#im not drunk i promise

[yourpalrolal]

i dunno what sleep is

hi ugys

guys*

im sorry i called u uggies ur not ugly ur butiful

beutiful*

buttiful***

#im not drunk i promise #just #very sleep deprived #[ic blogging]

[gaast]

yaoi

#im not drunk i promise

[pictureof-dorianstorm]

i would love to know why the phone charger scene from sherlock stuck with literally everyone. that is a mystery that i would love to be solved

#im not drunk i promise #sherlock #2014 superwholock #tumblr memes

[markster666]

Alastor x Reader Smut (I'm so fcking hammered right noew HEELLLP)

I'm not even oging to bother putting word count or outline enjoy (Nsfw under tag)

A/N now that i'm sober: I'm not even editing any of this this is absolutely golden... I was so out of it LOL Happy Valentines Day ig to me

A/N #2: Pink Whitney is dangerous

Alastor was genuienly sick of your shit like GENUINELY SICK of it like he just literlaly did not want to deal with you anymore and it seemsd the only way to get rid of your dumbass shit was to fuck you bc you're a selfihs needy motherufker (me too tho tbh).

He fucking went in your room and started begging you to leave him alone but you were liiek no bc why the fuck would you ever want ot leave big bad deer man alone

You walked up t ohim and slid your finger down his chest, smirking in the process. he reailizeed he was lowkey actually enjoying this shit like GAWDAMD you were FUCKINGH OT AS SHIT HE WANTED OT ABSOLUTELY FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU yeah!!!

He threw you o nthe bed and made you promise that if he fucked you this SINGUALAR time then you would leaveh im alone for the rest of his miserable radio demon fucking life and you agreed even though you kno you would keep annoying him

He pulled dow nyour pants and after a bit of foreplay he was like ok im ready to fuck you nwow and then you wrre like hold on give me a second i need to find my vape it got buried in the sheets somewhere

so you both got off each other and started rustking around in the sheets and duvet to find your vape and it was ON THE FUCKING FLOOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME THANK FCK

and you took a puff out of it and he was like bruh and then u offer it ot him and he had no idea what the ufck it was bc he's a old ass BITCH

amd then you guys fucked and it FELT SO FUCKING GOOD and then he came inside of you and you came inside ofh im too bc thats definitely how female anatomy works !!!

and then he elft you alone and you fell asleep with your vape in your hand iknowing u would keep annyoign him again

ok there y go guys im going to sleep now bye

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #alastor the radio demon #alastor #18+ only #alastor x reader #alastor x reader smut #i was drunk writing this #im so sorry #i promise my other stories are better #what the fuck #smut #shameless smut

[arrowheadedbitch]

You know when you order a food from a place that isn't known for that food so it ends up being really bad?

Yeah, well, I just had the exact OPPOSITE of that problem, haha SUCK IT, LOSER! Loser loser loser loser. I just ordered chicken wings from Checkers/Rallys which is only known for good fries and okay burgers but OH MY GID THEY WERE SO GOOD???? I mean, like really good. I ate them like a raccoon in a garbage can except I was a person and I was at a fountain not a garbage can. My paper bag did fly away like a dinosaur never to be seen again halfway through the meal tho, which, rude. That was rude as hell. Also I have no idea where it went so sorry campus. And i had to eat the whole thing facing an awkward directikn because the wind is a bitch. Also they didn't give me any napkins even though it was fucking chicken wings so I had to lick my hand clean and hope the building with the bathroom was.still open because it's not like I could check the time!!! So I wobbled to the bathroom weilding building pretty sure it was open but not entirely sure and luckily it was open and since it's 8 o'clock at night not many people saw my barbecue covered goblin face which was good. And then I had to walk to the bathroom, wash my hands, use the bathroom, then wash my hands again because I am not about to get barbecue cause in my hooter, no THANK YOU and then I had to wipe down my face twice and it's still sticky which gross but I apparently had a cut on my finger which is now fused with the barbecue, oops, and then wait what was this post about again????

Checkers? Eating food from places that don't usually serve that food?

Oh yeah, um, so moral of.the story is don't order food that a place isn't known for unless that place is Checkers or Rallys and you are ordering chicken wings. But also be wary because I went to a Checkers right next to a big college so maybe mine is better quality than yours.

Checkers!

#i promise im not drunk #or high #or having a mental breakdown #though that would be nice #i wish i was having a mental breakdown #then maybe i could bang my brain back into place long enough to get theough the last month of school #actually maybe bang was a poor choice of word #ignore #that #Checkers!

[liquidstar]

Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting

#it's probably bc i dont have specific plans im just playing it by ear based on how the newborn will be #(the amount of time I'll be needed w the other kids basically depends on how much sleep the parents got the night before lol) #so i dont wanna be out too late... ahh i miss the club bro i wanna go #i love kids just to be clear which is why i do this but i also think I've gotten any child rearing out of my system #so i dont want my own. in a way it's freeing bc my future will just be for me and i won't have to worry about this stuff long term lol #ah but if I'm free on the 4th theres also something else i wanna do so maybe i shouldn't get drunk anyway #maybe just wait for the next free day 🤷‍♂️ we'll see #I've been highover BAD though shit lasted until like 8pm the next day. and i had to take the day off w the kids #luckily there happened to be other family there that took over but dude it sucked. i remember trying to help them in the morning like #ok sorry 4 year old trying to find pants i have to lay down in your bed you can do it by yourself i believe in you #so. taking the day off was a good call for their sakes too lol #he was fine just to be clear he could've done it on his own either way. i was just unhelpful 😅 i promise im usually way more attentive

[dayurno]

the most tragic thing about aftg is that kevin went from cultist seclusion to married with kids and no time in-between to do drugs and be nonsensical to strangers at the bar. he should've been at the fucking club

#HE PROBABLY NEVER EVEN DID DRUNK KARAOKE IN HIS LIFE. WHATEVER #whatever!!!!!!!!!!! #im so sad... im so sad.... kevin if you were real i could show you my talents #i could take you to the gay bar. we couldve been happy #i dont even care who he marries it could be thea it could be jean it could be andrew #but before you go do that you have to come to the club with me every week for a year. Promise me kevin day #promise youre not going to throw away your freedom to the first person who wants you . Promise Me #txt #kevin

[kinos-fortress-2]

does this even looks like a tf2 fanart anymore

#just experimenting! #i was gonna say im gonna delete this later bc i will ofc change the colouring here but just wanted to show bc i think is pretty #ONLY THIS ONE DRAWING bc is more... pretty me thinks but totally not from the way i wanted to go #but yeah little spoiler for something im doing bc i am so drunk and in love with them i cry a little bit but im fine now #i just love love #kino art #piss mauling #this looks very far away from my art style... but it reminded of my older style too... and like those 2016 shipp art if ykwim #this looks so personal im sorry i promise i will draw funny gore tf2 ugly art back again dont unfollow me bc im happy tonight is 1am buak #- i just wanna feel... happy and pretty and being in love space thats. how im feeling right now... dont drink wine guys my last words #watercolors dont go w my style i just realized that... but this looks pretty for me imo i feel kinda happy with this but is not the idea tb #ughhhh that sniperpauling playlist got me in the feels #really. this doesnt even looks like tf2 art anymore literally like. what tf2 game did yall play?? #this two are basically my ocs atp #im so annoying with them ugh

[moonbandit420]

I've read almost every day this month and just finished my 36th book this month. it says something about me that I'm way more excited for my Goodreads end of year summary than my Spotify wrapped, but hopefully it's that I have a big brain!!!

#also im drunk and that is the only reason im letting yall see my kindle reading hustory i promise i usually have a normal amount of shame

[slutdge]

I DESIRE OLD MEN CARNALLY

BOTTOM TEXT

#ok im going to bed now i promise im too drunk and tired #and i hate christianity btw

[autumnalfallingleaves]

One of the only good parts about big family gatherings is saying hello to the dogs

#this part od my famiky has an old man dog!! he is very sweet #beans rambles #on mobile rn and cant correct the spelling on my tags lmao. i promise im not drunk ive consumed no alcohol today

[upwards-descent]

I can't believe I got drunk enough last night to like pseudo trauma dump lmao wild

Anyways. A lot of y'all have been following me for years beyond just this blog so I'm delighted to announce that my partner and I are in the process of getting rings 💕 marriage isn't his thing and I'm down with that so we're doing this instead and I've been lowkey really emotional about it, we've been together for about 12 years and though our relationship isn't really changing, the gesture is really significant to me 🥹

#drunk text #he follows me but he's not really on tumblr much anymore so im not too embarrassed posting this #he's therealvagabird and therebloggerbird for those who don't know #and i decided to upgrade him from boyfriend to partner when we talked about the rings #so exciting! we got measured. he's a 12 and I'm an 11 :3c so now we're on the hunt #i promise to post pics when we find the perfect pair

[bright-and-burning]

just sneezed so violently i instinctually and involuntarily went "fuck's sake" loud as hell. so sorry to my neighbors

#they dont tell you that letting ur child watch british youtubers for years on end at a formative age #leads to them accidentally picking up several phrases that emerge only in really strange accidental situations #the Big offenders for me are fuck's sake and fucking hell . which i do drop the g and h off of. #so it sounds like im putting on an accent . but im NOT i PROMISE #picture this: drunk woman. 4'11. very much so american accent. literal disney character level accent. rambling about something or other and #BAM. ‘fackin ‘ell’ LIKE WHAT IS FHIS??? #this has happened more times than i have fingers. i am so totally normal.

[bubblyernie]

literally every single one of my ocs (who are dudes, or masc-leaning) are the most doofy-aaaa boyfriend ever. like without fail i don't think i can even write a guy who, regardless of composition and personality, will turn into the most stuttering man-loser the second he's confronted with the sheer beauty/levelheadedness/competency of his boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/whatever

#rereading old rps with friends and im seeing a Pattern #highlights of like a 3 second stammer ending with “I'm Drunk” while being so red faced man forgot how to Breathe. ill let you guys guess wh #another example is the most dude bro grrr biker gang 5ever Dante whos like SHUT tHE FUCK UP I'm gonna go visit my girlfriend >:( teehehehe #or milo 'whoopty doo here comes the goo' mason kicking his legs and twirling a phone cord when charlie is within 10 miles of him #its an ongoing trend and its so funny to me #alphonse can be a smartass 24/7 but the second he's flirted back with he's like a puddle. ESPECIALLY if its his very platonic wife who he's #like HEHEHE im marrrIIIeeeEDdd i had a huge crush on my WIFE thats so embarrassing hehehe #bros 7'6" hes got big dog energy #biddley too but in a subtle way i promise #even DUPONT whos not even IN a relationship he's a single father but the mother of his children he's so like #yes MAAM at her #skimpy little bastard and his wife whos taller than god #anyway end of post #oc #ocs

[withacapitalp]

Okay maybe it’s bc I’m def drunk rn but I can’t help but think about drunk Steve flirting with Eddie

Obvi we can have the super cute route of hey baby you’re cute you dating anyone? ;) and Eddie just smiles and doesn’t bother to tell Steve that they’ve been married for five years

But let’s think angsty for a second. Steve flirts with Eddie when he’s drunk because that’s the only time he can get the courage to be honest with how he feels and Eddie flirts back then because Steve never remembers (or pretends he doesn’t remember) and this is the closest he’s going to get to actually getting to have Steve as his. It builds and builds to a drunken kiss that they both get way too invested in, until Eddie pulls away and won’t let Steve kiss him again because he can’t do this when it’s not what Steve actually wants

The worst part is he can’t believe Steve when he says that drunk or sober he wants Eddie. He walks away and leaves Steve there, both of them heartbroken

#IM SORRY ITS SAD #I’ll write soemthing happy for them I promise #steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things headcanons #stranger things hc #eddie munson #st drabble #steddie #my writing #st #st4 #steddie hcs #stranger things 4 #tw drinking #I love them but Steve is absolutely #a sloppy drunk #that’s why we almost never see him drinking #after season OEN #Liam writes #Liam loves his blorbos #Liam speaks up