#its basically everything you wish deh was and more

[koolkat9]

What are your favorite musicals and which musicals would you assign to your favorite countries based on personality? Yes, This is me asking what Music themes you'd assign them too I guess without looking at youtube and seeing videos 10 years old. I miss seeing Character Theme videos.

Oooh this is a good one! I'm also going to share musicals that make me think of some ships too because I want to ramble about the two musicals that make me think of a GerEng AU.

Okay but Characters.

Canada- Dear Evan Hansen

I know. Kind of basic. But I love DEH. "Waving Through a Window" is such a Mattie song. But what really sells the idea for me is that "So Big / So Small" is such a good song for Royal Red Bros. Francis is the dad that left, and Arthur tries to pick up the pieces, but also fails Matthew. Just the dynamic between Evan's Mom and Evan is just perfect for these two. Like Evan's mom does love Evan, but being a single mom isn't easy and to provide for him she has to work ridiculous hours so she's not there for him physically. Which is a similar postion Arthur finds himself in.

Also the lines

"That night I tucked you into bed

I will never forget how you sat up and said

'Is there another truck coming to our drive way?

A truck that will take mommy away.'"

Just hit me so hard with feels for Arthur and Matt. Just imagining a little Mattie asking Arthur one night if Arthur is going to leave him behind too. Because Francis left and Arthur seems so much more focused on Alfred. Matthew it terrified it will happen again. And it breaks Arthur's heart.

ALTERNATIVELY

Canada - Next to Normal (Specifically the song "Superboy and the Invisible Girl")

I don't know enough about what this musical is actually about other than we follow our main character Diana who is struggling with bipolar disorder and hallucinations of her dead son. And basically I think it shows how her condition affects her family?

But we did "Superboy and the Invisible Girl" for some concert once and I actually played Diana. And every time I rehearsed this song, all I could think of was ACE Family.

It is primarily Natalie, Diana's daughter, feeling neglected and ignored because of her Mother's grief over her son's death.

This line really makes me think of the two, especially after Alfred has become independent and Matthew attempts to pick up the pieces of a broken Arthur:

"Super boy and the invisible girl

He's the one you'd wish would appear

He's your hero, forever your son

He's not here, I am here"

---

America - Hamliltion

For obvious reasons. American history. Main character is smart, but also so impulsive. "I'm not Throwing Away my Shot" always make me think of Al.

---

England - Mary Poppins

Of course I choose something obvious. You know how much I love Arthur with kids. And Mary Poppins is that strict parental figure, but she does want what's best for the kids in her care, and I think that's perfect for Arthur.

Also I just love imagining Arthur singing "Feed the Birds."

Also also. get 2p England involved and make Oliver Bert. So double the Englands making it more fitting. Alternatively Gilbert could be Bert to make it Pruk instead.

---

GerEng - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I have this whole musical casted with Hetalia characters. But the summary first because its probably a musical not many know. I really don't know how to encompass everything so I'm just going to steal the summary from IMDb:

"A down-on-his-luck inventor turns a broken-down Grand Prix car into a fancy vehicle for his children, and then they go off on a magical fantasy adventure to save their grandfather in a far-off land."

God I had orginally had a long decription of a cast list for this but I'll ramble about that in another post. All you need to know though:

Arthur as Caratacus Potts - The down on his luck inventor and single father. Sometimes his work distracts him, but he really does love his kids

Ludwig as Truly Scrumptious - A candy heiress who meets the Potts family after almost running over the children when they run out into the road. She and Caratacus kind of get off on the wrong foot when she argues that the kids should be in school and not running around. But after he impresses her with his inventions and she joins them on their adventure in their magic car, the two fall in love.

Peter as Jeremy and Jemimah - Because I can't think of a second child to go with Peter I just have Peter right now. Because I love GerEng being dads to him.

Anyway. The songs.

First we have "You Two" which actually makes me imagine things separate from this au. Because this is also so good for ACE Family. I ramble about it more here.

"Doll On a Music Box" One of my favourite songs to listen too to daydream about GerEng. Just them pulling the same stunt Caratacus and Truly do to rescue the kids. Also Ludwig dressed up as a doll is a nice image.

"Lovely Lonely Man" Could work for either of them, but I always have loved the idea of Ludwig singing this about Arthur. Because Ludwig fell fast just like the song suggests while Arthur took a bit of time. It's just a perfect monologue of Ludwig admitting his feelings to himself.

God I could go on but I'll save the rest for a separate post

---

Okay one last one for GerEng! Music Man.

Summary from Stage Agent: "There’s trouble in River City! When smooth-talking con man Harold Hill arrives in a small, tight-knit town in Iowa, he expects to dupe its residents with his elaborate moneymaking scheme: Despite his complete lack of musical literacy, he will convince everyone that he is a brilliant bandleader and recruit all the boys in town to form a band, pocketing the cash for instruments and uniforms. The problem? Some of the town members, especially the stern librarian, Marian Paroo, don’t quite buy Harold’s story. As Harold struggles to keep his scheme afloat, he also finds himself increasingly attached to the townspeople, who have all experienced a positive change since Harold came to town. Complicating matters even more, Harold is also falling head-over-heels for the beautiful Marian."

God I could go on about this one too, but keeping it brief:

Arthur as the con man Harold Hill selfish and prideful only to have a change of heart by forming genuine connections within the town.

Ludwig as the stern yet also hopeless romantic Marian. That despite knowing Arthur is a con man sees him grow and falls for him

"Goodnight My Someone / Seventy-Six Trombones (Double Reprise)" The two leads main songs coming together with them singing each other's half way through. God I just love thinking of GerEng for this scene so much! I think its so romantic to sing each other's themes to each other.

Also "Goodnight My Someone" on its own is very fitting for Ludwig. As is Marian's chacter as whole. Both are stern indivduals, refusing to take nonsense from anyone. They seem like a stick in the mud, perhaps a little cold, but both have a sweetness deep down, longing for connection. And "Goodnight My Someone" is when we first see this side of Marian.

"Marian the Librarian" Just the back and forth and tension in this song. Hill/Arthur is kind of a dick. Flirting, but really he's just playing a game at this point and bugging Marian/Ludwig at work when they're clearly aren't having it. It's another fun scene I like imagining GerEng. Especially since Arthur is really pushing his luck angering someone who could snap him like a toothpick he'd be into that let's be honest but that's not a discussion for this blog

Thank you anon for letting me combine my love of musical theatre and my love for Hetalia together! I encourage more questions like this actually so don't be scared guys!

#hetalia #gereng #engger #geruk #royal red bros #hws canada #hws england #hws america #hws germany #musical theatre

[waffleandcalzone]

Everybody's Talking About Jamie is literally the perfect Tumblr musical

- Gay main character

- Experimentation with gender expression

- Muslim female best friend

- Platonic Male-Female besties

- Enemies to Lovers gay ship potential

- Peak gay humor

- Every song is an absolute banger

- Tackles serious issues such as self-hatred and handles them really well (seriously Building A Wall In My Head is possibly the most relatable musical theater song I've ever heard)

- There's a pro-shot on YouTube right now (search for Jamie Make up Tutorial) and it's going to be a movie this fall

Go listen to Everybody's Talking About Jamie

#broadway #musicals #musical theater #west end #everybodys talking about jamie #etaj #its basically everything you wish deh was and more

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

Rest

The EX bosses are hard, giving me lots of time to ponder things as I die over and over. I had a thought while grinding away at Killing Two Birds about the EX bosses in general and came up with a head canon. Basically, how powerful the bosses are during their EX fights come from a potion Snatcher made (he makes exploding potions so why can't he also make other potions too?). It makes them faster, stronger, and blood thirsty (either in general or directed specifically at Hat Kid, I'm not sure, probably the former makes more sense). When the potion wheres off it naturally leaves them exhausted and feeling awful. Which is where the idea for this fic came from when I learned about the Ultra Snatcher fight at the end of the EX Boss rush (haven't gotten to it yet, but will soon, and from there I'll eventually be victorious).

Snatcher couldn’t believe he’d lost. He’d thrown everything he had at the damn kid. When one EX potion hadn’t been enough for him to take her out, he’d risked taking two. And yet, she’d still beat him.

With the effects of the EX potions fading, bringing back clarity of mind, he could barely remember the last few… however long the fight had taken. But here he was, in pain and panting in exhaustion as he slumped forward, supporting himself with his arms on the ground. Hat Kid stood victoriously before him, unscathed.

Using some of the very small amount of power remaining within him, he summoned the reward he’d made for her on the off chance she managed to beat him again – he liked being prepared for things even if he didn’t think they were likely, this was Hat Kid after all she’d done nothing but defy his expectations from the beginning. “Here, take it and leave,” he said, tossing it in her general direction.

Taking two of the potions had definitely been a mistake. They’d drained everything from him, leaving him feeling like… well death itself. He’d maybe chuckle at that joke if he had the energy to. At least he hadn’t taken three, that most likely would’ve been the end of him. If only he had a bed to crawl onto now. He couldn’t sleep but… oh boy, he wanted to. Regardless though, the point was he needed rest.

“Are you okay?” Hat Kid hadn’t left. She was still standing there, lording it over him. “I’ve never seen you slump forward so much.

Snatcher lifted his head to look at her. “I gave you your reward, what more do you want?” He didn’t want to be seen like this. He could barely move for peck’s sake. Why couldn’t she peck off and let him recover in peace?

“I want to make sure you’re okay,” she said, her voiced filled with seeming sincerity.

“I was literally just trying to kill not even five minutes ago kid, what is wrong with you?”

“Yeah, because you drank two of those rainbow potions that turn people into mindless killing machines. You’re back to being you now though, thankfully.”

Snatcher could tell her again that calling them ‘rainbow potions’ was wrong and annoying because it made them sound benign when they were the opposite. And he could tell her that he’d chosen to drink them in hopes of being able to defeat her. But… he just didn’t have the energy to.

“I think drinking two was a mistake,” Hat Kid continued. “That fight was fun but… you’re clearly in poor shape now. You shouldn’t have done that to yourself.”

All Snatcher could do in response was groan. She’d thought that fight had been ‘fun’. And she was going to lecture him about what he should and should not be doing. How pathetic could he be? He wished he could teleport away and escape her and all this nonsense but in this current state it was impossible.

“So what can I do to help?” she asked.

“You leaving and never coming back would help a lot,” he replied, glaring at her.

She frowned but before she could respond one of the Subconites still gathered around from watching the fight – now watching their boss be even further humiliated by a child, could anything be worse? – chimed in. “Getting him a living soul to eat would probably help a lot. He mostly just needs rest though. Those EX potions are pretty gnarly and the took two even though we told him not to.”

“Hmm… I don’t know what I can do about getting a living soul but I can take you to a place where you can rest safely and comfortably.”

“Don’t bother kid, just leave me alone.” His protest fell on deaf ears though as she pulled something rectangular out of her pocket. She pressed something on its face and there was an odd pulling sensation as the world around them blurred.

Suddenly they were on Hat Kid’s ship, in her room. Snatcher remained slumped forward facing her. This was even more undignified than it had been in his arena.

“You can rest in the pillow pool,” she said with a smile. “You can move that far, right? I can try to carry you if you can’t though, you’re a ghost so you can’t be that heavy.”

Well, he was already here and there was clearly no dissuading her, even if he’d had the energy to try so… “Don’t you dare.” That would be the final mortifying nail in the coffin of indignity.

With a grunt, he pushed himself upright. He managed to get himself to float again, just long enough to move over to the pillow pool and fall into it, being sure to fall onto his back so he could look up at the ceiling instead of at Hat Kid, with his tail curled up towards the bottom opposite side of the pool. He wasn’t that heavy so he didn’t sink far into it. But it was so soft and so comfortable. After all that time spent in her room, how had he resisted the urge to do this until now? If only he’d known how nice it was.

“Comfy?” Hat Kid asked.

“Yeah,” he replied before he could stop himself. “I’m only doing this because you left me no choice though.”

“Yes, I know, because you’re a stubborn soon-deh-ray.” What did that mean? Was it an insult? How insulted should he be? “But that’s okay. Is there anything else you need or do you want me to leave you to sleep now?”

“I’m a ghost, kid, I can’t sleep.” He could get close if he was really exhausted but never quite there.

“Oh, that’s… awful, I’m sorry.”

“Sleep is overrated, trust me.” Even if he would like to be able to sleep now; everything hurt and he was so tired, escaping from it would be nice.

“Hmmm… you maybe want me to get you a book then?”

“No, just let me rest.” Even if he couldn’t truly sleep, his eyes were drooping closed. With a bit of peace and quiet, he could get to the edge of sleep and let his mind drift there for a while, basically meditating so he could recover a bit faster.

“Okay, I’m gonna go to sleep though. Wake me if you need anything.” There was a click and the lights went off, barely perceived by Snatcher’s closed eyes. The bed creaked as Hat Kid presumably got into it. “Good night.”

Snatcher grunted in response. He just needed some time to rest and recover. He’d be up and out of here in no time.

 -

Hours later, Snatcher became vaguely aware of the Hat Kid getting up and moving around. She didn’t turn the lights on though and didn’t say anything to him so he didn’t bother with paying her much mind. He was comfortable and zen and that’s all that mattered.

Not long later the door opened again though. “I’m sorry to disturb you but this is awesome!”

With a groan, Snatcher opened his eyes and sat up just enough to turn his head to look at her. She was wearing the outfit he’d made for her, making her look an awful lot like a ghost. It was a great piece of artwork, one of if not his best creation when it came to knitting. He was glad she liked it.

“Yep,” he said as he flopped back down. “That’s the point. It’s supposed to be awesome because it was very hard to get. You earned it though kiddo so congrats.”

She gasped. “Are you proud of me?”

He was certainly very impressed. She’d accepted every challenge he’d thrown her way and been victorious against all odds. A bit more separated from the humiliation of his defeat at her hands once more, he couldn’t really be mad. Maybe he was a bit proud, he’d invested a lot of effort into challenging her in various ways, not just trying to kill her. So… “Uh… sure I guess.”

“Yay!” The excitement and joy in her voice was almost infectious, almost making him want to smile.

“Whatever kid, don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“I’m going to and you can’t stop me.” She was right, he couldn’t. “But anyway, I’m going to go back to the forest and make sure your crazy ex doesn’t try anything while you’re here recovering. I’ll bring you back one of your books so you have something to do other than lie there and rest.”

Snatcher almost didn’t respond but… “Thanks,” he whispered.

“What was that?”

“Uh… I said ‘thanks’ for… this.” Still looking up at the ceiling and not at her, he raised a hand made to make a vague gesture. A safe spot to recover was appreciated. “And for making sure that bitch doesn’t do anything.” With him away and incapable of fighting, that was a possibility. “Go away now, I’m done talking to you.”

Hat Kid giggled a bit. “Okay. And you’re very welcome. See you in a couple hours.”

#My Writing #ahit #A hat in time #snatcher & hat kid #Fluff #sick fic #sort of

[justanotherdeadgirlwalking]

That is Just the Saddest F**king Thing I Have Ever Heard.

TW obviously DEH is about a kid’s suicide, so it has those themes

other parts :)

Part Five. 

Art doesn’t just happen. It’s a process. You need a muse, an inspiration, something that lights a spark in your brain. Inspiration is everywhere. I’m surrounded constantly by beautiful bodies, beautiful faces. Sometimes you walk down the street and see how perfectly someone’s shoulders meet their slender neck, and the image burns into your mind. You want to see it in front of you again, but you can’t because that would require stalking the person to find them, and that’s super fucking creepy. So, you settle for the next best thing, you draw it. You sketch it over and over again until you get it right, and suddenly that woman is in front of you again. I prefer to draw people, because then you never run out of ideas. Faces are so unique; each body is different. There’s billions of people in the world, each one just waiting to be captured; I never run out of ideas. Eyes are like two little galaxies right in the center of the asteroid that is your face.

Putting together a portfolio has been a lot harder than I’d expected. I thought I’d just through my favorite drawings in a folder and call it a day. The only problem is, I hate literally everything I have ever drawn. Mom has always told me that my drawing look like photographs. That’s complete bullshit because you can see fingerprint smudges, and you can tell that one eye is significantly better than the other, and the noses look like shit. I literally want to redo every piece.

I’m not being one of those people that says their work is shit because they’re fishing for compliments, I know they’re good. I’ve been featured in district art shows, and I’ve won awards. And I’m not trying to sound like a cocky asshole either. Art is just the one thing in my life I have complete and total control over, and trust me, I took control. I can choose how it looks, I can make it as perfect, or imperfect as I want it. I had to beg my parents for the best pencils and canvas to use. I figured, I didn’t take music lessons or dance lessons like Zoe did, you guys can buy me some quality supplies. They didn’t want to waste money on the stuff if I wasn’t going to use it. As a child I tried a lot of sports and hated them. When I was ten, I joined the swim team. I practiced every day, for hours. I even talked Zoe into training with me, I made her time me, and yell at me in an angry German accent when I wasn’t making time. Then, after probably hundreds of hours of training, I decided that I didn’t like swimming before I even had the chance to compete. I guess they didn’t want me to do the same thing with art. Mom finally took me to an art store, like a real art store, when I proved to her I was serious about it. It was like going to Disney world. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of was right there in front of me. There was a wall of colored pencils. There were pencils in every color I could think of, and then some, colors I never even seen before. I stood there in awe. It was a game changer to use real colored pencils, not Crayola’s. Larry was so mad, he didn’t understand how art supplies could be so expensive. Well, I don’t understand why someone would spend $100 on a dozen golf balls either, so I guess we’re even.

Since I couldn’t realistically redo every piece of art I’ve ever made, I decided I would just use every piece that my art teacher loved and draw one new piece. It seemed like a good compromise. Miss Schmitt was the only person I really trust with anything. She’s always pushed me to keep going, not to give up on a piece and see it through. She didn’t teach me how to draw, you can’t teach talent, but she always motivated me.

I really needed her motivation now. There was one person I really wanted to draw, but I seemed to have a mental block on what they looked like. Miss Schmitt told me to use a reference picture, but I didn’t want anyone to know who I was drawing. It would make me look psycho, and people finally stopped thinking I was a freak.  I couldn’t bring myself to draw his face, so I drew his body. I drew his New Balance sneakers and his mal fitting khakis. I spent hours trying to replicate the crease down the front of his pants just right. I even made a special trip to the art store to make sure I found the right shades of blue for his stupid stripped shirt. I got an off-white colored pencil so I could shade his cast just right. Evan’s arm may not be broken anymore, but when I think of him, I think of him in his cast, just after I signed it. When everything was still really real and made sense.

I’ve become obsessed with him. How could I not be, he was my one and only friend. Except, that wasn’t true, and he used me for a better life. I really wanted nothing to do with him, but at the same time I wanted to know everything about him. It didn’t help that he was always around.

There was a knock on my door. “Come in” I called, snapping my sketchbook shut. I looked up to see Evan in my room, behind him, Zoe was peering in, almost hiding. “What’s up” I asked them, annoyed. Evan stands there for a second, looking down and playing with his fingers. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“Um, me and Zoe want to talk to you” he spits out in a nervous stutter. I motion for them to come in. Zoe comes in and sits on my bed, not looking at me. Evan stands still for another moment before pulling the door shut and sitting on the ground where he stood. Everyone is silent for a moment, avoiding eye contact. I cough loudly to end the awkwardness.

“What did you guys want to talk about?” I ask.

Its Zoe that answers, softly, her voice breaking, “I want answers,” she says. Well kid, that makes two of us. “Why did you try to kill yourself.”

I feel like I was kicked in the chest. I don’t really have an explanation as to why. I just did. It was impulsive, seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. I wasn’t suicidal, and I wasn’t depressed beyond my normal gloom and doom. I just did it because I felt like it. I wasn’t feeling helpless or worthless, just bored. Except, I can’t tell her that. “Connor?” she asks. I just stare at her, hoping she will drop it. She meets my gaze and raises an eyebrow. She looks so sad, so broken. I must have really hurt her.

“I don’t want to talk about it” I say.

She sighs and balls her fists and taps them against her legs. She didn’t like that answer. I get it. I’d want to know too, I guess. Except, there’s nothing to know. Except, I wasn’t as important to her as she is to me.

“In the emails you wrote to Evan,” she starts. Oh, great the fake emails, “you were doing so well. Please you don’t need to tell me everything, but I just want to know what happened”

“I said I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” I snap.

Evan coughs, bringing attention to himself. I forgot he was here for a second. He looks nervous, really nervous. I don’t blame him, I could blow up his whole life right now with the truth. “Maybe he needs more time Zoe” he says. I give him a dirty look.

Zoe slams her hand against the bed, “You’ve had months,” she yells, “How much more time do you need. How do you go from climbing trees with Evan to killing yourself in a park?”

“Zoe,” Evan says, “you remember what you read, you don’t want to trigger him.” Trigger me? Okay Evan, you just don’t want me to tell the truth. Evan stands and opens the door, motioning for Zoe to leave. She looks at me again, pleading me with her eyes, then gets up and leaves. Evan lingers for a moment, watching her walk down the hall to her room. He steps back in and slams the door.

“We need to talk f-for real,” He says.

“Oh, for sure” I say, standing up and covering the distance between us until I’m towering over him, “Let’s talk about how you’re taking advantage of my entire fucking family.”

He’s beet red. “I’m not” he says, looking at the floor.

“Hey buddy, we’re not friends, we never were friends, and we’re probably never going to be friends.” I say

“Wh-why not?” he whispers.

“News flash,” I yell, “the first and only time I ever talked to you was when I signed your cast remember? You lied to everyone, and you’re a shitty liar.”

Evan is silent, he’s staring at the ground and pulling at his fingers. I watch him as he scratches his neck, pulls his ear, shifts his weight. I’ve thought Evan and I were the same; neither of us had friends because we were outcasts so to speak. He was just socially awkward, whereas I was the school freak. But I could tell he felt the same stuff I felt. The same wish that someone would notice us, that we were both on the outside, always looking in. Maybe if things were different we would be friends. I tried reaching out to him, but he was too self-absorbed with his own issues to notice me. And now, I am somehow engulfed in his issues. He took my suicide and made it about him. He lied to my parents and Zoe and the whole world. Evan Hansen was a nobody, a barely in the background kind of guy, and now his basically an internet celebrity. And me? People still don’t care about me, but at least they’re nice to me now.

I think that’s why I’m so angry about the whole situation. He got what he always wanted, he got his dreams come true. He got a taste of a perfect life, so he did what he had to do. But it ends now. I hope it was fun and he had a blast while he dragged me along.

“Did you read the emails?” Evan finally asks. I read them. He wrote a story of a perfect friendship. Friends that quote their favorite bands and tells jokes nobody understands except us two, and there’s nothing that we can’t discus, like girls we wish would notice us but never do. He even included me encouraging him to go after my sister. The fucking creep.

“Dear Evan Hansen,” I say, “You either tell Zoe and my parents the truth, or I will.” I open my door and shove him out of my room, “Sincerely, me.

#deh #dear evan hansen #DEH fanfic #deh fandom #Dear evan hansen fanfic #dear connor murphy #connor murphy #evan hansen #zoe murphy #mike fiast #ben platt #fanfict #tree bros #musicals

[unproduciblesmackdown]

brought to you by talking a lot abt kleinsen and getting the unexpected gift of deh-livetweeting:

shoutout to thinking about and being overwhelmed by how canon kleinsen is

jared seeking evan out in the hallway on the first day of school and making a deliberate Entrance like the insanely cool & funny guy he totally is dude

standing like one whole foot away (if that) from evan and listening intently to evan’s full rendition of his weird summer

just take hold of your bro’s shoulder

This.

wink and finger gun @ ur bro

Wink And Finger Gun At Your Bro

sharing his secrets for “not telling the truth” w/evan

offering, unprompted, to help w evan’s email situation

how much fun jared has writing the emails with evan. for a task that doesn’t benefit jared directly at all (save $20 we don’t even Know if he got) he’s real into it beyond what a chance to crack some jokes at evan should inspire.

jared being awful earnest about The Love One Man Feels For Another being Quite Beautiful and really seeming to want to go the “secret boyfriends” route

not to mention the pre-broadway lines calling evan cute as a freakin button and saying if one of them cries it makes the other cry. oh and the “it’s very heterosexual” thing

how much of the email exchange jared is writing himself. the inspirational refrain. and, arguably, basically all of connor’s emails

how unfiltered evan is with jared in the sincerely me scene....in a way you never see him be around anyone else...the parts of him that “aren’t nice” that he thinks other ppl wouldn’t like...hhhgh its fine

jared being enthusiastically drawn into the dynamic he’s just created of An Intimate And Openly Communicative Relationship Between Evan And His Best Friend. hmm!!!

jared asking for evan’s attention Hey Asshole Aren’t Ya Gonna Say Anything

evan knows jared was Supporting him for the sake of supporting him or he wouldn’t’ve asked jared if he’d wanna get behind the connor project stuff

seriously. jared does wayyyyyy too much shit for evan even if he DID get that twenty bucks

the dramatic Turn To Look Directly At Evan during “from across the silence your voice is heard.” i know alana does it too but those two always have differing as well as shared motivations for doing the same shit

the Exchanged Touch in obc ywbf

jared calling the Intimate And Openly Communicative Relationship Between Evan And His Best Friend he’s still rp-ing “adorably heartwarming” and this time outright trying to insert himself into the idea.

three seconds after trying to make evan jealous he switches gears entirely to try to grab on to a different approach at lightning speed saying he’ll help w the kickstarter more if evan wants. then only resorting to “remember why i’m unavoidably important here” Scathingly Accurate Criticism when evan brushes that off too

actually letting go of that resentment to once again take a different approach, being Into his invitation for evan to hang out

again, have they done this before? just hung out and got smashed together? cuz they may have

not even getting mad this time when evan brushes him off. just disappointed. his Scathing Criticisms arent delivered with any of the energy / sarcasm of earlier scenes. he’s just fuckin Sad in this exchange

jared Specifically being taken aback by seeing zoe kiss evan. and fleeing the scene for the second time in the play even

tho this time he’s. just fuckin Sad. preview of what’ll happen in gfy honestly

when gfy happens and it’s really the only time you don’t see jared back down or try to deescalate

jared being so upset / desperate to get evan to care about him again that he’s directly going the “you HAVE to care about me for practical/strategic reasons” route since the other routes didn’t work

jared also being desperate to say why evan should care about him (which is: because he cares about evan) but not being able to directly say it cuz that’s jared for you. you just get You should remember who your FRIENDS ARE and SO and I Could tell EVERYONE EVERYTHING

running away from his feelings again & the fact that evan basically told jared he knows jared actually does cares abt him b/c he’s jared’s only friend & showing jared that that’s not enough to make evan wanna keep him around. jared running away like he did when zoe comes over and kisses evan. its very heterosexual

jared’s pretty upset for a guy who’s not in love with evan

crying during gfy

crying...during gfy.....

Jared Is Canonically Heartbroken

how jared feels like he’s been Played if he didn’t think evan knowingly took advantage of his investment in evan

how jared feels that Crushed if he wasn’t in love with evan

crying during gfy

you think that is the last gay thing jared does but yknow what else he does. is Not Tell Anyone What He Knows abt the truth re: evan and the connor project. even after being so hurt and angry at evan and them never reconciling. keeping his secret

evan: “wow i wish there was someone who knew what i’m really like and still loved me but thats impossible” /// jared: *is literally right there*

evan: “time to realize the value in all the imperfect sources of support i overlooked / considered inadequate before, not to mention at least partway resolve all these conflicts from good for you” /// jared: *is literally right there*

jared is right there

jared repeatedly being like “hahaahahaha bet ur having so much fun making out w zoe” and then sees zoe politely kiss evan and is Upset

canon heartbreak

kleinsen

seriously...jared spending most of the play trying to break into evan’s Idealized Concept Of A Close Relationship. ok.

jared is in love with evan. thx

and that’s my essay

#long post ;;;;;; #talkin bout what i know: the obc #kleinsen #deh #shoutout to that gif for revealing evan’s nervous finger fidgeting #his best feature? the wiggles

[mavrustheunskooled]

Why is Bare: A Pop Opera not as super popular as Dear Evan Hansen or Be More Chill? The fandom loves LGBT rep (which Bare has) and the songs are amazing and I think B:APO is actually superior to both of those. Thoughts? I mean the musical fandom tends to try to find LGBT characters even when they aren't stated, so why do you think Bare is not as popular?

this is a very interesting question and I am hopefully going to do it justice by analyzing Fandom, Musical Writing, and Many Other Things I’m Super Passionate About

the short: many factors and a lot of luck

the unnecessarily long: 

(opening disclaimer: I love dear evan hansen and be more chill, and I’m not upset that they’re popular musicals because I feel that they’re popular for a reason. anything that sounds like an insult in the following response isn’t such because I truly enjoy both of those musicals a lot) 

(another disclaimer: spoilers for bare, DEH, and BMC, also mentions of homophobia) 

on paper, bare seems like the exact sort of musical that would be popular. bare the musical (cursed as it is) has a cast of super popular actors like Barrett Wilbert Weed, Gerard Canonico, Taylor Trensch, Alice Lee, Alex Wyse, a high quality bootleg exists of the 2013 LA cast, it’s got LGBT+ rep, complex women characters… and yet it’s got a tiny fan base. Why? 

first let’s look at why dear evan hansen and be more chill are popular. I’m more well versed in bmc, so let’s look at its history (disclaimer: I’m estimating dates but this is roughly the timeline) 

the original bmc run was in 2015 I believe. they recorded a soundtrack, everything was fine, and they closed. in 2017, people began discovering the soundtrack in hoards. specifically, they were discovering one song: Michael in the bathroom. that’s even how I learned about the show- I heard that song and had to look up the rest of the soundtrack. and in February of 2019, they’ll start previews on broadway because the fandom was revived 

why this song? I think a ton of fame comes from talent, yes, but also from luck. I think bmc was lucky that Michael in the bathroom, a great song, was discovered as the great song that it is. I also think the fame came because that song is super relatable. as someone with pretty bad anxiety, that song really touched me because I’ve definitely spent parties hiding in the bathroom and avoiding everyone and wishing I was dead because I’m so overwhelmed with anxiety. it’s relatable, so people flocked to it. 

this made me pause to think “what is bare’s hook song” my first thought was a quiet night at home if we want a song in the same vein as MITB, but that song isn’t as hype as MITB (and fandoms don’t care about fem characters as much as it cares about masc characters). my next thought was are you there because I think it’s a bop and a relatable “pls someone help” kind of song, but I don’t know which song everyone could relate to as much as everyone could relate to MITB 

and speaking of relatable content- that’s where the DEH connection comes in. dear evan hansen is similarly relatable, although it takes that to an extreme given what Evan does as a result of his anxiety. Michael and Evan are relatable characters, even if you don’t condone everything they do (and if you condone everything Evan does, we have much to talk about)

but doesn’t bare have relatable characters?? absolutely !! there’s Peter, a closeted gay kid who wants to come out, and Jason, someone who acts tough but is secretly very insecure, and Nadia, with her body image issues, and Ivy, who people won’t take seriously because they’ve decided they already know her, and so many other complex characters. so why are they left behind? 

let’s look at bare’s history: 

bare was originally written in the 90s (I want to say 1999, but I could be wrong) the performance most people consider the quintessential bare performance was in 2004 with Michael Arden, John Hill, Jenna Leigh Green, etc. 

if you compare this to DEH and BMC, the first issue is clear. DEH was hugely popular around 2016. BMC began to grow in popularity in 2017. these are very, very new shows. 20 years doesn’t sound like a lot, but in our current age where time seems to pass so quickly which each new fad, bare seems like an older musical, and a lot of people aren’t the biggest fan of older musicals. and they don’t have to be !! but it’s a personal preference of some people that could affect how they view bare as a potential musical to be a fan of 

in terms of the music of bare, it’s definitely catchy, but it’s not like a pop song. (again, no shade at DEH and BMC because those aren’t jukebox musicals or anything). bare is simply not as easy to listen to as DEH and BMC are in my opinion (and it’s not the most complicated thing ever either, but holy cow its lyrics are smart and I have to throw that in here) 

now let’s look at reasons why people may not want to watch bare. while it is great that it has canon gay characters, compelling women characters, and is very cleverly written it also has issues that can be turn-offs to people. this includes: 

-bury your gays

-gay-guy-cheats-on-boyfriend-with-girl trope 

-gay-guy-gets-outed trope 

-and potentially other homophobic tropes

I’m not shaming bare for perpetuating these tropes because it was written 20 years ago, and lgbt+ people are allowed to enjoy media in spite of its perpetuation of negative tropes, but for some people these things are enough to turn them away. and I don’t blame them! I watched bare the musical before I watched bare a pop opera, and when Jason I died I closed out of YouTube without finishing the show because I was so Sick of bury your gays. 

I am aware that there are reasons Jason died at the end of bare (they’re making a statement about how homophobia kills, particularly how homophobic religious people can have an awful affect on young religious gay people), but there comes a time when “reasons for a gay character to die” is just too much. sometimes, you just want the gay character to live, and I completely respect that notion because I felt the exact same way when I watched bare the musical. I remember when I first watched bare the musical I wrote a thread about how as a Romeo and Juliet adaptation, bare follows some things closely (like death at the end) while avoiding other extremes (Romeo running off to another country) and I thus felt the death was unnecessary. if someone else feels similarly about being sick of gay characters dying, they have every right to not want to watch bare 

that’s enough on why someone might not want to watch bare. let’s get back to bare vs DEH and BMC 

I also think a big aspect of fandoms is shipping. the fetishization of MLM (and consequently ignoring fem characters completely, along with focusing solely on white men for their shipping and ignoring men of color) is a huge problem in fandoms that I could talk about forever, but for the sake of this response, I’ll keep it a bit shorter 

DEH and BMC profit heavily off of shipping in terms of gaining popularity. people love Evan x Connor (and other ships but that’s the main one I see), and people love Jeremy x Michael (and others). so why then do people not care about bare, a show with a canon relationship between 2 basic white men, which is their ultimate goal? 

I think people like the idea of these mlm ships more than canon content. if there’s canon, it’s harder for them to make a variety of ships because it feels like everything else has to rotate around the canon without touching it (which is where the bare fandom gets Matt x Lucas because they’re the closest they have to 2 basic men- I can write my criticism of them another time though) 

I’ve also seen posts saying that things with canon lgbt+ characters sometimes have smaller fandoms because there is no need for lgbt+ theorizing- it’s right there, and if you want lgbt+ content, watch the thing. I don’t necessarily agree with this for myself (I’ll reblog every pilgrim’s hands gifset I see) but I can definitely see how other people might think this way 

failing to hype up stuff with lgbt+ characters can have a negative impact. BMC is the prime example of how a show can be revived by its passionate fan base. if people aren’t talking about bare, it’s not going to spread like other shows do 

this is kind of all over the place but anyway- I want to talk about characters more. one thing DEH and BMC have are great, complex characters that are very easy to boil down to a fandom’s favorite stereotypes. I am absolutely not saying DEH and BMC have simple characters because I think all of them have layers; however, fandoms do love to go “this is precious cinnamon roll who can do no wrong and this is evil awful terrible irredeemable person” and it’s a bit difficult to do that with bare. 

you can say Peter is your perfect son, but he does try to force Jason out before he’s ready. you can say Ivy is the evil seductress trying to tear apart your gay babies, but I will physically fight you. there aren’t any black-and-white good or bad bare characters (except Father Flynn- hate him), which doesn’t fit in line with the way fandoms function. sweeping generalizations about the current state of society based on the internet are exhausting and bad, but we do live in an age where everything must either be perfect or evil, and you can’t do that with bare. no one “did nothing wrong uwu” and that’s what fandoms Want 

(note: they will excuse wrong actions, such as everything wrong Connor Murphy has ever done, if the character is played by a mildly attractive guy they want to ship with another mildly attractive guy) 

another point that I don’t have fully fleshed out thoughts on enough to devote too much time to is the integration of parents into the shows. in both DEH and BMC, the parents get redemption arcs. in bare, Claire does say she love Peter at the end, but she’s much less of a sympathetic character than Mr. Heere or Heidi (that’s her name right- Evan’s mom) or the Murphys. when I was younger, I wasn’t allowed to watch anything that painted parents, or adults in general, in a negative light, but maybe that’s not a universal experience 

this is getting way too long and it probably has more thought put into it than what was necessary, so I’ll try to close this quickly 

I think, first off, that DEH and BMC completely deserve the hype that they have received. they’ve got compelling stories, interesting characters, and fantastic soundtracks. I also think that luck factors heavily into them getting what they deserve. there are plenty of great shows, like bare and the boy who danced on air and spies are forever and probably more that I’m not thinking of, that have great music and characters and story that, out of sheer chance, don’t get the chance they should have been given. there is no bulleted list someone can follow and at the end they’ll be on broadway with an armful of tonys; is the luck of the draw, and bare has not been afforded that chance 

I’ll end with some reasons why anyone who happened to read this but might not be a bare fan should listen to or watch bare: 

- it is an amazingly clever show; every time I watch it or listen to it, I realize another moment of foreshadowing or a line I originally brushed off was actually very significant or there’s another recurring motif/theme in the music 

- it’s full of bops (go listen to you and I or are you there or portrait of a girl) 

- canon gay characters in a canon gay relationship 

- 3 dimensional fem characters that actively criticize stereotypes 

- it’s about a religious gay boy who grapples with his religion and his sexuality and how those two things can coexist 

- it is Very Very Good

in conclusion: bare is very good and deserves attention xx

#this is all over the place but I tried #idk if this is what you wanted but it's what you got ldkfjdlsjfk #I Love analyzing stuff like this- this is my dream ask ldkfjlskf #ask #bluejaye91 #bare a pop opera #dear evan hansen #be more chill #it's after 5 tags that stuff doesn't show up in main tags right? #bc I'm tagging for myself and not for everyone but who knows if everyone will see it anyway ldkjfdlf #rambles

[sicklylittlesnowflake]

Hi there I noticed you write for Riverdale and I am in desperate need of some sick and delirious Jughead, maybe while he's living at school or homeless and caretaker archie and jug freaking out about what's going to happen next in his life because he's super stressed and Archie comforting him and telling him it'll be alright

(Hey anon! Thanks so much for the prompt! It was so much fun! Also, did I shove Reggie in somehow?? Yeah, I did. Are there like, 400 DEH references? Yes. Whoops. And I’m so sorry this took so long!)

Jughead never felt like he was a part of society. He always felt this disconnect, on the outside looking in. He told himself that he was fine this way, that being an outsider and standing out of the circle was the way he belonged, where he was meant to be. He prided himself in this. However at times, he wanted to step in, be a part of  something. He wanted to feel real, be a part of society and just be a regular kid. However, coming from a disadvantaged background, mental illnesses and his sexuality, he found it rather difficult.

Today, he felt even less in present, even more zoned out and real. Jughead didn’t even feel like he was in his own body, like he was in some strange trance and he wasn’t even in control.

And that was because Riverdale High turned off its heating after 7pm.

Naturally, of course, because high schools aren’t designed for teenage boys from the wrong side of the tracks to live in.

Of course Jughead wasn’t thrilled to be living in a school closet, but he wasn’t as upset about it as one might have expected. Growing up, his home had basically been so, a place where he felt stifled and unsafe. The school closet was the same, except the monsters wasn’t his family, rather, it was the biting cold that gave him this fever.

When the bells rung, Jughead stumbled into Science only to see a bunch of Freshmen sitting along. The teacher looked at him with confusion.

“Jughead? This isn’t your..”

Jughead blushed furiously and whipped around, not even saying anything which was even weirder than just apologising. His teacher probably thought he was high. He just couldn’t focus on anything; and he just felt so weak that he wasn’t even sure if he could make it to History (where he was meant to be) which was literally one door down.

He actually did, in a minutes time, when it should’ve taken a matter of seconds, and when he did, the teacher was glaring at him.

“Mr Jones..” The teacher breathed in, clearly cross.

Before he could continue Jughead’s breath was hitching as he turned his face away from the class and ducked into his elbow, sneezing twice.

“Sorry,” Jughead sniffled, suddenly growing aware of all the judgmental stares he was receiving. The silence was painful.

“Just sit down, Jones!” The teacher hissed, and Jughead began to make his way to his seat.

“Looks like the emo poster child of 2007 snorted too much coke this morning!” Reggie taunted, smirking, and secretly excited for Jughead’s comeback.

He waited in anticipation; but to his disappointment Jughead didn’t say a word. Hell, it seemed like he didn’t even hear him. All Reggie got was a harsh “Mantle!” from their history teacher. He just sat down and looked like he was in a daze, slightly swaying and heads of sweat collecting by his forehead.

Reggie raised his eyebrows, secretly concerned for the brunette, and discreetly kept glancing at him from time to time.

As the bell rung announcing the ending of class, the students began to pile out and head onto their next class. Jughead got up drowsily, his splitting headache causing him to squint a little. He felt so weak and lightheaded, his legs shaking a little with the cold and he felt just about like he was going to cave in.

“Jones!” The teacher called.

Jughead barely heard the call and stumbled towards his history teacher, and just barely missed Reggie’s concerned and worried glance towards him, before reluctantly leaving the room.

“Listen kid, this behaviour isn’t acceptable, you know that, but you’re clearly sick, and I’m letting you off the hook.”

“Of course sir I understand why you’re putting this on the system,” Jughead said feverishly, clearly not understanding what had just been told to him. His brain was turning to mush.

“Wha..? Listen kid, just..go to the nurse or something, you look really sick..”

“Forgive me sir, I’m really sorry, it won’t happen again,” Jughead slurred as he let out a small, dry cough into his fist as he began to stumble out into his next class.

He was shaking the next two classes, from how weak his body was, and from how cold he felt. No matter how much he tugged his denim jacket close to him, he couldn’t get warm and his shaking began to catch the attention of the other students.

Sometimes, he’d feel too hot, sweat dripping from his scalp, as disgusting as it was. But as he’d remove his jacket he’d start shivering like a mad man again. He honestly felt so horrible. He couldn’t even concentrate on anything; the teacher seemed to be speaking a foreign language despite being in Geography.

His headache was even worse, and as pathetic as it was it made him want to cry. He felt so awful, and the fact that he would come “home” to a sleeping bag in a freezing cold closet made everything so much worse. He wished he could at least stay at the Drive-In, where he had a shitty, but nonetheless, a bed. There was also a portable heater; which was something! Having a job also meant money, which meant he could buy medicine and soup. He mourned his loss as he rested his head on the table for the next periods.

“Yo Andrews!”

“What is it, Reggie?”

“Could you spare a minute?” Reggie asked, looking like his normal, cocky self but something in his eyes seemed odd to him.

Archie nodded, and walked with Reggie to the locker rooms where no one was.

Reggie looked around suspiciously, “Er–your friend, uh, Donnie Darko doesn’t seem to be doing too hot.”

Archie’s eyes widened, “What?! What’s wrong?”

Reggie shrugged, “Don’t know man, looked like he had a fever. Like, shaking and looking like he was about to collapse. He looked full on like a ghost when he walked in, sunken eyes and stuff. Listen, like, he looked so bad that even I’ve left him alone.”

Archie nodded, “I’ll go find him.”

He went off in a hurry, but stopped abruptly, “Oh, thanks Reggie.”

“..Yeah, it’s no problem dude.”

When Archie found Jughead, by his locker, he had realised Betty had found him first.

“Juggie! Do you wanna go get some hamburgers at Pops after school?”

“No, I don’t have any science homework Betty,” Jughead said weakly, one hand on his locker to support himself, the locker door shielding his face from Betty’s view.

Betty blinked at this response, his response literally making no sense.

“Wait..” Betty said suspiciously, closing Jughead’s locker so she could examine his face and gasped.

“Jug! You look awful!” She said in concern, reaching out to feel his cheek for a fever. Jughead meant to duck away, but his reflexes were too slow.

“You’re sick! Jughead, here, I’ll walk you home–”

Somehow, this one sentence got through the Jughead and he could actually hear it. Through his feverish mind, he suddenly got really emotional and he could feel tears coming to his eyes. He shook a little.

“No,” He choked out, lip quivering and entire body racked with shakes, like he was some epicentre of an earthquake.

Betty bringing up going home was like an icy cold shot to his heart, because there was no home to go home to. In fact, there was never a home to begin with. The school closet was stifling and ridiculously cold; and his family home was equally as stifling and cold. He had nowhere to go.

‘I have nowhere to go,’ Jughead thought over and over again. It was like some mantra being imprinted onto his mind, getting louder and louder, clashing with his agonising headache, making it all the more painful.

He could see himself sleeping at the closet tonight, cold and alone, shivering as his fever nightmares came to haunt him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” Jughead choked as he suddenly turned away, walking away quickly, too weak to run.

“Jug?!” Betty exclaimed worriedly as the boy disappeared, frozen and unable to follow him.

Archie then started to run after him, and followed him until Jughead retreated into the school closet which left him confused and dumbfounded.

Jughead’s chest felt so tight, he couldn’t breathe and he was too hot and too cold. He was shaking ferociously, unstable and and panting out, trying to get some air into his lungs but he just couldn’t breathe. He put a hand to his chest, trying to somehow stop this panic attack but couldn’t.

His breathing was shallow and far too rapid, he leaned his head against the wall and pulled at his hair in desperation, for it all to stop. He began to sob, not even caring about how pathetic and stupid the sounds he was making sounded.

Archie stepped into the closet, and first laid his eyes on his crying and panicking best friend, which was a huge blow to his heart. Then, he suddenly took on his surroundings, seeing Jughead sitting on a sleeping bag, surrounded by a huge bag, various books and other things, the whole scene looking like a makeshift home.

Suddenly, Archie realised that it was a makeshift home. His heart shattered just there.

Words failed. There was nothing he could say. He couldn’t think of anything to say; his whole body racked with various emotions. Anger at himself for not even noticing that Jughead was drowning, not even realising that his friend was falling apart, for letting Jughead get to this stage.

“Jug,” He said pathetically, kneeling down next to Jughead and carefully laying a hand on him.

“Is this okay?” He asked kindly.

Jughead could only nod slightly and then Archie had his arms around him.

“Hey, I know this is hard but try to copy me. Take as much time as you need,” Archie then proceeded to breathe in and out slowly, coaxing Jughead to do the same. Eventually, the boy started to calm down slightly.

Jughead weakly rested his head on Archie’s shoulder and sniffled, “I d-don’t know what to do Arch..I’ve got nowhere to go..”

Archie’s heart broke, “Jug..how long..?”

“I’ve been here about two weeks; but I’ve been..living at the Drive-In for about 5 months..”

“Since June?! Fuck, Jug why didn’t you tell–” Archie suddenly froze as he realised what this meant. July 4th weekend, Jughead and Archie were meant to go on a road trip. Presumably, Jughead was going to tell him. Archie failed; he failed so hard.

“…Arch..” Jug called out weakly.

“J-Jug, I-I’m so sorry..”

Jughead shook his head, snuggling close to his best friend, letting his guard down, feeling so unwell.

“Archie, its not your fault.”

Archie felt the heat radiating off of Jughead, frowning when he felt his forehead.

“I don’t have a home, Archie. I never had a home. You know, I used to think it’s because of some string of unfortunate events, some horrible coincidence..But Arch, it’s not that, isn’t it?” Jughead slurred feverishly.

“..It’s because I deserve it, right Archie? This is what I deserve,” Jughead said softly, completely shattering Archie’s heart.

“You’re coming home with me,” Archie said firmly.

“..wh..?”

“And you’re staying with us until you can find a better home, and if we’re the only home you can get, you’re staying with us.”

“..Arch, I can’t..”

“Yes you can Jug, this is something you deserve. It’s a fucking right to have a home, Jug, not a privilege. You are coming home,” Archie said firmly.

Jughead shook his head, “Archie, I don’t want to impose..”

Archie shook his head and picked Jughead up, no problem, he was nothing compared to the blocks of concrete he carried for his father the past summer.

“I owe you this, Jug,” Archie said firmly.

Jughead squirmed, “You don’t owe me anything–and you are not carrying me out in front of the whole school!”

“The only thing that matters to me right now is you,” Archie said quietly, carrying Jughead out, along with his bag of things out of the closet and out of the school gates.

There wasn’t much people; many had left already, except Reggie Mantle.

“..ah, fuck,” Jughead muttered, and was surprised to find there was no taunting nature in the boy’s eyes, only soft concern.

“..Dude, uh, don’t die,” Reggie said awkwardly, quickly turning away from them.

Jughead chuckled softly as they left the school, “..so, lesson of today is: Reggie Mantle isn’t as much of an asshole as one would assume.”

Archie laughed, “He really isn’t, Jug.”

Jughead sighed softly, unable to keep himself awake as he drifted into a sleep. Despite being walked by Archie, and also being on Archie’s back, it was the most comfortable sleep he’d had in quite a while.

When Archie got into the house, he quietly closed the door behind him and gently set Jughead down onto the couch. He spared a glance at him momentarily, then turned on his heel to the kitchen, when his father stepped in.

“Hey Arch–oh?” Fred exclaimed in confusion at the sick Jones boy on his couch.

“Dad, we have to talk.”

Fred frowned as he made his way over to the younger, sleeping teenager and felt his forehead, surprised at the heat, “Damn, this isn’t good. Here, let’s talk in the kitchen.”

As the two made their way to the kitchen, Archie turned to face his dad with a serious, yet almost desperate look on his face.

“Dad, Jughead’s homeless and he has been since June. His dad..just keeps letting him down. He’s been living in the school closet for god’s sake, which is how he managed to get himself sick.”

Archie smiled softly, “There’s not a day that goes by where I’m not so grateful I have such loving parents. While mom isn’t here, I know she loves me. And you? I owe so much to you dad. I don’t know what I’d do without such a nice family..and to think that many don’t have that..especially my best friend who deserves the world..”

“..and it’s only right that he should have one too. I know what you’re trying to say, Arch. Yes, he can stay. As long as it’s under my control, he can stay for as long as he likes.” Fred smiled softly, causing Archie to light up with delight.

Fred sighed, “FP..isn’t the greatest man, but he tries. Jughead does not deserve what he’s got, I’ve seen it since he was a little kid playing with you Archie. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to act on it.”

Fred patted Archie’s back with pride, “Im so glad that you were able to recognise that, Archie, that you acted so quickly because you saw an injustice, and wanted to fix it. I’m so proud.”

Archie sighed, “You really shouldn’t, I wasn’t as fast as you’re making it out to be. I..failed him numerous times, dad.”

“No you didn’t,” Jughead croaked out, standing by the doorway.

“Jesus, Jug!” Archie exclaimed in concern, Fred coming to Jughead’s side to support him as the boy looked like he was about to collapse.

“C'mon Jug, let’s get you to bed..” Fred cooed softly, wrapping an arm around the sickly, pale boy.

“..W-wait. A-arch, you didn’t fail me. These past few months..it’s like, fuck, I can’t believe I’m quoting a fucking musical, but like I’ve been waving through a window. Hoping someone could hear me, see me, whatever. Archie, you’re the first to wave back, and that’s all I’ve ever needed.”

“..Still Jug, as your resident Blood Brother I should’ve been there for you more, waved back earlier so you didn’t have to be in this much pain,” Archie said guiltily.

“..Well, you can make up for it by helping me get him up to your room and looking after him,” Fred suggested, smiling at his son warmly.

Archie finally smiled, chuckling lightly as he helped his father with Jughead up the stairs.

“You can sleep in my bed for now,” Archie said quietly, as to not worsen Jughead’s headache.

“Like when we were kids and you couldn’t sleep because you found Indiana Jones too scary?“Jughead teased, able to be his snarky self despite his fever, a sure sign that he wasn’t too bad.

”..Those snakes were terrifying!“ Archie protested, shuddering at the thought of those terrifying beasts.

Jughead chuckled, coughing a little, his chuckles sounding a little hoarse and congested.

Archie pulled the covers up, fluffing the pillows and tucking him in. Jughead raised his eyebrow.

“You gonna read me a bedtime story now, mama?” Jughead mocked, although there was nothing but fondness in his voice.

Archie smirked, sitting down at the edge of the bed and pulling on a funny voice, “Once upon a time there was this jackass called Jughead, and this great, wonderful, dashing knight called Archie..”

Archie went on with his shitty story for the next minute, and when he looked back at his best friend, he was fast asleep. He looked so peaceful; for the first time in so long. He smiled fondly, hoping that he could add in some much needed sunshine into Jughead’s life. He deserved it more than everything; and Archie would try as hard as he could so that he would.

#jughead jones #archie andrews #riverdale #qp jarchie #sickfic #prompts #fred andrews #did i actually write a prompt in a day?? #holy shit i did #fever

[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 80

Lynn opened the door and invited me in. I walked in and said that it smelled good like her essential oils in there, and she she thanked me. She asked how im doing and I said good and asked how she was. She said she was also good and asked how my week has been. I said I don’t know its been good but at the same time I’ve been super anxious and she asked why. I said I don’t know but ive narrowed down my week into two things. I first started by saying how I was asked to be an iop therapist and how weird the interview was, and I think she just took it more so being a good pay opportunity. She said treatment centers have a lot of money and her friend is contracted to do one day a week and makes like 5 or 600 a day because she says she has athriving practice and by being at the center she is missing out on that pay. Lynn was like you need to make sure you are negotiating a good pay for this. I said okay and that I hadn’t really known what ot expect with that but that it seemed like a good opportunity to be able to say that ive worked in a treatment center and honestly I enjoy group therapy and would like to be able to do that once a week, just not a full time inpatient thing. She was like oh ok that’s good. I said the other thing was the mind fuck with my mom with how well she handled me coming to visit and lynn was basically like well it sounds like a good week and maybe your mom is changing because people change and I was like I mean maybe and she was like or youll get an earful of guilt when you go and then you can be like ok im tired im gonna go now and besides youre used to tht and its to be expected right? I was like yeah that’s true. She was like so overall it sounds like a really good week, idk why youre anxious and I was like idk I guess just feeling overwhelmed in general and my employee under me who sucks has been fucking up again and she was basically like well maybe its time to leave this job since this other job just fell into your lap and I was like idk because I wouldn’t have insurance or benefits and she was like oh that’s right but if its affecting you it might be worth it still and I was like idk everything is up in the air because what if we have a kid or something and she was ike yea. I said I just wished that I was better at manging my anxiety around conflict because I always panic and be overly nice and I said how my husband overheard me on the phone with him and how when I hung up he asked why I was so nice and said he would have ripped him a new one and handed his ass to him and how Juliana was like wait you said that o him? And said a better response that lets him know hes walking a fine line with being fired and I just wish I didn’t panic about it. Lynn basically said people who are conflict avoidant sometimes just cant be supervisors and I just sat there feeling like shit and was like ok. She was like idk but maybe you need to look at what your long term goals are and see when its going to be time to leave. I was like I mean the treatment center laid out options of eventually doing all three days and doing my private practice there with benefits but I don’t want o get ahead of myself. She was like oh ok. I said idk what my long term goals really are, just htat I always take on anything that makes me feel like it makes me look better because I hope it will make me feel better about myself. She was like oh ok and then awkwardly stared at me like she was waiting for me to add something to it. She was like so what do you want ot work on and I was like I guess what weve been working on.

She pointed to the tappers and was like well it looks like we were at a 1 and I was like with what and she was like ummm and flipped through her notes and apparently wasn’t sure what she was even talking about and was like well whats the sud when you think of the target belief and I was like I don’t matter unless im sick? And she was like or just I don’t matter and I was like idk I guess it’s a 6 or 7 because my heart starts to race and I feel anxious when I think about it. She was like ok well just go with that. I noticed that I was like well why don’t I matter, and then the rest of my emdr is a mix of it all because I cant remember everything and I went and got kava and talked to the lady for a while so im trying to remember it all now. I noticed that I nevre really bring up my issues with my dad but I know that we have them because we never talk and I feel livid when I do talk to him and idk why. She asked me to notice that and why and I was like I really don’t know but my parents always said I was just ahormonal teen and it was a me thing and idk if that’s true or something happened and I feel like theres something wrong with me because I still feel instantly so mad like if my dad picks up the house phone or my moms phone. She asked me to notice again why and I was like idk ive felt this way probably since I was like 12 and I was trying to thnk of what might have happened when I was 12 and I said I started my new school and hated it and she asked who made me go there and I said both my parents and she was like well maybe youre mad about that and I was like maybe and she said to go with that and I said well I know it made me mad that it felt like they never respected my boudnaries or space because I remember feeling so out of place at school and never remembered them asking about that but do remember them pushing me hardcore to call this group of girls at the school to hang out and I felt so anxious and they made me do it anyway but I knew I was an outsider and it dindt work out because they were busy. I said I felt like I never really had any control over when I did or said or who I was And I said I rememberd being forced to go to church when I dindt want to anymore and I would lie and say I was sick or my stomach hurt and try to do anything to get out of it but they didn’t let me.I said I wasn’t allowed to watch pg13 movies and went with whatever I was told like how I thought I preferred chocolate and how I thought I hated musical theate because they told me that but I actually dint hate it. I noticed how when  Lynn asked me if I could have compassion for that 12 yr old kid and I was like um idk and she was like think about it and I was like I mean when I think about my 12 yr old me faking jokes to get my friends fruit snacks because I was hungry yes, and I can appreciate that I was empathic like remembering my 7th grade teacher having had bulimia and feeling empathy for her, but I cant empathize with that kid who lived in the controlling house with my parents. I noticed that I cant empathize because I feel like they gave me everything an she was like um but, and I was like idk why it feels like that negates everything else and she was like I was about ot ask that and I was like because I remember him fighting with me and always being like I sacrificed everything for you and I gave up my dream and my friendships and my own hobbies so that I could be at your activities and I thought about how my two fellow coworkers who are moms will bitch about their kids sports schedules but at the nd of the day they always say how they do it because they love their kids and it makes them happy and I started to tear up and I said that it never felt like my dad really was there because he wanted to be there and he loved me, it felt more like it was keeping up appearances or because he felt like he should and I was some sort of obligation. I said how maybe I don’t usually feel as bothered by the dad issues because I do have some positive memories looking back with him, like where he took my brother and I to play stick ball or softball. Although now that I think about it, it makes more sense that the reason im not as bothered by my dad issues is because it evokes anger and I avoid anger at all costs. She asked me if I could have compassion for that kid and I was like honestly not really and she said basically that I can continue to feel guilty forever and I was like thanks lynn and she was like well its true or you could start having compassion for yourself. I was like I just wish that I dint feel like it was my fault and she was like well you start by having compassion for yourself, and I just kind of stared at her because it doesn’t really make sense to me and she was like just try it, just try. I said I would try.

She had me pay and scheduled for next time. She asked if id be in the city this weekend and I said yeah and asked what shows hse suggests I see. I was shocked because she totally blanked and was like see hello dolly and I was like um ok and she was like what else is on right now and I was like well if you cant remember, they must not have been that good and she was like no its not that lol. I was like ok and she was like well actually we just saw mean girls. She said her and her daughter didn’t love it but it was ok. She suggested Sweeney todd saying if I liked dark things it was a good one. She was like go see Hamilton and I said I was seeing it on tour for my birthday. I said that people keep suggesting once on this island but I don’t generally like islander type things, like I wasn’t a big fan of moana. She was like I loved moana I thought it was just so pretty. She said she did see once on this island and it was short and she thought it was ok but she loved the costumes and she said but shes a costume person. I was like and hey maybe on a brighter note, I felt sort of indifferent when my mom said she wanted to see a show with me and she was like well if shes paying for it take it and I was like shes making me pay her back lol but I don’t mind because its phantom, but last summer I had a total melt down over my mo not wanting to see dear evan Hansen with my on my birthday and this time around I guess I just dindt have any sort of care or expectation with it. She said it was definitely progress and I was like and I got tickets for deh again because I love it so much. She laughed and was like sounds like you have it all planned out and I was like well phantom Friday and she was like don’t forget I told you about rush tickets and I was like and ill rush Saturday come from away and see deh that night, but im trying to figure out what to do for Sunday. She was like ok well I still vote for hello dolly. Lol I was like ok, ill keep that in mind. I said goodbye and headed out.

[wemysteriouslybigcollectorp-blog]

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[justanotherdeadgirlwalking]

That is Just the Saddest F**king Thing I Have Ever Heard.

TW obviously DEH is about a kid’s suicide, so it has those themes

other parts :)

Part Four. 

Despite the fact that I have spent literal months in bed, there is just something so relieving about being in my own bed. It doesn’t reek of death and sickness, just the familiar stench of my cologne, the indent where my butt fits perfectly. The comfort from the familiarity is unmatched. This room is my own private kingdom, the only place where I was ever important. I could hide away in my room and never feel lonely; I had books that I have read hundreds of time to keep me company. Everything I needed is in here, my mind is always stimulated. My pencils and sketchbooks never let me get bored, I could sketch for hours on end, my art was never done, something could always be revised. Plus, my stash of weed I kept hidden in my drawer helped me push through some of the worst days. This is the room where I spent the nights I couldn’t sleep and all the days I’ve spelt away.

I wish I could say my room is exactly how I left it. My bed was made with new, fresh sheets; my laundry was picked up off the floor, now sitting washed and neatly folded in a basket. Somehow, it feels like I am in someone else’s room, and yet, its still my bedroom. I should know better, Cynthia wouldn’t leave a mess in here when she had so much idle time, so much time to sit and worry. She redecorated every room in the house it seems. There’s new furniture, new paintings on the wall. I feel like I walked into a Pottery Barn add and not the home I grew up in.

Readjusting to life, my new life, has been a struggle. I thought I would be able to just slip back into old routine: going to school unnoticed, walking in the park unnoticed, spending time alone without anyone caring; I thought I could return to my life of being a barley in the background kind of guy. I was dreading going back to school. The dread I was feeling about going back after being gone for so long, after this Connor Project bullshit I don’t even know what to expect. I knew Evan had dropped a grenade on my life, but I didn’t know how big the explosion was. Mom let me miss a few more days before the inevitable. I told her I wasn’t mentally healthy enough to go back yet. Unfortunately, my psychologist disagreed and told her it was time for me to go back. So much for doctor-patient confidentiality.  I tried bargaining with them too; I’d go back to school, but only to a new one, or online. No dice. If I ran away from my problems now, I’d spend my whole life running. It would be better for me to face my fears head on, go back to high school. I don’t know why it was so important that I couldn’t transfer; I’m super behind anyway, so why not save myself from the embarrassment.

My life will never go back to how it was before. I used to be feared, I was the school freak. Now, everyone wants to be my friend. People I’ve never talked to before are asking me how my day is; people are waiting for me after class to walk with me. Alana Beck offered to tutor me to help me catch up on all the work I missed; I just feel like a charity case. “It’s because we’re such great acquaintances” she said. More like she needs some more material to upload on the website she runs. No doubt she picked up this whole “project” as a resume booster. I can’t blame her, something like this would definitely get the attention of some college admission people.

Besides everyone trying to be my friend, school wasn’t that bad. I met with all of my teachers, and if I put a lot of work in, I’ll still be able to graduate on time. They all seemed very concerned about me, they wanted to help me as much as they could. Some were even willing to set up times to meet with me outside of school to help me miss all the material I missed. My guidance consular is trying to pull strings for me so I can still apply to colleges. Unfortunately, I missed the deadline to apply to a lot of art schools, and it doesn’t look like they’re going to budge on that, mostly the ones that I wanted to go to too. It’s okay I suppose, I don’t have a portfolio put together, so it’s not like I have anything to show. I still have time to figure everything out. Most likely, I would start at one school and just transfer into the program I want to go to.

Everyone wanted to be my friend and talk to me, but the one person I wanted to talk to was avoiding me. It’s not hard to avoid someone at school, just turn the corner or tuck into a room, but at home you have to be extra stealthy. Zoe seemed to have joined a plethora of after school activities, band, drama club, she even joined the track team, and she hates exercising. Anything to keep her out of the house, to have to miss family dinners, and have to go to school before me, and stay later than me, so she doesn’t have to drive with me. I just want my sister to acknowledge me. She seems to be attached to the hip to Evan, I guess they’re dating. Zoe probably never found out about the creepy letter he wrote about her.

The letter. I have read it too many times to count. It’s everywhere. It was first posted on The Connor Project’s website and it’s been shared thousands of time. Everyone thinks its my suicide note. It’s so odd, it reads like one, there’s so much pain and hurt in it. It makes sense that people believe its my note. Though, it’s weird that everyone is ignoring that I supposedly confessed my love to my sister in it. Maybe they all just assume we were close and it just sibling love. I wonder if I actually took a second to read it, beyond the blurb about my sister, how different everything would be. Evan was struggling, a struggle I knew too well. I was too caught up in my bullshit to even see that. I wish I could go back to that day. He needed a friend as much as I needed one. I could’ve reached out to him and told him there was no reason for him to feel that way.

On the other hand, it seems that my attempted suicide was the best thing that ever happened to Evan. He’s popular now, and he has a girlfriend. It feels like my parents adopted him too. He’s always here, after school, for dinner, sometimes he stays the night. He even has his own room here too, Cynthia converted the guest room into his bedroom, “so he feels at home here” she said. Zoe usually sneaks in there at night. I would have never imagined my parents would let my sister’s boyfriend basically live here. I guess at first he was invited in because my parents thought he was my only friend, and they wanted to learn about me from him. Then he grown on them; they like him. He has tea and talks to mom and helps her cook; he plays catch with Larry, he even uses my baseball glove. Sure, I never used it, I got it as a birthday gift one year and just left it in the bag with the tags still on; that’s not the point. I feel like my parents adopted him as the son they’ve always wanted. A replacement for the disappointment I am.

Mom and dad thought that I would like my supposed best friend around all the time. I can’t even look at him without wanting to just rip him to shreds. I am just waiting for the right moment to expose him. Our friendship and emails we shared were all lies. He made them all up, made a fake account, wrote fake emails, made up stories and lies about me. He’s not even a good liar, none of the stories he told makes sense, there’s so many holes in the stories. He gave a whole speech about going to the apple orchard with me for the first time, when he broke his arm, but there are emails about going there that are dated months before that fake day. He wrote emails from my perspective, that I was doing well, really well, getting better. Then I tried to kill myself and no one understands why I tried. There are so many questions in the comment sections under the posted emails, people want answers, and Evan can’t keep his story straight. It’s only a matter of time before someone asks me about it, and I don’t think I’ll be able to maintain the façade. I think the only reason no one has asked me yet is because they don’t want to hurt me, but questions can only be left unanswered for so long before people go hunting for what they want to hear. They want the truth. Unless Evan comes clean, I’m the only one that can give it to them. I doubt he will, he has the life he’s always wanted. It’s not like he has a conscience, he would never have taken this lie this far if he did.

#deh #dear evan hansen #connor murphy #dear connor murphy #connor murphy deh #mike faist #DEH fanfic #deh fandom #Dear evan hansen fanfic #evan hansen #ben platt #zoe murphy #tree bros #musicals #fanfiction