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loudmound · 1 month

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hi. welcome to my mary shepherd-sunderland post.

what will follow is who i think she is as a character, what she means to the narrative of sh2, and why people should think and talk about her more bcs me and the 4 other mary fans are dying out here.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE BEGIN: a lot of this post will be enmeshed with interpretation and headcanon that draws from me analyzing the text of sh2. this is My Post about mary. stormy mary post. please understand this.

the foundation of mary's character is an exceptionally strong one, and for someone like me, i enjoy making inferences about her person before the illness, during the illness, and near the end. the personality she has in sh2 is flexible enough to allow what i imagine her to have been like in my mind's eye.

i do not want this post to be read as the Definitive Canonical Interpretation of mary. i am just doing my best to inform my analysis of mary with the text as well as building from that set foundation given to us as the audience.

with that out of the way, please enjoy.

PART ONE: MARY AS A CONCEPT

what exists of mary is filtered through the lens of memory before the cumulative letter in the respective endings we receive it. throughout sh2, her status and state of being is re-contextualized as her husband moves closer and closer to the truth of the matter. she is an individual wrapped in idealistic fantasy that is slowly and surely stripped away the longer the game goes along, and the more we actualize her as the person she once was.

this element of conceptualization and fantasy is a through-line in sh2's narrative. mary is everywhere james looks in his version of the town. she's in the rot and rust on the walls, she's in the monsters he fights and runs from, she's in the places he goes, her face and voice is maria's, and she even has some of her memories and personality traits. it is truly understated how much mary just... IS in sh2, in spite of her not being physically present.

there's also this dichotomy i've been thinking about in the inability for mary and james to exist outside of one another, thematically speaking. for fundamentally being two different people, they are inextricably tied to one another in a really unfortunate and tragic way. james grafts himself to mary's memory before her sickness and slowly begins to resent the woman she's become out of anything but her own volition, and mary grafts herself to james because... she has to.

she's sick, she's dying, she's largely bedridden and in constant pain. she cannot rely on herself anymore; she has to rely on the people around her to take care of her, and when she inevitably goes home to live out whatever time she has left... it's james she has to rely on. and while i think james finds immense comfort and pleasure in living in the past they had while refuting the present, mary is thoroughly imbedded in the present and resents the past by means of something that she can no longer have. neither of them can, but i've always interpreted mary to be a very pragmatic and proactive individual.

she discusses in her letter how pathetic and ugly she feels, how she waits in her cocoon of pain and loneliness that's been grafted onto her unwillingly while she waits for james to visit her, and it's clear to me that she is the kind of individual that puts so much emphasis on being a useful and beautiful woman. that is what gives her worth as a human being within the society in which she lives (late 80s usa in my opinion). canonically, she is a housewife, and while that certainly coheres, i'm of the belief that she was a woman who worked outside the home as well, but also someone who did not do enough unpacking to really get away from gendered roles expected of her.

i really do believe that she feels she failed james spectacularly as a partner, but also as a wife; therein, as a person in his life. both of them dealt with their own baggage regarding gendered expectations, but mary in particular's is incredibly potent and crushing if you actualize her as someone who, in turn, wanted to be the perfect wife to james. kind, patient, nurturing, submissive, etc.

of course, as we all know, the perfect wife/woman/whatever you want it to be, is an unattainable concept, because how can anybody human like mary exist within such ridiculous, reductive parameters?

PART TWO: MARY AS A PERSON

so, in that case, who was mary, then? who was she, if not this idealized vision of a wife long lost?

as i've alluded to before, i envision her as a very pragmatic and proactive person; in the video tape of her, she seems very playful and outgoing, but also contemplative, appreciative, and straightforward. i've always seen her as a very different person from james in regards to how she navigates through life.

she's comparatively much more outward and readily emotional, but seems to retain a level of quiet interiority that meshes very well with james' very inward attitude. a very typical "bubbly wife and stoic husband" sort of situation on the surface, but i've always thought that mary greatly appreciated having james as an emotional anchor of sorts; somebody who can soothe the more keyed-up aspects of her personality, given how quiet and easygoing he is.

given how she mentions how angry she was all the time at the advent of learning of her incumbent death, i view her as somebody who really does not like being out of control of her own life. she has an idea of how she wants things to be and she wants them done the way she has already since chosen. (do not interrupt her routines. she will get very irritated.) she's very particular, and i think she's had to learn how not to just take the reigns from somebody else if she perceives them to be going about something "incorrectly" because this particular flaw has led to some arguments/falling-outs with loved ones in the past.

in that particular vein, holy fuck is this woman a fixer. she needs to fix everything she possibly can. the sink's busted? don't worry, she's had a lifetime of fixing shitty plumbing in her childhood home because nobody else bothered. need a couple more bucks for gas? don't worry, she always keeps a few extra dollars on her because she knows what it's like to be a few short and not have anyone else to turn to that you can trust.

you've been deeply traumatized and scarred by your adverse childhood experiences and it's left you with maladaptive and dysfunctional coping mechanisms? don't worry, she'll be there for you, in sickness and in health.

to me, mary's the kind of person that likes seeing the fruits of her labor, too. she takes great pride in being as self-sufficient at she has been, and does very much enjoy sharing that with others as much as she can. genuinely, i think she's very giving and compassionate, but jesus, when it came to james when he was struggling (before she got sick), it certainly got a bit dire. using your wife for free emotional labor is one thing, but when that wife welcomes it for a while because she has a pervasive desire to fix everything, including you? yeah.

also, of course, mary felt a pertinent obligation to doing such, being The Wife and all, but she's also a human person and got exhausted dealing with the amount of baggage her husband had, and their relationship got pretty rocky because of james' unwillingness to seek professional help (stemming from trauma with the laughable us-healthcare system) and mary's unwillingness to recant over and over again what she has in her toolbox.

which is where silent hill comes in. a belated honeymoon of sorts, mary and james take a trip to take their mind off the doom-inspiring monotony that is domestic life, and it's great!

until it isn't.

PART THREE: TERMINAL ILLNESS

so, the nature of mary's illness has never been clearly stated canonically, but we know that it gave her a persistent cough, rendered her bedbound, made her hair fall out, and made lumps grow all over her skin. i'm of the belief that she had hansen's disease, but cancer is also incredibly plausible too.

hansen's disease is one of those things that can lie dormant for years, and it can sometimes take a decade for symptoms to surface, so i don't think it was really a matter of mary catching anything from silent hill, per se. (i do think toluca lake has just the most godawful brain-eating bacteria in it but that's aside the point.) it's definitely a curable disease, but perhaps the strain mary had was a particularly severe variant. point being, however, is that this thing ruined her inside and out.

in the beginning stages, (year 1 or so) i do think she was pretty touchy, emotionally speaking. she tries to keep up appearances as much as she can and is able to, but it's clear that something has shifted for the worst. she's much more somber in the moments of quiet. her contemplative nature turns to brooding. she smiles, still, but her smiles are undoubtedly laced with a wry, bitter sadness.

she's now toiling with thoughts of dying as a way out, too. it'd be easier if they'd just kill me, she laments at one point. simultaneously at the crux of wanting freedom from one's pain in death but terrified of said death as being eternal, too.

it's something you can't ever undo.

now... i'd say a pretty controversial aspect of mary's character during this period of time is whether or not she was abusive towards james during her illness. cases have been made, it's a fairly ambiguous situation as presented in-game, but i think mary's anger that she expressed was quiet, overall. she tried to keep it quiet, at least, and when she did lash out, it was almost always in part due to her newfound level of self-loathing. when she's yelling at james in that hallway, she's yelling at herself more than she is at him.

she's no longer a person, to herself and to others around her that treat her like a dying animal than the woman that she is; the woman that she used to be. i'd be livid if i were her, too!

she also mentions in her letter that she "struck out at everyone she loved most." i have very strong reason to believe that she loved laura, and that unfortunately, she too was caught in the crossfire of mary's mood swings/outbursts. i also think that the guilt mary expresses when we're listening to the hallway conversation is genuine; i don't think her outburst and subsequent apology was a manipulation tactic to make james feel bad.

i think she's genuinely suffering. she doesn't know what to do with these compounding negative feelings. she has nowhere to put them. james comes in at a bad time and becomes the target. after the damage has been done, she realizes this and crumbles immediately. she's hurt james. she needs to do damage control however she can.

of course, none of this is to say that women can't ever be abusive/abusers and we can have conversations about the nuances of that all day, but... it's disquieting to me to see a consistent reading of a terminally ill female character's torment and anger be read as "abusive" to further exonerate the male character's deed of murdering her. like, i think we should consider that for a bit. i think we can hold that mary's behavior was not the best, but james' wasn't, either.

mary waited for him, but he never comes. he stays away, festering in his own grief, mourning her before she's even passed. i see james' aversion to seeing her in large part as a trauma response due to past abuse while growing up; when she shouts at him like that, it drags all of those ugly feelings and memories up.

it's a relationship i see as something that was mutually declining. it was something that was left to die. much like mary was, in a lot of ways.

mary was terrified that james hated her. that she disgusted him with her appearance, that he pitied her for being ill and effectively useless to him. that was something plaintively out of her control, being in the hospital. james could've ripped the bandage off and braved seeing her. he could've talked to her. he could've rekindled what was deteriorating. but he didn't.

again, mary's proactive nature of yearning for james, wanting to see him, wanting to talk to him and talk about them and what to do when the time comes. she wants to figure this out as best she can.

but james doesn't, and he still never comes.

mary poured everything left in her that she could muster in that letter. she profusely apologized for everything, for things that weren't even her fault to begin with. she told james that she loved him in that letter, because she couldn't say it to him to his face any longer. she didn't know if she would have any time left to do such.

but she does. and however long later, he kills her.

mary isn't a perfect victim, nobody that's a victim in sh2 is supposed to be. but she is still an individual that deserves compassion nonetheless, and i think the game does its due diligence in getting that across.

PART FOUR: MARIA

i think have to at least touch upon maria a bit if you're writing a post about mary. i think that's just the way it is.

maria, as we know, is a manifestation created by silent hill as a means to confront/interrogate/"punish" james by emulating mary but with very... choice character design changes.

she's clad in leopard print and a cropped red blouse. she's a dancer at heaven's night. she has bleach blonde hair with the roots peeking in. her face is all done up. she still extroverted, but far more provocative and alluring. she's a fantasy; something unattainable.

but she could be yours in whatever way you want her to be!

maria is utterly fascinating as an interrogation of james' character, but also as a reflection of mary, too. in born from a wish, she expresses her fear of pain and death, of being alone in town with no one else around, while also toiling with suicidal ideation. (sound familiar?) she seeks out companionship in whatever form it takes, and jumps on it when she does find it in ernest.

how much of mary is maria has always been up for debate and forever will be, but i think a lot of mary lives within her. the obvious, being the memories that she has of laura and the video tape left in the lakeview hotel, her hot and cold behavior with james, but also in the existential misery she feels in born from a wish. that desire to die to escape the pain of feeling alone, but also wanting to be with somebody else more than anything, and how death would undoubtedly take that away.

i also think her dyed hair isn't even hers; mary had that haircut and dye job when she first met james at that house party all those years ago.

i think maria's standing as a sentient individual is true, but in the sense that she is the combination of both mary and james' baggage made sentient. she never truly existed for herself, as her own person. she'll always have a little bit of someone else in her, someone she doesn't even really know, and that's... utterly tragic.

i think she realized this too when she points that gun to her head. but she chose james anyways out of that same desire for companionship. maybe she could be his new mary. maybe she could be better than mary. it's truly all so fuck.

PART FIVE: CONCLUSION

mary is the reason why sh2 happens for james. full stop. you cannot have sh2 without mary. there is a foundation laid for you to examine and explore. she is as infinitely fascinating as james is, if not more so. join me.

this post is sprawling and probably a bit confused at times because i wrote it on a whim, but i HOPE that i was able to get across the larger ideas of why i love mary as a character and who she could've been before her illness and death. i didn't touch upon everything i possibly could (mary and laura's relationship deserves its own post, i think), but this post is already long enough. i'll edit it in the future, undoubtedly.

thank you so much for reading all the way. listen to her final letter and cry with me.

#mary shepherd sunderland #james sunderland #maria #maria silent hill #silent hill #silent hill 2 #sh2 #stormy shouts #like i said in the conclusion i think mary and laura's relationship is deserving of its own post #i would've loved to get into it here but uh. this post is already very long.#that's where interpretation plays too #talking abt silent hill... showing laura all her photos... loving her like her own daughter... ugh it's so heartrending #anyways. this one's for my maryheads

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amugoffandoms · 7 months

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DAY NINE OF MILGRAMTOBER!!! yippee!!!

Shidou fiddles with a piece of paper, trying to fold it into an animal.

He needs to do something with his hands, so he decided to make paper animals.

He remembers how to make a few of them when his children–...

When his children were around.

So, he's trying to remember how to fold and make them again, which is a little hard.

Shidou tried making a horse for Haruka, but he seemed very confused and thought it was a dog.

...that was a little embarrassing.

It helps, at least, having to do something with his hands. The numb feeling in his hands never leave, but at least there's some sensation.

Sighing, he pockets the paper. (It was supposed to be a crane. It looks like a boat.) Perhaps he should just do something else, like walk around.

So, that's what he does. Shidou leaves his cell and starts walking around.

...It's been awfully quiet in the panopticon in the past hour. Where is everyone?

Maybe they're eating...? Though, it's a little late for lunch. The group had already eaten as well.

Either way, Shidou might as well check.

Pulling open the panopticon doors, he walks through the quiet hallway and stops right in front of the dining room.

Shidou almost pushes the door open when he hears conversation in the room across. He turns around and glances at the common room doors.

What would everyone be doing there? Shidou wonders as he walks across the hallway and pushes open the common room doors.

Right in the center of the room is Mahiru and most of the other prisoners. Mahiru waves her hands around, animatedly.

...the way everyone is just listening to Mahiru seems so familiar as if he remembers this exact thing happening before.

It is. It is. It's how his wife told a story to his kids.

Shaking the feeling away, Shidou walks up to the group and sits at a table near the group.

"...so, that's how the small group of friends escaped the forest!" Mahiru smiles before her face becomes serious. "Except they never escaped the killer."

Fuuta sputters. "Hah–?!"

"Oh, wow..." Kazui blinks, a little shocked.

"Mappi, what the–" Mikoto stares.

"Hehe, that was fun~" Mahiru hums.

"Mahiru, why did you end it like that...? It was so scary." Muu cries.

"I seriously didn't expect that." Yuno laughs as she tries to comfort Muu.

"Well, that's why it's a scary story~" Mahiru laughs. "I think I have another one, but it really isn't that bad! Do you guys want to hear it?"

"Um... I do." Haruka speaks up.

Everyone else nods or agrees with Haruka.

As Shidou looks around, he doesn't see Amane. He really shouldn't be surprised, considering Amane doesn't seem to be interested in group gatherings or anything. However, it's still something kids would enjoy. Kazui is even here!

So, where is she...?

"Okay~" Mahiru nods. "Oh, hi, Shidou!"

Shidou blinks before realizing Mahiru noticed him. "Ah... Hello, Shiina."

"Oi, what are you doing sitting over there?" Fuuta looks over at Shidou.

"I was wondering where everyone had gone. I guess you all came here." Shidou gives an awkward smile.

"Oh, yeah, Mappi said she had some stories to tell, so I grabbed Muu and Haruka. I think Kazui came from the dining room. Yuno and Fuuta came here by themselves eventually." Mikoto explains.

"I see." Shidou nods and stands up. "Well, I should let you all get back to your story, hm?"

"Oh, come on, Shidou~" Mahiru sings. "The next story has a doctor in it! I'm sure you'll like it."

"Ah, but—" Shidou sighs and sits back down. "Alright, alright. What's the story?"

"Yay~!" Mahiru cheers. "Okay, so this one I studied in college for a little bit. I think it's called Frankenstein?"

"I don't think the person in the story actually had a degree." Fuuta mumbles.

"Hey, how'd you know that??" Mahiru huffs. "Oh... wait, that's true. Well, just pretend~"

Fuuta mutters something about having to study it in high school, but Shidou ignores the specifics. Instead he asks Mahiru a question.

"'Frankenstein?'" Shidou blinks. "I don't believe I've heard of that one..."

Maybe he has and he forgot. The name doesn't sound familiar...

...And, guessing from the faces on everyone, he really should know this story.

"Shidou, you don't know it??" Yuno stares at him with a shocked look on her face.

"Am I supposed to...?" Shidou nervously laughs.

"Oh, well then, I'll tell the story!" Mahiru grins. "Okay, so there's this man..."

"...and the Creature disappears, drifting on an ice raft, never to be seen again." Mahiru finishes.

Shidou and everyone else claps as Mahiru gives her thanks.

"That was wonderful, Mappi!" Mikoto smiles.

"Even if it was still a little disturbing... what's with all the murder?!" Fuuta huffs.

"Well, we all are murderers..." Yuno shrugs.

"Y-Yeah, Muu thinks it was really scary..." Muu mumbles. "It's not even close to Halloween...!"

"Halloween...?" Haruka confusedly states. "That, um... sounds familiar? I think. That's when we go in costumes, right?"

"Mhm!" Muu nods.

Kazui stands up and stretches. "Well, I'll have to start on dinner now. Mikoto, I believe you asked to learn how to cook some meals?"

"Oh, right! Thank you, Kazu!" Mikoto jumps up.

"Of course." Kazui nods and walks off with Mikoto asking questions about cooking.

"Yuno, come! We gotta convince Es to let us have Halloween in the prison!" Muu jumps up and grabs Yuno and Haruka by the hand and starts running.

"Huh– Woah–!" Yuno quickly tries to catch herself and manages to run.

"H-Hey...!" Haruka almost trips as Muu pulls him up and starts running.

The three of them run out the room, leaving Mahiru, Shidou, and Fuuta confused.

"I better go find out what they're doing..." Fuuta sighs and runs out the room after getting up.

Shidou blinks and looks at Mahiru, who seems to be humming to herself as she fixed her uniform.

"Shiina?"

"Hmm?? Yes?" Mahiru looks over.

"Why did that story remind you of me?"

"Oh. I guess it's because some other versions of Frankenstein were a doctor." Mahiru shrugs.

"Ah..." Shidou nods.

...it's funny how he related to Victor Frankenstein a lot. He lost someone and buried himself in his grief. He tried to bring someone back from the brink of death.

But, Shidou didn't save his wife; he never could.

Frankenstein at least brought someone to life.

"Why? Did you think there were other reasons...?" Mahiru asks, a little quiet as if it were a sensitive topic to ask.

It was, unfortunately.

"Ah... I suppose. Mostly the grief, I guess." Shidou tugs on his gloves, trying to forget about his wife's dead body for a moment.

"Oh." Mahiru nods. "I understand. Sometimes, when you're grieving, you believe in something so much that you think it's true and right... Then, you're wrong... It hurts all the more."

Shidou blinks. He didn't expect Mahiru to say something like that, but she certainly is full of surprises. "...Yes, that's true." He exhales. "I'm glad you understand."

"Mhm." Mahiru hums quietly.

The two of them are left in silence for a couple of minutes, Shidou fidgeting with his gloves and Mahiru staring at the wall.

"...if you're wondering," Mahiru speaks up, "I lost someone close to me, too, because I loved them."

Oh.

"...Ah... I'm sorry for your loss." Shidou tries to swallow the small bit of grief that comes. "I lost someone close to me, too. I loved her a lot. I just... I don't know what went wrong when I tried saving her."

Mahiru gives an understanding nod. "Things just don't go the way you hope when you love someone."

"Yeah."

"...I guess that's why we're both here, hm?"

"...I suppose."

"Then, I hope you can stick to your beliefs. We can get through what happened, right?" Mahiru gives him a soft smile.

Shidou blinks before smiling back.

"Of course."

#mug writes #milgram #milgramtober2023 #milgram fanfic #milgram fanfiction #shidou kirisaki #kirisaki shidou #mahiru shiina #shiina mahiru #okay so i did follow Mary Shelley's version of Frankenstein because i think it works well!#Victor Frankenstein (consumed by grief) put himself into work #Work that was related to bringing someone back fro the deax #Very similar to how Shidou tried to save his wife #so yeah ^^#i think mahiru and shidou deserve to have a talk about losing their partners #and kazui as well!

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