#idk y i was pushing

[riaki]

after party | satoru gojo x reader

gojo wanted to help you prepare a friendsgiving dinner, but he's a little tired n a lot tipsy.

cw: non curse au, everyones alive, shoko typical smoking, drinking, you’re married to gojo wc: 3.3k

this was supposed to be short but it just spiraled n i kind of hate it b i technically posted on the 23rd so it counts !! not proofread!

business dinners with satoru are exhausting, to say the least—you start the day early to the scent of coffee through a filter and a fresh breeze through your open window, sending your husband off to work with a hug and a kiss—maybe a promise of more if he pulls the 'five more minutes!' on you.

this one is special, though; old friends from freely youthful highschool days gathered around your dinner table on the mats of your living room floor catching up over cans of beer cold with condensation, the sound of can tabs popping and the fizzling of bubbly spirits over tables of warm food in tin containers.

geto, the tall man with dark hair and gauges, talks about how his two daughters are adjusting to city life, occasionally interrupted by cheerful brightness never dampened by adult years from haibara, an apprenticing entrepeneur under nanami who's got a thing for girls with big appetites. shoko and utahime are having a drinking contest, and mei mei's too occupied with her phone; checking stocks as her tacky nails click against the glass screen.

satoru can't cook. there's a reason why he always buys takeout when you're too busy to provide or you've already gone to sleep— he should be the picture perfect husband, because you deserve that and everything more. his only (self-perceived) flaws are his lack of alcohol tolerance and his inability to master the frying pan.

you always tell him he doesn't have to be a michelin chef— but with the way he's constantly sneaking a chocolate graham cracker from your muji snack bag or snagging the sour gummy between your teeth from your lips, he feels like he should compensate. so on this special november evening, when the hum of the city life outside your balcony gets drowned out by the cheerful mirth of a warm dinner table, he had decided to help you.

the warm kitchen had become a foodstained disaster— but with tearful round eyes and a hand tugging on your shirt, you'd resigned to helping him conquer the task of simple packaged noodles and soft-boiled eggs. he'd cut his finger— even the most capable teacher found his shortcomings against a blunt kitchen knife. needless to say you'd peppered it with kisses before wrapping a rainbow hello kitty bandaid around it.

and that brings you to the present: the result of your extensively hard work; a few soggy noodles collected at the bottom of porcelain bowls painted red on the insides in a lukewarm puddle of soup, full stomachs and a loose and welcoming atmosphere. you wouldn't trade it for the world.

you're fishing a pickled radish slice out of your bowl when satoru leans over, removing the arm that was snaked around your shoulder to drape himself on your lap, lying down on the floor with his knees propped up and his soft cloud-white hair sprawled over your thighs. geto makes a distasteful face when satoru's black socks brush against his leg. across the table, shoko knocks shoulders with utahime as she lights a cigarette; the latter's face flushes as smoke drifts past her lightly flushed face into the open window city night air overhead.

"hey, you. what's up?" you asked softly, chuckling to yourself as you set your chopsticks atop the rim of your bowl, leaning back on your arms to look down at him. he adjusts himself a little, wiggling on your lap as you caught a whiff of his beer breath and scrunch your nose.

"hiii, baby," he drawls, giggling a little to himself. his smooth, usually playful voice took on that deep tone he used whenever he was being serious, and it sent an involuntary shiver down your spine, so you hugged him closer and ran a hand through his soft white hair, brushing your fingers against the black cloth of his blindfold. "what'cha doing?"

"i was eating. you put too much pepper in the broth, 'toru." you smiled softly, tracing the line of his jaw slowly with one finger in the way you knew he liked so much; it was obvious from the way he sighed contentedly and tilted his head into your palm. whether it be from that unfathomably sweet smile or the tender way you held his face in your delicate hands, that was up to him to ponder. next to you, haibara makes a joke— something about mei mei's stocks, and she quips a snarky retort that has him laughing raucously while nanami makes a face.

"i tried!" he protests, almost a whine as he sighs; a hand sneaks up to lift the edge of his blindfold up so his eyes meet yours, and you're left breathless. it catches you off guard every time— those endless pools of swirling blue that stare straight through you, sifting through your thoughts like a scholar annotating an open book, all heart-shaped sticky notes and bright highlighters when it came to thinking about him.

"not hard enough, clearly. but it's okay; we'll do better next time."

he just frowns again at that, sticking out his lower lip in a little pout that makes your heart squeeze. your stomach is full with noodles and broth; you don't think you could stomach another bite if you tried, and you're not one to drink especially if everyone else is. so, you let yourself indulge a little— snake a hand on the back of satoru's neck and tilt him up until he's sitting halfway up and you can easily meet his lips in a kiss.

he reciprocates immediately, hungry like he was waiting for you; you notice that he hasn't eaten much of his food yet, so maybe he was. or maybe he knows how bad it is. either way, his tongue darts out from his parted lips to flick against your own for a moment, before he sinks his teeth into your bottom lip and draws out a teasing whine that you have to stifle because "we have company, 'toru," you have to breath as a reminder. he just laughs breathily against your lips, tasting like bitter beer and buttery vanilla as he shifts to practically sit on top of you, hands on your shoulders as his thumbs brush over your collarbone where the edge of your shirt fails to cover tantalizing skin; he's taller and eventually ends up bringing the both of you toppling down onto the mats.

your back hits the floor and a little gasp leaves your winded lungs— but satoru eagerly catches it with his lips and swallows it, like he's intent on getting drunken off his ass from you (as if he wasn't already tipsy) when he smashes his swollen lips to yours again. your hair is splayed out against the tatami mats like you're trapped in some marine watercolor painting, and for a split second satoru thinks if mermaids were real you'd be the most angelic he'd ever seen as his calloused fingers curl into the strands.

you're about to hook a leg around his waist when a shout catches your ear and you part lips with a gasp, sucking in greedy breaths as satoru promptly sits on your stomach. you let out a stuffed oomph from his weight, and watch as he slides his blindfold back on to look over at the rest of the table who're staring at the two of you like they're watching some forbidden steamy movie scene that's meant to be shielded from children's eyes.

“don’t kiss him while he’s drunk. it’s like rewarding a brat for bad behavior,” shoko says. you sit up with much effort, straining under satoru’s weight as you reach up to grab his shoulders. you miss, but he takes your hands and pulls you up, wrapping his arms around you to keep you from falling back down as you rest your head on his shoulder. utahime has her arms lazily draped over shoko; you assume she’s drunk from that, but if you were to inspect her for long enough you’d notice her can of beer was almost completely full.

“oh, i guess you’re right.” you remarked, frowning a little and biting the inside of your cheek as you pull away from satoru and glance at him. all of the sudden he looks like he’s ready to keel over; the shadows beneath his eyes are reinforced by the alcohol in his system and it looks like he’ll need to tape his eyes open lest he passes out right on top of you. you want to avoid that, so you gently push him off, sighing to yourself.

“don’t listen to her, sweetheart. you can kiss me all you want,” he smirks, a flash of pearly white teeth that would’ve been on your neck a moment ago if not for the interruption. you just shake your head with a breathless laugh, giving him a quick flick to the forehead. before you can pull away, though— he catches your hand, bringing your wrist to his glossy pink lips and giving your pulse a quick peck. “no, she has a point.” you hummed. overhead, the light flickers a little; a moth that had flown in through the window danced about the bulb. the faint sound of car horns filters through the window along with the breeze, recycled laughter and lively chatter from bars a few stories down carried in the cool wind.

you mill about for another twenty minutes or so, content to just listen in as old friends shared anecdotes and funny stories from separate paths of life; you soon learned that nanami was planning on moving to malaysia, and shoko was due to renew her medical license this year. the beer cans built up, mixed in with crumpled napkins that had penned doodles on the rough surface and paper chopstick wrappers. somewhere along the line, satoru had fallen asleep— you had to push his unfinished ramen bowl out of the way before he knocked his head against the wooden table and spilt his meal. you frowned a little at the sight of it— you knew he'd complain about his soaked noodles and limp seaweed sheets later on. you found yourself slinging one of your jackets over his shoulders, fingers lingering over his neck, where the scratchy hair of his undercut met soft warm skin.

soon enough, dishes are piling up in the sink and calling your name; the kids see themselves home via train station, spouting something about a late night pit stop in sendai for the mochi that 'our teacher likes so much'. you consider asking them to bring some back for satoru, but you decide you'll enjoy a laugh when he tells you about how he went to school the next morning to find out for himself, and the stab of hurt that will pierce his full heart in two when he hears the news. even then, you have to shush them as they show themselves out; you can tell from the way satoru's eyebrows knit together beneath his blindfold and the pinch of his jaw that he doesn't appreciate the noise, no matter how blacked out.

the conversation dies down a little, and soon enough, everyone takes their leave one by one. it's only when you settle back down after cleaning up the bowls and putting away the cups that satoru stirs, waking up with a mumble and a huff. his hair is a disheveled mess, and there are sleep lines on his face, but he's still handsome as ever.

"baby?" his voice is hoarse with sleep and dehydration. there's a dull ache between his eyes, feeling like he'd just ran a circle around the world. you answer from the kitchen, calling his name. it's late; past midnight now. the window's still open and satoru's can of beer is still on the table, almost completely empty.

"how long did i sleep? shit, did everyone go home? 'm sorry," he groans, standing up and stretching his arms out. his shirt rides up on his shoulders, exposing the arch of his hip just above the edge of his pants. "don't worry, 'toru." you hummed, washing your hands in the sink as you look over at him. he just nods, grabbing the can and crumpling it in his hands before tossing it in the trash.

"you okay? got a headache?" you asked as he walked over to you, careful not to hit his head on the arch that connected the living room to the kitchen. when you'd first moved in with him, you had to pin a strip of bright yellow caution tape to remind him to duck his head. you smiled as you reminisced over late nights, tucked in his arms as he mused about demolishing the wall there just so he could be rid of the bruise on his temple. then again, as long as you were waiting for him to kiss it better at the end of his nine to five, he didn't mind.

he nods, and watches as an easy smile stretches across your lips; they look infuriatingly kissable under the warm glow of the hazy kitchen light, shining off the porcelain cups in the sink. he leans against the kitchen counter, cold marble feeling through the thin fabric of his shirt as you take his leftovers from the fridge and heat them up in the microwave, standing before the black glass as you watch the little plate spin inside.

there's something about moments like these; so sweet and easy with you after everyone's taken the last train home and all that's left are empty beer cans and extra bowls in the dishwasher for two people with matching rings on their fingers to take care of.

he walks up to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your chin. he smiles when he feels your hand cup his cheek, and he turns his head instinctively to meet your lips in a slow, sweet kiss; a muscle memory tango between familiar lovers. when he pulls away to catch his breath, tongue swiping across his bottom lip, you're already there with your fingers, pulling his blindfold down to rest around his neck and gently rubbing the spot beside his eyes, alleviating the tension behind them. it's unspoken moments like these that he loves the most in your relationship. making a mess in your kitchen is a close second.

it's a slow, easy night after a special get-together when the microwave beeps and you take his noodles out, bringing them to the table as you sit down next to him and rest your head on his shoulder, letting him tuck you into his side as he gets a bit of breaded tonkotsu crumbs on his cheek and insists you wipe them off for him like he's some oversized baby. you wash some cherries in a green plastic bowl, competing to see who can spit the pits into the trashcan without missing. in the end, he lost the game of rock paper scissor and was resigned to pick up the missed pits on the floor.

he's still wearing your jacket like a cape and even though it's far too small for him, he insists on keeping it with him when you go out onto your balcony to finish the last of a bottle of sake together, listening to the melody of the wind in the trees that line the sidewalk and the permeating hustle and bustle of the city, even when it's so late at night it could be considered early morning.

he swipes the cold bottle from your hands, finishing the last drops from the matte glass before letting it dangle between your fingers. and you're expecting it when he catches your arm to pull you into another kiss; he tastes like peaches and wine and a little bit of soup broth. it's slow, and easy, because being with him has always felt as natural as breathing, and being with you has made it easier for him to breathe, like the iron weight on his lungs melts away in the face of your unconditional warmth and care. the cool wind blows your hair in front of your face, and he laughs that charming boyish giggle as he tucks it behind your ears and scoops you up in his arms.

"i don't like sharing you with a sake bottle," you said, pointedly looking at the glass in his hand. he just grins, looking down at you for a moment. he can almost see it again; you, in that gorgeous white wedding cloth. he was carrying you bridal style in the same way now, when you'd decided to grow old together and host special business dinners as a couple in your shared apartment.

"don't worry, love. you're sweeter than any spritz," he laughs, stepping inside again and closing the door behind him.

it's routine, and it's easy, getting ready for bed with him, laughing when he pushes his hair back with a headband, looking like a pretty little princess. you suggest him getting a mullet, and he shushes you by shoving your toothbrush on your tongue, getting a mouthful of mint. the warm water rushes over your fingers before you dry yourself off, wiping your face and putting the towel away only to be met with the equal warmth of his lips on your forehead, peppering you with kisses.

you slip into the covers, still pleasantly cold as you watch satoru sit up and take his shirt off. he lets you peel the rainbow bandaid on his finger off, tossing it in the trash before pulling you into his arms, right where you belong the closest to his heart. "don't cut yourself like that again, okay?"

"it was an accident, baby." he chuckles, and you just roll your eyes. he reaches over to ruffle your hair affectionately and makes a joke about having you suck his blood like a vampire, tooting about how sweet it would be. "besides, i don't need to be careful if you're there to patch me up, pretty. shoko has nothing on you!"

he plays with your hair as you catch him up to the conversations he'd slept away; mei mei had left early when you'd given him your jacket to envelope him in your scent, muttering something about cheap perfume and worthless soggy noodles. he likes to play with your jewelry, you notice— fiddles with the ring on your finger, cupping your hands in his palm as he tucks his face into the back of your neck.

at one point, he asks you to do his hair, so you oblige, rolling him over onto his stomach and clambering on top of his waist. you braid his white strands into cute little pigtails best as you could manage as he tells you about his dream; something about harassing nanami in malaysia and a sunset kiss under crystal clear beach water. it sounds nice, and when you're done with his hair you find it easier to just massage his shoulders and listen to the smooth droning of his voice.

soon enough, you're both warmer than the lukewarm buzz of beer in your veins, and he doesn't remember if he fell asleep first or not, but the gentle melody of your voice haunts him in his dazed sleep as he curls around you.

business dinners really are exhausting— he's left wondering how you pull it off the morning after when he's hungover and the cut on his finger is infected— clearly, the hello kitty bandaid wasn't enough to cut it. the only reasoning that he explains to you as you take your morning shower together, fingers running through your hair, is that you didn't kiss it enough. maybe that's why his soup had too much pepper and he didn't know how to cut the cucumbers.

he's still an amateur, so he'll leave the cooking to you. maybe next time he'll pretend the takeout he grabbed on his way home from school was handmade, though he doubts his friends will ever believe him, or his students after he demands they buy him kikufuku as compensation for leaving him out the night before.

ignore the ep that came out today! everyone’s alive and well. trust my (riaki) stuff. don’t repost and/or plagiarize !

#ty for 200 followers it’s been a month n i cried a lil bit :’3 happy thanksgiving if u celebrate! ily <3 #btw muji is a japanese retail/stationary store!! they also sell rlly yummy snacks #i think gojo would enjoy going into the women’s underwear section #AND. and bringing u a gigantic bra that’s way too big #just for kicks n giggles cs he’s weird like that #idk y i was pushing #utahime and shoko sm but i was lol #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru x you #satoru gojo x you #gojo x you #gojo x reader #gojo fluff #jjk fluff #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #billet-doux #me write anyone else but gojo challenge (impossible) #- rs !

[princeanxious]

Fear the Daycare attendants all you like, but say one mean word to their faces and their handler will swoop in at a moments notice with a silent rage fueled by the many months of mental and emotional rehabilitation these three went through to ensure they could handle being re-released to the public.

Fazbear Entertainment might turn a blind eye to the animatronic rights movements that their highly specialized world renowned technology is absolutely a contribution towards, but this stout little animatronic handler didn’t pour their blood sweat and tears into helping rebuild these bots’ self confidence from the ground up every single day, for over half a year, to just let some entitled prick try and stomp over all the boys hardwork and progress at the drop of the hat.

Faz.Co can deal with the consequences of letting their two most expensive animatronics bond to one specific emotional support human whose made of like 70% protective feral rage at any given moment.

A good fit for the daycare, to be sure, but also a solid reminder that humans are just as capable of being the danger so many others label animatronics to be. (Moon is holding onto their handler for a reason, you know.)

(Edit: second take here)

#daycare attendant fnaf #dca fandom #moon fnaf #sun fnaf #fnaf comic #dca fnaf #idk which tags are main tags still but have another comic! #luka draws #the dca brainrot remains strong lol #i have read. so many fics the past few months #and had i the time-a few of my own ideas would have also been written. had an entire fic plotted for mermay #but for now all i can manage are simple comic strips unfortunately ;; #y/n in this au absolutely can and will attempt to throttle people when pushed far enough. moon holding y/n is just as much for his comfort- #-as it is for y/n’s /safety./ #y/n is a caretakers worst nightmare otherwise. a feral kitten that has stolent their cold mechanical hearts #except they are well aware that this feral kitten is more of a feral cat willing to throw themselves headfirst into danger to protecc them

[opens-up-4-nobody]

God. The thing abt the uchiha is that. Yes. It was fucked up that no one trusted them and they got pushed further and further from the village center. However. They were also a clan of ninja cops with fucked up magical eyes that they supercharge by getting horrifically traumatized. So like. I also would not fucking trust them.

#like maybe its just that ive been too influenced my senju propaganda but i just think the uchiha as a clan kinda fucking suck #at least by the time we get to sasuke's dad leading things. they seemed fine when madara joined with the village #so its just that the resentment at feeling pushed out has risin by then. and maybe im not remembering things right but like Tobirama #made them the cops right? and they got pissed that they weren't given any political power but like u get so much fucking power as the polic #? and also it just seems like the worst fucking idea to put that all on one clan. like THE WORST job u could give to 1 clan of fucked up #eyeball freaks. and i can never tell if they r legitimately being prejudiced against but like they kida have good reason not to trust them #bc they were legit gonna overthrow the government. so like where did it start? i just kinda feel like they think theyre entitled to power #but r also intentionally standoffish to outsiders. but again maybe im just biased bc i dont like Sasukes dad and the nameless uchiha so muc #ugh. its too messy and its all built on the back of what may or may not have been a slight against them. and the rift just kept getting #wider. i mean knowing Tobirama it was probably a slight... but idk im not power hungry enough to understand y they got so mad abt it #konoha. the village in which everyone sucks and the children suffer. #naruto ramblings #naruto

[deerlisteners]

thinking abt felix being protective of areadbhar and feeling entirely normal about it actually

#deertalking #feposting #few3h #ITS SO. LIKE THE WAY HES DEPICTED IN THIS GAME DRIVES ME CRAZY #like i haven’t thought this through i don’t have a point here exactly #i’m just thinking abt the screencaps here from the king awakens & him giving ingrid glenn’s spur & his support w mercedes & the cat #where mercie points out the cat likes him & he goes ‘well i can’t keep it. It’s practically a kitten what if it has parents that miss it’ #not to even mention wildflowers for the future!!!! #like. ROLLS ON THE GROUND #it’s abt ‘i’m not immune to emotions you know’ it’s about it’s about #it’s abt how he feels like his emotions were disregarded since childhood (esp after duscur) so he pushed away the #sentimentality because he’s seen where it got his friends (revenge quests & death wishes) #but he can’t help but follow his friends down those paths anyway because he loves them so much!!!!!!! #like him acknowledging the spear’s importance to dimitri bc it’s all that’s left of lambert but ALSO #in that moment it’s all FELIX has left of DIMITRI. ykwim #like felix babygirl my beloved y do u think it makes u sick to see areadbhar in the enemy’s possession…….. #he is just so hypocritical i adore him. he might be the character of all time to me #bro is trying so hard to b a lone wolf but was NOT built for that he was built to be loved and cherished by his friends #and so he shall be. thank you #um anyway idk what my point here was. i just like thinking abt how much felix loves everybody #someday i will make a coherent felix post. today is not that day #dmlxposting #dimilix #yknow what yeah.

[dude-iloveu]

#actcghgc touching up random old sketches while watching extraordinary attorney woo #do all netflix shows have episodes that are almost an hour long like damn bro a whole ass movie times 16 #their boss(? senior idk) is cute (as in the way you'd think to a cat as cute). he looks like hosonaga dgs #anyway I don't like this enough to put any meaningful tags but throwing this here anyway #i'll be able to push my qpp shadamy agenda soon when i figure out how to draw them #12 y/o me would be happy and that's all that matters for shadamy

[smalltown-babygirl]

Jonathan fell back on the bed. Like the first time Steve pushed him down his breath seemed to push itself out of his chest.

Jonathan felt a brief flash to first fight between them, looking up at Steve with blood trickling down his temple. His perfect hair slightly mussed up as he straddled Jonathan right before punching him in the face.

He had looked so pretty.

Now Jonathan looked up and that old Steve had been replaced with a new Steve, his Steve. Steve wasn’t looking to hurt him, if anything he was concerned he’d been too rough. Steve was already rushing over to see if Jonathan was alright, ready to fuss over him.

Steve leans over Jonathan with an outstretched hand, and Jonathan grabs on before a sly smirk emerges from his lips and he pulls Steve on top.

#idk what this is it just needed to be written #after seeing that fhotff gifset of stonathan #like #Jonathan *looks* like he’s being pushed onto a bed how can you NOT #and then Steve gets on top ???? #the duffers knew E X A C T L Y what they were doing #stonathan #this is the kinda low effort writing I need to do now methinks everything else makes me overthink #established stonathan #ig ??? #idk what to tag this anymore #mine

[praesaepe]

i think its so funny when tma authors write fluffy alternate s1 fics where like. jon and martin have some soft office romance and a happy ending. but the fears still exist.

like i just read one where jon ended up adopting his cousins child during s1 and has to raise her and its 99% focused on this and him and martin getting together. but also martin DID get attacked by jane prentiss at one point in it, and jon specifically mentions he can't fire martin.

the implications are so funny. theres an epilogue set 4 years in the future where theyre still working at the archives and everything so the implication is elias decided "nah im gonna leave them be" or only jane prentiss is real. or something.

#i did read one fic that was like. all about fluffy tropes that made the supernatural still real #but in an interesting way. like they seemed to manifest vast/stranger but maybe it wasnt quite the same? #idk. jon got pushed off of a balcony by a mannequin and they met simon fairchild and he has vast-y powers #rk.txt

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

Sometimes I really just need to hear “I’m proud of you” even when I fail.

#can’t sleep #stressed about my biochem exam in the morning #and I know if I do bad I’ll get a lecture #the whole ‘well did you do x y and z’ from my mom #yeah maybe I didn’t do 100% of the things that could be done #but I did was I was physically and mentally capable of #I did not have the time or mental capacity to seek out the TA #besides I don’t know what to even ask them to clarify/help me understand anyway #but I studied #and I did the homework #and I showed up for most of the classes outside of the ones I missed for chronic pain issues #she doesn’t understand how badly I’m in pain a lot of the time… #or she’s just used to pushing through it herself #idk how she does it but I can’t #I’m so tired #I just wish she’d tell me it’s okay she’s not mad and she’s proud without any sort of additional commentary #it would do wonders #sorry this was way longer than it was meant to be I’m just thinking out loud and throwing words into the void

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#Queen anne's lace | Daucus carota #Pulled from a roadside wildflower tangle on a whim. Date sometime before 24 August 2022. #While riding bikes to visit makeshift museum of twisted metal. #I rode slow alongside my mom. probably. it's a blurry memory. #On a tiny island on a sea sized lake #shallow and full to the brim with fossils and dead fish and broken glass. #An island that gave my mother her name. one of my favorite places. where i imagine storms when im angry #My first memory of this plant is old. #My mom pushing my sisters in a red double stroller in the summertime. #Turning the bend near our home. #Or walking toward my grandparents house in late August. maybe. i dont remember #Just that she told me it was queen Anne's lace and I patted my face with it like a powder puff. #Its tiny white flowers branching out blurry like a globular cluster pressed flat. Like stars huddled around the mass of a tiny velvet purpl #flower. a flower that makes me feel small and needy. with tiny hands and tiny worries. #...usually i write these things off thr top of my head but this one was prewritten. i just feel too insecure to make writing posts that can #be reblogged 😬 but anyway im writing entries for the handful of pressed flowers thst i have. idk y i grabbed this one bc it was the 1st #i just always liked queen anne's lace. childhood nostalgia and all that i suppose #unrelated #also i say it was prewritten but when i wrote it. it was still just brain vomit without editing lil

[hrkrkrwpfrbrbrlablblblblwhitooap]

i think part of the reason his more recent videos seem to be lacking of charm compared to the early days is down to him becoming a bigger creator and parasocial relationships.

i still enjoy his new videos, it’s evident that he always puts a lot of care into his work to the point that he will amend years old videos over minor mistakes and i have nothing but respect for his dedication. that being said i do definitely prefer the older ones. they feel more friendly, more intimate, it’s like you’re actually in the space with him and he’s talking directly to you (or them for the old techdif) but now it’s hard to feel like anything other than a spectator.

because he’s grown so much he can’t really have that kind of close relationship to his fans anymore even if he wanted, but i think that’s a deliberate choice from him, knowing his stance on parasocial relationships. i guess he feels he has a duty of care to us to not let those things happen, and to him for his own safety, as while parasocial relationships aren’t inherently unhealthy they can very easily become that and can get out of hand (i have personal experience with that so i completely understand his point of view).

i think his new videos feel colder, because they are.

also i know we all hate it but “the algorithm”. to win at the game you can’t always do what you want, make the things you want, he’s fighting a losing battle against an invisible dictator. he’s stated so many times that he doesn’t like how clickbaity he’s having to be which means he’s probably had to turn down so many wonderful ideas because he knows no matter how good they could be, the algorithm won’t treat them kindly. he may not even like the change himself but has to keep up with it to survive.

we don’t know what goes on in his personal life, i noticed recently he’s been looking tired, more so than usual and we know he’s nearly burnt himself out in the past. maybe just needs a break.

maybe he’s had more and more bad experiences with the fandom (i think we can all understand that) and wants to distance himself from us, if i were in his position i’d feel the same and i’m guilty of a lot more than i’d want to admit here.

either way we can’t fault him or be too harsh, he is human after all and he’s going to change, he has every right to not be what we want him to be.

yeah it's worth pointing out that a lot of the time in the early days, he was literally making videos for a couple thousand people who knew him personally. And the algorithm's effect on his content is not helped by the thing I mentioned in the previous post about him making up arbitrary rules - you can bet that if it seems like the algorithm might slightly favor some factor, that's going to turn into an unbreakable law of content creation for him, possibly far past its actual relevance to his success. Case in point - the ridiculous drama with the lateral podcast and his ongoing refusal to provide a full length video version of the episodes. (God forbid we give the podcast a few months to build an audience before we make the decision on whether video works for it or not...!)

Nonetheless, I still think Matt behind the camera made a big difference. He will still come along to film sometimes (obviously, understandably, it can't be as regular as it was in 2016, this isn't a criticism, just an observation) and the difference in Tom's vibe is always noticeable from the moment the video starts.

#note on the lateral drama: I literally do not understand what he is trying to communicate with that update #part of it sounds like he is saying that putting clips on YT doesn't work because it makes people angry they're not full episodes #which would seem to suggest that he should upload full episodes #and part of it sounds like he is saying ONLY clips work on YT #as ads of sorts to push people towards the audio-only main show #I don't get it #but I think he looked a right arse saying ''buy some damn subtitles'' & then turning around and taking months to buy some damn transcripts #that's my OPINION #idk my thought on tom for a while now has been that he's nice to look at and his videos are fun but his personality is kinda jerk-y #with the corollary that [REDACTED] #like he really does seem like [DATA EXPUNGED] #don't tell anyone I said that #whatever #these tags are too long

[genderfreakxx]

If people could stop using the term “transmasc” as synonymous with “trans man” that would be fucking phenomenal.

#I’m transitioning because I want to have more masculine traits just by default #but I don’t consider myself a binary trans man. the binary makes no fucking sense to me. fuck the binary #this is I think why I feel so sad when people get angry at ‘transmascs’ for relating to and having gender envy over Gerard way #because I absolutely have gender envy over Gerard- but it has fuck all to do with ‘being a man’ #Gerard isn’t binary. they don’t like labels but they’ve expressed admiration for they/them pronouns and said ‘I’ve always liked he/they’ #and they do a hell of a lot of relating to she/her pronouns and girls in their music #no fucken part of me is envious of Gerard in a Man Way™ #because neither of us are binary Masc-y McMascerson men #I admire g for their entire vibe in every way they’ve presented it to us #just because I’m transmasc doesn’t mean I only admire men. I’m nonbinary #I admire queer people in every form. I’m hesitant to call g queer because idk how they feel about it #but you get what I mean #if Gerard came out as a trans woman tomorrow I would still have gender envy for them. I have gender envy over cis women sometimes ffs #I love them (parasocially yada yada) however they identify. I love them even more because they hate fucken labels. ME TOO #I just love the way they put themselves out there. #I’ve just seen a lot of folks hating on transmascs for relating to Gerard and I think it’s a misunderstanding tbh #it’s all pure love and admiration and inspiration #I can’t speak for everyone but I would never want to push a label on G when they clearly fucken hate it. #that being said; I think the way they express themselves and the art they create is inspiring as hell!! #for me gender envy goes deeper than just surface level aesthetic sometimes #wow this has been a rant. and idk if I’ve even gotten my point across actually #oh well! #gender #blithering on

[isabelguerra]

i dont have an actual name for it but depressed college au is probably one of my favorites. i dont really care for the adults in paranatural and thinking about how the activity club/others might grow up and continue their lives is so much more interesting to me

#i started reading this comic when i was 15? i think? and now im recently 23. i cant really say i relate or want to relate to 12 year olds an #y more. and yeah i prefer a lot more nuance and complexity when crafting+ reading stories #but when your protags are 12. well. yeah pass #pnats adults are fine but the kids are the ones i have any actual emotional interest or compulsion towards #so when i write something that might be less 'yippee whimsical wacky adventures' and the options are spender and zarei. again theyre fine bu #t i dont really care enough about spender and zarei #but i still want to write about adults you know. BEING 12 was hard enough you could not PAY me to go back into that headspace #honestly thats actually why most of wizard au takes place in their later school years #like you know those aged up mob psycho 100 aus. where mob is like a fireman and ritsu is an english major and theyre not exactly having epic #adventures anymore but theyre coming into themselves etc. god. thats the stuff 2 me #i used to hate aged up aus as a teenager bc i thought it was the author/artists excuse to put kids in weird situations. and idk considering #it was 2015. yeah fair. but i do think i get it now. teenage years are hard and theres a certain part of that hardness that i love. things #like growing up [from a 17yo perspective] and people you love going to college and trying to find yourself and dealing w friends and fear #for the future. THOSE are the kind of teen stories i like reading about. but when you start getting tired and mellowing out and things that #come with the end of college and grad school and growing up [from a 22yos perspective] is similar. but its more somber. youre older now #when the protagonists become people. thats what i like #wizard au is fun as a huge intense magical adventure project but depressed college au is just like. where i can project. #drinking an entire pack of mikes hard lemonade by myself and lying on the floor talking to friends about how im scared and pushing myself #towards a career that i love but dont know i can achieve. friends leaving. getting an apartment for the first time. and the second and #the third. that feels better when i can sit down and go 'okay. someday isabel will do this too. i might not understand. my friends might not #understand. nobody could understand and i could be alone. but max woke up with a hangover today and i know what that feels like' etc #idk just feels better. taking your favorite characters with you while you go through things. by which i mean #'taking my favorite characters and making them go through things' #you want them to be safe and happy and having fun. i want them to feel fear. we both know what we want from fiction and treasure each #depressed college au

[yslglasses]

.

#i just want at least a friend lol #i have nobody #i have nobody to stick around for #the O N L Y person to care about me and genuinely love me- was my mom. with her gone….i have nobody hahaha #idk why i’m here #i like can’t even TALK about my mental state without people thinking or saying i want attention #i don’t give a fuck about ‘attention’ because nobody gives a fuck about me every other day. so why bother now??? #i do so much for EVERYONE and yet i get ignored-pushed to the side- everything. #so i’ve now reached the level of wanting to dI3. it’s not like i make a difference in this world. #i just want a friend/someone that ACTUALLY cares about me and our friendship. NOT what i can do for them #i’m really not meant to have any friends. so why bother lmao. #cus apparently me talking about my mental state-means i ‘want attention’ and that’s so far from the truth #i just want to matter #but i never will #whatever #i try and try #i just don’t matter #as long as i’m out by my 25th birthday (or yk sooner) it’ll be good #tw #sorry #.

[thermospearmayhem]

My mother in law is up to something and I don't like it. In the two and a half years I've known her, she's only ever texted me for information about my husband or to try to manipulate me into letting her have her way planning our wedding. She always texts me like I'm a stranger that she has to speak to. Small talk until she asks for whatever info she wants and then stops responding when I try to keep the conversation going. In the last week she's sent me a picture of a flower because "I knew those were your favorite" and a picture of me and my husband that she said she liked. And this is after six months of barely even acknowledging that I exist after she insisted that I was being "disrespectful and inconsiderate of her feelings" by going to a family members funeral after they passed unexpectedly and the person in charge of planning planned it for the same time she had a Christmas party planned.

#literally everybody else involved with that party was ok with pushing it back a couple of hours so we could go #they're coming to visit next month and I'm dreading it #idk what she's planning but I know it's not good #I only try to keep conversations going with her because my husband wants me to get along with his parents #even though she acts like a spoiled bratty 12 y/o that throws a tantrum until she gets her way #his dad acts like a 14 y/o with an inferiority complex that thinks he has to physically fight anybody that tells her no so she'll like him #he literally threatened to physically assault him because he stood up for me and said we were going #they're both abusive in many ways #she's a narcissist and he enables her #justnomil