#im just so so so sick of people saying that its “just a word'

[apieceoftoastedbread]

i just finished working boys. holy shit??/pos

mentions of show spoilers under cut

SO. welcome to my ted talk. i just finished working boys. what. the. FUCK. but like in a good way. i loved it! i watched it with my dad kinda and i was giggling the entire time. i love rob as hidgens but if hidgens was anyone else BESIDES jeff i would have honestly not felt the same about it. jeff did great in the whole thing.

also, RUTHH!!.., MY BABY💔💔 SHE DID NO WRONG. IT WAS HER DEBUT☹️ she did great and i loved the few seconds of screentime she had.

the people in the audience were also making my tism alarm go off. if i can recall it was bill, ted, officer bailey, ms mulberry, richie, grace, gerald, linda, and brenda? those are all the people i can remember. seeing richie and grace go to see ruth actually made me go crazy i love them all SO MUCH. i wanna take richie and shake him. Ted was being a little asshole as always/pos. poor bill was abandoned. AND GERALD AND LINDA? oh my god i love them. i have a love-hate relationship with linda except she doesnt know who i am and would spit on me and i love her but also need her to suffer. I wanted to take the scene where him and linda are cuddling and just stay there forever. officer bailey made me laugh but also how is that man a cop. he just handed grace the gun?? ALSO GRACE IS SO BADASS BUT SHES CRAZY?? SUPPORT WOMENS WRONGS!! she started saying sumthing about the lord and i got chills.

the dead workin boys?? that was so sick what??

LIKE?? JON ILY YOU SCARE ME SO MUCH/pos. THIS WAS A JUMPSCARE BUT A GOOD ONE.

I LOVE THIS TOO? I FOR THE LIFE OF ME CANNOT TELL WHO THIS IS BUT THEY LOOK SO SCARY AND SICK I LOVE IT

RAHH I LOVE THIS LOOK. I LOVE HOW THEY ARE ALL COMING OUT OF THE MOST UNNATURAL PLACES.

OH MARK YOU SCARE ME SO MUCH MY UNSETTLING LITTLE BABY❤️ PLEASE NEVER SHOW UP AGAIN

THIS IS SUCH A BAD ANGLE BUT ITS STILL SO GOOD?? THEY ALL LOOK SO AWESOME

IDK IF ITS ALL MAKEUP OR CGI OR A MIX BUT WHOEVER DID IT DID GREAT.

THE MUSIC WAS AMAZING. LIKE IDK IF THIS IS ON SPOTIFY OR NOT OR IF I GOTTA UPLOAD WHAT I CAN FIND PRIVATELY FOR MYSELF. STARKID I LOVE YOU.

ALSO THE UNCANNYNESS OF PROFESSOR HIDGENS LAST WORDS BEING “i cant wait to get home to my boys..” WHILE BEING SHOT AT BY GRACE. HE JUST WANTED TO IMPRESS HIS BOYFRIENDS ☹️

uhm uhm im gonna shut up now because my brain is being overwhelmed by over analyzing this but please please please talk to me about this

#starkid #workin boys #working boys #grace chasity #professor henry hidgens #professor hidgens #ruth fleming #hatchetfield #gerald monroe #linda monroe #richie lipschitz #ted spankoffski #bill woodward

[oceanwithouthermoon]

one of my favorite (/sarcastic but not really cuz its like funny idk) things in fandoms is when people make ocs or self inserts or 'x readers' being shipped with characters, but the oc/sona/reader is literally just another character from the source material.. its like youre shipping the characters but didnt want to admit it, so you made a kinsona and branded it as something else..

and its NEVER subtle, actually its super blatant every time and im always shocked when nobody points it out..

i have seen uncountable saiki k x readers where the description is like:

"saiki meets someone whose thoughts he cant read for the first time, and even though he doesnt trust her at first, she keeps proving that she is kind and has good intentions!" you mean nendo? reader is girl nendo?

"this time, he meets a girl whose thoughts honestly match up with her spoken words almost perfectly for the first time!" hairo. youre shipping saiki with girl hairo.

"saiki meets someone whose thoughts are too fast and jumbled to re-" ITS AKECHI, THATS AKECHI, ITS LITERALLY AKECHI.

"saiki meets someone whose just as immune to teruhashi as he is for the first and only tim-" this is hairo again, awe bae you secretly LOVE haisai ?!?

"saiki sees his old childhood friend for the first time in years after an incident caused them to be apart and then they fall in lov-" WHY DID YOU EVEN WRITE THIS AND NOT CALL IT SAIKECHI.

its even funnier when they say its like that characters little sister, but the way they write it is still literally just the character, like their personality, dialogue, even their relationship, is the same..

not all of them fit this exactly, but the ones that take a boy character and turn them into a girl oc to ship them with a boy, it reminds of how in equestria girls they couldnt make applejack and rarity endgame so they gave them boyfriends who looked IDENTICAL to each other.. thats what youre creating, guys, youre creating heterosexual rarijack.

#these r all very specific examples because ive seen all of them #MAKE UR KINSONAS SHAMELESSLY IF UR GONNA DO THIS BRO OMG #STOP PRETENDING ITS LIKE AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER IF UR JUST GONNA COPY IT ALL #i love kinsonas i would love to see actual kinsonas even if u structure them as 'x oc/reader' #none of these words are in the bible #say this to any not chronically online person and watch them short circuit #saiki k x reader fics are almost always like 'and then y/n SHATTERS TERUHASHIS EGO AND HUMBLES HER SO GOOD' ur sick in the head #x readers where they want to be the only person he likes and hes an asshole to everyone else also suck but- #people thinking he genuinely hates his friends is a phenomenon not exclusive to x readers lol its just far too common #sorry that was a side note #theyre not all bad #i dont even think the ones im talking about in the post are really bad- its just kinda dumb and silly #do what u want queens #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[cyeayt]

being autistic in the mormon church

being autistic in the mormon church was, for me at least, a weird experience. because i wasn't excluded or mocked very often, just smothered in that strange warm beige obligation. because they could tell, they knew i was different just like i did. so they held my hand, told the other children to be nice to me, to make sure i felt included. and my peers did, cause they didn't have a choice, raised to be polite and kind no matter what just like i was. so i was included and invited places, always as an afterthought or a checked box but invited nonetheless, injected into conversations and games by adults that my peers wouldn't dare contradict. 'well meaning' adults who ask me if im okay or if i want to join the group, talking down in the sweetest tones. every christmas and on every birthday they still track me down to give me a card about how much they miss my 'unique perspective', even though i always tried my hardest to fit in and say the normal things.

"Look at that one. it's different and broken, but you must be kind to it. help it stay in the light of god, because god is the only way to save it. we're good, and righteous, and its so lucky to be in the church because we're the only ones who'll ever tolerate it, because that's what god wants."

and i miss it sometimes. standing on the edge of people who i desperately want to be friends with, flitting around in the back of stores and staring at concert posters indecisively until the date has passed. never finding the right spot in a conversation to talk, never working up the courage to ask if i can come too, i miss the people who had to be nice. who had me on a little list in their mind of what they need to get to heaven.

but im never going back. because even i could feel that it was fake. i felt watched and judged and pitied at all times, by peers who would ask me if i was coming then talk amongst themselves about jokes i didnt get and shared friends i didnt know. and i may be lonely now, but id rather do the work and be awkward and sick with nerves and find people and spaces that i actually want to be in who actually want me to be there, even if it seems impossible now. id rather that than go back to that warm suffocating place, familiar like the worst kind of family.

also telling that all the adults im talking about are either women/afab people or members of the bishopric, people whose 'job' it is to be welcoming and nurturing, though these experiences are mostly from young womens so that would also be it, but even women who arent involved in the yw leadership are raised and taught and obligated to do this and i dont blame any of them but its always made me wildly uncomfortable. never as much as random men who would sit down next to me and just start talking like we knew each other tho so eh

#exmormonism #exmo #autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #no hate pls its all highly personal to me if you find it inaccurate make your own post #this isnt good or articulate but do you get what im saying? #in other words every mormon adult talks to me like im two and wants to make sure i know where my parents are #i know this isnt just me cause ive seen the same shit with some other queer and autistic people in my ward #but sry if this doesnt fit your experience ive mostly been part of nauseatingly liberal wards in blue cities #i used to come home from activity days every week screaming and sobbing cause i started to be able to feel how different and disconnected #i was from the other kids #everyone misses me everyone wants to know what im reading everyone wants me to know that the church loves me and so wont i stay #wont i let them love me like a sick bird in a cage #and now people are nice in way that tells me im free to come back #questioning isnt a sin as long as you find the answers in god #youll be forgiven all of this if you just come back #ugh i dont even know #salt lake city #but im singing it like the 979 theme #utah #trans #nonbinary #this isnt even about that its just another internal feeling that makes me feel different #religion #religious trauma

[rubarb69]

Astarion is the single best example of post irony in popular media but nobody is ready to talk about it.

#im not using the right words for tumblr to get it #and maybe its my broken brain trying to fit everything into my warped world view #but ive just never seen a character (since centricide) fully encapsulate what its like to be so sick with irony #and i know thats the wrong word sorta #but not at all #its a sorta “you had to be there” thing to understand what i say when i mean irony #jreg fans get it #post irony #3rd layer irony #jreg #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baulders gate astarion #astarion #i sound insane and i know that #but its 4am #cut me slack #and when i say “jreg fans”... i mean a certain group of people that i knew thru that community #this is a fucking incomprehensible take to everyone but about a dozen people

[mbat]

yknow what, either people want the internet to be censored more, or you want it to be at the level where people are allowed to say fuck cunt shit bitch 2000 times in a 20 minute timespan and im sick of people acting like you can have it both ways

#I HATE THE TIKTOK CENSORING GARBAGE STOP TYPING LIKE YOURE A HOMESTUCK TROLL AND SAY THE WORDS KILL AND DEATH #and say what you will about helluva boss im not getting into discourse about that but a common criticism i hear is #'every other word they just say fuck or make sex jokes' THANK FUCK THEY DO. PLEASE DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A RELIEF IT IS NOWADAYS #TO ACTUALLY HEAR PEOPLE CURSE AND OUTRIGHT REFERENCE SEX ON YOUTUBE? #im so sick of people saying curse words and then bleeping them out and shit. its actually the worst #id rather they just didnt say them at all damn #also i hate people saying unalive fully unironically OR JUST NOT SAYING CERTAIN WORDS AT ALL #fucking horror youtubers and true crime youtubers not being able to say words like suicide and other topics that come up so frequently????? #im going to rip my hair out this is the worst we are fucking making real life topics into forbidden things all over again #people arent going to explode if they find out what death is or hear people say curse words. please #my post #nowadays if i hear a youtuber actually say any of these words uncensored im actually shocked. and its just embarassing

[ray-without-organs]

im so mad at people who think time travel will ever exist. thats not how physics works buddy I would know (im 13 and have never studied physics in my life, however, due to an intense ego, I believe that everything my brain tells me is true because it sounds true) you are not larger than the universe you cant just grab fucking time like that and fuck with it. how would you even calculate where to go? the universe isn’t sentient or a thing it doesn’t register your HUMAN MORTAL concepts of time. you cant just tell your machine to go to 2009[1] and it’ll understand what the fuck youre talking about . shut the fuck up. listen I have childish dreams and ambitions too but you know what im NOT. an OPTIMIST. you are NOT time traveling. these are also the same reasons for visual snow and why teleportation isnt possible as well.

in 2009 stephen hawking (rip king i miss you I dont care about epsteins island you will always be in my heart) made a party for time travellers, after the party ended he released the invites . nobody showed up of course. or DID THEY? maybe they showed up but told Stephen hawking not to tell anyone they did because that could fuck up the timeline? No they didn’t. time travel isnt real. go fuck yourself hawking. love you though!

#thoughts #important #rambling #time travel #physics #people who think time travel is real are either children with dreams that I will crush because I get a sick pleasure out of seeing #childrens dreams get stomped on because I have unresolved issues or people who haven’t heard anything physics wise. #though I have to admit there is an overlap between the two because most children (especially those who haven’t passed kindergarten(garren of #ban ban reference?)) haven’t had that much time to learn such complicated things and are left to use the small amount of knowledge they have #picked up in their life. think about how much you’ve learned in 5 years #and then imagine that being all you know. I cant really blame kids that much. I wasnt blaming them in the first place. stop antagonizing me #you fucking bitch. this is why we dont talk. you always say im doing something im not. sorry you cant fucking parse basic English and the #meanings behind my words. its not my fucking fault you dont get anything god. #ive been meaning to talk to you about something #I think we should stop being friends. we only talk once a month and its all just so empty. not even one sided #neither of us have love for eachother anymore. its just a weight on both of our backs that is just holding us down. I dont hate you #but I think its time for us to just stop talking. i know you can find other people that will probably be better than me. im sorry for #everything. bye man I love you

[arundolyn]

People making fan prime fields and nox nyctores ocs in the blazblue social media au

LMAO FUCK

i was gonna try to write a fucking my immortal type intro for a prime field oc but i cant i cant make it remotely funny enough. very funny thought tho. just "i see a group of sector seven guards. i stick up my middle finger at them."

#cawing #at age 6 i was born without a face #id imagine it'd be like... mu. since generally im pretty sure normal civilians are like COMPLETELY in the dark about any prime field bs #much less the fact that mu was allegedly Exploded #but if there was some public knowledge and people DID know mu was like Dead Supposedly but not that noel Is Her #can you imagine. caaaaan yoooou imagine. people being like omg what if IM the 12th prime field unit....... im just built different #that actually brings up a different and funnier school of thought #what if like. some researcher who was working on all those projects and shit like. who happened to be out of the lab that day #sick or on a trip or something. but they Know about everything and they know mu is like Supposed To Be Dead #and theyre just walking down the street in like.... yabiko. #and see noel in full mu attire (....so less clothes than usual) fighting like idk jin or tager or mind eater'd tsubaki #maybe in the embryo where shit is already super fucked anyway and everyones memories are a fucking disaster #but they see her and drop their groceries like HEY?????????? WHAT THE FUCK! #very funny mental image #imagine seeing your little looooong dead lab rat just throwing down in the middle of the street. unique emotion i think #equally as funny is the thought that like. after noel awakens to her Mu Powers and stuff. #word gets out to the Scientific Community through idk kokonoe probably. maybe relius chatting with someone and bringing it up #like its nothing. but it also occurs to me: who the fuck talks to either of them that doesnt work for/with them. #i feel like to everyone but underlings/associates theyre fucking insufferable tbh. and even then most people they work with are just like #its a paycheck/it furthers my goals. so fine. (or like lambda and tager who have no say in the matter) #but like Word Gets Out and theres just a bunch of scientists in their blazblue discord chat like YO???? :POGCHAMP: #some of them maybe kinda just tracking her movements not in a creep way but just to see what the fuck is going on cause like #hey what the fuck! youre supposed to be dead! youre a kusanagi now? you tried to kill GOD??? this is fucking wild! #blazblueposting

[dreamingofthedteam]

only sapnaplive can fix me now

#i dont think this time ive been unaffected #like everytime im able to block this neg from truly getting to me but this time i just..cant #im not on twitter so every news i get is from updates accounts and people on my dash #and theyve all been good but this time i just wanted a little more context what with a certain new allegation just popping out of nowhere #and i went onto the dreamwastaken1 reddit (coz ofc i cant even access twitter stupid website that it is) #and the context was so so much worse i wish i hadnt even read of it #and i cant get those words that dream had to say out of my head #(for context no i didnt listen to any fucking audio and i dont want to) #and i just...cant with this like this anymore #why are people so fucking hell bent on bringing him down #its not like any fame they get for 'being the one to bring dream down' is going to last any longer than like a week #and everyone including them and their supporters know that #why do people spread such lies im sick of it #soz for essaying in the tags but i just had get this out before i explode #anyways onto fic now yay

[kellystar321]

.

#periodical life updates #im trying to sleep but my nose is all stuffy. this is so inconvenient. u-u i would just like to sleep. #obviously i would rather this than toothache (which is still A Thing) but this still kinda sucks!! i would love to be able to breathe!! #urk. anyway sorry if i havent gotten back to you if you're one of the 6+ people who have messaged me. im not doing great physically. #or mentally. or emotionally. or socially. generally i am Unwell in every sense of the word. jace is doing Very Poorly. #but yeah. suffering is eternal and my pain will never cease etc etc etc~ its whatever. #i might get the queue back up. i'd hate for my blog to be full of my sad little vents for my birthday. #mom says we might not celebrate my birthday because the family is all too sick. i understand. it is how it is. #i just wish i could breathe.

[alphalesbian]

.

#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money) #and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

[molluskzone-moving]

i hate being called male terms or even receiving masculine compliments sometimes (i especially hate the word handsome...) but for some reason getting called boyfriend makes me 😳

#especially if its teasing like... okay... can i take your hand in marriage #wont be ur husband tho im your wife but your boyfriend too. *gerard way voice* and ALSO... ur girl #ive always hated masculine compliments for everyone basically. its why you always see me calling ppl pretty or beautiful here #even when i was a kid and my mom would b asking me about male celebritie id always just go 'that ones pretty i guess' #and then shed say 'omg boys arent pretty' well im NOT calling that thing handsome #also dont like the word gorgeous #if i say pretty it means ur attractive. if i say cute it means im in love w u. if i say beautiful??? i am imagining us getting married #those r the only compliments i will give based on appearance the other ones are just weirddd #well ok hate is a strong word i dont HATE male terms #i just used to rlly distance myself from bein a woman and it was harmful for me in the long run i think #so like ehhh idk i dont like it :/ #plus people irl being super weird about my gender. cannot comprehend that i am in fact a girl #insist on not using she/her for me EVEN WHEN i explicitly tell them that i use those prnouns #like. huh??? #who is that supposed to help... #im so jaded atp id rather get called he than they #just by the amount of people who ignore boundaries and call me they bc theyre. uncomfortable with gnc women i guess??? #sorry if this comes across insensitive but honestly i dont care im so sick of people treating me like that #smells like homophobia 2.0 but from ppl who are supposed to NOT do that #like i always call ppl the pronouns they ask me to but apparently that does not go both ways the minute im gnc

[selfundiagnosed]

&&the mental gymnastics they do to sleep each night without a guilty conscience so they can convince themselves their disgusting behavior is justified toward you🤥

#weird but creative lies #oddly specific enough to be believable lies #the reality of your actions & lack thereof are SO painful youd rather convince yourself of a lie to make you feel better #i am DYING to know what other lies you tell your loved ones about me haha #but the fact that someone who trusted your word snitched on you and told me your weird idea of smearing my name thru the mud #and with what you lied about its clear it comes from a place of deep insecurity of what you know im telling other people you did to ne #idk the parallels between me talking abt my lived experience with you as a close friend vs what you told your family im saying about THEM? #just own up to your wicked good ability to displace blame and make me look like a crazy person #oh youre telling everyone i put you in danger?! #i need to put you in more danger and make you look like your word is paper thin! #see theyre calling random people theyve never met nazis!! obviously i did nothing wrong not telling you i brought one to your house #you are so sick ive been wrestling for over a year since i found out #for you to take how uncomfortable that made me feel knowing you had a chance to tell me and didnt #and over a year later you still wont see why it hurt #but I understood why you didnt tell me so i trief to ask for spacr to heal our relationship and you snaked around that boundary #and tried to manipulate the people AROUND ME into forgiving you before i was ready #everyone does things to other humans that fuck them up. it does not reflect you. what reflects you as a person is how you handle it #and youre just burying your head in the sand acting like youre above it

[sugaroto]

Tiktok realized I was feeling off with my friend before I did

#pov: you slowly start hating your bsf *song on the back sick of your voice sick of your face sick of~* #and i was like whaattt noooo i dont hate *him* and thought of that one while at the time we supposedly were a trio #i saw two tiktoks like that #and then he send me one like 'haha why is tiktok showing me that?' or something #haha lmao dude same!! i also saw 2 of those i dont understanddd #and its been months #and just the other day i was talking with my mom and i told her how I felt and how hes been annoying me for no reason or done/said stuff #that bothered me #sbsjjsjs #and also. the last months im speaking daily with someone else and maybe not even exchange a word with my 'bsf' even though we sit together #in the bus and like- when sometimes i compare the 2 of them or how their reactions to stuff i say are- #idk i feel like hes constantly judging me or doesn't care about what I have to say so sometimes i dont even bother #like at this point im looking forward to the days hes not taking the bus back home so i can listen to music instead of sitting in silence #its an unspoken rule to always sit on the same place and i dont want to break it. even though the other day he was like 'sit on the front #cause im studying' #ahhshs ugh the other day I was like 30 minutes anxious he would judge me about something I did wrong but he never did #like am i just making shit up?? idk sometimes he just annoys me and i feel like an asshole cause we've been friends for so many years but #i do feel a better treatment by the new people im hanging out with most of the time like; #i never pay attention when you talk/oh yeah i remember that random thing you mentioned last year #and like i get he doesn't care about what we were talking about but literally saying 'i never pay attention to you 2' like ok. why even #talk to each other then? ... Also im sick of everyone who says shit like 'once we graduate we'll never see each other again' like yeah #if you have an attitude like that. like half of us are neighbors. i literally heard someone say 'can we be friends until july to go to the #concert?' and the other person was like why are you talking like that why wouldn't we be? and my bsf is one of those people who cant wait #to graduate and never return here #...oof ok im gonna go take a bath Goodbye #sugarenia talks #sugarenia diary #sugarenia has friends #sugarenia doesn't have friends

[birthday-of-music]

ughhhhjajsjajahshdhdhdb

#im. no thoughts head empty #when the burnout is bad enougj i dont have the energy to play rhythm games.. #or talk. or. think. i was meant to do Things today but atp im glad i got sick for some reason so i can get away with doing absolutely #nothing… i wish i could just. go a day without having to talk to people. like. speaking words talk to people. #is saying stuff usually so. weird? draining? idfk. i wish i had the confidence to just say to my family like. #“ive got no energy rn can i not talk” because for all the support its never really the same as if they understood #you havent done your assignment? wdym you “cant” you just have to try harder #youre zoning out a lot is this because youre on your phone too much? why arent you talking #is something wrong? are you feeling sick? dont be sarcastic with me #because you “know” what youre doing #i do not in fact know. i physically cannot make myself do your damn assignment. i dont know why im zoning out. it isnt because of the phone #im not talking because sometimes i just cant find words and it all feels wrong. sorry that you “dont understand me” and im “being a pain” #god this was not meant to turn into a vent im just. tired. i want a hug :( #or someone who actually understands who im brave enough to talk to about this.. ugh fuck. #tw vent #migjt delete..

[networksupported]

You stare out into the darkness & wonder what time it is.

( You realise with a dull ache that you are now 'you' once more ; the being you were so afraid of no longer surrounds you, but sits instead coiled within your chest / your brain / your mind / your heart )

( You are now 'you' but far less yourself than you have ever been. )

But this pondering doesn't come from the puppet strings now tightened around your limbs, or the whispering in your ears, or the blackness of your vision- it seems a deep, ferverent ache so far in your bones you cannot tear it out of yourself nor distinguish it from your own soul, even if you tried.

( You do not have the energy to try. )

( Perhaps you do not even have a soul. )

You only have the awareness that you need to know like poisoned bread still needs to rise / like acid rain still needs to fall ; you need to know so much it feels like a force of nature in & of itself - & perhaps it always has been.

( Perhaps you will never know what time it is. Perhaps you never have. )

You stare out into the darkness & wonder what time it is.

A circle, of course.

You know that much.

But how did it become so?

( How did a snake get so far in devouring itself? Was there not a point it realised teeth from tail ; prey from self ; hunger from insanity? Did it not- would it not- consume itself completely? )

Perhaps it already had.

Perhaps it was not that time was a circle that endlessly chased itself ; finding madness in desperation & desperation in madness - finding villains in itself & itself in villains - but that perhaps you were.

( Perhaps you were time. Perhaps the matter was you did not know yourself. )

You stare out into the darkness & wonder what time it is.

The darkness returns the favor.

You have heard, of course, that walls have ears ( but it seems, in the absence of those boundaries, that perhaps it was more that space simply had eyes / and doors mouths / perhaps you would never be heard here ; perhaps your cries meant nothing & that is why you no longer cried / but you were made to be watched & you cannot escape that. )

( Perhaps all you can do is stare back. )

#:DISCONTINUED :): #:DRABBLE: #// #teehee kicking my legs and giggling #does a word of this make sense not in the slightest #tldr a man gets possessed except maybe he's imagining it and also he's slowly going a lil bit mad #im putting it under a readmore not because its angsty just so i don't subject yall to whatever this is #the style change is because UHH because UHHH YKNOW YKNOW PLOT REASONS #anyway so much of this doesn't make sense unless you've actually played operation cain i say which nobody has because i haven't made it yet #but basically it uses you and yourself when cas like being actually controlled by the player because its like You're Him Now #and as he's slowly like hey wait a sec stop controlling people fuck you it goes more into he's n hims #so it's all very angsty this is in you and your because its like ooo he's being controlled again #it's not like ooo sick homestuck reference i prommy /hj