#just wanting to vent that today really is kinda day

[dummerjan]

today couldn't be more not-my-day i just want to scream and have a cry

#my laptop is breaking down #i just got my period and have had a headache since last evening #i have been awake since 5.15 despite only having to get up at 6.30 #and then my teacher called in sick and we have to do fashion illustration/technical fashion drawings at home #none of which i have ever done which is ok she knows that #but it still makes me want to cry because i am overwhelmed #and the really short term change of plans is not something i can handle well to begin with #and i have to go to school today anyway because of a ( likely exhausting/stressful) meeting with a counselor #nothing dramatic just too much at once before 9 am #i have been awake for 4 hours but i feel like a zombie #if only my laptop wasn't breaking down i need it for school today. #it's getting worse my the minute and it's taking for ever for icloud to upload files #i also overdid it socially lately #not my day whatsoever #could i at least not be on my period? #me being able to cry is thanks to only taking 1/4 of my usual anti-depressant dose #it's kinda nice #i dont want to cry but not being able to when the feelings are there is also frustrating #meins #okay enough venting #i am going to be a grown up now #or try to at least

[biracy]

Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow

#idk i don't have much 'real stuff' happening irl besides like. job hunting and college applications. so it's hard #but i think if i at least ease off some time on here n read a little more n watch more movies i might start to feel better #haven't really liked where my head's been at lately it feels like whatever persona is The One Who Blogs is 'taking over' more #to put it in a very dorky comic book-sounding ass way LMAO but that's how i feel! like i'm losing my own 'voice' yknow #my mental health is Bad my physical health is also Not Great n i kinda feel like ass. if i'm being honest #idk i feel like i'm crashing from whatever high i've been on for the past couple of days n i'm not Really super happy w myself #except the media literacy posts those were good. but like the more discoursey stuff i'm not proud of #again sorry to like. publicly vent LMAO i'll be fine i'm good. i'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this #but again. sorry abt the Shite i was posting earlier today i wasn't really in my own right head #just kinda wanted 2 get all that off my chest idk if it's clear that i don't really have anyone i feel like i can talk to right this moment #i'm very socially isolated irl and i'm so scared of becoming socially isolated online too just bc i'm an idiot who doesn't think b4 he post #NOT to make it sound all about me or whatever but it's true. i'm very very scared of losing people n right now this is My Space #i'd forgotten just how bad it felt. in this Specific case it is kinda my fault tho LMAO don't worry i've apologized as best i know how #okay i'm done. i'm done. i'm gonna go watch tv and go to bed i hope #open mick night

[arcaneyouth]

my shit ass gamer chair has developed a quirky lil issue where the seat won't stay up and is constantly sinking down and there's nothing i can do about it. it'll last for like 2 hours and then i just can't use it anymore. and i don't feel good asking my parents for a replacement we do not have that money rn. and i apparently don't know how to tell if a chair is going to be good before it gets here (i chose this chair. it's lasted less than a year) so i would have to ask my parents to figure it out for me and they don't have that time. so. i'm kinda just. not able to use my computer for very long. so that's awesome.

#vent post #negative #the seat hurts to sit on at this point too #it's just a bad chair. i knew it was bad the moment i started putting it together. #i'm glad it waited to do this until after i finished making chapter 7 of my comic so i don't technically need to use it much #but i wanted to draw today. #and now i'm gonna spend the rest of my day in bed cause i've got nothing else i can do #i also have not finished making my fucking cover letter for this stupid application so i'm gonna have to transfer that to google docs to #do it on my phone in bed #also the chair sinks down so slowly that i usually can't tell if it's actually sinking and trying to figure it out makes me nauseous #for some god damn reason #fuck. chairs are so fucking expensive. #i wanted to use the money i'm gonna get from the job i'm hopefully getting to buy fun silly stuff #but i'm probably gonna have to spend All Of It on a fucking chair #because i really cannot make my parents get me one. #so now if i don't get this job i'm just. kinda fucked #i've got money in savings i just hate having to use it. that was supposed to be my moving out fund man #this fucking. sucks #if anybody can explain why the fuck my chair is doing this so i can fix it. that'd be awesome. #update: its clearly a problem with the cushion. unfortunately i cant replace the cushion. #not without taking a knife to it. which i am super unsure if thats a good idea. #i hate knowing fucking nothing. i dont know what to do. i want to scream.

[kitsuna21]

I was birthed today

#kit talks #yayyyy… #tw: vent #I think this is the first one I truly feel sad #like I don’t really want it to be my birthday because of what that entails and it’s gonna be a year since…things happened #and I don’t like the attention really and I just want to spend the day doing fuck all #maybe it’s the seasonal depression or the fact I’m still going through the weird identity crisis #or maybe the fact I’m not out and I’m constantly reminded of that #I just wanna hang out with my closest friends man #I feel bad for saying it but I don’t wanna spend it with my family??? like I know it sounds kinda dumb but yeah #but hoorayy I was birthed today #I will draw more little guys today and work on the animatic thingy me thinks

[van-ecks]

just gonna dump real quick dont mind me xo

#today's been a really bad day mentally but also i'm ???? kinda proud of myself for how i've handled it #i've def cried a lot and had a few anxiety attacks so that wasnt great but on the other hand #i've tried so hard to keep myself busy and distracted so it didnt get BAD bad yknow #like i recognised what i was feeling and tried to make it better #i read. i wrote. i cross-stitched. i watched a movie i love. i listened to some happy music.... #i reached out to a couple of friends and told them i was having a bad day and felt a bit lonely so we arranged some stuff to do #most facetiming bc they all live up north but still #mostly* #also arranged a movie night with my flatmates #and tomorrow i'm gonna make an appointment with the doctor to get back on my meds bc today got a bit scary #so like ??? yep definitely one of the worst mental health days i've had in a while but i'm so proud of how i handled it tbh #bc i spiralled definitely but i could have made it a lot worse for myself but i didnt #anyway sorry for this heavy post i just wanted a lil vent #holly.txt #mental health tw #just in case idk????

[vilelittlecritter]

Me looking at my pharmacist tell me I need to go get a prescription from my doctor because they never got a note to refill the Prozac and they can't give me it even though I am completely out of meds and the doctors is shut for another hour for lunch:

#i just want my fuckin meds god damnit #i also haven't fucking got lunch yet and i walked for around half an hour to basically be told nuh uh uh #my days going great 👍 #it isnt even anything really bad im just pissed tired hungry and want to get home already #i wanted to spend today drawing ffs #kinda vent #delete later #random rambles

[dimonds456]

sorry if i've been quiet, the anxieties have me.

but I have therapy tomorrow :) so hopefully things only go up from here.

#vent (kinda- happy ending) in the tags #filling in spaaace filling in spaaace #uh when i say “quiet” i mean like. in general over the past year #this time last year i was convinced i was going to die- among other things #the fact i'm still here is something i'm thankful for every day #something does not want me alive and every day i'm here is my way of giving whatever the fuck that is the middle finger #i'm here and i'm alive so fucking deal with it #that said; my mental state has been fuuuuuuuucked #also this time last year i was trying to recover from a really traumatic experience that lasted for 9 months #i'm still not recovered from it actually not even fucking close #i'm finally getting to a place where i feel that i can start talking about it (not to randos online tho sorry) but it took ages #but just knowing that the anniversary of it being “over” is coming up is like. doing something to me. #i still have a month- that anniversary is in August but like. shit. #this is why i haven't been uploading art like i used to when i was in the su fandom #i've been drawing slower and less frequently #and the art i do draw i don't always post (which was true even back then i probably only posted half of what I drew) #so i know that- at least back then- people have been worried about my sudden slowing down of artwork. this is why. #that said i've slowly been getting back into it. i actually got the urge to write today while i was at work (tho it faded when i got home) #which is a huge improvement #i am doing better! #the askblog has been helping a lot actually #even if it... does remind me of a different time (before everything went to shit). but like i think that's *why* it helps y'know? #but it also gives me a lot of anxiety so i can't do it all the time #my anxiety in general has gotten really fucking bad over the last month and a half and i'm not sure why. like it's always been there but. #but now it's like a hunched beast and literally appears out of nowhere #at least before i was always pretty sure what was causing it but now i have no idea #but thats what the therapy is for. that and the trauma fdgshajk #no doubt the two are linked probably #but soon i'll be better. soon i'll be able to move forward on all the projects i wanna work on #soon i'll be free y'know?

[bread-of-death]

Sometimes I kinda feel like my mom’s emotional support animal

#her coworker’s daughter died a few days ago #obviously very very traumatizing for the girl’s mother #and I could kinda just tell my mom was thinking about what it would be like to lose my brother or I #anyways she asked if I wanted to go to the memorial service with her a few days ago(service was today) #I didn’t really know the girl- we had met once or twice at our parents’ work parties #but that’s about it #but I went for my mom anyways #I dunno it feels like I just comfort her more often than she comforts me #mostly becauss I avoid going to my mom for literally anything like it’s the plague #but still #I think my mom loves who she thinks I am #but I don’t know that she actually loves my actual gay little self #I think she would #but in a much more obligatory way #I dunno #I’ll probably need therapy in a few years #we’ll see lol #vent post #just in case

[somelazyassartist]

.

#i know I've been venting a lot recently and I'm really sorry but i am. so stressed out with my job right now #for multiple reasons and it sucks so bad #and it just got worse a bit and so I'm conflicted with what I'm supposed to do #because i WANTED to give myself a later deadline so i can take the Etsy stuff slower #because you know!! already stressed about that and tons of other stuff!! #but now i feel like i have to push my deadline up even further than it was before because of some stupid bullshit #pardon my language. it's not anybody's fault. it was two cases of website malfunctions. #I'm not ranting about the people working at either place because they weren't in control of it I'm just kinda mad about the issues itself #cuz i made a bunch of stuff for the Shoppes right?? but it turns out! #there was an issue in the system which meant they couldn't sell anything and nobody thought to tell me until i asked why my stuff wasn't up #and so that's like. 3 cloaks‚ 8 hats‚ and 4 plushies that i could've sold on Etsy a month ago that just never were up for sale #and today at Joann's i had a few issues with mechanical based issues too! #so i went there to get more supplies because if the shop isn't selling i need more stock to sell online to make up for it right? #so i put in half my order for pick-up and was going to get the rest while i was there because i had coupons for both #soooo. the other things i was going to get there were said to be on sale. and then i find out there #that the website hadn't updated right and the sale was cancelled early. so i paid way more than i thought i was going to #and! since the website wasn't updating right! the order i put in for pick up didn't show up in their system until too late in the day! #so i have to go BACK to pick up the half of my order i already paid for and didn't get today #and again since the website didn't update some of the things that it said were in stock sold out in this store so i have to get them online #which is another bit of money I'll have to spend to finish the projects i got fabric for today #i know worrying and stressing isn't going to do me any good #i know that i should probably just sleep this off (if I'm able to) and sort things out tomorrow when I'm feeling better #but it's just kinda upsetting already having a lot of other personal issues i don't want to talk about publicly to deal with #and then having issues with my job and only way of making money on top of it #i know it's a small stupid thing to be upset about #but it's like a needle in a haystack but if the haystack was also all needles #sure i can fix that problem-needle but i hurt myself on every other little problem-needle i have to dig through #it's just so many little things and it all just has been wearing me down. and i know it'll be fine eventually but it still sucks right now #vent #again I'm sorry for venting so much i just kinda have to get this one thing I'm comfortable talking about off my chest

[chesedelhim]

hm

#fire.txt #i dont usually put my vents on tumblr but good gd if i have another place to be rn lmao #today. is a day for getting fuckall kinds of drunk. and eating sushi #and i am going to do nothing else. its not a good day. its really not #idk man. its been 7 years. thats. a lot to put down #and i dont have a spot for all of it #im not mad at him. im not even upset at him. it just. hurts. my arms are full. idk #im just #idk. idk. im still processing it. #i woke up at like 9am and was just impulse checking my phone #i cant....say i didnt see it coming. kinda #i knew we had been growing apart i just. guess even when you get that vague sense of it all it can still blindside you #and gd it'd just be a fuckin lie if i said it didnt hit like a truck #idk. im watchin comfort medias. playin pz. watching blake sleep. waiting for the waves to end. idk. idfk. #i have to update the chart. im thinking about anything but this and yet nothing but this. idk #i want to go back to bed but i absolutely cannot sit still enough for that id just go mental instead #theres. a lot to chew on. ive been shaking for an hour. idk. im gonna go do something else.

[astrxealis]

aaaaaaa

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #okay today so far isn't that much of a good day T___T or maybe it's just anxiety ?? hm. #idk :') ig in general i just really hate whenever it feels like i'm ignored or forgotten or avoided or whatever ...... whhduegeiwhdkdhd #here and irl (school esp atm) ;; introduction video for one of our subjects and i have really few views and idk man #maybe i'm just really overthinking it all but i . doubt i'll make friends ... #makes sense it's always like that haha <//3 sorry i just need to let this out somehow so . tumblr it is ... #uh. uhm. i don't know OFHWODHSK anyways i think i'll just try not to overthink or panic .... hhshhdshdkshodns i just wna hide in a hole #idk man i'm really used to always trying my best to listen to everyone and i don't do it AS much bcs i've gotten. tired. sadly #uh idk how to explain anymore . but yeah ;;; not being listened to is just really yeah for me ............. #okay i'll head off now eorufuehwidbdos i don't. want to. idk but yeah ;;;; #tw vent #aawiejueuruifhfjeojqoqndpnfpwk ................ #dunno anymore man just ignore me if you see this ;; T___T #even here too ngl but i can't really blame people ;;; and i wldn't in any case!! but. it just really sucks that ........ yeah #aaaqwweufyfysvk i just. idk. bcs of my experiences and all those kinda stuff just really really yeah ..........

[zarnzarn]

Fuck yaar it's one of those days where u are either dissociating or depressed all day it sucks ass

#girl i came to ten minutes ago with and realised i was testing the sharpness of a knife against my thigh #not like in a self harm way just like it wasnt cutting the fabric well and i was so zoned out the next move was to test it against skin #AND today was so SHIT cause like half the day was pure dissociation. i mean it. zoned the fuck out. #i told one friend that i had a bunch of messy scribbles for a brain atm and i was speaking to her through the static #she is an absolute trooper but NOT doing that again lmao the self consciousness afterwards was too much #and it sucks too cause i wanted to greet someone today but i just. brain switched off. #honestly im gonna admit this once in th tags once but i was kinda scared cause i was actively railing against my brain to wake up #and couldnt #and then came home and mom had thrown away these old boxes I really loved and we fought then #and yeah actively holding back the urge to kill myself while trying to get her to stop screaming is Not Fun #i wont actually ever do it cause pride and knowing theres more out there than this #but like. windows right there yknow. knifes right there. #probably shouldnt traumadump on my girl again tho. she deserves better. #does not eating when hungry count as self harm lol. probably. #lmao these tags are a cry for HELP girl let's tag all the warnings #vent post #suicide mention #suicide tw #self harm mention #delete later #also please do not worry abt me. i am not going anywhere i am just in mental shambles

[www-dot-panopticon-dot-com]

#eye strain CW #vent #do not reblog #I got all bitchy at my mom today. and my older sibling. and my mom says I’m like that all the time… I guess I don’t disagree? #and mom seemed really stressed today. meanwhile I’ve been lounging about. I thought I was sick and my mom did too #(she checked my forehead for a temperature) but also I lounge about every day? #I’m on college summer vacation and I don’t have a job and I don’t help out around the house anywhere near as much as I should. #I just piss people off and try to instigate them. #and be manipulative. like I’ll be like ‘lmao I slept in so I guess you either gotta wait for me to shower and be late for this event that I #don’t want to go with you guys too or you’ll have to leave me here lol’ #I’m kinda. the worst. #and not even in a cool ‘campy villain’ way like I want to be perceived #just. the *worst* kind of worst. #and I can’t bring myself to do *anything* about it. I just want to laze about #I can’t bring myself to do anything about any of these things #text post #delete later #my posts #cipher.txt

[myriadsystem]

So of course on the day of the first job interview ive had in three years i have a pain flare up and cant fucking walk, cant even stand for long enough to shower.

I feel like a failure, i feel like ive let everyone around me down even though logically i know this isnt something i chose or have control over. But my dad who helped me pick my outfit and my partner who gave me bus money to get there and myself who ripped my pinky nail in half so my silly halloween falsies werent seen as unprofessional or hinder any typing tests i might have to do. It all feels for nothing, it feels like ive asked everyone to put so much effort into helping me prepare for this thing and ive just squandered the opportunity and wasted their time 😔

Ive left a voicemail to explain, i hope they hear it and allow me to reschedule. I owe more in bills than i can afford to pay back, i really needed this to go well

#personal #i hate this stupid broken body. i hate being disabled i hate having chronic pain i hate existing in this physical case that doesnt work #why did it have to be today ive been manageable for months. wailing and crying in agony with every move last night vainly hoping #that it would be better by this morning with some compression and some painkillers and keeping elevated. but no. of course not #this is the most severe pain ive ever had in this spot and im honestly kind of scared what it means for my health #but thats a background fear at the moment my buggest concern right now is that they wont reschedule the interview for me and i wont be able #to make my rent or bills payments. seriously the first and only interview ive had in three years of applying for jobs #that doesnt look good on a resume and the longer it goes the less likely i am to find another interview/job #having a real bad day lads. kinda wanna die ngl really dont want to be here experiencing this. not today #of all the days in the worlds year it had to be today 😭 #just venting ignore this. not a cry for help just general crying

[here-to-cause-suffering]

Trying to sleep but my thoughts are too loud

(vent in tags)

#todays been fine for the most part #but there was one conversation i had today that kinda hurt #it was about birthday gifts cause mine— and a friends— are really soon #and like we're a distance away but its drivable my mom just doesn't like to drive me #so they wanted to mail it but i said that was really expensive and that i should just come pick it up some day #especially since i already have hers and i really want to see my friends !! #and like they get to hang out all the time without me #like a lot #and theres like a lot more to that and i understand completely it just kinda. sucks #and when I mentioned going in person another friend (who also has a gift for me) was just like #lets be honest dude when are we going to see you? it might just be easier to send you your gift then wait months on end. #<- their actual response to me suggesting that #me and the other birthday person proceeded to figure out i could go this weekend like literally immediately after that message #but it still hurt #because like :/ you don't even try to invite me #so like of course you're never gonna see me #idk its stupid #vent #vent post #sorry for venting #ill probably never bring this up to them either #but i needed it off my chest #no hate to them it just hurt idk why

[hdawg1995]

i really wanna draw my necromancer Bane. i wanna write about him. i want to do comics about him. one of these days my self esteem won't stop me from doing that but today isn't that day sadly.

#ramble #vent #kinda #my friend said something that hurt and they didn't mean to hurt me #but i've been thinking about it all day today #because for a moment i felt really really REALLY confident in my storytelling skills #and then my brain reminded me for 5 or 6 years the most my comics got were 101 followers #even less than that since it was DA and about 20% of those were dead accounts #because you couldn't change your name back then #so when people wanted a name change they would just make a new account #i never had 101 followers but i pretended because thats what my account said i had #everyone around me improved and got more followers and views and favorites #meanwhile i didn't no matter what i did #so yeah the confidence i felt today was very rare #and then it crumbled #and all i wanna do is get ONE of my comics out there posted somewhere #but i'm not good enough for webtoon #and my official website plan hasn't been great #its just a mess