a bit too much. He’s got all the friends, all the ego, and all the charisma to combine and make the dumbest but most charming motherfucker you’ll ever meet. He’s not stupid, just dumb. And he does dumb shit for the sake of fun & enjoyment. He needs someone who can keep up with him & either catch him when he falls or stop him from doing the dumb thing to begin with

- Being that kind of person isn’t easy, keeping up with T & being close enough to him to read him is hard. But when you’re close enough to do that? Well gosh, you probably already have him hooked

- T wont ever admit it, but he so so badly wants someone to care about him enough to tell him no. Its weird, because he hates it and Will usually just do what he wants, but theres a certain comfort he finds in knowing someone wants him safe and sound

- And the longer someone can keep up with him the more T will start to wind down & relax. He’s still dumb & stubborn as all hell, but he’ll listen to whoever cares enough to try and watch out for him where most others dont.

- Specific actions that may really win him over are being there to patch him up after a stupid stunt or literally blocking his way to keep him from going somewhere. He’ll be pissy in the moment, but hours later he’ll be so much more tender in private if given the opportunity

————

Aaron Z

- honest to god this man is easy & the least problematic. But Z both wants & needs someone who’s patient & understanding

- He’s simply not someone who believes in settling down anymore + he’s in a part of his life where a lot is changing and evolving. He wants someone to rely on, but he NEEDS room to grow and have spontaneity. He cant do commitment right now and when things start to feel too tense he flees from the relationship (romantic or not, he’s even flighty with his friends sometimes)

- So Z really flourishes with someone who can be there for him without “tying him down”. He wants freedom and he’s very attracted to people who offer the attention he wants from relationships while also being patient enough to let him explore. He needs someone who wont nag him about expressing his genuine feelings because honestly they aren’t always pretty but he’s not going to move forward without getting to express them.

- So to really win him over, someone needs to be able to listen to him even when he’s not verbally speaking. He needs his freedom but he needs a stable person to return to at the end of the day (starting as friends or not, its not easy to fill this role)

- Specific actions to win him over arent easy. But quality time based on things HE may want to do (but be too shy to always directly request) is good. Or just offering him quality time to unwind & relax with may help

- He starts to open up more and more as time goes on. He’ll become more emotionally available the safer he feels with someone who offers him room to grow without judgement

#fboy town strikes again #anyway ig i do writing requests again #wooh! so much fun