#its ok bc no one needs anything from me. and i dont need anything from anyone else

[desire-mona]

dead poets society chars but i assign them random things ive seen happen on the internet / random videos or posts i remember (not based on anything it is genuinely at random):

neil - tony crynight's fnaf animation series which i dont entirely remember the plot of but i'll try to describe. so basically its fake mangle lore to say that mangle is the way they are (all broken and shit) because Mangle kissed Foxy and Chica got jealous so she took a Machete to Mangle to Mangled them. and then the gang tries to save mangle or whatever

todd - fluffle puff, someones pink fluffy mlp oc who was in lesbians with chrysalis (i think thats her name, i never watched mlp). mosy notably known for the animation to pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. also the creator is a pedophile i think

charlie - sorrow tv and his entire existence. sorrow tv was a youtuber who made videos reading out reddit videos in silly voices. there was a whole posse of youtubers who did this, and he was the most popular just bc his voice acting was rly good. i still watch him every couple months even tho he hasnt posted since 2021.

cameron - does bruno mars is gay? i think about cameron man door hand hook car door every day, so i obviously need to point to my third favourite silly trying to be serious sentence. most ppl know this from game grumps but im not linking a game grumps video on here. rumour come out!

knox - venturiantale, the youtube channel usually consisting of 4? siblings playing gmod together usually. the channel itself was ran by this guy named jordan i think? and his siblings has their own channels. i knew them best for their fnaf gmod videos and their fanmail videos. turns out they were all very christian? and the whole family was abusive and way deep into said christianity if i remember correctly, one of the siblings who left first made a video on it. the venturiantale channel hasnt posted in like 2 yrs and the slow death was kinda sad to see bc he (jordan) blamed it all on The Algorithm.

meeks - that one nagito komaeda kinnie back in Whenever it was cutting off their finger to. i guess prove that they were a nagito kinnie frfr? if u dont know danganronpa lore then nagito gets his hand cut off and replaced with junko enoshima's hand because sheeeee got... executed? i wont lie i dont remember this part of the games story sorry. but essentially that one person was like I Gotta Do That........ anyway im jk the audio was faked and nothing actually happened + the person is fine LAWL

pitts - the key of awesome's parody of tiktok by kesha called glitter puke. theres no lore to this the key of awesome is / was ? a silly little song parody channel. this video was made in 2010 and it kinda shows in some moments but other than that it holds up. just checked and the key of awesome is Not still going, it ended 6 years ago and the last video was actually rly good and genuine

keating - onma island is buried a treasure chest. ok so basically mr beast made a video talking abt a private island and he buried. a treasure chest for a viewer to find. during the video he said "on my island is buried a treasure chest" but it sounded like "onma" which this one youtuber (pinely) found rly funny. it became an inside joke with his friends (one of whom got a tattoo) which then became a lowkey meme. mr beast even tweeted it so. good lord thats a lot of links sorry there isnt a know your meme page or anything

chris - i dont have any links for this one sorry, im just gonna tell the story and u have to believe me when i say i swear it happened (its very a believable fandom story im sure you will). so back when the genshin impact was still in its fairly early days (late 2020-early 2021) the phrase "hear me out" to refer to characters n stuff started becoming popular I THINK at the same time. so people in the genshin fandom were like hear me out with increasingly more heinous shit. started with characters, then npcs, then enemies, then bosses, then weapons, the stamina bar at one point, etc. a lot of these were jokes or straight up bait but back then (maybe now too - i havent been part of the genshin fandom for a LONG time) people took bait far more often than they didnt. so it became a "genshin fandom bad" gotcha to point out That One stamina bar post.

ginny - $300 junko enoshima wig! sorry for double dipping with danganronpa it was just the first fandom i actually started like. on purpose noting fandom happenings with + a lot of shit happens in that fandom. this one cosplayer who at the time was called snowthesaltqueen / badguyincorporated started selling pre-made (and styled) junko enoshima cosplay wigs for $300. which WOULD be fair (i think? idk how cosplay commissions work) if said wig was styled well or quality at all, but what was ACTUALLY provided was a rly basic wig base and few clips with no note or no nothing, and rly flat. like on purpose. like that was "the styling". also you may recognise this cosplayer for 1) getting in trouble when they did a cosplay photoshoot (danganronpa cosplay funnily enough) in a graveyard, posing ON a gravestone. 2) KILLING SOMEONE. they were screwing around with a firearm and fake pointing it at someone and then they accidentally shot them.

i could do this forever like actually. i have SO many internet stories in my brain its actually bad.

#desire mona #if any of u remember any of these TELL ME #my personal fav is onma island i think its so funny #also the one i discovered most recently #onma island is buried a treasure chest #dead poets society #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #richard cameron #knox overstreet #steven meeks #gerard pitts #john keating #chris noel #ginny danburry #mona internet factoids #tw pedophila mention #tw gun violence

[francy-sketches]

I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life

#.txt #also I have to do a movie pitch for it bitch it's an amv with intentionally one dimensional characters 😭 tf do I even say about it #at least the characters are like. knockoff jaime and tommen so its almost like im drawing asoiaf fanart #unfortunately I've come to hate them. the knockoffs I mean #I wanna change the designs a bit so they dont resemble my blorbos as much. i think im gonna give the kid darker hair #ok well discount jaime just looks like him with 2 hands and a blue cape 💀and I cant change him atp #my worst mistake was giving him like. a solid metal skirt armor thing bc its a pain in the ass to animate #at the start of the year I had the most work done out of everyone how did this happen #its bc they started nitpicking the story and I kinda lost motivation to work on it lke this shit is stupid. and cringe #by they I mean the extra screenwriting teachers we had a couple lessons with which like. this is an animation course not a writing course #I'd get it if it was like. a full time school but we have 2 3 hour classes a week we dont have time for this shit man #ig my mistake was that my idea didn't start from the story it started from the song I wanted to make a cool music video for it #its not that the story is nonsensical or anything its just a very basic fairytale esque thing nothing groundbreaking #'but you're not SAYING anything with this' I'm not trying to omg just let me make my little amv :( #does everything need a plot twist or to subvert expectations is it not enough that it looks cool #there's a couple people who are worse off than me in terms of how much they've done but also theres a couple that are nearly done #looking at them like god I wish that were me..... #and also I think I accidentally overwrote a shot I worked on for 3 hours. killing myself #maybe I can restore a previous version but its on the school computer and the school is closed for a week so im not gonna know until then

[claitea]

finished the dlc! enjoyed it a lot :D

#clai speaks #i'll talk abt it in tags so dont open these if you havent played #first of all. no other mentions of unova at all other than the mention that blueberry academy is located there ok </3 #not a big deal ofc i just. really like unova if you couldnt tell HJSBDHHD #actual story was great! its no main story but it didnt need to be. sv's story was already brilliant the dlc didnt need to save it for me-- #--like swsh's dlc saved its main game in my eyes. ily calyrex shoutout to my buddy calyrex #lots of little details added like borders for menus that matched your location or phone case and chairs for your picnics!!! #always a sucker for minor aesthetic changes thank you pokemon #carmine made a bad first impression but i warmed up to her i like her a lot :) #kieran...... :( poor guy #weeping sobbing crying about the fact that the last protag sees of him is him crying and running from them #never have i been so upset that i dont have full control of my characters actions within the story #the way carmine and protag kinda just... dismiss kieran so protag can catch ogerpon #talk to him he's distraught!!!!!! he's gonna turn sour in pt 2 no!!!!!! kieran!!!!!!!!!!!! #also speaking of ogerpon. little guy :) very very cute love its mask gimmick #i named mine Kino after the xe/noblade nopon bc i cant think of anything else But a nopon when it keeps saying Pon lmao #also!! sinistcha!!! love how it uses a whisk as hair. also Matcha Gotcha has to be one of my favorite move names now #i'll get around to catching enough pokemon for perrin eventually i'm done for tonight #in summary teal mask was very good i'm very pleased :)

[carcarrot]

old man yells at cloud about constant sequels

#i wantttttt to like the beetlejuice sequel (just saw the trailer) and i don't want to be a hater. however #i dont knowwwww i mean theres a lot of callbacks to the original. which is good. its just #maybe its seeing some of these same effects done in cgi. or something #like it just looks like every other modern movie except w some of that beetlejuice imagery #im assuming the sandworms are cgi. bring back the claymationnnn bring back practical effectssss #idk im just really getting to hate the way movies nowadays look that are likely shot digitally and are just so subdued color wise #is any of this making sense. #like thinking of the original beetlejuice like whoa the colors were popping! greens reds purples! #and theyre so important and tied to the look of the movie and how it sticks in your mind #(im sorry. beetlejuice has always been one of my favorite movies. but anyway) #and now the sequel just looks ehhhh. you know #also we still should have had beetlejuice goes hawaiian instead. if we had to have a sequel #plus the story of the sequel seems so dependent on the story of the first movie like is there going to be anything original? #what made the first movie so good was not only was it a fun different storyline of these ghosts and everything #but it was also a good satire of the yuppies of that era as well as the idea of the afterlife and ghosts and all that. which was different! #im probably not making all of my points clearly and this doesnt really matter anyway but anyway #i need movies to be standalone movies. i dont want everything to be part of a series #i dont want beetlejuice to be called beetlejuice 1 #bc then ill be saying 'back in my day we had only one beetlejuice' #LIKE. yes some movies are really good and you could watch a whole tv show more with the characters in that movie #but it doesnt actually have to be made. thats for you to imagine in your mind #like wow i love those characters in beetlejuice. i wonder what it would be like going forward for these people to live with ghosts #but thats for you and your imagination!!!! ugh i dont know is any of this making sense i ask again. i keep trying to wrap up this post #but im very passionate about films and as i think about my own main movie idea/screenplay #i love my characters and i could put them in dozens of scenarios that would be very funny for them to deal with #but i dont think they need a five film series. the one movie is enough for the main storyline #ok im going to eat something. enough bitching from me about the current state of film

[cosmicsnufkin]

for the record if you ever see me reblogging from a zionist or terf or anyone spewing anything racist or antisemitic or ableist, please just let me know i'm tired of finding out half a year too late

#i dont have the time or energy to fucking go through every single persons blog to make sure i dont reblog from some creep #i've been following this one blog for a while now and rly liking some of their posts about gender and stuff like that #and haven't seen anything suspicious #and now while looking up someone else i saw a post where someone was like #'if i see you reblogging from x or x i immediately distrust you bc they're zionists' #which like ok if you think i know that much about everyone i follow on this social fucking media site it's not like its in their bios #and if they've never reblogged or said anything like it! how the hell are you supposed to know!! #like yeah obvs i unfollowed them now #but god the righteousness #i should be asleep and i'm so pissed that i'm still up bc of this bullshit #for the record this is about genderkoolaid (and vaspider) apparently being zionists #i saw some posts that definitely seemed to point to that being correct #i did also see some that seemed to point to the contrary #but honestly im just gonna unfollow (+block) and avoid #if it turns out not to be true that wont hurt them and now i dont need to worry about it #god i just wanna sleep #ignore me

[ajdrawshq]

@ your tags on my post, i am shaking you like a maraca and yelling "YESSSSS"

i wanna see how kh3 tackles that whole thing because it's so eerily similar to what happens in the manga. and in the manga, he is in so much pain and agony, AND HE'S STILL FIGHTING. ROXAS IS THERE WITH HIM, HIS ONLY COMPANION, and then kh3 just tripped and fell on the glass table.

also, i think about this constantly, i want them to do something with it so bad.

YEA i cant wait to see the rest of kh3 manga chapters and how they handle everything, i especially loved the manga versions for days and kh2 and the way their stories were told - even tho kh3 has a Lot going on that might be hard to show well.. amano's been good at it so far tho so i have faith :]

but yeah that whole thing with Roxas is just . oughh. im not gonna lie even i forgot that Roxas was like. still there with Sora when he perishes until i thought abt it writing those tags but now that ive realized that. why the hell did they not take advantage of that!!!! like ok i get that it was more focused on the destiny trio in the ways i talked abt in the tags but yknow. what happened to "he makes up the difference"?? that wouldve been a great moment for it to shine!! ik they already make an example of it during the Xemnas n Saïx fight but still!!

part of me wishes Roxas couldve have more outward influence on Sora the way Ven did. granted, he arguably had an affect on Sora back in kh2, and while i dont remember if it was canon or even intended, that could be applied to both his appearance (his lighter hair, mostly) and his behavior (his hostility towards the organization members; ive seen this argued both as smth Roxas had influence over and purely based on Soras experiences thus far, and i believe in both personally) but Ven in kh3 was literally able to speak and somewhat act through him. im pretty sure this was meant to show that Ven was fully ready to awaken or smth like that, and that wasnt sonething that was needed for Roxas; hes alright, just needed a body/vessel for himself. but i still think itd be a cool way to express the earlier sentiment. and it wouldnt necessarily have to be Roxas "taking over" either, the manga shows very well how Roxas gives Sora strength from within and that he definitely does make a difference

to be fair tho...... whether that wouldve helped Sora in the moment that he gives in to his despair, im not sure. in kh2, both manga and game, hes in a very different mindset than kh3. in that part of the manga especially, despite thinking everyone (except Roxas) is gone for good, he still has the belief that they can live on within him. and that, plus the literal strength hes getting from Roxas, is keeping him going despite it all. in kh3 his self confidence is beyond fucked, and he truly believes in that moment that hes lost Everything, not just his friends. thats hard to come back from

i wonder if he were to remember that Roxas were still there, if that wouldve helped. whether for comfort in the way that hes not really alone then, or for motive to keep living bc if he dies then Roxas is gone too, or whatever reason, i think it couldve changed something, even if its just a little bit. hell, itd have been great if something like that happened afterwards in the final world. id like to think Roxas had a hand in Sora surviving ..... not sure how but its a nice thought. either way i do wish Sora n Roxas' connection and that moment they have in san fransokyo had more....... More. in kh3. it was a great opportunity that they didnt use/forgot about n im now sad abt it forever

#while writing this im now realizing that Sora rly just keeps going thru the 'the real answer was within u all along' thing over n over . #Kairi. Roxas. then Ventus and still Roxas #ANYWAY BACK TO MY MAIN POINT its part of why i love love love the manga i love how they handle Roxas especially #not that i dont like his game stuff tho dont get me wrong. hes one of the most beloved characters for a Reason #its possible that they didnt do anything bc they wanted Roxas' big moment to be when he comes back as himself once n for all #n didnt wanna take away from that maybe ? idk thats pure theorizing here #but also theres that mention of how Jiminy is still with him after death..... and how Naminé appears in the final world n all that..... #thats not related to the previous thing i mentioned it just. feels connected in a way i cant articulate rn #ok my ability to think is going down now thats all i got rn. ty for enabling me again i havent thought abt these guys like this in a While #god. i need to replay kh2 again sometime #kh #ask #storm-driver #as an add on purely for myself - the thing i said at the very beginning of the tags abt the people within being the answer #or important in some way...... he himself is included in that. bc of remind

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other #meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20 #tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are #few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is #get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?' #and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went #on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.) #etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves #like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more #chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already #nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them #up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t #finish my sentence #and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves #so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me #then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear #and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning #during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the #door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh? #and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her #why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking #basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore #cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come #back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open #ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me #GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan #im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just #gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean #im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other #LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!

[skunkg1rll]

well... i woke up in time for school. which is the hardest part since it starts at 9am nd i always go to sleep at 4am and wake up around 12-13pm lol. but i got up nd checked when the busses are running.. i checked the weather nd it says it's gnna rain. then i thought "do i rlly need to go today..... cant i go next week?". the thing with me is that if i allow myself to have that thought then it's ruined. if i have the thought of not going, then i wont. thats why i make myself just get up nd go thru the motions nd leave, nd never allowing myself to think that. buuuuut i messed up today... i just wanna stay in bed nd go back to sleep T-T im sitting here "thinking abt it" but the time is already running out nd i dont rlly have time to get up nd get ready now. i dont think i'll get in trouble that i missed this week if i just make sure to go every day next week. ugh

#i should rlly just get out of bed and go #but its so cold and im so tired #my neighbor is stomping around upstairs nd just that makes me wanna die lmao #i just dont feel like going even if i do hate staying at home too #bc i do feel like a loser and a worthless failure #it's just that.. idk i dont want to do anything :/ ig i also kinda feel like self sabotaging #and im so tired of trying #im trying to do this but i get no help from the health care system #i rlly need therapy bc i wanna kms lol but everyone r just like nah sorry cant help u #why should i have to try soooooo hard when nobody cares #i just wanna rot #even if rotting also makes me feel bad #idk i just wish i was normal and healthy #can i even go back to sleep now that i feel so bad abt mysel skskksks #ughhh #no ok i decide i will stay home today #then i'll go every class next week #but i'll give myself one last day to stay home nd feel bad abt myself #im not allowed to do this again next week i've decided

[bl00dw1tch]

the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am

#horse.txt #vent // #sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk #anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember #from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore. #bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like #made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them #but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it #doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge #that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs. #which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely! #but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues #so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig #EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet. #sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore #i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭 #its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back #bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝 #at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos #still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn #sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this #the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall #i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious #thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now #alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post #daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty. #😎😎😎💪💪💪 #the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[waywardsalt]

theres a lot abt post-ph ive never really mentioned. grants theres also a lot i havent figured out

#i only have a handful of arcs and scenes properly figured out i need to get my shit together with this. im def deleting this later #anyways. i dont think ive mentioned anything abt linebeck being more or less immortal #in the sense that like. he cant be killed through combat means. its some weird healing magic shit #specifically started with the intent that it lets me tear him apart repeatedly but its fine bc he heals anyways #with the limits of like. poison and sickness and certain things CAN kill him. but he can like. get disemboweled and its fine #im gonna delete this later im jsut thinking sbt it #i remember while talking to it with a friend he asked ok so how does it work if he gets torn evenly in half #cuz my logic is like. say he gets an arm cut off. the lost arm decays like normal and a new one kinda just slowly grows in bones first #so his question is one ive been thinking sbt since i need to come up with a good answer #anyways linebeck is fucked post ph hes got insane healing shit due to uhhhh reasons (i know the reasons) but hes still made of papier mache #so its like. bellum is more or less indestructible so hes the only actual immortal #while linebeck is just. prone to being a little more reckless. i need to tweak story stuff. hes the worst in combat #so hes very down to like. cutting a hand open to give bellum some of his blood. its fine itll heal in like an hour #the idea is that the healing becomes faster the longer it is since he gets that ability but there is a ceiling #its like a mixture between technically having phantom blood and some other god-ish deity interference i need to zero in on it dw #look i need it so that he can be covered in his own blood and in agony several times without like. him actually fucking dying from it

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous #but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to #water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means #i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop #which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for #work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot #but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the #offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to #do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably #instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol #srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow #that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge #demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who #to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an #apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things #but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away #and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires #in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up. #but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like #its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things #and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u #do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey #did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im #afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th #then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it #all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate #myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol #also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in #my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever #unrelated

[carcarrot]

alright we're okay. it's all going to work out and happen. ive got my short film idea. i just have to make it absolutely perfect and then we're good to go

#my short film idea is a kinda sorta prequel kinda. to my Big Main Film Idea #essentially its just a little bit of silly backstory to a character that gets no backstory in the feature film #and this character is making a short film. and im playing the character. so im making a short film abt someone making a short film. #when i was first writing my Main Film Idea i was like ok yeah this character that im thinking of playing is obviously based on and like me #but as time went on i was like ah fuck. theres parts of me in every damn character #the good news is that this short film idea should be relatively cheap to make. im thinking of having only one filming location #and i could get a deal filming there bc i used to work there (my old cafe) so renting out the space might be cheaper #im not sure yet abt cameras. im thinking abt emailing my old film teacher and being like. hey. would you wanna help me make my film #i think he has some film cameras himself or if not he knows a lot of film people #but since this is essentially a one man (its me im the man) show i dont really need other actors. but im working on that #another problem of potentially many is that if and when this gets done. now what #ive got zero clue abt where to like. send my short film to be shown or whatever but maybe my film teacher could help w that! #before i do any of this i am going to finally finish that filmmaking course i bought. and then see where we go from there #but this still needs a lot of writing bc i havent done any screenplay work for this yet #and thus obviously havent storyboarded anything #i gotta get Organized <- least organized person on this earth #wish me luck that this will lead me on the path to my dream movie. we can all hope

[vaugarde]

man i do not feel like doing my final project for my animal literature class and the reason why makes me feel like a bad person

#so i took this class thinking it was going to be a mix of like animal symbolism and animal rights #as well as how people end up doing animal xenofiction which do or dont play on animal tropes and where they come from #which is interesting to me #but there was only that last thing in like the first thing we read and in some lecture related homework #and pretty much everything else is about whether or not this portrayal of an animal is cruelty for not putting it on the same level #as a person #and ngl a lot of the stuff just sounds like a reach to me like one was like #''omg this man doesnt REALLY care. he FAILS at his analysis of his cat that saw him naked bc he thinks abt what the cat thinks abt clothes #but he doesnt consider how it would LOGICALLY feel he only cares abt HIMSELF'' #and professor also kinda lowkey implied the college students were being derogatory in what we named the campus cat #(literally like a goofy food name bc apparently we dont respect it?) #anyways usually our finals are like ''pick anything we've discussed and narrow down into a thesis'' #but she wants us to ONLY have our papers be about animal cruelty and if like idk the lion king is ethical or not #and i was like ''eh i can do pokemon maybe bc that has interesting things to say about animal and human relations sometimes'' #but her response was like ''ok but how SHOULD we treat animals in that context tho. are they saying animals have to fight? thats weirdddd'' #''are they like saying the creator wants animals to beat each other up are they saying animals inherently hate and fight each other and need #humans to survive? thats kinda weird????'' and im just like. ok the series literally does go into that and its a video game but ok #echoed voice #and i wanna do my final abt symbolism and such in shows that i like but she keeps nitpicking them #and its like she doesnt even want a NEGATIVE portrayal for us to explain why its bad at conveying its message #bc i was like ''hey livestock is used as a dehumanizing thing here and also says something abt how cruel meat factories can be how abt that' #and she was like ''um but if its used to be dehumanizing then theyre implying its bad to compare humans to animals and thats not fair to #to animals'' #like i SORTA see where shes coming from but it feels more exhausting than anything

[guayabaenjoyer3000]

i feel so disconnected lately. so many of my relationships/networks from the past year are sort of falling apart, and while i happen to be quickly making new connections and strengthening older weaker ones, nothing feels cohesive yet. it all feels quite uncertain.

#i've felt the need to distance myself from 3 ppl. who altogether were some of the ties of my 2 most important social groups. #one of the ppl was also my main like... social interaction all the time #there's no longer one person with whom i can share everything & anything... #now im getting closer with two new besties but one of them is a little bitchy and ppl dont like her bc of that. #& w the other im so worried about his perception of me bc we've p much only hung out high and i think i act so fucking stupid when im high #i think its all ok tho... w the first girl im SO used to and tbh in love with that forma de ser #like ik what she´s about. she's just doing her thing #blessed #n then with the guy... we will just have to see. also i think i need to check out his music taste to find sth more in common

[intergalacticaquarium]

Eddie as Max's friend instead of Dustin's au is driving me insane

#im gonna die w these two they are so so similar #and she needs a brother who actually cares about her #and i made him just say max is my sister. not like a sister. bc billy always said shes nkt really my sister wnd that. he was the only one #that would look out for each other bc they were family and she and eddie dont have a lot of family #and eddies like ok max we just gotta choose our family now and that can be unconditional if we want it ti be #im ur big brother now. cant get rid of me now sorry. and ur my sister #and there doesnt have to be anything metaphorical about it. we are a real brother and sister. #ans in their first scene hes like ok i gotta know what are u thinkin abt what did u hear and she said tha billy said some bad things #and shes like but his dad was really hard on him its not his fault and eddies like ok??? my dad was hard on me. billy was hard on u. #neither of us tried to do a hate crime tho so maybe its about how you react to things #anyway i love them im having emotions #and it actually so genuinely makes his arc make sense #and would save him and max in a really narraticely satisfying way #bc hea like. id die for u max if it comes down to it run #and shes like. are you. fucking. joking. #the absolute LAST thing i need rn is somebody else dying for me thats been my whole problem asshole and then he has to reevaluate #why he wants to sacrafice himself so bad and realizing that that was actually the most run away thing he could do #bc hes running away from his problems when thats the only thing hes actually run from in a bad way the whole time #god and when they find him at skull rock hes like i guess thats what i do now. i run. and max is like yeah dummy we're zoomers #max and eddie