#if anything happens to them I kill everyone and then myself

[luveline]

I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.

Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx

that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention

So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!

so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.

I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.

There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.

I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.

sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!

I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout! again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#jade's asks #ily

[atalanteart]

I'm back and I'm not dead (yet)

I discovered Murderbot Diaries this summer and I finished book five and six about a mouth ago (I was devastated).

So I tried to draw the main crew for fun !

I really like the way I drew Mensah and Ratthi. The other are okay, I struggled to draw Murderbot because I usually see them with the armor (yes I'm very lazy for imagine them), but sometimes I make an effort and it turns out to be inspired by Markus from DBH- (hate myself for that)

Anyway, hope you like it ! If I can I will try to draw more stuff about the book because it s so freaking good and I love it so much

#AtalanteArt #my artwork #murderbot diaries #murderbot diaries book #murderbot diaries fanart #murderbot #book fanart #this book is so good #read it #you won't regret it #the main character is an anxious depressed autistic ace killing machine who only wants to watch TV shows in peace #i relate #if anything happens to them I kill everyone and then myself #I think I nailed it for the design of Ratthi and Mensah #my dyslexic ass just realised that it's Mensah and not Mensha #now I will disappear again cause I have work to do for art school #I m very busy so sorry if I don't have time to post

[soni-dragon]

yo guess what my newest hyperfixation is ITS THEM THE SILLIES

[ID: A drawing of Troy and Abed from Community. They sit next to each other in a blanket fort, Troy laying on the ground looking up to Abed who sits and looks down at Troy. Abed has a head lamp on his forehead, and there are fairy lights in the background. /End ID]

#your honor i love them #ive had troy and abed for like five days and if anything happened to them id kill everyone in the room and then myself #my art #trobed #community #nbc community #abed nadir #troy barnes

[codgod-moved]

whatever you do, do NOT put these guys in situations

woe. little guys be upon ye

@veryfoolishgamers @t4tcecilos @axe-of-ender @empiressmp @the3rddenialist @moonlight22oa @rockydrago @gaymartyn @renchanters @bugsprouts @popcornsalty @suurrii @thatonesheep @cabbagetwunk @scarianagrande @weaselmcdiesel @peskybirb

#.png #double life smp #dlsmp #team rancher #jimmy solidarity #tangotek #if anything happens to them in session 2 i’m killing everyone in this room and then myself #this is such a silly thing to taglist but i feel like u guys would appreciate Them so whatever

[yourlocalfairygothparent]

-At the local market-

Raiden: Look at how cute these pens are! :))

Kung Lao: Raiden, that's gay.

Raiden: . . . .

Raiden: Lao, we've been dating for 3 years-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kung Lao: Imagine being like, gay or something like that.

Raiden: Lao, we've been sleeping together for like 8 months.

Kung Lao: Okay but that's not like, GAY-gay, you know?

Raiden: Lao, you're literally a bottom.

Kung Lao: . . .

Kung Lao: . . . . .

Kung Lao: "LaO, yOu'RE liTeRalLy a BoTtoM-“

#RIP vine #they share one brain cell between the two of them #and raiden has it most of the time #I've only had these two for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself #kung lao #raiden #railao #raiden x kung lao #mortal kombat 1

[smilesrobotlover]

I feel like Link’s family would be obsessed with Linebeck

#wanted to draw Linebeck chilling in the Great sea and all the islands and stuff #legendofzelda #legend of zelda #phantom hourglass #legend of zelda phantom hourglass #linebeck #you know when little old ladies are weirdly obsessed with some guy because they’re just respectful towards them? #yeah that’s links grandma towards Linebeck #also grandma my beloved she’s just a sweetheart #Aryll: I have a dad now! :D #Linebeck: I’ve had Aryll for about a day and a half but if anything happens to her I’ll kill everyone in this room and then myself #wind waker #legend of zelda wind waker

[iolypse]

jaiden as roier's maid of honor and forever or felps as cellbit's best man. flower boy richarlyson. ring bearer leo. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME GUAPODUO IS GETTING MARRIED CANON THEY ARE FIANCÉS!!!!

#qsmp #qsmp jaiden #qsmp roier #qsmp forever #qsmp felps #qsmp cellbit #qsmp richarlyson #guapoduo #qsmp leonarda #spiderbit #THEYRE GONNA BE HUSBANDS OH MY GOD #I DONT CARE IF CELLBITS LIKE A SLEEPER AGENT OR SOMETHING #THEYRE FIANCÉS!!!!! #THEY HAVE A DINNER DATE TOMORROW #THEY WILL HAVE THE BEST WEDDING #IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THEM OR THEIR LOVED ONES BEFORE JUNE 16TH I WILL KILL EVERYONE AND THEN MYSELF #if you saw me accidentaly say july instead of june no you didn't

[mnemonicmew]

Bonnieee

#isat #in stars and time #fanart #my art #I love them #sketch #a little doodle #if anything ever happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself or how that meme goes #isat bonnie #in stars and time bonnie

[nikredd]

Those are my precious favorite characters!!!

#gen v #genvedit #emma x sam #emma meyer #sam riordan #if anything happen to them I would kill everyone and myself! #gifset

[gracefireheart]

FCG: Maybe you should save it for someone who needs it though, is what I’m saying.

Deanna: I did.

#I’ve only known Deanna and Frida for one episode #but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself #my art #FCG #Deanna #Bells Hells #CriticalRole #cr spoilers #cr3 spoilers #critical role spoilers #cr3 ep52

[orbitalbeetle]

figuring out the shapes of the them :]

#mine #vat7k #varigo #nuru vat7k #yong vat7k #varian #varian tts #hugo vat7k #vat7k fanart #varian and the seven kingdoms #ive known these guys about a week and if anything happened to them i'd kill everyone in the vat7k tag and then myself #i really like yong-varian and nuru-hugo having opposite sibling dynamics LMAO

[kicktwine]

the urge to just grab both twins’ heads and make absolutely sure they know how good they are they’re so good you’re so so good !! you’re such good kids!! you’re so good you’re so good!! is getting a little too strong to handle over here

#play game #they need to know. they should know this. removed from the context of eorzea and your responsibility you still chose to help ! #in such an impactful way that people know you! They know you as little champions! you chose to help a swath of people who need it #who can’t help themselves who love you !! Wow!!!!!!! you’ve grown so much!!!! #if anything happens to them I’m going to CRY #I’m going to kill everyone in the room and then myself etc #oh my gosh I’m tearing up. That’s not good #not a good sign #I don’t have any fancy words I just need to pet them. ok? Ok. Good kid #ch’ari is funny to look at as a whole he’s like no friends >:( angry >:( and then like seven years later he’s holding a baby and crying

[glassesmcfancyhair]

How annoyed do the rest of the Asgard get every time Thor wants to name their newest ship after another of his favorite pet humans

#stargate sg1 #Thor is that Rosa Diaz meme #this is Jack O’Neill and SG1 #I’ve only had them for twenty minutes #but if anything happened to them #I will kill everyone in the galaxy and then myself

[mxkokopuff]

power hungry bastard elf vampire and the silly lil tiefling bard jester that he fell in love with by mistake--

power couple of the century-

#kit talks #kit plays bg3 #astarion #newala #they're such a silly couple but it works- #astarion with the: i've known newala for about a month but if anything happened to them i would kill everyone in faerun and then myself- #also can we talk about the way he says: VAMPIRIC MASTTUH #he's so full of sass and contempt #also PURE SHIT #it'S SO RAW #NEIL PUT HIS WHOLE USSY INTO THAT ONE

[embraceweird]

I love Twelve Brooks and their froggy themed midsummer revel!

#wbn interlude #wbn fanart #umora #I love these three so much 🐸 #I hope we see them again #and Buckles 🥺 #I've only hade Buckles for a day but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself #worlds beyond number #wbn pod #wbn fireside chat #wbn #brenan lee mulligan #erika ishii #lou wilson #aabria iyengar

[pax-former]

G1 Optimus would be that person who would constantly be scolded at because he keeps adopting any kind of animal on the street.

But in this case it’s not animals.

It’s humans.

.*･ﾟ🌙✨.*･ﾟ🌙✨.*･ﾟ🌙✨.*･ﾟ🌙✨.*･ﾟ

Jazz: Hey Optimus! How did patrol go-…

Optimus, holding servoful of humans: It went pretty well! No decepticon activity, the birds were chirping and the sun was shining-

Ratchet: OPTIMUS PRIME WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ADOPTING RANDOM HUMANS OFF THE STREET!?

Optimus: Ratchet I have a very good reason-

Ratchet: WE’VE BEEN GETTING CALL AFTER CALL ABOUT MISSING HUMANS AND ITS DRIVING US CRAZY!

Jazz: Prime-

Optimus: BUT RATCHET THEY HAVE SHITTY PARENTS THEY NEED SOMEONE TO LOVE THEM-

Rachet: THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN JUST KIDNAP THEM PRIME.

Optimus, now running full speed toward the exit with his now adopted children: YOU CAN’T STOP ME RATCHET-

Ratchet running full force at him holding a wrench: PRIME GET BACK HERE-

Jazz, who is now watching Optimus holding his adopted children, trying to reason with a medic ready to throw the wrench of doom: … I love this place 🥹

#g1 optimus prime #father figure #g1 transformers #g1 ratchet #g1 jazz #Optimus adopting random humans off the street #absolutely canon because I said so #truck dad #no one can stop him from adoting humans off the street #Optimus: I’ve only had them for several hours #if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. #Hehe #raise your hand if Optimus os your dad