#idk that's what my parents did for me when i was a kid but with an ipod shuffle

[pedge-page]

Imagine baby Sarah angry with Joel for not giving into her asks and wants like idk candy maybe and sides with reader going behind Joel’s back to ask the exact same thing and then in the middle of the day Joel questions how Sarah got a lollipop and reader says that Sarah told her that Joel said yes but to ask reader as well and they then connect the dots to discover that they’ve been played

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife: Sarah's Bargain

Notes: I’ve derailed from this prompt a little because Sarah’s gotta outsmart all of the adults in the room.

- - - -

Sarah and Joel are walking through the gas station mart when she spots the colorful rack of assorted candy. 

"Daddy, can I have one ring pop?"

"No," he responds plainly, counting the twinkies in his hand and figuring out how many he can get before you yell at him.

"Why not."

He grabs two bottles of Pepsi in one hand before heading over to the check out counter. “Because I said so."

She grumbles and follows close behind him. "If I clean my room--"

"You can't bargain with me. I'm not mom. My answer is no."

She thinks about it for a moment. Then smiles. "Ok Daddy, I understand."

Joel is surprised she acquiesced so quickly. She seems to have gotten over the tantrum phase. Maybe he's doing a pretty good job at this parenting thing after all. 

- 

Later on, you take Sarah along with you to go grocery shopping. "Mom.”

"Yes bubba."

"Dad said if I cleaned my room, I could have a ring pop."

You pause, surveying the special deal for pepsi cans. Despite Joel telling you about the suspicious amount of pepsi that’s been disappearing from his stock, you hadn’t touched any. In fact, you had your own stock that you suspect he’s found out and been stealing from. 

“What?”

“A ring pop,” she repeats. “Dad said if if cleaned my room, I could have one.”

 Thats very uncharacteristic of him to bargain with Sarah.

"He did? So what are you coming to me for?"

"Well he said ONLY if you agreed. Said it was OK but to ask mom first to be sure."

Fuck, making me do the hard decision. Joels always the favorite, and if you say no now, then it’s going to make you the mean mom for no reason. You did see she cleaned her room without being told...

You grab the pepsi case, hoping Joel won't scold you for your own hoarders pile.  

You see the innocent batting of her eyes just as you look over to the candy aisle. “Well if Dad said yes..." 

-

Sarah and Joel are sitting at the table as he unwraps his secret stash of pepsi and Twinkie’s away from you. 

"I asked mom for a ring pop and she said yes,” she mentions while coloring her book.

Joel freezes with half the cream custard in his mouth. “I said—“ 

"Its ok! I told her since you had said no, that she didn't need to get me one. I just wanted to see if she would..."

"You trying to set me up against mom?"

"No..." she adds quickly. "I just... thought it would be an interesting experiment.” She smiles softly, before turning to a very mature, saddened tone. “But then I realized it was wrong and I should have listened to you in the first place. So I didn’t take it because I know you said no."

He thinks about it for a moment. Now you’re going to come to him lecturing about why Sarah doesn't get things when she CLEARLY has a good sense of responsibility, going as far to say no to something she clearly wants just to respect him. She's also smart to test both of you, and even when she could have had it, she still refused. 

“Alright. Just cuz I'm proud of ya.” He dusts the power from his fingers and fishes for his wallet. “You’re a smart kid. But I don't want you testing your mom n’ me for the same answer.  And I don't want to get in trouble with her. I'll get you one. Just this once ok?"

She nods solemnly and crosses her heart. “I won’t say anything.”

-

The next day, you hear Joel and Sarah coming in from the garage and you quickly stash your pepsi behind the potted plant. Your daughter gives you a fat kiss on the cheek before running to the living room and turning on the tv.

You and Joel sit at the table. “I saw the can by the way.” He remarks.

You grunt, pulling the aluminum from its hiding spot and proudly sipping it before crinkling it in your hand. “Well I haven’t been stealing from you. I …have my own stash.”

Joel gasps, offended and surprised by your double standards. “And you yell at me n’ my Twinkies!”

"There better not be any f-ing twinkies in this house Joel Miller," you point at him threateningly.

"Nope none Nada. Haven't seen any." he slowly tucks the new plastic back full of them under his legs.

"The two of you talk about Sarah having cleaned her room without being told. 

"Yeah, I ended up getting her the ring pop,” he tells you.

You furrow your brows.

“?… but, I got her the ring pop. She said you told her I would get if it I also approved? I didn’t want to be the mean mom!"

Fuck, Joel knows you get too worked up on trying to be too nice and cater to Sarah... "What? I told her no first. I never said it was up to you. Then she said she asked you and you said yes, but she refused yours, so I got her it instead for being responsible. I told you to stop worrying about being the nice mom!”

You also know Joel's a sucker for marveling Sarah's experimental mind and working on being responsible over getting what she wants. "She did NOT refuse my offer. what are you talking about?"

Tommy comes in moments later, and waves to the two of you through the open door. Sarah runs up to him near the doorway, and he greets her first suspiciously. They do a funky little hand shake, and you catch a glimpse of something silver going into his palm before she retreats to the living room 

"What are you doing here?" Joel asks.

Tommy shrugs. "Uh nothin’ just.."

"Did you just slip her a ring pop??" You ask incredulously. 

He huffs a guilty sigh. "Sarah asked for a ring pop because you guys told her no, so I went to pick one up at the store as long as she didn’t tell either you...."

Fuck. You and Jole BOTH know Tommy's complex about wanting to be Sarah's favorite uncle (despite the fact you keep reminding him he's her  ONLY uncle and he has no competition).

Above all else, Sarah knows these weakness about each of you. You all look over to her as she unwrap a third ring pop, putting all of them on her one hand and switching back and forth sucking on them. There's an open Pepsi can clutched in her other tiny palm that she sips from, with an exceedingly satisfied grin on her face.

- - - -

Taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop

#joel miller fan fiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #last of us fanfiction #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #joel and sarah #joel miller fluff #the last of us fluff #the last of us fic #tlou fluff #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction #last of us fic #joel dealing with preggo wife

[skunkes]

#prefacing this with I Know Spanish. i cant not know spanish‚ my parents don't speak english #but im the only one of my siblings that didnt get to go to school over there 🇲🇽 (just pre school) #adn the thing is like. my siblings wld talk to me in eng of course #(if they talked to me at all! what do u say to a baby when you're 9 12 and 15 yrs older.) #and my parents wld similarly jst not talk to me? i did not have conversations with them from birth to now lol. #thjere is something about how like. my sisters kids are also learning the languages at the same time #but when they mess up in spanish theyre corrected‚ by my sister (their mom)‚ my other sister‚ my parents #why not Me. why wasnt that extended to Me as a child... #the same reason I have the least amount of baby pictures while my siblings all have one full book each i bet #the same reason why my and my eldest sister are 15 yrs apart LOL #igts so crazy to me. i hate mentioning this bc people assume #im one of those ppl who isnt fluent bc their parents speak english and spanish and never taught them #my parents dont speak english❗❗❗❗ #my nephew thats older than me who is my fave family member and also only speaks spanish #is coming up on sunday idk that i can fully carry convo with him! #pure spanglish bc i didnt grow up having convos in it writing it reading it #thats why im so desperate to read books in spanish now. im so deeply ashamed #igts so crazy. i hate it. #saw a comment on smthng the other day thats like ''idk how u can have parents that only speak spanish and not know it lol'' #well can you take a guess. can u take a guess as to how that would happen via interactions. lack thereof. #idk why but its even more embarrassing this way. genuinely how cld u not know...? #its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years #the language thing. the Hates Eating thing. the trans thing. most severe failure to launch #im so embarrassed to be alive....! #and i dont belong anywhere. and i am Alone wherever I am. #abandoned by direct and distant relatives. ancestors.

[mavspeed]

something that really pisses me off is this headcanon that ice would have been or was against mav pulling bradley’s papers for the academy.

like i’m sorry but I need some of you to think for a second. this is a man whose jet wash indirectly also led to the accident that resulted in goose’s death and probably carried that guilt for half his life too. this is also the man who was there to watch mav and carole grieve for the brother/husband they lost for YEARS. not to mention he was close to goose as well since they were both at the academy. like he would have wanted to protect bradley just as much as mav did when he made the decision to pull the papers. it’s a dumb moment for both of them but again. 100% they would have both thought they were doing the right thing for bradley.

#this has been cooking in my head and I needed to let it out #actually while we’re on the topic I’m gonna go right ahead and continue #people saying Mav pulled the papers ONLY because of carole’s wish are.... dumb sorry imma say it! #that’s his best friend’s son. the kid of the brother he lost #like be fr for a second mav isn’t infallible he wasn’t being victimised by carole he knew perfectly well what he was doing #and he did it in part to protect bradley! bc he didn’t want a naval career to kill him just like it did his father! #and ofc you can argue that this doesn’t make sense when Mav raised bradley and knew how much he wanted to be a naval aviator #but. again. that is prob why Mav didn’t step in when bradley chose an alternative path #you can recognise your kid’s wishes and ambitions and want them to succeed and also think that it’s gonna kill them #and act on what YOU think is best for your kid #anyway idk why these headcanons specifically irritate me so goddamn much but they do 😭 #icemav were good parents but they weren’t perfect it’s like.... okay to admit that both iceman and maverick fucked up #in this aspect of parenting bradley lmao #su.txt #top gun

[anotherpapercut]

absolute worst thing about working with small children is not being able to cuss. sometimes I need to say goddammit

#today one of the kids said something incredibly fucking mean to another kid #and it took SO much restraint not to say 'what the fuck did you just say to her?' #i really hope some of these kids like. learn to be nice before they become adults because oh my god #one of them wont stop being transphobic to my coworker so hes not allowed in her room anymore because he was being so awful #and hes fuckin 8 years old! 8 entire years old and being wildly bigoted! and i don't think its his parents #bc his sister is extremely fuckin respectful. literally corrects other kids who call me mr or miss and tells them i dont like that #so why is her brother wildly transphobic and mean as hell to other kids and shes like one of our best behaved #i dont get it #i want to be patient and understanding but when theyre bullying other kids like! im not gonna let them traumatize people #because they havent figured out kindness yet #idk #its frustrating sometimes

[laugtherhyena]

I didnt know if i should send this ask or not but you responded to my ryudori brainrot post and im entering the epilogue rn. And i just. EVEN MINAKO KNOWS THERES SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN THE TWO

The fact that 2/3s of the rest of the 6.5 cast constantly ask/bother these two about them possibly dating will never not be funny to me honestly. Minako especially feels like the kind that would wanna know every detail of it

#if my memory doesn't fail me i think Midori leaves right away after she starts asking this? #idk it's been a long while since i last watched this #also I'm so sorry for fankid rambling that's not what you're here for #but when i think of them i think of Akira and her following these two around the foundation as a kid #Midori because Minako chats with her often so whenever she was being looked over by her grandma there she'd be with midori too #and from being with Midori she meets Ryutaro and sorta sticks to him as well. whenever he is at the facility at least #so you have this kid that follows these two around sometimes when her mothers are busy #and when she grows older and Ryutaro and Midori have kids of their own those kids follow Akira around like she did with their parents #not that i have any Ryudori fankid tho. i just think it's a cute idea #+ i have a feeling they would have at least one kid in the future if they got together #dra #danganronpa another #ryutaro Maki #midori yamaguchi #hyena ramblings

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[amiharana]

more revalink hcs but from this post

my previous revalink hcs post

2-4 songs that are probably on their iPod

first of all, do not give me free reign to decide what songs characters listen to, you know i'm gonna make half of them bts/kpop songs. that being said,

link: lonely by bts rm, superman (it's not easy) by five for fighting, my time by bts jungkook, and baby by justin bieber

revali: black swan by bts, hit me with your best shot by pat benatar, so bad by stayc, and wonderwall by oasis

(links to both the song and translations have been added for the kpop ones lawl)

they both have breaking free from high school musical though, because it's their couple song and they have to do a duet number to it on karaoke nights with the other champions

the one place they sometimes end up falling asleep – where they’re not supposed to

you're not going to believe this but link frequently falls asleep at the bottom of the flight range and not even revali understands why. i guess it's fairly isolated??? but the updrafts are pretty fucking loud so???

you will almost never catch revali slipping, except when you do. the easy answer would be the flight range hut, but the funnier answer is the heart-shaped hole in the rito rock pillar. why are you there. wait a minute why is link sleeping here too. what the fuck. you people are gay!

the game they'd destroy everyone else at

i learned how to play the card game 'nerts' recently and i think link would eat this game up because he's so competitive. he would absolutely kill at super smash brothers and also minecraft bedwars

revali likes a good challenging game of chess and he plays fire emblem on permadeath mode, fucking nerd lmao. i feel like revali would slay at competitive pokemon though

the emoticon they’d use most often

link uses the 🫡 and 🧍 emojis a lot, but he also gives very much ^_^ and O.o user vibes

revali does a lot of 👍/👎 and 😃 like a boomer, but you'd never guess that he likes the 🍥 emoji. it's because it's cute and reminds him of link 🥺

what they act like when they haven’t had enough sleep

i am the #1 sleepy link enjoyer. there is nothing better on this earth than link drowsily pulling at revali's scarf just to give him a sleepy kiss to his beak and then fall back asleep.

if this is about being sleep-deprived though, link is thoroughly traumatized from constant sleepless nights traveling through hyrule and developing hypervigilance as a survival response. revali feels similarly because he didn't need to sleep as a spirit trapped on medoh so sometimes neither of them can genuinely sleep unless they have each other

otherwise, link is dead silent and stares while revali will verbally threaten to defenestrate you if you even breathe at him wrong. he is 10x more violent if you bother a sleep-deprived link, too.

their preferred hot beverage on really cold nights. or mornings. or whenever

link loves hot chocolate idc idc i will not take any criticism for this. he puts marshmallows in his hot chocolate, he has a sweet tooth

revali enjoys herbal tea. these days, he's been making a blend of hyrule herbs and cool saffinas. link has revali make him tea, sometimes and they sit together in their roost just drinking and talking to each other about their day

how they like to comfort/care for themselves when they’re in a slump

link cooks/eats and naps. he fr the type to stress cook, so the whole village eating a feast tonight if link feels like shit, and he'll much better after cooking and seeing everyone well-fed :) he especially likes to nap on revali, but he'll sleep on just about anything. still prefers to sleep on revali though, and will get pouty until revali gives in

revali flies around the hebra mountains when he feels unmotivated or uninspired, just to enjoy the scenery of his home. if he feels like shit, that means it's time to have a dust bath to maintain his plumage and keep himself clean. link does not understand how bathing in dust makes revali clean, but he has fleshy hylian skin so he wouldn't get it. he also does bow maintenance because if he's not in top shape, neither are his bows

what they wanted to be when they grew up

link would have wanted to stay in hateno and either be a farmer or take over his mother's equestrian training course. i think he'd be a good archery and swordsmanship teacher, too

revali probably still would have wanted to be the greatest warrior and archer of the rito, but i think he would have done well as a bard or also an archery teacher. archery teachers revalink au?

their favorite kind of weather

both of them love a bright sun and clear skies, especially in the brisk wind of the tabantha and hebra regions. idk how to explain it but sunny day no clouds + cold wind just hits different... perfect weather for flying or napping together :)

link does enjoy it when they go into the mountains and it starts snowing, and revali likes it when link enjoys things because he's a simp

thoughts on their singing voice (decent? terrible? soprano? alto?)

y'all already know my thoughts on link's voice and a bit about revali's voice! i need them to sing a duet together!

they're both tenors, but link can hit alto notes in his head voice and revali usually stays in his chest voice and can go a little deeper towards baritone but he mostly has a tenor range

link's voice is sweeter and gentler, and revali's more powerful by volume and is more prone to belting

how/what they like to draw or doodle

link has one of those 'wreck this journal' books and he straight up be throwing that shit off cliffs. lowkey though, i think link would be really good at art and he would make stuff similar to jean-michel basquiat's work.

link has a whole sketchbook of things he drew throughout his journey through hyrule and he's pretty good at realism! but there are a couple of pages blacked out completely with dark scribbles and sometimes revali will wake up in the middle of the night to link sitting in the middle of their roost with the sketchbook open to one of those scribbled out pages, staring at it with blank eyes. revali doesn't ask; he just gets out of the hammock to pull link back into bed and holds him tight, singing softly until link falls back asleep.

revali is very much like fe3h edelgard in which he hides every piece of art he's ever made because he's embarrassed about not being the best at it, except link is good at finding shit and digs it up and puts it on display in their roost. revali can either only draw stick figures or he can paint something straight out of the impressionist era, there is no in between

(he likes to paint things that remind him of link, so quite a few of his paintings are shades of blue, green, and bright yellow because they're colors that remind him of link :>)

#revalink #loz #botw #loz botw #legend of zelda #amihan's revalinkverse #amihan's headcanons #non-champions archery teachers revalink au actually sounds very delicious right now #if anyone would like me to explain the song choices for the ipod one please do i will gladly talk for a very long time about bts #i also assumed this is one of those things where u have to link ur ipod to the computer and put the actual music files in it by folder #idk that's what my parents did for me when i was a kid but with an ipod shuffle #the reason why link is at the bottom of the flight range is bc he's picking up any intact arrows #and also any bows revali has dramatically thrown in there #e.g. the ask request about revalink having a big fight #he fell asleep because he's a sleeby boi #link is so mother for cooking for the village imo #if revali was in fe3h personality-wise he'd fit in blue lions #but if he was playing he'd choose golden deer because claude is a bow main LMAOOOOO

[winterf4iryy]

i hate feeling so guilty every fathers day

#i shouldn’t #at least i don’t think #idk if i should be talking to my real dad more or not #but at the same time #they split when i was so young #and i only ever saw him during the summers #and he barely called in the months between #and then i moved COUNTRIES #and he called twice a year #and my mom would be on my ass to text him or call him #and i did #maybe i should’ve tried harder #but i was a kid man :/ i was 12 years old and in a completely new country and scared and nervous and crying every night #a kid shouldn’t feel the responsibility / weight of keeping in touch with their literal parent #but now that i’m older i feel so guilty #bc i have step sisters and i feel like i owe them to keep in touch #but at the same time :/ it’s not the same as it was #like what do i do. i haven’t spoken to him in what?? 7 years?? maybe 5 since he called those very few times in the beginning #i mean we text — only for holidays and birthdays #it just makes me so sad bc he’s not a bad person. we’re just so far away from each other and it’s been so long since ive seen him #idek #but then it’s like. Why can’t you call more? why can’t you text me? why not? but i guess it’s not fair if i don’t do the same. idk. #he can’t even call my brother who LIVES IN THE STATES #anyways #W stepdad though #love my stepdad 🤟🏻🫶🏻 #˚｡ ⋆୨୧˚ dear diary… 💌

[elytrafemme]

guys i laurv college like actually. went out w a group of ppl and went to CVS and a mediocre pep rally. had a really sweet exchange w a bus driver. roommates are going out in a large group to have some of that sweet liquid sillies allegedly. i am alone in my dorm despite thinking i'd be the last one awake i am literally the only one here. and i'm happy i think :D

#nightmare.personal #we have to be up at like 7:30 am though so God bless my poor roommates #it's just two of them out person no 3 is unaccounted for #hypothetically i couldve stayed up but the group i was hanging out w are all roommates #so it was just me sititng in their dorm while they were showering and i was like. i think maybe i should go back to my home domain #but college is seriously kind of great bc like. you can just Do Shit. no parental convos about the logistics of hanging out #if i want to knock on a friends door to see their taxidermied rat and then go out w them at 10 pm #i am well within my God given right to do that!!!!!! #also idk when the RAs come bc this is meant to be quiet hours but people are blasting frank ocean which #it's frank ocean so you cannot be complaining about that but still #ALSO I SAW THIS GUY I'D BEEN TEXTING AT A STORE AND THEN I SAW HIM LATER AT THE RALLY #AND THIR=TY SECONDS BEFORE THE RALLY ENDED I TEXTED HIM SAYING I SAW HIM #AND HE MADE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH ME RIGHT WHEN EVERYONE STARTED LEAVING #IT WAS SO FUNNY. i am seeing him in SO many places and we haven't even hung out yet #also hope the guy that i recced måneskin liked it i didn't do one of their best songs but hopefully thats cool #i just did baby said bc i was gonna do read your diary but thought it'd be too much in hindsight i'd DEFFO do kool kids #IN ANY CASEEEE. idk what to do now just text my gf i guess

[thedreadvampy]

realising how much of my expansion beyond rock and metal into a wide range of genres is because:

Slipknot crossed over with the edgy/gothier end of 2000s hiphop

Disturbed are just like. The BIGGEST nerds for 80s British pop (they're not alone in that, it's a whole numetal Thing, but I think like a solid 10% of the 80s pop I listen to I first heard as a Disturbed cover)

Lady Gaga was the top 40 artist it was Okay For Edgy Alternative Teens To Like In 2007

Being an Alternative 2000s Teen was in many ways very musically stifling cause it was incumbent upon me to perform disdain for anything deemed too Pop.

I was somewhat rescued by my own gayness (when me and my gay goblin friends discovered CAMP!!!! and got semi-ironically big into Katy Perry and Rihanna and of course Gaga) but mostly I was so aggressively self-policing my music tastes and deciding what to listen to based more on my assessment of where it fitted socially than on whether I like. Liked it.

Catch 13 year old me studiously typing "punk" and "metal" into Limewire and listening to whatever came up. Catch 15 year old me assessing whether the fact that Rihanna is making music videos about murder in black lipstick means it's ok to like top 40 pop. Complicated by the fact that honestly half the biggest Alternative Teen bait acts of the 2000s were pop as hell, and that as above, numetal acts were nerdy musicians with a broad range of tastes outside metal, and it was very complicated for me. It probably took me until I was like 20 to really start to get a handle on what I personally liked musically, rather than what fit my persona (vividly remember being in a goth club when I was like 18 where they closed out the night with Leonard Cohen's Closing Time every time, and thinking like oh man am I allowed to like Leonard Cohen then? having been listening to Leonard Cohen since I was a literal infant.)

Once I let go of the sense of having to like the Right Music, I very rapidly developed very eclectic tastes and music became a really big part of my life. although my friend did recently still describe my music taste as "two genres - heavy and gay" so that 2000s alt teen is still in there big time.

I think it's a normal thing about being a kid. You're developing music taste basically from scratch and there's a world of music out there so it helps to start out with a narrow focus and build a solid few acts, albums or genres you really like and work out from there. But I do regret how much good music I missed out on first time around because even though I liked it I wrote it off for being rap or being too pop or too upbeat. But the good thing about music is that it doesn't go away! I'm still discovering a lot of music that I heard 50000 times when it was on the radio but never really listened to at the time. It's fun!

#red said #also i do think the fact that my family didn't really listen to music radio did change the ways i developed taste #it was talk radio or music my parents or us kids already owned so there wasn't like. a time i was listening to new music where #i wasn't also performing Teen Coolness for other kids. i mostly heard new music in the art room at school or in cafes or on coaches #whereas i know a lot of people who built their foundational music tastes really on from what was on the radio when they were kids #lot of people i know reminisce about hearing certain songs in the car to school etc and for me that's not music that's BBC Radio 4 #idk i think it's really interesting that like. early developmental stage of music tastes #cause it's different for everyone. for most it's a patchwork of your family's music what your friends listen to and what's on the radio #as well as stuff you stumble on or seek out of of interest #and the balance is different for everyone. i think it says a lot about your experience of childhood #and i also think like for myself I'm often quite judgemental of child!me's basic and limited tastes #because i was pretty judgemental of myself at the time for not knowing Enough Music #and as an adult I'm like nah that's a pretty vital part of development. like you don't get mad at a baby for not knowing what words mean. #you have to start somewhere! when you're 14 you've only had 14 years to listen to music and for most of that time you weren't choosing it #and you probably haven't been going out to gigs or record stores off your own back. you're going with friends or family's recommendations #so like as a teen i knew my parent's music. i knew my brother's music. i read Kerrang! and listened to stuff my friends suggested #but it took time to build up that solid foundation to go 'what i like is a hefty beat/ bass and a lot of energy. i will find more of that.'

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears #speaking against something that hurts #laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing #the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words. #i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it #but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do #but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at #inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that? #i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn #and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great #but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they #think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i #struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those #connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just #it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent #or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them #i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad #student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever #but its fine. ya kno #just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy #and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough #ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have #0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box #i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess #abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times #i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha #unrelated

[indigodawns]

.

#was feeling stressed and melancholy all day and i just... i really need to learn how to cope with that #i feel so self-absorbed and idk i was upset and teary eyed when taking the train early for dinner with my friends #and then i sit down and my friend says oh oops sorry can't tonight and idk. i was counting on that to sit down and talk for a bit and #this makes me sound awful but i kind of. exploded and texted back very shortly and angrily #and apparently. gave our other friend a panic attack so #and then they told me over text and i did nooot know how to react irl and psychically bc whew self-loathing #which felt so toxic and gross??? and again self absorbed??? #and i did reply over text and i apologised and did my best but god. #idk it's like... i think that petulant angry kid is who i am deep down and lord knows i shouldn't post this but #i need some perspective and i feel so manipulative in this too #idk idk. and i was also just wondering if anyone else gets like this like idk this blur in front of your eyes and you just #lose all reasonable thought #and i just think. im selfish as fuck at my core and im scared i don't actually want to change that and i will. try to talk about #it in therapy but that's a while away #anyways. that's also me and yeah. #sorry and also it's my parents' wedding anniversary and all i could think about was feeling mweh and not being able to do #what i was planning to do and i had this assignment blabla and these plans etc #like god??????? god #im calmer now (obviously) but yeah #and now work again tomorrow and im so fucking sick of it the mood is awful and it's busy and bleh

[asexual-juliet]

it fics where maggie & wentworth are abusive to richie just know that you’re causing me both emotional and psychic damage what the fuck are you doing!!!

#bill denbrough did not say ‘we can’t go to our parents either. unless—what about your mom and dad four-eyes? they seem pretty regular’ #for you guys to pull this kind of bullshit #wentworth tozier did not lovingly call richie ‘o idiot child of my loins’ for this kind of treatment #wentworth tozier is just. a goofy dude! a sarcastic guy! you can literally see where richie gets it from! #and maggie… i love you maggie… she’s trying so hard someone please tell her she’s doing a good job!! #idk just seems weird that in this story with so many abused and neglected kids you’re latching on to the one with a canonically #happy home life #like. eddie and bev are obviously two children of abuse #bill’s parents are definitely trying their best in the wake of georgie but he’s also definitely being a little neglected #stan’s parents aren’t really touched on in the book but his dad seems pretty strict in the movie #ben and mike are the only other ones with genuinely happy home lives it’s just so fucking weird to me that people will write about richie #being abused when they could pick literally anyone else #it #it chapter one #it chapter 1 #stephen king #stephen king’s it #richie tozier #wentworth tozier #maggie tozier

[haemosexuality]

most of the schools i went to were catholic to its rlly surprising that i never had any type of religion class. it didnt actually affect anything other than us being made to stand in line and pray before class (and also sing the national anthem) but like you could just, Not do that and be chill

#i did go to catechism classes as a kid but that only lasted for a few months #i was 9 i think or 10 #kinda diff subject but i have a lot of memories of being 10-11 and figuring out religion #a lot of my memories for that time period are Gone I Am Memory Issues Man but not those for some reason #babies first independent thought <3 #i remember first doubting what i knew about god when i was like 7? but i shelved that until 5th/6th grade #as ive repeatedly brought up in this blog my sister died when i was in 5th grade which caused my parents to double down on the catholicism #at the same time i had found Atheist Progressive Facebook Pages and doubting everything #they made a routine of every day before bed reading me a passage from the bible and i had to sit there like yas queen so true #but me and this friend from school were heaving deep philosophical talks about religion dailyyyyyyyy #she reached the conclusion of god not being real a bit before me and i remember mentioning to my parents how i dont think thatd mean she #was gonna go to hell in one of the Nightly Bible Sessions #before i reached that conclusion i actually adopted the line of thinking thay god Was real #he just sucked ass and was a terrible being. and also fuck christianity #tho a few months later i went full atheist #one time me and that friend were on a fucking amusement park ride discusding religion. thats still funny to me #also a while later my mom started dipping her toe in other religions mostly as she tried to figure out how to deal w my sister dying #she got into spiritism and took me to like a. idk. lecture???? sermon??? i did not care so i daydreamed lesbian ever after highxmonster high #fanfiction during it. 👍 #my dad also gave me a very long talk about how my mom was being tempted by the devil at that time which like. ok #also at age 11 the last time i went to church happened. it was on the 1 year anniversary of my grandpa dying (which also happened in 5th #grade) and his name was gonna be mentioned. i was already atheist then and i felt Very out of place. also intried convincing my younger #cousin the tooth fairy was real doing it #oh and i can never forget how i posted on facebook telling my extended family that i was an atheist and then my aunt held a prayer session #at her house while me n the other kids were playing and Loudly talked about how parents who let their children be atheists are doing the #devils work or whatever. or the family friend that told my mom the reason my sister died was bc my mom didnt go to church regularly #my mom didn't go to church regularly bc my sister was dying and she was busy trying to prevent that. lmao. #my sister dying actually had nothing to do w me questioning religion but literally everyone seemed to think so at the time. theyd be like #i know you might be angry at god because of your sister.... and i was like? no bitch theres just no scientific proof that guy exists what #oh there are so many typos and mistakes in these tags im not editing that. good luck

[transgender-catboy]

I love my friends

#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind #for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!! #secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart #i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and #allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother. #she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way #i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know? #not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her. #...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics #i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling. #like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did. #hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either #but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time #but that's the only way I can get those emotions out #I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved. #and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah. #but we dont talk about her #... i dunno. I'm just here. #guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going #I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys. #so uh. thank you. #i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you #probably dead. #💖 #vent

[pepprs]

ok two things. #1 i am IMPOSSIBLY exhausted. just took a nap for a couple hours and have been awake for a bit but i feel like ivr been whacked like a punching bag like good god. and #2 is gonna have to make me delete this post later bc i feel weird and bad and paranoid abt saying it lol but. it’s just fucking weird and bad kinda bc im literally 2 years older than / removed from the students who work closest with us rn (who i spent most of today tabling w) and it’s so awkward bc we’re at the same-ish life stages and ik we totally would’ve been friends if we’d gone thru the same programs together as students but they ignore me / don’t and can’t talk to me like we’re friends bc im a staff member and my attempts to talk to them are lame and weird so idk. it’s just a lot and stressful and sobering

#purrs #aldo one of the interns who will be working w us this year just found a living situation that is like… EXACTLY the kind of thing i think i #would want and she was telling me all abt decorating her apartment and getting / buying stuff for her cat and having all this freedom and… #RRAUGHHHH im so proud of her and happy for her bc her situation was rly hard before this and she told me all abt it and it’s exactly what #she needed and deserves but it’s just so WEIRD bc i need the exact same thing and still live w my parents and share a room and can’t drive a #and am literally like… ‘in competiton’ w students im working w for resources and also im about to be a grad student and idk how to act #arojnd undergrads or if i get to / should sympathize with them or like talk abt anything bc im also a staff member and a semi-supervisor of #theirs and i know things they don’t and have power over them and it’s like. aughhhh it’s just bad. i feel really horrible saying this but i #just need time to pass. i need to not be going thru the same life milestones undergrads are going thru. i need to be 3-4 yrs in the future w #where no one ever knew me as a student (a couple of them did just as a senior when they were freshmen etc!). so that it’s not weird anymore #and there are no blurry lines that make us confused abt how to interact w each other or make me feel so fucking bad abt myself lol #<- which i literally shouldn’t like i have no reason to and it’s ridiculous and childish to. but idk. imjust depressed and exhausted i think #delete later #also for the second semester ina row im about to be an instructor of a class with someone i literally… took a class with as a student in the #class 💀💀💀💀💀 like she and i were classmates in spring 2021 and my co-instructors were O UR instructors and nowi am also an instructor. and #its just so fucking bizarre and uncomfortable aughhhhh #i just feel very lonely abt all of it. and im isolating myself again which isn’t helping esp bc the guilt has been gnawing at me hard lately #not to say this but it’s even weird on here. like a lot of you guys are in college rn and… i work for one. and it doesn’t matter but also it #just feels weird and i feel weird abt complaining abt the semester or being like yeah the semester is so hard haha fellow kids. which im not #bc it legitimately is hard for staff too it’s just… a lot. idk. idk how to explain it