#idk who I am so I can’t tag

[crow-collective15]

On todays episode of I love it/its pronouns

Call me anything but it/it’s and to the abyss you go(this goes for after you know i use it/its, if you didn’t know that’s fine)

It/its is such a cool pronoun anyone who says otherwise is wrong. Start biting people if they misgender you purposefully

#osdd #endos dni #anti endo #traumagenic system #did #osddid #it/its #it #the crows caw #idk who I am so I can’t tag #blurry talks

[shima-draws]

I love looking at my tags and noticing I’m the only one on the entire site that uses them lmao

#MOSTLY for ships #Bc some of the stuff I ship are the RAREST of rare pairs in the entire world #Or just very very specific to me #(i.e. Hikochama) #But yeah apparently I’m the only one who’s used the Lawlusan tag so far. DEADASS????? #I CAN’T be the only one who’s thought of Law/Luffy/Sanji before #Maybe they’re called smth else idk. #Anyway there’s also the ship names that I’ve coined that nobody else cares about but me :) #At least Trustedpartner caught on and people like it enough to use the tag once in a blue moon #But Timegearshipping?? Am I the ONLY person who adores Hero/Partner/Grovyle??? #And there’s Sunnylemon ofc but that was entirely me. Rarepair AND kind of a crack ship let’s GO. #Shima speaks #I’m sure there’s more but those were the first that came to mind lol

[sampilled]

I love characters that have a vaguely freakish nature *slaps Sam Winchester like he is the roof of a car* you can project so much on these bad boys

#tag this with what you project onto him!!!!! #no it’s like so universally relatable #no matter what makes you a freak. your class. your gender. your mental health. your sexuality. Sam Winchester will always be there <3 #been thinking about this a lot since the ‘woman coded’ discourse actually #like yes he is not a woman obvs 🙄 but he issssssss a freak who was denied autonomy and called hysterical and has had to deal with so many #double standards #like literally within the show when Sam starts acting like dean that is when people think he’s a monster and #you’re gonna say women can’t make that connection? #idk hopefully you are picking up what I am putting down #sam winchester #supernatural

[callixton]

look martha has been my fave companion of the past almost ten years so obv having my little hyperfixation reignited is going to bring back my love for her too but it’s exacerbated by so many people being so wrong about her and her season. i would love to venture into the wider fandom instead of the five people i trust w her but every time i do that i am disappointed :(

#this is not abt my last post to be clear this is abt going in youtube comments sections :/ #idk i think people just. literally do not remember her episodes and make conjecture off of what they don’t remember #it’s also just. the racism around discussions of her holy shit how do you people not see the way you hold her to a different standard #outside of what is going on romantically between them which. complicated #it genuinely drives me crazy when people hear martha’s getting out speech and think her entire arc has just been abt her crush #as if half the reason she has to leave wasn’t bc the doctor Made Her Into Him #like no she doesn’t say that. because she can’t. (BUT ALSO SHE DOES LATER? SO WAHTEEVR) #she’s also dealing w the doctor at his worst for a whole season & it would be nice if other people acknowledged his actions . Ever #like the guy was suicidal. the entire fucking season. and she gave her life to keep him alive #you see how the getting out speech is. not just abt attraction. WHATVERR!! #doctor who fandom IS just like this though. you have to find your niche #these tags aren’t coherent it’s 4 am #ted talks #martha jones #doctor who

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!! #but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me. #and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just— #sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

[dullweapons]

uhhh ray in a wheelchair cause i’m thinking about getting one for myself cause my cane is not enough

#⸻ ray : visage ✦ rusted cracked & broken : but still standing ˎˊ˗ #⸻ ooc : artwork ✦ madness takes the paintbrush & sings ˎˊ˗ #uh little vent in tags tw #( i haven’t left my house since my birthday - and before that was only for doctor appointments in months ) #( but i have used the scooter at walmart when i did go out and they made me so happy to be independent) #( as well as the wheelchair in the ER i could move without fear of falling ) #( i really want to go outside so imma see about getting one ?? ) #( probably just a cheap hospital one at a thrift store near me ) #( idk if i wanna bother with in insurance ? ) #( i am trying to get a walker through them and it’s taking forever to the point i need MORE ) #( i am doing physical therapy which helps but also my legs are so weak i can’t even go down my stairs on my own :/ ) #( imma ask my PT therapist and my doctor but who knows ? ) #( anyway vent over enjoy ray being a dumbass )

[whenthegoldrays]

sigh

#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps #thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd #today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about #how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon #and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love #and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd #some of the Silly was fun #fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos #like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto! #but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm. #the reason I stopped listening to the title track too #there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song #and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific. #I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do #but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does #and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing #*gestures vaguely* #so idkkk #ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater??? #and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music #and idk idk #I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release #and some days I like her less than other days #but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back. #I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat #but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why #I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and #they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff” #maybe that’s where I’m headed

[pepprs]

ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

#purrs #conference tag #chicago #im very very very scared. that i won’t be able to handle it. i have craved solitude but also don’t know if it’s something i actually want o #if it’s a product of my circumstances. i am not used to being completely alone like that like whenever ive had it there have always been #other ppl in the building that ive had to be cognizant of and that will be true of a hotel too but bc i don’t know the people i will feel #less responsible to them . like obviously im not goi ng to sing at the top of my lungs but i will feel like i can sing which ive never felt #like i can do when ive lived with roommates or at home kinda. idk. my therapist was challenging me to experiment with fear by asking myself #if im really in danger or if im just uncomfortable / about to experience something ive never done before and right now im so extremely #anxious but what i am about to do is not inherently dangerous and i need to recognize im just experiencing something new and do it scared. #like im literally terrified i can’t describe how scared i am in a way that does it justice. but i am going to be okay. and when i tell #myself that i make it so. #trina vega voice im a woman…… [about to be] in ch!cago….. who’s SCARED! #i also have no idea how to be in a big city and be safe. like what do i do if im followed or if someone tries to attack me or something. #obviously the chances of that are extremely slim but ive had it hammered into me that if i am alone in a city that’s what’s going to happen #to me bc i am such a ~weak and defenseless small young woman~ lol. but bc i believed the fear and have had very little experience in citie #i have no idea how to navigate them or to be safe which creates the problem. like it makes it true that i am weak and defenseless bc i have #been shielded from being able to learn how to be smart and strong and cognizant of my surroundings. and i am so angry about it and hope tha #i will SHATTER that sense when im there and come away from it w confidence ive never had before #like i don’t have… pepper spray or anything like that. idk if that’s a thing ppl actually carry on them or if it’s just a thing ppl say. i #genuinely have zero idea at all. and i really really hope i won’t be in a situation where i’ll wish i had some. i doubt i will be but still

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[breadedsinner]

“Why do people like Garrus more than Gale? ME doesn’t even give any characterization!”

While I don’t doubt Gale is a more fleshed out character, at least as of ME1, that’s not true. It’s just the alien characters had the additional burden of representing everyone in that group. Even Garrus, who is unable to maintain the usual turian sense of duty, shows what they are like by contrast. Tali especially suffers from this, in my opinion.

The humans, on the other hand, especially the Virmire Survivor, had quite a bit of characterization and you had a very clear idea of who they are. People just don’t see that because they’re enticed by the aliens and dismissed humans as boring :))))

#ME Tag #Of course you also have to take into account that Garbus is a character that has been with people for years #Although maybe it’s a fair fight since BG3 is the shiny new thing idk #I am not far enough in the game and I don’t even like saying one is BETTER #Because they’re very different games #… so I can’t say for now but like Kaidan against Gale … hoo boy #I am not even a Kaidan girlie but I think I would still pick him #Is my nostalgia blocking my judgement??? is it his soft voice??? who knows

[deityofhearts]

y’all know how you follow really cool ppl and it’s like “wow you’re so cool I hope you never follow me/we don’t become mutuals because you’d find out i am entirely uncool and unhinged”

#deity dialogue #beaming ‘please don’t scroll through my blog I am very mentally ill on main’ at the cool butch person I follow who has been in my notes #because I’m p sure that one of my beloved mutuals who is already aware I’m a pathetic puddle of a person is mutuals with them #but yeah it’s like. if people I find cool follow me or check out my blog I live in utter fear of them going ‘oh they’re like actually sad a #goodbye forever’ ahdjfjtkt #idk how sad and weird it is to admit that every day I sit here and wonder if a beloved mutual is finally gonna go ‘okay I’ve had enough of #fae’ and unfollow me #this is also why I take a while to follow ppl back because I need to see if I’ve scared ppl off yet #I keep saying I plan to be less unwell on main #rn I’m getting back into tagging my sad posts (divine despair if you don’t know is the tag to block) #tbh I’m also just trying to make this year better but god I am so sad all the time the despair is like Bad #but today was good! so no super sad posts!! #hhhhh what am I even talking abouttttt #anyways shout out to my beloved friends and mutual ilyyy hiii if you read this far wow #actually does anyone read my tags because I talk so much like I’m incapable of shutting up (it’s terminal I fear) #<- the words of someone who is aware they talk so much and hates it and has had people try to silence them (my family also hates that I tal #a lot and use to bribe me into shutting up) #I must shut up now goodbye #see this is why cool people can’t follow me like

[arklay]

RESIDENT EVIL → DIANA & ALBERT WESKER

"You live inside me, the same way I live inside you. A moebius strip, a snake always swallowing its own tail. Mutually assured destruction, maybe, or mutual deification. Mutual consumption. I will be the house that holds every part of you." — Becca De La Rosa and Mabel Martin, Mabel: Matryoshka [Episode 28]

[template]

#that's the best photo we will get of stinky cause i don't have a fc for him <3 i made charts for them ages ago so of course special interest #had to do them for this template heheh also was just looking for birthdays based on their big 3 and somehow the other placements fit pretty #well... i have so many thoughts about this. like rip to elliot who had to hear me analyse the report it gave for blond man back when i did #it cause so much of it was weirdly accurate. anyways. hi hello i did a thing :) #made little rambling in the tags post about his moon because like many thoughts there considering it's a fire sign when he has a lot of #earth energy but i am my reasons hehe also them both having stelliums is so hot and for what?? i feel like the affectionate metres may be a #little too high? but also like idk they are very affectionate in their own ways. my brain knows. sorry i can’t telepathically transfer all #my thoughts 😭 OH also. apologises first... idk. when something happens they both just apologise when they have noticed they've upset the #other then they move on and don't make a big deal of it so ??? but i think diana is a bit more stubborn 🤷🏼 #oc: diana #pair: ewskers #mine.

[ssreeder]

" *waves* 'OLLO!' "

Hehehehehe >:)

Okay, so I love reading your story and look forward to all the chaos and wholesome moments you will bring in upcoming chapters (let's see how you kill us and any character you go *yoink* 'gone :D', could be ANYONE and EVERYONE at some point, maybe even “false” deaths? 👀). I came here to say that these upcoming months I will be suffering due to academic education, and any little updates you give will make life more bearable and joyful (until you decide to put chaos 🙃), so I look forward to your work, any of the beautiful art, and the wonderful asks to bringing happy moments!

Also Reeds… did you connect the dots? 👁️

Hahahaha! :D There’s nothing going on! Just some wholesome stuff! Look a ballon! 🎈 Nothing sinister is going on with this balloon! Nothing at all! (:

-Anonymous Pain

(though thinking of signing as somatic pain or somatic disorder to bring awareness to it, it’s great to learn about things, especially something like this. Though I’m not sure how everyone will be react to it…?)

OLLLOOOOO!!!

I am like 99.9% sure i know who you are <3!! & I’m so happy to see you!!

I’m happy to bring you any amount of joy during the horrors of academic education blahhhhh. You’re amazing & I hope I never pop that pretty & distracting balloon haha.

You can be pain anon! That sounds like a fitting name lol.

<3

#HI HI HI HI #I know who you are #I’m so excited to see you!!! #coming out of the lurking & into the light!! #the next chapter has a lot of comfort! #but there is some pain haha #I can’t help it!! #I think I’m incapable of writing an entirely happy chapter #idk how some people write all fluff #i am in awe of their skills haha #liab #itf #pain anon #<- this will be your tag unless you want me to change it :) #ask

[fleshdyke]

me currently ^

#(csa warning for tags) #jeeesus i am so done with everything. its not wven that bad i dont know why i’m as upset as i am #school is just fucking hell the past couple days for some reason. even though we literally just had march break. idk. the cycle is really #hitting me hard lately i guess #and my fucking anxiety is coming back like i swear to god everyone is staring at me and laughing and i know it’s not true but jfc it feels #like it. it hasn’t been this bad since before my diagnosis #and i’m absolutely convinced my friends fucking hate me and we’ve kicked ppl out of our friend group before (they were racist and #transphobic) and im so fucking scared it’ll happen to me #and i know it’s a completely unfounded fear but oh my god its fucking paralyzing #and i feel like im seven again and completely and utterly alone and im so so so scared of it happening again #im so fucking scared of being alone. i just want someone to talk to #and like the reason i’m spiralling isn’t even important. it’s literally bc some of my friends have stopped eating lunch with me #like it’s so fucking stupid but i can’t get over it #and two of them don’t bc they got imto relationships and im happy for them and i know its not expected or anything to get into one in hs #like logically i know that and i tell myself that all the time but godddd it doesnt stop me from feeling like im fucking broken all the time #literally not a single person has ever seen me as anything other than a friend. and im not even fully convinced abt that. #like. why does everyone have experiences with ppl liking them and not a single person ever has liked me #like what the fuck is so wrong with me that no one will ever love me #literally the only fucking person who has ever wanted me. EVER. was a grown fucking man that raped me as a child #and i cant even fucking remember it. I CANT REMEMBER WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE WANTED #and i know its some sick twisted way to look at it. like this grown fucking man raped me when i was younger than 8 and all i can think about #is how that was the only time anyone’s ever wanted me #and like i don’t even actually WANT anything. i just want someone to like me. i want someone to like me so fucking bad #the scariest part abt it is that i want it to fucking happen again because i just want to be wanted #i’m absolutely fucking terrified of never being wanted. ever. it’s the scariest shit in the world to me #bc as far as my life has been it’s been true. all my childhood bullies have been fucking right #the only time i have ever been desirable was when i was younger than 8. now people literally fucking gag when they look at me #and i dont fucking know what to do #rambles #vent

[crossbackpoke-check]

i C u moyle

captured in 4k

#i REFUSE to admit defeat at the hands of the umich boys #except i did verbatim send a text to my roommate that said ‘bro stop he’s disgusting i’m so in love with him’ #after fully watching a trail of spit come out of his mouth while he was bent over to take a face off. i am Down Bad #also nolan never keeps his tongue in his mouth my dude is just out there full 👅 all the time i can’t stand him close ur mouth or i’ll kiss u #nolan moyle #ethan edwards #philippe lapointe #relatedly duker skates EXACTLY the way he runs in the monday videos which is how i identify him at all times & i almost started wheezing #if i knew how to make gifs there would be gifs of nolan stickhandling however i don’t Know how to make live videos gifs ☺️ #deep cuts from the draft dumpster dives #is this from two different games? the world may never know (yeah. do i remember exact dates for either of them? no of course not) #we’re just getting close to the end of the season & i am succumbing to my desire to post Him #also inCREDIBLE nemcklance content in the second picture (not of nolan) 🫠 #nemcklance #things i am not proud of: my reaction 2 this. everyone shhh i’m allowed one breakdown about a dirtbag per quarter & i haven’t seen mo enough #like most days i do not want to be a puck bunny but sometimes u lock eyes with a man & go ohhh the hoggles are glued on for you ✊😔 buffooner #trying 2 undo my internalized misogyny! by allowing myself 2 say i can be a valid sports fan who likes players! sorry about it! idk why him! #it is 1000% because of la’s umich fic & all the lore though. most likely. also apparently i’m a crustasche lover 😪 the struggle is real #if u loved me u would have stopped at the tag about nolan drooling on the ice & we will never speak of this again (said by someone who will)

[seeker-of-truth]

.

#idk man #I published a chapter of my long fic which was the first explicitly queer chapter and like #I find it disheartening that bookmarks went down #like I was very clear that that ship was going to be included in the tags but idk man #I know there’s been so much written about the misogyny in fandom #but like to see readership go down after including a wlw ship #just like doesn’t feel good #of course maybe the reader noped out for another reason #I can’t know as much as I would like too #but my data analysis little ass wants answers #I also don’t really know what I’m getting at here #just like venting I guess #I know this isn’t a big deal #and I am incredibly grateful for everyone who’s read my work #like to the ends of the earth and back #just #musing on stuff