#if you can't accept cis femboys

[scentedluminarysoul]

I have to say something a lot of people won't like:

I super hate it when people, especially trans women, see a femboy and call him "she" and say he's a trans women/egg

Y'all know that that's also reinforcing gender roles?

Seriously. As soon as a guy does *anything* even remotely female, the egg jokes come

I get that you recognize yourself.

But you're also erasing femboys/nonbinary folk

Can't men do anything feminine without being assigned a different gender?

Can't femboys just exist as femboys?

Y'all are so quick to reinforce the gender binary. But you think it's fine, because you're trans yourselves.

It's not.

Stop telling feminine men/femboys to "just transition". How about you accept the gender fuckery instead of upholding the binary?

#it's sooo annoying #have you learned nothing from the finnster debacle #course you haven't #just you just accept a femboy and compliment his style instead of making those jokes? #it's gross #it really gives ''gays are women'' #yk? ye olde bigotry? #you're also giving terfs more ammo #not that i super care for that #but you're also really pushing people away with that shit #i block everyone who acts like that #miss me #if you can't accept cis femboys #i really have no hope that you'll accept an enby like me

[jingerpi]

its kind of crazy how you cant hold any position about femboys as a trans femme without getting hate. like, oh hm. "we need to accept 'feminine men' because you can't meaningfully gatekeep trans spaces without accidentally hurting trans women."? Wrong! you're forcefemming innocent cis boys. 1000s of anon hate be upon ye oh okay sorry. "Some genuinely cis men perpetuate misogyny by fetishizing transmisogyny and we should treat them accordingly"? Wrong! You are being transphobic to these little innocent femboys! look at [example of a trans woman who had a public transition]. Stupid tranny, you don't even know your own oppression, you should just listen to me about it!

#transmisogyny #cw slur #both of these ideas can go wrong in a *lot* of ways. but they both have some truth to them as well #and nobody (tme) wants to engage with that #its just uncharitable misreading after uncharitable misreading

[leightonfucker]

Trans girl sydney thats all 🙏🙏🙏

yes yes yes a thousand times yes. as obsessed with impregnating and/or being impregnated by the accursed cisgender sydney as i can be, i really do think trans* sydney is peak sydney, and trans girl syd is my favorite.

i think of her so often. p!syd doesn't quite understand the concept of a chaser or fetishization, she's flattered people like her but gets dysphoric if they focus too much on her cock. squirms uncomfortably being called a futa or a femboy but is too shy to say anything to the contrary. having said that! if she weren't so sheltered, she'd delve into corruption pretty quick. she'd absolutely be on social media posting pics of herself in chokers and crop tops and miniskirts and striped thigh-highs, extolling the virtues of gock and galls. dom 4 money, likes having a little extra cash for herself; generally a sub-leaning switch irl, though she won't pass up the chance to commit acts of sadism or be on top n breed. the kinks don't go away, anon, not in the slightest.

she strikes me as pretty likely to be t4t, would at least prefer someone who's queer so they could relate to her struggles seeking acceptance in the temple. her parents were very kind and supportive, and jordan was as well, but other initiates weren't always so kind.

when she finally meets you, it's just... it's so refreshing, to have someone who completely and utterly accepts her as she is. she's not like kylar, who doesn't care for acceptance so long as you'll keep your holes open wide for him. sydney wants to be loved, and though she keeps her secrets held close to her chest at first, being able to open up to you about everything... it's like a dam breaking. she's so so so happy she has you.

sex with her isn't quite as complicated as it is with kylar. she has her kinks, sure, but she's perfectly happy to keep it vanilla so long as it's pleasing you, assuming you'd keep her pure. if you corrupt her, though, you're in for a treat. she's gonna try to get you pregnant even if it's not biologically possible. raw dick in whichever hole(s) you have when she feels up to it, toys in them when she doesn't. fond of tying you up and making you stroke her ego. maybe if you call her the most beautiful girl in the world again, she'll let you go? ah, no, she's gonna keep you there longer now, loves the sound and feel of you worshipping her, can't resist the urge make you put that mouth to work other ways too. yes, balls in your mouth, anon. balls in your mouth. cock in your mouth if you're eager enough. the mouthfeel, anon, think of the mouthfeel!

she shaves as best as she can manage before she gets the cage off, and if you keep her pure to her she's likely to keep doing so. she knows cis women have pubic hair too, but it makes her feel dainty and feminine, so she doesn't particularly want to quit doing it. c!syd isn't so picky, but she will make fun of you if you ask her to quit shaving. you into pubes, are you, you little perv? should she let her pit hair grow out as well? should she quit washing? girlsmell for you, anon? sniff it all up, okay?

whew, that was a long one! i'm a little low on writing juice now, so i'll just give some ending notes... i'm the fondest of corrupting sydney post-promise, honestly, so i imagine that whenever i write about c!syd. believe it or not, i've only done rite of defilement once, and it was on a throwaway save. with cheats, even.

that's all for now. fuck, you can really tell i love women. send in more asks, everyone, give me more gock fuel and maybe i'll poast.

#degrees of lewdity #sydney the faithful #sydney the fallen #suck her dick saturday #slight warning for: #misgendering

[xxlovelynovaxx]

It's trans day of visibility and all I can feel is dread.

Because I am intersex nonbinary,

which means the only parts of me that are seen,

are whatever predatory intent can he projected onto me.

.

I'm both "invisible" (erased) and hypervisible,

which according to anyone who experiences the other

is "privilege" and not yet another form of violence.

.

Trans people tell me they can "always tell"

that I'm an "afab trying to invade women's spaces"

or "basically a cis man playing at femininity,

trying to invade femme spaces";

there are no spaces for me.

.

"Make your own and be alone" -

it matters not that I am trans woman and trans man -

the one taints the other and makes me neither;

for all that the two are treated like oil and water,

I am treated like sludge.

.

"TME doesn't reduce you to your sex" is cried,

while they scrutinize me for signs

of being "male intersex" or "female intersex",

"you probably just have PCOS" -

y'know, the well-accepted intersex variation

that causes hyperandrogeny

to the point of even affecting your genitalia,

and which has recently been discovered to occur

in people without ovaries

(or any of the other sex characteristics

typically associated with presence of ovaries

in dyadic people)?

.

And all for what?

To tell me I haven't experienced my own experiences,

and am wrong about them,

and that actually they weren't that bad,

because they must be "misdirected" -

because I must be the "wrong sex"

to have experienced them.

.

Believe trans women,

unless there's literally any reason you can come up with,

that we are predatory liars

invading real women's spaces.

.

That's fighting transmisogyny, dontcha know?

.

And always remember that trans men

are hysterical whiny men's rights activists

cuntboys and bitches who wanna be oppressed so badly

who have never experienced misogyny a day in our life

and always pass as soon as we first think about wearing a binder

because there famously aren't surgeries

to get rid of two very obvious things

front and center

that T can't change

.

Remember it's also fighting transmisogyny

to joke about raping specific people

who explictly haven't consented to it

and then claim

that it's transmisogyny to judge trans women

for a cnc kink.

.

Don't believe multigender trans women,

masc trans women, butch trans women,

AMAB transmascs and AMAB nonbinary people,

AFAB trans people, trans "transandrophobia truthers",

trans people of color, disabled trans people...

.

Hm, actually, there's an easier way of saying this.

Believe skinny white gender conforming trans women

with large active follower counts

that act as harassers on call

to enforce the party line

(what happened to acab?)

and no one else.

.

If you can't enforce acknowledgement of your pain,

you don't get any.

Apparently, it's a limited resource.

.

And any joy you take -

from being a man,

or a femboy,

or a nonbinary person,

or a woman if you do it the wrong way,

or a trans person in general

is a threat,

and a transmisogynistic one at that.

.

All while you speak over trans people

of every gender

and especially trans women

telling you "no the fuck it's not, you transphobe".

.

Oh and degendering is a real problem,

but if you ever call someone a person

because they only have their pronouns in bio

and pronouns≠gender,

remember that it's transphobia to not extrapolate

binary gender from binary pronouns.

Never mind all the nonbinary people you know

who use she/her, he/him, and she/him.

It's not transphobia to assume they're

basically cis women (dangerous),

cis men (dangerous),

trans men (dangerous)

or trans women (dangerous).

.

Obviously nonbinary identity is disingenous,

and doesn't really exist,

but that's not transmedicalism

because transmedicalism is a Bad Word!

.

Anyway, always call trans people "women" and "men"

even if you don't know,

because it's (trans)misogyny

to call (trans) women people.

.

(It's also "general transphobia" to call trans men people,

but also if they're upset about it

it's just fragile toxic masculinity,

and really everyone should be okay being perceived

as feminine and as women,

because why would anyone choose to be a MAN anyway?)

.

A bunch of radfems

with all the gender essentialism that goes with it,

that simply decided that women were the one with penises,

but that testosterone is still evil,

never mind non-transitioning and post-op trans women.

.

Insert required disclaimer:

Y'all are doing this, regardless of gender.

If you think calling out how you mistreat:

trans women, trans men, and nonbinary people,

is blaming trans women,

I think maybe you're desperately avoiding the conversation.

.

Anyway, I don't want to be visible,

on trans day of visibility,

because visibility without acceptance

just begets violence.

#poetry #my poetry #trans day of visibility #trans #if you think you know my agab no you don't #and if you don't like this poem then do us both a favor and block me #I know posting this on tumblr dot hell will probably invite harassment #bc so many of y'all are like 'how dare you talk about having a different bad experience than me in your own house' #if it bothers you get off my blog! jesus! #(the above are necessary disclaimers. they cut down on harassment by like 80 percent fr) #anyway ah yes harassing a disabled trans person for sharing a poem with faer couple hundred followers on tdov is activism #congrats sweetie you did an activism here's a brown star for the shitty job of it

[disquiet-doll]

oh yeah

i meant to say when i reblogged that post earlier - although i think i've said it before? - that like

part of the reason i care about "femboy" - or whatever else you want to call that - existing as an identity even if i don't consider myself that is that it kind of sucks that that space is basically not allowed to exist!

and to be clear what i mean by that space is like... "somewhere in between gay man and trans fem in expression", similar to how "butch" has an overlap between lesbians and transmascs

(i mean more complicated than that since there are trans men who are femboys and trans women who are butch, but let me oversimplify for now)

and like, i was kind of wary of reblogging that post (although i obviously ultimately decided to) because it's important to acknowledge that like, yeah that kind of gatekeeping does exist but a big part is still transmisogyny

like, the options presented are: be a man right or stop calling yourself one at all. you can't do it halfway. it's not allowed.

(and of course, choosing the latter option isn't rewarded - it's "call yourself a trans woman and accept all the abuse that comes with that", they just want you to make it simple for them)

and y'know? that sucks. i would prefer to y'know. not do that, and have that in-between space.

and to be clear like, yeah that space does kind of exist, there's femme gay men (although. i mean. if you're ok with "femme men" complaining about "fem boys" is a bit silly innit) and drag queens (which, y'know, respect but it's different)

but i think everyone can tell those aren't the same. there's a specific kind of expression that "femboy" refers to and like, that should exist.

(i guess there's also the argument of like, "why don't they just say they're non-binary" but like

umbrella label, yeah? they can be both. and considering that i've seen at least a few self-identified femboys say "i'm not cis" i'm pretty sure a good amount are, people just pretend that's not there because they use he/him.

c'mon. we all know how NB people are treated. your options are "woman lite" or "man. not even basically a man - literally treated as a cis man and if your NB status is acknowledged at all it's just to imply you're faking and predatory."

so. y'know.)

#discourse #turning off reblogs because this is a ramble #but i was thinking about this again and so i needed to make a long post about it again #and that other post reminded me

[overfedvenison]

getting real depressed about how transphiles say femboy's feelings don't matter and that we and anyone who likes us are just transphobes

i don't know how to explain to them... i want us to get along. i try saying things like "would you like to hear a different perspective?" and i am met with vitriol and shit like "just let trans people exist!!! we are literally killed!!!"

does it have to be this way? will we always be at odds, always be viewed as outdated and bigoted? to have our icons taken away, and to be demonized for being disappointed about it?

...Am I just like a femboy advocate now? I mean, I guess I don't mind answering. You seem pretty lost in this, and I am fairly articulate, I suppose. I have noticed that a lot of femboys feel pretty... Crestfallen, at the moment, like this. A friend of mine, I mentioned Bridget once, and it tiggered this dysphoric episode in them. Those of us influenced by that culture have a lot of complex emotions we are untangling. I think people are realizing how much a femboy identity means to them, and questioning what it really means to be a femboy. There's kind of this... Rivalry, I suppose, between the two groups. The circumstances are very strange. And it is... Disheartening, to see a community that should rightly be close supporters to so often antagonize femboys, you know? There is a smugness, this desire to rub your nose in how you lost a femboy icon, among some people. And that hurts. But I can't blame the trans community for that, not really. Trans people are just... People. And some people act like that. I can't blame them either... trans culture is defensive because that movement have been burned over and over. So, you will have to excuse the defensiveness, yeah? I think they are used to their enemies just... Not wanting them to exist, rather than this complex scenario which is ultimately a view on gender that is simply built upon other traditions than their own. I think the deeper fundamental issue is that the femboy community is not... Really accepted as a valid identity. At least not as of yet. The whole movement was essentially a niche concept which evolved from reverse-engineering the otokonoko character type seen in anime, and using that influence to encourage self-experimentation within anime culture. For many, it is seen as an interest or hobby. Or something you engage in passively, when watching anime and appreciating certain characters. And, as such? Femboy culture is noncommital and casual; it is something which you don't need to be core to your being. You can be a femboy for a day, or not. You can be one for a fetish. You can purely think anime boys are cute. And the culture encourages this; they make jokes about this, they are okay with fetishization, they understand that it is a silly, anime-derived thing. And, that is not a bad thing - It is because of this that it attracts people to whom the idea of committing to a trans identity fully and immediately is overbearing or alienating. There are plenty of people who need an outlet to experiment, and sort our their feelings before then. There are plenty of people to whom full transition is not practical, be it from circumstance or from being in a place where they don't feel comfortable giving up a certain part of themselves. And there are plenty of people to whom crossdressing can simply be a hobby, as well, or who are purely cis but to whom the male gender role feels restrictive. It has this approach where it plays with gender identity and presentation heavily, in a safe place where it does not commit to an identity before a person is ready. And it does so by learning from other cultures and influences. But... To someone looking in, and who is not a part of this subculture? That is noncommital. That is a non-identity. That is kind of ridiculous. To us, this is an important influence and a way to express our own issues with gender; either in presentation or identity. To people concerned with the struggle for trans rights? Why on earth would you ever even care about a cis man's desire to look at an anime boy in a dress? It is simply not understood that this could even BE an identity that is truly important to a person, and so whatever our concerns, it will look ridiculous to people skeptical. I think, a lot of us didn't realize it was a part of their identities, either

But... It's only actually become a proper 'community' with a real name, and not a quirk of the anime fandom, in the past few years. So, from that lens, of course this would be baffling and not understood by others. The community, just evolving into it's own thing, is a fledgling. It won't always be like this, though, I think... Assuming the community can hold together in the future, and overcome it's challenges. The thing that should be realized is that like, a LOT of trans people emerged from these spaces; I walk that line myself. It is natural that any space that encourages an experimentation with gender would result in a lot of trans people finding themselves, right? From that perspective, the two are linked in a way that is hard to truly untangle. The people that find themselves from the way femboy culture encourages experimentation will remember that, and the femboy community is one that is already a place that welcomes people with different outlooks. I think that will effect things in the future in how the femboy community is understood. Furthermore, right now, I am seeing so many femboys doing soul searching following the recent events; the whole bridget thing, and the subsequent reaction that dismisses them. I think, given how casual the femboy community always has been, there is a tendency to not act up and to just passively appreciate things. And just... Assume that these things you like will always be there. And, maybe, many people did not realize how much a part of their identity this was, because of how passive the community really is. So hold in there. I think that the femboys, they are... Perhaps realizing the idea as identity now, something that binds them in camaraderie, and not just a hobby they partake in. Just... Express yourself. Talk about things sometimes, and not just to people you are trying to convince; express your feelings on gender identity. Do not exclude others. The femboy community is remarkably accepting, specifically because of how casual it really is; there's no barrier to entry or a need for deep thought. Right now, mainstream cultures as a whole are questioning gender deeply; new traditions will emerge and gain respect. And if femboy culture continues to develop? I think it will grow into an identity that people understand, and will eventually appreciate. It... Just may take a while. That's how we save our femboys, haha

[ryuuka-balaen]

gdi it happened again.

some time ago someone told me that I should stop surrounding myself with only trans people (specifically trans lesbians but anyway) and said I should make some CisHet friends to vary my social circles.

ON GOD GIRL I SWEAR IM TRYING

but yet again a guy that I've befriended has started buying thigh-highs and talking about how cute femboys are. only a couple months left on that one, where the hell do people even find cishets these days anyways

jerry, skit friend, if you see this, please for the love of everything good and holy don't trans your gender. I mean we'd be happy for you and totally accepting if you did but I can't fucking find more cis people to vary my social life with for the life of me

#/⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\ #to clarify; this is the FOURTH time this has happened. #fucking hell

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Hi, I'm a trans man and I just found your blog.

Since coming out I've had a lot of hatred from other people towards me. I've always been comfortable and happy with myself, being a man is who I truly am, but the world doesn't really see it that way.

I've been asked "Why would you want to be a man, being a girl is so much better, everyone wants to be a girl, you're just weird"

Or "Oh so you're a lesbian, got it" (Even though I'm asexual anyway and even if I wasn't asexual, I still have a romantic interest in men?)

Some people refuse to even accept I exist and deny up and down that transmen are real because they've only seen transwomen in media, as though being a transwoman is the only acceptable trans.

I've been called other things like a femboy or a tomboy or a drag king, so many different terms trying to offend me and denounce my identity because I don't completely pass yet, even though I've had surgery and take hormones.

Not only are they wrong, but it's incredibly hurtful because I don't WANT to be a feminine man, I love masculinity and I want to be a bodybuilding sort of man.

Although I'm just sorta ranting right now, even though I'm not a cis man, a lot of the comments I face are not just transphobia but also misandry AND misogyny.

What do you think about this? And would transmen count for your men's rights topic? Would you be able to comment about this sort of topic?

I've gotten a few asks/messages like this, where they've said that people will treat them differently and such

I had at least one person tell me that they were caught off guard by what they dealt with after transitioning. Would you say this was surprising to you? 

As for coming about this topic, I am very hesitant about discussing anything trans related. I can reblog stuff, that’s fine. But making a post and giving my opinion on it, I don’t know. The reason why I’m hesitant is because of how some people can be if they believe you’ve said the wrong thing or it’s offensive. I apologize, I really do. 

If you haven't checked out @egalitarianchica she's made some trans related posts. I can't recall if any were about this topic, though

#mens rights #answered asks

[twunkzilla]

I had another thing written but it was gauche and embarrassing so i took it down but on like trans masculinity not being accepted in trans spaces i dont think its like wahhh FUCKING women are oppressing me masc trans men arent accepted but like when you do try to play that game and make things better for yourself by passing you do give up acceptance from trans people sometimes cause they won't know you're trans and may be scared of you. Like i live in a very conservative area so being extremely masculine is a survival thing and that won't even always work cause i don't pass 100% of the time. Like i worked on a trail crew at a place they provided housing at and they ended up feeling like something was wrong so they went through my room and found a bunch of maxi pads and i got fired. And then i'll see trans people in town and i don't really have that option to go up like hey transgender you can see im also visibly transgender cause i live in a conservative shithole and look scary as hell, to other trans people i'm indistinguishable from Tom the Transphobe. So the isolation is crazy basically like it's not even worth it to like idk express my gender as more feminine cayse first of all im just not a feminine person and these other transgender people are so rattled from being in such a tough area that provides its own unique difficulties cause bitches are crazy. It's not their fault, they're just neurotic and terrified of men. Like sometimes after they find out i'm trans and still judge me for no reason it's fucking dumb but it comes from a place of neurosis. It sucks for me and for them also and i wish trans people were more in control of their spaces. And then like when i'm in these communities a lot of cis people and like brainwashed ass trans men feel like they need to minimize me being masculine and ohhh wear this dress and break gender roles and oooh you'd make such a good femboy catboy and that's just them being fucking transphobic and thinking i'm some porn category instead of a person. Like you just can't win

#anyway not to be a dick but i also think its funny seeing trans men talking about how theyre sooo masculine #when its dudes that paint their nails black and talk like spongebob still like #for me the opposition i get for being masculine is just the fear of men like when people talk abt other shit i have to wonder #they hate u cus ur manly or they hate u for ur extremist misogynist beliefs

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 52 - 24 May 2023, 1:38am

Instinctively flinch away from a mirror Brain: Look at yourself Why? B: Just do it and see what you feel Ok I look like shit, what are you trying to prove??

Those were the words of someone else in the trans-centric server that I'm in.

If the statistic of a 0.06% prevalence holds (actually, it's anywhere from <0.1% to 0.6%, as observed in the US, but I'll just say, to be safe, that it's a 0.06% prevalence), and if the server really is only accepting of the local demographic, that would place me as one of 2100 possible people, in the country.

Yet, I can't help but refuse to believe that the stuff I felt, and have been feeling, for the past 13 years, make me a part of this demographic.

...

I think about him quite a lot now.

Yes, that's me, about three years ago, at a reunion dinner.

Yet, it almost seems as if I don't recognize him anymore. But I don't know if I am faking it, or am just trying to run from the truth of who I am, whether I'm a cis guy or something else, like a trans person, or trans-curious person.

I wouldn't know it yet, but, I'd meet a girl when I turned seventeen, and begin a relationship with her. I would eventually begin to feel some form of resentment directed towards her, and some form of dysphoria towards my sexed parts and my identity, in comparison with hers.

And eventually, the levee would break. I would wake up with the sole thought that filled my mind up.

I don't want to be a guy anymore.

...

Yet, there was a time when I was okay with being a guy.

There was a time when I was inspired to be like the other guys, or at least, that was a time when I didn't try to run away from my inherent masculinity.

There was a time when I made dick jokes, and 'your mom' jokes.

There was a time when I sheepishly flipped through Dad's old stash of Playboy and Penthouse magazines.

There was a time when I questioned if I was gay.

There was a time if I questioned if I was a femboy.

There was a time when I found the hair growing on my body a little amusing.

There was a time when I felt somewhat proud of my body, and my sexuality, as a guy.

...

With my hair gone, I feel like him all over again.

I feel like the boy who understood that girls were ultimately different from him.

I feel like the boy who wanted to be a girl, or to at least look like, or be like one of them, only to be told that he couldn't, and had to be a boy.

I feel like the boy who tried to be empathetic towards his girlfriend, whom he knew was on her period, but failing, as he barely contained his overwhelming excitement and/or curiosity over what periods were like.

I feel like the boy who was told that he should have found a better way to express his interest in his potential love interest, back when he was grappling with the intense waves of euphoria that hit him when he got to know more about the girl he was interested in, and expressed it in questionable ways.

I feel like the boy who was angry at how he would never get to experience the same things that women would, simply because of the way they were born.

I feel like the boy who was there when his father stood next to the headmaster of the studentcare center he went to, and told the headmaster that his brother, and he, played with toys meant for little girls (they were little Angry Bird plushies).

I feel like the boy who knew he was different, but could never find the language, emotion, or conviction to voice that out.

I feel like the boy who pored over the pages of his textbook, feeling a strange tingle in his chest, as he read through the content about the female reproductive system.

I feel like the boy who wondered if men could get pregnant. (I did find a case of a trans man getting pregnant, but I just... knew that I was different from him, I guess. I knew I didn't have the parts to raise a life within me.)

...

But it's something I've had to deal with quite a bit.

And, it's funny. Hilariously so, almost. One moment, I remember living in a world where everyone was telling me stuff like this:

You're not allowed to do this.

This is for little girls.

Man up.

You're a young man.

And now that I feel my resentment towards a girl for her ability to be a girl, I get bombarded with these instead:

Oh, but guys can do those things that girls do, too.

Stop fantasizing about what it would be like to be a girl.

It's just a phase.

It's social contagion.

Just think about other things.

Stop comparing yourself with others. (BY GOD THIS IS HOW MY MIND WORKS YOU WANT ME TO JUST IGNORE IT????? I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL/HAPPY)

It's honestly fucking hilarious how, even in the face of pain, everybody just steps in your face again, the moment you try to establish an identity that isn't based exactly in their observations of you.

It's fucking hilarious, in an unexpectedly depressing way.

Ah Xiang (that's half of my chinese name, which I'm fine with), you're a really strong boy. You're a fighter.

I chose to be like this. It was a choice. It was a choice between seeing the people around me get let down, or me stepping up to be there for them.

I couldn't live with myself if I let them be let down.

But I'm tired.

I have neglected myself.

...

And now I don't even know who's inside me anymore.

Lynn, old me, cis (but massively misinformed) guy, trans girl, GNC guy, who cares anymore?

Does anything matter when you look at yourself and not recognize who you are, at times? (I might be spouting nonsense and gibberish but take it from me; I've been thinking about these things so much that I've literally taken to ranting and venting to unknown strangers on the internet, so, take that with a grain of salt)

...

I'm tired.

Remove the desire to be a girl from me, and I wouldn't know who I would become.

Remove the guy from me, and I wouldn't know who I would have been.

...

Either way, it'll be his face I see in the scanner tomorrow, when I clock in at work.

But, he is me, the same way I am her. It wouldn't be fair to say that he is something entirely separate from me.

I almost don't want to do it.

But I have to.

...

cool songs

#Spotify

[lonelynova]

Opinion Piece

I believe the whole gender thing has gone too far.

Sure, I am one to advocate for self expression for both sides. I in fact was once a tomboy and dressed like one, in some aspects I still am and still do while being into girly things. I even agreed just let the feminine men be themselves, because there is more boyish girls and more girlish boys. Tomyboys and Femboys. Straight, simple to the point. I even agreed to just let trans-people live their lives and leave them alone, if it makes their life happy whats the problem? Same goes with pronouns, I agreed to the main three he/them/her, if it helped others express themselves.

but now? Well...

I can't help question if I want to continue to support it with how far its been reaching beyond its barrier. There was a comfortable stop sign and like a speeding party bus it barreled right through! They don't care who's on the road, that bus has no destination and just wants to disrupt the world.

Those who use "Pronouns" is one thing that has gone way way too far, even past reality for most of them. I don't feel like writing a long paragraph today, so have a list of examples:

Aside Them/He/She, a good handful of them want to accept and believe that identifying as an animal or sound is a gender. Either having pronouns of Xe/Xer or Bat/Bats as examples. That is NOT based on reality.

They want everybody to use pronouns, even all other countries. They call it 'being inclusive', but really they are forcing their belief what gender is into everybody else's business. Doesn't matter if you have a culture, opinion or religion that disagrees with it- Just like the Latinos, they don't have the choice of being called Latinx despite having no consent from the general people.

They try to dismantle that clothing does have gender. A girl going by them/he wearing the most frilly of frills, complaining how people misgender them and how it upsets them, so clothing shouldn't have gender just so people can't misgender her. That dismantles the whole DragQueen and Trans with how clothing is shown being gendered.

You are NOT ALLOWED to disagree with Pronouns, even if its your religion, culture or personal opinions. If you do not respect using pronouns of somebody else you are called every label under the exclusive bigot umbrella. People are forced to comply to use them and demanded respect from them, when the community itself cries when they believe an opinion is forced on them and won't respect other people.

The general community tries to change language of another culture just so they have their pronouns. Not every culture or every populous wants to use pronouns or accompany it, but if they don't then they're seen as bad people.

They want to believe they can just raise a child has non-binary, thinking this certainly won't confuse the child as it grows up or cause some serious confusion. We have yet to see the fruit produced from this new wave of pronoun use, so we'll have to see what happens when those kids grow up and their stories.

They want you to get the pronouns right the first time despite not remotely looking like the gender they identify as, basically no room for mistakes or accidental assumptions.

A good number of the community makes "Cis" people out to be the enemy just for being their biological gender and accepting that.

I've already made posts when it came to Trans people, but this is legit just a public journal of sorts like I've described before.

It just seems like people who wants to be trans or use pronouns hate themselves. They preach self love, but these people seem to be the most miserable and most self-loathing out of anybody in the rest of the world. The world will not bend around them to please them, so it upsets them how reality is they aren't what they want to be. They deny reality with their own logic and justification to why they believe something is real.

Maybe instead of transitioning or using pronouns... Maybe these people really need help in understand what true self-love is and accepting them as they are, instead of what they're not.

[jays-diary]

Hello,

I REALLY need some help with something.

I have been asking myself for a long time if I am transgender,

I think I am but there are still so many doubts and fears and I am constantly wondering if I am just "faking" it.

The first time I heard the term "transgender"  was in third grade, and I kept thinking about this term for a while (probably more than a cis person would do in 3rd grade)

I remember that, in elementary school, I sometimes thought about what it would be like to be a boy. In 5th grade I cut my hair short ( I can't remember why I wanted it short) and I even said to my friends that I would like it if they  called me Joe, but no one  took it seriously and I never insisted to be called that name ( I mean we were all still kids, and I did not think much of it at the time).

After that I did not question it much more, I dressed 'girly' (at least what the society expected me to dress like)

But then again in 10th grade I struggled really bad with my gender identity, I started dressing more masculine and even started binding. One day I randomly told my friends that if I was a boy I would like to be named Joseph, they laughed at it and said that was lame because it was just too close to my deadname, I felt very sad about it. (But they are very supportive now, and told me they would love me no matter who/what I am)

I loved dressing masculine und loved making my chest flat, it made me really happy.  I was really scared to tell my friends about the way I feel, but in the end they were totally cool with it.

After a while I told my parents about it and they said that it is just a phase, a part of growing up, I am just confused and that I should wait till I am 18 before I do anything.

(I was very disappointed after that)

Then, in 11th grade, I started to dress 'girly' again. I have never been a big fan of makeup, but in 2020/21 I started to experiment a little bit, i tried different types of make up, cut/dyed my hair many many times and put on dresses,... etc. And I liked it, I felt pretty but most of the time I felt like I need to do all this thing in order to be liked by other people/to fit in.

But at the end of 2021 I started questioning myself again and in January 2022 I FINALLY cut my hair short again (after struggling many months if I should do it or not)

I started dressing masculine again und was binding almost every day, I felt awesome. I thought about my preferred name and pronouns more thoroughly than before. (At first I thought I am nonbinary, but I felt more masculine and more comfortable with using masc pronouns)

And I told my parents about it, again. They said they would accept me but I should speak to a therapist about it, and asked if I feel this way because I might be confused about my sexual orientation

(I am not even a little bit confused about my sexuality, I know exactly what I am and who I love)

They even said something like "but you dressed girly a few months ago and used to put on makeup"

Yes, I did that but I talked with someone about this and he said that he still likes to dress up and that it's totally fine to do that (he's trans)

But after I cut my hair short and dressed more masc I also stopped using makeup, and I feel good. I feel attractive and don't have the urge to dress up for other people any more.

(I still like makeup/dresses but I'd love to be feminine the way femboys are, don't know if that makes sense)

They also told me that there should have been any signs in my childhood, but I know there are people who started questioning/ figuring out their gender when they were older (and there have been no signs when they were younger)

And here are some more random facts: as a child I ALWAYS wanted to be a male character when I played with my friends and I always picked male characters in video games, I felt uncomfortable if I had to be a female character. (I still do it)

I don't really experience dysphoria, but I often feel uncomfortable when someone uses she/her pronouns or my deadname (most of the time I wonder if this is actually me).

It makes me happy when my friends use my preferred name and pronouns. And I feel more comfortable when I have a flat chest, it makes me feel weird when I have to wear a bra/when my chest is not flat (I can't really describe this feeling)

And I daydream very often (not regular daydreams but Maladaptive Daydreaming) and I always picture myself as a man in these scenarios, I tried picturing myself as a woman, because I thought it was weird that I am always a man in my scenarios, but I felt more comfortable with imagining myself as a man.

When I try to think about me in the future it is easier to picture myself as a man, and I really want a flet chest, a deep voice and a beard, I makes me sad when I realize that I don't have these things.

I read so much about this topic and even took these damn online quizzes because I was so frustrated. (I also collected many informations about hormone therapy and top/bottom surgery, I would have no problem with doing any of these. I even know which kind of bottom surgery I would prefer to do)

After writing this I am pretty sure that I am transgender. But am still scared that I am faking it. (If that makes sense¿)

I feel like I am losing my mind, I keep thinking about this so much that it's draining my energy. It is breaking my head, I am really frustrated.

So, I really need some opinions/advice/reassurance from you. 

I know this was a VERY long text and I am so thankful if you actually read all of it <3

(English isn't my first language, I am sorry if there are any mistakes)

#trans man #transgender #coming out #trans masc #lgbtq+ pride #lgbtq #transman #ftm #gender crisis #gender confusion #gender identity #gender

[crystu-cii]

XD Yeah, better to do the stuff that's harder to do at home in school imo-

Ooooh well good luck if/when you ask-- XDD

It is the perfect opportunity to have short hair! Why do you think I buzzed all mine off! XD I think you'd look lovely with short hair -w-

I don't wanna grow up either tbh XD but like *freedom--* how close is freedom and short hair to your grasp anyways? XD

Pixie cuts are actually a fem haircut, but a short bob would also be super cute :3 also I'm a femboy XD well.. I own very little fem stuff bc I didn't like being perceived as a girl so I got rid of the stuff and then later I was like "...wait fuck i still like dresses--"

STIM SQUADD-- I always get nervous mentioning stimming bc people will be confused and I suck at explaining stuff- yesss sameee!!! I bounce on my bed or rock in place when I'm happy(and alone bc family thinks it's weird ;w;) or pace around the house XDD OMS YES I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN WE BECAME FRIENDS AAAA-- I have a friend I ramble to about everything I love too!! Her name is Jade and we adopted each other as siblings asgkhdj-- ASJKF ITS NOT WEIRD OR CREEPY AT ALL IVE RAMBLED TO JADE ABOUT YOU BEFORE XD 💖💕💞💖💞💕

Technically I have access to both but my computer can't handle minecraft so I play bedrock ;w; although can't you play cross platform if you use a realm tho-? I'd have to check but--

Also something tells me that if everyone you ask has bedrock you picked the wrong version XD

A ferris wheel?? Terrifying- XD sounds fun tho!!! Aside from being so high in the air XD ferris wheels are pretty tho so I can forgive them :3

ahh TYSM! 😭💞❤️💕💖💝 and it ISSS like UGH- but the only thing my mom decided to try out was make my hair layered- cause she would always cut my hair where the ends are all straight and even- but imo i liked layered hair so much more! still wish i had it short tho- xDD

but how close freedom is? gosh i would ask my mom the same question- but im just assuming its whenever you turn into an adult- but i guess i gotta wait and see ;0;

and ooooo i see! random but im also debating whether i am cisgender or not- im kinda leaning that im more cis but im also debating if im bigender(?) or something- ive already accepted he/him pronouns so i guess thats a start- but again ahh i dunno ;w;;

and omgg YESS and aw your family thinks its weird? thats not good ;; - OKAY HOLY CRAP THAT REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING THAT PISSES ME OFF- okay so like- i also pace and walk around places SO DAMN much- like- i swear- i walked like a million circles in my room xD- but i also tend to do it in public and my mom would literally YELLL AT ME whenever i do it! and then she would say "im getting a headache just by looking at you. and others will too." and im mentally like "aight- then thats your fault for looking at me- not mine???" *-visible confusion-* and it doesnt even have to be in public- even when were in the house and im next to her, she would get mad at me- and UGHHHHH IT DRIVES ME crazy i hate it 😭😭

but thank gosh she doesnt yell at me anymore (i think) maybe cause she was just tired of yelling at me for it orrr she realized she can neva stop me xDDD but i just still get mad that my mom would yell at me for something i consider so harmless ;0;;

but OMGMG YAYY- rambling to friends about things its just amazing XDD literally to larie and tree i was like "HRYEHEYHEYE SO I MADE THIS NEW FRIEND ON TUMBLR AND I RAMBLE OF EVERYTHING TO THEM AND THEY RAMBLE BACK AND ITS AWESOME GUSYGUDYUGYS-" like i GO BONKERSSS 💖😭💕💝💖❤️💞

and OOOoohh i see! but aww rip computer- and crossplatforming on the realms? i didnt know bout that! but i never really joined a realm before- i attempted to when a server made a realm and i wanted to join but my game was like "n o"- i dunno why but wahh xDD

but lowkey i guess i DID xD but i actually use my brother's minecraft java account since he barely plays minecraft anymore- (sometimes he does tho) and he gave me it wayyy back then- i started playing it at 2013! and man it was a journey- and it also held pretty embarrassing memories- i would rage on the servers so much- xDD ;W; but i was lowkey crazy when i heard everyone i meet had bedrock instead- i was like- "GUYS BUT WHAT ABOUT HYPIXEL?!(HWJFKAU" but then again- i never had bedrock before so i guess i cant blame em for getting it instead xD and im cheap so i dont think i'll get myself a bedrock account any time soon

and hell yeah! it was pretty scary since my fear for heights is kindaaa big- but i handled it well xD it was fun :D

#the rambles of crystu