#just know that it is something thats gonna happen and no. im not talking about it

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

the air has shifted. i was able to sleep but still when i awoke my heart was pounding and i can’t breathe. because of… dan and phil.

maybe this doesnt mean anything. maybe im just a crazy phannie (well thats true no matter what happens but still).

however, this has happened to me before. twice. let me tell y’all about those times.

the first time, i want to say was august of 2016 (could be slightly off). i had been watching dan and phil for over a year but i was still pretty new to the phandom as a space. i was at my grandmas house just chilling upstairs when this photo hit the tumblr scene:

and oh. my. god. my stomach dropped. my heart started racing. i was pacing around the room going holy shit holy shit holy shit. this photo was a big deal at the time. it was dan’s first time letting his hair be natural at a m&g or youtube event. and, it was the first time ever we had seen dan wear nail polish.

when i woke up the next morning, i still couldnt breathe. the main thing is that i was surprised how much hold these youtubers had over my heart like jesus christ. but more importantly…

the. air. had. shifted. and i knew it.

this photo, to me, is the beginning of the soft launch era. it was after this that we got the halloween baking monster pops video, which entered our post baking universe. and it was after that we got the first gamingmas. but this photo, was the start of it all. the start of dan and phil tearing down the wall just a little and starting to be more themselves on camera.

the second time, is a bit more obvious of a shift. it was june 2019. the june video had been talked for over a year at this point. we weren’t really sure if it was happening or not. what it was. but we all had… ideas. but oh my goodness, the entire first 13 days of that month. i was just buzzing. i was freaking out. and i didnt know why!! well… i knew why. but surely two youtubers could not make me feel this way for two weeks straight. oh yes they could actually.

when this tweet happened:

holy fuck, i think i shit myself. i felt the air shift. like in real time. i could barely talk because my heart was pounding so fast. i was playing truth bombs with my friends (because yes i am the #1 phannie) when i read the tweet, i dropped my phone and started tearing up whispering “oh my god its happening” over and over again. did they think i was crazy? yep!

but y’all… the. air. had. SHIFTED.

anyway long speech over. what was the point of this. to tell you that my phannie brain is convinced that something is happening. the air has shifted. i know it has. it has before. what does that mean for dan and phil? i don’t know yet! we’re just gonna have to see :))

#crazy phannie spilling all her thoughts onto tumblr.com #phan #dan and phil #dnp #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #daniel howell #dan and phil games #dan and phil crafts

[seariii]

hmm...

#vent post #seari talks #i feel a little scared... just thinking about the stuff i need to do... and i got a message that i cant answer on my own and the person who #i need the answer from wasnt... helpful... i dont know what to say now... i should say i'll look into it or something... but... #sigh... the whole situation is difficult since i have to... *big sigh* fuck... #if this goes wrong... will they blame me? what will happen to me?... i did ask back in the day... i have the messages... so technically im #safe but... sigh... how stressful... #and i have to check all of this other stuff too... #... i dont like this... i so dont like this... but its okay its gonna be okay... its just the beginning that its scary but once we actually #start running everything will get easier and easier and more comfortable and.... sigh... #for now... lets do what we- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck who sent me a message fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i dont wanna open the message #*checks* okay everything will be okay... everything will be okay.... yes... *sigh* #IM OKAY EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!! #i just have to focus on the matters at hand. i reported this so its gonna get reviewed now. and what i need to do is this other thing... #and study i have to do that too... and read that too... okay thats not difficult ive got this

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[separatedleoau]

Oh OH! Imagine this: what if Donnie accidentally turned One into a toddler. Would Draxum go pick him up or would Mikey make the most out of it? OR! Toddler One would turn to be a living nightmare to his brothers? (I just want some more of baby Leo 😭) love your AU btw 💙

*looks at my notes nervously*

#well... someone mentioned this scenario sooner than I though #I'm gonna say 'dont ask' but i know none of you know how to read and are gonna end up asking anyways /lh #so make as many assumptions as you want #im not gonna confirm nor deny them #just know that it is something thats gonna happen and no. im not talking about it #separated leo au #SLAU asks

[raspberryjellybrains]

its been a billion years since I posted anything meaningful about mcga but I'm thinking about Alex helping Magnus with clothes.

I think Blitzen would love to help style Magnus, but I think he might accidentally end up being a bit overbearing, albeit with good intentions. He wants to help, but would probably end up tripping over his own fashion opinions more often than not, and Magnus would want to make his friend happy too much to actually voice his own opinions consistently. But Alex would understand that identity through fashion is something slow to be discovered on your own. It's not instant, it's a slow process of trying things and finding out what makes you feel good physically and emotionally. You can't pressure a person finding their own style, especially someone who's never had much room to do so and will likely feel guilty about making that room. She's gone through the process, and she'd probably be more than happy to help someone with it too.

I'm thinking about them going around to different stores and finding that Magnus likes second hand and low-end boutique stuff more than anything. Alex letting him onto her etsy account and buying his first piece of jewelry, taking him around to all of her favorite stores where she's greeted as a friend. Yeah, they could do all this in Valhalla, but where's the fun in that?

I think Magnus would like earth tones and dark, muted colors. He would avoid synthetic materials for their unnaturally soft textures and blue would make rare appearances. Alex would parade him around in his first pair of White Guy Khaki Shorts in five years, glowing with a silly sort of pride and Magnus feeling something kindle back to life in his chest at a growing collection or flannels, just like his mom. I'm imagining Magnus learning what it's like to live with his body, rather than despite it, and feel comfortable with himself in his surroundings for the first time since he was a little kid, taking a hike in the woods. And I'm thinking of Alex holding his hand the whole time.

#feeling sooooo sos normal rn #and i dont mean to make this post and trample the people who feel clothing has no bearing on their comfort or self perception #i just want to talk about how much it can mean to someone trying to find who they really are and come to terms with that person #and when i say style i dont mean aesthetic or fashion. i simply mean personal preferences for comfort and look (if that matters) #your personal style can literally be cheap graphic tees and basketball shorts and if that makes you happy then have fun!! live your truth!! #this is just me noting that magnus seems to almost intentionally avoid clothes except to mention discomfort and i think he should get a #happier relationship with his outer appearance than he has especially considering the royal fuckery thats happened with his bodily autonomy #and confidence within the context of the series #i might be crazy and projecting but i just want to give him something kind. as a treat. #and alex does seem to enjoy sharing her passions with those she cares about!! its quality time without any kind of social expectations #regarding the nature of their attachment. she can just spend time with someone she likes doing something she likes no strings attached. #im sure its qlso fun to gently heckle things throughout the process with someone whos gonna just nod along 💀 #im thinking way too hard about this #but im gonna hit post and know. i am still thinking. #magnus chase #alex fierro #mcga #mcga headcannon #raspberry rambles

[kn11ves]

emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something? #i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 #ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????????? #those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT?????? #oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍

[fearforthestorm]

it is such a shame that rainstorms are a consistent migraine trigger for me because I love the rain so much but especially I love the way that the rain makes my city look. it goes all gray and lit-from-within at civil twilight and the skyscrapers at city center stretch up so high that the shapes lose definition and it's something that I am just so so fond of.

#not to mention the classic streetlights and wet pavement. thats always been a particular little thing that ive loved #it feels more like autumn than late winter today which makes me a little upset but driving in rain is better than driving in ice at least #im in a bit of a really strange introspective mood now that ive finally cleared the worst of the migraine #a lot of stuff has happened for me lately that i havent talked about on here at all just to a couple of close friends. #and im kind of. actively trying? to stop caring so much about telling people about things. #a couple weeks ago i did something that not a soul on earth knows. and they never will. and it was SO FREEING. #<- not anything bad or whatever just. a regular thing that happened that i didnt tell anyone about. #idk. im trying a lot more lately to worry less about sharing my life and more about just living it. its good i think. #youll probably still get luke. hyperspecific emotional/contemplative oversharing in the tags sometimes #but ive been doing a lot more things that im not telling anyone about. that exist just for me. and im gonna keep doing that. #.lyr

[mothocean]

i am, really just fucking hoping theres gonna be more safety regulations around this kind of stuff now. and that the greek coast guard gets fucking sued. also that the submersible company gets sued. and nothing like any of these things happens ever again

#ik thats not gonna be the case but god this whole situation has not been good for my irrational-ish fear #of being told something is safe and then it turns out it really really isnt but its too late and horrible death happens #i feel no sympathy for the billionaires obvs but. can we acknowledge how fucking lucky it is that the horrble submersible #only ended up killing 5 ppl. thats still 5 ppl but it couldve been way more #like idc if a billionaire wants to die horribly they should not be allowed to drag other people down w them #they should not be allowed to have their METAL TUBE DEATH TRAP talked about POSITIVELY on a fucking SCIENCE WEBSITE THAT SHOULD KNOW BETTER #AND THEY DEFINITELY SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO USE IT TO TURN A GRAVESITE INTO THE WORLDS LEAST SAFE TOURIST TRAP #EVEN IF ONLY STUPID RICH PPL WILL GET ON IT #like you realize this is just the most extreme example of the kind of lack of regulation these guys get away with. like im glad the guy tha #made the thing met his horrible end with it but too many ppl don't get graced with this kind of dramatic irony #and besides maybe it should not be fucking legal to construct literal death machines even for dramatic irony #idk im tired of focusing on whether the guys had it coming for them or not its endless hell discourse #lets fucking talk abt how this whole thing should not have fucking happened in the first place #and i hope nothing like it ever happens again #if the billionaires want a horrible death i will give it to them myself and then outlaw their entire fucking existence (as billionaires) #im sorry im just fucking tired #roseflower.txt

[happyfunf3tti]

it really gets under my skin working with irritating coworkers. like imagine saying hey im not sure you should be doing this since my manager told me before not to do it 4 reasons only to be told that ur running ur mouth even though im quiet half the time at work?????

#like. this happened before. #the dude even shushed me and i never felt so dehumanized??? i dont know if thats the right word #hes just only compliant with me if i dont say anything. turns out the blue stuff wasnt just only for silverware which i was told #it doesnt go on dishes because its wasting it and its pricey. but yeah i brough this up to my manager for clarification and the dude told m #that i was running my mouth?????? dude u really see me speak. only because when i call you out for stuff like this u get angry #im gonna work long shifts on saturday now and im hoping i dont get to see his hardheaded self to work everytime #also when my coworker warned him about something he said thank you. im just gonna leave this here #edit: i forgot to post this the minute i got off work but i feel better now after talking with my family #☠️dookie.avi🎂

[mrs-kelly]

ok that episode actually kinda got me down so here's my lil affirmation for myself that Charlie loves me so much, and in a world where we're together and in love, he's got no interest in hooking up with hot young ladies ok afjdksl

#i mean obviously but i still needed to say it ajfkdsl #just sitting here reminding myself 'this is an alternate universe this is an alternate universe; of course if we aren't together he's- #gonna look around for some fun; of course that's gonna happen' ajfkdls #im not like. super bothered and rly messed up about it or anything #it's just the thought of him being with someone else in any cpacity is like #ouch ajfklds #but especially these hot young girls. when im like. pushing 30 ajfkdsl and less feminine usually #its an insecurity thing thats all ajfkdsl #but just talking about it here made me feel better #that's just an alternate universe; that's something that would happen if we werent together #and that makes sense you know? #ren speaks #renlie

[nomaishuttle]

listening to the new sadboyz and im like. rly disappointed with how theyre talking abt the sssniperwolf shit ...

#literally titled the video after the situation and rhen were like So we dont rly know whats going on... ermmm idk maybe this is a #man harassing a woman and the woman gets dogpiled thing .. Like. its disappointing bc these guys usually like. do research ?? #im not super knowledgeable abt th situation but using the argument of Well shes a girl so maybe its sexism !? but we dont know we dont know #when thats. literally her defense for stalking and doxxing somebody. Who wasnt harassing her. its rly gross to me im ngl #if you dont know the situation dont like. Make it a segment on yr podcast dont make it the title of the episode if all you say is 'we dont #know what were talking about here' #i get they wanna be diplomatic or whatever but like. im gonna level i dont think shes somebody they need to be diplomatic with #and the situation is fairly cut and dry. their most scathing critique of her is Actually... doxxing is bad #like. idk. idk... just disappointed a bit #i dont think its super serious but i hope they address this bc i just find it kind of bullshit to basically defend her doxxing and stalking #somebody. bc it would Look bad to defend a man vs a woman. idk.. theyve focused way too much on completely abstracting the situation and #judging the optics instead of like. the actual shit thats happening. bc yeah from far away 'a male creator called out a female creator and #his fanbase turned against her' looks kind of bad. but then you actually learn abt the situation and its like Oh its justified. #IDK. i think we should normalize not talking abt something just bc its a Trendy topic rn if you dont know what youre talking about or have #anything worthwhile to say abt it.

[darabeatha]

/ The process of me picking a f.go muse is basically reading from 745738483 different sources about the actual character or historical figure in question and -then- reading whatever their f.go description says; then turbo analyzing their designs

#;ooc #ooc #its always a surprise frfr #this is how its been with everyone #only once i know whats their deal in the most objective way i can is when i can proceed to read their descriptions and dialogue lines #I'd like to say that my choices in picking them up is pretty random but i noticed i have a lot of kings or heroic spirits that had some- #sort of grand title #doesnt happen always but a lot fit in that category #i also have to personally find them interesting;; its why i couldnt just sit and wait for an a.rju despite my turbo ultra mega love for him #i HAD to write him myself #they are all on my pockets; carefully chosen; hand-picked even #i also love spotting the differences; having that choice of 'u know what- im gonna go differently about this' #AND- u know when a particular design has elements that make a lot of sense and it just clicks on ur mind- #not talking about j.ekyll and h.yde; my guy is lit just some man and thats it OTTKOTIR #to this day i still dont understand what are thooooooooseeeee -points at his silly pants- #PUT A BELT?? ANYTHING!!! #anyways; #also j.ason he's kinda random to me so far; heck even g.il too and he's turbo popular #<- i mean in terms of outfit #I MEAN;; I guess you could take something from them both?? but not j.ekyll; he's still some guy lit #NOTHING in that man #just some awful weird pants and some silly butter knife #(<- says the same person that loves him regardless) #anyways this is all to say that im welcoming m.octezuma II into the elite club (my own multi) #and that not today but one day im talking about his design and things that -I- find interesting #of course I'm not an historian but i do what i can with what i have and #its enjoyable to read #so thats how it be 😌

[mantisgodsdomain]

Winning a prize personally by being someone's "well, this trope isn't usually my style, but i know this author is Really Good at writing so i'll check it out anyways" author

#we speak #if you are the person we're talking about here: points at u. <3<3<3 #at some point we will post works that are slightly more fluffy #but unfortunately you will have to deal with the fact that we fucking love morally dubious idiots and we also fucking love Situations #at all times we are looking between our works where bad things happen and our works where its just a passive Emotion Swirl #and then picking Bad Things Happen bc we think its fun #eventually we will get around to fluffier stuff we're just allergic to not swirling in a few bonus emotions #we are sorry but we have tried! we cannot write straight fluff. we need smth extra to make it interesting #otherwise our brain simply Does Not latch on #we salute the brave fluff makers out there for being capable of creating straight up fluff its not generally our style and we dont know #how to make it #is it really a tender moment if u do not get there through daring ur friend to eat u while still like 50% sure u might die #perhaps with a tiny bit of the impulsive want of “if im going to risk death then its gonna be at the claws of someone i love” #we think not. also bc something something love we find the need to note our vi is Very Aro. this is due to The Aro Anxiety #us writing anything about love: but what if they think its... ROMANTIC??? oh gods the horrors the horrors #that said we do not think team snakemouths relationship fits into any relationship definition #and if we ever write a relationship chart for whatever reason their dynamic will be listed as “team snakemouth” #right next to mothiva and zasps “in love and incapable of not being weird abt it” and levi and celias “married (immigration purposes)" #they sure are team snakemouth. people look at them and go “thats team snakemouth all right”. #you could ask thirty different people and get thirty different answers as to their relationship and they would all be wrong #anyways. we've derailed somewhat. we are part of the *checks* #...77.1% of the whump community that is aspec and we like to do funky fresh pain things #alas it is one of the many things that must be tolerated about us and our writing. however if u follow us ur probably fine #we are most obnoxious on our tumblr blog where u have to choose to enter bc we are secure in the knowledge that u can leave at any time #we dont need to tone ourself down here! theres a bunch of buttons u can use to choose our volume for urself! its fucking great! #gods we love being obnoxious on the internet it is SO much fun. more people should do this #its also fun to post things abt fics that we may not finish for months at a time. we love to do that #we will get around to all of our works eventually but the wait will be Long. in the meantime u get to see us talking abt how cool we are

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[dream-launch]

How come when people talk about like tryna support people who are in a very rough place mentally they always give the usual you're not alone I'm there for you but never actually make any effort to be there - no reaching out, no desire to even wanna talk - like it's just bullshitting cause they know it would sound too obviously mean to be like oh your not okay? Well too bad don't bother me with that shit I don't care enough about you.

#like i know there are people ive spoke to who put on the fake like youre not alone i care im here dont be sad #but if i reached out this minute being like hey i am very much not okay #they be liek ha yeah we all got problems pls dont complain to me cause then ill feel bad too and thats not fair on me boohoo #and like yeah im not tryna be a burden #but dont fucking lie to me and say your gonna be there when your not #if i am falling apart and wanna vent dont claim your okay with that and then get annoyed when i do #its like they never give a fuck #we only ever talk when they wanna and they never guve a fuck about anything i have to say anyway #its just straight onto whats going on in their lives #which especially sucks cause like their is literally never anything good going on in my life #like the only remotely positive things i have to talk about is the media i consume which they especially dont care about #like nothing actually good ever happens in my life #i have bad shit happening or nothing #and the nothing is usually just cause i havent spoke to anyone in person in over a week and im super lonely #this does not apply to people i speak to online cause i know yall cant help living in different countries #it would just be nice to have something in my life who genuinely cared about me and wanted to listen to me #and i dont think thats selfish to want cause i know if there was someone who cared that much about me id be obsessed with them #so it would be mutual

[ihatebnha]

hey pretty, I just wanted to tell you that it's not your fics that makes this your blog, it's you!! so don't feel like to be here you have to be "working" or "posting". you're you and I love u for that. really, I love it when you answer asks, you're so polite, gentle and funny, it actually makes us wanna talk to you. but!! if one day this whole thing ever overwhelms you it's okay baby. just wanted to let you know that you alredy give us so much <33 you are amazing in indulging our thoughts, you give us tiktok content and amazing dad headcanons for all the characters!! know you're doing great, you really are active here and we love you 💗❤❤

#cries for literally 100 years #thank you so incredibly much for this anon :(((( truly truly truly #hardly know how to express what i wanna so i have to stay in the tags so i don't end up blubbering all over u adslfjkjasnd #no one has ever ............... said anything like this to me before #at least about ... my content and how active i am and stuff #i always feel like im never doing enough. ALWAYS. even when i post a lot i just wish i could post more #and maybe its just cuz im comparing myself to my old self #but it makes me sad bc i just feel like u all deserve more than whats happening now #and usually im reassured by the fact that like... something IS better than nothing... esp w/ quality over quantity #but at the same time... idk. all my content seems so. rudimentary #so it's like. when i cant produce a lot of it... what am i even doing? #and honestly i think my burnout mostly comes from the fact that im sick of doing homework and the prospects of relaxing this summer #are just too good to give up (making even focusing on this blog hard) BUT IDK #it triggers my performance anxiety... like what if ppl hate me if i do bad... or am not the way i used to be... you know? #anyway thats just mostly to say... I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS. TRULY. i don't think ive ever been complimented this way #and i appreciate it beyond. words. #not sure how im gonna feel in 2-3 weeks after i settle myself for the summer but. as long as u dont mind the fact that im slow... #that's enough for me <3 just need to find my spark again (which is funny cuz im watching bnha s5 rn and its really got me like... HUH) #ajfdjalsjdfj sorry to talk ur ear off tho bc what u said is really so reassuring... i just AHHHH and want u to know i love u lots #forever and ever and ever #ask #anon #caitie chats #fave