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feelbokkie · 3 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 20 (end)

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food, depictions of eating, depicitons of a panic attack

summary: When she was a child, L/n Y/n was in a horrible accident that left her face disfigured. After getting bullied relentlessly by her classmates for her appearance, Y/n escaped to the digital world where she meets Felix. Now an adult, Y/n has be come a complete social recluse, only talking to her 4 childhood best friends and roommates and her only friends. When Felix goes AFK one day in the middle of a game, Felix’s roommates decides to step in. Is this the start a new relationship or will Y/n’s crippling social anxiety get in the way?

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 7,165

screenshot count: 21

a/n: let's go out with a bang

previous | masterlist

"We can go home if you changed your mind. Just turn the car right around." Changbin suggests from the passenger seat.

"This is exactly why you're not driving the car, Bin." You hear Chan whisper.

"So you would force her to go in if she changed her mind?" Changbin says a little too loud.

You're sitting the the back seat of the car, wedged between Hyunjin and Seungmin. Inuyasha lays across each of your laps with his head in Seungmin's. You're parked in front of the restaurant Jisung told you to come to tonight.

The drive wasn't too long, but it was filled with hushed bickering, much of which Chan tried to drown out with music. Seungmin tried to keep your mind preoccupied with random conversation topics or poking extra fun at Changbin while Hyunjin's hand hasn't left the top of your head.

"Y/n, you must be nervous to meet Felix in person for the first time too," Seungmin says quietly as he rests his head on your shoulder.

"Now she's never leaving this car," Changbin whispers under his breath.

"Why would you say that, Seungmin?" Chan groans, leaning his head against the headrest

"Hey, Seungmin, did your parents give you brain damage when they were smacking you around by any chance?" Hyunjin sighs.

"Hyunjin," Chan warns.

"Yeah, probably. But I'm still smarter than you." Seungmin shoots back calmly.

Oddly enough, you're not nervous to meet Felix in person for the first time. Maybe it's because you've known Felix for years. Maybe it's because when you showed Felix your face for the first time, all he did was give you a bright smile and a soft, "Is that all?" And somehow, those three words comforted you so much that you spent the first 30 minutes of the call crying. Which, of course, made Felix cry. That somehow, you knew right then and there that Felix is someone you can keep in your small circle. And if Felix is vouching for Jisung, then maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

"None of that tonight," You let out the breath that you've been holding the entire week while you undo your seatbelt. "The orphan talk might make them uncomfortable because they won't know whether to laugh or cry. And Felix is already sensitive."

"What am I supposed to talk about then?" Seungmin whines as he moves to take off his seatbelt too.

"Oh, so we're doing this. Okay," Hyunjin hesitantly takes off his seatbelt.

"Just use that dazzling personality of yours," Chan suggests as he looks into the rearview mirror, his eyes settling on you.

"That's my entire personality. I've got nothing else. It's like if I poke out Y/n's good eye." Seungmin pouts, leaning back in his seat.

"Seungmin, please do not touch me or my eye."

"I...don't...think you can compare not being able to joke about our upbringing to being completely blind." Hyunjin finally opens his door.

"Yes I can, it's my sixth sense." Seungmin opens his door, letting Inuyasha out of the car before following suit.

"If you want something to talk about tonight, we can talk about the fact that we technically have a stepmom." Changbin huffs before exiting the car.

It's been an issue for the last few days. You mentioned to Seungmin that Chan has a girlfriend and of course, he would not let it rest. He went out of his way to wake both Hyunjin and Changbin from a dead sleep to tell them. The night ended with all three of them yelling at Chan and huffing off to their rooms. They still haven't moved on from it, despite Chan's long explanation at breakfast the next morning. Even you're a little hurt by the fact that he kept it a secret for so long. You know he mostly kept it to himself because of his abandonment issues, but three years is still a bit much.

"First of all, we're not married. Secondly, I explained to you why I didn't tell you guys. Finally, I apologized," Chan quickly shuts off the car and follows the rest of the guys outside.

And just like that, you're left alone in the car. You can feel every blood cell moving along your body as you stare at the restaurant. Except for Jisung, Felix, and their other two roommates, the building is empty. They promised you that much. Both of them reassured you that you wouldn't have to worry about other people the whole night. They rented out the entire restaurant for the night. They told you that their roommate is a chef who will take care of your meal while their other roommate will work as a waiter. Felix even let you meet the other two roommates, whose names escape you right now, during one of your calls to make you feel at ease.

But Jisung is in there.

Somehow, that's more terrifying than if you were going to a crowded restaurant. At least you know that the other patrons would be mostly focused on their meals to pay you any attention. But with this dinner, all the attention would be on you. All of Jisung's attention.

"Did you change your mind?" Seungmin asks bluntly as he sticks his head back in the car.

"N-no," You clear your throat before taking one more deep breath, "Let's go."

***

Somehow, Felix's voice is deeper in person. At least, that's the second thing you noticed. The first, he's taller than you imagined. Maybe because you're used to seeing him through a computer screen, you thought he would be shorter. But he's practically the same height as Chan and Jisung, if not just barely taller. Still, Seungmin and Hyunjin stand above him, making him as small as you've imagined him.

Felix was the first to greet you, running out of the restaurant to hug you. And then, after greeting Chan and your brothers, he whisked you away to some private section of the restaurant where the two of you caught up.

Now that you think about it, he must have done that to ease your nerves. Because now, as you sit across the table from Jisung, you seem to be hit with an overwhelming wave of anxiety. Chan is off in the kitchen helping Minho, a name that Felix reminded you of while you were talking earlier. Like the car ride over to the restaurant, Hyunjin and Seungmin are on either side of you while Inuyasha is spread across Changbin and Hyunjin's laps while he rests his head on you.

Please don't bark.

Seungmin and Felix are deeply engaged in a conversation about...something. You're not entirely sure what they started talking about or when they even started their conversation. Your mind is too preoccupied with other things. Like trying to keep your breathing level while playing with Inuyasha's fur.

But you're acutely aware of everything, everywhere, all at once. The way the fabric of your jeans is rubbing against your legs. And there is a string in your sock that unraveled so much that it's wrapped itself around your pinky toe. You're certain it'll cut off circulation any second. And there is a singular strand of hair that you swear is a needle that is stabbing your face. And all the microfibers of your face mask are rubbing against your face while you breathe. You're certain your face is red from irritation. And your palms are so sweaty, it feels more like you're using Innie as a towel than for comfort. And how the fibers of your sweater feel too scratchy against your back—

For the love of god, calm the fuck down.

But how can you? Jisung is less than six feet away from you. He was less than a foot away from you last time when--

Do not think about that now.

"Here's some water," Jeongin, the name you did remember because his nickname had been the butt of many jokes over video chats, says as he comes up behind you, balancing a tray with water on it. He places one cup at Chan's empty seat next to Seungmin before passing the rest out.

"Wow, In-ah, you didn't drop one," Jisung teases, finally speaking for the first time tonight.

Ba...badum

Inuyasha lifts his head, looking directly at you as your heart skips a beat. You squeeze your eyes shut as you gently pet his head back down.

"I've been practicing," He smirks as he places the last cup in front of Changbin. "Plus, Lino hyung said he's going to fine me if I break anything tonight."

"So you're not going to have your half of the rent this month?" Felix asks, smirking in amusement.

Jeongin's mouth pulls into a tight smile, his eyes turning into two little half-moons as he tilts his head. "Just for that, I'm going to make sure I drop your plate, hyung."

“Cute and scary at the same time. Reminds me of when Y/n gets mad.” Hyun coos at the younger boy.

“Y/n? Mad?” A smile that would make the Cheshire cat jealous spreads across Felix's face. Almost like his new mission in life is to piss you off.

“Yeah, I mean it’s kind of scary because she never gets mad but at the same time it’s cute. She’ll just start swearing up a storm, using swear words that none of us were aware that she even knew. And then she makes this face...kinda like that,” Changbin points to you. Just as Felix and Jisung turn their attention to you, you relax your face.

“That might be my fault," Felix says, grinning sheepishly as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Get better at gaming and you won’t be mad all the time.” Han deadpans.

You can't help but chuckle at that comment. Jisung's attention is back on you, blinking as he’s taken aback by your sudden reaction. His blinks are as long and slow as the smile that’s crossing his face. His mouth is slightly parted with just a hint of his teeth sticking out beneath his top lip. A tender smile that’s so simple and yet, somehow so contagious, you can’t help the small grin that appears on your face. You’ve never been more thankful for your mask.

“But she doesn’t stay mad for long and doesn’t hold a grudge,” Seungmin adjusts himself in his seat, just barely turning his back towards you as he leans into Felix and Jisung.“Unlike Hyunjin,”

“Excuse me? You refused to talk to me for three entire months once! Only referred to me as ‘that guy’ or ‘that thing’ whenever you had to talk about me.” Hyunjin stares at Seungmin, who you now realize turned his back towards Hyunjin and not you, in disbelief. His jaw slack and eyes wide as he fights the urge to start another argument with Seungmin.

Seungmin smirks as he leans back into his chair, amused by Hyunjin’s sudden annoyance. “Did I? Oh well, you must have deserved it.”

"He definitely remembers and is pretending not to.” Changbin waved off, trying to distract Hyunjin.

“Yang Jeongin!”

“Oh shit,” Jeongin mutters under his breath as he quickly retreats to the kitchen, nearly knocking over a plant in the process.

You look around the restaurant, taking in the atmosphere. It’s not a big restaurant. It’s more of a hole-in-the-wall barbecue restaurant that happens to be popular. It’s a bit cramped with only eight tables. Each table is situated with its own grill, except for the table that you’re sitting at which has two. You can only imagine how hot when the restaurant is packed. You’re already feeling a bit warm from the grill in front of you being on. Still, you’re excited to actually be out to eat barbecue. You can’t remember the last time you went out and ate at a restaurant. Was it Chan’s university graduation or Changbin’s fire academy competition ceremony? It was some sort of celebration. Maybe a birthday? You’re not entirely sure, you were too anxious to even eat properly that night, let alone remember why you were there. Inuyasha wasn’t properly trained yet so he came along but wasn’t much help.

The restaurant is similar. A few plants to offset the reds and browns from the exposed brick walls. Low lights and kitchen vents hang over the cool, wooden tables. The wood tables at barbecue restaurants never made sense to you. With an open stove in the middle, it always seemed more like a safety issue. No matter how many times Changbin tries to explain it to you, you will never fully understand.

“Make way,” Minho says as he, Jeongin, and Chan walk into the dining area holding plates of raw meat, vegetables, and side dishes. They bring enough out for both sides of the table.

You’re not sure how expensive all of this is. You know it couldn’t have been cheap. You tried to get Felix to tell you something earlier so you could pay them back. He insisted that it was practically free. The owners of the restaurant owed Minho a favor. Still, you aren’t entirely convinced.

“Innie, time to get off my lap,” You pat Inuyasha’s head as Jeongin lights the grill on your side of the table. Inuyasha hops off your lap and sits between you and Hyunjin.

“I’m…not in your lap?” Jeongin freezes, his face turning pale.

“She’s talking to her dog,” Chan explains, laughing at the younger man’s confusion.

“Oh that’s going to get confusing, isn’t it?” Minho asks as he sets up the food at his side of the table.

“Hm,” Han hums as he scoots his chair back in, “how about we call them Innie and Human Innie?”

“Hey, why am I ‘Human’ Innie? Why can’t I just be Innie? He’s a dog!” Jeongin whines as he takes his seat between Minho and Felix.

Everyone, excluding you, can’t help but laugh at Jeongin’s distress as he pouts. Even though everyone else laughs, Jisung’s attention is still on you. Although, you don’t notice this time. Your mind is too occupied with what to do next. You slowly roll your sleeves up before quietly getting your hand sanitizer from your bag. Part of it is that you want to clean your hands after all the sweat and touching of Inuyasha’s fur. The other part is that you need something to do with your hands.

Badum

You’re going to have to take your mask off soon. It’s inevitable. It’ll end up being more awkward if you don’t or if you withhold from eating altogether. You feel Inuyasha settle his head in your lap again as you readjust your sleeves again. You’re not sure if it’s because of the two grills that are on or if it’s just you, but you feel significantly hotter. You rather take off your sweater right now to cool down than take off your mask.

I didn’t think this through.

“Damnit,” Hyunjin mutters beside you. Your eyes shift over to him and Changbin. They must have played a game to decide who is going to cook. Hyunjin mutters a string of swears as he grabs a pair of gloves, clearly a sore loser.

At home, you and Chan are always the ones in charge of grilling. Occasionally Changbin will take over if he thinks the meat isn’t getting cooked properly. Hyunjin and Seungmin, on the other hand, hate the pressure of being in charge of the food.

“I can do that if you want,” You suggest. Maybe cooking is the distraction you need. You’ll be too focused on cooking to get to eat much.

“It’s fine, I got it,” He smiles, playing with the tongs. “What should I cook first?”

“Meat,” Changbin suggests.

“Y/n, Felix, Jisung, any suggestions?” He asks, ignoring Changbin.

“Meat, cook the meat,” Changbin tries again.

“You didn’t want to cook, you don’t get a say in anything.”

“Hey!” Changbin yells, startling Jeongin on the other side of the table.

Chan, holding the tongs and scissors for his side of the table, leans back over his chair. He silently warns Changbin with the scissors before going back to whatever conversation he was having with his half of the table, partly apologizing on Changbin’s behalf. Seungmin puts his hand on your knee, stopping you from bouncing the leg you weren’t aware was moving in the first place. You mumble out a quiet ‘sorry’ as you focus your attention back on anywhere but Jisung or dinner. Seungmin, noticing you’re starting to freak out quietly flips his hand over, offering you his hand. You don’t hesitate to take it.

“Oh wow, he really is like a parent. Reminds me of how my mom is with me and my—Ah, sorry,” Jeongin bites his tongue and apologizes to the five of you.

All of you are used to it. Less people made fun of the fact none of you had parents than people would have you believe. Sure, there was the occasional asshole who would come along and try to use that information against you. But it hurt significantly less than when people would mention their parents and then freeze, almost like a deer caught in headlights. They’re panicking, you know they are. And then they apologize for committing the sin of mentioning the fact that they have at least one parent in their lives. And then they wait. Like you might spontaneously combust or burst into tears any second. Or the back peddling when a classmate would mention hating theirs over something so mundane like taking away their phones for bad grades. Guilt because none of you had parents. It was the universal look that people had when they looked at the five of you. Teachers would always mention something about parents their eyes would always land on one of you. It’s exhausting. When the four of you moved to Seoul to live with Chan, there was a silent agreement amongst the four of you to just refer to Chan as your dad whenever you talked about him. New place, fresh start. It gave you all a break from the looks of guilt and pity until Chan had to come to pick all four of you up from school one day after Changbin got into a fight.

“What’s a parent?” Seungmin questions him, tilting his head to the side “Is it like a TV show or some—Ow! When did you get so strong?”

“What happened?” Changbin asks, leaning over Hyunjin to see what the commotion is about.

You squeezed Seungmin’s hand as tightly as you could to get him to shut up. It might be all the anxiety pumping through your veins right now, but you squeezed tighter than you intended to, causing Seungmin to look at you in betrayal. All you offer him back is a warning look, silently reminding him of what you said in the car.

“My wings have been clipped,” Seungmin rolls his eyes and leans back into his seat, still holding onto your hand.

Hyunjin hovers his hand over the grill, checking if it’s hot enough before putting some shrimp and pork belly on one side and vegetables on the other. “I mean, we technically have a mom—sorry, a step-mom. So we basically have a full set of parents.”

“Hyunjin, don’t start that right now. I said I was sorry,” Chan sighs.

“Get on your knees and bow down if you really are sorry. For three hours,” Hyunjin’s eyes refuse to leave the grill, focusing on cooking, “One for each year you didn’t tell us.”

“His old ass knees can barely handle squats and you want him to kneel for three hours?” Changbin questions.

“New family drama?” Felix asks, leaning in towards you. Jisung does his best to look busy and not listen in on the drama.

“Apparently, that guy over there has been dating one of the doctors at his job for three years and kept it from us.” You explain quietly.

“Y/n, not you too! What do you mean ‘that guy over there?’” Chan groans. Minho takes the tongs and scissors away from him and takes over cooking.

Seungmin starts grabbing bowls of rice from the center of the table and begins to pass them out to everyone on your side of the table. Your hand instinctively wraps around Seungmin’s as you think about having to take your mask off again. The conversation was a welcomed distraction from the racing thoughts in your brain. But a simple bowl of rice is enough to bring you back to reality. To why you’re here.

Calm down.

You’re starving. You’ve been too nervous all day to eat more than a snack and drink some water. But the smell of all the food being cooked around you that’s seeping through your mask is making your stomach growl. You’re almost certain that everyone at the table can hear it. Even the braised eggplant sitting in front of you looks delicious. You dislike eggplant. You don’t hate it like Hyunjin does, you just dislike it. You’re used to it now after years of secretly eating all the foods Hyunjin doesn’t like so he wouldn’t get in trouble. But now, you’re fully considering eating all of the eggplant.

If only you could take your mask off. If only you could muster up all of the courage in the world and just rip it off. Be normal, for once in your life, just be normal. You’re acutely aware that you haven’t said a single word since you and Felix joined the larger group. You also know that Felix pulled you away to talk to ease you into the group situation. You wish he didn’t have to do that. You wish none of this had to be like this. That you could just have dinner with your friends and family like normal. Like everyone else.

For the love of god, please just calm dow—

*Tap*

Your head snaps up towards Felix and Jisung. Felix, unfazed, continues his conversation with Seungmin and Jeongin to notice you looking at him. Your eyes settle on Jisung, who gives you a soft smile. His eyes, so gently yet so full of concern. It’s almost like he could sense you freaking out and tried to draw you out before you started to panic.

You’re aware that Jisung also hasn’t said a single word all evening. Everyone else seems to be doing the heavy lifting of conversing for the two of you. You’re grateful that dinner is a larger group event. You can only imagine how badly it would have gone if it was just the two of you again. You probably would have stayed home.

“Y/n, ah…” Hyunjin says, turning towards you. His eyes are focused on the shrimp at the end of the tongs as he blows on it.

“Hey, why does she get the first piece?” Changbin whines as Hyunjin has his back to him.

“You know the rules, youngest first. You go last, Grandpa.” Seungmin reminds him.

Badum

“Grandpa?” Changbin cries.

Badum

“Yeah, you’re the oldest one on this side of the table so you’ve been promoted to grandpa. Congratulations,” Seungmin smirks, earning a laugh from Felix.

Badum

“I’m going to push your head in the grill,” Changbin threatens.

Badum

Seungmin feigns shock, holding his hand over his mouth. “Isn’t your job literally the opposite of that? How are you still employed?”

Badum

“Report him to the city. I’ll be a witness,” Felix adds, placing his hand on Seungmin’s shoulder, pretending to comfort him.

Badum

“Y/n, hurry up and take it. I know you’re hungry and the samgyeopsal is burning.”

Badum, badum

Your eyes look at the shrimp, and then at everyone else. They’re all in their own little worlds, barely paying you any attention. Chan, Minho, and Jeongin are busy cooking and talking about something trivial. Seungmin and Felix are too busy talking past you, picking on Changbin together. Jisung is now stuffing his oversized cheeks with rice and taking over the cooking. Inuyasha moves his paw to your lap, almost like he’s trying to comfort you.

Badum, badum, badum

Your hand shakily moves to pull down your mask, pausing as your fingertips brush against the thin fabric. You take a few deep breaths before pulling it down below your chin. You freeze for a second, waiting to hear terrified screams or for the world to stop spinning or for the cops to burst through the doors or…anything.

BADUM, BADUM, BADUM

Nothing.

The conversations going on around you continue, uninterrupted as your heart pounds in your chest and ears like a drum. You squeeze your eyes and let out all of the air in your body before finally taking the shrimp from Hyunjin.

“…Mm!” You hum happily, the corners of your mouth turning up into a small smile.

“Cute,” Jisung whispers under his breath. You almost didn’t hear him. Still, despite the drumming of your heart in your ears and the loud conversations going on around you, you heard him.

“CuTe,” Felix and Seungmin tease in unison. Your eyes move to meet a tomato-faced Jisung who is now scowling at the pair of new best friends.

“Oh!” Jisung shouts suddenly, causing you to jump in your seat. Seungmin gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, turning his attention back on you.

Jisung gets up from the table and runs off to the door near the kitchen. Your heart refuses to settle in your chest as he stays hidden in the room. You know logically that you didn’t scare him off again. He’s seen your face, he knows what to expect, but still, your hand moves instinctively to pull your mask back up just as he reappears in the room.

“Dou demo ii you na yoru dakedo

Doyomeki kirameki to kimi mo”

“I love this song! We should go out and do karaoke after this,” Jeongin suggests as NIGHT DANCER plays overhead, quickly forgetting why everyone is there in the first place. Almost like it’s a normal dinner with friends.

Normal.

You bite your bottom lip before slowly lowering your hand, leaving your mask down. Still on edge, you slowly relax into your chair, trying to calm yourself down. “Hanji sings this song really well,” Your voice wavers.

“Hannie sang for you? Wow, he really is cheating on me, huh?” Minho’s hand goes over his chest, miming his heart breaking.

“Hyung, stop it. She’s going to misunderstand,” Jisung whines, pouting at his roommate.

“You’re breaking apart our family, don’t get mad at me. Just think of the children. Yongbok is right there, this could traumatize him.” He adds fuel to the fire, causing Jisung to get more flustered.

“If everyone’s up for it, there’s a karaoke bar not too far from here,” Felix suggests as he takes a piece of the freshly cut meat that Hyunjin put on a plate.

“Actually,” Jisung turns to face you, catching your attention. “Y/n, can we go on a walk after dinner and talk?”

BADUM, BADUM

“S-sure,” You stutter, averting your eyes.

***

“Oh my god, I’m so full,” Han groans as he stretches.

The two of you walk side by side along the sidewalk. It’s cold and dark. Thick blankets of snow cover the streets. The only things illuminating the street are the yellow-tinted lights from the street lamps that line the street and the soft white string lights from various Christmas decorations. The Christmas music playing overhead is louder than it was when you went out with Chan last week. A haunting reminder that Christmas is next week. If you weren’t already done with your shopping, you’d be panicking.

“So,” You clear your throat, “are you going to visit your parents for the holidays?”

Throughout dinner, the two of you relaxed quite a bit. The music and your brothers help to calm you down. Mostly. There were still moments when you would lock eyes with Jisung and he would have a stupid look on his face. Then you’d turn red or drop something at one point, and you got so flustered, that you accidentally put kimchi in one of the wraps you were making for Hyunjin because he was still too busy cooking. You know he’s never going to shut up about how you 'tried to kill him' for the rest of your life. And then Felix began teasing both you and Jisung after you helped Jisung pick up a perilla leaf while talking to Felix. Jisung stopped fully functioning for about 5 minutes.

“Y/n, Y/n, I’m having trouble picking this leaf up, can you help me?” Felix would ask every couple of minutes after the incident, earning a glare from Jisung.

But now, as the two of you walk side by side with Inuyasha, you’re back to being anxious. Your heart is in your throat, drumming straight into your brain.

The talk.

You knew the entire night that this was going to happen. And still, you mistakenly let yourself get comfortable throughout the night and let your guard down. The two of you have to address what happened on your birthday. When your mask broke and he saw your face without any warning.

“…oh fuck…”

Jisung’s voice replays in your head along with his terrified look. Just like it has been every day since your birthday. The same incessant phrase that played in your mind like a broken record. You were slowly forgetting all the good moments from your date, all of them being replaced by that moment, no matter how much you tried to forget it.

“Not this year,” Jisung sighs. “My brother is doing his military service, my dad is on a business trip, and my mother is back in Malaysia helping a sick friend. We’re doing a makeup thing in February when my brother gets home.”

“So then are you spending Christmas alone?” You ask, turning to Jisung. You can see the white puff of his breath in the chilled air.

“No, Felix can’t go home this year so the two of us are doing something the day of. Minho hyung and Jeongin aren’t going home until the 23rd so the four of us are having a mini-party on the 22nd. You can come if you want. Bring everyone, I think Minho hyung loves not being the oldest.”

Badum

“It’s okay, I don’t want to intrude.” You say innocently.

Jisung stops dead in his tracks. You stop walking too, which causes Inuyasha to stop and turn back to you, confused. He turns his full body to you, lightly tugging on your arm. You turn to face him, giving him your full attention.

Badum

“What if I want you there?” He tilts his head to the side, “What if that’s my Christmas wish?”

Badum

There’s a strange air of confidence around him that takes you off guard. And for some reason, it makes you nervous.

“I-I…”

“Ah,” Jisung suddenly crouches down to the ground, clutching his head. “That was so lame, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said that, I’m not like that at all. I mean, I want you there but the Christmas wish thing—I am so sorry.”

“Hanji…Jisung…stand up,” You call softly.

“I just like you a lot. It makes me say stupid shit,” He mumbles. “Sometimes I say stupid shit on purpose to make you laugh.”

Badum

“Why?” Your grip on Inuyasha’s leash tightens.

Badum, badum

“Because your laugh is really pretty,” He scoffs like it’s the most obvious answer and you offended him by questioning it.

Badum, badum

“No, I mean,” You dig your foot further into the snow. “Why do you like me?”

Badum, badum

“You’re kind, funny, caring, and you’re good at a lot of things. And you’re smart as hell. Why wouldn’t I like you?”

Badum, badum

You can count all the reasons why Jisung shouldn’t like you on both of your hands. For one, being you is mentally taxing, you can’t even imagine how tiring being with you will be. You feel bad enough that your family has to take care of you. You can’t do simple things like go to the grocery store without being on the verge of a panic attack. How are you supposed to go on dates? And then there’s your overall family situation. The dysfunction of it all. It works for you, you’re used to it. But letting outsiders like Jisung can be a lot too. The five of you understand each other in ways nobody else can understand. In ways you don’t want anyone else to understand. And even if Jisung can withstand all of that, the highs and lows of your mental health, your family, there’s no way he will be able to be with you. The looks the two of you will get when you’re out together. From passersby who will look at the two of you and question why he’s with you. The whispers that are a part of you. The critical stares. You’ve dealt with all that for most of your life and even you can’t deal with it. What makes him any different?

Badum, badum

“I can name one big reason,”

Badum, badum

“Hm?” Jisung hums, standing up and making direct eye contact with you.

Badum, badum, badum

You press your lips together and squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. Your eyes begin to sting as tears start to fill your eyes. You keep your eyes shut, preventing the tears from flowing over. You take a few deep breaths before pulling your mask off. The cool air nips at your lips just before you slowly open your eyes.

Badum, badum

“How could you like me?” You all but shout. “I scared you off last time, what’s stopping you now? What if you find someone more deserving to be with you? You should be with someone who deserves you.”

Badum, badum

“That’s you,”

Ba..badum, badum

“What?”

“You’re someone who deserves me…You’re worthy of me. There’s nobody else. If anything, I don’t deserve you. I’m not even worthy of your presence, let alone you.”

Badum, badum

“What are you…?”

Badum, badum

Jisung’s hand slowly reaches towards your face, out of habit, you flinch.

“Please?” He whispers softly, practically begging.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You hesitate for a moment, looking between Jisung and his hand as you try to absorb all of the information you’ve collected in a short matter of time. Eventually, you nod, freezing in place as Jisung starts moving his hand again towards your face. You don’t even breathe as Jisung’s ice-cold hand brushes against your forehead, moving your bangs out of the way, your entire face exposed. His fingers feel like burning fire on your skin.

BADUM, BADUM, BADUM, BADUM

“I wasn’t scared when I saw your face. I mean I was scared—But not of you. I was scared for you. I knew you weren’t ready yet and I was scared of all the terrifying thoughts that racing through your mind. The look on your face scared me. I know that look—I knew how you were feeling and I didn’t want you to feel that way. I hate the way my anxiety makes me feel but I would have gladly taken away your anxiety and felt it for you if that made you happy.”

Badum, badum, badum, badum

Inuyasha walks over to Jisung and presses his nose into his leg. Both of you ignore it. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you,” He says simply as if it’s a casual conversation.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

“You…love….me?” Your mouth hangs slightly open in shock.

“I’ve known it for a while, I think, but tonight confirmed it for sure.”

“Why?” Now you’re the broken record.

“Hm,” Jisung places a finger on his bottom lip. His eyes look up like he’s trying to search for an answer. “I could just tell you all the reasons right now. Or I can tell you all the little things I love about you every day for the rest of our lives.”

“The rest of our lives?” You parrot.

Your body is as frozen as the ice on the street as your mind swirls with all the information and sweet words coming out of Jisung’s mouth. He’s making your mind swirl. But in a good way.

“Uh huh, the rest of our lives. And you want to know why? Because I love you. I want to be with you. I want to call you cute little pet names and hold your hand. And just sit around and do nothing with you. I want to stare at your pretty face all day. And be there whenever you need me. And, oh my god, I want to kiss you so fucking bad. It’s insane. I think I need to be hosed down.”

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You stand, unmovable for a moment. Jisung loves you. He wants to be with you. He wants to kiss you. You. All you can do is blink slowly as all of your thoughts leave your mind. You want to do something or say something but all you can do is stare at Jisung, specifically the curves of his lips imagining how they would feel against yours. You imagine they’d be as soft as his fingers were just a moment ago. And you dangerously begin to imagine your future together. A future where you can be together without judgment. Without fear.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

“…Then…why don’t you?” You question, almost immediately regretting it the second it came out of your mouth.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You’re not sure where this new confidence is coming from but you love it. You stand there, waiting in anticipation as Inuyasha makes his way over to you, pressing his nose against your leg now.

“What?” Jisung’s smile drops.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

“You said you wanted to kiss me, then go ahead.”

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You’re not sure why you’re being so bold. Maybe this is the only time you get a kiss. Maybe because it’s Jisung. For the first time, you don’t care. You don’t care about the fact that Jisung might change his mind one day. You don’t care about your face being out while people are walking around. It’s silly to think that this is all because of a man, but Jisung is somehow giving you the confidence you need.

Jisung stares at you for a moment, all of his confidence gone. You’re almost certain you stole it. He runs his hand through his hair before he mutters something under his breath and starts leaning in.

BADUM, BADUM, BADUM, BADUM

You close your eyes, waiting for the feel of Jisung’s lips on yours. Your heart is making its way up your throat. At this rate, your heart might just leap out of your mouth and kiss Jisung instead.

Konk!

You grab your forehead and drop to your knees. Oh course you would bump heads during your first kiss. You can’t just have one moment, can you? You can’t imagine what this scene looks like to even else. You’re both on the floor, holding your head. It was a soft his but Jisung’s head is so hard, it’s like running into a metal bat.

“Ah shit, are you okay?” Jisung crouches down to your level, seemingly unaffected, and begins rubbing the spot he hit.

“You have a hard head!” You whine.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. Here,” Jisung stops rubbing your forehead and places a soft, warm kiss on the red spot on your head.

Jisung pulls away. And stares at you. Your head is throbbing and you’re no longer sure if it’s because of your anxiety or the pain from hitting the bulldozer that is Han Jisung’s forehead. After what feels like forever, Jisung places a finger under your chin and tilts your head up, forcing you to look at him. He remains quiet, thinking about something before he crashes his lips into yours.

It’s a simple kiss, just your lips touching. And yet, it's enough to make your head spin and melt the ice that has been freezing your body the entire time you’ve been outside. It feels like time is frozen and the two of you are in your own little bubble.

Just as quickly as it happened, Jisung pulls his lips away. Concern fills his face as he tries to read yours. He slowly relaxes his face and lets out a relieved sigh when he realized that you’re not freaking out. If your brain was functioning, it would be. You’re absolutely certain that he broke your brain when he head-butted you.

“I want to do that for the rest of our lives too,” The corner of his mouth turns up into a sly smirk, “if you’ll let me?”

“I’m scared,�� You whisper, barely audible.

“I’m scared too. It’s terrifying to let someone in. We can be scared together.”

Again, you let your mind wander as you imagine your future with Jisung. Dates the two of you might go on. All the jokes you two can share. A future with a wedding and maybe a kid or two if you two saw fit. And the thought of living a life where he might not be in it because you let your fear and anxieties get in the way causes your heart to race even more.

Inuyasha lets out one loud bark, causing worry to flash over Jisung’s face again.

“I…” Your voice falters, unsure of what words to say next. You know what you want to say, but the words are missing. They’re on the pavement being trampled by everyone walking by.

“If you’re not ready, I understand. I’ll wait for you, you’re worth waiting for.”

“I…” You take a deep breath in before letting go of Inuyasha’s leash and grabbing onto Jisung’s collar. You pause for a moment, playing every possible outcome in your head. The good, the bad, the ugly. But all of that is being overshadowed by Jisung.

BADUM

You just want to be normal.

BADUM

To be happy.

BADUM

Without a second thought, you pull Jisung towards you, pressing your lips together one last time. After a second, you separate from him and rest your forehead on his, hot tears falling down your face.

You’re scared. You’re scared of Jisung waking up one day and realizing that he doesn’t want to be with you. That he’ll turn out like everyone else. That he doesn’t actually love you and that he just thinks he does. But there’s something inside that keeps gnawing at you that you’ve never felt before. You feel it in your chest and the pit of your stomach. It’s so unfamiliar that it scares you.

BADUM

Hope

“I…I want to be with you,” You choke out.

Jisung chuckles, his hot breath tickling your face. He places both of his hands on either side of your face and pulls his face back. A large smile spread across his cheeks, you’re scared it’s going to break his face.

“Okay,” He replies softly before pressing one more gentle kiss into your lips.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @phtogravi @lilcutieana @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @brain-empty-only-draken @thisisnotjacinta @thefangirloncrack @chlodavids @heartz4chuu @sunshinessky @reverse-soe @itshannjisung @angelsandtimelords @zeejones @liknws @marked-unknown @sansona @aaasia111 @jhstayy @aslou @hyunbae-35 @kangaracharacha @skz-streamer @btskzfav @weird-bookworm @jihanniee @everglowdaisies @puppysmileseungmin

185 notes · View notes

feelbokkie · 3 months

Text

Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 19

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food and eating, slight depressive talk

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 3,197

screenshot count: 1

a/n: series finale is next chapter. brace yourselves.

previous | masterlist | next

Come find me when you wake up

It's a daunting text to wake up to after a long nap. Your one good eye scorched from the brightness of your phone after being in the dark for so long. You're not even sure when you fell asleep. You went into your thinking cave after being stumped on a coding issue from one of your freelance jobs, desperately needing to step away from all screens.

Still adjusting to the light, you keep your eyes closed as you crawl out from under your bed. You stand up as straight as you can, stretching every limb that you can.

Pop

You stand in the middle of your room. You're not even sure if you're actually awake yet. Your body is hot and exhausted. None of anything feels real. When was the last time you left your room other than to use the bathroom or to eat? You're not sure anymore. A couple of days? A week? You never stay out long enough, only to quickly eat your food and get back to work.

After a few more minutes of letting your brain catch up to the rest of your body, you finally wander out of your room. You're not sure what day it is anymore, let alone the time. You're half expecting everyone to be home when you walk into the kitchen. You're almost surprised to find only Chan sitting at the table, peeling an orange.

"Oh, you're finally awake? I was worried that you were going to be out for the rest of the day." He teases when he looks up at you. You shrug in response as you walk past him, going directly to the fridge to get some water.

It's not that you don't want to talk. You're dying to. It's almost like your voice box is missing. It's like when you were little, right after your parents died. You said one sentence before you stopped talking altogether. Where are my parents? After that, you just couldn't find the words for anything. Almost like they were caught in your throat. Like you were living a nightmare.

It makes sense why you stopped talking back then. The shock of your entire life changing in such a short amount of time will do that to you. But why it's happening now doesn't entirely make sense to you. You're shutting down, that much you know and understand but, you hadn't known Jisung all that well before meeting him. You're not sure why you're so affected by everything that happened on your birthday. You should be used to people disappointing you. You just got arrogant after Felix didn't run away screaming.

"Are you hungry?" Chan asks as you walk back to the table with your cup of water.

You shake your head before you take a sip of water. You're not sure when the last time you ate was, was it when Seungmin ate breakfast with you this morning, but you're not hungry. Or at least, you're not starving. Not yet anyway.

"Did you get my text?" Chan slides over the orange he just finished peeling towards you. Without missing a beat, he picks up another orange.

You nod again. You hesitantly pick up the orange and start eating it.

"I really, really need your help with something," He starts softly, pausing for a moment. "But you're going to need to leave the house with me for it."

Badum

You freeze mid-chew on the orange slice that you have in your mouth. Your eyes quickly shift up from the orange in your hand to Chan's eyes. Your body feels like it's vibrating. Like you didn't just eat an orange but a ball of straight caffeine.

You're fine

"I normally wouldn't ask you, especially after everything, but you're the only one I can trust to help me with this. The others...well, let's just say this isn't something that I can trust them to help with."

You slowly start chewing again, almost to the beat of your heart. You haven't left the house since your birthday. Not completely out of fear. There just hasn't been a need to leave. Everything you need is in the house. It's only a bonus that you don't have to worry about your mask falling again.

You squeeze your eyes shut as the image of Jisung's mortified face flashes in your mind.

"It'll be fine. I'll be with you the whole time and Innie can come too." Chan reassures you, almost like he was reading your mind. "Please?"

You play with the remainder of the orange in your hands, passing it back and forth as you think. You know for a fact that Chan would never willingly put you in harm's way. And that he wouldn't be asking you if he didn't have to. He's never been one to push, always so patient with you. Even when he was only a small child himself.

So, slowly, you nod in agreement before you can change your mind.

***

You're thankful for the light snowfall and freezing temperatures. It means most people are at home and not currently out. You're also thankful for the thick hood of your winter coat giving your face full coverage from the crisp winter breeze blowing around. Still, you decided it's better to wear two masks just in case.

"We're almost there," Chan hums as you squeeze his arm tighter.

You're glad he's also hearing a thick coat. With how tightly you're gripping his arm, if he wasn't wearing a thick coat, you definitely would have cut off his circulation. You feel bad about it, clinging to Chan like that, but he doesn't seem to mind.

crunch, crunch

With your left arm tightly wound around Chan's arm and Inuyasha's lead firm in your hand, the three of you walk carefully through the icy path. With your luck, you'll slip on a patch of ice, knocking both your hood and masks off. The whole time while you walked, you've been mentally preparing yourself for going into the store. Chan has been giving you small updates throughout your walk about how close you guys are to your destination.

Eventually, the two of you walk into a small store. Every corner is filled to the brim with different items. Books, trinkets, artwork--Whatever you could think of, it was probably in the store. Your hold on Inuyasha's leash becomes shorter as you now start to worry about breaking something. Or everything. Your eyes wander around the store, trying to figure out what Chan could possibly need from here. None of the items in the store are even remotely his style. It's not even the style of anyone in your family.

"We're here because I have not a single idea of what to get my girlfriend for Christmas, but I know she likes stuff like this," Chan says casually as he starts to browse the aisles. You pause, causing Chan to be yanked back towards you.

"Girlfriend?" You practically shout.

"That's what gets you talking again?" Chan smirks, amused by your reaction. It's the first time he's heard your voice in weeks and honestly, he's a bit relieved. The last time you stopped talking, it was months before anyone heard you utter even a sigh.

"What do you mean girlfriend?" You ask, trying to keep him from changing the subject. You can't even remember the last time Chan was interested in someone. If he was ever interested in someone at any point in his life. He was always so busy taking care of everyone else or working, that you don't think he even had time to develop feelings for another person.

"She's a doctor at my hospital," He pulls his arm out of your iron grip and throws it around your shoulder, urging you to start walking. "We'll have been together for three years next months."

"Three years..." You whisper to yourself as you walk around the store.

"Hey, I know what you're thinking. I didn't tell you guys about her because of my issues, not because of you. I didn't want to bring someone who was going to leave. I'm planning on inviting her over for the holidays."

None of you have ever brought someone over to meet the rest of the family before. You wouldn't have even let Jisung meet everyone as early as you did if you had any say in the matter. All of you are so used to people leaving, you never want to bring someone into your life unless you are certain. That much you understand about Chan's decision not to mention that he has a girlfriend. All of you would have done the same thing. You're not even fully convinced that Changbin is single.

"So," You clear your throat, trying to keep the conversation going. "Unni likes this type of stuff...is she an unnie?"

"She's my nuna, actually," He says sheepishly, his ears and neck becoming violently red. "And yeah, she likes this kind of stuff. She has things like this over her office...and apartment."

"Why are you getting all shy?" You laugh. This is a new side to Chan you've never really seen before. You love it.

Somehow, it's making you more at ease as you two walk around the shop. Like you two are in your own little bubble. Like a normal family. Normal.

"Because I've never talked to any of you about this stuff. It feels weird. I'm supposed to be like...this...fuck, what the word? Responsible role model? Responsible isn't the right word but role model is, I think." He picks up a small jewelry box and looks at it a bit. You're sure he's not actually interested in it. He's just trying to distract himself.

"You're my role model. Not many nineteen-year-olds would drop everything to adopt four teenagers. And work two jobs while attending university at night."

It's been almost ten years since Chan adopted all of you. You still remember it like it was yesterday. The original plan was for Chan to adopt you guys when he turned 20, giving him time to find stable housing and an even more stable job. But then the four of you overheard that the group home would be closing soon. You knew that meant that the four of you would be separated. If you were lucky, maybe two of you would get moved to the same place. Not wanting to take that risk, the four of you, only 15 and 14, decided to run away so you could stay together. With nowhere else to go, all of you found yourselves at Chan's apartment, roughly 3 hours away, in the middle of the night. Somehow, he was able to get temporary custody of you guys while he continued to work on getting a better place so he could officially adopt you.

"Hey, don't make me all emotional." He gently ruffles your hair, careful not to move your bangs. "C'mon, what should I get her?"

"You said you go to her apartment? You can get couple cups. And then like a cute little necklace. Hide it in one of the cups." You suggest, pointing at a pair of mugs with matching stuffed bears on them.

"See, I knew you'd be more helpful than the guys." He unwraps his arm from you and goes to grab the mugs.

***

"You know my girlfriend is an ER doctor but she's really good friends with the chief of cosmetic surgery. I can have her talk to him for you." Chan says, taking a sip of his coffee.

Badum

The two of you are sitting on a bench outside of the restaurant you ordered dinner from, waiting for your food to finish. Snow gently falls around you. Inuyasha is sitting next to the outdoor heater next to you. A few people walk past you, either going into the restaurant or one of the other shops on the street. One of the nearby stores plays Christmas music to add to the atmosphere.

Your head snaps up towards him, heart pounding in your ears. Inuyasha gets up from his spot on the floor, hopping on the bench and resting his cold head in your lap. "How did you..."

"I wasn't snooping around your room," Chan starts, turning his body towards you. "When I came looking for you earlier, I tripped on something in your room and bumped into your desk. It woke up your computer and I guess that was one of the last things you were looking at."

You turn your attention to your lap, your thumbs fiddling with the lid of your hot chocolate. This isn't how you wanted this conversation to go. You were planning to quietly save money and go to all the necessary appointments by yourself. And the day of the surgery, that's when you finally going to tell everyone. When they couldn't try to talk you out of it. You knew they'd worry if you told them about it now. Seungmin would go overboard doing all sorts of research and bombard you with his newly acquired facts. Both Hyunjin and Changbin would try to convince you that you look fine without cosmetic surgery. Hyunjin would probably look up different art pieces to show you the beauty in imperfections while Changbin would try to force you out again. And Chan would try his best to give you some sage advice.

You're certain now, that he didn't need your help picking out a gift for his girlfriend. He wanted to lure you into a false sense of security for one of those lectures now. You thought dads only did that in movies. Maybe that's why he's doing it now. His only frames of reference for a father figure are fictional ones. Except, no movie could have ever prepared him for this. It would be easier for both of you if you were pregnant or something.

"I'm not going to sit here and tell you not to do it." Chan's hand lands on your back, softly moving up and down. "It's your body and you're an adult, you can do whatever you want with it. I may not entirely agree with it, but if this is what you really, truly want then I'll support you. You can get it done at my hospital and I'll help you pay for it. At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy. And if this will make you happy, then I'm all for it."

You're not sure why, if it's the softness in his voice or something else altogether, but you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You're beyond tired. It's not just the past few weeks that's weighing down on you, it's the past couple of decades. You're tired of being treated differently because of how you look. Of missing out on opportunities out of fear. Fear that's burned so deeply in your psyche, you don't think you'll ever be able to get over it. You're tired of ruining photographs, memories--everything. You wish, just for a moment, everything would stop so you could breathe.

"I j-just want to be n-normal," You choke out through a broken sob.

You want to live a normal life. You want to walk around without having to wear a mask. With your hair up and out of your face, actually feeling the sun kiss your skin and not freeze in fear. You want a life where Inuyasha is just a pet and take him on normal walks without him having to be on alert for you. You want to have friends that you can hang out with in public that aren't embarrassed to be seen with you. You want to go on dates with Jisung and hold hands in public without worrying about people questioning why he's with you. You want to be able to kiss Jisung. You just want to live like everyone else.

"That's probably the most normal thing about you." Chan pulls out a napkin from his pocket and hands it to you.

"Wh...what?" You question as you take the napkin, wiping your tears before the cold freezes them on your face.

"It's rare...to find someone who likes every aspect of themselves. That's probably the one thing every human can agree on: disliking some aspect of themselves. I don't like my nose. Seungmin doesn't like his smile. Hyunjin doesn't like the beauty mark under his eye or the way he sweats. Changbin didn't like how skinny he used to be. That's normal,"

"Yeah but that's different--"

"Then go ahead and fix what you think is wrong with you. That's normal too. But I can promise you, you'll end up finding something else you don't like about yourself. And you can spend the rest of your life fixing all these little 'imperfections' or, you can learn to live with them. Or at the very least, find someone who loves them and teaches you how to embrace them. And you already have the latter."

You sniffle quietly for a bit, trying to understand what Chan is getting at to no avail. "What are you talking about?"

"Han Jisung," He says simply.

You quickly shake your head, leaning back into your seat. "No, you weren't there. You didn't see the look on his face."

"You didn't see the look on his face."

You turn to Chan, raising your eyebrow in confusion. You know for a fact that Chan was nowhere near the aquarium before you called Hyunjin to pick you up.

"He came by the house a few times. I convinced him to stop coming for his safety. Luckily for him, Changbin was at work and I answered the door. If he really was scared of you or disgusted by your face or whatever you imagined, he wouldn't be making the trip to our house as frequently as he was. That idiot is in love with you."

BADUM

"He...told you that?"

"He didn't have to. It's written all over his face. That man is so in love with you, I kinda wanna punch him. But that just might be my overprotective side."

Both of you are quiet for a moment. You're processing everything Chan just dumped on you while he just drinks his coffee. It's not possible, you think. Your own self-image is so extremely warped and damaged from years of torment. He's seen the same thing that everyone else has, there's no way that he's in love with you.

You watch as the waiter from inside the restaurant waves at you and Chan, signaling for you to get your food. Your eyes drop back to your hot chocolate, which is probably more like chocolate milk at this point, as Chan pulls his hand away from your back and stands up.

"The five of us were dealt pretty shitty cards in this life. You got the worst hand, I think, " Chan says, turning back to you. You can see the cloud of air from his breath as he talks, "But god or the universe or whatever is finally delivering karmic retribution starting with Han. At the very least, hear him out before you do anything."

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

158 notes · View notes

feelbokkie · 4 months

Text

Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 1

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food, humor as a coping mechanism

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 1,254

screenshot count: 14

previous | masterlist | next

"Hey, Lix, when you're doing fucking around, do you think you could haul ass The Meridian and heal me? If it's not too much of a bother to do your job." You groan as you take more damage. You turn and try to take out the other team's tanks as fast as you can, but you're being flanked by two of their damages. You'd take out their damages too, only you have no idea where they are.

"How did you get all the way on the other side of the map?" He panics.

"I thought you were following me since you're supposed to be pocketing me."

"You fucking ran off without telling me. Do you want me to read your mind?"

"That'd be great." You laugh, "Just get over here. And be careful. The other team's tanks and damages are still around." You keep an eye on your health bar as you keep your back against the wall, not allowing yourself to get ambushed again.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you suck at damage? I just healed you not that long ago."

"Did you not hear me screaming that I was getting ambushed?"

"You're always screaming. I've learned to tune you out."

"Chat, did you hear me screaming for help?" You quickly look over to the monitor where you're stream is. "See? Chat heard me. You're just a shit support."

"Maybe you should be support next game." He mutters.

"Why? Because I'm a girl?" You tease.

"No! Are you trying to get me canceled?"

"Aw, Lixie, you don't need my help with that. Just keep talking and you'll get yourself canceled in no time."

"I hate you,"

"That's not what you were saying earlier. Chat, Felix proposed to me earlier because I sent him food."

"Y/n, shut up!"

Your eyes shift over to the monitor on your left that's displaying Felix's stream. His face is noticeably redder than it was before. His dyed blond hair is in a messy ponytail. His freckles perfectly scattered across his cheekbone and nose. You remember how he used to cover his freckles with makeup when he first started streaming. You don't remember when he stopped, but you're glad he did. It may be hypocritical coming from you, you don't even stream with your camera on. Even if you did, you can't use makeup to fix what's wrong with your face like he can. People aren't going to find you cute or hot because of the scars on your face. For that, you're kind of envious of Felix. What he considers to be flaws are actually blessings while for you, your flaws are just that. Felix gets praised for showing his bare face while you'd be crucified for showing yours in general.

"Y/n!"

Your eyes shift back to the game, just in time to see the bright red "Defeat" pop up on the screen.

"They walked right to you. Are you fucking blind?" You watch as Felix puts his head in his hands.

"Yeah, in one eye, actually. Chat, Felix is an ableist."

"Don't you start. Chat, Y/n is being manipulative."

You laugh, reading all the comments from your chat shipping you and Felix. It used to give you anxiety, all the comments. You'd stay up late at night, stressing about them. You used to think that it was impossible for Felix to have any sort of feelings for you. He's never even seen you. Any time you've ever chatted on call, your camera stayed off. And even if he did, you knew that one look at you and any romantic feeling he had would just, dissipate.

"Pharmercy again?" Felix asks after taking a sip of the coffee you ordered him earlier.

It's more chocolate milk than it is coffee. You know how much he hates the bitter taste so you ordered one loaded with chocolate so he would drink it. It's still healthier than the energy drinks he's been drinking since yesterday.

"Yeah, but only one more match. I'm starting to get tired."

"Imagine being tired."

"You only have an hour left of the marathon."

"Stay up with me? Please? It's only an hour." You turn to Felix's stream just in time to catch him sticking his lower lip out.

"Hm, yeah okay. But you're going to owe me." You sigh, leaning back into your chair.

"I can live with that." You don't have to look at his screen to know that he's smirking right now. You can already tell that the two of you are going to be trending later.

***

The two of you successfully play through 2 rounds with your team. Felix working well as your support while you two sit on the front line. It's the calmest you've been all day. Inuyasha, your service dog, has been hovering around you all day. A few times, he's had to paw at you to warn you of an oncoming attack. But now, despite your yelling, he's calmly resting by your bed.

"Shit," you hear Felix mutter under his breath.

"What?" You ask, looking at his screen. Nothing is going on that should warrant that reaction from him.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Felix says sheepishly.

"Then go,"

"We're in the middle of a match!"

"Love your priorities, Lix."

"I'm trying to think whose home. Oh!" You quickly take out an enemy as you you watch Felix fiddle with his phone.

"What?" You hear an unfamiliar voice whine.

"I need a favor. A really big favor. And quick."

"Aren't you in your room? I thought I heard you screaming."

"I am, just come here quick. I need you to take over for me for 10--20 minutes tops."

"Your stream? No way!"

"Han, I am begging you. I will give you anything you want. Just, please. I'm in the middle of a match and I can't forfeit."

"How much?"

"Name your price later. Just get your ass to my room,"

"Okay, okay,"

A few minutes later you hear Felix's door open. Too focused on the game, you don't look at his screen to see who. You try not to take too much damage while Felix is distracted.

"Hey, you didn't tell me you were playing a game. I'm out,"

"Han, it'll be easy. Y/n will talk you through it. Just--please? I really have to go to the bathroom." Felix pleads.

"Fine,"

"Oh thank god! Chat, Y/n, this is my roommate, Han. He's going to take over for me while I...drop the kids off at the pool." Felix says quickly before he runs off the screen.

"That's disgusting." His roommate mutters.

"Literally could have just said he had to use the bathroom." You whine.

You glance over to Felix's stream to find a brown-haired man you've never seen before in Felix's spot. His features are soft and warm. His eyes are wide, almost as big as his cheeks, as he stares at the screen.

"Hello everyone, I'm Felix's roommate, Han. I'm a musician, not a gamer so bear with me." He says calmly.

"Lix is barely a gamer so your skill level should be about equal." You joke, trying to calm yourself down. If Inuyasha was awake, you know he'd be pawing at your leg to tell you to calm down.

"Fuck that scared me," Han says quietly as his eyes scan the screen.

"Sorry. I'm Y/n, I'm one of Lix's friends." You explain.

"Ah, okay. Nice to meet you Y/n. Please take good care of me."

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feelbokkie · 3 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 14

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, tragic backstory moment

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 17

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feelbokkie · 4 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 2

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 17

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@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @phtogravi @lilcutieana @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @brain-empty-only-draken @thisisnotjacinta @thefangirloncrack @chlodavids @heartz4chuu @sunshinessky @reverse-soe @its-hannjisung @angelsandtimelords @zeejones @liknws @marked-unknown @sansona @aaasia111 @jhstayy @aslou @hyunbae-35 @kangaracharacha @skz-streamer @btskzfav @weird-bookworm @jihanniee @everglowdaisies @puppysmileseungmin

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feelbokkie · 4 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Prologue

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

word count: n/a

screenshot count: 12

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@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @phtogravi @lilcutieana @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @brain-empty-only-draken @thisisnotjacinta @thefangirloncrack @chlodavids @heartz4chuu @sunshinessky @reverse-soe @its-hannjisung @angelsandtimelords @zeejones @liknws @marked-unknown @sansona @aaasia111 @jhstayy @aslou @hyunbae-35 @kangaracharacha @skz-streamer @btskzfav @weird-bookworm @jihanniee @everglowdaisies @puppysmileseungmin

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feelbokkie · 3 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 18

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food,

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 15

a/n: thank you to the wifey for helping me figure out how to end the fic. ily 🤟🏾

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feelbokkie · 3 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 12

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 10

a/n: quick little filler 👀

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feelbokkie · 3 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 13

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 1,770

screenshot count: 10

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For the first time in a while, all five of you were home for dinner at the same time with no one rushing out or running in late. Chan, for once, had a few days off in a row. Changbin went to work earlier in the day while Hyunjin and Seungmin didn't have work at all.

All of them have been home more often than you're used to and you know that it's because of your panic attack. You feel bad that they've been putting their lives aside to take care of you. It made you feel guilty, it always did. All the times Chan, Changbin, and Hyunjin would get in trouble at school or with your guardians on your behalf. The fact that all of you live together instead of doing what they want because of you. How none of them have ever had some sort of lasting relationship. It ate away at you inside. None of them could lead normal lives and it was your fault. After your panic attack, you've tried to act as normal as possible for their sake. So they wouldn't feel the need to do what they've been doing.

"Changbin, can you pass me the vegetables, please?" Chan asks the second oldest member of your little family.

"Did you hit your head? Why are you passing that to me?" Hyunjin asks, covering his mouth after just taking a spoonful of food.

"You're supposed to pass food to the left. It's etiquette," Changbin huffs, still urging Hyunjin to take the bowl from him.

"How do you know etiquette? We grew up in the same place and there was nothing proper about that place." Seungmin quips as he leans over the table, taking the bowl from Changbin and handing it to Chan.

"I dated this girl once--"

"Let me stop you right there, hyung. The only person you have ever dated is your right ha--"

"Okay!" Chan quickly clears his throat, cutting Seungmin off. "Not at the dinner table. Hmm?"

Tonight was supposed to be your night to cook but by the time you got off your call with Felix and went to the kitchen to get started only to find both Chan and Changbin already cooking. In the end, they only let you take over cooking the vegetables.

"So, it's my turn to cook next Thursday. Y/n, what do you want to eat?" Hyunjin asks, breaking the silence.

"I, um...I'm not going to be here," You answer quietly, quickly shoving food in your mouth.

"Where are you going to be?" Seungmin hesitates.

The tension in the air is so thick, that you could cut it with the steak knife in Changbin's hand. Since your panic attack, you've hardly left the house. Not because you didn't want to, but because you didn't need to. None of the guys tried to get you to go outside and, because of your work, you opted to stay and work.

"I'm going on a date." You say calmly. You've been practicing those words since you got off your call with Felix earlier. Quietly to yourself so your anxiety won't get the best of you right now. You still had to tell Jisung that you were going to go with him, but you felt that you were ready.

"A...date?"

"With whom?"

"With Felix?"

"Next Thursday?"

Ba...badum

All four of them ask at the same time. You take a deep breath, trying to keep yourself calm. You've been thinking about this moment since Jisung asked you out. When you were debating whether or not you should even give him an answer. Chan and your brothers have always been the most protective of you. Sure, everyone in the group home took care of each other, but the five of you were always together so it was only natural that you would form your own little family together. You knew that the second you even mentioned that you were asked out they would see red flags and remember the last time.

"Yes, a date. Not with Felix, but with a friend of ours. And yes, next Thursday." You reply calmly, carefully choosing your words for your sake.

The four of them share a look, like they're all thinking the same thing.

"When, um," Chan turns back to you, squeezing his eyes shut as he scratches his eyebrow. "When did he ask you out?"

"A few days ago," You answer sitting up, finding new confidence in the situation. You've had enough time to mentally prepare for all of this.

Hyunjin scoffs with a smirk as he throws his head back to face the ceiling, rubbing his hands over his face. Seungmin quietly continues to eat next to you, thinking about something. Chan sits at the head taking in the information that was just thrown at him.

"Well, I think it's a good idea." Changbin smiles at you from across the table.

"Of course, you do, hyung." Hyunjin scoffs again, snapping his head up to look at his brother.

"Hey, maybe we shouldn't have this argument right now. Yeah?" Chan tries to interject.

"I think we should talk about this right now." Hyunjin directs his attention to you. "That's why you had a panic attack a few days ago, isn't it?"

"Let's just eat," Seungmin waves him off, trying to avoid an argument.

"My panic attack was...it's not important anymore."

"It is important. You passed out at the mere idea of a date. What are going to do on the actual date? Are you going to wear your mask the whole time? What if he takes you out to eat? What if he wants to kiss you? What then?"

"You're getting ahead of yourself aren't you Hyun?" Changbin asks, elbowing the younger man.

"I'll...I'll deal with that when the time comes. I worked my way up to leaving the house, I can do the same here." Your free hand fiddles with the hem of your shirt, trying to calm yourself down.

"What if he doesn't want to wait?" Hyunjin puts his fork down and rests his elbows on the table. "A lot of men aren't going to be patient about this kind of thing."

"And I'll kick his ass if he tries anything!" Changbin says firmly.

"You don't have to. Hanji isn't like that!" You raise your voice at him.

"Are you sure about that?" Hyunjin asks calmly, cocking his head to the side.

"I have to do some things on my own. I can't rely on you guys for the rest of my life." You whisper that last part to yourself.

You love your brothers and Chan. They're the one constant in your life and while you don't want anything to change, you know that realistically that isn't possible. You're thankful that Chan was able to prolong your time together by adopting the four of you. So that you didn't have to spend all these years alone. But you know that it was hard for him.

He worked a full-time job and went to school at night to get enough money and prove that he could provide for all of you. Even now, he works long hours and hardly gets to be home with the four of you. You also knew that Changbin's academic record should have proven enough to get him into any college. But he would constantly get in trouble for fighting your fights for you and because of that, his disciplinary records kept him from getting into any school. And that Hyunjin, over the years, ended many relationships with friends and romantic partners because of you. Some of them, you know for a fact, were because they said something about you. You can only assume the rest for everyone else. That Seungmin felt the need to hover around you more often than not. That in some way, their lives revolved around you.

"Y/n, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just being...realistic. You could barely leave the house until recently. And now you think you're ready to go out on dates?" Hyunjin asks pointedly.

"What are you going to do? Escort me everywhere for the rest of my life? Don't think I haven't noticed that all of you have hardly let me be home alone for the last few days."

"Do you think I enjoyed finding you like that?"

"Hey, both of you relax," Chan tries again. "Let's just talk about--"

"I know I can be a burden, but I'm working on it. And I can do this. I want to do this. So, you don't have to worry about me anymore."

"None of us have ever said they you're a burden," Seungmin says quickly, placing his hand on your shoulder.

"I'm never going to stop worrying about you. That's not how family works."

"As if any of us knows how a family works."

"Y/n--"

"Are you even going to be able to enjoy yourself? You do realize that it's your birthday? Your parents' anniversary? You don't even let us celebrate your birthday normally and now you're going on a date?" Hyunjin snaps.

You set your spoon down on the table and quickly stand up, cutting Changbin off. Your heart is pounding in your chest, but for the first time, it isn't because of anxiety. Is..is it anger that's overworking your heart? Anger at Hyunjin for saying what you already know to be true. Things that you've already thought about and panicked over the past couple of days? Or Anger at yourself for letting yourself get to this point?

"Thank you for dinner," You say quickly before hurrying off to your room.

You shut the door, locking it behind you before pressing your back against it. You slide down to the ground, bringing your knees to your chest as you take quick deep breaths. Despite the anger quickly leaving your body, your heart doesn't seem to slow down. Hyunjin's earlier words replaying in your head.

Inuyasha walks over to you, resting his head on your knee.

"Don't bark. I'm begging you to please not bark. I'm fine. I just need a moment." You whisper as tears prick the back of your eyes.

You didn't think about eating on a date, let alone kissing Jisung. Or anything else that would require you to take off your mask in front of him. Over the past couple of days, you've just been so busy mentally preparing yourself to be alone with him that you didn't even think about what might actually happen during it.

"I'm okay, I promise. I'll be okay," You lie to yourself, trying to prevent yourself from having yet another panic attack.

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feelbokkie · 4 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 3

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 18

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feelbokkie · 3 months

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Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 15

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, depictions of a panic attack, mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 5,296

screenshot count: 10

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“Why are you all home? Scratch that, why are you awake right now?” You ask Chan as you walk into the living room.

It’s strange for everyone to be home so early in the morning on a weekday. Changbin, Hyunjin, and Seungmin normally would be at work while Chan would be in bed after working all night. Even Hyunjin, who often works from home, would be in his room this early in the morning. And yet, as you're running around the house, getting ready for your date with Jisung, all four of them are in the dining room. Chan is at the stove, finishing cooking breakfast. Seungmin is in the corner fiddling with the coffee machine. Hyunjin and Changbin are at the dining table, deep in conversation.

"Good morning, Y/nnie," Seungmin calls, not turning around.

You quickly walk over to Chan, annoyed that nobody is answering you. You latch onto his arm and gently shake it, still being mindful of the hot pan in his hand.

"Why are you all home?" You whine.

It's a reasonable question. Both Changbin and Hyunjin have been hinting about following you on your date. You thought they were teasing you, as brothers do. But seeing them still home when you're set to leave in a few hours leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

"Don't worry, they're not going to follow you. I took away and hid all the car keys. And they're on a strict ban from leaving the house today." Chan reassures you with a smile.

"But--"

"Hey, baboya, it's the 7th. Did you forget?" Hyunjin calls from behind you.

Your birthday.

You almost forgot. You knew your date aligned with your birthday. But because of the anxiety and nerves that came from mentally preparing yourself for today, you completely forgot about it. Not that you wanted to remember your birthday anyway.

"Come and sit," Changbin waves you over to the table.

You didn't notice it at first. The gifts on the dining table. You were so mortified at the idea of your brothers and dad following you on your date that you completely overlooked them. There are 5 in total, one large rectangular box and a few smaller gifts around it. It was a birthday tradition for all of you. Everyone would pitch in what they could for one big gift. As you all got older, it became one big gift with a few, individual gifts.

"Sorry, I did forget," You apologize as you sit down at the head of the table that Chan normally sits at.

Seungmin finally makes his way to the table, setting down a cup of coffee in front of you. He takes the open seat closest to you. You take a sip of the coffee and hum in approval when its familiar flavor hits your tongue.

"Seungmin, make me one too?" Changbin says excitedly.

"It's not your birthday. Make it yourself," He says sharply before taking a sip of his own coffee. "Y/n, that's decaf so don't worry."

A small smile spreads across your face at the small gesture. You aren't even thinking about how caffeine would affect your anxiety later. And, just like always, Seungmin is thinking ahead for you.

Chan finally joins the four of you at the table, setting down the plate of chocolate banana pancakes and different side dishes. Hyunjin gets up and pours 3 cups of coffee before rejoining everyone at the table. You don't like celebrating your birthday, for good reason. And while the boys normally just leave you be, your birthday is the one thing they actively fight you on. eventually, you gave up and let them do their little traditions that the five of you came up with. Like birthday breakfasts. It's the one thing you look forward to when your birthday rolls around.

***

"You can wear that today. I made you a matching mask and a bow for Inuyasha." Hyunjin explains as you hold up a light blue dress with daisies all over it.

"Thank you, Jinnie!" You say excitedly. You still weren't sure what to wear for your date, and thanks to Hyunjin, that's one less thing to worry about.

After breakfast, the boys pushed you to open your presents. So far, you've already opened the complete manga series for A Promise Neverland from everyone, 'The World's Okayest Sister' coloring book from Seungm (with money hidden in it), A neck massager from Chan, and now a dress from Hyunjin. All that's left is Changbin's gift. Even if you didn't already know his gift was last, you would be able to tell from the wrapping paper alone. He's never been the best when it comes to wrapping. Without fail, the paper also gets crumples and never resembles the shape of the item it's concealing. Still, you happily pick up the box and start to unwrap it.

"A...taser?" You question once you open the misshapen box.

"He forgot," Seungmin whispers under his breath.

“No, Seungmin, I didn't forget." Changbin swings his leg under the table, hitting Seungmin in the shin.

"Changbin hyung kicked me!" Seungmin whines as he bends over to rub his leg.

"It's a practical gift! Just in case that slim ball gets handsy or something.” Changbin explains, ignoring Seungmin.

“This is illegal,” You reply dumbfounded. Hyunjin bursts into laughter at your response. Hyunjin takes the taser out of the box and starts fiddling with it.

“It’s okay, I’m a firefighter,”

“I’m a civilian.”

“It's fine. You're related to a firefighter.” He waves you off.

"Oppa, I don't think that's how this works." You snap, slowly getting annoyed.

Buzz buzz

"Hyunjin, give me that. Changbin, you owe her an actual birthday gift." Chan takes the taser from Hyunjin and puts it away.

"How about pepper spray? I have some right here." He pulls out a bottle of pepper spray from his pocket.

"Also illegal," You sigh as you remind him.

"Where are you getting these from? Are you going to pull out a switchblade next?" Hyunjin leans over to see if Changbin is hiding anything else in his pocket.

"Changbin," Chan sighs as he takes the pepper spray from Changbin's hand.

"Just give her money, hyung. You suck at gift-giving." Seungmin says, finally sitting upright.

"Give me back everything I've ever given you." Changbin snaps.

"No,"

Ding dong

"Oh my god, he's early," You say quickly as you jump up, your heart beginning to beat quickly.

You still have about 30 minutes before Jisung said he was going to come and pick you up. You already did your hair, all you had to do was get dressed and get Inuyasha ready.

Why the hell is he early?

"Go and get changed, we'll take care of it," Seungmin tells you softly.

"Right," You nod slowly before turning to Hyunjin and Changbin, "You two, go to your rooms."

"Why do we have to go to our rooms but Seungmin is allowed to roam free?" Hyunjin whines.

"Seungmin doesn't have ulterior motives." You reply quickly, getting up and grabbing your dress.

"I have motives. You have no idea if they're ulterior or not." Seungmin sasses.

"You go to your room too."

"Y/n, go get ready. I have everything under control." Chan reassures you as he gently pushes you off towards your room. "And Y/n, stay calm."

***

Stay calm.

You quadruple-check yourself in the mirror, taking deep breaths as you make sure everything is perfect. Inuyasha stays close to your side. You got him dressed first with his 'service animal' vest and Hyunjin's homemade bow. Your hair is perfect. The ends are curled and your bangs are draped neatly over your left eye. You used extra hairspray to ensure that your bands won't move too much. The dress Hyunjin gifted you first perfectly and is comfortable enough for you to wear the entire day.

Stay calm.

You take one last deep breath as you grab Inuyasha's lead and your purse and leave the room. You slowly walk towards the front of the house, preparing yourself as you walk around each corner. If Changbin got his way, Jisung might still be standing outside the front door. You kind of hope he is. At least you'd have more time to calm yourself down.

Stay calm.

You freeze when you finally walk into the living. Because there he is. Han Jisung is in your living room. He's actually here. To see you. Jisung makes eye contact with you, freezing mid-sentence as he stares.

"Wow," He whispers to himself.

"Don't gawk at my sister like she's a piece of meat—Ow!" Seungmin turns pointedly to Chan as he holds the back of his head.

"H-hi," You choke. Your throat and mouth are impossibly dry. Almost you've been walking through the desert for days.

Jisung stands up, quickly fixing his shirt. His hair is neater than you're used to seeing. He styled it and yet, it still looks soft and fluffy. Part of you wants to run your hair through it. His outfit is simple: a black, oversized shit and a nice pair of jeans. Not much different from what he wears when he video-chats you. Except for the mask he’s wearing on his face.

“Hi,” he replies calmly, “I’m not gawking. You’re just a lot prettier than I imagined—Not that I was just imagining what you look like in my free time…O-or that I thought you wouldn’t be pretty. Wait that sounds bad. I just meant… I’ll just shut the fuck up. Shit…fuck—I mean—here, I got you these flowers.”

“Oh my god, he’s an idiot—Ow! What?” Hyunjin turns to Chan with a look of betrayal, clutching his head.

Jisung picks up the red and light pink bouquet that sits beautifully on the couch. It takes you a second to figure out which flowers they are. Red chrysanthemums and light pink peonies. Your birth flowers.

"...Unless you don't like flowers. Then I can totally just get rid of these for you. Or do you hate these flowers? Then I can get you another bouquet. I didn't know what kind of flowers you liked and I couldn't ask Felix so I just went with your birth flowers. But I know you don't like your birthday so you probably don't want any reminder of it...Someone, please shut me up," Jisung rambles, his face becoming as red as the chrysanthemums the more he talks.

"It's okay, Hanji! I love flowers and chrysanthemums and peonies are really pretty. Top tier flowers." You mumble as you take the flower from him.

Badum

It's an innocent touch. Your fingers graze his hand as you take the flowers from him. And yet, your heart begins to race and you can feel all the heat in your body going to your head. Now you're turning as red as the chrysanthemums. It's enough of a concern for Inuyasha to press his cool nose into your leg to let you know to calm down. A noticeable act that makes all three of your brothers turn their attention to you.

Snitch

"Here, Y/n, I'll put these in a vase for you." Seungmin gets up from the couch and takes the flowers from you.

"Do we even own a vase?" Hyunjin questions, looking around the room. None of you have ever brought home flowers before. Even if you did, it was always a single one that you'd just put in a drinking glass.

"I'll go buy a vase, that can be my makeup gift—Ow!" Changbin whips around and glares at Chan.

"You are grounded. You're not allowed to leave the house today. I'll buy the vase." Chan says quickly.

"I'm 25, what do you mean I'm grounded?" He shouts.

You clear your throat to tell Changbin to shut up. He's already started to get loud. And Changbin is loud—well, you'd still have one up on Helen Keller.

"Hanji, are you sick?" You ask, changing the subject from your brothers' antics.

"Me? No, why? Oh, the mask!" Jisung stands up straighter, rubbing his hand on the back of his head. "I wore this so you'd feel more comfortable wearing yours. We'll just look like a very health-conscious couple. Well, not a couple exactly! Don't want to get ahead of myself. Unless I fuck up today somehow...Someone, please stop me,"

"That can be arranged," Hyunjin says under his breath, moving out of the way before Chan can hit him again.

Inuyasha walks away from you and over to Jisung. All of you watch as Inuyasha presses his nose against Jisung's legs, making the five of you giggle.

"Oh hey, you must be dog Innie—Oh wait, I can't pet you, you're working...What...What is he doing?" Jisung questions as Inuyasha refuses to move.

"He can hear your heartbeat and is trying to tell you if you don't calm down, you're going to have a panic attack." You say simply, gently tugging on Inuyasha's lead.

He really is a snitch.

"R-right," Jisung clears his throat. "Anyway, Y/n, we should go. The bus will be here soon."

"Yeah, okay."

"I'll have her back by 6—7 o'clock at the latest," Jisung tells Chan as he stretches his hand out for you to take.

"Have her back by 6 on the dot or I'm hunting you down—Stop hitting me!" Changbin shouts at Chan.

Badum

You stare at Jisung's open hand. You know you should take it. You want to take it. But the idea of holding his hand might kill you. You blushed when you accidentally touched his hand. How are you supposed to hold it? You're almost certain that Inuyasha would give you away the second you touch his hand. Your heart might give out before that happens.

"Stay out as late as you want. Just keep us updated if your plans change. We were planning on doing cake and dinner tonight. But no worries if you two end up doing something." Chan explains, eyeing Hyunjin as he makes his way over to you.

"Listen, have fun. But if you need me or any of us for any reason at all, I'll have my phone on all day. One call and I'll be there." Hyunjin whispers into your ear. You silently nod before you bite the bullet and take Jisung's hand.

The two of you leave the house with Inuyasha. You walk silently, hand in hand to the bus stop by your house. You would talk, but you're too focused on keeping yourself calm to try to engage in any conversation.

"Y/n?" Jisung asks suddenly.

"Hmm?" You hum in response, still not sure if you should open your mouth right now.

"Before we go to the aquarium," Jisung turns to face you, "I was wondering if you would want to make one stop first?"

"Where?" You manage to ask, tilting your head to the side slightly.

"I know today's your parents' anniversary as well. So I thought, maybe you'd want to pay them a visit? And I kind of want to pay my respects to them too. Unless you don't want to, then we can just go...That was a dumb idea."

You stop walking, causing both Jisung and Inuyasha to slightly jerk back. Both of them turn and look back at you, concerned.

When was the last time you visited your parents' graves? It's been a while. More than a year. You stopped well before you stopped going outside. Three, maybe four years? It was too much after a while. For a long time, you didn't even know where they were buried. If they even were buried. The owners kept that information to themselves, not wanting to take you on the 2-hour trip to visit your parents. It wasn't until you were adopted by Chan that you found out where they were.

"Sure, we can go there first." You smile fondly at Jisung behind your mask. And still, with your one good eye exposed, he can tell that you are smiling at him.

You sit on the bench in front of the large aquarium tank, sketching all the different fish that swim by you that you can. You're not sure how long you and Jisung have been at the aquarium. Time doesn't seem to exist. And you're not sure if that's because of the lack of clocks or your company. You had to have been there for a few hours at least.

You walked so long that you had to sit down and take a break. Just for a moment. To give your legs a break. And for Inuyasha's sake. You know he's working harder than he normally does. Jisung was right. It's early enough that there aren't too many people around. But still, you were on edge. At least, for the first few hours.

Jisung has been good at calming you down, surprisingly. He kept your hand in his the whole time, giving you a reassuring squeeze every once in a while. Especially in exhibits where there seemed to be a crowd. Or maybe he held your hand for his sake, either way, you no longer mind it.

"Sorry, for making you wait," Jisung says hurriedly as he rushes back to you.

"I'm fine, Hanji." You chuckle. "Was there a line?"

Jisung hands you a drink, a straw, and a small food bag before he crouches down to Inuyasha's level. He places a paper bowl in front of him and opens a water cup, pouring some water for him. Once he puts as much water in the bowl as he can, he joins you on the bench, making sure to sit on your right side. He sighs as he pulls his mask down.

"Not really. It took me a while to find the food stand. And then I forgot where I left you so I panicked for a bit. And then I saw the gift shop—Oh yeah, happy birthday!" Jisung produces a brown paper bag with the name of the aquarium on it.

"You didn't have to get me a gift. The date and flowers are enough. But thank you," You put your food and drink down before taking the gift from Jisung's hands.

"To be honest, I saw it in the window and couldn't help myself. You looked so happy when we were with the baby seals earlier. It was easier to just get it now than to try to pay for it when we're at the gift shop later." He blushes as he watches you pull out the contents of the bag.

Inside the bag, there's a stuffed baby seal plush. Almost as adorable as the real thing. Your heart begins to swell in your chest at the idea of someone seeing something and thinking of you in a positive light. Someone other than family, that is.

"Thank you, I mean it. Seals...just remind me of home a little bit." You say softly, clutching the stuffed animal to your chest.

"Seals in Seoul?" He questions as he takes a sip of his drink.

"No, I didn't grow up here." You shake your head. "I mean, I was born and lived with my parents here. But the group home was in Pohang. Spent most of my life down there. I'm a coastal city girl at heart. We only moved down here because Chan had started his life out here to provide for us."

"So what I'm hearing is that you're a mermaid." He jokes.

"Basically. Except, I have legs and didn't have to give up my voice for it." You turn your head away from Jisung to lift your mask and take a bite of your sandwich. A compromise you've practiced all week to deal with.

"I'm glad. It's such a beautiful voice." He says softly. His eyes are soft and twinkling, his mouth sporting a small smile. It's the same look Chan has on his face when the five of you spend time together.

He means it.

"T-thank you," You sputter, choking on your sandwich. "You're from Incheon, right?"

"Yeah, but we moved to Ampang when I was 8. I moved back when...I was 16." His hand reflexively reaches for your back, rubbing soft circles.

"Malaysia? Wow, international man." You say in awe. The furthest you've ever traveled was from your hometown to here.

"Do you want to travel?'" He asks innocently, his hand still on your back.

You think for a moment. You used to think about traveling a lot when you were younger. Going somewhere, anywhere, that wasn't the group home. Somewhere beautiful and near water. But as time went on, the idea of moving far away diminished, plagued by the new amount of people who would mistreat you just because of how you look. It was hard enough moving to Seoul. Sure, people in Pohang were mean, but they were finally getting used to you. Leaving and having to go through all that again petrified you.

"Kind of. But I'm fine here I think. Do you?"

"I want to travel and live new experiences. And then write songs about them. Eventually, stop writing for other people and write for myself." He turns his attention back to the large fish tank.

"Can I listen to your songs one day? The ones you wrote for yourself?"

"N-no," His eyes are still trained on the fish tank.

"Why? Did you already write one about me?" You tease.

He doesn't respond, just quietly stares at the tank. His neck and ears turning impossibly red.

He absolutely already wrote a song about you.

You can't help but let out a hearty laugh, tilting your head back. At the idea that someone like Jisung wrote a song about you. That someone wrote a song about you in general. The whole notion of it all is silly. It's a normal thing. To go on dates and share life stories like this. You're finally doing something normal. High school you would be shocked. Hell, you from a year ago wouldn't believe you if you told yourself that you are on a date with someone like Jisung. Someone who exudes every definition of the word "attractive." His face, his voice, his personality—all of it is attractive. A man like this shouldn't exist. And yet, here he is. Out on a date with you.

Snap

You freeze as a cool breeze rushes to your face. You tilt your head upright, causing your mask to fall off your face. Your heart begins to jackhammer in your chest. What do you even do? Pick up your mask and quickly try to fix it? Search your bag for a spare, if you even managed to pack one? Try to see if the information desk has one?

But Jisung...you need to move. Do something, anything, before he sees. You take deep, shaky breaths as you try to calm yourself down. The walls feel like they're closing in on you. You wish, more than anything, for the glass of the large tank in front of you to shatter, releasing all 200,000 gallons of water. To be swept away by the current or drowned by it. Whichever would get you out of this situation faster.

badum

Inuyasha stops drinking his water and walks over to you, resting his head on your lap. Even with his grounding, you feel small. Like you're nothing but a speck of dust in this large room. Or at least, you wish you were.

"What's wrong...oh fuck..." Jisung quickly yanks his hand off your back. Almost like he touched a hot pan on the stop. But that's not what makes your heart sink to the pit of your stomach.

It's the look on his face. The way that his eyes are wide circles, transfixed with horror, unable to look away no matter how much he wants to as he looks at you. His lips parted in silent shock. You're not even sure he's breathing right now. It's the same look you've seen on so many faces throughout your life.

Badum

The two of you stare at each other for what feels like years. Jisung's eyes soften as you feel the familiar needle prick behind your eyes. Your breathing quickens as an immense amount of weight fills your chest. Almost like you're in the fish tank and your lungs are filling up with water.

Badum, badum

A tear escapes your eye as your body refuses to move. Jisung slowly raises his hand towards your face. You bite the inside of your lower lip to keep it from trembling. You squeeze your eyes shut, wishing to just disappear as Jisung's hand brushes your bangs out of the way. You quickly jump up, knocking down your drink. You tighten your grip on Inuyasha's lead as you finally gain some control over your limbs.

"I-I-I have t-to go," Your voice wavers, as you refuse to make eye contact with Jisung.

This was a mistake.

"Wait, Y/n—"

Your legs finally take you away as you run as far as they take you. Somehow, you find yourself in a bathroom. You lock yourself in one of the stalls, your back pressing against one of the walls.

You keep replaying it in your head. The feeling of Jisung's hand on your back. How quickly he pulled his hand away from you. The horrified look on his face. All of it burns into your brain. Leaving a permanent scar, like the one etched into your face.

Why do I have to fuck everything up?

You let out a pained, mangled sob as your body slides down the bathroom stall wall, not caring about all the germs on the floor alone. Your whole body shakes as you try to hold in your tears, not wanting to attract any more attention to yourself. Inuyasha climbs over your torso, resting his head on your chest. Your shaky hands fumble around your bag, looking for your phone. You pull it out once your fingers wrap around the cool, rectangular frame and pull it out. Through blurry eyes, you manage to unlock your phone and go to your contacts. You press the top contact name, praying that you dialed the right one.

click

The phone only rings once before Hyunjin picks it up. "What's wrong?"

You can already hear him moving around in the background. He must have been sitting around waiting just in case you called.

"C-can you come pick me up? P-please?" You hiccup, trying to even out your breathing.

"I'm already on my way there. What happened?" You hear a door open on the line. "Give me my keys."

"I just want to go home." You sniffle.

Why am I like this?

"I'm coming to get you right now." You hear the familiar jingling of keys. "Hyung, shut the fuck up for two minutes. I'm trying to figure that out. Y/n, where are you?"

Badum, badum

You take another deep, shaky breath. "The bathroom...at the...the...the aquarium."

"Where's...fuck, what was his name again? Ji..Ji..Jisung! Where's Jisung?" He asks quickly.

Badum, badum

"I-I don't know. I ran away." You mumble.

"You ran away? What did that jerk do?" Changbin asks this time. Hyunjin must have put you on speaker.

Badum, badum

"Nothing! It was me. I messed everything up...Why do I always fuck everything up?" You lean your head down against Inuyasha's, burying your face in his fur.

Inuyasha lets out one, loud bark that echoes around the otherwise empty bathroom.

"Innie, shh, please," You whisper, squeezing your eyes shut as tightly as you can.

You hear rustling on the other end of the line and some hushed whispers.

"Hey, Sunshine, you said you went to the aquarium? What'd you see?" Seungmin asks softly using the nickname he gave you when you were kids. He only uses it in dire situations.

Badum, badum

"I don't wanna talk about fish right now, Minnie. I just want to go home...I should have listened to Jinnie." You mumble.

"We're almost there. Just tell us what you saw." Chan says calmly.

Badum, badum

They're treating you like a child. Like when you were small. It's fitting, it's exactly how you feel right now. Small, and broken like you did all those years ago. This has to be some sort of cosmic punishment. You should have known that this wasn't going to end well. Not while there's some immovable force actively working against you.

"Hey...Y/nnie? You still there?" One of them asks. You're not entirely sure who. You don't really care anymore.

"Trying to remember how to breathe." You respond quickly.

"I made a cake. Or tried to, Hyunjin and Grandpa took over because they're control freaks. And I was going to at least lick the spoon but that tiny gorilla manhandled me."

"Don't want cake." You mumble.

"I didn't make it for you. I made it because I wanted cake. It's going to taste like shit though since I was attacked. I wouldn't eat it. We're going to get food poisoning again."

"Seungmin, shut up, that was one time," Chan says in the background.

They keep you on the line while you sit in the bathroom waiting for them. Every few minutes, you have to decline an incoming call for Jisung, not wanting to deal with him. You're not sure how long you've been sitting in the bathroom waiting. Hours? Impossible, you don't live that far from the aquarium in the first place? A few minutes? Maybe. If Hyunjin is driving, it's possible.

You're out of tears and you're not sure you even have legs anymore. You've been sitting on them so long, that you can't feel them anymore. You're tired, having worked yourself up like this. But the sound of everyone talking to you on the phone helped calm you down a bit. You just really, really want to go home.

"Y/n?" Chan's voice echoes in the bathroom.

You let out a sigh of relief as your hand reaches up to unlock the stall door. You try your best to move out of the way so the door can swing open. Inuyasha walks out the door, revealing you to your brothers and Chan.

Their concerned eyes fall on you. Your tear-stained face is red and splotchy. Your eyes are swollen and tired. Hyunjin is the first to walk to you. He crouches down to your eye level, resting his hand on your cheek.

"Hey, let's go home." He says gently as this thumb brushes under your eye.

"Can't stand. Legs numb." You're tired. Too exhausted both mentally and physically to speak full sentences.

Hyunjin walks into the stall, positioning himself so he can hook your arm around his neck and pull you up. Changbin, realizing what's happening, walks towards you and crouches down.

"Wait," Seungmin says quickly, yanking off his jacket. He shoves Changbin out of the way so he can tie his jacket around your waist. He quietly moves out of the way so you can climb on Changbin's back.

Once he feels like you're secure enough, Changbin slowly stands up. Seungmin's jacket gives you enough coverage in the back. It wouldn't have mattered much, you had shorts on anyway. You bury your face in Changbin's neck as he starts to leave the bathroom. Chan walks out first, holding Inuyashsa's lead. Both Seungmin and Hyunjin are on either side of you. Seungmin's hand falls on your back, rubbing soothing circles on it. You tighten your grip around Changbin's neck a bit as you choke back another sob. It would appear that you're not out of tears.

"What happened to your mask?" Seungmin asks.

"User error," You joke weakly.

Ring, ring

The ringtone you set for Jisung rings again. You have no idea where your phone is, it's definitely not in your hands. You don't really care where it is, to be honest. You just want to go home.

"She's fine, we got her," Hyunjin says cooly before hanging up.

—

Buy me a coffee?

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Taglist

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feelbokkie · 4 months

Text

Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 9

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, dark humor (the orphans, mainly Seungmin, are coping),

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 17

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Buy me a coffee?

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Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @phtogravi @lilcutieana @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @brain-empty-only-draken @thisisnotjacinta @thefangirloncrack @chlodavids @heartz4chuu @sunshinessky @reverse-soe @its-hannjisung @angelsandtimelords @zeejones @liknws @marked-unknown @sansona @aaasia111 @jhstayy @aslou @hyunbae-35 @kangaracharacha @skz-streamer @btskzfav @weird-bookworm @jihanniee @everglowdaisies @puppysmileseungmin

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feelbokkie · 3 months

Text

Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 17

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, more childhood trauma (but less than last time), mention of food

taglist: CLOSED

screenshot count: 23

previous | masterlist | next

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Buy me a coffee?

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Taglist

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feelbokkie · 4 months

Text

Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 8

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of a panic attack (but not actually)

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 1,931

screenshot count: 1 (another delulu video)

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“Lixie…Lix…Felix…Lee Felix…Yongbok-ah…”

“Hm?” Felix hums, finally paying attention to you.

"'Are you still watching?'" You ask, mimicking the question that appeared on both of your screens.

As far as you can tell, Felix hasn't been watching since he hit play 6 episodes ago. You've been engrossed in the anime that you've been watching, but every few minutes you'd look over to his screen to find him blankly staring at something. What, you're not entirely sure, but it sure as hell wasn't Netflix.

You felt bad. You hadn't talked to anyone besides your brothers for days. And even then it was only when one of them had to literally drag you away from your computer to take a break from working. At one point, both Chan and Changbin unplugged your computer, after saving your work, and confiscated the pen for your tablet to spend more than 20 minutes with everyone. Both Felix and Han offered to just sit with you on a call while you worked but you knew you'd get distracted. And, with Changbin's version of exposure therapy, you were more drained than you've ever been. But when Felix texted you asking to binge a show, you decided that you deserved a little break and a reward for getting through the week.

"Yeah, I'm still watching," He lies.

You watch as Felix rolls his neck and stretches his arms to the side. His hair is tucked away neatly in a blue beanie. You're not sure if it's because of the quality of the camera or the light from his desk, but his face looks noticeably paler. His freckles are much darker on his face than you're used to and the bags under his eyes.

He's exhausted, that much you know. He's been streaming a lot more lately. You get his notifications and sometimes you'll put it on in the background while you work, but only for a little bit. You've sent both him and Han snacks and drinks while you've been working to remind them to take care of their health, but it looks like Felix is letting his suffer.

"Which character is your favorite so far?" You decide to test him. You know Felix well enough that he'd lie and say he wasn't to keep watching with you if you were to ask him directly.

"The blonde one," He says quickly.

"Which one? There's seven," You press further.

"Seven?" Felix's eyes widen, "Are we watching The Sound of Music?"

You can't help but giggle at Felix's reaction. You watch as his face turns red as his eyes scan the screen, probably rereading the title of the show. It seems to have pulled him out of his slump.

"You know," You sit up further in your chair, "we can stop watching if you're not into it. Oh! Do you want to see the characters you're going to voice?"

A small smile appears on Felix's face. "Oh you know I love looking at your art. You've probably been dying to show me for a while now."

"I have! But I finally finished the design for the main one that you're going to be doing. Hold on,"

You quickly search for the folder that has your character designs and open the handful that you wanted Felix to voice.

"We can continue watching later if you want," Felix says softly.

"It's okay, you weren't that much into it. I can watch the rest of it by myself. We can watch a movie instead if you want. Your choice." After you make sure you open all of the files, you take over sharing your screen.

Felix quietly nods while the images load for him. You're not sure how to read his expression. You silently plan to pretend that you have to get back to work after so he can go and take a nap or something.

"Can you see it?"

"Yeah! These are so cool. Hey, that one kinda looks like me!" Felix's features light up again as he looks at the character designs.

"Yeah, that's Prince Silas Rafferty. He's one of the main heroes. His quest begins after his father, King Edmund Rafferty, also voiced by you, is assassinated. Many believe that Si murdered his father to claim the throne and he is banished. He spends the rest of the game trying to find out who is responsible and avenge his father. Oh and this is--"

Knock knock

"Hold on, Y/n," Felix turns to his door, taking a deep sigh. "Come in!"

Creak

"Hey, I know you said not to bother you, but we have a situation."

Badum

You freeze as Jisung's warm, soft voice hits your ears. You can't see him, Felix's camera is positioned away from his door. Perfect to avoid accidental shots of his roommates.

"What happened?" Felix asks, getting less annoyed.

"So In and I were--oh hey, Y/n sent you the characters for her game. Did she send you mine? I'm a thief! I can't remember what my name is. Something with a 'T.'"

Jisung appears on camera, his full body in the frame. He's wearing a large black hoodie that nearly swallows him whole. his oversized jeans seem smaller in comparison to his hoodie. His hair is flat and he's wearing large, black-rimmed glasses you've never seen him in before. His hair is also hidden behind a yellow beanie.

"Timble," You remind him of his character's name.

"Oh hey, Y/n, you're here too?" Jisung leans in closer to the computer, a large smile quickly taking over his face.

Badum

"Hi Hanji," You roll up the sleeves of your jacket, suddenly feeling hot. Inuyasha gets up from his spot in the corner of your room and makes your way over to you. He rests his head on your lap. You quickly pull up Timble's artwork for Jisung and Felix to look at.

Felix's eyes quickly shift between the two of you. He opens his mouth and closes it like a fish gasping for water.

"Han, what was the situation?" He finally asks.

"Oh, right!" Jisung turns his attention back to Felix, "Long story short, Innie is stuck on top of the fridge."

"And you just left him there?" Felix jumps up and runs out of his room.

Jisung just stares at the door that Felix ran out of, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment for forgetting why he came to him in the first place.

"Shouldn't you go help them?" You turn your full attention to the video chat.

"I need a break. I spent the past 20 minutes trying to get him down by myself. They'll call me if they need me." He sighs as he sits down in Felix's chair.

His face is clearer now. So clear that you can see the lack of lenses in his glasses. You also notice how pink and swollen his bottom lip is. Almost like he was nervously chewing it earlier. He probably was while he tried to figure out how to get his roommate down.

"Why is your Innie on top of the fridge?" You ask, breaking the silence.

"He wanted to film a few tik toks and one of them required him to be somewhere high. It was either the fridge or we filmed it outside. We didn't need another reason for the neighbors to think we're weird, so..." He puts his elbows on the desk and rests his chin in his hands.

"Insane,"

"The life of an influencer normally is from what I've seen...Were you guys watching The Promised Neverland?" His eyes shift to Felix's other screen.

"Yeah, we got through half of the first season."

"How'd you like it? I wasn't sure if it was going to be triggering for you or anything when I recommended it. But I thought you might like it. Sorry, if it was," You watch as Jisung nervously licks his lips.

"Oh no yeah, I had major flashbacks while watching," You joke, laughing. "But in all seriousness, some of it was similar to how I grew up. Not all of it, obviously, but the home aspect was a bit similar. The art is mesmerizing though. I want to study it. And Lix didn't like it so I'm just going to finish it alone." Your hand instinctively runs through Inuyasha's fur, calming you almost.

"I can watch the rest with you. Let me re-watch the first half and then I'll finish it with you." He suggests.

"Are you sure?"

"I watched it by myself the first time and it was kinda lonely. Needed someone to freak out with. And trust me, you're going to want someone to freak out with. It's going to get both heavy and crazy, especially season two."

"Won't it be boring? You already watched it all." You sit up straighter in your chair.

"Hm, I could watch paint dry with you and it'd be interesting. You'd probably start diving into the history of paint and, well, we've already established that I like the sound of your voice so..."

Badum, badum

"You're an idiot. The history of paint?" You laugh, remember one of the calls you had with Jisung where you just started reading the history of textiles on Wikipedia out loud while you were researching for your game.

"A cute dork, no?" He tilts his head to the side, blinking into the camera.

Badum

"S--"

"Han! Come here!" You're cut off by the distant sound of Felix's voice coming from somewhere in his apartment. Probably from the kitchen.

"Those idiots, they're going to wake up Minho hyung and then we're all in trouble. I've got to go." Jisung quickly gets up and leaves the room.

You're alone for a few moments, continuously stroking Inuyasha's fur. You debate hanging up the call and just going back to work or waiting for Felix. You're started when Jisung immediately pops back up on the screen.

"Can I call you tonight?" He asks quickly.

"Yeah, of course. And don't watch the first half of the show. I'll rewatch it with you so you can get the full history of paint experience."

You can't help but smile as a large, toothy grin overtakes Jisung's face. Your stomach does a summersault as you see how tiny his eyes get from his smile.

Cute

"Whatever you want, I'll be happy. I seriously have to go, I'll talk to you later." He gives you a little wave before disappearing off the screen again.

You don't feel well, your heart and brain are going a mile a minute. You feel hot, all the heat going to your head. It almost feels like a panic attack, but different somehow. You don't feel the overwhelming sense of dread that normally comes with a panic attack. Instead, you feel...hope? Instead of cold and like you were outside of your body you felt...warm and fuzzy?

Inuyasha gently takes your hand in his mouth and tries to gently pull you to the ground. Normally, you'd let him. It's his job, what he's trained to do. But, unlike when you're actively having a panic attack, your head is clear.

"Innie, if you bark, I swear to god, you are sleeping in Changbin's room." You warn him, not wanting anyone to rush into your room.

Because if you did you know they would calm you down and try to figure out what freaked you out. And you would have to sit there and tell them that you were having...the opposite of a panic attack? A joy attack? Some sort of mindfucking attack that you wouldn't even know how to explain.

All because of Han Jisung.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

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