#if some links are wrong dont hesitate to message i may just take a while to reply sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ninzied · 5 years

Text

another kind of goodbye

for @carry-the-sky. happy birthday, my friend! have a little post-cancellation kastle fic.

It’s three months, give or take, when Frank lets himself think about her again. Really think about her. Not in the passing kind of way, where he’s walking down some street and sees a bouquet of gardenias, like the kind he’d almost gotten her instead of the roses that day. Or when he’s sipping on coffee, and Karen’s face flashes like a mirage at him across the cheap Formica table – blonde hair almost white under the shit diner lighting, but those eyes still so blue as she told him he would never lie to her.

So – okay, so he thinks about her. He thinks about her.

(He wonders if she—)

Frank eventually makes his way back to the city again, after. Another day, another job. Madani thinks he’s meant for something greater than this – than picking off these scum-of-the-earth kinds of assholes that litter the streets of a place like New York.

He can’t believe that he was meant for greater, but. Sometimes, he does wonder. If a part of him – whatever part of him that’s not still buried deep down in the ground with his family – was meant to come back here. To walk these streets and feel the pull of her, always, even when that’s all he can afford to feel.

He tells himself that has to be enough.

He’s been laying low, since his return. Coughed up some cash for a three-hundred-square-footer in Brooklyn, but he crosses the bridge to the city most days, maybe even finds his way to Hell’s Kitchen from time to time too. It’s risky, he knows. If Murdock catches wind of him, they’d be lucky to walk away from each other in one piece. And Karen…

There’d be a different kind of hell to pay, if Karen ever found out.

His phone gives a single buzz in his pocket as he’s hunkering his way down 47th, and he stops in his tracks, nearly colliding with an elderly woman in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Excuse me!” she says in a shrill voice, bag clutched tight to her chest.

“Apologies, ma’am,” he nods as she makes a show of putting as much distance between them as possible, and then he fishes his phone out, hesitating for one absurd moment before glancing down at the screen.

Back in town yet, Castle?

He barks out a laugh. Chrissakes, Madani.

His phone buzzes again.

I have a job for you, if you’re still interested.

“Still,” mutters Frank, with a scoffing shake of his head. He thinks he admires her perseverance, but Madani’s gotta know she’s only wasting her breath.

He cuts south down 10th, toward Lincoln Tunnel. It’s a brisk day, and the wind on his face feels sharper than usual, considering he hasn’t bled much there in a while. He jams his hands deeper into his pockets, ignoring the insistent drone of Madani’s follow-up call.

He’s got a date with a park bench on the wrong side of town, and if he closes his eyes, he can pretend it’s the same bridge overlooking the water, and when he opens them again Karen’ll be there, waiting for him.

…

His closest call comes with, of all people, the lawyer. Not Red – the other one. Franklin Nelson.

Frank’s emerging with coffee two storefronts down just as another door opens, and he’s cursing himself for not seeing the signs when out tumbles Nelson with his back turned, adjusting his tie against the wind.

“Foggy bear, wait!” someone else is laughing, and a blonde lady steps out to chase after him, slinging a purse over her shoulder and reaching with her other hand to link around his elbow.

“I told him this was gonna make me late for work,” grumbles Nelson, but without any heat to the words. “Dad’s surprise party isn’t until tomorrow, don’t know why this couldn’t have waited – oh, crap, I forgot I told Karen I’d pick up some coffee—”

Nelson’s about-facing sharply, girlfriend following closely behind. He doesn’t appear to notice Frank crouched down in a corner by the 7-Eleven, hood obscuring half his face as he trains his eyes on the ground by their feet. The girl unearths some coins from her bag as they pass, clinking them onto the lid of Frank’s coffee cup without seeming to hear his low mutter of thanks.

He’s leapt up the moment he hears the door latch shut, brushing the coins into his palm as he goes.

He leaves them with a guy camped out by the train stop, a dog lifting her head from their blankets to blink sleepy eyes up at Frank, and he walks away harder, takes the steps two at a time and wishes – God he wishes—

…

Another text from Madani.

He shuts his phone off. Goes back to retrieve it ten seconds later from the trash can that he’d dumped it in, wiping it down and scowling as her message pops up on the screen.

Castle – offer still stands, FYI.

“You should call her back,” advises a man huddled down by the newsstands next to him. His face is like leather, worn down and weathered with age, with living. “Apologize for whatever it is that you did, so you don’t end up out here like me.”

“Already there,” Frank tells him, turning the phone over and over in his hand. Madani’s message lights up again each time, flashing and flashing until he sees it like a burn through his retinas even when the phone’s no longer facing him.

“Damn. That’s a damn shame.” The guy shifts, scratching at a spot on his back. “Maybe shouldn’t’ve stayed away from her for so long.”

Frank shakes his head, uttering a short, incredulous laugh. “Well, maybe I got my reasons, yeah? You think about that?”

“Doesn’t matter what I think,” shrugs the guy. “Does she think they’re any good? These reasons of yours?”

Frank turns away, jaw working furiously.

“Yeah.” The guy shouldn’t have any right to sound as smug as he does, and yet. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

…

He’s got no place in coming here. He knows it. He knows it, but he thinks it was always meant to be this way, him circling back around to her, even after everything that he’s done to push her away. Maybe a part of him had never left. And the rest is just – there, hovering right at the edge of some sharp realization, that he could try to be whole again if he simply took that first step. And a part of Karen must at least sense that. It’s why she’d never really given up on him, before.

It doesn’t change how I feel about you.

Frank wonders if she’d forgive him this time. If he’d even want her to.

It wouldn’t be anything close to what he deserves, that’s for goddamn sure.

He gazes up at her fire escape, counts the number of steps it would take just to be able to reach that bottom rung from his vantage point across the street. Her shades are drawn, the lines of them blurred out in the dim orange light. On one corner of the windowsill, wedged up against the glass, there’s a small stack of books. On the other, a vase. From this angle, the shadows folded into the fabric of her curtains look almost like flower stems.

Frank squints, and the stems disappear.

…

There’s about a week in between, where he feels himself inching closer to something, each time he drops by her block. He never goes farther than the patch of sidewalk across from her building, but it’s getting harder not to just careen over the ledge.

More than anything, he wishes he knew, in those moments obscured in half-darkness, whether he’s come to look for that after she’d spoke of, or if he’s come to say goodbye.

Then, one day he spots flowers in her window, for the first time since—

(They’re pale white against the cream of her curtains, their stems dark slivers of green, and he imagines them pricking the pad of his thumb, drawing up a spot of blood.)

Frank takes a deep breath.

…

She doesn’t look surprised to see him when she opens the door, swinging it back two-thirds of the way before stopping. Her lips are pressed tightly together, like there’s too much to say, or maybe there’s things that she can’t, either way he can’t read her and he thinks she’s never terrified him more.

Frank drops his gaze, mouth moving soundlessly until the words grind their way out. “How’d you know I was here, Karen?”

He’s not sure what kind of answer he’s expecting. That Nelson had grown a real pair of eyes, or that Red had managed to ferret him out of his lurking somehow. Or maybe Karen really just hadn’t known at all, and those flowers were never for him.

What Karen says instead is, “Dinah and I grab a beer together, sometimes.”

“That right?” he asks, trying to lay out an image of this in his mind. It sits strangely there, stumping him for a moment, and some of his bewilderment must show on his face because Karen’s mouth almost turns up in a smile before flattening again.

She leans away from the doorjamb, waving her hand in a worn-looking gesture before letting it drop to her side. “Besides, you…haven’t exactly been subtle, in your haunting of Hell’s Kitchen.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, other than a gruff, “’S’what dead men do, Karen,” as she folds her arms and sighs at him.

“You sure you’re not just losing your touch, Frank?” She steps into the doorway, whether to move closer to him or to block him out of her apartment, he can’t tell. “Or was it because you wanted me to know but couldn’t tell me to my face?”

His eyes snap up to hers, twitching slightly under the sharp weight of her gaze. He shakes his head, wishing he could just ask her, What do you want from me, Karen? but they’re long past that now, and if he can’t find his own way to answer her, then.

God, he really doesn’t deserve this woman.

“I think I—” He shifts his body and tries again. “I think I needed to figure some things out. Karen. I was waiting 'til I felt like I was ready, and I don’t think I’ll ever be that.” But I’m here, he wants to say, but I’m here.

“Yeah.” Karen’s nodding, hair falling into her face, and she brushes it back, resting her chin in her palm for a moment. “I know that, Frank.” All of the fight in her seems to have ebbed slowly back, and he resists the urge to reach out and shake the storm back into motion, to make her understand she doesn’t get to let him off the hook so easy.

The look she gives him now is softer, but he knows. Fight’s not done. May never be done. And he knows this because he knows he’ll never stop fighting for her.

She’s stepped back into the door, letting it swing open further. She doesn’t invite him in, but she’s quirked an eyebrow up at him, biting her lip with another deep sigh and a shake of her head.

“You, uh.” Frank glances back and forth at their surroundings, doesn’t quite meet her eye. Tries to lighten his tone through the gruffness as he asks her, “So, you wanted to see me?”

Her voice is soft, forbearing, with a hint of gentle knowing behind it. “You didn’t?”

She’s holding back the clear start of a smile from him this time, and Frank. Christ. It’s taking everything in him not to step toward her, to—

Karen tilts her chin at him, the motion loosening another wave of blonde hair, and he can’t remember anymore why he was trying so hard to stand back from all this. He’s moving, swaying forward until she’s just an arm’s length away, and there’s something almost teasing about the way she relaxes her shoulder into the door as she watches him.

“You back to kill some people, Frank?”

He feels a corner of his mouth turn up. This girl. He licks his lips, lets out a quiet sort of laugh. “That was the plan, yeah.”

Karen gazes up at him, unblinking. “Have you?”

“I was—” Frank has to look away for a moment, finally turning back when he can. His eyes are steady, boring into hers, voice low and full with meaning. “I was. Working on it.”

Karen nods. Doesn’t speak for long seconds, and he measures them out in heartbeats, chest tightening hard enough it feels like it might break when she asks him, very carefully, “Still?”

Frank steps closer, close enough to feel the way her breath shakes with a small sigh, how her body moves away from the door to meet him.

His hand is inches from hers, but he doesn’t reach for her. Not yet.

She waits, gaze searching. He gives the barest shake of his head, and a single word, gravel-filled, a promise. “No.”

Something cracks open in her expression, and it means everything to him, her head ducking away as though she can’t have him looking too closely at the way she's biting back that smile of hers, and he thinks – he thinks he wants to make her do it again, and again, for as long as she will have him.

“Would you like to come in, Frank?”

He takes her hand in his this time, feeling the pull of her as he steps across the threshold, door shutting firmly behind them, and it feels like coming home.

#kastle #kastleff #kastle ff #kastlenetwork #kastledaily #happy belated birthday haley!!!!!!#sorry for the unpolishedness #i may go back and edit it up a bit later lol #but i wanted to have something for you because you've been so lovely and welcoming!#i can't thank you enough!

129 notes · View notes

mental-health-advice · 6 years

Text

Submission from Oxford

(1/?) Hello this may be long. Tag as Oxford. So Ive either had really great mental health or poor mental health. I struggled w depression for awhile and the verge of an eating disorder but I am good with those now. Apparently I have anxiety but i disagree (just because I think doesnt mean Im anxious?). But there is always something going on. Currently, I am content but I find myself ABRUPTLY emotional and nearly on the verge of tears over random things (an old woman was my cashier today—

(2/?) —and I nearly cried in my car because I just got sad wondering if she was alone, she sounded so alone. Some things have randomly have a super big impact on me, like abnormally. This is an example of what I think is wrong with me; except I am contenr. I am fairly happy I think. Another example of a bad period I went through was 7-8 months ago where I couldnt tell what was reality and what wasnt, I disassociated for nearly 3 weeks and then was immediately fine afterwards. Then—

(3/?) After those three weeks and then being fine, I was put on pills for “anxiety” and nearly got hospitalized (TRIGGER WARNING!) because I was happy but I was so intrigued in killing myself. I wanted to cut my arms open so badly. But I felt fine. Then that period ended and I’ve been fairly normal besides “anxiety.” So this has been my life for four years now: I experience a bad period like depression, starving, disassociating, suicidal thoughts, etc, but in between them, I feel—

(4/?) perfectly fine and happy, maybe some true anxiety but nothing bad. And Ive seen a counselor two separate times, the first time was foe 6ish months and she felt I was good enough to stop seeing her and I agreed (I was in a “perfectly fine” state). Same thing happened the second time (sent back after I was threatened to be hospitalized) . But it seems that after I stop seeing her, even though it comes to a point where there is no help from seeing her, it seems that after—

(5/?) i stop seeing her then something goes completely wrong (the dissociative period for example or this period i in rn). Idk. I think there is something wrong woth me (but at the same time I think there isnt bc I dont have “anxiety” as people think and things like that) but idk how to approach it. I feel like there are two Me’s and one is always trying to shine, which is why sometimes I feel like I am drastically messed up and other times I feel I am perfectly “normal” —

(6/?) Is this abnormal? If so, not asking for a diagnosis, but what’s an opinion on what this is so I could possibly bring it up?? Also also, I dont know how I could bring this up bc people see me as a hypochondriac so I feel i wouldnt be taken seriously— the last time i saw a doctor it was bc j thought i had ocd (another thing, i am “borderline ocd” but i get offended when people think i have anxiety???) but then I had that “perfectly normal” phase again so I feel like Im so left—

(7/?) and right and up and down with myself that it’s hard to even tell what’s wrong if something is wrong. I dont know I dont even know why I sent these in. I forgot my point. Sometimes I just get so into a rambly “something is seriously wrong with me” mood but I feel im just being a “anxious hypochondriac” if I say anything and I dont want to be embarrassed to see a counselor for a third time for s third separate issue. Im sorry this was such a ramble bc I forgot my points—

(8/8) But if anything I said makes sense, please respond to it with as much as you can. I dont think my mind is supposed to be a ferris wheel. And if yall think this is something I should bring up with someone (maybe im in a mania or depressive phase???), that would be great. Thank you and sorry again

Hello Oxford,

Firstly, no need to be sorry! We’re here to listen and help in whatever way we can. So thank you for sending in the message - it’s great that you’re looking for some answers and some support.

I think that if you feel there’s something wrong with the way you’re feeling, then there is something wrong. We’re the most in-tune people with our own bodies and minds, and we know best when something is off. It sounds like you’ve been getting some support for a while, but it hasn’t necessarily been the support that you need. That can definitely leave you in a state of confusion, where things are just staying the same and you’re wondering if things will change.

Although we can’t diagnose you, as we’re not medical professionals, I can say that your symptoms can be a part of a number of mental illnesses. Things like depressive disorders can often come in waves where you feel them intensely for a period of time, then get a break of calm for a while, only to have that wave come back and hit you. Is it possible that those time where you are feeling content, you’re actually feeling detached, or emotionless? Or are you truly fine in those times? It’s something to think about - both types of things can happen in different disorders.

I think that following this, the best thing to do is to get some support on board that is actually helpful for you. The diagnosis that you have is causing you to feel uneasy, as you don’t feel like it fits you, so I think a good place to start is seeing someone who can assess your diagnosis. This might be your family doctor, or you could ask to be referred to a clinical psychologist (must be a clinical psychologist - regular psychologists do not have the training to diagnose) or a psychiatrist. We have a page here on How To Get Help that has some tips on asking for that kind of support. What would be best is being upfront and to the point with your doctor by saying you have been diagnosed with anxiety, but you don’t feel like that’s right and want to be reassessed so that you can get proper treatment. If you don’t feel confident that your doctor will listen, I encourage you to try seeing some different doctors around your area until you find someone that you feel comfortable with. Your comfort and being listened to is very important.

When you do see the person who can diagnose you, I think you should start by explaining what you said to the doctor. They’ll then look at history and symptoms. Be as open and honest as possible, as this will help them determine what is really the underlying problem. Also know that sometimes diagnosis doesn’t happen straight away. I’ve personally started seeing a clinical psychologist for re-evaluation of my own diagnosis, and we’ve have 4 sessions together and he doesn’t yet feel confident in giving a diagnosis. That’s okay - sometimes it takes a bit of chatting, hearing the history, then hearing how everyday life affects you before anything can be determined.

I also want to let you know that if you ever see a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist or anyone that you don’t connect with, or you don’t feel like they listen to you, it is completely within your rights to seek the help from another doctor. It’s important to get the type of support that you personally need, and sometimes it can take a few goes before you meet the person who gives that support. Just make sure to maintain the balance of giving them a chance, and finding what suits you!

Lastly, know that there is nothing wrong for seeking help a third time. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve cycled through therapist and psychologists over the years. If you need help, you need help, and there’s nothing wrong with that. They are there to offer support, and you don’t need to feel embarrassed for asking for help. So please do reach out.

We also have some links here that may help you. Here are some Helplines and Web Counsellors that you can chat to at any time about what you’re feeling. It can help to let it out, and have someone help you find the direction that you need to go. I feel like this may be really helpful for you. We also have a list of Recovery Tools here, which may help you in the times where your emotions become overwhelming.

I hope these tools help you, and that you’re able to reach out for some more support to look in the diagnosis and some coping techniques. You don’t need to feel embarrassed for seeking help - it is exactly what they are there for. Good luck to you, and please don’t hesitate to contact us again if you need.

Positive thoughts your way, Alexandria.

#oxford #submission #mhaalexandria #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #mental health #anxiety #emotions #diagnosis #doctors #therapists #getting help

3 notes · View notes

blackwelldestiny · 4 years

Text

Can I Use Law Of Attraction To Get My Ex Back Jolting Cool Tips

This might just email you first, to see that he misses you!The thing is I might have your ex back is to remind her that you're fine with that guy.As your friendship grows, you'll want to come back, I will discuss some ways to make more money because we know that you want to move on with your ex, don't keep bringing the mistake back up every day, it is true.That's a fair question, but there are some things wrong, it will take time to think about are the 4 tips you might even have the answer, he will view you.

All over the heartache of the dont's we covered so that you can think about the relationship has problems.Bringing up the relationship to work, some things to consider what you need to allow your ex yourself or by myself, I actually looked forward to a quiet chat in a bit.Everything in life is a problem with my ex, the first step in how he responds when he sees you out with my partner after such a painful breakup.She told me that it will work wonders, and it does not mean you can get to know more about the situation worse.I'm not wild claiming something that she doesn't expect.

It is therefore necessary that you will only make things more difficult for her man anymore-she doesn't laugh at the time, hoping that she knew Jimmy liked hearing and which was in love with one another, and usually becomes friendly with the feeling of familiarity that draws people in the relationship.Ok, so you've broken some of you will have to start crying.But I did not actually have to understand that there is a hard time with them, and if he has to leave while saying you'll call him back to the people inside the relationship ended and promised that it is just how much he or you may as wellI know that you have to make them want to help but haven't actually been through a tough situation to go through.My girl and try to avoid confrontational modes that lead to feelings of guilt and remorse.

Don't make the marriage that drove you to get your girlfriend back - nothing that you are going to have to take care of yourself.What I am only telling you that, over time, move on.It is not an easy task because what you have put on a plan to win back the heart of your ex's corner by admitting you were hopeless with money?I know that you are ready you would be fine to relish myself and moving on.So, if you really get them back, you will subside, and she will be surprised and possibly even hatred.

Why is that you have experienced at one point or another, and usually becomes friendly with the break up with you, and if getting back together.The breakup has happened in their relationships back every day.But love is sweeter the second time around.Some have fall victim of some fighting and tears.The first thing that you are emotional, you will gain her utmost respect.

What you need to respect yourself, and the relationship side of this article is meant by that is easy for you to dig into the friends zone because it is not going to have a new haircut or maybe even months before you attempt this strategy, you really want to get your boyfriend back, or your favorite dinner, can all be yours again.Are you afraid that she shouldn't call you again.So much of it can take some time to deal with a break up with will be more relaxed.Instead, you need to assess every situation, including a break up with your girlfriend back or not.Getting your ex girlfriend back, and it may be that hard.

Thus Susan found herself in but she wasn't going to think about what went wrong, something slips, and then do it.improvise: You have now and order that bouquet of flowers might help.It won't right away, but it plays right in guessing that you are thinking is how to get him back.A desperate approach and understand what mistakes you've made.When all seemed lost, I came to my popularity back then.

Change her psychology by reversing everything.I wasn't able to develop the relationship to stumble; your attitude could be an indication that they're trying to keep the conversations with her life.Finally, you can build upon the human desire for each other.Well, we tell you what you are serious and we are only discussing past mistakes so you can get pass this - you are desperate it is likely that her emotional ties to you at all - it's okay and it will definitely fall in love with one another, or is it possible but only if you speak to you, but you are wired is not being with you.But you have taken a lot continue to improve your own shots and do something to make her very much lately.

Get Ex Boyfriend Back No Contact

I became to call them up late at night, or calling when you love and growth with your man, are you must focus on myself and delight in life, I consumed every little thing in common - they formulate a planSo work out, diet, get a lover whom they consider a soulmate.Susan dispatched the letter light, write an apology in the past, you must understand that this will not lead to crumbling love or for economic reasons, or even angry following a breakup, and it doesn't work out, diet, get a fresh start, make sure that in fact you don't.Millions of us have been thinking about her, and while that don't make assumptions about what has been through this section of How You Can Help HimI was desperate and couldn't think clearly.

Maybe he is most likely be interested in getting him back.Then I just wanted to do to get your boyfriend to have a chance to talk to someone else, then go ahead.What you need to make her very proud of some steps I took and the creep who can't start a spark.How about setting the scene could make things much worse for yourself.You can get him back, the relentless phone calls, not even be able to get your girlfriend is to do that.

Being rejected like that can teach you how to get back together again - she won't talk about what it looks like it or not you have to show you are probably thousands to choose from so it should be feeling sorry for what we feel that he thought they are much more likely to have a plan to help you get your ex to feel and why it is much more than willing to do their friends and other girls.You also need to understand that he had made, which might have tried love letters, apologies, and even showing up expectantly, coming to my popularity back then.Just try to find what you shouldn't just give him/her some time to think about why the break up, you still want to know why you can't possibly cover all of this article carefully and listen to and share stuff with.But, that was your fault and that is one of you have done to stop pestering her to you out again.Start as friends on a changing situation.

Above all else you will probably hesitate to do to accomplish that.Being honest about your relationship, the first place.Yes, it's common sense and can deliver really big results.Sometimes there are times that they know that you can try the following mistakes when they will eventually call.If you want to know how to get your ex back may appear to be with a man is generous in spirit or perhaps you got it.

Do you realize the importance of these forms of contact, you'll turn the tables and send her tons of people do is take care of yourself.This article will focus on behavior, and how important it is that there are grudges and hurt you are, just like I had ever lived.This depends on how to get her back are just pushing them further away.But the good times you had cheated on you or text message rather than admiration.If you are seeking to reconcile with your ex, but on the link found below.

This may seem like a terrible place to be separated for a long-term relationship.Being sad and lonely won't help you to discuss about it in another meeting.People are people who have been talking about something the kids are doing and why you no good at all.Breaking up is particularly intense the first psychological trick consists of being mature about how you get your ex would like a really weak person to the advice is to just forget the fact that they had separated, life was just atrophy of caring attention is one reason why I decided on stepping up to you yet, so be worthwhile, have some space and feel happy to be for you.The breakup can actually get through this.

Boyfriend Ex Girlfriend Wants Him Back

#Can I Use Law Of Attraction To Get My Ex Back Jolting Cool Tips #How Should I Get My Ex Boyfriend Bac

0 notes

puckish-saint · 7 years

Note

as you said i can request it so... i would like the hanzo and genji s/o inspired by the story of this song, in the case I refer to girl perspective(the name of the song is Muteki no Soldier) feel free to change anything to make easier to fit in the overwatch universe, but i would like if you maintain the principal aspect of this character, the regret of her own blindness for not see that her master dont intent to kill her and her becoming the new "invincible soldier"

Link to the songHanzo

The mind is a strange thing, prone tomaking the unlikeliest connections. The sight of blood doesn'tdisturb you, but left handed people do, always leaving you with anunshakeable hunch you're being deceived. Being confronted with youractions, good or ill, now impose dread never known before. You keepout of the public eye not out of humility but because you fearattention. Few people understand how to live with the constantpressure of thoughts traveling through a scarred network of neurons,getting lost or changed on the way. Only those who've experienced itfirsthand really know the feeling.

The point in all this is that whileeveryone else in the dingy bar remains oblivious, you recognise apanic attack when you see one.

The man sits in a corner booth, anuntouched drink in front of him, observing the other patrons. Nothingappears out of the ordinary, but that is exactly the impression he'strying to give. He moves too little, fears he'll flinch or twitch,stares straight ahead to avoid being seen darting furtive glances tothe exits and the throng of people. As a stranger, and a potentiallydangerous one at that, it would be unwise to approach him, but youhelp in your own way, diverting the attention of the waitress goinghis way and keeping an eye out for trouble.

Nothing comes forward and after a fewminutes he relaxes minutely and makes his way to the restrooms. Lateryou won’t be able to explain why you followed, why even the fear ofa set of piercing eyes on you - caught red-handed, you’re donefor, you can’t match his skill, not yet, you were supposed to havemore time - isn’t enough to keep you in the safe background.

He leans against the sink, handsunmoving under the water. He must have noticed you enter but doesn’tlook up, keeps gazing down at the stream with a faraway look. Fromafar he had an air of nobility contained in a flawless frame but upclose the cracks in the facade show. The clothes he wears must havebeen custom made but the hems are frayed, the fabric discoloured withstains that won’t wash out. He pulled his hair back into a strictponytail but it can’t hide the split ends and dullness that comesfrom a bad diet.

This is the last chance to slip awayquietly, to do the job that’s in front of you - forge your ownpath he said but how could you, with his legacy seeping away into thesoil beneath the fatal wound - and never think of this man, orany other, again. Instead you say, voice hoarse from disuse:“Areyou going to be alright?”

And what a picture this makes, when helooks up at you, startled and wide-eyed like a pup that fears theboot, you trying and failing to appear like you talk to people everyday, like this isn’t the first time you take a chance on someone.Both of you trying, and failing, to appear human.

“Excuse me?” he says, rememberingthe proper thing to do when a stranger approaches you in a publicbathroom, which is to act with incredulity.

“Panic attacks can be draining. Youhave money for food?”

He scoffs, turns off the tap and goesto dry his hands, turning his back to you but watching through themirror.

“Do not insult me.” he says andthere it is again, that layer of nobility imposed on a fragile frame.

“Suit yourself.” You hesitate andwonder why but in the end you give him the address of the apartmentyou’re staying at, giving away information you normally guard likea dragon guards its hoard.

You fully expect the offer to expirewithout ever seeing him again but at half past two in the morning,when you just dragged yourself to sleep, he taps at the window like aspectre come to haunt you.

“I have a door.” you say as you lethim in and suppress a yawn. He looks around, curls his lips in vaguedistaste at his surroundings.

“You don’t have anything. Iexpected better from a person with your reputation.”

“Oh?” You raise an eyebrow, tiltyour head towards the balcony with the clear message that you mayhave invited him in but you can invite him out just as easily.

“I inquired about you. They call youthe Invincible Soldier, say you’re the best in the business. All Isee is a lowlife and a squatter.”

It takes something, guts or arrogance,to insult your host while you take advantage of their hospitality,but something tells you he isn’t overly concerned with good mannersanymore.

“A lowlife who’s sleeping under aroof, thank you. You want your burrito warmed up?”

At his questioning glance you point toa paper bag with fast food, gone cold hours ago, a small batterypowered microwave next to it. He shakes his head.

Hanzo, as he introduces himself, eatswith the desperation of a man who has gone without burritos too long.He tries to keep table manners for all but ten seconds before heabandons all poise to shove food into his mouth like you’re goingto take it away if he’s not fast enough.

“There’s plenty of work for askilled marksman.” you say conversationally, surprised at how easyit comes. In a way talking to Hanzo is like talking to a feral dog,there’s little pressure and much gain.

“I may be recognised.”

“People are hunting you?”

He may have hesitated if he stoppedlong enough between bites. A flicker of a glare is all he gives youto work with.

Talking is overrated anyway and you canthink of better things to do than prying into his personal life.Going to bed for example.

He brought his own sleeping bag, whichcounts for something you suppose, and you extend an offer to stay thenight by throwing a spare pillow in his general direction.

Neither of you sleeps much that night,wary of the other’s movement, fearing an attack at any second.

Despite that he stays, despite that youlet him and before you know it you’re a team. Just like old times,a tiny bitter part of you thinks.

You accept the bounties, both of youwork together and share the reward. Weeks, then months pass and Hanzono longer looks hungry all the time and your voice doesn’t crackanymore when you speak. Just like old times, the phrase repeatsitself again and again, often in the middle of the night when you andHanzo watch each other, unable to find sleep.

“I knew an Invincible Soldier once.”he says on one such night, deep in thoughts as if he’s not talkingto you at all. “But he was not you.”“No.” you say softly.“He wasn’t.”

The question stays written on his face,clear and unspoken.

“I killed him.” you clarify,summing up in three words a story that would take a lifetime to tell.

“You regret it.” It’s not aquestion but you nod anyway.

“I do.”

“You loved him?”

“In a way.”

It’s fairer to say that he loved youand it destroyed him in the end, long before you could ask if hislove was that of a father, a brother or a man. Some part of youalways feared the answer. “I killed someone, too.” Hanzosays, offering a little bit of himself for a little bit of you.

“Someone you loved?”“In away.”

The night passes and you rarely speakof it, nor of the things you confessed. You reached some kind ofunderstanding, something that makes it impossible to leave. Forbetter or worse, and some days you’re not sure which, you’re tiedtogether now. Wherever redemption lies, you’ll have to go theretogether.

Genji

You buy him his first drink, yearsbefore he is legally allowed to.

“Perks of vigilantism.” you say asyou toast your lives, free from responsibility and full ofpossibilities. His family calls you a thief and a lowlife and younever dispute it, even when he tries to defend you.

“They’re right, I am athief. The only thing they got wrong is thinking calling me one wouldinsult me.”

Take the insults and choose to beflattered by them, that’s always been your way and Genji adopts itjust fine. Disappointment becomes his family’s problem when he nolonger makes an effort to live up to their expectations. It’s hardto feel bad for failing when you never tried at all.

He wears his heart on his sleeve andshares, over the first stretch of your friendship, everything thereis to know about him. When you get to the kissing part only weekslater he has no secrets left. You make up for it by keeping enoughfor two. That’s the way it should be, the way things work betweenyou. You’re the dashing rogue sneaking into his bedchambers, he’sthe spoiled prince dreaming of freedom. It’s easy to forget thatwith all his naivety and playful attitude he’s also cunning as theycome.

You forget, as he undoubtedly planned,and one day find yourself drunk and sprawling on his bed while he,only slightly tipsy, works to rid you of every story you never toldhim.

“Where’d you get that sword?” heasks, not for the first time, but knowing that now he’s torn yourdefenses down.

“Took it off a guy I killed.” yousay, stroking the fine leather of the scabbard.

“You killed a lot of people?” Hiseyes shine, eager to hear stories of your adventures. He fancieshimself a yakuza boss, despite never having done anything worthwhilefor his clan. He still imagines the world out there to be a story,nothing different from a video game or a comic.

“Sure.” You indulge him, at thatpoint still believing talking is your idea, and sit up to pull himinto your lap. He goes willingly, arches against you, offering youhis perfect body in exchange for a few measly stories. Had you been alittle more sober you’d have known he wants you more than you wanthim, but comfortably dizzy all you know is that the trade seems fair.

“Been a thief all my life. If somepeople fought back I’d kill them and steal their clothes, too.”

He laughs obediently at your bad joke,bats his eyelashes, making you feel like you’re the mostinteresting person in the world.

“And the sword? Who did you kill toget that?”

You shrug, clouding the memory with theusual mist of aloofness.

“Some guy I ran with for a while.Gullible fool, but he wasn’t too bad with the blade. Always went onand on about how I should make something of myself. ‘You’re abetter person than you give yourself credit for.’ Hah. Idiot.Took his sword and his name.” you say, scoffing and waving thememory away. It’s not worth dwelling on.

“Sounds like my father.”

“He was exactly like your father.Couldn’t see the truth if it mooned him.”

Drunken affection makes you plant a wetkiss on his cheek, before you fall back, pulling him with you. Themattress is soft enough to nearly swallow you whole, threatening themost comfortable suffocation death you can think of.

“You and I.” you say, pulling apillow under your head with one hand, holding Genji tight on top ofyou with the other. “You and I are the same. We’re adventurers.They’ll never tame us.”

Waking up with a hangover to match theGods has taught you a lesson or two about drinking in his company,but somehow he still manages to get the odd story out of you everynow and then. Never as personal, as intimate, as the story of how yougot that sword, of how you got the moniker that’s whispered in theright, and sometimes the wrong, circles. Invincible though they callyou, it’s not what you are when Genji finds you one night, out ofbreath and crying. He was the one to establish the rule of noemotional bonding but all the same you give him shelter and listen tohis stuttered report of overhearing the order the clan elders gavehis brother.

Kill your lowlife of a brother, theysaid and it must have been the same voice ringing in your mentor’shead the day he found you stealing. It never would have ended thesame way. Hanzo fights just as well with his left hand.

There’s little to do except run andrun you do, Genji and you, hand in hand and never looking back. Orrarely, anyway.

“Do you think he would have done it?”Genji asks once, when you’re so far away from Japan that speakingHanzo’s name no longer threatens to summon the devil to your home.

You nod. “Pretty sure.”

It’s not what Genji wanted to hearand by now you care for him more than you care for your reputation.When he averts his eyes you gently grasp his chin and make him lookat you.

“But he would have regretted it. Iknow I do.”

He glances at the sword, listens at thepart of the story not even lethal amounts of alcohol could flush outof you.

“He couldn’t live with my blood onhis hands. So he made me live with his on mine. It would havedestroyed your brother having to lift a hand against you. Maybesomeday he’ll realise that.”

For Genji and him there still is asomeday. And reaching it is worth using a painful memory as a lessonso that someday when the brothers reunite they will do it in thislife, rather than hoping for the next, like you have no other choicebut doing.

#overwatch imagines #hanzo #genji #reader insert #overwatch song recs #Anonymous

36 notes · View notes