#im feeling emotional this monday morning yall

[forestryfae]

i dont. understand. when are they expecting us to be able to do laundry. i have an hour in the morning i guess but i physically cant get myself out of bed unless its absolutely the last minute and they dont wait for you to hang up your laundry, theyll just drive away from you.

theres also an hour right after i come home from work but generally i need it to change clothes or shower and to regain some of my energy.

after dinner theres like 2 hours but jesus christ i JUST got back from work and i share laundryday with another guy, i have no idea how much laundry hes gonna do

then theres a meeting every other monday and a dumb bullshit hike that takes like 2 hours then were back around 7:30 or 8 i think and generally after a long tiring hike where noone waits for you so you dont get even one break even tho your legs are burning there isnt much energy for laundry. and then theres that one meal we get afterwards as a reward or whatever for the hike and then at 9 they lock the laundryroom.

so theres like 1 and a half hours there too ig but who has the fucking energy. we need showers too. and to eat. so like yeah theres like a few hours here and there and one load of laundry takes half an hour with the big machine but thats still a very tight schedule. esp considering they REALLY want us to go on the hikes cus its An AcTiViTy ThAtS gOoD fOr YoU.

like. i have limited energy and i only have so much time in the day. i can only do so much in one day before i run out of energy and i need to be allowed to be tired and need to rest too. i dont function well on tuesday evenings specifically because im exhausted. its why i take wednesdays and fridays off. i need the extra rest and time. like. idk how to even explain it without sounding lazy and whiny and kinda pathetic for not being able to do a million things a day back to back. but i actually need time to decompress and shit. idk.

the point ismondays are a shit day to do laundry, i dont want to do it on wednesdays cus i like to have time off but im expected to clean my room the millisecond i wake up and im more often than not woken up with "good morning, what are you going to do today, i think you should do laundry and cleanyour room" like thanks now i cant get out of bed until 12 and i cant do anything i was planning to do cus yall wont stop fucking pestering me if i dont do whats expected of me every single minute im alive, and they never fucking check when i actually do clean and usually cleaning my room results in 'you missed a spot'. like why even botver. its so fucking stressfull and i dont know how to stop bekng stressed and when people try to help they make it worse and itpisses me off so much, i hate having people mess witvmy stuff and moving shit around and touching fucking dirty clothes then moving clean stuff.

like jesus christ im allowed to be tired. i need to be allowed to have hobbies and free time that doesnt result in my brain being occupied by being pissed cus someone told me what im Supposed to do instead of just allowing me to fucking do what i need or want to do. like can i get five fucking minutes where i dont feel guilty cus i dont shower fast enough or i dont mop the floor fast enough and i dont walk fast enough and im not strong enough to just do shit without ever getting tired or needing rest.

were not even doing real therapy rn, i wanted a psychologist and i still havent gotten one, i wanted to talk to the economics guy and i still havent been able to, i cant talk to anyone who isnt my primary contact and i have no idea how to even reach out to her plus shes not always working so i dont always see her, and like. a lot of the time i feel like whatever i say is just Too Emotional and its not actually worth the time but my guy my parents have been treating me like i dont deserve to exist in front of them since i was a fucking toddler and when i got bullied in school my parents thought that was my own fault for getting angry that i was being treated like shit. i didnt fucking grow up with people who cared about me unless it suited them, im fucking allowed to be upset and confused and terrified and worried about shit. it makes perfect sense that i dont understand any fucking thing and im struggling so fucking much. i should be getting help and getting rid of the shitty fucking house and getting diagnosed and maybe even medicated. i should be in fucking therapy and i should be talking to SOMEONE about shit instead of sitting in my room crying every weekend cus i dont know whats wrong with me and im starting to get worried that im just too fucked up to be fixable or atleast able to be liked by people

in other news the laundrymachine was taken and theres stuff hanging to dry cus the people working here did laundry today and now i have to wait until saturday and i have like 2 tshirts and 2 pants and one bra and one sweater thats clean and that will not last until monday

#talkies

[fireinyourkiss]

sometimes i think maddie saying "i love us" is equally, if not much more, important as her being able to say "i love you" to chim, whether she recognizes it or not.

frank said that maddie loved doug. and she did. she was married to him, she built a life with him, she'd known him for years. she did love him. but she never loved them, never loved maddie&doug. it was either a facade of the happy and safe couple they put up in front of others or an excuse doug used to justify his actions.

but with chim? maddie genuinely loves the team that they are. the way they are equals and partners in all things. the way there is respect and love and comfort. she doesn't just love him out of obligation or shared past or anything else. she loves who they both are individually and together. she loves them.

and being able to acknowledge and admit that says volumes about how she feels.

#maddie x chimney #im feeling emotional this monday morning yall #she never even agonized over that phrase like she did for 'i love you' #madney #i talk

[matamisin]

i have just been through hell now I've evolved into God

#1 month in the philippines and severely feeling homesick and missing my boyfriend #getting sick twice #and then getting food poisoned and still feeling some of its effects #and now as we're trying to make it back home with 3 days left of break so we can adjust from jetlag before class starts #our flight was canceled so we stayed at manila for a day longer #and now were at japan and have to go to honolulu and THEN we can go to LA before we have to drive back home for another 5 hours 🙂🙃 #we were supposed to be home by Saturday morning LA time #but now we'll be back sunday night and only have monday to prepare Mentally and Emotionally for class ☹🥺 #aaaaa im big screaming im so stressed so much hair falls out of my head just by brushing my hand through it 😫 #we've got so much baggae we have to keep picking up and bringing into check-in because our connectjng flights are different from originally #yall we have 8 boxes about 50 pounds each and my dad is out of commissiom bc his leg has been hurting ☹ #i wish i was strong enough to easily lift the baggage so i could help more bc i want my parents to take it easy :( #aaaaaaaa i also have a lot of Emotional Baggage with me so that's nice #i was gonna use Sunday to unpack my emotional baggage and just cry the whole day but now theres no time i have THINGS to do all on Monday #its time to speedrun my emotional breakdown #or #-john mulaney voice- ill keep all my emotions right here and then one day ill die #aksjfjsk thats all happy merry new year yall i hope to actually do art again one day like i keep saying 🥺 #delete later #OH AND MY PINKY IS SWOLLEN TOO 😫😭

[whootwhoot]

»»— 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘬𝘦𝘪 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 "あなたの笑顔、あなたの目。" —««

- characters: tsukishima kei 

- series: haikyuu

- genre: fluff, mutual pining 

- “あなたの笑顔、あなたの目。” tsukishima kei x reader one shot 

- (author’s note: uwu im posting again lmAO, since its almost Christmas so i thought i’d do something related ^^ lowkey though im happy with what i wrote for this one, tsukki describes my feeling when i see my crush 😳 i hope yall enjoy, and yeah i’ll put the banner up later)

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“Irasshaimase!” 

The familiar aroma of freshly brewed coffee hits Tsukishima upon his arrival at the cafe nearby. As much as he wouldn’t admit it, he’s visiting this shop more and more often recently. The coffee they serve here is top tier, so are the desserts, but much to his denial there is that one specific reason for why he couldn’t stop coming. 

“Tsukki!! The regular?”

“Yes.” Tsukishima’s shoulder tenses when you call him by his nickname, a nickname given and only used by his close childhood friend, he wonders if your enthusiasm means that you were waiting for him.

The cheery barista slides their finger across the screen of the cash register before whispering while giving a wink towards the tall blonde male. 

“The slice of strawberry cake is on me.” “On the house actually.” 

“Again?” 

“Anything for my favourite customer.” 

Tsukishima smirks, unable to shake off the warm feeling on his chest.

He’s still not used to the feeling and treatment that you give him. Being someone’s favourite isn’t something that Tsukishima would think of himself, nor others being his. He simply never felt this way before, the unstoppable urge of wanting to see someone, the impulse to crack a random joke, in hopes that they would share their brightest smile.  

To put it simply, You are his favourite. 

Tsukishima slowly walks towards the usual seat he sits in, the one you personally reserved for him. He’s bluffing if he says he didn’t feel anything when you told him that. You reserved a special spot? For him no less. 

----

“Hey Tsukki!” “Come here.”

“What’s the matter?” the boy raises an eyebrow while holding his cup of coffee.

“I saved you a spot.”

“You did…?”

“Yeah, I know you don’t like the window seats so I made sure the sun won’t pierce your eyes when you sit here.” 

“Y/n…” 

“Enjoy~ I got to go back to work!” 

----

He watches as another customer orders, watches as you flash the same pretty smile you gave him. There it is again, that feeling in his chest, a warm, vibrant feeling. Tsukishima can't help himself as his mouth slowly curves into a small smile. 

It’s weird for him, since your smile was never meant for him, but when you just smile, the world around him seems to light up for a moment. It was that same sort of fluffy feeling he felt the first time he came to your cafe. 

----

“Irasshaimase!”

It was an ordinary Monday afternoon and Tsukishima was already out of breath from working since this morning. 

“Hi there! What can I get for you sir?”

He took out his wallet and frowned.

“A cup of Latte.” 

“Will that be all…?”

He said nothing and rolled his eyes, it’s lunch hour for most people but for him it’s just time to take a break from a long morning. 

“All right sir, that would be 4 dollars.” 

Upon receiving the receipt from you, he frowned.

“The receipt is wrong, I didn’t order strawberry cake.”

“Oh that? No worries, it’s on me.”

He raised his eyebrows and scowled. “Are you mocking me?”

“Wait no- I mean, of course not!” “That wasn’t my intention at all.” 

You bit your lip and took a deep breath, 

“You look really tired and if people see you leaving this shop looking like the Grinch, they’re going to think I’m a bad owner.” 

“The Grinch?”

“You know, the green Christmas dude who doesn’t smile much.” 

He smirks at your description of the character, did he look that bad? 

You return him your warmest smile while motioning your fingers. 

“Hey, you should smile more often! It really draws attention to your pretty eyes.”  

Tsukishima raised his hands to fake a cough in an attempt to cover his slightly pink-ish cheeks, mumbling “Thank you” in the process. 

----

You gently tap Tsukki’s shoulder, his head turns around in an instant and your eyes meet. His scowl replaces with a gentle look and from his golden eyes came a sense of affection. You can see every emotion in someone’s eye, every customer, you’ll know if they’re having a bad day. 

You can’t describe how Tsukki is different but you can see swirls of luminous stars in his eyes, drawing you in more and more. Only you are brave enough to fall in deeper, and with that comes falling in love, deeper and deeper. 

“Y/n?”

“Ops sorry I zoned out.” “Here’s your cake and Latte.” 

“Thanks.” 

You feel your heart ache up as he smiles, you can tell it was genuine, from deep inside to the light in his eyes. As you turn around to leave, to your surprise his hands grips your wrist.

“Oh, sorry!” He retracts his hands and fidgeted with his fingers, a small blush was slightly visible on his cheeks. 

You giggle at the sight of that, and steps closer. Why does he give you butterflies in your stomach when you simply just look at him?

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, nothing…”

“I’ll go then…?” You bite your lips while gesturing with your fingers. 

----

Tsukkishima watches as your smile fades, replacing it was an awkward expression he couldn’t make out… disappointment? 

“Wait!” “Are there any more customers coming?”

“Rush hour is over so probably not much.” 

“Why did you ask?”

“Uhm, oh- sit down.”

“What?”

“I was wondering if we could talk for a moment.”

“Sure!” 

You reply a little too quickly, your heartbeat speeds up as you take a seat next to Tsukishima. He ran his fingers through his hair and set his gaze on the floor.

“So how did you know I liked strawberry cake?” “The first time I came I meant-”

“Gut feeling I guess. Why are you asking this now though?”

“Well, there’s 4 days till Christmas right… I was wondering if you could bake me a cake.”

“Oh yeah… Christmas.” 

The small hope you have shattered into a million pieces, you smile slowly fades from your face, your mouth set in a hard line. 

“Sure, I don’t have any orders from customers anyway.”  “I’ll deliver it or will you come to take it?” 

Tsukishima raises his head and smiles.

“No, I meant if you could come over to my house… and maybe bake my favourite cake together.” 

----

“Is he being serious?”

----

“You’re being serious?” 

“If you don’t have anyone to spend it with actually.” “Ok that sounds horrible but-” 

Your eyes turn glossy as Tsukishima lowers his head. 

“I’m so sorry, I-”

“It’s fine, just…” 

“I know I always seem mad and I'm terrible at expressing stuff, but I can’t help it with you around. Your beautiful smile just makes my day brighter, and when you laugh they sound like a symphony, a chorus in my head, I can never shake off the feelings you give me. Your smile makes me feel like the luckiest person on earth.”  

----

“Tsukki, thank you, and I would love to spend Christmas baking cake with my favourite person in the entire world.” 

His face lights up with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen him with, his eyes seem to glow now, as he opens his arms. It’s an uncomfortable position but you enjoy the warmth of his chest against yours, the way he slowly runs his long fingers in your hair, it feels as if time stops just for the two of you. 

“Excuse me?” a voice rang from the direction of the counter. 

“Oh crap.”

Tsukishima relaxes his grip on you and laughs as you hurriedly rush to take the customer’s order. 

But not before you place a tiny kiss on his cheeks while winking  “I’ll see you soon then, Tsukishima Kei.” 

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(author’s end note: the title means “your smile, your eyes” btw)

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyu x reader #ilysmtsukki #tsukishima kei #tsukki x reader #tsukkishima x reader #tsukkishima kei x reader #haikyuu x y/n #tsukishima oneshot #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima fluff #tsukki x y/n #haikyuu creations

[princessselene126]

Hey yall, emotional abuse, physical pain (not self harm, just illness pain), brief mention of periods, and shitty parents tws coming up.

So i generally try to keep my personal life off here unless I won’t be posting for a while and want to let you know why (like i did with my ear infection.), but I’m having a really bad week and a half and desperately need to vent. Feel free to completely ignore this because I don’t expect anyone to respond, I just need to get everything off my chest--although any suggestions as to what the fuck I should do are more than welcome.

My dad and stepmom have been controlling any emotionally abusive for pretty much my entire life--because you know, abuse doesn’t just start randomly and it’s not something that you can easily fix.

Anyway. When I went home for my ear infection, my stepmom got kinda mad about it. Mad might be the wrong word, controlling is probably better. I didnt tell her or my dad that I was coming home to see the doctor for a few reasons:

I knew if I told them, they’d tell me i should tough it out and go to class

They’d say that i was being over dramatic and that it couldn’t possible hurt that bad

They’d ask why I couldn’t have seen a doctor in Milwaukee (where my college is and 1.5 hours from home), why I needed to come home for something like that.

So I didn’t tell them. While I was home my stepmom texted me asking how I was doing. At the time she didn’t know I had an ear infection or that I was home, so of course like the idiot I am, I was honest and told her I came home sunday night. Seriously I think honesty is my fatal flaw. She, of course, asked why and I told her that “I cant think right now, let alone take a bus somewhere I’ve never been before. I tried to get into the dr at school, but they dont have any openings until wednesday.” I was able to get into my doctor at home on monday, two full days before I would have been able too at school, so it seems logical that id go home right? I couldnt hear out of my right ear anyway, so it’s not like I would have been able to pay attention in class and actually learn anything. 

She drops it or that day.

But my stepmom, being my stepmom, of course texts me back a few days later (fthursday or friday i think) because she thinks that I should have tried harder to find a doctor here. She said, and I fucking quote this entire goddamn text 

Hey so I just want to clarify with you ... you could have gone to a dr there you know? You guys didn’t have to come all the way home and back. good lord. Just find a clinic thats an urgent care or er. you might have had to pay more out of pocket, but so what? And you have 2 insuraces, so that wouldve helped more too. Just saying. So I thought I’d let you know instead of doing all that craziness back and forth. Make it easier on yourself next time kiddo.

And this has me fucking livid because:

I literally explained to her why I didn’t find someone in Milwaukee days before. 

She’s insinuating that it’s too inconvenient for my mom to come get me.

And my stepdad had off on tuesday, so he gladly took me back too school. No questions asked. No complaints. He even bought my antibiotics for me (which I was totally prepared to pay the $10 for myself) before we left.

She’s talking down to me as if I had no idea that I could do this.

I can’t afford to pay more out of pocket right now, even if I might (read: MIGHT) get reimbursed for it later.

Going home literally WAS making it easier on myself.

So I send a screenshot of this text to my mom of course, and she replies almost immediately just going off. My mom and I havent always had the best relationship (she has some emotionally abusive habits too, but she knows about most of them, acknowledges them, and tries her best to fix them), but I know that she will always be there for me. She’s that person who will drive an hour and a half just to come make sure someone is okay, and she has done so 2-3 times in my 2 years at college. She doesn’t care if I’m 45 and living on the other side of the country, she will drive or by a plane ticket to hep me if/when need it. So my mom is beyond pissed off that my stepmom would ever imply that coming to get me, take care of me, is an inconvenience.

I reply a simple “i know” to my stepmom, because I know better than to give her a long winded explanation. She’ll just come back at me with an even longer block of text basically telling me how wrong/stupid i was to not just see a dr in the area.

And of course, of fucking course, she replies with a long block of text anyway basically telling me the same fucking thing. She does this several times and I keep doing the “i know” “yeah” “okay” thing because I just didn’t have the fucking ENERGY you guys. 

But then she says 

my goodness you’re a peach sometimes. Just trying to help and maybe you guys didn’t think of that. 

So by this point in time my patience was completely GONE. I have absolutely none left. I know when my stepmom calls me a peach it’s just her “nice” way of saying “you’re being a fucking bitch.” ((Keep in mind this entire time I was taking screenshots and sending them to my mom so she could be mad with me.)) And so I fucking went off in the nicest way possible. I tell her

no, you’re trying to be in control of the situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you

I was going to just try going to a dr the next morning, but then my mom called and I was crying and she asked if I wanted to come home, so I said yes. It wasn’t an inconvenience to her, though it feels like you’re trying to make it seem that way. And [stepdad] had off so he was easily able to take me back.

I’m not an idiot, im an adult fully capable of doing things myself. But i also recognized that I needed help and accepted it when my mom noticed I did as well

Because yes. I was in so much pain that I was actually crying from it. I usually have a decent pain tolerance (horrific period cramps will do that to a person), but for some reason whenever I say that I’m genuinely in pain my stepmom never seems to think it could be “that bad.” And... that’s exactly how that went. I was soooo prepared to just tough it out and wait until Wednesday if I absolutely had to. But then my mom called and I may be 20 years old but there are those times when you’re an adult and you just need your parent. You need your parent to tell you it’s going to be okay. You need your parent to hold and comfort you. You need your parent to take you to the dr. And for me this was one of those times. I so very rarely ask for help but this time i needed it, and there’s no reason for my stepmom (or anyone) to make me feel like I should be ashamed of that.

So she said something brief to that and I didn’t reply back. Ne next moring she sends me another text starting off with something along the lines of “I’m hurt by how you treated me last night...” and I didn’t read the rest because I knew it would make me mad. I did, however send a screenshot to my mom again.

The next day I call both my mom and my paternal grandma to talk about this entire conversation.

My mom thinks that I should cut off ties with them for at least a few months because this has been overwhelming me so much. I agree with her, but I’m concerned about my younger siblings (not that they’ll get hurt or anything, but that I won’t be able to see them) and also my aunt is getting married in may.

And my grandma was livid too. She’s never liked my stepmom because she’s always thought that she’s treated me like shit. (For a long time i mistakenly believed that my stepmom was a better person than my mom, but I was an impressionable child/teenager then). My grandma and I talked about times when stepmom made me feel bad about myself or treated me as lesser than my half siblings. And my grandma agrees that I should keep my distance, but she asked me to not cut ties, and to keep a decent amount of peace, until after my aunt’s wedding.

Which I understand. I get it. I love my aunt a lot and I truly dont want to cause any problems at her wedding, she deserves the world. But at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can take this you guys. I’m supposed to go to a water park for a night with my dad, stepmom, and siblings during my spring break (it was a christmas present from my dad to the family) and I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t want to go. My mom says I should just lie and say I have to work, but again, fatal flaw here is honesty, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. I want to see my siblings too, but I really need to start taking care of myself.

I’ve spent far too long worrying about my family even after not living at home for the last two years. I need to take care of myself. I do. But I honestly don’t know how to do that without causing a family feud in the process.

And the reason this was all triggered again today (after not having talked to anyone on my dad’s side since saturday) is because I got a call from a random number while I was in class today. It was a call from my home city and whoever it was left a voicemail. In the back of my mind I started worrying that it was my dad and that he wanted to talk me into not being upset with my stepmom (he’s a terrible person too but that’s a rant for a different day).

I have yet to listen to it because the idea of talking about this with him makes me nauseous. At the same time, not knowing who called is making me overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t know what would be best:

Ignoring the voicemail, or listening to it and potentially having to talk to my dad?

Toughing out being around my family until after the wedding, or risk causing a family feud by cutting ties?

I just... I’m so lost you guys.

#personal #tasha talks #i could go into so much more detail about how fucking broken i am because of all of the things ive dealt with in my family #but this is the bare minimum needed to understand just what the fuck is going on right now #im not feeling ok #mr stark i dont feel so good #even trying to joke like that is falling flat right now #im in panic mode and i don't know how to stop #this has been keeping me up at night #seriously #i cannot sleep #i feel sick #and so drained #all i want to do is sleep #delete later #probably