#it ruins every part of my life in every way

[sugarcoatednightshade]

I haven’t thought of Lily Orchard in years, but she just made a video on dungeon meshi and I wanted to hear what she had to say. I couldn’t even finish it.

It’s clear she hates anime as a genre and is pissed about having to review something she didn’t want to watch, and that anger permeates the whole* review. On top of that, it’s so fucking disingenuous to review a show that’s not even halfway over and then claim it’s thematically disjointed - like 1. Of course it’ll seem that way if you’ve only seen the first quarter of a piece of work, we’re still in the setting up stage, these themes haven’t had time to fully commingle and resolve and 2. Even considering that, dungeon meshi does actually know what it is/where it’s going, and at this point it’s fairly obvious how all the themes/mixed genera’s are gonna fit together.**

*to be fair, I haven’t seen the entire review, so maybe she calms down partway through. I don’t make a habit of watching things I know will upset me, and watching someone make bad faith criticism of something I like would literally ruin my week

Post chapter 65 spoilers below:

**Granted, cookings prominence in the show, while cute*** on its own, didn’t really seem plot relevant to me until around chapter 65 when it was revealed that in order to save falin they would have to eat her dragon half. Y’all, I went fucking feral over that reveal.

***cute meaning: it’s used mostly for worldbuilding at first. That’s really cool if you’re into it, and an integral part of the story ryoko kui is telling, but not technically necessary in every story. There are plenty of storys who spend needless time expositing about the world instead of focusing on the interesting bits, and if you’re only a quarter of the way into DM, I can see how you might think that this is one of those cases.

But obviously, as time passes, the worldbuilding aspects become more important, because the entire show is about worldbuilding. Or more accurately, it’s a deconstruction of the fantasy genera. It spends time setting up familiar tropes and then examines how those tropes would actually play out in a realistic world, setting up and then questioning our expectations for the world in a really nuanced way.

My favorite example of this is how dungeon meshi treats dark/ancient magic.

1. The words ‘dark magic’ and ‘dark elf’ have negative but vague connotations in traditional fantasy. “The thing is bad because it is bad.” It’s a fact we’re primed to believe, but shallow and easy to question

2. We learn that marcille uses dark magic, but that she’s using it for good. “Actually dark magic is forbidden because the people in power were afraid of The Plebs and want to restrict the populaces access to knowledge” is also a common fantasy trope.

3. As we learn more about dungeons and how they intertwine with dark magic, we learn that it does truly have the power to end the world. Not by itself, but because the dimension it pulls power from is populated by beings who would use that bridge of power to enter our world and cause havoc. Holy shit, we think, black magic is actually dangerous and was banned for a reason. Naming it ‘black’ was part of a smear campaign intended to save the public by dissuading them from using it

4. And then we learn that the so called catastrophe scenario has never happened, no demon has ever escaped a dungeon and successfully ended the world. Is this because of the work of the Canaries and ppl like them, or are demons perhaps not as much of a threat as they are made out to be?

And it’s great because there is no one correct answer. We learn things through the characters, whose perspectives are limited and realistic and based on their own life experience. Nobody knows the whole story, and neither do we.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #lily orchard #I’m on chapter 70 btw #and I haven’t read the art book #so my perspective here is also limited #dungeon meshi analysis

[dabislittlemouse]

Corrupt Hero Au Dabi is so underrated for me that I never see. Like imagine Dabi is a menace outside of hero work but he does such a good job doing the hero stuff people look past it. He sleeps around, parties a lot, skips office work until he met you in an accident. He saved you from being trapped under a piece of rubble and luckily you weren't too hurt. You thanked him and walked away casually. He's a bit flustered cause he's used to people worshipping him and gushing over him. So, like the hero he is he asks her for her info for witnesses for the accident and definitely not cause for personal reasons. He then usues his hero connections to get every bit of info on you. He then shows up at places that you would hang out usually sometimes he would just watch you and leave. Other times he would have a small conversation with you. And it wasn't suspicious at first Japan is a small place. The frequency of it happening the more time passed scared you. But what could you do? He's a top hero and he hasn't technically done anything too you. Dabi couldn't wait anymore and confronts you in a semi public area too make sure when he asked you out on a date you couldn't say no. You looked scared but you agreed and the fear in your eyes made him hard as hell. He quickly gets your number and gives you a kiss on the cheek before he leaves. He couldn't wait to ruin you.

OH MY GOD CORRUPT HERO DABI IS SUCH A COOL AU PLS

corrupt pro hero!touya who actually gets into lots of trouble (as if he was a villain) but always has his name cleared because of his strong connections and his status. Who does some questionable things when he is off duty, something that doesn’t really fit a hero who is assumed to be righteous. He looks down on others, and his aura is intimidating enough for most people.

Pro hero Touya who is a womaniser, and broken the hearts of many. He’s never been in for serious relationships, getting bored fast and always sleeping around, a total red flag and a man who doesn’t know the value of relationships and love, with superiority complex that he took from his father, someone who’ll do anything to fulfill his ego and reach his pleasures, even if it hurts people.

Touya who suddenly got way too obsessed with a cute little civilian like you who, compared to the other people that would literally give their soul to be around Touya, you didn’t actually care. And that pisses him off, when he notices that his charm and looks don’t actually work on you. But he likes the chase, you surely are playing hard to get, and in the end he always gets anything he wants. He is powerful and he knows it, he has society at the tip of his hands, and you’re nothing but a little mouse in the mids of it.

Touya who stalks you for days, showing up at the most random places, claiming that he is “on duty”, all while his eyes glare at you inappropriately. You feel almost naked under his gaze, as you try to fix your dress, uncomfortable in his presence. Touya who saves you, while you were at risk of getting hit by a car. His hand wraps around your waist, as he keeps you close to his body.

“You hurt?” he says, making sure you’re alright.

“I’m fine.. thank you for saving me” you say trying to back off, but he doesn’t let go. Touya keeps you in place, both your bodies almost sticked together.

“I’ve saved your life twice so far..” he says, amusement in his tone. “Isn’t it about time you make it up to me, dollface? Maybe a little reward for my hard work, don’t you agree? M’not asking for much y’know~”

And that’s how he got you coming over to his place, right after both of you dined together. Despite the fact that you refused, the way he insisted, used sweet words to change your mind, made actually give in. You can already tell that this man is no good news, yet another part of you ignored it, thinking that he is a hero, you should be safest with him.. right?

No.

Not when he locks the door, and his behaviour changes. Not when he starts getting closer to you, the teasing comments he was throwing here and there about to become reality as his warm hand goes up your thigh, slowly, making you shiver.

“Tch- Don’t act like you didn’t want this” he grins, gently biting your ear while his hand proceeds to go to risky places. “Looking at me with those doe eyes, wearing those slutty dresses the whole time I was on duty. You’re way too obvious, babe..and you still love playing hard to get”

Touya who is a hero, but fucks like he kills, he has you screaming and crying to the point your throat goes sore. He lets out all the frustration you had caused him all this time by playing your little games, by keeping him depraved and thirsty, but the wait was worth it, because your sweet pussy is heaven on earth, nothing like the other sluts he has fucked before, your moans are music to his ears, your pretty face and your expressions while he fucks deep inside of you… he is getting addicted.

Touya who after a while of keeping you around and using you as his personal fuckdoll, finally announces his ‘relationship’ with you to the public, as he kisses you and grabs your ass right in front of the paparazzi. Whether you wanted it or not, you now ended up famous, a top hero’s girlfriend, who nicely spreads her legs and warms his bed every night.

#B.writes #dabi #touya todoroki #mha dabi #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #dabi x reader #bnha #dabi x you #touya todoroki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader

[alice-after-dark]

Some Little RadioStatic Thoughts (with a bit of a twist again)

Personal headcanon incoming, but something I think Alastor enjoys about Vox is that Vox isn't afraid of him. He likes having someone he can play with who will bite back (and in the case of "Stayed Gone", will actually bite first). There's just nothing fun about playing with people who just blindly give you what you want out of fear. The game is just over far too soon.

I like to imagine that that was what caught his attention with Vox when they first met. They somehow had some kind of run in with each other and Vox told him to fuck off.

"Ah I see. You must be new! My name is Alastor, the Ra-"

"Yeah, yeah, the big bad Radio Demon. I know who you are. Can I go now, your majesty?"

And of course there's a part of Alastor that contemplates slaughtering this obnoxious upstart right then and there to teach him just who he's dealing with, but there's an even stronger part that is intrigued. This strange noisy picture box should be scared shitless right now and instead he's glaring at Alastor like the infamous Radio Demon is just an annoyance.

How delightful! He's found a new game to alleviate his boredom!

So he starts stalking his new toy, popping up randomly and just purposefully making Vox's life difficult. It's so fun to watch him get all flustered and awkward every time Alastor appears to ruin his day. And Vox never knows what he's going to do. Sometimes Alastor will be very active and purposefully get in his way and cause shenanigans and other times he'll simply follow him around all day, just watching him. Sometimes he won't show up at all. It's frustrating and Vox never knows what to expect.

It's a lovely morning when Vox walks into his apartment's tiny kitchen and finds the Radio Demon there sipping coffee.

"What the actual fuck?!"

"Good morning!"

And this just becomes a reoccurring thing that Vox slowly starts getting used to until it become less stalking and pestering and more actively hanging out. Vox though the Radio Demon would be some pompous overrated jackass, but Alastor is actually a pretty fascinating individual who can pretty fun to hang around with. Alastor finds himself enjoying the company and even starts mentoring the younger demon in the ways of Hell (he's especially thrilled when they discover Vox's electrokinesis, though Vox is decidedly freaked out the first time he accidentally uses it).

#hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #hazbin alastor #radiostatic #hazbin headcanons #alice rambles #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox

[anachronistictrash]

I hate how I've been professionally dxed with most of the popular-to-fake disorders, because I feel like when I creep in here to complain that I'll be seen as an attention-seeking faker.

I actually really don't want attention thx, just screaming into the void.

#bipolar and bpd and adhd and cptsd and 'suspected ocd' and past anorexia/osfed #hell i like to deny them most of the time and go off my meds and shit bc i'm fine actually self undiagnosing thanks #i think it should be bundled into one “chaotically and destructively hate yourself disorder” for short #my family damned me both genetically (bipolar bpd ocd adhd) and traumatically (bpd again cptsd ed sh) #it's awful actually and I would like to get off mr bones' wild ride #screaming into the void bc i'm too afraid to tell people i care about and could help me #i don't disclose to anybody except immediate family and my closest 2 people bc stigma and fear that they'll hate/judge/leave me #fuck I don't even tell them when I'm struggling and I only tell my closest 2 people when things are very dire #bc 'once they know the real me they'll hate me and leave' which i fear bc you know The Problems™ as if I haven't known them all >20 years #it ruins every part of my life in every way #fuckfuckfuck #vent #this is my vent blog

[miabrown007]

going crazy about kaz brekker hours

#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow* #Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her #and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back #and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever #is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve #and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them #like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings #and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN #i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE) #someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight) #Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker #and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like #to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high. #and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can #currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod #they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS #okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them. #mia's reading

[unloneliest]

the problem of the matter is i did internalize so much of what ex friend believed about me. even though i knew he was wrong and knew what was happening and tried to stop it and if i took more action to stop it would have been abusing power i held in a way i couldn't live with myself for.

#A BAD PERSON TRYING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE WOULD'VE GOTTEN YOU FIRED AND EVICTED IN WINTER IN ALASKA YOU MOTHERFUCKER. WHICH I DID NOT DO #he was renting a room from my dad. for cheaper than he wouldve been able to find anywhere else. his brother was too #his brother didn't pay rent for over 6 months and my dad just forgave him the debt because my dad knew how much of a difference it wouldve #made when he was that age. and i had told him ex friend was family to me & my dad applied that to the brother too. bc he is a good person. #and one of the strongest parts of my support system. and i didn't say a word to him about what was happening until i knew he already had a #plan for when he would be ending ex friend's lease. so there would be no subconscious impact on ex friend's housing either #mgmt at work straight up asked me if i thought ex friend should be fired immediately multiple times and i'm in retrospect livid they put me #in that position but told them to go by the strike system in the employee handbook and to follow policy that ex friend knew perfectly. that #it couldn't be on me as acting assistant manager to choose #and after 10 months of workplace harassment i got a different job to save my life. ex friend didn't get fired. #he did saw trap shit to my brain!!!!!! jesus christ #he moved cross country to live with his long time gf he called his wife despite never having met irl. to a way more conservative state. #despite being gay. and she left him this summer lol #hadn't checked his twitter in over a year when it got pulled up frm an old link and i saw that. and when he was already at a low point too #me voice. oh no who could've seen this coming. from how you behave in every relationship in your life #may delete this in the morning. but i have to talk about it sometimes #i'm never reaching out for closure both bc he wouldn't give me any and because i know it would trigger him and i don't intentionally trigge #people. unlike him :) #vampire pit #like. i have to talk about it sometimes. i have to talk about it. #jam posts

[orchideae]

1) Opens up drafts with my head empty, ready to be flooded, not knowing where I'll go. 2) 30 seconds later: Okay but I will go feral any day of my life over Perilous Trail, and the fierce dichotomy of Xiao and Yelan. While they're far from being 'the same', they both view themselves as soldiers in one way or another (it's a very difficult word to use for Yelan, so I'm using it very liberally and very loosely), they have both suffered losses on the 'battlefield' and carry the burden thereof in their own ways. And yet they stand so firmly in opposition throughout the entirety of that questline up until the very end of the 'the end of the line' conclusion of the quest. Yes, I know that she offers him her gratitude in its aftermath and it is genuine, but she still never agrees with him and the decision that he made moments earlier. It simply 'worked out' because of Zhongli's interference, he's the only reason it worked out. And it's because of that, that she doesn't give him a hell of a hard time (obviously she can't go down there, but imagine the inner frustration of severe extents; when you condemn someone who you can't even see anymore). In the same way that she would do to anyone who would sacrifice themselves for others, but in this case, I think it's 'beautiful' that it's to Xiao; the one who seems most adamant to do so (which honestly, fits into the contract that the Yakshas chose to sign with Morax; 'the ultimate sacrifice' to protect for Liyue; 'for Liyue', and Liyue has always centered itself around its people), the one who everyone reveres (and so does she, as she notes in her voiceline, 'if I ever have the honor to fight alongside') and respects for good reason, she stands against him, because in that moment, regardless of his status, he makes a call that she considers wrong. And he doesn't even... fight her on it very fiercely, and that's what actually hurts me the most, it's as if the following line hit the nail directly on the head?

"Besides, if you were really so determined to end it all, you wouldn't have given us the opportunity to share our opinions."

#[ mini study. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years. #[ and then shortly after 'the point is: it's not time for drastic measures yet.' ] #[ /shakes ven into another dimension. ] #[ i thought the ost at the end of perilous ruined me enough. but tale of the yakshas may actually ruin me more. ] #[ also i love how i typed up the bit of the contract and 'for liyue' and zhongli in my head isn't rattling at bars but-- ] #[ he's sipping his tea (the equivalent). one day ven. i /promise/ you. one day you'll get him from me. ] #[ he'll likely be the 2nd genshin blog to run alongside yelan if/when i get to being able to run two again. ] #[ but until then. can we talk about the dynamic of xiao and yelan until we're blue in the face? i'd like to do that too. ] #[ i type this as if i'm perfectly chill but i'm not. i'm really not. the concept of self sacrifice and sacrifice as a whole. ] #[ BETWEEN THESE TWO. drives me /insane/. and part of me sits here and goes-- ] #[ god. what happened with yelan and her team down there? we know that despite every plan she ever made and prepared-- ] #[ their enemies (WHAT WERE YOU FIGHTING??) were too powerful and more specifically-- too smart. too calculating. ] #[ ... and too strong (okay literally what on earth were you fighting? are we talking the khaenri'ah soldiers? like what? or abyss mages?) ] #[ (but abyss mages don't exactly entirely fit the description in her story. ugh. UGH). ] #[ any way-- it was her and her team. /they/ all died and she didn't. yanfei describes it as... ] #[ 'knowing that your life was saved when others weren't'. surely the millilith didn't intervene or happen to arrive. yelan must've... ] #[ gotten away? or something? but that doesn't feel quite right. but i'm just sitting here left with the idea of... when you lead a team. ] #[ you bear the responsibility of even their lives. and yet despite bearing that responsibility; she's exactly the one who lived. ] #[ the only one who did. that has to be a /stupid/ burden. it's like the captain who has to go down with the ship but is the only one... ] #[ who gets to live. only one who gets to survive. i just. ] #[ i didn't think i'd love a character as much as this one. where did she come from; jesus christ. ]

[andromedasummer]

i ended up having a like. 30 minute conversation with some of those "freedom convoy" people. was at the bus stop. they were wearing trump hats. i ended up roped into the conversation because i was so taken aback at seeing one in public i was just. staring at it. ive never felt more depressed about someone elses life and beliefs than when i talked to them.

#they fucking. tokd me about the litterboxes in schools for kids identifying as cats and i had to #break it to them that that wasnt true and explained that. also explained. what its like yo be autistic. how i find it joyful #and also discussed how they believe trump has been spoken to by god and chosen to lead and how they arent christians or catholics like they #used to be but instead talk directly to him and have him inside them #and also apparently how 15 minute cities in china are used to keep people imprisoned where they are #and we arent a democracy anymore. which was so funny considering. they are participating for a party #running in the election #i gave them my perspective on being transgender and gay and watched them have like. 3 or 4 ''are we the baddies'' moments #explained what puberty blockers actually do. that surgery is paid out of peoples own pockets. that we literally only have #one doctor who can perform these surgeries and hes abt to retire #and at the end of the convo they were like ''youre so pleasant. youre really smart young lady'' and i was like ''ty? i just. read a lot' #god i hope they learned. something. or i changed some opinion. they seemed to have a more positive view of autistic people at least #i just like. fuck dude. these fuckin right wing grifters are ruining these peoples lives. #the lady has been unemployeed since covid cos she got sucked into this antivax stuff and now theyre both financially unstable #perfect targets for tamaki and the freedoms people who were known for squeezing money out of people through bogus religious stuff #those two have been twisted into just. hateful and scared and are saying the most. insane shit and they dont even realize it. #and the worst part of it was the amount of young people there. so many people my age just deluded into this nonsense. #and kids JESUS CHRIST so many kids holding signs about ''protecting the kiwi way of life'' like bro every single thing #you are getting upset about an imported culture war. you arent threatened by this shit. #youve latched onto american culture war stuff because youre insecure in your whiteness and existence in a colonial country #its so fucking evil.

[theladyfae]

nothing to me will ever be more iconic than my beloved mutual managing to get me so invested in a (rarepair) ship for a media i had no previous interaction with that i was actively making my own headcanons abt their potential relationship dynamic and making song associations and engaging in others’ brainrot for months before i ever even considered getting in to said media. and now a year later i’m finally writing fic for them but still know next to nothing abt what they’re like in canon cause i still haven’t made it to that part of the story, the memories of the shared delusion are genuinely the only thing keeping me going.

#poppy if ur reading this ilysm ylne has been a constant over the past year (consistent in ruining my LIFE) #the most mundane things are them i was running a bath the other day and bam suddenly had an insane fic idea #was just putting my hair into a small plait rn and remembered the time i used that as insp for an angst idea. every song can be them too #i don’t really talk abt them on tumblr cause i’m still technically not actually. IN the genshin fandom #i play the game (now. entire months after i first was introduced to the ship) and i like characters and find the story intriguing but #my love for ylne transcends all that and the vision is both v simple and v insane & only my 3 twt mutuals bar poppy Get it #but also its really funny one of them isnt a playable character and probably never will be and he’s got like. a few mentions and #there is literally only one image of him out there (2 but the second was part of leaks drama). but im attached to his nonexistent wife #who he’s cheating on. the hannigram brainrot was easy to transfer across because they feel so similar but somehow even w/o cannibalism #they’re Worse and they’ve taken up permanent residence in my mind #and yes i’m only thinking abt all this as a way of procrastinating writing said fic its soso hard trying to do them justice 😔 #i think its genuinely become a pattern where i will write things that are So divorced from their original media and honestly. what a slay #faera's

[termagax]

like i think to fish theyre just both people who shouldve died a long time ago and now they arent allowed to. because they need each other. and they both crave that and resent it.

#they WANT to be so important to him that he would fall apart without then AND they resent that they cant fall apart without hurting him #they were having a perfectly decent apathetic slide into eternal misery and then he had to go and ruin it with love. whatever. #like they want to be this essential part of his life because they loooove having that power over him they really really do #and theyre mean about it too. but like. they dont like that it goes both ways #they dont like being looked after or cared about because they get too used to it and they feel themselves falling in love w him again and #they run away. and eventually they come back or he comes back to them. and they tell themselves its just transactional like #they have something he needs and he has something they want #animal sir chloe style #but just like that its like. its NOT that. they need him so fucking bad and they feel better when hes around even when they hate his ass #and espeically after they start 'working' for jr with him its like. they really really love him so bad and they hate it. #these stupid assholes making them feel alive again. making them feel FEEELINGS. liek a PERSON. eugh #and i think they hate how scared they get when something happens to roadhog. theyre supposed to know better than that basically #they feel like needing him is vulnerable because it opens the door for him to hurt them again which is why they so enjoy being the one in #control + being the one who leaves #and the one who lashes out and ect ect. but they cant help themself and they hate hirself for it. so like. well the only solution is that #you shouldve killed yourself two decades ago so i couldve wasted away mad at you like i was supposed to and wed be done with it. #fishs got a case of wanting to die in such a way where they wont take any active steps to get there #but they resent being alive and they resent every minute of pain they endure by being alive. hence the very sex booze violence lifestyle #but the frustrating thing about him is that they. most of the time. like being alive with him. so they have to endure more #more pain and heartache and frustration. and they dont want to but they cant do anything else. they cant even leave again at this point #anyways. my fishy #🐟 #they have every disease

[jackleopard]

today I’m obsessing over Outdoor Pool by Maisie Peters

#it’s not even my favourite song from ysuft #but today I couldn’t stop thinking abt it in the shower #first of all the switch from ‘you ask me if I wanna come out it’s a Wednesday night I just took off my makeup hope my dad don’t wake up’ to #‘tell me where I went wrong I’m crying and it’s ruining my makeup hope my dad don’t wake up’ makes me go insane that’s so offensive #ALSO ‘is she gonna be your girlfriend guess I misunderstood it’s the worst day of my life but it’s all good’ #I was fifteen NOW IM FIFTEEN AND A FOOL!!!! #the way you can picture everything in the song WHERES THE MUSIC VIDEO MAISIE?!?!?? #the vibes are just so good every lyrics sets the scene so nicely #i can see them in the outdoor pool!!! except she’s not swimming and he’s not in love!!! #also didn’t she say once that she had written like parts of this but couldn’t finish it bc she couldn’t like make it make sense and then #folklore came out and she was like ‘OH I can make it make sense if I don’t write it from MY pov but rather from a 15 yeard old’s’ #so true tu Taylor folklore is the gift that keeps on giving #Maisie Peters #outdoor pool

[tardis--dreams]

24 days left. I shouldn't be excited for this to be over soon but gotta be honest. Mental health wise not my best few months. Kinda glad to go home soon

#it's really just the eating problem #that's the main thing ruining my life lol #kinda pathetic #i end up literally crying like every other day because i fucked up a perfectly good 'healthy' eating pattern i developed the past 4 years #and can't seem to get over it #and i know it's probably gonna follow me home but a part of me still wants to believe things will just go back to being okay #once I'm back and can exercise the way i want and eat what i want again #and of course also have some mental support and things to focus on other than obsessing over food and body issues #(i.e. my wonderful sweet little baby dogs who i love more than life and who definitely will fix Everything) #i just gotta try to make it through these last 3 weeks with minimal damage #it's literally fine #void screams

[pepprs]

also cringefail double vent posting over things that are not actually that big of a deal once again lol but i am so fucking miserable today in ways i don’t even know how to articulate. i need to move out. i know exactly where i want to live but they raised rent $300 and i can’t afford that but i want to live by myself so badly but my parents are adamant that i can’t bc i can’t drive and im a “diminutive inexperienced young woman” and i want to punch something. i read half of the drivers manual and cried reading it which is fucking stupid bc it s just the drivers manual. but i want to move out so bad. i hate sharing a room with my sister and im not getting the new room anymore bc we don’t have money to finish it up bc my mom is still sick and no one knows what’s wrong with her and she has to get all these tests. i never have a space i can go to that’s just quiet. i don’t want noise. i don’t want to block out noise with more noise. i want QUIET. i don’t want to be afraid to go into rooms or hear noises i don’t want to hear. and i don’t want to be living here for the three extra months it’ll take me to ng et my permit. im just done. i don’t want to live here!!! and things at work suck and are exhausting and draining and so unbearably overwhelming and i feel terribly lonely and disconnected from everyone and small and scared and i don’t have energy to fix any of it or explain what’s going on or ask for help or get a therapist or whatever. and i keep pulling muscles in my neck. and i want to go to sleep!!!!!!

#purrs #also 3 years ago today i found out i was getting sent home from brighton because of covid. FUCK covid. i am so lucky i haven’t gotten covid #and i hope i never ever get it but this pandemic truly ruined my life in some ways. why am i 24 sobbing hysterically over studying for a #test 15 year olds pass with ease. why am i terrified to step out into the world and do whatever. because being locked down for a fucking #year and a half made me lose hope over and over again until i couldn’t bear to have hope anymore that’s why. and now i guess i can again but #there’s nothing there to work with and part of me doesn’t want to work with anything anyway. i just am stuck in survival mode. i don’t want #to just survive. but every day is like being blasted with a firehose and im exhausted and overstimulated all the time and nothing feels #fully real and i just don’t have the energy to try to change things so i surrender to it or something. idk. it’s not like im the only person #experiencing that and that should help. but it doesn’t. im so angry about what this fucking nightmare pandemic stole from me and how i will #never recover from it or if i do it wont be for decades probably. and i can do things to fix it all right now but instead i want to be angry #delete later #also i probably will never feel comfortable being around even 1 person without an n95 mask even if covid goes away. which it won’t. so lol

[scoreplings]

lack of karmic justice in real life is so fucked up i should be able to hit people who’ve wronged me with my car

#and hit people who are still cool with people who wronged me while claiming to be my friends with a bike ! #seriously fucking sucks when someone tells you to your face that what someone did to you was messed up and they’re a bad person for it and #they’re so so sorry that happened. #and then stay friends with the person who did it. #like. you know what he did. you know how badly he hurt me. how do you look at him without getting sick like i do. #anyway. my bestfriend is dating him. and was horrified when i told him what happened and told me they’d break up because he wasn’t okay #being with someone who did that to me. and hurt me like that. #and its been a month and they’re still together. idk if he meant it and changed his mind or if he just said it in the moment to make me feel #better. but either way he knows he fucked up ig because i saw the two of them together today and tried to say hi to my friend #and he like went white and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. #i get it. he really cares about him and that can’t just go away when he finds out he hurt me. #but also i thought he cared about me enough to at least keep his word. shit hurts. #me & the guy who was shitty still work together too and i hate it because i cant go to work without being reminded of him i cant hang out wi #with my best friend without being reminded of him. we even went to the same college so id see him in between classes sometimes and just get #sick. i stopped showing up some days because i just couldn’t handle seeing him there and at work. #it feels like hes tainted every part of my life and i just cant get away from it. #moving halfway across the country in two months godbless and with any luck will never see him again #cuz hes planning on moving out of the state asap and hopefully will be gone by the time my year away is up #and i have other friends who aren’t close with him. it just really sucks that my best friend is his boyfriend. what the hell man. #it has been a little over 3 months and i still fall apart whenever i think about it too much it ruins my whole day. and he just gets to keep #living his life like nothing happened. its not fair.

[softnviolent]

99. Is there a sexual act you feel particularly talented at? What is it?

Haha well ://// sort of complicated

Pre-death I loved sucking dick so much that I became like a bj connoisseur. I was a real throatzilla. Like 80% of the time I’d fake gag bc I got so good at throating. Guys would always make me stop because they were gonna nut too fast

Post-death, I have nerve damage in my jaw so I can’t open my mouth like I used to. So if a cock is real girthy that means teeth are an issue. So I guess the answer is no now 🙃

#I literally cry about it hahaha #the fact that every part of myself and my life was ruined by this shit in some way #even my fucking SEX LIFE #sorry this WASNT A FUN AND SEXY ANSWER #ask games #dggwm3

[convxction]

[ still thinking about the untapped potential of henry and tharja’s hexes ... the many thread ideas that can happen and the shenanigans because they just want to experiment stuff ... 

#⚔ooc.⚔ (faty speaks) #[it is my go to for every time something happen in a thread #[listen. believe me or not they will have a hand #[especially henry because part of my brain still sees arph's henry and 'yep lil shit ruins chrom's life' #[ofc in an endearing way XDDDD