#idk this is just something i’ve been thinking about a lot and i just needed to write it down

[goldensunset]

surprise art attack!!! here’s @deityofhearts ‘s cashmere, everyone’s favorite whimsical tiefling

#pose taken directly from the kikuomiku4 album cover bc i’ve been listening to UFO on repeat for idk how many days now #finally gave me the inspiration i needed to do something like this it’s like both sad and super whimsical #actually tbh it gives me more wishful vibes now that i think about it but 1. idk what wishful looks like and 2. cashmere design my beloved #kikuo just in general has a lot of whimsysad and/or fundark which is why i love him #tbh ufo has quickly shot up to one of my fave songs it’s the iconic accordion and the tempo being unstable in places #uh anyway ignore me being a kikuo nerd again #wahhh this was fun to work on it has consumed me these past three days #jumping up and down hehehehehe #glad i finally cut to the ‘it’s done *collapses*’ stage of the arting process bc i’ve been having trouble finishing pieces lately #man i WISH i could come up with poses this good on my own. idc i’m still proud of this #my art #ok yeah i just got the time total. 12 hours #i knew it would be a long time but i didn’t think that long #tbh a lot of that was spent inefficiently bc i kept having to resize the image up when i realized the pixels were too crunchy #and when you make an image bigger the lines get blurry so then you have to redo them. yeah i had to do that TWICE. like a dummy. #12 hours used to be like par for the course for me but i’ve finally gotten faster. or maybe i’ve just stopped doing as many full figures #lol

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Stuck In Her Head

short contemporary YA coming-of-age set in Hong Kong, following two teen girls who are friends

one is a musical prodigy but has lost her passion and wants to explore different possibilities for her future

the other is passionate about music but dealing with mental health & family issues

the latter develops a crush on the former, who is aroace, and they have to re-navigate their friendship, while working on a music/coding competition project together and dealing with their own issues

#aroaessidhe 2024 reads #stuck in her head #Hm this had a lot of aspects I found interesting but didn’t quite live up to what I wanted it to be #I definitely love reading YA set not in the west - this is set in Hong Kong - and I liked that a lot! #And of course we always need more YA about friendships rather than being romance focused (though this has an unrequited aspect of that) #This is written by 17yos which is cool! though it does show in the prose a bit. There’s a lot of ‘the girl’ ‘the teen’ instead of their nam #Or like informing the reader of info in slightly awkward ways - one visits the other’s house and says “is this the first time I’ve been to #- I feel like there are better ways to tell the reader this. Like that’s not something you wouldn’t be sure about right? #This made it feel like their friendship was quite tentative - school friends who’ve known each other for years but only really #started hanging out properly recently - but the text says they’ve been inseparable for years. #It definitely tackles a lot of things from burnout and perfectionism; losing passion for your talents; parents divorcing; depression #I just think some could have been handled with a bit more depth/nuance; with more space and introspection given to them #especially their main conflict about one having a crush on the aroace and then she pretends to reciprocate bc the other is suicidal and the #the other finds out and gets mad and it's......weirdly drawn out but also barely explored in depth also? idk #definitely anticipated it to be a bit like this because it's written by such young authors it's expected that they're still perfecting thei #I think teens who prefer shorter books & are looking for this sort of thing would still enjoy it for sure. I'll def look out for future boo #bisexual books #aroace books

[dangerous-advantage]

thinking about how raph, april, and mikey are less focused on by the fandom than donnie and leo, the only two main characters in rottmnt with white voice actors

#to be clear this is not a “callout” nor am i trying to inspire discourse/attack anybody #it’s just something i’ve been thinking about for a while that i feel deserves more... ig recognition? by the fandom at large #like i know a part of it is definitely the shows’ fault and their own unspoken biases #but i can’t turn a blind eye when i see human versions of the turtles that consistently have see and lee be lighter skinned #even if they are all represented as poc #like to reiterate: this is not a call-out #it could absolutely just be the niche of the fandom that i find myself in (in which this is a massive self report) #and i absolutely need to do better as well!! #but i haven’t seen this talked about as much as i feel it should #esp with april— i mean i already am aware about the fandom bias toward male characters #but it makes it doubly hard for her character which is a shame seeing as she is a queen #+ my fav representation of april in the entirety of the tmnt canon so far #i understand with mikey that it could be excused due to the fact that his character was focused on less #but raph? he has sooo much good characterization that i often see given to leo in fic/fanart #like i said: this is a lot more nuanced than what i’ve talked about #and i am by no means perfect #i just think we as a fandom should at the very least recognize this aspect of ourselves #idk i’m definitely not the best person to be talking about this #but i’ve been turning it over in my head for a while so i figured i might as well just. say it #rottmnt #rottmnt meta #racism #tw racism #internal bias #if anybody has something to add feel free #just like. be civil please? like i don’t think anyone is doing it on purpose (obviously) #just something to be aware of

[ilovedthestars]

honestly the biggest Competing Access Needs issue that I personally have run into in online spaces is this:

people need, deserve, and should have space to complain and critique. that includes critiquing things that I (and they!) care about and find valuable, in order to make them better. those conversations are often necessary and healthy, and they should be allowed to happen.

however, I find those kinds of conversations incredibly stressful, often outright upsetting. especially when it involves people I like/respect arguing with or criticizing other people I like/respect. my instinct is to try to mediate and smooth things over and acknowledge the points of both sides, but often that’s either not my place to do or would be actively unhelpful. so I just end up torn in the middle of what feels to me like a barrage of negativity, filled with the unhelpful desire to be like “can’t we just all get along????”

the only and best solution to this is for me to just remove myself from conversations like these, and I’ve gotten better at that, but. It’s still difficult for me to deal with, even though I know that despite my hangups, it’s sometimes better for those conversations to happen than not.

#stars rambles #yes this is partly about convos that have happened on discord but I want ppl to know that I’m not @ing anyone specific about this #like i don’t think anyone’s in the wrong here #even though I would like to avoid any semblance of conflict. I know that would be bad for other people #but I did want to say this because I feel like. idk. in the moment the best thing I can do is shut up and walk away #so I wanted to express this outside of that very charged context #it’s not just about discord to be clear #sometimes it’s about things I see on Tumblr (or complaints on Tumblr that have been exported from discord) #sometimes it’s about irl organizations that I’ve been a part of where I’m like #I love this space deeply #and I know it has flaws and that there should be room for critique #but I want to defend what I love about it #this is definitely an area for personal growth for me too #but it’s not gonna go away overnight #and i've also seen it come up with other people in ways that just aren't avoidable #sometimes you love something and want to talk about how you love it #and someone else is annoyed by it and wants to talk about that #and there's no easy way for both of those conversations to happen in a way that doesn't hurt someone #and i don't feel like that kind of competing need is one that i see brought up a lot #anyway #vent #drafted this and left it to sit and now i am queuing it for the future so it will not seem associated with any one conversation #because it's not really about one thing #q2q

[theboost]

I know it’s stupid to get embarrassed about caring about a fictional guy on the caring about a fictional guy website but I am literally having such a deadshot moment rn

#thinking as I often do about what to do to make Zoe interesting. and I think I’ve cracked the code. there have been a lot of moments where #it’s been teased that if. Christ I can’t call him Floyd I don’t think of him that way. if Deadshot dies she will take over as the next #deadshot. and they did something very similar to what I’m pitching here in the 2016 suicide squad but I think there should be a moment where #she thinks Deadshot is dead and shoots someone point blank and kills them #okay I lost the plot but I’m back #but anyway she kills someone which is naturally a traumatic experience for her but also incredibly traumatic for him as the first time he #killed someone it was to stop someone from killing his father. so they’re having mutual breakdowns. there’s a couple of fun ways it could go #from here. maybe she’s just like him and shuts down emotionally. maybe he’s like oh fuck she’s just like me I need to get away from her #before I ruin her. and then he can. idk voluntarily join the suicide squad again. or the secret six!

[jemmo]

i can’t tell you how much i usually hate these ignoring, distancing plots in shows and how much i absolutely adore everything about these 2 episodes of the eighth sense. like im not having a good time, and it’s fantastic.

bc the thing is, in all of this, i can’t see the right way to go, i can’t find the person to blame, i can’t find the way to make it better. I can’t single out a single moment or a thing someone did and say “this is why everything went wrong”. it’s just this coming together and rise and swell of things happening and people feeling things that has us ending up here and it feels beautifully and horribly organic bc we can’t find that point where it all went wrong. was it on that rooftop? was it at the beach? was it when they first met? was it when his brother died? was it when he was born into this family? there is no single point. it’s all of them and it’s none of them. there is truly nothing and no one to blame. and there are bad characters in the show, people you can hate, eunji and taehyung, but neither of them are to blame for any of the bad stuff that happens in the show. you’re not waiting for them to be taken down bc that doesn’t solve anything. instead, it’s just two people hurting, and not knowing how to make it better.

bc you take jaewon, and after what he says at the end of ep 8, you want to hate him, you want to be so angry at him for what he says, for how he acts, how dismissive and hurtful he is, and yet you’ve been made to understand 100% why, and not just in a “i get it but that wasn’t the right thing to do” way, in a “that was horrible and yet i know he doesn’t see any other way to handle this” way. like you don’t see this as a misstep, or a step to far, bc you know for him, in his state of mind, it is completely justified, it’s necessary. bc it not only punishes the person he blames for all of this, himself, but he sees it as a way to protect jihyun. and not even in a cliche “bad things happen when people around me, the people I love always get hurt” kinda way, but more so in that he sees that he is a scared, messy, struggling person that doesn’t know how to handle himself, and doesn’t want to inflict that on anyone, let alone the person he cares about. so what’s worse, a quick, swift blow that hurts but cuts everything off cleanly, or this prolonged relationship where he inevitably continues to weigh jihyun down with the weight of his trauma, and take it out on him. what’s the point of having a place of refuge when you ruin it more and more every time you depend on it, until it eventually can’t offer you comfort. it’s a lesser of two evils, jaewon’s choice is obvious to him.

but then you take jihyun. and we talk about masks and fronts but we never once question whether jihyun wears a mask bc he appears so sweet and innocent and naive, what can this boy possibly be putting up a front for. but i see it, this almost fake it till you make it confidence front that yes is becoming more natural. but my god just think about what he’s gone through for a second. think about it. left home for the first time in his life, moved to an unfamiliar and intimidating city with only one other person he knows, started a new job, started university, tried to build relationships, met a man that intrigues him, and perused him only to be kissed and then ignored, then maybe establish something tentative, only to then see him spiral, go on a trip where he shared his trauma, you have an intimate night together only to almost die, and then be not only ignored, but plain and simple rejected and pushed away. like… you can say all you want about jihyun growing as a person and having more courage, but no amount of growth for however many months this has been going on for can prepare you for that. for the mixed messages on steroids. for the back and forth, not knowing. to give yourself to someone like that and go through something traumatic and then be abandoned by that person. we get it, bc we see all of jaewon’s story. but apart from what jaewon shared at the beach, jihyun doesn’t know any more than that. he doesn’t know about therapy, about how his father acts towards him, about the extent of his trauma and how it manifests and affects his mental health, and how he is struggling every single day. and you can’t expect him to know the depths of that no matter how empathetic and connected he is, how much he cares about jaewon, he can’t be superhuman. and so you get why he pushes and fights for jaewon. like… he is in love. it’s clear. he’s fallen in love with him. he is this wide-eyed, open kid that fell in love with a senior. and jaewon has just messed with his head, he’s never been clear, and you can’t expect jihyun to just get past that bc he knows something is up with jaewon. he can’t know the full story, but even if he did, that can’t be a reason or a justification to be treated the way jaewon treats him. bc we’re all about jaewon putting himself first and doing what he wants and respecting himself like that, but jihyun deserves that too. and it’s such a fine line to tread when you know someone is going through something, bc again you understand why, but you’re still the one being treated that way. like we talk about jaewon’s trauma, but here jihyun was part of it, he went through that traumatic experience. he’s the one that nearly lost his life. and yes, he appears to handle it well, and no matter to what extent that’s true or not, you can’t not look at jaewon struggling and understand it and then not look at jihyun with that same understanding. it’s not about comparing trauma and pain and deciding who is suffering more, it’s seeing that there are two people in this, and they’ve both been affected, so we should give them the same level of understanding.

and that’s something jaewon has to see. that his self-preservation is selfish. that his destructive behavior doesn’t just affect jihyun, instead it feels pointed and directed, bc every way jaewon hurts himself hurts jihyun. and it comes bc jihyun was so much of what was good about jaewon’s life for a second, so attacking that is his only form of self-sabotage. he can’t mess up his relationship with his friends or parents bc they were broken in the first place, and he can’t sabotage his future bc it’s already been ruined the moment he didn’t pursue his photography major. him nearly getting kicked out of school affected him so little not just bc he wanted that punishment, but bc even that punishment meant so little to him. all these things are established and they already contribute to his suffering. removing jihyun from his life is the only active thing he can do to make himself feel worse, and he can veil it in an act of protection, and even feel like he’s doing the right thing, but that deceives them both into believing this is done from a good place, when no good can actually come of it. in trying to protect jihyun, you hurt him more. in trying to hurt yourself, you hurt him too. and when someone is in a headspace like jaewon is, you look for that thing that’ll break through. bc he is so distant, he’s trying to remove himself from reality, and jihyun needs to act as this person that can anchor him to it. when you’re trying to isolate and separate yourself, sometimes seeing that you still affect things, that there’s a persons that exists that is affected and hurt by your actions, and no matter how you try to cut yourself off, you cannot stop that, separating yourself still hurts them, maybe that’s a thing that can get through. but that’s something that depends on jaewon. ultimately, he’s the only one that can get himself out of this place, and that’s what makes it so hard, that no matter how much jihyun cares and how much he fights for him, nothing can come of that effort is jaewon doesn’t meet him there. and it’d be so easy for jihyun to give in, to take the hurt, but over the course of this show we’ve seen the strength jihyun has developed, which has only seemed to increase more so after the accident, call it a renewed vigor for life or something. he has the strength that jaewon doesn’t, to not let his pain consume him. and in a beautiful full-circle moment, it’s because of jaewon, bc when they first spoke he sparked in jihyun a want to be stronger, to be more than the country mouse, and he’s done it. and it’s that courage that means he can fight for jaewon, even in the face of rejection. he trusts himself and that he knows jaewon, the real jaewon, to see past words that are intended to hurt them both, and go after the person that’s still inside jaewon somewhere. no, he can’t do it for him, and no them being together is not some magical cure for jaewon, but it’s what can put him on a path of caring for himself again, and sometimes that has to start with caring about someone else (and suddenly I’m reminded of my beautiful man 2 and how kiyoi tries to break hira out of his worthless mindset by making him care about him, and how ultimately that can’t be enough, and that hira has to take those first steps of seeing his self worth by himself). what jihyun can do by fighting is again act as that tether to reality and try to be this representation of the good jaewon can be and do. bc look at jihyun, look at how confident and strong he has become, and look at how he got there, bc you saw that country mouse and gave him the time of day and helped him grow and gave him new experiences. you jaewon, you. and that shift in mindset, from jihyun representing hurt and the accident and the trauma of his brother and everything he can’t do, to being that light and refuge and everything he can do is again something that might breaks through. and the fact it has such narrative strength and satisfaction makes me hopeful that that’s what we might actually get.

#I did a rant #I’ve done a lot of rants actually they’re all just sitting in my notes bc they all got a little too much #my thoughts are a literal mess and I am still struggling to put them in all the right words #mostly bc the way jaewon is behaving and not to be too overinvolved is very reminiscent of *me* #and so watching him shut down and remove himself knowing it’s something i do is hard and frustrating #and I did a whole rant about it but I realised I need to separate myself from the character to be able to talk about it #so yeah #I really wanted to bring up jihyun tho #bc he presents as so strong in these two eps but you cannot argue against what he’s been through and the effect that would have on anyone #and try to see it from a perspective where we don’t know what jaewon is going through and just see his actions and realise how much he has #messed with jihyun again not at all on purpose but that 1000 to nothing jihyun went through from the trip to the accident and it’s aftermath #that’s a fucking lot #and it’s interesting that we talk so much about people putting themselves first and not putting up with shit #like I think of simon from young royals and how we celebrate him saying no to being willhelms secret as an act of self-respect #but bc we understand and empathise so much with what jaewon is going through it’s hard to make yourself even consider jihyun #but when you do see it from his side you realise it’s a lot for him too #and that you wouldn’t hate him or misunderstand him if he was mad at jaewon #and with *spoliers* is there only so much he can take of jaewon’s self sabotage hurting him until even he and his developed strength and #confidence is broken by it #he can only keep fighting for jaewon for so long and idk if it’s gonna be a case of jaewon coming round too little too late #but I just hope this isn’t easy which sounds mean I don’t want either of them to suffer more #but this isn’t a kiss and get back together and all is good #I think jaewon needs to see the bad he’s caused #bc it’s only by owning up to that that he can ground himself in the moment and see that he’s part of this world and can’t separate himself #from it and jihyun also needs to realise that no matter his headspace jaewon does want space and when someone is self sabotaging you still #have to listen and respect what they’re saying distance means distance and as much as you want to fight against it you can’t be responsible #for making it work #agh I need to stop rambling bc it’s so messy and complex and I just absolutely ADORE the level to which this situation has so many emotional #moving parts and how ultimately blameless they both are and how it makes it so much harder to see a way out it’s fantastic #the eighth sense

[rosicheeks]

i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.

#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?! #I literally am speechless #I’m not super talky right now #but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless #like I already said I love your writing 🩷 #and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration #like????????? what??????? me???????????! #I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down #I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true #I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty #one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me #idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing #not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately #and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon - #my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that #I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks) #and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life #so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know #asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes #and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️ #then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A #and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol #but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6 #and she was talking about how impressive that is #and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get #I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’ #it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again #who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting #I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory #anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[pebblezone]

this Tylenol ain’t shit w

#talkingcore #emotions. man. #there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn #how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery #but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released #so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate #fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders) #I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up #how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that. #the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him #brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit #need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk #also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me #and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were #referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’! #and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck #what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person #I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay! #butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks #I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains #need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv #AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry

[wifegideonnav]

homestuck is getting SAD and i don’t WANT THIS i want to read about shitty children lovingly bullying each other i don’t want to watch them sobbing over each other’s corpses :/

#I’ve gotten stuck in reread village #just refinished act 3. skipping the stupid intermission. so not too long from now I will be right back at the sad parts #it’s just like. i think part of the reason i latched onto hs over christmas is bc a piece of engaging media with an interesting plot/ #relatable and lovable characters/CRUCIALLY a very stupid sense of humor was exactly what I needed #and now I’m like. invested and it’s getting angsty. which I am into!!! but I’m like. v stressed out rn #which makes me fragile #and so I want my fiction to be an escape yk? which it can’t really be (at least not that kind of escape) if it gets my emotions up #but it’s like I rly want to get to act 6 #I’m 2/3(?) of the way through 5.2 so I’m almost there #and I really want them all to get together + I’ve been promised lots of juicy character development and relationship building #but I also know it keeps getting angstier #and so idk what to do lol!!! #whatever rant over I’ll figure it out #my friend and I have been reading out loud a lot so that’s probably how I’ll do it #bc it’s more fun plus I can yell with her and also hit her when I’m mad that I started it in the first place lol #bc of the angst #(she’s starting htn soon and I can’t wait for the roles to be reversed teehee) #anyway. rant over for real now #if youre still reading this send me a spoiler free ask about how much you love terezi or kanaya or something #op #hs

[theghostofashton]

. (maybe slight tw for loss)

#leaving in a couple hours and i feel like crying lol #we saw so many relatives this trip that may not be around when we come next which was. Something #and like all of them are in their 90s like no one lives forever i know that #but it’s a just a lot i guess #i have enjoyed this trip so much i feel like i genuinely disconnected and i needed it #and the thought of going back is a little bittersweet #i miss my bed and my shower but that’s like it #the food and coffee here are so superior #idk like every other time i’ve gone to india it’s been something i’ve dreaded and this time i set out to truly enjoy myself #and i feel like i did which is such a relief #but now begins the goodbye routine #and in my family my mom doesn’t say bye she says ‘we’ll go and come’ in telugu and just thinking about it is making me cry rn #just a lot of emotions lol ignore this #i have seen things in these past two weeks that i’ve never seen on any of my other trips #and idk how to deal w that #delete later #neha rambles

[milimeters-morales]

Peter: you seem in a really good mood today

Miles: yeah my parents finally woke up from their month-long comas and I won’t have to keep running from CPS anymore and I can finally sleep in a bed again ^_^

Peter, about to faint: that’s great kid!

#miles not telling Peter anything part 3 #miles morales #spiderman #spider man #peter parker #his parents were in comas because they were in a huge traffic wreck and Miles has either been with Aaron (if alive) or on the streets #but i think this would be interesting because Peter grew up poor so he knows what that looks like and would probably clock that way earlier #but he wouldn’t be sure of the entire situation so like. there’s a lot of lines he shouldn’t cross- diving into Miles’s family medical+ #history for his family is damn sure one of them. and he knows the shame that’s associated with asking for help ? he had it for a long+ #while and still does but i gen think he’d figure it out before Miles tells him and tries to help #idk it’s been an idea i’ve been entertaining since I saw the movie #but i don’t really give much thought to it because i like his parents being there and healthy for him and idk theres just this weird feel #bc like why am i taking this perfectly fine black family and harming them so and adding a white savior???? i’m black so it like. makes me+ #feel off even when i think too long about it #anyways. i need something sweet to drink

[luuxxart]

Are you still continuing the Earthbound fic? I loved the first chapter

oh gosh. Not to be obi wan kenobi on main but. That is not a name I have heard in a long time 🥺🥺🥺

Ok so like, I was, I really was going to continue it. And that fic is my baby. That’s like. My first born child. I was SO proud of it. So it wasn’t that I fell out of love w the series or I lost my passion for it bc . Gahhhh it was the best thing I’d come up w/ in a while. This is the fic

What happened was, the app I was writing on (My W Days bc, idk it was convenient at the time and I wasn’t really into google docs) decided that in the middle of the second chapter (I had literally written out the whole library scene where Ness gets the map and part of the Sharks stuff) it would just. Destroy half the file????? so I was like. Ok.

And I just. Never wanted to go back it made me so pissed. Left a bad taste in my mouth idk.

But idkkkkk I can’t say I won’t ever go back to it ��\_(ツ)_/¯ i still have the whole fic scripted out I’m my notes and I go back and reread it sometimes lol it would’ve been 22 chapters fr

Seriously though thank you so much for having read and enjoyed the first chapter. I really wish I could’ve shared more with you 💕💕

#listen like. at the time that fic was SO important to me #writing Ness as a community college kid helped me understand my own feelings abt being a gifted kid in high school and then. #by circumstances having to go to comm college #which now I’ve been accepted to a prestigious 4 year so i guess I’m more like Porky now haha #but like. this was at the height of my love for catcher in the rye and I think it shows. ness is very holden-coded #catcher in the rye is still my favorite book I’ve read it three times. idk I just like pessimistic characters who try to be quirky lol #writing them is just so fun #i will say. something that didn’t help was that I got into persona immediately after I published the first chapter #and if i was going to finish something I’ve got some Shu/ake and Maru/dachi stuff I really need to finish up #but man . i do think abt this fic a lot and I hope to return to it someday #thank you so so much for asking about it im really glad you enjoyed it. that makes me happier than. man idk what #ask

[kuiinncedes]

.😎

#not me on my phone in the dark when i kinda have a lowkey headache 🤡 good decisions lol #we love this cold and we love getting my period along w this cold 🥳 #i keep coughing and spurting out blood so fun lmao #and i do be coughing a lot today 😌 #bro i need to stop lmfao i think it’ll be so funny if someone asks what everyone got for chrismas in whatever context #bc we don’t rly celebrate anymore (i mean rly like not at all anymore lol) #so this yr i’ll just be like i got a cold from my brother 🥰🥳 #i am not making it better by staying on my phone rn when most of my days are on a screen anyway lol #anddbdhjedsjsjn i feel like i had something else i wanted to complain i mean talk about but idk 🤪 #i have design/ated survivor just like stuck in my head but it’s a tv show lmfao but anyway #it’s rly distracting from trying to go to slee :[ )8 #idk what happened there i’m on my phone lol *(i’ve been going to sleep so early is crazy lmfao) #hehe a friend texting me merry crisis at 11:47 pm slay #jeanne talks #i also just like can’t breathe thru my nose at all today :[ which is helping me sleep lmao #or maybe i actuallly got too much sleep and i’m not sick enough to be tired anymore lmfao

[arklay]

just wanted to drop in and say that i adored your recent re fic!! you always nail the setting so well and Diana? with every fic i just adore her more and more!! your writing is always a treat to read, i love how you convey dialogue and how it all flows so well. thank you for continuing to share your work! 💙

AUGHHGHH THANK YOUUU omg tysm 💖💖 it means so much to me that you enjoyed it and i’m so glad too that like you think it fits or like works with the universe because it really is like a special interest at this point, like the way i’ve consumed all the canon lore and files and supplemental material… it just scratches my brain so much and i love these lil guys so even though angst is SO hard for me to write, i’m happy it turned out better than i thought it would!!

#there’s so many wips i have and rewrites of old fics i never shared going on at the moment and i’ve just been so Tired so this really #motivates me to maybe post some of them when i’m done 🥺🥺 i’ve been thinking about the uncle albert why does diana call you babygirl fic a #lot lately so i NEED to rewrite that or polish it up or something… but omg spice is probably the only thinking i’m too nervous to post but #i like sharing it otherwise idk am rambling again thank you for this 💖 #asks. #virassan

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

#I was in a relatively good mood today #work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow #(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!) #plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend #and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling #hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch #questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message! #this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that #I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me #issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways) #but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like #PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT #GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE #I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis #(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that) #(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t #think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.) #but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated #I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol #and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭 #kaz rambles

[johndonneswife]

i love sleeping. i would love to do it again one day

#i’ve never once in my life struggled to fall asleep #it’s always like oh kari was alone for two mins at a noisy party? sleeping in random chair #planes trains busses movie theaters sporting events etc like i take a lot of pride in my ability to just knock tf out #i’m experiencing legitimate insomnia? and sleep paralysis #i’ve had the one off ep of sleep paralysis before but it hasn’t been bad like this since i was a teenager #pls i’m so sick of hallucinating people in my bedroom #i also can’t stop thinking about something that i probably just need to get off my chest #but i don’t even think i can blog into the void about it because it’s too personal idk #NEVER thought we’d see the day. i know. shocking right #gayle rubin save me #adrienne rich SAVE ME #maybe my sleep paralysis demon will just eat me and end my suffering? i want to be unconscious 😭 PLEASEEE