#im an a void in flesh

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.

#ditto rambles #negative / #not becayse people here arent great but cuz im fucking nothing #im an a void in flesh #i am an empty flask #suicide ideation /// #i guess #whatever #im tired #long post #cant remember how to read mre #i hate everything i hate my job i hate my life i hate that im not good enougb to reach out and build bonds #i wish i was more broken more trash so at least theyrd understand how i feel! #but instead ill just #work until i die alone

[18plusrick]

flesh curtains rick somewhere between a few months to a year on t dealing with crazy high libido whining and grinding on his pillow on the nights he can't find a groupie to fuck

#can't write fanfic for longer than a few sentences at a time because my brain auto shuts off when im uh #feeling down to clown #so im just out here screaming my ideas into the void instead lol #rick sanchez #flesh curtains rick #the flesh curtains #flesh curtains #trans rick #trans rick sanchez #rickfucker #nsft

[thekidsarentalright]

This is a very cool podcast I've been into lately about Fall Out Boy and their relationship with hip hop. Also I'm sorry it's an anxious day I hope it eases up

oooo that sounds so interesting thank u for sharing!!! i always love hearing more abt fob and their influences like that so i’ll def be checking it out!!

#and thank you im sure the anxiety will ease up soon enough <333 #asks #void-flesh #save

[thoughts-of-kel]

hi kel how are you

erm! im here????? and awak?e??? im cognizant????????

#it's an absence of that #a sickening void that grows ever larger within me as a person #something slowly eating away at me and turning me into a husk of my former self #yet if i were to reconstruct myself. with the maggots that have consumed me and the flesh which still remains. what am i to be called? #i will fall to the earth and become a mortal theseus. yet in being claimed by the idle soil. im afraid of something. #it's far too late for me to be called human anymore #<- kel poetry session!!!! pls rate out of 5 humphreys :3 #thank u for the ask!!!!!!!!!! #thoughts #thoughts of kel

[local-magpie]

considering keeping my hair slightly longer bc it looks good and is a perfect length to be pulled in bed, but then i need to find someone to actually fuck me for that to be useful

#yelling at the void #wheres the cream filling #taking applications i guess #must be either a man or masc #if you dont have a dick your strap game needs to be so good i forget flesh versions exist #(not hard tbh) #im mostly joking bc i dont think anyone is actually going to shoot their shot

[littlesliceofimmortality]

norm and enc0unter tbh. crossing a line from just Wishing to die into Yearning for death

#IM INSANE. #when people draw the void appearing on his skin? the tender blossomimg of teeth and eyes over his flesh? #the act of changing and loving going hand in hand?

[cheeseraviolii]

Flesh, Blood & Concrete is a very good game please play it

#196 rule #flesh blood and concrete #please #i know im yelling into the void and no one hears it but im begging you #196

[martyrbat]

The Hellbound Heart – Clive Barker

[TEXT ID: "I know" / "No you don't," he told her. "You've no conception of the hunger I've got on me."]

#WOO just deleted SO many mentally ill tags !!!!! #ANYWAYS. #the hunger that is without flesh ! the hunger for a life for happiness for laughter ! the hunger to have a soul to sell to the devil just #in a vain attempt to fill this void that occupies your life !!!! #the hunger for the past! for difference! for everything to be the same! for love! for hate! to finally feel something because if you don't #then how do you know youre alive! #i ache! i ache! i ache! and i will continue to ache and the pain will remind me im alive! #i want to sink my teeth into the tender flesh of life and rip it with a viciousness to fill that endless hole that occupies the space my #soul never was ! i will consume life to have it ! to become what i feast upon! #hunger is nothing but proof you are missing something in your life and by god do i mourn it! i will revive it or die trying lol !!!! #cryptcites #also i got SO many minhkhoa quotes in this book to space out eventually hehee >:33 #hunger mention

[ddanmeissu]

assorted doodles made from pure midterms stress that will never get to see the light of day

#the angels au i have all have such good potential but im too tired to fully flesh it all out #mdzs-good omens au with demon!wwx teaching angel!lwj that it isnt a sin to indulge in 'earthly pleasures' once in a while~ #(wwx meant good food and alchohol; lwj immediately thought of fucking) #seraphim!xl gets demoted to become an average guardian angel and is assigned to a not so average young boy who can somehow see him #also svsss wife plot: completely average messenger angel is captures and sent to the demon emperor as sacrifice? but somehow he's become th #new demon empress instead?! what in the heavens is going on??? #also i noticed i drew hualian and wangxian kissing but not bingqiu oops #not putting this in the tags but just throwing it into the void #no tags just vibes

[princeinsomniavoid]

Help girl! I am experiencing shrimp emotions!

#void's immortal musings #Im thinking too hard about gay people again! #It also might just be the sleep deprivation! #Whatever the case! #I am going to sob about the smallest inconveinence today! #I am so tired agdhiagdbdhd #I love gay people too much #My flesh prison shouldnt have stayed up until like two in the morning reading percival de rolo x reader fanfics #I WOULD DIE FOR HIM OK? #Shut up

[emilyjunk]

I don't mean to pin my entire emotional state and the status of my mental health on one person but i need midnights to be here already so i have something to think about to get me through it all atm

#personal #i am not a person anymore im flesh embodied by a void of anxiety #also im sick and that sucks #as if my anxiety didnt make breathing already difficult i now dont have control of my sinuses #anyway not to be dramatic but Taylor swift can and will save me as she has done many times before

[theworldisabrokenbonebutitishome]

The Legend of Fa Hai sure is a film.

Really great when they make out that two characters have gone from wanting to kill each other to being in love and you're left sat here wondering how what when. And that's not even getting into the rest of the plot.

#the things you watch when you're a fan of an actor huh #mutterings into the void #im sorry bai yu but what tf was that #id say it's gyadl levels but that show at least fleshed out the leads so their romance made sense #oh my god am i saying gyadl is better than something?!? #i kid it was kind of fun if you ignored the homophobia and terrible plotting and everyone dying #whereas this film gave me nothing #anyway. it was an experience

[thekidsarentalright]

Mania is one of the most incredible albums I've ever heard it's so sad to me how unappreciated it is

god yeah i could. talk about how incredible mania is and how devastating it's fan reception was forever because genuinely like. it is a very experimental, specific album, i absolutely get if it isn't everybody's taste or fav (it isn't even my fav album of theirs!!) but like. it being ur taste/fav doesn't mean you cant recognize it for being like an Incredible artistic feat, for it being so impressive that they were able to create an album with such risks and emotional highs and lows and captivating melodies like. it is just an incredible shame fob fans will praise them for never sticking to one genre and being outside the box, unless they travel outside the box that They, as a fan, are comfortable with then anything is automatically just Bad. people can't handle their idea of what art Should be being pushed or questioned. when in reality art Should be pushing you and making you think and feel things, something not being your taste doesn't make it Bad, and it still deserves a praise and a chance!!!!

#im a music snob i have incredibly particular tastes and i Love mania it is so so so special #art isn't always meant to be a fun easy comfy cool thing to experience like. mania is a Lot it makes me feel things Very intensely it sound #*sounds like nothing else and that is WONDERFUL!!!!!! why do ppl think that's BAD!!!!!!! #asks #void-flesh

[probablyacerpgideas]

can't sleep, thinking about new dnd character hours I guess instead lol. they're gonna be a circle of stars druid, that caused something pretty horrific to happen, (unsure of particulars yet, ie what horror was and whether it was an accident or not) and they fled to the faewilds to escape authorities and consequences and ended up staying there for years in decadence and revelry only to end up being booted back to the material realm and time shenanigans between planes means the incident is still pretty fresh in folks minds and they just want to go back to the feywild to continue partying the pain away

gonna be a bit of an unhinged motherfucker I feel

#not an idea #my characters #cant actually remember if i have a tag for my characters lol #but anyway i still dont have a race for them or anything yet #thats just backstory thoughts and ramblez that my dm likes so far #also i have two weeks to properly flesh them out which means im under less pressure to just throw some crap into the void #fuck my random talk talk was #ace rambles #wasnt it djdjsjdjfjfnsk #sorry there has been So Much going on in my personal life this year so far that ive also endes up neglecting this blog #quite badly so i am apologising for that fact now whilst i think of it #switched roles in my retail job #started hrt stuff #fun stuff lol

[gaydryad]

oh also why are there So Many trade evolutions

#from the writer's den #void talks #I want... a gengar... #it's my only ghost type :( and also so friend shaped :( #also a kingdra would fuck severely #not that I really need more dragons on my team <--- has both a high-level Dragonite and two separate gyarados #but how funny would it be to have a team that mirrors lance's for when I finally challenge the elite 4 again to respawn snorlax #and yes this is also because he swept me the first time after I had first tried the elite 4 and I was MAD #and so I want to be like get ready bitch (affectionate) it's YOUR turn to have a bad day #(also bc lance was genuinely such a fun-challenging fight) #(and im boooored. once I was leveled appropriately Red was kind of easy to beat.) #(and also. again. I have to re-enter the hall of fame. bc snorlax.) #(and I am trying to flesh out my pokedex as much as I can excluding the version exclus and others I would have to get by trades) #(I mean yes I could use pokesav or smth to give myself all the extra starters and all that. but also I'm kind of hitting my limit training #and still have waaaaay more pokemon to catch and level before then) #(including the other 2 starters you get) #(bc I didn't know you got them) #(so my kanto starter is only lvl 33 and my sinnoh starter is only like.. 31) #anyway. I was complaining about trade evolutions. #I spent WAY too long grinding to get a porygon at the coin corner and only at the end of that realized that im dumbass!! #BOTH of porygon's evolutions are via trade!! #why did I bother!! I should have gotten mr mime!!! #or ekans! I somehow still don't have an ekans #(it's because poison types succ.) #(so I was lazy.) #(but still) #I hate voltorb flip so fucking much and even more so the fact that I'm kind of getting good at it. #but even MORE so that after spending SEVERAL SESSIONS of grinding that game I found out that I can't even EVOLVE my porygon #even though I have BOTH of the items used to evolve it #anyway

[g-ghostic-basil]

Fixation so bad I'm making a fan song for an amalgamation of pixels

#the void speaks #spirit garden | rambles #listen Kazuha deserves a fan song alright #i wish i could make backing music but i can simply only do the lyrics #lmfao someone should help me pitch my idea to Madds Buckley /j #no but like imagine it though wouldnt that be hysterical #the person with luck equivalent to Bennett's???? being noticed by one of it's idols??? #but yeah uhm Kazuha fan song #anyone interested? im still fleshing out the tentative lyrics #but im including quite a few poetic devices because writing classes go brrrr #i used to think poetry was so hard #but one of my creative writing classmates complimneted one of my projects #literally thought i was experienced with the way wrote it even though i have almost no poetry experience #that was so off topic oml brain go brrrrrr