Devin's Dude Ranch: Episode Nine
*the episode opens with a shot of Echo Valley Ranch. It's early-mid morning and the birds are singing.*
Devin, in diary room (with a lot of energy): "Today's the day of our second challenge and I can't wait to see how the guys do! Can you tell I'm really excited about this one!?"
*the next shot opens with Devin standing in front of a stage area set-up in her backyard. the contestants are lined up in front of her.*
Devin: "Hi guys! Good morning. Welcome to our second challenge. I hope you guys are ready to give this one all you've got because frankly, I've really been looking forward to today."
Devin (continues): "I can see it on your faces: 'Devin, what the heck are we doing?'. Well, fellas. Today, you'll be putting on a talent show!"
*the contestants murmur among themselves*
Devin (continues): "I know you've all got special talents and I want to see them today. Whoever impresses me the most will win a solo date. Are you guys ready?"
*the contestants cheer in reply*
Devin: "That's what I want to hear! Alright, Houston. You're up first!"
*the next shot shows Houston sitting down at a grand piano, he begins playing Moonlight Sonata*
*Devin can be seen in the background with a smile slowly spreading across her face*
*Houston's playing is beautiful, though he does trip over a few notes here and there. he grimaces when he does but pushes through and finishes the piece.*
*when Houston finishes he stands, receives his applause and waits to hear from Devin*
Devin: "Wow. That was truly beautiful, Houston. You continue to impress me. Thank you."
*Houston places his hand over his heart, mouths 'thank you' to Devin then returns to his seat with a smile on his face.*
Stan, in diary room: "Hot damn. Is there anything that boy can't do? I mean, it wasn't perfect, but it was sure a hell of a lot better than I coulda done. I might be in trouble for this date."
*the next shot shows Albert on stage. he has a microphone in his hand and is performing a comedy routine.*
Albert: "I went and visited my parents recently. My parents have a real, real, real fat cat. It’s real fat. People point it out, you know? They walk in; They’re like, 'Man, that cat’s fat.' And it feels rude, you know, like, 'He doesn’t speak Simlish, but we do, so maybe don’t say that.' And they’re just… you know, they’re like, 'What are y’all feeding this cat?'"
Albert (continues): "You’re like, 'Whatever you feed a cat, dude. Like normal cat food stuff. We pour a bowl. Like, if he eats eight birds outside, he doesn’t tell us.' You know, he’s not like, 'Oh, I ate out tonight. I’m good.' And then they’re like, 'Well, y’all should do something.' You’re like, 'What do you think we’re not doing? Do you think he has a gym membership and we don’t drive him to the gym?' He’s a cat. That’s his gym membership, he’s a cat. I watched him jump from the ground on top of the refrigerator. That’s like if I jumped on top of a school bus from the ground. Like, if I… if I did that, you’re not gonna be like, 'Well, you still could lose a little bit, you know.' Just keep doing what you’re doing."*
*Devin & the contestants can be heard howling with laughter*
*comedy bit originally by Nate Bargatze - because I'm too high and tired to try to write actual comedy.
*when his bit is complete, Albert puts the microphone back and waits to hear from Devin*
*Devin wipes her eyes and composes herself*
Devin: "That is...*bleep*ing hilarious, Albert. Do your parents really have a fat cat?"
*Albert nods*
Albert: "Oh yeah. His name is Reggie."
Devin: "Well, I love Reggie. And thank you so much for making me laugh so hard my face hurts. I didn't know you were such a comedian, but now that I do, that's a plus in your column, cowboy."
*Albert runs over to Devin and kisses her hand before hustling back to his seat*
Houston, in diary room: "I hate to admit it, but Albert's bit was actually really funny. Now I'm worried. I really want this date with Devin."
*The next scene opens with Stan at the microphone. he's backed up by music playing through the stereo behind him and he's singing Cheeseburger in Paradise.*
*Devin looks on, half impressed by the quality of Stan's singing voice and half amused by his choice of song.*
Stan (singing):
"I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer
Well, good God almighty which way do I steer
For my
Cheeseburger in paradise
Making the best of every virtue and vice
Worth every damn bit of sacrifice
To get a cheeseburger in paradise
Get me a cheeseburger in paradise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise"
*the music comes to an end, and Stan squares himself in front of Devin, clearly proud of his performance*
Devin: "Stan! That was both entertaining and impressive. I didn't know you could sing that like! And somehow that song choice is 100% you. I loved it. Thank you so much."
*Stan nods to Devin, thanks her and returns to his seat, wiping the sweat from his forehead*
Handra, in diary room: "Stan was living his best life up there. He was being true to himself and I loved that for him. Way to go, buddy!"
*the next scene opens with Handra front and center. He's playing Hotel California on guitar.*
*Devin leans forward in her seat and watches Handra play intently*
*Handra plays perfectly, making each note of the song come alive as he strums the resonator guitar.*
*when the song is over, he sets the guitar down and looks to Devin*
*Devin takes a deep breath*
Devin: "Handra. Wow. That was incredible and so...moving. Thank you so much for sharing your talent with us. I had no idea you were musically talented. I'm very, very impressed."
*Handra beams at her, mouths 'thank you' before blowing her kiss and returning to his seat*
Albert, in diary room: "My boy Handra can play, holy *bleep*. I'm in trouble for this date. Man!"
Devin: "Guys, that was every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be. Thank you so much for showing me your talents. I am so impressed by all of you. Truly."
Devin (continues): "This was a really, really hard decision. But, at the end, I had to go with the person who surprised me the most with their talent."
Devin (continues): "And that person, is..."
Devin (continues): "Albert!"
*Albert stands up and looks utterly shocked*
*Winner picked by random name picker.
*he meets Devin at the front and the two share a quick hug*
Devin: "Congrats, funny guy."
*Albert grins and returns to his seat*
Devin: "Again, guys, thank you so much for today. I really had a good time and hope you did too. And don't forget - there are still plenty of chances to win solo dates with me."
Albert, in diary room: "I won. I'm going on a solo date with my girl. I can't believe it. And Mom told me I'd never get anywhere being funny. I guess I owe Reggie some catnip or something..."
Devin, in diary room: "I can't believe the talents these guys have been holding out on me. I mean, how amazing was today!? And I'm really, really looking forward to my date with Albert. I can't wait to spend more time with him and see if there's more between us than surface level stuff."
Houston submitted by @invisiblequeen
Albert submitted by @bakersimmer
James "Stan" submitted by @natolesims
Handra submitted by @bloomingkyras
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