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#it’s been bad lately for a lot of reasons but yeah
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I love you (it’s ruining my life)
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Pairing: Sami/Jey Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4,372 Summary: Sami and Jey realize they're in the same hotel and meet up.
Third and final part to the i love you (it's ruining my life) series!
fic inspo started with @motherknuckers forever grateful for this idea 🥰
tag squad: @feelschicken @harmshake @elementaldoughnut12 @southerngirl41 @imabillyami and @jeysbvck
AO3 Link
Part One - am i allowed to cry?
Part Two- fuck it if i can't have him
---
Sami feels himself go still in the bed.
It’s gotta be Jey texting him. The Jey who he just used in his dirty fantasies to get off in a fit of desperation.
Dare he look?
He didn’t respond to Jey’s first text, as touched as he’d been by the gesture he really didn’t know what to say. He’d resigned himself to maybe just giving the message a like in the morning, but now…
He really should flip the phone over, close his eyes and go to sleep. His alarm will go off sooner rather than later, and Kevin is unbearable whenever he tries to sleep in. He’s already pushing it with the late hour.
But his curious hopeful heart can’t resist.
Juicy Uce 3:04am- “You still up? Can’t sleep.”
Sami rubs a hand over his eyes. He’s gotta be seeing things, there’s just no way- except somehow when he opens his eyes the message is still there.
His heart feels like it’s beating out of his chest. This makes no sense,
His feet hit the floor, fingers tightly clenched around his phone as he makes his way back to the bathroom, shutting the door to block out the mocking noise of Kevin’s snores.
He takes a moment to splash some water on his face, trying to calm his heart rate.
Sami taps his fingers against the countertops anxiously, staring at Jey’s contact open on his screen. How on earth is he supposed to respond to that? What does he say? “Yeah I’m up plagued by thoughts of you?”
He sighs out a heavy breath, scratching the back oh his neck. If he’s gonna risk talking to Jey like this he might as well break all the floodgates.
He presses the call button with his thumb.
——
Jey tilts his phone to see the screen, and he’s surprised to see an incoming call rather than a text reply.
His palms start to sweat. He’s alone in the room, he has no real reason not to answer the call.
Fuck it, why not?
He accepts the call and hits the speaker button, letting the phone rest against his chest, cool glass against warm skin.
The call connects, and for a moment there’s just silence. Jey begins to suspect that maybe Sami dialed him by accident. Maybe he rolled over onto his phone or something, this was such a bad idea…
But then.
“Jey? Um, you there?”
Sami sounds unsure and nervous, but just hearing his voice puts Jey’s mind at ease.
“Yeah!” He catches himself, too eager, too energetic for the late hour. He clears his throat. “Yeah, M’here.”
Sami sighs on the other end of the line and he tries not to read into that too much. “Good, good.” He pauses again. “So…what’s up?” His tone sounds cheerful but Jey’s not buying it.
“Dunno, Sami. You called me.” He can’t help but smirk at the ceiling when Sami makes a noise in protest.
“Yeah but- you texted me!! You said you couldn’t sleep!”
Jey laughs, probably louder than he should in the quiet of the room. “M’just fuckin’ wit you, Uce. Chill out.”
“Oh,” Sami giggles, and the sound warms Jey’s heart. “Oh okay. So… can’t sleep huh?”
“Yeah- I don’t know, tried to work out to get tired but no dice.”
There’s another pause before Sami finally responds. “Jey- hm. I mean, you know I’m always here for you but uh… why did you text me tonight? I sorta thought that you hated me now.”
He flinches, his chest aching at Sami’s words. It’s his own fault, he’s given Sami no indication to think anything else of him as of late.
“Just been thinkin’ bout you a lot tonight. I-“ He swallows thickly. “I’m sorry for how things went down between us. How things gotta be now.”
Sami’s gut reaction is to protest, to argue that Jey does have a choice, that their path is not set in stone.
But it feels like a moot point now. He’s said it before, and surely he’ll say it again. And really is that what he wants right now? To fight? It’s not what Jey needs to hear either.
“I’m sorry too. I know… I know this isn’t easy for you.” He bites at his lip. “Been thinking ‘bout you too.” It comes out rushed and half mumbled. Might be a blessing, maybe Jey didn’t hear him.
“What was that last part, Sami?”
Of course he won’t let him off the hook that easy.
“I uh- you’ve been on my mind tonight, that’s all.” He can feel the blush blooming across his face. Jey certainly doesn’t need to know exactly what he was thinking about.
There’s a tiny noise on the other end of the line that was so quiet he almost thinks he imagined it. Then Jey coughs.
“So uh- listen, this might sound crazy, but we both up right? What hotel you in, uce? Maybe we can get some waffles or sumthin?”
Sami’s heart feels like it can’t possibly beat any faster. “Drury Inn, off the highway.” He responds in one breath.
“Shut up,” He hears a smile in Jey’s voice, familiar and dear. “Me too- you alone?”
He shakes his head as if Jey can see him. “Nah, surprised you can’t hear Kev’s snores honestly.”
Jey laughs, “Wanna get outta there? We can talk in my room.”
“Gimme the room number- I’ll be right there.”
__
Jey paces the floor in his room after the line goes dead. He’d given Sami his room number. Sami was coming to his hotel room. Alone. In the middle of the night. This was such a bad idea.
The late hour was making him think stupid thoughts, that had to be it. Because the way Sami had sounded when he said he’d been thinking about Jey- well he dared to hope for a moment.
Two soft knocks come from the door, and Jey pauses, pinches his nose and takes one big breath to steady himself.
He crosses the room in a few strides, opening the door. He’s here. he’s here.
Solid and real in front of him stands Sami Zayn. He’s swimming in a hoodie, and Jey prays that it’s not Kevin’s.
His face is an unreadable mystery, his smile not quite reaching his eyes in the carefree manner he’s used to seeing, but it’s better than the pained looks of anguish that Jey’s become unfortunately accustomed to over the last month.
He’ll take what he can get.
“Ey man, c’mon in.”
Sami nods and enters the room. The door shuts behind them and the sound causes Jey to wince.
It’s a double room, Sami sits on the undisturbed bed precariously and Jey mirrors the action.
They don’t say anything for a moment, but Jey can’t take his eyes off him and Sami’s eyes stare back just as intensely.
“Fuck this,” Jey stands suddenly and gets into Sami’s space.
Sami stands, and he can’t stand the face he’s making, like he’s prepared for a fight.
“Jey-“
He doesn’t get out another word, Jey’s hands are on either side of his face, careful, so careful not to hurt, just to hold.
Jey doesn’t think, doesn’t allow the doubts and the everything to cloud what he’s feeling right now. And all he wants to do is kiss this silly man in front of him.
So he does.
-
The short walk from Sami and Kevin’s room to Jey’s gave Sami just enough to begin panicking.
There was a sick feeling, guilt from earlier bubbling up in his stomach and washing over him like waves.
He stared at the door for longer than he should have. He tries to find his bravery again. Jey wouldn’t have invited him over if he didn’t want to see him. Though Jey also didn’t know all the dirty things that Sami things about, maybe he would reconsider if-
Sami banishes the thought with a quick slap to his forehead, girds his loins and knocks on the door.
A moment goes by, then he hears Jey’s footfalls from within before the door swings open.
Hearing Jey over the phone had been one thing- now being in his presence, seeing him like this in the flesh? Sami fights to smile, keeping his mouth shut for fear of what might come tumbling out of his mouth if he actually starts talking.
The light is low in the room, he shuffles to the free bed opposite the one where Jey had clearly been trying to sleep- this was such a bad idea. This was such a bad idea.
Jey sits across from him, and just looks. Just looks at Sami, staring with those beautiful doe eyes that have plagued Sami’s dreams and waking thoughts for months. He can’t fathom what is face is doing, he fights for neutrality but, but then Jey is standing- god his lovesick guilt is all over his face, isn’t it? Jey’s disgusted with him, ready to throw him right back out into the hallway with a new set of bruises for his troubles. Sami stands, breathing Jey’s name, a half-hearted plea for what he doesn’t even know.
But Jey does something he would have never expected.
His hands find both sides of Sami’s face, softly cradling him in their warmth. He’s so close suddenly, face only inches away from Sami’s own, and he can smell the sweet coconut scent of Jey’s body oil.
And then…
Jey is kissing him.
All of the noise in Sami’s head goes completely silent. He can’t think, can’t move, can’t breathe because Jey is kissing him and it’s everything he’s imagined but better because he’s real and solid and here.
By the time Sami processes what has just happened, Jey is backing away with panic in his eyes- why is he moving away?
“Jey, wait- please!” He’s across the room, as far as he can physically get, pacing and avoiding Sami’s eyes.
But Sami won’t let it end like this, no when he’s so close to getting what he wants. He’s become an expert at understanding the enigma that is Jey Uso over the last few years, knows how to read his body language that is just as complex as any of the other languages Sami knows.
And he can speak it back.
Sami launches himself across the room, catching Jey off guard, crowding into his space, pushing him against the wall.
“Please don’t run from me again,” he barely gets out before smashing their lips together.
Jey melts underneath him, all the tension bleeding out of his body before he starts kissing back ferociously.
They kiss like they fight, a messy violent dance, semi-choreographed with some slight improvisation along the way. Their noses knock together, their teeth clash. It’s visceral and it’s perfect.
“I’m sorry-“ He gasps for breath between bouts. “I’m sorry I didn’t respond at first- it was like I was dreaming all over again.”
Jey laughs hot breath into Sami’s mouth. “Oh so you been dreamin’ ‘bout me huh?”
Sami laughs a little maniacally, grabbing Jey’s curls and biting at Jey’s lower lip. “Oh you have no idea.”
Jey’s hips jump against his- too much, not enough. “You know this- uh, ah- this ain’t what I had in mind, invitin’ you over.” He kisses Sami again anyway. “Wanted to talk-“
Sami wraps his arms around Jey’s waist, pulling him back towards the bed keeping him close, afraid to let more than a few inches come between them now.
He turns them around before they reach the bed, letting Jey fall back into the rumpled blankets before climbing over him, breathing hard as he catches his breath.
He sees the evidence that Jey is just as affected by their actions as he is, his dick throbbing painfully in his briefs.
“Okay- we could uh- talk now, or uh-“
Jey cuts him off with a kiss before grinning. “Later, Sami. Tryin’ to kill me here?”
Relief floods through him and he drops his weight to cover Jey completely with his body and connect their lips once more.
-
Jey’s mind can’t quite keep up with everything that’s happened, but he’s certainly not going to question anything.
Sami had led him to the bed, now held himself up overtop of Jey, bracketing him on all sides, and Jey can barely think beyond the throb of his dick in his sweats.
Sami looks nervous again- the way he did when Jey let him into his room, that faraway haunted look that he hates to see mar Sami’s features. He promises that they’ll take later, and that’s enough for Sami to smile again
Jey kisses him, with more depth and fervor than before, his lips parting to let his tongue dart out to taste Sami’s lips.
He runs his tongue over the bitten rough texture like a balm, like maybe he could cure Sami of the habit with his touch alone. A foolish thought. Sami lets him in, breath mixing between their mouths until they breathe and move as one.
His dick becomes impossible to ignore, spurred on just by the friction against Sami’s thigh.
Jey comes up for air with a plea, “Clothes- Sami, please.” In any other context he would be embarrassed by the tone in his voice, but he doesn’t have a spare fuck to give right now.
Sami moves, pulling him up by the arm. Jey yanks his own shirt over his head and yeets it in the general direction of his bag. He smiles like a shark and grabs Sami’s shirt by the collar and tears it from his body.
“Hooollly shit,” Sami says, but Jey’s eyes are glued to the rise and fall of his chest and the blush that covers his exposed chest. He’s seen Sami shirtless a million times, but never like this, never where he could touch. He puts his hand on Sami’s pec, letting his fingers brush through the soft hair before his thumb brushes against a puffy pink nipple. He rubs a slow circle and listens in fascination as Sami’s breathy moans get higher in pitch.
Jey thinks he could stay just like this for hours, but his dick throbs for attention and there are so many other things he wants to learn.
He lets up on his assault to Sami’s left nipple, and shoves his shorts down to free his erection at last, and Sami’s eyes go wide.
“Jey- are you, we don’t have to do anything like that tonight- I want you to be sure…”
He fights the desire to rolls his eyes. “I look unsure to you, Sami?”
Sami laughs, full and warm, letting his forehead fall to rest against Jey’s. “Guess you got a point there- I’m just, I’m so happy.”
The smile on his face is irresistible, and Jey has no choice but to kiss him again, running a thumb over Sami’s cheek.
When he has the ginger good and distracted, Jey darts his hand down to divest Sami of his shorts too.
“We even now,” Jey grins.
Sami giggles- somehow now being here with Jey, naked as the day they were born, he feels light and free. Like all his worries are miles away where they cannot touch him.
“Jey, kiss me please.” He breathes, and his request is fulfilled when he gets an armful of Samoan lips-first invading his space.
They fall backwards, tumbling into the sheets. Jey’s lips brush against his, sweet, addictive, each kiss leaving him craving another, wanting more.
He licks into Jey’s mouth, savoring the taste of him.
Sami does his best to catalogue each sensation, committing all of this to memory. Each sensation, the way Jey smells and tastes, the soft feel of his skin.
He detaches from Jey’s mouth with some difficulties and moves to kiss him anywhere he can reach, licking under the line of Jey’s beard before moving to his neck. He nips lightly at Jey’s earlobe, just next to the gold hoop he wears.
Jey lets out a broken moan and it’s music to his ears. “Let me hear you make that sound again.” He sucks the earring and the sensitive lobe into his mouth, feasting on the noises it brings out of his lover.
Their dicks slide together, slick with precum, and Sami can’t help but lean into the sensation. He holds onto Jey, tightly gripping a thigh and shoulder as he rocks their erections together, starting a steady pace that feels like heaven.
“Jey- fuck, feels so good, you feel so good-“
Sami’s silenced by Jey’s mouth on his, delving in as they grind against each other.
One of Jey’s hands snakes down to wrap around both of their lengths, holding them together in his wide grip and adding to the friction.
“Gettin’ close, Sami.” Jey breathes into the small space between their lips.
Sami fights for each delicious breath. “Ah, me too. Wanna feel you.” He joins his hand with Jey’s, spurring them both towards the edge.
He can feel Jey’s muscles tighten, feels how he’s effecting this man that he’s longed for, ached for for so long. It’s enough to swell the hot pit of desire and send him shattering in release.
Jey groans beautifully and his cum joins the mess on their hands.
Before he can really think about it, Sami pulls their hands to his mouth, letting his mouth wrap around Jey’s fingers, lapping up their combined release.
Jey’s lips part, staring at him in wonder. “Fuckin’ hell, Sami- you tryin’ to kill me?”
Sami licks at his lips after he deems their hands clean, and can’t help but giggle, sending Jey into a fit of laughter with him.
They collapse into the bed, Jey’s arms wrapping around Sami as he takes the position of little spoon.
Jey buries his nose into Sami’s disheveled curls and lets out a long sigh.
Sami threads their fingers together and kisses the back of Jey’s palm.
“I can’t stay here tonight.”
Jey sighs again. “I know.”
“And I can’t just abandon course now, as much as I want to. Can’t exactly come back to the Bloodline- and Kevin…”
Behind him, he can feel Jey tense up. “What’s that fool got to do wit’ it?
Sami turns over to look him in the face. “Jey- you know it’s not like that with him. But he is my friend and I’m sure he won’t be thrilled, but that’s beside the point. Jey- we’ll have to fight each other. And I don’t know how often we’ll even get to see each other.”
“So?”
“So I’m saying this will be difficult as long as you remain with the Bloodline. Jey, you know how I feel about it-“
Jey lays his hand gently against Sami’s face. “i know, Sami. I know.” He shakes his head as he speaks. “It ain’t easy to leave your own family neither, but-“
“But?”
“I’m willin’ to try. You been right, ‘bout a lot of things. Can’t stand the way Big Uce been acting lately. And Solo been damn near brainwashed, does whatever Roman says.” Those big eyes stare into Sami with full force as Jey takes Sami’s hand again, returning the gesture by kissing their combined palms. “N’ I wanna try this with you.”
Sami’s chest feels ready to burst. “Really? It’ll be really hard, we’ll have to keep things secret for now, until you’re ready to leave- are you sure?”
Jey nods, “It’ll be worth it. We gon’ figure it out.”
He feels his eyes getting heavy, it has to be close to morning at this point, and he really needs to get back to his room before Kevin wakes from his beauty sleep.
“We will,” He murmurs, letting his forehead rest against Jey’s again. “I should go.”
Jey steals a quick kiss.
“Jey,”
Then another.
Sami giggles. “Jey!”
Another.
“C’mon, not fair.”
“Wut?” Jey’s grinning like a mad man between pecks.
“You’re killing me here, Uce.” Sami pushes at his shoulder playfully.
Jey ducks in for one more but he makes a face. “Ugh no, you can’t call me Uce no more bruh.”
Sami can’t stop laughing. “No Uce, but bruh is okay?”
“Yeah bruh,” Jey’s smile is just infectious, but Sami rolls his eyes dramatically.
“I’ve changed my mind- you’re weird actually.” Sami pulls a frowning face, but he can barely keep the act together.
“Really?” Jey’s head tilts and he looks like a puppy and Sami can’t handle it.
“No,” He can’t help but kiss him again, and Jey wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him in again. for a longer kiss. “No, Jey! I have to go, for real.”
Sami breaks them apart, soft smile never leaving his face as he extricates himself from the bed. He looks around for his shirt as Jey just watches him from the bed. He’d burn the whole world down to keep this expression on Jey’s face, but.
“Are you sure?” He pauses with his shirt in hand. “Are you sure about this? I mean you know I want you to get away from Roman, but you don’t- I mean am I worth all this?” Sami worries at the skin of his thumb.
Jey frowns, sitting up to take Sami’s hand in his again. “Yeah, Sami. You are, for real.”
Sami feels the tension bleed out of his shoulders. He has no other option than to trust Jey, and for better or worse, he trusts Jey implicitly.
The expression on Jey’s face changes, and he looks down at their connected hands.
“I’m in this Sami- I’m tired of lyin’ to myself all the time, pretendin’ none of this matters. I been thinkin’ bout it a lot actually- and I’m serious about this, ‘bout me and you.” He still doesn’t look back at Sami’s eyes. “Are you?”
Sami takes Jey’s chin in his hand, tilts his face so Jey has no choice but to meet his gaze. “I am, Jey. It scares me how much sometimes.” He drops a kiss to the worry lines on Jey’s forehead.
Jey nods, “Okay- yeah, good. You still got my number right?”
Sami tugging his shirt on and shoving his feet into his shoes, nods. “Yeah, I’ll get in touch whenever I can get away from Kevin. Maybe I can talk it out with him in time, get him to understand. He can be a pain in the ass, but he means well.”
“Whatever you say,” Jey makes a face. “But Jim just as bad, and Solo been watchin’ me like a hawk since I been back.”
He nods, and shoves his hands into his pockets. “We’ll figure it out- we will.” He takes another step toward the door, and Jey gets up suddenly.
“Wait, Sami-“
“Jey-“ His hands are on Sami’s face again, and he crushes their lips together.
“I love you,” Jey’s eyes are wide, staring at Sami as he tries to process the words that he said. “Not like my brothers, not anymore, hell maybe even not back then. You ain’t gotta say it back, I just…”
It feels unreal, like the mirages that plagued him earlier, but Jey is real, solid beside him. Being vulnerable in ways Sami couldn’t have imagined.
He rubs his thumb against the soft skin of Jey’s cheek, uses the momentum to card his fingers through Jey’s hair soothingly.
“Jey, I’ve loved you for… I don’t even know how long at this point. I couldn’t stay in the Bloodline, I wasn’t strong enough to endure what Roman put us through, not like you. But you were the reason I stayed as long as I did. It broke me to leave you there alone, if my hand hadn’t been forced…”
Jey brushes their lips again. “No use thinkin’ bout it now.”
Sami nods. “But if you’re worried I’m not in this as much as you, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I love you Jey, so much that it’s kind of ruining my life.” He laughs in spite of himself.
“Well at least we on the same page with that,” Jey smiles and Sami can’t help but feel hope. That maybe somehow all of this will end up okay.
He kisses Jey one more time. “I really do need to go,” He checks his phone in his pocket, it’s nearly 4:30 in the morning. “I’m gonna hate myself in a few hours.”
“Me too,” Sami sighs. “Plus I gotta go deal with Kevin’s snoring.”
Jey raises one eyebrow. “You sure you ain’t wanna stay here?”
“I don’t know what would be worse, the snores or an interrogation if I’m not in bed when he gets up.”
“Fair- he can be uhh… loud.”
Can’t argue with that. He nods, “Yeah, that he can. Okay,” Just one more kiss can’t hurt. “I’m gonna go now.” One more brush of lips.
Jey steps forward toward the door, giving Sami no choice but to walk backward as they exchange short pecks. “Gotta get my hit here, Sami.”
Sami grabs the handle of the door, and gives Jey his best “serious” face. “Goodnight, love.”
Jey smiles a big cheesy grin. “Night, Sami.”
The door shuts, leaving him with the image of Jey’s toothy grin to warm him all the way back to his room.
Jey stares at the closed door for a long moment after it closes behind Sami. He sighs, just trying to process everything.
It’s late, and he really will hate himself when he has to get back up in less than 2 hours. He heads back towards the bed, turning out the lights before crashing back onto the bed.
He catches a faint whiff of Sami’s scent still on the sheets and fights a wave of sadness that threatens to wash over him. Sami loves him, they’re going to make this work. He has to be okay with missing him.
Jey checks his instagram reflexively, swiping through stories then his feed. The clock mocks him and his barely open eyes, and he’s just about ready to put his phone down and go to bed.
h. uce 4:35am- ily, go to bed lol
He tap backs the heart emoji, and puts his phone on the bedside, and lets himself drift off to sleep.
----
Hope you enjoyed!!! I really enjoyed writing this series 🥰
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Ok uhhh idk what they’re called but the blogs that encourage dieting, eating disorders, and unhealthy weight loss DNI please. I sometimes look at blogs that follow me and like, that shit makes it really difficult to deal with my anorexia and my current self image 😬
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marblerose-rue · 3 days
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got asked to draw two of my old wc rp ocs :-) left is cicadahop, right is scallopstar
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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slutdge · 4 months
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Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.
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vinceaddams · 2 years
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I sure do love to go to the thrift store and acquire things!! Today I got a broken (?) little wooden music box, a couple pieces of fabric (one dark pink cotton jacquard and one dark brown and gold sari silk) and also a plate with a picture of the Hartland covered bridge on it. That's the longest covered bridge in the world, and I've walked across it, and now I can eat sandwiches off it's monochromatic blue image.
#hi yeah yes i AM slightly tipsy at the moment sorry!#OH i also got 4 little packs of gold plated sewing needles!! and another plate that has Green Gables on it#but that;s in a different province from me so marginally less exciting even though I do love the 1980's anne of green gables series#just had another hecking busy week at work (because it is prom & wedding season and I am Suit Alterations Tailor#but now it is weekend and I have 2 days of no things#yay!! Maybe I will work a bit more on my shirt and some drawing!#I wish I had more space to put things. if I did I would go to the thrift store even more often and obtain even more delightful candlesticks#and also more silver plated goblets. I'd have a whole corridor of shelves with all my fancy little metal thrift store goblets#thrifting#hey did you nkow that all aclohol tastes bad and yucky and you can only hide it in lots of fruit juice and stuff???#this is a fact I know but learn all over again every frew several months#blergh!#speking of which! fun fact: I am a balding old man of 27 and when I got to the beverage store with a hat I get asked for ID usually#but never when I have no hat!#today I had a leafkerchief on my head which I have been wearing a lot lately for balding head reasons and also cause#of those dang sebaceous cysts upion my scalp that are so lumpy and numerous (4) and unsighlty#unSIGHTLy I mean#UGH the surgery people said I'd hear back about an appointment in a month and it's been almost 3! I should phone them!!#It is unfair to have lumps almost as big as marbles just chilling there on a balding scalp!!#SPeaking of leafkerchiefs I Realy need to finish that damn sewing tutorial video! I filmed most of it last autumn!#and now it's late spring!#is there a limit to how many tags you can put on a post??#ok well I hope these have ebeen entertaining to you I will go eat a food and maybe do soem sketching now goodnight
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hobbithoes · 15 days
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I LOVE YOUR DURGE!!!! she is so beautiful and i haven't seen your art in a while and it blew me away with how good it is :") i wanna know everything about her!!
THANK U!!!! >:) I’ve been getting back into it and it’s been fun! I have a bunch of just little stuff I put in my notes when I’m playing so I’ll just paste them here 😎
• fave dyes are harlequin black and white, sage green, and I forgot the exact name but the brown and white one
• has a gap toof 🦷
•Besties r karlach and shadowheart, sh is her drankinggg buddy 🍷 don’t trust ur wine around them FOREAL‼️
• astarion romance, she thinks it’s super hot that he’s a vampire lol. NGL though if shadowheart talked to her first at the party after the goblin camp it woulda been a different story 😈 bit of … energy between them !
• Really chatty girl as long as she’s not sad or her urges aren’t active atm. Pretty lighthearted for the most part just yapping as long as her urges aren’t acting up lately 😳 that’s usually how her companions notice it’s acting up again, she won’t stfu all day then they’re like huh that’s weird haven’t heard her say anything in a while, let me look back at her rq and girlie hits em with 1 of these looks :
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• Likes to draw, she draws for funsies and sometimes to try to channel her urges into something, she’ll trance out and literally look like she’s tweaking and be whispering to herself all crazy and twitching and like ripping the paper with how hard she’s drawing LOL. She likes to keep them separated with 2 diff sketchbooks, they look like totally different people drew them and it’s all just gory shit if it’s the urge drawing , otherwise it’s nice and soft and mostly plants and sketches of cool loot 😎
• triggers all the traps #ethelgivemyeyeback💔😢
• In game I decorated a little space for her, I just wish it moved across diff camps and acts of the game tho 😡
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turtle-seance · 9 months
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... the other good thing about my family not following this blog is i can also uh. say things that are not terrible jokes
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toastsnaffler · 8 months
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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pepprs · 9 months
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ok two things. #1 i am IMPOSSIBLY exhausted. just took a nap for a couple hours and have been awake for a bit but i feel like ivr been whacked like a punching bag like good god. and #2 is gonna have to make me delete this post later bc i feel weird and bad and paranoid abt saying it lol but. it’s just fucking weird and bad kinda bc im literally 2 years older than / removed from the students who work closest with us rn (who i spent most of today tabling w) and it’s so awkward bc we’re at the same-ish life stages and ik we totally would’ve been friends if we’d gone thru the same programs together as students but they ignore me / don’t and can’t talk to me like we’re friends bc im a staff member and my attempts to talk to them are lame and weird so idk. it’s just a lot and stressful and sobering
#purrs#aldo one of the interns who will be working w us this year just found a living situation that is like… EXACTLY the kind of thing i think i#would want and she was telling me all abt decorating her apartment and getting / buying stuff for her cat and having all this freedom and…#RRAUGHHHH im so proud of her and happy for her bc her situation was rly hard before this and she told me all abt it and it’s exactly what#she needed and deserves but it’s just so WEIRD bc i need the exact same thing and still live w my parents and share a room and can’t drive a#and am literally like… ‘in competiton’ w students im working w for resources and also im about to be a grad student and idk how to act#arojnd undergrads or if i get to / should sympathize with them or like talk abt anything bc im also a staff member and a semi-supervisor of#theirs and i know things they don’t and have power over them and it’s like. aughhhh it’s just bad. i feel really horrible saying this but i#just need time to pass. i need to not be going thru the same life milestones undergrads are going thru. i need to be 3-4 yrs in the future w#where no one ever knew me as a student (a couple of them did just as a senior when they were freshmen etc!). so that it’s not weird anymore#and there are no blurry lines that make us confused abt how to interact w each other or make me feel so fucking bad abt myself lol#<- which i literally shouldn’t like i have no reason to and it’s ridiculous and childish to. but idk. imjust depressed and exhausted i think#delete later#also for the second semester ina row im about to be an instructor of a class with someone i literally… took a class with as a student in the#class 💀💀💀💀💀 like she and i were classmates in spring 2021 and my co-instructors were O UR instructors and nowi am also an instructor. and#its just so fucking bizarre and uncomfortable aughhhhh#i just feel very lonely abt all of it. and im isolating myself again which isn’t helping esp bc the guilt has been gnawing at me hard lately#not to say this but it’s even weird on here. like a lot of you guys are in college rn and… i work for one. and it doesn’t matter but also it#just feels weird and i feel weird abt complaining abt the semester or being like yeah the semester is so hard haha fellow kids. which im not#bc it legitimately is hard for staff too it’s just… a lot. idk. idk how to explain it
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camping-with-monsters · 11 months
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🌻“Promise?”🌻
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chisatowo · 2 years
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The world hasn't even started yet is literally like the objectively best sekai cover but y'all aren't ready for that conversation yet /j
#rat rambles#sekai posting#as you like it is also fucking amazing for similar reasons but the corus of the world hasnt even started yet just makes me explode /pos#its not necesarily my favorite sekai cover but its just so good an no one fucking talks abt it /lh#just go listen to the vocaloid version and then the wxs version just godddd tge cover is so filled with life and warmth#just vocally its just so well done and just showcases what I wanna see more of from a game thats abt vocalists music wise#like god knows wxs have their bad covers but overall they have some of the best because they more often actually like. sing as a unit#Ive ranted abt this before I think but sekai actually has been improving on this a bit I think#like bug is actually so fucking good and proves that 25ji covers CAN be good they just need to be given better songs and/or vocal direction#idk if there are vocal directors for the covers actually Im curious if there are#but yeah vbs have also been doing a lot better lately at singing as a unit which Im happy abt! they do sound rly good singing as a unit#but alas a lot of their more recent songs just arent as much my taste 😔#but yeah I just think that 25ji needs to be given better songs to sing and l/n need to git gud /j#also pls for the love of god give haruka more solo covers for the songs she actually sounds good in-#but yeah you know a sekai cover is good if it makes the original/vocaloid version sound sad and lonely#and you know its bad if the vocaloid version feels like a god send after being forced to listen to the sekai cover lol (<- lower /lh)
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arolesbianism · 5 days
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I should rly get around to designing the Jackies and Olivias from my swap aus now that I have ideas for how to differentiate them for their non swapped counterparts, but at the same time the eternal dread of having to commit to either keeping or changing the gravitas uniform for the swap aus hangs over me with ever increasing pressure, so maybe I can just only draw headshots of them and commit to that til the end of time instead
#rat rambles#oni posting#but actually I probably will keep the uniforms because I like them and theyre fun to draw#plus I dont think making olivia director inherently means that the uniform would change so I can get away with it#olivia and jackie would have probably come up with that together anyways simular to the rest of gravitas branding#theyve probably had all of that decided on since their college days lol#but yeah Ive been thinking abt the swap aus more since it's fun to put olivia into a more antagonistic role#even if the levels of antagonistic varry heavily and in most of the universes jackie is also an antagonist even as the primary pov#a lot of these in universe would be mostly jackie pov rambling about some bullshit that doesnt matter while the real meat in the other logs#all imply some gnarly shit abt olivia and how shes faring as director#shes typically not as bad as her non swapped jackies but she rly pushes it in the swapped rat universe#and by that I kind of just mean she is simply just worse but she at least almost handled the divorce better than canon jackie#I say almost because she did proceed to kidnap the woman after she admittedly broke into gravitas facilities after being fired but still#generally speaking kidnapping and semi murdering your ex for science is t a cool move no matter how justified you feel#the other two olivias are a lot less openly corrupt with rabbit au olivia being mostly just more mean and raccoon au olivia just having a#smidge of a god complex that she generally never acted on to be shitty#also one of those olivias was in a toxic codependent relationship with her unstable wife and the other was also in an toxic codependent#relationship with her wife but her wife proceeded to murder her about it#the jackies are all pretty shitty tho even if in mostly different ways#we have petty incel jackie we have emotionally manipulative jackie and we have the reason raccoon au olivia has a mild god complex jackie#and then we're forced to sit and watch as each jackie reads through their shitty actions as memoryless pods acting like theyd never do that#only to remember and sit in horror at the fact that at the end of the day their actions had little concequence to the greater universe and#that the only thing they achieved in life was hurting the woman they loved most and dying in a way that ultimately meant nothing#which is another reason Ive been thinking abt these aus sm as I love narratively kicking the shit out of jackie its fun#its a sign of my deepest love <3#Im so much nicer to main au jackie which is saying smth since one of them gets literally murdered#albeit swap rat au jackie also gets sorta murdered so raccoon au jackie rly isn't special in that regard#at least she wasnt held hostage before hand it was a spur of the moment event#anyways I need to shower before it gets too late Im trying to maintain a msidgen of a sleep schedule
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comvi · 5 months
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I always have to remind myself that I don’t need to push myself to make art, and I don’t need to apologize or feel bad for not making a lot of art. art is something that should make me feel happy, so if I’m pushing myself to the point of not enjoying it anymore, then I should just stop and calm down for a second. and take some time for myself. Art won’t disappear, it will always be there waiting for me again, its okay for me to take some time doing others things sometimes.
#sorry this is a bit negative. most of the art i’ve been making latelyis personal/ocs so i dont post it here and thats been stressing me out#since im scared a lot of people are expecting things from my art that i cant give#my art changes a lot because i get inspired by so many things each day. and a lot of my designs are personal and mean a lot to me#so seeing other people like them is both a happy thing for me. but also so scary.#most people i see post art in fandoms im in will post so much of it so often#so i think i subconsciously think that i have to do that too. Make a bunch of art super fast and i HAVE to post ALL of it#but from the things that disabled me to just. that not being how i do things. i cant keep up with that#art takes a long time for me to feel happy with. And i dont always have the motivation or energy to finish all my drawings#Or even do things past a messy sketch#so i keep most things to myself for one reason or another#i dont know it just feels like everyone needs to have things “now now now. fast fast fast” nowadays.#or else the stuff you make isnt worth it. or isnt as good as everything else. In the case you make art late into joining the fandom#I think someone called it fast consumerism? or something? But yeah its just#bad. i dont like it at all#sorry for the long tags. i might stop posting as much art for a bit so i can take some time for myself.#go outside more. learn a new hobby. maybe even join a club or something#if you read through this hi. feel free to ask for my toyhouse if you want to see my ocs or whatnot.#I was very lax on checking my grammar here. not sorry this time. im getting seen for dysgraphia and im tired and need a break#myposts#rambling
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euniexenoblade · 3 months
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since we're talking about call outs lately, i've been called out many times, most of which are made from lies and sometimes by altering screenshots, but the most effective call out i ever got was like, in early 2015 there was a tumblr user everyone knew was a terf, but she would say "actually i support trans women" this was before crypto terfs were as talked about so the language wasn't really there to say "hey this person is a crypto terf." but yeah some people put posts of this woman on my dash and i made a random post on my blog "why do yall reblog her shes a terf" and of course she searches her own name daily, found my post, and replied to it that me calling her a terf was racist. that was it. no other interaction. but she went on all night talking about me being racist and just making things up as she went "oh i bet she says the n word all the time irl" kind of shit that had, like no basis? But her follower base took it 100% and i literally had thousands of anons telling me to kill myself, trying to goad me into being racist (didnt work), and the most concerning thing was i got hundreds of anons being like "what was the point of doing hrt if you still look like that, you should kill yourself." It was like, violent and overwhelming. and on top of it I'd get random young teenager trans people who followed her and bought into her bioessentialism showing up in my messages being like "you give trans people a bad name" "you're why transphobia exists" etc etc it was fucking crazy.
but i lost like, no followers because everyone around me understood, this woman was a terf. this all set up the real one though.
later in the year a teenage "communist" trans girl made some snarky comment about me being racist on a post of mine blowing up. i ignored her cuz like, who cares it's just some random teenager. but i guess people were looking for a reason to hate me cuz that blew up, lots of people just took that at face value no need to investigate. when someone finally did send the girl an ask being like "hey how is she racist" she replied "I dont remember but I know she is" and even more people just took this as 100%. the thing is, i do remember her being one of those "you make trans people look bad" terf following young trans people, it's not that she didn't remember, it's that she didnt want to admit she followed a terf and she believed a terf just saying shit. I lost like 3/4s of my followers, i had a lot of people i thought were my friends just stop talking to me, and going forward every time i got a call out there would usually be a line of like "also she's racist, everyone already knows this" all cuz this girl needed to make a snarky comment cuz she just loves terfs.
the thing about the "i dont remember" bit is it made some weird game of telephone. "I dont remember" became "oh she's racist, i think she says the n word" which became "she called black bloggers the n word" like people just made shit up about me and connected it to this call out. and when id be like this isnt true id be met with a "this is just known, youre a known racist" and it's like, to this day i will still find people be like "hey good on you for growing as a person and not doing that any more" and its like I NEVER DID IT TO BEGIN WITH
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mingisaddctn · 10 months
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mind over matter | s.mg
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Pairing: best friend!mingi x reader Genre: [+18] smut w/o plot Warnings: jussss smut, enjoy a/n: first fic on this blog yay
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the two things you can be sure in life is that 1. you will die and 2. you've never wanted to suck a dick so bad.
I mean, you always knew that your best friend was hot — you had eyes, for god's sake! — but holy shit.
it started when you ran out of cat food. you were an attentive cat owner, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, you had the worst week for your mental state. exams after exams, studying 'till the library basically had to kick you out and group projects with lazy people... so that's how it ended up with your cat screaming at the top of their lungs and waking you up from your power nap.
mingi happened to be around because, guess what, you also forgot about your plans to watch that new anime that he rambled all about for the past month, and truly, you wanted to be able to enjoy some quality time with him, but you fell asleep as quick as his cursor pressed play on the screen, the warmth that irradiated from both inside his hoodie that you were wearing to where your head laid on his shoulder was too cozy.
so when you got up to feed the cat, your heart dropped, and you saw the grocery list accumulating dust on top of the counter, the 'cat food' underlined three times. you looked outside the windows of your small apartment and saw that the simple drizzle from before now turned into a full on storm, and all you could do was lean onto the counter and bawl your eyes out.
mingi was startled but tried to comfort you somehow, not really sure of what he could do to help, and as you tried to tell him between hiccups and tears, he quickly grabbed his jacket and told you that he would be right back.
twenty minutes later, a full-on drenched mingi stood on the doorstep, chest heaving as he took off his shoes and the same jacket, now in a darker tone from the wetness. you stared back from your couch, as you were curled into the throw blankets, eyes widened.
you almost forgot about the cat food.
in your defense, it should be illegal the way his white tee clung to his abs so sinfully highlighting each of his muscles. and when he rose his arms to take off his cap and ran his fingers between wet strands of hair that framed his cheekbones, your eyes fixated on the way his sweats clung onto dear life to his v-line.
holy fuck. jesus christ. oh my god. whatever divinity that was out there.
"you okay?" he asked, as if he was expecting your answer and you shook your head, trying to escape the trance you found yourself in.
"what? why?"
"i asked if i could use your shower" he placed the single bag with the cat food on the counter as he tried not to wet your floor.
you can use me, for sure; you thought to yourself.
"yeah, yeah, go ahead" you nodded and he took his shirt off on the way to the bathroom.
you quickly jumped from the couch to feed the cat — since that was the prime reason for all the ruckus. as you put the blocks of minced meat on the food bowl, you caught yourself fantasizing about it again.
how good he should be looking, as droplets of rain still lingered on his skin as he took of the sweatpants slowly, leaving only the boxers that perfectly held his firm thighs and secured his—
meow, you looked down, to find that a block of meat fell beside the bowl and you took a deep breath. control yourself.
you blamed the ovulation. or maybe the fact that you haven't been sexually active in a while. or that movie that had hot scenes with your favorite actor... gosh you were a horny mess.
but your life has basically been all about your studies lately, and the stress was clouding your reasoning, making you feel like impulsive decisions were now worth a lot, and that's how you found yourself standing outside your bathroom door, idly looking at it with your hand raised, on the way to give it a knock.
the thing is, the moment you found the courage to do it, the door opened from the inside, and only mingi's torso popped out, in the middle of calling your name, but now confused that you were on the other side.
all that led to the both of you sitting on the edge of your bed, with him only wearing a towel around his hips, not staring at each other as the silence overcame the storm from outside.
"so... you want to suck my dick...?" he simply repeated your words from minutes ago.
it would be comical if it wasn't so tragic.
"yes."
"are you feeling okay?" he asked.
"yes."
"'then... how should we do it?"
you took another sharp breath, your lungs almost failing you as your mind tried to disassociate from your body. leaving the bed to kneel in front of him, you kept your eyes focused on his face, his lips parted as his eyes were half-lidded. from all the years you'd known him, you knew that he was probably overthinking it and trying to figure out what was happening. but neither you could tell.
your fingers slid to the towel and as you were going to take it off, his hand flew to yours, holding it softly. he pulled you towards him in a swift movement and placed his palm on your cheek, nose now brushing against yours. soon after, you felt the plumpness of his lips onto yours.
"wait" he leaned back cautiously, as though any minor movement would startle you like a scared kitten. his eyes overthinking each and every detail. "I want to kiss you first."
and as if you were waiting for that to snap, you grabbed his neck and pulled his face lower so you could slide your tongue into his mouth. his big hands fell to your hips and grabbed firmly, decided not to let you run away.
you kinda wondered before how good of a kisser mingi was, your friends joked around saying that it must be good since he has fat lips, but you usually kept those thoughts at bay, not really wanting to dive into your hidden desires. it wasn't like you, to explore and try new things. you became friends a long time ago, and when he earned that title, you felt like it would be too messy to see him as anything else.
but you weren't dumb, of course you'd noticed how a blush crept to his cheeks whenever you grabbed one of his hoodies, or how he would stutter when others teased him about you. he wasn't good at hiding things, and you weren't good at ignoring them.
one of his hands snuck to your neck and the pulled you closer, his breathing growing heavier to the point that you could hear a faint groan from his throat.
shit, you moaned.
he let go of your face and you leaned back, a little ashamed of the noise that escaped you, but mingi didn't seem to mind, in fact, his cheeks could be mistaken to a tomato. he shifted in his place and you noticed the tent in his pants. oh.
placing a final kiss on his cheek, you maintained eye contact as you lowered yourself to your knees, hands falling to his covered member, feeling the warmth through the towel and earning a sharp gasp from him. licking your lips, you only broke the intense stare to undo the lousy knot, uncovering his lower body.
oh. OH.
how did he hide that monstrous thing all along?
"uh... pants, I guess..." he said almost in a whisper, and then you realized that you were thinking out loud.
"shit, I mean, it's not a bad thing" you placed your hand at the base of his cock, wrapping your palm around it and the boy hissed. "I just... didn't expect that."
"so you thought about it before?" touché. you deflected by giving him a slow tug.
before he could say anything else, you lowered your head and wrapped your lips around him.
"fffuck-" he let out, throwing his head back.
you started bobbing your head at a slower pace, quickening each time he groaned, and listened to his raspy moans as if they were songs hidden in heaven. his hand ran through your hair, pulling at the strands just light enough to make you whine, the vibrations helping into the pleasure.
"please—" he pled, eyes fixated on you and wet hair sticking to his face. he couldn't look any better, you noted.
mingi stared right into your soul with deep, dark eyes. his nose was flaring up and trying to keep up with the sharp breaths that left his parted mouth. it was as if he belonged in that position, and you wished that you had midas touch to keep him like that forever.
"so pretty" you said more to yourself than to him, and one of your fingers snuck into his mouth, and he wrapped those plump lips around it to suck.
feeling his tongue under your skin made shivers run down your spine, and even though you tried to take in more, he pulled you towards him once more, now landing you onto his lap. mind you, his naked lap. your pajama shorts did nothing to the mixture of pre-cum and saliva that rubbed under fabric. you hoped he couldn't feel the wetness that was forming between your legs.
kissing you again, you wondered how your teeth were not clashing at all from the desperation that exuded from both parts. you wanted him as much as he ever had wanted you, and it didn't seem like a real experience. the euphoria that overtook you made you feel almost dizzy from all the exchange in pheromones and fluids, holy fuck, you wanted to stay like that forever.
while he kissed you, mingi's hand went to the bottom of your shorts, holding you so you wouldn't fall as he took them off, leaving you in his hoodie and panties. you didn't remember what kind of underwear you wore, but you hoped to whatever god that was out there that it was something without a hole or anything.
without taking the panties off, he slid them to the side and ran both his middle and ring fingers along your folds, the new feeling making you jump a little, and he giggled. the motherfucker giggled.
"jeez... can't wait to be inside you" he said against your lips, hissing as you gave him an experimental roll of your hips.
holding your panties to the side, he grabbed his cock and aligned himself to your folds, placing the tip inside and a loud whimper fell from your mouth. you knew that it would take more effort to get him inside, he was the biggest you've ever been with, and mingi also seemed to notice that, so he touched you as if you were made of glass.
the warmth of his hot member now sheathing inside your pussy felt like too much, and the room felt foggy, just as your breaths. he kissed the side of your neck, licking up to your ear and groaning ever so slightly, as if he had noticed how much you reacted to those sounds, using them now against you.
the moment you reached the bottom, you felt as if your internal organs would combust. his dick felt like too much and too good, you drank from the sensations and the tingles that your body left each time he moved an inch, clenching around him. you reached your hands to the hem of the hoodie you were wearing, but his hand left your lower back to stop yours.
"leave it on" he looked up at your face with puppy eyes. "I want to fuck you in my clothes."
OH. FUCK.
you moaned into his mouth and slowly started to move your hips. you could've cum just from his words, but you tried your best to concentrate in making him feel good.
"you feel so good around me" he whined, a short moan leaving his lips to meet yours again.
you didn't know how you looked at that moment, probably a mess. from taking in all the sensations, his huge cock and the way he looked like a whiny mess under you... you felt powerful, and he was letting you use him to your wishes.
"please, please" he whined even more, probably taking notes that you got off from that.
"what is it, big boy?" as soon as the words fell from your mouth, you questioned yourself. is this really me?
"let me fuck you right" his hips shot up, taking you by surprise with a gasp and he bit your collarbone. "I wanna be good for you- wanna make you feel good."
"use me however you want" you said in a desperate tone. not even minding how it looked to him, you truly wanted everything from him.
with one arm sneaking around your back and the other on your neck, he moved you further into the bed, now on top of you. he didn't say anything else, only left a small kiss on the corner of your mouth and gave you a slow thrust.
the most high pitched moan fell from your lips, and you didn't care to be embarrassed. not when he was pleading for you, having your body wrapped so deliciously around him, the same as his.
you could write paragraphs and paragraphs about the way he looked; the occasional lightnings shining against his wet skin, highlighting each of his curves and muscles while his hair fell above his forehead, now a mess from the way you rushed your fingers between strands.
mingi kept rolling his hips against yours, and words kept falling randomly from your mouth, meddling with moans and sobs, you felt so cockdrunk that even the slightest stimulation coming from him could make you shed tears. felt so fucking good that got you questioning every life choice you've ever made to this point, as if everything was a part of god's plan for you to end up right under your best friend, as his touches made love to your limbs.
"hm-ugh- feels so fucking- oh my god" you kept going on and on, not even sure yourself what you were saying, but mingi wasn't falling behind.
the knot had already taken place on your lower body, each of his thrusts feeling more intense than the other. you could tell he was getting closer from the way his teeth were nipping on your neck and his thrust were growing sloppier.
"please-ah!-please, let me cum inside you" he left your neck to look at you, and you felt the knot tightening and your legs starting to tremble. "let me fill you nice and full- please"
"yes, I want all of you" you almost screamed when he took that as confirmation to grab your back and glue his chest to yours, sharpening his thrusts.
it finally snapped and you felt like you couldn't breathe anymore. he held you so close as if he could melt into your skin and become one, and with a final thrust, he whined and groaned and screamed and did everything so involuntarily, almost animalistic, and your mind was too dazed to even comprehend anything else besides the way that your pussy gripped him so tight, keeping his hot seed inside you. you didn't want to let it go.
you were still spasming from your orgasm when he let go of your body and snapped your legs apart, taking place in between them, nuzzling his nose onto your pubic bone and feasting. his tongue lapped each of yours and his juices without mind, sucking, kissing, moaning, grunting, only to prolong the way your climax came down; you screamed so hard that your lungs burned.
falling limp on the bed covers, he let go, going back on top of you with the support of his arms and knees, face leveled to yours when he placed an innocent kiss on the tip of your nose and another one to your forehead.
"did it help you de-stress?" he joked and you placed one of your arms onto your eyes.
scoffing, you shook your head. "holy shit, I'm in love with you."
he gave you a slight push and rolled to his side, still staring at you with a darker flush across his chest and neck.
"well, I'm yours" he said and you licked your lips, sneaking a glance from under your arm.
"yeah, you better be."
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