Visiting: Chapter Three - Ghosts
(Moodboard by the wonderful @cutesyscreenname)
Pairing: Professor!Ben (College AU) x OFC Lydia/fem!Reader (reader POV/2nd POV)
Summary: Seeking a change of scenery after her life falls apart, Lydia crosses the Atlantic and arrives in a small New England town, to spend a year expanding her intellectual horizons as a visiting professor of art history at a small liberal arts college. Her growing friendship with Ben Morales, professor of Hispanic literature, forces Lydia to confront the fallout from her past - and raises unexpected questions about the future.
Chapter Summary: The gorgeous New England fall settles in - and so does Lydia, feeling more at home among her friends and colleagues at Barrow than ever. And then comes Evan’s Halloween party, with costumes, cocktails, and closeness on a couch…
Word Count: 5.7k
Rating: Mature; will become Explicit in later chapters.
Content (chapter specific): Professor Ben College AU; smaller-than-usual-for-this-fandom age gap (she is 41, about to turn 42, and Ben 47 when the story begins); canon is not a thing here; slow burn; strong language; alcohol consumption; weight and body insecurity; reference to relationship breakdown; reference to chronic pain and implied autoimmune-related pain; references to serial killers in a Halloween costume context; briefly illegal shenanigans in the back of a car if you're liable to be concerned about this.
A/N: This is fluff. After the horrors of Kevin Lacroix last chapter, it was nice to write our gang in a more relaxed and fun setting (even if, as you’ll see, you could cut the tension with a knife).
This was originally one long chapter but will now appear as chapters 3 and 4.
(A subtitle for this chapter might have been: In Which Rose Works Out Her Tim Rockford Feelings. You'll see what I mean.)
The title of this chapter is taken from Laura Marling's song 'Ghosts', which resonates really perfectly with Lydia’s own back story: The ghosts that broke my heart before I met you.
I've included links to more thematic/featured songs in Further Author's Notes at the end, to avoid spoilers.
See the Series Masterlist for an outline of Lydia's story and background.
Taglist: @lunapascal, @julesonrecord, @cutesyscreenname, @tessa-quayle, @vermillionwinter, @iamskyereads, @tieronecrush, @perennialdoll247, @love-the-abyss, @imaswellkid, @intheorangebedroom, @javierisms, @fuckyeahdindjarin, @littlemisspascal
“I’m giving you two weeks - that’s plenty of advance warning here. I need to make sure you two understand the assignment.”
Evan exhales and pushes his seat back from the round table in the staff lounge, where you are eating lunch with Ben on a random Tuesday in mid-October. Evan’s expression is one of deep concern.
Ben puts down his sandwich and brushes a couple of crumbs from his dark green pullover.
“Do we understand the assignment? For your Halloween thing? At your house?”
“For the Halloween party, yes. Are we clear on the theme? This is important.”
“Is this because David is coming?” Ben asks mischievously. Evan has been involved in an on-off “thing” (his term, not yours) with David, a drama professor based in Boston, for the last six months, and this party would mark his introduction to the Barrow circle.
Evan ignores Ben’s question. You stifle a giggle and stir your noodle soup. He’s spent the last twenty minutes issuing your invites to a Halloween party at his apartment, accompanied by detailed explanations on the importance of sticking to the theme.
“Cinematic Horror And/Or Serial Killers. It’s pretty broad, I think we’ll be okay.”
Evan raises an eyebrow. “I’ll be the judge of that.”
Ben catches your eye and gives you a knowing look. “I have some questions, Evan. When you say ‘serial killers’, is that exclusively the killers themselves or are associated characters from the films an option?”
“Associated characters are fine. One of my friends from Boston is already dressing as Gale Weathers from Scream, though, so cross that one off your lists.”
Ben briefly looks confused, before returning to his lunch with a shrug.
“I also have a question, Evan,” you say, innocently. You can see Ben trying not to laugh as he takes a bite of his sandwich. “Fiction or non-fiction?”
Evan rolls his eyes. “What?”
“Well, do the characters have to be fictional, or can they be cinematic representations of real people as depicted in horror or serial killer movies?”
“Just stick to the theme. And you” - he points at Ben - “no niche literary or historical costumes.” He picks up his can of sparkling water and walks off.
You lean in, whispering. “I didn’t know this was so serious. I knew Halloween was a big deal here, but…”
Ben looks pensive as he finishes his lunch. “I’m still not entirely sure I understand what he means by ‘understand the assignment’.”
As the glorious New England fall settles in, making the Barrow campus a riot of copper and gold, you have that curious sensation of having been here forever while feeling like no time at all has passed. Your little community of friends and colleagues have, for the most part, made you feel like you were at home, not just “visiting”.
After the shenanigans at the beach away-day in September, you prove you can walk the walk as well as talking the talk. As soon as you got into work on the following Monday, you’d knocked on Ben’s door to volunteer as a tutor for one of the additional support workshops he was organising as part of the diversity and inclusion project across the faculty.
He seemed to appreciate your outsider perspective, regularly seeking out advice or feedback on how best to look after the students involved. You’ve never seen anyone look as pleased as he did to receive a printed and bound copy of the hundred-page report your institution had compiled a couple of years ago on support strategies.
He shrugged when you mentioned this, having watched him leaf excitedly through the document. “I’m just a nerd for this stuff.” You shook your head. “You care. They’re lucky to have you.”
You shouldn’t have favourites, really, not when you’re teaching such a range of classes, but the students in that particular workshop group are a joy: hard-working, insightful, kind, and funny. They have no sense of entitlement or expectation based on privilege. They come into each group meeting spilling over with things they want to tell you and the rest of the class: books read, movies watched, artworks discovered, songs played on repeat. Their intelligence and perceptiveness only underlines how toxic the attitudes of, ahem, certain colleagues are.
They seem to like you, too - though not as much as they like Ben, who is clearly a bit of a cult favourite. You overhear a group in your support workshop talking excitedly one morning about seeing him coming onto campus on his black-framed bicycle, two pannier bags attached to the back.
“He’s just so cute on his little bike, ohmygoooooood!” The other students had scrunched up their faces and made high-pitched noises to signal their agreement. “Protect this man at aaalllllll costs,” agrees another. “Did you see his little space tie at orientation?? He’s so baby and so old man at the same time, I just cannot with him.”
You daren't ask what they say about you.
Outside of work, the arrival of more of the belongings you’d had shipped over has helped make the once-spartan apartment into a home. The crocheted blanket you made sits on the back of your small sofa, ready to be pulled over you as you read or watch TV. The living area is dotted with trinkets from your travels and photographs, especially of your little nieces. A bright green Japanese kintsugi bowl, a gift from your sister a year after your ex-partner had left, takes pride of place on the low coffee table.
It might only be home for a year, but you’ve tried to make the apartment feel like you. Your framed print of a Raoul Dufy painting of Paris hangs on one wall, comforting pinks and blues in the abstract but familiar depiction of the city. You treated yourself to two small Diptyque candles at the airport duty free on your way to the US, and their scent acts as a reassuring comfort whenever you walk back through the door after a day at work. As has been the case everywhere you’ve ever lived, there are books and magazines everywhere, some neatly shelved, far more in random piles. You’d even managed to track down a cheap second-hand sewing machine at a local thrift store, and had convinced Ani to drive you to the nearest large craft store to stock up on fabric and patterns.
It’s become somewhat of a running joke that you are obsessed with the fall. You tried to explain that it was, in part, because it was so different to what you were used to.
“We just get meh.”
“Meh?” Evan repeated, sipping his coffee in the staff lounge one day, as you explain. “Meh?”
“Yes, meh. It gets dark too quickly. It’s kind of always…damp, and it makes my stupid fucked-up joints and body hurt. And we don’t get those crisp, gorgeous colours in the landscape. More like fog and sludge and rotting leaves and just: meh. Here, though! Campus is just like a picture book.”
“If you think this is good, you should see the lakeside trail just outside town,” Ben adds. “Best way to see it is by bike. Could be fun if you wanted to hire one and explore it?”
A week later, and you’re back on a bike for the first time in a long time, trying to keep your focus on staying upright while taking time to admire the incredible surroundings. The colours of a New England fall are spread across the landscape like an extraordinary patchwork quilt, all oranges and golds and reds and the occasional evergreen, and the blue of the lake provides a perfect contrast. You stop pedalling for a moment, resting your feet on the ground as you take it all in.
“Wow.”
Ben, a little further ahead, slows and comes to a halt before walking his bike back to you. He follows your gaze to look at the picture-perfect scene in front of you, as nature offers a final performance of spectacular colour before the winter snows arrive.
“It’s really something, isn’t it? Fall does not look like this where I’m from.”
You nod, awestruck. “Sometimes I just can’t believe I get to be here.”
Two weeks after Evan’s micro-managed invitation to his Halloween party, and you think - no, make that hope - you’ve created a costume that fits the brief. Ani is coming over to meet up before you head over together, and you put out a bowl of candy corn (a revelation to you, even if Evan never fails to remind you that “it tastes like crayons.”)
You’re adjusting your curly blonde wig, carefully teasing out some of the curls around the ends, and checking your drawn-on moustache in the mirror when your phone lights up.
ANI: SEE ME. SEE ME NOW.
You raise an eyebrow and go to the intercom panel near your front door. Someone is standing at the door of the building in a top hat and morning suit, curly dark hair carefully arranged around their shoulders and a pair of tiny dark glasses perched on their nose.
The curious figure is carrying a Barrow Farmers Market tote bag.
“Fucking hell.” You press the button to let Ani in, and leave your front door ajar. They swish into your apartment a few moments later, a vision in a dove-grey morning suit they’d found at a local Goodwill and a top hat borrowed from the student drama society. Ani had asked you to pin some grey fabric around the hat a few days earlier, but hadn’t revealed any more about their costume plans.
“Well?? Do you see me now?” They twirl around for your approval.
“That’s genuinely incredible. Vampirism really suits you.”
Ani grins, admiring themselves in the mirror that hangs near the front door before taking a seat on the arm of your sofa. “I look fucking fantastic, even if I shouldn’t be able to see my reflection. Any Mina Harkers at this party better watch out.” They look you up and down. “And you’re…?”
You stand up. In addition to the wig and pencil moustache, you’re dressed in a three-piece tweed suit (another Goodwill find, which you’d been able to easily tailor to fit with your trusty sewing machine) with a shirt and tie, topped with a white lab coat.
Ani still looks confused. You tap a name badge you’d made for exactly this eventuality. They peer at it, reading it aloud, and finally join the dots:
Dr F. Frankenstein (Fronk-en-STEEN)
“Oh, wow.” Ani shakes their head. “You must be the first person in Halloween costume party history to go dressed as Young Frankenstein before he becomes the crazy scientist. Evan is gonna have notes.”
You shove your hands in the pockets of the lab coat and make a haughty face. “It’s pronounced Fronk-en-STEEN.”
Ani laughs and stands up, picking up their bag (which contains two bottles of wine). “Okay, Fronk-en-Steen, let’s go see if anyone can outdo you for niche costume choice of the night. That pencil moustache is kinda hot, by the way.”
Evan opens the door dressed in a truly horrible dress, a messy grey wig styled in a bun, and wielding a toy knife. He looks in a foul mood, even discounting the Norman Bates-as-Mother costume.
Ani wheels around, ready to do their Dracula routine. “SEE ME. SEE ME - fuck! Are you okay, man?”
Evan scowls, stepping back to let you in. “I’ve got to take meds to get rid of that bastard chest thing I’ve had, and they specifically state no alcohol or other drugs to be consumed while taking them. So I’m stone-cold sober at my own party, while everyone else is enjoying my spooky margs.” He jerks his head in the direction of the crowd of guests.
You step over the threshold, both curious and reluctant to find out what a “spooky marg” involves. Ani remains outside.
“You gotta invite me in, dude.”
Evan rolls his eyes and brandishes the plastic knife. “Would you like to come in, vampire? You’re so lucky this is a toy.”
Ani winks behind their little glasses. “Nuh-uh! Stakes only!”
Evan’s apartment is a decently-sized mid-century two bed, and most of the party guests are milling around the open-plan living and dining area. In addition to the select group of colleagues who made the list, he’s invited a few of his friends from Boston and New York to come up for the night. You scan the room, hoping to spy the elusive David.
“Spooky Margs and a selection of other beverages are in the kitchen with some snacks. Help yourselves. And make sure to remind someone all night that they did not understand the assignment.” Evan points with his toy knife towards a familiar figure clad in a beige mac, who’s talking to some of Evan’s friends.
Ben wheels around at the sound of Evan’s voice. He’s wearing a white shirt, a 1970s-style striped tie, and a pair of vaguely vintage-looking grey dress pants. There’s what looks like a toy police badge clipped to his belt.
He’s hearing Evan’s admonition for what is evidently the millionth time since he arrived, and rolls his eyes. “I keep telling you, I did understand! Cinematic horror or serial killers!” He looks pleadingly in your direction. “Lydia was there. We asked Evan some clarifying questions, didn’t we?”
You nod, but Ani pulls a face. “Not convinced Columbo fits the brief, my guy. Did he get many serial killers?”
Evan nods enthusiastically. “See? SEE? Ani gets it. Fuckin’ Columbo, Ben.”
In the time they’ve been upbraiding him, you’ve been studying Ben’s costume more carefully, a smile of growing recognition dancing around your mouth. You clear your throat, and all three look directly at you.
“He’s not Columbo.”
“So who is he, then?” Evan asks, irritated. Clearly, the lack of spooky margs is having an effect on his mood.
You move beside Ben. “Mind if I show them the evidence, Detective?”
“Not at all, Doctor.”
The white lab coat must be imbuing you with some sort of scientific spirit. You begin to jokingly lecture Ani and Evan, pointing out parts of Ben’s outfit like he’s a specimen on display. Some of the other party guests turn to watch.
“To the untrained eye, Professor Morales’ costume may well look like a typical Columbo effort. But there are some vital clues that prove he is, in fact, not Columbo and is completely appropriately dressed for the theme. Exhibit A: the side parting in his hair, and the way it is styled - or, sorry to say this Ben, the way he’s tried to style it. Exhibit B: no cigar. Exhibit C: the contents of his pockets. Could you show these to the group, Professor?”
Ben nods with exaggerated formality and reaches into his coat pockets.
“An old street map of San Francisco. A pocket guide to codes and codebreaking. A pair of glasses - pretty sure these are not part of the costume. Colleagues, this is in fact Detective Dave Tosche, one of the leading figures in the Zodiac case.” You look to Ben for confirmation, your eyebrows raised expectantly.
“You’re so close.”
You chew on your lower lip before it hits you. “Ah! An important distinction. You’re Mark Ruffalo playing Dave Tosche in David Fincher’s 2007 based on a true story serial killer masterpiece, Zodiac. Serial killer, cinematic, he’s entirely on theme, he’s even from the Bay Area.”
You do a neat little bow. Ben laughs hard. “I knew you’d get it, Dr Fronk-en-steen!”
Ani rolls their eyes. Evan pinches his nose. “I swear to god, on your first day in graduate school they should warn you that if you become an academic you’ll end up working with fucking nerds for the rest of your life.”
The host’s irritation at his enforced sobriety aside, the party is relaxed and enjoyable. Evan has compiled an exceptionally well-curated playlist that mixes Halloween-themed songs and party bangers with random tracks from a ‘Spooky Sound Effects Vol. 1-5’ album he’d found in a thrift store. Evan’s friends are a fascinating and entertaining group of people: friends from college; former colleagues; people who work in fashion; writers, artists, and people who run tiny community theatres.
You’re swapping Paris stories with Drew, a 6’4” Boston-based art teacher dressed up as Shelley Duvall in The Shining, while finishing off a vodka and tonic (you are still building up to trying a Spooky Marg, disarmed by their lurid green colour).
Drew points to your now-empty glass. “Think it’s time for you to try Evan’s concoction, babe. Would you believe me if I told you it was actually pretty good?” he offers, raising his own glass of the icy green beverage.
You pull a face. “I guess I can’t know until I try it. Okay. Here goes nothing.” You cross to the kitchen in search of the green nectar, bopping gently to the strains of ‘Cuff It’ pumping out of Evan’s speakers. En route, you spot Ani in the open-plan living area, flirting outrageously with someone dressed as Tippi Hedren in The Birds, enormous fake bird sticking out at a rakish angle from their blonde wig.
Ben has had the same idea as you. When you enter Evan’s tiny kitchen, he’s standing by the counter - still wearing his overcoat - and pouring himself a glass of the frosty green goo from a large jug.
“Ohhhh, yes. Yes. This is good. You can try it first.”
“I thought you were a scientist, Dr Fronk-en-Steen? Scared of an experimental substance?”
You join him at the counter and give him a sceptical look. “As a good scientist, I’d at least like to know what’s in the experimental substance.”
Ben sips the drink cautiously and narrows his eyes. “There’s definitely tequila. Lots of tequila. And triple sec. And something…minty? And then an extra booze layer that I can’t quite place.” He coughs suddenly, eyes watering. “Yep. Pretty…pretty potent.”
You scan the counter and spot a bottle of crème de menthe and one of vodka tucked alongside the tequila and triple sec. “Detective, I think we have our answer. Oh well. I guess it’s designed to make us merry. Or spooky. Or just really, really unwell.”
You pour yourself a glass, clink it off Ben’s, and lean against Evan’s countertop. You’ve taken off your lab coat and jacket. Ben gestures towards your outfit.
“That’s a great costume, by the way. Inspired choice not to go for the obvious ‘mad scientist’ version.” He peers closer. “And that is an excellent drawn-on moustache.”
You beam, delighting in the fact that he’s so impressed by your efforts. “It’s weird, I’ve kind of always wanted to go to a costume party where I had a drawn-on moustache. Maybe I want to feel like an early Hollywood villain.”
He laughs. “Or is it because of Jeanne Moreau with the fake moustache and cap in Jules et Jim?”
Your mouth drops open. “Shit! That’s it. God, that would have been a good costume. Easy to do, as well.”
Ben nods in agreement. “But I think Evan would have actually tried to kill you for not - what was the phrase? - not understanding the assignment.” He takes another sip of his Spooky Marg, wincing slightly. “And thank you, by the way, for proving that I did what I was told.”
You look him up and down, taking in his costume. “It’s so obviously not Columbo. Where did you get all the bits of the outfit?”
“Coat and pants are from a bigger branch of Goodwill in the next town over. Shirt is just a white shirt. Nothing exciting there. Got the badge in a toy store. The map and code book are my own.”
Of course they are.
He holds up his tie. “This belonged to my dad. Authentic 70s size and stripes.”
You smile softly at that detail. “It is an excellent tie and no mistake. I’m just wondering about how far you took the attention to detail, though - didn’t Tosche have one of those shoulder holster things on for pretty much the entire movie?”
Ben blushes. “Uh…well. You know I believe in the details. And the accuracy.”
You tilt your head quizzically. “In what sense?”
“In the sense that I do care about the attention to detail, so I, uh…”
He moves to take off his overcoat. And there they are: a pair of brown leather shoulder holsters, albeit without any handguns (real or fake). Insane green drink aside, he really looks the part as an old-school hard bitten TV detective.
It’s also impossible to ignore the way the combination of the snugly-fitted shirt and holsters seems to exaggerate (or maybe emphasise?) just how broad Ben’s shoulders are.
Have they always looked like…that?
Either way, you’re impressed. “Wow. I mean…wow. It’s the whole package. No toy pistols, though?”
He furrows his brow. “I was struggling a bit with whether this fed into the more problematic aspects of how policing is presented in popular culture - what do they call it, ‘copaganda’? - , and guns for me are just…no.” He shakes his head. “Felt weird enough getting the holsters but, like I said - attention to detail.”
You nod. “You could just use yours to store snacks, or something. Might get a bit, um, melted, though. Body heat, and all.”
Ben laughs, and nods his head towards the living room. “Come on. Grab your Spooky Marg and let’s go see if Tippi Hedren’s been turned vampiric yet.”
Three Spooky Margs later, and you’re buzzed. Thankfully, so is pretty much everyone else - with the exception of Evan, of course, and a lone guest dressed as the Babadook who’s been sitting, motionless, at the dining table all night.
Wig off, you’re chatting and eating pumpkin spiced cookies in the tiny kitchen with David, who has proven to be charm personified (and gorgeous to boot). Hair neatly styled and wearing a simple outfit of slacks, shirt, and jacket, it took you a moment before you realised he was dressed as Norman Bates.
That’s one way to do couples’ costumes.
In solidarity with Evan, David has limited himself to one Spooky Marg for the evening, and is sipping on tonic water and lime. Evan sticks his bewigged head into the kitchen and beckons you and David to join the rest of the party in the living area. “Come on! It’s Spooky Lip Sync for your Afterlife time.”
You glance sideways at David, who grins. “Don’t worry. There won’t be any death drops.”
“Lyyyyyyyydiiiaaaaa!” Ben beams and waves frantically at you from the smaller sofa, gesturing for you to join him. You realise why he seems so eager to have you join him when you see what’s happening on the couch.
He’s pinned against one end, holding his head at an awkward angle to avoid getting hit in the face by the fake bird stuck in Tippi Hedren’s hair as they throw their head back and laugh while Ani whispers sweet nothings into their ear.
All the Spooky Margs in the world couldn’t make Ben Morales comfortable in this scenario.
Even so, he’s definitely merry, albeit in an extremely smiley, benevolent kind of way. He’s got a beatific smile on his face as you approach. “Lyddie, sit. Sit. Sit in the seat.” He motions as if he’s about to stand and give you his space on the couch.
You laugh and put a hand on one of his shoulders, gently pushing him back into his spot. “Absolutely the fuck not. I’m not sitting beside someone getting turned into a vampire, Benjamin.” You settle onto the padded arm of the couch on his left, leaning ever so slightly into him as you do so. “M’sitting on the arm of this sofa right here.”
“Mmmmkay.” He sips his lurid green drink and hums with satisfaction. Drew, his Shelley Duvall wig swapped for a longer, darker one, emerges from the hallway clad in a wafty, bright red dress.
“Pssssst. Lyd. Lyd.” Ben leans in to whisper theatrically in your ear. “What’s a Spooky Sync Afterlife anyway?”
Evan glares at him and fiddles with his phone until a tinkly piano melody emerges from the speakers and Drew starts to dance, lip syncing along to ‘Wuthering Heights’:
Out on the wily, windy moors
We’d roll and fall in green
He’s uncannily good, nailing each of Kate Bush’s dance moves as he mouths along. From your spot on the arm of the couch, you fling your arms in the air, waving along in time to the music and matching Drew word for word in a perfect lip sync.
When the song reaches the middle eight, Drew advances towards you and pulls you up to join him. Ordinarily you’d run for cover, but the Spooky Margs have relaxed your inhibitions just enough and you join in, widening your eyes and extending your arms as you beg Heathcliff to let you in at his window. As the song’s closing guitar riff starts, Drew wraps his long arms around you, playfully pretending to drag you off to some uneasy underworld before embracing you in a delighted hug as the other guests whoop and cheer.
You hastily retreat back to your seat as Drew takes his bow. Ben breaks off his applause and raises a hand to high five you as you settle back onto the arm of the couch.
You’re not quite ready for it, your centre of gravity thrown off by the slightly awkward seating position and the effect of the drinks. To your horror, you begin to topple ungracefully off the couch in the direction of Evan’s living room floor, closing your eyes and bracing for impact.
Strong arms catch you gently around the waist mid-fall and pull you back to an upright position. A slightly slurred, but reassuring voice: “I’ve got you.”
This is mortifying.
You open your eyes and turn to face him, wanting to cringe yourself out of existence.
“Um…whoops?” If the ground could open you up and swallow you now, that would be most helpful.
But Ben’s wearing that contented smile again, evidently trying not to laugh but with a look in his eyes that reassures you he’s not making fun of you. Not in the slightest.
You crack in unison, giggling like misbehaving children.
You look down to where your left hand is still resting on his bare forearm, his shirt sleeves rolled up and exposing the warm, lightly golden skin below.
He has arm freckles.
Lowered inhibitions or not, reality kicks back in. You move your hand away, concerned you’ve overstepped a mark.
“Sorry. Thanks for catching me. Sorry.”
His smile fades and he reciprocates, pulling back and blushing as he pushes his glasses back up his nose. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, I… Just didn’t want you falling.”
Another tiny crackle of electricity goes off in your brain, as if an unseen force is soldering together synapses that have long been out of use.
The signal, this time, is a little stronger, amplified no doubt by physical proximity and Spooky Margs.
You angle your body and reach behind you, catching hold of his left arm and moving it back into position so that it’s lightly bracing you, forearm against your back and hand holding you at the waist.
“’S just in case I fall again. Safety is paramount.”
Ani, left alone for a moment while Tippi Hedren goes to the bathroom, leans round and looks at you both.
“Could use a sholster holder for better counterbalance or some shit? Hold on to a sholster holder.” They start laughing at their malapropism. “Sholster holder. No wait, that’s not it. Sholster. Holder. No. Oh, fuck it.”
Ben looks up at you, coffee-brown eyes twinkling.
“I am kinda curious about the sholster holder,” you say. “Never seen one before.”
“Oh, well in that case…” He motions with his head and taps the holster strap on his right. You extend your right arm, stretching across his shoulders to rest your fingers against the leather.
The electrical current in your brain continues to pulse.
Evan introduces a lipsync by “Musty Springheeled”, who performs ‘Spooky’. Musty had been introduced to you earlier in the evening as a mild-mannered poet called Dani. They’re transformed now, enormous backcombed blonde wig and layers of black eyeliner complementing their long black vintage-style dress.
You sway gently to the music, careful not to overreach again. Not that you’d be likely to fall. Not with a large, warm hand at your waist and your fingers resting lightly on his shoulder. For better balance, as Ani suggested.
Musty extends their elegant arms in front of them as they mouth the words, hands passing back and forth in front of their face:
Just like a ghost
You’ve been a-haunting my dreams
But now I know
You’re not what you seem
You feel the caress of soft, wavy hair against your neck as Ben rests his head on your shoulder. Instinctively, you reciprocate, lightly shifting your head to lean against his.
Evan keeps an eagle eye on Musty Springheeled. Tippi Hedren has rejoined Ani on the couch, and they’re wrapped around each other and swaying along to the song, caught up in their own little world.
It’s only David, alert and observant, who notices just how contented the detective and scientist seem to be, nestled into one end of the sofa.
“Fuck it. I’ll drive you guys. Come on, nerds. Party’s over.”
Evan, still in his Mother Bates dress but wig discarded, is jangling his keys at Ben, who yawns and offers a thumbs up in acknowledgment before grabbing his mac.
There isn’t a cab to be had in Barrow, but Evan is determined to get the local guests home so that he - and everyone else staying with him - can go to bed. Some of the visiting contingent have already left, decamping to an AirBnB the next block over. Others are staying in Evan’s guest room or on his couch and sofabed.
Evan starts a head count. “Okay. So… that’s Lydia, Ben, Ani in the back, Dani up front. Right?”
Dani, still in their Musty Springheeled dress, nods. Ani appears from the kitchen, Tippi following close behind. “And Cass. Cass is, uh, coming with me.”
Who the fuck is Cass?
Tippi Hedren waves a tiny wave. “Hiiiii. I’m Cass,” they say in a quiet, sweet British accent.
Evan cocks an eyebrow at Ani, then realises the numbers don’t add up. “Lydia, Ben, Ani, Cass, Dani up front… fuck. Fuck.”
You pull on your lab coat and knee-length wool overcoat, eyes half-closed with sleep and Spooky Margs. “I can just walk, y’know? Not too far.”
“The fuck you aren’t,” Ben mutters. “I’ll walk. It’s fine.”
Evan rolls his eyes. “You live further away, Benjamin! Fuck. Make it make sense.”
David’s eyes flit between you, Ben, and Evan. “Who would be getting out first?”
Ani and Evan point at you in unison. You raise a hand, sheepishly. “I mean it, it’s close.”
“I mean, desperate times etc. So,” David sets out his proposal, “Ben, Ani, and Cass go in the back. Lydia sits on Ben’s lap for the short journey. You drop Lydia off, you’re good for the rest of the journey.”
Your eyes widen. “I don’t think that’s legal!”
Evan rolls his eyes. “Of course it fucking isn’t legal. But I want you fuckers to go home.”
David turns to Ben. “And you don’t mind having Lydia on your lap for a few minutes?”
Your face heats. A side effect of all those Spooky Margs, you think. Ben’s ears have turned pink, too. Definitely something in the drinks. Crème de menthe has a weird effect.
“Sure. Sure! Mmmhmm.” Ben nods quickly. “But only if that’s okay with you?” He turns to you.
There’s something endearing to you about the fact that, even with several extremely strong cocktails on board, even being more buzzed than you’ve ever seen him, and having spent most of the night holding you steady on the couch, he still wants to check that you’ll be comfortable.
You nod. “Just a bit worried I’ll be too heavy, is all.”
Ben scoffs gently and shakes his head to assuage your concerns.
“Oh, thank FUCK.” Evan exhales with relief. “Nerds! Come on!”
It must be twenty years since you’ve been in a car like this, perched on your friend’s lap on your way home from a party. You try to hold yourself up slightly, worried despite yourself about what Ben might think if he had to feel all of your body weight on his (strong-feeling) thighs.
You’ve never been small, not as an adult. As a student you envied those tiny, petite friends who always seemed to appeal to men and women alike, their compact, light frame fitting perfectly on the lap of whatever lucky person they were flirting with at the party. They never had to worry about stuff like this, right? Too busy being picked up and carried around by boys desperate to assert some kind of masculinity, who never cast a second glance at the unappealing, taller, serious-faced friend.
That said, even if he did think you were disturbingly heavy, Ben hadn’t given you the slightest indication since you’d clambered into the back of the car and settled yourself around him carefully, balancing yourself by resting an arm over the back seat. He arranges his arms firmly around you.
“Like a human seatbelt, Lyddie.” You giggle sleepily.
He murmurs. "I've got you."
Evan drives carefully, the Barrow streets mostly deserted save for occasional groups of student revellers in costume. Ani is leaning into Cass, ostensibly examining the fake bird still sticking out of their carefully-coiffed hair, but in truth taking the opportunity to rest a hand on Cass’s knee.
In the relatively cramped confines of the back seat, you have to lean your head on Ben’s shoulder to avoid thwacking your skull off the car roof. The scruff on his jaw brushes lightly against the top of your forehead. His breathing is steady, and oddly calming, but there’s this…frisson running through your body at the same time.
It’s been so long since you’d been this physically close to another person, the odd hook-up aside. No wonder it feels so good. Anyone would feel the same if they’d been a bit touch-starved.
Right?
“So I guess this experience is fairly standard for the visiting professor?” you ask. He laughs, and you can feel it resonating against you from his chest.
“Ohhh, yeah.” He pauses. “For the nice ones, anyway.”
Evan pulls up at the kerb outside your building. You open the door and unfold yourself carefully from your position on Ben’s lap, until you’re eventually upright. You wave cheerily and turn to walk to the main door of the building, smiling happily.
You’re only a couple of steps away when the car door opens again. You look over your shoulder, instinctively.
He’s standing on the pavement, hands in his coat pockets, looking down at the ground for an instant before meeting your eye.
“Hey, Lydia?”
(bookshelf divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more)
Further A/N:
Huge thanks to lovely @lunapascal and @julesonrecord for thoughts, excited responses, and reading parts of this in draft! And for introducing the word "frisson" into the equation... sigh.
The idea of Lydia on Ben’s lap in the car came from @cutesyscreenname, and this got me thinking A LOT about physical proximity for these two nerds and what it might unleash…
Costume references: Ani as Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992).
Lydia as Gene Wilder as Dr Frederick Frankenstein in the earlier parts of Young Frankenstein (1974). "It's pronounced Fronk-en-Steen."
Ben as Mark Ruffalo as Dave Tosche in Zodiac (2007) (that's him on the left, obviously). (Bonus: SHOULDER HOLSTER SUPREMACY)
Evan as Norman as Mother Bates in Psycho (1960)
Cass as Tippi Hedren in The Birds (1963)
This is the specific performance of 'Wuthering Heights' Drew does at Evan's party (this is one of my absolute favourite songs, ever, and I would have been just as into this as Lydia is):
'Spooky' by Dusty Springfield, lip synced by Musty Springheeled/Dani:
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Every fictional/celerity crush I've ever had in my lifetime that I remember.
Gray Fullbuster-Fairy Tale
Ezra Scarlet-Fairy Tale
Sasuke Uchiha-Naruto
Kiba Inuzuka-Naruto
Gil-Bubble Guppies
Shadow-Sonic
Blaze-Sonic
Bunnymund-Rise of the guardians
Jack Frost-Rise of the guardians
Cedric Diggory-Harry Potter
Ginny Weasley-Harry Potter
Harry Potter-Harry Potter
Hermione Granger-Harry Potter
Robert Pattison
Louis Partridge
Noah Schnapp
Steve Harrington-Stranger Things
Nick Austin
Jaden Hossler
Fred Weasley-Harry Potter
Tom Riddle-Harry Potter
Luna Lovegood-Harry Potter
Remus Lupin-Harry Potter
Scott McCall-Teen Wolf
Mike Wheeler-Stranger Things
Eddie Munson-Stranger Things
Nancy Wheeler- Stranger Things
Max Mayfield-Stranger Things
Robin Buckley-Stranger Things
Ben Barnes
Andrew Garfield
Alex Turner
Dylan O'Brien
Thomas Brodie-Sangster
blue female bird from Rio
Draco Malfoy-Harry Potter
Robecca Steam-Monster High
Joyce Byers-Stranger Things
Leonardo Dicaprio
Juliet-1996 Romeo+Juliet
Adrian Pucey-Harry Potter
Taylor Swift
Harry Styles
Adrian Greensmith
Kevin Schlieb-Metal Lords
Isis Hainsworth
Dolly Parton
Shelby Eatenton Latcherie- Steel Magnolias
Gilbert Blythe-Anne With an E
Diana Berry- Anne With an E
Mary Lacroix-Anne With an E
Momona Tamada
Malia Baker
Nick Wilde-Zootopia
Judy Hopps-Zootopia
Gazelle-Zootopia
Jennifer Aniston
Silvermist-Tinkerbell
Fawn-Tinkerbell
Iridessa-Tinkerbelle
Rosetta-Tinkerbell
Vidia-Tinkerbell
Zarina-Tinkerbell
Rory Gilmore-Gilmore Girls
Lorelai Gilmore-Gilmore Girls
Logan Huntzberger-Gilmore Girls
Tristian Dugray-Gilmore Girls
Michel Gerard-Gilmore Girls
Edmund Pevensie-Narnia Prince Caspian-Dawn Treader
Lucy Pevensie-Narnia Dawn Treader
Prince Caspian-Narnia
Aslan-Narnia
Reepicheep-Narnia
Adam Banks-Mighty Ducks
Charlie Conway-Mighty Ducks
Luis Mendoza-Mighty Ducks
Jesse Hall-Mighty Ducks
Averman-Mighty Ducks
Ken Wu-Mighty Ducks
Connie Moreau-Mighty Ducks
Guy Germaine-Mighty Ducks
Julie "the cat"-Mighty Ducks
Russ Tyler-Mighty Ducks
Conrad Fisher-The Summer I Turned Pretty
Kevin Copeland-White Chicks
Tiffany-Boo! A medea Halloween
Fluttershy-Equestria Girls
Applejack-Equestria Girls
Rarity-Equestria Girls
Jade West-Victorious
Beck Oliver-Victorious
Andre Harris-Victorious
Matt Bennet
Victor Frankenstein-Frankenweenie
Elsa Van Helsing-Frankenweenie
Victor Van Dort-Corpse Bride
Emily the Corpse Bride-Corpse Bride
Joe Farrier-Dumbo 2019
Matt Sturniolo
Theodore Lawrence-Both Little Woman
Meg March-Both Little Woman
Yeah Yeah-Sandlot
Wendy-Sandlot
Beth Harmon-Queen's Gambit
Jolene-Queen's Gambit
Benny Watts-Queen's Gambit
Sherlock Holmes-Enola Holmes
Enola Holmes-Enola Holmes
Edith-Enola Holmes
Karen Smith-Mean Girls
Mitch Rapp-American Assassin
Chrissy Cunningham-Stranger Things
Dean Thomas-Harry Potter
Belle-Beauty and the Beast
Tiana-Princess and the Frog
Anna-Frozen
Jasmine-Aladdin
Megara-Hercules
Flynn Rider-Tangled
Jane Porter-Tarzan
Gothel-Tangled
Jessica Rabbit-Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Allison Argent-Teen Wolf
Lydia Martin-Teen Wolf
Isaac Lahey-Teen Wolf
Kira Yukimura-Teen Wolf
Theo Raeken-Teen Wolf
Peter Hale-Teen Wolf
Deucalion-Teen Wolf
Cora Hale-Teen Wolf
Jimmy Borrelli-Chicago Fire
Sylvie Brett-Chicago Fire
Prince Naveen-Princess and the Frog
Prince Phillip-Sleeping Beauty
Milo James Thatch-Atlantis:The lost Empire
Jim Hawkins-Treasure Planet
Wilbur Robinson-Meet the Robinsons
Franny Robison-Meet the Robinsons
Sarah Sanderson-Hocus Pocus
Max Dennison-Hocus Pocus
Allison-Hocus Pocus
Thackery Bink-Hocus Pocus
Gwen-Total Drama Island
LaShana-Total Drama Island
Bridgette-Total Drama Island
Duncan-Total Drama Island
Izzy-Total Drama Island
Lindsay-Total Drama Island
Dark Heart-Care Bears 2
Nicholas-The Care Bears Movie
Violet Baudelair-A series of unfortunate events
Klaus Baudelair-A series of unfortunate events
Alexa- Alexa and Katie
Katie-Alexa and Katie
Niccolo Govender Rossi-Baby
Chiara Altieri-Baby
Susan Wilson-Tick Tick Boom
Eduardo Saverin-The Social Network
Ashlynn Ella-Ever After High
Briar Beauty-Ever After High
Lizzie Hearts-Ever After High
Duchess Swan-Ever After High
Dexter Charming-Ever After High
Artemis Hidalgo-Through my Window
Apolo Hidalgo-Through my Window
Kate Dibiasky-Don't look up
Yule-Don't look up
Sherman-Peabody and Sherman
Hiccup-How to train your dragon
Astrid-How to train your dragon
Nick Nelson-Heart Stopper
Elle Argent-Heart Stopper
Sam Sparks-Cloudy with a chance of meatballs
Mr. Bruner-Edge of seventeen
Krista-Edge of seventeen
Smurfette-Smurfs
George Cooper-Young Sheldon
Princess Amber-Sofia The first
Prince James-Sofia the first
Queen Miranda-Sofia the first
Jake Sully-Avatar
Neytiri-Avatar
Rose Dawson-Titanic
Jack Dawson-Titanic
Jim Carroll-Basket Ball Diaries
Ellen Dryver-Dumplin
Zed-Z-O-M-B-I-E-S
Hector Zeroni-Holes
Hiro Hamada-Big hero 6
Honey Lemon-Big Hero 6
Ferb-Phineas and Ferb
Vanessa Doofinshnirt-Phineas and Ferb
Violet Parr-The Incredibles
Elastagirl-The Incredibles
Will Turner-Pirates of the Caribbean
Captain Hook-Once upon a time
Percy Jackson-Percy Jackson
Grover-Percy Jackson
diaval-Maleficent
The Darkling-Shadow and Bone the BOOK version
Neil Perry-Dead Poets Society
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