#ive become a person and i would never have liked the person ive become if they hadnt been tryong ten years ago

[wordsaresimple-imnot]

That final line - Joe Liebgott x F!Reader

Summary: Things have changed between Joe and Reader after bearing witness to the Concentration camp. They moved from being best friends to something more emotionally intimate. Now that the war in Europe is over will they cross the last line and become physically intimate?

Warnings: 18+ content (smut, p in v) angst-ish (mentions of war & concentration camp), comforting each other, tooth rotting fluff at end, she/her pronouns (no use of y/n or 1st person POV, but told from Liebgott's perspective sorta).

A/N: I have the biggest respect for the real life heroes of WWII (and all other wars, past & current), this work & all other works is based on the actor(s) and character(s) portrayed in the Band of Brothers series.

A/N pt 2: I love how this turned out. Basically this is just my own self-indulgence wish that I could have held and taken care of Liebgott after that scene of him crying in the truck. As always, let me know what you think! I tried a different writing perspective and I like it, hopefully you do too. Comments, likes, and reblogs make me happy and feel validated!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Liebgott would forever be a different man. Easy Company had just liberated Kaufering IV but that included locking the poor souls back up for the medics to be able to try and get them back from the brink of death. The whole thing had left Joe feeling broken and full of pure rage and despair he didn't know how to get rid of it. So he grabbed a bottle of wine and wondered till he found a tree isolated enough he wouldn't easily be found. He just needed space.

He'd been alone for hours, judging by how low the sun was hanging, bottle long since empty, and eyes sore and dry from tears when he heard a twig snap. Looking around the tree, his heart both swelled and shattered at the sight of the person walking towards him. She was his best friend, been that way since Toccoa and all through the war thus far. The only person that could calm him down when his hot-headedness got the better of him and always had his back in every combat situation. He never had to worry when she was around. She was also the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and had long since accepted that his heart would always speed up a little when she was in eyesight. While his heart had the usual reaction at seeing her, he couldn't help but feel broken anew at the sadness on her face and emptiness in her eyes. He wasn't the only one tore up from their recent experience.

"I've been looking for you everywhere." She speaks barely above a whisper as she drops down next to him, already leaning against his arm.

"I'm sorry, I just had to get away for a while. I should have found you and brought you with me." He leans over to drop a kiss on the top of her head.

There's a beat of silence and then she speaks again, still in a low whisper, "Do you think they'll make it?"

The words are a dagger to his already bruised and bleeding heart. He gives a small sniff, trying to hold back the fresh tears.

"I don't know." He feels her turn her body towards him and knows she's taking in his appearance detail by detail.

"You can let it out, Joe. I know this is tearing you up. Please don't hold it in and let it destroy you." One hand grasps his while the other gently takes his chin and turns his head so their eyes meet. He tries to push the emotions back down and come up with something to say, but he loses all resolve when her hand moves to cup his cheek and wipe away a stray tear that falls out.

Joe is suddenly wrapping his arms around her, pressing his face in the crook of her neck and letting it all out. He feels her shift them so he's laying mostly on her, her back against the tree and arms tightly wrapped around him. One hand is gripping the back of his jacket tightly, holding him to her, the other is gently stroking his head, and when he feels the side of his face getting wet he knows she's crying too.

They stay like that for hours, until the sun is nearly gone and all tears have been let out. Even after the tears, they don't move, finding too much comfort in holding each other. The only thing that gets them finally moving is their stomachs growling. Joe gets up first, holding his hand out to help her up and starts walking them back to find some food. He looks down briefly when he feels her intertwine their fingers and give his hand a squeeze. The first smile he's had in days makes it way across his face and he squeezes her hand back.

As the days dragged on ahead, their bond grew even tighter. There was a new level of safety and vulnerability that blossomed. Hands would brush more often, hugs turned tighter and longer, if they were able to they'd often be found napping together tangled limbs and all. It was as natural as breathing to seek the other out and before Joe knew it, he was hit with the realization that he was head-over-heels in love with his best friend.

The popping of yet another champagne bottle drags Joe from his mulling and takes in the sight around him with a smile. They are in the Eagles Nest, the war in Europe is over and everyone is finally able to relax and celebrate. He's sitting by Webster and Perco, watching the other's talk and laugh, already more than a little drunk. His smile widens when he catches her eye, sitting next to Malarkey and they salute each other from across the room.

"You ever gonna make a move, Lieb?" Perco's question lands like a bomb right in his stomach.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He looks at the man next to him like he's crazy, but inside he's frantic. Is it that obvious?

"Oh come on, Liebgott. The two of you have been attached at the hip the whole war, even back at training. We've all noticed the stolen looks between you. The wars over, just go for it." Webster gives him a shove, pointedly ignoring the glare Joe shoots at him.

"I gotta take a leak." Joe abruptly stands and leaves before either of them can continue their pestering. They're right, he knows they're right. Since accepting his feelings, the only thing that's been holding him back has been the on-going war. Sure there's still Japan to figure out but right now, their immediate part is over and he doesn't have to worry about dying and leaving her or worse losing her any second to a bullet or bomb.

Not actually needing the bathroom, he finds himself wondering the halls of the Eagles Nest and randomly picking a room to go into. It's spacious with a sitting area, a large comfortable bed sitting against the back wall, a door leading to an adjoining bathroom next to it and doors to the right leading to a balcony. He heads to the balcony, throwing the doors open and leans against the railing taking in the mountains and open valley. It's so quiet and peaceful, he doesn't know how to reconcile it with the horrors the owner and occupants have done to the people of this land.

"Why am I always having to search for you?" A soft, happy voice speaks behind him. Joe turns around and feels his breathe catch in his throat at how beautiful and easy going she looks, leaning around the doorframe to the balcony. When he didn't respond, she stands up a little straighter. "What? Is there something on my face?"

Joe shakes his head and moves to stand in-front of her, raising his hand to trail a finger down her cheek. "You're beautiful."

"How drunk are you?" Her voice is playful, but Joe knew his words were having an effect on her based on the blush she now had.

"Not even tipsy. But drunk or sober, you're still beautiful." His hand cups her cheek, tilts her head up a little to fully meet his eyes and he decides to cross that final line. "I love you. I love you fully and completely; body, mind, and soul. I need you, more than I need to breathe. If you don't feel the same, that's fine. I will lock my heart away to keep you in my life however you wish to be. But the war here is done and I'm out of reasons to not tell you how I feel. Tell me you don't feel the same and I'll respect that, but if you feel even close to what I feel please let me know."

Joe see's tears form in her eyes and for a heartbreaking second he's sure she's going to tell him 'no' and walk away. Then he feels her hands on his face and holds his breathe as she rises on her toes, stopping when her lips are barely brushing his.

"I love you, Joe. I'm yours; body, mind and soul." And then her lips are pressing against his and Joe thinks he's died and gone to heaven.

Their kiss is passionate and slow, taking full advantage that they don't have to rush and can take their time exploring. Joe starts nudging her backwards, back into the main room and towards the bed. A line of clothes marks their path as they help each other be rid of them, kissing freshly exposed shoulders and necks as they go. Soon enough they've managed to be rid of everything and tumble onto the bed in a heap.

Joe leans back just enough to take in the site of her underneath him. Face flushed, lips swollen and glossy from kissing, hair spread out like a halo, chest rising and falling hard as she tries to catch her breathe. He leans his head down pressing kisses to her neck, trailing down her collarbone, around the swell of her breast and ending at her nipple. He takes his time delivering languid licks and sucks, making her skin pucker and rise. Not wanting to leave the other one out of the fun, his hand cups, massages and pinches a little on the flesh there, his other hand hasn't stopped caressing any part of her skin he can reach.

If he has any doubts of how he's making her feel, the gasps and moans falling from her lips dispel them quickly. Soon enough her hands are in his hair and scratching down his back as she wraps her legs around his waist pulling him closer. Joe stops his minstrations on her breast with a groan when his erection is pressed right against her wet core and he can't help but roll his hips into her again. This time they both moan.

"Joe, please. I need you." Her voice is ragged and the lustful look in her eyes almost has him finishing right then. He shifts to the side a little, giving him room to run his hand down her side and cup her core. She's soaking and his brain short circuits a little.

His fingers make quick work of making sure she is coated properly, detouring to her clit to rub until she starts to whimper and pull at him. As he meets her eyes, he raises his fingers to his lips and sucks her taste off of them.

"Goddamn, baby. Next time I'm spending hours down there." He rushes out as he positions himself at her entrance. "But if I don't have you soon, I might die." He looks at her for confirmation that she's ready and when she nods, he starts pushing in slowly.

They groan together at the feel of him sliding into place like a puzzle piece coming home. Once he's bottomed out, he drops down to his elbows, putting more of himself on top of her and rests his forehead against hers. Her thighs tighten around him as she turns her head to kiss him.

"Move. Please." She bites his bottom lip at the same time she scratches his back again.

"Yes ma'am." He presses his lips firmly to her, swallowing the moan she lets out as he pulls out and quickly snaps back in. He finds a steady rhythm, angling his hips just right so he's brushing that sweet spot within her. Her back bows, pressing her chest further into his and exposes her neck to his lips. He doesn't waste any time placing a hard bite where it'll be hard to hide the mark already forming. This spurs something in her and soon her hands are in his hair, tugging his head to the side as she returns the favor.

Joe can tell she starts to get close to her release, as her walls start fluttering around him and her moans start becoming more frequent. He raises himself up, gripping the headboard with one hand and dropping his other hand down to rub her clit.

"I know you're close baby. Look at me as you let go." His voice is deep and commanding. Her eyes immediately lock onto his and his movements pick up speed. A few more hard thrusts and a pinch on her clit and she's moaning his name and clamping down around him. The feeling of her combined with his name falling from her lips like a prayer has him falling right behind her.

As they come down from their highs, they exchange slow kisses and 'I love you's'.

Bonus scene:

Not wanting to waste a beautiful day, the guys had decided to have an impromptu baseball game. Joe stood in his spot, waiting to bat next, sending a smile and wave to the stands where his girl was watching and cheering. They were getting ready for the next play when Winters came strolling across the field. They all crowded around him, fully expecting to hear their deployment orders for fighting Japan. Instead he was giving them the best news they'd heard since VE day. Japan had surrendered. The war, all of it, was finally over.

All the guys started cheering, exchanging hugs and pats on the backs. Joe see's her coming towards them at an easy jog, a curious look on her face. He gives her the biggest smile and runs right up to her, lifting her in his arms and spins her around.

"Japan surrendered. It's over. We're going home." Her smile matches his as she fully takes in his words and hugs him back. Just as quick as it started, Joe stops spinning her and sets her down on her feet, then he's down on one knee, holding her hands.

"Marry me. Come back home with me. Or wherever you wanna live. I don't care. Just marry me, please." Everything dulls around the edges as he holds his breathe, waiting for her response.

"Yes, Joe!" She smiles bright enough to blind the sun and then starts laughing when he jumps back up and starts spinning her around again. The only sound is the cheering of their friends and their hearts beating in sync.

#joe liebgott #joe liebgott x reader #band of brothers #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers x reader #hbo war #hbo band of brothers

[9w1ft]

Ive seen so many posts about FOTS being about matty and it makes me want to scratch my eyes out😭

„I will never lose my baby again“ they were never together before? Not even as a beard really, it was only rumours!!

„all the nights you kept me going“ how would he have kept her going if they werent together before and also that would mean she never even loved joe because all this time it was matty keeping her going??

„running back HOME to you“ who feels at home with a rebound😂 even if youre close, a home is a place thats built with someone you love not a person you start dating months after your last „serious relationship“ ends

„now that i know whats at stake here“ what exactly is at stakes? Why cant she loose matty?

„wearing imaginary rings“ so she got out of the relationship with joe and is basically already engaged to matty?

Make it make sense people!! Use your brains😂

yeah fots is fast becoming my favorite song because of how perfect themed of a kaylor song that it is AND the fact that it’s not clicking for anybody but kaylors. it make me laugh maniacally, and there’s something cosy about it being such a closed song. i kind of like it when songs are blindly misunderstood, it makes it feel more special

[imustbenuts]

im free from yakuza kiwami 2. fuck the writing in this one. this was a complete mess of pulling from the most popular generic east asian drama tropes at the time of 2006 and having it be handled by a super inexperienced writer at the helm.

i went from having no expectations, got somewhat surprised, only to end up downing alcohol and laughing hysterically before the credits rolled. so that should set the mood for how i feel about this one. thought vomit under the cut, a lot of info dump about culture incoming

yakuza kiwami 2 is pure heterosexual east asian romance bullshit.

im gonna just. describe as best as i can what i know and remember from the general media coming out from the 90s to the 2010s in around this part of the world before i just start explaining why i think this story is a mess.

so. 2 parts i swear is responsible for this rubbish.

1) East Asian Beauty Standard

the general consensus for a beautiful feminine woman AT THE TIME in this sphere is the following

be willowy thin (fat = lazy and ugly)

have black hair that ISNT short (dyed = too much individuality, too much WESTERN INDIVIDUALISM, gasp how dare!)

fair skinned (bc dark = she works in the fields and is from a lower class)

young. if you heard of the term "Christmas Cake" in japan context, yeah. (ie women over age of 25 are undesirable)

be educated and refined, bc that indicates class and femininity (failing this means shes vulgar and gasp like a barbarian)

be submissive to her male peers in the sense that her authority cannot override his at least in public (for the sake of his face)

dresses feminine and not like a man (trousers and jeans are man-ish. traditional clothing, skirts and dresses are preferred. the further back the stronger this sentiment is.)

incidentally, theres a lot of classism tied to this EABS due to sinocentric culture influences. it has to do with the chinese court system and how korea and japan copied it and a lot of the culture wholesale but. anyway. thats like over 1000 years of history in there thats not really worth detouring to rn.

and also, the worth of a man is sometimes (not always) upheld by how classy and feminine this wife of his is. as of 2024 though, this line of thought is still around in the more conservative pockets. also, the education might not matter as much these days as how deep her and her parents' pockets and wealth are.

moving on.

2) media tropes

so. off the top of my head.

if you wanted a popular romance drama in this time period, the popular offerings no matter where you looked tended to offer the same flavors of tropes.

the woman always has dark hair, is fair skinned, thin and younger than her male love interest. ive never seen this broken or subverted in my time absorbing via osmosis the dramas playing on local tv growing up in the early 2000s.

everything else about her can be subverted though. sometimes she can wear fancy pants or have short hair to indicate her strong individualism. BUT, her personality no matter how strong it begins, no matter how her intro begins will 99% of the time encounter an effect where catching feelings turns her into a meek loyal woman to her love interest.

bc she cant override his authority in this culture context.

at worst, she becomes highly irrational and even hysterical in the dramas when bad things happen. this includes things like love triangle, or a fallout of family business, drama, plot or whatever. she would cry and sometimes even die.

see: sawamura yumi. sayama kaoru.

meanwhile, the male love interest can be anything. ive seen middle aged guys to young good looking upcoming actors playing the lead, with looks varying from haggardly okay to young and handsome. it. really depends on the genre.

depending on what specific country it came from, the drama would have the male either grow, become manlier (by learning honor ig), become stupid in the name of love, but he rarely if ever actually dies. the woman effectively becomes yoshi for mario to lauch off on when they're crossing a chasm

the romance is forced. a lot of the BIG LOVE SPARK ie kissing happens in tense moments bc it builds drama, but in reality comes too fucking close to sexual assault (some of the old jackie chan movies does this iirc for slapstick even)

see: sayama getting kissed right after handling her biological father's ashes less than 24 hours ago and admitting to kiryu that shes scared. this scene right fucking here.

bc in general, the scriptwriters for popular dramas tended to be guys themselves and tended to write more human dudes. and the women in the stories are reflective of the ideal societal expectation at the time: being a Refined Housewife.

so her character development is often headed in the direction of marriage and being a stay at home mom.

if it sounds a little like tradwife bullshit, it is.

Refined Housewife

(i have massive negative thoughts about this which i KNOW for a fact is a thing bc a lot of these societal culture femininity was impressed on me as a kid in a world where it was already getting increasingly impossible to have 1 spouse be a SAHP. and also i hated the whole thing about giving face to the patriarch of the house when i personally saw so much ego dick measuring from my uncles. anyway understand that this is both a bias an a lived experience, so proceed with that in mind)

there is a problem with the Refined Housewife expectation: education.

in general, education has been a good metric to judge how classy or smart one is in asia's largely on-the-surface meritocracy based culture. people will look at each other's school first and then judge them from there, and pretty hard too.

so everyone regardless of gender will be expected to study super hard. and bc having good test scores and going to good schools looks good for the family's face, parents will often pile on tuition to the child to get them a leg up in life.

bc also no good degree from good school means no future.

but then... the woman is expected to be a housewife. 🙃 meaning... the education, her accomplishments, are kinda... tossed away in this context. put a pin in this.

it wont matter how much she studied or accomplished, bc the expectation is that the woman would marry and obey her husband, and give him face/honor that way. the kids will come eventually bc having kids = being filial to ones parents in this context.

also uh. no, having adopted kids is not thought of as being filial. continuing the bloodline is.

and if you've been paying attention, then yes, ive been skirting around the backbone of sayama kaoru's writing foundations this entire time.

Her story has been butchered so clumsily i cant even...

lets just. ugh.

she fits the EABS standard, her tropes are trying to subvert the expectations of a womanly woman in this context, she has IMPRESSIVE education and career achievements. she works in a male dominated field, and is keenly aware of sexism. she is strong, stronger than her male peers, at least we are told.

by 2006s standards, its still considered a fresh take with those alone in japan. sexism there is its own flavor of crap. (if you noticed ive not spoken about LGBTQ+ stuff at all, its bc how ridiculously BINARY the expectation is at that point in time. it still is today but less so)

however, the writing has this sense of trying to copy the popular tropes at the time while not fully understanding and dissecting them, and ends up butchering sayama's character before the romance even properly began.

i mean, for fucks sake even, sayama and kiryu has a whopping 14 year age gap. when im told these are supposed to be believable people living in japan, this is too big for me to just go 'oh ok!'. and remember the Christmas Cake thing? shes 25. (FUCKING--!!!! !!)

the problem here that i see is the writer trying to apply all of those while trying to play the tropes straight. trying to imitate. trying to make a statement but then finding out theres nothing within yourself to stand by what you want to say and backtracking.

we are told:

sayama is strong yet she goes down with 1 slap by random thugs and needing kiryu to come in and body them. because romance ig.

we are told shes a yakuza hunter but she doesnt scare a single one beyond her introductory scene.

she goes from defiant and bossing kiryu around to getting her actions overridden by kiryu and ryuji, both men, towards the end

her subtext is that shes not feminine and therefore conventionally undesirable, but then kiryu tells her shes actually feminine and therefore desired, as if its all that matters.

she becomes so stricken by grief and freaked out that she runs off solo to deal with ryuji in the most out of left pocket planning ive ever fucking seen.

and then yells as she takes out her police baton to take down the big yakuza dude, drawing attention and turning herself into a hostage.

i know the writing will fumble but i didnt expect it to fumble this bad.

for all the good the surface chemistry kiryu and sayama has, its being undermined by a fundamental failure to understand tropes and then using said tropes as a crutch so much that everything here has become a bloody mess.

this failure of over-relying on tropes without understanding them extends to yumi too. sawamura yumi was young and beautiful, and became the Refined Housewife to the Not-Male-MC and ends up regretting it, and gets killed for it.

her defining trait is that she is beautiful in subtext. thats. thats what the tattoo is. in a world where the tattoo makeths the person, thats what she is and all that she is.

dear lord.

ive read up a bit more on sayama and you know what. good that she chooses her career over kiryu. the romance would have caused both of their characters to explode with the trajectory this was heading in. ffs sayama could have had her own game. she has so MUCH potential.

and also GOOD that the writer is forced to think of kiryu in the position of the Stay At Home Parent for haruka and the orphanage down the line!!! subverting the fucking traditional BS expectation! yes!!!!!

all i got was sayama and kiryu making out before the bomb went off in front of my alcohol and salad while they're like 'eh, haruka will forgive us for dying :')'

and i ran out of alcohol.

sexism? maybe. incompetence? definitely.

hhgrhgrhrghrghrgrhgr wow this got long. ugh. guhhhhhh.

#yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #sayama kaoru #kiryu kazuma #yakuza kiwami 2

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

if you have some, do you have any headcannons for barnaby?

honestly! not really! i don't have hcs for any of the neighbors!

#the way i interact w/ welcome home is uh... slightly differently than how i interact with more mainstream / company-produced media #like if you compare how i talk about the neighbors/wh to how i talk about characters on say... my dc blog #there's probably gonna be a notable Difference! #with mainstream/company stuff i go Hog Wild with hcs and aus and i form my own version of everything in my head #(while still understanding & respecting canon as the true source) #but wh is Different! i can't really do that! #it isnt some big production created by a team & mass released #where the actions of some fans just fuckin around and having fun won't directly affect anyone or even reach the ears of the creators #and where upon releasing it everyone Knows that its gonna be dissected & torn to shreds & played with like barbies #wh is more... personal? there is one main creator. these are His characters. its Their story. #i can't in good conscience make headcanons and honestly? id much rather stick to canon trivia & facts than create my own #theyre not my facts to create or believe in!! #sometimes ill make a post saying 'hey this would be cute / neat' #but as soon as i post im tossing that thought away. i dont let them stick or become hcs #(NOTE THAT I AM NOT BASHING ANYONE WHO MAKES HCS. THIS IS ALL MY PERSONAL OPINION!!! MY OWN PERSONAL INTERNAL RULES!!! FOR ME!) #rambles from the bog #like even with the lights out au im being careful with it. im trying to be faithful & respect the characters and the source #its an... exploration i think #ive never approached making an au this way bc usually im just flinging characters around and treating canon as a chew toy - scrap for parts #but i cant do that here! im Not Complaining At All im simply stating! i cant! #sorry you probs weren't expecting a lil mini rant in tags my b <3 #this has just been in my head since i first discovered welcome home #i remember feeling myself start getting really attached & interested #and i recall telling myself 'ok. we cant approach this the way we would other things' #and i have done my best to Stick To That. ive relaxed a lil since then but im still standing by my one rule #Be A Little More Normal About This Than I Would If It Were Mainstream / A Company-Made Production

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer. #i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love. #im not the type you launch a thousand ships for. #so what's left? #who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture. #i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for. #im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now. #except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving. #i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around. #how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too. #its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out. #ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free? #because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway. #anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good. #please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

[loafbud]

The first Splatoon game turned 8 yesterday!

#the last (and first) time i drew anniversary art for the first game was when it turned 1 year #imna use the tags to be all sappy real quick: #ive been a huge fan of the splatoon series since the first game & have played it since day one #splatoon is the first time ive grown up with a game series from the beginning #like i knew it was gonna be a successful game that'd eventually grow and become a series w/ a cool fanbase #for first/third person shooter games (esp multiplayer)- i could never call myself a fan of those #but the moment splatoon debuted in an e3 trailer??? it took a concept i'd normally go meh to- but made it into smthn colorful/unique #like??? weeks after the announcement i was already gushing over what the lore would be in their universe #it got really tiring seeing all the hate it received- id watch ppl stream it out of interest and their chat'd be like uggh this ass title? #or id watch gamers do one single lets play of it and be like oh ok i can see how this game is fun (me assuming they'd doubt it's potential) #but to see how much splatoon as a series has grown has me kinda emotional ngl #like yeah sure theres still ppl outside the fandom who has (or still has since the 1st game) sour opinions about it #but ever since the fandom grew over those 8 years- it feels like the love for this series outshines that #but man.... i said this already on twt but i remember going to my first color run event locally w/ my family #(this happened weeks before the game came out btw) -but id have my phone out with the inklings on my screen #and id look at my phone & feel this happiness (that i havent felt in a while tbh) at being in an event that had a lot of colors in it #and at the time seeing all the powdered colors flying everywhere at the end of the race reminded me of splatoon sm i was like raaaaah #WOW SORRY FOR THE LONG TAGS LOL #BUT YEAH- I LOVE THIS SERIES (thats all i wanted to say) #splatoon #splatoon anniversary #splatoon 8th anniversary #fanart #loafbud

[hella1975]

hella idk what to send to you for aftg im either bored or annoyed and I don't wanna just say bad things about it 😭 like that's just rude and yall obviously like it I DONT WANNA BE SOME DEBBY DOWNER MDMWKEM

I looked at the anti aftg tag too to see if I could intermingle there and last I checked it was a mix of fans obsessed with the series and haters being just a tad harsh imo, so i couldn't even do that RIP. I'm so lonesome in what is maybe a whole group of people gaslighting me 😔👊

honestly ive said this before and i always have to tread a very fine line with it because this isn't me saying it's OKAY or like. promotable. but i do think to an extent that aftg's problematicness is actually an aspect of what draws people in a lot. like the characters and their reactions to things feel real for who they are, what they've been through and the environments they were raised in if that makes sense? and then you go in the anti-aftg tag and it's just again and again 'they said THIS thing and acted THIS way in response to THIS scenario and it was PROBLEMATIC' and like. yeah. outside of the internet bubble you're in people do actually do that. like that behaviour exists. it IS problematic, well done. you pointed at a wall and called it a wall. but like? in real life people - PARTICULARLY deprived, traumatised people that typically don't ever get therapy or community or someone telling them why something is bad - DO act this way. ive said half of my love for andrew is literally just because he took an awful backstory and let it make him a complete cunt and ive NEVER seen a character do it as shamelessly as him before. and yeah there's the argument for how it's never resolved in the book where nora ties it with a bow and points at the bad behaviour so the readers can go 'see, this is wrong' and we all clap, but idk it just for me feels that when people point at the aftg characters and go problematic! problematic! problematic! it's like they're missing the point a bit.

the point being? that we need to be putting WAY more heat on the author. i really dislike her and a lot of her writing choices and her insistance of using slurs that aren't hers to reclaim and just because it happened to make the characters feel just that bit more authentic i can still acknowledge that she CLEARLY wrote it without characterisation in mind and just added all that problematic shit anyway. like i never get why there's so little focus on nora's writing decisions and thousands of posts just fucking CRUCIFYING the characters themselves and 'let's explain in detail why this behaviour is Morally Reprehensible and they should be Locked Up Forever'. like if u want to focus on the characters so bad and pretend they're the sole reason why aftg is Problematic and Bad then why is it so hard to acknowledge that someone raised the way they were might have some misinformed, ignorant beliefs. idk lol

#but i do also think im prone to viewing these characters as TOO real and i understand there's a line to be drawn between media and reality #like at what point does 'life imitates art' become just a genuinely shit piece of media #and at the end of the day im fully aware which end of the spectrum aftg is on LMAO but this is my 2 cents #like ive met so many people that have said absolutely heinous things that the internet would eat them alive for #like homophobic sexist shit you name it they've said it and it IS problematic and uncomfortable to listen to #but i also know that while teenagers online that would call them problematic were busy claiming some new fucking buzz word to throw around #those people were actively just fucking trying to survive. like they weren't learning about why misogyny is bad #because they were fucking addicted to drugs or living through poverty or some shit like they had BIGGER PROBLEMS #like not everyone got the education or life experiences you got and while it's valid to assume someone saying horrible things #is horrible themselves there's also the times it's just genuinely a misinformed ignorant person #like they'll say 'problematic' things and i'll point out why it's bad and they'll literally go 'oh i never thought of that.' that's it!!! #like i have this childhood friend whose life has been an absolute circus start to finish like COMPLETE instability i wont even get into it #low and behold she had NO ONE educating her about things and one time i had to explain to her why having abortion rights was important #bc she just out of nowhere said she was against abortions. and i initially was outraged and disappointed that this came from her #but i didn't patronise her or shout i just explained my angle on why i think they're good and she was on side immediately #cause she always had bigger problems than researching ethics and no one to guide her so she just absorbed the first opinion she came across #and in a small town from a working class family that opinion is typically not the nice woke answer the internet demands #and with aftg particularly andrew bc he's the one who gets a lot of slack for being violent and generally unreasonable #you have someone who has literally not had someone treat him kindly a single time in his life and each new person is a genuine safety threa #like the average person just does not have to deal with that! ofc they have more time to decide their political and moral compass! #and that's so relevant to real life! popularity for the monarchy is highest amongst the working class! the people voted for brexit! trump! #the lower classes and marginalised simply do not have the resources that higher classes do #and someone fighting for survival is not going to be reading twitter threads on cancel culture in their spare time #so many issues in the world can be eased so much quicker by kindness and patient non-patronising education #than just. pointing and calling 'problematic' at anything remotely uncomfortable #idk where this came from its 2am i should go to bed and instead im ranting not even about aftg anmore this is completely it's own thing now #i feel like i worded this badly too im gonna wake up to anons in the morning accusing me of like. condoning spiking #also gloomy i am SO sorry you are the true victim of this i went ENTIRELY off piste on this one please ignore this 😭 #ask

[thehardkandy]

Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove

#i did have a really nice week last week but now im back to everything feeling busy #(its not really that busy) #and oh i miss being slow like idk ever since i was a literal child doing ONE excursion weekly #for an hour #always felt like such s draining burden #and tbh i would like to know why thst is because while it's easy to see as poor habit as an adult reinforcing itself #as a kid i was always made to do things. see people. #i did a summer camp every year at least during the day #i did sports i went hiking in forests #but i remember so distinctly like an age where i stopped asking my parents to try new things #because i would get so excited!!!! but then every week it would become this overwhelming presence #despite being something that i actively enjoyed #and it eventually felt so awful i was like okay no more wanting things you dont use them wisely #like ouch yeah actually that's a big one. wanting things usually wraps back #around to shame or guilt just about always #anyway how is this relevant to travelling? #it's just that i have to travel tomorrow and i have a doctors appointment Friday i have to go to in person #ive changed beds ive slept in 3 times in 5 days #and all i can say at the end of it is that even these little things are JUST enough to be on edge #to feel like im putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and pretend nothing bad is gonna happen #even thougu DEFINITELY something bad is going to happen #but of course it doesnt because this is all benign stuff ive done a trillion times before of no note #crazy how complicated it can be to be a person #it is why i dream of living in a small village where i am an apprentice tradesperson and i live simple house #and the house you can walk to anywhere you need to anywhere you need in an your #but no one is that urgent about anything anyway. #beautiful little place that has never actually ever existed for anyone in anytime #but i am still wanting to scream and pull my hair out just asking why why cant everything slow down and be smaller

[dq1]

thinking again

#feel like i have become too complacent with watering myself down into an easily digestible identify for society #partially bc of my career is very conservative.. so #no piercings or tattoos. cut my long hair off to a mens hairstyle. i pass exclusively as a cis straight man as much as i can #especially around the old head bosses i meat #stopped learning japanese even though im mixed so i could learn French because its more useful where i live #i dont want to be useful and i dont want to be seen as some creature mimicking human anatomy like a robot i just want 2 be myself #but ive been doing this so long idk who myself would even be anymore #sometimes i get into old interests i had as a kid and i feel that spark like that 12 yr old didnt die on the inside but then its gone again #i wish a version of myself thats not palatable to my peers could exist #i want to relearn japanese and i want to ride motorcycles and i want to get into certain types of music or clothes #but it also feels like none of it really matters anymore at the same time #if i could be anything i would be a funeral director in nagoya but thats something that can never happen #i shove everything i like down so deep you have to reach to find it #this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be #but being human we r just cursed with bodies that dont feel like our own and having to cut and shape them in a way #that u feel better but not enough so that the people around you are frightened #this is mostly the fact i have avoidant personality disorder and i know i can never be what normal is for most people #i want 2 be myself but myself died somewhere in a past life i think #i am not even human on the inside. half the time i joke w people that im an rpg slime or the human version of those sponge slimes #hence my nickname irl literally being gelo / jello / jelly #and if not that then black German shepherd dogs r also literally just me #but alas i am stuck in a human body #one thats too fat too hairy too sick too broken and i have to deal with it and rebuild myself everyday so people aren't uncomfortable #ANYWAY!!! maybe ill add onto this later ...idk. #to be born again.. sighs.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

anyone have any puzzle recs

or alternatively whats ur favourite puzzle type if you have one

for me when it comes to apps I love nonograms the most but I also like minesweeper. Then when it comes to paper (or apps still) I like logic grid puzzles, kenken, sudoku, word/number fill ins, & kakuro off the top of my head.

sometimes I encounter a new puzzle and I’m like !!!! I love this how did I never know about this before !!! so I am reaching out to expand my puzzle list and also just want to hear what anyone reading this likes

#one puzzle I can never do? crosswords. I don’t have the brain for them. #i really want to get a book of those logic grid puzzles i haven’t found one yet #i mean i could probably find one online #but i tend to grab cheap ones from the magazine shelf lol #and those logic grid puzzles I’ve only found interspersed amongst books of other puzzles #ive got a book just for word fill ins. two or three of sudoku. one that’s like a third ken ken #ive got a word find book somewhere not mentioned here but a love as a kid #also still fun now #i dont have anything with kakuro i think I find those in newspapers #i also really want to see if they do nonograms on paper not just in apps. that would be fun #anyway pls share ur interests i love puzzles #i spend too much time doing them lmao #oh also if anyone is interested in the idea of nonograms but you wouldn’t just do them alone #can i recommend the app meow tower #you’ve got really simple nonograms and also cute cats with personalities you interact with! #there’s also slightly harder monograms I think it’s 15 by 15 but they become easy too the more you do :) #eeeee anyway. puzzles! #i need more puzzle books. it’s not negotiable. they’re a must. I adore it when I get new ones to spend hours on

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

being chubby means there are wars going on in my mind every single day with millions of soldiers dying

#the fact it makes me feel like i am immediately eliminated as someone to be romantically or sexually interested in for most of the world #and like. if its true that someone wouldnt like me for my weight then i wouldnt want them either but like. oh god. oh my fucking god #i do want to lose some weight just bc i have a lot of clothes i got recently that i like that i want to fit into again #and its not even much that i would need to lose. but even the thought of moving towards being skinny is terrifying i would never want to do #that. like the thought that someone could like me as a skinny person and think i was ugly if they had met me a year earlier and i wouldnt #even know is HORRIFYING. #its like. ive moved past the outward fatphobia of our world a lot. i dont really care about how my body looks im pretty neutral about it for #the most part and im happy that ive gotten to thaf point #but the fact that the way i look is a MAJOR part of how other people interact with me is so scary. and makes me so sad #just like jo march. it doesnt really matter how much work youve done on becoming someone strong and smart and secure and having people you #love platonically. at a certain point having no romantic love makes you feel lonely #and a little worthless. like oh someone has to know me really well before ever being interested in me as more than a friend nice to know i #inspire no feelings of attraction in the people i am interested in because of the body i inhabit. awesome 👍🏻 #ugh. its whatever. its just a lot of contradictory shit i think about a lot and hate thinking about so much

[fgooooooo]

Nort doodles

#stress drawing is so nice ^^ #tried to draw diff kinds of nort #i wanna one day draw his clown costume #i like drawing silhouette nort #when his hunter form comes out I hope to get chased a lot!! i think he will be so fun but i also have high hopes for his design i hope it #comes out nice #hopefully after exams i can get into lego monkey kid 🥺 and teenage mutant ninja turtles and transformers #and watch the nezha movie and the other movie thats related to that #im also gonna watch a play soon!! im excited it seems like fun i wonder if norton would like plays #im thinking of maybe writing some comfort nort scenarios one day but im not sure yet #ive been tired a lot this week and sleep deprived but i always look forward to doodle a lil bit #norton is like a star #he burns out too fast. hes like a tragic play and despite knowing what will happen.. i still wanna root for him #he burns so brightly and i feel like Icarus and ill gladly fall into the sea if it meant i could see his brilliance #the imagery of a person glancing up in mid air.. mouth open in awe.. eyes sparkling.. before they become swallowed by the sea #the situation will never change. but there was love. and while love might not change anything.. it still existed. #my art #sketch #digital art #identity v #idv #idv art #norton campbell #idv norton

[cuntstable]

i need to think about the potential of kakyoin and pucci teenage friendship at the evil vampire mansion more!!!

#i think ive joked about it here before a little bit like Oh dio brainwashed kakyoin so pucci would have a friend his age lol but ACTUALLY….. #like actually……think about it. like theyre both these isolated lonely teen with a lot of baggage and problems and theyre in this weird #fucked up enviroment and theyre the only people around each others age. and like personality wise too like theyre both polite and in their #heads a lot but they both have their weirdo tendencies. theyd click. pucci asks kakyoin if he wants to come to bible study with him. kakyoin #teaches pucci how to play video games. think about it. theres funny potential here. #but also like kakyoin doesnt stay at the mansion that long and when the dio fleshbuds removed his memories of it become blurry. he forgets #this weird kid he met. and pucci hears that kakyoin was the first to get sent to challenge the joestars and for a moment questions Why Him? #dio has so many loyal servants so why did he sent the one pucci had befriended to the wolves? and selfishly he thinks it would have been #better if it had been someone else #but then he just assumes that they killed kak (he never discovers the truth) and says a quick prayer for him but with the many deaths that #follow he slowly forgets about this one friend he had #just another name to briefly recall while holding a rosary #jojo

[nomaishuttle]

i have to get a new phone case and screenprotector Guys its literally scaryyyy

#getting a new case scary... my current one is piterally like. well ill be honest i think it is more like shrapnel than a phone case #its like. a soft part and a hard part and well. the soft parts that arent under hard parts have been entirely torn off #so the entire bottom of my phone is sxposed as is the top half on both sides #and the hard part is also broken all alone the bottom And i lost a corner the other day #so yeah. #i should prolly get a new one.. ill probably just get another boring one bc i get scared if ppl know things abt me #vut also maybe i should get like a nice one so i can like. idk its a conversation starter.... #like if im at the library and somebody sees my phone case and its like idk van gogh or something they could be like I love van gogh and i #could be like Omg thats awesome hes one of my all time favorite painters .... hes also very interesting as a person and his letters with #his brother etc etc etc and the person would be like Wow this guy is so interesting and knows a lot about van gogh I should become friends #with them and introduce them to my friend group and we will all be friends. #<- thats basically what might happen. but also what if theres somebody who Would have talked to me #and then they see my theoretical van gogh phone case and theyre like Ugh i hate van gogh. fuck this guy... #not that id rly wanna be friends with that person anyway but like. yk. van gogh is a theoretical example #what if it was more of like a fandom thing or something Which id literally never get but theoretically. and theyre like ew this guy likes #... idk. outer wilds. and this imaginary person ive created thinks iuter wilds is rly problematic so they tell everybody else in the #library Hey this guys a freak and a weirdo and everybodys like wow this guys a freak and a weirdo and they throw books at me and then i #cant ever go to the library ever again. i know thats unrealistic but a lot of thjngs i never thought would happen to me have happened to me #recently so. i wouldnt even be surprised at this point its like im a little kitten in a wet cardboard box all alone and somebody poured #gasoline on me. and i was like Oh what the hell why did that person pour gasoline on me... and rhen im like Its ok i can deal with the #gasoline. ajd then as soon as im recovered ANOTHER person pours gasoline on me and im like dude why this. what the hell. #but km like Weird it happened twice.. but its ok and fhen ANOTHER THING OF GASOLINE and im like WHYY and b4 i even get s chance to recover #skmehody throws a match in. and its like man what the hell did i do. thats basically whats happening with me Nd god rn. he just keeps #pouring gasoline on me and brother its getting a bit tiring.

[fangedtracks]

24 days!

#em #chatter #im thinking about em again. i mean when am i not they're always on my mind #god they make me so fucking happy #ive been having such a shitty past few weeks but talking to them has helped #it feels. incredibly magical to have a love as strong as ours #they called me a good boyfriend today and they just. get me yknow? #in ways no one has ever. in ways i didnt even expect! in ways that feel full of love #i love how we've become entangled in one another. it really feels like there's no true me without them and vice versa yknow? #like yeah yeah yeah im my own person. kickass grad student whos queer as fuck and hot and theyre their own person. #fucking amazing scientist beautifully radiant individual whos so kind and gentle and fuckn CUTE ((they sent me a selfie this morning #and i was like HEY GIVE A GUY A WARNING OKAY!!! I NEED MY BRAIN FOR SCHOOL! CANT BE TAKING MY BREATH AWAY LIKE THAT #AND RENDERING ME SPEECHLESS!! theyre sooooo cute. i see them and im like ohmygod youre so fucking... youre so pretty youre so cute youre so #hot youre literally every word that is escaping my mind right now and i have never seen something as breathtaking as them)) #ANYWAY!!! it still feels like half of me is missing when they're not with me yknow? and its true #half of me IS missing... they are !! they're my other half they're my beloved they're my lavender they're my fucking bestie #it really sucks being this far from them and not having them in my life in person but soon! soon. #theyll be in the same city as me again and we'll go for drives and we'll go grocery shopping together #and get weird looks because we just. get so GOOFY together #godddd i love when we would try to forage for fucking food in [redacted] at like 10 pm but eVERYTHING CLOSES SO EARLY #like that time we went to taco bell and they only took cash so we had to pivot #god i just miss that shit!!!! i miss that with them !!! i miss laughing and being happy and having no worries and feeling. GOOD #i love that i can just look at them and they KNOW what i'm thinking like i dont even have to SAY anything and they KNOW #and how genuine they know me? god. they send me reeses and hi-chews in care packages and its the ONLY time i have them bc i dont usually #buy shit for myself like that PLUS it feels like an extra special treat when i get them from them. #also the way they have helped me love myself? like fuck. #if they're capable of loving me so deeply and truly. maybe i can too yknow? #ill do things that i wouldnt have done before knowing them (like admitting i DO know things and celebrating my 48% on an exam and eating #ice cream because its going to make me happy even though theres still remnants telling me to not) #like.... they really have changed my life for the better