#im sorry im just really pissed off rn bc i caught someone. its just this behavior that ticks me off so bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sassuguru · 1 month

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LEAVE IT TO ME CHER! "wan'ed sum al w/ a black!reader bc i say he luvs dem. 'nd 4 da rqs, 'm gettin' 2 em. js doin' a lot rn," the artist says. the art includes alastor from hazbin hotel, in a pre-established relationship with f!reader. all warnings include headcanons, fluff, doing hair, cooking, domestic stuff, maybe ooc?, hinted aromantic-spec alastor, suggestive lines, human and demon alastor talked abt.

brochure etiquette get notified! other writings!

mymanmymanmymanmymanmymanmyman

starting this off by saying, alastor LOVES you. however, there are parts of him that are flawed, just like in any person. like his ass attempts at communicating, or the cannibalism, or the secrets...but its ok!

you often have to smack sense in him, literally.

HUMAN ALASTOR :

if you were his wife when he was human, he's used to it at this point. your playful smacks to his shoulder, your scolding voice when he says something smart-allack, or the way you'd chew him out for staying in the broadcast studio too late.

"im sorry, cher. i got caught up," he'd sheepishly say while quickly moving to help with the dishes.

he'd try his hardest when helping you with certain stuff like your hair, or when you go outside.

because, whether he admits it or not, his appearance grant's him a bit of privilege you don't have (he gets insane paranoia when you suggest going outside alone)

alastor tries, he really does try to help you with your hair. however, his hair is no where near the pattern yours is, he's never had much of an issue doing his hair because it requires just a brush. if you help him, he'll pretty much learn how to do it if you're too tired.

cooking together is one of his favorite things to do.

its not quite "intimate" but it helps him feel close to you. especially when you try out different recipes and such, he loves it.

( he's the type of guy that would enjoy those cooking scenes where the wife spoons her husband a piece of dinner; if he liked tv that is, demon alastor ofc )

he'd wrap his arms around you while you store the pot. ( maybe he'd press a couple of swift kisses to your neck to semi-distract you from the food )

if he still has them, he'd 100% let you look over his mother's recipes.

whew, when you make the gumbo his mother used to??? he'd like grab a spoon and dip it directly into the pot when you weren't looking to get a taste. of course, he always got caught, but no harm in trying. ( you hit him with a wooden spoon for that once )

he hates having people over.

it's not his cup of tea ( he doesn't like tea lol ), he'd much rather spend time alone with you. if he has pushy friends ( like those in the annoying ass cartoons ), he immediately shuts that down. he fucking hates his boundaries being crossed. even though he crosses boundaries quite a bit.

though, he's only really sensitive about people when you're with him.

( #possessiveofhiswife )

human alastor killed someone for you once. hey, they were crossing your boundaries and pissed him off. of course, his M.O. is more towards criminals, but that man was criminal enough for getting in your space.

alastor was a hard-working man, with some unconventional hobbies on the side. he tried his best to be a good husband, though he's not quite great at communication. but! he tried, even when he was burying your killer.

if you somehow ended up in hell, and was alastor's wife when you were human, or if you met and became his wife now in hell: he treats you the same way. though the possessive nature is bumped up quite a bit.

you can't quite tell if his communication got better or worse.

alastor is a weird case. he's confusing and hard to understand, but that doesn't mean you can't try!

he brings you to the hazbin hotel the second he finds you ( ofc ). charlie's all over you, jumping up and down and shit ( 🙄 ), nifty quite eager to meet you, husk, angel, and vaggie are shocked, though husk is just irritated the same, and lucifer ( if he's there then ), he makes a giant ass deal about it, and will not stfu.

he hopes you enjoy his bayou bedroom lol

when he brings you to cannibal town, you're quite shocked by how nice and civil the citizens are. and omg, when you met rosie?!?

rosie and you became best friends, naturally.

rosie audibly calls out his bad husbanding atp. like bluntly and blatantly embarrassing his ass until he apologizes or something. ( he makes a lot of mistakes, especially now that he's in hell )

you're his little doe ofc. anyone that hurts you may or may not end up as his dinner! if not his dinner, then their screams are being broadcasted throughout the entirety of the Pride Ring.

he still loves cooking with you.

after dealing with the hotel, vox, his contract, his contracted souls, and anything pertaining to the "joys" of the Pride Ring, it helps him wind down.

he loves the new size difference between you.

he was already taller than you when you were human, but now he's fucking SEVEN FEET. he sometimes rests his arm on your head, which is sometimes cushioned by the softness of your afro.

( he also loves playing with your hair. like, just twirling it around his finger )

of course, along with his height comes the threats you'd give him even when he was alive.

"don't play, i can still hit them knees." "and i will target those kneecaps." "i can still jack you up!"

"...yes, dear."

UGH, he loves bending down to kiss you omggg

he finds it cute when you pull on his lapels, collar, or tie to bring him down for a kiss.

he especially love towering over you in bed. like, the way you look so small beneath him has him FERAL. of course, he was always sadistic in his human years, but that sadism only grew when he gained power and control in hell. ( the both of you have size kinks, let's be real )

his nicknames for you : little/my doe, darling, dear, dearest, my love, cher, + literally any french nicknames.

he uses french to be funny and teasing. ( he did it when he was human too )

"Puis-je avoir cette danse, ma chérie ?" He'd say in a funny/goofy tone, simply to make you laugh. your laugh is music to his ears, esp, when he was human he'd do anything to hear it.

"yes, you may this dance, mon beau," you giggle, playing alone with him.

he also loves to use french to fluster you. he enjoys whispering in your ear and watching you jolt and stumble over your words. or that playful and light hit to his chest with your hand.

( he finds it amusing anytime you're flustered or embarrassed )

when ever you manage to make him flustered, he gets all. "oh? is this the game we're playing, mon amour?" *@^/&/

like, his radio cuts out, and it's just a little low whisper???

KEYBOARD SMASH OMG OOTN ot rjsbs sor

(｡>\\<)

anyway, he's more of a teaser than he was when he was human.

like holy shit, he's fine asf oml.

ANYWAY, if you have trouble remembering to take medicine, or when the month to wash your hair is up, or to put on your bonnet, he helps with that.

he doesn't fucking sleep, like at all. so the least he can do is help you get yourself ready for bed.

when i say, oiling your scalp and making sure your curls are moisturized and healthy, literally his jam now.

he can't do complicated styles, but some simple cornrows, plat twists, or anything like that he can do.

( he'd play with your afro but without you noticing )

if you tend to require something to hold to help you sleep. he'd likely give you a giant bear, esp. for valentine's day or something ( which he doesn't fully understand, but if it's for you, he'll get you a gift )

if that won't work some nights, he'll just stay up holding you, waiting until you're fully asleep before even attempting to move.

he NEVER let's you go by angel, he hates the thought of you being influenced by him.

( you're already freaky enough )

he adores when you act a bit motherly towards the staff and guest. insisting nifty take a break so you can clean, or cook dinner. forcing charlie to sit the fuck down for a moment, maybe even massaging her shoulders. ( husk's too stubborn ), or practically running to beat the shit out of valentino when you found out what he did to poor angel.

alastor likes seeing that part of you. it's entertaining, he finds it extremely amusing.

the both of you don't like lucifer, but lucifer wouldn't be able to tell you don't like him because of how nice you are to him.

( keekee loves you )

everytime you pick up a shoe he involuntarily flinches from flashbacks.

those times where he tried to fuck with you and then you hurled a shoe at his head? he ain't try shit again.

it's amusing how much control alastor allows you to have over him, and everyone can tell.

alastor secretly wishes he could have a child with you ( which he intended two when you were alive ), but of course, sinners can't reproduce.

he's still a massive secret-keeper, but, he's also stubborn. there isn't much to do about that.

and finally, he absolutely loves it when you wear things he's bought you. again, his possessiveness. he's silently flipping off everyone that was attracted to you.

oh! and when he first found you in hell, the first fucking thing he did was get matching rings. he was NOT tolerating no wedding rings lol

niewayz, dats da end of da hcs. if i hav more, imma make sum! rqs r open! 'nd taglist linked at da top of da post as 'get notified.'

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jamesdeerest · 5 years

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just let me in

PAIRING: sirius black x reader

REQUEST: anon asked “Hi can you write a Sirius one shot where he gets upset bc his gf is close to that boy with a perfect life and he feels so insecure, he feels that the dude is perfect for R (the kind of joyful, always laughing girl) and so he thinks he’s holding her with his problems and she notices smth is wrong but she thinks he doesn’t want to talk about it but then she sees he starts being colder and when she confronts him about it, it explodes in an angsty fight where he tells her everything and when she understands she comforts him and it’s just fluffy and all Sorry if it’s really detailed... Thank you!💗”

WORD COUNT: 983

WARNINGS: its angstttt boi have u seen the titleee also innuendos and swearing, use of the word whore

NOTES: im slowly workin thru my requests and they will be open soooonn. also if i had to recommend a song for this it would be happier by bastille & marshmello aannghghg this is shorrttt

“Shut up, Michael!”

Sirius eyed the two of you from across the Great Hall, the two being Michael Woods, the most popular guy in the year, and you, who was laughing your head off. You, also Sirius’ girlfriend of six months.

Remus nudged him, eyebrow raised. “Who pissed you off? You look like Snivellus.” Sirius gasped, shoving him. “How dare you, Moony?! I’ll have you know I actually wash.” Remus snorted.

“Seriously though, mate, you alright? You look like you’re back in third year when you had your ‘broody Sirius’ phase.” Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing a sausage off Remus’ plate.

“Yeah, m’ fine. Just a bit tired.” Remus nodded, going back to his potatoes, as Sirius went back to staring over, frowning as he saw Michael hug you, before walking over. He smiled as you approached, pulling you onto his lap as you kissed his cheek. James rolled his eyes, retching. “Is that allowed? Is that allowed?” You grabbed a sausage and lobbed it at him, laughing when he caught it in his mouth. Sirius gasped. “Hey! That was my sausage!” James winked at him as he ate it, swallowing. “I’m sorry for eating your sausage, Siripoo. It’s just so tasty! Right, Y/N?”

“Oh piss off, James.” you said, leaning forward smirking. “Remember, we only talk about Siripoo’s sausage in private, Jamesy.” He nodded knowingly, whispering ‘later’ before becoming distracted as Lily sat next to him.

Sirius laughed. “You two are mental, you know?” You grinned, pecking his cheek. “We know.”

And that’s where it started to go wrong. Whenever Sirius saw you and Michael together, thoughts started running through his head- which wasn’t helped by the fact that some third-year asked him if you were still together. If he saw you by yourself, fear took over his mind: if he approached you, were you going to break up with him? He had heard people talking even before you and Sirius got together how ‘Y/N and Michael would be the cutest couple’. Thinking about it, he could picture you two together. You would be so much happier with him, wouldn’t you? No more late nights comforting Sirius over his fucking family issues, no more basically being his therapist, no more crying...

Sirius didn’t want to lose you, but he couldn’t keep being so selfish. And besides, it was basically happening anyways- he didn’t miss those longing glances. When was the last time he even saw you without Michael? Resentment swirled in him- sure, Sirius was a mess, but you could at least let him off easy, instead of going behind his back- who was he kidding. It was right in front of him. This wasn’t fair on him, or you. New determination sprung up in him, and he steeled himself for what was to come- what he had to do. For both of you.

For the next few days, Sirius tried to talk to you, but it was never the right moment. That Wednesday after classes, however, you approached him, a questioning look on your face.

“Hey Sirius, are you alright? I feel like we haven’t talked in ages.” you said, leaning into kiss him. He turned so your lips landed on his cheek, and you pulled back, shocked. “What’s wrong?” Sirius sighed, jaw clenched. “We need to talk. In private.”

Your heart sank; that never meant well. You nodded, and followed him to the Gryffindor common room, heading up to his dorm. You sat down on his unmade bed, fisting the duvet. “What’s up?”

Sirius laughed bitterly. “What’s up? I don’t know, why don’t you ask Michael.”

You raised your eyebrows, looking at him in disbelief. “I’m sorry, what?”

Sirius smirked, his eyes cold. “I said, why don’t you ask Michael. I mean, you two seem to be awfully close, don’t you think?” Your mouth fell open in shock, before you composed yourself.

“Well, what do you think?” Sirius laughed again, pacing around the room. “What do I think, what do I think... let’s see.” He stopped. “I think you’re fucking him behind my back, and you’re too much of a coward to admit it. I think you’re a disgusting whore. Do you want me to continue?”

You gasped, indignation coursing through your veins. “How dare you?! Do you really think that low of me, that I’d do that? Is that what you think of me?!”

Sirius stared challenging at you, silent. You scoffed, each harsh word another tear ready to fall. “Here’s what I think of you, Sirius Orion Black. I think you’re an insecure little boy who can’t accept that someone loves him. Well, congratulations! You pushed me away, when all I wanted was for you to let me in. I hope you’re happy, Sirius, I really do. God knows your parents will be, oh yes, they’ll be ecstatic that their son isn’t dating a fucking blood-traitor anymore. That’ll be a nice thing to tell them in the summer holidays, won’t it? Maybe you can stop being the family disappointment now.”

You regretted the words as soon as you said them, Sirius’ piercing look of utter betrayal sending waves of self-loathing through you. Before you could take it back, Sirius swallowed and forced a grin, trying to mask the pain. “We can only hope. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go tell Marlene that I’m finally single. Goodbye, L/N.” Your previous guilt was overwhelmed by hurt, sharpening your words. “Never talk to me again.”

“My pleasure.” Sirius spat, before turning and storming out, leaving you staring at the door, before sobs overtook you. You crumpled, clutching Sirius’ duvet to you, tears wracking your body. Finally, you fell asleep, your aching eyes closing. That was how Remus had found you, and he pulled a blanket over you, moving you to his bed and placing a bar of chocolate beside you. Maybe some things just weren’t meant to be.

i think im gonna do a part 2, not sure though. lmk if u want one :)

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated!

send an ask if you wanna be added to my tags

tags: @hoewkeye @blackpinkdolan @shadylittlewonder @sassy-specter @i-am-eating-rn

#sirius black x reader #sirius black angst #sirius black fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #pottair writes

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idk-my-aesthetic · 5 years

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isle kingdom au

so i’ve had this idea for an AU for a little while, but i don’t wanna actually write anything for it until i’m done w/ my current descendants wips, but i also wanna talk about it lol so ig im making a post? please send me asks about it i wanna talk about it.... anyway

**tw for child abuse and semi-graphic descriptions of violence.

basically the premise of the au is that even though he tried to get it passed at first, ben never went through with pulling the vks off the isle. he kept meaning too, but it just kept being pushed to the back of his list of priorities bc he was so busy w/ being king and never happened

so bc of this, the core 4 stayed on the isle and never got off it. if you’ve read the stuff in my keep them close series u probably have a better idea of my hc of the isle, but the basics of it are that 1) most of the parents are really bad and abusive + the conditions are disgusting 2) none of the kids are really evil and 3) the vks are all kinda frenimes/rivals and will work together to keep eachother alive even if they act like they hate eachother or will even hurt eachother

so, in the ‘canon’ timeline before going to auradon the core 4 are a gang and slowly gaining power. they’re already the top of the vk gangs and are like gaining on some of the adult ones.

bc they never go to auradon, they just kinda keep doing what they already are and gain more and more power. but, as they gain power their parents start becoming afraid of them and acting like more abusive in attempts to keep the core 4 under their control

ok bare w/ me for this next bit bc it’s gonna sound real ooc for like a sec then make sense

so, as they’re gaining power and their parents are haveing more and more trouble controlling them their parents are becoming more and more violent.

im not sure on the order yet, but basically cruella, jafar, eq, and malifacent all do something like really really bad to their respective kid, so one of the other core 4 kills them bc like. yeah.

i have some vauge ideas of what each of them could have done and i don’t really know if i want to say them or even use them tbh bc they’re like.... bad, like real bad. which they kinda have to be, you know? bc like.... none of the core 4 would turn to killing if they didn’t have a real good reason, and their parents continuing the abuse that they always have woulden’t be enough, so the parents would have to do something really really bad for one of the others to justify killing them

its important to mention that none of them kill their own parent. it’s always one of the other 4, im not sure who kills who just yet, but none of them kill their own parent. They’re saved from their parents by each other and they never really have any confrontation with their parents (which will change l8r 👀👀, let me explain)

Even tho they didn’t kill their own parents, everyone kinda assumed they did in order to take their places/gain power. A handful of their friends know the real story, but it’s mostly kept under wraps and it’s like general “knowledge” that they killed their parents for power. They’re not really hiding it or anything, I mean they did still each kill one of the 4 most powerful villains so it’s not like anyone is gonna be less afraid if they knew the truth. ppl just make assumptions and never really question them and they just let ppl think what they do

So bc their parents are dead and they let everyone assume they killed their own parent they very easily climb up the ranks and end up in charge of the isle bc atp they’re seen as the most ruthless/evil/powerful

So now that they’re in charge of the isle they start like..... actually making it a livable place. Ofc at first they try to make a version of Carlos’s machine to break the barrier, but they can’t get it to work so he just modifys it to steal magic from the barrair for them to use. (Another idea stolen from my keep them close series but like I like the idea lol)

And when I say they make it a livable place I mean they start doing stuff like building water purifiers, making like safe houses, establishing some kind of working economy, taking control of the barge drop offs and how everything is distributed, fixing broken electricity, etc etc

A lot of what they do is based off of Carlos’s machines and designs, which like obvi other ppl are helping him gather materials and for and build, since he has power bc he’s like one of the ppl in charge. And he like teaches other ppl how to do what he does and fix anything that goes wrong

Evie kinda puts herself in charge of setting up like medical centers + homes for kids and stuff. Also some kinda way to grow food. B4 they’re in charge nothing can really grow but they use the magic they steal from the barrier to make stuff grow. And evie can use it to make like lots of healing items and such

Jay ends up mostly in charge of like collecting and distribution of their recourses. At first like the barge is kinda a hugeeee problem to deal with bc ppl are fighting over the like moldy food and destroyed clothes and stuff. But eventually they get it organized and have stuff sent to the respective place it should, like clothes and scrap fabric are sent to a place that repairs and sells them, parts and electronics are sent to Carlos or his helpers, etc

Other minor vks like Celia, dizzy, the sea three, Diego, etc are all in this two but this is already really long so just know they’re like helping and like pretty high ranking/highly regarded. Send me an ask with questions please

Mal is kinda regarded as the ultimate leader/queen of the isle ig even though the other 3 have basically the same amount of power. Mostly bc her job ends up being keeping the adults who dislike them inline and keeping their power as heads of the isle

Most ppl are just kinda chill w/ them being in charge, especially a lot of the ppl who were banished for minor crimes. A few of the adult villains try to fight them and end up dead lol, and anyone caught doing especially bad things, like r*pe, hurting someone they shouldn’t have, being a child abuser, etc will end up killed by mal or one of the others. They don’t kill u for like every crime obviously only the like inexcusable ones. Stuff like stealing or mental illness or w/e they basically just help you work through

They’re aren’t any like real laws ig but they deal with issues as they go and give harsh punishments if needed. It serves to keep themselves seen as strong/evil/powerful despite all the good they do and helps keep others too afraid to challenge them. Like frollo isn’t going to challenge them if Ursula tried the same thing and got killed. (The fact that she abused uma and her siblings obviously had nothing to do with that,,,,,,,,,,,)

So yeah! They basically turned the isle into a inhabitable place in the years that they spent as its leaders, and it functions as its own kinda kingdom despite its harsh and confusing laws/rules

But we ain’t done yet, lol

Basically everything I’ve just explained is.... mostly backstory? Kinda? It’s the type of thing where you slowly find out about all this stuff while they actual story goes on, but I figured it’d be less confusing to explain it first :3

So the Actual story starts a few years after when Ben originally was supposed to take the vks off the isle. He, all the other princess/princes he want to school with, the core 4, the sea 3, etc are all in their mid to early 20s.

Auradon has basically no clue what’s the deal w/ the isle. They’re only interaction w/ them is through the like goblins that bring over the trash barges, but those guys are chill and basically don’t tell the aks anything lol.

So Ben is ruling his kingdom, and the core 4 are ruling their own, both sides are doing pretty well and ignoring each other, but then! All of a sudden there’s these sudden deaths/fires/some kinda terrorist attack on the outskirts of the kingdom.

I haven’t thought through this part too much, but basically he knows that they’re is some kinda threat, but he doesn’t know excatly what it is. All he does know is that the villain that is attacking is demanding to speak to the children of malifecent, jafar, cruella devil, and the evil queen.

He basically rounds up the heroes of those respective stories bc they’re all being threatened in some way or another. The mystery villain continues to do more damage and seems basically impossible to beat, and has given them a time limit b4 they’ll go and start destroying more

They discuss their options and decide their best plan is to go to the isle and convince them core 4 to help, bringing along the heroes and some of the main aks w/ them

Obviously it doesn’t go well bc they show up and mal basically has them arrested lmao

Again I have more in-depth ideas for this part but this post is already wayyyy to long so I’m trying to hurry and finish up

The talk, vks meet their respective heroes, everything is from ak/hero POV so as they explore the isle and talk to the core 4 and other vks they slowly find out about all ^^^ that stuff up there

The core 4 are eventually agree, and they go to face the villains only to find out its their parents who have been resurrected!!!! Fuck!!!!

Idk how or why just yet lmao but I will soon

Parents are obvi pissed, core 4 face their own parents and finally get like some kinda closer or smthn idk I feel like y’all get the gist

in the end auradon agknolages the isle as its own kingdom and the core 4 as its leaders and open trade/remove the barrier so the isle can continue to grow bc it’s been struggling due to lack of recourses

And that’s like the basic outline of my au! I wanna write it eventually but tbh I’m expecting eventually to be like 3 years from now bc of how much other stuff I have so for rn I’m just gonna blog about it. Obviously there’s a lot of other stuff/plots/emotional arcs etc I didn’t talk about bc like This Post Is So Long I’m So Sorry, So please please please send me asks/questions/comments/even your own ideas!!! Please. Everything about this will be tagged with “isle kingdom au” :3

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saintkimora · 6 years

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well i finally found time to type this all up so! here is the story of how last last friday and saturday night went (not the ones from this weekend but the weekend before so like a week and a half ago). it isnt really a nice story but it is significant. first part is tristan then joel then tristan again, the tristan parts are good but the joel part is pretty bad. this is only part 1 btw! sorry @ that one anon a few days ago bc this might make you even more mad lmao

first part: tristan! so on friday i was in the library holding an online eboard meeting for gsa and tristan (the first guy i talked to for a while then hooked up with like 2 years ago and last christmas eve) was apparently studying in nexus which is the building next door to the library. and he sent me a snap (it was clearly the type you send to a lot of people it wasnt like an individual one) of him captioned i hate studying so i sent him one saying i hate planning events bc thats what i was doing. so we snapped back and forth for a while and then the library closed so i was leaving and he was like “come say hi to me in nexus” so i was like ok!

so i went and sat across the table from him and we talked for like an hour and a half and it was so nice! hes v good to talk to but our conversation dynamic was kinda similar to me and joel’s dynamic so that was interesting. he called me my voice cute at the beginning bc i was like “sorry if i sound weird im a little congested today” and he was like “no you sound like you always do, its cute” so i was like hm so then we talked and caught up and it was very good conversation! then at one point after asking how i was in general he was like “so how are you doing....romantically” and i told him how i was with someone rn but i was kinda having some issues and he was like oh ok and i asked him and he said hes looking but its hard bc people keep ghosting him so i was like aw :/ (but on the inside i was like well thats what you get for ghosting me all those years ago lmao)

also at one point i told him i go to the gym now so i have a little bit of muscle and he was like “yeah haha sure” and i was NOT about to take that so i was like “i can show you right now if you want” (i was wearing a tank and a zip up hoodie) so i took off one hoodie sleeve revealing my arm and i flexed and he was shook he was like “oh wow you werent kidding, thats actual progress” and i was like ha

after an hour and a half he had to go meet his friends or something so i went home. overall it was super nice! i loved talking to him so later that night i just sent him a nice text thanking him for spending time w me and saying how much i enjoyed it and then he thanked me for keeping him company and said he really enjoyed catching up so that was nice! then later that night things took a turn for the worst.....

so at this point it was friday night and joel and i were texting as usual, we were having a nice convo and were making jokes and what not. then after i asked about his day he texted me this “its fine but i just got another fucking email from slut A and im over it” and i was like “slut A......” and he was like “fucking tinamarie” (the girl who always causes trouble for his theatre club that gets him really pissed off even though it really isnt that serious) and i was like “yeah i figured but did you really need to call her that” and he was like “if youre literally gonna criticize every single word i say then im just gonna stop talking” so then i apologized like 3 times but he left me on read and didnt talk to me for the rest of the night

so! the second i read that final text i had like......a panic attack? or something? idk but it was a mess i got soooooooo cold instantly like i put on sweats socks a hoodie and 2 blankets and i was still trembling and my teeth were chattering so hard i couldnt even talk bc it just came out as gibberish and my toes were numb and my heart was beating fast and you know all that good stuff. i texted several hunties but none of them answered so i decided to text tristan! he was v nice and he comforted me and talked me through it which i appreciated. but like getting that text reminded me so much of the texts i would get from caleb so it just made all those feelings come rushing back and it was v overwhelming but i wasnt about to call joel about it bc he was already mad at me and i was scared i was gonna make it worse

about an hour later i sent him a long text saying how sorry i was bc he wanted to vent to me and i shut him down when i shouldve just taken his side and stuff bc i wanted to try to fix the situation. half of it was lies though like i was not sorry for what i did at all bc he should not be calling this tinamarie girl that! he didnt read that text until the next morning but even after he didnt respond. he was def still awake when i sent it though bc i saw him active on fb messenger slightly afterwards. anyways the next day tristan texted me again to check on me and see if i heard from joel which i hadnt by that point but i really appreciated that he went through the effort of doing that! joel and i had plans to go to the mall that day so i texted him around 4pm (this is saturday now) saying i hope his auditions went well and asking if he wouldve still liked to go to the mall w me. he said he wasnt feeling up for it bc hes tired and i was like not up for the mall or not up for me and he was like just the mall, you can come over instead. so i went over and brought him popeyes bc he was hungry and we hung out and watched dragula and talked and it was like a completely normal day so i was a little surprised he didnt bring up the events of last night. so like 3 eps into dragula s1 i asked him if he could pause it so we could talk so he did and this is where things got worse

so i was like “so....how are you feeling about what happened last night?” and he was like “well it was fucking annoying because i wanted to vent to you and you tried to school me, im already socially conscious, i know its wrong but it was the first thing that came to mind at the time” and i was like “well if you are mad at a woman and your first instinct is to call her that then that might be a problem” and he was like “can i be a fucking human?” like ???????????????? the STUPIDEST excuse like that makes no sense! you can be human without saying misogynistic things like.....annoying. he just had soooo many excuses he was like “oh its ok bc i would never actually say that to her face” like...ok great to know that being socially conscious is just a performative thing for you! if you only do it in public but are still problematic in private then like...whats the point

he was also like “it may seem like a small issue that isnt important to you but her emails are actually a huge problem. YOU wouldnt know since your organization isnt as involved, but her actions affect every area of the organization so its stressful to deal with her” like heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeee we go again idk why he always tries to drag my gsa for no reason. i didnt even say he couldnt be stressed or angry with her i just said he shouldnt call her what he did!

so now for when it got personal. so i told him i was like “i know you were mad and wanted to cool off so i wasnt gonna force you to talk to me, but it wouldve been nice if you just sent me a text like ‘oh perry im mad and dont wanna talk rn, i need some space ill talk to you later’ instead of just ignoring me for the rest of the night” and he was like “well i didnt have time i had too much going on with the organization” and i was like “i mean it takes 10 seconds to send a text” and he was like “well i didnt want to” OH so now the truth comes out! and then he was like “i was already stressed out with the email so then its like ‘oh now i have to deal with perry too’” and like..............that was really hurtful bc literally the main reason i rarely ever bring up any issues i have to him is bc hes already so stressed with everything else and i want to be a source of happiness in his life not another source of stress so im afraid to bring things up bc i dont want to add to his stress and be another thing that he has to “deal with” so like, he literally vocalized the exact reason im afraid to talk to him about these things so its just confirmed my suspicions and now i feel even worse about bringing up any issues i have with him

i didnt tell him about the panic attack yet but i did say “well i mean im sure you can tell i was upset, since i sent you a long ass apology text an hour after the convo ended. and if it was the other way around and i knew you were upset about something i said i wouldve dropped everything and called you right away to fix the issue” and he said.............. “well im not gonna prioritize you” like.... !!!!!!!!!!!!! ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great! we already knew i was at the bottom of his priority list but at least now he basically admitted it :/ i was just like well ok

that is the end of part 1 bc im splitting up this post lol

#personal

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shiny-craboo-blog · 7 years

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@rockformed replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it.

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

#babbbles #just like #fuck that guy?#legit thinkin about ruinin his entire life. telling future employers hes racist and stuff.

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caepaecaesurae · 7 years

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> Last week sometime...

caepaecaesurae ... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by. My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through. brackishbarracuda so i noticed i didnt mean to start shit caepaecaesurae You havwen't, and he holds no animosity. Only memories. brackishbarracuda i cant reely say shit tbh w u i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was

caepaecaesurae .. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates. brackishbarracuda an nearly all a mine are fucked so caepaecaesurae I'm glad you're doing better ..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you. brackishbarracuda trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas caepaecaesurae There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes. brackishbarracuda aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement caepaecaesurae I'd agree. WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse? brackishbarracuda i dont think so i aint been payin attention i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate complicated efin caepaecaesurae Reasonable. ... I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain. brackishbarracuda as in dont tell me or u wont out me caepaecaesurae Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay. brackishbarracuda s fair caepaecaesurae But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity. Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business. I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be. brackishbarracuda trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is caepaecaesurae Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand. brackishbarracuda pike i said its complicated 38/ and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular caepaecaesurae If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings? brackishbarracuda violaceousvanity too many to fuckin count brackishbarracuda most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low caepaecaesurae .. Ugh. brackishbarracuda im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started its platonic af caepaecaesurae I knowv the feeling. Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be. brackishbarracuda hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently brackishbarracuda ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are

Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

caepaecaesurae I sympathise. Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best. caepaecaesurae Pardon for disappearing on you. brackishbarracuda nah shit happens u aight caepaecaesurae > Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words. Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all. brackishbarracuda count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep caepaecaesurae You havwe wvrigglers? I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance. brackishbarracuda i dont talk aboat them much naut publicly anyway brackishbarracuda too much shit can go wrong but yeah i got five a them caepaecaesurae It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about. Gods, that seems daunting. brackishbarracuda i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel cept one ones actually mine caepaecaesurae I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology. He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though. brackishbarracuda yeah caepaecaesurae May I ask about the inheritance? brackishbarracuda bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen caepaecaesurae That's fairly accurate, aye. brackishbarracuda dead red caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. brackishbarracuda they didnt really have anybody else me and the rails look after em caepaecaesurae Good that someone or something does. If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere. I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others. brackishbarracuda thats fair caepaecaesurae I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted. At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy. brackishbarracuda hell let it be trashy caepaecaesurae References to the Kraken brackishbarracuda lMAO caepaecaesurae A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it brackishbarracuda PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS caepaecaesurae Haha Gods. Maybe. brackishbarracuda oh my shi t absofuckinlutely i am behind this and behind u so i can stare at it caepaecaesurae I appreciate the vwote of confidence. "This side up" brackishbarracuda im la ughign i swear to fuck man embrace that shit caepaecaesurae On the one hand, yes. On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill. And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it. brackishbarracuda i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer caepaecaesurae ..Oddly true. Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay. brackishbarracuda embrace ur inner trash prince caepaecaesurae You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie. brackishbarracuda i am tho caepaecaesurae This Side Up is the best one I can think of. Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front? I am preparing something. brackishbarracuda suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk visual pun put ahabs on ur bicep caepaecaesurae Oh, perfect brackishbarracuda i am all for this please dear cod also ur attractive just fyi caepaecaesurae Thank you, I appreciate that. You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen. brackishbarracuda the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone caepaecaesurae Oh, aye, I need to do this more often. brackishbarracuda u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again caepaecaesurae One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future. brackishbarracuda oh my shit ohhh my shit caepaecaesurae And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that -- Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh right." brackishbarracuda i am here for this brackishbarracuda plz at least keep the gun caepaecaesurae Hah. I don't knowv. The tiny one? brackishbarracuda yeah i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker caepaecaesurae It is at that. If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real. Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah. Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for

#brackishbarracuda #ooc eyes only #discussion of gossip bad tattoos and kids #trashy tattoo jokes ahoy

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survivingjapan · 7 years

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EPISODE 2 “Let Me Go Get Some Pants On” Junior

So Mist was the first boot, and I'm sittin here just thanking god that it wasn't me. Now to slay only 24 other fools!

So that first round was SO MUCH FUN! So much happened and I love and adore each and every one of my tribemate <3 <3 oh fuck I'm not a hero Honestly, these people are very hard to talk to and everything feels forced, but thanks to Jonathan calling out Kage for his creepy stalking antics, I think I've made a new friend! Because all friendships are founded on hate for another person! <3 now im just hoping junior doesnt mcfuck up so that I get another day of relaxation

okay so everything is going well, I heckin love my mini alliance with Linus, Kage, Alex and Tommy. I mean I talk more to Alex and Kage but this alliance is cute and I am glad to be part of something so soon in the game. Hopefully this works out. Anyways, rn Junior and some Ashton guy are seeing how long they can stand. Will this challenge take 72 hours? Possibly. Do I believe in Junior? Of heckin course.

So I am not the first honorary 26th placer or TS! However, I'm mad because we voted out a potential ally in Mist and it's all because Alex Crooks is being... himself. Like I'm starting to like him yeah but he's being too controlling over things. He got the Malaysians together with the Solomons minus Steffen but like. Why vote out Mist? I'm just getting a little frustrated because Pippa and Alex are like, becoming this horrifying power couple thing since they're both theater nerds and I'm like! Pippa! Game now dick later! If those 2 continue to control things then Crooks gotta go. Sorry Peepo <3 Anyway Ashton did THAT for us in this duels of duality thing so yay Ashton. I wanna keep him around as a number for myself so this is good, and now the lowest I can officially get is 24th :~) I just need Steffen out of here. But now Isaac is saying he would like Drew out more just because Steffen trusted him with the whole extra vote and I'm like okay? Whom care? He might trust you but this is what Steffen does every game. People just say oh we'll get him next time. Oh we'll get him next time. Oh we'll get him next time UNTIL it's like 10 more rounds in and then he fucks you over. So I'm not having it! Maybe I can plant little anti-Steffen seeds in people like Ashton, Trace, and Dom. Maybe Ruthie too depending on how close we think she is to Steffen. I just want to take the people out that I think will benefit me in the long run. And yes one of those people will be Drew, but I realize I'm being a hypocrite because Drew does the same thing Steffen does but right now we have a majority alliance with Drew so taking out Steffen over a number that will potentially hurt us if taken out seems like the better plan to me. Just.....saying...........

ASHTON I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU! FROM BEING FIRST VOTED OUT TO SURVIVING THE FIRST VOTE TO CARRYING THE WHOLE TEAM TO IMMUNITY!!! Honestly, working with Ashton is one of my #1 goals in this game, and I'm happy we're safe, so I don't have to worry about tribal, especially considering tomorrow would've been a pretty tough day for me to worry about it.

As for the twist, I don't think this twist is going to go on for TOO long, but if it does, and we merge without a tribe swap, I'd be shocked, but I feel that won't be the case, and I should be off of this tribe sooner rather than later to start making more connections and dominating more motherfuckers. :)

On 8/29/17, at 9:42 AM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > so we had to pick a leader to rep the heroes tribe, I know I didn’t want to do it, so I suggested picking a name out of my cup, so I ripped up 3 papers and put the heroes names on it, but I ripped 1 paper smaller than the others and put Ashton’s name on it, so once it was mixed in I could tell which was his when I picked it

https://youtu.be/SQbfbMWJD4U

Are these people gonna vote out Brian over Pat? Like.... really? Pat has deadass done NOTHING this game so far. We are six days in and he has yet to send a single message to me or a good half of the villains tribe. Yet somehow Brian is a better person to boot over Pat. I'm like extra upset because I actually REALLY like Brian and I don't want him to go, but I also know that it's not my place to try and swing the vote the other way. If Pat stays, it's only going to make the silence more awkward. I don't need him here. He does nothing to benefit my game. Brian has been a friend to me ever since this game began. It's sad. Maybe it'll be for the better, but I knew I was gonna have to rely on making new friends to last in this game :/ having to vote one of them out this early is gonna suuuuck.

welp junior just said it's Brian so may as well prepare to be up junior's ass all season since we're following his lead already. I'm fucking mad about life, mad I couldn't search for an idol for six whole days, mad that I'm losing the only person I fucking LIKED so far....... but I guess we have to look at the bigger picture. just bc I'm losing Brian doesn't mean that I don't have friends. I still have gotten close to Alex and Jonathan (who just messaged me "I'd rather do pat!!!!") (Aka I can go get fucked at this point) and I guess Kage and Junior, too. I'm all for blindsides. But I HATE having to vote out Brian. Sorry Zack :/

If anybody's having flashbacks to Arabia that's totally justified. So in a Skype call this morning, the alliance of five eventually, after much dilly-dallying, decided to target Pat. Wait, what? They picked Brian? What the fuck? That's...okay, fine. We're targeting Brian. Not Pat. Who sucks. Brian. Who doesn't. Obviously I don't love this. And on the one hand goddammit I SHOULD go for this. Buuuuuuuuuuut What if....I didn't What if......I didn't like how Kage was pitching secretly to split the votes between Pat and Brian and what if I didn't like that Kage gave Brian a bad location to search for the Idol and what if......I voted for Pat instead Hmm. Thoughts. We'll see what happens. There's still 90 minutes to go. Anything could happen!

So after the awkwardness passed that we have to go to tribal, people gradually started to open the game talks and ultimately, although there was a minor conflict between Kage and Jonathan, the two targets seem to settle on Brian and Pat for their lack of social presence thus far And then someone along the way decided that it would be Brian leaving so it seemed to be going his direction but like.....I don't want to vote him? And I think others feel the same? So I started to voice that opinion to people (which was risky and maybe a mistake but i ain't scared) and it seems the tide might be turning (or already had turned and I just jumped on eagerly). If this vote goes against Pat instead of Brian I'll feel MUCH better...but I am putting myself out there by doing this and these are big villains so there might be another plot in the making...... sorry but I love my bf by proxy (thx Zack for donating him this season!) and I don't want to vote him out.....

earlier today i went to tommy bc i know he has connections and i wanted to plant the seed that me being here is in his own best interest so i was like look we're both the only winners here if one of us leaves the other is an automatic target and thats true.. but then cut to 5 hours later and this vote is a mess and i'm pissed bc i wasnt a part of ANY planning conversations about this vote so clearly thats a red flag! i've only been told second hand from people what "people" are saying and "i heard....." when its not like these things just come out of nowhere conversations were had and people came together to make these plans and throw out names of brian and pat and i wasnt a part of any of them so i hate everyone!! anyway tommy wants to vote out brian and i was like eh whatever ill do anything but then i start talking to other people and apparently more people are voting out pat??? idk the truth bc i dont have the relationships with people on this tribe to like know the full tea but it seems like more people are voting out pat right now so tommys asking me what im doing and im like look dude i think i might vote out pat and now tommys guilt tripping me [8/29/17, 8:27:55 PM] Tommy Shallow: :'( [8/29/17, 8:28:48 PM] Tommy Shallow: but I thought we were going to be in an alliance together lmao its kinda funny ahahahah anyway idk whats happening personally i think brian leaving would be better because we have gone against eachother in a couple games and i know hes close with steffen so he has connections on the other side vs pat the flop but on the other hand pat hasnt talked to me at all and if i vote with brian maybe that will be like hey we cool and im in the majority bc thats all i care about i just want to lay low but somehow im like caught in the middle bc people want me to do something even though it seems like the votes are set in stone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6KpNy00Yjk Second thing

Talking to Andrew about taking out Ruthie next, and I'm already proposing getting us to work with Steffen, which is good, and once I move to getting him to WANT to work with Trace and Dom, I'm almost settled in my ways of getting the people I trust on one side to trust the people I want to work with from the other side. I wouldn't mind staying in these tribes for awhile, because this means that I can take out a lot of people I don't wanna work with, and then once we swap, I know I can trust all the heroes going forward, and I can work on the villains. Divide and conquer man, divide and conquer..... Except I'm not dividing with anyone, it's just myself.

there's a new Jaiden in town... and his name is Kage Hamilton

RIP MY DUMBASS FOR SELF VOTING. Honestly I haven't had wifi all day and I feel bad for accidentally self voting but it doesn't seem like anyone really cares because in the end, Pat still went home. I mean which is good. However, once I came back to the land of the living, Jaiden was telling me about how Kage was basically making things hella stressful like an hour before the vote??? I mean our alliance was hoping to vote Brian so I assume that is what Kage was telling everyone. But apparently they would have none of it because everyone likes Brian. I am starting to think I may need to be careful as to what I say to that alliance, and make sure Kage or any of the other boys get the wrong idea of what I am planning. ALSO WHAT THE HECK, SARAH AND I JUST REALIZED THERE ARE ONLY 5 GIRLS ON THIS SEASON?!?!? LIKE WHAT?!?!! This is basically screaming an all girls alliance, you watch it happen.

Well I've been majorly slacking with these confessionals lol but iM gonna take it all the way back to grade A robbery. Of course Judging is a subjective thing but idc the judges got it objectively wrong. It was simple, Our flag was there flag wasn't. I've got no idea how we lost that. So instantly my first thought after that is...Fuck me im getting francesca'd. First boot two times that'll be iconic i guess. Nobodies throwing out names until finally a mist crusade begins. I feel terrible for the guy. He just got fucked by moving on the same day. But when is this game ever fair. Mist goes unanimously all things are good.

Literally minutes after Mist goes we have to get ready for a live challenge and choose 3 people to compete. Since everyone else are adults and i'm a no-life teen obviously I volunteer. The challenge starts we randomly choose our leader and Yay it's me. My enthusiasm dies however when I hear the challenge...Pressure Cooker. FUCK ME NOOOOO. I wasn't ready for this!! but I sucked it up and got in for the long haul. When the briberiea began I started to realize though that thing could be perfect for my game. It shows my loyalty by not accepting any of those fucking awesome advantages. And it shows I have fight for our tribe by standing up there for 2 and a half hours. I was ecstatic when I won and kind of just collapsed cuz my left leg was in a lot of pain. Everyone was co gratulatorio me which was a nice feeling. Basically Things are going great for me rn. My closest allies are Johnny and Tommy at this point i think.

Kendall thought that Johnny was from India so she tried to rope him into an alliance with her, Alex C, him, and villains Sarah and Ashley. I'm shaking because he told me everything and basically (seemingly) trusts me completely. So my cracked ass tells Isaac everything and how we need to make a move on this and he's like we can't play this way. So I made a chart: http://prntscr.com/gern7w Me making this chart and talking to Isaac about it: https://pics.me.me/te-me-explaining-conspiracy-theories-to-my-friends-3324709.png So I'm gonna fuckin die and just put my explanation into a youtube video yeah

#returnrevengeredemption #confessionals

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