#innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr is used by 21% of adults online aged 18-29 years.

#innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍

hyper-fixated-delusions · 6 months

Text

All is fair in love and Mario Kart.

Wanda Maximoff x Avenger fem!reader.

A/N: I hope you enjoy and I apologize for any mistakes! Also comments, reblogs, shares and likes are super appreciated, thank you! :)

Translation: “Sestra.” Sister.

“Detka.” Baby.

“Amor.” Love.

Word count: 1,446.

Masterlist.

You should have known.

You should have known agreeing to a Mario Kart tournament with the Avengers was a bad idea.

But you were excited to try out one of the many new versions of the game.

Excited at the prospect of the nostalgia it would bring as it reminded you of simpler times.

Times where you weren't too worried about the next big bad. Times where aliens weren't invading and wreaking havoc on earth.

Honestly, this was all just supposed to be innocent fun. You relaxing while you played your favorite childhood game.

But when Tony caught you playing in the TV room of the compound and he made a bet that you just couldn't refuse, you found it hard to back down, and as many of your other teammates joined, your girlfriend included, it all got too out of hand.

On one team it was Pietro, Natasha, Steve, Bucky, Peter and you.

On the other team it was Vision, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Wanda and Tony.

Once the tournament began, you all played like your lives depended on it, pouring out all of your skills into each round. The competitiveness arising in all of you a tenfold at the stakes that were given.

There was coercion, and threats being thrown around, anything to ensure a win that didn’t include using your powers, it was there and having both teams at a tie as the final round was about to commence, you can feel the tension in the air as the last two players are randomly chosen and you gulp when you realize it’s you versus Wanda.

“Alright lovebirds, it all comes down to you two,” Tony begins as you shake your arms up and down, bouncing on your toes as if you're about to enter the boxing match of your life. “Whoever wins this round ensures the win of their team. Remember the winning team has no chores for 3 months, losers must take on those chores, got it?” He says, and both you and Wanda nod, “okay, go!”

Beginning the round against your girlfriend had you nervous to say the least, Wanda showing promising skills from her previous rounds as she quickly picked up ways to ensure her success. But as you finish the first lap of the race you quickly realize you're definitely going to beat your girlfriend, your skills slightly better than hers as you’ve played many times before and your loud thoughts cause Wanda to throw you a quick side glare.

“So smug detka, already thinking you’ve won when there's still 2 more laps to go,” she says, accent prominent in her competitiveness.

“Sorry amor, but what can I say? I'm just that good,” you say, shrugging with a smirk as Wanda gapes when you hit her with a series of objects, making her character move onto last place.

“Oh, you are so going down sestra,” Pietro exclaims happily, bouncing in his spot.

“Shut it Piet,” Wanda grumbles angrily. “Baby,” the witch begins with a sweet voice, causing you to tense, “if I lose, just know that no kisses will be given to you for the 3 months that it takes for me to complete my punishment,” your girlfriend says in a singsong tone and her threat makes you falter, making you immediately go from 1st to 5th place.

“Whoa, no, no wait. You can't do that! You can’t take kissing away from me,” you pout, “that's not fair!”

Wanda merely shrugs, a smug smirk on her face, knowing that you can't live without her kisses.

“Okay, hey! No!” Natasha exclaims suddenly, snapping her fingers beside you, “focus up Y/L/N, because if we lose this tournament, I will make sure you don't get to kiss Wanda for 3 months, you got that?” The redhead threatens back and you gulp using your objects to make it back to first place.

It's the final lap and Wanda's character is in 2nd place trailing right behind you, you could feel the tension in the air at this moment, everyone holding their breaths as they await a winner.

Quickly you cast your eyes to the bottom corner of the screen and see that Wanda has one final shell in her arsenal as you have a banana peel and by the looks of the approaching finish line, you know for certain your girlfriend is going to use it on you to help ensure her win.

So what you do before she has a chance to hit you is, you place yourself right in front of her character and deploy the banana peel causing Wanda's character to spin out of control just before she has a chance to hit you with her shell, making you win first place.

“Fuck yeah! Way to go Y/N,” someone from your team exclaims, as the rest of the group have their hands thrown in the air in celebration, rounding you immediately to hug you for ensuring their victory.

As you and your team celebrate your win Pietro suddenly jumps up onto the coffee table.

“Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to be like me,” he says as he fake sweeps his shoulders, “so many! I am a king, I am unstoppable, I rule the world!” He exclaims and the opposing team roll their eyes at the speedster’s antics.

“Oh please Piet, you didn't even win one of your Mario Kart rounds, get down,” Wanda says, pulling her brother off the table.

Smiling widely due to your victory and your girlfriend's actions you approach Wanda and pucker up your lips jokingly, “celebratory kiss?” You ask, as you get close to her face.

But before you can reach her lips, Wanda's hand comes in between your faces, “no, shut up, I'm mad at you for winning, so get away from me,” the redhead says, shoving your face softly causing you to let out a laugh.

“I'm sorry amor,” you begin, approaching your girlfriend slowly, “but I had to win, Nat is scary!" You say as you reach her, your arms go around Wanda's waist, “I definitely did not want to know what she was going to do to prevent me from kissing you for three months if I lost us the tournament,” you whisper, eyes quickly glancing towards the redhead assassin that's standing across the room and Wanda chuckles softly, arms going around your neck to play with the baby hairs at your nape.

“Oh, my poor big baby,” your girlfriend teases with a smirk and you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, that’s easy for you to say, she didn't threaten you! She may be small, but she's mighty,” you say, whispering softly in order to prevent your words from reaching the assassin's ears.

“Oh really, so I’m small? You want to start shit Y/L/N, is that it?” Natasha asks, as she suddenly stands behind you.

You turn around quickly, “no. No! I'm not starting anything! Also how the fuck are you already behind me?” You exclaim, eyes wide in shock and fear, “and hey, I said small, but mighty! So please don't hurt me,” you say, going behind Wanda for protection and the team laughs at your antics due to your fear of Natasha and the height difference between you and your girlfriend, your frame still in clear view behind Wanda.

“You won us the tournament, which means no chores for three months, so you're safe for now, but next time I won't be so kind,” Natasha says, a teasing glare on her face.

“Okay, okay. I'm sorry,” you say hands up in surrender, then you grab Wanda's hand and softly pull her towards you, “also, you know what? I'm just going to go to bed before I put my foot in my mouth again, so bye. Goodnight losers, enjoy your chores,” you say grinning smugly as you walk away from the group. Suddenly stopping when you feel Wanda stop from beside you, her hand being pulled out of your grasp and you turn to see a frown on your girlfriend’s face as a slight glare is directed at you, “oh shit, wait, no, not you baby, not you. They’re the losers,” you say, smiling sheepishly.

“Hey, so uh, where's that foot at Y/L/N?” Clint teases with a laugh.

“Hey, so uh, mind your business Clint,” you retort, blushing red as you turn to look at the witch, “baby, come on. I was talking about them being losers, not you,” you say as Wanda begins storming away from you, “Max, come on amor, I swear I wasn’t talking about you,” you exclaim as you jog to catch up to your girlfriend.

383 notes · View notes

kavehnanginto · 1 year

Text

if you hold me without hurting me (you’ll be the first to ever did)

pairings: childe, diluc, kaeya, kaveh

synopsis: life was nothing but pain, from the past to the present, it all bleaks of lost dreams and broken records of what life should’ve been. and now that you’re here they wonder if you too is but a temporary moment of happiness that turns into a melancholic memory

tags: depressed boys, again, trust issues abt u, mentions of death, mommy kinda leave kaveh, thats so sad, their parents kinda died, daddy issues, HEAVY CAPITALIZATION ON DADDY ISSUES, lana del rey song mhm, there is some fluff, please trust me

CHILDE is, for you, the nicest man you have ever met. A gentleman who gave you flowers and showered you with love. But it didn’t matter that he loved you that much, because no matter he will always be in your heart. Maybe in some instances you fought, you apologized, just like any other couple.

But he was not like any other man.

You knew who he was, and the violent nature that he stands for. Although you never saw, you always hear his new target, his new schemes and… with that comes bursts of reassurance of your love, undying love, loyalty to him. The cycle repeats, and even the hundredth time, he will always hug you tight afraid you will go.

And with that you always hug him back.

Some say that such a man was so hard to love, but his lopsided grin, his cute gestures—they had no idea who he was on your view. Maybe it was just facade, or maybe this was the actual him they never saw. But it doesn’t matter. You were his first love, the one who showed him what true and unconditional love is.

And just like his family—he intends to keep your innocence over these matters, and he intends to love you forever.

“It’s okay to let me go… but please say the reason. I’ll give you all of me, all I want is for that to be enough.”

DILUC is a highly respected bachelor in Mondstadt. But to you, he is but a fragile dandelion drifting in the wind. The warmth, the silence and the breeze of the wind were most of the moments you spend with him. He sometimes wondered if this childlike domestic happiness is some fever dream, a sweet lullaby kissing him in the forehead.

Just like the sweet innocence of childhood, the nostalgia was coming back to him. You offered him something more, something deeper and something real than a nostalgic feeling, but never did the maids of Dawn Winery saw Master Diluc running once again at the lake with a smile on his face running to you. Being with you.

You.

With all the years alone, his house simply a tool to help with his daily necessities, you changed it all. You were something to believe in, that he was worth all this joy, that he was worth something. That even with the pain, the deaths, the heartaches he think he rightfully deserves, this one glimmer of happiness the Gods gave him, this beautiful soul that was cursed to love him and he was blessed to love as well.

Without hurt, without pain, someone went into his life and willing to stay.

“The sound of the fire never gives me warmth in winters, perhaps having one more person is why I no longer feel so cold.”

KAEYA never really had a moment in his life that he believed that someone was going to stay. And he too believed that when he first saw you. Even with new memories, even when the years went and go he truly thought that you too will go away. Such preciousness of a pearl was no match for him, rusting and broken. Fixed only to be cut and sold. Used and mended.

Everyone had their own idea of what the Cavalry Captain is really like. A womanizer. An alcoholic. Manipulative. . But Kaeya never minded the roles that society wanted him to play, rather embracing the accusations of his characters. But one thing that seemed to be true in all the gossips around the town is that he hold his secrets pretty well. Too well.

Even too you. You never really wanted to know, there’s this nagging feeling in your mind that he still not trusts you. After all, life can always go backwards but even so your lips will be sealed. That’s a promise you are willing to keep forever.

His eye. His life. He trusts you with his life, he gives you everything you wanted but maybe it wasn’t worth it to answer all of your questions maybe? Maybe he too believed that you too will drift like the wind, just like his past, or maybe it’s him, like a ship sinking in the seas that even with all these things he wants to say, he didn’t want to break that trust and love you had. That love he wants to hold, the person he wants to cherish for a lifetime.

He’ll do anything for you, and his secrets will only harm you even if you know deep down inside that he was harming you too.

“The day you learn the truth, is maybe the day we’ll bid adieu.”

KAVEH was kind, perhaps too much. He treats you so good, even when he doesn’t have enough. That was simply his character, always asking if you’re okay, if you want this or do that. For you, he was simply an angel who fell on earth. A beautiful person who longed to play and create, art and festive.

And perhaps that too was a facade. You find him once crying over a box of toys, and there you cried with him too. It was not important as to why he cried but making him happy, for his joy was one that made the vines grow in the old trees and the one that even rain could never cover. He told you what happened, his past, his “sins” and there you never realized what he was going through.

But that doesn’t mean you can be here for him from now. Kaveh, who blamed everything on himself, could never really grasp how understanding you are. Listening to his words, crying his tears—like that of a little boy finding his peace. That he never found, now as a tall child searching for answers. But still apologizing when he answers. How can he deserve to be loved without hurt. To confess his crimes and be rewarded with a bouquet of flowers.

He longed to be loved, but now he believes that for someone to hold him tight this lonely night, his chest no longer felt so heavy. His heart no longer felt so tight. As now, it is whole for you.

“Sleep tight, and may you rest in a blooming new day, sweetheart.”

398 notes · View notes

notathrowawayname · 2 months

Text

So I played I was a Teenage Exocolonist

At first, the game sort of rubbed me the wrong way. I enjoyed playing it and the amount of detail and events that can happen depending on your choices is great. But it also felt jarring to me that runs end at age 20, like that was when every decision you've made locked in. And I couldn't get past the idea that Sol is sort of doomed to continue the loop for eternity. Sure the Transcend Time ending exists but that also means that the loop never ends. Sol has to keep reliving their life.

But having had time to think about it, and all the different timelines, having spent time listneing to the insert song "The Child that you Were" and thinking about all the characters and how you can affect their lives, I've realised there's something incredibly bittersweet about it. The game rewards you for solving a problem by making it easier to solve in the next loop. Finding the Shimmer cure, saving Tammy, your Dr Hal, your mum, replacing Governor Lum, brokering peace, etc.

But they can't make it perfect. There will always be fighting, deaths (Kom), conflict before resolution. We're constantly alluded to the fact that the kids don't really have a childhood. They become farmers, soldiers, scientists and childcarers from age 10. They are fighting for their lives and they experience loss and death far too early for any of them to keep their childhood innocence.

But that's sort of the point.

A lot of people have nostalgia for the past when they were a teenager. But the reality is that no, you can't go back. Even if somehow time went backwards and you returned to your teen years, the fact is, you are no longer the person you were back then. "The child you were will not return," no matter how hard you want them to.

At first I parsed that lyric as a source of pain or torture for Sol, but I realised that it's really no different from how all the kids think. Nem loses her brother, Tammy takes time to adjust to the planet, Tang has to reconcile with her brother and deal with her whole "weakness of the flesh" mindset. None of them think they have that innocence or optimism anymore.

But Sol knows that's not true. Sol knows what they're all capable of, how much potential there is in them. They've seen it across countless lifetimes.

And damn if they won't use that knowledge to give them the best lives possible.

And when they're older and wiser, they can all look back fondly at their childhood and think "I was a Teenage Exocolonist".

#I was a Teenage Exocolonist #I was a Teenage Exocolonist spoilers #excolonist #gaming #indie games #time loop #Sol will spend eternity improving the lives of every alternate version of their friends and family #and they will find a way to be okay with that

20 notes · View notes

clementine-writes-things · 15 days

Text

Personal Narrative

Hey guys, I just finished my personal narrative for my English class. It's only the first draft and I will be revising it in the future, but I thought I would share it with you guys <3 I'm very proud of it. The topic I chose was about my autism, how my life was like being undiagnosed, and then after being diagnosed. Word count maximum was 2000 so you know I had to make it 1996 haha. I wish the word count was higher though because it caused me to keep things short and to the point :( Anyways, read if you want to! <3

Autism: Ineffable

If you were to describe your life in a few words, what would you say? More than likely, you would find this difficult. How can one person fit their entire journey in life so far into mere words? Days, months, years, decades of self-exploration, all shrunk down to miniscule letters. However, I’ve known the answer for quite some time. Lachrymose melancholic euphoria. What may sound like a jumble of fancy words to you, sounds like every day to me. There is a vast difference between each of those words, contradicting the one before it. It's absurd, really, using those words to define your entire life up to this point. But, what else can you say when there is nothing better to use? When I was 15 years old, I loved those three words. Each one of them invoked a feeling within me, indescribable and foreign. I felt attached to the trio, almost as if they were truly apart of me. Undoubtedly, I was correct. Those words become inescapable when you live with autism.

When I reflect on my life, I find myself remembering small things. Things that seem unimportant and dismissible. Perhaps I try to cherish the nostalgic feeling of naïve innocence. But, below the bandage of nostalgia is a festering and rotting wound that reopens every time I go looking. A childhood that should have been full of pure joy and love was instead overflowing with confusion, dread, and a sense of unbelonging. Why should a child at the gentle age of 7 have to worry about being a ‘normal’ kid? It’s unfair and disappointing to expect a child to try to fit into the standards of society. I felt like something was wrong with me and I didn’t know what. My parents must have thought this too because they had me go to ‘Occupational Therapy’. I cannot recall how old I was exactly, but I was still in elementary school. There were multiple exercises that we did, but I only remember two of them. A large swing with a seat made of colorful rope hung from the ceiling in the middle of the playroom. The child was to sit on the swing and get pushed by the therapist. Its purpose was simple: to help with depth perception. Another exercise was to grab a small toy from inside a mason jar full of beads and marbles. This was to help children get used to different textures. I had no idea what these exercises were supposed to do at the time, all I knew was that I was in a bright colorful room with other kids. Well, eventually I stopped going to that place. After that, it was back to being a ‘normal’ kid. Though, I didn’t behave any differently.

I wasn’t the ‘easiest’ kid to raise for my parents. Not only was I born with heightened hearing, but I later got diagnosed with ADHD as well. When I got older, I was put on Adderall, and it helped a lot. Things began to calm down, I was able to focus more and play with other kids. Elementary school went by fast, middle school came and went, and then I was in high school. As a child, I saw movies about high school and thought it looked like so much fun. I was eager to make friends, go to dances, join clubs, and have an amazing journey. Of course, that is not what happened. Freshman year was stressful for me, I couldn’t get adjusted to this new experience that I was put into. Everything was foreign and I barely had any classes with my friends. And just when I started to get even remotely comfortable, quarantine happened. Everything went back downhill, spiraling and landing in a fiery crash right before my eyes. By some miracle, I passed my classes, but only barely. Summer rescued me from the pit of sadness that I was slipping into, giving me a few months of happiness. No matter how happy I was though, the unwavering feeling of dread always hung over me. A dark cloud that grew bigger and bigger the more I tried to swat it away. Sophomore year came and I chose to do a different online school. As much as I wanted to do a good job that year, the cloud never left me alone. I procrastinated assignments, never doing any homework. My eyes were constantly glazed with tears and my heart was aching for reasons that I still cannot explain to this day. Eventually, the last month of school came around, and I still had nothing done. Every day for the rest of that month I spent working on school, nose to the grindstone. I was burnt out but was unable to stop, as I would surely fail my classes. It was during this time that I found something that gave me happiness again. And, as silly as it sounds, it was a tv show called ‘Gotham’. I would watch the show while I worked, smiling the entire time as I did so. This show provided an escape from my dire situation, while also giving me motivation. Because of this, I passed all my classes before the deadline. And even though my grades weren’t fantastic, I was still immensely proud of myself for what I had accomplished. The rest of my high school journey was smooth sailing after that. That is, until my senior year.

I paced my room, choked sobs echoing in my ears. Screams wanted to leave my throat, but I found myself incapable of even speaking. I have no real reason as to why I did this, but I ran away. Without telling my parents I went towards the river near my house and started to walk. The sky was starting to get dark, the river blowing up a cool breeze onto my skin. I had no idea what I was doing, but at the same time I did. My parents eventually found out, and I was sent to a behavioral hospital. In all honesty, I still feel like I should be there. I was only there for a week, and they didn’t help me with anything. The only thing they did was give me pills and have me take them. Once I was discharged, my mother told me later that the workers talked to her about me. They had asked if I had autism. Deep down in my heart, I already knew the answer. But it wasn’t until December of that same year, 2022, that I got tested. A few weeks later I got the results back.

The diagnosis wasn’t the thing that hit me hard. There was absolutely nothing wrong with having autism. It was looking back on my younger self and seeing all the telltale signs that were either ignored or overlooked. It was the fact that I tortured and hated myself over something I had no control over. Something that I didn’t even know I had. That is what broke me. Everyone looks back on their younger self and wishes they did something differently, but I just want to hug myself. All of the times that I would cry myself to sleep because I had a melancholy feeling that was unprecedented, it finally had an explanation. All of the times I would get hyper fixated on a certain show or character so much that it would make me physically ill, finally had an explanation. It was gut-wrenching to know I treated myself because of how I was born. Desperately trying to change myself to be like everyone else when all I needed to do was be happy with who I was. When I think about that, I can’t help but break down in tears.

After the diagnosis, I felt like a different person. The diagnosis didn’t change me itself, I decided to change myself. Everything I was embarrassed to indulge in before, scared of getting criticized or made fun of, I was going to finally explore. I even wanted to change my name, hoping to leave behind the old me who deserved so much better. Clementine. A vibrant and cheerful name, reminding me to never think badly of myself again, but to always love myself. I had finally found confidence in myself, even if other people didn’t agree with my choices. My parents, maybe because they didn’t understand the importance of it, didn’t support my name change. I felt uncomfortable to even mention it around them. It is a shame that the people who you expect to love and support you no matter what would turn their back on something so important to you. However, I didn’t let that get me down. I focused on the things that made me happy, not afraid to show my true interest in them anymore.

Stereotypes followed me wherever I went, whether it was school, with my friends, even my own family. I was constantly being told why I acted the way I did. My mother would send me links to websites, send me inspirational quotes, and would go so far as to tell me how to help myself improve. Now, I knew she meant well, but deep down in my heart I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders, shake her around, and cry out ‘Why don’t you ever ask me?’. All those researchers and doctors, the majority of them didn’t even have autism, and yet everyone collectively agreed that they knew best. Autism is more than being a super genius. It’s more than being a non-verbal ‘idiot’. I was so sick and tired of people telling me why I was the way I was. Because they didn’t know anything about me, and they never would. They will never know why I pace around my room, sobbing violently, making up scenarios in my head to let me escape my life. They will never know why I have the motivation to draw a detailed picture but don’t have the motivation to do a simple chore. They will never know why I obsess and grow emotionally attached to a fictional character so much that it feels like a drug addiction. No one will ever know the reason behind these things, no one besides me. I can guarantee you, reader, that even you will not understand what I am trying to say. It’s impossible. I am fed up with people making autism seem simple and comprehensible.

The purpose behind my personal narrative is to shed light on how autism is a spectrum. Not one person on it is the same. For me, I find that nothing makes sense, yet everything is clear. Simple tasks are difficult for me, but I can feel emotions that are ineffable. I am 19 years old and do not truly know how to pay taxes, I still need help. I am 19 years old, and I cannot listen to music without tears welling up in my eyes. No, I don’t have my drivers license, but I can tell you everything about the Riddler from DC Universe. I’m not the same as you, I still need help with laundry. But you will never be like me, nor will you know what is on my mind. I’m non-binary, I’m queer, I don’t conform to gender roles, I’m autistic, I’m in love with myself, I cry myself to sleep, and I have emotions that are indescribable. No one defines me except for myself. In a world where I am ostracized, villainized, and called slurs, I smile and show you a picture of my current hyper-fixation. I don’t want to be like you. I am an enigma in your eyes. My body is comprised of colors, music, and nature, swaddled in my flesh. I am ineffable to all; you will never truly understand me. Forever in a state of euphoria, always melancholic, and eternally lachrymose.

#personal narrative #writers #writers of tumblr #autism #actually autistic

3 notes · View notes

feliphilia · 7 months

Text

Satosugu era is like my childhood back home.

It gives me nostalgia dude😭😭

an even more reason why they make me cry. I miss it so so much.

I miss being an eight year old and have my grandma (dad's side) feed me all three times of the day during summer vacations.

I miss my grandma (from mum's side) make me drink milk every morning before school and every evening before I go out to play with my street friends

I miss sitting in the evening with my father and watch wild life documentaries with him after he comes back home from work

I miss my mum taking me to parents teachers meeting every year

I miss going into the streets and play with my neighbour friends and be as extroverted as I was back then

I miss waking up every morning to get ready for school and spend the whole day there without a single clue of what's going on around me

I miss riding my bicycle all over my area with my younger cousins at 7pm after school

I miss waiting for my uncle to come home every weekend and take me and my cousins to the park and play badminton with us

I miss my flooded car parking during heavy rains

I miss my grandpa (from dad's side) bringing home some snacks after his daily evening stroll

I miss being addressed to as "*grandpa's name*'s granddaughter"

I miss spending 2 weeks all alone or with my grandma at my fav cousin's house during summer vacations

I miss my fav cousins coming over and us waking up early the next day to go to the beach and watch the sunrise

I miss fighting for the remote with my cousins to watch my cartoons

I miss the times I had my childhood innocence intact.

And I have no idea why I associate satosugu with all of these. Perhaps because they lost one another before realizing each other's worth like how I lost my sweet sweet childhood I didn't appreciate enough and didnt realise the bliss it caused

#how'd it turn into this-#it was supposed to be a 3 line post #stating i associate them with my childhood😭😭😭#i had such a nice childhood im relieved #grateful i got to experience the simple things in life #but anyway #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #satosugu #stsg

10 notes · View notes

sunny6677 · 1 year

Text

October

(A Spooky Month AU Series)

PART 3/CHAPTER 3: Unanswerable Questions.

Summary: A 19-year old Skid ends up moving back to his old town for the sake of nostalgia. But he finds himself surrounded by familiar faces.

TWS FOR CHAPTER: IMPLICATIONS OF GRIEF, PANIC ATTACK MENTIONS, SLIGHT TRAUMA.

————

Glistening pale sunlight glistened down on the familiar town he had lived in—in his childhood days, it always seemed so bright and full of life, and so dark, yet fun and playful. Though he guessed to him back then, innocence was the rose-tinted glasses he had been gifted for a short period of time until his mother had.. no, no, he didn't want to think about what had happened. Not now.

He was starting to get the feeling that this town might not have been the best idea to move back into, as even looking at the slightest familiar sight would make him choke with a mix of grief and nostalgia.

Nearly, he had almost collapsed upon seeing the old movie theater that had still been the same as it had always been. Nearby strangers had been worried for his shaking figure, though he brushed it off, and kept walking. He didn't need people worrying for him, not now.

And now, he had been sitting at a table with Susie, the sister of his former friend. She had been grinning, laughing as she reminisced on all the short periods of time they had spent together while he had only been just 8 years old. He laughed too, though only because it was rather.. nice to think of how things used to have been.

(Susie said with a grin at some point; "I remember when you and Pump stole my homework." Though her tone seemed rather ominous, as if she had still held a grudge for such a thing.)

Susie had told him of how she had been working in an office now, constantly having to make time for things and losing track of time when she had written constantly at her desk. She was a hard worker it seemed, yet she held an optimistic grin regardless of it anyway. A sheet of pastel yellow had still coated her dress, illuminating her facial shape in the sunlight. It was funny, Skid could see the resemblance she held with her brother even though it hadn't been obvious.

Susie had asked of what he had been up to lately, and to that question, Skid had paused. He hadn't a job yet and was yet to find one as of now, he currently lived alone and had no partner to live with, and hadn't any things as of now going on in his life other than the typical therapy sessions between him and his therapist.

"Not.. not a lot, actually." Skid had said, "Maybe moving here will finally give me something other than a boring day at my house. I could get used to not having to stay at my house all day—sometimes, i.. I even struggle with finding a reason to get up in the morning, with how boring and pointless everything is." It had gone silent for a moment, and Susie's expression was unreadable, though Skid only awkwardly averted his glance, embarrassed at his own awkwardness.

"But—But in any case, i... maybe I'll find one now that I'm back! It could be a fresh start for me, this used to be my old home after all.. heheh.." That awkward yet flat sentence still earned nothing but silence, making Skid pause in his own frustration. Why had be seen so socially awkward? What was it with him and people? Why were people his worst skill? Why was being social his worst skill when it used to be his best one?

"Are you.. do you plan on seeing Pump again?"

The question had seemingly came out of nowhere, making Skid jump out of his own sheer surprise, though he regained his composure as he glanced anxiously from across the table. "I.. maybe, if he wants to see me. I'm unsure if he'd be happy to see me.. did.. did you tell him I said hi last night?" Skids question had made Susie rest a hand on her cheek, staring into Skids dark eyes.

Susie sighed, "I tried, but I had to talk to my boss. Apparently, he wants me to go on a business trip, so I might have to make time in my schedule for when I can talk to him about you. Sorry.." She slightly grumbled, bowing her head as an apology, or her body language had been showing she was sorry anyway. Skid only sighed, and averted his eyes with a slightly sad glance; "Thats.. thats okay. I—I doubt he would want to see me again anyway."

"What do you mean he wouldn't? Of course he would!"

"I just—I dont think he'd like to see me after.. after what happened. He.. he was pretty close to my mom too, you know. He came over a lot more than a normal kid would have. A part of me feels like.. he thinks I'm responsible for her death, that.. maybe I am responsible for what happened to her—"

"N—No—your not!" Susie had nearly yelled that, slightly lowering her voice once she realized how loud she had been. In the end, she bowed her head yet again, letting Skid glance at her from across the table. "Have—is this—why are you—" Those words had been cluttered together until she sighed and corrected herself, "Is this why you've been—" She stopped yet again, "Listen, Skid.. you don't know if he thinks it's your fault or not. He'd never think such a thing! It's not your fault for what happened to your mom either."

"I—I know.."

"It isn't your fault, Skid, really." She repeated, "I doubt that he would think you, his best friend, would be at fault for the death of your own mom. It isn't your fault, it's no one's fault—not mine, no one else's. You should stop being so hard on yourself, it's not good for you, Skid!"

"...I know."

————

"So.." Skids therapist, Lillith, began with a rather flat yet worried tone, "you nearly crashed your car again about a day ago, if I heard you correctly?" As Skid layed on the couch she had brought in, he only sighed, his lips slightly trembling as he thought of it. "Y—Yeah.. I'm.. I'm starting to think that maybe moving back wasn't a great idea after all. I—I know it's part of exposure therapy and all, but.. I just—I just can't help it, you know?"

Lillith paused, slightly lowering her clipboard and crossing her legs, her smooth red lips illuminated by the sunlight of the town that Skid had moved back in. "I know it may not be comfortable for you, Skid, but this might be the only solution to what you've been dealing with lately. Otherwise, we might have to try the other ones that we haven't tried yet."

Skid nodded slightly, feeling a gleam of a slight tear strike the corner of his eye. "I—I know, I just.. I saw the old house, and i—and I panicked, i—I dont know why I panicked but—" Lilliths smooth yet womanly voice interrupted his own; "You must have had another panic attack while driving again, driving can't be good for you after.." She hesitated and then stopped, "We may have to find a way for you to be better at driving without panicking, or we might have to find another way of transport for you."

"I know—I should know.." Skid let himself slightly sit up in the chair he had so comfortably sat in, his slender legs slightly resting on the ends of the chair, they almost resembled that of a ballerina with how slender and skinny they had been. "God—why can't I just be—why can't I just be normal? If I was normal, you wouldn't be having to put up with this..."

"Skid, it isn't your fault that you have to deal with this. It isn't your fault for anything that happened to you. I'm not putting up with you, I'm just—I'm just trying to help you." Lillith explained, a sympathetic look in her gaze as she stared at Skid whom had sat on the chair so comfortably.

Skid sighed, and rested a palm on his pale face. "Pump lives here, correct? Your friend?" Lillith said. "Mhm.. he used.. he used to be my friend." Skid barely answered.

Lillith looked down at her clipboard, and licked her lips nervously; "Maybe when your better, we can find a way for you and Pump to perhaps be friends again. With the way you've described it, he must have been dealing with some grief of his own as well. It might have been a misunderstanding."

Skid sighed , "Thats what I think too.. god, i shouldnt have raised my voice at him back then. He didnt deserve to hear his own friend yelling at him."

"You didn't need to hear him yelling at you, either." Lillith stated, "Until we figure out more about what happened between you and him, none of this is your or his fault. We cannot blame anyone so quickly for what could have been a natural response to grief." Skid only slowly nodded, and looked down at his hand.

"Maybe I don't need therapy.. if you always have to put up with me." Lillith went silent at Skid saying this, before Skid continued to speak, "Maybe I really am okay.. maybe I really am just being dramatic. Do—do you think I'm being dramatic? Maybe this really is all in my head? That maybe it is my fault?"

Lillith shook her head slowly, then paused.

"Skid, your going to have to come to realize that life happens. The fate of another person is not your fault unless you did it with your own hands. You didn't choose whether your mom.. would be gone or not. Even if you did go with her, things still would have been the same. Fate was not in your hands, you aren't fate. Your her legacy—your her son. What happened was an accident, a fate that would have come to her eventually—you are her legacy, you aren't the accident."

Skid paused, a slight droplet of a tear trinkling down his left cheek, he then sniffled.

"I—I know, maybe I really am okay though.. ma—maybe you shouldn't have to be putting up with me because of something that happened so long ago. I'm—I'm fine, I can function normally, so.. so.. i.."

He began to sniffle more, though his eyes glistened with surprise and confusion with the next sentence his therapist had said to him.

"Skid, a fine person wouldn't be in my office if they were fine. It's okay to not be okay. You might just think your fine because you've grown so used to it not being fine that you think it's normal.. and that's okay. It's normal to have a mental health response like that after such an accident, It's okay to feel sa dno matter how long its been."

...

Skid couldn't answer for a few moments.

...

He then began to cry, tears escaping his eyes as his therapist gazed upon him, eyes of empathy meeting his own. In the end, he couldn't bring himself to say anymore, only whimpering gibberish. The session had been over for the day, or at least over for Skid, whom had been crying so.

///////////////////

#skid spooky month #spooky month susie #lila spooky month #spooky month #spooky month pump #read the tws

5 notes · View notes

teabookgremlin · 2 years

Text

jackie x shauna playlist by me

it’s on apple music and i’m struggling to share it but here’s a list of songs and why. anyway this will be a hella long post bc i’m emotional and thinking about my girlies at 11 at night. i also have a tai x van playlist and a general yellowjackets playlist so i might do this for those at some point cause i like to talk lol

supercut by lorde: ok so the “in my head i do everything right/when you call we forgive and not fight” bit is like, yep that’s it. shauna spends her entire adult life in her head, wishing to redo their fight. also instagram user shipmvn made a FANTASTIC edit to this song you should go watch it (they actually led me to a fair amount of songs on this playlist)

the night we met by lord huron: “i had all of you, most of you, some and now none of you” thats it. that’s them

boyfriend by dove cameron: this song doesn’t entirely fit but like they would be better partners to each other than jeff was to either of them and also maybe if shauna had just realized she was in love with jackie they’d be alright

all too well (ten minute version) by taylor swift: “i still remember the first fall of snow/and how it glistened as it fell/i remember it all too well” this line just yeah, jackie died in the first fall of snow, shauna remembers everything about jackie and their relationship all too well

back to december by taylor swift: a song about feeling regret over lost love also again with the winter themes

ribs by lorde: the nostalgia, wishing to be back in childhood, when things were easier. i feel like some of the repeated lines are things that would run through shauna’s mind (or even jackie’s before her death) i.e. “i want ‘em back, i want ‘em back/the minds we had, the minds we had”

hurts like hell by fleurie: obviously lost love again, but there’s also a wish to keep the singer’s true feelings secret, as jackie and shauna did

how i get myself killed by indigo de souza: i feel like this song really represents jackie’s mental state as she falls apart especially after finding out about shauna and jeff

only love can hurt like this by paloma faith: i can see jackie’s death being the thing that makes shauna realize her true feelings for her

only friend by wallows: jackie just wants shauna to love her and care for her as much as she does her :(

haunted by taylor swift: not too deep here, just shauna being haunted by jackie

i went too far by aurora: i think the idea of begging for love really fits jackie and shauna’s situation, then the loss felt in the song suits post-jackie popsicle

cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant: honestly just the line “you were only 17″ is just yeah “we were kids and it was awful”

little talks by of monsters and men: the artists describe this song as a conversation between someone and a dead loved one and i think that it just suits these girlies pretty well

cartwheel by lucy dacus: see the whole bit after “when you told me bout your first time”. it’s them, it’s literally them

seven by taylor swift: missing childhood innocence and love

prom queen by molly kate kestner: god save jackie [the prom queen]

that way by tate mcrae: thinking about the scene at the pep rally, yeah friends definitely don’t look at friends that way

one last time, please by dodie: shauna desperately wanting another chance, just one more night to make up, to tell jackie how she feels, to apologize

my tears ricochet by taylor swift: i picture this as being from dead jackie’s perspective, watching shauna deal with the grief

codependency by orla gartland: idk i just feel like it really represents why shauna started to resent jackie

i love you so by the walters: another fairly self explanatory one, i view it as a conversation between shauna and ghost jackie

visions of gideon by sufjan stevens: shauna kind of coming to a realization of exactly what she’s done, that jackie is gone and that it’s partially her fault

hard feelings/loveless by lorde: another lost love song full of regret and pain and wishing for a way to repair what was broken

older by gracie abrams: probably kind of in the woods, as they drift apart

your graduation by modern baseball: “i never though that i, oh i would see that day/when i’d just let you fo and walk away, walk away”

the way i loved you by taylor swift: adult shauna feeling unsatisfied with jeff and wishing that, despite the nature of her and jackie’s relationship, that she could go back to that and go back to it in a romantic sense

arms unfolding by dodie: so this reminds me of jackie’s dream as she dies

i’m trying by maisie peters: everything about their relationship is awful but jackie wants so badly to make it work and just i wanna scream

right where you left me by taylor swift: jackie is literally the girl who got frozen

this is not every song on the playlist just the ones i felt like talking about but yeah if anyone read this whole thing maybe you enjoyed it, idk i just wanted to get my thoughts out

#yellowjackets #rambles #music #jackie x shauna #i have a lot of thoughts ok #i should be allowed to write an essay on jackie and shauna for school #i’d ace it

11 notes · View notes

justinewt · 1 year

Text

Father And Daughter - TWD REWRITE Chapter Fourteen

[TWD FANFICTION-MASTERLIST]

Previous chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: The Whisperers’ threat had been put to an end and finally, the survivors of Alexandria and the other communities could focus on rebuilding their homes after the confrontations with their enemies had a toll on them. Alden and Anna enjoyed the peace that was given to them, raising the poor Adam who first lost his biological mother and then Earl and Tammy Rose, his adoptive parents and helping around in Alexandria, but the troubles never really stop and as they cared for the boy, Anna found herself thinking of her late mother, remembering her early days in the apocalypse, and the traumas that followed...

Words: 6.9k

Warnings: TWD spoilers season 10 (finale episode “Here’s Negan”), long chapter, some peaceful everyday life scenes, fluff, but then; LOTS of flashbacks, angst, loss, grief, mention of suicide, childhood traumas, diving into early days of Anna’s survival with her parents,

The people of Alexandria had been working hard on rebuilding the community for the past month or so, even Anna helped renovate the ruins that had been left of their homes after the Whisperers came through the camp. If a couple weeks ago she was just a bit sick and not really sure if she was pregnant or not, she was getting more and more convinced of it as her stomach looked way more bloated than usual and she felt tired a lot more and a lot quicker, and her father had to tell her to take a break and have some rest. He knew of her condition and neither he nor Alden wanted her to overwork herself and be exhausted as a result. Her relationship with Alden also took a new turn when they adopted the little Adam as his first adoptive parents, Earl and Tammy Rose had both died and they found themselves already parents of a 1-year-old boy. Anna grew to love that boy as her own, caring for him and raising him alongside Alden, which greatly strengthened the bond between them. She loved having her little family and being able to focus on that in the aftermath of the last confrontation with the Whisperers. There was finally some peace they could enjoy.

But even that peace was disturbed by the animosity Maggie felt towards Negan, even though it was a little less bad than what Anna expected. Anna went to sat on the steps in front of the house in which Alden, her and Adam had moved into, and she held Adam on her laps, looking around. In the distance she could see her father hammering nails into a beam when Maggie and her son walked down the street and looked at him. They stared at each other for a few seconds and despite the distance between them, one could easily feel the tension. It had been like this ever since Maggie came back to Alexandria and saw Negan around. She stood up, carrying her son in her arms and approached her father. He noticed her approaching and smiled tenderly at her and Adam, for whom he had had no difficulty in loving like his actual grandson. He stroked the little boy's blond hair and Adam looked at Anna innocently grabbing the pendant around her neck. The very pendant containing old pictures of her and her parents. She looked down, glancing at the necklace.

“You still have it.” Negan said softly and she raised her head, nodding. These two pictures inside of the locket were the only memories she had of her life before the outbreak, the only memories of her mother.

“Of course. I still have your knife too.” He chuckled, and as she looked away, she felt him staring at her. It was a soft gaze, with a glimpse nostalgia in his eyes.

“You remind me so much of your mother.”

“I know.” She glanced down, her eyes getting teary at the thought of her mom. He softly drew Anna into a hug before she walked away to go and find Alden. She swiftly wiped her eyes and as she left her father, she looked back and saw Carol talk to him. She frowned a bit, having no idea why they then going the opposite direction together. Given Carol had all her gears and bow, Anna didn’t think much of it, figuring they left to hunt or something. She eventually found Alden, working on cutting planks of wood. He straightened up at the sight of Anna and Adam and gave her a sweet kiss before smiling at Adam and kissing him on the head, caressing his hair. The little boy giggled, calling out to his dad and he stretched out his arms to him. Anna smiled, passing the child to Alden. In that moment, everything that had happened outside the walls of Alexandria as well as inside was gone. They were in their little bubble, the three of them. It was those moments of peace that Anna cherished so much after all she went through. It was really refreshing to love and feel loved. She loved the family she was making with Alden, and it had become the one thing she cared for most and the fact that her father, the one person that had always had so much importance and influence in her life, was a part of it was her dream come true. She wished for this peace to last forever if it only could.

She never knew such a serenity and now that she looked back, even when she was a kid and thought her life was perfect, it wasn’t. Her father cheated on her mother, and he was never the perfect role model she thought he was, which she found out the hard way during her years at the Sanctuary. She remembered the day she was stuck in the trailer with her father and Gabriel and the latter made him confess “his sins”. Gabriel almost got some tears out of that tough man as he told his story, and it was a sight Anna never thought she would witness. For as long as she could remember, she had never seen her father cry or get emotional. She had seen him get aggressive, but it was never towards her. She heard him yell, or argue with her mom, but he never scolded her. Anna kept thinking about this as she walked around Alexandria until she noticed Carol coming back, alone. She remembered seeing her leaving with her father, but he was nowhere to be found. Frowning in confusion, looking around, she took a quick step towards her. Carol noticed her but didn’t stop walking until the young woman addressed her.

“Carol, where’s my dad? Didn’t you go out hunting with him?” Carol stopped in her tracks, apparently not so pleased to be stopped by Anna to talk about this but she turned to her.

“We decided it was best if he went to live outside Alexandria.” Anna was left there in bewilderment and watched Carol walk away, not really giving her time to reply or say anything. She could only realise that her father had been taken away from her again. Anna wasn’t alone but she had spent so long both trying to get away from and then back to her father, that it felt like it in that moment.

15 YEARS AGO (yeah, I know it’s supposed to have been around 12 years but shut up thank you I’m too lazy to fix my fic’s timeline)

Anna threw her school bag on the backseat, slammed the car door shut and went to sit on the passenger sit, in the front, sipping the strawberry smoothie her mother had bought her since after picking it up from school, they had gone to the mall. It was a bit hard money-wise lately but Lucille, her mother, had wanted to get her a little something she liked since the young girl was doing so well at school. Unlike in school, things weren't going as smoothly at home. Her father had lost his job as a high school gym teacher after getting into a fight with a man. That's hos her mother explained it to her anyway, but Anna knew her father beat up a man in a bar, but she didn't know the details of what happened and never dared ask him, even though he would probably just tell her. She wasn't scared of him, he would never hurt her, but she was smoewhat disappointed maybe, because he had lost his job because of it and the girl could see how her mother was burdened with taking care of the house and having to scold him all the time. He had become quite the man child since he was fired and the 11-year-old wondered if they would find him already in the basement, playing video games and yelling profanities while doing so. He had become less of the role model that Anna used to look up to. She always adored both her parents and see their relationship deteriorate was hard on her.

Anna stared at the cup in her hands as she slurped the smoothie through the straw, amusingly cupping her cheeks to the max. Music was playing on the radio and a song that the girl instantly recognized started playing. She smiled at her mom as the woman already started to hum the song but there was some sort of sadness or nostalgia in her eyes. She didn’t really understand why she looked this way and turned her head, staring straight ahead. They arrived in the driveway to the side of their house and Lucille parked the car. Anna got off, grabbed her bag and followed her mom inside. Her father’s voice could already be heard from downstairs along with some loud Rock music. Anna sat down in the living room to do her homeworks while her mother tried telling Negan that the two of them came home but he was too busy with whatever game he was playing. Anna bit her lips, silently watching as her mother sighed in annoyance and grumbled as she walked back and forth around the house, picking up things that were lying around and doing some tidying up and cleaning.

After about an hour, Anna was almost done with her homeworks and Lucille was finishing the dishes when her father finally came out of his cave.

“Oh, you’re home?” He asked, as if it were surprising to see them already home, and walked into the kitchen, opening up the fridge to get a few bottles of beers. Anna looked at what he was doing from the corner of her eyes, dangling her legs under the dining table.

“We have been for over an hour.” Lucille retorted, her back to him as she washed the dishes. He glanced at his wife, noticing she was mad at him, but he didn’t say anything else and walked into the living room, holding about three or four bottles in his hand.

“Hey, apple pie.” He kissed her on the head, stroked her hair and headed back to the basement. This was a typical afternoon for the young girl, ever since her dad lost his job and spent his days at home doing basically nothing, going out when he had appointments. She finished her homeworks and almost jumped on the couch, turning the TV on to watch some cartoons. It had only been about ten minutes of peace when she saw her mom walk across the living room, holding some leather jacket and a piece of paper and went to the basement. Anna was a bit confused so she turned off the TV and discreetly followed her downstairs, staying in the shadows as her mom entered the room. She never willingly listened to her parents’ fights, where it was mostly her mom doing the yelling and her father being rather passive, but right now she was wondering what it was about, and on top of that, she had never seen this jacket so it made her curious.

“Don’t be such a pussy! This is how you get better! You gotta take it!” He declared, not realizing Lucille was walking towards him until she stood in front of the TV.

“Are you playing with children?”

“Uh, teenagers. I think. Mostly.” He shrugged before replying to someone in a lower voice and looked up to his wife, clearly not knowing what she wanted with him. Anna could hear the anger in her mom’s voice as she looked down at the piece of paper in her hand.

“Please tell me that you did not spend $600 on this “Happy Days” bullshit.” She shook the jacket, staring at Negan who was apparently not as troubled by the amount of money. Anna didn’t even dare to ask her mom for stuff because she knew they had money problems and her father was spending the little they had recklessly. At 11 she was almost more mature and thoughtful than the grown man that he was. At the time, Anna didn’t realize it wasn’t normal. It used to be her normal.

“Calm down. Don’t worry.” He said in a casual voice. “I got two leads. One’s a lock, but the other one pays better, and I am just celebrating a little early, is all.

“Really?” He nodded with a silly smile that was probably going to annoy her mother even more. Her tone got harsh as she gradually rose her voice. “Tell me about these two leads. Cause you can’t be a gym teacher anymore You have a misdemeanour assault on your record, and you refuse to go back to school. So, please, oh, I would love it if you would tell me all about this job that you got that’s gonna pay for this.” He kept quiet and understanding he couldn’t explain himself, she turned around. As her mother was about to walk out of the basement, Anna quietly climbed the stairs.

“I threw the receipt away.” She heard her father say and as she settled on the couch, lying down, acting like she was watching the cartoon on the TV, her mother let out a grunt at his reply and she slammed a door. While she went back to doing house chores, outside the sun was setting and soon, night had fallen and it was time for dinner. Anna and her parents were quietly eating, all seated around the dinner table, her mother and her on one side, her father in front of them. The girl was just staring down at her plate, purposely not eating the heap of green beans to the side. Like many kids her age, she didn’t like vegetables and luckily for her, even though her parents always tried to get her to eat some, they never forced her.

“How’s the food?” She glanced at her dad as he tried making conversation.

“It’s good. Did you do somethin’ different?”

“Yeah, I… uh… I tried a little rosemary instead of oregano, and there’s a little white-wine reduction in the chicken stock.” He explained, and Lucille listened but kept very quiet. Anna picked up some green beans with her fork, watched it for a second, and slid it off the fork with her finger deciding against eating it.

“Do I have to eat those?” She asked, staring the beans down and her parents looked at her.

“No.” Negan chuckled and shook his head while Lucille smiled softly at her daughter. Besides from the disliked vegetables, her plate was practically empty already. “Was it good?”

“Yeah.” She sketched a smile. “Can I taste your chicken?” He looked at Lucille for permission and then cut a piece of his chicken stock and handed his fork to Anna. He had cooked hers apart from theirs so there wouldn’t be any alcohol in her food since she was a kid but he ended up letting her get a bite anyway. She took the fork and Negan chuckled at her reaction because she apparently found the taste of it very good. Then, her mom turned to her.

“It’s getting late. If you’re done, clear your plate and check your bag’s ready for tomorrow. Don’t forget your books.” As Anna stood up, she followed up with another question. “Oh, and Emma's mom confirmed it wass still ok for tomorrow night, don't forget your stuff and your pjs.”

“Yes, mom.” She replied mechanically as she put the dish in the sink and walked out of the kitchen to kiss her dad good night. Her mom was often the one who came to tuck her in, sometimes her dad came before she had fallen asleep and he would read her a story but she deemed herself not a baby anymore so it happened way less than it used to when she was under the age of 9. She walked into her room and stood by the door as she heard her mother spoke.

“My appointment’s tomorrow at 2:15.”

“What appointment?”

“I’m getting an MRI.” Anna had no idea what it was but by the tone of her mom’s voice rising up at the lack of reaction from her dad, she figured it was somewhat of a big deal. She went to change into her pjs, trying not to listen but in vain. “I need you to drive me home.”

“Uh, I can’t. Tomorros at 2:15? I-I have a meeting with the probation officer. Besides, you know how the doctors can be. They have you sit around for three hours with your ass hanging out, and then they tell you everything’s fine.” He sounded dismissive, like whatever it was wasn’t important and Anna knew her mother woudn’t like it. Anna turn off the checked her bags and sat in her bed, turning off the lights and with her diary, the cover over her head, a small flashlight and a pen in hand, she wrote in her diary. She had no idea at the time of how much doing this helped her process things that happened in her daily life, especially the things that happened with her parents’ rocky relationship. She was very young and often wondering if her mom didn’t divorce him because of her was a bothering thought to have. They used to look more in love. Her father used to be less careless too. It was all these little changes that she noticed happening over time that confused her, as she didn’t understand why things changed like that. She wished she could just never become an adult, because it looked so troublesome and in the long run, unhappy.

6 MONTHS LATER

Anna sat cross-legged on her parents bed, holding one of her stuffed animals on her laps, watching her father changing the bags hanging from her mother's IV stand while the latter rummaged through a case of DVDs. They had moved all their things in the basement after the outbreak. The house was locked, the windows barricaded to protect the three of them from the dangers of the outside while they tried to survive and continue her mother’s chemotherapy. Anna remembered when she heard her parents talk about this MRI she was getting and at the time, she had no idea what it meant but the next day, when going to sleep over at her friend’s house, she looked it up. She didn’t say anything to her friend and kept it to herself, thinking about all that she had read on the disease. It was scary and deeply upsetting. Then her mother told her the news when she got home and for weeks on end, she would cry herself to sleep. Then, things went downhill, and the dead rose and started to prowl the streets and now, it had been months and even though her father’s behavior had greatly improved, it was hard on the young girl to see her mother struggle, wearing wigs to dress her head as it got bald due to the heavy treatment, her face dull and ringed.

“Trying to figure out what James Bond movie I want to watch.” Lucille said in a low voice. Anna listened to them with one ear, playing with his stuffed toy to alleviate his boredom. Their daily life since the arrival of these monsters outside had not been as hectic as before. They spent their days locked up, sometimes watching movies thanks to a generator outside and sometimes his father went on an expedition to find what his mother needed for her treatment, or sometimes he read books to them. Her mom on her sofa, him sitting on the edge of the bed and Anna curled up next to him, reading over his shoulder or snuggled in her mother’s arms. The world going upside down did give her one thing she wanted, spending time with her parents and being like a family.

“Well, baby, I think we’re gonna have to skip the movie just for now. Generator’s making too much noise.”

“Hey.” She looked up at him. “We’re gonna have to kill it.”

“Why bother right?” He wondered, adjusting the bags on the IV. Athe sound of some monster snarling outside, Anna raised her head and glanced at the small windows blocked by a few boards, the light from the outside seeping into the basement, which was very dimly lit due to the lack of electricity. “I turn the generator off for a little bit, and they lose interest. They always do.” He then walked back to the fridge, grabbed a couple bags and moved them to the freezer on top. On his way out to go check the generator, he gently stroked Anna’s hair and left the basement. The girl never liked when he went outside but someone had to, and she was forbidden to step out of the house. It was too dangerous. Eventually he came back inside and he took a book at his wife’s request, settling his glasses on his nose and sitting on the bed. Anna sat next to him, her head resting against his shoulder as he read.

“‘I see what you are feeling,’ replied Charlotte. ‘You must be surprised, very much surprised… So lately as Mr. Collins was wishing to marry you. But when you have…” He sighed, pausing. “Mama.”

“Hmm?” She hummed.

“This book sucks. It’s killing me. I-I-I can’t… I can’t do it.” He shook his head, glancing at the book with a half amused smirk. Anna chuckled at her father’s reaction and he kissed her hair before looking at Lucille.

“You’re the one that won’t let me watch James Bond. Read.” She mischieviously kicked the book with the leg she rested on his lap. Anna straightened up at the sound of the fence surrounding their house rattling because of this monster that the sound of the generator kept attracting there. Negan put a hand on his daughter’s back to reassure her and Lucille stared at him.

“You gotta take care of it.” Negan knew she was right. He got ready and went outside, armed with a hammer. He was gone for a couple minutes when Lucille grew tired of waiting and stood up.

“I’ll go see what’s taking so long. He’s never gonna kill that thing.” She dragged her IV along with her as she walked away. “Stay right there, okay?”

“Yes, mom.” Anna replied, watching her leave. A silence disturbed by the noises of struggle outside fell on the room and she lied down, sitting her plush on her stomach, silently playing with it, moving her toes around in her socks until she suddenly heard a gunshot outside and curled up, covering her ears in surprise. The monster had stopped making scary noises afterwards though. She just heard her mother’s voice coming from outside but it was muffled and she couldn’t understand what she was saying but when her parents came back, the generators was on and they watched a movie together before her father went out to get some fuel to keep the generator going because it was not only useful to watch movies, it maintained the cold temperatures needed for the bag for her mother’s treatment because without it, she would decline even quicker then she already was with the perfusion. When he came back, Lucille had taken off her wig, wrapped her head in a scarf and was lying in bed with Anna next to her. The young girl hadn’t slept in the same bed as her parents since she was a toddler but there wasn’t really enough room to move her bed out of her room and sleeping in their bed was comforting for her.

“I’m good.” Lucille said softly, resting her eyes.

“I got something for you. I found someone’s stash.” He pulled out a tiny purse and unzipped it. She chuckled. “Now, it’s a little bit dried out, but this is gonna help with your nausea. Hey. No drugs, all right, young lady?” He added, glancing at Anna and she nodded, making an expression of exaggerated disgust and he smiled.

“You’re having to go further and further every time.”

“Well, generator needs gas, and this place has been picked over. But the bright side is… that I reckon that’s exactly what’s keeping us safe. There is nothing here that anybody wants.”

“You can’t keep it up.” She declared weakly. “We need to move. We need other people.”

“It’s just too dangerous out there.”

“That’s’ my point.” Anna silently watched her parents talk, holding her stuffed animal against her chest.

“Baby, you have three treatments left. That’s it, okay? So we are gonna get your strength up, and then I will put you and Anna on my motorcycle and I will take you wherever you want to go… wherever you can dream up. I promise.”

“Okay.” She eventually agreed to it and the day went by and night fell. Every time they would go to sleep, her father would wrap his arms around her mom, trying to warm her up and fight the chills and shivers that shook her weakened body. Anna was curled up next to her mom and often find it hard to find sleep. She looked at her mom when a shiver ran through her body and she made a sound that got the girl to open her eyes. As her father began to softly sing their song to her and saw that Anna wasn’t sleeping so he gave her a comforting smile, caressing her cheek with his thumb and she closed her eyes to try to fall asleep, curled up against her mother.

“Ugh. Damn it.” Negan swore, looking out the window as an umpteenth walker came snarling by.

“It’s not like killing a person, babe. It’s not even like killing an animal. You can’t let it keep bothering you.” She said as she cut a can of food open. He turned to her.

"It doesn’t bother me. I… I’m just worried that I’m gonna get used to it.”

“Okay.” She nodded, smiling tenderly. While he went to turn the generator off, Anna helped her mom set the table and by the time he returned, they had lit a few candles and Anna was seated, touching the floor with the toes and her parents joined her, sitting in front of each other. They ate, chatting and laughing together. It was one of these light moments that made it all seem like everything was fine and there weren’t zombies outside their house. Some normal moments were good for all three of them.

‘How, um… how’s your dinner?” He enquired, after some sauce on his plate.

“It was good. If I had known that dog food could taste like this… I would have been eating that shit all along.” They laughed heartily together. It was crazy that it took all this shit happening outside for Anna to see her parents be so loving towards each other, like old times. She loved to see it; it was very heartwarming.

“Hey.” Lucille called out to him as she turned around to grab something. It was a shopping bag that she had Anna pass to her dad. “Happy anniversary.”

“Wait. You actually know what day it is?” He asked as he took it, adding a thank you for his daughter. Lucille chuckled.

“No. I just want you to have it. Open it.” He looked at her with curiosity and proceeded to open the bag with a sound of paper rustling. Anna turned to her father to look into the bag. He glanced at Lucille, who smiled cheerfully, laughing and he took his vintage jacket out of the bag, the exact same she yelled at him for after he had spent hundreds of dollars on. She never got rid of it apparently.

“Holy… shit!” He was so happy to have the jacket. “Where did you get this?”

“Okay, it was in the crawlspace this whole time. Cause I was mad. I was so mad that I couldn’t return it, so I just hid it, and I told you I returned it. So, there you go.”

“You’re awesome.” They laughed together again and he motioned for Anna to come closer and held up the jacket with an amused grin on his face. “You want to try it on?”

“I can?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled, nodding and she turned around, slipping one arm after the other in the sleeves and she then turned back to them, stretching out her arms with a big smile. The piece of clothing was way too big for her body, but she loved having it on. He joked that she looked like a little badass and then drew her into a hug and she sat in his lap, and he pressed a kid on her forehead.

“I’m sorry.” Lucille then said, catching his attention. “I’m really sorry I made a big deal out of it. If I’d known…” She took a deep breath, briefly closing her eyes. “like, all this was gonna happen, I wouldn’t have cared about a stupid credit-card bill.”

“No. No, no, no…” He shook his head. “See, I, um… I don’t deserve anything from you. And you shouldn’t be apologizing to me. Uh, it should be me apologizing to you, and you.” He glanced at his daughter, soflty holding her chin in between his thumb and index before turning to Lucille as he spoke. The smiles on both Lucille and Anna’s faded as the conversation got a little more serious and the girl just looked down at her empty plate, listening. “the pain that I put you through… You know, uh… You know, I lie awake at night just wondering how I got so lucky that you have stuck with me.”

“Come here.” Lucille stood up and walked around the table and sat on his laps, holding his face in her hand, the other on her daughter’s shoulder. “I stuck with you ‘cause I could always see the man you are right now. Even when you weren’t. And that asshole really had it comin’.” She assured, almost crying.

“Yes, ma’am.” They shared a kiss and they all fell asleep easy that night, until he woke up suddenly at the sound of water dripping from the fridge. Lucille and Anna both sat up in the bed after he jumped off, almost running to open the freezer and the moment he did, water came flowing out of it. This was really bad. He grabbed the thermometer inside and looked at it with a grave glimpse in his eyes. After a cheerful evening, the day was starting off on the wrong foot and even the 11-year-old knew that it meant nothing good. She wished she could just go back in time and spend another good dinner time with them. “Remember that guy and his family came through here a while back? The kid had leukemia, uh, and they were looking for this group of doctors that travelled around in a mobile clinic? Well, I remember. I sat down with him. He showed me his map. These doctors, they take the same route every time and they make the same stops. I think I know where they are, and if I leave right now, I can catch them before they move on.”

“They could be dead by now if they even existed to begin with.” Lucille retorted. “And then what do you do when you find them? You have nothing to barter with, so just stop.”

“I will figure it out.” He insisted, grabbing the bag he had put all his stuff for the journey in, but she cut him off, raising her voice, telling him to stop and Anna, still sat on the bed, looked at her feet.

“I have something to tell you. Anna, could you go upstairs, for a moment? I need to talk with your dad.” The young girl nodded, and hopped off the bed, and going upstairs. She stayed in her old room for about half an hour, going through her diaries and looking at toys lying there and pictures. Before leaving, her dad came to hug her and promised to come back quickly but Anna was scared he wouldn’t and she went back to her mom, who tried explaining to her that even if he did come back with the bags and things needed for her treatment, she wouldn’t make it. He just didn’t want to give up. There were a lot of crying and tears from Anna who didn’t want to lose her mom but then a few days passed, and then a couple weeks during which Anna took care of her mother the best she could but her health was declining more rapidly without her treatment. She was very weak and tired all the time so Anna would read her books and cuddle with her until one day, Lucille asked her to take some of the food in the basement and go upstairs to wait for the return of her dad, telling her she wanted to be alone as she was extremely tired. Anna didn’t know what to do so she gave a big hug to her mom, gathered her things and went upstairs, as requested. The girl was growing even more scared of ending up alone as time went by and her dad didn’t come home. After a few days, she decided to go check on her mom. She had realized she forgot to take her father’s jacket with her and went to get it. As she stood by the door, she read a message her mom had written on it but didn’t understand what she meant so she knocked timidly.

“Mom? Sorry, I- I forgot dad’s jacket. Can I come in?” She waited, almost holding her breath and put her ear against the door. There was no noise, just complete silence so she opened the door and walked in on her mother, sitting in bed, one hand cuffed to the bed frame and a plastic bag taped over her head. “Mom?” She stared at her, her eyes getting teary. She stepped towards her to take off the bag but immidietaly backtracked when her mom let out a death rattle and her head slowly rose. When she groaned at Anna, trying to get at her with her other arm, the young girl screamed and then started to sob hysterically. She stepped back, slipping on something on the floor and fell, begging her mom to stop. She didn’t want to face it. Her mother had had enough and killed herself and came back as one of these monsters she heard outside but it was so traumatic to see for her. She managed to get back on her feet, took the leather jacket and ran out, covering her ears, letting out sharp cries. She ran upstairs and went to hide in her room. It had only been a few weeks that her dad was gone and she was scared she was going to die alone in this house, but she was too fearful to go out on her own. She waited there, under her bed, curled up, clutching onto her dad’s jacket, only daring to come out when she was getting hungry, but she quickly ran out of the little food left.

Weeks later, her stomach was hurting from not eating and she woke up under her bed, almost jumping, hitting her head to the bed when she heard the door open and a voice rise in the house. She was still a bit sleepy and didn’t recognize the voice so she stayed hidden, burying her face in the jacket and crying, like she would do every day since she found her mother turned into a monster. She hoped that whoever came into their house wouldn’t search it because they would find her, and she didn’t want to be killed but when she clearly identified her dad’s voice, coming up from the basement, calling her name as he walked around the house and came to her room, she stopped her crying, sniffing slightly and came out of under the bed.

“Oh, my god…Oh, Anna… baby…” He immidietaly fell to his knees and drew her into a tight hug, holding onto her as if his life depended on it.

“Dad…” She sobbed. “Mom… she…”

“I know. I know, apple pie… it’s gonna be all right, I’m here. Shh, shh, it’s all right…” He caressed her hair, rocking her in his arms, stroking her back, trying to calm her down and comfort her but he knew that after witnessing her mother in such a state and spending weeks alone, she wasn’t going to forget it at the snap of a finger. His daughter would be left traumatized from the death of her mother. “Hey, hey, hey… look at me.” She tried getting a hold of her crying as he held her face in his hands. “We’re leaving, okay? Together. It’s you and me from now on, all right? You gotta stay close to me, and do what I tell you, okay?”

“Okay.” She said, in a shaky voice. He then had his daughter grab an old school bag, telling her to take a few things and as night fell outside, she accompanied him to the fence, where equipped with pliers, he cut a long end of the barbed wire stretched above the fence and wrapped it around a bat he had with him. Anna had no idea where he got that baseball bat, but that didn't matter. Her mother was dead and now, it was only her and her father against the world. The two of them against the monsters. He told her to stay right by the door, outside and he came out of the house coming up in flame a couple minutes later. She was silently crying, following him to his motorcycle and sat behind him, holding onto him.

They drove for a while and he pulled up next to an old bar and got off the vehicle. He turned to his daughter.

“Hide here, keep quiet and stay out of sight, you hear me? Don’t come out until I come for you.” She nervously nodded and she crouched in the shadow of the motorcycle, looking around, holding her breath, watching her father walk around the establishment. She jumped in surprise at the sound of a gunshot in the distance and closed her eyes shut, her hands covering her ears. She was shaking. When a shooting started, she pressed her hands harder, burying her face in her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks. This was a lot for one night and she couldn’t even know what was going on as it was too risky to come out and she was too scared to even move anyway, and maybe find her dad shot or something like that. It was her worst nightmare, losing her father now that she had lost her mother, and be alone forever. After a few minutes, the shooting stopped, and she dared look up. She didn’t see any movement around the establishment but stayed behind the motorcycle. Her father hadn’t come back for her, and she didn’t want him to get mad if she disobeyed and maybe put herself at risk, which is what she understood to be the reason of her having to hide. And she had no idea that she was going to have to hide even more in the future. Little did she know who she would see her father become after tonight…

Anna was walking around Alexandria, Adam in her arms while Alden still worked on renovating the place; staring into space, she was lost in her thoughts, letting her mind dwell on old memories from her childhood. She was young when it all started, and greatly traumatized by the death of her mother. Everything that happened made her who she was today but maybe some of that trauma could have been avoided but it was never up to her. Her dad fucked up. She was a child who followed him around, stood by his side but then happened what happened when Rick and his group came around and here she was today, with a son, in a relationship with Alden and pregnant with his child. With how things started out for her in this new world, she never thought she would have a family of her own, beside her father, whom she always fought for, despite hating him sometimes. It had always been only the two of them in the end and he was the only one who would never wish her harm while everyone could one day turn on her but she didn’t really believe that anymore. She trusted most of these people and knew which would help her if in need.

As she walked, she came near the gate, opened as a group amongst which Carol and Maggie, got ready to go out and do whatever, she saw her father casually walking into Alexandria and froze. She was surprised to see him back, so confident, after Carol told her she brought him outside to live away from everyone else, and especially, from Maggie who still held a grudge against him. From a distance, she watched Maggie stare at him. One day, she was definitely going to kill him, and it coud only be a matter of time.

[To be continued…]

Previous chapter / Next Chapter

Published (11/13/2022) by Andrea

Taglist: @cathrin2405 @kika64

2 notes · View notes

cinnamonest · 3 years

Text

Yandere Profile - Link (Legend of Zelda)

ABSOLUTELY YES. MY BOY. LOVE OF MY LIFE.

As some of you may know, today is the release date of Skyward Sword HD for Switch!! So I decided to release this one now in honor of that :3

NOTES:

I went towards the idea of a Princess!reader because that just opens the gate for sooooo much potential. I'm leaning heavily towards the ZeLink interactions in BoTW and Skyward Sword just because those games have the most interaction between the two.

Also! This is great bc it gives me the opportunity to explore an idea I've actually had a long time! I've always thought about how many opportunities there have been across the games for Link and Zelda to be kinda like "haha well seeya later" and just... bolt, run away from everything, abandon their roles and responsibilities and all that. Like, if OoT kid Link got her before Ganon did and ran, if SS Link just decided to get her on the bird and bolt before everything went down, if botw Link was just like haha what if we ran away from everything together... jk... unless...?

And final note, Link is a great pick for the very traditional yandere -- sweet and : ) but can snap into darker personas. I really liked writing this bc I tend to have more self centered yans and less of the "worships the ground you walk on" type of yans like I think Link would be, so it's a nice change.

As usual now the nsfw section is divided by a ---- line.

TWs: fem reader, heavily implied Zelda!reader, stalking, murder, very brief mentions of gore/dismemberment of rivals, manipulation, very brief suicide mention, themes of reincarnation (I’ve been told this can be triggering to some people so just in case)

TWs (nsfw section): noncon, somnophilia

--------------------------------

Severity Scale

Intelligence/Perceptiveness: 4 Brutality: 8.5 Physical capability: 8 Mental/emotional instability: 7 Restrictiveness: 6 Sexual sadism: 5 Stubbornness: 8

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

The primary trait of Link that any darling -- any person, really -- would notice is that he is, well, quiet. He has always been a man of few words, and really, he often doesn't know exactly what to say. On his own, at a first glance, he really does seem like a gentle, humble spirit, someone who blends into the background pretty well, who isn't particularly prideful or reckless or aggressive.

Which is why, to be honest, he might sort of evade the gaze of most people -- he doesn't stand out. You remember him as the boy that smiled at you now and then, it's a soft, gentle sort of smile, one that you feel conveys nothing but the utmost innocence and contentment with the world. You know he's pretty good at fighting, but doesn't get into fights needlessly, he's accomplished and respected, but has never been the guy everyone is talking about -- he's in the background, against the wall. Never speaking, always looking out, sometimes at the sky, sometimes carefully watching people. Sometimes you see him, gaze blank and tranquil, and wonder what he's thinking about. Whether he's the village boy in the time of Twilight, the trained and honored warrior that slept for many years, the boy that came down from the sky -- you can't help but feel at ease around him, safe, you can't help but find him endearing and pleasant.

Yet, you always seem to notice him. Other people... forget he exists, sometimes, he's so quiet. You never do, for whatever reason.

When he needs to get something across, he prefers to express himself through actions, not words. If you lived in Skyloft, or Ordon village, you might find problems mysteriously solved, work suddenly done that you don't remember doing. That fencepost outside your home that broke has been replaced overnight. A village child went missing and he comes back a few hours later with them in tow. Always humble, never demanding or expecting thanks, he tells you in his quiet voice that he's happy to help you.

And should you ever ask him for anything, he'll drop whatever he's doing to help. Anything for you, he says with a smile, which makes you feel a bit guilty when, honestly, you're not even sure you're remembering his name right.

And yet, sometimes, you feel so at ease around him it seems unnatural. He seems so easy to trust. You feel like you've known him forever. And sometimes you feel... for just a split second, less at ease. You find yourself randomly stiffening at his calm, sweet voice. You find yourself looking around when you're alone, as if you feel someone is there, and for some reason, his face flashes through your mind. Sometimes when he looks at you, you feel sort of cold. It's almost like invoking a memory you don't have, like some kind of learned instinct you can't recall a reason for. But those moments are fleeting, they come and go before you can even process them, replaced by warmth and comfort.

If you do spend time with him, if you find yourself gazing out your window when he's training, the next thing you notice besides him being quiet and sweet is that he's strong. It's almost ironic, how all the other knights or village boys are so aggressive and rowdy all the time, many of them taller or bulkier, and yet, none of them could ever dream of defeating Link. Not one can match his agility, speed, prowess. Such a pleasant, calm person, with so much skill, strength, and power, but that power is so rarely seen exerted. People marvel at his talent, they say it's as if he has the experience of lifetimes and lifetimes of battle in his blood.

And it's why you feel at ease when he's assigned the task of guarding you. His capabilities are unmatched, and yet you'd never fear any harm to you from him. Both of those traits put together make him the best candidate to protect you.

Of course, you do find yourself doing most of the talking. Sometimes you find yourself rambling to fill the silence, and you fear you're annoying him, but when you stop he raises an eyebrow and asks why you got so quiet. Did he do something wrong? He seems to worry about that a lot -- has he done something bad? Has he made you upset? Are you mad? At first you think he's worried about his position security, but after a while you realize he genuinely worries about it.

And when you do continue your ramblings, you're surprised to find he remembers your words -- every little thing you say. Things you don't even remember telling him. He asks you about that relative you mentioned one time, his eyes light up and he walks a bit to the side because look, it's your favorite flower over there, he'll get it for you. It's impressive, really, how he manages to remember such things. He must take his job very seriously.

He does enjoy giving you such things -- he loves giving you gifts. It's usually things he finds, wholesome little things -- makes a crown out of the flowers you like so much, finds something interesting here or there, while he was off-duty he saw something in the markets he thought you'd like and got it for you. You almost feel guilty, it's so constant that he's giving you things.

Sometimes you ask him about himself, you realize he knows so much about you and you so little about him. He blushes, he rubs the back of his head, he insists there's nothing interesting about him, he wouldn't waste your time like that. It takes time to get him out of his shell, but eventually, he tells you this or that, little stories from his life.

Sometimes you take long walks, you like to get out of the stuffy walls and have fun outside, he accompanies you across Hyrule. Sometimes it feels familiar, you pass places you've never been that give you a feeling of nostalgia, deja vu, a sense that you've been here before.

He’s protectiveness incarnated. Insanely so. He can spring to his feet at a moment's notice and deals with anything that comes for you before they can even get close.

It makes you feel safe, but there's something else there. It's a ferocity that is so contrasting to his normal self, different even from the times you've seen him fight as he trains. It's a glint in the eyes, an aggression in his expression, that almost makes him seem like a different person. And it lingers for a moment, once the creature is dead and his sword hand falls to his side, he turns and glances at you to his side, a hand raised to wipe the blood off his face, and for that lingering second, it's still there, his blank expression and wide eyes -- a ferocity so intense it starts to look like bloodlust, chaos, destruction. And then, it's as if you imagined it. Smiling and telling you it's gone now, you're ok. You're glad he's so truly devoted.

In fact, he's so dedicated to his job that he starts... doing it... outside of his job hours...? Well, today he was given the day off, and you were told to stay inside because you didn't have to go out. He comes knocking on your door, says not to be startled if you hear someone outside your door move or shift or anything, but he just wanted to let you know in case. He'll be right here. Keeping watch. So don't worry. You're safe.

And likewise, he was supposed to have a day off when you were supposed to enter the town. You were assigned two other guards to watch you, since it's a special trip, so you're surprised to find just Link waiting for you. He took care of it, he says, he didn't feel right leaving your safety up to someone else, he doesn't trust them. So they agreed to let him take over for today.

All of this said, he doesn't have to grow alongside you, he doesn't have to be the childhood friend, the knight who guards you. He doesn't even have to have met you. Fate works in odd ways like that. There's a sort of inexplicable instant attachment he takes to you, almost as though it's some kind of destined, divinely inspired sort of thing. He would describe it as saying you feel familiar to him.

He's also, notably, prone to a more traditional trope of what you might call humility whiplash. For the most part, he's got that overly humble, worshipping, "I don't deserve to even stand in your presence" sort of mentality. However, although it's rare and requires a lot of wearing down his mental state, if pushed far enough, he can have brief moments where he snaps into more or less the complete opposite -- entitlement, arrogance, aggression, getting mad at you for the behavior he'd normally take with a smile on his face. Thankfully, unlike some yanderes that have a whole snapping episode towards their darling, his are very very brief, usually only a matter of seconds or a single snarled sentence before he snaps back to normal, wide-eyed and apologetic and telling you I don't know what came over me. It’s... a little frightening to say the least, but you blow it off, tell yourself that hey, everyone has moments like that... Right?

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

For the most part, he doesn't need it, he can pretty easily cling to your side well enough to be assured of your safety, and he manages to scare off the undesirables not with a glare, but a smile that's just a little too sweet and far too persistent -- it unnerves people. You hear a lot of people say that something about that guy rubs me the wrong way. Or that he gives me goosebumps for some reason. Even the people he scares away themselves can't pinpoint exactly what it is, all they know is that, despite being reputed as kind and quiet (and maybe a little dense), somehow a lot of people agree that something about him puts people at unease, and that's all he needs. Because they stay away from him, and if he’s by your side all the time, that means they stay away from you too. Why keep you trapped when you can just be isolated?

An aware Link is a a unique scenario. One scenario that's rather... interesting to imagine is a Link that defies fate itself, a Link that decides to be selfish in one of those rare snapping moments of his. Perhaps he makes a decision when everything starts going down, when the chaos is beginning, or perhaps he has somehow managed to gain knowledge of the bigger picture at work, the reality of the nature of your existence and his.

Perhaps he begins to think it's unfair. To suffer again and again. To prove himself again and again, and not always even to reap any benefits, to work so hard and yet still -- still -- you slip out of his grasp. He longs for a life with no tribulations, no struggle, no fights to be fought. He begins to feel like it's what he wants the most. He begins to feel like maybe it's what he deserves. So many lifetimes of struggles, if the higher powers won't give him a reward, he'll take it himself.

And perhaps, for all their higher power, not even the great goddesses themselves would have ever predicted it -- humans are ultimately creatures of will. To defy fate and to run away from destiny -- it wouldn't be the first time a human has tried such a thing. Sure, Hyrule may be destroyed. The people may all die. There may be nothing left. But you know what? He's stopped caring. If you're alive and he's alive, tucked away in your little corner of the world where you've found respite, well, that's all he needs. Even if you're on the run from forces that would want to find you, even if the threat of the final third of the triforce owner looms over your head. He'll ignore it, he'll look away.

You'll live a quiet little life together, a happy life without suffering, without quests and enemies, without strife, without worry. That's what he tells you when he steals you away, lifts you out of your bed one night. Says to be quiet, there's danger outside your door, he's rescuing you. You have no reason to not believe him. He waits until things go down, a castle under siege, but rather than taking you to where you're supposed to go, he climbs onto the horse and starts... riding away. It gets further and further into the distance, and you might ask why, what's going on? You have a job to do, he has a battle to be fought. But he says you're going far, far away, someplace you'll be safe.

But what about the divine beasts, the seals, the Twilight, whatever threat runs in this world in this time, what about the threat of Ganon, you ask? He says it doesn't matter anymore. You were doomed to fail, he thinks, it's either stay here and die, or run away. All that matters is you. And he'd like you to feel the same way for him. You will with enough time, don't worry.

He just wants this happy, quiet life with you that he’s been denied time and time again. It’s all he wants. If fate won’t give it to him, he’ll make it happen himself, and carve out the life he is determined to have, defying even the will of higher power.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

He gets it. Really, he does. "Stop following me!" You yell. Well, he understands why you might feel that way, but this is kinda his job. He thinks you're naive. Not that he would ever, ever have a thought that you're imperfect, of course! It's because you're so perfect and pure that you're... less aware of the dangers all around.

He'll let you think you're free, perhaps. He's more than capable of being quiet, quiet is kind of his thing. Watching you from a short distance is easy. Of course, his horse might make a noise, he can't really help that, or he might misstep on a branch or something. And then you turn around and get all mad again. Now you're even more angry. Well, he can also tell your guardians/father, who will encourage you to accept it. You can't help but feel a little bad -- he's just doing his job.

Now, our aware, runaway Link, well, does he really need to keep you restrained? What would you go back to? Certain death, a land destroyed? Sometimes you mention home, and he's quick to remind you that home doesn't exist anymore. His home is where you are. Can't you feel the same way? You found peace here in this little place -- a village far far away. Travelers, you call yourselves. What's the point in going elsewhere? How would you ever survive without him? He's not very good at being subtle or skillful about the psychological manipulation, it's obvious he's trying to scare you into not leaving, but... it still works, because really, he has a point.

He doesn't want to have to use physical restraint, in any case. And for the most part, it's not needed, because one important aspect of your relation is that his job kinda revolves around you (in some incarnations), or, perhaps you live in the same little village, but either way the thing is that his presence does the job well enough -- he's always there, perhaps more so than almost any other yandere. Even when you think you've managed to get away from him for a moment, somehow his face pops up out of nowhere. How he manages to pull it off is a mystery, you swear he manages to find you so well and predict your movements it's inhuman.

But if you really, really pose a problem, a smarter and sneakier darling that somehow manages to keep slipping out of his grasp and running off (you never get away for more than about 20 minutes or so, but nonetheless), you keep trying to run off when he's sleeping (he wakes up in approximately 25 seconds if your presence is absent from the bed, but that's still enough time to run out the front door), every time he turns his head (which isn't often) you're trying to disappear... well, in that case, he can reach a point of deciding more straightforward measures are necessary. He hates to do it, really, at least when he's not yet at a snapping point. But it's for your own good. And he says so, quite apologetically.

But it's not so bad, it's not like you're being chained to a wall or anything. For one, he got leather ties so you'd be more comfortable, but more importantly, as your guardian, he figured the best thing for you to be tied to would be... himself. Think of it like friendship bracelets! It's just... got a 5-foot chain connecting them. This way you can't sneak off at night, and you won't get too far when he's distracted. It's a safety measure.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

He's a learner. At first, it's easy. Honestly, he is a rather naive, gullible boy, sometimes he reminds you of a happy dog with his bright eyes. He likes to believe the best of people, give them the benefit of the doubt in all circumstances, and that goes double for you, who he believes can do no wrong.

And even when you do lie to him, it's still not wrong. You didn't do anything bad. Clearly there has simply been a misunderstanding, and you thought you had to lie. Or perhaps you simply forgot a detail or were confusing something with something else. It wasn't malicious on your end, he knows that.

He's actually significantly smarter than he lets on in practical knowledge, though. Those dungeon puzzles pay off, you know? He's got pattern recognition down. So over time he learns how to distinguish when you're lying to him or attempting to deceive him, and sees through it increasingly well.

And yet, he doesn't really... get mad over it, most of the time. Again, he's just capable of deluding himself into believing there's a reason. He believes so strongly in your goodness that he finds a way to interpret everything you do as out of benevolence. So you snuck out the window and didn't tell him you were going for a walk because you just wanted to get away from his suffocating presence for once? You were just thinking of him. You didn't want to burden him and wanted to give him a break. Well, that's thoughtful, but don't worry, he doesn't need a break. He thinks it's precious you're so considerate of him though!

You don't tell him you were talking to that person, and you lie and say no when he asks, because you don't want him to worry, and because you underestimate how dangerous others can be. He's told you a million times and you don't listen, but that's ok, it's because you're just so pure you see the best in everyone. Everything you do is good.

Because he perceives your lies, he will still work against and around it. He won't confront you on your lies, he'll just make sure to deal with the situation -- you lied about sneaking out, well, he'll just keep watch and be ready to meet you outside next time. You lied about talking to a person, well, he'll just have to make sure they stay away from you instead.

If you're trying to trick him, he just plays along until necessary. Smiles and nods. He gets the suspicion you're planning a break-out when he told you he was leaving to go get something from town... rather than saying so, he just decides, you know what? Why don't you come with him? Oh, you're feeling sick, you tell him it's ok, go without you? Well, he can't leave you alone then! Because you're clearly not and just trying to get him to leave... or, as he says, he can't just leave you alone. He'll go another day.

He's fairly manipulable when it comes to praise and affection. You can easily Pavlov him into certain behaviors or patterns with just the slightest words of praise and affection. He's not a very outwardly expressive person, tends to stay quiet, but you can tell how he feels inside when you give the slightest praise, a hug, a kiss on the cheek -- you can see that soft hint of a smile and tell that inside, he's basically melting, even if it's not obvious to most people. And, much like the lying, he’s honestly often aware of it, but he just can’t help it.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He tries to get you the things that he feels will make you happy. Your happiness is incredibly important to him, and he usually thinks about how any action he plans to take might affect you, spends a lot of time debating choices of things to do or say and try to determine how each one will affect you and choose accordingly.

As such, he goes out of his way to support the things you want to do. Have a hobby? He'll find the best materials available. Want a book or a food? He'll obtain it through some means. Even if procuring it involves a side-quest-y set of mundane tasks or scouring the world for 70 of this and 50 of that to exchange it for the item from an obscure specialist, it's all worth it.

The only thing he just doesn't give up on is the constant vigilance and insistence on being by your side more or less every waking second. And every sleeping second. And just every single moment you're alive. It's for your safety.

This is actually one of the things he can get a little nasty about when it comes to how he deals with it, because he quickly has the bright idea that if you don't get it, he'll make you understand. Of course, he can't actually risk you getting hurt, so he stages it. Allows you to sneak off, or at least think you have, and walk right into the path of those monsters he lured, or the people he hired to intimidate you. Of course, it's only natural that he shows up at the last possible second, right on time to save you. You should expect that, after all, it's his responsibility to protect you, of course fate works out perfectly like this. See, he was right, it's so dangerous, and without him you'd be dead. Hopefully you grasp that now.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

His is mostly related to vigilance. Where are you? Who have you been talking to? Who was that person you were talking with just now? What did they say? He's not nosy. He just cares about you. It’s in the job description. You ought to understand just how much certain bad people would love to find you and hurt you. That's why he has to know.

This isn't our modern world, so there's no phones or tracking devices to speak of, just himself, which, well, might as well be a tracking device since he never seems to have difficulty finding you. Sometimes you're not sure how he does it.

He tells you that you don't have to be with him 24/7, but you will be, even if you don't realize it. He's aware enough to know that you'll feel suffocated and get mad if you're aware of his presence all the time, so he gives you your "alone" time, aka, the "follow her quietly from a 20+ foot distance" time. It all feels the same to you. Well, sometimes you feel eyes on you, but you shake the feeling off as paranoia.

So it's not so much that he sets rules and reacts when they're broken, but rather, he works his way around anything you might do so well that he doesn't need you to follow his rules, or really, you take them more as suggestions. But honestly, that's kind of worse. It's enough to drive a darling to the brink of a mental breakdown very quickly. With Link you will inevitably become paranoid, nervous, you feel like you're going insane because he manages to pop up everywhere, he always knows what you did when you did it and you have no idea how it is even conceivably possible for him to know some of the things that he knows. He confronts you very plainly and quietly, often sweetly, asking why you did this or that or telling you it's ok, you don't have to hide anything, surely there’s a good reason, and if not, he forgives you anyway. In a way, it's worse than an angry confrontation. You begin to feel like he's omnipresent, like he can read your mind, and it truly takes a mental toll and affect you worse than any normal yandere's concept of punishment.

This ultimately works out well in his favor. The more you just do what he wants, the less it feels like a violation or intrusion that he knows these things, since he was there with you, it makes sense, and you continuously get bent to his will.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Ah, and thus we get to that brutality rating.

It would be unthinkable to think that any sort of scum would even dare. Even he isn't worthy of being with you, and someone else thinks they could be? So, he more or less views "rivals" as an offense. When they're threats, well, he's allowed to deal with them. When they're not, well... he has a wonderful reputation. If he says he overheard that person planning usurpation or assassination, that they realized he was listening in and wildly attacked him, everyone will believe him. Even if the death seems a little... non-immediate. And uh... frankly... overkill. How exactly... did those limbs get perfectly severed during equally armed combat? And was it... really necessary... to kinda spill entrails all over like that? He'll apologize, of course, he was just so outraged by the thought of someone hurting you or your family, you know? You notice his eye twitches a bit as he says it.

He has a lot of... bottled up frustrations, which we'll touch on in the nsfw section as well, but it tends to manifest in those two ways: sex and violence. Rather than exerting stress and anger and frustration as it comes, he lets it fester. He tries to maintain being the noble, humble, self-sacrificing person he feels he should be. That is... difficult to do for a long time. People expect a lot from him, even in timelines where he's not necessarily realized as the hero quite yet, he usually has a lot of responsibilities. But then you tack on the whole hero thing? The weight of the world is sometimes, quite literally, on his shoulders. Do you have any idea the kind of stress that comes with that knowledge? It's not pleasant. And it quickly bottles up, a very very fragile bottle set to eventually shatter in a matter of time.

On a longer sort of quest, he just kinda... leaves a trail of destruction in his wake. Enemies don't actually just poof out of existence the way they do on-screen, you know. Anyone coming across an area he's just been through is met with literal piles upon piles of corpses, sometimes monsters, but sometimes people. He takes a very scorched earth sort of policy when it comes to dealing with things.

He's able to easily get close to people, with that sweet face and puppy eyes and lithe body, people don't really feel on guard around him nor intimidated. That makes it significantly easier to infiltrate enemy hideouts, earn favors, and work his way in to be able to commit mass murder more easily. Granted, no one thinks too much of it because they *are* truly enemies, after all, they *did* need to be taken out and well, if the rulers can choose to either send a group of ten soldiers or just one guy and get the job done equally well either way, they'll go with the latter option. No one thinks anything of it, except the occasional person who laughs and says something to the effect of remind me to never get on your bad side, haha! He gives that sheepish, sweet little smile, and jokingly tells them that yeah, better not.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

For you, nearly impossible. For others, at a hair trigger.

For the most part, he conceals anger well until, as aforementioned, it bottles up and bursts. The truth is he gets irritated virtually all the time by other people. People who talk to you. Look at you. Smile at you. He’s actually rather easily annoyed even when you’re not involved, but again, he’s good at hiding it until it builds.

His rage has a commonality with his calm -- it's quiet. At least, at first. When it's directed at others, his eyes narrow. It's the telltale sign that someone has ignited his rage. It burns on the inside, it starts off as a spark that builds and builds and grows larger and larger until it's a blazing fire that consumes everything in his path. It's a loss of composure, a rare moment of complete loss of self-control. From his own perspective, it feels like he's not in control of his own body, it's all a blur happening in front of him and when it's over he's looking down at his own hands, unable to process his own actions, sometimes unable to remember them.

But it's violent, merciless, unforgiving. It does not yield to begging, it does not leave anything alive unless forced to. You remember the first time you realized how unnatural it was, how shocked you were at how he did something that certainly went against the code he was sworn to follow, the very first time you felt truly afraid of Link. It was a walk in town -- someone called out to you, spitting obscenities about you and your family, your lineage, threw something at you -- he caught it in his hand and crushed it, and quickly, without a word, advanced on the offender. And, to make a long story short, you had to prevent him from beating a man to death in public in broad daylight. He was forgiven by his superiors, but even they seemed shocked. You had to pull him off, and when he jerked his head around to look at whatever was stopping him -- before his face softened as he recognized your own face -- the split second you saw the burn of hatred and fury in eyes that were normally so soft and loving, was nothing short of unsettling, you still recall the chill that ran down your spine.

And honestly? It's terrifying. And the first time, it's shocking. Sure, you knew he could fight. You've seen him fight off monsters, bokoblins and lizalfos and the like. But something is different about seeing the blood of a human being run down his sword, dripping onto the ground, to see the bodies and the blank, numb gaze on his features he always has after it's over. The absolute lack of hesitancy he has to run human enemies through before they even have a chance to explain themselves, how unbothered he seems by the carnage left in his wake. The way he turns back to you, drenched in red and smiles, tells you it's ok, you're safe now. There's no need to look so scared.

And it changes how you view him, in the long run. Less of a guardian angel, more of a guardian dog, one that defends your name when you never asked him to. Pleads to tell him not to fall on deaf ears -- you just don't understand why it has to be this way, he says, you can't comprehend the threat they posed. From the sweet boy that leaves you flowers and repairs and instead leaves a wave of destruction in his path you would not have thought possible.

Directed towards you, though, it's entirely different. He tries his best to have patience with you, no matter what. He smiles, he tries to make excuses as to why you'd say this or do that, why you'd feel a certain way, and he's rather good at deluding himself to give you the benefit of the doubt.

But when it reaches an end, when he can no longer lie to himself, when you push it to a point that you truly make him mad, it's more of a snap. The times he'll lay hands on you in a truly violent way are rare, and as aforementioned, very brief. It's usually not so much of actually a blow, so much as a grab. He just can't get what he's trying to tell you through your thick head, so he stresses it, trying to make you understand as he grabs you by the upper arms, shaking you with each word, and he only stops when he sees the pain and fear in your eyes, drawing his hands back at lightning speed. He saves you from some danger very narrowly, one of the few times he lost track of you for a moment and had to frantically search before coming across you being attacked. What would I have done if something happened to you? Don't you understand that? He's so lost in the relief it takes him a moment to feel you beating on his arms in the embrace, choking and wheezing that you can't breathe, that his grip is so tight it feels like he'll snap you in half. He draws back again, and he apologizes, but it will certainly happen more than once.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Above. Like, so, so, so far above. He feels like he doesn't even deserve to look at you. Of course, neither does anyone else, so he's just, you know, stepping up to bear the burden of wrongdoing to keep people even worse than him away from you.

So it's less that you're just above him so much as you're above everyone. He's actually, perhaps surprisingly, a little bit of a pessimist about the world. The world is full of so many terrible people and so many horrible things happen that he's borne witness to. It's a "world cold and hard, (y/n) soft and warm" sort of thing. You're the one good thing, the thing that makes him happy, the ultimate source of comfort he has, and he has to prevent you from being defiled by the evil of the world, keep you innocent and sweet (even if he's just deluding himself to think you are those things in the first place).

This ties into, again, how he interprets every action you take as good and benevolent -- he has the "you can do no wrong" mentality. Even very blatantly malicious things, he'll interpret in a way that makes you somehow still come out a perfect, innocent angel. If you do harm to others, well, they simply deserved it. You did something technically wrong, but you knew no better, or you were desperate. You can't be held responsible for any of it. And if you're mean to him, well, he probably did something to make you upset.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Sort of a duality. Yes, he's very persistent. He thinks about it all the time. Every time you yell and try to run and hurl nasty insults at him, it hurts far more than you realize. He doesn't let it show on his face or in his voice, but it really does, and it gets to him sometimes. He's hyper observant of every little thing you do, your body language, your tone, the way you look at him, and the slightest of differences can change his mood internally, although it tends to look the same outwardly.

He makes little mental notes of it -- today she didn't flinch when I touched her shoulder. Today she didn't frown when she saw me coming. Little things like that will make his entire day. Likewise, the inverse kills him inside. He aims to make every day one of the former days, where the littlest signs of acceptance or even kindness and affection give him a sort of high that makes him feel like he's floating.

He tries his best to do things that he thinks will, well, earn love. Every opportunity to do something for you, he takes it. Everything he sees he'd think you'd like, he buys (or steals, or... loots from a dead body) for you. On and on that idea goes. And although he doesn't say too much, when he does speak to you, he usually has something nice to say. He views it in a formulaic way -- ironically, think about it like those collectibles in overworlds. You get enough of this or that thing, and once you have enough, you can go talk to this or that person and donate them all and get a reward, right? He's accustomed to viewing things that way. Love should be the same way. If he just completes enough tasks and gathers enough items, eventually he'll unlock your love.

That being said, even if it doesn't happen, much to your despair, he just... doesn't. Give. Up. He doesn't quit. No matter how many times you tell him, it doesn't make a difference. You can tell him you'll never love him, and it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. He keeps trying. And he never, ever, ever stops trying. What did you expect? The boy's been fighting the same enemy over and over across lifetimes, needless to say his spirit has build up some persistence.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Bonus: Zelda/Triforce of Wisdom Darling

And don't worry. If it all goes wrong, when he fails, those divergences in time where the hero is vanquished and evil wins out -- it's not the end. Somehow, that's the feeling he gets, holding your little lifeless body up, running hands across your cold skin. Somehow, he feels oddly calm. Like it hurts, but it's ok. Like he'll see you again. Maybe not soon, but one day. This time didn't work out. But the next one will.

And that's the feeling you'll always have. Every time you meet him and you feel like you've met before, the lingering memories when you wake from your dreams -- flying through skies and sailing on oceans, a child, an adult, a boy you've never met, or one you've known all your life, but it's always the same face, the same voice, the one right beside you in the waking world. You sometimes wonder if he has the same feelings, the same dreams, the same sense of something greater than yourselves at work, the sense of being just smaller pieces in a much bigger picture.

The sense of permanency, that each other is all there will ever be -- regardless of how it makes you feel, regardless of how that scares you, sometimes you feel like you can never be free. Sometimes, when you think of running away, those dark moments when you think of even escaping from life itself, it feels futile. It's as if you know it would never hold him away forever. As if death is insignificant. Perhaps in this lifetime, you'll become aware of why that is, or perhaps not.

With other obsessive lovers, just the idea of til death do us part is a terrifying thought. But, for Link, not even death can keep him away from you. Your suffering is already determined by the will of higher power, for the sake of a greater good.

In truth, it’s the goddesses who made him this way intentionally -- it’s designed to ensure your safety, even at the cost of your suffering. Again, for a greater good. Sure, you may live one lifetime to the next desperately locked in the same cycle in which your freedom and will is stripped from you, but in the end, it serves a purpose.

Nor will he change -- perhaps this one this time is a bit more spirited, more calm, more pessimistic, more optimistic... but in the end, at their core, they're the same soul, with the same will deep, deep down. The same drive to find you and protect you. The same love for you, an all-consuming love that destroys everything in its path to you and leaves ruin in its wake.

And if fate should one day keep you apart, should things change, for whatever reason, it’s unable to change him. There's another force even more powerful than fate determined to keep you together. The only thing more unavoidable, inevitable, and unescapable than fate, is Link himself.

------------------------------------

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

In moments of passion, he changes a bit, unlike other more submissive yans who stay consistent in their reverence and desire to please.

You see, after a while, being as lenient and tolerant and flexible and completely devoted as he is... constantly self-sacrificing in so many ways, to you, to Hyrule, to the world... some frustrations build up. It's a big, big bottle of emotion, all tucked away and festering, getting greater and greater and eventually it has to explode somehow.

His reservations and inhibitions fall away. Perhaps a darker, more selfish side comes out. Perhaps that's why he's so rough. He knows he'll regret it later, the bruises from how hard he grips, the marks from the bites, but the hormones and the heat takes over. He'll feel bad for defiling you. He'll apologize. And he'll do it again. And again. And again.

But once the resolve crumbles, it topples. That is, he can't partially maintain it -- if it's partially gone, it falls apart completely. He lets go, so to speak. And when he lets go, you find that underneath that carefully constructed resolve and willpower that holds him back, he can be a very, very rough and possessive lover. In his normal state, he wouldn't dare think of you as a possession, or as something he's even worthy of. He would like so, so much to think that, to feel like he's allowed to -- but he doesn't. He chastises himself for even having such a desire. But in those moments, when his resolve is gone and his brain isn't thinking quite too clearly, he might even have to audacity to say "mine." Even if it's not true, not now, maybe it will be. He would like that so much. His and his alone.

And in a moment of clarity, he might even throw away the inhibition on purpose. The more selfish side, the same Link that drags you away from your destiny -- he's already forsaken his responsibilities, hasn't he? Why care anymore about the structures that no longer exist, your status and his, if there's no kingdom left? He likes that it happened, even. This way, this time, you can throw off those titles, those roles. Without your status, your title, there's nothing stopping him from making you his. And you will be his, and nothing more. It's all you need to be. So he doesn't have to care anymore about any of that, he doesn't have to stop himself from going wild. Biting into every little spare patch of skin, covering your body with marks that make him feel comforted to see.

As far as drive it's a bit of a two-sided duality. Outwardly he's not a very sexual person at all, blushes and stutters and averts his gaze at the slightest mention of suggestive topics, tries his best to be Respectful(tm) by always looking away when you're in a compromising position, or your skirt flies up, etc etc. Given how constant his vigilance is, he has a tendency to accidentally walk in on your changing or bathing, except unlike with many yanderes, it's genuinely an accident. Not that the image doesn't stick in his mind, nor does he wish he hadn't gotten to see, but he does feel guilty, and it was genuinely unintentional. He kinda freezes up, so it takes a moment for him to actually snap out of it and run out.

That being said, he quickly develops something of a masturbation addiction when he's younger, it starts as more of a stress reliever than anything, He's so sweet and always feels bad about talking about his problems and feelings, so that and, well, violence are the only ways he can get it out. Thus he learns to channel stress and nerves into sexuality, and once he has a real living body and not just his hand, that dependency on cumming to relieve it doesn't change.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Particularly so, yes, cares quite a bit. And it takes a while for him to feel comfortable. Even consensually, the first few times he touches you for several months, he's got trembling hands and stays quieter than ever, constantly freezes up every time you move or make a noise because he thinks he's done something wrong. He has to be coaxed into feeling more comfortable before he gets used to it, but he will build confidence over time.

As addressed before, though, if he's pushed and pushed and pushed long enough, you can get a darker side to come out. This is most likely something that would only occur post-kidnapping in a distant time, once he's far away from any possibility of consequence and destruction has set in to the world around you. He starts to get a little bitter, if you've been mean to him. It all builds up. Don't you get that he's literally saved your life? That he devoted every waking second to you? Isn't he kinda entitled to some thanks? The cycle of time never rewards him. Even the figures he helps over time rarely give him more than a verbal praise and thanks, maybe an item here or there, and then disappear. His role feels thankless. He starts to feel like he deserves something, something tangible, in return.

Surprisingly, though, he actually does not take the route of guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation or gaslighting his way into it like a lot of the sweeter yanderes when he does have that snap. His snaps/breakdowns are rather extreme in terms of how much of a polar opposite they are to his normal state, rather than just a slight bend of his normal personality. Rather than taking the route of most yanderes like himself, he just gets directly physically forceful. Still somewhat sweet, though, reminds you he loves you, he'd die for you, you're his entire world. You'd argue that doesn't really change the actions, but considering how frightening he is in that state, you're not dumb enough to vocalize that.

The guilt consumes him alive afterwards. Like, immediately afterwards. He's still panting and twitching and buried inside when it sets in. That being said, he doesn't get to stuttering and profusely apologizing, like he does over smaller offenses. It's all done and he can't take it back, so he just kinda collapses and says nothing. He's not the best with words, you know. It's an odd mixture of guilt and, honestly, a bit of satisfaction and relief. It feels like letting go of some self-imposed burden, that feeling of finally surrendering to some deep want, even if it comes with a lot of remorse, the relief of finally letting go does have a good feeling as well... and because of that, it’s another one of those barriers that, once broken, can’t be built up again.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

In all honesty the boy is, for the most part, a fairly gentle and vanilla lover. He doesn't really need anything special to get off -- he's easily excited and cums very very easily too. Just the prospect of getting to stick his dick in you in any capacity is enough to make him nearly burst at the thought honestly.

In general, as aforementioned, he's very very cautious and gentle to a point, but has a tendency to get actually kinda rough once he gets into it. The thing is, the roughness aspect is actually unintentional. He's one of those boys that is a little bit unaware of his own strength, doesn't process exactly how hard and fast he's going. He just gets lost in the feeling, kinda enters a dazed lusty haze where he's less aware of his actions. Doesn't realize he's literally got an iron grip pressing your head down on his dick or into the bed until you start flailing your hands because you can't breathe. Doesn't realize how hard he was gripping until he sees the bruises on your arms and hips later. That sort of deal -- poor thing is just unaware and doesn't have enough blood in his brain to think straight.

Biting

Surprisingly a really big one for him. (Remnants of a past life cycle with some lupine experiences perhaps?) In all seriousness, he could not explain exactly why if asked, it's one of those "I just like it" sort of things. It feels like yet another way to conjoin the two bodies, pulls you close. The marking aspect is also nice. Granted, he feels guilty afterwards, tries to help it heal. He has that same duality where moments ago he was this intimidating beast of a human being, rough and growly and jerking you like you were weightless, and now he's back to this bright eyed softie stuttering while he apologizes.

The guilt is mixed with a bit of enjoyment, though. It's constantly conflicting -- sure, part of him understands it's embarrassing and will help you cover up, but part of him doesn't want to, he wants people to see. Part of him looks at the marks and tells himself internally to never do that again, and part of him sees them and just wants to give you even more. It's a constant internal conflict, poor thing.

As far as a place, he likes the neck and shoulders best, simply because it's the most visible and it's the most passionate ones to create, when your bodies are tightly locked together. That being said, though, he also has a thing for biting at the insides of your thighs. It's another one of those I just like it sort of things.

Sometimes, when you're asleep, or pretending to be, you can feel him trace the bite marks with his fingers, softly running them over the circular pattern, just enough to barely ghost over your flesh.

Somnophilia

It puts him at ease. This one is particularly prevalent towards the beginning of your relationship, before you really know... how he is. He has this image of you as so pure and he couldn't bear the thought of defiling you with his horrible horrible thoughts. The guilt eats away at him for a while, but eventually he just can't hold back, but how could he ever do anything to you and risk consequence? So... the solution he comes up with is waiting until you sleep.

He tests the waters to see how heavy of a sleeper you are. Calls your name at increasing volume, lightly runs his fingers over your hair, pokes your face, whispers in your ear, runs his hands over your arms. Just to see what makes you rustle, if anything, so he knows the limits. If it turns out you're an incredibly light sleeper, well, unfortunately that means he's limited to just jerking off to your sleeping form, but that's ok. Just seeing your soft face and the cute way you breathe, the slightest way your lips open, that's enough for him.

If it turns out you're a heavier sleeper though, well, he tries to fight the temptation, but ends up going further. Slowly climbs onto your bed, careful to make the weight shift as gently as possible. Slowly pulls the covers back. Runs his hands up and down. It's a lot better when he can actually see your body as he jerks off, honestly. If he's feeling particularly risky, he might press your thighs together, feel how soft your skin is to his cock, how nice the squeezing pressure between them is.

He gets easily lost in a haze, though, so he inevitably ends up accidentally cumming on you and has to frantically find a way to lightly dab it up without waking you. He panics quite a bit, but that doesn't stop him from doing it again the very next night.

Overstimulation/Forced Orgasm

It just means he's doing a good job, really. Sure, you squeal and kick your feet back and forth and tug at his hair, but that's just because it feels good. Orgasms equate to love and feel good, right? Sure there's a little bit of pain when you go overboard, but then it just leads to feeling even better, right?

It's kind of an irrational compulsion rather than a logical goal, though. He just has an impulsive need to feel you quiver and spasm and clench, it basically gives him a chemical high hit and a wave of reassurance, makes him feel good in both the physical sense and the emotional sense. The first one sends him into this compulsive need to feel it over and over and over again, as many times as he can. It's another one of his internal conflict things -- sure, he knows it's hurting, but he just has to get one more. Just one more. But of course, every time turns into "just one more" when he's been saying that for half an hour now.

And, to be honest, it kind of gives him a pride boost to think he can make you cum against your will. How many people struggle to achieve that even when both parties are trying? It makes him feel good in an adequacy sort of way, he feels needed.

Size Kink/Distension

You know, there's a well-known thing among the male-lovers in this world when it comes to size. It's never the arrogant, loud guys, it's never the social butterflies, it's never the tall guys, it's never the beefy muscly guys. No, they're not the ones that end up somehow bestowed with absolute monster cocks. It's always the soft, lean boys who don't talk much. And they're always painfully unaware of it, too.

He's no exception. Not to the size or the complete lack of awareness. He hasn't spent a lot of time around guys his age too much, he's always been the one sent for some special task and ends up out in the wilderness by himself on journeys, or, in some lifetimes, accompanying you most of the time. He doesn't know what the average dick looks like, so he has no idea he's far above average.

This might sound like a plus, and of course in some ways it is, but also he doesn't think about the fact that the average body isn't properly equipped to handle it. You're supposed to just kinda put it in, that's how the sex works, right? Poor thing, especially if it's entirely consensual sex, he's just kinda ???? because why are you in pain? What is he doing wrong? You have to eventually explain it's literally just his body, not something he's doing.

That being said, naturally, he's a humble person, but hearing you say that does kinda... make him feel good inside. A little bit proud. He's not a person who takes a lot of pride in many things, so he likes having this one thing, and quickly notices you can visibly see it through the bulge it makes in your stomach. Especially if it's in a position where your back is pressed to his front, every little movement creates the bulge, so expect to get a lot of that.

He doesn't really bring it up much or talk about it when he's actually fucking you, it's more like, as with many things, something he's quietly aware of and silently enjoys a lot internally, even if it's not voiced.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Yes and no. It has to do with his overactive protection instinct. What if something happened or went wrong? He couldn't take that. He couldn't lose you.

At the same time, he likes kids, and he's very good with them, very patient. And over time, realizes that a kid would be the perfect tool of manipulation, and besides that, isn't it a beautiful thing, an ultimate manifestation of love?

So how to work around that... Ultimately, what he decides to do is have a kid... Just not by blood. There are plenty of orphans in Hyrule, wandering the streets and the wilderness, picking one up is easy. ...You wouldn't leave this poor child to suffer out there, to fend for themselves, would you? Nor would you leave him to take care of it by himself... Right?

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Oh, it's not like he thinks of it that way. He would call it... a reminder. You put yourself in danger again? You tried to go back again? You were gone and for ten whole minutes he didn't know where you were? What could the solution to this issue be? The only thing his brain can really come up with is making sure you need him. Making sure you're content and satisfied here with him so you don't go running off.

Thus we return to the forced orgasm thing -- see, you do need him. It feels good, right? You say it hurts, and maybe it does a little, but ultimately you wouldn't be cumming if it wasn't good. No one else can ever do that. No one else knows you like this. No one else was made for you like this. You can't replace him. You need him. And he can keep going as many times as it takes until you see that, too. Even if he gets milked dry, he has a mouth and hands for a reason.

And by "until you see that," I mean until you say it. In his more... emotionally intense moments, he gets a bit insistent. He needs to hear you say it. Admit it to yourself. And to him. That you need him, that you depend on him, that you'll never leave again. And don't think your patience and tolerance can stand a chance of outlasting his -- it will keep going until you say it.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

He's one of those wholesome type of boys who goes with something sweet. He says maybe your hair, your face, your skin, your eyes. It's all so comforting. So familiar. Of course, not to say that he doesn't like your less wholesome mentionable parts, but he wants to be chivalric about such a question, and feels answering that way would be too disrespectful.

In his unspoken thoughts, though, he likes the hips. It's a part of you he can grab onto and hold you close with. He puts his hands there a lot and holds tight, like he feels like at any moment you could slip out of his grasp. And, I mean, it's nice to look at, can't forget that.

#atml #scheduled post #yandere x reader #yandere legend of zelda #yandere link

686 notes · View notes

youryanderedaddy · 3 years

Note

I like your posts, it's always cool. May i ask a yandere concept between an innocent, protected princess and a prince who obsessed with her from the first time they met, and force against her will. Thanks so much, love your writing :3

Thanks, anon, that means a lot <3 If you haven't noticed, I am oBseSSed with royalty stuff so I rlly enjoyed writing this. It's slightly different tho, but the idea is there.

Title: We all fall down

tw: female reader, non - consensual touching, obsessive behavior, coercion, implied forced marriage, war mention, abuse of power

It was cold when you woke up, terribly so. The room was spacious enough, there was bright sunlight coming from all four windows on each wall and you were sure that your sheets were warm and puffy even without looking down at them, yet it still felt freezing. You soon realized the place wasn’t simply cold, it was different too. It looked nothing like your own room back at the Southern Palace with its countless colourful pictures, books shattered all over the ground and a fireplace just across the queen – sized bed. Before you had a chance to sigh in annoyance, a quick glance to the other side reminded you of the bigger problem. Him.

“Good morning, princess.” The man greeted you cheerfully, his voice still deep and husky from the early hour. He was laying against the wooden doorframe, the sly smirk you had grown to hate over the years once again adorning his red lips. You stared at him for a moment, then rubbed your eyes to chase the fatigue away, fruitlessly so. You were too tired and sleep – deprived to play – pretend, which of course didn’t go unnoticed by the nobleman.

“You don’t look too well, princess.” He teased with a cheeky grin and walked towards the bed, stopping just before his legs hit the edge of the frame. You puffed softly, but remained quiet just so you wouldn’t have to answer him just yet. “And look at your state, darling…” The heir continued, clicking his tongue in a mocking “tsk, tsk,tsk”. “Your nightgown is a mess, I can see all of your beautiful curves.” The heir paused to lick his lips in a disgusting, suggestive way, and you had to repress the need to vomit all over the beautiful yellow sheets. “In our kingdom such appearance counts as an invitation, did you know that?” He added, smiling sharply, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, satisfied at the way his words made you embarrassed, flustered and jumpy so early in the morning.

“Your Highness, I would like to properly remind you that it was you who forced me to drink and dance all night.” You responded heatedly, all while fixing the straps of your silky dress to at least cover your cleavage. “You wouldn’t let go of my hand for a second. It’s your fault that I look like this.” You remarked, slightly offended by the man’s jokes, despite being used to his terrible humor after all those long years of shared parties and celebrations.

“If that is really so, my lady, please let me make it up to you.” The prince replied in the same smooth, carefree voice of his, the one he used before while talking to the maids and the peasant girls he wanted to bed. It made you sick to think of yourself as just another of his conquests, even though it couldn’t be further from the truth – you couldn’t stand the dark – haired male, his arrogance and absolute ignorance. “Join me for breakfast and I shall have our best cook serve your favorite meal.” The heir announced and winked at you before turning on his heels and finally leaving the room without hearing whether you agreed to his offer or not. You didn’t even have the chance to ask him how he knew what your favorite dish was or why he entered your room without permission, such a lack of manners was unsuited for a soon-to-be king. Perhaps you could use his inconsiderate behavior as an excuse to stay in bed until lunch but deep down you knew it was pointless. The egotistic little bastard knew you had no choice since you two had a lot to discuss.

---

The breakfast, if not anything else, was rich and delicious, each bite tasty and mouth – watering. The sweet aroma of cinnamon tea, vanilla and powdered sugar filled your senses with ease and a little bit of nostalgia for your childhood. The hardest part was yet to come, you wanted to deal with it fast and go home as soon as possible. As for Arthur, it was the first time you saw him serious with his brows arched and his thoughts all over the place. The uneasiness came back with full force.

“I think you know what we want, princess.” The male declared sternly after looking at the map for a while. His eyes were blue and clear, piercing in the way they were focused on you and you alone with no one else in the hall to act as a barrier between you and the monster. You understood why it had to be only you two, but these deals were always an open secret in both kingdoms, so there weren’t many reasons to keep the tradition going. “We want our territory back. We want you to surrender.” The heir hissed eerily under his breath, his pupils fixed on your frame, burning the skin underneath the thick layer of rough fabric.

You didn’t know how to respond to this – the dynasty’s requests had always been ridiculous and far – fetched, but never as impossible as this one. Yes, your land used to belong to the East centuries ago, but after several long, bloody, sacrificial wars where many of your men lost their lives, it was won fair and square. Now all your subjects lived there happily and freely, rightfully so.

“Your Majesty, please don’t dwell on the past. It will never come back.” You responded shortly after, laughing nervously at the end, hoping that would be enough for Arthur to drop the subject. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.

“Is that so, dearest? You have two weeks then.” The prince said coldly, narrowing his eyes like a fox. You opened your mouth to speak but quickly got cut off. “Prepare your troops, train the soldiers, announce the incoming war to your people.” The man chuckled darkly and threw the map all the way across the room. “You better get ready for a thunderstorm.” He added just to mess with you some more, just to see your face turn white from the shock and the panic.

“You can’t do that!” You shouted out suddenly and stood up from your chair, feeling cornered and suffocated. You hated the prince’s constant teasing and flirty remarks but you would have never guess him to be a cold-blooded conqueror. “This is too cruel even for you!” You screamed, the tears already blooming down your cheeks, hot and wet. Arthur spared you one condescending look before moving closer and trapping your body against the table, towering over you both physically and metaphorically, as if saying “Let’s see who has the stronger mind.”

“I will get what I want no matter the cost and there is little you can do to stop me, princess.” The heir pronounced slowly, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to meet his hard gaze, full of intense yet unreadable emotion. There was nothing left of the sly cheerful boy standing against your doorframe, teasing you about meaningless little things, and you almost missed him now. “But what you can do is stop the needless violence and bloodshed, Y/N.” You despised the way your eyes lit up at his words, but, as always, your duty was above your comfort and happiness. “What can I do?” You uttered quietly, a part of you too scared to hear the answer, the other anticipating it.

“Marry me.” The prince stated in a deep patronizing voice. His eyes were dark and sharp, just like before, and there wasn’t a trace of his usual gleeful smile. He grabbed your wrists in a painful grip and pulled them up, holding them against his broad shoulders. “We can unite the kingdoms and live our Happily Ever After. No one has to die.” The man whispered surprisingly softly, his chest heaving with each passing breath. “I can make you happy, dearest.”

You gasped in shock as soon as the proposal left his lips. Every fiber in your body was frozen still, your whole being shaken up by the unexpected offer.

“Why do you want to marry me?” You asked frantically, squirming to loosen up his grasp on your hands just to feel it tighten up even more. This was going to bruise for sure. “Isn’t it obvious?” The noble exhaled slowly, staring at you, trying desperately to find the compassion and affection he hoped you had grown to hold for him over the years. His heart broke once he realized there wasn’t any, but it didn’t matter. Feelings could change in a matter of minutes.

“I’ve loved you since day one, my princess.” His attention drifted to your open mouth, especially your soft full lips. Oh, how much he dreamt of taking you and relishing in the whines and moans you would surely let out once he decided to claim you as his own. “All I’ve ever wanted is you.” The heir confessed, his face moving closer and closer to your own, forcing you to arch your back more and more until it hit the table. Before you knew it, he was pinning you to the hard wooden surface, caging you in, kissing you violently, furiously. You couldn’t breathe.

You couldn’t say no.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere oc #yandere male x reader #yandere oc x reader #yancore #yandere oneshot #male yandere x reader #yandere smut #yandere x you #yandere concept

326 notes · View notes

aizawaorkuroo · 4 years

Text

Seek the Light

Ship: Ukai Keishin x f!reader

Rated: Explicit

Word Count: 8.4K

Summary: Back home after losing your job, you wander into a convenience store not realizing you would see a familiar face.

Warnings: Young Ukai’s a bitch, Language, Biting, Vaginal Fingering, Size Kink (I know this man has a bick dick I know he does), Overstimulation, Creampie, Unprotected Sex, Dom!Ukai

AN: first haikyuu fic haha and first time writing ukai so im still figuring it out! This one got away from me gsfda and the conflict resolved easily cause its my fic and i make the rules tgerfw

________________________

The dipping summer sun casts shadows across the buildings, while painting the clouds a pretty gold. Memories of childhood and youth flood into you, creating a fondness in your heart. Yes, Miyagi was nice. It would be nicer if you didn’t have to move back home after losing your job in Tokyo. You can tell yourself it’s temporary all you want, but it’s embarrassing. Failing is embarrassing.

You sigh, realizing you should probably head back home before it gets too dark. Despite the setting sun, the air has yet to cool off, and you find that your walk has left your throat parched. You glance around, smiling as you spot a convenience store. Nice.

You smile as the air conditioning hits your skin. You make a beeline for a bottled tea, already excited for the refreshing taste. You hum happily as your eyes tilt up to the man behind the register. His eyes are glued to an issue of something, and a cigarette dangles from his lips. Ukai Keishin.

You feel your heart stutter as you watch your best friend from high school read. His hair is long and blonde now, and it just makes sense. He’s handsome, you realize. You always thought he was cute in high school, but he’s a man now.

“No fucking way,” you breathe out, drawing the gaze of the man sitting behind the counter. His eyes widen, recognition clear as day in them.

“Y/N?” His voice is unusually quiet, and his eyes bore into yours, as if you would disappear again if he looked away. Guilt swells uncomfortably in your stomach. You hadn’t talked to him in years. You moved away, and you lost touch with your high school friends, including him. Especially him. He slowly stands to look at you, putting what he was reading down and shoving his cigarette into an ashtray.

Yes, you had been gone for awhile, and yes, the two of you hadn’t talked. But you were both here now, and a second chance has been given to you, wrapped up like a present in the form of a stunned employee at a convenience store.

“Ukai! I forgot this was your mom’s place!” you yell excitedly, rushing behind the counter to trap him in a tight hug. He huffs against you, tensing, before awkwardly wrapping his arms around you.

“What the hell are you doing here?” His words stir something hot and sticky in you, and you push away from him, sheepishly smiling.

“I lost my job and couldn’t find another one in time, and uh, here I am.” Your nose scrunches up at the thought of your tiny, Tokyo apartment that you would never return to.

“No shit, huh? Are you back with your parents?” Your shoulders sag and you nod, pursing your lips.

“Yea, but what have you been up to?” you ask, eager to learn more about your old friend.

“Y’know, working here, hanging out with Shimada and Takinoue. I’ve also been coaching Karasuno’s volleyball team. They’ll sometimes stop by.”

“Oh that’s absolutely perfect,” you laugh. “My volleyball boys never grew up, huh?” He rolls his eyes at you, crossing his arms in feigned annoyance. You hold your hands up in peace, trying to suppress the giggle that’s bubbling in your chest.

“Well, you clearly grew up,” you offer, letting your eyes trail over him. His eyes widen again, and a faint blush covers his cheeks, so soft you almost don’t notice it. “But you’re still reading the same shit.” He lightly punches your arm, and you stick your tongue out at him.

“Anyways, the four of us should get dinner sometime.” You cock your head to the side, trying to gauge his reaction. He snorts and rolls his eyes at you, but there’s a small smile on his face. That's promising, you muse to yourself.

“Yea, that sounds good. And I’m sure Shimada and Takinoue will say yes. I can text you when we’re able to.” He pauses, and his eyes drop to the ground. Your stomach twists into knots as he awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “Is your number still the same?” It’s an innocent question, and yet you feel like the floor has dropped from beneath you, leaving you unbalanced.

“Uh, yeah,” you murmur, feeling guilty when he nods and presses his lips into a thin line.

“It was good seeing you, Y/N. I’ll text you.” You nod, slowly backing up to the door. You give him a small wave before pushing the door open, stepping back out into the warm air. Your body moves on autopilot while your brain goes into overdrive as you ponder how you can properly mend the bridge between you two.

It’s only when you’re halfway home that you realize you forgot your tea.

________________________

When Ukai texts you, you can’t help but to cringe at the past messages that were left unanswered. Random little texts, asking about your day, how’s Tokyo, updating you on everyone back home. You had meant to answer them, but you just couldn’t. You could pinpoint the moment you stopped answering his messages, and you shudder, remembering how harsh he had sounded over the phone. Not that you had been any kinder. After that night, his texts trickled in slower and slower, until they ended completely.

You inhale sharply, closing your eyes. But you’re back now, and he’s texting you again. You blink your eyes open, rereading his message.

Hey! How does Saturday at 8 work?

Taking a shaky breath you quickly type out a response that you hope isn’t too eager.

That sounds great! Is that one place with the great hiyashi chuka place still open?

The four of you used to eat there in the summertime, feasting on cold ramen and an assortment of toppings. Takinoue used to flirt with the waitress, who remained unimpressed throughout the years. You smile fondly at the memory, excited to see everyone again. Your phone vibrates, pulling you from your thoughts.

Yea and it’s still the only hiyashi chuka place in town

You hum at his message, thinking of how long the four of you used to wait while the summer sun blazed down, and sometimes Kimi would go with you. She had a massive crush on Shimada, one that left her helpless to your and Takinoue’s teasing. Your phone buzzes again, and you look down, slightly surprised at the second message.

I’m excited to see you again.

That was promising indeed.

And yet you can’t help the way butterflies terrorize your stomach as you stand outside the old restaurant. Part of you wants to turn around and walk home; another part of you wants to throw up. You inhale sharply, steeling yourself, and you walk through the door.

It’s just like you remember, and you feel more at ease. You know this place, and these are your friends. There was no reason to worry. But still…

Your eyes flash across the room, before zeroing in on your usual table. You grin widely at Takinoue who is waving you down. Shimada sits next to him, smiling softly as you approach. Immediately, Takinoue gives you a bear hug, making you giggle.

“It’s been way too long,” he whines before letting you go. Shimada rolls his eyes, offering you a small wave. You slip into the empty seat next to Ukai, greeting him quietly. He nods, a small smirk tugging at his lips. The nerves that had been eating away at you dissipate immediately. The conversation flows easy, as if you never left. And when the hiyashi chuka is brought out, your mouth waters just like it used to.

“I’m telling you, it’s not as good anywhere else,” you bemoan. Shimada laughs at that, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“I think that’s nostalgia talking.” You stick your tongue out before shoveling noodles back into your mouth. Ukai snorts, before taking a sip of his beer. Something warm and soft builds up in your heart, spilling out into your entire body.

Happily full of noodles, you settle back against your chair, trying to ignore the way Ukai’s arm rests against the back of your chair. His touch is feather light, but the warmth seeps into you. You missed this, you missed this, you missed him.

When the four of you are standing outside, you shift on your feet, not wanting to have to say goodbye again.

“We should get drinks sometime,” you say to no one in particular. Takinoue slings an arm over your shoulder and his grin is so wide that alone almost makes you laugh.

“Ah yeah! Now you’re talking, Y/N!”

“That is something we can all do together now,” Ukai mumbles, fishing out a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket.

“Then it’s settled,” you chirp happily, “We’ll meet up for drinks next weekend, if that’s okay with you guys.” Ukai’s eyebrows pinch together in thought, and he slowly nods.

“That should work.” You pull away from Takinoue, choosing to wrap an arm around Ukai’s waist, and pulling yourself flush against him.

“Perfect! It’ll be nice to get out of the house before I move into my new apartment.” Ukai rolls his eyes, but drapes his arm across your shoulders anyways. You try not to notice the way his thumb lightly strokes your arm.

________________________

The lights in the bar are dim, and you’re sipping on a lemon sour, nestled into the booth next to Ukai. Beers litter the table, as well as small dishes of food, and some shots you all have yet to drink. Takinoue’s cackle barrels through the air as you offer up another idea.

“No, I’m serious! We could all get dinner! I’m sure my parents would be happy to see you guys again.” Ukai scoffs, crossing his arms and fixing you with a pointed look.

“Please, your parents hate us,” he grumbles. A laugh bubbles through you, and you shake your head.

“They did not!” you promise, but your words sound hollow even to yourself.

Takinoue’s eyebrow quirks up in disbelief. Your lips twist into a grimace, memories of your parents looking tired whenever the boys dropped you off at home. “Okay, maybe they did, but ONLY when my grades would start slipping.” Shimada nods at your words.

“Yea, that sounds right,” he says solemnly. You pout at his calm and unsurprised tone.

“I promise they loved you guys. Just like I know your granddad loved me,” you giggle, poking at Ukai’s side. He rolls his eyes, and he downs his shot.

“Please, like that man likes anyone,” he grumbles. You stick your tongue out at him, and punch his arm lightly.

“Alright, but I got you through high school, so he has to like me” you counter, mouth twisting into a smirk. Ukai glares at you, memories of late night study sessions, and rushed homework help before class flood his mind. His shoulders sag, and he lets out a sigh.

“That’s fair I guess. Gotta piss. I’ll be back.” He pushes out of the booth, leaving you with Takinoue and Shimada. Shimada smiles softly, before fixing his gaze on you.

“Kimi was in Tokyo too, right? Have you seen her at all?” he asks. You grin, taking a sip of your drink.

“Yea, we actually got lunch the day before I moved.” You pause, eyeing him carefully before continuing. “Shimada, did you know she had the biggest crush on you in high school?” He blushes a bright crimson, choking on his drink as Takinoue cackles.

“Yea, dumbass. It was obvious.” Shimada glares at him, nursing his beer.

“Well, I clearly didn’t know. And no one thought to tell me?” You shrugged, shooting him an apologetic smile. Takinoue punches him arm affectionately, before his eyes settle on you, full of humor and mirth.

“Speaking of crushes, I was wondering how Ukai would be since you got back,” Takinoue laughs.

“What?” Despite the drinks you’ve had, you feel sober, something cold slinking down your back.

“He was head over heels for you back in the day,” Takinoue’s laughs die down, but he doesn’t seem to notice the way you freeze. Shimada, on the other hand, does, and he cocks his head to the side, monitoring your response.

You sputter, words locked in your throat. What they hopefully don’t know is that you had a massive crush on him too, and it’s only resurfaced violently since seeing him again. Even after what had happened. And yet that cold feeling heats up into something syrupy in the pit of your stomach.

“Well that’s news to me,” you say softly. “Guess I fucked it all up, huh?” Shimada and Takinoue exchange a glance, and you’re sure one of them is gonna say something, but when Ukai slips back into the booth that door shuts, locking their words on the other side.

“What’d you fuck up?” he asks, taking a swig of the beer he had left on the table.

“Ah you know, the usual. My life in Tokyo. And now I’m back with my parents. I did find a job though.” Shimada’s brows furrow, but he says nothing. Ukai hums, his thigh jostling against yours.

“Aren't you at your new place yet?” Your face twists in annoyance, and your head hits the back of the booth.

“I’m gonna have to stay with my parents for a few more days because a pipe apparently burst in my apartment. But I’m going to lose it. I can’t live with them anymore. Not at my age…” you trail off, lost in your thoughts.

“Stay with me. Until you can move in.”

Ukai’s voice cuts through the noisy bar, and you open your mouth stupidly, no words coming out. He stares back at you, making the butterflies that had been dormant for awhile snap back to life inside of you. He scratches at the side of his face, making pathetic attempts to backtrack. “I mean you don’t have to, and I won’t be there for a bit cause of training camp-”

“No, that sounds good.” You nod at him, an easy smile spreading across your face. “Yea, that sounds good.” His eyes lock onto yours, something dark and undefinable in them. Neither of you notice the coy look Shimada and Takinoue share.

________________________

The hot water streams around you, and you shut your eyes, relishing the way it feels on your skin. You had a long day at your new job, and the approaching weekend was the only thing keeping you going. Well, that and the fact that you were currently in Ukai’s shower.

He had been kind enough to offer you a place to stay, and already your thoughts are starting to drift to darker places. You had harbored a crush on him when you were younger, but you haven’t seen him in years. And yet the way he looked at you made your stomach drop.

You turn the water off, the cold air plucking at your skin and making you shiver. You wrap a towel around yourself, and dry off quickly, trying to forget about the ache in between your legs. It doesn’t work, but you pull on a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt anyways. You could at least pretend it worked.

Ukai’s apartment was exactly what you expected. The walls were littered with posters, books lay all over the ground, and there was a volleyball by the TV. He had rubbed the back of his neck, almost embarrassed when you first got there.

“It’s, uh, not much. Probably should’ve thought about that before I offered, but make yourself at home,” he mutters.

You had reassured him it was more than enough. You were just grateful to be out of your parents' house. You pad over to his spot near the tv, kneeling next to him. He eyes you from his peripheral, not looking directly at you. Nonetheless, it makes you shiver.

“Where should I sleep?” you ask, playing with the hem of his shirt. He nods his head back to the bed, and you flush.

“I can’t take your bed,” you sputter, stomach flipping. He rolls his eyes, a sharp smirk pulling at his lips.

“I gotta leave in the middle of the fucking night for training camp, remember? Take the bed.” His tone leaves no room for any argument, and you nod shyly, before shuffling over to his bed. He refocuses on the game he was watching as you pull the covers around you.

But you can’t sleep. Not when Ukai is so close to you. You flip onto your stomach and huff. He glances at you from over his shoulder and rolls his eyes. He shifts to the side, allowing you to watch the game from your vantage point.

You recognize the Karasuno uniforms, and something syrupy and nostalgic floods your veins. This must be the new team. The two of you stay quiet, the two of you lost in your own thoughts.

It’s only when the noise from the TV stops that you’re jolted back to reality. Ukai’s hand grips the remote tightly, face screwed up unpleasantly.

“Why did you stop talking to me?”

The words ring around his apartment, crystalizing into the air, becoming frigid and uncomfortable. You squeeze your eyes shut, letting your head rest against his pillow. When you open them again, he’s turned towards you, brows pinched and mouth twisted into a grimace.

“I didn’t-” you cut yourself off, pushing yourself up to your knees. “I didn’t mean to.” You hold a hand up to him, stopping his oncoming argument. “I wanted to, and I wanted to pretend like everything was okay, but how could I?” His frown deepens, but he stays silent, memories seeping uncomfortably into the air.

“Keishin,” you hissed into the phone. “Let it go.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? How could you be so stupid?” Your stomach drops at his words, but more than anything, you’re upset.

“I am not the stupid one. I’m the one who made it out of Miyagi. I’m the one who’s going to college.” You hear him inhale sharply, and you can practically imagine the way his eyes are narrowed right now.

“Right, right, right. And you’re also the one who’s sleeping with some asshole, who is way too old for you, and he’s just gonna forget you once he’s bored! If that’s not what a stupid little girl does, you tell me what it is! I’m trying to watch out for you!” he practically yells. You feel the oncoming tears sting the back of your eyes, but there’s something red-hot pushing you forward.

“Fuck you, Ukai. I actually found someone who likes me for once, you have to ruin it. I’m not a kid. You don’t know shit about my life here, and you hate it. If you cared so much, you could’ve asked me to stay. Fuck you.” He swears angrily at you, before the line drops. You stare at your phone, waves of nausea passing over you.

A week later he sends you a text, complaining about his grandfather, and telling you about something stupid Takinoue did. You couldn’t bring yourself to respond. His texts eventually slowed down, until he didn’t text you at all.

You shudder slightly at the memory, letting your eyes drop to the floor.

“You acted like nothing had happened, but I was still mad, and by the time I had calmed down, I thought you would hate me for not talking to you.” You wrap your arms around yourself, chewing on your lip. “And you were right by the way, about that guy,” you spit out. “The second someone prettier came along, he dropped me.”

When you flick your eyes up, Ukai’s jaw is tense, his brows furrowed. You dig your nails into your arm, inhaling sharply.

“Fuck, I wish I had been wrong,” he seethes. Your eyes widen, not expecting him to say that. In all honesty, you weren’t sure what you had expected him to say. “You deserve the world, Y/N. More than that piece of shit. More than Miyagi.” His words are colored with bitterness that makes your stomach curdle.

“That’s why I could never ask you to stay. You were supposed to get out of here.” Ukai’s gaze bores into you, the intensity of it giving you whiplash. Your heart melts at his words, and you can’t help but to feel regret for not trying to work things out back in the day.

“And I ended up back here anyways,” you mutter.

“Well, Miyagi has some perks,” he laughs, an easy smirk tugging at his mouth. You cock your head to the side, snorting in disbelief.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“It’s got you now,” Ukai says lazily, while stretching his arms above his head.

Your heart swells in your chest, and you lunge towards him, wrapping your arms around him. He’s tense beneath you, but relaxes under your soft touches.

“I missed you, Kei,” you say gently. His arms drop to hold you to him, eyes closing as he basks in your attention.

“I’m sorry for what happened, and I’m sorry I tried to pretend like nothing happened. I’m pissed that you weren’t in my life, but that was my fault. And now that you’re here...don’t think you’re escaping that easy again.” You nod, and something hot stings the back of your eyes.

“I’m not,” you say gently. “I’m not gonna disappear again. I promise. You’re my best friend, Keishin. I missed you.”

“Okay. Now get some sleep.” His arms loosen around you, and you slump away from him. As you shift back into the bed, Ukai faces the TV, playing it and lowering the volume until it’s just white noise to your sleepy mind. With that, you lie down again, letting your eyes shut and the warmth of sleep overtake you.

Ukai is drawn back into the game, but your words linger in the air. You’re my best friend, Keishin. I missed you. He glances back at you, bitterness eating away at his stomach. He wants to be more than just your best friend.

He fixes his gaze on the TV, trying to shove those thoughts somewhere deep and dark. Eventually, when he looks at the time, he scowls realizing he’s gotta head out now. Letting out a sigh, he turns to face you again.

His heart tugs at how you’re curled up in his bed so sweetly. Guilt settles in his stomach at the thought of waking you at this hour, but he had to make sure you would be okay. His hand hovers above your shoulder, and he watches the steady rise and fall of your chest. You belong here. With him. He shakes his head, banishing the thought. Ukai gently shakes you, watching as you rub your eyes and blink sluggishly at him.

“Sorry to wake you, but I’m heading out for the camp now. The keys are on the counter. Stay as long as you need to, just make sure to lock up.” You hum at his words, nestling back into his pillow and shutting your eyes.

“Okay, Keishin. Love you. Have fun,” you murmur, before drifting back to sleep. He inhales sharply, eyes boring into your sleeping face. He scoffs to himself, shaking his head. You probably wouldn’t even remember you said that when you woke up. And yet…

Ukai shifts on his knees closer to your sleeping form. He ducks down, letting his lips hover over your forehead. He gently kisses your temple, while simultaneously trying to squash the warm feelings that flow through him. He pulls away quickly, the small peck only lasting a second or two, but his lips burn now, and all he wants to do is curl around you and hold you in his arms.

The thought rushes through him like cold water, and he straightens away from you, trying to ignore the way his heart thuds. Ukai’s lips twist into a frown, and he rises, grabbing his bag and quietly walking out the door.

________________________

The next few days are quiet as you go to work. It feels weird to stay at Ukai’s by yourself, but you have to admit that a weight has been lifted since the first night. It was like you could finally move forward in your friendship, the guilt evaporating and letting you fall back into a normal crush.

The evening you’re able to move into your apartment, it’s windier than you thought it would be. You didn’t mean to steal one of his hoodies, but you know he has a few pairs of the orange one. You had seen them in his closet. You slip the orange hoodie on, clutching the fabric to you. It’s warm, enough to protect you from the unusually powerful wind. You shut your eyes and take a deep breath; it smells like him. The thought makes you shudder.

You keep the hoodie on, promising to leave it in Ukai's apartment when you make your last trip in between. But when the moment comes, you can’t bring yourself to take the garment off. When you slip into bed in an unfamiliar place that night, his hoodie brings you comfort. As your eyes shut, you promised that you would return it the next day, when he texted you for his key.

Except you didn’t. You held onto his hoodie for two weeks. By the time you return it, it has already stopped smelling like him. And now, Ukai’s blinking at you from the doorframe of his apartment, confusion pulling at his eyebrows.

His hair is wet, hanging limply against his head, his normal headband nowhere to be seen. A towel hangs around his neck, and there’s an unlit cigarette in between his lips. You blink up at him blankly, trying to resist the urge to run your fingers through his hair.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He cocks his head to the side, eyes trailing over your face curiously.

“I, um, came to drop this off.” You hold his hoodie to your chest, clutching it tightly in your hands. “But I probably should’ve told you I was coming.” His gaze is glued to the garment your holding, and the silence hangs in between you. Ukai flicks his eyes back to yours, something deep and dark brewing in them. You shift nervously under his gaze, opening your mouth as you hesitantly explain yourself.

“I borrowed it. When I was staying here. Just took me a while to drop it back off,” you mumble, feeling embarrassed.

“Keep it.” His voice is warm and steady in the air, making your spine tingle. Your hands drop from your chest, hoodie still clenched tightly.

“Oh. Okay.” Your mouth feels heavy, the words sticking to your tongue like molasses. “I guess I’ll head home. Thanks.” You start to turn away, when his hand shoots out, latching onto your wrist.

“You just got here.” His touch stings you, burning into your skin in a way that makes you crave more. You slowly, and weakly, you nod at him, letting him guide you inside his apartment.

“So you borrowed my hoodie, huh?” He smirks at you, eyes gleaming at the way you nervously sit at the edge of his futon.

“Yea, I was running out the door and it was colder than I thought, so I just grabbed it.” Your hands grip the fabric tightly, before you put the hoodie on the bed next to you. Ukai cocks his head to the side, his sharp smirk never leaving his face. “But it took me a while to return because, well…” He flops down onto the ground in front of you, resting his chin in his hand.

“Because it smelled like you,” you mumble, feeling butterflies slip into your veins. Ukai’s eyes widen for a split second, and he plucks the unlit cigarette from his mouth, throwing it to the side.

“Huh, no shit.” His words are colored in disbelief, but his gaze is unwavering, sending a small shiver down your spine. He shifts forward, pushing into your personal space until his face is right in front of yours.

“If I’m reading this wrong, you gotta let me know.” The frail dam that had been holding your emotions in place splinters, leaving your mind reeling. But one thing was sure: it was impossible to deny how you felt.

“You’re not,” you manage to sputter out. “You’re not reading it wrong.” He hums in satisfaction, eyes trailing over your face.

Ukai surges forward, and his lips are warm and rough against yours, and he steals your breath away immediately. A hand gently holds your face to his, the other wrapped around your waist, pulling you against him. Tentatively, you twist your fingers into his hair, and he groans against you. He pulls away from your lips, leaving you chasing after him. He pants against you, eyes dark and unreadable.

“Been wanting to do this for years,” he mutters, looking at you intensely.

“What took you so long?” He rolls his eyes, leaving sharp kisses down your neck.

“Too scared that I would push you away, and I did that anyways.” You pout at his words, tugging him up by his hair.

“I’m not going away again, and there’s nothing you could do to make me” you murmur, leaning forward to kiss him. His tongue prods at your lips, and you open your mouth obediently, letting him explore. Ukai’s hands are warm on your waist, squeezing the flesh that’s there. He pulls you onto his lap, shifting his legs under you so you’re flush against him.

“You good?” you ask in between kisses, scratching his scalp. His hips rock against you, and he pulls back to smirk at you.

“I’m more than good, baby.” Grinning, you meet his mouth again, letting your hips grind against him. His warm hands wander up and down your body, setting your skin on fire. They rest on your waist under your shirt, and his fingers tap at the flesh there. You hum happily, before leaning away and pulling off your shirt and tossing it behind you. Ukai freezes, eyes hungrily taking in the newly exposed skin. You flush as his hands start to trail upwards, ghosting over your skin.

You dip forward to kiss him again, and his hands reach around to fumble with your bra. You smile against his lips as he struggles, but the second it’s off, his hands are kneading your breasts.

“What are you smiling about?” he mutters against your lips, before pinching one of your nipples. You pull back and inhale sharply, biting your lip before tugging at his shirt.

“Not fair that yours is still on, Keishin,” you whine. He rolls his eyes, and pushes you off of his lap, letting you fall against the futon. Ukai strips quickly, a sharp grin on his face making you flush. He crawls forward, caging you in between his arms. His hips settle in between your thighs, and you can feel his erection through his boxers.

When he looks at you, his hair flops down. You lift your hand, running your fingers through it. He leans into your touch, grinning before bending down to kiss you. His lips are warm against you, and he doesn’t waste any time, attacking your jawline and neck with sharp, biting kisses. You card your hands through his hair, eyes fluttering shut. His kisses switch into something more intense, and you gasp, eyes fluttering open as small bites litter your neck.

“Ukai,” you moan, fingers tightening in his hair. He leaves little marks until he reaches your chest. His tongue swirls around a nipple, fingers pinching the other. The small sparks of pleasure go straight to your pussy, and your hips shift underneath Ukai, making him groan.

His mouth is hot and relentless on you, and your nipples ache from the attention. His teeth lightly bite down on your breast, not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough to make your eyes fly open.

“Keishin!” you squeal. He chuckles before letting his tongue run over were he just bit.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, not really meaning it, and he continues his path down. When he reaches the waist of your shorts, his eyes find yours, waiting. Biting the inside of your cheek, you shift your hips up, and Ukai grips the fabric, tugging down both your shorts and your underwear. His eyes focus on your exposed pussy, making note of how it’s already wet.

“Quit staring,” you complain, embarrassment flooding your system. He smirks down at you, using his finger to trail up and down your already soaking slit.

“So pretty and wet…” he mumbles. Your hips squirm underneath him, and his finger travels to circle your sensitive clit. You whine at the jolts of pleasure, making him smirk. His finger dips down, and he pushes it in gently. He thumbs at your clit, eyes flicking in between your face and your greedy pussy. Your tug at his hair, rotating your hips in time with his gentle thrusts.

“Keishin, more please,” you whine, making him chuckle. He slips another finger in, stretching you out. Your hands leave his hair to pinch at your nipples. Ukai’s head dips down to lightly bite the inside of your thigh, making you jolt. When he pushes in a third finger, you moan loudly, throwing your head back against the pillow. Something white-hot and foreboding pokes at the edges of your mind, threatening to spill over.

“I’m gonna cum, Kei,” you warn, eyes fluttering shut. His fingers curl inside of you, thumb still relentless on your clit.

“Open your eyes, Y/N.” His voice leaves no room for any argument, and you force them to open, watching as his fingers continue to pump into you. “Cum for me, baby.” He leans down again, eyes fixed on yours, and he bites the inside of your other thigh, and the pain combines with the pleasure, catapulting you over the edge.

You writhe and thrash against him, hips bucking up against his fingers. Ukai’s laugh fills the room, and he continues to move his fingers, letting you ride out your orgasm. When he finally pulls his hand away, you whimper from the loss. He presses a kiss to your hip before flipping you over.

You hear him shuffle, and you glance over your shoulder and see him kneeling behind you, boxers finally off. Excitement and arousal pool inside of you, and you squirm as his hands massage your ass.

“You’re big,” you murmur, making him laugh. He’s thick and long enough that you know it’ll feel good. But even then, you can’t help but wonder if he’ll actually fit. You flush facing forward again, but he leans down to press kisses to your spine.

“You good to keep going?” he asks in between each peck. You nod, letting your fingers dig into the sheets by your head.

“I’ve been thinking about this for years,” he groans, making you flush. His fingers dig into your ass, massaging the flesh. You squirm underneath him, feeling yourself get wetter under his touch. Ukai runs the head of his cock up and down your slit, and you inhale sharply, overcome with the desire to see his face.

“Wait!” you cry out, throwing an arm back to grab his arm. Immediately, he pulls away from you and freezes.

“What’s wrong are you okay? Do you wanna stop?” Panic colors his voice, and you shake your head before rolling over onto you back.

“I, uh, I just wanted to see you,” you mumble, feeling shy. Ukai barks out a laugh and smirks down at you, one of his hands moving to stroke your thigh affectionately.

“Fair enough. There’s always next time.” His predatory grin makes your cunt clench, and you reach up, gesturing for him to lean down. He cocks his head to the side, hair tilting with it.

“What is it you want?” You flush, letting your gaze go past his shoulder.

“A kiss.” His eyes light up, and he leans down, letting his lips ghost against yours. You push up, meeting his lips, and he chuckles. Ukai ruts his hips against you, letting his cock slide in between your soaking folds.

“Keishin, quit teasing me,” you whine. He rolls his eyes before pushing away, resting on his knees.

“Wanna watch your little pussy try to take me,” he explains, letting the head of his cock gently push into you. Your face contorts at the breach, and you wring your hands in the sheets. He whispers sweet words, eyes glued to your flutter pussy. He slowly rocks his hips forward, watching as he sinks in another inch.

You let out a choked moan, his slow movements emphasizing his size. His eyes snap up to your face, letting his hands squeeze your waist.

“Your sweet little cunt feels so good already,” he groans. Your hands tug at the sheets as you try not to squirm. But it feels nearly impossible with how red-hot his cock feels inside of you.

You preen under Ukai’s attention, his hands massaging your flesh as your pussy tries to relax around his thick length.

“So hot and tight.” His words shake as his eyes trail down your body to watch your pussy split around him as he inches in.

“You’re too big,” you keen, tears prickling in the corners of your eyes at the intense stretch, and nonetheless, the thought adds fuel to the fire in your belly, and your pussy clenches down harder on his cock. His thumb strokes delicate circles into your hip, and he smirks down at you.

“Yea, and the thought has you squeezing around my cock, huh? That’s pretty messed up.” You flush at his words, embarrassment coursing through your veins. You turn your head to the side, wanting to escape his intense gaze. Keishin leans forward, rocking his hips and pushing his cock slowly into you until he bottoms out. You let out a pathetic whine, covering your face with your hands

“Don’t get shy now, baby,” he coos, batting at your hands, which flop above your head. “I think it’s cute how tight you are around me. I’m just too big? Is that it, baby?” You moan, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him towards you. He chuckles as you bury face into the crook of his neck. Tentatively, Ukai slowly pulls out, every ridge and vein dragging deliciously against your walls. When he pushes back in, you groan against his skin, and your hands travel up and down the smooth expanse of his back, your nails leaving red lines.

His hand snakes in-between the two of you, and a calloused finger expertly traces patterns onto your clit. You moan loudly, and your body writhes against him. Ukai pulls away from you, and a cruel grin sprawls out onto his face.

“Are you gonna cum? Already?” You nod, pathetically bucking your hips against him still. “We’ve barely started,” he taunts.

“I can’t help it,” you choke out, nerves feeling overwhelmed by sensations. He hums at your words, licking his lips as he eyes your body.

“Okay. It’s okay. Do you wanna be good for me?” he gently asks. You squirm beneath him, hands gripping his biceps, and you nod your head.

“I wanna be good for you, Keishin,” you cry out, the walls of your cunt fluttering around his thick cock. “I’ll be good for you.” His smirk slips into a softer smiler, and he leans forward, grinding his cock into you, and leaving sharp kisses against your neck.

“Then cum for me,” he murmurs against your neck, before shifting to lightly bite your shoulder. Your eyes squeeze shut, and you cant your hips against him, pussy fluttering around him. You grip his biceps tightly, orgasm overwhelming you.

“That’s it. Creaming so pretty on my dick,” Ukai whispers, watching your face contort in pleasure. He ruts into you, fingers still expertly teasing your clit, in an attempt to draw out your orgasm. Your eyes crack open, small tears leaking from your eyes.

“It’s too much, Kei,” you squeal, nails digging into his biceps as you try to squirm away from him. He tuts lightly at you, his hot tongue swiping along the delicate bite mark that’s on your shoulder.

“I thought you wanted to be good for me,” he rumbles. You nod, letting your eyes shut again. The fingers that were tortuously circling your clit slip away to pinch you’re inner thigh. “Look at me, baby.” You pry your eyes open and pant against him. His clever fingers continue their ministrations, and his hips grind deeper into you, making your brain feel foggy and warm.

“I wanna be good,” you mumble, hands leaving his biceps to tangle themselves into his hair. Ukai makes an approving sound, and he kisses your cheek.

“Cum. Again.” A pathetic cry tears itself from your throat, and you focus on the intense pleasure you’re feeling. Ukai leans down, littering your chest with little sharp bites that make you keen. Your brows pinch at the intense pleasure, hips grinding against him. You’re already close again, and you tug at his hair, urging him to kiss you again. His lips eagerly find yours, and you feel him smile against you. You’re so close to falling over that edge again. Your cunt is absolutely drenched, and the erotic squelching makes you flush.

Ukai’s tongue prods at your lips, and you obediently open your mouth, letting him in. It’s sloppy and desperate, and it’s perfect. His fingers dig into your clit, pinching it, and you are flung into the stratosphere, stars popping into your vision. You gush around his cock, and he groans against your lips.

Your thighs twitch, and your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him close to you, urging him to still. He complies, peppering your face with kisses as you come back to earth.

“So pretty,” he whispers against you. You card your fingers through his hair as you try to catch your breath.

“Oh my god, Keishin.” Your voice wavers, and you're embarrassed by how hoarse you sound.

“Want me to stop?” You shake your head desperately at his question, and your legs tighten around him.

“No. I just need a second.” He chuckles watching as your screws up. “I didn’t think I was that sensitive,” you sigh. You unlace your fingers from his hair, wiping at the sweat that’s on your neck.

Ukai smirks at you as he shifts to kneel. His warm hands gripping your waist, keeping you flushed against him. You whine at the movement, pussy tightening around him. His eyes trail over where he enters you, admiring how you’re spread out for him.

“Or, maybe my dick’s too big for you,” he taunts, no real malice behind his words. You squeak at his words, feeling embarrassed and warm. “Yea, that’s it,” he continues, fondly looking at your messy cunt. “You’re so sensitive cause it barely fits in your cunt,” he coos.

“Oh my god,” you murmur, lazily wrapping your legs around him. He lets out a laugh, one that resounds through the apartment, and you smile at him, something syrupy running through your head. “And I think-“

You cut yourself off, nerves overtaking you. His head cocks to the side, and his thumb strokes your waist in a reassuring manner.

“I’m balls deep in you. Don’t get shy on me now,” he says gently, his soft tone colliding with his crude words.

“You’re so vulgar, Keishin.” You roll your eyes at him, a soft smile creeping onto your face. “It could be that,” you say, not wanting to repeat his words, “but I also think I may be sensitive cause it’s you.”

Your voice is soft, and you watch as Ukai practically melts. His arms wrap around you, pulling you against his chest. You moan as your weight settles on him, increasing the pressure from his cock.

“Are you being serious right now?” His voice rumbles through you, and you bite your lip and nod. You press a palm to his cheek, relishing in the way he leans into it.

“There’s no one for me but you, Keishin.” Ukai kicks his legs out behind you, letting you get more comfortable on his lap. His arms wrap around you, holding you close to him, and he buries his face into your neck. His hips buck up into you, making you squeal.

“Gonna fuck you so good. You’re never gonna be able to think about anyone but me inside this pussy.” He punctuates his words with a thrust, and your nails dig into his back. You rock your hips against him, as he sprinkles kisses against your neck.

“Ever since,” you pant, “ ever since I got back, all I’ve thought about is you. I missed you so much.” He moans into your neck, and his sweet kisses turn into little bites, nipping at the sensitive skin there.

“Did you touch yourself? Thinking about my fat cock pushing into you?” he mutters in between nips. Your brows pinch together and you nod as your exhausted pussy flutters again.

“Yes! But all I wanted was you!” Ukais teeth clamp down on your neck, not hard enough to break skin, but it stings. You squeal as he roughly changes positions again, forcing you on your back again, legs wrapped tightly around him.

His pace is relentless, pounding into you. Your fingers claw down his back, and his hands squeeze your hips.

“It’s too much, Kei,” you cry out, eyes squeezing shut. Ukai presses a searing kiss to your lips, thumb digging into your side.

“Please, baby. Give me one more. Cum for me one more time,” he mumbles into your lips. You nod against him, blinking through the tears. “Good. Just let me fuck you like this.”

His cock drives deep in you, making you keen. Your hands travel up to his hair, tangling into it, and tugging at the strands. He feels everywhere, his presence is overwhelming, hot and heavy. His hips rut into you, lips peppering your face with small kisses. Your cunts already oversensitive can feel your orgasm approaching.

“I’m close, Kei,” you choke out, pussy gushing around his cock. You flush at the lewd noises, but he just moans nuzzling his face into your neck.

“Give it to me. Wanna feel your little pussy squeeze around me.” You hold him to your neck, hips bucking into him. Ukai’s hand snakes down in between the two of you, and his fingers rub intense circles on your clit. Your eyes squeeze shut, as the building pleasure finally reaches its peak.

“Just like that, baby. Cum around my cock.” You writhe beneath him, your hands traveling to claw down his back. Your hot cunt grips him tight, legs tightening around his waist. “Just like that,” he groans, before his teeth sink into the base of your shoulder. You moan his name loudly, loud enough that you would be embarrassed later, but for not you don’t care. All you can focus on is the white-hot pleasure that’s coursing through your system.

Ukai’s thrusts don’t stop, plowing into you and prolonging your orgasm. He pulls his hand away from your clit, and he slips his arms in between your back and the bed, holding you tightly. You whine as you feel his hips begin to lose their pace, thrusts no longer steady. Your legs squeeze around him, keeping him close to you.

“Cum inside, please I need it,” you beg. He pulls away from your neck, eyebrows creasing in concern. “I’m on the pill. It’s safe, I promise. Please Kei, I need you to fill me, please, please, please.”

“Alright, baby. I’ll give you what you want.” His head drops back to the crook of your neck, as he stutters against you, hot spurts of cum flooding your pussy. He falls against you, before rolling onto his side, keeping you tight against him. His cock is still lodged within you, and you whine at the movement. Sweet kisses litter your face and neck, and you blink blearily at him. He slowly pulls out of you, grunting at the way your pussy flutters. You grimace as his cum drips out of your abused cunt.

“Gotta get you cleaned up,” he mumbles, before standing up and disappearing to the bathroom. You flop onto your back, trying to catch your breath. When Ukai returns, he kneels in between your shaky legs, and ever so carefully, he takes care of you. There’s something unusually soft in his actions, soft enough to make your heart squeeze. He also gets you a glass of water, which you gulp down. He lights a cigarette, as he watches your eyes start to clear up.

“Keishin, you’re kind of nasty,” you mumble, stretching your arms out above your head. His laugh rumbles through the air, as he takes a drag. He eyes you greedily, as if he’s going to eat you alive.

“This was nothing. There’s so much I wanna do to you.” His voice is low, heavy with exhaustion. “But for now I just want to hold you.”

“Well that can be arranged,” you tease, lying back on the bed. Ukai chuckles, putting out his cigarette and crawling forward to wrap his arms around you. You sigh in contentment, letting your eyes shut.

“I missed you,” he mutters, and you smile against him.

“I missed you too, Keishin.” Sleep tugs at your brain, luring it to a deep rest.

“Did you mean it? What you said?” His voice is unusually quiet, delicately piercing the air. His thumb gently strokes your arm. Your eyes flutter open, and your brows pinch as you try to recall what you had said.

“About what?” you ask, trying to stifle a yawn.

“What you said? About you and me?”

Oh.

You smile at him, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. When you pull away, you lean your forehead against his and you smile.

“The only person for me is you, Keishin. It’s always been you.” He hums happily before he pulls you against him.

“Good. Cause I was serious. I’m not letting you go again.” You shut your eyes and nuzzle into him, taking comfort in the way his arms wrap around you. And it’s in those arms that you embrace the most peaceful sleep you’ve had in years.✨

#ukai keishin x reader #keishin ukai x reader #coach ukai x reader #ukai keishin x you #keishin ukai x you #coach ukai x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #coach ukai smut #ukai keishin smut #keishin ukai smut #haikyuu smut #💫.ukai

3K notes · View notes

swimmingleo · 3 years

Text

Changes: or to take the higher ground before it's too late

I'm going to be real here folks, I cry ugly tears to this song. Bad.

Changes is a song on Cam's album "The Otherside". It's country, it's folk and it's an album a bit influenced by changes in Cam's life (a change of label, personal life). She collaborated with Harry on the song Changes, as she opened for him on a venue and was already working with Tyler Johnson.

From what I gathered: Harry sent her the demo of the song, implying he made most of the writing on this one. What I'm basing this claim on is her interview for Rolling Stones (read it here):

I heard [the demo] and was just like, “Oh, this ache to outgrow something that you don’t want to outgrow!” It felt so good. I normally don’t take outside songs [...]

‼️DISCLAIMER‼️when analysing this song, I'm gonna go from the idea of it being written with a queer mindset (how surprising of me). Cam rendered the song beautifully and it is very much her own, but I believe Harry's input is consequential. After all that's his lil whistle and cute fishsona in the MV.

Sad queer analysis ahead.

Let's analyse the lyrics first:

There is a town

Somewhere down a country road

The speaker describes the town to us, from memory, from experience. "There it is, down the road, can you picture it ?"

I see it now

I take it everywhere I go

The speaker doesn't currently live in the town, they're on the move (nice throwback to the coutry road). But despite all the travelling, they realize the sedentary smalltown never leaves them. It's part of them. It left a mark on them.

The river sways, I can almost hear it now

As if to say, "You're not the only one who wants a way out"

The town is so real to the speaker they can sense it, eyes and ears. But it gets a bit dark: the river sways like it's trying to leave its bed. The river is envious of the speaker who managed to leave. The town is so toxic even nature wants to get away from it. Or the speaker resents the town so bad that they project their own resentment on the river.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like I don't know you anymore

I memorize those roads

This is the call for the speaker to leave for good. Their motive doesn't seem to be ambitious or anything grand. They leave because they apprehend a feeling. Apprehending a feeling, something that may not even happen, is the way of an anxious person. Anxiety is the motive of their departure. However, they still memorize the roads leading to the town, just in case. Perhaps one day they'll come back.

Somewhere out in the big wild country

Someone's fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like their hearts won't ever break

Suddenly it's about love ! Young love, one that is lived in the small compartment of a car, somewhere hidden and safe in the big wild country. As if the countryside was unexplored and threatening.

God bless the young hearts sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with their friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

The speaker looks at the youth with tenderness, wishing them the best. But once again, they're not in the town in the present time, they don't see the youngsters fooling around, they can only guess from first-hand experience. And it's very specific: falling in love, getting drunk with friends and thinking everything's gonna be easy like that forever until it's not and heartbreak ensues.

From there I hop in with the raw queer theme of those lyrics. It started by falling in love and it ended up in a heartbreak. In between, the speaker got drunk for the first time with their friends, people they trusted enough to let go a little, but in the end everything changed. Why ? Alcohol makes you forget about code of conduct, how you're supposed to behave. It makes you say or do things you might not have done sober.

We can interprete this chorus as the beginning of the end for the speaker. It's the only part of the song evocating the past, and it's fun and easy, but it's also where things started to get bad the way they are in the present. Something might have happened that first time the speaker got drunk and it marked the end of innocence and careless childhood, and it probably has to do with love as no other factor is provided apart from falling in love and heartbreak.

They never leave

They're all havin' babies now

Watchin' daytime TV

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

They. With Harry, it's always You, Me, and They. They are having babies, all of them, like it's not a very difficult thing to do, it's just natural. They have the leisure of the day, not a thing to worry about, if not gossip. It's not implied anymore, the small town is downright cruel. Gossip fuels it, but on behalf of someone else, and that someone is most definitely the speaker who left and who describes its inhabitants in the most mundane way, perhaps with a hint of contempt. The speaker seems bitter.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like you don't know me anymore

Don't recognize my face

Reprise of the pre-chorus except now, the speaker provides another reason for their departure. Not only they feared they wouldn't know the town anymore, they also feared being seen as a stranger. It's not like the speaker actually changed physically: but it might as well feel like it. Again, apprehension, anguish. As implied in the chorus, things changed to the point where the speaker feels they would seem like a whole another person to the rest of the town, a stranger, a threat to the integrity of the conservatives. So they leave before this shift in perception can happen.

There ain't nothing here for me anymore

They say they don't hear from me anymore

And I don't wanna hear it anymore

The town is not outwardly hostile. It's still the town that saw the speaker as a kid. The town doesn't understand why the speaker left, but the speaker won't give in and get in touch. They want to be as far away as possible, until they don't hear the questions, the river, everything. It's almost like the speaker doesn't carry the town in their heart at all. They want to forget it all, and it hurts everytime the town tries to lure them back in. The way Cam sings it is painful to me man

Somewhere out in the big wild country

I was fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like my heart won't ever break

Had such a young heart sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with my friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

Yeah, just the confirmation of the chorus being the speaker's experience. I went ahead and assumed it was already lol but it's like a plot twist effect. It's dramatic. It's a personal song to someone.

TO MAKE IT SHORT to me this song is intense and very in touch with the queer experience. Though it describes a specific situation, it is surprisingly not that detailed or full of metaphors the way Harry often writes: this town could be literally any smalltown in the countryside. The backseat could be the one of any car, cheap wine is something any teen can afford. I like to think Harry wrote it for himself but is also aware so many people went through the same thing, and still will. I have to admit I'm heavily biased writing this, as the experience of a queer kid struggling to find their place in a well settled smalltown is familiar.

GETTING DRUNK AND QUEER IDENTITY is an analogy Harry already used in Fine Line when he sang "We'll get the drinks in so I'll get to thinking of her". To drink is to let go, to unveil the most subconscious aspects of yourself you might not want to deal with otherwise. You don't care about judgement and you get to explore those parts freely. In Changes, this is the last memory they recall before stating the changes and their departure. Perhaps getting drunk for the first time would be when they realized they're queer. Or acted upon it, causing their little world to shake. They chose to leave before it eventually wouldn't feel like a choice anymore. There is no life for people like them in a cruel smalltown.

SMALLTOWN BOY

This song reminds me an awful lot of Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat. The song is about a queer boy having to leave the smalltown where he grew up because of persecutions and no future prospects.

Mother will never understand why you had to leave, Smalltown Boy

They say they don't hear from me anymore, Changes

But the answers you seek will never be found at home, the love that you need will never be found at home

There is nothing here for me anymore

Other people not understanding why they leave. People who can't truly empathize even when they mean no harm. They would never understand the speaker's departure, because those people get to find love and have babies and live a peaceful life in the countryside.

You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

Yeah yeah. I really struggle with just seeing this song as nostalgia when such harsh words are being used. I do believe there is a part of fondness for that town, that countryside setting and the early days. But it's not all tender memories.

CHANGES AND ERODA

Of couuuurse we all noticed the adorable purple fish with the pearl necklace. It represents Harry, no question, as it whistles Harry's part. And of couuuuurse we all made the link with the erodian fish, and some even noticed they formed the bluegreener pair when their colors are inverted.

It makes sense for those fishes to be connected with this interpretation of Changes. Both works are about a small town, lost in the nature, where the people are watching, aware of everything that isn't normal, that is peculiar. The early life of the peculiar boy is similar in every way to the early life of the speaker in Changes. The fish in Adore You grows too big for the island and has to leave, and though Eroda makes amends with the peculiar boy, he leaves as well because his future, his fulfilment, is somewhere else. So does the speaker in Changes.

IN CONCLUSION

The more I write posts like this, the more endeared I am by Harry's world. How Harry writes for himself, but also for other people with songs like this. How nature finds its way in all that he does. How grounded he is, how he doesn't seem to forget where he came from. It really is such a rare thing to see in a mainstream popstar's writing and art. How can someone say he sold his soul to LA is beyond me

#very dear to my heart this song #was in the drafts for quite a long time too #but hey i took louis' new song as a cue lol #they do have parallels #though i feel like louis' change is way more accepting #louis' way more at peace with the idea of time passing and leaving the town behind #not saying harry still struggles or not but the story told in changes is more pain than healing to me #anyway love their brains love them muahmuah #my analysis #song analysis #harry styles

103 notes · View notes

paradisoperdita · 3 years

Note

Hello! My request has nothing to do with your prompt, but I hope you can consider it hehe. May I request a Barbatos fic with a gn MC spending their day at a themed park because you know, give this man a break (also I am curious on how would Barbs reacts to rides). Congratulations on your 200+ followers and thank you so much in advance!💖

Thank you for the request, lovely! 💜 I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but I had fun writing it! I hope you enjoy!

Gn!MC X Barbatos

Genre: Pure fluff

Barbatos and MC Go to a Theme Park

You have no idea how you ended up in this situation. Outside the door was a deafening cacophony of wailing children, the urgent cries of security guards, and a saccharine sing-song voice playing out on the crackling Tannoy system. Barbatos stood beside you. His forehead and gloved hands were pressed against the door. Even with his face hidden from view, it was abundantly clear that he was mortified. This was supposed to be the perfect date, so how did it all go so horribly wrong?

"I do not believe I have ever had the pleasure of visiting a themed-park in the human world.” Barbatos recounted as you finally made your way through the entrance. “Last I remember, many of these Amusement Fairs ran on steam prior to the widespread adoption of the, then newly discovered, phenomenon we know as electricity.”

You slid your hand into his as you swept your way through the crowd. An old-timey tune played on the ageing speaker system, just quiet enough for it to accompany the sweet sound of birdsong, and the rustling of a summer breeze through manicured flowerbeds. Stretched out above you was the purest aquamarine sky, the kind you only saw in summer childhood memories painted in rosy nostalgia. Barbatos’s hair shone a vibrant emerald in the sunlight, a sight you could only see here in the Human World. He caught you staring out of the corner of his squinted eye, not yet used to the bright surroundings, as his lips twitched into a gentle smile. In one smooth motion, he leaned down and kissed your temple. He burbled a chuckle to see the delight spread across your face.

“Where shall we go first, my dear?”

You pondered for a moment. You had pictured this day for weeks and had meticulously planned the perfect theme-park date for your beloved overworked demon. One ride in particular called out to you.

“Follow me!” You said as you playfully pulled Barbatos in the direction of the carousel.

Nearly all of the rides at Ridsneyland were modern roller-coasters, but this carousel was an exceptional exception. A relic from an abandoned mid-20th Century amusement park. It had been lovingly restored. It was completely hand-painted as it had been in its glory days; its entire surface embellished with a variety of miniature masterpieces. Barbatos ran a finger along the chipped gold leaf on the saddle. The seat etched with the memories of all the riders before him. Gracefully, he seated himself on the wooden steed.

There was enough room for two. He offered you his hand and supported you as you mounted the carousel horse. You plonked yourself between the spiralled metal pole and Barbatos. The butler perched on the horse’s haunches, drew in his knees, and wrapped his arms around you as he held onto the reins. Your back rested against his chest, the energetic scene of childlike excitement settled into a serene sanctuary. With you in his arms, there was nowhere in all three realms that Barbatos would rather be than in this exact time and place.

The antiquated crankshaft groaned into life. Hundreds of tiny lightbulbs twinkled to the beat of the jaunty pipe-organ ditty. The two of you peaked and dipped on your ride to the tune nearly lost to time. Barbatos squeezed in closer to you. He caught glimpses of the innocent wonder that graced your features as you passed the mirrors on the central column. In amongst the beautifully crafted scenes painted by nameless artists, your smile was the greatest artwork of them all.

After that, you dragged Barbatos onto every high-octane roller coaster you could manage. The queues were long, but the pleasant company made the wait whizz by. In broad daylight, you surreptitiously flirted amongst the company of strangers. There was a peculiar fondness in his voice as he spoke of the elation he felt to be surrounded by a symphony of human terror. It was nostalgic for him. You decided not to ask what he meant by that.

Nothing seemed to alarm him. Every jolt, swing, and loop-de-loop brought out no more reaction from him than the carousel had done. Determined to spook Barbatos, you entered the haunted house experience.

It was pitch-black, although to a demon who had known a moonless Devildom night, this darkness was nothing. To a human, it was difficult to see further than the end of your nose; at least, that is what he had supposed given how often you bumped into him at every flashing light and blaring screech. Barbatos could sense the adrenaline coursing through your veins. He knew that you secretly enjoyed the sensation of being frightened, but the desire to protect you was irrepressible. His hand rested on the small of your back as he leaned to whisper in your ear.

“Do not worry, my love, there is nothing here that is more terrifying than me.” He spoke through a softened smile. His words appeared to have their intended effect. You eased yourself into his side as you meandered through the cobwebbed halls.

There was something quite endearing about humanity’s propensity for irrational fears. A demon would never succumb to an imaginary threat in the same way.

The day had been perfect. In hindsight, it should have been obvious that this had all the makings of an unmitigated disaster. Neither of you had foreseen the tragedy that was about to unfold.

A crowd had gathered to watch the mascots’ parade. Float after float toddled by with an enchanting array of colourful characters and magical music. You stood at the front with Barbatos, utterly captivated by the sight before you.

Then you felt the butler freeze.

Heading directly towards you was Ridsneyland’s icon himself: Rickey Rat. As Barbatos stared into the black eyes of the not-copyright-infringing rodent, an icy chill seized his limbs. This was the first time you had seen genuine fear in Barbatos’s eyes. His heart pounded in his ears. His fists clenched against his side. The joyful music a vicious assault against his senses.

Perhaps demons can have irrational fears too.

Rickey Rat silently reached for you. Barbatos’s body moved without thought. One swift uppercut, too fast for the eye to see. The oversized head flew through the air and landed at the feet of an unsuspecting child. Rickey Rat stood headless.

An almighty cry of heartbroken children signalled that it was time to get out of there. You grabbed Barbatos’s hand and sprinted away from the crowd. He pulled you into a room labelled ‘Private’ and pressed an ear against the door to ensure you weren’t being pursued.

Outside the door was a deafening cacophony of wailing children, the urgent cries of security guards, and a saccharine sing-song voice played out on the crackling Tannoy system. Barbatos stood beside you. His forehead and gloved hands were pressed against the door. Even with his face hidden from view, it was abundantly clear that he was mortified.

You rubbed his shoulder reassuringly, and murmured soothing sentiments to calm his nerves.

“I...” Barbatos croaked. “am so inconsolably ashamed. Do I still have the right to show my face before my Young Lord after this devastating blow against my pristine reputation?”

“Hey, it’s ok Barb...you were only trying to protect me, right? I probably should have warned you about the R-A-T...” You massaged small circles along his back. He deigned to look at you.

“Forgive me, my love. I fear I act most irrationally when it is your safety in jeopardy. Will you allow me to rectify my grievous mistake?” You coaxed him into your embrace and felt the tension in his arms melt away. In the midst of all the chaos, you were his beloved constant. The sanctuary to which he could always return.

“Of course, Barbatos. And I promise I’ll avoid any rat-themed dates in future.”

Barbatos chuckled against your ear and tightened his embrace. “I would appreciate that.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date?#obey me barbatos #om barbatos x mc #om barbatos x reader #perdita asks #perdita writes #anon request #I don't mean to tease Barb #but this was too funny to let go

92 notes · View notes

effeminateboyninja · 3 years

Note

I had a dream last night that I had an unrequited crush on Shikamaru since forever but he and Temari had started dating.

(In the dream I had me and Shiki we’re walking and joking then Temari came over and then they went for dinner together. As Shikamaru’s friend I was like -arm punch- go on bro, have fun. And they walked away together leaving me feeling heartbroken, inadequate and inferior.)

You can do any scenario you want. I literally have an unrequited love playlist lol 😂❤️

oh anon, i've been there 😭 let us wallow in our unrequited love for Shikamaru together

~ Almost enough ~

(Shikamaru x fem!reader) angst // 1.7k words

Ten years. An entire decade with Shikamaru by your side, getting into the carefree mischief that defined such childhood friendships and growing so close people were surprised to see one of you without the other. More than half of it spent trying to ignore the butterflies and daydreams that would force you to admit you wanted him to be more. In hindsight it seemed inevitable, the way he’d snuck into your heart before you could even notice. With his striking intelligence and those penetrating eyes, the way he so readily discarded his lazy demeanor and replaced it with hardened determination when his friends needed him — how could you not love him?

You accepted it too late though, spent too many months agonizing over how to tell your best friend that you were head over heels for him, and by the time you were finally brave enough to take the plunge and make your confession he had one of his own. That day was cemented in your mind now, a stinging reminder of your own inaction. Against your better judgement you drifted back into the memory...

It was beautiful out, the warm air offset by a gentle breeze that carried the spring blossoms through the wind as he sat across the shogi board from you, his sharp brow furrowed in concentration as he analyzed the pieces to determine his next move. One of the petals caught in his dark hair and your hand moved to brush it away, but before you could he sat back with a sigh, “Do you wanna do something else? I’m not really into the game.”

“Why? Because I’m winning?” you teased.

He rolled his eyes and cracked a small grin. “You’re only winning because I’m not giving it my all,” he objected.

“Sure, sure,” you threw a light punch at his shoulder and you both laughed. He looked so pretty when he laughed. Not the snarky chuckle he used so often in public, but this unapologetically cheerful one accompanied by a toothy smile that was so carefree and genuine it transformed his serious face into something softer, more innocent. The words never seemed easier to say than it that moment, and without your permission they slipped through your lips as the laughter died out.

“I love you.”

He didn’t even skip a beat, returning your confession with an eye roll and a gentle shove. “Shut up dude, I love you too. You’re my best friend, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Your heart sunk a bit at his misinterpretation and you parted your lips to explain that yes, he’s your best friend too but he’s also so much more, but before you could he went on, “Speaking of love, I wanted to ask for some advice... about Temari.”

His eyes darted to his hands and a soft blush crept across his cheeks. You’d have thought he punched you in the stomach, not timidly asked for your help by the way your body tensed at his words. You didn’t know disappointment could feel so tangible until that moment, the way your stomach dropped to your feet and your hands went cold. “Temari?” you questioned, clearing your throat to rid it of the lump that had formed, “you love her?”

He jolted up and the red in his cheeks deepened. “Nono of course not!” he stammered, “I just… I like her a lot and like, you’re a girl right? How do I win her over?”

For the first time in your life you regretted being so close to him. Couldn’t he have gone to literally anyone else for help with this? Why did it have to be you? To him you were the only one he could approach about such an important topic. It wasn’t just because you were a girl that he asked, but because he valued your opinion above anyone else's. It was because even if it wasn’t the way you wanted, he wasn’t lying when he said he loved you too. So you pushed it all aside — all the heartbreak and sadness that threatened to overwhelm you — you buried it deep down inside for the sake of your friend, looking so nervous and vulnerable as he sat in front of you and put on a fake smile as you did your best to be what he needed in that moment.

“Well you’re a catch so it should be easy, but if you really want to impress her you should…”

“Hey! Are you even listening to me?” Shikamaru waved his hand in front of your eyes, pulling you out of your recollection and back to the present where you walked easily beside him through the streets, no real destination in mind.

You blinked a few times to reorient yourself and apologized with what you hoped was a reassuring smile, “Sorry, I’m just a little distracted today.”

He snickered, “Who has their head in the clouds now, huh?”

“You’ve been a bad influence on me,” you retorted with a smirk and he laughed.

“You’re probably right,” he conceded. “Hey, do you remember when we were kids and we would skip class to go cloud watching?”

He wore a thoughtful smile as he posed the question, his eyes lost in a content nostalgia. God, why did he have to look so damn perfect when he smiled?

You cleared your head and scoffed, “Of course. I still get grief from my mother about all the absence notes Iruka sensei sent home.”

He snorted, “You actually gave her those?! I always ripped mine up before she could see them,” his sentence trailed off into a laugh, one of those real ones that you lived for the sound of and you joined him, forgetting momentarily about your unrequited feelings.

But of course the moment ended much too soon. You noticed her at the same time he did, and you were glad the Nara man’s intense gaze was so singularly focused on the blonde woman ahead that he wouldn’t notice the way your face fell as your laughter cut off abruptly. She waved excitedly from her position a few blocks down and rushed towards you guys, her short pigtails bouncing behind her as she ran.

“Hey you guys!” she greeted the two of you excitedly as she arrived, giving Shikamaru a quick peck on the cheek, causing a small wince you hoped went unnoticed. “Ready for our date?”

“Shit! I almost forgot,” he palmed his forehead and turned to you apologetically, “we’re supposed to get dinner tonight, we have a reservation and everything. Sorry to leave you like this but we’ve gotta go.”

“No worries!” you flashed them a bright smile, one that was uncharacteristically wide in an attempt to compensate for your disappointment. “Go on and take your girl out. Have fun.”

You shoved him towards her lightly and Temari smiled, “Yeah! Listen to (y/n), she’s got the right idea.”

He looked at her the way you’d dreamed he would look at you and laced his fingers through hers, moving to lead her away in the direction of the restaurant. He looked over his shoulder and called back, “See ya tomorrow!” They both waved before turning back ahead, swaying gently as they matched each other’s steps.

“See ya…” you whispered to yourself, their shared giggles echoing off the buildings as they turned the corner and disappeared from your sight.

Nowhere else to go and not wanting to return to your empty apartment you turned to continue walking the sandy streets of the village and ponder. After a while you found yourself at a small pond, where you sat at the edge and peered into the calm water that reflected the crescent of the rising moon in it’s glossy reflection.

What was it about her? Why her and not you? Maybe it’s because she’s so beautiful, you thought forlornly as you traced the lines of your own plain features in the watery mirror below. You hit your hand over the surface to disturb the picture of yourself, water splashing back and mixing with tears that had started to fall on your cheeks.

That wasn’t it and you knew it. Shikamaru wasn’t that shallow. If he was this might be easier. He was with her and not you because she was perfect for him. Even you could admit that in spite of your own feelings she was his ideal match. He just lit up around her in a way that he never did when you were together, and as painful as that was there was an unselfish part of you that appreciated her for it.

You’d spent a lot of time trying to hate her. Trying to find a reason, any reason that they shouldn’t be together to justify telling him your truth and ruining it all — but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Underneath the hard exterior she really was kind, extremely so. She was more perceptive about matters of the heart than he was, and you suspected she knew of your true feelings for her boyfriend… but she never once made you feel bad about it or told him. Not that she needed to try to make you feel guilty, the feeling overwhelmed you everytime they were around, and even more so when it was just the two of you.

The small part that was left of you still concerned with self-preservation told you to cut them both off. To just stop answering his calls and disappear from their lives before you could slip up and lean in for the kiss you imagined millions of times. But he was addicting. No one else made you feel so at ease, made you laugh so joyfully except him. So you’d wade through the guilt and the knowledge that you were only hurting yourself just to spend a few minutes with him whenever you could, even if it meant watching him fall in love with someone else. Being his friend was enough. Almost.

#shikamaru nara #shikamaru x reader #shikamaru x y/n #shikamaru angst #shikamaru oneshot #shikamaru fanfiction #shikamaru imagine #nara shikamaru #naruto imagines #naruto x reader #naruto oneshot

290 notes · View notes

such-justice-wow · 2 years

Note

Sorry I wasn't very clear in my ask.

By "nutmeg holy shit", I am professing my sudden love for nutmeg. I didn't have a great appreciation for the spice because of the difficulty to grate such nut with the small bendy metal shredder that the almost machiavellian manufacturers included, but I discovered you could purchase it in powder form. Now that I knew of this, I could finally smell the fragrance of my childhood. It reminded me of simpler times when as a child, I'd finish playing in the yard and come home to pasta with a Bechamel sauce infused with nutmeg, prepared by my mother. Those were times where the woes of teenage years and adulthood hadn't reached me yet.

As I smelled that powdered nutmeg, I was filled with a deep sense of nostalgia, the kind that gives you extreme shivers, that makes you almost want to cry, the kind that is so powerful, it transcends the boundary between joy and sadness, between calm and agitation, between bitter and sweet. The kind that makes you wish you were still there, sad that it's over, but glad it's happened.

My eyes, blanked out from the sudden rush of emotions, then started to tear up uncontrollably. It was such an unimportant part of my childhood, and yet, there it was again. I'd found my fountain of youth, the only thing that could make me go back to the way things were, even for just a moment. Then my mind pondered, was something this powerful really meant to be used ? I had uncovered a way to make the past happen again, if only for a moment. But isn't the past meant to be over for a reason ? Should I relive that past, at risk of getting stuck in a world that is long gone, unable to move on, or should I bury that past and greet the future with open arms ? This fountain of youth wasn't a blessing, it was a curse. I had found a simpler version of myself, but now I had to kill it with my own two hands.

After battling my past, the past I used to love but was forced to hate, for what felt like hours, I decided to document my experience. I was not the first to make that discovery, and I wouldn't be the last. Alas, the only words that could explain what this conflicted child-murdering soul was feeling, were as follows :

Nutmeg, holy shit.

I like this longer version, it has a very spoken word poem feel to it. You really get a sense for anon's almost childlike innocence in discovering ground spices exist

The slow decent into self questioning also plays heavily into the idea of man vs nature in a subtle nuanced way

The final sentence is a comedic call back to their original statement and creates a satisfying return to the original ask: an excellent use of narrative equilibrium

11 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

habano63

Aarón.

diariodeunaansiosa

Ambrosia🫀

perilous-pasta

I wish everyone a nice therapy

janarowe

fugacious

easymcare

Easy M Care Services