#just like… bill being unconditionally in love and having that proven over and over again no matter what

[bi-functional]

Bottom right sequence reads “and when I move out—,” —> “yes. I’m sorry. I l-… love you too. Thank you.”

Now with more art !

So all this reincarnation talk for @tswwwit ‘s masterpiece has me throwing My little familiar au idea in the rings but its no where near as sweet or interesting as @kitty-serenade ‘s but if you like angst, hear me out!

Imagine a Dipper reborn with The Mark and what are his parents supposed to do? They love him sooo much they can’t possibly let him enter the Real World and be taken away by some Vile Demon!

So… they just keep him inside. They shelter him. They manipulate him and put him down all to keep him cooped up and ‘Safe’.

They care about his well being enough but… well who wouldn’t want to be known as the parents who Won against Bill Cipher? Like imagine the worst rich people ever who can’t Possibly be abusive of neglectful cause they give their baby anything he wants! They’re such good parents! Bill won’t stand a chance!

Dipper’s so broken down and rubbed raw by the constant emotional abuse that he has No concept of what living a life for himself might look like. In his eyes, he’s been trapped living the life he’s expected to lead to make his parents happy but ultimately, apparently, he’s also promised to a demon a few years down the line.

Like think of the possibilities here. Dipper who doesn’t have any Real knowledge about what Bill is and why he’s coming, he only has the info his parents have given him about how Bill will control him and take him away to do his bidding and possibly even Torture him!

Think about a Dipper who’s so dissociated and detached from his life as he realizes that he’s simply not meant to live a life for himself and that’s something he’s Never going to get.

Then you throw in Bill, who’s going to show up and rescue his sapling from this fucked up weird emotional monstrosity of a place that just Reeks of despair only to find? Unlike all the other pinetree’s he’s come for these past centuries this one… is… compliant? And imagine Bill, being reminded of a Dipper just as unresponsive and depressed from the very first time they met only now he has No Idea what has caused such a huge break in character.

No matter how much pushing and prodding Bill gives, Dipper just doesn’t budge, waiting for the inevitable. And Bill is such a narcissist that he doesn’t realize that his speech pattern Also affects Dipper’s reactions. ‘Hey Sapling, I wanna explore the woods let’s go.’ ‘Pinetree I’m tellin’ ya, it’s not worth it let’s not even bother.’ He’s doing and suggesting things he knows Dipper would like and help cheer him up but… unwittingly taking any choice or input from Dipper away. Think of it as a learned don’t speak unless spoken to kinda trauma. Bill’s not doing anything wrong! He’s just… not getting any results.

It would be such a fun concept to play with in a really heartbreaking way. Imagine a Bill who’s finally relinquished his hate for the word love, who might on occasions let it slip just for a shock factor, uk for funsies, only to come across a Dipper who recoils at the very thought because he’s simply never seen it, and thinks something like that doesn’t get to people like him.

Imagine Bill, suave and rich with the universe at his fingertips offering Dipper love and glory and curiosity, only to find out that Dipper’s family had also showered him in ‘love’ and ‘riches’.

Like… imagine thinking Bill would just say well fuck it I guess I’ll wait for the memories to kick in and then live out the rest of this lifetime when it comes, cause he wouldn’t. Imagine a Bill so frustrated and angry tearing apart his realm for /anything/ that might give him a real direction to step forward cause all the usual things he has at his disposal aren’t gonna cut it this time.

Bill who begrudgingly starts asking the questions. Real Genuine Questions that usually tumble from his saplings mouth that he can give witty clapbacks to serve as banter. Dipper being the one to give the sarcastic and clipped remarks cause he’s so guarded against this unknown even though… maybe things aren’t that bad. He starts to unwind ever so slowly as Bill learns how to properly interact with him in a way that’s beneficial to both of them.

Just… Bill coming across a Dipper that’s been through the ringer in way’s Bill never anticipated. Even if he’s found Dipper alone or at wits end, he’s always had a fire and determination. He’s always had his spirit in tact. Bill being angry and upset about the reincarnation deal for the first time /ever/ cause he hates seeing that people hurt the one thing he loves in the entire multiverse and unraveled Dipper like a cheap sweater. Like the emotions and story you could weave for this that’s fundamentally about Love and Learning and never hesitating to do whatever’s possible to make things Work.

Like grgrgrg just a Bill who’s being faced with a Dipper who’s been abused but not in any way Bill’s encountered. Dipper who’s suffered abuse of the MIND. Which is Bill’s entire domain! The one thing in the universe that’s his fundamentally! And he has absolutely no power here. Bill who wants to reach in and fix and help for the First Time and struggling not only with his inability to do anything, but with the urge to help and fix in the first place. Bill who has to take care of Dipper the Human way and just grits through it cause dammit it’s worth it. Just man come on.

#bruh no way tumblr glitched on me and i lost half of this and all my tags #and had to rewrite it #anyway #this got really long guys my bad #i just think its neat and ik the familiar au isnt angsty like this #but hurt comfort is my favourite thing #and ive been thinking about this for a while #just like… bill being unconditionally in love and having that proven over and over again no matter what #dipper having to let go of hope in order to survive even if as just a husk of who he was and who he could become #dipper learning to wakeup again and live for himself #like just learning and growing and loving #relinquishing hoplesness #idk man it #it just sucks being trapped #maybe i just wanted to see a story like mine with a happy ending #bi.f.art #bill cipher #gravity falls #human bill cipher #billdip #dipper pines #gravity falls au #tswwwit’s familiar au #tswwwit’s reincarnation au #also i apologize for it being very ooc #i have a headache

[carewyncromwell]

AU number 5 please!

5. …Your MC ends up in a romantic relationship with their best friend? (If they do end up falling in love with their best friend in canon, what if they fell in love with a different good friend?) 

*glances and smiles apologetically at @cursebreakerfarrier* Ahem.

In most lifetimes, Carewyn and Bill’s relationship went through four stages. In one, however, it went through five.

Stage I: Guardian and Protectorate. When Bill first heard from Charlie about his classmate, the younger sister of the “delinquent” Jacob Cromwell, he immediately felt sorry for her. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like, to have lost an older sibling, and even if he’d yet to meet this girl, the eldest Weasley felt his “Big Brother” instincts twitching. Then Carewyn approached him the following year for help with the Ice Vault, and Bill honestly breathed a sigh of relief. Charlie had said she seemed okay even after what had happened to her brother when Bill had asked him, but Bill was still relieved to see that that did indeed seem to be the case. The young red-haired Slytherin may have been tiny and perhaps a little insecure and soft-spoken, but her eyes blazed with determination, and when they dueled, Carewyn showed immense courage, even managing to win their duel by chucking a potion bottle at Bill’s head and then using the distraction to Disarm him. It was in that moment that Bill decided -- he was going to look after this girl. And so he did everything he possibly could to help her with her quest to break the spells on the Cursed Vaults and save her brother Jacob.

Stage II: Surrogate Big Brother and Little Sister. As the years went by, Bill and Carewyn dealt with the Cursed Vaults together with their other friends and got to know each other better, and Bill soon came to see and treat Carewyn like family. Bill cheered both Charlie and Carewyn on in Quidditch friendlies. Bill even invited Carewyn over for Christmas at the Burrow one year. It soon got to the point that Bill almost filled the role in Carewyn’s life that Jacob once had, in the way that they were rarely seen apart -- and yet, even with that, Carewyn never trusted Bill with all of her flaws and insecurities the way she had Jacob. She never trusted anyone that much. As Carewyn got older and the maturity gap decreased, Bill found himself leaning on Carewyn in a way he never really had anyone else, as well as found Carewyn herself answering his emotional needs by looking after him just as much if not more than he looked out for her, just like she did the rest of their friends. Carewyn counseled him about his crush on Emily Tyler. She offered a listening ear and good advice when he was down. She surprised him with meaningful Christmas gifts and sang songs to cheer him up. Their friends had started teasing the two by calling them the “Papa Bear” and “Mama Bear” of their friend group, and even Bill had to admit, they really weren’t on the uneven footing they’d been on before. After all...Carewyn really supported him a lot more than she ever let him support her anymore...

Stage III: Equals. By the time Bill reached his seventh year, Carewyn had really come into her own as a strong, determined young woman with a brave, compassionate heart and an unbreakable spirit. Despite the two year age gap, Carewyn had more than proven herself Bill’s peer, not just on the dueling field but in leading and protecting others. Bill was proud of how much his friend had grown and truly respected her as a person, but he couldn’t help but notice -- now that they were on equal footing -- just how much Carewyn didn’t trust him or the rest of their friends, even after everything they’d gone through together. Even when she clearly cared so much about him, Charlie, and the rest, she absolutely refused to let them into her heart or help her with her emotional needs. Still Bill was patient and was prepared to let Carewyn open up when she was ready, even after Charlie blew up at her for keeping so much from them and Ben and Merula stubbornly refused to let her just go off by herself without telling anyone. After Rowan’s death, however, Carewyn disappeared for a full 24 hours. When Bill found out, he immediately dropped his Cursebreaking assignment and rushed back to the school to help the others look for her. When she finally emerged after being found by Duncan, Bill fell to pieces, tearing into Carewyn about how he knew full well that “she was a liar,” that she “always lies,” but that it was “only because of how much she cared,” and berating her for being so stubborn that only Rowan’s death could finally make her open up to her friends and trust them with how she felt. Bill was crying the entire time, which wasn’t much of a surprise -- Carewyn crying too, however, took everyone aback. And it was as the two sat on the floor hugging each other and sobbing, right before Charlie and Ben both also descended on Carewyn and Merula hugged herself on the sidelines, that the wall between Bill and Carewyn was finally torn down.

Stage IV: Best Friends Forever. From that point on, Bill and Carewyn saw each other as their best friend. Bill was Carewyn’s second-in-command in the Circle of Khanna, and when the two dueled side-by-side, they could stand toe-to-toe with just about any Dark wizard. After Carewyn joined the Ministry as a lawyer, Bill would pop down to watch her court cases from time to time, and whenever Bill wrote to Carewyn asking for help with an assignment for Gringotts, Carewyn would instantly drop whatever she was working on to help him, even though she’d never really wanted to be a Cursebreaker herself. The two also wrote to each other pretty much constantly and supported each other unconditionally. No one could deny that these two loved each other, even if it was only platonically.

In one universe, however, as mentioned...there were those who suspected that love was much more than just platonic.

Stage V: Lovers. (More under the cut, ‘cause this got long AF. >>; )

HPHM AU Ask!

It all started when Carewyn distanced herself from the Weasleys in 1995, just after the return of Lord Voldemort in the Little Hangleton graveyard. Carewyn came to the austere decision so as to help the Order, since she knew her position at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement could be helpful in the fight to come and her associating with the Weasleys or the staff of Hogwarts at all would give Fudge less reason to trust her. Even despite the logic of the rationale, the loss of his best friend and confidante, if only through not being able to speak or write to her, weighed very heavily on Bill. Carewyn had been one of only two people he’d ever felt he could really rely on for emotional support (the other being Charlie), and she was easily the one he did so most, since she was always so prompt in her written responses and always seemed to know exactly what he needed. Her absence left a hole in Bill’s heart and life, which was soon filled by his new associate at Gringotts, Fleur Delacour. Fleur was very taken with Bill, and soon enough Bill felt romantic feelings budding in his heart for her as well. The two started dating, and the relationship brought some real sunshine back to Bill’s life, even in the midst of the storm to come.

The advent of the Second Wizarding War prompted a lot of people to jump into marriage quickly, as it felt like any day might be your last -- and so, within a year, Bill was all set to marry Fleur. He loved her very much, and she him...but everyone else in the Weasley family was a bit less sure about the prospect, especially Mrs. Weasley and Ginny. But in this universe, it wasn’t just because they didn’t like Fleur. Even Fleur herself was a little startled when Bill popped the question so quickly. But Bill loved Fleur and, he thought, the War would be less scary if he knew she was by his side. Not long after he popped the question, Voldemort’s return was finally made public, and Bill saw his chance to finally -- FINALLY -- be able to see Carewyn again at the Ministry, after she dealt with Fudge’s Educational Decree #23 in court. The two met covertly in Carewyn’s office for the first time in over a year, both almost beside themselves with how happy they were to see each other. Bill and Carewyn hugged for almost five whole minutes, laughing and babbling almost the entire time and squeezing each other in a vice grip. It was the happiest either Carewyn or Bill had been in months.

Bill had expected that his best friend might not wholly approve of his and Fleur’s engagement too. Carewyn, however, although she was taken aback, very quickly showed support. “She makes you happy, doesn’t she?” the lawyer asked through a beautiful, soft smile. “Well...that’s all I could ever want for you, Bill. I know how long you’ve wanted a family...if Fleur can give you that, and love you and care for you...then that’s all that matters.” Bill was encouraged by Carewyn’s words, and yet almost uncomfortable -- maybe he just wasn’t used to positive feedback to his engagement yet, he thought sheepishly. Nonetheless, after Carewyn said she was sure the ceremony would be beautiful and lamented that she probably wouldn’t get to see it, Bill fiercely insisted that Carewyn would have to be there: he refused to start such an important chapter of his life without her. His insistence on her being present did seem to affect Carewyn somehow -- Bill couldn’t quite place how, but she was smiling, at least.

After their meeting, however, Bill found himself a bit less certain than he had been previously. Seeing Carewyn again after so long really got him thinking about how much of a bedrock she’d really become in his life -- seeing her in the courtroom, recalling once again what a brilliant, noble woman she was, finally realizing how hard she’d really been fighting all that time they’d been apart, in complete silence...just like she always had, since they’d first met...it shook him slightly. When had she become so instrumental to him? When did the thought of her not being at his wedding become so terrifying that it made him not want to go down the aisle at all? When did them separating make him feel anguish, knowing that there was a good chance they’d never be reunited again? When had he...become so emotionally reliant on her...even more so than his own fiancee? These questions bothered Bill a lot. He pushed them away for the longest time, but still they persisted. Fleur could tell Bill was upset about something, and yet Bill was too ashamed to admit to her what was wrong. She at one point asked Bill if there was “someone else,” and Bill -- almost panic-stricken by the suggestion -- vehemently said no. Carewyn was his friend, his best friend! They’d been partners, yes, but not like that -- they’d been Papa Bear and Mama Bear at school, sure, but that was a joke! Carewyn was family -- she’d always been family. Not like Fleur soon would be...

That night, finally, Bill had to ask himself -- could he see Carewyn, the way he saw Fleur? Even if he wouldn’t choose Carewyn over Fleur...could Carewyn be someone he could see himself marrying and starting a family with? And at long, long last, Bill had to admit...he could. He could imagine it. He could imagine Carewyn being a wonderful mother -- cradling a red-haired, freckled baby in her arms and singing it a lullaby -- smiling at him with those ruby red lips as he came home -- trailing a hand through his hair as he kissed her. And Bill, his heart both swelling with joy and breaking in despair, knew he couldn’t marry Fleur while feeling so conflicted.

He finally opened up to Fleur about how he felt, leaving off Carewyn’s name the entire time...yet Fleur, insightful as ever, knew immediately who Bill was talking about. Although she was a bit hurt, she nonetheless maintained the utmost grace and suggested they break their engagement. “If after you’ve come to a dezision, your heart iz still mine,” she said gently, “zhen we can pick up where we’ve left off, Bill. And if it iz not...zhen I wish you every happiness.” Bill, still feeling incredibly ashamed of himself for rushing so fast into an engagement before he’d even taken the time to properly address his unexamined feelings for Carewyn, thanked Fleur for her support. She truly was a wonderful woman -- it was unsurprising that he’d grown to care for her so much.

Fleur and Bill didn’t have the chance to break the news to anyone about their wedding being put off before the Order was summoned to Hogwarts to protect it from the Death Eaters that had broken into the school with the help of Draco Malfoy. After the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, Bill got his face slashed up by Greyback and Mrs. Weasley finally accepted Fleur and her love for Bill, even with their engagement having been broken. Late that night, Carewyn received a letter from Tonks about Dumbledore’s death, Snape’s betrayal, and Bill’s injury and without hesitation she Apparated to Hogsmeade, turned into a robin, and flew the rest of the way to Hogwarts.

Carewyn found Bill sleeping restlessly in the Hospital Wing with nightmares. She used her Legilimency to enter Bill’s mind so she could soothe his nightmares of turning into a werewolf and killing everyone he loved and transform them into images of the Burrow, in anticipation for his wedding. But because Carewyn didn’t realize that Bill and Fleur had broken up earlier that day, she didn’t know that Bill wouldn’t have ever conjured up such a dream himself. And so when Carewyn tried to gently coax Bill to head down to the wedding pavilion over to Fleur, telling him that she’d catch up, Bill -- even though he was asleep -- sensed something was off. After a long moment of staring at Fleur’s lovely, smiling face among the crowd of his friends and family, he realized that however happy it was, it wasn’t what he wanted...and so, it wasn’t something he’d conjured up himself. It wasn’t his dream -- it was someone else’s dream for him. Within his dream, Bill turned to Carewyn, his brown eyes full of both love and pain, and said through a weak smile, “...Carey...as always...you lie because you care.”

Carewyn had not expected Bill to instantly force himself awake and -- within seconds -- bring up a hand to clutch Carewyn by the back of the head and hold her in place so he could place his scarred lips, slightly hampered by the bandages covering his face, to the side of her face. It was the first time Bill had ever kissed Carewyn, even if it wasn’t on the lips -- and over time, it would not be the last.

#HPHM AU ask #carewyn cromwell #bill weasley #fleur delacour #honestly I love these two as bffs though #we need more loving male and female friendships that don't turn into romances

[howlnikiforov]

Trespass

Chapter Twelve: In Time

Pairing: Hyungwon x Reader

Word Count: 2284

Summary: You would think that one would be able to trust their soulmate, be able to love them unconditionally, and know them better than yourself. But that isn’t always the case. Who was H.One, and why did the universe think you could be soulmates?

Trespass Masterlist

(1:34am) “Hey, are you awake?”

On the other end of the couch, your phone vibrated. You paid no attention to it as the two main leads in your drama were finally confessing to each other. It only took them the entire series to do it, which frustrated you to no end. Why did so many dramas love to drag out the relationship? It made no sense. It’s obvious they like each other, so why wait until the final episode to finally make it happen? Perhaps it’s because they’re showing what it would be like if the world didn’t have soulmates? Either way, it was annoying and pointless.

Now that the bland and overdue confession scene was over with, you turned your attention away from the TV and to your phone, reaching out to grab it. The message you received just a few minutes ago was from H.One. You weren’t surprised really, these late night texts having become a new normal for you.

(1:39am) “Yeah, why?” You responded.

(1:40am) “What are you doing?” He asked.

(1:41am) “Finishing up this dumbass drama about a rich CEO and his secretary” (1:41am) “If you think it’s stupid then why are you watching it?” (1:42am) “Because I was waiting for the two mains to get in a relationship” (1:42am) “Did they?” (1:43am) “Yes, but in the last five minutes of the final episode” (1:43am) “Ouch” (1:43am) “Yeah, it wasn’t worth staying up to finish it”

(1:45am) “Would staying up be worth it if I asked you to go on a walk?” The question took you off guard. It was late, and you certainly hadn’t been expecting to see him anytime soon. The last time you saw him was two weeks ago. He had told you that he’s been busy, that his business was being threatened. Of this you had no doubt, as your danger meter had painfully gone up numerous times over the week.

That’s part of why you’ve been talking to him so much at night. You’d always stay up to make sure he’s alright when the meter fell back to zero. He’d always tell you he was fine, but you knew in your gut that on some nights, he had gotten hurt. Also, there’s no way he could be unscathed when the meter gets incredibly high.

(1:47am) “You wanna go for a walk at two in the morning?” You questioned.

(1:48am) “Is it too late?”

(1:48am) “If it’s too late we don’t have to”

(1:48am) “It can wait for another time” He replied.

(1:49am) “No. It’s not too late”

(1:49am) “Really?”

(1:50am) “Yeah”

(1:52am) “Meet me outside in ten”

You stared, unmoving at your phone for a solid minute. Nothing ran through your mind as it processed what had just happened. You snapped out of your reverie and stood up, going to your room to put on more appropriate clothes. You decided you could stay in your sweatpants, but you definitely needed to switch the tank top for a t-shirt and sweater.

As you changed, you pondered why you accepted his invitation. Something in your gut told you you should be out with him. Not to mention you needed to see him with an unbiased opinion. After all, psychologists have proven that if you look at something with bias, you’ll only see what you want to see, true or not. Since your first little date, you’ve been trying to see him as he was, with no opinion. Since then, you’ve noticed how he often runs his hands through his hair, how his eyes seem to sparkle when around you, how he treats most with respect. You had unwittingly proven yourself that you will only see what you expected to see.

You stuck your phone in your pocket, letting out a quiet sigh as you attempted to find a decent pair of shoes to wear. You ended up settling for your black tennis shoes, a nice contrast to your light grey sweatpants.

You stepped out of your room, grabbing your keys off the kitchen counter before stepping outside into the hallway. You slowly made your way to the elevator, wanting to take as much time as possible. The last thing you wanted to do was stand outside waiting, especially this late at night.

Thankfully, the moment you stepped outside, you spotted H.One leaning against a lamppost. He was in his usual attire: black skinny jeans, an unzipped leather jacket that exposed a white t-shirt underneath. His combat boots made him an inch taller than he already was. His silver hair was parted down the middle, falling to the sides to expose his forehead. What struck you the most was that he wasn’t wearing a face mask. You would’ve thought he’d be wearing it, especially since it was night and he was in your neighborhood.

Honestly, he was beautiful standing under the orange light, his arms crossed over his chest. He watched you walk towards him, uncrossing his arms and standing up a little straighter. “Hi.” He said once he felt you were close enough.

“Hi,” You spoke quietly, afraid to disrupt the silence of the night, “what brings you out here so late?”

“I don’t know,” He admitted, “I just felt that I should see you.” “That’s oddly romantic.” You pointed out.

“Do you think?” He raised his eyebrows, pushing himself off the lamppost.

“I’ve seen enough dramas to know what romance looks like.” This caused him to burst out laughing. He shook his head, his hair to swaying side to side.

“You really are something else.” He said as you began to walk.

The streets were empty, the only sound coming from the cicadas chirping. It was oddly peaceful. Maybe it was because H.One was with you that you didn’t feel like your every move was being watched. Everything felt off, but in a good way, like you were in some kind of bubble outside of time.

“Summer is coming to an end,” H.One’s quiet words seemed to echo in the silence, “are you planning to get your doctorates degree?” “Yeah, I am. In fact, I’m going to start an internship at a psychiatric clinic in just a few weeks.” You played with the hem of your sweater, looking down at your feet. “Don’t tell anyone, but I may end up quitting my job at the cafe.” “Oh? And why’s that?” He seemed genuinely curious, and not at all judgemental. You would’ve thought his first reaction would be to try to convince you out of quitting, like you knew everyone else would.

“Because, if I’m going to be a psychologist, I can’t be working at a cafe all the time. It’s just a job to help pay off the bills. This internship I’ll be starting is paid by the hour, and I’m sure I won’t have any room in my schedule to keep my job at the cafe.” You explained.

“Ah, I see. In order to grow, you must move on from the things that won’t help you in the long run.” You looked up at him then, wondering where the sudden philosophical words came from. To your dismay, he glanced at you then.

“You’re staring at me.” He pointed out, a smirk falling on his lips.

“So what if I am?” You challenged, “Is there something wrong with that?” “Not at all, my Dear. I can’t help it if you acknowledge my amazing visuals.” He said, an air of confidence surrounding him as his ego soared.

You smacked his arm, rolling your eyes as you did so. “You’re so full of yourself.” You teased.

He laughed, throwing his head back and putting a hand on his chest. “I can’t help but face the facts, Y/n.” He replied, bringing his gaze back to you. He nudged you with his elbow, “I mean c’mon, can you really deny my beauty?”

“No, I suppose not.” You said thoughtfully. His content smile told you that you had said the right thing. His ego was satisfied, at least for now.

No one said anything after that, letting a comfortable silence fall once again. At some point, you began brushing H.One’s hand with your own as you walked. You noticed that every time you accidentally touched, a sort of pleasurable buzz ran through you, and you found yourself wanting it to happen more and more. With each second of contact came an addictive buzz.

You weren’t sure if it was you who reached out for H.One’s hand, or if it was him that reached for yours. Either way, you didn’t care, because now you were holding his hand. Holding his hand felt different from the last time you held it. For one, there was a spark, something buzzing between you. On top of that, you felt like holding his hand was what the universe wanted you to do. Your small hand in his large one were two pieces of a puzzle coming together.

“You know,” His voice broke your train of thought, “you don’t have to keep calling me H.One.”

“Then what should I call you? Because H.One is the only name you’ve given me.” You reminded him, not unkindly.

“Hyungwon.” He said simply, “Chae Hyungwon. That’s my real name.” He elaborated.

“Chae Hyungwon…” You tested his name out on your tongue, feeling the way it seemed to dance out of your mouth.

“Though, I’d prefer it if you only called me by name when we’re alone.” He admitted, “I don’t want anyone who shouldn’t know to know.” “Would it be bad if someone knew your name?” You asked, wondering why he felt it a need to make his name a forbidden secret.

“Very.” Was all he said.

You decided not to push for answers. It was something that could be talked about another time. For now, the serenity of the moment was too perfect to ruin.

“You know, you’re a lot more than I’ve given you credit for.” You mumbled. Hyungwon stopped walking and looked down at you, disbelief filling his eyes. “I- I mean, well, I mean you’re more...what’s the word? You’re more gentle than I thought you could be…” You stammered, stumbling over your words. He didn’t move, save for the slight parting of his lips.

You stared back at him, studying the way his emotions seemed to flicker in his eyes. You could feel the blush creeping up your neck and cheeks. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought this up. He seemed to have turned to stone. You turned on your heel, attempting to tug Hyungwon with you, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he pulled you towards him and suddenly his lips were on yours.

Warmth spread through your body as you registered what was happening. Hyungwon’s soft lips hesitantly moved against your chapped ones, giving you the ability to pull away if you wanted to. But you didn’t. Your eyes slid close as your hand fell out of his. This seemed to make him think you didn’t want this, so he started to pull back. Your arms were quick to wrap around his neck and bring him back to you.

He seemed to fill with confidence after your actions. His arms snaked around your waist, pulling you closer. His kiss was no longer hesitant, but still soft. Your lips moved in sync, as colors you’ve never seen before burst behind your eyelids. It was like you were stepping out of the dark and into the light, clearly seeing for the first time.

Have you been depriving yourself of this the entire time? If you had known this is what it was like to connect with your soulmate, you’d have never waited so long. You could feel as your fate entwined with his, connecting you to him until the end of time.

Carefully, Hyungwon pulled away from your lips, resting his head against your forehead. You could feel his soft hair brush against your cheeks as a slight breeze blew by. Your eyes fluttered open, immediately finding his brown ones staring into them. The look in his eyes left you feeling breathless, and you found yourself briefly wondering if this was why you were compelled to walk with him.

You stayed in each others arms for what felt like eternity, neither one of you daring to break the silence until finally, Hyungwon whispered, “It’s getting late. Let’s get you home.” You could only nod, not trusting your ability to form a proper sentence. He took your hand in his, clasping your fingers together as he pulled you back the way you had come. You didn’t pay attention to where you were going, focusing all your senses on Hyungwon.

You were taken back by how soon you had gotten to your apartment. Surely you had been walking for more than just a few minutes, it was impossible for you to be back so soon. Yet here you were, standing outside the double doors that led inside the building.

“I’ll see you later.” Hyungwon spoke quietly, brushing the back of his hand against your cheek. “Get some sleep.”

“I’ll text you tomorrow…” You hesitated as you stared up at him, unwilling to move. It was so tempting to give him one more kiss, but you resisted. Forcing yourself to look away, you walked into the building, looking back out the doors a final time to see Hyungwon watching you. You almost ran back out, had it not been for the ding of the elevator arriving. You stepped inside without looking back. You couldn’t, or else you wouldn’t have been able to leave.

#mxnetwork #thekpopnetwork #monsta x #hyungwon #hyungwon x reader #chae hyungwon #hyungwon fanfic #hyungwon fanfiction #shownu #jooheon #changkyun #i.m #wonho #minhyuk #kihyun #monsta x fanfic #monsta x fanfiction #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #trespass #monsta x mafia au #monsta x soulmate au #hyungwon fluff #hyungwon angst #soulmate au #mafia au #fluff #monsta x fluff #monsta x angst

[anchored-in-high-tide]

New Chapter online :)

Check out the first three chapters: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17092448

Sherlock’s Chapter: Gentle Treatment

And you can tell everybody This is your song. It may be quite simple but Now that it's done I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind That I put down in words How wonderful life is Now you're in the world.

Elton John, Your Song.

December began and 221B Baker Street was illuminated by fairy lights John had spread all over the sitting room. Sherlock didn’t put up a fight at the sight of the little lights arranged over the fireplace and on the windowsills, especially because he had terribly missed the way John decorated the flat for Christmas, even if he would never admit that. It was just one of the things that made the space feel like a real home, something Sherlock had subconsciously wished for as long as he had been on this earth. His mind wandered back to dark places, to cold months without John’s little lights to guide a way back home, to years of icy isolation from everyone and everything he held dear. He had reason to hope now that he would never have to go back there. Because John was with him now.

The way John cared for Sherlock was everything he needed to seal all the gaping holes and cracks in his being. He had been broken down to his very essence, endured more trauma and heartbreak than he could count, but now, with John back at his side, he would build himself back up again, in new brighter colours, with more windows in his walls to let John’s sunlight in.

There were still secret, ash coloured corners in his mind that someday, maybe, he would open up to John’s golden embrace if he ever mustered the courage to. Every time he let John catch a glimpse of the desolation that lay behind his barricades, allowing him to see all the ways he was a misfit in this bleak universe, Sherlock was sure that his friend would be appalled. How couldn’t he be? But then John was just… kind to him, kind and calm and steady. Sherlock knew that he could trust him unconditionally when it came to fighting the wars of the world but burdening him with the mountains of pain he carried on his shoulders would certainly break even the bravest of men. He had put John through enough already.

He was content to just bath in John’s radiance every day, to soak up his warmth, and fight the demons of his past on his own. As long as John was by his side, Sherlock knew that he would emerge victorious.

As they sat down one December evening, both exhausted from assisting Lestrade on a case which unfortunately called for a lot of lengthy stake-outs, the flat lay in comfortable silence. Mrs. Hudson had already put Rosie to bed in her room where she, fortunately, slumbered now. John made tea and handed Sherlock a couple of gingernuts with his cup and a quiet smile before he slumped down on the sofa and turned on the telly.

Sherlock had noticed that these little caring gestures had increased exponentially since they had returned from Norfolk. At first, Sherlock had hated it; He was angry at himself for breaking down at the precinct, displaying such weakness, and angry at John for trying to coddle him. However, pushing John away with snarky remarks and cruel comments had stopped working a long time ago. John just rolled his eyes at him and stayed stoically right where he was, only showing his hurt in the most minuscule ways possible. These little markers—brows a little too furrowed, jaw a little too clenched—made Sherlock realize that John was genuinely worried about him. Wasn’t it cruel to forbid him to act on his protectiveness? After all, Sherlock would rather John cared about him than go back to a world where John was not only indifferent to his pain but even inflicting it purposefully. John taking care of him had never once been a disadvantage, not to mention that Sherlock enjoyed the hopeful tingling in his chest when John displayed signs of affection. So, what use was in fighting it? His anger followed no logic. Therefore, his reactions needed to change.

Instead of snapping at John, Sherlock now followed a new approach altogether: He tried to reciprocate these acts up to his own capability—which didn’t allow for much, really. Pleasing people was not Sherlock’s strong suit; that had been made clear throughout his entire life. Yet, there had to be ways for him to show John how much he loved having him around again but, as always, Sherlock couldn’t quite figure out what made John Watson tick.

So, he carefully conducted tiny experiments. His past activities—trying to limit his deductions to people outside of his close circle, calming Rosie whenever John was especially stressed, taking his opinion into account whenever he remembered to—had proven quite successful if John’s overall happy demeanour was any indicator. Doing the dishes and the shopping seemed to work, too, while any drink or food Sherlock prepared in order to please John was met with open suspicion. Considering how often he had traced his food with differing substances for experiments, that actually was no wonder, Sherlock presumed. Still, he was pretty disappointed with this outcome since he discovered that the chemistry of baking actually had a very meditative effect on his racing mind. He would just keep trying; maybe John would get over his vigilance eventually. Other endeavours, however, proved completely fruitless, such as opening John’s mail and paying his bills or arranging his clothes in a more convenient order. Sherlock mentally marked these activities as failures and made sure to derive as much information from John’s reaction as possible. Apparently, going through the things John regarded private was a bit not good although these invisible lines people always drew seemed completely random to Sherlock. And gradually he ran out of ideas. Undoubtedly, further research was necessary.

The day before, when John had left him alone in the flat, Sherlock had sat down with his laptop and spent the next few hours googling phrases like “how to be a good friend”. The results varied from partly useful to wildly preposterous. It appeared that a friend was supposed to compliment his counterpart, be trustworthy and reliable, make sure the other felt happy, help them in difficult situations, and display affection for them in various ways. Especially the last point sounded exceptionally tedious but the harvest might still justify the labour.

“The tea always tastes better when you make it,” Sherlock now said after taking a sip, his voice timider than he had desired.

John was clearly baffled by the compliment; His head jerked around with such rapid movement that he almost spilled his own cup of tea in his eagerness to look at the younger man. His eyes scanned Sherlock’s features for signs of dishonesty or mockery but found only a coy smile curling full lips. Slowly, John’s expression relaxed and reflected Sherlock’s smile.

“Thank you, Sherlock. That’s… I’m glad,” he said, still hesitating a little. Sherlock was not quite satisfied with his reaction.

“And I like your new button-down,” he added, trying to sound serious and friendly at the same time—not an easy combination to master for him. “The colour really suits you.”

To his discontent, John just rolled his eyes at him and playfully snapped: “Yeah, right. Give it a rest, you git.” He turned his gaze back to whatever was on the telly and slightly shook his head in what Sherlock could only guess was some form of scepticism.

“But, John, I mean it.” Weren’t people supposed to be pleased by compliments?

John chuckled disbelievingly and fixated him again, eyes narrowed in exaggerated suspicion. “You set one of my jumpers on fire again and now you want to build up to an apology,” he accused him jokingly.

“No, of course not.” This really wasn’t the way Sherlock had imagined this conversation to go. The few times he had paid people compliments—for the sole purpose of manipulating their feeble egos—it had always worked. Why did things never go according to plan with John Watson?

“Then why are you being so nice?” John asked, his voice now displaying equal parts of amusement and concern. Sherlock was suddenly very aware of his hands and thankful for the cup to wrap around.

“Just trying something,” he mumbled into his tea, avoiding John’s eyes. Sherlock was not sure how to evaluate this new approach but acquiring additional data would have to wait until tomorrow. He couldn’t possibly endure any more of this awkwardness right now.

“Right.” John dragged out the word and redirected his attention to the telly.

The rest of the evening was spent in relative quietude while both men dwelled on their own thoughts. At half past ten, John got up and made his way to the bath- and then the bedroom. Sherlock gave him the usual ten-minute head start before he followed suit. As he entered the bedroom, their bedroom now, John was already rolled to a tight cuddly burrito of blankets, ready to fall asleep in an instant. Sherlock slid under the covers next to him, his back to John, and reached over to turn off the bedside lamp.

In the all-cloaking darkness, John’s soft voice, already muffled by imminent sleep, floated to his ear: “It’s nice when you’re being kind, Sherlock. Just took me by surprise a little, I guess. But I like it.”

“You do?” Sherlock whispered. Why did his voice suddenly sound so hoarse?

“’Course I do,” said John, barely conscious. A minute later his breaths were already so deep and steady that Sherlock was sure he had fallen asleep. His own transport, however, didn’t allow him to drift off that easily. John’s words still rang in his head, demanding a revaluation of the evening’s development; Compliments were useful to display affection and appreciation after all. Sherlock would just have to apply them regularly so John knew he was being serious. That wasn’t that hard. There were thousands and thousands of little positive things Sherlock noticed about John and just never found the necessity—or the nerves—to utter. Give at least five compliments daily, Sherlock wrote on his mental checklist. He could still adjust the amount according to John’s reaction later on. Satisfied with his results and a little proud, Sherlock lay in the dark and felt a grin perk up the corners of his mouth.

Next to him, John began to toss and turn, uneasy moans escaping his throat. Sherlock suspended his own breathing to listen closely, not sure how to categorize these sounds. Was John having a nightmare? Or… a different kind of dream? Carefully, Sherlock turned to his other side and tried to make out John’s face. His features were barely visible in the gloom but Sherlock believed they looked rather pained than pleased. He was just about to move closer for a better look when John’s eyes sprang open. They struggled to pierce the darkness and, then, found Sherlock’s.

“Sherlock?” John’s voice had an unsettling quality to it.

“John?” Sherlock answered and simultaneously fumbled for the bedside lamp to finally see John’s expression.

“I don’t feel so good, I think I might be—,” John began but the rest of the sentence was lost because he sprang from the bed and rushed into the bathroom. Seconds later, Sherlock heard a nasty combination of gagging and splashing sounds. Oh, no.

Worriedly, he rose and poked his head through the door to find John kneeling in front of the toilet, still violently throwing up. Sherlock had a strong stomach usually; a prerequisite for being a detective and a scientist. He couldn’t remember the last time something had really made him sick. For goodness sake, he experimented with severed body parts as often as he could get his hands on anything from the morgue. But somehow, in an inexplicable flash of concern, seeing John on his knees, his body heaving in painful contractions, was too much for him. His whole system shut down. Sherlock could only stand in the doorway, frozen in panic, staring at his friend. Oh, no, John’s sick. Not good. John can’t be sick. Oh, no, his mind spiraled. Mycroft had been so right; Caring was not an advantage. It just disabled any rational thought.

Finally, John’s body lost tension and slumped into a little trembling mess of limbs on the cold floor tiles. With weak hands, he flushed the toilet and turned around to look at Sherlock, who still gawked at him with bright blue eyes wide open in distress.

“Get Rosie out of here,” John panted, his face white as a sheet and bedewed with sweat. “I can’t risk that she contracts this too, she’s too small!”

The addressed didn’t move.

“Sherlock!”

At last, his brain decided to respond to John’s words and kicked his body into action. He rushed out of the bathroom and yelled for Mrs. Hudson until she finally—hours later, Sherlock was sure—came hurrying up the stairs in her nightgown. Her face mirrored the alarm Sherlock couldn’t wipe off his own features. Yet, as he just cried out that John was sick, her fearful expression eased into slight concern laced with something almost resembling amusement. How was John being in pain funny?!

“Good God, Sherlock, I thought someone was about to blow up the flat again,” she chuckled in apparent relief.

Sherlock was about to snap at her for her lack of understanding the incredible seriousness of the situation but then decided there were more pressing issues to address. He quickly shooed Mrs. Hudson upstairs to grab Rosie from her crib and get her to the safety of her own flat before the little girl could get in contact with him or John. Fear and concern still fogged his mind as he paced up and down the sitting room, waiting for Mrs. Hudson to bring Rosie down.

After they finally had left, Sherlock returned to John, finding him sitting on his side of the bed. His face was still rather pale but at least the shivering had stopped. John shot him an apologetical smile while Sherlock just stood in the doorway, unsure how to proceed. He wanted to make John feel better, no matter what it took. That was what a good friend was supposed to do. And he wanted to be a good friend for John Watson, so badly. First and foremost, he needed data. Data formed the universe’s fabric. Data brought sense and logic and security.

“When and what did you eat and drink last?” asked Sherlock, his voice slipping into the matter-of-fact but eager tone he used on clients.

“Ehm, a cup of tea and biscuits with you, like four hours ago.” John rubbed his face and Sherlock’s stomach clenched at the sight of his friend’s evident fatigue and discomfort. Seeing John suffer in any form always afflicted him with the nagging sensation of acid burning through his inner organs. Empathy was surely one of the most useless and counterproductive outcomes of evolutionary history ever. Thank God, Mycroft wasn't here to witness his reactions.

“Hm, can’t be it, I’ve had the same thing and I’m fine,” Sherlock said and waved his hand dismissively, now beginning to pace the room again to wear off some of the nervous energy seething in his body.

“I had a sandwich for lunch at two-ish, that’s it,” John said after short consideration.

“Unlikely. First symptoms of food poisoning normally occur two to six hours after ingestion,” replied Sherlock, his bare feet tapping on the bedroom floor in anxious movement.

“I know, Sherlock, I’m a doctor.” John rolled his eyes at him, although his words bore less of the annoyance he usually used when Sherlock spurned his medical expertise. He really was etiolated.

“So, it’s most likely a stomach bug. Good call to get Rosie out of here.” Sherlock once again admired John’s ability to prioritize everyone else’s safety and well-being, even while vomiting his heart out.

“You should go too, I don’t want you to be sick,” John said softly as if to highlight Sherlock’s thoughts.

“John, I’ve been in very close proximity to you over the last 48 hours. If it’s the stomach flu, I’ve already caught it by now.”

“Still, the next couple of hours won’t be fun,” John replied with a weary smile. “You don’t need to see that or lose sleep over me.”

Sherlock halted and fixated his friend, looking for signs of dishonesty or rejection, yet finding nothing but sincere concern. Even now, John was more worried about Sherlock being uncomfortable than about his own tarnished health. Ever the good doctor.

Whenever Sherlock had been sick as a grown-up, he had been completely alone. Whenever his transport fell ill and he was confined to his rooms, alone with his thoughts, nothing to console him; those were the only occasions Sherlock craved company. He always wished for someone to take care of him and guide him through the disposition, to sit by his bedside and coddle him as his mother used to when he was only a child with too much going on under his dark curls. Sherlock then usually cursed his mind for being too weak to fight off this sentimentality and fruitless wishes because, of course, no one ever showed up to look after him. Until a certain ex-army doctor limped into his life.

Sherlock had noticed it the second John had stepped into the lab at Bart’s: the overwhelming and soul-devouring loneliness. He had known in that very moment that no one had ever taken care of John either. That he had probably lain in a hospital bed, recovering from a wound sustained while protecting others, all by himself, forsaken. He had read his need for companionship, for a purpose, for a home, as clearly as if it had been written on the man’s forehead in neon letters. And he had seen how close the doctor was to contravening his core values and ending the misery he deemed his existence.

An echo of the same sense of responsibility Sherlock had experienced all those years before rang in his chest. He would never let John fight sickness or injury or anything the world might inflict on him alone ever again. Not, if there was any other way.

“I’m not leaving,” he said, unwaveringly.

“Sherlock—,” John began his attempt to object but Sherlock cut him off with an adamantine stare.

“I. am. not. leaving.” To corroborate his words, he climbed back into bed, pulled his blanket up to his waist and crossed his arms, pouting.

“Right. Fine,” John shrugged and Sherlock was almost certain that he heard a little chuckle accompanying his words, as his friend slid back under the covers.

***

John threw up two more times that night, his empty stomach regurgitating nothing but gastric juice. In an aftermath of shaking limbs and sweat-soaked pyjamas, he barely conquered the few steps back from the bathroom before his body could collapse beneath him. With every passing minute, Sherlock grew more worried and frustrated by his own inability to help him. John couldn’t drink even the smallest amounts of water without his body pumping it right out again. His gaze became fuzzy and unfocused, the few words he spoke were unintelligible. Sherlock tentatively reached out to the man next to him and placed his slender fingers on John’s forehead; he was burning up.

“You run a fever,” Sherlock said, his voice thick with concern. That someone as tough and sturdy as John could be knocked out by some stupid microorganisms was just not right.

“Hm, hand’s cold,” John murmured with eyes half-closed, being drawn to a dreamless exhausted unconsciousness.

“Oh, sorry.” Sherlock quickly retreated but John frowned and quickly added: “No, s’nice.”

As the younger man’s pale hand returned to his skin, John’s face relaxed again. His eyes slid closed completely and a soft satisfied bumbling vibrated in his throat. The fact that he was able to alleviate John's discomfort relieved Sherlock immensely. He adjusted his own figure to a more comfortable position, now sitting beside his friend with crossed legs and his sheets wrapped around his shoulders. He cooled John’s forehead, switching hands whenever their body temperatures aligned, and watched as John drifted back and forth between sleeping and waking. Slowly, pale sunlight crept into the bedroom.

“What’re you humming?” John finally asked barely audibly, prying his eyes open with strenuous effort and groggily fixating Sherlock. Under his gaze, Sherlock stopped his mind from studying John’s endearing features in the faint light of the rising day. Humming? He? Had he really? Quickly, he tried to identify the melody still lingering on his lips. Oh. At the realization, his cheeks turned pink.

“Your Song, Elton John,” he said, embarrassment tinting his voice. “My mother always used to sing to me whenever I couldn’t sleep, no matter how old I was, whether I was sick or just agitated or scared or sad—.” His voice trailed off, stumbling over the memories. Forcefully pulling his thoughts back from that path, Sherlock rolled his eyes in an attempt to disguise the emotion invading him and added: “She wasn’t one for traditional lullabies, always just sang me random songs she liked. Your Song was one of her favourites.”

“I like it, too. It’s a good song,” John approved and gave Sherlock a warm smile that calmed his nerves. It was one of the puzzling talents of John Watson; When Sherlock’s mind was tearing at him, galloping in a thousand different directions, John could steady him. With a single smile, one softly spoken word, one firm but tender hand on his shoulder, John Watson could anchor him even in the greatest of storms. He was solid and constant and safe.

“It's a little bit funny this feeling inside, I'm not one of those who can easily hide,“ John began to sing gently, more as to remind himself of the lyrics. Sherlock loved hearing John sing; his voice was rich and extraordinarily expressive as if music unlocked something deep inside of him that was usually not allowed to see the light of day. More times than he cared to count, Sherlock had listened to John crooning songs to himself while making tea or breaking into song under the shower when he thought no one could hear him. Every time, an unfamiliar sensation spread in Sherlock’s body, sailing on his bloodstream to even the remotest of his shores.

Listening to John now, his voice still muffled by sleep and fever, didn’t fail to evoke this response either. Without his permission, Sherlock’s lips curled into a cherishing smile.

“I don't have much money but boy if I did I'd buy a big house where we both could live,” John continued, reverberating Sherlock’s smile even brighter upon meeting the pallid eyes hovering above him. He radiated a warmth that had nothing to do with the fever. Sherlock’s heart skipped a beat.

“If I was a sculptor, but then again, no, or a man who makes potions in a traveling show, I know it's not much but it's the best I can do. My gift is my song and this one's for you.” John’s voice became more confident and Sherlock no longer fought the adoration that shone from his face.

“And you can tell everybody this is your song,” he cautiously joined John in the chorus, their voices intertwining into an enchanting harmony. Goosebumps spread from the base of his skull.

“It may be quite simple but now that it's done I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is while you're in the world.”

***

Only two hours later, the flu got hold of Sherlock, as well, although not as badly; he only threw up once and slumbered next to the still feverish John for the remainder of the day. As the sun began to set again and Sherlock trudged off to the kitchen to get a glass of water, he found a get-well-soon note from Mrs. Hudson next to a tray loaded with salty crackers, herbal tea, and a pot of chicken soup; obviously a substitute for her usual afternoon tea and biscuits. Sherlock resolved to thank her next time he saw her—if he remembered to. He reheated the soup, made them each a cup of herbal tea, and carried everything back to the bedroom. This being-a-good-friend-thing became easier by the minute.

As Sherlock lay in bed, comfortably nestled in his blankets only inches away from John, who had his laptop on his knees, streaming a Netflix documentary, both nibbling crackers and sipping tea, he couldn’t help but think that being sick wasn’t that bad after all. As long as it meant spending the day with John like this, he would even condone the vomiting.

Sherlock shot John a quick glance, glad to see that their extensive nap had returned the colour to his cheeks, and smiled slightly as John met his gaze. They would take care of each other now. They were not alone anymore.

#fanfic #sherlock #johnlock #bbc sherlock #after series 4 #could be canon #ao3 #john watson #sherlock holmes #baker street boys #fluff #light angst

[romancatholicreflections]

7th October >> Fr. Martin's Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Mark 10:2-16 for the Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B: ‘Let the little children come to me’.

Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B.

Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

Mark 10:2-16

What God has united, man must not divide

Some Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’    People were bringing little children to him, for him to touch them. The disciples turned them away, but when Jesus saw this he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. I tell you solemnly, anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ Then he put his arms round them, laid his hands on them and gave them his blessing.

Gospel (USA)

Mark 10:2–16

Therefore what God has joined together, let no human being separate.

The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” They were testing him. He said to them in reply, “What did Moses command you?” They replied, “Moses permitted a husband to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.” But Jesus told them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” In the house the disciples again questioned Jesus about this. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”    And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

Reflections (4)

(i)  Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

The relationship between science and religion has been very much to the fore in recent years. That relationship has often been expressed as one of conflict, for example between scientists who hold to an evolutionary view of the emergence of the world and its life forms and creationists who hold that the world was created just as the Book of Genesis says it was. However, many scientists and religious believers have come to recognize that there is no real conflict between science and religion. The Bible is not a scientific book and does not make scientific claims. It makes different kinds of claims to science and in language that is often highly symbolic, claims about God and about God’s relationship with us and our relationship with God and each other. The story of the creation of man and woman by God in the second chapter of the Book of Genesis, a section of which we have in today’s first reading, is not a scientific account of the creation of the human couple. Rather, it is a symbolic description of the relationship between man and woman, and between them and God. According to Genesis chapter 2 God created man from the earth and God created woman from the side of man. This account of the creation of woman has often been misinterpreted to suggest the subordination of woman to man. The woman was created second, not first; she was taken from the man’s side to be his helpmate. However, that is to misread the text. The translation ‘helpmate’ is not an accurate translation of the Hebrew word. Something like ‘indispensible partner’ would be better. The text suggests that the woman is to stand alongside the man as his equal. She corresponds to him exactly, as the man affirms, ‘bone of my bones’, ‘flesh of my flesh’. Whereas the man names the animals, suggesting a certain authority over them, he does not name the woman. The primary relationship between the man and the woman is adult human to adult human. The text proclaims that from the beginning God intended men and women to relate to one another with mutuality and partnership. According to our first reading that relationship of mutuality and partnership between a man and a woman finds its fullest expression in marriage, a ‘man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body’.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus turns to this text from the Book of Genesis when he is put on the spot by some Pharisees regarding the question of divorce. As the Pharisees would have known, the Jewish Law permitted a form of divorce. According to the Book of Deuteronomy, a man who becomes displeased with his wife because he finds in her something objectionably could write her a bill of divorce, hand it to her and dismiss her from his house. There was no provision in Jewish law for a woman to divorce her husband. It was a law which left women vulnerable. In reply to the Pharisees Jesus declares that what the law allows is not actually what God wills. God’s purpose for marriage, according to Jesus, is to be found in those opening chapters of the book of Genesis. Whereas the Pharisees ask Jesus about divorce, in his reply Jesus places the focus on marriage. His vision of marriage is of a profound union between a man and a woman, a communion of faithful love. It is no coincidence that immediately after the passage in which Jesus speaks of marriage, Mark in his gospel gives us a story about children, about parents bringing children to Jesus for him to bless them. Marriage between a man and a woman is a tried and tested way in which children can grow up to be loved, as well as being given stability and security. No other setting has been proven better for the nourishing and flourishing of children. If society cares about children, it will channel financial and professional resources into supporting marriage, understood as a communion of faithful love between a man and a woman, the fullest expression in human form of the communion of love between the Lord and ourselves.

We know from our own experience that that not all marriages reflect the ideal that Jesus places before us in today’s gospel reading. Many of us will have relatives whose marriages have not lasted. The gospels are clear that although Jesus presented a clear vision for human relationships, including within marriage, he did not condemn those who feel short of that vision. All of us, married or single, are called to love one another as the Lord has loved us, and we all fail in our response to that call. It is in those moments of weakness and failure that the second part of this morning’s gospel reading has most to say to us, ‘anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it’. We stand before the Lord with a child-like heart, in our weakness and vulnerability, open and receptive to the great gift of the Lord’s love that is given to us unconditionally. It is that gift which empowers us to keep reaching towards the goal, the ideal of love, the Jesus puts before us all.

And/Or

(ii) Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Sometimes we find it more difficult to receive than to give. Giving help comes easier to some of us than receiving help. To be open to receiving help is to acknowledge that we are dependant on others, and it can go against the grain to acknowledge our dependence. It can take a brush with illness to break down our resistance to receiving help. When we are unwell we have no choice but to receive the support and help that comes our way. Illness can help to make us more receptive. That lesson we learn when we are ill, we can carry with us after we get better.

If learning to be receptive is important in our relationship with each other, it is even more important in our relationship with God. We are much more dependent on God than we are on each other. We need far more from God than God needs from us. There is much we can give to God; we can give God our love, our worship, our service. But what we can give to God is very little compared to what God can give to us. We always come before God as beggars. We all need to receive from his fullness.

Jesus knew the importance of learning to receive from God in his own life. That is why he spent so much time in prayer. It was in prayerful communion with the Father that he received all that he needed from God to do God’s work. Jesus also taught his disciples the importance of their learning to receive from God. If Jesus needed to receive from God, all the more so do his followers. That is why Jesus is so indignant with his disciples in today’s gospel reading, when they turned away the children who were being brought to meet Jesus. The disciples were turning away the very ones who could teach them a lesson on how to be receptive to God. Jesus identifies children as having a natural capacity to receive from God. They instinctively welcome the kingdom of God. Those who spend more time around children than I do will vouch for their openness to God and for their readiness to be in a relationship with God. The welcome that children give to the kingdom of God is matched in the gospel reading by the welcome that Jesus gives to them, putting his arms round them, laying his hands on them and giving them his blessing.

We loose something of that spontaneous openness to God and to God’s gifts as we grow into adulthood. As adults we are tempted to keep God at a distance, perhaps out of fear of what he might ask of us. Yet, it is worth trying to recover something of that openness of the child towards God. One way we can grow in that openness is through prayer, the kind of prayer in which we come before God in our poverty, with open hands and open hearts. As adults we are as needy before God as we were as children. Arguably, our need of God is greater as adults, because life tends to leave us more broken in a variety of ways. The second reading spoke of Jesus as one that God made perfect through suffering. The adult Jesus knew suffering in a way the child Jesus never knew suffering. Jesus was as open to God’s gifts as an adult as he had been as a child, because he needed to be. It is the same for all of us. Childhood can bring suffering and unfortunately often does so, but adulthood inevitably brings suffering. Our suffering calls on us to acknowledge our need of God, and prompts us to turn towards him out of our poverty and brokenness.

Not only does suffering bring home to us our need of God, but so also does the call of the gospel. The Lord puts a high ideal before us in the gospel. His ideal for marriage is placed before us in both the first reading and the gospel reading today. Jesus communicates God’s vision of two lives becoming one life in marriage, of two people bound by a love that is faithful and generous, a reflection of God’s love for his people. This is a high ideal, and it can be difficult to live this ideal.

But it is not only married people who have such a challenging calling. The Lord calls on all of us, married or single, to love one another as he has loved us. The gospel is challenging for us all. The call of the gospel brings home to us our need of God. We know that we cannot live the gospel without God’s help. We need God’s Spirit to live God’s way. If we are to keep following in his way, we need to come before the Lord with open hearts, asking, begging, for the help that only the Lord can give. We need that child-like openness that Jesus refers to in the gospel reading to receive from the Lord the strength we need to keep reaching for the ideal he puts before us. Even if we don’t always attain that ideal, it is the reaching for it that is important - not in an overly strenuous way, but in the power of the Spirit that the Lord will give to those who ask for it out of their need. We will fall short of the gospel call, many times, but the important thing is not to give up on it. The Lord certainly never gives up on us, and if we are open and receptive to him, like children, we will receive from him all we need to keep on pursing his vision for our lives.

And/Or

(iii) Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Tension is an integral part of most people’s lives. Some forms of tension can be quite damaging and can do us harm if we are exposed to it over a long period of time. The kind of tension that is due to prolonged over work comes to mind. Other forms of tension can be quite healthy and necessary, such as the tension our body experiences when we exercise. There is also a certain tension generated in us by our efforts to live up to certain ideals and values. This too is ultimately a healthy tension. We could eliminate this form of tension by watering down our ideals and settling for less. Yet, in our heart of hearts we know that in doing this we are selling ourselves short.

As followers of Christ, our values and ideals are shaped by the message of Jesus in the gospels. The gospel message is demanding as well as consoling. Jesus calls on us to be as generous, as compassionate, as self-giving, as loving as he himself is, as God is. At the very least we can say about Jesus’ message that it does not sell us short. Jesus does not leave us to our own resources in the living out of his values. He gives us the gift of his Holy Spirit whose power at work within us can do immeasurably far more than all we ask or imagine. Even with this gift at our disposal, we are all too well aware of our failure to live the life that Jesus puts before us and calls us to. We know only too well the gap in our lives between the ideal and the real, between the person we are called to be and the person we are. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a further resource given to us by the Lord to help us keep on reaching towards that way of life to which the Lord is calling us. As Paul puts it in one of his letters the whole of the Christian life involves, pressing on towards the goal, keeping our focus on where the Lord is calling us to. This does create a certain tension in us, but it is the tension associated with being fully alive.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus presents his ideal, God’s ideal, for marriage. His teaching went against the grain in the Jewish world of his time. The Jewish law made provision for divorce. The only issue of debate among the religious leaders was the grounds for divorce. One school of rabbis favoured very lenient grounds; another school insisted on much stricter grounds. According to the Jewish law it was only the man who could initiate divorce proceedings, whatever the grounds. The woman was not free to do the same. The divorce laws gave a freedom to men that it did not give to women, and it left women very vulnerable to being cut adrift by their husbands. The writ of divorce that the husband had to put into his wife’s hand gave her only limited protection, enabling her to marry again. In that context, Jesus’ teaching was intended to protect women. It reminded men in particular of their obligation to love their wives, to honour their wives as they would their own body, rather than seeing her almost as a piece of property that they could dispose of when it suited them. Jesus went back beyond what the Jewish law had come to allow to God’s original intention as expressed in the Book of Genesis, according to which husband and wife are to become one body, one loving union.

There is a wonderful vision of marriage here. St Paul developed it when he stated that the union between a husband and wife is a reflection of the union between Christ and his church and that husbands are to love their wives, and wives their husbands, as Christ loves the church. Those who come to the church to be married are drawn by this vision of Jesus for marriage. It is not by accident that one of the most frequently chosen readings for the wedding liturgy is that of Paul’s great hymn to love in 1 Corinthians 13: ‘Love is patient, love is kind…’ Here indeed is Jesus’ ideal for married love, the spelling out of what it means to live as one body. Yet, we are all aware that the gap between that ideal and the real can be very great, in marriage as much as in other areas of life. Marriages do break down, sometimes irretrievably so. Jesus must have been very aware of this. His attitude towards those who were not living according to his ideal for marriage was always characterized by sensitivity and respect. The way the gospels show him relating to the Samaritan woman and to the women caught in the act of adultery shows this.

Jesus it seems could present the ideal clearly and at the same time make allowances for the reality of people’s lives which often fell far short of the ideal. There is a message here for all of us, not just in relation to marriage but in relation to other areas of life. We need ideals and values that will stretch us, that will put before us a way that does justice to what is best in us, to what we are capable of, with God’s help. We will find such ideals and values in the message and life of Jesus. However, we also need an assurance that when we fail to live out these values, for whatever reason, we remain graced people who are loved by God and continue to be called into communion with God’s Son. We will find such an assurance too in the message and life of Jesus.

And/Or

(iv) Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Part of my work here in the parish involves going into the primary schools, in particular the Junior Girls School and the Holy Communion class in the Senior Girls School. We have a little prayer service with one year group in the Junior Girls school every Friday morning, which the teachers help to prepare. It is wonderful to see how the children enter into the prayer service. They say the responses to the prayers and they join in singing the songs with enthusiasm. I find the same qualities in the first communion group. I am always struck by the children’s openness to the world of the spirit. They are so responsive to the presence of the Lord.

I was reminded of that by the words of Jesus in today’s gospel reading, ‘Anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a child will never enter it’. Jesus saw in the attitude of children a quality that we need to retain as adults if we are to receive what he has come to offer us. Children are open to receiving gifts in a way that is not always the case with adults. As adults we can be more suspicious of gifts. We can feel that there has to be a catch somewhere. Sometimes our suspicions are well grounded. Our experience of life can make us suspicious of what looks on the surface like generosity. Also as we go through life, we find it necessary to gain a certain measure of control over our lives and there is a sense in which opening ourselves to receive involves a certain loss of control. Giving can be a more effective way of exercising control than receiving. Also receiving can sometimes be a challenge to our sense of independence. To receive can often mean to recognize our need and we don’t like to think of ourselves as needy. Yet, children know how to receive and when we come towards the end of our lives we have to learn to receive again. As we grow weaker in body, mind and spirit, we become more dependent on others and we have to start learning to receive again in ways we didn’t have to do since we were a child.

Yet, when it comes to our relationship with the Lord, we remain receivers, not just as children or towards the end of our lives but throughout our lives. Because that attitude of receptivity does not come so easy to us as adults in our relationship with others, we can struggle to retain it in our relationship with God. That is why Jesus puts it up to his adult disciples and to us to learn a lesson from the way children welcome and receive the gift of God’s kingdom. We think of ourselves as children’s teachers. After all, we have more knowledge and experience of life than they do. We have a great deal to give them and they have a lot to receive from us. Yet, Jesus is saying in today’s gospel reading that when it comes to our relationship with God we have a great deal to learn from children. When it comes to our relationship with God, we have to let go of that sense of control which we often bring into our human relationships. We have to let go of that strong sense of autonomy we so often work out of. Our autonomous will has to yield to the Lord’s will for our lives. We have to put aside that suspicion of gifts, the sense we have that everything has to be earned, which is so much a part of the culture in which we live. We come before the Lord as beggars. There is nothing we have that the Lord needs whereas we stand in need of everything he has. In calling on us to welcome the kingdom of God like a child, Jesus is clearly not asking us to be childish in our relationship with God. The attitude Jesus is calling for is a sharing in his own attitude to God, which is very much an adult one.

It is striking that Mark the evangelist has placed this incident involving parents and their children immediately after Jesus’ teaching on marriage. There Jesus reiterates the vision of marriage that is found in the second chapter of Genesis, according to which a man and a woman, a husband and wife, become one body, one shared life. The joining of these two passages suggests that this profound unity between a man and a woman that characterizes marriage is truly something of God and calls for that quality of openness to the Lord’s gifts that Jesus finds so evident in children.

Fr. Martin Hogan, Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin, D03 AO62, Ireland.

Email: [email protected] or  [email protected]

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[giraffesinprogress]

Nobody is a Lost Cause

Hello.

I’d like to start 2018 by sharing some stories about my life.  

That’s why I made this place: Giraffes in Progress.  It’s a place where I can share stories about tough times.  I’m hoping that sharing these stories will be healing, and that it will help me (and maybe a person reading this) work some things out.   

Here we go.  Giraffes in Progress.

This first one will be a heavy one.

It’s a story about trauma and shame and hurt, and (hopefully) change.  So if you’re not looking to get into that sort of thing right now, heads up.

Specifically, it’s a story about me coming to terms with the fact that my old ideas about consent were wrong.

I’ve decided to share it for a few reasons.  

First, while the story is no secret among my friends and family, it is a secret to the world at large.  And secrets can eat you alive if you keep them for long enough.  Especially when they involve being hurt or hurting others.

Second, stories like this one have been going around a lot lately.  In the past few months alone, I’ve spoken with a surprising number of friends and strangers on both the giving and receiving end of a similar situation, and nobody is quite sure how to move forward.  Maybe one way to start is by simply sharing our stories.

Finally, I’ve only got a handful of beliefs that have stuck with me through the years, and one of them is that while humans are capable of terrible things, they are also capable of change, when given the chance.  I hope it’s true.  I think it is.

So:

A little over two years ago, a friend emailed me with a screen shot from a private facebook group that anonymously discusses people who have hurt them.  The post was short, but essentially said that at some point in the past, I had slept with a person after a party, and that I had crossed a line for them in the way that I pursued it.  It said, “He used the broken record technique when I said no to having sex with him while we were making out, until I broke down and said ok".

I was devastated to receive it.  Until that point in my life, I’d assumed that all of my relationships with sexual partners were 100% consensual.  I had no recollection of the encounter in question, the technique described, or who the person could be, which was terrifying.  I thought: How could my perception be so skewed that the described event didn’t even register in my brain, yet it was something that hurt another person to such a degree that they are still carrying it with them years after the event?

I immediately shared the email with my partner, band mates, and closest friends.  The friend who shared the post with me was kicked out of the facebook group for sharing it with me, after letting the poster know that I was willing to talk with them if they would like to, and that I would like to try to make amends, if that is something they would want.  The poster said that no, they did not want anything from me, that they would like to keep the entire thing private, and that they had merely wanted to get the experience out into the open.

From that point on, I went through a few different stages of coming to grips with everything: acknowledgement, denial of wrongdoing, anger at the anarchist/punk community for creating and nurturing a culture of "burn the witch" rather than rehabilitation and understanding, and eventually, acceptance.

A few days after receiving the email, my partner asked me to move out for a little while to give them some time to think things through.  I went to go live inside a windowless shipping container that I'd recently bought, sleeping behind a bail of hay on the floor surrounded by a few candles.  The nights in that container were the loneliest and lowest point of my life.  I contemplated suicide, and went so far as to jog three miles to a part of town where I knew you could buy a gun at any hour of the night for 100 bucks.

Thankfully, I didn't go through with buying that gun.  A few nights into sleeping at the container, my buddy Jeff came to see me.  Jeff was a guy in his '60's, a handyman with a thick New Jersey accent, who had seen a lot of stuff through the years.  He told me, among other things, that "nobody is a lost cause".  He told me that I owed it to myself and my loved ones to try to make it out.   

Tragically, a few months later, Jeff himself committed suicide.

Jeff's words and subsequent death gave me resolve.  I decided a few things: 1) that I would seek long term professional help from a therapist, 2) that I would examine myself and my past actions to see if there were any other similar patterns of harmful behavior that I needed to change, 3) that I would give up alcohol completely, as alcohol was one (of many) things that may have led to the anonymous poster's experience the night in question, 4) that i would throw myself into service to others for the rest of my life.

#4 was what helped eventually bring me back into the fold.  I threw myself into my job as a GED teacher and volunteered with an adult literacy program.  Students in the program told their own stories of heartbreak, tragedy, and resilience, which gave me some much needed perspective.  At the least, despite feeling like a fuck-up in other aspects of my my life, I still felt able to help others out in a small way.

Through therapy, I’ve been able to realize a few things.  One of them is that I may never know who the anonymous poster is, or even the specific event in question, and that I need to accept that.  I still, to this day, do not know who it is.  Looking backwards, I also realized that I was capable of such actions, and that there may well have been more than just that one situation that was terrible for the other person.  The culture, adults, and media - heck, even the punk scene - that I grew up around encouraged "getting drunk and laid at parties”.  My incorrect assumption was that it was okay to proceed if both people said “yes”, regardless of how drunk we were, and that it was okay to ask again if it seemed like the person’s feelings had changed .  

As strange as it sounds, consent was not something I learned the intricacies of until about 2008 (I am 33).  The first time I remember consent being discussed was at a punk show in Portland - despite agreeing unquestioningly with the concept of “no means no”, I failed to see that my actions did not reflect a true understanding of consent.  Hypocritically, I went forward as before, not believing myself capable of harm.

A few other things happened during the years following me receiving the email.  One of them was that my band was in the midst of booking a tour.  We felt that it might be important to reach out to some of the people and places we would be playing to explain my situation and allow them the option of backing out.  The first place we reached out to was in Pittsburgh.  We never got to discuss the situation with them, though.  When the bands playing heard about it, they dropped off the bill unequivocally.   I'm sad that I never got to talk to them about it.  I decided it was best to cancel the tour entirely, and not tour or make music again until I had a handle on my life and my actions going forward.

I eventually limped my way through an extremely dark few years.  Having now confronted some of the worst parts of myself, I feel hopeful, with a greater capacity for empathy, and more capable of open and honest communication.  I still have a lot of work to do.  

I'm still seeing a therapist every week.  I have been sober since September 28th of 2015, which is the day I received the email.  I'm still working the same job that gives value and meaning to my life.  I even started sharing music with others, the thing that helped me make it through these thoughts and feelings, after having kept it to myself for many years.  I hope that someday I can make amends to the people I have hurt, but I’ve learned to accept that it may not be something they want.

My partner, in her ceaseless capacity for understanding pain and suffering, eventually took me back.  She told me we would need to work through a lot of stuff and be as honest and open in our communications before we could be intimate again.  We went back and dissected every vulnerable situation where either of us felt the least bit uncomfortable, and came up with ways to respectfully approach them in the future.  It took us a long time to get there.  We are now at the best place we have ever been, mostly due to this "reset" and due to building our relationship again from the foundation up, using honest and respectful communication as the framework.

So - there it is.  The first Giraffes in Progress story.

For me, it’s a reminder that we are all capable of inflicting pain, but nobody is a lost cause.  

Cherish the people that are unconditionally your friends through your mistakes, tragedies, and triumphs.  Know that I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Take care, good luck, and see you next time,

Rob

P.S.  If you’d like to get in touch to talk about this (or anything else) please send me an email at: [email protected]  - social media has proven to be a hostile place for measured discussions, so I’m going to try to avoid spending too much time there/here.  But discussion is important, and I’ll try to answer any emails in a thoughtful, honest, and open-minded manner.  

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

7th October >> Fr. Martin's Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Mark 10:2-16 for the Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B: ‘Let the little children come to me’.

Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B.

Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

Mark 10:2-16

What God has united, man must not divide

Some Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, ‘Is it against the law for a man to divorce his wife?’ They were testing him. He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ ‘Moses allowed us’ they said ‘to draw up a writ of dismissal and so to divorce.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’ Back in the house the disciples questioned him again about this, and he said to them, ‘The man who divorces his wife and marries another is guilty of adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she is guilty of adultery too.’    People were bringing little children to him, for him to touch them. The disciples turned them away, but when Jesus saw this he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. I tell you solemnly, anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ Then he put his arms round them, laid his hands on them and gave them his blessing.

Gospel (USA)

Mark 10:2–16

Therefore what God has joined together, let no human being separate.

The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” They were testing him. He said to them in reply, “What did Moses command you?” They replied, “Moses permitted a husband to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.” But Jesus told them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” In the house the disciples again questioned Jesus about this. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”    And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

Reflections (4)

(i)  Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

The relationship between science and religion has been very much to the fore in recent years. That relationship has often been expressed as one of conflict, for example between scientists who hold to an evolutionary view of the emergence of the world and its life forms and creationists who hold that the world was created just as the Book of Genesis says it was. However, many scientists and religious believers have come to recognize that there is no real conflict between science and religion. The Bible is not a scientific book and does not make scientific claims. It makes different kinds of claims to science and in language that is often highly symbolic, claims about God and about God’s relationship with us and our relationship with God and each other. The story of the creation of man and woman by God in the second chapter of the Book of Genesis, a section of which we have in today’s first reading, is not a scientific account of the creation of the human couple. Rather, it is a symbolic description of the relationship between man and woman, and between them and God. According to Genesis chapter 2 God created man from the earth and God created woman from the side of man. This account of the creation of woman has often been misinterpreted to suggest the subordination of woman to man. The woman was created second, not first; she was taken from the man’s side to be his helpmate. However, that is to misread the text. The translation ‘helpmate’ is not an accurate translation of the Hebrew word. Something like ‘indispensible partner’ would be better. The text suggests that the woman is to stand alongside the man as his equal. She corresponds to him exactly, as the man affirms, ‘bone of my bones’, ‘flesh of my flesh’. Whereas the man names the animals, suggesting a certain authority over them, he does not name the woman. The primary relationship between the man and the woman is adult human to adult human. The text proclaims that from the beginning God intended men and women to relate to one another with mutuality and partnership. According to our first reading that relationship of mutuality and partnership between a man and a woman finds its fullest expression in marriage, a ‘man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body’.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus turns to this text from the Book of Genesis when he is put on the spot by some Pharisees regarding the question of divorce. As the Pharisees would have known, the Jewish Law permitted a form of divorce. According to the Book of Deuteronomy, a man who becomes displeased with his wife because he finds in her something objectionably could write her a bill of divorce, hand it to her and dismiss her from his house. There was no provision in Jewish law for a woman to divorce her husband. It was a law which left women vulnerable. In reply to the Pharisees Jesus declares that what the law allows is not actually what God wills. God’s purpose for marriage, according to Jesus, is to be found in those opening chapters of the book of Genesis. Whereas the Pharisees ask Jesus about divorce, in his reply Jesus places the focus on marriage. His vision of marriage is of a profound union between a man and a woman, a communion of faithful love. It is no coincidence that immediately after the passage in which Jesus speaks of marriage, Mark in his gospel gives us a story about children, about parents bringing children to Jesus for him to bless them. Marriage between a man and a woman is a tried and tested way in which children can grow up to be loved, as well as being given stability and security. No other setting has been proven better for the nourishing and flourishing of children. If society cares about children, it will channel financial and professional resources into supporting marriage, understood as a communion of faithful love between a man and a woman, the fullest expression in human form of the communion of love between the Lord and ourselves.

We know from our own experience that that not all marriages reflect the ideal that Jesus places before us in today’s gospel reading. Many of us will have relatives whose marriages have not lasted. The gospels are clear that although Jesus presented a clear vision for human relationships, including within marriage, he did not condemn those who feel short of that vision. All of us, married or single, are called to love one another as the Lord has loved us, and we all fail in our response to that call. It is in those moments of weakness and failure that the second part of this morning’s gospel reading has most to say to us, ‘anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it’. We stand before the Lord with a child-like heart, in our weakness and vulnerability, open and receptive to the great gift of the Lord’s love that is given to us unconditionally. It is that gift which empowers us to keep reaching towards the goal, the ideal of love, the Jesus puts before us all.

And/Or

(ii) Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Sometimes we find it more difficult to receive than to give. Giving help comes easier to some of us than receiving help. To be open to receiving help is to acknowledge that we are dependant on others, and it can go against the grain to acknowledge our dependence. It can take a brush with illness to break down our resistance to receiving help. When we are unwell we have no choice but to receive the support and help that comes our way. Illness can help to make us more receptive. That lesson we learn when we are ill, we can carry with us after we get better.

If learning to be receptive is important in our relationship with each other, it is even more important in our relationship with God. We are much more dependent on God than we are on each other. We need far more from God than God needs from us. There is much we can give to God; we can give God our love, our worship, our service. But what we can give to God is very little compared to what God can give to us. We always come before God as beggars. We all need to receive from his fullness.

Jesus knew the importance of learning to receive from God in his own life. That is why he spent so much time in prayer. It was in prayerful communion with the Father that he received all that he needed from God to do God’s work. Jesus also taught his disciples the importance of their learning to receive from God. If Jesus needed to receive from God, all the more so do his followers. That is why Jesus is so indignant with his disciples in today’s gospel reading, when they turned away the children who were being brought to meet Jesus. The disciples were turning away the very ones who could teach them a lesson on how to be receptive to God. Jesus identifies children as having a natural capacity to receive from God. They instinctively welcome the kingdom of God. Those who spend more time around children than I do will vouch for their openness to God and for their readiness to be in a relationship with God. The welcome that children give to the kingdom of God is matched in the gospel reading by the welcome that Jesus gives to them, putting his arms round them, laying his hands on them and giving them his blessing.

We loose something of that spontaneous openness to God and to God’s gifts as we grow into adulthood. As adults we are tempted to keep God at a distance, perhaps out of fear of what he might ask of us. Yet, it is worth trying to recover something of that openness of the child towards God. One way we can grow in that openness is through prayer, the kind of prayer in which we come before God in our poverty, with open hands and open hearts. As adults we are as needy before God as we were as children. Arguably, our need of God is greater as adults, because life tends to leave us more broken in a variety of ways. The second reading spoke of Jesus as one that God made perfect through suffering. The adult Jesus knew suffering in a way the child Jesus never knew suffering. Jesus was as open to God’s gifts as an adult as he had been as a child, because he needed to be. It is the same for all of us. Childhood can bring suffering and unfortunately often does so, but adulthood inevitably brings suffering. Our suffering calls on us to acknowledge our need of God, and prompts us to turn towards him out of our poverty and brokenness.

Not only does suffering bring home to us our need of God, but so also does the call of the gospel. The Lord puts a high ideal before us in the gospel. His ideal for marriage is placed before us in both the first reading and the gospel reading today. Jesus communicates God’s vision of two lives becoming one life in marriage, of two people bound by a love that is faithful and generous, a reflection of God’s love for his people. This is a high ideal, and it can be difficult to live this ideal.

But it is not only married people who have such a challenging calling. The Lord calls on all of us, married or single, to love one another as he has loved us. The gospel is challenging for us all. The call of the gospel brings home to us our need of God. We know that we cannot live the gospel without God’s help. We need God’s Spirit to live God’s way. If we are to keep following in his way, we need to come before the Lord with open hearts, asking, begging, for the help that only the Lord can give. We need that child-like openness that Jesus refers to in the gospel reading to receive from the Lord the strength we need to keep reaching for the ideal he puts before us. Even if we don’t always attain that ideal, it is the reaching for it that is important - not in an overly strenuous way, but in the power of the Spirit that the Lord will give to those who ask for it out of their need. We will fall short of the gospel call, many times, but the important thing is not to give up on it. The Lord certainly never gives up on us, and if we are open and receptive to him, like children, we will receive from him all we need to keep on pursing his vision for our lives.

And/Or

(iii) Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Tension is an integral part of most people’s lives. Some forms of tension can be quite damaging and can do us harm if we are exposed to it over a long period of time. The kind of tension that is due to prolonged over work comes to mind. Other forms of tension can be quite healthy and necessary, such as the tension our body experiences when we exercise. There is also a certain tension generated in us by our efforts to live up to certain ideals and values. This too is ultimately a healthy tension. We could eliminate this form of tension by watering down our ideals and settling for less. Yet, in our heart of hearts we know that in doing this we are selling ourselves short.

As followers of Christ, our values and ideals are shaped by the message of Jesus in the gospels. The gospel message is demanding as well as consoling. Jesus calls on us to be as generous, as compassionate, as self-giving, as loving as he himself is, as God is. At the very least we can say about Jesus’ message that it does not sell us short. Jesus does not leave us to our own resources in the living out of his values. He gives us the gift of his Holy Spirit whose power at work within us can do immeasurably far more than all we ask or imagine. Even with this gift at our disposal, we are all too well aware of our failure to live the life that Jesus puts before us and calls us to. We know only too well the gap in our lives between the ideal and the real, between the person we are called to be and the person we are. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a further resource given to us by the Lord to help us keep on reaching towards that way of life to which the Lord is calling us. As Paul puts it in one of his letters the whole of the Christian life involves, pressing on towards the goal, keeping our focus on where the Lord is calling us to. This does create a certain tension in us, but it is the tension associated with being fully alive.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus presents his ideal, God’s ideal, for marriage. His teaching went against the grain in the Jewish world of his time. The Jewish law made provision for divorce. The only issue of debate among the religious leaders was the grounds for divorce. One school of rabbis favoured very lenient grounds; another school insisted on much stricter grounds. According to the Jewish law it was only the man who could initiate divorce proceedings, whatever the grounds. The woman was not free to do the same. The divorce laws gave a freedom to men that it did not give to women, and it left women very vulnerable to being cut adrift by their husbands. The writ of divorce that the husband had to put into his wife’s hand gave her only limited protection, enabling her to marry again. In that context, Jesus’ teaching was intended to protect women. It reminded men in particular of their obligation to love their wives, to honour their wives as they would their own body, rather than seeing her almost as a piece of property that they could dispose of when it suited them. Jesus went back beyond what the Jewish law had come to allow to God’s original intention as expressed in the Book of Genesis, according to which husband and wife are to become one body, one loving union.

There is a wonderful vision of marriage here. St Paul developed it when he stated that the union between a husband and wife is a reflection of the union between Christ and his church and that husbands are to love their wives, and wives their husbands, as Christ loves the church. Those who come to the church to be married are drawn by this vision of Jesus for marriage. It is not by accident that one of the most frequently chosen readings for the wedding liturgy is that of Paul’s great hymn to love in 1 Corinthians 13: ‘Love is patient, love is kind…’ Here indeed is Jesus’ ideal for married love, the spelling out of what it means to live as one body. Yet, we are all aware that the gap between that ideal and the real can be very great, in marriage as much as in other areas of life. Marriages do break down, sometimes irretrievably so. Jesus must have been very aware of this. His attitude towards those who were not living according to his ideal for marriage was always characterized by sensitivity and respect. The way the gospels show him relating to the Samaritan woman and to the women caught in the act of adultery shows this.

Jesus it seems could present the ideal clearly and at the same time make allowances for the reality of people’s lives which often fell far short of the ideal. There is a message here for all of us, not just in relation to marriage but in relation to other areas of life. We need ideals and values that will stretch us, that will put before us a way that does justice to what is best in us, to what we are capable of, with God’s help. We will find such ideals and values in the message and life of Jesus. However, we also need an assurance that when we fail to live out these values, for whatever reason, we remain graced people who are loved by God and continue to be called into communion with God’s Son. We will find such an assurance too in the message and life of Jesus.

And/Or

(iv) Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

Part of my work here in the parish involves going into the primary schools, in particular the Junior Girls School and the Holy Communion class in the Senior Girls School. We have a little prayer service with one year group in the Junior Girls school every Friday morning, which the teachers help to prepare. It is wonderful to see how the children enter into the prayer service. They say the responses to the prayers and they join in singing the songs with enthusiasm. I find the same qualities in the first communion group. I am always struck by the children’s openness to the world of the spirit. They are so responsive to the presence of the Lord.

I was reminded of that by the words of Jesus in today’s gospel reading, ‘Anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a child will never enter it’. Jesus saw in the attitude of children a quality that we need to retain as adults if we are to receive what he has come to offer us. Children are open to receiving gifts in a way that is not always the case with adults. As adults we can be more suspicious of gifts. We can feel that there has to be a catch somewhere. Sometimes our suspicions are well grounded. Our experience of life can make us suspicious of what looks on the surface like generosity. Also as we go through life, we find it necessary to gain a certain measure of control over our lives and there is a sense in which opening ourselves to receive involves a certain loss of control. Giving can be a more effective way of exercising control than receiving. Also receiving can sometimes be a challenge to our sense of independence. To receive can often mean to recognize our need and we don’t like to think of ourselves as needy. Yet, children know how to receive and when we come towards the end of our lives we have to learn to receive again. As we grow weaker in body, mind and spirit, we become more dependent on others and we have to start learning to receive again in ways we didn’t have to do since we were a child.

Yet, when it comes to our relationship with the Lord, we remain receivers, not just as children or towards the end of our lives but throughout our lives. Because that attitude of receptivity does not come so easy to us as adults in our relationship with others, we can struggle to retain it in our relationship with God. That is why Jesus puts it up to his adult disciples and to us to learn a lesson from the way children welcome and receive the gift of God’s kingdom. We think of ourselves as children’s teachers. After all, we have more knowledge and experience of life than they do. We have a great deal to give them and they have a lot to receive from us. Yet, Jesus is saying in today’s gospel reading that when it comes to our relationship with God we have a great deal to learn from children. When it comes to our relationship with God, we have to let go of that sense of control which we often bring into our human relationships. We have to let go of that strong sense of autonomy we so often work out of. Our autonomous will has to yield to the Lord’s will for our lives. We have to put aside that suspicion of gifts, the sense we have that everything has to be earned, which is so much a part of the culture in which we live. We come before the Lord as beggars. There is nothing we have that the Lord needs whereas we stand in need of everything he has. In calling on us to welcome the kingdom of God like a child, Jesus is clearly not asking us to be childish in our relationship with God. The attitude Jesus is calling for is a sharing in his own attitude to God, which is very much an adult one.

It is striking that Mark the evangelist has placed this incident involving parents and their children immediately after Jesus’ teaching on marriage. There Jesus reiterates the vision of marriage that is found in the second chapter of Genesis, according to which a man and a woman, a husband and wife, become one body, one shared life. The joining of these two passages suggests that this profound unity between a man and a woman that characterizes marriage is truly something of God and calls for that quality of openness to the Lord’s gifts that Jesus finds so evident in children.

Fr. Martin Hogan, Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin, D03 AO62, Ireland.

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