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youthslost · 4 months

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hanguang-jun day!! @ghcstchild sent:

Cold fingers run gently through the fur collar of a robe, snow-covered but still warm enough to shield him as Wei Wuxian nuzzles shamelessly into the heat of his husband’s neck. ❝ You weren’t in bed this morning, ❞ he mutters softly. It counts as a criminal offense. It left him a little worried and noticeably disappointed. ❝ Now half of your birthday present is frozen and you’ll have to warm it up with hot tea and a nice fire before unwrapping, “ the chuckle that falls is unbearably adoring. He doesn’t pull too far away, just enough to leave some space between them and plant a kiss on Lan Wangji’s lips. ❝ As for the other half… ❞ a small box is placed in the other’s hand, with a simple but elegant ring inside it. They both have worried too much in the last few months, pointlessly, irrationally. ❝ My golden core isn’t strong enough to make it work the way it’s supposed to yet, but it’s bound to me. When you’re away or I leave on a night hunt… ❞ even more pointlessly and irrationally he buries his face in that soft fox fur again with a quiet groan. ❝ It’s stupid. But you already have everything else, so it’s really not fair... ❞

birthdays are strange for lan wangji. since the first one he'd spent without his mother, he'd come to think of them more as a time of pain and longing than one of celebration. it had only grown worse on his first birthday after wei wuxian's death — forced to acknowledge that lan wangji was growing older, while his zhiji, his zhiyin never would.

it is pointless to worry about such a thing now, this he knows. but he had spent 13 years in such a headspace, and there are days where he forgets he no longer has to grieve. it had become second nature to him. so, when he woke up and saw wei ying by his side and felt like a man staring at the place his limb once was, felt the phantom pains of years of mourning, he left.

by the time he hears the crunching of snow behind him, the tightness in his chest had subsided some. he opens the edges of his fur coat instinctually, allowing wei ying to burrow into his warmth as he always did in this weather. the one time lan wangji is the warmer of the two. he listens to him speak, drags his hands across the expanse of his body, letting his presence wash over him and drag any lingering sadness away with the knowledge that wei ying is here.

when he finally remembers to speak, it is a firm statement. “ not stupid. ” golden eyes gaze upon the ring with unabashed fondness. it is lovely, modest but undeniably beautiful in the way lan wangji prefers. “ it is beautiful, wei ying. i only wish we could match. ” ever since his husband had started wearing his underrobes "by mistake", he'd grown a little obsessed with the idea of the two of them matching. having an outward expression of their bond to each other. but no matter, they could worry about that later.

he pulls back from their embrace enough to take wei ying's face in his hands, momentarily short circuiting on how small it looked in his large hands before placing a kiss on his head. “ mn. already have everything. ”

#ghcstchild #lan wangji > wei wuxian. — i'll take you to the grave // the only love i've ever known ( ghcstchild )#accidentally got a lil depressing there but yknow. thats showbizz baybee!!!!#also u get a manhua wangxian bc i made a bunch of manhua lwj icons today and china will not allow xiao zhan and wang yibo to make kissy fac

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biolums · 1 year

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hiii hope ur well do u have. bl recs..i trust ur taste immensely 🫶🏾

HIIIIIII SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I WANTED TO HAVE TIME TO DO THIS AND NOT RUSH IT!!!!!

so first of all. i DO watch a lot of shitty bl its a past time i greatly enjoy BUT this will be a list of shows i recommend because theyre GOOD fjdjsjkfksjdkf also idk how much bl youve watched if any!! so if youve seen all of these i can and WILL rec more im just putting the ones i would recommend MOST rn

adding a keep reading. this is a bit long i apologize jfsiodjf

1. Bad Buddy (available on youtube)

WAGHHH this show changed me as a person… rivals to friends to lovers, romeo and juliet, secretly dating… its just sooooo good. its about pat and pran, who have lived next to each other their entire lives BUT their parents Hate each other. occurs mostly in college where they live across from each other now (sighs.. fated lovers…) AND their friend groups hate each other too. rivals 2x… however theyre forced to work together because the university is threatening punishment if the two groups dont stop fighting.

this show seriously is just SOOO good and i relate to pran on a personal level. both like… autistically and loving pat-ingly (ohm pawat.. whew hes Such a man)

2. Where Your Eyes Linger (available on viki? or dramacool if you want to pirate it lol)

OK a lot of people rate this kind of mid in kbls BUTTT its forever my favorite idc. its about a chaebol and his bodyguard who was essentially adopted by the family for the Sole purpose of being his bodyguard. set in high school and features just the most wonderful yearning and also for some reason they only have one bed in the apartment they share. goes into power structures and stuff a bit which i thought was cool :) basically the bodyguard has been in love with the chaebol his whole life but never acted on it because 1. thats not his place and 2. taejoo is Straight. he yearns quietly until Uh Oh… someone starts taking kang gook (the bodyguard)’s attention away from taejoo and he gets jealous.

3. I Told Sunset About You (available on viki. i watched it on dramacool)

AUOGGH.. this show will tear you into pieces. its just such a BEAUTIFUL and cinematic experience i love it so much… notable things to mention: features cheating and an obscene amount of crying. i love this show but i cannot do crying scenes. it was a struggle fjsjdjfjdjdjf anyways this show is about two childhood friends who are now rivals. theyre trying to get into college and taking classes outside of school to prepare, where they meet each other for the first time in quite a few years. teh is insanely jealous of oh aew for being popular amongst other things and it causes a lot of. tension. teh has a girl hes been flirting with for years and oh aew has a guy he likes but they both feel an INTENSE pull to each other. one that isnt easy on their relationships or theirselves.

OH!!! also this show features a ton of thai-chinese culture and is set in phuket as opposed to almost every other thai show being set in bangkok.

also i dont recommend the sequel. i havent watched it but it has some. problematic tropes that leave a bad taste in my mouth. also just destroys the characters! idk thats just my opinion though im sure SOMEONE likes that show..

4. Until We Meet Again (available on youtube)

ok. first of all. this show is about the red string of fate and reincarnated lovers. im warning you now that it literally starts with a double suicide scene and its. its a lot. HOWEVER. i do really like this show!! its sweet and does justice to both its trope and the couple who commit suicide. basically pharm, a stick of a guy who experiences panic attacks and nightmares that he cant explain, enters college and meets dean, the captain of the swim team. they both definitely know something is up and have feelings for each other but they have to navigate flashbacks and discovering what happened to their past selves (in and korn). ALSO has a side couple whos show is currently airing!!!! im not putting between us on here since its still airing but i do recommend it :)

ugh second warning. this show ALSO has soooo much crying……….

5. Gaya Sa Pelikula (available on youtube)

when i say this show changed me as a person.... god i genuinely have sooooooooooooo many emotions about this show. it follows karl, an architecture student. he moves into his apartment and.. some guy runs in and puts a hand over his mouth and tells him to be quiet. No he is not getting robbed but he doesn't know that. QUEUE fake dating and cohabitation to appease vlad (the guy who ran in)'s sister. genuinely has some of the best most incredible characters ever made and features incredible depictions of internalized homophobia and struggling to live your own life rather than the one someone else made for you. god just thinking about this show is makingme emotional i miss karl and vlad :(

i think this show was supposed to have a season two but something happened with the cast/production crew (im pretty sure it was SA but im not sure) and so theres no sequel. it has a cliffhanger/bittersweet ending but genuinely i think that shouldnt impact whether or not someone watches because its sad YES but its just actually such a good ending and i would have hated if they ended it another way. one of the realest and most human shows ive watched. the BEST depiction of the gay experience ive ever seen. genuinely please watch this show just for that it made me cry and laugh and sob and giggle with how nuanced and thoughtful it is about gayness

6. cherry magic (ITS AVAILABLE ON CRUNCHYROLL??? i watched it on dramacool. lmao)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH the movie sequel just came out and i haven't seen it yet but im soooo excited for it. cherry magic is one of the most endearing shows but it doesn't sacrifice character development or plot for cuteness. the premise is that when you turn 30, and youre still a virgin, you turn into a mind reader. which is a big premise to sell i KNOW. but they NAIL IT. adachi (the mindreader) is introverted, insecure, and uncomfortable in his skin, but his new powers force him to come to terms with himself and exist as a person. he avoids touch as much as possible as everyones thoughts can be A Lot BUT he brushes against the office hottie/mvp and finds out that he (kurosawa) has a crush on HIM. adachi doesnt understand but tries to figure out why this incredible guy could love a shy and awkward person like him. features an aroace side character and a side couple i ignored (save for the cat. udon lovers unite) its just such a sweet but powerful show and i love the characters so much :((((

7. hes coming to me (available on youtube)

OHM PAWATS BACK IM SORRY HES JUST MY FAV AND ALSO THE BEST ACTOR EVER. anyways this show has SUCH a soft place in my heart i truly think its such a special show. its about a ghost who is never visited at his grave and therefore cant pass on and a guy who can see ghosts. Thun has seen ghosts for most of his life but he hasn't really talked to any. Mes has been dead for awhile and longs to have someone SEE him and TALK to him. when thun is a kid, he sees mes and leaves him some offerings. but he doesn't return for a very long time. thuns now a college kid and when he returns to the graveyard, he finally talks to mes and they click. from there, they work together to figure out how mes died to try and help his spirit move on, but develop feelings along the way. has the most HEARTBREAKING coming out scene ever. ohm pawat seriously deserves so many awards. ALSO has a lot of thai-chinese culture!!

i have mixed feelings about the ending. its complicated i like it and i dont like it.. if you watch it youll see what i mean sdfhsoidfjsido

OIADJOASI:JDOIS IM STOPPING HERE THIS IS SO LONGIM SORRY LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT MORE I JUST DONT WANT TO MAKE THIS NOVEL LENGTH IOJF:SDIJSDOI:JIOD

OMG EDITING TO SAY THAT GAP THE SERIES IS A GL CURRENTLY AIRING THAT I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RECOMMEND AS WELL!!!!!!! we stan the autistic queen sam is and mon whos just doing her best in a lesbian world. without knowing shes a lesbian. Somehow

#i had sooo much fun doing this i hope you like it!!!#im sorry its so late finals week was brutal. it destroyed me #BUT IM BACK AND BRINGING THIS WITH ME :)#honestly i have so many more recs i just Really didn't want this too be super long #honorable rec is the untamed #its not technically bl (adapted from gay novel BUT censored) but i disagree #xiao zhan did not put his pussy into that show for it to be called a bromance. has anyone ever considered.#that its NOT necessary to have a kiss scene or a love declaration scene and that maybe. its just enough to have the story #because thats what the untamed is.#iofjsodifjsoidghouifgi;dg i got sidetracked sorry #thank you for asking me this :( you made me blush idfjofishd #let me know what you think if you watch any of these!!!!!!!!!!!!#ily <3 #asks #bad buddy #where your eyes linger #i told sunset about you #itsay #until we meet again #gaya sa pelikula #cherry magic #hes coming to me

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accio-victuuri · 2 months

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an analysis : Xiao Zhan + The Moon & Sixpence 🌖

as usual with xzs videos like the one just released, you can make an entire thesis into the possible meanings of every chapter and frame. add it’s relation to xz and if you’re a pro, go deep into the techniques they used in shooting and editing. this one tho is centered around the theme of “the moon and sixpence” which is a book xz recommended before. I saw a few articles linking this to the elements on the vlog and so i looked into it.

i have lightly talked about some elements from the vlog yesterday but focused more on the quotes that appeared and the music chosen.

it’s been years since he mentioned this book and he didn’t even say that it’s his all-time-favorite. for example, the van gogh elements, we expect that already to be a recurring theme. as well as the moon, but this one has another connection to it. i am honestly curious where his headspace is at, and why, in this specific point in time he felt so close to the message of that book or some parts of it.

let me start with a synopsis and the book is available on googlebooks if you wanna try it out like i did. 🔖

with the plot alone, you can get a sense of why he would like it. at the time he read it, he was not yet the superstar xiao zhan that we know now. and this is why i guess he related to it more now. especially the sacrifices he has to make for the path he has chosen. this was evident in his GQ cover story interview where he compares himself to his other friends and how they have normal lives. the books is written in the first person POV of narrator who is looking into the stockbroker turned artist Charles Strickland. you get to see the thoughts of the narrator and how he views the main character of his story. the way i see it, the narrator is “Xiao Zhan the person” and how he sees “Xiao Zhan the public personality”. this concept of two sides to him was opened up in his esquire cover story and i can’t help but think it relates to this story.

i will be heavily quoting passages from the book that attracted me and i personally thought relates to xz. this is my personal interpretation only.

The greatness of Charles Strickland was authentic. It may be that you do not like his art, but at all events you can hardly refuse it the tribute of your interest. He disturbs and arrests.

the story starts of with this line and well isn’t this one way to describe xiao zhan? he has always been described as authentic and the “real deal” as far as idols and actors go. not many people are expected to like him or be part of his fan club and chase him — however, one thing is clear: he disturbs and arrests. his popularity is something that is unheard of and many artist and companies try to replicate. he is a disturbance to the norm in c-ent and why he is a constant target. it’s his biggest asset and liability. something like MFW and stepping out of his home is also expected to attract all kinds of attention. He is aware of that.

“His faults are accepted as the necessary complement to his merits. It is still possible to discuss his place in art, and the adulation of his admirers is perhaps no less capricious than the disparagement of his detractors; but one thing can never be doubtful, and that is that he had genius. To my mind the most interesting thing in art is the personality of the artist; and if that is singular, I am willing to excuse a thousand faults.”

this is in the POV of the narrator, describing the artist he is writing a book about, Charles Strickland. the message of this quote is similar to the one i mentioned above. xz is not perfect and people, specifically his fans should accept that. it’s what makes him more real. through his wins and losses, he is still xiao zhan.

“It is a salutary discipline to consider the vast number of books that are written, the fair hopes with which their authors see them published, and the fate which awaits them. What chance is there that any book will make its way among that multitude? And the successful books are but the successes of a season. Heaven knows what pains the author has been at, what bitter experiences he has endured and what heartache suffered, to give some chance reader a few hours’ relaxation or to while away the tedium of a journey. And if I may judge from the reviews, many of these books are well and carefully written; much thought has gone to their composition; to some even has been given the anxious labour of a lifetime. The moral I draw is that the writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in release from the burden of his thoughts; and, indifferent to aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.”

this next passage makes me think of the projects he has done and what it must feel like for him. there are a lot of dramas/movies that come out every year and what we repeatedly hear from xz is that he only wishes to bring good works. something people will enjoy and appreciate— never mind the popularity that comes with it. he just finished filming a big project LOCH which i can only imagine is so stressful to him. and now is working on another historical drama.

he is someone who immerses himself in the character and once it’s done, it must be a huge weight off his shoulder. like what is said — seek reward in the pleasure of work and in release from the burden of his thoughts.

“Then, what in God’s name have you left her for?’

‘I want to paint.’

I looked at him for quite a long time. I did not understand. I thought he was mad. It must be remembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. I forgot everything but my own amazement.

‘But you’re forty.’

‘That’s what made me think it was high time to begin.’

i think this one is pretty self explanatory, how he started in the entertainment circle a little bit later in his life. compared to his peers. but the answer was simple to him as it was with Strickland, in his case, “i want to sing.”

‘I tell you I’ve got to paint. I can’t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn’t matter how he swims, well or badly: he’s got to get out or else he’ll drown.”

this message seems similar to the one quoted on the vlog about about the rivers and small streams. in this one, it emphasizes how one should not be afraid to take the small step of “swimming badly” in hopes that someday they will wade the waters more efficiently.

“But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him”

If there was something in this book the describes XZ so perfectly — it is this one. I think he is not devoid of over thinking about what people say or being a people pleaser. but in recent times, i am seeing a change in him and how he is more calm. a freedom in the way he speaks, the truths he is no longer holding back. he is not afraid to be different anymore.

which led to that GUCCI outfit. LOL! 🤣🤣🤣

‘Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn’t go on.’

‘That’s a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn’t want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing.”

so true. a great majority wouldn’t and couldn’t do what he does. just looking at the chapters in the vlog, from going to a distant place and dealing with the MGW chaos. after that, being only afforded a small time to decompress and sit. to enjoy the sunset. that’s what his life is.

“I don’t pretend to be a great painter’, he said. ‘I’m not a Michael Angelo, no, but I have something. I sell. I bring romance into the homes of all sorts of people. Do you know, they buy my pictures not only in Holland, but in Norway and Sweden and Denmark? It’s mostly merchants who buy them, and rich tradesmen. You can’t imagine what the winters are like in those countries, so long and dark and cold. They like to think that Italy is like my pictures. That’s what they expect. That’s what I expected Italy to be before I came here.”

i would guess this is how he sees his work. he never claimed to be the best, you can see that with how he always mentions wanting to be better. he wants to give the people a positive view of life. which i can clearly see from the vlogs even, makes you wanna go where he visited.

“A man’s work reveals him. In social intercourse he gives you the surface that he wishes the world to accept, and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little actions, of which he is unconscious, and from fleeting expressions, which cross his face unknown to him. Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.”

another one that i think describes xz. his little actions that we see reveal his true self —- the gentle, funny and dorky xiao zhan which is a contrast to the character he sometimes has to portray. it’s when we talk about his duality, the way he was posing and “game face on” for GUCCI but when he did the interview you can see the dorky xiao zhan 😂

there are times that xiao zhan merges some of the qualities of his celebrity side and i think it’s perfectly person. it is a huge part of his life, and the way i see it, his experiences only make him a better person.

“I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place. Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they have always a nostalgia for a home they know not. They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have known from childhood or the populous streets in which they have played, remain but a place of passage.

They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof among the only scenes they have ever known.

Perhaps it is this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the search for something permanent, to which they may attach themselves. Perhaps some deep-rooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history.

Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs.

Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were familiar to him from his birth.

Here at last he finds rest.”

read that again. it’s a lovely way to put into words what i imagine is something that not only xz goes through. we know what kind of environment and country he lives in, i’m not trying to get political but you get the point. being a celebrity or public personality like him is vastly different from how it is with the rest of the world. i have always admired how he handles it all with grace, how he he willingly accepts the responsibility and burden of being who he is. and that’s why i was also surprised by his answer when asked about a parallel world and he answers about a superpower where he can make it possible to have no disputes in the world. being in that place, with lots of people around, from different parts of the world probably made him think more about this topic. aside from eating pizza and being his usual beautiful self, he was thinking about some serious issues too.

chapter 1 was about going to a distant place but not really, there was something in that place and experience that feels like a home he longs for.

alternate explanation, this can also mean him living his life as a graphic designer, and then spreading his wings into a different industry — being the place he has sought. but considering the time this was released and where he is now at life, i’m thinking it’s more of the former.

so busy yearning for the moon that he never saw the sixpence at his feet. 🪙

this imagery at the end of the vlog + the coin he holds + the quote fits so well together. the way i see it, XZ is doing both. he appreciates the moon, he looks up to it but he doesn’t miss to see and hold the sixpence. it’s why he is holding on to it, in some, it was even rolling on it’s own towards him. and it’s not just the proverbial sixpence. he is seeing and appreciating his surroundings —- the egg he ate, laundry, bike etc.

as a fan, this is actually comforting to me. the book itself is not the happiest, which makes sense cause xz prefers melodramatic to downright tragic stories. but it shows a realistic view of what some goes through to pursue their dreams. it’s not as glamorous as what we see on tv or the internet. but the end of the vlog, shows that xz is keeping a balance. he is not just busy looking up at the moon— he is also living his life.

-END.

I first knew about the connection of the vlog to the book via 辉夜姬不叽 and i got hooked into writing something about it and reading the source material. i also liked @resonancewitness interpretation of the vlog, particularly the lines in starry starry night.

#xiao zhan #halfway through making this i thought about why i made it in the first place lol i just got so fixated #reading the book was lowkey therapeutic for me cause it has some good passages about love too ^^#i can’t believe xz made me read book lol thank you xiao laoshi 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️#i absolutely love the intellectual hipster side of xz never change please

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