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altades · 8 months

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Vashwood rant

I can't sleep so why not analyze vashwood in the middle of the night

Now, this analysis is mostly of the manga, with maybe small takes from 98 and tristamp

To start let's look at the boys from their respective beginnings

Vash is so cruelly mischaracterized as a child, and it might be a little bit of trismaps fault, even though i do love it, or maybe people are just putting characters into boxes without really thinking about it but Vash is so not soft-shy-nice little baby brother. The whole thing with him being younger is so insane to me, i get why if Nai was born like 10 minutes earlier he would make it his whole personality (very sibling thing to do) but it's just so stupid. No, they have 0 age difference and it doesn't affect their dynamic cuz the are literally twins for the love of god. And, really, when you look at the manga as kids Nai was the emotional one! And he still is!

Nai is plagued by fear and anger and resentment and those emotions are what drive his every decision. Vash, on the other hand, is much more in control of his feelings and doesn't show them as much. That is to say that pre-tesla nai is the one worried about their relationship with humans, about their future, he's the one crying after talking to Conrad (what a sweet child he was) while Vash seemes much less scared.

And when they find out about Tesla Nai is the one who faints - he’s the more reactive one, the emotional one. And that small difference is what sets their paths so differently. Because Vash actually gets a chance to talk to Rem and figure things out.And that talk is so very important because it makes Rem, who already was everything to Vash, even more important.

Now, I want us all to think about how terrified Vash was after seeing Tesla cuz he probably thought his own mother was going to dissect him and his brother. But then she saves him when he tries to end his own life, proving that no she’s not gonna kill him, because she, as every human, has the capability to learn from her mistakes and make better choices. (too bad Nai didn’t get that lesson lol)

And then we get to the big bad things. (it’s genocide) But the important part from that whole ordeal is Rem’s sacrifice. Because, listen, I love stories where humanity is shown to be capable of change and forgiveness is a virtue and love and pussy and all that but oh man can it be so so unrealistic and a little bit insane to watch (su im looking at u (i love su but oh boy that is not how the world works unfortunately)) but Trimax manages to make it work so well. I believe that’s cuz Vash is a very kind and loving man but is also completely out of his mind and has horrendous mommy issues. At least half the reason he doesn’t kill people is because Rem has died to save them, and killing them would make it all be for nothing. If he kills these people or if he lets them die would that mean that Rem died for nothing? Did she sacrifice her life to save these people only for her own son to end their lives? AND you know I’m right cuz he literally says it in the manga but also BECAUSE HE DOES THE SAME FOR WOLFWOOD (also he did kill Nai when he had the chance but we don’t have time to unpack that)

All of that is A LOT and very complicated (i love Vash he’s so well written he’s my perfect little meow meow) now let's talk about Wolfwoooooooooood /twirls hair/

WW is much easier to understand and analyze cuz he is, just a guy,, WW is just a normal person who gets insanely unlucky and gets in THE WORST possible situations (If he ever played DND he would roll straight 1s). That is to say that his story is sort of a way to show how much life in the badlands sucks, but also that there are good things even in the worst places (the orphanage) And WW reacts to situations in the most rational way possible way - he kills to survive. he doesn’t want to but he doesn’t get a say in it. If he could chose he would just live with his family and friend and do whatever. And that, him being so normal in such a violent and bloody world is what makes him suffer all the time. His inner moral compass is screaming at him what a terrible person he is and he promptly ignores it.

That is until that moral compass manifests itself in the form of a tall, blond and handsome stranger that he’s supposed to lead to his death. The stranger who turns out to be the most compassionate and kind man WW’s has ever seen. Who he’s supposed to kill. It’s like finding an oasis in the desert and being forced to burn it to the ground. And WW doesn’t want to do that, and he refuses to believe that the oasis is not a mirage so he tries to get Vash to kill someone, even if it’s WW himself. (It doesn’t work.)

As we all know WW changes his mind because of Vash’s influence. And he dies for it. Because even though Vash’s beliefs are born of human virtues, no man is made to walk his path, for he is not human and any mortal who tries to follow an angel to the skies is doomed to crash. WHAT YOU DON’T EXPECT IS THAT THAT MAN WILL BRING THE ANGEL DOWN WITH HIM

There is this line I wrote for an art i’m planning to make and if you’ve read this far you deserve a lil spoiler - “have you found absolution in bringing an angel to his knees?” and it captures perfectly what i'm thinking. And also Vash spends so much time trying to be closer to people but I think him killing Legato might’ve been the most human thing he’s ever done. Cuz it’s is so beautiful in the way he does it for the memory of the person he loved and yet so ugly in it’s cruelty.

I’ve said this before but most of the time when there is a human/ some immortal powerful creature relationship I don’t think the human is that special but WW HE SO IS. Maybe it’s the way that he’s just as deep in the nuclear bombs with personality business as Vash is, being one of said nuclear bombs, but still remains a normal person with relatively good morals that he can anchor Vash to a sort of normality that he doesn’t get often. Like what other guy would get hunted by all sorts of freaks with you, get in trouble all the time, get shot and etc and etc and then go for a drink with you like it’s a normal wednesday? Wolfwood. Or maybe it's that WW learns of every worst part of Vash, he sees him be on the brink of losing himself, he knows Vash has actually caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people and ALMOST did it again after Julai, and still stays with him? He sees Vash become something that is not human at all and still stay? Idk MAYBE IT’S ALL OF THAT but WW is just so important and so down bad but we all know that already so i’m not gonna add to that

Anyways, I got this all out of my system gn

#vashwood #trigun #trigun maximum

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nanomooselet · 3 months

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My Brother's Keeper (I)

So, uh, I have seen the complaints that Stampede is "poorly-written". Often enough, really, to get... somewhat overly bent out of shape about it. Stampede was my entry into the story and I may have mentioned once or twice that I like it. You know. Just a little. This is not to say it's without its flaws, but it's technically very skilful, at least to my eyes. It's just… skilful in roughly twenty-two minute chunks, so it crams a whole lot into those chunks.

Vash tells Wolfwood he can "see [kindness] in his eyes" half an hour tops after hitting him with a truck. It's assumed that they're relying on previous characterisation of the two to carry this beat.

They're not.

See, animated shows or films (and definitely in the case of Stampede) aren't only written. They're story-boarded, rendered, scored etc. and all the parts interlock with the other parts. It has to be taken as a whole: spoken, written, visual, musical, situational, compositional. These are twelve instalments of a single story where everything in it develops, comments on, or reflects what lies at the work's thematic heart, but you have to figure out how. It's not going to explain it to you. If the relationship between two characters appears strange, that's because there's more to it. And whenever you see something in it that visually echoes something else in it, get out your pasteboard and stick in two thumbtacks connected with string because the show's letting you know it's important.

Now, because I viewed Stampede first, my reaction to this part was very much like Wolfwood's ("???") but the more of the show I watched, the more sense it started to make, and the more I appreciated what it did for Vash's characterisation. Having since read the manga, in my opinion the boys aren't at all interacting like they're accessing past-life memories. Vash is too busy silently reeling over Jeneora Rock and dreading his confrontation with Knives to keep up the whacky act that the older WW pierced. Wolfwood is too young and trapped by his own hurt to empathise by seeing through Vash's false smiles.

There's something else going on with these two, and if you think carefully, it's clear what it is. There were two loved ones that Vash lost tragically early in life, and we can assume it's not Rem he's thinking of.* The heart of this series is "the song of the brothers."

Whose side are you on?

I have to choose.

Lo and behold, through that lens the character interaction made a whole lot more sense. And I want to talk about how.

So, according to the show's language, right from his very first appearance Wolfwood has a connection with Knives.

In the ensuing scenes/episodes, it was then clear to me that Wolfwood isn't just connected to Vash's brother. He's a representative, serving as a sort of understudy while Vash journeys to confront the real thing. Anything and everything Wolfwood does or says is with that role in mind, because he's either playing along or fighting against it. It dictates his development as the show unfolds. He's got a job and he'll do it, but which of the twins' agendas is he ultimately serving as he does? Even he can't yet be sure.

This is a significant change. It has a huge effect on Wolfwood's characterisation; it's why he comes across as less confident, more surly - he's rebellious, but conflicted and immature. In the manga, the first time we meet Nick he's (mostly) his own man and he (mostly) makes his own decisions. While he isn't honest about his agenda, he is trying to temper Vash's idealism for honest and well-meaning reasons, albeit in a bitchy way. When he reveals himself, throwing down the coin halves, you feel the man is protesting too much so it'll make what's coming easier on Vash. Despite how deeply the two came to love each other they couldn't communicate their forgiveness, but Wolfwood is at his core a good man first who lost his way, then finds it again in Vash. **

Again by contrast in Stampede, Nick's identity isn't his own to shape (yet). He standing in for Knives, and he doesn't much like it. He does know more about the actual shape of things than the reporters - for instance, he doesn't bat an eyelash when Brad mentioned how long they've known Vash. So he can readily talk with Vash and test his convictions. They basically both know each other's biggest secrets already, so they don't have to make a whole production of getting to know each other.

But standing in for Knives is also why the introductory aw-look-he's-nice-really scene is so quickly revealed to be staged. Knives is the primary antagonist, not a neutral agent - he's the most dangerous and personal opponent the protagonists face. He's also cruel, controlling and manipulative. His "help" is anything but. Any gift he seems to freely give, like a protector, will either extract an awful cost down the line or have some hidden purpose (if he isn't "solving" a problem he himself created). Approach with caution.

(You know how Nick did something no one asked him to do then hit Vash, Meryl and Roberto with a massive bill for it like a dick? You know how he then violently rescued them from a situation he himself engineered so they'd have gratitude? Those are Knives's most basic manipulation tactics, when he isn't just hurling verbal abuse: I help you/I love you so I'm entitled to take this from/do this to you. Wolfwood is causing problems on purpose by acting out because it's funny, and knows he won't get whatever he's demanding. Knives thinks he's helping, and rarely hears when he's told "no".

Also, both the English and the Japanese have Roberto calling Wolfwood someone who kills with a smile on his face. He doesn't, really, but we have met someone else who does.)

That means like every other character, Wolfwood isn't quite himself. Not yet.

And that's actually awesome. Because it speaks to who the other characters are - specifically, about Vash.

(Part II)

(Part III)

(Part IV)

(Part V)

(Part VI)

(Part VII)

* OR COULD IT BE, as inevitably assumed on tumblr when two men are in proximity, unspoken romantic desire????

I'm not saying it can't be a factor, but it doesn't explain why they start having discussions over their principles like they've known each other for years. Or at least, to me it doesn't. As I've said I don't ship them. If you disagree, it's totally fine! Hear me out and decide for yourself. There's no reason to believe both can't be true.

** By what's coming, I mean the same development that eventually comes to every iteration of Wolfwood. You know the one. And by "they loved each other" I don't mean necessarily mean romantically. My personal belief is that there were mutual feelings along those lines, but they're both too emotionally reticent to acknowledge them and might not have regardless. But that's just me!

#trigun stampede #trigun meta #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #millions knives #not sure when to add the next part #there are at least three more. maybe four. help it's so long #day? two days?#tristampparty #meta: my brother's keeper

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mayfly-stampede · 11 months

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Vash’s decision

warnings: long post, spoiler Trigun Stampede episodes 3-12, Trigun Maximum chapter 10.

One of the most important differences in Trigun Stampede about Vash is his lack of…something although we still can see his characteristic sensitivity and empathy as in the manga.

Thanks to Sakura-Con 2023, we know that this series set before the city of July was lost, so Stampede Vash is more like a imperfect Vash and it was made more naive on purpose.

Naive? Vash has been always naive, in the manga and ´98 anime. He always thinks the best of humans…

Can he be more naive than that? How?

And that’s when it hit me: He is like an immature Vash. All of him, his emotions, his thoughts…even his hair.

We can see him nostalgic and there is sadness in his eyes.

It’s like he always goes back to the moment when he released Nai’s true intentions and thinks about that loop where he doesn’t want to do anything again his brother and the other plants being a plant himself…but he can’t go against human life either, which is Rem(his mother)’s teachings.

He is stuck in this for 150 years. Confused, alone, looking for answers while he is escaping from his brother, escaping from that past, escaping from that future that comes full speed to him and he begs it never arrives…

Because he is afraid too.

Afraid of loosing another dear one, afraid of his brother’s plans…and afraid of making a decision.

Even Roberto, Nebraska Father and also Nai asked which side is he on.

And his doubt is obvious through all the series, even more on episode 3, because he really doesn’t know yet…and it’s clear he doesn’t want to make a decision yet.

But when his hesitation involves Meryl and Roberto, he knows that he can’t delay the confrontation anymore.

BUT instead of choose a side, he tries to convence Nai. Expecting him to change his mind…

This reminds me Rollo’s death, when Vash is denying Wolfwood’s reasons to kill Rollo, letting us know that he is struggling with something inside him that he can’t explain himself either. In his anger he doesn’t try to understand Wolfwood’s point of view.

Even more, it is like he hasn’t consider the idea of others having a different way of thinking.

As a teenager who still wants everybody to fit in his beliefs.

In a moment, it’s almost like Vash is trying to force Wolfwood to change his beliefs. Instead of explain his ideas calmly as in Trigun Maximum chapter 10 where he at first is mad at Wolfwood killing the samurai but after a few moments he is not angry anymore. He is sad about his decision, but not angry.

This is similar to Knives, acting with no respect for Vash’s will, like in the manga.

And Stampede Vash doesn’t understand Knives’ reasons either. He doesn’t even try. He just know that they’re different from his own.

It is until Knives brings Vash back to his childhood, to a place where he doesn’t have to choose a side, that even in that situation a part of him still wonders about humans…

And that’s when he sees the answer deep inside himself, the answer that has been always there since the beginning and he didn’t want to see.

Because it doesn’t just mean he’s running towards his own path…but also running away from Knives too, who begs him to stay by his side.

At first, I thought he was is crying because he listens to Rem’s voice again thanking him to fight for her ideas and I felt this as a farewell

“Thanks for fighting for my beliefs…now, fight for YOURS”

but with that words, without doubts, he finally chooses a path for his own…away from Knives, his dear brother.

And when he is back, it is new birth to him indeed.

The change is clearly in ALL OF HIM: his hair, his color palette, his lack of hesitation at shooting his brother.

Because, as he explains himself: HE HAS MADE A DECISION.

And he is attacking with all he’s got: all his plant powers to stop Knives and all his Love and Peace towards humanity to protect them and being by their side even knowing that they could hunt him after all.

And yes, it can be a contradiction.

But now he accepts that.

He accepts that maybe they’re people who don’t want to be saved.

It really is an awakening.

He accepts that the world isn’t ideal and it’s not what he thought…and now he knows he can’t force Knives to change his mind. Because Knives chose his path more than 150 years ago just as he has done now and he can’t change that.

He realized Knives is just too different from himself…

Something that Knives still doesn’t want to accept.

And yes, maybe plants and humans can’t live together as Vash wants to.

But even knowing that, he is going to do his best to fight for it.

Because he is Vash The Stampede.

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finalmoment · 1 year

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cw: discussions of childhood trauma, child abuse, eating disorders, and suicide.

i dont think brad and luida were perfect, or even exemplary, caretakers for vash. this is partially a perspective rooted in theories about trauma (especially childhood trauma) -- but like, clearly they imprison him for months. he's a young child fresh from an incredibly traumatic event that he feels personally responsible for. he has no family, his brother used him and hurt him, his adopted mother is dead, and he wants to die. and his first experience with humans is, functionally, them going "uh i guess you might be okay but we don't quite trust you, there's just something about you that means we have to keep you right here in this one room and not let you leave" and vash just accepts this. he's too tired, and he hates himself too much, to question it, and in some ways it must make sense to him bc he did do something terrible, so they shouldn't trust him.

and then, whether intentionally or not, luida ties his worth to his ability to be useful. "there has to be something only you can do," she says, and that would maybe work if vash's problems started and ended with feeling useless, but they don't. there's so much more going on. he's called monstrous by the other humans on ship three; he sees himself as monstrous already. the only reason he can't kill himself is because he's being monitored and also because he's handcuffed, like, constantly at this point. he spends well over 4 months in what is basically solitary confinement -- a period of time and a tactic that would break any adult, so what does it do to an already-broken child? especially one that's implied to have been starving himself for the entire duration of his imprisonment.

they only start actually trusting him as a person when he proves useful to them, when he saves the plant. his decision to start eating again and his freedom/official residence on ship three are connected directly to his ability to be useful, and this is the path vash will follow for the next few decades -- seeing his value to people as measured in what he can do for them, and otherwise seeing himself as someone whose existence is fundamentally at odds with other people's peace/security/happiness. brad was vocal about not trusting him, and even if vash doesn't seem to harbor any ill feelings towards him for this (and i would bet that vash doesn't, in fact, feel that this was wrong of brad to do), it's still really painful! brad is initially sulky and put-off around vash and disapproving of luida's decision to trust him, even if vash grows on him eventually i can't imagine vash didn't internalize this attitude to himself to some degree or another. it takes him long-ish period (around a few years) to decide that brad does in fact like him a little.

and the whole time he's keeping this massive secret from them and it must be driving him insane. he can't talk about it because his wounds are just as fresh, but he can't talk about it because he doesn't know what they'll do when they find out. he didn't feel secure with them; even if he felt loved, and loved them back. but he couldn't be open with them, he could only do his best to be as useful and selfless as possible so that he can store up goodwill against the time when his secrets spill out. and the moment they do, he's branded a traitor immediately. luida doesn't believe it, but vash doesn't hear her say a word in his defense. he only hears brad decide that all of vash's actions by his side mean nothing in the face of one childish error of misplaced trust.

and of course, all of this does get better, in some way or another. no family is perfect; luida goes after vash, and brad makes it up to him. but...trauma doesn't go away that easily. vash doesn't return home unless he really needs to, for his arm. luida and brad decide to put themselves into cryo-sleep, leaving vash without a stable family again. in the span of time vash has lived, many relationships can be repaired -- especially if the person wronged is so eager to erase his own pain.

i've been thinking for a while about the patterns in vash's behavior, trying to trace them to a starting point. i think this is as good a place as any: even if knives was the one to lay the groundwork for vash's issues, many people since have contributed to them, adding their own influences to the guilt and self-hate vash carries around. and many of those people have, genuinely and unreservedly, loved vash and been loved by him anyway.

#notes #trigun stampede #trigun stampede meta #vash #child abuse tw #suicide tw #disordered eating cw #trauma

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fifthpilot · 10 months

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People who rally Vash as the "good guy" and nai as the "bad guy" make me wanna pull my hair out because I start thinking about Vash seeing hundreds of plants tortured to death right infront of his eyes and how it gets almost no reaction out of him and I go insane.

guard: plants were made to die for us anyways

nai: *kills him*

vash: D:<!!! but ReM-

lf Vash thinks its his and Knives' fault that plants are only being treated this way because of what they've done why is it HIS call to allow it to happen. Why must one suffer for the sake of another and why is it up to him to decide which is worth sacrificing? When both aren't symbiotic to begin with, when only one needs the other to survive, and when that same species is on the brink of extinction because of it?

Is Vash really thinking that saving the humans is worth the extermination of an entire species of plants?? And do you know who's philosophy this sounds like exactly?? Knives'. They're two sides of the same coin.

Which makes it really funny to me when people can't wrap their heads around how we should be looking at Vash and Knives' actions critically, not from the shallow lens of "one is good because he doesn't kill and the other is bad because he does". Diluting the whole conflict to "killing bad, not killing good" is really boring. and it doesn't give either characters enough accountability or credit for their actions.

I also think we should also assess how for the longest time Vash's stance has always been neutral. He hasn't been as decisive about what how he intends to achieve his ideals like Nai. Vash has advocated that plants and humans can co exist but what has he done so far to prove it?

It's a defensive stance, protecting and helping humans & plants as best as he can but its not productive to either party or to himself. And all it begets is a tired, scarred & bruised Vash that feels that the weight of the world is on his shoulders because he can't do "enough".

Meanwhile plants are still being tortured with "last runs" and humans have still yet to find a way to survive without plants. Often times neutrality is just as damning, if not it partakes in feeding the lasting problems we need to solve.

I just wish we could expand our understanding of what is "right" and "wrong" besides taking things at face value, especially within fiction where it give you the space to think rather than judge.

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stamepde #millions knives #kni #nai #trigun thoughts #vash

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orcelito · 11 months

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Something that kinda bothers me with trimax vs tristamp is the framing of Choice

In tristamp, it's framed as this whole big thing where he has to choose between humans and plants. "Who's side are you on?" Repeated over and over again, & he continues to not give an answer because he doesn't WANT to choose. Which in and of itself, I think this is narratively interesting, but like...

Then I think about what the big Choice is in trimax, & it feels kinda cheap in comparison.

Bc see, the Choice in trimax is over whether he should ever take a life. Wolfwood says it, Legato forces it, even fucking Nebraska Dad says it. Someday, Vash is going to have to make that choice whether he wants to or not. He spends over a hundred chapters running from this, REFUSING to choose one life over another, citing that all life is sacred... he really, truly believes this, and he really, truly wants to live by this.

But sometimes in this hell of a world, you really do have to make a choice. And in the end, he's forced to make that choice. One Time, he chooses to kill in order to save someone else's life. It happens only when his hand is really truly forced, but it Happens. He kills someone, and it nearly destroys him.

And we see this during the time where the earth forces have gotten the order to bomb Gunsmoke to combat Knives, Despite people telling them that they've got plans in motion to combat him without killing a great many people. Bc the people on earth many many miles away are more concerned with risk avoidance, so they're willing to accept killing a Lot of people in order to remove the uncertainty & risk to a great many more.

Zoom back in on Vash. He literally passes out from the mental agony of it & goes into a fever dream of all the people he knows that has died. The man he killed was an awful person, caused so much harm to both Vash and many many more people. Objectively, it should not have been a hard decision.

But for Vash, it was.

And that's what really gets me about it all. Vash is a staunch pacifist. He sticks to this despite people telling him over and over again to give up, to just accept that he has to kill people sometimes... And he eventually learns that they were kinda right in the end, but Even Still, after all is said and done, he STILL refuses to give up on any life he could possibly save.

This framing of the Choice is really, truly moving to me. It's a key part of what really made trimax Hit for me.

So tying it back in with tristamp's framing of choice... idk, it just feels kinda cheap in comparison. In trimax, Vash never really has any doubts about the plant vs human thing (aside from when he was a kid, post-tesla). He knows he's a plant. He knows a lot of humans wouldn't accept him for that. He knows a lot of humans would Fear him for that. But he still loves them and never once wavers in his pursuit for love & peace.

Overall, I just really enjoy the framing of moral questions in trimax more, I guess.

#speculation nation #should i tag this? i dont want this to seem like negativity but also i am feeling this so much #trigun #trigun spoilers/#trimax spoilers/#disclaimer that this isnt meant as tristamp hate. i do still love that anime #but this is just. something that bothers me.#all of this in trimax makes me feel like my soul is being flayed alive #whereas in tristamp it's just like. yea Vash u gotta decide what ur doing lol. choose something and Commit #it's important to his journey as a character. character development & all #it just doesnt feel as central as this does in trimax if that makes sense #idk it's nearly 3 am and im on 4% battery. im just kinda spitballing thoughts #tldr of the post: i have Many Feelings about trimax vash lol

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fuck-you-upmusicbracket · 8 months

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Your Heart is A Muscle the Size Of Your Fist (Ramshackle Glory)

I asked if I could get a ride/He said: “No, you don’t want to follow me/Where it is I’m going”/He backed out of the driveway/That was the last time we saw him/'Cause he drove straight to his parent’s cabin/And put a bullet in his head/Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist/Keep on loving, keep on fighting/And hold on, and hold on/Hold on for your life...

"This song is just a Lot. it feels like a punch to your chest. just one of those folk punk songs that tell a lot of rlly personal stories and connect you to humanity in a rlly painful and visceral and vulnerable way and it rlly compels you to contemplate ur own mortality and just. live your life. and try rlly rlly hard to live and love and learn as much as possible. fuck dude."

Sunlight (Hozier)

All the tales the same/Told before and told again/A soul that's born in cold and rain/Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/And at last can grant a name/To a buried and a burning flame/As love and its decisive pain/Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

But whose heart would not take flight/Betray the moon as acolyte/On first and fierce affirming sight of/Sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/I had been lost to you, sunlight/And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight/Oh, your love is sunlight

"I come down with the shivers and start hyperventilating when i hear this song and it makes me want to go outside which is the scariest part"

"I'm not gonna go full infodump here but this song is Peak Vash and Nicholas D. Wolfwood from Trigun-- specifically Nick's feelings towards Vash. Vash's (literal) evil twin brother Knives hired (read: threatened to eradicate the orphanage he kidnapped Nick from as a child if he didn't do what he was told) Nick to act as bodyguard for Vash and guide him to where Knives wants him to go so he can manipulate him for his own gain. Like, he chose the name Knives. This bitch is crazy beyond crazy but this ain't about him. Nick starts out 100% willing to guide Vash like a lamb to slaughter because he HAS to for the orphanage, and this is just some random guy he doesn't know or care about. But then he gets to know Vash, how good of a person he is despite the shit the world (and Knives) has put him through. How he'd rather risk his own life and health than kill another person because he believes he doesn't get to make that choice for people. And despite being someone who'd rather shoot first, pray for them after, Nick starts trying to wound rather than kill just because Vash doesn't like it. It puts them both at risk and he fusses and argues about it and still kills sometimes but he tries anyways. Eventually he decides that he'll do what he can to protect Vash from Knives without provoking him to destroy the orphanage. He ends up caring about him deeply against his own will to the point that his idea of Eden would be to live with Vash and their friends in a peaceful world where none of them have to fight and die. In the manga, Nick's dying request is to see Vash smile again- the genuine smile that he's complimented every time he's seen it. Vash can't give him that, because he knows Nick would see that it was a forced smile. Instead, he just sits with him until he dies. Afterwards, Vash kills willingly for the first time in his entire life (over 150 years. He's not human btw) in order to protect Nick's childhood friend Livio. He wouldn't just do that for just any friend or ally, no, that was out of love. Love so strong he could go against his own mother's teachings that all life matters and people don't get to choose when a life ends, the thing that has kept Vash pacifist all these years, to keep someone that mattered to Nick alive. So while Nick never knew that Vash cared for him the same way he did him, the fact matters that he does."

#fuck you up bracket #tournament #polls #ramshackle glory #hozier

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rivertalesien · 10 months

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The more I see positive media about Picard season 3, the more I want to vomit.

Beverly Crusher was the least gross relationship Picard ever had (maybe Vash was the least) and they managed to fuck that up.

From the beginning of TNG, Picard was clearly not going to be Kirk (that was for Riker to emulate), but they did their best and it was terrible.

From episodes where we see him playing his younger self and having a romance with a girl barely out of her 20s, to the Perfect Mate, where, even though characters in the show acknowledge the grossness of breeding a person to be a "mate" for someone else, it's okay because Picard is Good and loves Shakespeare and is therefore Worthy.

He also gets a romance with another crew member (with a strong resemblance to Beverly, even in the same uniform), and when he has a problem with giving her an order that might lead to her death, *she* decides to leave the ship to spare him the difficulty of ever going through that.

Dude.

[Pausing here for the folks who wanted to see him hook up with Ro Laren and felt there was some palpable sexual energy there even though she was considerably younger and looked up to him like a father figure]

Even the relationship with Beverly was plagued with his guilt over Jack Crusher and just when it seemed these two could be Friends without benefits and not have all of that hanging over them, the show decided Nope, this will always be a thing, then shared a possible future of them...divorced.

In a way, this potential future for them was spot-on: of course these two could never make a romance work. They are both too-much married to themselves, their careers and, in Picard's case, at least, far too stubborn to be a committed partner to anyone. Interesting.

In the film Generations, we get another level of the Victorian fetishism that seemed to revolve around Picard: his fantasy family includes a red-headed wife who is seen but not heard, just there to be the doting mother of his doting children, while he sits comfortably by and watches (Picard season 2 came close to acknowledging that Picard was truly Fucked Up because his mother, of course, was mentally ill and into that Victorian stuff and Women are the Problem, Jean-Luc. Stay away).

Besides Beverly, Picard's other significant romance with someone close to his own age was with the rogue archeologist, Vash, but she took off with Q and that was that. Good for her.

Picard next has a doomed romance with Anij in Insurrection, seemingly an affect of her planet's "metaphasic" rings (that give the Baku immortality), one that helps Troi and Riker hook up again, but seems to have no affect on Picard and Beverly's long,-not-so-hidden attraction (in fact, leaving her out of the equation, again, so he can have a romance with someone else, always felt like Someone at Paramount never liked Gates McFadden and knowing what we know about the sexism she dealt with early on, was probably true. No one was left out of the films more than Beverly).

Anji, as it turns out, is the first older woman Picard has a romance with, so while she looks younger, she's over a hundred years old. How convenient.

Maybe it's no surprise nothing came of it and the series went on to just give Riker and Troi their long-awaited nuptials (before, y'know, she got violated by Picard's clone).

Thanks to Picard season 3, we're told Beverly and Picard's romance was given a shot after the events of that film, but clearly didn't last very long, because Beverly got pregnant and decided to keep it secret from everyone. Because, you know, Beverly was always a controlling worry wart who never really trusted anyone.

Easily, easily, one of the worst, laziest writing decisions anyone ever made for a Star Trek character and that is saying a lot.

Because it's practically continuing a tradition that puts the heroism and nobility of the patriarchal figure above all else. Picard: the older, seasoned officer, mortified at the public advances of Lwaxana Troi (still slut-shamed by fans even years after her passing), is always worthy of the Best Women: young, attractive, intelligent, mature, but never really available. Which is good, because neither is he.

And then there's Laris.

Independent, adventurous, forceful, brilliant. Just as he would have her be.

In his 90s, weakened and frail, Picard is still a catch for a younger, attractive, intelligent, mature woman, who conveniently lives with him, takes care of his house, his dog, his vineyard, his appointments, his security, etc. Season 1 didn't really hint at this being a Thing (since she is, essentially, his housekeeper), so when it was brought up in season 2, it once again bore the striking resemblance to all those past non-loves that came and went and weren't really appropriate for him then, either.

Not that we needed to worry.

Laris was as easily written out of the story as all the rest had been, just so Picard could go on to have the "legacy" of a family without ever having done anything to actually achieve it (beyond the sex bit), much less earn their love and respect (Beverly's passionate but convoluted reasoning for keeping their child's existence from him aside, ignoring that the only reason Jack Jr. exists is because Someone needed Picard to have a Son. It's Important].

Agnes Jurati had Picard's number from the start and, to date, is probably the only woman to really tell it how it is (from a fan perspective, at least): being stuck wanting him to be your dad and still think he's an asshole.

After all, that same Someone had Picard declare, about the Enterprise no less

Right before he receives a message from the long-lost Beverly.

To whom he shows absolutely no real affection to or receives affection from, during the entire third season.

Oh, but there is one other character Picard was close to but never even had a hint of romance with: Guinan.

Now I wonder why that was.

Oh, we know why.

#picard #jean luc picard #star trek: tng #beverly crusher #laris #guinan #and yes still perfectly capable of loving the show and its characters in spite of this garbage #just wish they hadn't written season 3 around it

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severalspoons · 4 years

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Liveblog: Rewatching Trigun, Episode 20

Surprise, this blog series continues! I have no intention of letting it end at episode 19. (I mean, that’s not even a nice round number!) While these aren’t liveblogs any more, they still give me an opportunity to discuss meta.

Life lesson learned: once you start a series of anything, do not stop until it’s finished--no matter what other projects come up, no matter how shiny they are, and no matter how much you’re dreading watching episode 23. Since I do my best work when feeling inspired, I hate to wait and let my enthusiasm for the new project cool, but jumping ship only ends in two unfinished projects instead of one.

This is going to be arranged by theme, not so much chronologically. Also, it ended up being more about Wolfwood than originally intended. Including a spoiler, so be careful.

Millie’s Transmitter

Millie reports that the Chief of Bernadelli gave her a transmitter/tracking device, which must be a rare, valuable piece of technology -- to prevent anyone from outwitting her. Meryl replies that this is nothing to brag about. I disagree.

First of all, the chief cares about her enough to entrust her with this bragworthy technology. She must have earned his trust and good opinion, also an achievement. He could easily punish or fire her, but instead gives her a tool to perform better. Countless people with learning disabilities dream of bosses like this.

People tend to take a harmful all-or-nothing attitude towards disabilities. Either PWD are incapable of doing things and nothing can be done about it, or they are capable of doing things, and shouldn’t need help. Since people with disabilities themselves live in society, they end up indoctrinated and taking the same attitudes towards themselves. Shame and self-hatred often result. People strive for years, often with therapy, to get to the matter of fact acceptance Millie shows here.

***

Vash in Hell

Everything is red, from the beginning. The sand, himself and his clothes, the sky. Knives comes into view, blurry and mostly in shadow, only one eye visible. What looks like meteors, probably chunks from the ships, fall through the sky like rain. We’re seeing from Vash’s point of view.

When waking Vash, Knives’ voice is normal, sounding like a real child. It doesn’t change to his growly evil voice until Vash accuses him of being a murderer. Then, his eye loses its pupil, and he suddenly appears to have fangs. He looks like he’s become some sort of monster. Not human, as Vash says.

Knives beats him up for even daring to compare him to a human. What hurts the most about this is you know it’ll be a long time, and probably many more such beatings, before Vash leaves.

Was it ever possible to take care of Knives? Was Rem’s last request reasonable?

Vash announces he’s finally ready to face Knives. What impresses me most: he’s finally making a significant decision for himself.

***

Meet the Folks

How is Vash more attractive in normal clothes than his signature coat, even in scenes showing only his face? Speaking of which, this episode is full of beautiful shots of Vash’s face. Wolfwood’s, too.

How the hell did Wolfwood get here? He said he was concerned about Vash crying then jumping off a cliff, and followed him. However, he seems to have climbed up from below. How would he have found a floating platform? Certainly, none is visible below him. And since he seems to know nothing about the flying ship, he can’t have taken Vash’s strategy and jumped onto a platform at just the right time.

“Come meet the folks!” Yes, they actually do have a summer cottage in the sky. Ever wonder why Vash’s head is always in the clouds? ;)

Wolfwood actually says “I’m getting sick of your lies.” Hypocritical much?

Wolfwood is the first guest Vash has brought “home” in over 20 years (in other words, since he became The Stampede)!

Does that mean that the whole time Vash has been on the run, he hasn’t visited the SEEDS ship (probably to prevent anyone tracking him from discovering it)? Vash could have simply hid out for the last 20 years in the SEEDS ship; it’s his home, after all. Instead, he chose to go out and protect people from Knives, and each other. (How many of us would have made the same choice?)

***

Inside Legato’s Lair

What does this informant know about Chapel’s duties? From the way Legato dismisses his concerns, it seems like Knives’ followers aren’t given much information about each other.

Wolfwood is now doomed. “You’re such a fool. Had you behaved, you might have lived to see Doomsday. But I’m pleased, for I now have the opportunity to carry out another of my master’s wishes.”

A surprisingly restrained evil chuckle from Legato. Thank you for sparing us a full-on villain laugh.

How does Legato get shoulder padding that sticks out that far? Each shoulder is almost twice as big as his head.

***

A Series of Awkward Events

The ship has a whole observation team. No one should be able to get up here without the SEEDS leaders knowing, right? Right? ...

The old man tells Brad Vash has changed over the years. How?

After all this buildup, Brad opens the door, letting in blinding light, and this is what he sees:

The legend acting like an idiot and getting his butt kicked. Very dignified.

This is Brad’s reaction:

“Is that your great legend?! Huh?!” “What a relief! He hasn’t changed at all.” (A relief? What were they afraid would have happened to him?)

Brad is not amused by Wolfwood’s touchy-feely ways.

“Who’s he?” Vash, looking embarrassed: “I’m not sure.” Fair enough, but not very helpful, and Wolfwood doesn’t elaborate. We already know and love Vash’s embarrassed grin, but I can’t get over Wolfwood’s almost sinister smile in the mirror.

A cute moment where Vash looks back like, “isn’t my place great?” and Wolfwood just gapes like an idiot. (Close your mouth, my dude. Flies are gonna get in).

Vash last visited about 20 years ago, and Jessica was a small child then, so she should be about 23 or 24. However, she looks and acts like a teenager. Vash inadvertently becomes part of an unwanted love triangle.

To his credit, Vash tries to put her off, in a joking way (”I have a reputation for being easy but even I need a bit of advance warning”). Wolfwood makes the whole situation worse by teasing Vash about his “girlfriend” in front of a fuming Brad. It’s as if he were going out of his way to antagonize the people on the ship.

When Vash actually has a chance to look at Jessica’s face, he remembers her. Think about that. He may only have met her once, it’s been 20 years, and he still recognizes her and remembers her name. How many other people does he remember from the past ~130 years? This is how he uses his powerful plant brain--Knives would view it as a waste.

Jessica cooks a feast for Vash, which, tragically, he won’t get to enjoy. How did she cook all this food so fast? It’s enough to feed the whole ship.

***

Wolfwood is mistrusted for the wrong reasons

Wolfwood actually takes off his shades and armor of acting like a jerk while introducing himself to Jessica. This is unusually open and vulnerable of him. He actually is trying to behave. But Brad, worried about “a bunch of outsiders” bringing war to their flying paradise, hits him where it hurts.

...Did I mention Wolfwood has beautiful eyes?

Anyway, everyone gathers around staring at Wolfwood from a distance, while he drops cigarettes on the ground. There’s an entire pile lying at his feet. The whole scene is the definition of passive aggressive.

What seems to anger Wolfwood is not so much how they treat him personally, but their denial combined with moral superiority. Not to push a metaphor too far, but these folks are able to take the moral high horse because their literal high position keeps them safe. Yet, they use this immense privilege not to help the world below, or to prepare for the ship’s inevitable fall, but to hide in their castle in the sky. It clicks for me that Wolfwood probably feels about running away the way Vash does about suicide (think back to episode 11).

The SEEDS dwellers do not seem to understand that Wolfwood is both trying to help them and a little resentful of what they have. To them, he is everything they’ve been taught to fear and hate, up here poisoning Paradise for them with his unpleasant ideas. Of course this sort of dynamic never happens in real life.

Also, keep in mind that none of them know anything about the people below directly, only from hearsay. They’re not wrong about Gunsmoke as a whole, but they treat Wolfwood like a monster rather than a person. That also never happens in real life.

Then he gets to the scene of a crime too late--but just in time to look like the one responsible. Although the ship dwellers would love to see him dead, he leaps to defend them against his own colleague. Knowing, perhaps, that doing this would confirm he switched sides, and his own days might be numbered. He doesn’t even pause to think, he just goes, the same way he did when the child went missing in episode 9.

***

Vash Will Save The Day

“Like you care. Five years is probably like a blink of the eye to you anyway.” Vash denies it, but the second part is probably true. He looks so surprised to hear it’s been five years.

It can’t be easy for Vash to admit that he was responsible for the “Fifth Moon Incident,” and is probably more dangerous than Knives. Once again, his only argument is “please.” But there’s no buffoonery or melodrama here. He’s dead serious, and that’s more convincing.

Wolfwood tries to stop Leonoff from saying his name. No one who would understand the significance or matters to him is present, just Brad and Jessica. Is he merely afraid others will hear? Does he still consider himself to be Chapel?

Even facing Leonoff, Wolfwood still hasn’t put his shades back on.

Now imagine if Vash managed to find ways out of no-win situations and save the day without all the whining and crying.

Wolfwood can pause and wait for once, having faith that Vash will show up. He knows there’s always a third option for Vash. He does not yet see any for himself. Still, progress nonetheless.

***

Unfortunately for me, Vash is back with his red coat in Vash the Stampede mode, yellow glasses hiding his face.

OK, I can see how Leonoff’s puppets get into the ship without being noticed, but how on Earth did the big guy even get here?

#liveblog #liveblogging #trigun anime #trigun #millie thompson #meryl stryfe #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #seeds ship #legato bluesummers #gung ho guns #leonoff the puppet master #character analysis #meta #brad and jessica #love and peace #ethics #faith

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autisticburnham · 4 years

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Thoughts on Picard?

Idk if you mean the show or the character, so I'll just do both

The Character:

He's a strong and interesting character for the most part, though I do really wish the show had addressed the trauma that would have been caused by The Inner Light and Chain of Command. Hopefully Picard Trek will make up for where tng lacked. He's at his best when he's just being a nerd about archeology. It's great that he tends to be open to suggestions and listens to his crew, though I think he could have benefited from being more social with them before All Good Things.

Unfortunately, his reaction to Deanna's assault in Nemesis infuriates me to the point where he typically rates at the bottom of my favorite captains, and it's a feat to rank lower than Archer. And the new show hasn't, imo, done enough to make up for that. Spoilers for Star Trek Picard, but I didn't care at all when he died. In fact, I was excited to see where the show went without him, since I have developed a fondness for the other characters. I legitimately yelled "Oh, come on!" at my tv when I realized they were bringing him back.

Also, I don't like how he made light of Soji's trauma and I think it was really stupid of him to tear down that "Romulans only" or "no humans" sign, whatever it said. Like, I know the writers were clearly going for some sort of anti prejudiced message, but there's a pretty huge difference between members of the majority excluding minority members and a minority refugee population who were screwed over by a- let's face it, Trek has big colonial undertones- colonialist power wanting a space where they don't have to interact with members of that power, especially not their public face, which Picard was. At the very least, he could have owned up to his mistake and fought back way harder against Elnor's decision to murder that dude.

The show

SEVEN OF NINE GAY

I love Raffi and Soji

I think Jurati has the potential to be a good character, I just wish they'd stop shoving her into relationships with no chemistry and would also address how fucked up the relationship with Maddox was

SEVEN/RAFFI CANON

Rios also has potential as a character, but it felt like too much of the season was focused on making him dark and mysterious rather than actually letting us get to know him

I do love Rios' holograms

But, speaking of them, I really wish the show had delved more into the AI Rights storyline from tng and voy. Obviously, the synthetic ban is part of that, but how are sentient holograms affected? Was the Federation really cool with using synths the way they were? I mean, I do think it's consistent, especially considering the way EMH mach I's were used, and I think it would be a very natural path for people to push against or resist the idea of AI being fully sentient and deserving of rights, like Maddox, Pulaski, and Janeway were. I just wish we saw more of what Pulaski and Janeway went through where they realize they're wrong

SEVEN OF NINE CANONICALLY QUEER

I dislike how graphic the violence can get. Even within the first episode, I did Not need to see Dahj's charred skull as she was exploding. My issues with the Romulan senator explained above are only compounded by how graphic his death was. And like, I get it, Manu's a bastard, but what the fuck, I did NOT need to see that happening to Icheb

Speaking of the Romulan senator, as much as Elnor is baby and I like the Way of Absolute Candor, I can't bring myself to like him because of how he killed him

I don't like the gender undertones in the series. It's bad enough that Romulans have the same gender binary as us and have a gender exclusionary practice with the warrior nuns, but the fertility clinic that Raffi's son was at being decorated entirely with pink and blue? The 90s shows may have an excuse for this bs, but Pcd doesn't

Altan Soong's paradise having such a large amount of white androids was, suspect

I don't like the idea that artificial and organic life will always destroy one another. And like, Picard obviously fights back on this idea, but I don't like that the super advanced AI feel like that in the first place

I think Sutra's gold sexy android vibe is ridiculous, but I think it would be cool for her to return and have a Data-Lore vibe with Soji

Hate Narek, Narissa, and Narek/Narissa

I wish there had been more exploration of what actually happened with the Romulan refugee crisis. And considering the fact that it's clearly supposed to parallel the real life refugee crisis, I really hate the "Romulan sneaks into the Federation government to bring their downfall" thing

Laris and Zhaban are great, but I wish we had seen more of them and also had their roles in Picard's life explained. Are they genuinely just like his servants? Bc yikes

SEVEN OF NINE GAY

I do like that we got implications of there being a Picard-Seven-Hugh exBorg support group and that they're all friends

I wish we had humanized the xBs more

Hate Maddox. Hate Soong trying to make Jurati feel guilty for killing that creep

Literally the "Jurati is working with the Zhat Vash" didn't occur to me until she started talking about what she knows. I just thought the murder was bc he was such a fucking creep and I was down with it

8 fucks!

Vaping?

Wish Seven/Bjayzl and Raffi/that one Starfleet chick she called were more apparent. I mean, I definitely picked up on it, but I doubt viewers who aren't already looking for gay subtext did

That said, SEVEN/RAFFI

I really loved Kestra. She's a great character and her being into a Klingon band actually ties back to Voyager. She's great all around

I liked seeing Troi and Riker, but I do wish Captain Troi were canon

I don't think the addiction storyline with Raffi was very well handled

SEVEN OF NINE AND RAFFI MUSIKER CANONICALLY QUEER!

#pcd #tng #jean luc picard #long post

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coruscantexpat · 4 years

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Bonds Unbroken - Interlude II: Exile

The Jedi Temple

Coruscant

3960 BBY — 3 months after the end of the battle of Malachor V

Even among the glittering skyscrapers and highrises of the Queen of the Core, the Jedi Temple shone brightly. Meetra gazed out the window of the shuttle, drinking in the graceful lines and sharp planes as they led up to the three central spires jutting into the sky. It wasn’t home — that would always be Dantooine — but it was a haven, a welcome respite for any roaming Jedi. Which only added to her mounting dread.

The shuttle circled the western tower as its astromech pilot waited for clearance to land. Beneath her, Meetra could see people streaming in and out of the Temple, too far away to tell if they were Knight, padawan, or Master. Hesitantly, she reached out, stretching her mind down toward theirs… and felt nothing. Not even a void, as though they were blocking her through the Force — just an absence where there should be none. Tears burned at the edges of her eyes, but she blinked them away as the shuttle began its descent. She’d be damned if she let the High Council see her cry.

Part of her was grateful they had given permission to land on the tower’s dock instead of forcing her to walk through the front doors. Another part of her knew the Council had allowed it to keep the proceedings secret. The droid pilot they’d sent to transport her supported that theory. God forbid anyone else beat witness to the shell of a Jedi.

Meetra stood as soon as the shuttle’s struts touched down on the landing pad. The mid-morning light reflected off the tower and into her face as the loading ramp folded down, forcing her to squint at the tarmac. One hand strayed to the lightsaber hilt dangling at her waist, but she caught herself and pulled it back. A sign of weakness would do no good in front of the Council — while they were unlikely to use it against her, neither would it win her any sympathy. She stepped down onto the tarmac, and the smell of the city hit her: the temple’s incense mixed with street food from the alleys and the faint fog of speeder emissions.

Above her, the astromech pilot tweeted from his place atop the shuttle, and Meetra turned to scowl up at him. “Where am I gonna go?” He chattered back, pitch noticeably higher, and then swiveled around before she could respond. Meetra rolled her eyes and turned away, her heart rising in her throat as she closed the distance to the pad’s entrance. The door slid open soundlessly, cool air rushing out to ruffle her hair. She breathed a shaky sigh and hesitated, the liminal space yawning like a chasm in front of her, before stepping through.

The door closed behind her, trapping her in a long corridor of suffocating silence. The walls towered over her, and she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Meetra drifted down the hall, the slick floor like molasses beneath her boots. The door to the Council chamber loomed at the end of the corridor. The high ornate panels caught the light filtering in from the windows and filled the far end of the hall with dancing color. She passed through, her robes smattered with the flickering hues, as the doors open slid open.

The High Council chamber was the same as it had been for centuries: a spacious room with a high ceiling and circular in shape. A thin triangular pillar, half again as tall as Meetra, rose from the very center of the floor, twelve high-backed chairs arranged in a circle around it. Only five of the chairs were occupied — it had been several years since the Order had a full Council — and Meetra recognized every face. Vrook Lamar occupied the seat at her far left, his lined face etched in a permanent scowl; in all her twenty-nine years, he’d never looked at her with another expression. Zez-Kai Ell sat beside Vrook, his impressive mustache concealing much of his face, but the unease was clear in his eyes. In the middle, Kavar, and Meetra quickly shifted her gaze, unable to bear the disappointment on her former Master’s face. Next was Lonna Vash, by far the most impassive — she and Meetra had met on only a handful of occasions — and at the end, radiating barely suppressed fury, sat Atris, pale blue eyes bright and piercing.

Meetra stepped through the circle, head bowed, and came to a stop at the pillar. The five seated Jedi opposite her watched, silent. When the tension was almost unbearable, Zez-Kai Ell was the first to break it. “I confess, Surik, most of us did not expect you to return.” Vrook and Lonna glanced at Kavar, revealing which among them still had some small amount of faith in her.

“The Council summoned me; I came as soon as I was able.” Even to her ears, Meetra’s voice was flat. Like everything else since she’d lost the Force, the life had gone out of it. Since awakening aboard the Amberfall two weeks earlier, her senses were dulled: colors were more muted, sounds and scents less intense.

Her answer prompted an audible scoff from Atris, but the other Masters paid her no mind. Annoyed by their lack of a reaction, she sat back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest. “I am most surprised you did not follow your new master. Or did she leave you behind now you have served your usefulness?”

“Atris.” Kavar’s voice was soft, but commanding. He was the next youngest on the Council, but still some years Atris’ senior, and she deferred to him, though her scowl made it clear she would’ve like to continue her taunts. Her words were not without effect, either; the idea that Revan and Malak had purposefully left her to face the Council alone was not lost on Meetra. It was one of the few things that broke through the perpetual numb fog she’d been in since waking up.

“Meetra.” She glanced up, finding Kavar’s deep blue, almost violet eyes. “Why have you really returned?”

The quiet sorrow in his voice threatened to shatter her composure, and Meetra returned her gaze to the floor. “I came to accept the Council’s punishment.”

“For defying us?” Lonna leaned forward, but there was no judgement; as far as she was concerned, it was merely the reality of past events. “For following Revan and Malak to war?”

“No.” A flicker of heat accompanied the defiance in Meetra’s voice, and she lifted her gaze to meet Lonna’s without waver. “Not for that.”

Atris’ scowl deepened, her fingers clenched in the fabric of her sleeves. “Of course not.” Kavar glared sharply at her, and she settled back again, lips pressed together in a thin line.

Meetra ignored the barb, determined not to give her former friend the satisfaction. “I do not regret leaving to defend the people of the Outer Rim.” She faltered, gaze dropping again. “But I have made mistakes along the way.”

“That’s a word for it.” Vrook’s disapproval was almost palpable, and, unlike Atris, Kavar made no effort to check the old Jedi’s venom. ‘Do you know the effect you’ve had on those who remained, of the seeds of insubordination you’ve sown among the younger generation?” Disgust mingled with his anger now. “Your actions have tainted the Order’s reputation throughout the galaxy; we have no way to know when the people will completely trust us again. All because the three of you decided your justice was superior to our decision.”

“And I will not apologize for that.” Meetra stood straight now, shoulders squared and gaze steady. The anger, the outrage at Vrook’s words sustained her, gave her strength she hadn’t felt since she awoke. “Those people needed us — all of us. But you hid behind excuses, and if we hadn’t acted, the Mandalorians would have killed thousands more!” Her voice echoed off the walls, and she abruptly realized how loud she’d become.

Vrook’s face was thunderous; Atris, likewise, looked apoplectic, her cheeks and neck reddening with restrained anger. Kavar no longer looked at Meetra, his gaze fixed on the floor at his feet. After a long moment, Zez-Kai took control again. “Regardless of your motivations, the incident at Malachor V cannot be ignored. Some would argue it cannot be forgiven.” Atris’ head jerked up at this, haughtiness returning with the assumption her fellow Masters agreed with her. “Even now, I feel you do not fully understand the ramifications of your actions… and I fear you never will if you remain a Jedi.”

“We have reached a consensus.” Lonna settled back and folded her hands primly in her lap. “Meetra Surik: the High Council declares you an Exile, stripped of your rank and standing. You are forbidden from entering or seeking aid at any temple or academy, or from any individual within the Order.” She paused, and the barest glimmer of emotion crossed her face. “As you are no longer part of the Order, we require your lightsaber.”

The numb fog settled once again, and Meetra unhooked her lightsaber with mechanical practice. Unfair. The word cycled through her head on a continuous loop. The whole thing was unfair. She had defied the Council to save people, not to seek fame and glory. Sixteen years of her life, freely given to the people of the Outer Rim, and this was how the Order thanked her? Wasn’t it they who preached that a Jedi’s life was sacrifice, that their purpose was to serve and defend?

And then there were Revan and Malak, her friends, her comrades and family. She’d followed them willingly, pledged her service to their cause — shouldn’t they be standing here with her, facing the same punishment? Instead, they and the rest of the surviving Revanchrist had vanished, leaving behind a shattered planet and a broken Jedi. Had her friendship truly meant so little?

She had never been one for self-pity, and it quickly bloomed to anger, red heat cutting through the curtain of numbness. If the Council wanted to see her as defiant, she would give it to them. Meetra thumbed her lightsaber’s controls, the forward blade crackling to life. She had a moment to register the change on the Council’s faces — Atris’ triumph giving way to alarm, Kavar’s disappointment deepening, the rest dropping their disapproving masks to reveal shock — before she plunged the weapon to the hilt in the central pillar. It hung there, the blade’s hum still faintly audible within the stone, and Meetra gave it a last look before turning on her heel and striding from the chamber. None of them tried to stop her, not even Atris; she didn’t know if she wanted them to or not. The fog was rolling back in, and she wanted to be as far away from the Republic as possible before it settled completely.

Silence reigned in the chamber in the wake of Meetra’s departure. Vrook, Zez-Kai, and Lonna traded uneasy looks while Atris’ was laser-focused on the protruding lightsaber hilt and Kavar’s gaze remained on the floor. Lonna laid a cautious hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kavar. I know she wasn’t officially your padawan, but this cannot be easy.” He reached up to cover her hand with his, but didn’t meet her eyes. She squeezed gently. “I did not realize she would feel so… empty. I suppose the rumors are true.”

“They are not rumors.” Kavar’s voice was soft, misery weighing down his words. “I visited her on the Amberfall, before she awoke… It was like looking at a corpse. She breathed, her heart beat, but I could not… cannot feel her in the Force.” He closed his eyes, looking suddenly older. “She is like a stone in the stream now, and my heart breaks for her.”

“I do not understand this sentimentality.” Atris rose from her chair and crossed to the pillar. She pulled Meetra’s lightsaber free and held it out at arm’s length, glaring down at the cyan blade before she switched it off. “Everything she did flew in the face of our tenets and traditions, with no regard for our concerns. We have lost nothing of value.” Kavar stiffened, and Lonna turned an admonishing eye on Atris, but she ignored it. “She was not strong enough to follow our teachings, and neither was she strong enough to follow Revan.” Atris shook her head. “We should not have let her leave. Her influence could spread; before long we may hear that she has rejoined Revan. Or worse, become a martyr to her cause.”

“She was your friend, Atris,” Zez-Kai pointed out. “They all were.”

“I do not count traitors and fallen Jedi among my friends, Master Ell.”

“She has not fallen.” The other four turned to Vrook in surprise. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. It’s the truth — she has lost the Force, but I do not sense the taint of the Dark Side on her. Some of us share your feelings toward Revan, Atris, but Surik isn’t her.”

“She is her dog.” The snide remark echoed around the chamber. Even Atris flinched at her own voice, but she continued. “She followed Revan’s every command. You cannot be sure her decisions were not influenced by the Dark Side.”

“Her actions were influenced by Revan, that I will grant you.” Lonna withdrew her hand from Kavar’s shoulder and sat back, suddenly introspective. “The question is where did Revan’s influence come from?” She glanced across at Zez-Kai. “Part of me fears our teachings hold some of the blame.”

Atris scoffed, but Kavar echoed Lonna’s words with a slow nod. “We should have told her.”

“We already have Revan to deal with, wherever she is. If we’d told her the truth, there’s a chance we’d only make another enemy for ourselves.” Vrook’s voice softened. “We’ve seen some of her fate, Kavar, as much as the Force will allow. She will survive.”

“Which is more than she deserves,” Atris interjected. The others ignored her.

“One day, we may be able to explain it to her and help her find a way to heal.” Zez-Kai shrugged, out of ignorance rather than malice. “Right now, she is not in a place to understand.” Kavar nodded, though it was clear the knowledge was no comfort. “Whatever comes, we must accept the Force’s will.” The others, even Atris, murmured in agreement, and Kavar lowered his face into his hands.

Full chapter available on AO3 and FFN.

#KotOR 2 #kotor fanfic #atton x exile #The Jedi Exile #Female exile #atton rand #Kreia #bao-dur #T3-M4 #the handmaiden #brianna #vrook lamar #atris #kavar #zez-kai ell #lonna vash

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animebw · 5 years

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Binge-Watching: Trigun, Episodes 15-17

In which the plot kicks into high gear, Vash’s past is laid bare, and chaos reigns supreme.

The Big Cheese

You know, it comes to my attention that for as enjoyable as the first half of Trigun was, there wasn’t much in the way of plot happening. Most of the intrigue was based around the slow teasing out of Vash’s backstory in the background of a series of fun antics based around character interactions and fleshing out their personalities. And that’s perfectly fine; not every show has to be all plot progression all the time. Plenty of stories have found powerful niches for themselves in the space in between the “important” beats of their narrative, because that’s where their core appeal really comes out. Trigun doesn’t need to be a tightly plotted clockwork contraption of a story; its charm lies in its characters and their journey across this intriguing, likable world. I’ve been engaged with this show every step of the way, because the ideas its cast explored in the process of being a bunch of lovable idiots were fascinating and engaging enough to carry the weight all on their own. It takes skill to be able to pull that off effectively, and as I hope I’ve communicated throughout this binge-watch, Trigun is a very skilled show.

Of course, just because a show works just fine without a plot doesn’t mean it can’t have one either. With the arrival of Legatto on the scene, Vash’s aimless wanderings have been cut short by the presence of the existential threat he and his gang of merry murderers pose. He brings the plot with him, and now Vash has a definitive purpose beyond the broad goal of helping people wherever he goes: stopping Legatto from causing any more carnage in his wake. And he better work fast, because Jesus salty Christ on a cracker, this guy is a monster. That was already clear enough from his introductory episode, but his spotlight in episode 15 drives home just how utterly ruthless and bloodthirsty he is. He enjoys tormenting people he sees as below him. He relishes cutting the arrogant down to size in lethal fashion. He’s like the anti-Vash; instead of his ultimate goal being the betterment of those who deserve it, his goal is the destruction of those who don’t. He’s a nihilist mirror to our favorite bounty hunter’s undying optimism, seeking to instill pain in the weak and worthless instead of providing aid to raise them out of their weakness. And he does it with just as much theatrical flair, having a bar full of gang brutes execute each other to the sound of smooth jazz and clinking glasses. He lives for this shit. He loves watching people suffer. And he wants to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of it that he possibly can.

It’s that value system that Vash must tear down; not just Legatto himself, but the nihilism and selfishness he represents. He represents taking the easy way out, bucking against the injustice of the world by seeking to tear it down instead of fixing what’s broken. And he’s got himself a regular Scooby gang of fellow assholes to make stopping him that much more difficult. With their arrival, we’ve officially departed from Trigun’s formerly grounded setting; now, psychic powers and eldritch energies are regular occurrences. From the cyclops hypnotizer Vash takes down in episode 15 to the twin enhanced warriors he faces in episode 16, his enemies are no longer small-time crooks with dangerous cybernetic enhancements, if even that. They’re ruthless, superhuman killing machines who regularly slaughter both innocents and their own failed allies just to make a point. The lives of others have no meaning for them, and they feel perfectly justified in killing anyone who doesn’t fit with their idea of “justified”. And it’s there that Vash’s anger truly manifests; no matter how evil some people may be, it’s not humanity’s calling to decide who lives or dies. We don’t have the authority to make those decisions when we’re just as flawed and capable of mistakes as everyone else.

Blast From the Past

But therein also lies the real secret behind Vash’s desire to protect humanity, the real driving force behind his unshakable belief in our capability to deserve better: Vash isn’t human himself. Episode 17 is entirely dedicated to backstory, hopping back to the time Vash spent with none other than the mysterious Rem, revealing the circumstances that brought them together and tore them apart. And the information it reveals is kind of staggering. As you might expect, humanity abandoned Earth after they had stripped the planet too bare to recover, residing in sleep chambers while a select few of them stayed awake to pilot the race to their new homes. And Vash was on that ship too- still a child by then, so there goes my theory that he and Rem were lovers (look, Cowboy Bebop’s influence is obvious here, what else was I gonna suspect?)- but he wasn’t alone. He was with a twin brother, a fellow being of unknown origin who the humans aboard the ship viewed from a distance. They were fellow sentient life forms, but they weren’t the same species. Admittedly, I’m still unsure how they came aboard the ship in the first place, or what exactly led to the mistrust some of the crew seemed to have for them. This is another place where that imprecise editing I talked about a while rears its ugly head; there is a lot of detail that is seriously rushed through in the process of keeping this exploration of the past to a single episode, and I feel like I’m missing some of the necessary emotional context to fully process what’s going on.

But still, however this odd state of affairs came about, it came about all the same, and the ways Vash and his brother Knives react to it form the split that tears this happy past apart and forms the emotional framework for the entire show. Knives only saw the cruelty that humanity was capable of, the ways they destroyed their home planet and now stood at risk to ruin countless others, spreading through the galaxy like parasites consuming all and leaving nothing behind. He began to believe in the philosophy of necessary sacrifice, killing and destroying if it meant avoiding even more widespread despair. But thanks to Rem’s influence, Vash saw humanity in a different light. He saw the opportunities they had to improve, the potential they had to learn from their mistakes and become better. Knives, much like Legatto (ten bucks they’re either connected or literally just the same person), places himself above humanity, presenting himself as an impartial arbiter with the authority to pass judgement upon them and find them wanting. But Vash considers himself just as human as everyone else. He doesn’t believe it’s his duty to condemn an entire species when they’re all just sentient beings trying to make the best out of life. He tries to save everyone and everything he can, even when the laws of nature make it all but impossible for every living being to survive at once. He rejects the idea that any life is somehow more deserving of continuing to survive than any other. If any of us are worth keeping around, then we all are. Because that’s just the kind of guy he is.

Even when his own body is working against him.

AKIRAAAAAA

Because as hard as Vash tries to save everyone, as hard as he tries to keep his duel with Legatto’s forces confined to just them, even going so far as to scare of an entire city to keep them out of harms way, he still has the potential to destroy. He still has the power, if he so chooses, to raze the countryside to the ground. We saw as much back when his robotic arm freaking out and destroyed a colony of robot sentinels back in episode 9, but now, episode 16 ends with a gut-wrenching reveal of just how far that power actually stretches; that arm is a straight-up weapon of mass destruction with its own internal sentience. We still don’t know how he came about it or where it originated from, but for now, we don’t need to. We only need to watch in horror as it shines with light beyond his control, unable to keep it from exploding and blasting a nuclear-sized crater, Akira-style, in the city he was trying to protect. Holy. Fucking. SHIT. I guess we know how the city of July was razed to the ground all those years ago. Somewhere, somehow, someone decided that Vash the Stampede should have the power to destroy the world in his fist, just waiting to be awakened and wreak its havoc. Someone decided that he should be capable of kick-starting the apocalypse. And now, nothing’s keeping that potential in check but his own stubborn will to save the world without tearing it to shreds. And as proven by his failure to do so, that will can only carry him so far when the world itself is almost begging for him to give into the darkness and let it scream out.

We end this session of Trigun on a massive downer. The city is destroyed, Vash is missing, the full scope of his massive challenge is made clear, the rumors about him are spreading darker and darker, and the stakes have never been higher. Can Vash possibly take down the embodiment of everything he stands against without giving into that same temptation in the process? What dark secrets are yet to be revealed about the man he used to be? There’s only one way to know for sure; keep watching, and see this increasingly nail-biting story all the way to the end. Bring it on, show. I’m ready for you.

Odds and Ends

-”My goodness, Meryl, this car can actually talk!” GOD DAMMIT MILLIE STOP STEALING EVERY EPISODE WITHIN THE FIRST THIRTY SECONDS

-That was a perfectly timed jazz sting on the door getting kicked down.

-As always, not a fan of the pervert gags. They’re always the least bearable part of whatever show they’re in.

-”It’s not only out job now, it’s become our mission!” Go get ‘im, girls. No self-pity on my watch.

-”Hello chair, how’ve ya been?” I don’t know who this guy is, but I would die for him.

-Eeey, I know that crucifix! Welcome back, Wolfwood.

-”I can’t read that!” Ah, translation jokes.

-”I haven’t seen anything there but my own fear.” Woof.

Good lord, this show is good. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #trigun #vash the stampede

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nanomooselet · 2 months

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Episode Two: The Running Man

It's odd how little gets said about this ep, considering it's the most direct homage the earlier anime adaptation - but maybe that might be why? Since, as I said, this was my entry into the story, to me it felt out of place. It seemed like it was doing all it could to distract from how the previous ep concluded.

With hindsight, I think that's the idea.

The opening with the radio! I'm so weirdly fond of it. Yeah it's a flashback, but it shows Vash in a private moment without his mask; a glimpse of his secrets. He's not wearing his coat, so you get a look at how broad his shoulders are; he's also handling the tools to maintain his gun skilfully for someone who claims he's not a fighter. As he's contemplating the crash - he was there, obviously, and he has the photo of him, Rem and Nai still - the radio host says without the Plants, our ancestors would have died out long ago. How long ago? Long enough that Vash likely shouldn't still look such a gosh darn pretty boy? Yet it slips by.

(I do not understand the complaints that Stampede had no mystery.)

This is the episode where he's most committed to the bit of being cute but sort of hapless and silly, too, so the contrast is dramatic. I don't think he was actually expecting Meryl and Roberto to clear his name all at once, but I do think he was hoping, I don't know, maybe they'd believe him from the first. But nothing's ever that easy for my boy. I gotta say, Vash, optimism has its limits. Your story is that you're being framed by your previously unknown identical twin brother. You know it's true, I know it's true, but you might have had an easier time with some, I don't know… evidence? It's not surprising the reporters are sceptical.

Oh god, I'm so sorry, do you want a hug or -

(By the way, this means Knives told everyone it wasn't him, it was a one-armed man.)

He's being melodramatic, but I suspect also more sincere than what comes across - which is the whole reason he exaggerates, of course. (What? No, I'm not talking from experience. I have never, ever done this. Never ever in A MILLION YEARS have I exaggerated to obfuscate my sincerity.) The angle changes to show his face, and it's pretty clear how genuinely exhausted and upset even the thought of Knives makes him. Though it is still pretty funny that Meryl just isn't having it.

Also funny: Meryl versus the Worms, round one. Worms 1, Meryl 0.

Roberto greeting Tonis is really cute. He's a grump, but he's never an asshole to kids.

Ahhhh Tonis gives Vash his bugs and Vash pats his head and then he moves to take his hand away Tonis grabs it so he'll keep doing it and then when Rosa tells Tonis to leave Vash look dismayed and waves goodbye and it is so cute and IT IS SO SAD.

Because Rosa loves her son, wants him healthy and happy and safe, wants him shielded from the violence of the world and from decisions like pulling a gun on the hero of your town who's been nothing but good to you, better than you deserve - and yet we saw Rosa come to the decision that she would do this last episode. Right about... here. See the way she moves from standing in front of him, almost protectively, to beside him, clearing the way? By the look on her face, she doesn't want to. Vash proved himself yet again afterwards, saved the town without hesitation the moment it was endangered at great risk to himself. He's a good man, a friend, someone she trusts. But it's not him Rosa's thinking of now. It's not even the town. It's Tonis.

I have to say, Roberto doesn't look shocked or concerned. He just wearily sets down his mug and raises his hands, expression unchanged. Meanwhile Meryl's turned into a cartoon.

Vash understands. He didn't fight back against the MPs. He didn't instigate the duel. It's because of him that this is necessary. That just doesn't mean he's going to make it easy for them.

Ah, that old Stampede special: the undignified leg-spread landing.

Man the English dub is good, but it's this episode I started to realise how good. It's incredibly funny. "The furious fists of the Nebraska Family challenge you to a duel!" "Felt the fury right there!" "Money! Come back!" "I hope you like pancakes, because you're going to become one!"

There's one translation I'm not sold on, though, and it's Nebraska declaring "Power is justice! Power is truth!" I had the same problem in Persona 5 Royal when I played it and the characters kept going on about how they'll "prove our justice". It sounds so awkward.

From what I can tell, the word they're using translates more clearly to "moral rightness" or "righteousness", and the score title for Stampede renders what Nebraska says better: might is right. He's advocating Social Darwinism, basically. It's the natural order of the world: the strong deserve to flourish, the weak deserve to perish.

Nebraska: I hate cowards like you! This whole planet is fighting for survival! Anyone who runs is bound to die like a sorry loser! But you, Stampede! How dare you?! / You coward! I despise waste-of-life cream puffs like you! You have to fight tooth and nail to survive in this world! If those who can't hack it run away and die like chickens, then so be it! But you? I expected more, Stampede!

Vash: You might be right that I'm too timid. But is that such a terrible thing? Is fighting everything head-on so important? Even if it gets someone killed? / Okay, I may not be the bravest, but what's so terrible about being a little timid? Is fighting head-on always right? It risks lives, and for what?

Nebraska: Weapons… are made for fighting! Do you get it now?! There's no future for those who don't fight! / I might as well, huh? It's what the damn thing's made for! That'll show ya! Any snivelling slug too scared to fight must die!

Vash: Come on, can you back off? I really don't want to fight anyone. / Can you guys cool it for a second? I'm really not in the mood for violence.

Nebraska: That's the attitude that pisses me off! / When the world ends, will it ask if you're in the mood?

It's kinda funny that Nebraska keeps going on about it, though, because he also keeps demanding accommodation for his son's weakness. If he was really committed he'd rely only on himself instead of endangering Gofsef. And yet oddly enough, it's the hypocrisy which saves him, because it's how Rosa realises how much they have in common. He loves Gofsef, just like she loves Tonis, and Vash forgives them both.

Enjoy the subtle gag of Meryl mirroring her "parents'" expressions, BTW.

Nabraska judging the townspeople for drinking before 5:00PM as if he didn't just destroy half the place trying to steal their only power source.

Gofsef being creeped out by Tonis's Worm buddies.

And Roberto visibly tuning out as Meryl tells him off.

I think the reason this feels like it's all happening so fast is because this is the place where an episode of the older adaptation would end, leaving some implied time to pass before the next crisis. But this isn't twenty-six self-contained episodes, it's twelve instalments of one story. The running man must continue to run, because it was never humans he was running from.

And I didn't realise this until now, but the drone in Vash's room? It's looking for him, or his things. It doesn't find either.

When it doesn't...

E.G. launches his assault, though the drones had been patrolling since the previous night. Vash was about to leave when he heard the scream from the diner and rushed back to help. And so he stayed long enough for E.G.'s master to arrive in person.

Whatever happened in Jeneora Rock, it seems it was necessary for Vash to witness it, so E.G. had instructions to keep him in place.

So E.G.'s cyborg enhancements look like a bear trap.

Of course.

#trigun stampede #meta: tristampparty episodes #tristampparty #trigun meta #scriptwriters knew exactly what was going on in ep 11 by the way #wonder where they got that sketch of vash looking adorable #somewhat convinced knives chose it to annoy vash #dig the subtle worldbuilding of the cars out there all being crap #but the eom's truck never has a problem

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ncfan-1 · 7 years

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A recently finished replay of KOTOR 2, combined with inferences based on what I learned there plus my own head canon becoming more concrete, gave me a lot of feelings about the sort of relationship I imagine the Exile having had with Kavar. Very sad, and occasionally very angry feelings.

If the wiki is to believed, the Exile had many different masters over the course of her time with the Jedi Order. Which to me sounds like she got bounced between masters a lot, with maybe one or two of them dying. The impression I’ve gotten of the Exile’s general experience with the Order is that she was pretty isolated growing up. Her Force bonding was a powerful, mysterious ability that no one properly understood, she couldn’t control and no one could really, truly guard against. She had a small, potentially very small, circle of close friends (of which Atris was the chief; she seems to have genuinely adored the Exile before the latter went off to war), but otherwise, the other kids, whether they liked her or hated her (and it sounds very much as though there was no middle ground), just kept their distance. The adults had absolutely no idea what to do with her. Her gift was unsettling to them, verging on unnatural in strength levels. We know from an unlockable holorecording on Dantooine that Vrook had it out for the Exile since she was a child, considered her a potential threat since she was a child, and he probably wasn’t the only one.

Trying to figure out where Kavar, who was an informal mentor to the Exile but never formally took her on as an apprentice, fits into this inevitably intersected with the bit about the Exile having been bounced between masters a lot. Basically, what I came up with was that Kavar sort of functioned as a kind of substitute teacher, making sure the Exile kept up with her training whenever she was between masters.

The first time, she was twelve. Her first master had just died, and she hadn’t been picked up by another one yet. Given that she was still quite young, too young to train on her own, the Exile was sent back to classes with the older initiates. Kavar was instructing initiates in lightsaber combat during that point in time, and that was how they met. He already knew about her; there was hardly any adult in the Order who didn’t know about the Exile, that kid with that weird, mysterious, unsettling gift. For the moment, Kavar focuses in more on her skill with a lightsaber. She is unusually skilled for someone her age, and that does get his attention.

He trains her outside of the classes until she’s picked up by a new master, and expects that to be the end of it. It isn’t. The Exile never manages to keep a master for long—a year at most, but more often just a few months, before the master in question becomes so weirded out by her gift with Force bonds that they just decide they can’t deal with it and wash their hands of her. To be perfectly honest, Kavar’s weirded out by it too, but he cares enough about the Exile to not be driven away by it. It’s around the fourth time the Exile gets dumped by her newest master that Kavar considers biting the bullet and taking her on as his apprentice himself, because this is getting ridiculous, she’s seventeen now and she’s spent more time as a Padawan without a master than with one. But he’s been promoted to the Jedi Council by this time, and has zero confidence in his ability to balance his duties with the council with a Padawan. Further complicating the matter is that the Mandalorian wars have begun by this time, and seeing as the Council hadn’t yet decided to remain neutral, he was involved in several of the early skirmishes, and was often away.

The relationship between them was almost like a parent-child bond, but not quite; there was just enough distance between them to keep the relationship from being that. The Exile appreciated the fact that Kavar didn’t treat her like she was a problem, and she valued their relationship greatly for the fact that he treated her like she was normal, but the fact that he taught her without ever formally taking her on as an apprentice made her feel as though she was being held at arm’s length, which contributed to the Exile’s increasing feelings of isolation as she grew up.

As she grew older, the Exile was becoming increasingly aware of her status as the Order’s problem child. She knew what the Jedi Masters thought of her, knew that they regarded her as something strange, as a potential threat, for something completely outside her control. She could perform as a model Jedi and Vrook and those like him would still have had it out for her, would have still regarded her as a threat to the Order because of her strange power. The Exile always felt very separate from other Jedi, very alone. In the background of her mind, she remembers the whispers about her strange power, and sometimes wonders if her few friendships are genuine, if her friends like her for herself, or if it’s simply because of the bonding. Her increasing sense of alienation combined with her overwhelming desire to do something about the Mandalorians attacking the Outer Rim, to protect the innocents being slaughtered, led her to join the war at the age of twenty-two, becoming one of Revan’s top generals in time.

The relationship between the Exile and Kavar became a major source of regret for them both through the war and what came afterwards. It was especially that for Kavar, who after the end of the Mandalorian wars had enough time to reflect to come to the conclusion “…I might have been able to stop some of this if I had just formally taken her on as my Padawan. ……Oh.”

(During the confrontation with the Jedi Masters in the rebuilt Enclave, Kavar mentions that the Exile first began to sever her links to the Force on Dxun, though she didn’t go all the way through with it at that point in time. My first reaction to this was “How the hell do you know that?” It suggests that they either met face-to-face sometime between Dxun and Malachor, or that they had enough of a bond that Kavar felt what was happening to her through the Force.)

The first time they met again in that cantina was beyond awkward. Everything about that meeting was awkward. They were both dressed incognito (character models asides, I feel like Kavar probably had enough sense not to wear clothes that screamed “I am a Jedi” when he was living on Onderon, especially considering that probably would have made things worse for Queen Talia than they already were) and one of the people with her was a Mandalorian in full armor. Absolutely nothing about this was normal, everything was awkward, and the main reason nothing really got discussed in that meeting had less to do with a shortage of time and more to do with the fact that they were too busy side-eyeing each other from across the table for half an hour to do much talking. The Exile was trying to figure out whether she should be angry or not, Kavar was trying to figure out how much he could safely tell her (and, not for the first time, wondering if they’d made the right decision in casting her out in the first place), and both were trying to figure out how much the other had changed, and how much they hadn’t.

When they finally managed to have an extended conversation after Vaklu and his forces were put down, things were somewhat less awkward. It is probably a testament to what these two people are like that they can have a conversation while covered in blood more easily than they can in a cantina. Things do occasionally manage to veer into the awkward, especially when the Exile suddenly comes out with “I found Lonna Vash on Korriban. …She’s dead.” Mostly, things aren’t super awkward only because neither one of them are willing to get emotional. Remembered closeness manages to cut like a knife.

In the game, just judging from the way their conversation goes (this assumes an LS!Exile), Kavar seems fairly approving of the Exile’s actions and is amiable towards her, but we know how that winds up come the confrontation in the rebuilt Enclave. The Jedi Masters fall back on the “wait and see” approach that nearly wound up with the Republic falling to the Mandalorians, and once again, they decide that the Exile is a greater threat than the Sith looming on the horizon, and try to strip the Exile of whatever remaining connection to the Force she has left. The reasons why don’t matter—it could be that they all fell back on dogma, it could be that this was Vrook’s decision (he is markedly hostile towards the Exile when they meet, and is cool towards her even after all is said and done on Dantooine, refusing to admit that the Council might have done something wrong) and that he pressured the other two into agreeing, or something else. Their opinion, that the Exile had been bending her companions to her will and that she had just been feeding on them, and that any moment of affection that passed between her and any of them wasn’t real, was just the result of her bonding, reawakens her childhood fears, does nearly irreparable harm to her.

When the Exile gets over the shock of the three of them dying, when she recovers (somewhat; the insecurity is still there, though she tries not to let it rule her) from the idea that none of the relationships she’s formed with her companions are real, everything with Kreia is said and done and she recovers from that, she finds she’s actually angrier with Kavar than she is with Vrook or Zez-Kai Ell. The Exile expected Vrook to be hostile towards her; he always had been. She didn’t know Zez-Kai Ell all that well; for all that he seemed apologetic when they met on Nar Shaddaa, the Exile knew him primarily as one of the Jedi who had sat in judgment when she was exiled. But she trusted Kavar, and then he did this. There would be no closure, no chance at reconciliation; he was dead, after all.

Their relationship was like many things in the Exile’s life, now—something that had shifted irrevocably into the past, characterized by regret and tainted with bitterness.

#Star Wars: KOTOR 2 #The Jedi Exile #Kavar #Meta #Head canon #More head canon than meta honestly #Pictured: me having loud feelings about KOTOR 2 #Thinking about the Exile's childhood is painful #The Exile just flat-out can't have nice things

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get your love back by astrology

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get your love back by astrology

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