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mandowifey · 9 months

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Do you have any funny head canons for Lalo? Not even funny per se but just weird shit he might do?

Nora I'm gonna smooch you.

Lalo 'Eduardo' Salamanca - Funny Headcannons

Warnings: General NSFW talk, Lalo needs his own warning tbh. Dark humor! Morbid humor! a lot of implied psychological manipulation. Cartel boy does Cartel shit. You know how it goes.

Lalo has a lot of strange and somewhat funny quirks.

First and foremost, the fact that he refuses to sleep longer than an hour or two at a time is wild. You need your sleep, which he does understand, but he also can't sit still so you often wake up in an empty bed.

He'd have your sleep schedule memorized, though. Knows about when you get tired, when you wake up, the times you stir to go to the bathroom, etc. Of course, he doesn't tell you that, but you find it uncanny that he can anticipate when you need to lay down or when to have breakfast ready in the morning.

Another weird thing Lalo does is zoning out. Sometimes, you can talk to him, and he's empty eyed, staring at the window, motionless. It's uncanny to you because you have no idea what's going on inside his head. But then he'd blink, and the light would return to him and he'd smile at you and encourage you to continue talking.

The guy has a thing about pushing peoples buttons.

He just... he craves being a menace - mostly because no one can really do anything to stop him. Lalo often smiles or grins when someone is getting worked up/flustered when he's prodding at their nerves.

Unfortunately, that means you catch the receiving end of it too.

Lalo can't help it! He loves watching you get riled up and red-faced. He thinks you shouting is adorable, and the hard, angry fucking afterwards is sublime. Lalo sports your claw marks like trophies, calls you his little wild cat.

Another thing he does that's weird is mirroring. Lalo is good at adapting and charming folks, sometimes he mirrors you to get what he wants.

Not in the mood for sex? Well, that's okay! How about we lay in bed and laugh? What's this? His hand is between your legs while he cracks jokes in your ear. Weird, guess you changed your mind.

Not a weird HC but he's intentionally withdrawn.

He keeps a lot of stuff to himself, making it difficult to discern if he's really upset or not.

Another weird thing is he likes to watch you shower.

He'd sit on the sink or lean against it, while pulling the door open to watch you quietly. Sometimes it seems like he's admiring you and others he looks almost angry.

You know he see's you as a weakness.

He's protective, always thinking 10 steps ahead.

You are his, after all.

Lalo is a gift giver. He likes to buy you stuff you mention off handedly. It's eerie sometimes because he gets you things you didn't realize you even wanted.

Like he's bringing home a dress you glanced at while shopping with him, and now there it is, in your hands. Meanwhile, he's smiling ear to ear and kissing your head, asking if you like it and watching your reaction.

Lalo is weird in the sense he's not extremely physical. The guy is similar to a cat. He'll pat your back, ruffle your hair or tap your chin, but he doesn't do many hugs or kisses. Even when you two are alone.

Though he would definitely not mind you laying against him, asleep, while he watched the fire pit and let his thoughts wander.

However, when the mood strikes him?

Lord he's on you.

Mouth on yours, devouring you, kissing and biting. Can't keep his hands off of you, groping and squeezing and just all over you.

Lalo isn't super weird, but he has those little mannerisms you find charming!

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slamminslamminmcgill · 6 months

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got silly goofy high and had an epiphany 😌 (had this cookin in my drafts for weeks yk how it be)

warning: breeding kink, piss kink, spit kink, intox, degradation/slurs

anatomical terms: pussy/cunt, t-dick

“Oh, god, you feel so good… Feels so fucking good, you little whore… You do this often? Spreading your legs for any old man who buys you a drink? Betcha have some real daddy issues, don’tcha, boy?”

Lalo grabbed your chin and spat in your face as he fucked you up against the bathroom stall.

“Slut.”

In response, you reached out and pulled him in closer, sobbing with pleasure into his shoulders. You squeezed him as tight as you could, inside and out. Your chests pressed together as your vice of a cunt milked him dry.

Lalo growled, stabbing his coke nails into your hips and viciously thrusting into you, his balls slapping into your t-dick, the two of you jiggling the flimsy lock on the stall that threatened to give way. “Oh, te pinche putito… Ngh, voy a venir… Voy a venir dentro de tí… Voy a llenarte y poner un pinche bebé en tí, joto… Mmm, te vas a estar tan lleno… Tan lleno de mi leche… (Oh, you little fucking slut… Ngh, I’m gonna cum… I’m gonna cum inside you… Gonna fill you up and put a fucking baby in you, faggot… Mmm, you’re gonna be so full… So full of my cum…)”

You had no clue what he was saying, but it sounded fucking hot. He wasn’t talking to you, moreso at you. This wasn’t a balanced exchange; you were just a hole, one of many he could’ve picked to empty himself in. Your limp body dangled in his arms as he used it, a lifeless sex doll for his sole pleasure. He jerked himself off with your pussy until he came with a loud-

“Fuck!”

And boom goes the dynamite. His hot cum spurted inside you, filling you up just like he said he would. As he flooded your hole, both of your brains flooded with dopamine. That physical satisfaction came alongside mental gratification, reinforcing this debauched behavior. You’d surely seek it out again.

Lalo laughed in delight as the relief washed over him. “Oh… Hah… Haha… Phew, you’re incredible, kid. Best fuck I’ve had in a really long time.” He swept your hair out of your face and tenderly kissed you on the forehead. “I’m gonna pull out now, okay?”

“Nonononono, keep it…” you whined, your limbs locking around his back, “K-Keep it iiin…”

“Aww, you’re precious, honey…” He cooed, peppering kisses along your neck. “But I have to piss, so I kinda have to take it out…”

For some stupid reason, maybe it was the cocktail of substances and the myriad levels of pleasure you were dealing with, or maybe just the immaturity of “haha piss funny”, you started snickering. A lot.

”Oh?” Lalo inquired, “What’s so funny, chiquito?”

The haze of goofy laughter dissipated, and what cast it away was the bright light of an idea. A sick, sinful, salacious idea. “Do you… Do you have to take it out?”

That made Lalo snort. He chuckled, shook his head, and replied, “Oh my god, no. No, baby, you don’t want that. I can’t do that to you… You’re too cute for that…”

You mewled with disappointment, hiding your face in his neck out of shame and praying to whatever god may be that you didn’t make this weird.

Lalo sweetly stroked your hair and sighed. “Look at me.” He commanded, snapping his fingers and you obeyed, picking your face up from the shadows. “You really want it?”

You nodded, your big puppy dog eyes bulging with need.

“Say please.”

“P-Please…”

“Please, who?”

Shit, what was this guy’s name again? He definitely told you… Oh, yeah. “Lalo… P-Please, Lalo…”

“Please, Lalo, what?

Oh, god, he was gonna make you say it? Beg for it, even? …Eh, whatever. Fuck it. “P-Please, Lalo… P-Pee inside me…”

“Good boy.” Lalo pressed his lips to yours. “I will, since you asked so nicely.”

For a few moments, everything was still. Nothing outside the bathroom stall existed, let alone mattered to you right now. All that mattered was Lalo’s cock throbbing inside you. You waited, and waited, you weren’t sure for what. Then, the signal came.

Lalo grunted, “Here it comes, baby.”

And so it did. The most prominent sensation was the intense heat pooling inside your debased hole, filling up what little space there was around his cock. You squirmed and squeaked, gripping his floral shirt in your fists.

“Fuuuck, Lalooo… so waaarm…”

“I know, right?” Lalo dotted more wet kisses along your jaw and neck. “You like it?”

“Mhmmm…”

“Good boy…” He praised, petting your hair while he pissed inside your pussy. You were so full. It was so hot. The pressure was becoming too much to bear. “I’m almost done, honey. You’re taking it so well. You ever do this before?”

You shook your head. “N-No…”

“Well, get ready. It’s about to get even better.”

You were left pondering the meaning of that remark for maybe a second, until his still-hard cock slid halfway out of your hole. His hot piss gushed out and splashed onto the floor. The release of pressure and heat felt like nothing you had ever experienced. You trembled, moaned, and drooled as he slammed his cock back in, picking up where he’d left off: fucking you stupid.

Lalo hissed obscenities in your ear as he fucked you with renewed vigor. “Ngh, qué asco… No creo… No creo que me dejaste hacer eso… Ahh, Acabo de mear en tu chocho, te pinche puto estúpido… Qué un… Mmm, qué un cerdito sucio que eres… (Ngh, so gross… I can’t… I can’t believe you let me do that… Ahh, I just pissed in your cunt, you stupid fucking whore… What a… Mmm, what a dirty little piggy you are…)”

Dripping with piss and cum, you spared a thought for the janitor who’d have to clean this stall later. Hopefully, they wouldn’t know it was you.

#piss kink #lalo salamanca smut #lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca hcs #lalo salamanca imagine #lalo salamanca headcanons #bcs #bcs x reader #better call saul #better call saul x reader #better call saul imagine #better call saul smut #better call saul headcanons #better call saul hcs

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waltywhitey · 3 months

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Good for nothing

Note: I wrote this before, and when I tried to save it, I accidentally pressed discard. I contemplated ending it for a good moment before deciding to rewrite it. The original will forever be lost media and I am not the same as I was before.

Warnings: mentions of death

Scanning over your papers for the 5th time already, you finally move your gaze to the man across from you -- Lalo Salamanca. The most batshit insane cartel leader and client you've ever had. Wiping sweat off of your brow, you look into his eyes, cold, dark, piercing brown. Although working with him in the past, he's currently under arrest and being charged with second degree murder having been caught in a shoot out between rival gangs.

"Why didn't he go for attempted instead..." You thought anxiously, trying to look at your options again. You could only imagine what he would do if you couldn't fulfill his request. With a labored sigh and slight fidget of your papers, you finally speak up, raising your head to face him fully.

"Señor, do you know how hard it's going to be to get you anything other than prison time?" You plead, hoping he would be willing to take a plea deal of some sort. Sitting in menacing silence for a few moments, he motions you to come close to him. Although confused on what he wanted from you, you complied. Making your way to his side of the table, you stand beside him ready to know what he needs. Just as you were tilting your head to meet his gaze once again, he swiftly cups your waist, wasting no time to closely press your bodies together in a tight hug, his arms encaging you in support.

"Lalo!" You exclaimed, taken aback by his sudden actions. What was his motive here? Why did he hug you now of all times?

Feeling his chest rise against yours and his hot breath on your neck, your face reddened. You stood there for a moment taking in the warmth. Moving your arms to wrap around him, you reciprocate the snug embrace, closing the space between you two even more. Just as you were moving your head to look into his eyes again, you heard a crack, falling limp.

"Good for nothing." He sneered, holding your husk loosely before dropping it to the ground with a thud. Coldly starring at your body, he dusted himself off. He liked you in some way, but you proved useless as of late. Too blinded by your attraction to him, you had to go before you got him life in prison. Moving away from you to walk over to the door and bang on it, he alerted the guard to you unconscious body seeking medical assistance. As they whisked your body away, he knew one thing for certain -- he's going to need a new lawyer.

#better call saul #breaking bad headcanons #lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca x reader #lalo imagines #bcs lalo #lalo #x reader #x male reader #x female reader #x nb reader #breaking bad #lalo salamanca headcanons

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fishylipsblubblub · 2 years

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Lalo Salamanca relationship HCs <333

a/n

i was just thinking that there aren’t enough Lalo head canons so this is my jab at writing some of my own :)

- first of all, Lalo is a massive gift-giver

- like fully expect him to surprise you with something stupid expensive that you’d almost feel bad excepting

- his gifts are always thoughtful though, and he would never buy something for you without being sure it would be something you’d love

- i know this man has a whole ass pinterest board with ideas for gift for you

- his favourite part is just watching your face light up when he gives you something he knows you’ll love

- he is also really into physical touch

- whether it be him just putting his hand on the small of your back while you walk or cupping your chin

- he doesnt go over board in public, but in private-

- essentially he never takes his hands off you in private

- he always wants to remind you he’s there

- Lalo understands that his lifestyle can be dangerous and he never wants you to feel frightened by him

- thats why he seems obsessed with the little details, its because he want you to be as happy with him as possible

- he is sort of old school and wants to do everything right, so he literally tries to woo you

- definitely would show up on your doorstep with a bouquet of roses for you

- more than anything, he wants you to be happy

- dont forget, though, he is extremely protective

- to the point where he would quite literally kill for you

- if he felt like you were threatened, he would go crazy, doing everything he can to protect you

- also, he would do anything to make things go well for you

- say maybe you got a bad grade on a paper, but you were doing great on everything else in that class and you were worried it would affect your final grade

- Lalo would deadasss show up to your professors house

- remember the scene when he was interrogating jimmy about what happened in the desert?

- yeah. he would scare the absolute shit out of them all the while with a huge smile on his face.

- maybe throw in some information about them that there’s no way he could have known

- “oh, and hows your daughter, Chloe? honour roll, wow. you and Cheryl must be so proud, and with Jacob getting an A on his STEM fair project.”

- of course he has people watching their every move lmfao

- “be careful, do the right thing.” he would say finally, his face completely void of emotion.

- your teacher would be scared shitless, needless to say.

- when your teacher approached you after class and told you he made a mistake, you would be over the moon

- “i knew you would do it, cariño,” he’d say, ruffling your hair

- but it was him all along.

- you’d probably never find out, but thats the way he wants it to be

- he loves you more then anything, so dont ever take him for granted.

#lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca x reader #better call saul #lalo salamanca imagine #lalo salamanca imagines #lalo salamanca headcanons #lalo salamanca head canon #better call saul imagines #better call saul imagine #better call saul headcanons #better call saul headcanon #saul goodman #kim wexler #jimmy mcgill

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8choloko · 1 year

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lalo headcanons

he isn't a dancer guy. but with 3 or 4 Modelos in his system, Lalo likes to do anything he wants, including dancing.

he even takes you out to dance.

when he was a teenager, lalo was a Cartel de Santa fan.

he definitly doesn't know how to apology. (bc of his household) but he tries to: with gifts.

so, suddenly you get a random gift box at your door, but its just Lalo trying to get you back.

in highschool lalo learned how to kiss with a "friend" of his.

but he already practiced with his hand, the mirror and a pillow. (he’s embarrassed about that, don’t tell anybody).

lalo isn’t a fan of masturbation, he prefers to fuck you. always.

“if i have someone to fuck with, why am i jerking off?” says lalo.

besides that he is the guy to give gifts to you 24/7, he likes to show his affection by cooking.

also, he adores physical touch.

he has a little bit of trouble showing love that way, tho.

he knows you are always in danger because of his job.

so that’s why he doesn’t spend that much time with you.

he’s making sure no one is gonna get mad at him and going to kill his date.

#lalo salamanca #lalo #lalo salamanca headcanons #lalo salamanca x reader #lalosalamanca #lalo x reader #better call saul #tony dalton #brbabcs #im running out of ideas #headcanons

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noellawrites · 2 years

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Yandere Lalo Salamanca Headcanons

a/n: sorry these are so long but i cannot help but be a slut for this man

warnings: gun mention, breeding kink, sex, general nsfw content

SFW

- your first mistake was simply walking into El Michoacáno

- this beautiful, sadistic man had set his eyes on you from the moment you swung that door open

- your friendly laugh and eager smile captivated him

- he truly never believed in love at first sight and all that crap until he met you

- he struck up small talk with you just to learn more about who you were

- after finding out you were a broke college student, he handed over an application at lightning speed

- even though they really didn’t need any extra workers since it’s basically a front for the cartel

- but you were none the wiser, so you eagerly took the application and brought it back a week later

- you decided you couldn’t resist the mysterious, charming man that was Lalo Salamanca

- and besides, how harmful could a family man and chef with those eyes be?

- as it turns out, very.

- on your second day, you discovered that your new workplace was the location of various drug deals

- as the only waitress, your hands shook as you smiled and brought food to the men with guns

- Lalo promised that he would always protect you, though, and you believed him

- after you had worked at El Michoacáno for about a week, you’d let it slip to Lalo that you took the bus

- he didn’t ever want you taking the “filthy, dirty public transit” and started taking you back and forth from work in his 1970 Chevrolet Monte Carlo

- one time, the windows were down and a guy in another car whistled at you

- Lalo pulled out his gun and aimed it at the man’s head as he drove away in fright

- moments like this scared you but also majorly turned you on

- it isn’t long before you’re officially dating

- some people at school start to look at you different, as you sometimes bring Lalo around just to hang out

- you start seeing Lalo’s dark side, it doesn’t raise many red flags at first

- but after he establishes rules for you, makes you quit your El Michoacáno job to keep you safe and moves you in with him, it’s already too late

- he barely ever got physical with you, but the first time was when he saw you walking with your lab partner

- he waited for the guy to leave his dorm later and killed him

- then, he came home, still bloody, and slapped you across the face

- he wants you to know that you’re only only person he gets this defensive over, you’re the only one he loves

- he even tries to make you drop out of school at one point, just so you could be with him more

- you vehemently disagree, wishing to finish your degree

- but you are still indebted to him, as he now pays for your schooling, living under his roof, and anything else you could want or need

- he never means to scare or intimidate you, he just can’t control it sometimes

- you find out he’s in the cartel after about two months

- it suddenly made sense: the men with guns at your old job, the piles of money he seemed to have, him leaving randomly in the night sometimes

- he loves seeing you wear his button-downs, even just over a tank top or your pajamas

- it just turns his possessive streak on

- he has your name tattooed over his heart <3

- if you aren’t physically with him, either he is watching you from afar or he has two of his men watching you at all times

- he is very territorial with you and pretty much everyone in Albuquerque down to Mexico knows that

- his house in Albuquerque, though nowhere near as big as his house in Chihuahua, is huge

- it’s a sprawling four-bedroom with a huge pool and the perfect view of the Sandia Mountains

- “If you think this is beautiful, wait until you see the home in Mexico we’ll raise our family in,” he tells you

- he makes it very clear to you that you will give him many little Salamanca’s, and he will make sure you enjoy the process

NSFW-ish

- B R E E D I N G K I N K

- Lalo has a huge family and wants lots of children to carry on the family name

- he also loves your body when pregnant, how both of you know that your body is hard at work growing his offspring inside of you

- his favorite trick is getting you off with his hands, works every time

- he will pin you down and have his way with you literally anytime

- he fucks you so good that there isn’t even a thought left in your head by the time he’s done

- whenever he eats you out (which is a lot, he’s a giver) he loves watching you writhe and moan beneath him

- and his mustache feels so good down there

- he can sometimes get out of control with spanking you, choking you, etc.

- but you just have to tell him and he’ll stop. he doesn’t want to hurt you unless it’s for a punishment

- but the BDE… is true. it’s all true. he’s big but the perfect size. like not too big yk? he works that cock like magic

#lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca headcanons #lalo salamanca #better call saul x reader #better call saul headcanons #better call saul

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iorekbyrinson · 1 year

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lalo salamanca headcanons

He's a black-hearted asshole. It's an important core aspect of his character and it can't be ignored.

He has a dead sibling. My HC is a dead sister who got married and then her husband killed her. Death lives cheek by jowl in the Salamanca family. There's a reason for those empty spaces.

He wasn't born with severe antisocial tendencies, and a naturally extroverted personality made him more open to experiences than some of his more rigid relatives. The rot set in to the idealism early, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I actually see the twins grappling with suppressing their feelings more than Lalo - he's the perfect adaptable boy-Prince that adapts to suit the family, and never really took the time to build anything under that veneer. He takes information in purely to benefit himself or benefit his family. The emotionality and empathy has been stripped away. This is a DARK character.

One of the roles he's tried on that he's put a little more into is the benefactor role to the peasants that live on/or near his estate, in fact most of the underlings associated with the Salamanca holdings. It reinforces to Lalo a sense of benevolence, which at its core is still basically transactional. The people under him have no choice to do what they do. It's the performance of helping them out that makes Lalo feel good about himself.

He was absolutely going to murder Kim when Jimmy left. That whole speech about the people the assassins killed at his hacienda reeked of a tit-for-tat situation. He no longer trusted Jimmy at all so he had no further utility to him as a lawyer. He was going to kill Jimmy's wife as punishment for that, torture the truth out of Jimmy when he returned from the laundrette, and then kill him.

Lalo's blue shoes tie into what I mentioned about him having an attachment to being seen as perfect/a benefactor/on the "right" side of things. Blue = personal law in BCS. Lalo never does anything that doesn't benefit himself or his family, so he always sees himself as following the correct path. He feels 100% justified in his sabotage mission against Gus, and then in the atrocities he commits in attempting to come back and bring him up in front of Eladio. He would actually feel morally angry at the implication any of that wasn't right - you protect yourself and you protect your family. In his eyes, he's bringing a liar and a traitor to justice, a snake who is attempting to bring down their cartel from the inside. In that respect, Lalo has a parallel with the most unlikeliest of BCS characters - Chuck McGill.

The insomnia is the barest of brush strokes that imply Lalo's possible ambivalence about the life he was born into. Gilligould have notoriously not given the characters of colour much contextual depth at all outside of roles that serve the cartel story, and Lalo is no exception, but I still think it was the barest of indicators of another story being played out there. Like Howard Hamlin dissuaded early on from putting up his own shingle and making an identity for himself outside of what his father expected of him, Lalo, neck deep in the lifetime role of cartel Prince, may have felt the twingings of his own destiny being held away from him. TDalton's comments about Lalo believing he could die at any point has an interesting, nihilistic extension here - so why bother?

He's a Hufflepuff. His people, his group, and himself above all. Duty, discipline, and "fairness" - all Puff traits. His contempt for Slytherin Gus is for Gus's refusal to accept his position and bend the knee - he sees Gus's strident individualism as selfish, in comparison to his own lifelong commitment to his family and the cartel. On the positive side, he can do a surface level cohesion with groups, some performative actions of good on behalf of the group(s) he identifies with, and skilfully takes Nacho and sends him up to the boss. There's a reason old ladies seem to adore Lalo - he, in an entirely selfish sense, works within the group.

#lalo salamanca headcanons #better call Saul #listen I've seen the posts extolling lalo as some romantic figure and if that's how you like him then sure #but honestly black-hearted murdering asshole Lalo Salamanca is a great character to me #he is incapable of having a human relationship! he's a cautionary tale about the effects of soul-degrading violence!#he is an extremely smooth presentation of cartel violence in the real world being soulless and sociopathic #and that's compelling shit! that's a real character!#uncompromising evil has depths #tbh I wish they could've done more on the cartel Prince side of things. I would totally watch Lalo Salamanca returning to Mexico instead #and pulling Shakespeare levels of shenanigans on Don Eladio to get him to turn against Gus #give me the Lalo Salamanca that has influence and turns men against each other for profit #and a wounded bat-sh*t sense of justice

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slashwhores · 5 months

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"You look like a pig ~"

Lalo x Barbie 👉👈💕

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dead-fandom-imagines · 2 years

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Chapter one is officially up!! I’m so sorry this took so long, I wanted to publish this on the 8th but got sidetracked with a lot of things this past weekend. But here you go!!

I hope all of you enjoy and I can’t wait to get the next chapter up!

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Better Call Saul (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Eduardo "Lalo" Salamanca/Original Female Character(s), Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman/Kim Wexler Characters: Original Characters, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman, Eduardo "Lalo" Salamanca, Mike Ehrmantraut, Gustavo Fring, Ignacio "Nacho" Varga, Howard Hamlin, Hector Salamanca, Tuco Salamanca, Domingo "Krazy-8" Molina, Marco Salamanca, Leonel Salamanca, Manuel Varga, Francesca Liddy, Eladio Vuente, Juan Bolsa, Huell Babineaux, Abuelita Salamanca Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Partners to Lovers, Partners in Crime, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Married Life, Fake Marriage, Two Bad People Falling In Love, Spoilers, Pre-Canon, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex Summary:

In the year 2004, Lalo Salamanca is pronounced dead by the Mexican Police when they find a charred body on his ranch with half a dozen other corpses surrounding the land. And his wife, Alessandra Vuente, daughter of Don Eladio, heiress to a billion-dollar criminal empire, and mother of the modern drug trade has left the comfort of her home in Mexico to the rat-infested hills of Alberqurque to find out who exactly put the hit on him.

But the truth is, Lalo isn't dead, and this isn't a revenge story. Not yet anyway. Because the story doesn't begin until Alessandra is found by Lalo on Don Eladio's ranch a decade before, wielding an ax, and slicing it straight through a man's face without so much of a wince. With her dress bloodied and a weapon massed in brain matter, Lalo has just found that spark he has been missing for so very long. A tangled love affair, mixed with drugs, violence, and gore, and terrorizing the DEA in more ways than one.

#breaking bad #better call saul #saul goodman #better call saul lalo #lalo salamanca #salamanca family #imagines #headcanons #fanfictions #fanfic #Original character #lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca x oc #lalo salamanca headcanons #eduardo salamanca #eduardo lalo salamanca #ignacio varga #kim wexler #tuco salamanca

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asgardswinter · 9 months

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Lalo Salamanca sits like this and ur gonna tell me hes sTrAIgHt ?

#bisexual king #or gay king #whatever we headcanon <3 #lalo salamanca #better call saul #better call saul meme #lacho #nacho #nacho varga #breaking bad #breaking bad meme #lalo salamanca x reader

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slamminslamminmcgill · 4 months

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fuck it lalo rimming drabble. whatever. it’s 2 in the morning

warning: spit kink, degradation, face-slapping, mentions of face-sitting

“You want me to do what?”

The way he snarled around that last word caused shame to boil in your stomach, blood to rush to your cheeks. You immediately regretted saying it, and tried backpedaling hard, “I-If you don’t want to, it’s fine, just-!”

“Shhh…” Lalo pressed his thumb to your lips, forcing them closed. His other fingers swept under your chin and tilted it up to him. He craned his neck closer, his predatory eyes never leaving your face, studying every minute twitch and blink that graced your features for even a millisecond. His thumb dragged from your lips to your cheek, and swirled in circles of affection. “Qué cara tan linda… (Such a pretty face…)”

You squeaked and closed your eyes, trying to ignore the feeling of his burning into you. Or maybe that was the heat of your own embarrassment cooking you alive. Whatever it was, it was unbearable. You stayed willfully blinded, shielding yourself from reality and just focusing on the tender touch of his calloused hand. It was working. You stopped trembling, your breathing started to regulate. It seemed like everything was gonna be okay…

“You really want me to sit on it?”

…and then you were slammed face-first into reality like a fucking brick wall. Wake up, asshole.

“C’mon. Look at me.” Lalo tapped your cheek repeatedly until your eyelids just barely propped open. You slowly hoisted them up all the way up, then blinked away your shame until you could see him in focus. His expression was unclockable, only adding to your anxiety. “Tell me what you said.”

“I-, uh…” You swallowed hard, the words weighing much heavier when they weren’t rolling off your tongue in a brainless blip of passion. “I want you to sit on my face, Lalo.”

He chuckled in response, enamored by the way your depravity seemed to take priority over your dignity. You doubled down, and that was more than enough for him.

“Nasty fucking bitch.” He growled in approval, shaking you by the jaw to flaunt his literal and psychological grip on you. And if that wasn’t enough, he spat in your face, the heavy glob of spit draping over your nose and gradually dripping downwards. It went flying off your face when he slapped it. Then he threw you down against the bed with a firm command.

“Lay down on your back, whore.”

#lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca smut #lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca hcs #lalo salamanca imagine #lalo salamanca headcanons #bcs #better call saul #better call saul x reader #better call saul hcs #better call saul headcanons #better call saul smut #bcs x reader

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waltywhitey · 3 months

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💔 Lalo suffering with erectile dysfunction for the first time with his S/O 💔

Warnings: reference to sex

⚡You and Lalo have been together for 4 years at this point -- you have always preferred older men.

⚡Whilst in the middle of a heated make out session, he notices that he's feeling no movement down there.

⚡He'll think that it's not a big deal until you're on top and he's still not hard.

⚡ Although horny, you'll ask him what's wrong and if you aren't arousing enough.

⚡ He'll rub your back while trying to calm you down from feeling self conscious, using cute pet names like princesa, mi vida, cucaracha, piojita.

⚡After 3 hours of edging, he still can't get it up.

⚡Over the next 5 days, you try every grapefruit and trick in the book you can to make him have an erection, but he's still not able to.

⚡ He's devastated when he realizes he's suffering with erectile dysfunction.

⚡ He'll confide in you about feeling like less of a man and that it's okay if you want to break up with him for someone younger.

⚡You won't leave him because you're into older men and knew that this would happen eventually.

⚡The next day, you give Lalo a gift to cheer him up, telling him it's for his troubles.

⚡Lalo opens the present to see you've gifted him a box of Viagra.

⚡He beats you up for making him feel worse about his condition.

#lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca #lalo #better call saul headcanons #better call saul #headcanons #x reader #breaking bad headcanons #lalo salamanca headcanons #bcs #bcs lalo #lalo imagines #imagines #better call saul imagines

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fishylipsblubblub · 9 months

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The Silent Observer, Chapter 1

When you get hired at El Michoacano, you quickly discover that not all is as it seems...

A/N: This one has been marinating in my google docs for a long ass time because i wasn’t really sure how i felt about the beginning, but i kinda just realized theres no point in writing fanfic if im not gonna post it, so here y’all go. btw i’m planning for this one to be long AF

Pulling out of the McDonalds drive through, I turned onto the road. I tried for a second to open the lid of my coffee, but decided it was a bad idea and set it in the cup holder. I exhaled and gripped the wheel until my knuckles were white. Rain drops pummeled the windshield as I drove onward. The weather was uncharacteristically rainy for New Mexico, but the rain was a welcome sight. The constant heat got on my nerves all the time since I’d came here.

“Hi, my name is y/n l/n,” I practiced. “I’m here for the interview. Yes, I would like some water, thank you. My biggest weakness? I’m too hard working. No, wait, that’s cliche. And not even true. No, my biggest weakness is.. I usually wake up after 12, and employers don’t generally like that.” I heaved an exasperated sigh. “They’re never going to hire me.”

My intention was to collapse my head into the steering wheel dramatically, but instead I hit the horn with my forehead and scared myself. I sat up straight immediately, and timidly waved an apology at the driver next to me who was now giving me a dirty look.

I reached over to the cup holder to grab my coffee without taking my eyes off the road. The rain was unceasing, and I didn’t want to run the risk. Instead of grabbing the coffee, I hit it with my hand and knocked the entire contents onto the back seat and all over my phone. I looked back just in time to see it light up one last time, the screen glitching and malfunctioning. Then, it turned to black, dead.

“Oh, no! Come on, there’s no way.” My lip quivered threateningly, but I took a very deep breath, stopping any tears that might have come. Looking back to the road, I realized I was drifting into the other lane. Without a thought, I swerved, but lost control on the wet road and went straight into the ditch.

My chest slammed into the steering wheel. I sat in the car for a moment, just waiting. I knew there was nothing I could do, and that what’s done is done, but I still waited. Finally, I got out of the car. I was right in front of a small Mexican restaurant called El Michoacano. Maybe I can use their phone, I thought.

When I entered the restaurant, it was almost completely empty. There were three men sitting in the dining room, each at different tables. Two of them looked like gangster types, and one looked like he could possibly be a chef, with his apron. I walked past them and toward the counter. Another man was back in the kitchen, and it looked like he was cooking something but he had stopped when I came in.

The man was tall. His hair was black, with a single streak of silver. He was dressed in the least conspicuous clothing imaginable. A silk button down with some of those pointy leather shoes.

“Excuse me,” I choked, realizing that there were tears falling down my cheeks. He came over and leaned on the counter.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I just ran my car into the ditch outside. Do you think I could use your phone to call a mechanic or something?”

“It’s just back here, in the kitchen. Here, this way,” he said, leading me into the kitchen. When I got to the phone, it was one of those old fashioned wall-mounted things. As I dialed the number, I turned back to lean on the wall. With a full view of the dining room, I saw the gangster’s heads both whip around so that they weren’t looking at me.

With a tow truck on the way, I sighed and wiped the mascara off my cheeks.

“I’m sorry about your car,” the man said.

“It’s okay. Nothing I can do now. Thanks for the phone.”

“Hey, take a seat. I just finished some tacos, you want one?” He asked.

“Yeah, thanks.” I sat down, and he followed with two plates and sat down across from me.

“Rough day? I get it. Eat your taco, it’s getting cold,” he said gesturing at the food in front of you.

“So much for my interview,” I said, swallowing a bite of the taco. “Sorry, ignore me. I haven’t had such a good couple of days. Oh, my name is y/n, by the way.”

“My name is Eduardo. Did you say you were looking for a job?”

“Yes, why?” I asked, looking up from my food.

“I’m looking for a server. You think you might be up for it?” He got up and went over to the kitchen, coming back with a paper.

“Fill this out, and bring it back to me,” he said, giving me the application.

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Eduardo.”

“Please, call me Lalo.”

“Thank you, Lalo.”

The moment was almost shattered by a contemptuous gaze that one of the men in the dining room was giving Lalo. He pretended like he didn’t see, and continued.

“I think that’s your truck pulling up.”

***************

It was sort of a plain dress. Black, short sleeved. The skirt went down maybe halfway to my knee. Of course, a small “El Michoacano” was printed over the breast. I flattened the front of my uniform and checked my bag. Yep, I have everything, I thought. Then, I was out the door, down the street, and at the bus stop. My car was taken to the junkyard when I couldn’t pay for the repairs.

“Hey, you made it,” shouted Lalo from the kitchen over the wafting sound of Mexican music. He tossed a towel over his shoulder on his way over to me and turned down the music slightly.

“You excited?”

His enthusiasm was contagious, and I grinned a smile in response.

“Of course I am.”

“Alright, let’s get to it. That guy over there,” he said, pointing at the middle-aged man sitting at a table in the corner. “He’s the chef around here, and honestly, should be training you. But, he doesn’t speak too much english. So, you’re stuck with me.”

“So what should I start with?” I asked, looking around the dining room. It was empty today, excluding the man in the corner.

“I was thinking we’d take a look in the kitchen, see where things are kept. Then, you and I will have a chat about the rules here. You know, it doesn’t usually get too busy around here, so there isn’t much for you to worry about.”

Lalo walked back into the kitchen and showed me the cupboards. He listed off what they contained, and opened some of them to show me.

“The plates and bowls go here,” he said, opening one of them. “Make sure you stack the little bowls on the little bowls and the big ones on the big ones. Don’t mix them.”

“Okay, got it. And the cups..?”

“-Go right here,” he finished swinging another cupboard open. “I don’t expect you to remember all of this. It’s gonna take some time. Don’t hesitate to ask me a question.” He started toward the door to the dining room, tapping my elbow as he passed to tell me to follow. I complied. On the way out, I looked back at the cupboards and silently quizzed myself. Bowls, plates, cups.

“Have a seat,” Lalo said, gesturing toward a chair. I sat down and looked up at him as he sat across from me.

“So you really weren’t lying when you said that it doesn’t get busy in here,” I said looking around at the nearly empty dining room. The man in the corner seemed to be completely in his own world as he read a week-old Mexican newspaper.

“Nah, not really. The guys that were in here last week? They’ll be back in…” he checked his watch. “About an hour or so.”

“What, are they regulars or something?” I asked, remembering the odd way they seemed to be together but sat at different tables.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. So, you’ll notice people coming in and out of here a bit. You’ll know what I mean when you see it. There’s not many rules here, but the one you need to remember is this.” he leaned in closer as he continued. “Don’t worry about them. You don’t even need to take their order. Just stay back and leave them alone.”

He said it all in a calm, even tone. His eyes were fixed on mine the whole time, and they didn’t move.

“Who are they?”

“Friends.” The tension in the air as he said those words was so tight you could have cut it with a knife. His expression was so deadly serious, and he had this way of perfectly controlling the emotions of his words as he said them.

“The tough looking guy sitting in the back yesterday? His name is Nacho. You’ll get to know him eventually, but he’s a little shy. The other one is Domingo. I’m sure he’ll introduce himself when he gets here.”

Suddenly, Lalo leaned back and broke the tension in half with a smile.

“That’s my little lecture. Bored yet?”

“Not yet.”

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

“Really? You think I don’t talk much?” As I said that, I realized my mouth was sort of dry. “Usually people tell me I’m a chatterbox.”

“I’ll have to see that to believe it,” he laughed. “It’s about noon. You hungry? Another perk of this job. Free food.”

Without even waiting for my affirmation, he was back in the kitchen and the music was turned up again. Determined to make myself useful, I followed.

“Want help?” I called over the music.

He turned around from the tomatoes he was chopping, surprised.

“Yeah, you can do this,” he said, pointing to the chopping board. “There’s some lettuce over there, and the steak will need to be chopped too. I have to cook the meat first, so I’ll give it to you once I’m done.”

I got going, messily dicing the tomatoes. I tried my hardest to make them all at least even shapes and sizes, and I did decently okay for someone who has absolutely to idea what they’re doing. With the blade of the knife, I slid the tomatoes to the side of the board and took up the lettuce.

Lalo was, to say the least, enthusiastic about his cooking. He was loudly singing along to the music on the radio, and his excitement was spreading to me. Even if I didn’t know the words, I was singing along with him. It was impossible not to.

As Lalo warmed the tortillas on the frying pan, he was passing them to me and I was building the tacos.

“This is something I need to do again,” I said as we carried the plates out into the dining room.

“I can show you a thing or two about cooking, if you want. Like I said, there’s not a whole lot that needs to be done around here. You’re gonna have a lot of free time.”

The door to El Michoacano swung open, and in walked one of the men I saw yesterday. Lalo walked up to him and clapped him on the back.

“Ocho loco, you remember this girl from last week?” He looked at me and smiled slightly.

“Hi, I’m Domingo,” he said, shaking my hand.

“Y/n,” I responded. Lalo handed him the plate in his hand.

“Here, this is for you, made especially by y/n,” Lalo said with a cheeky smile in my direction.

“Oh come on, I barely helped.”

“Thanks, y/n,” said Domingo, walking over to the table he was sitting at the other day.

“Does he always sit there?” I whispered to Lalo as we sat down at the table closest to the counter.

“Yeah. Remember what I said earlier? About leaving them alone? That goes for Domingo too.”

“So, you want to me to like, ignore him when he comes in?”

He laughed and said “No, nothing like that. Just don’t go up and bother him while he’s working. And don’t eavesdrop. Especially don’t eavesdrop.”

I sat in silence and ate my taco, mulling over what he’d said. ‘Don’t eavesdrop’? What was that supposed to mean? What could Domingo and the other guy, Nacho, was it? What could they be doing that was so secretive?

I jolted my head up when I heard the door swing open again, this time with more force.

“What’s up Nacho,” Domingo greeted the man walking in.

He didn’t even look in my direction. He walked straight to the table he was at last time I saw him and sat down.

“He’s like that,” Lalo whispered to me. “Nachito, come say hi to the new waitress,” he said, raising his tone.

Nacho turned his head toward me and simply said “Hi.” I could tell he already didn’t like me, but I couldn’t tell why. Suddenly, I remembered the look he gave to Lalo when he offered me the application.

“Why don’t you sweep the kitchen floor? The broom is back there,” he said, waving his hand toward the kitchen but not looking away from Nacho.

I followed his orders, but the strongest sense of suspicion guided me toward the kitchen.

This is when I broke my first rule. I stood as close as I could to the door so I could hear what they were saying. Lalo’s eyes followed me toward the kitchen and watched me carefully before he got up and sat directly next to Nacho and started speaking very quickly and quietly in Spanish.

I risked a look up at the pair, trying to figure out what they were saying from their expressions. Nacho was sitting cross-armed and looking up at Lalo with a quirked eyebrow. Words were exchanged, but the only ones I could pick out were “quieres” and “tienes”, “you want” and “you have” respectively. Unsurprisingly, these were some of the only Spanish words I knew.

Lalo was leaned forward on the table, his gaze fixated on the man across from him.

“Compredes?” He said at last. “Understand?”

“Sí, Lalo,” Nacho responded. I leaned my broom against the wall and came back into the dining room. Domingo was just sitting still, staring directly at the wall. He had the look of someone who had just sat through a very uncomfortable conversation. Lalo sighed and patted Nacho rather aggressively on the shoulder. Then I heard tires on the pavement outside, and a giant truck pulled up outside the restaurant.

“Y/N, you can do some stocking in the cupboards. There’s not much work for you out here.”

I had the distinct impression that this was going to be one of those times in which I should not be eavesdropping. I disappeared into the pantry behind the kitchen and tried to ignore the man walking in as much as possible.

That was the rest of the day. I hid in the back while men came in and out of the restaurant, from time to time Lalo would ask how I was or what I was getting up to. No customers came in. Not one. The bus ride home felt so much longer than the one there. My mind was racing with ideas as to what could be going on there.

No matter what I thought of, the same thought kept returning to me. Something dark must be going on, and somehow I had gotten caught up in it.

***************

“Why don’t you sweep the kitchen floor? The broom is back there,” I said. I studied Nacho carefully. Out of my peripheral, I saw her hesitate and then turn around. I turned to watch her leave, double checking to see that she was out of earshot before snapping my head back toward Nacho.

“You know exactly why I hired her,” I hissed softly in Spanish.

“I meant you should hire someone connected, not an outsider! Someone’s daughter or niece. You don’t even know this girl, she could be an FBI agent,” Nacho retorted, wrinkling his nose in distaste. The corners of my lips twitched upward.

“I’ve been following her since she first stepped foot in this building. Believe me, she isn’t FBI. I didn’t choose her at random. The look of pure desperation on her face told me she needed money, fast. She’d do anything for it. She won’t tell, believe me.” Nacho raised an eyebrow at me, a frown forming on his face.

“I’m just saying that you shouldn’t put your trust into someone who you don’t even know. She has no reason to be loyal to us. She could turn at any minute.”

“I have a plan,” I said simply, looking back at the girl. She was staring very decidedly at the floor where she was sweeping.

“What’s that, then?”

“All in good time, Nachito,” I smiled at him. “But now, you must be civil to her. I don’t care if you don’t like her, you must be polite, comprendes?”

Nacho sighed and responded “Sí, Lalo.”

#bcs #lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca imagine #lalo salamanca imagines #lalo salamanca headcanons #saul goodman #Better Call Saul #better call saul headcanon #better call saul headcanons #better call saul imagine #better call saul imagines #nacho varga

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