#in case anyone was wondering how im doing

[navstuffs]

hi!! i really love your writing and i would love if you could feed me with a request (only if you're comfortable with it, ofc) 👉🏼👈🏼 what about a leon x reader where reader is passing through a very tough depressive crisis and is really not fine mentally speaking — and leon just try to help and comfort them through this? 👉🏼👈🏼

anyway, thank you for your fics, they really helped me these days 😭💗

Anchor

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x GNPartner!Reader

Summary: It is 1 am when Leon Kennedy knocks on your door. He shouldn't be there and you shouldn't have opened it. 

Warning tags: hurt/comfort, angst, leon almost died, reader is suffering with anxiety due to past events, can be read as platonic or romantic (you choose)

Writer's Notes: hello! first of all, im sorry i took so long to write this request for you. i changed some stuff and i hope you don't mind (reader is still depressed). thank you so much your kind words and i hope this fic serves as comfort for you!! <333 stay safe anon!

for more painful leon's fics, check my masterlist. i have some happy ones too :)

It is 1 am when Leon Kennedy knocks on your door. It is the third time that week only, the fifth of the month. 

It starts when you don’t appear at work after two weeks since his return, and no one knows where you are. HR informs you are sick, which means you are still alive somewhere in the world, just sick. Okay, but sick with what? Sick how? Are you in the hospital? Do you need any help? Leon knows you don’t have family around, like him, and you are pretty much alone - like him. 

So, as any regular worried friend would, he calls and texts. He wants to hear your voice and guarantee that you don’t need help and have everything you need. That you truly are okay. No answer. HR has guaranteed him you are not dead, but what if you—no, he shouldn’t think about that.

The next step is going to your house. He knows where your address is and wouldn’t be a complete weird appearing there in the afternoon. No answer. Leon won’t be a creep as far as looking at your windows, at least not yet. He won’t go as far as busting your door and checking how you are feeling because he needs to confirm you are okay. You might just not be home.

On the second visit, Leon got awfully close to kicking your door. Before he could do that or even knock, he saw a shadow pass over the window. Though Leon told himself he wouldn’t, he looked inside just in time to see you disappear to the second floor. So, at least you are really alive, Leon’s body filling with relief. It could have been a bad case of flu, and you don’t want to contaminate anyone.

One more week passes, and he visits your house two more times. Those times you didn’t even bother to hide yourself, lazily lying down on the sofa in a way Leon couldn’t see your face (oh yeah, now he is definitely peeking out your windows). So you are genuinely ignoring him or truly sick with some contagious disease. Maybe Covid?

The fifth time he knocks on your door, it is 1 am and Leon is deeply not only worried but bitter. He was sitting in his apartment alone, wondering what you had and why you didn’t open the door for him. You two are colleagues, and Leon would dare to go as far as to call you his friend if anyone asked. How many times have you brought him soup while he was sick? Brought him meds, kept him company? Checked on him until he was finally all better?

It would be only fair if he did the same.

Leon grabs his keys without even thinking: You will open the door for him tonight. And if you don’t, well, he will kick it open. To hell with the civil approach.

-x-

All the courage slips away from his body when he notices the kitchen’s light on. Leon can’t see anything inside since you decided to make his life harder and close the curtains. So, instead of kicking that door until it’s down, Leon goes back to the gentle approach (like the idiot he is): he knocks.

The door opens not even ten seconds later, and Leon blinks, surprised. You are there. You, not a trick of his eyes: a fluffy and long blanket covering your body, only your face peeking with a familiar expression Leon recognizes immediately - he had seen in his own mirror before.

“You won. What the fuck do you want?” Those are the first words to him in weeks.

“May I come in?” 

You ponder for a moment, your eyes red, and Leon wonders when you last slept. You walk away, leaving the door open, and Leon follows inside, locking the door behind him. 

Your house isn’t in the best state. He had been here before and thought you weren’t the most organized person (“I can find myself in my own mess, Leon.”). The mess had grown too much from normal. There were tons of take-out boxes on the kitchen counter, pizza boxes, and fast food bags. At least you had been eating—not the best food ever, but feeding. He could work with that.

And the bottles—oh, those Leon would identify anywhere. You weren’t a heavy drinker, and you mentioned plenty of times you didn’t know how he liked whiskey. Now, there were countless empty bottles of whiskey, beer, and vodka, so much so that the place looked like a bunch of frat boys had a party just the night before and didn’t bother to clean.

Leon follows you to the living room as you fall onto the couch. An old Simpsons episode plays on the TV screen. There are still some bags and bottles on the floor, but fewer. Your eyes focus on the TV, not really watching or paying attention to him.  Leon stands there, keeping a safe distance from you and gathering what to say. 

“I came to check on you.” Leon starts, his eyes glued on you. “You haven’t called or texted me back. The HR said-”

“I am sick. I wanted to be left alone.”

“I know, but-”

“I could complain about this to HR, you know? It could be considered an invasion of privacy, and you could lose your job. “

“I was worried about you.”

“You saw me in the window that day, didn’t you? I’m alive and breathing. Now get out.”

You hide your face in the sofa, conversation clearly done on your side. It feels like an impossible battle to win. Leon then tries again, “Do you need anything?” 

“No. Get out.”

He sighs, turning on his heels. Leon wants to say you can call if you need him, any time, but Leon knows you wouldn't. This is an impossible battle to win, Leon realizes as he starts to leave. But then he freezes, a memory piercing his thoughts. Leon comes back to the living room, your face still hidden.

“No.”

“What?” 

“I am not leaving. Not before I know what is wrong.”

“I am sick.”

“Yes. So I have heard.” 

You don’t turn to look at him, and that’s fine. If you want to be stubborn, so could he. Leon can wait. The episode on the TV finally ends, and as the familiar opening plays in the background, you slowly turn in his direction, one eye appearing first, then the other, as if expecting Leon would be gone by now. Unlucky for you, Leon S. Kennedy didn’t give up that easily, especially for his friends.

“I don’t know what you are feeling, but I know that face.” His voice manages to sound neutral.

Of course, he does. Of course, your partner, the legendary D.S.O veteran, would know. You, just a newbie, would have no idea what he went through, but Leon didn’t seem the kind of person to crumble for anything. Leon would probably be fine if you were the one to get shot, not him. He wouldn’t have panicked, he wouldn’t have started crying, screaming for someone to help them, losing themselves in a sea of despair and pain.

“Hey…”

Blood. So much blood in your hands. You are useless, you can’t help him as Leon’s face loses color-

“Hey.”

He deserved someone better—someone much better as a partner—not you, a weak agent who thought you were strong enough to stand by his side. Oh, how wrong you were.

Leon calls your name, more urgent this time, and your line of sight is filled with the face of the man you considered your friend right at your path—concerned blue eyes, his hair tickling against your face. His forehead is in concentration, the faint ghost of a beard, as he speaks soothingly. “Hey, look at me. You are safe. Deep breaths, come on.” 

The visions mix as you blink: Leon losing blood in your arms, unconscious, back to being safe, his worried eyes staring at you.

Your rapid breathing noise fills the room, your heart wanting to burst as the pain spreads over your body, the pain worse than being stabbed or punched. You keep your eyes on Leon - he is fine, he is safe, he is well, he is worried sick about you- as he continues to nod and tell you to breathe.

It takes a while, Leon’s hands on your shoulder as you finally calm down, the tears rolling freely from your eyes.

“I am sorry.” You manage to whisper. “I am so sorry.”

“You are safe. We both are safe.” Leon declares, and you take that in. Right now, yes. But what about tomorrow? What about-? “Hey, eyes open at me.” When had you even closed them? “Come on. There is no one else, just you and me. And we are safe.” 

You nod, not arguing back. Finally, you sit down, and Leon takes two steps back. “Water?” 

“I think there are some in the fridge,” you reply, cleaning your tears. Leon leaves and quickly comes back with two bottles, unbottling them for you. You shake your head, but Leon insists, and you drink in small sips, the cold liquid refreshing your dry throat. When was the last time you had any water? Or took a shower? Or slept?

Finally, you give him space on the couch to sit. Leon doesn’t, and you point your head to your side, and he sits, keeping a safe distance from you. You two say nothing for a while, simply looking at the TV to watch Bart Simpsons on his shenanigans. 

“I am sorry.”

“Would you stop that?” Leon sighs back, frustrated. 

“No. I am sorry.”

“Fine. I forgive you. Are we good now?”

“No.” 

“I knew it wouldn’t be,” Leon replies with a sad smile.

“You could have died, and I didn’t-” Leon says your name, but you continue “-let me finish. I didn’t help. I didn’t move. I did nothing.” 

Leon didn’t want to talk about this, knowing it was inevitable. The day he took a bullet for you: not one, but two. Leon noticed before you, his reflexes quicker than yours. It was his responsibility anyway.

You only watched, shocked, as the bullet pierced his leg, then his chest. You didn’t move or flinch; you just froze, your hands closing and opening nervously as Leon fell right in front of you. You had been fortunate that the backup team had arrived on the other second, finding in the middle of the swarm of bullets a screaming you protecting Leon with his own body, all training thrown out of the window. You two should have been dead. Life had given you and him another chance, since no other vital organ or vein of Leon had been damaged.

You don’t remember much after except asking for your resignation that same day and getting a “No” as an answer. So you decided to get on sick leave until some higher-up got tired and fired you.

“I did nothing.” Leon tries to interrupt you again, but you continue, “You could have died, and I did nothing.”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.” 

“What? Of course, it would!” 

“No, it would not.” 

“Can you fucking stop trying to make me feel better?” Your tone is so angry, so vile, that Leon almost flinches. 

Death is always in the back of his mind. Every time he is out there, he could die. He is expandable; they all are, but he couldn���t just let you die. You a much smarter version of what he once was during Raccoon City. The same bravery, but not foolish as his. Much sharper. Leon knew why he got paired up with you in the first place, the irony not completely lost in him. 

It would have been fine if Leon died that day he protected you, but not okay if you did. Not on his watch. Not now, not ever.

“I can’t help it,” Leon replies, a sad smile on his lips. “I can’t help it, especially when a friend needs my help.” 

A friend? 

Do not grow attachments. Wasn’t that your first lesson? It had been hard to be paired up with a man who hated it at first, then to learn how to laugh at his silly jokes or admire how far Leon would go for anyone. For anyone, except himself, stupid brave man.

You open your mouth and close it, simply lying against the sofa with your eyes closed. 

“So, let me help you?” His voice is warm and inviting. 

It would be best if you said no. You should kick this man out of your living room, out of your life, and never go back to that stupid job fighting an endless battle that would end with you dead or someone you cherished dead. You don’t know how Leon does it, but as you open your eyes, his blue eyes look straight at you awaits in hope. Waiting to comfort you, support you to the best of his abilities, and be your friend.

The pain is still there, vivid in your soul and mind, but there is hope. Right there, in that tiny spot you gave Leon S. Kennedy. That’s why you shouldn’t have opened that damn door, you realize, but it is too late. You limit on nodding.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy fic #leon kennedy fanfics #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy imagines #request #requests #asks #ask

[medinaquirin]

The real depressive adhd experience is half your brain having a full-belt existential breakdown and the other half running Sbassbear's Forklift Simulator remix on an unending loop, while your body is just propped up at an awkward angle with your chin disappearing into your neck as you stare blankly at your phone for six hours straight.

#in case anyone was wondering how im doing #the answer is bad

[princessofpatras]

Curtains

Three o’clock in the morning. Moonlight presses

against the back of my curtains. Or maybe

this side is the back. I’ve forgotten

how to sleep, lost

my skill for it. The pills don’t work

like they used to. An ache

creeps up my neck, into my head.

My pillow is old and flat and lumpy, worn out

by my head. Maybe

my head is just as worn out by my pillow. Maybe

that’s why it aches. I know

I should replace my pillow, but I’d just as soon

replace my head. I don’t like where it goes

when it tips over.

I turn away from my curtains, chasing darkness,

chasing

dreams, the only place

I am alive.

Five o’clock in the morning. I open

my eyes. The sun tries

to come into my room through the curtains

I haven’t opened in months.

I remember the curtains in my childhood

bedroom. They were white, like these,

but they were sheer.

They let the sun into my room. I remember

what laughter felt like—a bubbling brook

in my chest, an ache in my cheeks,

warmth in my heart,

my very own sun.

I miss being alive. I open my curtains

but the sun that spills into my room

is not the same one

from my childhood. It is too bright

for my eyes, they fill with tears.

The warmth doesn’t reach my heart, only

the ache.

I miss being alive. I close my curtains,

and my eyes.

#in case anyone was wondering how im doing #lol. #i only seem to write poetry when im losing my mind #i am. so tired #my writing #poetry #my poetry #not lykmc #writeblr #spilled ink

[peachyteabuck]

I think I have hemorrhoids

#in case anyone was wondering how im doing #lukis says things

[bee-turtle-kind]

Scarlet Hollow characters I DO trust with my life and love: the demon stalking you, your cousin everyone hates who has likely committed murder, the abomination of changing flesh and bones that hangs out in the morgue, the possums in my drawer

Scarlet Hollow characters I DO NOT TRUST and never will: sybil. fucking. Local Town Grandma

(Also accurate small town representation)

#scarlet hollow #sybil #im gonna go off but #MANNNNN I do not trust sybil #i feel bad since in my area i generally do not trust most old people because i know everything is so generational and interconnected #and sybil reminds me of that distrust so much #in the whole tea scene i had to see her reactions to all the different responses to who the cat is in different runs and man. #she is setting you up HARD!!!!! #she smiles when you say tabitha and is most agreeable with it being tabitha no matter what reasons you give for her to NOT BE the cat #i really end up trusting everyone she doesn't want me to trust 10x harder. wayne and tabitha team if they just could vibe together..... #i feel the whole cat thing is also just to reassure you that you cant trust anyone except her rather then any Real thing #it does worry me though because i feel shes orchestrated everything. shes too aware and after ch4 i believe the tea controlling theory hard #and i wonder how far it goes? you have to think her tea blends are given to THE WHOLE TOWN #how much does she control? how much can she see? i feel she likely can see thoughts and bend them but if its wide spread #its just a matter of who and what has her attention. #i havent done a run with mystical and high kaneeka friendship yet but want to see if that helps any #scarlet hollow spoilers #scarlet hollow ch4 #technically just in case

[squorttle-pox]

I would just like to aggressively kindly remind fans that harassing other fans, cosplayers, or actors in ANY WAY is totally uncool.

#hazbin hotel #but it applies to all fandoms!! #in this case tho im referencing how ppl go after anyone #mentioning or liking the character (not personality or actions of) or taking part in the creation of the character #valentino #as in #hazbin hotel valentino #HE IS A SHITTY PERSON #HE IS IN HELL FOR A REASON #but that is fiction #you mustnt harp on people who enjoy his character in a meta sense #and you CERTAINLY mustnt harp on all the wonderful talents who worked so hard to bring him to life #enjoying ≠ condoning #yes im referring to everyone harassing the valentino cosplayers at cons #juat stop it #please get a grip #and learn to differentiate between fiction and reality #if you refuse to even mention him or have a conversation about him because youre so scared of the idea of liking/accidentally supporting him #then please do some internal reflecting #because its characters like valentino who allow us to explore these VERY REAL VERY MUCH EXISTING IN OUR WORLD peopl #and avoiding the topic entirely is not how anyone should approach it #dont bury your head in the sand #and dont assume anyone who doesnt bury their head or calls themself a valentino fan/says hes their fav character #is at all condoning what these characters do in-universe #theres a difference #please learn it #thank you for coming to my ted talk #fandom etiquette #anti harassment

[utaite-mun]

[NOTE: this is not to be used as any evidence towards any anti-bakugou/bakugou hate rants, this is neither the intent behind its creation or its posting in a public space. I know these words will mean nothing to some people, and I will block you as is my right. Thank you for understanding.]

i wouldnt say ultra impact provides anything of major substance to any of bnha, and of course you run into any issue of arguing its canonicity.

but i do feel very strongly that it is very good at portraying the characters, like the writers get the essence of a character even if nothing of bombast is being done with them.

yes this is entirely because i am consistently happy with what materials the game provides for 1B, we got a 1B monoma-centric event which understands both that he is a competitive little prick who really would like to stick it to 1A, while also being intensely aware (in a very humble way) that he is NOT better at utilizing the quirks of his classmates after pulling off a fairly complicated strategy

Of course, he immediately undercuts himself by going back to his, "and with this we will be better than 1-A" schtick, but that too is part of his character.

#bnha #kiy must scream #monoma neito #bnha meta #im also very fond of tetsutetsu's trust story which goes into how he feels that he needs to train harder after the villains raid on the cam #it backs up a lot of trains of thoughts i had about his almost non-existent exploration of his personality outside of loud scream man #that part of him that wishes to be the strongest protector who can protect those he cares about #but i do ultimately feel that monoma is the best written of 1B across all official materials canon or otherwise #he's this joke of a character and then you get just one chapter in the joint training that uses previous concepts started with shinsou #and it just clicks into place as to why hes LIKE that and why the behaviors we see as his “comedic relief” couldve formed #and the side materials like the light novels does a wonderful job at continuing to explore that with how he doesnt WANT to do real harm #hes not trying to wound or maim any of 1A #he just thinks theyre all like bakugou as of sports fest that type of arrogance and all and hes learning its not the case #monoma as a character is INCREDIBLY intriguing to me #and before anyone says anything hes intriguing to me exactly the same way that bakugou is

[ferretwhomst]

[rocking back and forth in a corner] it's alright that your writing isn't structured as well as you would've liked, it's alright that it feels shaky and unnatural, it's okay that there's plot holes, what matters is that you keep going, get that idea down on paper, and you can go back and expand on it later. yes even if it's bad yes even if it's messy. and even then if it doesn't feel quite right it's still worthy of respect and love and appreciation because you wrote that with your own two hands and the words came from your own mind. perfection is nothing, improvement is everything, there is no such thing as a perfect piece of writing.

#in case anyone is wondering how i'm doing with my fic #UGHGH i keep rereading the parts ive written so far and i'm starting to get annoyed with the first chapter especially #like i feel like more experienced writers than me will find my fic and be like. Wow. This sucks! #its Such a ridiculous fear im sure nobody is gonna think that but STILL #especially for this thing which i'm determined to put so much effort into. like what if i do all that #and then it still turns out to be like. unremarkable #god. GOD. it's FINE writing a fic which is slightly messy will NOT be the death of me #dear lord i hope someday my perfectionism is easier to shut up because it Will Not fuck off right now #theres also smth to be said here about how school messed me up but i cant put my finger on it #feel free to reblog btwwww #i know some of my mutuals are fellow writers and tbh itd be comforting to know that im not alone SDJKKJDVS #although if you do relate im also. patting you on the back bc its a terrible feeling #ferret rambles

[todayisafridaynight]

youre so right omg literally barely see anybody talking abt mine and Daigos special bottle of sake like that’s so ???? tragic????? it’s so sad and gut wrenching in a way i can’t explain like it’s probably still there in shellac collecting dust on the shelf……. they make me feel SICK

i cant stress how special Kirin's Dream is to me, like genuinely it's probably my favorite rggo story bar mine and daigo's goofy bar date gone wrong because it makes me so indescribably emo after reading it

#snap chats #every day i think about how daigo was adamant on not drinking from it because mine didnt want to drink without him #like daigo i cant speak for your romantic capabilities but that was the most romantic shit i ever read in my life #at the very least definitely something id read in a romance/tragedy or some shit no wonder kashiwagi yoinked that for his sob story #IN ANY CASE NO LIKE ...... the fact even the bartender thought mine and daigo's memories were special enough to keep going #im gonna be sick thinking of that bottle collecting dust for decades with no intention of ever opening it #this is why i love minedai though its a tragedy. theres no stopping it. daigos distraught and no one can help him #ACTUALLY goodbye i cant have anyone look at me #every time i think of daigo calling mine an idiot at the end of the story i do think of bakamitai im so sorry #i know the singer's calling themselves an idiot but nevertheless.... daigo bakamitai when so i can throw up #im allowed to think daigo blames himself or feels guilty about doubting if mine loved him (romantically or platonically) #i have to post this now before i just ramble for twelve years

[bananonbinary]

maybe im just a grump but honestly i treat stuff i dont want on ao3 with a very "i do not see it" kinda attitude. like, yeah, i think trollfics are annoying, and a friend made a strong case recently for why it's not really an appropriate place for ai-generated stuff either but like. any time i see something like that my response is "damn that's annoying" and then i ignore it.

there's very occasionally been like, actual campaigns to annoy users (like that time assholes put like 300 tags on all their trollfics to "protest"(?) something??), and in those cases i'll actually bother to report people, but if its only like 2 people that annoy me i don't see much point. they can go be annoying out of my sight i dont care.

#the only exception for me is like. actively mistagged works #because that can do more than slightly annoy people #but honestly even then its pretty case by case for how much im willing to invest #ao3 really strikes me as a live and let live environment #also btw if anyone's wondering: the point that convinced me ai isnt super appropriate is like #ao3 is very much a place designed to celebrate people's creativity and have fun *making* things and seeing what others make #its like bringing store bought shit to a craft fair #like its fine i guess but you really ignored the implicit agreement we all had. #maybe thats being too sentimental a cynic would just say ao3 is just a place for transformative work period #but that's where im at

[sappymix1]

i think the 'mcc effect' of it makes it even more damning. numbers dropping is normal yeah but comparing numbers between foolish, bbh and tubbo vs niki and tina proves that above all else, the favored men are the priority for that audience.

I think tina and tubbo is the most damning one tbh. like they joined at the same time and all the love to tubbo but his numbers have been down for months while tina has been thriving ever since squid craft. but now suddenly that's changed :/

#although I do wonder how much of tina's core audience just isn't interested in the qsmp as opposed to tubbo's. #asks #anon #neg #<- im just tagging all of this neg in case anyone doesn't want to see it lmao

[cnidocyst]

losing my mind seeing so many people say they only do like 1-2 sketches one of my wips right now im on the 6th sketch for one character and i def need to do like probably 3 more passes and this one took 5 i am not doing a clean line work layer after all that

its not even just because this is an action pose even just drawing someone laying down is hard

#IM SORRY FOR GETTING STUCK ON THIS I JUST DONT KNOW HOW ANYONE DOES IT LOL #HOW DO YOU GUYS DRAW SO FAST #this is baby franky btw . in case you were wondering or suspected as such . say hi

[nailgunstigmata]

i love the way they love

#in case anyone is wondering how im doing currently #we have moved from ankles to thighs #and the dark times are about to come down upon us

[lauriel816]

I never get it how some of you guys could fall asleep in 5mins. Are you even real humans?

#like how #I closed my eyes and then I had this weird hc in my head going for a while I opened my eyes it was half an hour later #I mean I just closed my eyes for a glimpse of a second #time feels unreal when you are trying to get some sleep #what should I call this #sleep thoughts #but I’m very much awake when I type it down #look what sleep deprivation has got me #and I cant even call it sleep deprivation bcs I don’t rly feel it that way #like my eyes need a rest but my brain… #have you seen anyone desperate for some sleep but at the same time got this urge to walk around doing meaningless stuff like doing dishes #or clean up the hob #I wonder if the symptoms of sleep deprivation include rambling #in that case yeah im probably sleep deprived #personal

[sonknuxadow]

i assumed that the frontiers dlc would just be adding to the existing plot, like maybe showing certain events from other characters perspective or adding more story content to areas that were lacking but now that theyre actually giving more information on it it seems like theyre going for an alternate route sort of thing? but if thats the case then which version of the story is gonna be considered the canon one? and if its the version from the dlc why would they add the true ending of the story as dlc. to be fair its FREE dlc but still. would kinda be a weird thing to do

#.. unless its all leading up to the exact same ending that you get in the base game????? idk #but either way that would still make you wonder which version of how they got there actually happened #im also curious how this is gonna actually be implemented #like how do you even trigger the dlc story to start. description says it starts on ouranos island #so do you just have to make it to ouranos island and then the dlc story will be available? #or would you have to beat the whole game first before its unlocked #sonic frontiers spoilers #ehhh not really but i feel like i should be tagging just in case anyone wants to go in knowing absolutely nothing