#just try and tell me this didn't happen

[canisalbus]

✦ 2023 summary of art ✦

#CanisAlbus #art #artists on tumblr #own art #own characters #yea you can sort of tell when this train got derailed #there's pre and post Vasco 2023 #the good thing is I've been more productive this year than in past 5+ years combined #haven't had this much fun drawing in ages I hope it shows at least in some way or another #unless something really drastic happens I'll probably continue along this trajectory for a while #I might reach a saturation point eventually but there's no way of knowing when that'll happen #so I'm just going to try to make the most of this intense and self-indulgent oc art period #your feedback and support mean a lot to me I hope this year will be as good as 23 #thank you for bearing with me #the missing month is March I didn't post a single thing in March #cw blood #blood #cw gore #gore #cw head injury #head injury

[fisheito]

my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?] #honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it? #rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party... #maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰 #i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights? #or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakumo #rei #yakurei #replies

[coquelicoq]

i am such a clown. decided to make stickers for my siblings even though i have ZERO design skills or knowledge of any programs that allow you to rotate text except for powerpoint. so i made them in powerpoint. (this took, mmmm, maybe 6-8 hours btw.) then had to find a website that would print and mail these stickers to me. no i don't want 50 stickers. i want one circle sticker and one rectangle sticker. oh that's not an option anybody wants to give me? okay then i guess i will buy 16 circle stickers (the least offered) and 50 rectangle stickers (the least offered. why not 16 also? a mystery). one of the designs is for my sibling's band, so if they like it theoretically they could use the stickers as merch or something lol. but i'm not holding my breath, on account of the aforementioned lack of design skills. i get away with a lot among my family because they're all so willing to react to my questionable creations with aww look, she Tried! but that probably doesn't work for strangers who are fans of my sibling's band. so i guess they will just have 49 extra stickers that they can idk stick to streetlight poles or something. not my problem.

#i originally designed them on graph paper. with like a compass and everything #i learned something new today!! apparently you can curve a text box around a circle!!!!!! that saved me some time #this all came about because my sister was telling me how sad she was that she lost her water bottle because it had a sticker on it #that she had gotten from her travels. and i was like awesome i'll just make her a new one #girl what! you don't know how to do that!!! CLOWNNNNNN #also i don't actually know what the original sticker looked like lol which is probably for the best so i can't 1) plagiarize #or 2) compare my shoddy workmanship to that of an actual professional #i thought about commissioning an actual graphic designer to do this but i quickly got overwhelmed with logistics #and it's so close to christmas i didn't really want to deal with the timeline issue #i really should have done this three months ago but of course i procrastinated #anyway. the website kept being like are you SURE you positioned that image correctly? #and i was like nope! but i don't know what else to do so let's just try it and see what happens :) #it looked fine in the preview. living on the edge over here. the extreme sport of sticker designing

[dirtytransmasc]

maybe it's because I'm in the "I'm so obsessed and hyperfocused on my little guys I will make any song seem like it's about them even if it couldn't be any father from actually relating to them at all" stage of my Theon and Asha hyperfixation but like...

I feel like 'I bet on losing dogs' by Mitski is about them.

it's about Asha and her relationship with Theon.

he's her baby brother. the baby brother who looked up at her smiled when she had gone in his room, intent on strangling him to stop his cries. he's her losing dog. the dog she keeps fighting for when no one else will. she never gives up on him, not truly, even when he is so clearly doomed, because she loves him, she won't give up on him.

and Theon is, in so many senses, a dog. he's been passed around from owner to owner, home to home, trained and beaten and domesticated, made to behave how his owner at the time sees fit. he's a good dog, a good beaten dog.

and now, in a way, he's Asha's dog. she doesn't want him to be her dog, she wants him to be her brother, and Theon's trying, he really is trying, she knows he's trying, but part of him will always be doomed to be a dog waiting to be hit, waiting for a command, waiting to be trained.

he's her losing dog, she knows it, knows he's doomed, deep down, there's little hope, he'll die a damned dog, but fuck it she doesn't care, he's her blood, her baby, he will be by her side no matter what. she'll always go back for him, she'll always fight for him, she'll always tell him to stay, she'll always give him a chance, she'll always try.

~~~~

#(this post is based on the show. I'm half way through season 6) #I don't even know if I'm saying anything coherently but I tried #they make me feel insane. feral. ill. all of the above. #I think- scratch that. I *know* asha is so much softer for theon than she lets on and I don't know how more people don't see that #like yes. she wasn't perfect when it came to handling theon #but like... she was doing the best she knew how to do with the way she was brought up #I mean. the ironborn have a very tough it out or die mentality. they don't do “mental health” (I mean... look at euron. does it look- #like they do mindfulness and processing trauma?) #she only knew how to tough love theon. that was it. she wanted him to get better but didn't know how to actually make it happen #but that doesn't change the fact that she loved him with her whole being. that she hated seeing him in the state he was. that she didn't- #want to make it all better like any big sister would. #because she did! she loved him! he was her baby and he was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it! #she's brash cause thats all she knows. she's tough on him cause what else could she do? she had to have been scared and worried about him. #I think part of her brashness was her trying to cover up just how worried and conflicted and confused she was when it came to his situation #so this post caters to what I think the soft innards of asha greyjoy would be like. she loves her baby brother very much. #I mean. the way she looks at him when she tells him the story of him smiling at her or when she kisses his forehead when he agrees to be- #*theon* again. for her. the love in her eyes is undeniable. #to asha and her losing dog- I mean brother #they're gonna be the death of me #asha greyjoy #theon greyjoy #yara greyjoy #got #game of thrones #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #the second row of images is from the scene where asha (she will never be yara to me. sorry got. asha is the superior name) is telling- #theon the story about him being a terrible baby and how he smiled at her.

[moregraceful]

i was gonna watch the vgk-dal game to bandwagon the stars but then i realized that if i have to see hertl in that jersey even once it's literally my last day, and also mike grier's last day, on planet earth, so.

#KELLY MCCRIMMON I HOPE THE CEILING FAN FALLS ON U #pulling a dq and telling people to just throw me off a bridge honestly #i usually try to have a value-neutral position on teams idc abt but the hertl trade made me blacklist every possible variation of the #team's name and lb and every associated tag so. sorry. lol coming out of my cage and i'm not doing fine #i wrote robo/nick s instead #2.3k and nothing happens in it #they literally go drink boba and yearn for manju but the manju shop is closed #also have been given some valuable feedback. there are cities in which people recognize hockey players in the wild?? that happens in #quebec??? god imagine seeing and recognizing nick suzuki in the grocery store i would just leave #imagine seeing a shark in the grocery store i would not even notice i'd just be like get out of my way you're blocking the kombucha #so i have to do some rewriting anyway bc a chunk of the fic is like has nick suzuki ever been recognized in his life. answer: yes!!! #i assume robo is not being recognized by non-hockey fans anyway lol dallas has american football baseball and basketball #the city got other concerns #i always laugh when canadians are like isn't hockey one of your big four sports 🤨 #i'm like. tiers of american sports: 1: college basketball and college football. 2: football basketball and baseball. 2.5: hockey #u could put connor mcdavid in a grocery store and people would be like get this guy's ass out of the fruit section he's killing the vibe #i spent 20 hours at church over the weekend guys and i refused to read or answer a single email from anyone associated with church #all day bc i was like i need a break from you people. but people started texting me instead i was like .... #didn't read or answer those either lol #i was gonna refill a queue tonight but a i just spent 45 minutes on these tags b i saw a picture of trea turner that got me in my 🥺 #c was writing a touching tribute to manju and hot guys of which there are none in san jose (hot guys. there's plenty of manju #in san jose) #and now i am like. am i crazed enough to have an opinion on 150 posts in one hour?? #let's find out lmao #fresno oilers.txt

[jewishwizard]

There is a very specific sort of antisemitism that is seemingly common in mental health facilities and its fucking terrifying

#the last 2 times ive been in a mental hospital it was always the most visibly jewish person who got targeted by nurses #and i happened to be the most visibly jewish person in a psychward the last time #its like. the 1st time there were more jewish people in there and the one of us who got it the worst was an older woman with bipolar disord #and like. many of us who noticed how terrible she was getting treated had to tell staff off multiple times #like wtf stop u r literally just poking her with a stick at this point trying to get her to have a meltdown so u have an excuse #to lock her away #it was so fucked #and the rest of us jews in there were like... slightly more stable enough to ignore the taunting from staff #like they'd find the smallest shit to get on our asses about or tell us we're being delusional abt things out of nowhere #like they tried to get a rise out of us specifically so they could frame us as crazy and neurotic when we get frustrated #and the last time i had the mosfortune of being the 1 of 2 jews who was visible and very unstable #i was made sick by nurses on purpose and then gaslit when i was up all night vomiting #i had to be given an injection and sedated the next day just so i would stop projectile vomiting all over my room #i had multiple seizures and they told.me i was throwing myself on the floor #they did things to make me break on purpose #and they did it to others to but #it was different w how they did it to me? #and when they didn't let me go to the main eating area bc i kept fainting/seizing they ordered me shit with pork when i have kosher diet #it was fucked and i know this is a problem #its a problem in outpatient too #i ended up homeless for like a year bc an antisemitic counselor fucked me over #vent

[worstloki]

thinking about how if all of Loki and Natasha's conversation in Avengers 1 was projection instead of just most of it it implies so much about what was used against him by Thanos.

Yes, the idea of sending someone with a way out "as a balm" after trying torture to make him cooperate.

"I'd say I've expanded his mind" as if Loki asked what the scepter did, what it was doing.

"Is this love, Agent Romanoff?" when she wants to know if Clint will be intact after it's over, a refusal to answer when Thor may wonder the same of him and not like the answer.

"And what will you do if I vow to spare him?" we already know Thanos would use Thor's life against Loki. We already know Loki's bargain included sparing Midgard from Thanos, but not Asgard.

LOKI: Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man? NATASHA: Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that LOKI: What is it you want?

Could Loki have faced a choice for Asgard and chosen only Thor? A direct parallel, including however Loki does/doesn't identify as Asgardian, and his mindset in conquering. He's not got conviction and she mirrors that nonchalance here.

Loki asking "Can you? Can you wipe out that much red?" and listing her crimes is another line usually understood as projection. Loki has his list too, and doesn't think great of it. "Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer. Pathetic!"

"You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers." is a pretty apt description of Asgard. But could it describe Sanctuary too? What did Loki have to do to prove his loyalty to Thanos before being judged worthy of the scepter, of a bargain at all, and to retrieve a whole infinity stone for him at the cost of one?

"You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!" This is generally understood as blanket guilt/regret but he says it so angrily it's often dismissed in favour of just snitching on HYDRA within SHIELD. Re: What did Loki have to DO while under Thanos?

LOKI: I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you! Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear! And when he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I'll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!

Assuming Thor is the one Loki would bargain to save, is this a threat that has been made to Loki before? Is it what Loki knows would come of a successful bargain with Thanos? Being hurt by Thor is what he's feared before, but does it hold true even after the events of Thor 1? The idea of Thor being used against Loki being an intimate way to kill, while also acknowledging that Thor might not want to do it and might realize what he's done and hate it?

#''No. You brought the monster." is interesting because it happens right after Natasha refers to Loki as a monster #it helps support that Loki was projecting but the idea that the monster was brought #rather than already there #so could also be read as a reminder that Loki has enough awareness to define a monster for actions committed #rather than just his race in Thor 1 #Loki refers to Hulk as a 'mindless beast making play he's still a man' but like Hulk is known for destruction at that point #and there's nothing saying he knows Banner to be the other form iirc #idk I've just been thinking about the ''Not until I make him kill you! Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear!'' line #like bruh that's so SPECIFIC #what did Thanos DO #what was Loki THINKING during Thor 1 #*shakes bars* TELL ME #headcanons galore i reckon #too bad the MCU didn't try to cash in on ANYTHING

[fourteenthz]

LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH. #OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her. #and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go. #ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN. #I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM. #TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME. #she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death. #feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento. #I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man..... #the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR?? #i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go. #but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do. #until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so. #the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima. #I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry. #he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

[binch-i-might-be]

also my most useless coworker got into light trouble today because she didn't listen to me. felt good <3

#see i TOLD HER that she should take her till and relieve a specific person so she could go on break #like not just close her register i told her to specifically take over that register because the girl was in a double with our new guy #who i don't want to be alone yet. and what does she do? she closes her register and opens a new one #so i was like 'umm that's not what i said. the new guy can't be alone yet' and she proceeds to misgender him and then says she doesn't want #to be in that register because it's too cramped in there. our supervisor notices this some time later and i tell her what i WANTED to happen #and what actually DID happen. aka that my Most Useless Coworker just decided to go rogue and ignore me even when i told her TWICE MORE #that this person is new and needs to have someone with them #and then she had the GALL to try and tell our supervisor when she brought it up a second time later that she didn't know he was new #when i told her no less than three times in that conversation alone. and also what do you mean you can't tell when someone is new #do you remember having worked with them for the past few months??? no??? then they're probably new! #anyway she got scolded and told to listen to me 💕💕💕💕 #rayrambles

[wizardnuke]

loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again

#THERAPEUTIC. incredible things happening. #this person. me and this guy both love this person. but Oh my God. #he called to tell me abt something that kind of pissed him off last night and i started talking about a month and a half ago #why are we handholding this grown ass person thru fomo and massive control issues. well. it's not a dealbreaker but i might blow up one day #oscillating between 'yes i love them' and 'i've been pissed for a month and a half' #the horrors of having a interconnected friend group? it's really just two people i would really really hate to lose. others wouldn't be as #affected but those two. i love them. and AGAIN it's not a dealbreaker it's just kind of a buildup of behaviors. anyone remember my bitchy #post about the fomo/anxiety essay #also smaller things like Why are you trying to micromanage two disc servers that you dont have to lift a fucking finger in #um. my beloved irl if you see this. you didn't. i do love her to death. you know i do #the issue is if i put out all my issues they would take it really badly like they would act like it's the end of the fucking world #when i'm just like hey i am not your mother or your therapist and also stop trying to tell me what to fucking do #they would. um. lose it. #and some people are gonna get hit in the crossfire and i don't want to cause that. even tho it. wouldnt really be me.

[cottoncandyopinions]

It's wild how on one side of my dash I see people talking about the real issues of transmasc erasure, "you're taking our lesbians away" terf rhetoric, and the ways that trans men are expected to accept ostracisation within leftist spaces without ever advocating for themselves...

Meanwhile on the other side, I see lots of "The MRA's are back, anyone that speaks about transmasc issues are transmisogynists, if you didn't immediately decide transandrophobia is an invalid concept then you're a bigot" type hysteria and it all just pisses me off.

Like trans men will spend their entire life til now perceived as women, expected to be quiet, expected to obey and be a resource to others without taking up too much space or having needs themselves. And upon realizing they're trans, finding their community, and thinking maybe this is a place they can find some modicum of comfort, the community says "no."

We don't want your voice or your struggles, because it doesn't fall in line with the rhetoric. It's not a part of the theory.

SJ theory generalizes, that's the nature of it. It's used to describe society as a whole, and how systemic oppressions operate. Broad academic theory isn't meant to for you to apply it precisely the same way to the individual.

That's what being intersectional is supposed to be about! You're not supposed to say "well systemically men are oppressors, so this man I just met is actively looking to oppress me" when you meet a homeless black man in a wheel chair.

I'm just so tired of the dynamic where in leftist spaces we can't share our stories and pain because they have to align with our ideas of who's the oppressor or not.

To this day, I feel terrified to open up about the fact that an older woman sexually assaulted me as a teen, because I'm so afraid someone will say I'm just targeting lesbians, or that my story promotes predatory stereotypes and shouldn't be shared. I can't talk about shit like that because I know that outside my closest friends, others in leftists spaces don't want to hear about that.

This is all over the place but I'm just so frustrated. Seeing people that have been boiling over, keeping their mouth shut, playing nice even when it's unfair to them, daring to open their mouths to speak all the while trying to be careful, only to still get attacked and made into bigots.

It's like there's no amount of bowing and saying your troubles are meaningless and insisting other people have it worse that will let you be "allowed" to talk about what hurts you.

We're supposed to be past one-upmanship and oppression olympics, it's not about who's had it worse it's about what we can fucking do about it TOGETHER.

And that means being able to drop your academic theory and shit to engage with the people in your community as fucking human beings. That means being able to seriously consider the validity of criticism instead of knee-jerk rejecting it.

Also please stop accusing literally anyone talking about intra-community bullying of talking over people being killed or shit like that, you know damn well that people are capable of caring about multiple issues

#Not long ago I had a bunch of hate anons on my side blog #Saw a trans guy in the replies to a post made by a trans woman express that he related and felt solidarity #He got dogpiled and bullied and cursed and even after all that he apologized and said he would try to do better #Not a single person even expressed kindness after the apology #So I decided to reply and just say that it's cool he wanted to express solidarity and people were being a bit cruel #Dear lord the hateful anons I got #I was tagged in an impromptu call out post calling me “an Aiden” and basically saying I'm peak transmisogyny #When I said I wasn't even a trans guy I was told I must be trying to bait because my gender isn't in my about on that account... #The most unbelievable thing to me is that when pressed further I admitted to being intersex #And that was treated as some kind of cop out #It was clear that wasn't the desired answer because it didn't tell them about my genitalia #Having a trans woman interrogate my identity and attempt to sus out my genitalia is something that only happens with supreme hypocrisy #It's insane right now #transadrophobia #trans community

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30? #idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do. #i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count? #I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post. #why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags* #it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows. #where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one. #this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can. #which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone. #thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really... #...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

[drawnecromancy]

Random sillies from snooping around in the goblin camp. Veldren does flirt as a hobby so they're having a lot of fun with Astarion so far.

Bonus under the cut :

Shadowheart and Lae'zel don't agree on many things except the fact that these two are So Fucking Tiring because they're Like That all the fucking time.

#martin plays bg3 #bg3 spoilers #(maybe ? idk) #astarion #bg3 fanart #real talk. Veldren is not the Cliché Bard That Fucks Around All The Time. It's just incredibly funny to flirt to them #and like. idk so far when astarion hasn't been telling me horrible things that happened to him in his past like it's a tuesday #he's been real funny in the flirty sense + he doesn't feel particularly serious #so i think that would 100% make Veldren bounce off of that #it's just fun man #like i'm definitely going to try to romance astarion there's no question here #it's just funny to do it as i rp a character who generally just flirts for fun and WOULD be surprised if it resulted in anything #my art #sketches #there's other fun tidbits about Veldren like #they didn't believe vampires were real for a long time. #in fact they didn't believe vampires were real UNTIL they met astarion. #they weren't phased by the red eyes or whatever like look. Vel's a drow. with red eyes. why would he assume Astarion having red eyes is wei #weird* #the scar on their face is a burn. they fell face first into a fire as a kid. they make shit up when people ask though #because it's funny #they WILL be kind of a dick if it's funny + there's no real consequences #should i tag lae'zel and shadowheart here ? hm. they're #a bonus so probably not.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

the higher-ups (and Yaga) immediately trying to leverage Gojo & Ieri's absence to put Yuuta on the roster??? God that's such a stark moment. Thank god Nanami and Gojo saw through that one immediately, because Yuuta wants to justify his own survival so badly he would've fallen straight into it.

That whole scene, with Yuuta immediately jumping on the opportunity to help people even though something is Extremely Wrong with him and he's on the brink of physical collapse--this boy is selfless to the point of self destruction and I am chewing the drywall about it. I love him so much.

If only he was able to summon his newly found homicidal rage in defense of himself, the higher-ups would no longer be a problem. Alas, this boy is Extremely Unwell.

(Sea Glass Gardens is absolutely incredible and i am obsessed with it in a way that is totally and 100% normal. I'm so normal about it, trust me <3 )

The thing about Yuuta is that he really is prime to be taken advantage of right now and the higher ups know it. They had him try to kill himself for them--they know that there's a window of opportunity that they can use to get him under their thumb and avoid The Problem of Gojo, which is, namely, having a human weapon who you cannot fully control. Gojo nailed it from the beginning: they want a magic gatling gun with no personality or free will. They learned their lesson with Gojo and are trying to rob Yuuta of his agency before he learns how to protect himself.

And Yaga's part in that scene really was meant to kind of emphasize how, even with the best intention's, he just doesn't work to protect the kids. Like. everything he said was technically true, and he meant it with the best of intentions. He's the guy who has to think of everyone's needs. he has to manage this crisis. he's got a lot of people hurt badly who just came out of a war, and a lot of people going into fights with some very aggravated curses spawning without sufficient manpower to address the danger and no healer to save them if they cut it a little too close. He didn't have the intention of manipulating or sacrificing Yuuta, but he was aware that it would come to his detriment and risk.

The issue is the higher ups. They don't give a shit about the people in their workforce. They should be the ones doing whatever it takes to solve this crisis and save their people--and if that means giving up on their machinations? They should have already done it. It's their responsibility.

They just don't care. They want Okkotsu Yuuta under their thumb, and their society hemorrhaging is treated like an opportunity, not a dire problem to be solved. They don't care if half a dozen of their own people need to die to do it. Hell, it's better if they do die--they can put it straight on Okkotsu for not being willing to sacrifice himself, when they should have been making whatever promises they had to in order to make this work.

Gojo's done this before, is the thing. He was Yuuta, a long time ago. Nanami was right there watching it happen. They both know what the higher ups do: They let society get to a crisis level and put all the responsibility on you to save it. they let you maneuver yourself into a vulnerable position as a result, and then they use it as leverage to put their goddamn boot on your neck.

The thing is that Gojo adopting megumi all those years ago really did put them into a crisis state. the zenin pitched the mother of all bitch fits trying to secure his unconditional return, and they were a huge percentage of jujutsu society's labor force and resource pools. instead of the higher ups managing the problem at all, they took advantage of the situation and shoved more and more of its weight and responsibility onto gojo, until he was dropping off his own kid at his abusers' compound thinking it was the only compromise that could resolve things. megumi paid the price for gojo not calling bullshit, and right now, with him in a hospital bed? gojo's less willing to repeat mistakes than ever.

he knows that they're going to use the safety and suffering of everyone else as the leverage against him, and he knows that as terrible as it is, he cannot blink first. He's played this game before, and he knows that the only way to get the higher ups to back off on something like this is to dig in your heels.

I think what happened to Megumi all those years ago and how bad it got before they put a stop to it is something that haunts all three of them. When they first started raising him, they were very young, and they were very broken, and they loved him very, very much. He was their little boy, and he was never the same after the Zenin. They were supposed to protect him, and they didn't, and not a single one of them has forgiven themselves for that.

Megumi was sort of sacrificed for the greater good when he was a kid. None of them thought that that was what they were doing when it happened, but that's what happened. His happiness, safety, and wellbeing were sacrificed to pacify the Zenin and make it easier on everyone else.

Megumi and Tsumiki had to become their non-negotiables after. They had to become the things they refused to compromise on. The Zenin would take miles and miles if you gave them a millimeter, let alone an inch.

Gojo didn't think he was compromising them when he left them on their own to deal with Geto's war. They were disgustingly self-sufficient kids. They had been alone for longer stretches of time when they were practically toddlers--they should have been fine on their own for a couple of weeks.

But they were still his kids, and he still left them alone for everyone else's sake, and now his kid is blind and half dead in a hospital bed. It's like being punched in the face by old mistakes.

So they're off the roster completely, all of them. And they're not compromising an inch on what their focus is, and they're not letting anything happen to any of the other kids in their care.

It's terrible that their coworkers are suffering, but it wouldn't be happening if the Zenin hadn't fucked with Gojo Satoru's kid, of all the goddamn people. It wouldn't be happening if the higher ups would actually do their job and start managing shit.

And if they use Yuuta as an anxiety riddled bandaid on the bullet hole in their society? Then they'd be sacrificing him the way they sacrificed Megumi all those years ago. And they have never been less willing to do that.

I'm so so glad you like the story! Thank you for talking with me!

#i think gojo has such a big emphasis on giving kids the tools to protect themselves because no one ever did that for him or geto #geto snapped under the pressure and was lost to gojo forever #Gojo repeatedly focuses on giving the kids the tools to enjoy their childhood without being hurt #like with yuuji--he doesn't want him to sacrifice his youth and happiness with the others #so he focuses on giving him the strength to protect himself when gojo isn't there #in my mind that's also why gojo was always trying to feed yuuji the fingers #like when i first started the series it seemed kind of weird to me because gojo very obviously didn't want yuuji dead #until i realized that yuuji canonically had a good chance at suppressing sukuna even at 20 fingers as long as he had them spaced out #if yuuji had sukunas power level and had gotten it in increments eventually the higher ups couldnt touch him and hed still be under control #honestly none of the adults are doing well right now #a little under a decade ago the issue with the zenin came to a head and megumi ended up being very small and very hurt in a hospital bed #and they promised him that it would never happen again #now he looks very small and very hurt and he's in a hospital bed and the zenin put him there #as much as he's an angry teenager who hates displays affection he really is their little boy and they adore him #nanami was the one who took him from the zenin the final time all those years ago and he personally promised megumi that he would never eve #go back to that place. he feels like a complete failure right now. #gojo always blamed himself for not digging in his heels and refusing the custody compromise and now he's FURIOUS that this happened under #his nose a second time. i think gojos really interesting in the hero role because he's canonically low empathy and struggles with homicidal #impulses and let me tell you he thought about just killing all the zenin back then and he's REALLY thinking about it right now. there's one #fucking way of making sure this never happens again. #shoko generally feels like shit because this is supposed to be the one thing she can do to help and she /can't/ do it right now to help #megumi. also she privately thinks she had the most opportunity to realize how bad it was with the zenin back then and /didn't/. #she was going through a lot of her own issues back then and the zenin had some kind of believable excuses for why megumi was always banged #up. like. he was already getting into fights at school. its not like the zenin had issues procreating. they said he was picking fights #with other kids and that's where he got hurt. they actually blamed maki more than once. and some bruises here and there is expected for a #kid in combat training even at what was meant to be a very preliminary level. he was supposed to be in like. kiddie karate classes and they #didn't realize the zenin were training him like a fucking marine. it was SO obvious in hindsight and that tortures them. #protecting yuuta right now kind of feels like a chance to get it right the first time and all of them need that now that they feel like the #fucked it up with megumi a second time #sea glass gardens

[levi-dayne]

silly little vent in the tags

#i really miss him and it's not fair how much i gave to him every day when i had to beg for attention back #i don't get why this always happens #it's every single person every single time #and they always tell me i was the best person they ever dated and i made them realize what being loved feels like or whatever #but i always end up more damaged #it feels like people think the way i love is like an apology from the universe that they can just take all of without reciprocating #instead of another traumatized person with feelings also trying to get what they give #it's so exhausting and frustrating i just want to love someone that loves me back #and they all say they do and tell me how great i am but they never listen when i communicate what i need and i have to beg #and they expect praise for the bare minimum #i asked him what he does for me and he said 'i was there to support you' #do you want a medal?? you SHOULD support your partners and your friends #and they all acknowledge that when the roles are reversed #what really fucks me up about it is when i see how they treated their exes #why not me?? what did i do wrong?? #and they say i didn't do anything and that i was the best but no one acts like it #im so fucking tired of this it hurts so much #like i know for a fact my other ex legitimately saw me as his reward for persevering through rejection #when can people start seeing me as an equal to them that also wants to be loved and valued and needed?? it's not fair #people keep taking advantage of me and how caring i am towards them and it sucks #im losing hope once someone DOES treat me right i won't even trust it #personal posts 😌✨️✨️ #tw vent

[xbadnews-a]

ok. so, hear me out. imagine it's modern verse, okay? imagine your muse meets percy, hooks up with him, stays the night. imagine your muse tries to find the bathroom & instead finds a room in the back of his apartment with every inch of wall plastered in newspaper clippings about the briarwoods & their associates with chaotic colorful yarn connecting different things.

#ooc. #wishlist. #i just think it's funny #trying to decide if the d/ck is bomb enough to excuse the blatant insanity #i have just been itching to write abt this room i think though #because percy is so good at masking in modern verse until u ask him abt the briarwoods #like yeah he's always a bit Strange but like once you ask him abt that it's On #he's so desperate to be heard in modern verse #like he is in the early bits of his main verse too don't get me wrong #in main verse before vm people look at him like he's crazy when he tries talking abt what happened in whitestone #but in modern his survival literally hangs on the fact that he learned how not to talk abt it #he learned how to carry it around w him in silence letting it fester #bcs when he tries telling people ' yo necromancers killed my family ' they ask him if he took his medication today #( he didn't )