#like i don't have their money i don't have their resources

[moonsaver]

Imagine instead of 4ggravate being a kpop boy group and reader being the fangirl, its the other way around

4ggravate forms a groupchat particularly because of you, their bias, who is also the least recognized in your group and is often overshadowed by others, leading to a desperate convergence of your fans in finding out the itty bitty stuff about you that's all on blast when it comes to the other idols in your group. They're like detectives trying to figure out whether you liked the specific flavor of ice cream on a show you participated in with your group. Each of them keep tabs on any official updates about you, recording and clipping parts of your group's lives in the tidbits where you come in, and forming a wall trying to defend you from majority of the fandom when you get backlash from false rumors. That's just how the group came to be.

Kaveh is the oldest fan amongst them – he's been there since day 1. Claims he knows the most out of all of them and tries to prove it via quizzes and guessing games. Sometimes he wins, most times he doesn't. Also the poorest of the four. He spent so much on buying your specific merchandise he didn't plan for the future concert you group was holding in his area, and ever since then he's had to tearfully decide constantly between buying albums, your photocards, new lightstick versions, etc.. and your concert that may or may not even be held in the area.

In the rare chance that he does attend your concert – he tries to get the most out of it. Front row, headbands, fanchant at the top of his head, lightsticks in both hands. When you notice him and exchange a few words over the loud crowd, he swears he's going to pass out, looking up at your crouched figure on the stage makes you look almost like an angel to him, the light highlighting your figure perfectly. Suffice to say, he eventually made an impression on you at least.. because he passed out and the crowd had to surf him to a security guard. He's deeply embarassed about it, and can't really escape it now that he's become a bit of an inside joke in your fandom

Cyno is the second older fan. Like Kaveh, he prides himself over having a good amount of knowledge about you that's not exactly easy to find – old, old, old images of other kpop idols in which you appear for a fraction of a second, spotting the products you use in your lives and being able to find out the brands is his specialty. If Kaveh has the knowledge, Cyno at least has the detective skills. He has his own individually run fanpage where most other fanpages, even your group's fanpages, refer to as a trusted source. Has also managed to create several fancams of you that were incredibly hard to get ahold of. He's those fanpages on twitter who thoroughly collect evidence and manage to pinpoint future events you're going to take part in before they're announced, and he manages to predict it correctly almost all the time. He's well known within the fandom, but due to how busy he is in 4ggravate trying to form a cumulative plan almost all the time, rarely does he find the time to respond to other fans and fanpages, and most other admins don't usually approach him either.

If anything, at least he's got more resources and money than Kaveh. I imagine he actually also is in a lot of other groups besides 4ggravate.

Alhaitham, out of everyone, is the one who's actually talked to you the most. He was originally just interested in the music, didn't really care until he realized how less and less your lines became the more songs your group churned out. So in his mind, to "make up for" the lack of lines on your end, he decides to simply just pay extra attention to your solo activities. It's not soon before you become his bias. Unlike Kaveh, he was pretty strategic and managed to plan ahead for scheduled fancalls, fanmeetings, appearances in public, etc..

he leaves a lasting impression because.. he doesn't show his appearance. At all. There's many fans out there who get your attention by doing strange things with their appearance, but Alhaitham refuses to even take off his mask just to talk to you. In fancalls, he decides to cover the cameras, always wears hoodies that cover him completely when he meets you in public. At some point, the fandom falls in love with him instead (which drives Kaveh insane), and it's not soon before there's all sorts of rumors about you two. The rumors get more wild when he only ever takes his hoodie off once when you meet him face to face. Personality wise, he sticks out because of how easily he's able to spot changes in choreography, voice, pitch, writing style, etc.. and even more so, because of how upfront about it he is, without actually being creepy about it. He gives good advice without making it sound like unwelcome criticism.

Tighnari is actually the normal one. He just generally likes the music and likes your voice specifically because he thinks your voice suits the concept the best, but because of a few injustices (which he sarcastically comments on many fancams, to which also many fans agree), he finds himself doing something similar to Alhaitham. Albeit, less.. detailed? Is what he thinks. He's actually a bit of a keyboard warrior when it comes down to it – replying to group threads that intentionally leave you out, having the sassiest comebacks to mean or rude comments about you, piecing together timelines and locations to prove false rumors wrong, working especially close with Cyno in these kinds of cases. If there's a fancam of you, Tighnari is under it fighting some or the other hater, or just blatantly commenting on the event itself that intentionally disrespects you or your group.

He's probably the only one who actually leaves a long lasting impression on you. When your car drives by a bunch of your excited fans, he's the normal one who's looking on calmly and waving to you with a stoic face. Whenever he comes to fanmeetings with Alhaitham, or has fancalls with you – it's fun! His humor is easy to accustom to, conversation goes lightly, and overall he's the tamest out of everyone. He gives you some skincare advice which you gladly accept, and somehow, despite not being as incriminating as the others when it came to detail, they're salty about how he seems to be the one who's closest to you. It's not unnoticeable the way out of all four of them, you recognize him by a first name basis. Ohhh boy.

#moonink #genshin impact #4ggravate #alhaitham genshin #genshin impact alhaitham #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x reader #alhaitham x y/n #alhaitham x you #cyno #genshin cyno #cyno x reader #cyno x you #cyno x y/n #genshin kaveh #genshin impact kaveh #kaveh #kaveh x you #kaveh x reader #kaveh x y/n #tighnari #genshin tighnari #tighnari genshin #genshin impact tighnari #tighnari x reader #tighnari x you #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x reader

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hello! I am aspiring to be an author however I am not really good at writing. I think it might be because of my lack of detail, I have a hard time describing things in a way others understand but I’m not even sure of that. I want to be an author/writer, it’s always been my dream. I love to write but I’m really bad at like every aspect of it. It makes me feel as if I shouldn’t go into it because it would be a waste of my money(if collage can somehow help me, cause I don’t see how else I can fix my writing, I’ve tried a lot) my time and resources to go into something I’m awful at. I just wanted to know if it’s a good idea to give up on writing and pursue it, despite it not being something I’m good at. I love to write I’m just not good at it, and I seem to be struggling to learn. I hope my question can help others who are in the same boat as me, and I hope this isn’t too deep or annoying! Thanks for answering (if you do) in advance! Have a great day!

Good Writing Takes Time... Don't Give Up

A lot of young and/or newer writers have this same concern. They feel like they've put a ton of time and effort into writing but are not improving, but in reality they've been at it for a few months. Maybe a year or two...

The reality is that writing is a craft, and like any craft, it can take YEARS to hone your skills. When you read fan-fiction, a short story, or a novel that really strikes you as well written, I promise you that is not the first thing that writer/author wrote. In fact, that writer/author almost certainly has YEARS of writing experience under their belts.

And to be clear, I'm not saying it's impossible for a first or second story or novel to be amazing, it's just not that common. Most of us have to produce a large body of not-so-great work before we start producing really good work.

So, keep at it. Get yourself a notebook and practice describing things in it. It could be the room you're sitting in, some people you're observing, something you see while you're waiting for the bus... whatever. Utilize sensory and emotional description: what can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you taste? What can you touch? What do these observations make you think and feel?

Read a lot of short stories and books. Watch writing advice videos. Read writing craft books. Do writing prompts. Write fan-fiction (if you're so inclined.)

If you have the opportunity to take some writing classes or if you want to pursue writing in college, that's great, too!

Either way, you definitely shouldn't give up if writing is your dream. Like all dreams, it doesn't happen overnight. It's something that will take time, energy, hard work, and lots of practice and patience.

Now, watch this:

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

#wqaadvice

[carbonateddelusion]

I know I haven't said much about it, but legitimately, "running away" was one of the most pivotal life decisions I've ever made. Probably THE first major life decision I've made, and also the best. If you have an opportunity to go, leave. Get out of there. If you are not safe at home, emotionally, physically, whatever, and you're able to leave, do it. It's going to suck such major ass for a while because you're going to have to deal with the scars they've left on you, but I wholeheartedly, full-throatedly, with-my-chest promise you that it is going to be better. You're going to be better. If you have the privilege of being able to escape, no matter how difficult it feels, then RUN.

#whatever you leave behind is not your responsibility. sometimes you're gonna have a fucked relationship with the siblings you 'abandoned' #but they have to understand that you had to leave. and that you were actively fighting to take them with you the entire time #it's okay to be selfish. you need to be selfish to start to recover. #if you have to be homeless please look up and do your research on local resources first. plan things out. #i was lucky enough to have family who'd been waiting years and years for this moment to happen #if you can go and have your college dorm as a safe haven then absolutely take that chance #if you can go and rent an apartment with the money from your job then take that chance #plan shit. do it. even if your brain fights you. you do not want to be out there without proper precautions or else you could end up- #-seriously fucked over. #also i know i'm encouraging people to get out but in equal measure: #if it isn't safe to leave you are not lesser for staying. #if it's winter and you can't be out there alone you are not complicit in your own abuse yk? #if you have family you CANNOT leave behind like extremely young siblings then you are not at fault for staying. #i was lucky enough to be able to leave quickly and (relatively) painlessly and i'm aware that not everybody can do that #sometimes staying IS the better choice. but that's a choice YOU have to make not me #assess your situation properly. are you staying for your own safety or because you're scared? #etc etc. obviously take all of this with a grain of salt i don't have all the life experience in the world just what little i have #also: prepaid phones are a godsend. MRIs. canned food. make sure to have first aid kits if needed. plan ahead. have a stash somewhere safe #rox rumblings #me things

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

I think a recession is just what we call the phenomenon when too many people realize the economy is fake too quickly

#OUR PRETEND MONEY IS WORTH LESS THAN WE PRETENDED #QUICK AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING ELSE WE PRETEND IS VALUABLE #but Ivan pretending something is valuable is what makes it valuable #provided enough people agree #I do kind of get darkly amused with people who are like fiat money is worthless that's why you need a gold standard #gold also is only valuable because everyone says it is #'at least the supply is limited' #yes limited supply of resources has never been a problem before #I'm gonna stop typing now because I don't understand the economy and can only pretend I do for short bursts #I really think if I'd understood money I would have done something else with my life

[smile-files]

every time i get a new story idea i should get shot in the head

#melonposting #/silly #ask to tag #(<- just in case?) #i keep getting good ideas and it drives me crazy. i don't have the time or energy or resources to make this. nevermind every other dumb ide #now THIS is why i want to be immortal. i want to create every dumb little thing i think up until the sun explodes. #fill the world with myself. now that would be awesome #until then... AUGH it's so painful getting good ideas :'DDD like i know half of these will be nothing #trying very hard for this current one (the object show) to be something. but don't bet any money on it haha

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being friends with the straight aro-spec cis man who's "stealing resources" that exclus like to fearmonger about and knowing that he's done more for the community than those whiny pissbabies ever have

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #honestly if someone thinks ppl are stealing resources from underprivileged groups it's usually pretty obvious they don't understand shit #like. 1) people using resources almost always means they get more funding #2) if it is happening.... lmao what money do you think these groups even have to steal from? #the majority of public services get funding based on a combination of limited private donations and public funding that's based on the #usage of the previous period of use #typically yearly #so - for example - if a university queer campus center of some sort is given 10k for funding in a year #(and i'm using a specific example i know of irl) #and they only use 5k of that? #most likely they will receive closer to 5k of funding the next year and not be able to meet any increased needs #using the money they are given means that they have the ability to take on larger projects #using those resources allows them to get large enough funding grants and shit to take on #the actual systems of oppression rather than desperately trying to keep individuals afloat #who are already aware of them and willing to ask for help #and knowing that a large portion of their community is unaware of those resources or too afraid of stealing resources to ask for help #which they not only *can* provide but *want to* provide #because it helps both those individuals and *that group* to be able to push for larger systematic change in the future #so yeah just. opinions. #if someone says they need the funding these groups are happy to do everything in their power to work with them #and honestly someone actually being malicious probs will stick out like a fucking sore thumb #and even then i've seen groups like these use it as a learning opportunity #to be like 'hey it's pretty clear you came here with this intention. now that you're here... how are you feeling about that? why?'

[icewindandboringhorror]

I found socks with my favorite flowers on them (nasturtiums!), but they literally don't match anything I own, so making an outfit with them is difficult.. just all black with the bright shoes and a random stuffed animal for accents lol

#self #ootd #still unsure if I should do the like.. 'saying where stuff is from' section at the end of outfit posts like I think it's popular to do #but it just feels repetitive because basically for everything is just 'it's all thrifted' occasional 'shoes from ebay 10 years ago so I don #t remember the seller' or 'socks from a random sock store in the mall 2 years ago' etc. #even the stuffed animal is from the bins lol #Shoes and tights and wigs are the only things that it tends to be harder to get from the bins. Though I still find some #except wigs. I wouldn't really wear Bin Wigs since half the bins have like mysterious wet stuff and mold in them or etc. #I've gotten some shoes and stuff there though. But most of my shoes are from online. It's just that theyre also not from #like.. brands..?? Like 'converse' or something. It's more.. some random ebay seller in 2017 or something #so then that feels weird too because I thought the point of that being popular is so people can go find the things you're wearing and #buy them or whatever. but in my case that would never be helpful ghjbjk #since I also keep things so long. I have shoes and stuff Ive had since elementary school #good luck tracking down where I got these tights on ebay in 2011. good luck going to the bins or a thriftstore and finding the same #exact dress or etc. So then in that case does it even matter?? eh #The only sense I could see it being useful in is like. people seeing that they could make looks without spending a lot of money. #since I have had some comments on costumes or makeups before like 'omg I would love to look like this if I had the $$ for clothes *sad emo #ji*' or whatever. and I always want to message them and be like.. this entire outfit cost like $2.. you can do it. Don't get discouraged #I mean depending on the resources available to you. I know not everyone has a bins type place near the #m. but still. and all of my makeup and wigs are cheap as hell. Probably full of terrible chemicals. but I wear them like. once every 5 mont #hs or less since I dont do full costumes that often so hopefully wont get an infection or something. etc. etc. #ANYWAY. I could see it being useful I guess in just letting people know most of everything is secondhand #if that's meaningful to them for some reason. but also I feel like thats obvious since I talk about it. so #still just seems repetitive to me. ANYWAY. Love nasturtiums... aaaaaa... even though it's not my colors at all and I never #wear black or anything that would match them #I had to do it. I also normally would never ever pay $12 for socks but.. it's SO specific to my tastes and I had never seen anything #with nasturtiums on it before since they dont seem as popular as like roses or sunflowers. One of my once every 2 years #impulse buys at a mall ghjhjb.. (I never go to malls and also just rarely buy stuff in general since I'm evil miserly penny pincher etc.) #Kind of like how once a year I allow myself to have one steak from a restaurant or something but that's all. Once every few years #I will go to a large mall at a not busy time of day so I can avoid crowds. just to look around for fun. and will maybe buy like. One thing

[softichill]

FROST QUEEN CONTENT SOON

#cricket chirping #cookie run #frost queen cookie #IT'S BEEN SO LONG...!!!! #Also since the upcoming update features Snow Sugar Cookie I'm really hoping this special episode will be playable #I don't have the resources to max out so many cookies on short notice and I refuse to spend money #(Not like I can anyway- the only time I tried the app glitched out and kept resetting the transaction before it could finish)

[thesickpanda]

The Cost of Living when Chronically Ill

It’s only the 24th April and already we have spent $1500 AUD on (desperately needed) supplements, medicine, a physiotherapist appointment, a counselling appointment, a nutritionist and my specialist. Absolutely none of the above was covered by our Medicare system. NONE.

And those expenses for April are BEFORE my EMDR session today and the 3 scans I need of my abdomen. I will soon be getting a bill in the mail for the 2 blood tests I took, as well. Next month will be a repeat of this month plus an additional $1300 for a medical treatment for my partner, AND he needs to see a dermatologist, too. In June we will be seeing my long-awaited immunologist who is also not covered by Medicare. :)

And of course I now, by law, have to pay $80 to have a 3 minute telehealth appointment with my medicinal cannabis prescriber to say “yes, everything is fine” because the government insists that any patient taking the drug has to report back every 2 months that that they are not dying because of it and are not addicts. I have enough scripts to last me the year and have been on medical cannabis for 8 years  - I know what I am doing and I am FINE on it.

 Oh, and those bottles cost $270 a pop.

I have also started a new plant-based fiber-rich diet to try to heal my rapidly declining gut wall at a time when food prices are skyrocketing. We went to the local fruit and veg shop and bought the required fruit, veggies and spices to support the two of us for 1 week, and it came to $135 (and they didn’t stock everything we needed). $135! For two people! To eat healthy for ONE Week! And that was just fresh produce and not even things like pasta, laundry detergent etc. WTF?!

At the same time, just this month alone, we had most everything break on us and spent several thousand in car and house repairs.

I don’t know man I just want to be able to sleep at night without having nightmares about our finances and how we're going to afford all this. Even being one of the very lucky millennials who lives in a house we (very partially) own, we're struggling to maintain things.

I’d eat the rich but I am pretty sure I’d have a food intolerance to them too.

#I am aware I am one of the lucky ones #having a mortgage is a luxury which is wild #I know many don't have the money to spend at all #and are suffering terribly as a result #my point is basic things like healthcare and housing should not be putting even the middle class into financial stress #the divide between rich and poor is growing #debt is exorbitant in Australia and it is no wonder we have the highest household debt in the world #yet we pay plenty in taxes #like where the fuck is it all going #why has medicare not seen an increase in spending in decades #my health is so fragile and I need all of the above and yet it costs the earth #how the hell is someone without resources supposed to survive?

[baishouqijia]

i am desperately trying to be more active but i'm experiencing mental burnout. just want to say thank you for the interactions even when i'm only checking in here now and again - i'll respond when i'm feeling better! <3

#nothing really happened - work and the house just got on top of me. #for context i was promoted to a management position in october and i hit my stride so i have a lot of responsibilities and i'm hhh. #having to play catch up in terms of skillset. i'm good at my job but i'm not the best - therefore ? i must keep pushing :y #as for home... Man (horse.jpg) #we bought a house a year ago. i envy people who renovate days after moving in. we're a year in and i'm only just redoing the kitchen floor #after a leak that happened in JUNE 2022. it's expensive as fuck and takes so much time. #i'm so fortunate to be able to afford a house but like. i won't lie. it's really hard having to be responsible for everything that goes #wrong with it. my kitchen has been subfloor for months. we destroyed our kitchen island trying to make room for the floor to be done #so we're down storage and stuff is just piling up. eh i know this is like. first world problem and really not a big deal. #but when your house is in disrepair because you don't have the money to fix it quickly or time to do it yourself. shit's hard. #anyway this is a rant. don't want a wrench or a tissue- just wanna get it out. #[puts on pantalone hat] i have money anxiety too #like i earn the most i've ever earned. i won't really get much higher than this atm. i'm due a bonus and i can cash out my shares #but fixing up the house is so expensive. i'm worried i'm gonna lose it all somehow. idfk why. when things are going well i worry i'm gonna #lose it all somehow. growing up poor does a number on your resource guarding. if i spend a penny I Will Lose It All. #' dima why do you like pantalone so much ' HE JUST LIKE ME FRRRR #sry this is a ramble . i treat tumblr tags like my diary but i hope you enjoyed the read xoxox #anyways! point is! i'm alive! i'm itching to come back but i dont have the mental space for fun rn. #can't have fun until i feel safe enough to have fun if that makes sense. #aight byeee

[rabbithaver]

there's not really a non-worrying way to put this but i think the world would genuinely be better off without me. i am unbelievably weak, physically and mentally and emotionally. im unable to influence even my parents let alone the world at large. if i cant make a difference then im just a complete waste of space and resources

#like i think i need to kill myself?? but i don't want to because i am a coward so instead i just sit here and do nothing #i can't go to marches. i can't donate the limited money i do have because i get all my limited money from my parents #sure i can call my reps. and i have been. but they obviously don't fucking listem #so like.... long term. i am a waste of space and resources. i am not fixing the world so i should die #rabbit.neg

[hwiyoungies]

how to tell people honestly i thought i would be dead by now whenever they ask me what my plans for the future are so like, i don't have any because i genuinely thought i would not be here anymore lmfao

#my parents want me to study something else. or to think about it. so that i can have some sort of plan #but i truly don't know how to tell them hey i genuinely have nothing i want to do #because i kinda don't want to be here so i don't see the point #of wasting your money time and resources lmfao #i know they wanna see me do well in whatever it is that i want to do #and that no matter what they'll support me #but man. i just feel anguish everytime we talk about it #like i truly don't see a future for me and i know you guys want me to have one but i just #don't know how to wish for one for myself #i will. msot likely delete this lmao #b.txt

[emcads]

not to be dramatic about it but the way esme falling in love with jack and trusting jack lead to her helping him set christophe and borya free. who will later murder her grandfather. setting her on her path to revenge. how it was all because she trusted and loved this boy everyone said she shouldn't trust and love.

#ALL THOSE YEARS #where she didn't know jack had been betrayed too. and she thought he was in on it the whole time #the guilt she felt. it shattered her. LITERALLY heart into a million jagged pieces and so so hard to trust anyone and love anyone #✘; i have seventy two exams and i have not studied for one ( ooc ) #even though she knows. logically. that it wasn't jack's fault and it wasn't *really* her fault #( jack could have gotten the money from somewhere. he's resourceful and relatively good at stealing money ) #but like. she played such a massive part in it. #betrayal is so normal so so normal among pirates but when you don't MEAN to ? #the only relationships she had with men that were good and loving and safe and both of them ruined by one night and one action

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

naur but i used to do the same thing 😭😭

like. "oo flour yes i will take 100 flours ty 100 rice? SURE"

LIKE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO W/ ALL MY MORA 😭

EXACTLY I NEED TO KEEP MY INGREDIENTS IN STOCK

it was extremely funny that one time, because my friend was watching me play Genshin and kept begging me to stop buying out all the stores in the game (i did not stop, it was hilarious and now i have like 200 tomatoes >:)

#chit chat #darling mutuals #genshin talk #i don't use my mora often because i only have a few built characters #but honestly i just like collecting it #like yessss give me the video game money #i'm the person who will never use any of my resources #it can be the final boss and i'll be like 'but what if i need it later :(' #my Traveler's satchel is PACKED #'wow Traveler that's a lot of supplies you got there-' 'yeah Wifi never spends ANYTHING' #good evening :) #god what a day it's been. it sure was something haha

[moe-broey]

One thing about becoming incredibly invested in the dream fairies is. That is a set of four separate characters, often being in pairs/the whole group/one after the other whenever they're relevant. My orb supply is in fucking shambles 🧍

#fire emblem #feh #i mean that probably IS the point. it IS a gacha game. that's what they want. to make money. #i'm generally f2p though so they can't touch me. (exceptions are resplendents and ended w the corrins for me) #i mean..... i guess if i'm desperate...... i could read the wiki......... <- voice of an extremely defeated man #for me though i feel like i get the best characterization out of having their voicelines and art on hand. #plus all the other dialogue too. which could be found on a wiki probably #but the voice lines really solidify a character's well...! character! for me #which is also why when i ache for dragalia every now and again like. i'm sure i could probably #find resources that has everything archived. but what is the point...... they don't even live in my pocket anymore..... 😔

[faultsofyouth]

seeing my aunt take care of her toddler makes me not want to have kids ever but also I've recently decided that my 2nd daughter's name will be Frida (after the artist) and her nickname will be Friday

#my posts #I have conflicting feelings on it #Like I dont think anybody should be responsible for caring for a child for more than 8 hours at a time (and even 8 hours is a stretch) #because it's so much fucking work and it's exhausting and it's not at all fair that this work is shoved onto mothers & sisters & grandmas #and I don't want to be a single mom or even a mom with a dad because apparently that shit is relentless and it SUCKS #So I would want to make enough money to hire a nanny before I felt ready to have kids and then I still wouldn't want to depend on just a #nanny and a spouse like I do not think that 3 people is enough to raise a kid and 2 people definitely is not #I mean it CAN be done but it could be done So Much Better by like 4-6 people taking turns and then occasional extras #and I don't know if it would ever feel Worth It to have a kid (let alone TWO) if I couldn't guarantee #that I have all the resources to raise her right without sacrificing 95% of my own life to do it #and with all that being said i still would like to have 2 little girls so that when my mom dies I can find her in someone else